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| Sun March 21, 2010 |
| (Some Dinosaur) |
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Murderous editors, billionaires paying off underage prostitutes with cocaine, ties to the Church of Satan and illegal predatory pricing schemes: just another day in the San Francisco alternative newspaper business
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Over 250 exotic birds die in blaze at Las Vegas nature preserve. Firefighters responded to the scene with gallons of bleu cheese and ranch sauce dip, celery sticks, and pitchers of beer
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Thieves fly coop after robbin' 150 birdhouses. Crooks watched prey like a hawk, may have hatched plot or just winged it on a lark, ducking in to snipe goods. Cops swallow pride, tern to Elliott Nest for flicker of hope, swift arrest
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McDonald's in Washington, DC receives order for 212 waaaamburgers with 212 sides of french cries
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Acupuncture may be useful in treating joint destruction, multi-organ failure, flesh-eating disease, and paralysis. And by "treating" I mean "causing"
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Photoshop these spotters
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| (randi.org) |
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Skeptic extraordinaire and scientific investigator "The Amazing Randi" comes out of the closet. I'll be in debunk
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Two religious figures missing from their graves. Is it Easter already?
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The RCMP are unhappy with the Olympics Closing Ceremony's depiction of Mounties as people who put on women's clothing and hang around in bars
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Six baffling mistakes criminals apparently make all the time
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"Calm has returned to a northeastern B.C. school after a police investigation revealed that an alarming letter posted throughout the school was actually a student's English assignment"
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Blogger documents rural Japan's population decline and imminent decay with striking photographs of abandoned cities, drab farms, and crumbling structures that make Youngstown, Gary, and Detroit look cheerful
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Man brags to cop about $230,000 that was mysteriously deposited in his bank account, ends up getting not-so-mysteriously deposited in jail
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| (KCCI) |
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Officer pulls over mother for unrestrained child in car, upon hearing she does not have a child seat for her 80-mile trip home does he: a) give her a ticket, b) arrest her, or c) drive to the local Wal-Mart and spend $60 to buy her a child seat?
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Old and busted: new math. The new hotness: new geography
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"I heard a woman shouting behind me that a little boy was driving. I could just see a pair of tiny eyes above the dashboard... But for a five-year-old he had actually driven quite well"
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Canadian flyer, downed, crash-lands at Bolling Air Force Base. One injured
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Ben Folds one-ups the Chatroulette Piano Improv guy by doing it live with two thousand people in the audience
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Many people welcome the arrival of spring in many different ways. For instance, the people of Annapolis, Maryland welcome spring by torching socks
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When installing 20 wind farms, "checking that the sites are windy" is the first step, not the last
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Grandpa was right: they're all crooks and your doctor IS trying to kill you. ""The great majority of doctors have no idea; they don't even understand the distinction between on- and off-labeling."
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| (MOBA) |
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There's actually a Museum Of Bad Art and as luck would have it, their collection is browsable online
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| (Some Guy) |
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Comic-Con could be threatened by: A)Too many geeks dressed as furries, B) Protestors who hate Star Wars fanatics, or C) Al Gore?
