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| Sun May 16, 2010 |
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Remember those teachers in Rhode Island who were fired because they were terrible? They were just rehired
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| (Big Pond News) |
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Some bored guy constructs $30,000 Victorian-style dog house complete with white-picket fence, vaulted ceilings, hardwood floors, central air, and flat-screen plasma tvs
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A man has been found guilty of harassment after he dumped a bag of 'killer slugs' in a neighbor's garden. It's a sloooow news day
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'Most Interesting Man in the World' now deemed even more interesting than before
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Oklahoma farm where the movie Twister was filmed devastated by real tornado
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| (Some Guy) |
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Haven't you needed a little something to help you deal with kids? A little something like Suboxone, Xanax, Tramadol, and crunched Lortab and a selection of plastic drinking straws and scissors with pill residue
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Scientists expect Eyjafjallajokull to settle down soon and return to dormancy. Just kidding, they say it will continue its eruption for the next several decades
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Earning a college degree before graduating from high school? YOU'RE DOING IT WRO-- um, that's actually a pretty good idea
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It's a sheep. No, it's a pig. Nope, it's a sheep pig and its meat is going for $83/pound
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Girl chooses to walk down the aisle with fiance instead of father at her wedding. News: Article makes its way to AOL front page. Fark: Gets over 500 hate comments
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After rumors back and forth all day, the Associated Press confirms that Ronnie James Dio has, in fact, passed away
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Researchers claim being bad at relationships is good for survival. If that's true, subby will survive Armageddon
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British "safari jet" fully equipped with back porch
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Photoshop this metro station stuntman
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Huge oil plumes found under water in the Gulf of Mexico. In other news, oil does not always float on water
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| (Lincoln Journal-Star) |
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Two men arrested for hunting squirrels within city limits. However, they weren't using guns; no, these genius Nebraskans were using blow darts and a bow and arrow
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| (Some Guy) |
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Apparently, police can now break into your house without a warrant if they think they smell marijuana coming from your windows
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| (IT News) |
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German man fined $164 after neighbors use his unsecured Wi-Fi to illegally download music
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BP successfully inserts tube into gooey hole, starts rapid pumping
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Cell phones, which maybe caused cancer, then did cause cancer, then did not cause cancer, then was suspected of causing cancer, then found not to cause cancer, now linked to cancer. Maybe
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Thieves are targeting street signs named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Police plan to throw the good book at them
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Gotta love the Japanese. Mystery wedding theater 3000 (pic)
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| (Somer Sanders) |
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53 year old woman to swim the 981 miles of the Ohio River to bring attention to women's issues, like swimming the Ohio River
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Before 1938 you would never read a sentence like "I ate a cheeseburger on the expressway going to see my senile grandmother mud-wrestle in her nylons with a thermonuclear-war obsessed photojournalist"
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Doctors are seeing more cases of 'Google-itis' where patients surf their symptoms and self-diagno...Holy heck has that thing always been on my elbow? I wonder if Wikipedia knows what it is?
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The Royal Navy would like to inform concerned citizens that it does not maintain any form of central repository of information purely devoted to sea monsters
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If you think you have been cursed by voodoo please do not call 911
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While UPS and FedEx require pilots to have at least 1500 hours of flight experience before they'll left them fly boxes across the country, regional passenger airlines can hire pilots with as little as 250 hours of flying experience
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'Yeild to bikes' street signs removed in Nevada
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"States have less money for prison construction, meaning more incarceration has to be outsourced"
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Employees don't get full pay due to budget cuts, file grievance, win $30 million back pay, learn they won't get back pay for 18 months due to budget cuts
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| (Some Guy) |
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Beer from all over Africa
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Photoshop this Turtle bomb
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this older photo of Farker spidermann's kid on the phone
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I love you, Buddy
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94-year-old woman earns college diploma, doesn't seem too worried about repaying student loans
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As if striking out during a high school softball game isn't embarassing enough, coach makes girls who do "drink soda out of a shoe" as punishment. Bonus: During team slumber party
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The latest safety device that may actually kill you?........*rolls dice*........seatbelts
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Health food magazine under fire for airbrushing sandwiches onto emaciated model
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Headline: Calif. investigating high school strippers. Fark: Because the assistant principal was making young men prance around in speedos
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Recent poll: 49% of Coloradans believe pot should be legal. Coming soon: why 51% of Coloradans just don't get Pink Floyd's music
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this huge head
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| Sat May 15, 2010 |
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Why the world should be more like New Zealand
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Shiat your kids have ruined, besides your sex life
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Canadian F-18s escort Cathay Pacific jet from Hong Kong into Vancouver on suspected threat. In other news, Canada has working F-18s
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Blind woman abandoned on United Airlines. But it's okay, they gave her a $250 voucher
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Parents enrolling kids in drug trials in exchange for money, which will probably end up being spent on therapy once they get older
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Former star of Food Network's "Calorie Commando" arrested for trying to recruit homeless men to become assassins. Looks like Food Network has found their next reality show
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this balanced tuber
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News: Grafitti artist Banksy tags an old factory in Detroit. Not news: the wall is promptly stolen. Fark: by an art gallery
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And to think, just yesterday believing a giant corporation disperses roving vans into neighborhoods to monitor citizens' activities through Wi-Fi would have gotten you a prescription of Haldol
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| (Some Guy) |
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Arizonians plan to boycott places that are boycotting Arizona. The circle is now complete
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pittsburgh has innovative program to drive out gangs and drug dealers. Fark: with bees
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Two of Fark's favorite topics have combined. In Florida, red light cameras are now legal
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Subby doesn't remember 'Pinky and the Brain' being so awesome
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Construction worker wins $38 million dollar lottery. But not with the tickets from his work lottery pool, of course
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10 vacation destinations perfect for Farkers & Farkettes
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Silent movie organist, who was still accompanying movies at restored Tampa Theater, takes celestial gig at 107
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Township Supervisor vows to fight topless bar: "We have to prove he's doing adult entertainment. We'll try to get as much information as we can get about what he's doing."
