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| Sun October 17, 2010 |
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Woodpecker could alter California logging laws. Ha-ha-ha-HAA-ha, ha-ha-ha-HAA-ha, ha-ha-ha-HAA-ha, HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH
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I have a 50-year-old can of shaving foam that I'd very much like to donate to a worthy cultural institution. Luckily, I live in England, where my contribution to the national heritage will not be sneered at. Much
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"The 38 Most Inappropriate Halloween Costumes of All Time." Oh, c'mon -- we do this every year. *click* BUDDHA'S BRASS BELLY IN A PVC PICNIC BASKET (Not safe for work)
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10 things men should never ask women. Asking for permission to read this article isn't on the list, but it probably should be
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| (Some Guy) |
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Worried it's Alzheimer's? 8 Symptoms to watch for. Not mentioned: Submitting the same link over and over to Fark
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Mark Twain's final book reaches #1 on the bestseller list. TAKE THAT, STEPHENIE MEYER
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gun owner robbed of newly purchased gun at gunpoint in front of gun store. Gun
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| (Some Guy) |
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Study of teen texting finds that "kicking it" could mean having sex, while "quarter pounder with cheese" could also refer to marijuana. No word on what "UFIA" means
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| (Some Guy) |
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Worried it's Alzheimer's? Eight symptoms to watch for. Not mentioned: Submitting the same link over and over to Fark
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| (Some Bat) |
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Photoshop this new species from New Guinea
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Call Knight Rider, KITT 2000 is finally here. Developed where else ? Germany. (Germans love David Hasselhoff after all)
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Well, this sends our Science Fair project back to the drawing board
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Aixelsyd rof tsisrep snoitpecnocsiM
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| (cfnews13.com) |
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Stop... HAMMER CRIME
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Meerkats + Pumpkins = mind-melting cuteness
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| (Some Guy) |
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The hills are alive.... with godless killer mountain goats?
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Tips for avoiding catching a cold at the office. Taking a baseball bat to any infectious co-worker who shows up at the office sick not on the list
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Iranian court sentences chocolate thief to sudden weight loss
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kid steals parents pot and turns it in at school after DARE lesson. Next week's lesson: How to handle life in foster care
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| (Some Guy) |
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Having solved all other serious crime, police focus on gambling in local VFWs
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Electronic ticketing systems are perfectly reliable. Except, of course, for when they ticket a woman in a city she's never visited, in a car she don't even own
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Top 10 places to retire in the U.S. for those looking forward to well-manicured and (hopefully) child-free lawns
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The animals are organizing and preparing a revolt. And here's proof. And no, this is not some sort of Orwellian parody
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The turning leaves, the crisp autumn air, and the annual banning of adoption of black cats at the animal shelter- yep, it's Fall
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Justin Bieber under investigation for alleged assault at lasertag arcade. I blame the "thug life", R&B hip hop lifestyle that glorifies violence
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No officer, you cannot have my parking space
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Drunken goat sacrifice goes horribly wrong. As if it could have gone horribly right
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| (Some Kick) |
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Photoshop this crime intervention demonstration
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UK company believes making Brussels sprouts red will get SOMEBODY to eat them. Works for celery? Color-changed vegetable trifecta now in play
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Get ready for the next workplace revolution: They're coming for your desk chair so you can work standing up. Bonus: It's for your own good
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Who run Bartertown?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Missing White Woman comes from Northern Illinois University. Bonus: Red-Head
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Man, there's always that ONE guy who's gotta show off and make a big splash
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There's a dark side to so many Americans being medicated: more and more DUIs are based on pill abuse, and those are really hard for police to prove
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Boston has a plan to improve school athletic programs: convince rich people and corporations to give money
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The FBI feels that a $100 fine and $9 court costs is sufficient to deny your Second amendment rights. Officer Obie struts his stuff
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Woman sues McDonald's after toilet stall door falls on her. Or, to read her complaint, it worked her over like a mob enforcer
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Drive a Mercedes SL-Class convertible, Toyota Camry, Solara, or Scion tC? Congrats on all the traffic tickets you're getting. And WTF were you thinking when you bought a Scion?
