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| Sun August 08, 2010 |
| (Some Guy) |
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A car bomb goes off in a populated area. Is this A) Afghanistan B) Iraq or C) Warden, Washington
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| (Some Friend) |
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Farker "cheesehorn" passed away on Saturday. Link goes to obituary
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| (Some Guy) |
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Is that a lobster in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
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"Okay, Bobby, we don't want you to grow up sexually maladjusted, so we're going to measure your penis with this machine while you look at porn and listen to a rape"
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| (WBTV-3) |
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When you send that cellphone shot of your junk to your buddy, DO make sure you get his number right
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Mudslides devastate China town, subby's liver
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this takedown tactic
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| (Some Manicotti) |
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Man order unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks at Olive Garden, but was upset at the unlimited crying children, so he punched their father in the neck
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American Eagle merges with Alaskan Airlines
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Nanny State says that smoking in the car with children present is actually "child abuse." With photo of pasty white moobs to illustrate the problem
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Vegas to finally crack down on: a) handing out free porn, b) open alcohol, c) Hula hoops
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In case you were wondering, Ted Nugent will NOT be boycotting Arizona because of the immigration law. "Maybe I'm the only national musician whose brain isn't fried on mind-altering chemicals"
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One shot, one stabbed in fracas. Fracas? Is that even a real word?
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Accomplished geologist and well known petroleum engineer Spike Lee is calling "bullshiat" on the US government's claim 75% of the Gulf oil is gone
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| (Some Gun Nutjobs) |
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A group of gun enthusiasts plans on protesting a long-standing agreement between the city and an arts & crafts festival that forbids the presence of firearms. Now...why would you need a gun at a craft fair in the first place?
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"The End Is Near" say evangelists along with their buddies the scientists. Wait, what?
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If you find a giant inflatable panda in your soybean field, please do the right thing, tether it next to your favorite pub
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Dropuot asesed a $11,140 fyne and 132 daeys in jayle for trooncy and "faylure to cumply" with skool by a deefiant atittude and unwillingnes to lern
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Your business may be at risk for a sexual harassment lawsuit if you only hire attractive women, kiss employees on the forehead, and lick the office window of a female employee
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Iowa State Fair to introduce a new, 10 dollar device small enough to fit in a child's pocket that will use GPS to send the child's exact location to their parents if they get lost. In other news, stalking your ex just got a lot cheaper
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Problem: video game sales are plummeting and traditional video game developers are losing market share to social media sites and alternative platforms. Solution: stop calling them "video games"
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It's always cute when a media columnist longs for the good ol' days of television. "As much as Mother Jefferson and Weezie hated each other, you never saw Weezie's boobs in a catfight"
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| (Some Guy) |
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I am writing this mail to you on a laptop from my hospital bed in the Martian capitol of Zhwrong
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Massachusetts state police will ticket you for texting while stopped in a traffic jam because in their world it is possible for two motionless cars to collide
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wolves back on your endangered species list? It's more likely than you think
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Study: smokers can 'out-think' cravings, don't because they're lazy and the most evil people on the planet
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Photoshop this gloomy russian scene
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Woman gets into car driven by drunk friend, dies in crash. This is obviously the fault of the deep-pocketed owner of the parking lot where she may have been drinking
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U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration fines U.S. Postal Service $357,000 for violations including use of a bar code reader without proper training
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Family who helped make chocolate-covered bacon a hit at various state fairs last year has done the unthinkable by creating new hits such as the Krispy Kreme donut burger with egg and bacon and new fan-favorite: deep fried butter
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Hawaii implements a "put your money where your mouth is" law which requires a $98.75 fee to access birth records. Total number of Birthers now requesting birth records: zero
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| (Some Guy) |
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MADD's response to the cops arresting the guy for giving Courtesy Rides to drunks -- yeah, pretty much what you would expect
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Reykjavik mayor opens gay pride festival in drag and says "This is what we get for voting for a clown in elections". If only all politicians could be this honest
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Photoshop this man hanging on
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China's Father of Mechanics, Father of Space Technology and Father of China's Atomic Bomb dies. Unfortunately, with the one-child policy, two of his children had to be put down
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Finland wins World Sauna Championships by default
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| (France24) |
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Taliban claims responsibility for killing 10 unarmed medical workers because they were "Christian missionaries," not because they had supplies, money
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Texas inmate commits suicide by choking on wadded up toilet paper. W/sample roll of TP pic you can "click to enlarge"
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| Sat August 07, 2010 |
| (Some Guy) |
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You know you're a badass when you can punch your way through a school of sharks in a feeding frenzy. "My first thought was 'I hope this is a manatee.' "
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| (Some Phoebe Cates loving guy) |
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Store manager deters burglar by throwing hot coffee in his face. All right, Hamilton!