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Hint to researchers: people who buy wine in a plastic bottle or by the box are not going to store it longer than it takes to get it out of the bag
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Ric Romero reports on new trends for family cars: "Parents say they want space, comfort, safety, and reliability in the next family car they buy"
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Canadian Navy to mothball half of their entire coastal fleet, unsure of what to do with the remaining couple of ships
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Elementary school principal tells a parent to "eat shiat and die." For some reason, this upset the parent. Bonus: You'd hit it
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Abraham Lincoln's nomination party bash 150 years ago: "Torrents of liquor were poured down the hoarse throats of the multitude.''
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| (KOAM TV) |
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High School dance instructor teaches the horizontal bop (with a portrait that won't be in the yearbook)
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Boston officials worry that mere $15 million of homeland security funding will be inadequate to recreate 1-31-07
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| (wfaa.com) |
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Returning soldier's $300,000 home (owned free and clear) sold by HOA for $3,500 because his wife missed $800 worth of payments to the HOA while he was gone
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Taco Bell launches an inexpensive salvo in the cheap food wars: $2 value meals
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Most love triangle stories don't feature a chin shooting, a fake identity given to cops, a damaged minivan, and a sawed-off .22-caliber rifle. This one, however, does
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I don't want there to be any miscommunication about my cheese"
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Guy who cheated death seven times and then won the lottery, gives away his winnings. "All I need at my age is my Katarina. Money would not change anything"
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Photoshop theme: Rejected Bond films
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| (Some Local Newspaper) |
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You're a young city councilman seeking state office. Do you C) get arrested on suspicion of possession of marijuana and cocaine along with violating probation
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28 wedding guests perform the Y-Ohm-C-A
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| (dailybreeze.com) |
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Kitten fits right into mama dog's litter of newborn puppies. It looks like everyone's gonna have a doggone good time this Caturday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Corporate world still isn't comfortable with tattoos. "It's understandable certain businesses want to present a certain image, and tattoos are still associated with deviancy, criminality and being on the periphery of society"
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Caption this DS duo
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So you probably heard about that mosque some Muslims are building near Ground Zero. But had you heard what day they have the Grand Opening scheduled for?