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Royal Navy sailors begin campaign for new carrier HMS Prince of Wales to be renamed HMS Ark Royal. HMS Ark Royal 300+ years of kicking ass and taking names
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U.S. Customs and Border Protection wants to spend $8 million to enlarge and update port of entry in Forest City Maine, which is mostly used by the locals... all five of them
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this auto art dealer
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Advocates for swan safety fear someone or something is hunting waterfowl and turtles for the meat in one New York park. In other news, New York has advocates for swan safety
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EPA may order Florida to cut speed limit to 55 to reduce ozone, upsetting retirees who don't want to drive that fast
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Like shooting fish in a barrel. Very slow and giggling fish
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Socialist California nearly killed Steve Jobs because he had to wait on the organ transplant list with everyone else, even though he was the sickest and richest
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Rollerblading in Baghdad, marching between the tanks to film Arafat, joking about the time she was shot in the face by a sniper, or piloting a houseboat up the Mississippi with beer and Cuban cigars; Margaret Moth lived life to the fullest
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Parents in "bicycle-friendly" town won't let children ride to school because they don't trust parents who drive their kids to school
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The next time you start complaining about how bad your job stinks, compare it to this guy
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| (Some Guy) |
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A speed "trap" is not "entrapment"
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While(C.diff++) { printf("Everybody panic. And no .atm()");}
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The $575 million settlement over cleanup of Ground Zero? Can't have it. Not yours
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Wall Street bankers protest the oppression of their people. From the inside of their offices, because it was cold outside. And no, this is not from Onion
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| (Some Guy) |
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The history of the audio cassette tape. Get your pencils ready
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Sea lion netted in Sea Lion Caves. Sea lion lyin', sees no sea, so sea lion caves to Beavers
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Between the ages of 13 and 24 and taking the bus in the UK? Enjoy your drug test and full body scan, suspect
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Analysts believe gas prices won't bend you over like in the Summer of 2008, but expect to be felt up like the town pump wearing a tube top before an Independence Day picnic
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Houston area church prefers its "stations of the cross" themed art show entries to depict that part of the Passion where Christ was given Starbucks, and a foot massage
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| (Alertnet.org) |
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Earthquakes in places that start with GUA trifecta now in play, as Guatemala gets hit with a 5.3 magnitude temblor. Residents of Guam look around nervously
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| (Some Guy) |
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President Obama settles up Canadian beer bet with case of Yuengling. Furious Sam Adams storms off to join Boston Tea Party
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New York City is a sparkling-clean citadel of peace and good cheer - and so, citizen, city goverment is well within its rights to ticket you for putting your feet up in an empty subway car
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Radiation from space may be the reason everyone's Toyotas are accelerating
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You know it's going to be a bad year if it's only March and you've already been shot in the head twice
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Spotlights used by the Border Patrol are hindering an observatory in Southern Arizona from finding any aliens
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| (Grapevine) |
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Southern Iceland evacuated following eruption of random ASCII characters at Eyjafjallajökull
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| (St Louis Globe Democrat) |
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When texting your friend to come over and check out some drugs you just scored, be sure not to inadvertently send the message to a drug task force agent
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these Antarctic arches
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| (pbpulse.com) |
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-eating champ wins corned beef eating competition
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School janitor arrested for trying to poison pupils' soup, which if it was anything like the swill they served us in school, would have been a big improvement
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Actual headline--'Butt in mulch starts a fire at BIA hotel'. Apparently one should keep one's ass out of a compost pile?
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Restaurant closes after serving your mom
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If you're going to do a carjacking, try not to pick the vehicle with the pit bull just rescued from a dogfighting ring
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| (Times Herald) |
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Watts arrested for resistance
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| Sat March 20, 2010 |
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Photoshop this odd A-frame
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You know how the ancient Romans accidentally poisoned themselves by lining their plumbing with lead? Good thing we're not that stupid
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If you're sick today it's probably because you had cancer in a past life says psychologist who claims she was once a high priestess and leader of a mystic school in Egypt during the time of the pyramids
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Person shot while attending a Colorado gun show. If only there had been some way for them to protect themselves
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No one's ever shot a film plants can watch. Until now. Wait, what?
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Finally, Canadians will be able to enjoy Mountain Dew the way God intended it: Loaded with cafeine
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Most awesome tattoo you'll see today
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Mother Nature spins the earthquake wheel, and it comes up....wait for it....Guantanamo, Cuba. Congratulations Cuba, have fun with that 5.6 magnitude shaker
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River of poop streamed from Denver International Airport, according to Tom Butts, County Health Director
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wondering if you'll survive the upcoming zombie apocalypse? Here's a handy-dandy flowchart for you to determine the strengths and weaknesses of your survival plan. You do have a survival plan? Oh God, please tell me you have a plan?