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Just because you admire an 18-foot winged totem pole in a park doesn't mean you can convince a crane company that you're going to restore it for the city and get it moved to your front yard
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Man survives 12,700-volt power surge, manages to keep his ego grounded
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop what is on Michael Caine's blackboard in Inception
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If you're going to commit a crime, don't leave behind your iPhone; cops are able to track and trace everything you've ever done with it. Everything
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If your name is Under God, it's only natural you'd want to change it to One Nation Under God, right In God We Trust?
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Three teenagers counterfeit $20 bills with a computer scanner in the hopes of exchanging them for real cash at Subway. Because you're reading this on Fark, you can safely assume that they didn't retire to Monte Carlo
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Not news: cops order man to pull over. Fark: a man who happened to be riding a motorized wheelchair
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INDECENCY CHARGES COMING OUT
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Ponzi scheme collapsing. Those responsible unlikely to face charges
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Op-ed: The Boy Scouts are backwards because they don't allow girls to join their ranks. If only there was a female equivalent to the Boy Scouts
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pop Tarts store to open in Times Square, compete with Madame Tussauds for coveted wax-loving market
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| (Swift Kick Online) |
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Valedictorian uses graduation speech to rip the entire educational system a new one
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| (KTNV) |
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Terminally ill man may spend his last weeks alive living on the streets after he gets evicted from the HUD financed apartment he's called home for 17 years ... for smoking medically prescribed marijuana
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| (Some Guy) |
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What happened to the pigocalypse we were promised?
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After winning the war on drugs and arresting the last criminal the authorities set their sights on the newest menace: Lemonade stands
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| (BayNews9) |
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Wheelchair-bound man sues strip club for not having handicapped-accessible ramp to tip ladies, get lap dances
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| (Peoria Journal Star) |
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Two pumpkin plant workers in gourded condition after explosion
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| (Some Guy) |
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F**K off, officer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Experts conclude that fish can't live without water
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| (Orange County Register) |
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If your son is killed by a cop and other cops seize the surveillance tape that shows the shooting, say it "had a glitch in it" and can't be viewed, do you C) hire an airplane to tow a banner shaming the police for their misconduct?
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Old and busted: how many people can you fit in a VW bug? New hotness: how much cocaine can you fit in a Mini Cooper?
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Man sentenced to five years in prison for programming printers to spew out thousands of racist flyers. In other news, people in Chicago don't know how to turn off printers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Is this a dog, a fox, or a new breed of cat? You decide
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| (Telenoid P1) |
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Photoshop this minimalistic little man
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Ten tips for first-time travelers. Really? Look, if you're that much in need of tips and you're a travel virgin and you go to The Consumerist, just stay home and give your tickets to someone else
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What do you call a Christian radio station that goes belly up and is bought by an NPR affiliate for classical music programming? "A good start," of course
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In what appears to be the biggest smuggling operation from China to the US to Mexico and back to the US, authorities make record drug bust. Scratch that. That should read "make record wire laundry hanger bust"
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In Round 2 of Pickaxe versus Machete, Machete takes home a decisive victory to even the score. Now, we move on to the tiebreaker round
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The remains of a giant squid washes up on the shores of New Zealand and authorities decide to let nature discard of it. In America they would have blown the carcass up with dynamite
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Frying a turkey in the back of the radio station's van is stupid, but not arson
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| (Some Chick) |
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Four guys canoing decide to climb train trestle and jump into river. One is hit by train and his mother is suing train for not stopping and canoe company because it should have known guys would want to jump off bridges while canoing
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| (Lohud.com) |
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Finally a church gets the gumption to tell tacky mourners to get their tasteless crap off the gravesites, and that Jesus didn't die for their plastic flowers and Earnhardt flags, chrissakes
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Oxytocin could completely destroy your sex life. If you have one
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Multi-grain Cheerios aid in capturing Sparkles the wild turkey
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| (Some Guy) |
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An early review of "Civilization V". The verdict? Don't plan on having much of a life this September
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| (Some Undead Guy) |
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It was a month long battle, but she eventually convinced them she wasn't dead
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If the devil tells you to rob a Walmart, the least he can do is point out that you dropped your pocketbook in the parking lot as you were trying to escape
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| (Some Pervert) |
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Vegas sex-scam mugshots To save you time, first three: Probably, watch for that tuck, WTF??
