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| Sun June 06, 2010 |
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Using the credit card of someone killed in a plane crash several months ago is generally not recommended, especially if the card belonged to a friend of a deceased Polish president and you're a Russian policeman
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Man arrested for swimming in BP's latest oil storage facility
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Grabbing the butt of a police officer's girlfriend? That's an executin'
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Radio in WWII RAF station continues to play broadcasts from the 1940's, even though it hasn't had power in years
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Fire up the popcorn: School district argues with doctors over the diagnosis of a child with autism. "I don't even want him in my classroom to be honest with you."
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Photoshop this phone race
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BP won't even bother to calculate how much oil their well is releasing into the Gulf of Mexico, but they sure seem to be able to come up with a number for how much oil they're capturing
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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While in Maine speaking on behalf of medical marijuana, Montel Williams had to stop talking because of the pain. Then Cumberland County Sheriff Mark Dion said, ""Montel, why don't you just take your medicine?"
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Tucson criticized for replacing parallel parking with bicycle-friendly back-in parking on busy city streets, confounding motorists. "They're having such a hard time parking already. And they're terrible backer-uppers"
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ABC takes a poll "Would you date a short man". After reading the results, subby is glad he is six foot eleventeen
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When asked by reporters whether she was scared when a snake started coming out of her car's air conditioning vent a Texas woman said ________?
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| (KOTV) |
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Oklahoma soldiers train in bee keeping, basket weaving and goat slaughtering to round out their skills in beer drinking, hog calling and whittling
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♫ I went back to Ohio / But my city was gone / There was no train station / There was no downtown ♫
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| (Some Guy) |
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Guy admits to kicking teen to death, but says he can't be convicted because he's a "19-year-old high school student planning to go to college". Apparently he's not going for a law degree
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest photos of abandoned high-density urban sites you'll see today. BONUS: no slideshow
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Congratulations to Rush Limbaugh for protecting the sanctity of marriage for the fourth time
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There's now a push to make the Chicago River clean enough to swim in
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bored with simply destroying trailer parks, Northwest Ohio tornado takes on the entire Skyline Mobile Home manufacturing plant and wins
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41-year-old New York woman arrested, charged with adultery for fornicating on public park's picnic table. "The 29-year-old does not face adultery charges because he was not aware the woman was married"
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Photoshop this method of meeting
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Whatever happened to the good old days when zoos would dress chimps up in zany costumes and stage shows where the primates drove little cars, played baseball, teased their trainers and performed other vaudevillian stunts?
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For those who doubt the existence of Internet Rule #34, we present cricket sex videos. "Males not only sing to attract females, but actually set off on 'mating safaris.'"
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| (WDHD Boston) |
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Woman sues town for ticketing her Mercedes while it was illegally parked in a handicap space. Cause it was raining and her arm hurt and stuff
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Florida Governor Crist tells would-be travelers "Oil won't ruin your Florida visit." Correct. Your decision to visit Florida ruined your vacation
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Claims that Rice Krispies help kids' immune systems go snap, crackle, pop
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If a teacher molests a student and no one is there who can hear it is it really a crime? The answer apparently is yes
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Old and busted: jobs with benefits. New hotness: contract work
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Dad gets arrested after going all old school on perv who texted pics of his junk to his 17-year-old daughter
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The ten best candy stores in the country. It's not news, it's ABCNews
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| (Historynet) |
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Order of the Assassins was the most lethally effective terrorist group the world has ever known, and it continues to inspire today's nutjobs
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New York schools raise test scores...by giving credit for sort of being in the ballpark on 2 + 2 = 5
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Tinfoil hats are all aflutter with the news that UVB-76 has stopped transmitting. Aliens, return of Atlanteans or even Agarthans is imminent, dammit people don't you know when to PANIC?
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Hey wait dude, I totally got this
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| (MOOB) |
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Ninety percent of you may have breast cancer
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Cop who delivered fawn from dead deer, revived with mouth-to-snout resuscitation, bottle-fed to ensure survival could be facing charges. Bonus: fawn has now escaped
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Beachcomber finds something on beach other than oil
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Remember when the only people you had to worry about in New Jersey were goombas and Mafiosa?
