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| Sun April 11, 2010 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this curved line
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To the surprise of no one, US dominates as producer of cars worst in reliability and value
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In Australia, more crimes are committed in churches than in strip clubs, brothels, and other adult entertainment venues. So now you know where to go for the action
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| (WKRC) |
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Suspect is hairless, repeat, hairless
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There is a cross-dressing, trash-eating homeless man in Berkeley who hates you
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| (SDNN.com) |
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Man catches boy by feet in midair after boy fell 30 feet off escalator, is immediately signed by Red Sox
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Dr. Oz doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. I for one am stunned a doctor who shills advice on television is a clueless fraud
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New York hipsters too busy growing neckbeards and listening to godawful indie music to fill out census form
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In a rare occurrence for Fark, a story about stalking and a big snake ends with the survival of kittens
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Were Confederate soldiers terrorists?
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Evildoers...Beware. NYC's Own Costumed Superheroes
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In order to feel less stressed in the classroom, teachers are now using microphones to get kids' attention. "Hey, good looking, I'll be back to pick you up later"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ahh spring. That lovely time of year that brings out the birds, the blooming flowers, and small scale college riots
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Braille boobies are finally a reality
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| (Some Component) |
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Photoshop this computer melt down
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| (Some Guy) |
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But ossifer, I'm the mife of the wayor
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You know that high-security, authorized-access only, PIN required to enter, off-limits section of the airport? just look to the left of the keypad and you'll find the super-secret PIN taped there
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Real men get their nostrils waxed
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Twin brother identifies Polish President Kaczynski's body by looking into a mirror
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13-year old boy from California aims to be the youngest person to ever reach the summit of Mount Everest. Hey, at least if he fails he'll be the youngest person to ever die trying
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Tennis complex roof collapse leads to Dwarf Hotots nuzzling up to British Giants and Lionheads mounting Himalayans
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When trying to bring mowers across the border, one should clean the grass from them first
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pedobear gets painted on billboard of Pope in Malta. Bonus: Media thinks they're "pandas"
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| (Clutch and Chrome) |
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Bad: You hurt yourself badly in high speed wreck fleeing police. Good: Crew of ambulance you crashed into is there to help
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Brazilian mudslides threaten thousands, sobriety
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Man calls 911 after hooker fails to deliver in fast food bathroom. With mugshot goodness
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| (BRAAINSSS) |
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Zombies want dessert just like the rest of us
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| (Some Guy) |
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The five most awesome jailbreaks you've never heard of (bonus: not a slideshow)
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Old and busted: Double-wide mobile homes in trailer parks. New hotness: "Stackable" mobile homes in residential towers
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Photoshop this cool down
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Man dies after SUV and bicycle collide. Fark: not the cyclist
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Yeah, that whole bright lights, pearly gates, leaving your body and seeing the angels thing? It's probably just gas
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Since no one else feels like doing it, Richard Dawkins to charge the leader of an international child prostitution ring for crimes against humanity
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Orangutans forced to kick-box in Thailand. Even worse, they have to wear bikinis when they do it. In related news, Orangutans can kickbox
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this castle
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If a woman turns down your romantic advances, do you (C) use a stun gun and then try to handcuff her?