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Skilled police department in Boulder, CO suspect alcohol might be involved with a man standing at an intersection wearing nothing but women's panties on his head
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Obama sends in Bruce Willis and his lovable group of oddballs to stop the oil volcano in the Gulf
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this protruding pavilion
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| (thecabin) |
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Add this shirt to your list of things NOT to wear while soliciting sex from a minor
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| (StarBulletin) |
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11 year-old Florida boy wins Samoan Fireknife Championship in Hawaii after learning skills from watching YouTube videos
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| (Djelloul (Del) Marbrook) |
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Cyberspace is changing how writing looks
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Rare mating of guinea fowl and chicken produces hybrid with four wings. (w/ pics of ugly-ass monstrosity)
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| Fri May 14, 2010 |
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Census worker shot at by lawyer who supports the tally ban
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Judge accused of sexually harassing four secretaries in 16 months, openly campaigning for Democratic candidates, seizing little girl's jewelry for court costs
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| (Nice Geography, Moran) |
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Chicago's WGN news department demonstrates their firm grasp of geography (screengrab)
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FBI: Walter Cronkite may have aided anti-Vietnam War protesters
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While other celebrities and pundits wail and gnash their teeth about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, Kevin Costner shows up with his own oil extracting machine and rolls up his sleeves with the locals to help clean up
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Grandpa mixed up his ballots and bullets. Must be time for the Mugshot Roundup
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You hear that sound, Japan? That's the sound of the rest of the world facepalming at you
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| (Chronicle of Higher Ed) |
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Protip: If you spend four years in Army ROTC and realize near the end that you are, in fact, a lesbian, don't tell your commanding officer or you'll have to repay the money the Army spent on you
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Men originally developed thicker foreheads and jaws due to fighting over women, now find need for thicker wallets
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In search for fugitive, FBI asks people to keep an eye on older women with differently sized breasts
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Photoshop this performance piece
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Turns out that pushing everyone to go to college was a bad idea
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NY Times: Here's a profile on a 32 year old web developer who obsesses over his net worth, which he posts online (now $200k). Fark: He lives with his parents. Fark: With his extensive Mega Man action figure collection. Not news: Still single
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| (Some PA Dutch) |
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Amish girl becomes adult model. Cool story, Brethren
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farmer killed when tractor rolls over him. An autopsy is pending, but at this point police suspect he was plowed
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IBM and Indiana suing each other, presumably over which is the more boring institution no one pays attention to anymore
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| (WQAD) |
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Iowa family must exhume their deceased brother so he can be beheaded, says district court, Judge Kurgan presiding
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14-year-old boy arrested for shooting his scoped-.22 rifle at a big, yellow bird with distinctive "Fairfax County Public Schools" markings
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| (Some Guy) |
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"BP Says 'Top Hat' Will Be in Place Next Week in Gulf." TOP. Hat
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Don't want to take D.C. statehood seriously? Fine, how about we shut down all commuter routes into the city
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Teen's double life may have led to her death. Well, not both halves. Just the "exotic dancer that smuggled dope across the border" half
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| (Wis State Journal) |
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Milwaukee home and warehouse contained alligators, turtles, rodents, snakes, spiders and a chicken
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| (tmj4) |
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Exotic animal expert: "Anacondas are alarming" Oh My
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Soviets were all set to nuke China in 1969, until Nixon stepped in and threatened to biatch slap them
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States refusing to participate in program for more school funding because they're tired of hearing how bad they're doing
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| (Honolulu Advertiser) |
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Hawaii residents camp out overnight to get permits to camp out overnight (to get permits to... oh, nevermind.)
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Surfing liberates and heals amputees, confuses the living hell out of sharks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tired of stumbling home so drunk that you can't open your own door? No? Well, there's a keyhole for that, anyway
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| (Lancaster Online) |
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Woman adopts a wild finch, and having the pet helps her through some tough personal times. So the state game commission gets a search warrant and seizes it. "It was an illegal act, and the animal had to be removed"
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Third eye blind
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| (Some Guy) |
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Grandmother, 37, with child in car arrested for DUI. Damn straight it's Florida
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Oil spill could be capped by June 1. June 1, 2013, that is
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50 years later, and we still can't get a laser attached to a shark's head
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How bad is the economy in Arizona? One city there wants residents to pay an extra $45 if they want their streetlights on at night
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Iranian cleric doubles down on his "sluts cause earthquakes" claim, says the reason the West hasn't been hit yet is because God is saving up for something really nasty for us
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Truck decabitated after colliding with train in Detroit
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BP says it will attempt to siphon oil by drilling into broken riser. Also looking for volunteers to take the first few mouthfuls
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Miss U.S.A. hopeful downplays sexy lingerie photos. She must have meant "downloads", because that's what submitter is doing right now
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"Pakistani Taliban say America Will Burn". Well, maybe it will smoulder like a wet cigarette if their track record is any indication
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| (Some kid) |
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Photoshop this game of hide n' seek
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Fark's weird news quiz. How many can you get correct?
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Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour doesn't believe in oil spills, or the periodic table. "Let's go water-skiing, y'all."