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| (WGME13.com) |
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Family upset that the neighbor woman likes to walk around her yard topless. "Gross. You don't want to have to look at that." WARNING: Naked neighbor shots
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| (Some Guy) |
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66 years ago today, the brave men of the American, British, Canadian, French, and Polish forces were able to secure a beachhead in Normandy, and kept Eisenhower from having to deliver this letter
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Always remember: elderly yacht club members have the right of way when they're driving on a dock
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Photoshop these clashing competitors
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Elderly man leaves a pot on the stove, returns home to find secret service waiting for him
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| (Some Guy) |
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Everybody on TV has been reading the same newspaper for years
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For the first time, the percentage of Americans who perceive "gay and lesbian relations" as morally acceptable has crossed the 50 percent mark. NTTAWWT
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To aid with the oil spill clean up a professional baseball team: A) Pitches in with cleaning up beaches. B) Donates money to help with the clean up or C) renames Batting Practice to "hitting rehearsal"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dyslexic student wins poetry competition. Your god wants Keats
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Cmfudimfz Qbsl bsdijwft up hp pomjof
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Nude snorkelers try to set world record for the most fish scared away
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Prison visitor's attempt to smuggle a cigarette lighter, rolling papers, golfball-sized bag of tobacco, tattoo ink bottle, eight tattoo needles, one-inch smoking pipe and a small bag of pot damn near killed 'im
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♫ Step by step, heart to heart / Left right left, we all fall down / Like a Scottish guardsman ♫
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American craftsmanship isn't dead yet
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Female victims of Navy doctor convicted of molesting them furious about his sentence. What? Seven days in the brig isn't enough for you?
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| (Some Facepalming Guy) |
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Not content with damaging the Gulf's marine ecosystem, BP's Texas City plant leaks 500,000 lbs of toxins into the air
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Since apparently we're all not naked enough, here are tips to up your Naked Quotient. Subby just upped his. Up yours.
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| (The McDowell News) |
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Four charged in auto parts theft. Reportedly building a '49, '50, '51, '52, '53, '54, '55, '56, '57, '58, '59 automobile
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hey bicyclists... that cell phone may become illegal
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"The prostate massager has to be my favorite invention because it's been a greater help to everyone." Says the inventor who had too much time on his hands
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An obese bird who ate too many sausages is now too fat to fly. It will now be sent to birdie boot camp
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| (Some Guy) |
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Protip: If you escape arrest at a court house, do not come back the next day, even if you wear a hat as a disguise
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| (Some Guy who took I-84) |
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Nude man "yelling that he was Jesus" causes six-hour traffic jam on I-95
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Porn actor suspected of murder jumps off cliff, dies after daylong stand-off with police
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A Delta Airlines flight attendant was arrested when she checked in her 9mm Glock with her carry-on bag. There was no explanation for her carrying the gun, except for the fact that she was flying to Atlanta
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| Sat June 05, 2010 |
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Of all of pressing issues in America today, we must answer the important issue at hand, was Barack Obama an extra in the "Whoomp, There It Is" music video?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bad day: Your car breaks down on the side of the road. Worse day: The friend you called for help robs you at gunpoint
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If you dressed your pet pig in a scarf and let it wander along highway 401 during morning rush hour, the cops would like a word with you
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Beekeeper suspected of stealing from rivals nabbed in police sting
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Man with transplanted liver arrested for DWI at 7 times legal limit, responds later "I definitely traded up"
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U.F. says F U to zombie escape plans..no joke
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Photoshop this dervish dance
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Greenpeace activist harpooned while freeing tuna, fishermen say not to worry since it wasn't done on porpoise
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Smokers: forget about quitting
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FIFA blocking condom distribution at World Cup venues. Because encouraging safe sex in a country with the highest number of HIV carriers is just stupid
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Further proof that the Aussies are either the coolest, or craziest people on the planet. Sydney held the world's first concert performed for dogs. (lacking a crazy tag, I'm going with cool)
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Much like most of the Internet, the media has learned that an esteemed international expert on volcanoes is no expert at all and his research center is a pink trailer in the middle of the desert
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Lifeless body of Bruce, the star of "Jaws" found near Los Angeles
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| (CBS 11) |
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X-treme NIMBY: "Do you think I want a $200,000 home next to my house? Absolutely not"
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In a shocking turn of events, new study reveals Americans trash the environment and don't give a rat's ass
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Interracial marriages reach an all-time high in the United States. One step closer to the world consisting of everybody being a lightish-brown yellow color
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| (Army.mil) |
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Iraq vet hiking 7,000 miles across nation to raise $5 million for military families
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teachers, mechanics and engineers are the taxman's top three targets this year
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I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my environmentally-righteous, weed killing spout
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"Virgin Sacks Staff Over Internet Porn"
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| (Some Angry Canadian) |
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Canadian Copyright Bill: "Sure, you can back up your music for personal use. Just make sure those copies can't be used on anything that'll make sound"
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Four out of ten Americans admit to having smoked pot, herb, grass, weed, Mary Jane, reefer, Aunt Mary, skunk, boom, gangster, kif, ganja. The rest never inhaled
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| (Mork) |
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Little boy now living in Russia flew here from Mars after nuclear war burned the planet and killed most of the population
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man's luggage arrives at airport ahead of him, has a wire sticking out of it. So the obvious thing to do is blow it up, right?