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| Sat April 10, 2010 |
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Judge spares repeat drunk driver jail time in 1998. Eleven years later, same drunk driver veers into oncoming traffic, clobbers judge and his wife
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Old and busted: Obamacare. New hotness: Christian sharing ministries
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| (KENS-TV) |
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Jehovah's Witness knocked on the wrong door, gets a haymaker to the face from -- wait for it -- a Catholic priest
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| (Divine Caroline) |
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Four reasons women prefer geeks. You're reading the Internet on a Saturday night, so this article is relevant to your interests
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Companies with 50 or more employees now required by law to provide breastfeeding rooms
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"Atheism is not a belief system any more than not liking chess is a hobby." Now if you'll excuse me, subby has to go yell at old men playing chess at the park
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"It's 106 miles to the Chicago Fark Party AWpocalypse, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses." "Hit it." TONIGHT at Casey Moran's 8pm
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| (Car & Driver) |
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Car & Driver's ten cars you want to drive before you die
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these birds of a feather
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Seven-foot tall Optimus Prime made out of balloons
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In sincere attempt to prove judge right, man about to serve sentence for DUI drives himself to jail--while drunk
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DIY, the redneck edition, pt. III. (sorry, slide show)
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| (Poultry In Motion) |
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Man escapes fiery crash, says "40,000 pounds of frozen chicken saved my life." Truckers say the darnedest things
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Step 1) Shave head. Step 2) Drill hole in skull. Step 3) Go have a steak to replace the blood you just lost
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| (The Argus) |
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If you're going to snatch a bag from an elderly woman, make sure it doesn't contain the dog droppings she just picked up off the pavement
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| (gnn.com) |
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22-year old nanny saves young boy from certain death as she runs barefoot over 400 degree burning carpet to get to his room. You are the only heath insurance that she has. And, yes, you would hit it
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Alaskan eagle survives plunge after mating dance. With "where am I?" pic
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Federal stimulus includes $2 million to set Massachusetts on fire
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Fighter jets chase streetlight down UK's M5 highway, with video
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| (East Hampton Star) |
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Attention swimmers: If you happen to find a dart filled with enough tranquilizer to put a whale to sleep, some marine biologists would like it back
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Photoshop these soldiers falling in
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Co-founder of the American Restroom Association says airline's decision to use coin-operated toilets in airplanes may be a human rights violation
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Indonesian prisoner held for three extra years because of a typo. Around here, that just gets you an automatic greenlight
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| (KCCI.com) |
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Oh give me a gnome, that's as tall as my home, and I fear there's one bigger they say
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Cheerleaders pee in team's sodas, players just assumed it was Mountain Dew
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You know you're having a bad day when the entire surgical team is wearing body armor
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Vicious animal terrorizes delivery persons with repeated attacks. Vicious animal is... a 19-year-old cat with joint disease. Happy Caturday
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| (Oxford Press) |
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Thank you all for coming out to the gun safety demonstration. Before we begin, let me show you the different *BLAM* ...okay, let's move right into first aid portion of the training
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're going to let your kids play outside in nothing but their diapers, you probably shouldn't be wearing a t-shirt that says "I Love Weed" when the cops show up. With mugshot of what a weed-loving mom would look like
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Teen accused of having sex with a donkey. In his defense, it was a nice ass
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| (FOX 8) |
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Four missing West Virginia miners found dead, final death toll at 29
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Plane carrying Polish President Kaczynski and his wife crashes in Russia, death toll currently at 87
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Its not everyday that the news is there when a fat guy on a scooter catches a robber who stole a kid's money jar outside of a Walmart and sits on him until cops come
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| (Some Guy) |
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Navy bans smoking on submarines. Wait, you can smoke on a submarine?
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| (WGME) |
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Your 16 year old snowflake is photographed holding a beer and gets suspended from the lacrosse team for breaking her written promise not to drink. Do you c) sue the school because its honor code violates snowflake's constitutional rights
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Schools are using Grand Theft Auto games to teach young students about violence
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Photoshop this wascally wabbit
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"Women would even make better ambassadors for atheism, because we are so much more considerate of other people's feelings than mean male atheists, who seem to enjoy offending believers"
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Male chefs cook to feed their massive ego and gadget lust, while female chefs cook to feed hungry people. "For men, the oven is a tiny, super-heated theatre and we demand a standing ovation for our performances"
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| (azfamily.com) |
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Is there anything more symbolic of America than casually firing your gun into the ceiling of a Wal-Mart?
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| Fri April 09, 2010 |
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Sir Edmund Hillary's ashes won't Everest on world's highest mountain
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U.S.-Mexico 'war on drugs' a failure
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The brave man's solution to baldness - with a photo that will probably cause underpants to be drenched from uncontrollable laughter
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This is a test of the Associated Press
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The house next door is on fire. Do you: a) Call 911, b) alert other neighbors, or c) get the gorilla suit on?
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93 Years ago today, a nation's identity was forged in blood and fire on a battle-scarred plain in Northern France
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| (Some Broke County) |
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With 49 cops, one patrol car and 700 convicts on a waiting list to serve jail time, Ohio judge tells county residents to "arm themselves"
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This week's Mugshot Roundup is extra sexy
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Photoshop this Belgian bicyclist
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If you're a vegan, it's okay to eat oysters
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| (Some Grue) |
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The road to the south is impassable. Absolutely impossible to pass. Impassable
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Six movie plots made possible by ridiculous understaffing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Soliciting sex from someone you think is a 13-year old girl is a very bad idea, just ask this former assistant police chief
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Pope 'available to meet child sex abuse victims.' Uh, yeah, bring a chaperone
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Teen sues county after being placed in the care of a convicted sex offender, thereby raising the question 'Why do we have the registry in the first farking place?'