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16 year old non-employee arrested for making that "all blacks, leave the store now" Wal-Mart announcement. Bonus: police used postings on Facebook to get evidence
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Officials change their mind, the Stripper Mobile - aka Skank Tank - is back on the streets after bannination. Tampa now officially dirtier than Vegas
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Just one more reason why subby prefers to stay on the couch
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What a bird's eye view of Google Street Map might look like (with pic)
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"Bees bees bees in the car! Bees everywhere! God, they're huge! They're ripping my flesh off! Run away, your firearms are useless against them!"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this low-tech TV
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A short but handy guide to the historic pubs of the UK
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26 percent of the people in this country still have something called a "life"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Steal a beer, go to prison for 5 years. Sounds about right
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Court says grandmother can be jailed up to six months for "stunt driving" after she went too fast passing a big truck
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Great news. Popular snack bar is renovated and reopened for business after being destroyed......1,921 years ago
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Paramedic gives a lift to five drunken teenage girls. For some reason his superiors have a problem with this
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| (Brantford Expositor) |
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When in Yellowstone Park you are most likely to be injured by (a) bear, (b) deer, (c) squirrels
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U.S. Navy hospital ship Comfort returns to Baltimore after two months in Haiti. Obviously, all problems are solved there now, and we can stop sending money, right?
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Catcalling women turns them against all men. Even the white knights
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Where do God-fearing Real Americans most like to live? They would be in Mississippi, which leads the nation in religious belief. Where are the godless heathens hiding from the Lord? Head on up New Hampshire and Vermont (damn hippie commies)
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| (The Pulse) |
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The tale of the life and times of a noble chicken. It's not news, it's... really not news
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Minnesota DOT and bridge inspector agree to settlement, avoiding lawsuit over I-35W bridge collapse that would have made both look like incompetent morons
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Several passersby called Boulder police Wednesday afternoon when Catharine Pierce, 52, tended to her front yard wearing only a yellow thong and pink gloves." With pic of strategically and wisely placed duct tape
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It's like snoooooooooooooow on the first day of spring
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Six women hoping to be crowned Miss Scotland. Proving that they are not all fried mars bar eating ginger slappers. With pics
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Not news: A car priced at $76,500. News: It's a 1970 Nissan. FARK: A 7.4 oz. platinum toy Nissan car
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Man puts on a suit, takes a taxi to an office, and goes completely unnoticed while spending the next 18 hours looting the office entirely of computers
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Christ returns to Earth, is immediately tasered by city police
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Ric Romero with this breaking news: Organic label misused on some foods
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| (Some Chicken Named Junior) |
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Photoshop this prized poultry
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Dumb: Forgetting to clear your browser cache. Dumber: Calling in IT guy to upgrade your computer. Fark: IT guy's mom gets you arrested on child porn rap. Happy ending: Supreme Court tells cops to suck it
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Necessity is truly the mother of invention. Especially if you're a trainer at SeaWorld and your job is to brush the teeth of a whale who just ate a trainer
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A Siamese cat named Amanda nurses her two newborn kittens and an orphaned litter of puppies, highlighting that all are welcome to enjoy Caturday
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Hundreds of people lined up before a giant toilet prop to bring awareness to World Water Day. Participants were asked to mind their pees in queue
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Curious what your 80's dream car would cost you today? Wonder no more, dude
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| (KPTV) |
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Worker develops unusual blister; authorities fear he may have been exposed to mustard gas or Lindsay Lohan
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69-year-old skydiver's parachute fails to open, and he survives....until he hit the ground
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Fark-ready headline of the day: Shark-bitten crocodile poop fossils found
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this low-flying airplane
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"The marijuana was for his pregnant goats." Wait, what?
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| Fri March 19, 2010 |
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If your name is Calvin and you live in the Sacramento area, go ahead and commit all the crimes you want, cause they'll just keep arresting this one black guy instead of you
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Oh the perks of being a cop... Free coffee.. free donuts.. speed whenever you want... and getting naked men with mohawks off billboards
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| (Some Children with No Talent) |
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Proof that your special little snowflake is going to be an amazing artist some day
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Mosquitos to be genetically altered to CURE malaria, not cause it. Ironic tag opens door for spiffy tag in this case
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If you're a lawyer, apparently you can be arrested for paying a homeless man to help find you clients
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Congratulations, GlaxoSmithKline just bought your family business for $2.9 billion, what are you going to do now? "I'm going to donate it to atheism"
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Out-of-control hugging leads to ban at middle school. 'Girls were using hugging as a game to see how fast boys could become aroused'. Principal: 'I was seeing evidence of it'
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Former mayor and his family have been terrorized by the shirtless, swearing jogger. "My kids, then 2 and 4, were petrified," he said. "They're still scared of this guy"
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Man dies after catching on fire while trying to burn down his home so his estranged wife wouldn't get it
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When 18-year-old "Marinesniper" meets 18-year-old "tallhotblond" on the Internet, you know one of them is lying
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| (WLFI) |
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Good: Spending time with your mom. Bad: Spending time with your mom while in police custody
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| (Some Guy) |
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Before you call authorities to say somebody is stranded in a river and needs help, ask yourself: "Could I be suffering hallucinations from the drugs I just took?"