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| (Some Photographer) |
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Photoshop these masquerading women
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If you're going to commit a crime, try to do it in Aspen, Colorado, home of the "community jail, where, if your son or daughter goes to jail, you're comfortable with it."
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| (News-Leader.com) |
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The timely arrival of the police really took the air out of student ballon pranksters' plans. They should have realized the caper could blow up in their faces
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New Ferrari theme park will sport a 240 KPH Formula One rollercoaster. One catch, it's in Abu Dhabi
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Possibly a streetlight
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"Many carried red umbrellas, a symbol of the global movement, while others made statements with T-shirts reading 'whore power' and 'sluts unite'." Giggity
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"Britain's ugliest cat" gets a new home just in time for Caturday (w/pic)
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Thinking about boycotting BP? They're not the worst. "Imagine an Exxon Valdez happening every year for 50 years."
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Off-duty Chicago cop who was caught on video downing five shots before getting into his car and killing two people has all charges dropped, walks away scotch-free
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Dogs could be used to detect prostate cancer, but first scientists have to do something about the cold nose
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, home of the luckiest 4-year-old in the world
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: Rejected ideas for Xtreme sports events
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Anamika Veeramani of Ohio outlasted 274 competitors to win the 2010 Scripps National Spelling Bee. Her path to glory - epiphysis, nahcolite, mirin, osteomyelitis, juvia, stromuhr
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Enjoy the tastier side of war at the Conflict Kitchen, where they serve up menu items from the countries that the U.S. is currently in conflict with
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| Fri June 04, 2010 |
| (KUT) |
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Gay pride parade protested by gay organization angry that it has become supported by the community and too family-friendly
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Southern California high school facing disciplinary action for participating in a game called "Beat the Jew" in which losers were subjected to "incineration" or "enslavement". What? Is that wrong?
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Evangelicals believe oil spill is god's punishment to those of insufficient faith. So, why is the spill hitting some of the most religious states in America?
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| (KRTV) |
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Judge extends workers compensation for a Montana man after ruling that while smoking marijuana before feeding grizzly bears is "ill advised" and "mind-bogglingly stupid," it was not a "major factor" in his mauling
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In North Korea, police confiscate property at will by declaring it as having been used in a crime, without having to prove it. The seized assets are then sold for a tidy profit. Just kidding, North Korea wouldn't do that -- it's the USA
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Tree lover can't get a vanity license plate reading 'PINUS'
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Unlike the dolphins, pelicans, and turtles in the Gulf of Mexico, BP CEO Tony Hayward remains "unscathed" by this unfolding disaster
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How much would you pay for a house with 12 bedrooms, 19 bedrooms, an 11-car garage, 20 flat screen TVs, a wine cellar that holds 3,000 bottles, and a full-sized basketball court?
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| (Some Guys) |
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Photoshop these four horsemen of the eponymous town festival
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Ivy League schools in China have almost as many Asian students as Ivy League schools in the US
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Cops can now enter homes without a warrant if they say they heard a dog inside barking in distress
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| (OTB) |
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If you're willing to eat a low volume, low protein diet, you could live a long, miserable life
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This week's Mugshot Roundup cracks open with some buttcrack, then things get weird
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BP has been fined £47m or 600 illegal mp3 downloads, by the US government
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Deepwater Horizon Oil Plume Summer Gulf Tour has added a fourth state
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| (azfamily.com) |
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Unlike everybody else, global warming refuses to boycott Arizona
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Weaponized Flying Zebra Chaser
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Füror erupts over German national soccer team members not singing the German national anthem
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Woman has son kill cow over beef with neighbor. US DA willing to cut choice deal in return for testimony and udder considerations
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| (Toke of the Town) |
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The city of Detroit may see a major population boom come November
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Calif. politician drops f-bomb on camera...and says he'd f*cking do it again
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It doesn't matter how long the lines are for a port-a-potty at a Dave Matthews Band concert. It doesn't mean you can pee in a mop bucket inside a beer stand
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Hundreds of Jehovah's Witnesses planning convention at a public arena will personally hand clean it before all 6,000 members arrive to worship, knock on your door
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Philly Beer Week, also known as the best 10 days of the year, kicks off today. If you can drink a beer at every one of the 875 separate events, you win a free coffin
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Trial rescheduled because elderly male juror confessed he wore a condom to court because he was very arroused by the evidence and testimony concerning two teenage girls who were sexually assaulted
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| (Some Guy) |
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Proving the New World Order conspiracy theories at Denver International Airport are coming true, a 26-foot statue of the Egyptian god of the dead is erected next to the main terminal
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| (The Weekly Vice) |
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Guy superglues friend's eye and ear shut as a practical joke... Get it? Ha... You don't get it?