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| (tvnz.co.nz) |
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Calling all felines - strut your way up the catwalk with your tail in the air for your chance to claw your way to the top spot in New Zealand's Next Top Cat Model contest this Caturday
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You know you are winning the war on terror when their chief of operations is the dishwasher
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Another woman charged with sex with boys, complete with "I'll be in my bunk" photo
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Photoshop these relay runners and mascot
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Cancer couldn't stop him from his marathon goal. 7 hours 48 minutes. All done in a hospital hallway dragging an IV pole
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Cops hunt bus "Terminator." Why bother? He'll be back
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| (Some Guy) |
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World mythological-creature society officially names Japanese city as home of "valuable mythological history or property," Non-Jesus Division
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French tourist surrenders to gravity at the Grand Canyon
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Utah polygamists to get reality show. With an oh yes you would hit the one on the right like the fist of an angry prophet pic
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Researchers say beer and hot dogs on a hot summer day can lead to migraine headaches. I say the pasty fleshed Poindexters should stay in their basements while the rest of us enjoy summer
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TV station plans news without anchors even though they're kind of a big deal. They have many leather-bound books and their apartments smell of rich mahogany
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Proving that global warming is a myth, an ice island FOUR TIMES THE SIZE OF MANHATTAN has just fallen off of Greenland
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While there was a time when a teacher could be known as "Mr. Hugs", that time has long since passed
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Researchers rank the most commonly misspelt words. Their data consisted of Fark greenlights
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"Do you bite my thumb, sir?" "Is the law of our side, if I say ay?" "No." (Exeunt dumbass, pursued by a cop)
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| (Some Guy) |
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NYC woman gets bike stolen, finds it on Craigslist, plots sting operation with cops, nabs crook, and gets bike back. In one day. Ta-da
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| Fri August 06, 2010 |
| (Some Guy) |
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No matter how much you dislike your job, at least you don't have to feed hungry hyenas porridge to make sure they don't eat everyone in town
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| (Some Guy) |
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Two boys and a woman hit by same bullet. Investigation will take months and find one shooter. Meanwhile, everyone else believes it was two shooters and a CIA coverup
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David Brooks of The New Republic knew Obama would be a good president after spending some time staring at his "perfectly creased pant leg." Thankfully he was able to restrain himself from humping it
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Get to tha chaaapppppelllllllllll
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Swedish mountaineer killed while trying to ski off the summit of K2. No one's sure where he went wrong, besides trying to ski off the summit of K2
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Tombstone medallions link to text, video, huckleberries
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Man tries to sell heroin to off-duty cop. Dope
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| (Some News) |
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Photoshop this mounted messenger
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Transgender dog saved by surgery, repeal of Prop 8
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Milwaukee teachers rise up and stand firm for their medical plan to include Viagra
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| (Newser) |
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Girl claims school used her as "rape bait." All subby knows is that would make a great name for an all girl punk band
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The Dickens Community wants sex shop to withdraw from the area. Owners of shop say it plugs a vacant hole in the economy of the area and as a large firm, it will contribute deeply to the tax assessments
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It's not easy being in the Smoking Gun Mugshot round-up
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| (Some NaSkAr fan) |
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If you need to find any of the info gathered pertaining to Nasser aka The NaSkAr over the last few days, it can all be found to the right
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The good news for Boeing: Its much-hyped Dreamliner is still in the news. The bad news for Boeing: Because customers are falling over themselves to cancel orders for it
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There are plenty of nice places to take a nap. Behind the steering wheel of a moving car is not one of them
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| (wisn.com) |
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Over 150 people stuck on fair ride. MORE LIKE AN UNFAIR RIDE, AMIRITE?
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Dear Obama, I find the immigration process for my husband difficult. Is there any way you could speed up the red tape? Dear random lady, I've decided to imprison your husband with sex offenders. Have a nice day
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BP says that now that the well has been sealed, they are ready to explore alternative fuels. Nah, just kidding. They're ready to drill again. In the same spot. They're sure there's some oil left
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Not news: Man holds garage sale. News: Sells someone else's stuff. Fark: From their own garage
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| (Some Guy) |
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Indianapolis GenCon Fark Party and The Art of Akira presentation. Friday August 6th, 6pm to whenever Drew falls down
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Hallucinogenic plant from the Amazon found in British couple's back yard. They aren't cutting it down, but once this story gets out, they won't have to
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this famous phone
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Getting your T-shirt wet at Splash Park? Yep, that's an arrest'n
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Man on trial for pickax versus machete fight. Wait a minute... they had a pickax versus machete fight and they didn't sell tickets?
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What do Lady Gaga, Mark Zuckerberg and Drew Curtis have in common?
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Hours after returning from a tour in Afghanistan store refuses to sell beer to soldier because he was in his military uniform
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| (Some Guy) |
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Baby pronounced dead at birth, upgraded to alive at its funeral
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City council members who have never been on an on-line message board say they can no longer tolerate the sarcasm from citizens at community meetings
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The same press corps that could barely bother to mention that GW Bush shattered the record for vacation days taken by a president, while he was trying to run two wars, is VERY CONCERNED, that Michele Obama, has taken 8 trips
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"2 O'Hare employees rapped over cost of patio contract." Most people would probably hire a lawyer instead of busting rhymes, but who are we to judge?
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Liberal talk-show host calls for gay reparations. Presumably, he means stuff like turn a month into Homosexual History Month. Gay May?
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If you were nabbed for drunk driving in Nashville between last October and April of this year, that video of you farking up the alphabet won't be used against you in court
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Women missing from video game development work force, and from the lives of most of their customers as well
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| (Some Guy) |
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I-10 closed after 39,000 pounds of shredded cheese catch on fire. Tractor-trailer full of nachos en route
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Photoshop theme: Young and old
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Man uses lottery winnings to collect Star Wars figures, hot sauces, green teas, drugs, and felonies
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Boy has withered leg extended by over 12 inches. Subby's girlfriend: "Tell me more"
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Pssst Over here Hey, buddy... (opens coat) wanna buy a piranha?