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It's time to focus on this week's TSG Mugshot Roundup
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Deerfield Beach High needs to add some anger-management classes to its curriculum
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What do you get when you cross a stoat with Jet Li?
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| (KCRG) |
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When committing armed robbery, it's best if you getaway vehicle is nondescript. A van covered with pictures of strippers and an ad for "Big Earl's Goldmine" is NOT nondescript
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Problem: city bans drinking on the beach. Solution: Floatopia
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this tempting treat
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California's Bar Association has decided the joke is getting old
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Man sentenced to death for sorcery, apparently having failed his saving throw
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Pentagon cyberattack takes down jihadist Internet forum used to plan attacks in Iraq. Unfortunately, it was a covert CIA-Saudi honeypot used to monitor extremists
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| (Some Boogers) |
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Eighth grader Sarah Flickinger suspended from school for Flick-ing-er nose piercing. Of course, her crazy mom is Flick-ing-er finger at the school district. Why? Because a kindergarten teacher has one too
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| (WFAA) |
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Kind of like dominoes, but with giant exploding oil tanks
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Turns out recording upskirt videos might be legal in Indiana. Barely legal, that is
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Curious about how the health care vote will go this weekend? Want to see who already knows the outcome?
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Robbery suspect claims he has a "good heart"... unlike the hospitalized dying elderly woman from whom he stole $7,000 worth of jewelry
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| (Some Supervillain) |
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Supervillain Smackdown: Mystique vs Catwoman
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| (Bournemouth Echo) |
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Bizarre supermarket home delivery substitutions no. 3,750: "Sorry, we have no children's bubble bath in stock. Here's some sexual lubricant instead"
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| (Guy with a flickering fog of color) |
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Millions of migrating monarch butterflies have gotten lost somewhere over Mexico
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Oh, it's a banner farking day at the old Bender family; a new pill can halt the damage cigarettes cause to your lungs, so smoke up Johnny
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Hero teacher Mrs Q eats the same food AS THE STUDENTS (with anti food-porn pics of what a student might eat)
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| (Some Guy) |
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For sale: 840-acre island. Amenities include miles of private shoreline, 140-year old lighthouse and private research facility for highly infectous animal diseases
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Jon Stewart does his best Glenn Beck impersonation, somehow linking Jesus to the Ayatollah and both of them to Bert. The last one wasn't that much of a stretch
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Who is the stripper who is the painter who is the pizza maker? It's TSGs Friday Photo Fun. Contest ends at 6pm Eastern
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California police department subjected to deadly booby-traps, allegedly set by a criminally inclined biker gang. And you thought Steven Seagal's movies were far-fetched
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The ladies and gentlemen at the Crufts Dog Show show us all about proper English decorum, tradition, dog scrotum tickling (w/video)
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Items the RCMP seized from eco-terrorist Wiebo Ludwig's farm included a book called Disruptive Terrorism, a crossbow, and a Lord of the Dance cassette tape
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Swedish court rules that faking it is illegal. Your wife is now a hardened criminal
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Here's a tip, just because you have coin operated booths that show 'movies' doesn't make you a cinema. Oh, and here's a bill for all those back taxes you owe, please drive through
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Maryland secedes from the South
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Town planning new museum to mark the 200th anniversary of the Luddite uprising. Museum to feature interactive, multi-media exhibits which can also be accessed via live video over the Internet
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Photoshop this Afghani youth
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After a week of bad Publicity about found e-mails and federal grand juries, Sheriff Joe has apparently decided it's time for another Brown People Round-up in Maricopa County
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Having her gowns worn by Michelle Obama gave Chicago-based designer Maria Pinto such a career boost that, well, she's going out of business
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Burglar exhibits efficient time management, breaking into store and using its computer to try and sell the items he was in the process of stealing...all from his own MySpace account
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Actual headline: Woman is living proof that she's not dead
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I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a picture of a skateboarding owl
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Thousands of marauding animals eating their way through the countryside, severely damaging the local ecosystem. Who is responsible for this environmental disaster? Animal activists
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The strangest chandelier ever. Period
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| (Some Guy) |