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BP's next attempt to stop oil leak is to "close the leaking valve"
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| (Some Florida Chick) |
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Bad: Someone steals your identity. Worse: They rack up $19,000 in credit card debt. Florida: $9,000 of it was for bolt-on boobs
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| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop this zapping chamber
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Remember the opening scene in "Saving Private Ryan" where the captain takes over the beach breakout? That really happened, and the guy's name was Brigadier General Norm Cota
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The 6 most impressive cases of identity theft ever pulled off
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Friday Photo Fun. Match the arrestee with the crime for which they were busted. Contest ends at 6pm Eastern
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Four-day school weeks gain popularity across US states Captain Obvious
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67-year old school janitor stalks teenage girl. Claims all those keys were for her heart
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| (Springfield Republican) |
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Having sex with 15-year old actress and asking her to describe the experience may or may not be a good coaching technique, but it is not, technically, a legal one
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"Furious" Obama heading to Gulf Coast for spill update. With picture of what a furious Obama might look like
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Sometimes being Jesus can be a drag
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Ugly ass baby Golden Palace born in New Zealand wildlife park
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Parents not really happy that McDonald's offered free Cd with purchase of Shrek glasses
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This guy must have been thinking "Okay, I'll just break in, grab the shiat, and get out"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this concerned BP CEO
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Simply the most beautiful collection of aerial photographs you'll see today
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| (wtnh.com) |
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"I am an atheist and I shouldn't have to be subjected to have to go to a religious place to see my daughter graduate"
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Heads of Swedish nuclear power plants propose adding armed security. In other news, Swedish power plants are guarded by men without guns
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If an inflexible planning commision won't let you use your land the way you want, there is only one answer. Build a strip club without their knowledge
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Pre-op transexuals find loophole in obscenity laws, go topless at Delaware Beach. This article is just fine without pics
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| (Some Guy) |
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Once more, for those of you who may have missed it: If you get shot with your own gun while robbing senior citizens, you should rethink your career choice. Tag is for your new guidance counselor
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Photoshop this track and field event
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| (Newson6) |
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Gym tells woman to go be fat somewhere else. If only there was some way she could lose that excess weight
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Sensitive story about male genital research undermined by doctor's amusingly appropriate name and a rather unfortunate photo, possibly demonstrating some kind of glandular condition
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Israel politely delivers all the humanitarian supplies seized in the raid earlier this week to Gaza. Hamas politely tells Israel to DIAF and GTFO
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Miss Ellie, 'World's Ugliest Dog,' is dead at 17
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Waffle House employee survives without serious injury after clinging to hood of car when three teens tried to leave syruptitiously without paying
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| Thu June 03, 2010 |
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Blind photographer's photos to go on exhibit in Edinburgh Art Festival. At least that's what they're telling her
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One must be a true lover of beer to drive 400 miles for one
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Look at these farking Japanese hipsters (Not safe for work-ish ads)
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| (Naples Daily News) |
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Smoking gun: 62-year-old woman accused of shooting roommate after argument over ashtray
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Officer of the Year arrested for disorderly conduct after showing a female motorist a picture of his penis. No, really, he was Officer of the Year
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| (Some Icy Hot Guy) |
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Photoshop these tourists
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| (Some Guy) |
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Why does it seem that you always get the shopping cart with the wobbly wheel, or the one with the two dead bodies stuffed in it?