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October 17th, 1973: OPEC declares an oil embargo on the US. Boy, I'm glad we learned from that experience
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Getting stoned in the name of science? I'm in
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Attention, enterprising chemists who have a drug in development: Keith Richards would love to be your guinea pig
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You're refused entry to a nightclub, do you: C) drive your car through the crowd outside the club in your attempt to mow down the doormen
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U.S. Airways' disabled policy: 'We love to derp, and it shows'
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The Burger King mascot: now appearing on a pillowcase near you. [With lecherous, pervert-y photo]
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| (Some Festival in Seoul) |
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Photoshop these containers of colored water
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Study claims that young people are losing empathy. Pfffft. Whatever... like I give a crap about some study on empathy
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Zombies. Seriously
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| (Some Celebutante) |
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Paris Hilton tries to buy pumpkins while a giant bunny harasses her. You know that you need to caption this
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Who dat? Who dat? WHO DAT SAYIN' DEY GONNA CANONIZE DEM SAINTS? That would be the Catholic Church
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Germany's leader declares that allowing people from different cultural backgrounds to live side-by-side is an idea that has "utterly failed". This is not a repeat from 1935
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| Sat October 16, 2010 |
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I Love Boobies bracelets causing problems in schools, fark filter inconsolable
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Photoshop Theme: I'm not a witch
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Judging by the odds, you only need to eat 476,991 Big Macs in order to win $500 in McDonald's Monopoly game. You better get started
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested for carving up 100 pumpkins. Must have been out of his gourd on drugs or going through a rough patch at the time. DA squashes motion to dismiss; accused faces jail or a hefty vine
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Barbara Billingsley dies at 94. She's speaking jive in a better place now
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| (Naples Daily News) |
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Florida company believes that making celery red will get kids to eat it. Works for crayons, Bloody Marys (w/pic of rosy veg)
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Two arrested for comic book burglary. Worst. Criminals. EVER
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North Korea has apparently improved on their Photoshop skills recently
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| (AMC) |
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Photoshop this scene from this week's Mad Men
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Wikileaks to release 400,000 documents related to the Iraq war, potentially making internet users more informed on the subject than most intelligence agencies
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Just one more reason I eat at Waffle House. Well, actually the reason I eat at Waffle House is because I'm dirt poor and can't afford IHOP. But, stuff like this makes my hardening arteries feel better
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Cablevision/Fox pissing match threatens NLCS, NFL, various shows, subby's sanity
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| (Some Guy) |
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ACLU is filing a suit on behalf of a fortune teller who was prohibited from reading her tarot cards. She should have seen this coming.... or DID she?
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"Illicit drug use was already common in the platoon as it prepared to leave Lewis-McChord for Afghanistan in spring 2009, at least according to the sworn testimony from one of its members, Pfc. Justin A. Stoner"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man creates Frankenplate to avoid bridge toll. License plate trifecta complete
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Winnebago sales are up. I'm thinking RVs
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Mass electoral district to get ballot question on Nov. 2 on whether equal rights means women can go topless. Says one backer, "I can see where it would be a real boon to tourism.''
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After two weeks of investigation police discover the vandals are a group of squirrels. With a picture of what a hooligan squirrel might look like
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Anchorman fired for swigging a beer. Ron Burgundy unimpressed
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DMV reminds motorists not to spruce up their license plates with nail polish. Rare license-plate trifecta in play
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If you spray paint the same tag you have on your vanity plate, even a transit cop might make the connection
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Company creates an energy drink equivalent to 3 beers, a can of Red Bull and a shot of espresso. Or, for most Farkers, just a normal Friday afternoon
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Having pheasant demeanors, jailbirds mend holes in fences so chicks can't escape. That's fowl
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| (Some Pink Flamingo) |
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For $20, you can have your neighbors "flamingoed"
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Calf that thinks he's a dog is a bunch of bull (with video)
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Old hotness Halloween treat: candy corn. New hotness Halloween treat: candied bacon. Mmm... bacon
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Predator drones headed to court for downloading pirated software, arrrrr
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China tops Chilean miner story with more than 20 killed in coal mine blast. Mine disaster trifecta in play?
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| (Some Gals) |
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Photoshop these working women
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| (Some Feline Friend) |
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Bridget, the bridge rescue cat in an awwww inspiring story for your Caturday pleasure
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| (People) |
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My God, this is why we have a NewsFlash tag: Michael Bloomberg, New York City's mayor, only owns SIX PAIRS OF LOAFERS. SIX PAIRS. HOW DID HE GET ELECTED?