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You know it's a good after-school girl-fight when an AK-47 was fired
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When your 42-year old parrot is diagnosed with cancer, let it go
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Most little kids are curious about where babies come from. Not all of them get to learn first hand by delivering their own brother
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| (Some Guy) |
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Okay, this time I DID shoot the deputy
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Universities starting to offer mixed gender dorm rooms, mixed species dorms rooms can only be next
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Ugly-ass baby squirrel monkey born at Edmonton's Valley Zoo. (With "awwww" pic)
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You know it's a good after-school girl-fight when Mom and "a slew of deputies on horseback, motorcycle, on foot and in cars" arrive
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Man arrested for attacking neighbors' door with hoe because he believed they stole his cookies. (w/ pic of hoe beater)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You know it's a weird story when the least strange part is a man eating a squirrel's eyeballs
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this guinea pig posing for a portrait
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Bernie Madoff's dizziness and hypertension that sent him to a prison hospital last Dec. turned out to be a broken nose, fractured ribs and cuts to his head and face. Shylock sought for questioning
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Having solved all other problems, undercover cops in Florida are now busting stores for letting people buy condoms with food stamps
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Head off to France for their new guillotine exhibit
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Think your commute is bad? It takes just as long to drive the LA Marathon route during rush hour as it does to run it
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Day after day / Alone on a hill / The naked old man with the camera is keeping perfectly still
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| Thu March 18, 2010 |
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Russia threatening to invade Canada of mineral and oil rights. Canada responds with a 'oh ya? Well my pants can kick your butt'
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GLOBAL WARMING may cause snow to fall in the Midwest this weekend. Because it never snows after February in the Midwest
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| (Some Dog) |
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Cute: Bedbug-detecting dog. Ewwww: Trainer keeps a vial of bedbugs for training purposes and feeds them by letting them bite her hand
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The EPA wants to know if long-term fracking using massive hot injections could be harmful to your health
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India - where people drink from the contaminated Ganges river and often bathe in cow urine - is considering banning Lindsay Lohan, because, hey, even they know where to draw the line
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HA HA, QUAKERTOWN MAN RECEIVES MENTAL EVALUATION AFTER SETTING HIS CAR ON FIRE
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| (Style Weekly) |
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Pesky First Amendment thwarts developer whose name was used for website depicting her as a demon with a "Ghostbusters 2" quote (link fixed)
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Shakespeare lost works "no hoax." Oh great, as if we need to spend even more hours trying to find *one* joke in the damn thing and forcing kids to dress up in tights and say "What ho, my lord"
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Sad Status Quo: Making your opponent in a bylaw debate sound scary by saying you refuse to be identified, claiming "fear of retaliation". Fark: In a debate about a leash-free park. Your dog: Steak, please
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| (Some Nutjob) |
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Woman sees Jesus in wooden door. Lady, that's knot Jesus. (w/ video)
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Divorce proceedings postponed in case of woman who hired hitman. Whew. We really hope this couple can work things out. (With "she's totally worth it" photo of accused woman)
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| (Some College) |
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Photoshop this stickman student
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Mother pig nurses her crippled newborn piglet to health. Both will be making a delicious appearance fried and covered in maple syrup on a breakfast plate next year
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Old and busted: finding an image of Jesus in your toast. The new hotness: finding the skeleton of Natalee Holloway in your vacation photos
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"Hipster on food stamps" fires back, blames his crappy career and an unjust society that discriminates against creative types like himself
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| (kmir6) |
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Suspect arrested in cinema thermometer stabbing, police say well done
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Kid learns the hard way that if you're old enough to rape an autistic woman on a street corner in broad daylight you're old enough for grown up PMITA prison
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"Moms' self esteem hurt by helpful dads" says Institute For Mens' Lazy-Ass Excuses
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Jordan and Chester M. are now friends. • Comment • Like • Pedophile
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Working for the government comes with some great perks, like job stability, posh benefits packages, and in many cases, the need to pay taxes
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The Pentagon official who allegedly boasted of running his own private team of "Jason Bournes" is finally speaking out
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Not only is driving with early Alzheimer's ill-advised, studies now show it might also be ill-advised as well
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Coffee, tea, or flight attendants in hot pants?