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Secrets to a successful interview: Every few seconds, cut away from the interviewee to show hot women dancing in skimpy outfits (sponsored link)
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The beverage industry would like you to know that a tax on soda will devastate society, bring ruin upon your family, bankrupt the world, and kill you. Or something
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Old and busted: Socializing the losses. New hotness: Offshoring the profits
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Police use spike strips to stop sleep-deprived truck driver. He was hauling energy drinks
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| (Solihull News) |
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Counter-terrorism officers arrest man for... climbing a mountain and stealing falcon's eggs. This is not a repeat from 1325
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| (Some Guy) |
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Arizona artists release hip-hop video protesting new immigration law. STRAIGHT OUTTA PHOENIX
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Final launch of Atlantis countdown proceeding as planned
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TSGs Friday Photo Fun: Each one of these criminals is employed. But where? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern
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No matter which party is in charge, you can be sure the little guy will get screwed. Congress considering Liquor-wholesaler-drafted bill that would limit wineries and brewers from directly shipping their products to consumers
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| (The Week) |
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The 5 most disastrous Supreme Court nominees. Democrats? Pot Smoking and sex scandals. Republicans? White Supremacy and ineptitude
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A silver lining to climate change? There probably won't be an invasion of alien lizards this century
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Post writer asks the tough question: Is America a nation of busybodies? Hey, buddy, you seen the bodies around here lately? They sure as heck ain't "busy"
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Iowa City's library unveils new "self service" station, which will severely cramp your attempts to awkwardly flirt with the librarians
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| (Some CT Farker) |
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CT Fark Party, 5/15/10, 7pm, Eli Cannon's in Middletown. LGT location
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If you're going to climb on to a woman's balcony with a video camera make sure her UFC fighter husband isn't home at the time (with beat up mugshot goodness)
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New Zealand's Prime Minister jokes that native tribe might eat him for dinner. Tribe leader says joke was in bad taste
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Dutch woman spends 45 years tending to the grave of a British hero she never knew: "He gave his life so people like me could live free and happy. It was the right thing that he should be respected and remembered"
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Investigators trying to determine how a 3500-pound bank safe fell off a dolly and killed a man. Wile E. Coyote unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pirate persuader
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| (Some Guy) |
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24-year-old woman impales herself on a door handle. Should have used the knockers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man finds himself left with the ex-wife's wedding dress after she refuses to take it. Instead of tossing it, he does what any self-respecting man would do and finds 101 practical uses for it
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Nobody panic: a hurricane going over the gulf oil slick would only create a light mist of oil covering everything
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| (WPIX) |
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Strippers rally in support of pole tax to keep local after-school programs open. Who could possibly have problems with that?
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5,000 barrels a day - No wait - 25,000 barrels a day - Oh 80,000 barrels a day Ah Ah Ah I Love to Count
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While in orbit, Chinese astronauts eat dog meat to keep their strength up and their senses as Shar Peis possible
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Of all the things you don't want to happen on a vacation, "spider biting your penis" has got to be right up there
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| Thu May 13, 2010 |
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It's like the European version of "Hey, hold my beer and check this out"
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80% of parents don't regret naming their baby something we all laugh at on the inside
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Japanese prime minister commits political suicide by wearing a shirt last seen on M.C. Hammer
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I learned yesterday that TFette DieselChick passed away recently at age 30. Please see DIT, Link goes to obituary
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16-year-old girl from disadvantaged background joins her high school's club crew team (with picture showing the magnitude of her disadvantage)
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Photoshop this scoreboard scene
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"One protester blessed his cohorts' corn cobs"
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| (ABC26) |
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News anchor at the end of a story about a medical procedure to enhance a woman's sexual experiences: "I guess she's enjoying penis a lot more these days." (Sorta Not safe for work )
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| (KRGV) |
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"I was very frantically...like a drowning man reaching out in all directions for help...not knowing what to do where to," says disabled man who wishes now he hadn't been quoted
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| (Shadowlocked.com) |
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Remember that time you hit Vegas, ate some bad buffet shellfish, threw up for a couple hours, and missed the Blue Man Group show? Here are 10 reasons to consider yourself lucky
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Russian man gets four-year prison sentence for trying to help US Americans in our nation who don't have maps, like, such as the cruise missiles
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"I don't like it, it's too quiet." That's a cliche in horror movies, but it's what's happening right now with Al-Qaeda's communications
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| (KSAT) |
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"When I grew up, I learned that the 'heroes' of the Alamo were a bunch of drunks and crooks and slaveholding imperialists who conquered land that didn't belong to them"
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After 40 years and $1 trillion, the War on Drugs has failed to meet any of its goals
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Friends set up fund to help former Vanderbilt football coach George MacIntyre, after Nashville floods force him from his home in the worst disaster since the 1979 Vandy football season
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Colombian cocaine production fell to an 11-year low in 2009, after Lindsay Lohan switched to meth
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| (Some Guy) |
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It turns out that BP had the wrong diagrams for the BOP they were using. Well, trying to use
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The flying car has arrived...the landing car, not so much
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Transocean doesn't think that a silly little thing like ownership of the failed oil rig should make them liable for cleaning up the Gulf oil spill
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| (Fairfax Times) |
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Seventh-year senior will be the 21st college graduate to wear his family's graduation gown
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Pair of ugly-ass rare, white otter cubs debuts at the Blue Planet Aquarium. Prepare yourself for the awww-someness
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| (Capital Times) |