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Step 1) Dare a buddy to climb the Giza Pyramid. Step 2) Call the authorities and grab the cam-corder. Step 3) Profit
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WARNING: Excessive video game playing will make your teeth fall out
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| (Slashfood) |
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This month marks the 40th year of the famous Grifton Shad Festival in North Carolina. Bring the family and enjoy delicious fried fish of every kind. Except shad
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| (McClatchy) |
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Scene from Extreme Tourist: Afghanistan: "Bradley donned tight spandex shorts and a pink T-shirt to roller blade through Kandahar, the Taliban's spiritual capital."
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FCC lays out its agenda for national broadband. If everything goes right, every American household will have high speed access a few days before the sun explodes
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| (Some Supervillain) |
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Supervillain Smackdown: Joker vs Magneto
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| (Some Masked Man) |
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Be on the look out for a... man? Probably black. He has... eyes. And a mouth. Definitely a mouth
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'Landmark' eatery re-opens after fire destroys kitchen, "On the bright side the food can't be any worse than before" is the best review
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| (KSDK) |
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Bake sales? That's SO last century. Alpaca poop is the new hotness
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Russia seeks to end all US adoptions of Russian children due to violations of terms of use, and product return policies
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This week's TSG contest: Who's that Vet?
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Egrets? Yes, I've had a few
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| (Law.com) |
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Husband denied divorce on grounds his wife tried to stab him. Wait, what?
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| (Some Gray Whale) |
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Photoshop this whale watch
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Pollen at its worst in years. Take that, global-pollen deniers
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| (WQAD West Burlington) |
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Things to offer friends who are helping you move: beer, pizza, sterile gauze, direct pressure on the wound
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| (CentreDaily) |
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Before sending your kindergartener off to school, don't forget to take that quarter pound of weed out of his Elmo backpack
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"The number I'm calling from is untraceable so if you're trying to trace it have fun," said the latest teabagger terrorist just before he was picked up by the FBI
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Unhappy with your telecom providers service ? Send them a plywood cheque
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Beware of the bicycling buttocks slapper
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When trying to win back your ex, it's probably not a good idea to have a friend "mug" her so that you can save the day, especially if you've been filmed with the mugger a few minutes earlier
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Push button. Deposit baby
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Stockholm hospital reports three cases of meat allergy in the last six months. Four, if we're counting subby's wife
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| (Gwinnett Daily Post) |
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Why do we always hurt the ones we love? She says something that angers you, you shoot her, she calls the SWAT team, and so on
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News: Audi, Stanford and Volkswagen build a new car for the Pikes Peak International Hill Climb race. Ultra Fark: The car will be autonomous and complete the course without a driver
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Man dies after fall while replacing window. At least he wasn't in a lot of pane
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Drunk driver veers off the road. News: Onto a practice driving track. Fark: That was currently in use by cops conducting emergency vehicle training
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Two teachers forget that "Lapdancing 101" is not part of the approved high school curriculum in Manitoba
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| (Some Guy) |
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Think you had a bad day at work? Try catching a Gulfstream jet fuel tank through your windshield
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Apparently, West Virginia is too tolerant of gays, so God blew up the coal mine and smote the miners inside. Thanks for letting us know, Fred Phelps
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Sixth grader gives some of his mom's jewelry to a girl in his class. Mom finds out and says, "Awww." Just kidding, she had him arrested
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School hosts a night of donkey basketball. Surprisingly, animal rights activists have a problem with this
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News: Deputy tasers students and is put on unpaid leave. Fark: 30 of them. UltraFark: at a career fair, and they asked for it
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Author recounts the last days of Hitler's favorite little girl. And, no, she did Nazi it coming
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Photoshop this scoreboard watcher
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Embracing the culture of Fail
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Police snatch man's large erect penis. FREE WILLY
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86 year old woman angry at bank for letting her withdraw $10,000 from her credit card for scammer, now wants them to forgive debt
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Man falls 30' saving suicidal woman, cushions her impact with his body, huge brass balls
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If you are unable to produce your toddler for inspection, Jet Blue will charge you $105 for extra baggage
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| Thu April 08, 2010 |
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California approves "Reagan Day", a holiday where we'll max out our credit cards, give guns to the local mosque, fark a person we call "Mommy", and then fall asleep and forget about it the next day
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| (WPTV) |
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Man shoplifts at Staples in order to get a felony conviction "so I wouldn't have to go to law school." He should have read the statute, because he missed a felony charge by $23.12. Fail trumps Florida
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Prison mistakenly frees man in jail for drug-related crimes. RELEASE THE CRACKHEAD
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Man nearly qualifies for the most awesome obituary and tombstone in the history of mankind
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UFO cult celebrates 15 years of false alarms. "Each year, they predict that Armageddon will come on July 5 and members will be saved by flying saucers carrying alien sex goddesses."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this log lug
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The officer was not injured in the incident and the turkey was also apparently OK
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Teacher beats traffic tickets with the power of math. Surprisingly, this story comes from the U.S
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Not that you should panic or anything, but SUNSCREEN IS GOING TO KILL YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN
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Suvivor producer's wife didn't
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| (Ottawa Citizen) |
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Machete attack shows lack of tolerance"
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"Keep Pot Illegal." Who has that bumper sticker: (a) Republicans, (b) your dad, or (c) Northern California pot growers who fear massive price deflation?