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Smoking hot cougar that had been prowling near high school turns out to be a male. Just like that hooker you picked up the other night
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Five of the 10 plants with the highest amount of mercury emitted are in Texas, which explains a lot
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A boardwalk is a lovely place to have a wedding... provided that the boardwalk can support all of your chunky asses
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Giant hovering pliers attack house in England. I say, shall we all panic? Quite
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Somali pirates attempt attack on Dutch warship with expected results
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Photoshop theme: This will not end well
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Archbishop of New York calls out NYPD police commissioner, and St. Patrick's Day parade grand marshal, for being late to church. Fortunately the commissioner had a good excuse
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Cable glitch replaces children's TV with Playboy channel for the BEST TWO HOURS EVER
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43-year-old woman arrested for alleged sex act with student (w/ "hell yes" pic)
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A possible factor in Type 2 diabetes risk is antici- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Jon Stewart: "He's just like our last president". Texas school board member: "Somebody needs to stand up to the experts" Jon Stewart: "Wow he really is just like our last president."
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If you beat the murder charges, but you did actually commit the murder, the first thing you do shouldn't be to write a taunting letter to prosecutors detailing the crime. Unless you want that to also be the last thing you do
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Bus driver who won £2.3 million lottery the day after getting a divorce vows to share his jackpot with his ex-wife. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
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Disgruntled ex-employee of car dealership accused of remotely disabling 100 customer's cars over the internet. In other news, your car dealer can apparently disable your car over the internet
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Behold the horror that is the Steve Jobs cheese head. Good luck trying to get to sleep tonight
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Last chance to sign up for 2010 Fark NCAA Tournament Pick'em. Search for Fark, no pword required. Duke sucks
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - pation
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Health officials reveal that most brain injuries are the result of falls, accidents, reruns of "Two and a Half Men"
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Man ends his electrician career to become a conductor
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Today's Fark-Ready headline "Sleeping man shocked after cold man jumps into bed"
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Armed robber goes to a grocery store, pulls out a knife, and demands cash. Do the other customers: a) hold him at gunpoint until the cops arrive, b) tackle him and take his knife away, or c) bring him down with a hail of vegetables?
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Cutest pics you'll see today of a Persian cat taking a dip in the family pool
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In case your faith in humanity wasn't shaken enough
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| (Daily Telegraph) |
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Gambling GILF grievously gyps guru, galled gaolers grab granny
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Police suspect flees biting dog
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Officer forced to take evasive action to avoid getting struck by A) gunfire, B) car, or C) penis
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| (Some Guy) |
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Add some color to this bleak landscape
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Insurance company does the right thing by helping those most in need. Just kidding, they pick out people in a database who probably have life-threatening illnesses and investigate them for fraud so they can drop their coverage
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Pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, and hot lead
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Ex-vegan gives talk to vegans. Do they: c) burn her face with capiscum while the audience cheers?
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| (Daily Telegraph) |
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Living in your car with 23 animals? That's a finin'
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Cracked presents the Cliff's Notes version of Drew's book for free: Six ways the media disguises BS as fact
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Correctional officer at the Cook County Jail was fired for bringing DVD's to work to watch; DVDs of Discovery Channel's "Cook County Jail" series
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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting missile strike against an Al Qaeda leader." "Interrupting missile strike aga-" *KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
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Proving that some people just can't take a hint, a Nova Scotia woman has been incorrectly declared dead by authorities - for the second time
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 254: "Farkitecture" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed March 17, 2010 |
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What does a one year old Happy Meal look like?