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Congresswoman leading the charge to ban paddling in schools. In other news, there are schools that still paddle students
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Guns don't kill people, marijuana-laced cookies do
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Teacher in trouble after student suspects her of cheating. On him, that is. With "most certainly, at that age" pic
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| (KCCI) |
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Don't you hate it when you're using someone else's computer, and you come across pictures and video of them doing something really sick... to you, while you're passed out?
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Some pictures of Saturn look humdrum at first, but then turn into something very cool. This is one such picture
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8-year-old Jekyll and Hyde horror
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Taco Bell unveils Mexican-style street tacos to compete with taco trucks, causing snobby foodies to recoil with outrage
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| Thu August 05, 2010 |
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No, you can not call 911 for a ride to the liquor store
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this artist residence
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Cop issues a parking ticket, fails to notice the man behind the wheel of the car is dead
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NaSkAr's memorial gathering: Can anyone give a ride from Chicago to Merrillville? Anyone need one? Drinks/dinner on Saturday, or brunch on Sunday?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Fark-ready headline ready to ship: "SWAT team requested for violent midgets"
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If you want to take upskirt photos, do not go back to the same Wal-Mart where you were arrested two weeks earlier for taking upskirt photos. Upskirt photos
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Airline destroys dying child's custom $15,000 wheelchair, responds by replacing it with second-rate spare from the lost-and-found. Oh, wait, Canadian airline: they responded by fulfilling the child's #1 wish
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Asian carp found in Lake Michigan may have been a plant. Funny, you'd think the DNR would know the difference between a plant and a fish
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The long nightmare is over. The very last rhino has been wiped out in South Africa. Sleep easy tonight citizens
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Offer free rides home to drunk people in honor of your dead buddy? That's an arrestin'
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| (Some Guy) |
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All this chocolate skull cake needs is some juicy BRAINNN filling
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| (Some Guy) |
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News: A 100+ year old relic is found in capitol building in South Dakota. Fark: It's an empty beer bottle that some drunk construction worker probably stashed when the foreman came by
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this human art installation
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's International Beer Day so let's raise a pint in honor of the man who deregulated the market 30 years ago
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Much like the contents of his stomach immediately after an eating competition, Kobayashi's record will be purged
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| (WGME.com) |
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$135,000 "dangerous razors in a weed patch" has some Maine residents not appreciating art
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Like every President before him, Obama is going prematurely gray
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Chairman Mao's grandson says he wants to start a career in politics. This should end well
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| (Some Guy) |
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Levi Johnston is Obama's puppet in his attempt to undermine the Palin family
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If Blagojevich is convicted, the FBI could seize his home and force him and his family to seek shelter under his hair
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Cop fired for adding mandatory breast exams to field sobriety test
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Young artist is so Monet and he doesn't even know it
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| (KSR) |
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"Rick Pitino, Tim Sypher, the paper boy, the guy at Chevron, your softball team, Cheeks, Boney Bob, Cliff, Moe with the gimpy leg and anyone else who shared fluids with Karen Sypher were unanimously found guilty of being disgusting"
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It's only logical that after you steal drugs from a pharmacy you drop by a salon to get your hair done
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Tongue piercing may cause gapped teeth, lifping
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German minister calls for students to have lessons in proper use of Facebook, presumably in order to avoid accidentally annexing MySpace
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| (Some Daredevil) |
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Have an old bike--the kind with banana seats and high backrests? Take it "Hood Bombing" if you dare. Police are not amused
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The SEC unveils its most powerful weapon yet against Wall Street greed and corruption: Greed. Whistleblowers are now eligible to be paid up to 1/3 of anything the SEC recovers from dirty deals they drop a dime on
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Despite its 10 grams of sugar, diabetic diner Floyd Schuetz couldn't pass up the Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger
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Government Motors announces a major $500 million investment in a new assembly plant
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Five annoying trends that make all Cracked lists look the same
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Cat with a Tat is here again, the Cat with a Tat is a terrible pain. Don't feel shamed, don't feel blue, the Cat with a Tat is cooler than you
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Nothing projects American power and military dominance quite like our fleet of massive supercarriers. That was , of course, until China's new carrier-killing missile becomes operational later this year
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Today's bikini car wash brought to you by Brandon, Florida
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Youngest person ever to become mayor of Hoboken, NJ, to be youngest former mayor to be sentenced for corruption today
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In the wake of the shooting rampage, beer company denies charges that the shooter was motivated by racism, noting that no one ever complained of it before. OTOH, the shooter was, "the only black guy working here"
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BP doing something today with well they were supposedly done messing with yesterday. This is not a repeat of tomorrow's news, or the next day's, or
