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| Sun July 18, 2010 |
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Scientists have discovered dozens of chemicals and pharmaceuticals - antidepressants, veterinary hormones, even cocaine in a famous flowing body of liquids. No, this is not about Lindsay Lohan's urine sample
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Moonshine enjoying a spirited rebirth
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| (wgrz.com) |
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Not News: Teen drunk driver runs a stop sign. News: Leads police on a chase that ends in a crash. Fark: Amish teen, "overdriving" a horse and buggy
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Food bank mistakenly gives out dog food to seniors, leaving them outraged but alert and frisky
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"An unusually high number of Swedish golfers have reported being bitten by vipers while handling their balls in the rough"
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Apartment-dwelling man cited for keeping 25 rattlesnakes in a 5-gallon bucket, along with 20 pounds of crazy in a 10-pound sack
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| (Western Standard) |
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News: Canada thinking of scrapping long-form census, Fark: How will we know how many Jedi Knights are in Canada?
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BP Oil cap is farting in our general direction
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Photoshop this tank on the move
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Latitude music festival in England featured four days of music, theatre, rape, poetry, film, literature, dance, and rape
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Chicago cop who served in Afghanistan and Iraq has warning: Gang members are coming home with military training
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He parks illegally, you shoot him with a flare gun. That's the Buffalo way
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Where can you find a job where you can wander a food court asking for free food, stalk a woman for hours, sexually harass 2 other women, and still keep your job and be paid $129K/year? Yes, you guessed right, The Massachusetts State Police Dept
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Worlds oldest drinkable champagne found. And no. It's not beside the Clamato at the back of your fridge
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Another summer...another episode of your worst amusement park fear come true
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Germany shuts down 60 kilometers of Autobahn for "the longest banquet in the world". You're doing it right
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| (Some Guy) |
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♫ Wrap a black and white around the old oak tree ♫
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Race car rolls in to crowd of spectators. With 'holy shiat' pics
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Coming soon to Virginia, courtesy of the Free Market taking over State monopoly: better liquour stores, lower alcohol prices, and better selection
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| (Some baby chimp Guy) |
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Ugly ass baby chimp celebrates its 2nd birthday today
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man currently on trial for a fraudulent wood-pellet business claims to have 84% ownership of Facebook
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Anti air-conditioning man targets Los Angeles. He wants you to give up the car too
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Photoshop this caravan of school buses
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10 ways con artists scam the elderly. With picture of what an easily-grifted old skirt might look like
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| (Bing) |
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The eleven smallest hotel rooms in the world. Yes, people actually pay good money to stay in them
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When building wind turbines, make sure they are wind proof
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In a continued effort to show the world He hates the Gulf of Mexico, God strikes down the Olympic stadium in Puerto Rico hours before the Caribbean games were scheduled to begin
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I'll take your beer snobbery and raise it one microbrew aged 9,000 years. Whose beer sucks now?
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So these two lemurs walk into a bar
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Group wants to extend the Appalachian Trail to include Europe and Africa. "Ah, yes, the sea. A bit of a problem, true, but we'll manage. Got to have the vision first. That's just a detail
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| (Economic Policy Journal) |
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Want to buy $601 worth of gold? Now you'll have to report purchase to the federal government
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| (Some Chick) |
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Girl Scout leader admits she took over 2000 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies without paying for them. Claims she took the cookies to feed her family with her mugshot as proof
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| (John Scalzi) |
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Letting go of a good dog, as only a writer can. You WILL cry--the last pic will make sure of that
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Photoshop theme: Rejected candy bars
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Feminazis. More likely than you think
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| (PJ Star) |
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Illinois megachurch, not content with 3500 weekly visitors, plans to open a second church over an hour away just so the pastor can teleconference to a few thousand more donors every Sunday
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Counties strapped for cash turn paved into gravel roads. "I'd rather my kids drive on a gravel road than stick them with a big tax bill"
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| (KPHO) |
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Phoenix man receives second degree burns to his feet after deciding to walk down street barefoot in the middle of the afternoon
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Clever British Army Gurkha soldier comes under heavy fire trying to return with captured Taliban leader's body, so he decides to use his head
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108 year-old wife reunited with her 38 year-old husband after he spent a year in drug rehab. "We will return to our normal life and I will serve my duty as a wife, just like any other woman"
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| (WQAD) |
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Man arrested after jumping on cars in his underwear, assaulting deputy's car with chainsaw, damaging a mail delivery vehicle. Must've been a Chevy guy
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HA HA It's the fifth anniversary OF THE GREY WAVE
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| Sat July 17, 2010 |
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Illinois solves 8th Grade reading test failure problem....by cancelling the test
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Florida man arrested for farking Christie Brinkley. Additional reports also indicate he later blew chunks