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Stealing the penny jar from Mt. Zion Baptist Church is just like stealing from Jesus
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If a woman is wearing makeup, just go ahead and presume that she already has herpes
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Actual headline: "3d man now faces murder charge" What a relief
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this multicolored mantis shrimp
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After accidentally-on-purpose bumping off Somali pirates, Russia opts for a similar zero-paperwork approach to Moscow subway bombing suspects
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| (The Agitator) |
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Columbia, Missouri Police Chief Ken Burton's response to outrage over viral drug raid video: "I hate the Internet"
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| (Daily Tribune) |
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Michigan man wants his life to be like a movie, unfortunately chooses "Cheech & Chong's Nice Dreams"
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School: Your son's suspended for drawing a stick figure with a gun. Mom: He's autistic and doesn't understand what he did, let me try to explain it to him. School: Okay, in the meantime we'll have him charged as a terrorist
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Kyrgyz regional offices stormed, vowels confiscated
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The City of Los Angeles, which actually has a larger population than the entire state of Arizona, votes to join boycott over AZ's new immigration law
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Female teacher fired for beating off 13-year-old male student. Did I say off, I meant up, sorry, force of habit these days
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Virginia moves to protect its southern border
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Art display designed to stop anti-Muslim hate crimes is defaced with anti-Muslim epithets. That's allah of irony
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Gay group demands apology from Newsweek. Get in line buddy. Behind investors, readers, grammar nazis, graphic artists, marketers, and people who run out of toilet paper
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Even though you're from Niger, don't speak or understand a word of English, and are driving around central Pennsylvania with $151,000 in the car, the cops still can't take your money for no reason
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Emerging evidence from BP's oil rig seems to point the finger of blame for the accident at US regulators, particularly some French guy named Laissez Faire
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In a statement guaranteed to offend nobody, Catholic priest says the church pedophile scandal has been distorted by the media -- because it's controlled by Jews
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Employee of fire safety company worries his job may be in danger after he accidentally burns down a five store shopping center while installing a fire safety door. Gee, you think?
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Nine contractors indicted on charges of illegally accessing Obama's student loan records. Unclear if they found a brith certificate in the records, or which of his social security numbers they used to look him up
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| (Naples Daily News) |
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Child counterfeiter: Police investigate boy for trying to pass fake $1 bill to buy mom a Mother's Day gift
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As of June 13, Little Orphan Annie will be kicked back out onto the cold streets. And her mangy dog, too
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Thai crisis mounts as government snipers take on helpless redshirts. I think I've seen this episode
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Boy who survived Libya crash doing well, except for that little "my entire family is dead" thing
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New falling pole numbers released from inside the beltway
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Apparently unable to get anyone to do it for free, NBC now set to bribe people to pretend to like their shows on Facebook and Twitter
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| (Some herald) |
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25 years ago today, Philly cops evicted a bunch of luddites living in squalor in a way no police force had ever done before or since: they dropped a big ass bomb on their house and burned down the entire block
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I'm sorry, I ordered a beef burrito, and a meximelt. You mistakenly gave me someone else's order of cash
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Gay-hating activist who toured Europe with a gay male escort resigns, rather than leave his friend's behind
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UN reports that fungi could reduce the Afghan opium crop by a quarter this year. In all honesty, he really doesn't sound that fun at all
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Lotso Hugs
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Awesome works of art made from office supplies
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Man battles for life after eating slug on a dare
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Tiger penis found at Auckland Airport. There was a golf tournament in New Zealand?
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| (Journal-Star) |
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Walton man accused of firing guns during argument with family. 'night John-Boy
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The best pictures of disaster unfolding in the Gulf of Mexico you will see today
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Upon further review; Walgreens decides not to rip off stupid people for profit. Damn you, liberal media
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Photoshop this united front
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You're a police officer drinking with your friends, in uniform. A fellow officer asks you to tone down your rowdy behavior because citizens are recording it on video cameras. Do you C) Kick his ass?
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 262: "Happy Farktography Anniversary 5". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 12, 2010 |
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A crowbar, a scientist, a meme, and why the geeks are the saviors of the internet
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this bear battle
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Easily the single most hilarious gallery of haircuts given to poodles by loonies. Easily (warning: slideshow)
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Swedes launch youth condom drive and rubber band give-away
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Green Party politician dies falling out of tree
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| (Some Troop Leader) |
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Come on, if you had to drive 40 miles with four girl scouts in your car, you'd drink, too
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Don't worry. The enormous, glowering, bald, naked man tensely huddled in the corner will not attack you. Probably (Not safe for work)
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Gang now keen to "meet" wannabe initiate who bashed four-year old. So that worked out well for him
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| (Some Guy) |
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Code Pink wants the US government to nationalize a British company
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| (Some Guy) |
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Russia: "We freed the pirates, the ocean killed them." Somalia: "We didn't know the ocean left bullet holes"
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| (HandsOnNashville) |
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Nashville needs skilled volunteer electricians etc to help get things back to at least semi-normal. If you can help, click on link for details
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If you're one of the 50,000 or so people that pirated "Hurt Locker," prepare to be sued
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Home Depot: "F*** this inventor. Let him sue us." Jury: "He sued. You owe him $25 million instead of $4 million. Home Depot: "Doh"
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Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger starts Christian MMA clothing line. What Would Dinozord Do?