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Facebook saves girl's life after family friend spots eye cancer in photo taken by mother
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No need for that spare booster chair or table-leg prop? As it turns out, you can opt-out of Yellow Pages delivery. And you don't even have to look the phone company in their sad, wet eyes when you do
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Miners trapped underground in South American Mine. This is Not a repeat of the last couple months
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Pictures of "Spider-goats" that climb on the dam wall to graze. The Pun is there
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Photoshop these boys in Osh, by gosh
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T. rex fossils found with gouges that could only have been made by T. rex, leading researchers to conclude that T. rex may have been a cannibal - or extremely clumsy
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In the real world full of real people, not the locavore wonderland inhabited by foodies, diners prefer dependable local chains and restaurants like Old Spaghetti Factory, Shari's, and Taco Time
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| Fri October 15, 2010 |
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Think you'll be able to smoke pot in California without legal problems even if voters pass the referendum? That's a pipe dream, says the nation's Attorney General
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THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BUILD A TUNNEL IN THE ALPS
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Shar Pei has 'extreme' facelift allowing her both to see for the first time, look like Burt Reynolds
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Chilean miners joked about cannibalism, said the one heavyset miner that everyone shared their food rations with
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Palin's star is starting to lose its shine. She just gave a speech in California and none of the Republican candidates showed up to support her. And Todd had to drive the family motor home down from Alaska
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Google ordered to out a stupid commenter who called some biatch a whore. Fark servers being erased as we speak
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The mayor that accidentally kicked a giant human tomato in the head cost the council £24,000. If you don't understand the headline, it's okay. The article is British
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Priciest 'eyesore' ever: The most expensive private home ever built at $1.9 billion overlooks the Arabian Sea and the stinking slums of Mumbai on the other side. Not too ostentatious are we
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A "lady" showing off her "gun", unnatural blondes, Mr. Excitement, and more populate this week's Mugshot Roundup
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One year ago today, the productivity of this great nation came to a screeching halt as we all stopped working to watch an empty balloon. Balloon Boy. NEVER FORGET
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Former teacher at Erie Community College appointed Prime Minister of Somalia
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Bush administration had information warning of the 2008 Mumbai attacks since 2005
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Retired French schoolteacher sees woman in burkha shopping in Paris, feels her womanhood is under attack. Hilarity ensues
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| (myfoxdetroit.com) |
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Remember the neighbor from hell who taunted the seven-year-old girl dying of Huntington's disease? If you guessed that this heinous woman would be arrested for trying to run over a neighbor, please step forward and claim your prize
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Animal Liberation Front cuts a large section of fencing at a deer farm, allowing the tame deer to escape into the wild. Fark: They did it in the middle of deer hunting season
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Taiwan to legalize small brothels. Now all they need are tiny hookers
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Michael J. Fox has created a 25th anniversary, shot-for-shot "Back to the Future" teaser trailer. Bonus: steadicam
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Nine months after opening, the world's tallest building, the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, has 825 out of 900 apartments unoccupied
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| (Some Photographer) |
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Photoshop this eagle maniac
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Five times the U.S. almost nuked itself. Phew, that was clo
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| (sfexaminer.com) |
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Fiction: Batman is a nigh-unstoppable badass with state-of-the-art equipment and an overwhelming sense of justice. Reality: Batman is 240 pounds, wears fake vampire teeth, drives a Honda, and robs fast food restaurants
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Mich. couple's kids born on 8/8/8, 9/9/9, 10/10/10. Couple had a baby born on 6/6/6 but Satan claimed him as the rightful heir to his throne
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Comedy troupe tries to find what it is that makes Baltimore so funny. Turns out, it's crime and STDs
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Ever wonder what would happen if you rode the baggage carousel at an airport? Wonder no more
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How much is your life worth? Evidently to this pharmacist, it's less than $1.99
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Not to be upstaged by the crazy meth lady threatening to blow up Wal-Mart, man arrested after threatening to kill people outside Wal-Mart. The same Wal-Mart
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FINAL REMINDER: Twin Cities Fark Party, this Sunday, 2ish at Grumpy's in Rosevile. More details to the right
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Are the 2010 political males manly enough? The Washington Post is there
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The gov't has de-facto "repealed" the minimum wage law by letting inflation eat away at it so much that it is meaningless. Now they're doing the same thing to Social Security
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"I'm sick and tired of this shiat" .. says restaurant employee as he uses a pipe to beat a naked old man
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| (kval) |
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An 82-year-old woman running late for an appointment gets a $1,103 traffic ticket for doing 28 mph over her age
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When your PS3 gets taken away, you may feel sad. Or, to get it back, you may hop in your girlfriend's Porsche, chase her to work, force her off the road and then rear-end her
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| (Pat's Papers) |
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Oh God, he's wearing an ascot--there goes nationalized health care
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Quadriplegic teen gets free healthcare, room and board, cable TV and education for life
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Israel to Palestine: Recognize us as a Jewish state. Palestine: You can call yourselves planet Krypton for all we care, just actually define your borders and stop expanding
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One of the sites Ahmedinejad is expected to see during his visit to Lebanon is the smoldring remains of Bush's grand foreign policy plan for the middle east
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Average teen sends 3339 text messages a month, but to be fair, 3330 of those are asking Brett Favre to stop texting them his junk
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China reaffirms desire for strong U.S. ties. They find the ones made there fall apart after wearing them only a couple times, and most are contaminated with lead anyway
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Remember that pastor who created an international shiatstorm because he threatened to burn the Koran? He was just awarded a new car because he called the stunt off
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| (Some Villager) |
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Theory on explosives found in Marble Cemetery involves an illegal Gulf War weapons sale, a dead Brooklyn Nazi with a leaking bathtub, a marijuana drug bust, proving the Hell Angels innocent, and all told by old Yippie guy. Yay
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Lenders: It's your fault we're breaking the law and forging documents
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Using rollover images on your website? Better pony up $80,000, chump
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Rock slide on I-80 causes multi car crash that destroyed small airplane (with HOLY HELL pics)
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The real question is which harms your future more, going to jail or dressing up as Bert from Sesame Street?