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Honestly, officer, a guy came to my pawn shop and hocked those 500 Oxycontins because his... uh... kid needed... okay, you got me
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Australian police investigating man's electrocution expect to meet resistance from witnesses
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Colonel who had to resign from the Army in disgrace for allegedly torturing captives is worried that a new mosque near the WTC site might offend the delicate sensibilities of non New Yorkers who will never come within 500 miles of it
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If you're going to have a safety drill simulating a plane crash at your airport, the list of people you need to inform should probably include your press spokeman
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| (Some Guy) |
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Guy's lovely night of drinking vodka cranberries at the Mermaid Lounge ruined after he crapped himself during a DUI test
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Two women arrested for brawling at a kindergarten graduation ceremony charged with misdemeanor counts of "failure to work and play well with others" are facing a significant stay in the Time Out Chair, loss of Snack Time for a week
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Apprently, the French and the British have a low opinion of each other. This is not a repeat from all of the rest of history
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Facebook love triangle leads to death by guinea pig
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You know you are on the losing side when counting your failures as successes
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NFL Commissioner Roger Godell wants to start testing for HGH to "protect the integrity of the game". In other news, a sports league populated by gigantic, improbable nigh-mutants hasn't thought to test for HGH until now
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| (Some Guy) |
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Maybe feeding the crocs so they wouldn't eat the goats wasn't such a good idea after all
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DND oks xtc 4 pstd. brb
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Theme: Picture yourself in a boat on a river
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The victim is lucky to be alive, all things considered
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| (Some Guy) |
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YAY, our new $160 million two lane bike lane is complete. Too bad buses can't fit on what's left of the road anymore
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Obama recommends Congress restore the rank of Vietnam War general who was fired and demoted for carrying out the orders Nixon secretly gave him
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Convicted cross-dressers to be given 30 lashes each. Unclear if mascara will also be provided
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Winston Churchill ordered 50-year UFO coverup, never discussed his hotline to the TARDIS
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Knife-wielding robber thanks clerk, wife with handshakes. Florida polite criminal trifecta in play
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| (Some "plucker") |
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Stop washing raw chickens. It wastes water and the chicken doesn't enjoy it
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Google and Verizon in talks to divide the Internet between them
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| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop this swaddled dancer
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Yelling at and beating up a pancake is no way to go through life, son
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Man stabs another, drinks his blood to: A) boost iron levels; B) get cast in next Twilight movie; or C) keep police from finding him
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| (WINK) |
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Next time you stop to take pics of two girls flashing their boobs alongside the highway, first make sure they're over 18 and that the county sheriff isn't peeking too
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Worst alibi for getting caught inside the same house you burglarized last year: "I was leaving a thank you note"
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Study: Overeating during pregnancy makes fatter babies, fewer MILF's
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7-year-old trying to raise money for cancer needs $120 restaurant license. For lemonade stand
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British doctors who quit working for the NHS are forced to sign gag orders despite legislation protecting them from whistleblowing. But don't worry; that could never happen here
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| (Some Guy) |
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How to ensure you're going to be in the express lane to Hell: Steal $120,000 from a 12-year-old girl dying of brain cancer
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 274: "Farktography Classic: Trees 2" Details and rules in first post. Difficulty: No title or description
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| Wed August 04, 2010 |
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Mother of the year candidate marries fugitive accused of molesting her daughter. Two hours after his indictment. With the daughter present
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Because -- admit it, you're not doing anything better with your time -- here's a black & white slideshow of creepy clowns
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Photoshop this eccentric performance
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A man's home is his castle. Unless it's sitting on a gold mine, then it's an obstacle that needs to be bulldozed. Any questions?
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Glenn Beck convinces his sheep to get a book of "coming-out" stories (meant to inspire courage for those who haven't done so yet) banned, citing "child pornography"
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Daughter of former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani arrested in alleged shoplift attempt. She should be bailed out of jail in 9-11 hours
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Carnival game allowed people to 'shoot' black man that looks like Obama. But, it's ok because the president of Goodtime Amusements voted for him (w/pic of target)
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There's a pothole in a Boston suburb
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| (Naples Daily News) |
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Sluggish car? Florida woman finds her gas tank filled with condoms
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Meet the Bodybuilding Neo-Nazi Porn Star Who Embalms Dead People for a Living
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Woman punches bus driver, robs him, is arrested, gets pepper-sprayed, kicks out a window, threatens to fling feces and vows to have an abortion. THE ARISTOCRATS
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Tom Mankiewicz dead. He gave us all the greatest lines of Superman -- Lutherville, Costa del Lex, Otisburg. Otisburg?