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Oakland 2: Shootin' Boogaloo
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BBC's Adam Curtis (no relation) finds 18 terabytes of unedited news rushes shot in Afghanistan over the last thirty years. Hey look there's a Justin Bieber special on CNN
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Photoshop this decommission by demolition
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Counterfeit Nike shoes worth $160,000, or three pairs of Air Jordans, confiscated by police
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BYU channels Old Spice Guy to get their students to study. HEEYAA
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The latest threat to the good people of Salt Lake City? "Rogue" ice cream vendors
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| (Some Weirdling Guy) |
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12 Weird social networking sites. Subby was going to join 'stache passions until a search revealed that there was only one 'stache fan in the entire state
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We've heard of chocoholics, but this is ridiculous
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| (Some Guy) |
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A woman who used to be a man was once a John Denver impersonator, but will now be performing as a clown during Kids Day of Colorado Springs' Gay Pride celebration. Local child psychologists rub their hands together in anticipation
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Everybody seems to think making it easier for Seattle restaurants and cafes to get sidewalk dining permits is a great idea and smashing success. Except for advocates of the disabled
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So you've lit your Behike cigar with a $100 bill, but what do you drink while you smoke it? This guy may have the answer
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| (Some Guy) |
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United takes "No Ticket" scene from Indiana Jones a step too far, kicks off cheap ticket passengers
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Standard factory fitted tail lights on your car? That's a ticketing
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| (Some Ming) |
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Ever had that sesame seed butter brittle? Like peanut brittle but with sesame seeds? It is ridiculously delicious and, even better, easy to make. Here's how
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If you work to help clean up to oil spill, all the money you make will be deducted from your claim against BP. Evil tag still waiting to exist
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Detective picks up a cold case file, then he picks up a phonebook, then he picks up a suspect. Judge: Not so fast, you weren't fast enough. Suspect: kthxbye
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Kidnapped girl was raised by Gypsies. This is not a repeat from 1510
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Old and busted: Pharmacist refuses to dispense contraception. New idiocy: Bus driver refuses to drive women to Planned Parenthood
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| (Some Guy) |
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After an intruder tries to break into the Republican Party headquarters in Arizona, staffers send out a press release claiming the man was so eager to register as a Republican that he was literally busting down their doors
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| (Some Ophthalmologist) |
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Neighborhood residents complain that doctor who crashed Corvette into neighbor's home was always driving too fast. Doctor: They're just jealous
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California inventor devises method for remembering you left your kid in the car. Fark: yes, this actually is an issue
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After being absolutely destroyed on the nationally televised ESPY's version of "The Decision", Chili's decides to fire back at Steve Carell for his "heartless and callous" actions for choosing Outback Steakhouse
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Mother clears her 14 year-old daughter to sail around the world solo, because it worked out so well when a 16 year-old did it
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Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme. Remember me to one I shot there. He was once a gang friend of mine
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| (Daily News Tribune) |
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Sex shop replaces wood store front with clear glass. Somebody notices the difference
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| (Some Guy) |
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Turtle ........ races ......... cancelled
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| (Some Guy) |
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A cucumber should be well-sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out as good for nothing' - Samuel Johnson
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"I write like" website analyzes your writing and tells you which famous author your prose is similar to. That's all well and good for the Hemingways out there, but when it says you write like Dan Brown, it can be kind of a let down
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Judge orders professional football player to spend 40 hours of community service by playing sports with local kids. Football player defies the judge and teaches them art instead
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Judge rules that pretending to be a decorated war hero to pick up chicks in a bar is Constitutionally protected free speech
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Snowflakes sent home with "Fat" written on their BMI reports. Outrage ensues
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Photoshop this ballpark silhouette
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Man gets twenty four years in prison because the judge has seen a few shops in his time, he could tell by the pixels
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"Trading in shares on the stock market requires certain skills and expertise and to expect this from deities would not be proper"
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According to the World Health Organization, North Korea's healthcare system is "the envy of the developing world". Amnesty International says it's a nigh-medieval horror show. Gee, which seems more like the NK we know and love?
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We've secretly replaced this burglar's intended victim with a former special forces soldier. Let's see if anybody notices
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| (Lymphoma.org) |
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"Behold the power of Fark" has never meant so much. Please see thread for details (Re-opened and bumped for the weekenders)
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MOMMY, MOMMY, I went on line to take the "brain challenge" and got this really cool bong
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Men who stare at screens
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In between the prenup and the divorce, there's a new way for lawyers to get involved in your marriage
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| (News-Leader.com) |
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You have the right to remain pantsless
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What fun is juvie jail if you can't have an orgy with murderers?