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Hallowen costumes are sluttier than ever. Finally, a trend we all can get behind
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The Smoking Gun Friday Photo Fun: Match the woman to her weapon. Contest ends 6 p.m. EST
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Wait, let me get this straight. It's -not- OK to break someone's leg because you think they butted in line at the truck wash?
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| (Some McCarthy) |
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Rural New York town board member thinks Muslim cemetery is illegal and the occupants should be dug up and moved out of his town. Surprisingly, the townspeople have a problem with this
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First you get a box. Then you put some junk in the box. Then you find some rare old photos of Queen Elizabeth in the box. And that's how you do it
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| (Some Desserts) |
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Photoshop these cakes and pies
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| (KPTV) |
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Man dressed head to toe in camouflage suit tries to break into museum, sight unseen (w/ hilarious pic)
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| (azfamily.com) |
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There's nothing more inspiring than seeing video of cop planting a crack pipe on a homeless woman
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Number of knee replacements on the rise. Has anyone informed Torgo?
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When trying to steal a car: If at first you don't succeed, call a tow truck and have it taken to your house
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these men and their parachute
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Colosseum's gladiator dungeons now open to visitors. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
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Court gives Spanish fathers breastfeeding leave. Wait, what?
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| (nbcmiami.com) |
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Strip club patron wins $650,000 for taking one for the team
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US army to whistle-blowing private: "We'll give you immunity if you agree to not talk the media." "But I'm not charged with anything." "And you won't be as long as you keep your mouth shut"
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| Thu October 14, 2010 |
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Fark-ready headline: Woman stabs classmate in anger-management class
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Drunk man takes a shower. This wouldn't be a problem, except for that whole "being in the wrong house" thing
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| (Salem News) |
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It takes a brave man to call up his girlfriend and tell her he has a hotel room and a 13 year old hooker and he wants her to join them
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63-year old man charged with 100 counts of sodomy, molestation, enticement, and sodomy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man high on PCP busted in the park for engaging in a little auto-erotica
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| (Some Guy) |
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Peer reviewed math: CO2 halflife=5 years . Royal Society math: CO2 halflife=500 years
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Photoshop these coin-craving canines
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Study: Colorectal cancer linked to smoking. You're doing it wrong
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Kazakhstan flies in cows from North Dakota to boost the beef industry there. Very nice
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Tucson city council considering a law that would make strippers older than ever
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'She dropped her pants fully exposing her buttocks, butt, it did not end there' says woman who turned the other cheek
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CVS, with 7,100 stores, fined $75 million and forfeits $2.6 million in profit, for increasing pseudoephedrine sales by as much as 150 percent. It was my understanding that there would be no meth
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| (WFSB) |
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C) Scrawl messages on your van saying "The government is terrorists," and the "mafia runs the world now" and threaten to blow up WalMart
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| (Recordnet) |
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Woman schoolboard president wants to teach patriotic American songs like "Dixie" to the students. NAACP wants to know "Does she propose for the children to sing in blackface, as well?"
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Herbal weight-loss supplements are all-natural, in the sense that all the compounds were derived from materials present during the formation of the solar system 4.6 billion years ago
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Grandview teacher surprised by $25,000 Milken Award. Heard saying, "I've never even been near a cow"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman stung by puss caterpillar while trimming her smoke bush (w/ painful pic)
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| (Oooh, bacon) |
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A bacon martini. Maple bacon ice cream. Bacon on a stick. Pork wrapped in bacon. It's Bacon Week at a DC-area restaurant
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New analysis of Tea Bagger protest signs proves they're only a fraction as racist as we thought they were
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Mean: Bombarding schoolkids with wet toilet paper. Meaner: From a moving vehicle. OH, COME ON: A Cessna
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Meanwhile, the Conservatives act like responsible adults... in Britain
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| (BND) |
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Babysitter drops nine-month-old baby at police department after mother refused to come pick up her child after several weeks. Then it gets weird
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Cancer patients report less sex pleasure between rounds of vomiting
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Apparently, the ladies go crazy for terribly-fitting black T-shirts
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Scientists claim cancer 'is purely man-made' after finding almost no trace of disease in Egyptian mummies
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| (Some Idiots) |
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Local news station: Is this weird animal a Chupacabra? Wildlife expert: No, you cretins
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| (Some Guy) |
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Stop licking your iPhone, immediately
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'European Jewish communities are in serious danger.' This is not a repeat from the 1940s, we hope
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When you joined the force you did it because you wanted to catch bad guys and solve crimes. But there are days when you get calls to rescue abandoned bowling balls
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And you thought your economy was bad? Drug traffickers only able to hire 2 henchmen to defend 159 million dollar cocaine shipment