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University of Edinburgh scientists declare that the perfect, full-body, all-natural suntan is impossible, which is akin to University of Hobbiton scientists declaring that the perfect reverse, windmill slam-dunk is impossible
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"You don't come to New York State and pass out blotters of LSD at Grateful Dead concerts," says Judge Winged Eyeball as rainbows flowed from her pounding gavel while Rocket Bailiff blasted off to the moon of laughing clowns
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Dumbass: Slugging an innocent woman outside a bar at 2:00 a.m. for no reason. UFIA/Welcome to Fark: UFC fighter sees you do it, beats the shiat out of you for it
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The situation: Woman found naked and delirious. The police report: "Witnesses saw a white woman wandering in the Hidden Valley Hills with what appeared to be improper hiking attire"
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According to report, massive propane explosion in Toronto two years ago was an accident, ending speculation that an employee blew himself off the face of Earth for shiats and giggles
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Woman who claimed workplace injury dances around workers comp law at local strip club
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested for making up story about puppy thrown into traffic. Fark: man made up story because he feared his wife wouldn't let him keep the dog
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While General McChrystal may have gotten out of the Rolling Stone article flap with his rank and pension intact, it doesn't look like the junior officers quoted in the magazine are going to get off so easy
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| (Some Guy) |
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It takes a special breed of drunk to attempt to rob a taco joint with a hammer. Especially when your cunning plan is foiled by your own underwear
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Andrew Breitbart gives the most self-aggrandizing interview ever. "I'm committed to the destruction of the old media guard, and it's a very good business model"
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Do (WHACK) the (WHACK) vacuuming (WHACK) your (WHACK) damn (whack) self
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Something tells me that not even Hallmark makes a "Sorry I sullied the family name so badly it cost you your seat in Congress, mom" card
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| (Springfield Republican) |
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If somebody passes you on the road and then deliberately slows down to annoy you, you may be morally right to pull a gun but you are legally wrong
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UN says Israel right to defend its border with Lebanon. Reasoned commentary to right
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In memory of Nasser Kashani
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It turns out ginning up anti-government wharrgarbl is a lucrative business that preys on innocent teabaggers
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Reporter screws over troops he embedded with, and folks are shocked, SHOCKED that the military won't let him embed again
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Former Federal Judge that was impeached by congress wants his sentence shortened because prison sucks, has to listen to sounds of rape, cognitive dissonance
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British tourists given a sightseeing tour of France. The problem was, they kinda wanted to get off the train
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Speed cameras are coming down across Britain as new government requires local authorities to pay for cameras without keeping any ticket revenue
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"Just how broken is the Senate?" The answer, even according to senators themselves, is that it's pretty broken
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This is it on the Gulf oil spill. It's been 'dealt with'. So everyone can go home now. Final. Ok, so there's this little mess still, but its been 'dealt with'
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CEO of iRobot is getting married, will circle the bride 20 times before finding her at the altar, later will try but fail to pick her up to carry her over the threshold
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Best time to make fun of the VP candidate's family - at the bar with friends after work. Worst time to make fun of the VP candidate's family - while you are rehearsing for your live network election report and the cameras are rolling
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And if you look out of the right side of the plane, you will be able to see that at least one of our engines is not on fire at the moment
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Pro Tip: If the taser you fire from your squad-car doesn't kill the guy on the bicycle you're chasing, you can always try running him over afterwards. (And plant a gun on him while he's pinned underneath it just to be safe.)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Last week Congress approved a bill permitting individuals filing for bankruptcy to exempt up to three firearms, so when you've lost your house and posessions you can just steal someone else's stuff
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Happy Birthday Barack Obama. At least we think it's your birthday. If only we had some sort of proof of your birth. Perhaps a certificate or something
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A slideshow of Silvio Berlusconi's women. Let me save you some time: yes, yes, yes back in the day, HELL yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, HOT TWINS, yes
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Photoshop this weird one-woman show
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California to legalize gay marriage today. Heavy rioting predicted to grip Utah for several days
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| (Some Guy) |
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Q) What's as wide as two fingers and as long as a man's arm? Hint: It can fit in a man's bottom
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The Man behind the "Ground Zero Mosque" that has been under such relentless attack by right-wing commentators, is exactly the kind of moslem, right-wing commentators claim to support- moderate, anti-violence, and extremely pro-western
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| (I'm a sinner) |
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Analysis of the Modesty Survey indicates that 84% of homeschooled Christian boys are seriously messed up
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| (WPRI) |
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Town holds anti-crime National Night Out. Teen stabbed
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Would-be burglar gets a kick out of a 12 year old girl on today's episode of "Ow, my balls". Tag is for the girl
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Group whose mission is to promote religious liberty is fighting religious liberty
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| (Some Guy) |
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Favre retiring? Not so fast. Looks like the 'source' leaked BS info and Favre hasn't told anyone anything yet. Obvious trumps Followup for obvious reasons
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Florida man shows that brutal domestic violence can continue well into your 70's. He says his wife just likes to "fight with him and accuse him of stupid things"
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The Facebook posts Sarah Palin doesn't want you to see
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If you ever visit Drew, don't let him do the cooking. "They had all the texture of steaks but all the flavor of Jack Daniels"