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Military commanders in Afghanistan have found that rather than a verbal apology to tribal leaders, the preferred way to ask forgiveness is to give them New Zealand supermodels
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Critics say "Hot Nude Yoga" for men taints the experience
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Inventor of the Whizzinator, a device to cheat drug testing, will piss away six months of his life in prison
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The seven worst, most overcrowded, undriveable roads in America, and no, the road to Subby's mom's house right about the time the bars close is not on the list
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| (Chipley Paper) |
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World's dumbest man calls police after finding crop of marijuana growing in his own backyard
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Camilla breaks leg while hiking in Scotland. Kids, I need you to look away
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| (SF Weekly) |
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Rule 1. Do not talk about /b/ Rule 2. Do NOT talk about /b/ Rule 3. Unless it's for a sociology paper
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Man gets off easy after viewing porn
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"I wasn't alarmed until the captain said 'don't be alarmed.'"
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| (Some Paleoconservative) |
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"In fact, more air marshals have been arrested than the number of people arrested by air marshals."
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Popular with vacationing couples in the 1970s, heart-shaped tubs are still available in the Poconos. That's only if you don't splurge and get a room with a seven-foot-tall champagne glass whirlpool instead
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Husband shoots wife's boyfriend. I hate it when siblings fight like this
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If you can tell the difference between human bones and a piece of wood, then you're already overqualified for the Swedish judiciary
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Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Westboro Baptist Church plans protests at local high school, Bon Jovi concert
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The dream of being able to enjoy a cup of coffee naked in your own home is finally realized thanks to this crusader of justice
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Two teens charged with sex offenses for making out with their slightly underage girlfriends. Well, I feel safer knowing these scumbags have been arrested, don't you?
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Why Gandhi could never have been a farker: 1) No fapping. "One who conserves his vital fluid acquires unfailing power."
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Serial killer goes on hunger strike behind bars. Yeah, my reaction was also a big fat "so what?"
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| (Some Guy) |
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The best picture of a pissed off state senator you'll see today
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| (wmtw.com) |
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Some say that living well is the best revenge. This guy would argue that eating the bull that gored you is the best revenge
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You upper lower middle class types in Fort Wayne, Indiana can now get your house repaired at taxpayer expense
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Remember the case of the Colorado teen who was arrested after returning an overdue DVD to the library? The judge who issued the arrest warrant has been fired. Book it, done
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Bjecause of bjanking and economic bjreakdown, residents of Iceland are now leaving their country in bjunches
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| (CNNGo) |
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China tells GTFO to get the fark out
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No matter how romantic the idea may seem on paper, experts say it's just not safe going to a foreign country to get bootleg organs
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Nanny state discourages prisoners from re-offending by banning The Big Lebowski, even though Raising Arizona deals much more thoroughly with recidivism. Not a pretty name, is it H.I.?
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1 in 5 believe aliens exist and live among us disguised as humans
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| (NYInjuryNews) |
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Surgeon General Warning: do not consume alcohol and operate a motor vehicle. Surgeon Specific Warning: do not get wasted and drive a 1988 Ford Mustang at 88mph into two trees and a fence
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| (Some Guys) |
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Photoshop these salt schleppers
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| (wgntv.com) |
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Man seriously injured when tree falls on his van. What wood yew do?