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Question: "They're friends. Are you not supposed to have friends if they're wealthy?" Answer: Not if they got $200 million bailout money and you're running for office
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"Nigerian charged in airline bomb attempt in court." That was pretty stupid of him, trying to bomb an airplane right in front of the judge, the bailiffs and everyone else
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this highly technical work
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Police twits. Er. Sorry. Tweets
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| (Some Guy) |
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New York music teacher enjoys wrestling with students, and by wrestling, we mean dragging them out of the classroom and slamming them up against the wall. Bonus "Robert Plant-like" mugshot
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Arnold Schwarzenegger to assist Britain in terminating their deficit, just like he did in California
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Illinois candidate Whitney is 'Whitey' on some Chicago ballots. FARK: His first name is Rich
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| (Some Guy) |
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To celebrate the upcoming 100th anniversary of the first Indy 500, the Speedway put 33 of the most famous winning cars at the start-finish line and the result is photographic awesomeness
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Toy poodle upgraded from "very sick" to VERY STONED after he fails drug test
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| (Some Guy) |
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The answer is C: Half-naked man who rampages through school waving knife and shouting 'biatch' receives the taser treatment
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Queen of England cancels Christmas, returns to Mount Crumpet
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| (Law.com) |
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Lawyer disbarred over charging a soldier $3,500 per hour. Also for calling the clerk a "f*cking b*tch," knocking over the metal detector in a fight with security, and calling the judge a pedophile
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The next time you're asked to pick your grandchild up from daycare, make sure they give you the right one
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Independent audit finds former Ukranian prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko stole nearly half a billion dollars during her time in office, is still hot
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Fark Ready Headline: " Fear of elves made Montreal man get powerful guns"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bad: You hear odd noises at your workplace. Good: You have a cell phone and call 911 for help. Bad: Cop thinks your cellphone is a gun, and opens fire on you. Good: Cop is a lousy shot. Bad: The phone probably doesn't come with free Frogurt
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Unidentified Fabulous Objects
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Michelle Obama is thankful for all the "prayer circles" out there keeping "spirits clean" around her and Barack. Sounds like Muslim witchcraft
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| (KPTV) |
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Man accidently sells wife's grandmother's ashes at yard sale, which didn't urn him any points
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Support our troops message and flag removed from street after county leaders call it graffiti. Cue indignant media outrage
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| (KSAT) |
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Defense lawyer is a victim of theft. By former client he represented. Who was acquitted of theft. Bonus irony: Client is a cop
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This is your Captain speaking, our flight time todaaaaaaaarghhhhhh
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Technicians at Wattisham airfield, UK. would like to ask the troops in Afghanistan to please refrain from mailing live warheads to them
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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5'7" guy named Horowitz takes bogus journey after San Dimas sheriffs mistake him for 6'3" Latino bank robber; "They embarrassed me in front of my neighbors"
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Product placement of the year: Oakley's donation of 35 pairs of luxury sunglasses to the Chilean miners
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Not news: Woman owes bank money. Still not news: Bank seizes her most valuable possession as collateral on bad debt. Fark: Most valuable possession is a piglet. Small yellow bear, rabbit, and owl outraged. Donkey inconsolable
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New Colorado billboard shows how being unable to focus your rage may dilute your message as it depicts Obama as a Chicago gangster and a Mexican bandit, and an Islamic suicide bomber, oh, and a gay guy
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More Americans are choosing "green" burials, being laid to rest without cremation out in nature, says spokesman for the Green Burial Council, Dr. Ferte Lizer
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Obama slams Karl Rove group American Crossroads. Result: Additional donations come pouring in, allowing them to target still more vulnerable Democrats
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You may want to sit down for this, but it looks like there might be some students drinking--and by drinking, I mean HEAVILY drinking, HEAVILY drinking while UNDERAGE--going on at the University of Maryland OH NOES
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| (WSB-TV) |
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How do you get a difficult mentally ill prisoner out of your jail? Ignoring all his proof of citizenship and deporting him to Mexico is one way
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"Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late"
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Protip: If you're going to lie about your age and your hometown, at least A) learn the local teams, B) learn which sport is which, and C) do it before the video of you getting hit by a foul ball goes viral
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Peace Corps celebrates 50 years of shipping dirty hippies overseas
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Female Humpback whale sets world record for distance travelled by a mammal by swimming nearly 10,000 miles in search of a mate. Sounds fat
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It's only fitting that the certificate commemorating "World's Shortest Man" be bigger than the man to whom it's given
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Photoshop this wheel of wonder
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Sign #24 that your house party is too big: 911 returns a call to your residence about an unconcious person and you have to ask the operator where that person is located
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Teen celebrates getting his new driver's license by: C) Immediately crashing into the DMV
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Why bother chasing that ball? You're probably just going to pretend to throw it again, then hide it behind your back, and I'll go running, and I'll look like a fool, just like the last fifteen times
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It's good to be the Mayor
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Chef finds perfectly round egg. The Sun is there
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| (Some Guy) |