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State Trooper responding to a report of "road debris" instead finds and rescues injured kitten just in time for Caturday
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Pennsylvania teacher thought that getting sick leave for a fictitious inoperable cranial tumor was a no brainer. Until the police step in and give her a piece of their mind
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A recent study reveals that the pill may not be an effective birth control method for obese women. Doctors are still hopeful, telling fat women everywhere to keep their chins up
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this sinking chair
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Baskin-Robbins retires French Vanilla
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There's no better way to start a creepy weekend than finding out a skull was stolen
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It will cost you $50 to have DirecTV put the dish on your house after they installed it on your neighbor's roof
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It's your choice, Atheists - the water of life, or the blow dryer of death and hell
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| (Edmonton Journal) |
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Vader sought in connection with disappearance of elderly couple, Alderaan
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Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh, greetings from camp... wow. South Korea does not mess around with sack races and marshmallow eating contests
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WTF Is FARK BACK UP ALREADY I HAVENT SOBERED UP
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| Fri July 16, 2010 |
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Wedding from hell: Ringbearer has a seizure, the groom's mother collapses, a guest learns his father has died and two children suffer head injuries. Suddenly your best man getting drunk before the toast doesn't seem so bad
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"Last summer Mr Putin dived in a mini-submarine to the floor of the world's deepest lake, Baikal, and rafted down fast flowing rivers in Siberia. He also clipped a radio transmitter on to a beluga whale"
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Q: What do you get when you mix a bisexual dj and part time gay porn star, a tattoo artist, a hammer, some misspelled tweets, a prostitute and part time adult film actress, a hammer, and the Florida tag?
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Have $100 million to blow to help bail out a couple of idiots? Buy this 90,000 square foot house that you need a farking segway to get around
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Photoshop this curious component
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| (Inside Inside) |
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Ever wonder what fruit would look like if you put it in an MRI machine? Seriously, these ARE the coolest pictures of fruit you'll see all day
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"Dumpster Diving" just took on a whole new meaning
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A recently released study says the Washington DC region is the country's smartest. You'd think that by now a few of those people would have at least found their way into Congress
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Girl missing for seven years Raised in Arizona
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| (9&10 News) |
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You'd think that the one place you'd be safe from being struck by lightning would be Bible Camp
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Stewie Griffin and Ben Franklin hanging out together, rainbow weaves, a dreadhive, and so much more. You know it's got to be the Mugshot Roundup
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"Draping a blanket on the Arkansas River is not art, Christo, you turd," says the Bureau of Land Management
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New Jersey parking garage collapses, revealing the locations of a dozen mob victims
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Slow news day defined: can a squirrel get heat stroke?
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| (Home Depot Facebook Page) |
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Home Depot claims that store banner depicting a flaming plane crashing into a Home Depot intent was to 'recognize the nearby airport'
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Joey, do you like slideshows about gladiators?
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After last year's butter sculpture of the late Michael Jackson was too controversial for the Iowa State Fair, butter sculpting artist is going with a tribute to "Green Eggs and Ham"
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Give us an "H" Except for you, Peggy Entwistle
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Supreme Muslim authority to millions of devout Indonesians: Huh. You've been facing the wrong way during prayer for centuries. Our bad
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| (Irish Times) |
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Inspired gays refuse to succumb to Micks
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| (New England Cable News) |
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Seems like an awful lot of duck boats are quacking up lately
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| (KUTV.com) |
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Two Utah state employees leaked list of 1,300 illegal aliens to the public
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London cops investigate crime scene littered with bullet casings: one day and many forensics tests later remember they rented the street to an action film
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Oracle Octopus to move from the Sports to the Politics tab
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Sorry excuse for a burglar sorry he went back to his victim to say he's sorry
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Woman told she would never have children rushed to hospital with suspected ulcer, has baby boy hours later (w/ pic showing why she didn't know she was pregnant)
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"The days when a citizen could address the Boulder City Council wearing only underwear may be over. " The communists have truly won
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| (SF Weekly) |
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Come On: Semen not compostable in San Francisco
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Medical journal publishes study proving JFK was killed ... by a poison arrow. New photos show suspicious frog on Grassy Knoll
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| (Right Wing News) |
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"So, Levi Johnston splits with Bristol Palin, makes a name for himself by lying about her family to the press, doesn't pay child support, and now they're engaged? How did this happen?"
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| (Some Shops In My Time) |
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Bar's lawyer heroically explains stripper pole shots to doubtful city council: "I think people are familiar with Photoshop, the Internet is a dangerous place"
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This gives a whole new meaning to the term "wine rack"
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Former Vice President Dick Cheney now has no pulse and needs to be plugged in at night
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Mexico City offers free honeymoons to newly married gay Argentinians. With picture of what Argentinian gays might look like
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| (The Pueblo Chieftain) |
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Who came off worse here? Not the bees, aaaaaah
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Doesn't it suck when you appeal your conviction of aiding terrorists and the appeals court judge gives you ten extra years in prison because he felt the first sentence was too light?