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Iran denies that there has been an attempted regime change via homemade hand grenade
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TFer and legendary Fark party organizer The NaSkAr has died
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Protip: Don't tase the bears. It could possibly piss them off
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Photoshop this baffled bride
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| (BCLocalNews) |
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Protip: Remember to remove your handgun from your dirty sock before dropping off the laundry
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| (Some fuzzy thing) |
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Headline: "Raccoon terrorizes family". With a picture of what a raccoon terrorist might look like
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Best headline of the day: "Beer, not exercise, best for battling the bulge"
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| (Madison.com) |
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Two 50-year-olds were arrested after harassing some boys playing basketball and for defecating in public. Alcohol may have been a factor
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nightclub owner charged after allowing patrons to openly have sex in his bar. Welcome to Fark Mr. Dean
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Not everyone's rise to Internet memedom was as bad as Jessi Slaughter's... here are 10 viral video stars whose lives *weren't* ruined
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| (Some Lawyer) |
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Teenager sues the estate of woman that she killed in a deliberate car crash. Then she sues the road construction company too, just in case no one is outraged yet
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Attempting to avoid a classroom review, new teacher fakes fall down stairs, will never be the drama teacher
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| (Some Doofus) |
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Man staples brother's chin during fight, later remarks, "That was easy"
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| Tue August 03, 2010 |
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Man reports wife missing when he ran out of clean underwear. Cops search home and find wife dead under pile of dirty laundry
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| (Capital Times) |
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Man who planned for "suicide by cop" armed himself with a screwdriver and a hammer, gets tased
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Today's travel trip: If your airline pilot smells like vodka, keep your mouth shut
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these... exercises?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Turn off your A/C and stop driving your car: Global warming is causing an increase in the price of BACON
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| (Ynetnews.com) |
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Arab-Americans are raising funds to erect a statue of Helen Thomas in local museum. In other news, Dearborn, Michigan apparently has a Cryptozoology museum
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Metric is playing a super secret show outside Toronto's Union Station tomorrow night, city officials wanted to keep it quiet to avoid a huge crowd. SO DON'T TELL ANYONE
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| (ANN) |
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American military produces manga comic for Japanese, uses Japanese schoolgirl's encounter with "USA Boy" to promote 50th anniversary of U.S.-Japan military alliance
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Hey, fatty. Yeah, you, with the Cheetos and WOW account and den full of computers: You are not Don Draper, and putting on a fedora doesn't help
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| (Some Spammed Guy) |
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Sears online is selling posters with "total nud**y" and "***ual activities." Not sure what that is, but the AFA is terrified of it
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| (Some Guy) |
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President Obama signs a bill reducing the gap in cocaine sentences because although cocaine is a hell of a drug, it's just one drug, not two
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| (KPTV) |
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If life gives you lemons, fund colon cancer research
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Food writer fails to understand that ice cream is delicious
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New study claims that the reason college students gain weight is their proximity to the cafeteria - and the reason they have sex is the proximity to any other living thing
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| (Vancouver Sun) |
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8-10 Taliban attack Kandahar Air Base in Afghanistan, and die in the process. Their mission wasn't a total failure however, "They destroyed about $70 worth of fence"
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Hitler followers in Mongolia? I did Nazi that coming
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The majority of tick bites happen near people's homes, so to be safe, you should probably move
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Woman crowned Ms. Wheelchair USA rolls over competition
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Popular free dental clinic in rural Virginia promises residents real purty teeth
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this guy on the edge
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Fox News: "They all look alike"
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Why legacy media's reluctance to link sources doesn't work on the Internet, and Fark's favorite headlines for 7/25 - 7/31
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| (Kentucky Sports Radio) |
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Oral sex, McDonald's dates, and the origin of "Sticky Ricky". The best summary of the Rick Pitino extortion trial yet
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Stop the presses. Brits like beer
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Seattle calls a new law allowing cops to ticket loud people leaving bars the 'meathead ordinance.' Aw, geez Edith
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: Getting drunk at a bar. News: You get naked and then get the snot beat of you by three guys (with video)
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In the sort of move that used to get a stern talking-to by a US gunboat, Bolivia seizes a 56 sq mile ranch owned by a US rancher and gives it back to the indian tribe he kept as virtual slaves to work it
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Cancer cells = Pac-Man. Fructose = pellets. OM NOM NOM eweweweweweww woop woop
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| (WDBJ7) |
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19-year-old college student can't stop retelling story of how he slept with his superhot teacher for almost a year. Fist bump. Nice one
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California sees SIX TIMES the number of Whooping Cough cases this year over last year, including six infant deaths. Thank you, you Jenny McCarthy-following farktards
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Man drinks himself into such a stupor that he sleeps through his dog eating his big toe off. Turns out that was the perfect combination to save a life
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Tired of waiting in ER for medical help, man takes needle and thread, sews up own leg. Fark: May be charged with improper use of hospital equipment
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"We just finished shooting Olivia Wilde naked in front of a bonfire," says the luckiest bastard alive
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100 of the latest worst ways your stimulus money is being spent