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Contacting the dead with spirit phones is still real to the Lincoln Journal Star, dammit
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It's going to be Halloween all weekend long as local governments split on whether it should be on Saturday or Sunday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these firefighters
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 284: "Fish." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed October 13, 2010 |
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The six ways customers tick off chefs. "Ordering steak well-done" conspicuously absent, contempt for customers conspicuously present
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All 33 Chilean miners safe and accounted for. Pedobear despondent
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That's not a brandy truffle, that's a space station
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Crazy Carl Paladino (R-NY) wants to abolish the NY MTA and give control of trains to elected officials who could be held accountable .... Hey, wait a minute. That's not a bad idea
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When a sea lion asks for a bukket, YOU GIVE HIM A DAMN BUKKET
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| (Ric Romero) |
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Ric Romero: "Whether you're buying something for yourself or you're looking for holiday gifts that won't break the bank, who isn't looking to save money these days?" Good point, Ric
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Nice guys usually get the girl in the end, but often find it's easier after a few drinks and a lot of lube
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Defense Secretary Robert Gates worried that the abrupt ending of Don't Ask, Don't Tell may be too sudden a thrust for the troops, who may need a more gentle, cajoling touch before they submit
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Somewhere in Slovenia, six men are being beaten up by a robot
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mother and adult son arrested for possession of child pron. But really it's all about the mugshots
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Haircuts by mom to save money are okay, but breast and cervical exams by dad are just out there
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I, for one, welcome our zombie dog overlords
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A recent poll in Berlin finds that 1 in 10 Germans are so xenophobic that they would like to see the return of having a Führer" that would "govern with a hard hand for the good of Germany"
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Eight out of ten pigeons are bird brains, should never go to Vegas
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Seven-year-old girl dying of Huntington's disease who was taunted by neighbors - Is still being taunted by neighbors
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New problem at Denver airport: car-eating rabbits. No, really
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Good news: The Gitmo detainee Ahmed Kalfan Ghailani trial is on in NYC. Bad news: Even if he's acquitted, says judge, we might keep him locked up for life
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Up next on Home & Garden Television, don't miss Bob Vila's "This Old Crater"
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Mom, Dad, I am the Kwisatz Haderach
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World's largest nuclear power plant evacuated after suspicious bomb found
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The US electrical grid is too crappy to be vulnerable to terrorist attacks. Um... hooray?
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Legal weed in California is fine with Mexican drug cartels because Prop 19 would "erase no more than 2% to 4% of the revenues" according to a study. The drug cartels obviously don't know there's a Fedex store in Humboldt County
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this floating football player
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Good News: A Tsunami caused by an Asteroid not likely to kill you. Bad News: The water vapor kicked up will ruin the ozone, and you'll be fried alive. Have a nice day
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Hey guys, I've been deep underground for 68 days. What did I miss?
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MacGyver: Jumping out of a police cruiser at 60 mph. MacGruber: Getting hit by another car while running away
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From the 'Politicians So Corrupt They Could Be From Illinois' Dept, TX Gov Rick Perry gives $4.5 million in state funds to a donor's start up that had been rejected by screening committee
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Troopers release tape and records of candidate for governor speeding at 81 mph. State trooper busted going 133 in a 65, you can imagine what happens next
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| (Air and Space Magazine) |
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One hundred years ago Teddy Roosevelt became the first president to fly in an airplane. Judging by the photo flights were just about as enjoyable as they are today
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Eggs come out of the rear end of a chicken. There, I just saved you $100. Go buy some beer, which by the way is made from rotten cereal
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Bob Saget wants you to keep your screaming babies off of airplanes. BOB SAGET
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Depositions in FL lawsuit against the big mortgage banks reveal that they hired hairstylists and Wal-mart workers as "foreclosure experts", and that most can't even define what an affidavit is, let alone why they were signing them
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| (Some Guy) |
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US workers work more hours for less pay than any other industrialized nation. You were too tired from work to submit this
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Your tax dollars at work. Federal officials are going to spend $2 million to find ways to trick your kids into eating better. Apparently it's too difficult for parents to teach their kids to eat properly without the help of the government
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Nation bracing for severe porn shortage this winter after both Vivid and Wicked are forced to shut down production after clinic testing its performers reveals one tested postive for HIV
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You are a pregnant woman in labor. Do you A) go to the hospital, B) contact a midwife, C) rob a Wal*Mart
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hundreds of reporters trample the tents of families waiting to see their rescued loved ones. Stay classy media. Stay classy
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Watching porn naked at work is no way to go through life, son. But dad, you always said to follow my dreams
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Relieving yourself in public and trying to turn tricks is bad enough, but you should have known that the cops were going to get you the moment you stole a doughnut
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| (Some Guy) |
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FAIL: 2011 Cleveland Cavaliers calendars feature LeBron James on the front
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Kid donates his overgrown pet to aquarium, finds out that alligators like turtles too
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What's more surprising: that 71% of all tweets are ignored or that 71% seems like a low estimate?