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| (Some Guy) |
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British men think Ursula Andress, Sigourney Weaver, and Carrie Fisher are Hollywood's all-time hottest screen goddesses. British women think it's Audrey Hepburn, Julie Andrews, and Julie Andrews
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Potato chips are the most dangerous food to eat while driving, according to people who never tried to drive while eating a bowl of chili with habanero peppers
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Man clobbers 60-year-old woman with a frying pan, kidnaps her, and tries to get her to cash a check. The operative word here is "tries"
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So the Qatari diplomatic isn't a suicide bomber; he's just an asshat who thinks his diplomatic credentials allow him to smoke on an airplane
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Women spend two years and 10 months of their lives shopping, according to a study conducted by Sinbad
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♫ History shows again and again ♫ How nature points out the folly of men ♫ FISHZILLA ♫
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The lane in Spain is mainly this dame's bane
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| (Some Porker) |
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Photoshop these bacon sliders
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An owl has developed a staggering fear of heights. The Sun is there
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Today's media fearmongering story: sleepwalkers can kill you
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Protip: If you are arrested for DUI, don't drink beer in the back of the police car. With 'like the fist of an angry god' mugshot goodness
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| (Tri-City Herald) |
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Fisheries service suggests putting fish on boats and carrying them downstream, instead of letting them swim
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 257: "Farktography Classic: HDR3." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 07, 2010 |
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What's the point of assigning your security force submachine guns and then altering them to be semi-automatic only? Besides, part of the fun of shooting them is going full rock & roll
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Passenger tries to ignite explosive on flight from DC to Denver
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Photoshop this plethora of poultry
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Researchers at the Ric Romero Institute find that women want relationships, men prefer sex
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Rare blue diamond sells for 6.4 million dollars. Would you like that in paper or plastic, Mrs. Woods?
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| (Phuket Gazette) |
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Phuket landlord electrocuted. If only there was an exclamation for him to express his dismay
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News: Man goes to jail for April Fool's joke gone wrong; Fark: "Joke" was that his 9-year-old son had been abducted; Ultrafark: His mother played the "joke."
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| (BendBulletin) |
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41 years ago, the Supreme Court struck down laws banning private possession of obscenity, paving the way for the internet
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They really are just like us. "As the military blasts Offspring's Pretty Fly for a White Guy, children cover their ears and, it is claimed, insurgents lay down their arms"
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How to behave if you're the first human to come in contact with an alien. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, punch the alien then say "welcome to earf."
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Years from now, we'll look back and think it was silly that WWIII started over a hockey game
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| (Some Guy) |
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God presses "smite" button over Iowan runners (with pics)
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Next time you soil yourself with rage when you hear the name Goldman Sachs, remember that (i) they don't owe you anything, and (ii) they didn't break the economy. Some people will always make more money than you. You'll get over it
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| (Some Duck Feeding Guy) |
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With nothing else left on their agenda, local city council bans feeding of ducks in parks. I feel safer already
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Nevada isn't known for its tree growing or lumber production, but the introduction of the Chinese Kiri "miracle tree" may change that
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| (Some Guy) |
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Richmond, California implements daytime curfews to fight truancy and teen crime. Naturally, this is considered racial profiling
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this busy clockface
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Naperville, Illinois to receive 9-foot, 2000-pound Dick
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| (Some Guy) |
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Of all the ways to die, here are some of the more spectacular methods you didn't even see coming (Sponsored link)
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County commissioners openly invite Hollywood to blow up the old Tampa Bay bridge
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Thanks to his greatness, the Great Leader's trademark gray jumpsuit is having a great effect on global fashion. That's great
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WI District Attorney sends letter to teachers saying he will prosecute them for "contributing to the delinquency of a minor" if they obey a new state law that requires them to teach children about contraceptive use in sex-ed
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A walker may have saved a 90-year-old man's life after his wife pulled the ol' "I confused the brake pedal with the gas pedal" trick
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How the Vatican defeated Hitler
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Court rules service dogs are not eligible for food stamps. Your dog wants government cheese
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| (Some Guy) |
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Registered sex offender takes world's sexiest mugshot. With said mugshot goodness
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| (Copenhagen Post) |
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Atheists distributing pamphlets through public schools to dissuade students who are about to join a church
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Four dead after protests in Kyrgyzstan turn violent. Protestors claim vowels unequally distributed in the country, government says it is doing the best it can
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Appeals court reinstates murder charges against drive-in bookstore trucker saying he should have read warning signs that his brakes were failing
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Did you kick the hard drugs in prison? No worries, the Nanny State can help you relapse before you get out
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Red shirts break in to Thai palace. Were promptly killed by 'mysterious' entity. They're dead, Jim
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Armless woman sews with feet. You gotta hand it to her
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| (Some Guy) |
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Women accused of beating man with a pool cue at Mrs. Winner's Chicken & Biscuits. Surprisingly, not a Florida tag
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From the same district that brought you Webcam-gate: Woman calls police department to report lost chicken on her lawn, responding officer quickly deems chicken "dangerous," dispatches fireman to shoot it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this trans-continental hustler
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More women are joining web communities like Fark. Aw crap, does this mean more wieners links?