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The most depressing pictures of the oil spill you'll see all day, courtesy of Boston Globe's Big Picture
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News:Van der Sloot suspect in disappearance of Natalee Holoway. Not News:He claimed to be innocent. Fark:He will tell you where her body is and how she died for $250K
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| (The Augusta Chronicle) |
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WWII Vet graduates from high school... "I've got to do it before I pass away," said a spry Livingston
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If you are missing a prosthetic left leg with a Willie Nelson sticker on it, the Jacksonville Beach Police are asking you to hop on by
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Complaining that the English language is to complex, and being unable to spell "biauriculate", protestors picket the National Spelling Bee
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Next time you feel stupid, remember this fellow, who was the third founder of Apple and sold his 10% stake in the company for $800
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Study finds that treating one's kids like precious snowflakes has just the effect on them you'd think it does
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| (Some Guy) |
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World: "Israel, since you've done nothing wrong, you don't mind an investigation? It'll be open and shut, right?" Israel: "STFU and DIAF"
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19-year old US citizen killed during the flotilla raid was shot four times in the head at close range and once in the chest
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Man has his clock cleaned by a BBQ grill scraper, police say this is a rare occurrence
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Serial-killing Dutch punk gets Chile reception from authorities
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this mirrored masterpiece
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Attention, hipsters: Freecreditreport.com needs a new house band
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Man drowns giving swimming lesson to his son, who evidently should have chosen a better teacher
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Distribution company admits what we already knew about celebrity sex tapes
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Bud Selig: "No." Bonus: announced this while Detroit and Cleveland were in the middle of playing their next game
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Son of MLB umpire who blew perfect game call reports that his father has received death threats (w screenshots from son's Facebook page)
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Catholic bishop stabbed in Turkey. This is not a euphemism
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| (Courier Press) |
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Don't be a p*ssy -- this creepy portrait photographer who works exclusively with underage girls looks legit
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Video of an ugly ass giraffe born at the Jacksonville Zoo. It will haunt your dreams
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"WHO says H1N1 still a pandemic." I don't know. You tell me
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Wildlife rehab center volunteer gets fatally mauled by lion that was eager to show off how rehabilitated it was. (With "awww" pre-mauling pic)
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Scam artist tells police the little dolls found in a shrine in his home with pins sticking out of them that look like prosecutors and U.S. marshals weren't voodoo dolls; he's a spiritual acupuncturist
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Titanic director James Cameron calls BP execs 'morons.' At least someone with authority knows what's going on
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"GIMME ALL YOUR MONEY and some of that there Geritol. Dagnabit."
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| (Some Guy) |
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"The keys were in the vehicle, but, unbeknownst to the thief, the brakes were not"
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With some of the worst health outcome statistics in the nation, Mississippi seeks to emulate a far more sucessful healthcare system- Iran's
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| (Online Athens) |
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BP now claims that miles-long oil plumes deep underwater don't exist, presumably because fairy dust sprinkled from flying unicorns turned it into Perrier
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83rd National Speling Bee kicks off in Washington
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California has 13 percent unemployment and a $19 billion budget deficit, but the state legislature has plenty of time to ban plastic grocery bags
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New marketing ploy works great for grocery, not so good for OB/GYN
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Betty White to star in the remake of the "Golden Girl"
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Five true war stories that put every action movie to shame
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IDF says ship is not on a diplomatic mission from the Emerald Isle, maintains the blockade is fully operational and that fear will keep the local systems in line
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News investigation reveals the US-Mexico border is actually one of the safest spots in America
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As she looked out of her window, she saw James Burden stark naked with a cigarette in one hand and his genitals in the other
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Ad placed for a job opening tells people who are presently unemployed "Not To Apply"
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Mud + beer + trucks + girls = Redneck Yacht Club. With pics
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Police department fined after uppity black man turns out to be uppity black former judge and state civil rights commission member
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You can't fire me, I quit. Can I keep the handcuffs to use on my son?
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48 states to adopt common standards of learning for their schools. The holdouts, Texas and Alaska say they'll join if students are required to identify which species of dinosaur Jesus rode, and why Jefferson was anti-American
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Navy successfully shoots down aircraft with giant frickin' laser, showing off America's expertise at launching sharks
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Picture unrelated
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Oh by the way, while you weren't looking, they made it illegal to record police in public where there is no expectation of privacy. For your safety
|
| (Some Graduate) |
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Photoshop this celebrating senior
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| (Some Guy) |
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"The mere fact there was a wedding going on gave him the motivation to expose himself"
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"Clearly, there was inappropriate touching; that was obvious during the cleanup of the dances"
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Every time you play video games, this guy kills a kitten
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| (Some Gator Rag) |
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Old and busted: raising money via speed traps and red light cameras. New hotness: raising $1.5m/year ticketing motorists for failure to yield to pedestrians
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| (Fox Toledo) |
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Police officer who resuscitated a newborn fawn back to life after its mother got hit by a car gets honored and given an award. Just kidding, he might go to jail and lose his job if he doesn't give it to wildlife services
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| (Lowell Sun) |
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Seniors caught with marijuana banned from graduation after police chief warns school committee "What if it's a small amount of heroin next time?"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Deputy lassoes and arrests 8-foot long alligator. "I don't think a Taser would work on an alligator"
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| (Yoda man) |
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Ever wonder what happened to the Star Wars kid? He's grown up, gotten therapy and is getting a law degree to sue the sith out of you
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's one thing to crash a wedding, but crashing a funeral for the free food is just sad. "He had a backpack with some Tupperware containers, so when people weren't looking, he was stocking up."