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| (Some Sith) |
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Let's not forget that Luke wanted to be a Storm Trooper until he was convinced by an old, bearded, non-Christian, cave dweller living among the sand people, to commit terrorist attacks against the legitimate government
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The five most inspiring things ever accomplished while drunk
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cyclist in trouble for: a) running a red light, b) getting into a roadrage fight or c) getting caught with insulation and three bras
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This is National School Lunch Week, so go grab a green hamburger as hard as a hockey puck and celebrate
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The 2010 deficit total was $1.29 trillion, down slightly from $1.42 trillion. That's a two-year total of $2.7 trillion, or more than the entire amount during the Reagan Administration, when deficits were supposed to be ruinous
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What did you do at school today Johnny? Well, we had gym and science and lunch, and oh yeah, Dad blew a .32
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Jebus, do we really have to endure scenes from another "miraculous" rescue where the saved emerge from their nightmarish confinement weeping, praying, kissing their nation's flag ... Oh, dammit. Something in my eye
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Things you find in a school playground. Good: Children, Balls, Skipping ropes. Bad: Grenade launchers, Rifles, Ammunition
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In spite of his assertion that there are no gays in Iran, Lebanese cheer Ahmadinejad
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| (Some Guy) |
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Released for insufficient evidence of illegal exposure? Man, that's gotta be embarassing. Oh wait - now there's growing evidence
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| (WSB-TV) |
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Presumably training for embarassing her family during this year's holiday get-togethers, 66-year-old woman missing for six days turns up wearing only a garbage bag in a park 12 miles from her home and claims the Bible told her to do it
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| (FindLaw) |
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U.K. solicitor lost a job because of a bad reference. Bad move, former employer: You've now gotta pay her a whole buncha cash
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"Over the past decade, Cheney's public relations have been the political equivalent of the Hindenburg crashing into the Titanic while passengers watched a Detroit Lions game"
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4.5 magnitude earthquake shakes central Oklahoma. Unsure of what to do, residents seen outside with cameras, confused
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Unable to deal with the encroaching Paganist forces, man does the only logical thing, and surrenders his library card
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National Schools Film Week launches new website tomorrow. Your kid is already familiar with the URL
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"China and surrounding Asian countries have, by far, the most unusual and often most repulsing items on their menus. 'If it moves, they'll cook it and they'll eat it. Actually, they may not even cook it'"
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Australian scientists discover hitherto unknown population of crab people. w/pic
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In their ongoing quest for their own tag, Texas ballot papers display the national flag of Chile
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fish were the first species to have sex just for fun, which explains the smell
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Man fighting with his friend over a woman throws a Calvin Klein cologne bottle at his rival. Now faces charges that could keep him behind bars for Eternity
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If you see a reckless driver, you have many options. Hitting him in the face with a bag of dog poop is certainly one of them. It's not a good option, but it's an option nonetheless
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You may have married the wrong woman if she tackles you, scratches you, hits you, and kicks you in the groin because you didn't bring home any vodka
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British badgers develop taste for human remains. And thus it begins
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Fighting poverty with the Hip-Hop Pigs
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| (azfamily.com) |
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Ice cream truck hits a pickup and sends it into a school bus. On the plus side, there was no shortage of cones to put around the scene
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| (Some Guy) |
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A party with costumes, candy, and games that just happens to occur in October. Call it a Fall Festival if you want, but God's not falling for it
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Sewer worker gets pushed over a mile through a sewer line. He's flushed with joy at his rescue, says there won't be a Number 2
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If you want to hit these two Chinese girls, you're going to have to let them hit you first, and it's going to hurt
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Latvian women complain about shortage of well-educated, sober men. Sounds like a job for Fark...errrr....dammit
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Photoshop theme: The Gap is asking for help with designing a new logo and we're just the ones to do it
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Psych majors not happy with their career prospects. Apparently, studying why people are unhappy might make a person unhappy
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Teenage guidos have invaded the Midwest and are killing our pizza delivery drivers
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If you get drunk, you should choose not to drive. However, it is best to make this decision while at the bar, not in the middle of a busy freeway
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Experts agree combination of heroin and cold medicine called 'Cheese' is not gouda news for our kids
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Great Moments in Socialized Medicine #2,984: Greece will no longer pay for orthopedic footwear for diabetes patients, because "amputation is cheaper." Seriously
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Inside the Bizarre McRib Obsess--" wait, they're going back on sale 11/2? If you need me I'll be camping at McDonald's
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61-year-old topless woman charges at cops. They quickly noticed that she had a meat cleaver. Very, very quickly
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| (KOIN 6) |
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Spa offers free Botox for the unemployed. Hey, at least you'll know you weren't denied that job because of your wrinkly forehead
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PROTIP: If you're applying for a job with the State Patrol, leave the "How to Beat the Lie Detector" book at home
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The first Chilean miners have successfully reached the surface - LGT streaming live video
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| (Some Guy) |
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I noticed your car was unlocked, so I went ahead and locked it for you. That'll be $25, please
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| Tue October 12, 2010 |
| (Some Guy) |
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You're an up-and-coming hip-hop band trying to get some attention. Do you: C) park your tour bus in the middle of a busy L.A. Freeway and start performing on the roof?