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Unidentified deputy 'accidentally' tases BP employee
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hazmat suits, gas masks needed to enter home of 'parent of the year,' 'pet owner of the year' candidate
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| (Some Guys) |
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Photoshop these men perched on a pillar
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Goldman Sachs gives up five sacks of cash to the Feds, gets 30 sacks of cash in return
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Letterman's blackmailer may become the first TV producer to win an Emmy from jail. As opposed to the TV producers who DESERVE jail, like the folks behind 'Jersey Shore' or "Wipeout"
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Friday Photo Fun: Subby wants them all to be D for ultimate Fark-worthiness
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pregnant inmate taken to hospital, escapes when they let her go outside for a smoke break while attached to a heart monitor (w/mugshot)
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Think it's cute to feed squirrels, or chipmunks some peanuts? Like to feed pigons scraps from your sandwich while sitting on a bench at the park? It could cost you $1,000 in fines
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| (TV by the Numbers) |
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Hulu 'overwhelmed' by demand for $9.99 subscription service, just like subby is 'overwhelmed' by number of late night phone calls from Scarlett Johannson
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| (KCRG) |
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So a van and a semi crashed there on I-80 ya know, and two roofers from Minnesota were drivin by and they seen a pregnant lady stuck in her van that was on fire. And did they smash in and save her? You betcha they did. And it was a beautiful day
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On this day in history, 1945: The atom bomb was successfully tested.The original budget was $6,000. Its eventual cost was $2 billion, which proves not much has changed since then
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Friends of the "Grim Sleeper" wonder if there weren't subtle clues to his nature that they should have picked up on earlier, like the detailed, violent fantasies for killing prostitutes that he constantly was sharing with them
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Bored with your day job? Get paid to watch turtles
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| (Itsa Croc) |
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Endangered animal is endangering local community and their pets. State officials: "Sorry. Try not to get eaten, ok?"
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These days you'll get more offers to make your penis bigger from Europe than from Asia
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When your family is famous, what would normally be an inane Facebook spat becomes front-page news
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Today's strangely incomprehensible headline: "Berliners flocking to death strip karaoke"
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If you're in a car full of fireworks, and you throw a mortar at people nearby, make sure the mortar actually gets out of the car
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Off-duty cop tases another cop to keep him from fleeing a fight with a pregnant women. Why, yes, alcohol *was* involved, why did you ask?
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Burger. Made. Entirely. From. Bacon. HNNNNNNNNNGGGH
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| (Some Guy) |
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You're Andy Dick, and your career is already in the toilet because you groped an underage waitress. Do you C) motorboat a random woman on the street?
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Gulf Coast residents aren't buying BP's claim that the oil geyser has been stopped. "It's a (expletive) lie"
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Tonight on ESPN The Ocho, "Dodgeball: Summer Camp Edition", where camp counselors punch kids in the face if they get hit with a ball
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"One soldier commits suicide every day." You'd think he'd have it perfected by now
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Kids: we wanna pray outside Supreme Court building. Court police: bugger off
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Nerf's newest gun is a fully automatic, battery-powered assault rifle with a bipod foregrip, gun shield, and extended magazine. When I was a kid, we had a ball
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FDA: "Why do black people like menthols so much?" Big Tobacco: "I don't know" FDA: "That is correct"
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25,000 new asteroids found by NASA's sky mapping; NASA reportedly worried that there aren't enough oil rig workers available to save us
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Paul Allen gives away his $13.5 billion fortune to the lazy and shiftless minorities dragging America down into the gutter. Thanks for ruining our country, pal
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Where the ƒ₪¢₭ do our currency symbols come from?
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Deputy mistakes biting DUI suspect flashing her breasts for "military aircraft firing weapons" (w/ you might fire a missile at that mugshot)
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Christ, I wanna God damned Sandwich. Someone please make me a sandwich
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Arsonist may have been confused by "Smokers Welcome" text on sign in front of bar. So they were kind of asking for it
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Elderly couple dies while stuck in a descending elevator; the scene will be tragically reenacted during their funeral
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1 in 5 British workers will feign illness to skip work, as opposed to 1 in 25 workers throughout the rest of Europe. "These are probably conservative figures, considering the number of people who do not admit to faking sickness"
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One sure way of being seen on TV is to climb the station's transmission tower
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Drew says Farkers will now need to pay 99 cents to register and use their real names when they comment. (That's not true, of course, but now you know how readers of a Massachusetts newspaper feel.)
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Headline: "scandals expose sumo's shady underbelly" but really, with the size of the beer gut on these fellas, isn't a "shady underbelly" more or less a given?
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Was it over when the Germans bombed West Vietnam? Hell no. Enjoy a history lesson with Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee
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EPA shocked to find that the West's largest toxic waste dump has tainted soil
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Rapper Too Short busted in Boise for brawling. Seems they frown upon bringing underage girls backstage in Idaho
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Ten ways to age like a Frenchwoman: Yes, number three says "No Soap"
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Earthquake rattles D.C., politicians looking for a way to blame Obama
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Primetime network TV to get raunchier after FCC smackdown. EVERYBODY PANIC
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'Sperm tree' spreads its seed in Toronto. Bring an umbrella
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Lady pulls into a driveway, urinates in the yard, slaps a little child, then gets back in her car and runs over a mailbox. Mom?