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Hazing in college is fun. Hazing when you are the city's transportation manager will get you on Fark
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| (Observer) |
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"Maroon Chevy Impala, you are NOT, I repeat NOT cleared for takeoff from the airport access road" (you'd better believe there's a video)
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| (Perfectville, USA) |
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State police are looking for a man with a mullet in a bright purple belly shirt and "Daisy Duke" cutoffs
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 265: "Macro Bugs" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed June 02, 2010 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this man taking his mustache for a walk
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Man spends five years visiting all 700 bars listend in the Good Beer Guide, says it was "worth it." Well...obviously
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| (Kiplinger) |
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The ten best cities to start a career and enjoy life. Unfortunately, it would mean moving to Iowa, Kansas, or Washington
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gulf coast fishermen stage protest with boats, are promptly raided by Israeli commandos
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Swiss Supreme Court rules that Texas hold 'em is a game of luck, not skill. But you played your pair of sixes correctly after calculating pot odds while intimidating others with your hologram sunglasses
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Sure, they look funny, aren't stylish, and have a stupid name. But wearing Crocs may save your life if your faulty hairdryer gives you a massive electrical shock
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Ted Haggard once again looking to comfort Colorado Springs with his rod and his staff
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Last week, all Chicago fire trucks, engines, and ambulances were equipped with donated pet resuscitation masks. Yesterday, the lives of 2 dogs and 2 cats were saved thanks to the new equipment. Hero tag for all firefighters, everywhere
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| (Jellystone Journal) |
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Park rangers can pinpoint eruptions of Old Faithful geyser with nearly as much accuracy as lightning strikes can pinpoint park visitors
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The worst call in the history of baseball. You will not believe this happened
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Of all the cultural touchstones (trucker hats, black-framed glasses, wallet chains) made preposterous by self-conscious hipsters, only one remains unscathed, unsullied, and still gloriously, unapologetically uncool
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Resident of Spotsylvania County, Virginia convinced that Sasquatch is in area. "All the things they would need are here, fresh water, shelter in the woods. The high concentration of sightings tells me they're here"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember that time you drank beer with your friends on a boat and caught fish? Well that's bad and you should feel bad for doing that
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Six well-intentioned ways you are ruining your dog. Your dog wants you to read this
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It costs San Francisco $140,000 to dig up and move a shrub, and $35,000 for "support" services from geological, botanical and climate experts in preparation for its new home less than a mile away. Now we know why California is bankrupt
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The oil spill may have a silver lining: Obama proposes rolling back billions of dollars in tax breaks for oil companies to fund clean energy research
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Dutch 22 year old Joran van der Sloot is the prime suspect in murder of young woman. This is not a repeat from 2005
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| (The Frisky) |
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News: Male pornstar goes on a workplace rampage killing 1 and wounding 2. The money shot: He used a movie prop
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Photoshop a fix to BP's oil leak
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Drunken fight ensues over a discussion about demons. With pic of what a responsible adult looks like
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Anti-Semitic: Flipping off a bus full of Hasidic Jews on the Garden State Parkway. Anti-gravity Semitic: Bus full of Hasidic Jews flipping off the Garden State Parkway
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| (Some Guy) |
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House for sale: 4 bed, 2 bath, 3 acres, fireplace, sun room, whites only, detached garage. Wait.. what? A sun room?
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OSHA statistics show BP ran up 760 "egregious, willful" safety violations, while Sunoco and Conoco-Phillips each had eight, Citgo had two and Exxon had one
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Everyone help CNN find the "Good Side" of the oil spill
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Tough gun laws prevent UK shooting spree. Wait, make that: Tough gun laws FAIL TO prevent UK shooting spree
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"I didn't plagiarize. The [other] student who wrote the assignment for me did"
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You can now be ticketed for "appearing" to be going too fast
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Your girlfriend breaks up with you. Do you: A) move on? B) write her a letter expressing your emotions? C) sneak into her house, blow it up, and emerge from the rubble laughing like a maniac?