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New feature for link-sharing: the Farkbar. Fark: working to integrate bars and Fark since 1999
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Condition of 3 Oklahoma tornado victims upgraded to alive
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What to do if you become an internet meme. Hey, those photos is MINES
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How fast can John Kerry go from outcast to popular on Fark.com? Beer
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Female escort beats valet bloody with stiletto heel. Fittingly, attack occurred at Scottsdale's Hotel Valley Ho. With mug shot "goodness."
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| (KOLO News 8) |
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Nevada town erects "yeild" sign, which was as much of a hit as their "Scool Zone" warning a few months ago
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B-Bob N-Newhart, uh, uh, *ahem*, c-c-celebrates, uhh, *ahem*, uh, fifty, uh, years in show, uh, fifty years in uh, uh, *ahem*, show uh, business
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British man has charges amended because it was possible that he was having sex with an octopus rather than a squid
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Noted photographer and ChatRoulette improv pianist Ben Folds' photos of the devastation in Nashville
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News: Egyptian man arrested at airport for having weapons in his luggage. Fark: After arriving in Egypt from New York
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Teen who used cucumber to smoke pot now wants to make a dill with the DA
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Michigan city is ranked as the safest and healthiest metropolitan area in the country. No, not Detroit. What are you, an idiot?
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Somali pirates, who apparently don't watch the news, hijack a Greek ship. Ransom expected to be in the tens of Euros
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Five most half-assed apologies for historic crimes. Australia establishing a "sorry day" ain't going to cut it for unleashing the Bee Gees unto this world
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Austrian Bishop goes coo-coo bananas and makes the crazy suggestion that maybe if the church didn't demand celibacy of their priests, they would attract more normal, healthy, men and less freaks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this suitcase full of cash
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Genetic testing kits capable of telling whether you're qualified to be an astronaut, CEO or a lowly janitor will soon be available at a pharmacy near you
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New Playmate of the Year keeps "dreaming about Anderson Cooper." Good luck with that, honey
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Truck filled with lingerie and adult toys stolen, emptied. Police looking for biggest baddest bachelorette party EVER
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| (Bradenton) |
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Two homeless men accused of killing a third homeless man, could face harsh sentence of being provided with shelter, clothing and food indefinitely
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Not comfortable with having lasik surgery? Why not staple lenses to your eyes?
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Tough guy gangsta assaults four-year old boy for wearing the wrong colour shirt
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| (WSMV) |
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Turkey hunter hits four students with single bullet. Good shot or bad shot?
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Too busy with your career to be a real mother? Why not try tele-parenting?
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In an effort to crack down on pot growing on public land, the Wisconsin DNR is asking hikers and hunters to mark their GPS coordinates if they find any large piles of empty Doritos bags or Oreos wrappers
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Man tweets about blowing up an airport, can't understand why the police didn't understand the joke
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Shoddy construction, lax permit inspectors blamed as several prominent government buildings in Rome are starting to crumble a mere 2,000 years after they were put up
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| (Some blogger) |
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Rubenesque TV chef teams up with zaftig state senator to rail against childhood obesity: "If your kids get too fat, we'll eat them," warns Rachel Ray
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| (Nevada Appeal) |
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Topless woman in a Corvette, driving drunk in a snowstorm, stealing booze from a store... and then Subby woke up. (Pic)
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| (Ledger-Enquirer) |
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In a bid to prove the urban legend, dumbass tapes razorblades to playground equipment. FARK: At the playground for the gifted kids. UltraFARK: Cunning plan was thwarted by a two-year-old
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All natural diet pills contain the Chinese supernatural. Could be super fatal
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Remember when Eddie Izzard wondered how you could tell a good giraffe from an evil one? I think we have an answer to that now
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| (Some Guy) |
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Inquest opens into what happened when the playful crime boss put an "empty" handgun to his head and pulled the trigger. Hint: he is no longer the head of the gang
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Miss USA Contestants pose in lingerie... Finally, a slideshow worth clicking through
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Kagan is so Manhattan, Scalia is so Queens, Ginsburg is so Brooklyn and Sotomayor is so Bronx. So is Alito Jersey Shore?