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| (some firey guy) |
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Photoshop this whip cracker
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No matter how entertaining the ads are, Old Spice will never make a comeback because "the smell of Old Spice is still absolutely disgusting"
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Stalking 101: Throw animal parts, used condoms, sex toys in the yard of your victim
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Iowa teenager gets a perfect score on the ACT, undoubtedly remains a virgin (w/pic of what someone who gets a perfect score on the ACT looks like)
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Last month was the hottest June ever recorded in the history of the Earth. Don't worry, because there was some snow over the winter, so global warming doesn't exist
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Man known to 'hide or hang out in enclosed spaces such as closets' found mummified under house 5 years after going missing
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| (WAVY) |
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5th grade teacher resigns after it was discovered she was rubbing "holy oil" on students and their desks during school
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| Thu July 15, 2010 |
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The FDA has voted to reject the latest weight loss drug. Get your lazy ass back to the gym, tubby
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It turns out the lady who lied about breaking her arm was neither carjacked nor performing a sex act on a stranger. She was stealing a laptop
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| (SF Weekly) |
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The top five BP oil spill conspiracies, starring Obama, the Kremlin, and the Bermuda Triangle
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Olive oil sold as "extra virgin" often is merely "virgin." Well, yeah, if you want get anal about it
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'Strap me down because I'm about to go psycho': Strangest non-Lindsay Lohan-related headline of the day
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: Elvis on Tour, the 75th Anniversary Celebration
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The Vatican says ordaining women is as bad as raping children. So it's okay, then?
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Two ugly-ass "chupacabras" killed in Hood County Texas. No word yet on elusive jackalope
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Man's property tax triples, so he tries to pay it in pennies. Government tells him to STFU and give them a check, because more than 25 pennies isn't considered "legal tender"
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| (Some guy from the intelligentsia) |
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"The Internet is a landscape of dilettantes and amateurs." Oh, yeah? Well, I'd like to see how quickly *you* can find macrofurry porn, snob
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| (Some Guy) |
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French police arrest four more in L'Oreal scandal -- because they're worth it
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You know how you never really appreciate something until it's gone?
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U.S. hands over last Iraqi prison. At least we got all those cool pictures to remember them by
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| (Trentonian) |
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Fark ready headline: "Hooker popped under the bed"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Glenn Beck: If Jesus was a victim and this theology was true, he would have come back from the dead and made the Jews pay for what they did (w/video)
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Poll finds 38% of Americans have never heard of bank regulation overhaul, and 33% have heard of it but had no clue what was in it. And now back to LiLo's fingernail, and Paul the psychic octopus
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| (Some Ad Guy) |
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Want to know how the Old Spice commercials are being made? First, you get a team of creatives, tech geeks, marketers and writers gathered in an undisclosed location in Portland, Oregon. Second.... eh, just read the article
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When a movie kicks off with a floating god head that pukes up guns and warns of the evils of penises, you know you're in for something special. A look at the best and worst of Zardoz
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Man swallows highly poisonous snake on a $2 bet
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It's a streetlight. A huge, really creepy streetlight thousands of feet above a Chinese city
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The Taliban is not training monkeys to shoot guns, but Taiwan thankfully didn't get the memo and made this news animation about it
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Oil no longer hitting the anus
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"Kidnapped" Iranian nuclear scientist claims the CIA tortured him, presumably by beating him with large bundles of cash
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In Canada, you can strangle your 14-year old daughter as long as she's a bit of a slut
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Not news: 40 year-old woman has sex with 14 and 15 year-old boys. News: her daughter walked in on them. Fark: police find out about it when one of the boys apologizes to her daughter in a Facebook post that is seen by his parents. Aristocrats?
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Video of female service member servicing five service members' members circulating Fort Bliss
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If a water truck catches on fire, will it put itself out before the gas tanker nearby explodes?
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| (Coney Island) |
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Photoshop this teen on a Tilt-a-Whirl
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And another country inches perilously closer to allowing sex with turtles
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Airline executive says luggage is "not essential" for vacations
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Authorities say woman claimed she was carjacked to cover up the fact that her car crashed because she was performing a sex act on a random man she picked up and let drive her car. Police unsure whether to charge her or give her a medal
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| (KPTV) |
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Jewelry taken from local JCPenney. Loss estimated at just over 'meh'
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| (Some Dutch Guy) |
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Highest court rules that farmer has to get Jesus off of his roof (with video of what the roof looks like)
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Arizona Governor Jan Brewer deports dozens of Australian guest workers
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| (Utah Stories) |
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TFer twoody's food blog is chosen as one of the best food blogs in Utah. Up next, climbing the highest mountain in Kansas, and beating a two-year old in the 100 yard dash
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Canadian Supreme Court upholds crimethink conviction
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How to use social media to get a job. Because if there's one thing companies want, it's stalkers who really know how to attention whore in 140 characters or less
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Head master accused of using riding crop on her client... sounds kinky... until you find out the clients were children at her daycare
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Leader of Utah Minutemen says it's okay that anonymous people who released a list of the names, addresses and SS#'s of 200 people they claimed were illegals, broke Utah law because they were "preserving our civilization"
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Archaeologists discover 18th century wooden ship at Ground Zero...presumably from the terrorists Barbary Pirate plot to destroy...ummm...the Dutch economic center
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| (Some Guy) |
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At twice the size of Texas, The Pacific Ocean Trash Dump could become the world's first recycled island. In other news, there's a Pacific Ocean Trash Dump that's twice the size of Texas
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Man hunting with friends accidentally shot in the buttocks. By his dog
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| (NBC 13) |
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Hi, I'm Troy King, you might remember me from such legal documents as this amicus brief in support of Arizona's new immigration law
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Why the most successful administration of the last 100 years is considered a failure
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| (Jeeves - BEER) |
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Open discussion: Your ideal beer butler - monkey or robot?