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| (Scalia...and some other people) |
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Look to the person on your right and left. If you can name one of the U.S. Supreme Court Justices, you are better than they are. But you already knew that, didn't you, ya big lug you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Israel fired first, without provocation, and deliberately. According to Israeli Parliament member
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Latest trend for US craft brewers is "sour beer." That means beer aged in wood barrels with special yeast and bacteria, not Keystone Light left in the sun all day
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In addition to "calls" and "customers", AT&T finds a new thing that they can drop
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Police seek information about person of interest in colon disappearance." So far they've been SOL
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Supreme Court to rule on whether Fred Phelps and the WBC have a constitutional right to burn in hell
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Drunk and naked is no way to drive through Iowa City, son
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In a shocking turn of events, Israel has rejected calls for an independent probe into Gaza aid flotilla incident
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| (KENS-TV) |
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Remember that "drunk" band director who supposedly left his students stranded? Turns he wasn't drunk, he was ejected for breaking up a fight and now the kids want him back in school
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You know a trial is going to be circus when the defendant's own lawyer admits he can't control his client -- and the judge sternly warns the defendant that he will not allow "head-butting" at the trial
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Al-Qaeda wants you to know that they've already replaced the number three guy who got killed yesterday. And the new guy is better, smarter, and faster. And if you kill him, they've got another guy who's even better then him. So nyah
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Cigar belonging to Sir Winston Churchill expected to fetch £1M at auction, substantially more than cigars belonging to Bill Clinton
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BP succeeds in increasing the flow of oil into the Gulf by 20%. Go BP
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Actors get all the girls and all the perks, but noooo, you just kill two people and it all dries up
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That guy in the thread talking about how he doesn't watch TV, pays cash for everything, walks to work, and leads a perfect life wasn't a troll. He was a "simplicity guru," and you should pay him now
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Serbian artist sets new record for the longest time spent sitting down and doing nothing, narrowly beating the previous time recorded by a member of the Teamsters
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If your girlfriend's dad comes to the door holding a shotgun, it's probably just for show. But if he's holding a samurai sword, run
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The last thing you expect to see at Arby's is a 67-year-old man masturbating outside, but it happens
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Real police investigate virtual theft of virtual furniture
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"If you're going to have marijuana in your bra and drug paraphernalia in your car, don't wear a marijuana T-shirt while speeding"
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No, we aren't racist, we just don't accept applications from white people
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fight at retirement home leads to death of one resident. Chuck Liddell must be serious about making a comeback
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this helicopter
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Drunk, half naked in a tree is no way to be caught by the "Parent Party Patrol", son
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Motorbike champion, 76, with one eye, an artificial hip and a pacemaker says he has nothing to lose
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Farkin' knives: How do they work?
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Your airline security might need improvements if they issue a plane ticket for Osama Bin Laden
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Illegal immigrants count towards US census tallies... even if they're in detention facilities awaiting deportation
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US high-level nuclear waste continues to be stored in temporary above-ground casks, which are temporary much the way your brother-in-law sleeping in the guest room is temporary
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Cigarettes are more cancer-y than previously thought
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| (Experience Project) |
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Help me, I'm a whore
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While you may think it's common sense to put your important tax documents and child support paperwork in a flood-proof container, the state of Illinois didn't think so, and now thousands of files are damaged and unreadable
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Scientist mathematically proves giraffes can swim. Up next: can pigs fly?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these guys and their mine hunter
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You don't have to get your wisdom teeth taken out, except when you have to get them taken out. Hope this helps
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After a man goes blind trying to descend Mt. Everest, his fellow mountain climbers risk their lives making sure he made it back safely. Just kidding. The abandoned him and left him to die
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| Tue June 01, 2010 |
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Unemployed food critic on foodstamps, finds Wolfgang Puck's Frozen Pizza "doughy with sad vegatables and dry cheese"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Three Germans killed in Allied bombing. This is not a repeat from 1944
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Man with .32 BAC charged with DUI, improper use of children as hood ornaments
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James Bond's original Aston Martin is up for sale, complete with a bulletproof shield, oil jets, and smoke machine. If this can't get you laid, nothing will
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So last decade: Flesh-eating bacteria. New and hot: Flesh-eating cocaine. This blows
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Look, that V-22 Osprey is landing, that's so cool. Wow, those rotors are kicking up quite a OH MY GOD IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP
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"Top Kill" having failed, federal officials solicit ideas for capping oil spill from such noted experts as... "Titanic" director James Cameron?