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Libyan plane crashes in Tripoli, over 100 dead. Only one child survives, who will be pursued mercilessly by Mr. Glass
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| (Some Guy) |
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Family of four killed when a sinkhole swallows up their home. This is what happens when you only remove the headstones before building your house on a cemetery
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| (Some Guy) |
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Couple sought after stealing KY and fat burners from local drug store. Someone's in for a long night
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When escaping from police while in hospital, you might want to wear more than just socks, ankle shackles
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Drunk guy dies from choking on pie, after bar patrons thought he was just going to vomit, so took him outside
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Photoshop this dancing machine
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| (WFAA) |
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Shooting during shooting of rap video sends three to hospital, adds them to list of extras
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Arizona governor not satisfied with pissing off Mexicans, decides to take a shot at angering every other possible ethnic group
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Turf war erupts, victim mown down. Lawn enforcement catch the old sod who did it
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| (Some Helicopter) |
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Not News: Parents upset that their precious snowflakes are viewing movies in school that depict sex, violence, drug use. Fark: Parents signed permission slips ahead of time, allowing them to do so
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| Tue May 11, 2010 |
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Not news: Car pulled over and man charged with DUI. News: Same car pulled over 10 minutes later and woman charged with DUI. Fark: 10 minutes later the same car pulled over and another man charged with DUI
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Russia declares Somali pirates they captured and then set free are probably dead since they failed to reach shore. "Dasvidaniya, comrades"
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Ten percent of Americans think the BP oil spill was caused by environmental saboteurs
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| (KSBW) |
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News: Middle school student's drawing termed "offensive" by art teacher. Fark: It's of the American flag
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High-end baby accessories made from razor-sharp stainless steel? "They must be from China," you think. And then you feel bad for assuming. Even though, of course, you're right
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Regina man perpetuates two Canadian stereotypes at once by calling 911 on himself, apologizing to police for driving drunk
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Photoship a real role model on a box of Wheaties
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Design student reinvents the Cone of Silence, which looks amazingly awesome. Would you believe marginally effective? How about irredeemably stupid?
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Earth may be too hot for humans by 2300. Suck it, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great-grandkids
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First Lady releases 70 child obesity recommendations. Unclear where "feed 'em less," "run 'em in the yard," and "taunt the little fatties thin" rank on the list
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| (Some Guy) |
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That buildup of methane-trapping ice which caused the giant oil condom to fail is now being blamed for the giant oil ejaculation
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SCOTUS: "That cross memorial on federal land can stay." Thieves: "Yoink"
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David Cameron appointed new Prime Minister of the United Kingdom by old lady with shiny headwear
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"Anyone who has been affected by the flood can come to the Paul Mitchell the School Nashville in Antioch to receive free haircut, shampoo and style services until 10pm Tuesday" Bonus: "Wang Foundation"
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Chinese Olympic judo champ blames pork chops for failed drug test, proving once and for all that there's no such thing as a JUDO CHOP
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America's 20 least-visited National Monuments. I don't care what you say, you've never heard of any of them
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Typically, a screwdriver is not part of the first aid choking protocol
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How to help Fark help mainstream media call attention to the flood crisis in Nashville. Also, Fark's favorite headlines for 5/2 - 5/8
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School board reacts quickly and punishes bullies who beat up disabled child then tried to steal his prosthetic leg. Just kidding, after the kid's parents complained the school banned the victim and his sister from riding on the bus
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News: Pope calls for recognition of "terrifying" truth of "sin within the Church." Fark: Then he connects the scandal to the Third Secret of Fatima
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Squirrel blamed for major power outage in Florida. Nuts
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Thief returns stolen beer because it wasn't cold enough
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| (Some Art) |
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Help this artist finish her mural
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Cincinnati to bring back streetcars. There's a dress code to ride: Men must wear a suit with a fedora, and dames can't wear pants
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Embarrassed victim of chimpanzee attack now looking for a new way to save face
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Man accomplishes the rare suicide-murder
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The Lord loves a workin' man. Evidently he also hates Detroit
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This just in from the Dept. of FAIL: Man arrested during traffic stop after cop finds pot wrapped in deferred adjudication order for possession of marijuana
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| (Some Guy) |
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Heroic woman grabs fire hose and saves apartment building. Bonus: She didn't realize she was topless
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The only thing worse than a Grammar Nazi is a Dictionary Physicist
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| (Some Guy) |
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Massey energy to buy bankrupt mine in Pennsylvania, and the UMWA has a problem with that
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Protip: When chopping a salad, make sure that wild carrot from your garden isn't actually hemlock
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Latest dubious health fad for New Age goofballs is "halotherapy," a fancy name for sitting in a room coated in salt
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Sorority girls get in trouble for sex, puking, bad behavior. How hot is that?