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Oldest American dies at 114. Pants to be worn at half-chest in remembrance
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Old and busted: earthquakes caused by government satellites. New hotness: earthquakes caused by Deepak Chopra
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Jail inmates pedal bicycles to power their televisions. It's a vicious cycle
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Police sergeant earns nearly $100,000 in overtime pay. OVERACHIEVER
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Best spot for a billboard. EVAR
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Man convicted of $1 million Medicaid fraud involving adult diapers. Will he do hard time or be pampered? Depends
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Maybe the only thing scarier than finding an ancient cemetery in your backyard is discovering an ancient chapel under your home. "There were also hooks hanging from the ceiling which could have been used to hang meat"
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| Tue April 06, 2010 |
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Latest research shows that eating fruits and veggies does NOT prevent cancer. Fark it, I'm going back to my bacon and vodak diet
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this moody man
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| (Some Vet) |
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Veterans Affairs to veteran: You have PTSD. Veteran: Can I haz my benefits then? Veterans Affairs: Prove you have PTSD first. Veteran: Wut?
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| (Some Chick) |
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14-year old boy flips stolen bread truck while being chased by police. At yeast he wasn't hurt
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| (Slashfood) |
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Ben & Jerry's newest flavor is "Flourless Chocolate Cake," perfect for the depressed dumpee in your family
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| (Some Guy) |
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♫ It's time to put on makeup ♫ It's time to dress up right ♫ I said, it's time to dress up right ♫ DAMMIT, DRESS UP RIGHT ♫ *bang*
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Indonausea
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Mine operator had 57 safety violations last month & refused a legally required ventilation system upgrade that would have prevented yesterday's disaster. If only the government would get out of the way and let companies police themselves
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| (Courier Press) |
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Sure, you lit your girlfriend's house on fire, but at least you had the decency to call and tell her. "You better check your garage. I think your sh*t is burning up." (w/ mugshot)
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Eiffel Tower attacked, suffering significant structural damage. Story developing
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| (Some Superhero) |
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Wolverine died of natural causes, bub
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I don't care if your ATV DOES have 5 wheels, you still can't use it as a hang glider
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farker's friend is battling liver cancer; please Photoshop her dog (DIT)
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DON'T: Stick your hand into a running lawnmower. DO: check out Drew's writeup and some of Fark's favorite headlines for 3/28 - 4/3
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"Pro-life" activist arrested after threatening to use deadly force to close abortion clinic
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| (Some Guy) |
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"This guy's a dangerous son of a biatch," warns the slandered treasurer, Al Wittnebert. "This is the kind of guy who will poison your cat"
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| (salisburypost.com) |
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Brawl erupts in Walmart over Easter candy
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Man urinates all over himself, takes off his clothes, and breaks into a house that he thinks is his own. Believe it or not, alcohol was a factor
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Note to potential jurors: "CSI" is not, in fact, real
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Who will pick up the pieces from the fallout in South Africa? It won't be a piece of cake you can just cut - maybe foreigners should just walk on by
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You might want to find a new place to live if your landlord hides on your roof and pours a bucket of water on you when you leave
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Having learned a lesson from the Catholic church, the RNC sets up its #2 guy to take the fall for the "bondagegate" scandal
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Smug Canadians around the world rejoice as paint finally dries
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"I'm here for the gangbang"
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County issues arrest warrant for man owing 1¢ on year-old speeding ticket. "They won't take a payment of a penny online."