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That hot-sounding Australian Garmin chick that comforts you when you are lost ? Well, she IS smoking-hot, and is an accomplished pianist/singer with seven albums to her credit
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Stop me if you've heard this one before: FDA set to approve miracle new diet pill that lets people lose lots of weight, keep it off, and best of all, has no harmful side effects
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Woman throws out air conditioner. Guy: "OK if I take it?" Woman: "No problem." NYC Sanitation Dept: "That'll cost each of you $2000. And your car"
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Man hires friend to shoot him, unaware of just how good a shot he was
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Restoration of DaVinci's "Madonna of the Rocks" reveals new details, leading experts to hope they can identify which lunar crater it was painted in
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And the winner of the "least convincing excuse" is: Man stopped at the Canadian border tries to explain away the monitoring bracelet attached to his ankle by claiming he was wearing it to show "solidarity with Lindsay Lohan"
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| (WSB-TV) |
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Man attempts to discover new depths of the Bad Idea realm by mugging his parole officer
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Winston Churchill's false teeth up for auction. Rumors that they were lost in a poker game with Harry Truman unconfirmed
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Knock Knock." - "Who's there?" - "Fake FBI Agents" - "BANG"
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| (ZUG.com) |
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The Case of the Stolen Irish Cyber-Penguin
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Apple holding an iPhone 4 press conference on Friday. Here's hoping that they hold it correctly
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On Friday the USPS is issuing new stamps featuring newspaper comic strip characters. They have decided that the best way to honor something nobody reads anymore is with something nobody uses anymore
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Vatican tightens sex abuse rules: Condoms are now necessary and safe words must be used with altar boys under 12
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| (Some Guy) |
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Whad'ya mean I don't deal well with rejection? That's a scalping
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The saddest story about a guy named after Burger King you'll read all week
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| (wben.com) |
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New York man, 90, found guilty of beating his 89 year old wife with a hammer. He said the hammer was his second weapon of choice after he abandoned his first plan of just waiting for a strong breeze
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Foreclosures up 38%, but only 1% in California, because every home there has already been foreclosed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Did you hear the one about how the Treasury Department is going to give trial lawyers a huge tax break even though the legislation authorizing it never made it out of Congress?
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Lack of alcohol forces Swedish police to break off car chase. This would never have happened in Finland
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Bad news: "Foreclosures haven't peaked," according to RealtyTrac
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Good news: "Foreclosures have peaked," according to RealtyTrac
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Should you ever be called upon to rescue a man from a security van, consider this an example of how not to do it
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"Better Call Saul"
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"That means, basically, anybody that wants to steal a plane can"
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| (Lohud.com) |
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Israeli settlers evicted from illegal housing...in New York
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Muslim activist gets a green light to have shopping centers install stand up toilets for cultural reasons. You'll have a hard time filling his shoes
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Horny creature savages young man's groin. But enough about your Mom, this is a story about a British tourist being gored by a bull
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Today's 2000 gallons of spilled jet fuel brought to you by Sea-Tac airport. Officials consider limiting tanker trucks to three ounces or less
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Texas cop run over by his own squad car expected to recover. Car charged with attempted murder, resisting arrest, fleeing the scene, and driving without a license
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Photoshop this dummy for a demo
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| (Worcester News) |
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Boy tries to kill fish. Fish try to kill boy. Fish win on points
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested for shoplifting: Not news. Man posts bail using counterfeit bills, skip news and go directly to Fark - and jail
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Transsexual who downloaded child porn spared jail time because judge couldn't decide which penal laws were broken
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Woman goes three inches deep while attempting to purify herself in waters of Lake Minnetonka
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Water has an anti-immigrant bias
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Judge orders woman not to suckle her six-year old son, issues immediate restraining order on both breasts
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Liu Yi's Song-era Fu and Shou save Ganzhou in Jiangxi, says Wang Ronghong. Gesundheit
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Photoshop these boys with a truck tire
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 271: "Black, White, & Grey All Over." Difficulty: No desaturation. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 14, 2010 |
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"For the third time in five years, Halifax Mayor Peter Kelly has warned city councillors to curb levels of alcohol consumption"
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California State Fair unveils new fair foods, including chocolate-covered bacon, deep-fried scorpion, and python kebabs
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Step 1: Hose blood off sidewalk after sons deliver neighborhood beatdown. Step 2: Play Frontierville on Facebook. Step 3: Arrest, booking. Step 4: Play Cafe World on Facebook
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One town accuses another of dumping geese in their lake, considering ordinance stating the geese do not belong there
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| (ScienceBlogs) |
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Based on long term statistical trends, demographics predict that Christianity will be extinct in the United States in the year 2240
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| (Some Jersey Guy) |
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A suspicious device has been found in a car parked near a railroad overpass in Newark and if it goes off we can finally start rebuilding Newark
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Going from buying a used Saturn SC2 to sleeping at a homeless shelter hundreds of miles away from home, in a couple thousand amusing words
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Yeah, let's give Secret Service protection to a farking pine tree, because why the hell not?