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Getting caught fapping soon to be extra embarassing as the newest issue of Playboy to include paper glasses for viewing the "3-d" centerfolds
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If a man knocks on your door at 11 PM and claims to be collecting donations for an unspecified educational group, you can safely assume that it's a hoax
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Woman says she has a jelly candy of a man fondling himself (picture of candy possibly Not safe for work or Willy Wonka's Candy Factory)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest pictures of Iran before the Islamic Revolution you will see today
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If you only read one story about a wheelchair bound lawyer with cerebral palsy molesting a judge today, why not make it this one?
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Haiti's Amputees: 1 step forward, 2 tumbles back
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Old and busted: "Richard Smith". New hotness: "Stormhammer Deathclaw Firebrand"
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Note to Hollywood: why IMAX beats 3D every time
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Public defender blows an impressive .215, asks cops to leave embarrassing details out of report (like the chocolate pudding in his pants)
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Nothing ruins a social gathering like mishandling a gun and accidentally shooting yourself in the face
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Before meeting a head of state, the French First Lady apparently likes to give a little head of state
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Drunk, pregnant, and crashing through houses is no way to go through life, lady
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| (Some Guy) |
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Trainee injects drug in patient's spine instead of administering it intravenously. Um... rookie mistake?
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43 dead in Russian mine blast. OH ИOES
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| (The Sun Herald) |
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If Mom didn't teach you manners, this knife in your back and across your throat will. T-shirt in mug shot explains it all
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pickup truck shark is in your truckbed, watching you bait your rod
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You're the victim of a hit-and-run. Wise: You call the police. Not-so-wise: You tell the police that you have a rifle and you'll "take care of it"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this wood work
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| (Albany (NY) Times Union) |
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Drunk dad lets nine-year old daughter drive car on mall parking lot. He must have figured she had a blood alcohol level less than him
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Top 10 College Dropouts. One of these doesn't belong here
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News: the FDA is changing its guidelines for salmonella in chicken. Bad news: 7.5% of the tasty birds will still be allowed to test positive at processing plants. Fark: down from 20%
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World's All-Time Sexiest Woman claims World's All-Time Greatest Invention ruined World's All-Time Greatest Source of Misery
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Woof woof woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof no parole woof woof, woof woof woof
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Site selling lice colonies to people who want to give the gift of crabs. Revenge is a dish best served crawling
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Two medical-marijuana businesses firebombed, drawing hundreds of spectators downwind
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Eating nuts can lower cholesterol according to noted nut enthusiast, your mom
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| Mon May 10, 2010 |
| (wjactv) |
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Man dies running himself over with his own SUV while checking his mailbox for a letter from Darwin
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this going for a drive
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| (Some Mesocyclone) |
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Ooooooklahoma, where the wind comes bringing in the pain (storm updates in comments)
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Asian stink bugs pester Baltimore, yet provide much-welcomed relief from usual stench
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BP: "Our new plan is the same as our last plan, but smaller."
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Most bus seat belt laws exclude wheelchairs, with the assumption that people will just roll with it
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"Residents called police because they were trapped in their home by a temperamental squirrel."
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America's white people are fleeing the suburbs and heading back to the cities. Geez, make up your minds already
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Teen inadvertenly wins first prize in javelin catching competition
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Gay escort's "baggage handling" job involved exactly the kind of "handling" that you thought it did
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| (Collegiate Times) |
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The town of Blacksburg, VA wants to know when it will be getting its check for $5,579.27 from the Westboro Baptist Church for bodyguard services rendered
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Pelosi: We are all in favor of separation of church and state, unless we can pick up a few votes
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UC Berzerkely students have been on a hunger strike for a week over Arizona's immigration law. Since they're Americans, this could take awhile
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| (Some Guy) |
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Jilted lover accused of stabbing boyfriend in penis, claims he got all testy
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Usually, calling 911 to make a bomb threat against a school is effective. Doing it 20 times, one after the other, is overkill (with "I bought a children's toupee" mugshot)
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Today's fire & police recruits are too fat to pass fitness tests. Accompanying picture says "enlarge," though that goes without saying
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| (Press Herald) |
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It's spring, so that means it's time to cook fiddlehead ferns, which people actually eat even though there are perfectly good vegetables like carrots and beans already available at the grocery store
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Lifehacker ponders on what to do with leftover wine, Farkers ponder on what the hell "leftover wine" could possibly be
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New York smoothie store will give you a dollar off a drink if you generate the energy to blend it by riding a stationary bike
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If you don't mind, Fannie Mae only needs another $8.4 billion in aid to get back on its feet. Do you mind? Thanks, you're really swell
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Facebook using the Bush defense on privacy issues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these soft, curly tails
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| (Chronicle Herald) |
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The drydock didn't sink, it merely "dropped below normal operating levels"
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