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How the Pentagon sprung its WikiLeak
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| (NJNR) |
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N.J. man turns himself in, faces five years in prison over a McDonald's Filet-o-Fish sandwich
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Federal appeals court rules that ISPs can freely censor the Internet
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Six new weapons that Sarah Connor cannot hide from
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MSNBC suspends David Shuster for daring to try out for the other last place cable team
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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of a Victorian policeman getting busted for calling citizens "fat, smelly farkwits"
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Not news: Tiger Woods will have security at the Masters. News: 90 of them, both from the secret service and the FBI. Fark: To defend him from the mistresses
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25 confirmed dead in WV mine explosion, four still missing. Three of the deceased are said to be in the same family
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Bank manager never even noticed that the bank was being robbed and all of her employees were locked in the vault
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Feel good news: Man rents out empty houses to those less fortunate. Fark: Owners never heard of this guy and now have squatters
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One good thing came from the earthquake in Mexico. They now have water in the desert
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| (TriCities.com) |
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Man charged for cocking gun, handing it back to woman who fired
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State law prohibits red light cameras, but new measure would ban them
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Canadian researchers uncover a Huge Internet spy ring but will Not point out the country which may be behind the Attacks
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NY Times ethicist angers readers after saying there's nothing wrong with downloading a pirated copy of a Stephen King book if you've already bought the hardcover
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Weekend at Bernie's 3: Women arrested at airport for inappropriate carrion baggage
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| (Courier Mail) |
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Drunk fishermen saved after flipping boat, hurl obscenities at rescuers
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Texas man blows a .41. Amateur (third story)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't you just hate in when you're sitting there minding your own business and a giant sausage hits you
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Made for Fark WTF headline: "Orkney monkey keeper jailed for life over love triangle murder"
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Having dentist chairs or offering free drinks to women are now against the law and will not be tolerated
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Men in Iraqi army uniforms kill 24. Subby thought it was because they used the same plot premise for eight seasons
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Top Jerks in film. They're all here except Steve Martin
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$100,000 left stashed inside Salvation Army store suitcase. Police charge purchaser with theft by finding. Subby questions the cents of it
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Woman kicked out of buffet for breastfeeding and not sharing
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Today's self-fulfilling prophecy headline. Oil climbs to $87 per barrel on the news that gas will cost $4 per gallon this summer
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| (Some Guy) |
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A cocked gun with a bullet in the chamber is no way to go through airport security, son
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Telepathetic
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Man builds a Thai temple model with a record-breaking 3.5 million toothpicks. The Sun is there
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Apparently unfamiliar with Star Trek and its Spin-offs, thousands of Thai protestors don red shirts and defy thousands of riot police to block the streets of the capital
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"Low income people suck." Was that wrong? Should I not have said that?
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UK about to be plunged into 31 days of multimedia hell as PM Gordon Brown asks the Queen to dissolve Parliament and sets 6th May date for general election
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A bad father leaves his kids unattended in the car for two hours. But it takes a Father of the Year candidate to leave the kids unattended in the car for two days
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One does not simply walk into Mordor... naked (Not safe for work man ass)
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| (wmur.com) |
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Helicopter drops 60,000 Easter eggs from the sky. Hilarity ensues
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Ferris wheel car's day off
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If you smell something bad the next time you see your doctor, sniff around his certifications and see if he is past his expiration date
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Man pulls gun at basketball camp, racks up an unprecedented winning streak
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If you're waiting for an insurance payment for the war wounds that left you unable to walk, perhaps you shouldn't carry the trophy onto the field at a sport watched by millions
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Photoshop this watering of the girls
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Looking at sick people boosts your immunity. Watching zombie movies still leaves you unprepared for the coming apocalypse
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You know, the thing about a wombat... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya
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Don't smoke weed, go for a drive with your five-month-old baby, run through multiple "road closed" signs, launch your car airborne and flee the resulting crash on foot. With "yeah, you'd take a hit off it" mugshot
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Ugly hairless animal found and dubbed the 'oriental yeti'. Article has a kill it with fire pic
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A politician wants to build a giant religious statue on top of a remote mountain to lure pilgrims to the Australian bush, where they can get bitten by deadly snakes
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High school tricks lesbian couple and learning-disabled students into attending fake prom
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The Butler didn't do it
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| Mon April 05, 2010 |
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Not News: A soldier gets a woman pregnant before shipping off to war and she sues for child support. Typical: The guy is a deadbeat that doesn't pay up even once he gets back from war, so she is still after him. FARK: It was the Korean War
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this welder
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Ugandans are sacrificing their children to the gods of health and wealth in numbers that approach Hollywood levels
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Ear nearly cut off in machete attack. I SAID, "EAR NEARLY CUT OFF IN MACHETE ATTACK."