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July 1: Iowa ban on texting and driving goes into effect. July 5: Teenager proves it was a good idea
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Your mummy's so fat, she needed to be buried in a double-tomb inside her pyramid
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| (Some IT Guy) |
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A fully 3D, high-res, zoomable image of the basement from the IT Crowd. This set contains more geeky references than the entire series of The Big Bang Theory. Also the writing doesn't suck
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The city council refuses to let you demolish a historic home. Do you: C) Break out the spray paint?
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"Here we are, you've got me into your house. You give me a drink, you put on music. Mr. Cable, you're trying to tax me, aren't you?"
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New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson to consider pardoning multiple cop-killer
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Do you follow the five-second rule?
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Mugshot of the week belongs to a guy in Tulsa who was a little behind on the rent
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| (Some Guy) |
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Oakland to officers: "As a thank you for your actions in preventing the riot last week from getting too out of hand, we're laying you off"
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Peter Jackson insisting that he won't work on a Hobbit movie unless it can be in theaters before the Mayan Apocalypse takes place (Sponsored link)
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Still struggling with a belief that you are dead? Maybe you can't sleep at night for fear you are missing organs. Alien hand syndrome? Sorry, still no cure
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News article up for country song of the year
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Photoshop this man with nothing to hide
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| (Some Guy) |
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Australian police launch scheme to get free porn by raiding an adult video store so they can "examine and classify" 13,000 movies
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| (ScienceBlogs) |
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Indiana public schools have banned certain websites, and one of these is not like the others: "Sites that promote religions such as Wicca, Witchcraft or Satanism. Occult Practices, atheistic views, voodoo rituals or other mysticism"
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The problem with Al Qaeda? They never give minorities the really good suicide bombing jobs
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| (ksl.com) |
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Not News: Mother pregnant with two fetuses. News: She also has two uteruses. Fark: One baby is five weeks along and the other baby is six weeks along
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So a chicken and an egg are laying together in bed together. The egg rolls over, lights up a cigarette and says "Well, that answers that question"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chasing college students with a chainsaw is all fun, and games. But when you try that with the sheriff's deputy, you end up looking like the provided mug shot
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Mike Tyson is only now finding out what the rest of us have known for almost 20 years
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Not even an oil spill can get Mississippi on a T-shirt
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Over the course of nine hours, Seven thieves steal several thousand laptops from the US Special Operations Command, in full view of several security cameras. If only SOCOM had some sort of access to some sort of elite or rapid reaction troops
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Worst Korea deploys armed robots to defend border, find Sarah Connor
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| (Orange County Register) |
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A lap dance is not so much better when the stripper pepper-sprays you
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No musical history would be complete without examining Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, as well as the other Muppet bands
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Two hipsters give advice on Facebook netiquette
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Do quails on crack make risky decisions? Now, there's a $181,406 government grant to "identify the psychological, social, and cultural' effects of their cocaine-enhanced sex drive
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A gallery of quotes from Republican politicians who have shown their compassion for the out-of-work hobos of America
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It really sucks to hide your weed and forget where it is. It's really cool to find the stash after 2,700 years
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Generation X is going to live forever. Eat lead Strickland
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May: Man beaten and robbed in front of his house. July: Man stabbed and robbed in front of his house. Okay, who else thinks this guy should move before September comes around?