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Cure for breast cancer found. Still no cure for canc, er... um, Duke sucks? (w/ photo of medically relevant sideboob)
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| (azfamily.com) |
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Dad leaps from a second story window and shoots his daughter's boyfriend in the groin when he sees him beating her up, guaranteeing whoever dates her in the future will always get her home before curfew
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"Scarface" is: being captured by the police · 15 minutes ago · Comment · Like
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| (Some Guy) |
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Illinois pub celebrates St. Patrick's Day with a pint-for-a-pint blood drive. Bet you can't drink more than ten
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Having solved all of the other problems in the state, the Tennessee state Senate has passed legislation to allow aquariums in barber shops
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| (KSBY) |
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March Madness a popular time for vasectomies
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Just in case that whole 2012 thing doesn't work out, Leonardo Davinci apparently thought the world would end in 4006. So, you've got that to look forward to
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Photoshop this brick balancing
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Guy drinks shot of morphine to celebrate his clean drug test, with predictable results
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State's list of worst-at-math schools is retracted due to -- wait for it -- math error made by state
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested for crossing the street to buy pizza
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| (Some Guy) |
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Spring break: rape, drinking, sun, beach, rape
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Sheriff's helicopter launched to help in high-speed scooter pursuit
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| (Some Booted Brit) |
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Man kicked off train for writing down the titles of songs and artists, including "The Killers" and "Take Me Out"
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| ($ome Guy) |
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With $peeding ticket revenue down during the bad economic time$ the $tate i$ con$idering rai$ing $peeding fine$, you know for public $afety
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Spring breaker too drunk to remember if he had been robbed. "I noted (he) had urinated on himself"
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University of Texas announces that it's instituting the Van Wilder rule
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| (Some American) |
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9/11 Solved. Any questions?
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Yo, dawg. Life herd you like dogs, dawg, so they put some Irish dogs up for St. Patrick's Day
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US kids now getting stoned on Spice, apply for summer Guild Navigator jobs
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The cutest monkey snowball fight you'll see all day
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You should never kick your bus driver in the head. Especially when he's driving down the interstate
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The United States Army has changed how they train soldiers for the first time in over 30 years. Apparently, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare doesn't prepare you to carry 60 pounds of gear in the desert
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The most awesome pictures of a Bald Eagle chasing down a European Starling you will see all day
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Body found in golf course pond may be heir to snack food fortune. Police suspect foul play, two-stroke penalty
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Photoshop these finance fellows
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Three students at a D.C. elementary school have been diagnosed with scarlet fever. In other news, we still have scarlet fever
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| (Some Greeter) |
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Wal-Mart: Rolling back civil rights
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| (Some Looper) |
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Small Montana town creates 1,000 Buddhas for the Dalai Lama and he promises to visit. So they got that going for them
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Woman claims her clown shoes were defective. No word on that pesky seltzer bottle
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Irish Prime Minister meets with O'Bama. Guinness Summit?
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Only in recent years has St. Patrick's Day become the alcohol-infused Celtic festival celebrated around the world with music, parades, leaping leprechauns and public mischief..."