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Among the "humanitarian" aid found on the Gaza flotilla was a cache of therapeutic bullet-proof vests, medicinal gas masks, and prescription night-vision goggles
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Actual headline: "Summer will be cooler, unless it's not." But we could be wrong. We're not sure
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The ass-hat of the week award goes to...whoever torched 20 flags on Memorial Day
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Someone finally decided to modify a real BP sign in NYC to reflect the company's current state
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Photoshop this ballot breakout
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| (Some Guy) |
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Couple finds that writing "no dark skinned children" on an adoption application isn't going to get them to the front of the baby line
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Woman follows Google maps walking directions completely, and gets hit by a car. So of course, she's suing Google
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BP finally ends oil spill - Just kidding, actually they've given up
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Special Report: Inside BP's War Room, which is being run by Donald Rumsfeld, apparently
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Scientists develop vaccine that could eliminate breast cancer from occuring, and stop it in its tracks if it's already formed. Still no cure for fake boobies
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Man in serious debt who received harassing, vulgar, racist calls from collection agency, is now no longer in debt
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| (Some Guy) |
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Seven week old fetus found in vegetative state turns out to be real vegetables
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Greatest TV character ever is....just who you think it is
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| (Some Math Savvy Guy) |
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And now, from the opinion pages of a poorly produced, and horrifically edited small town news paper... "Theoretical Physicists need to get a real job"
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Not good: Somebody steals your motorboat. Really not good: You go looking for it in your helicopter and crash into a Scottish loch
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In today's sad story of a life altered forever as the result of the oil spill in the Gulf, BP CEO Tony Hayward wishes he could have his life back. Poor Tony
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Gary Coleman four feet under, getting Down at the special ed dance, and the politically-correct term Palin-Americans: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 5/23 - 5/29
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Oakland artists create large tea cozy to cover up "T" in local sign, noting that it's a tight-knit community. City officials not amused
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Farkworthy headline of the day: "Glenn Close can say incest, vagina and bipolar"
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I'm not saying that BP is pessimistic about getting this spill contained soon, but they are spending a whole lot of money converting old barges into floating hotels each capable of holding hundreds of workers for months at a time
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Al Gore concedes erection
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Man lost in the Saskatchewan wilderness saves himself by chopping down several power poles thus forcing SaskPower to send a crew to fix the downed lines
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| (Some Guy) |
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Family gatherings will always been awkward once you find out the pregnant woman you're living with after meeting her in a nightclub is really your sister
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This is about individual freedom, specifically, the freedom to chase a round of cheese down a hill (w/ video)
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| (popcrunch) |
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Seven household items you didn't know could get you high. Toad skin, for instance, is kept in copious amounts at submitter's house for this very reason
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Furniture mover check list. Moving truck, check. Hand cart, check. Brass knuckles, check
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Car stolen by authorities in order to prevent it being stolen by todgers
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Cops: You have a right to remain silent. Arrested Suspect: .... Supreme Court: Because the Arrested Suspect didn't say anything, he didn't invoke his right to remain silent. Everyone: WTF?
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Cementheads who took out mortgages they couldn't afford are now defaulting on purpose and using that extra money to have fun instead. On behalf of the rest of us, screw you
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What if Jaws was made today? It would star Sam Worthington and Samuel L Jackson, with a cameo by Justin Bieber. Oh, and everybody gets an extensive backstory
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| (Some Trio) |
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Photoshop these hat-holding plank-walkers
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| (KENS-TV) |
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Band director takes out the band to Six Flags for some end-of-school-fun, then gets kicked out for being drunk, leaving 40 students stranded
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Five female Al-Jazeera news anchors accused of not dressing modestly enough because they wear make up and show their hair
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There are photographers, and there are war photographers. And then there are great war photographers. Brace yourself
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this bendy Barack
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| (KPLR) |
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"He pulls the air duster out of his seat and he hits it and I go no, no, no not in the car"
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs trying to swim the English Channel?
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The driveway may seem like a nice cool place to take a nap at 2 A.M., but it is not recommended
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| (Orange County Register) |
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Ex-NASCAR driver finds God, cleans up act, plans comeback. Just kidding, he was arrested hours after his release from jail
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Photoshop this spying soldier
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First Gary Coleman, then Dennis Hopper, and now the *third* ranking officer of Al-Qaeda is dead
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The fat lady is about to sing for the Sydney Opera House
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Air Force pounds MILF lairs with rockets." Your mom reportedly unharmed
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Sports & Leisure: What game creator died at age 59 on Memorial Day, 2010?
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