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For those of you too poor to fly right now: The seven most ridiculous pool gadgets in SkyMall
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People who are rooted in their beliefs couldn't care less about what facts are presented to them. Or, "Why subby refuses to talk about religion or politics with any of you"
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Lost Charlie Chaplin film found at antique sale to be shown at film festival
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| (Some Hominidae) |
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Not news: Five individuals try and kick their nicotine habits. News: A couple are sent to rehab centers to get the monkey off their backs. FARK: They're Chimps Bonus: Orangutan
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| (Reading Eagle) |
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Man gets shot in the head, drives self to hospital, calls the other ER patients pussies
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French chefs seek to re-establish their country's cuisine as the global leader and prove that it's not all about overpriced lamb kidneys in heavy cream sauce served by a surly waiter
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| (www.meeja.com.au) |
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Doctors say baby that excretes nails may have odd diet. Either that or baby's dad isn't really the acupuncture specialist he says he is
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Woman finds kidney donor on Facebook. 73 people like this story
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Iowa political group posts billboard with picture of Obama. Everyone who sees it says it is full of God and Win
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Canada infiltrated with toxic weed, and not the fun kind either
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If you plan on visiting New York City and getting the ever-awesome MTA unlimited pass, be aware that MTA now defines "unlimited" as "3 rides per day"
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| (Some Guy) |
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They're kitties, and they're quoting Mel Gibson. This is what the internet was born to do (NSFW Language)
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The flucuating value of the European currencies against the Zloty is a great hardship for Polish blacksmiths who specialize in making custom suits of armor for the troops massing for battle at Grunwald field. No this isn't a repeat from 1410
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Well at least BP is cleaning up its mess safely....wait what?
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Advertising watchdog bans advert depicting Mary Queen of Scots as a Zombie. Doubtless she would be turning in her grave, had she not clawed her way out of it last week to hunt for brains
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| (Bangah Daily News, Ayah) |
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Former President George H. W. Bush differentiates himself from his son by losing his way in a fog that exists OUTSIDE of his head
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thief steals blind man's phone. It's not like he could hear it ring anyway
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Lawyer spews $1 million challenge on Dateline NBC if anyone can prove him wrong, now being sued by the guy trying to claim his prize
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Romanian model launches "beautiful people" party with a promise to tax fatties and mandate that only hot girls in bikinis can work as tourist guides
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A presidential commission examining technological disasters discovers that sh*t happens
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Baltimore hospitals are considering drive-through lanes for shooting victims
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Study that showed violence against women increases on soccer match days used flawed, cherry-picked data, as replays show every single documented domestic violence incident was actually flopping
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TX police insist that deaf man they got to confess to the assault of a 5-year old girl is really guilty and it's pure coincidence that a fingerprint found at the scene matches a man wanted in 11 similar crimes
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The good thing about dying this year is that George Steinbrenner avoids the Federal Estate Tax which could have cost his estate close to $500 million dollars had he died in any other year
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Poster combining Mickey Mouse, a naked woman and a Swastika draws criticism in Poland. Still it's good to see a FARK Photoshopper getting some attention
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Gorillas play tag like humans. Except when they tag, it's like being hit with a 2x4 swung by Mark McGwire circa 1998
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| (Some Guy) |
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Civilian market for unmanned drones not taking off
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kate Gosselin may have faked work permits for her kids to be on television
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| (Journal-Courier) |
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Car drives entirely through one mobile home, smashes into another causing hundreds of dollars in damages. Pink flamingo casualty count at 15
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| (wtsp.com) |
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What does a guy who tries to steal $129 in sushi look like? This
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| (The News Tribune) |
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Today's FARK-ready article: Sailboaters moon Washington state ferry
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Six Flags employees visit on their day off, attack Porky Pig. Th-thee-a-th-thee-a-th-that's all folks
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Researchers find privacy flaws, penises, in Chatroulette
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For some reason, the NAACP thinks that just maybe, the Tea Party movement condones racism by its members
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Old and busted: Seeing the Virgin Mary in your toast. New hotness: Seeing Tinkerbell in your fireworks photo
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ACLU asks mayor of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, to stop starting staff meetings with a prayer. Unless she's praying for guidance on how to keep the city out of bankruptcy
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Ordering a pizza makes you qualified to screen people for bombs
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Not news: Cow Crowned Dairy Princess; In Udder News: Most Farkers Would Still Hit It
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| (abc-7.com) |
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Remember that kid whose hand was bitten off by an alligator over the weekend? Local residents are back swimming in the same watering hole. Here's your Fark tag
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Belfast: "rioters aged 8 to 18 - backed by crowds of girls capturing the mayhem on their cell phones for posting on social networking Web sites." This is not your Da's Troubles
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Barack Hussein Einstein got all coked out on the reefer pills with an elitist moonbat professor while at Harvard and they wrote a paper that said the Constitution is "relative" and discussed the meaning of double rainbows. Far out, man
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And the non-story headline manufactured to get the optimum knee-jerk outrage goes to
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Kraft takes power in Germany. Nestlé complains of vote rigging
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Woman who's won the Texas lottery 4 times for a combined $21 million dollars (at odds of 1 in 18 septillion), just also happens to be a total recluse who doesn't want any publicity at ; which is totally not suspicious in any way
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Quick reminder: Libraries do not lend out maple syrup and mayonnaise, so don't try to return said items in the book drop. Thank you
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According to a new survey, as many as 1 in 5 doctors knows of a doctor who is too drunk or drugged to work safely, yet 1/3 of them haven't reported this to anyone. And they wonder why their malpractice insurance premiums | | |