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It's sometimes hard to tell that mother and son are related until you look at the drunken, disheveled mugshots at the same time
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If you're going to rob a pharmacy, it's pretty important that you don't let the pharmacist take your gun
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Columnist: Jesus would, like, totally be cool with smoking pot, dude. And think of the increased sales of communion wafers
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'Bill Cosby not dead,' claims Bill Cosby. Right
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Wikipedia to the F.B.I.: "While we appreciate your desire to revise the statute to reflect your expansive vision of it, the fact is that we must work with the actual language of the statute, not the aspirational version"
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Stop the presses: "Republicans and Democrats divided along party lines"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iceberg. Dead ahead. Fark: On the I-10 freeway
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EPA tells man his house boat isn't a boat and can't be tied to a dock. Owner says there is no foundation for these claims
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mother of the year candidate mistakes hotel bathroom for childcare center
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Massive long term study concludes that "dangerous" Low carb diets not only help you lose as much weight as low fat ones, but are twice as good for your heart. Fire up the griddle, boys, it's bacon-diet time
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| (Reuters) |
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Report claims popular dietary supplements contain ingredients that may cause cancer, heart problems, liver or kidney damage. Bonus: Sponsored links in article contain ads for supplements
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After realizing that their oldest man was actually thirty years dead, Tokyo officials decide to check up on their oldest woman. Since this is Fark, you know where this is headed
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My father in law responded to my gay sex craigslist advert. Oh noes
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Man kills dog he says was possessed by Satan. In his defense, it was a Dachshund-Chihuahua mix
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I couldn't decide on a headline for this
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Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, deems Nickelback "compatible" with the values of the Islamic republic
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What kind of crime is a growing problem in downtown Minneapolis? If you said horse assaults, step up and grab your prize
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IDF and Lebanese Army fire on each other, four reported killed. Thankfully, it's all because of this argument over a tree, so everyone should calm down soon
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Crab-eating macaques are now adopting traits of their human overlords, begin "tombstoning" for kicks
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Three naked German women found in woods. Rescuers reportedly had trouble finding anything in the thick bush
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Girls Scouts selling cookies door to door end up in GITMO. Proving that Obama is against capitalism
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Thanks to "protective" laws, half of men won't help a child in trouble because they fear being branded a pedophile
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Man who shot parrot to death for squawking while he tried to watch NASCAR on TV could get charges dismissed. Polly wants justice
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In terms of nightmares created per picture, I'm not sure you can beat the BBC's creatures of the deep slideshow
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Cute little girl has prosthetic leg stolen at church camp as a prank, takes her ball (and ankle, heel, and shin) and goes to amputee camp instead
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Hamas targets women's underwear in modesty drive, probably with a skid missile
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| (Some Guy) |
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Portly, angry, jailed: the millionaire who tried to hang on to a moving helicopter
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Let's be honest - who else hasn't thought of doing this when you see a dog owner standing there as their dog is pissing on your bushes? Tag is still for the guy who pulled the gun
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You are a famous photographer entrusted with the last 36 exposures of the most legendary film ever made. What would you shoot?
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| (Some Earfling) |
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Why the US can't repel an Independence Day-style invasion. Tag is for the fact that our primary issue is political not technological
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Nine muslims in trouble for emulating their prophet and taking a child bride. Actually, they didn't so much marry her as kidnap, drug, and pass her around as communal property
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SOS OMG 911 ASAP k thx bye
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Woman busted for stealing condoms, personal lubrication, a car window decal, two dog collars, two dog toys, teeth whitener, coffee filters and four cans of dog food. I want to party with her
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Chávez, in other words, is very close to the climactic moment when he will announce that he is a poached egg and that he requires a very large piece of buttered toast so that he can lie down and take a soothing nap
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People shot at Connecticut beer distributor, alcohol was involved
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Spiffy: Searchers find man's missing three-year-old boy in the woods. Obvious: They also find his 147 marijuana plants
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The hidden things you notice when you rewatch the original Tron nearly 30 years later
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| (BadJocks) |
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High school wrestling coach would have gotten away with .241% BAC if not for that police car going the wrong way on the highway
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Man who shot himself in the legs causes standoff
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45-year-old fashion model re-energizes her career by wearing her hair like Cousin Itt
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Pamela Anderson is adopting animals abandoned during the BP oil spill. Haven't these poor animals suffered enough?
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Your neighbors keep blasting "hippie tunes." Do you c) hook up a dump truck horn to an air compressor and point it at them
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this chatting pair
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| (Some Guy) |
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ProTip: no one secretly watches you do meth inside of a vending machine
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Gray hair is in, thanks to aging, has-been, washed-up celebrities like Lady Gaga, Kelis, Kelly Osbourne, and Kate Moss. "The only way to be distinguished with gray hair is to actually have gray hair"
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Platte River tuber rescued, hospitalized. No word on vegetative status, but doctors said there were a lot of eyes on him
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1 dead, at least 31 infected with the Bubonic Plague. No this is not a repeat from 1348
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