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Still not sure why you should ditch XP? Read this and you'll not only want to do that, but ditch Firefox as well
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Feds to test come-and-go-as-you-please work environment. Joe Biden looking forward to mid-morning nap time
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| (WV Metro News) |
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Explosion reported at Massey owned coal mine in West Virginia. Dozens feared trapped, half dozen (or more) rumored to be dead
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23,064 rabbits were shot and collected during Australia's annual Great Easter Bunny Hunt
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Texas A&M Corps of Cadets trying to stay relevant. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE
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Not News: Celebrity stalker sets his sights on Ivanka Trump. News: And he's just been released on bail. Fark.com: So, to get around that whole "restraining order" thing, he's asked Tucker Max to be his wing-man
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At this weekend's auto show in Manhattan, "We had an amazing crowd, a very family-oriented crowd." That was, of course, before the gun fights started
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Ugly ass baby owls have hooting it up at Lowes
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Canadian colonel accused of murder attempts suicide with foil-stuffed toilet paper roll. Bonus: suicide note written on wall in mustard
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Homeless hippies in San Francisco are forcibly redistributing "vacant" houses. You can't like "own" property, man
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Iran speedboat threatens U.S. carrier
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| (Some Doctors) |
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US approves oral treatment for colorectal cancer. Eeeeew
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this wondrous well
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Two men found dead drifting in a boat. Possible cause of death, drowning. Sounds fishy
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I don't know what this says about fine art, but high school students were able to recreate Van Gogh's "Starry Night" using Malt-O-Meal, and then fed their creation to pigs
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You'll be pleased to know that federal prosecutors have determind that while AIG did damn nearly collapse the US economy, at least they didn't break the law while doing it
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10 Celebrities Who Almost Died in the Funniest Ways, Buddy Holly not included
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| (KTAR) |
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"We thought Nanny was having a spell" and other reactions to the Baja quake felt in AZ
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NJ sanitation workers find body parts mixed in with regular garbage, instead of separated out and held for body part collection day
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| (Gainesville Sun) |
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After learning they may lose tax exempt status, church changes sign from "No Homo Mayor" to "No Homo." There, that's better
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| (Newsday TT) |
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Dojo begins shotokan karate class for the blind. Sweep the leg, Helen
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Chatroulette Tries to Fix Its Penis Problem
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| (Above The Law) |
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Dumbest law school dean EVAR offers Bar Crawl advice to students: "Be sure to drink a full glass of water in between the two or three beers you will have"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man tries to steal ATM by backing a ute into a cafe. What the hell's a ute?
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As more and more employers use Facebook to check on applicants, more and more applicants are finding ways to hide their Facebook page
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Philadelphia to make having less than 30 grams of weed a summary offense instead of a misdemeanor, despite objections from the police and your dad
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Haggis flavored potato chips: "It's like a small piece of fried potato failing to recall a repressed abuse memory while sitting on your tongue"
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Not news: Newfoundland man separated by adoption from birth family finds brother after 30 years. News: They live in the same town. Fark: They live across the street from each other
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Historic newspapers found in basement. It's not news, it's -- oh
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Even the Catholic church is outsourcing to India
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Federal Courthouse in Kansas City evacuated. Suspicious package upgraded to suspicious device. A cooler, by a loading dock
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| (AboveTopSecret) |
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Occam's Razor at work: the Large Hadron Collider has some Shiva statues in its offices, so the purpose of the LHC is to open a wormhole so the Egyptian aliens can return to Earth
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Meet Matt. He's is the writer of the most reasonable, calm, thoughtful letter we've ever gotten from someone whose bank misplaced a check for $14,000
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| (Some Guy) |
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Church defends its use of a crucifixion re-enactment that was so graphic, it made children cry before cops shut it down. "I think it was pretty sad that a Christian group couldn't express what Easter was truly about."
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| (WATE-TV) |
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Not news: 3 sharks, 1 octopus found. Fark: In Tennessee
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Woman has enough spare time to fight Statistics Canada for right to not answer unemployment telephone survey, which kind of answers the question
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Last week: San Francisco's crime lab rocked by allegations of internal drug-skimming. This week: San Francisco's crime lab rocked by an army of feral cats
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this unclaimed baggage
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| (Some Turtle) |
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Steampunk and taxidermy, together at last
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Journalism 101, make your lead sentence interesting: "A Thai police force has begun taking a monkey dressed in officer's uniform on patrol each day to help improve relations with Muslim separatists."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Clooney strikes again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this theater doll
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