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Man fishes 10 hours with hook in head, says it felt just like his wedding day
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Photoshop theme: Greeting cards for non-traditional events
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Remember the picture of the kid at McDonald's who looked like the Michelin Man? Here's his Chinese cousin
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| (Some Guy) |
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We have removed the active ingredient in our cleaning product. It will no longer clean things, but we are still going to sell it.... No need to tell the consumers, right?
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Indian in Indian beauty contest accused of not looking Indian enough. How? I don't understand why they have such reservations about her
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Naked man in East St. Louis steals PT Cruiser, goes on shooting rampage. Or as we used to call it in college, "Tuesday"
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Lead investigator in Falcon Lake Mexican pirate case killed, his head delivered to police station
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The official Chilean miner rescue thread, complete with live video and updates
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| (Some Guy) |
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Audit accuses California National Guard recruiter of failing to lie
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| (Some Guy) |
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Reason California is broke #214: the planning phase of a hiking trail is overbudget by $100,000
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Who would ride a bike in a pod on a monorail called the Shweeb? Hint: it rhymes
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| (WKMG) |
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Bad: Getting arrested for sex with underage girl. Worse: You're a convicted sex offender. Fark: Girl describes "Superman-shaped shield" implant on your genitals
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police bring down the rock, crush suspect in multiple scissor stabbings
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Ask, tell
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Winners in PA laptop privacy case: First student, $175,000. Second student, $10,000. Lawyer, $475,000. Well that makes sense
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| (Some Guy) |
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Criminal mastermind forgets rule # 1 : Don't give the victim your gun
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The short-term memory loss from smoking pot may depend on the strain of marijuana grown, and the ratio of...of...damn, forgot. Just a minute [Alt-Tab]
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"The world is going crazy for sanity": Stewart's rally becoming an international phenomenon with copycat rallies planned across the world
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Headline: "Eldest son opposes N. Korea dynasty plan." Actual article: "I wasn't interested in it and I don't care"
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That girl from NC that was reported missing a few days ago actually went missing at least one month prior
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Nucky Johnson will not be honored with a street name in Atlantic City. The city wants to cash in on Boardwalk Empire hype, but doesn't want to draw attention to the nearly identical political corruption still going on
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A drowning teen girl was saved by a spacehopper. It's like a grasshopper, but from the future
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Although you might imagine you're a sexual chef in the bedroom who can cook up your partner's libidio with your ladle of lust, in reality you're just a part-time worker at McDonald's
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| (Some Guy) |
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That kid who dug up a grave to make a skull into a bong is in the news again, and it's not for random acts of kindness, either
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| (Some Private Guy) |
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City road worker arrested for selling drugs while on the job. Authorities became suspicious when they received reports of a city employee actually working
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photohop these spinners
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nurses on strike over cuts in their health-care
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That deep water drilling ban? Ahh, forget about it
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Without overbearing government regulation, Wall St. finally gets responsible with their funds. Just kidding - they're about to dole out a record $144B in bonuses
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SeaWorld savagely thrashes family's emotional trauma claims. Plans to drown legal suit in red tape
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101 year old woman becomes a citizen of the US. Tag is for the pic that CNN should have omitted
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First known case of person being killed by a rainbow comes to you from Columbia, S.C
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fail: Cop shoots himself through his hand while loading his new gun. Epic Fail: Also wounding his partner with the same bullet
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Construction workers lauded for enforcing elementary school's zero-tolerance weapons policy
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Street value of a 500-lb drug dealer, Tusken Raiders resorting to armed robbery, and violet consequences on the Blue Danube: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 10/3 - 10/9
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| (Some Guy) |
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World War III scheduled to start in early November 2010. EVERYONE PANIC
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Never go jogging naked without eye protection. Especially if you factor in the inevitable tazing
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Noseless girl not so noseless anymore
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As the leaves change, so do the colors of lobsters at the Maritime Aquarium
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| (Some Blog) |
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Parents outraged over middle school sex test. They should just be thankful it wasn't as tough as the Catholic school sex test
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Another sign of these trying economic times: The price to put a hit on your estranged wife is down to $2000 and 5 oxycotin
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The Maori believe that pregnant or menstruating women should not be allowed near weapons...smart folks, those Maori
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Man arrested for letting weeds grow too tall in his front yard
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