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Answering an age old question 'what would the dog do if he CAUGHT the car?', is this story from Chatanooga. BONUS: It was a cop car
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Seems like no one comes to visit anymore? Maybe it's because you're behind on your HOA fees
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| (KFAB) |
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Showing up for your DUI sentencing with a blood-alcohol level five times the legal limit might not earn you any favors with the judge
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Country musician saw that snow a comin', it was rollin' round the bend, Then he drove his car into a drift, spent four days feeling penned
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Things you can't get arrested for doing with a laser pointer: playing with your cat. Things you can get arrested for doing with your laser pointer: blinding police chopper pilots
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Pilot hits own house with plane. He's gonna be sleeping in the hangar for awhile
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From the 'you're doing it wrong' department: Gunman tries to attack Lenin's corpse in Red Square
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Hello, this is Phil. We found your lost vehicle. You had crashed it in a different place than you thought. But it's still on the Moon
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And now, the most moving story you'll read all day
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| (wsbradio.com) |
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"I know, let's set up our mobile meth lab in the Wal Mart parking lot. Nobody will see anything"
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Tapping the maple trees in a cemetery is just wrong. And sticky
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Father of the year candidate gets so drunk and stoned that he leaves his baby in the oven overnight. Authorities report that the child is safe, moist, and tender
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| (NineMSN) |
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Pictured on the cover of a large Swiss daily while naked on a ledge outside a burning transsexual brothel is definitely not where you want to end up, son
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Photoshop Theme: Sequels to movies that quite frankly shouldn't have been made in the first place
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| (Reader's Digest) |
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From the rolling green hills of Tennese, to the rocky beaches of Masachusets, Reader's Digest ranks states' road netwurks
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Man buys scissors from 7-11 so accomplice can hold-up another 7-11 250m away while first man waits in taxi driven by vigilante. And then it gets weird
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you abandoned 15 pounds of cocaine at a Cincinnati airport bathroom, some very nice men in suits would like to talk with you
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$75 million in pharmaceuticals stolen from Eli Lilly & Co warehouse; thieves said to be happy, erect, steady-legged, may be unable to sleep, pee, breathe, eat, should contact a doctor if symptoms last more than four hours
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Dentist is accused of using paper clips instead of stainless steel posts inside the teeth of root canal patients. He's expected to be charged with wire fraud
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Man arrested after firing shotgun at his own fence. *Sigh* another story about a pro-gun picketer
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Tragedy today, as schoolteacher-eating wolves were killed by Alaskans. They were delicious
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| Tue March 16, 2010 |
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There's a push to make movie theater snacks more healthy. It sounds reasonable until you find out it's being helmed by Bill Clinton
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Ever have a teacher who kept chewing your ear off? Probably not like this
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| (OC Register) |
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11-year-old boy files claim asking for $500,000 after he trips and burns his foot on beach fire pit. Apparently he was unable to read the DANGER HOT COALS sign or comprehend what a fire pit might contain
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Investigators looking into deaths of two teens linked to "miaow miaow". Eartha Kitt, Lee Meriwether, Julie Newmar, Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry sought for questioning
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I have no idea what you're talking about so here's a picture of an alpaca surfing off the coast of Peru
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these two on the floor in a store
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300-pound "White Boy" calls Mom to tell her he left his coke stash at Spank's house. From jail
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Not news: City wants a statue for its anniversary celebration. News: 400th anniversary, making it one of the oldest in the US. Fark: They hired the guy who sculpted Yoda
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| (KSDK) |
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Major Case Squad investigating body found in cemetery. Wait till they start digging around for clues
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Trade schools are as useful as bartending school
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| (Politics Daily) |
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Life of US soldier in Baghdad saved, thanks to a concerned roommate and a stolen firing pin
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| (Suburban Chicago News) |
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NTSB says 2008 helicopter crash that killed 4 in Aurora, IL was caused by "inadequate preflight planning", which apparently should have included "try to miss that huge radio tower"
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Hipsters buying organic salmon, imported cheeses and perrier with food stamps? It's more likely than you think
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In hopes of circumventing anti-smoking laws, man opens up a smoker-friendly tobacco store inside a bar. "The tobacco shop has no walls. Its boundaries are marked off by duct tape."
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Indiana man catches wife in bed with another guy. Guy winds up naked on TV. Actually vice versa, TV winds up on naked guy
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| (Courthouse News) |
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Court rules that an ad depicting giant lawyers with superhuman speed who regularly defend space aliens is not likely to mislead consumers
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Boss says "ex-drug dealers, convicts and child molesters" make better employees than former soldiers. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this
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Encyclopedia Dramatica author faces possibility of criminal charges because an article on his site offended an Aborigine
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Thief makes off with Starbucks tip jar containing $25, or enough to buy about half a latte
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Photoshop this Korean cotton picker
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Steve just joined "Making new friends on Facebook who I hope aren't narcs"
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| (Chow.com) |
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Ten different ways to cook with Guinness. Not included: Getting wasted on stout then buying a death dog at 7-11 at 2 a.m
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NYPD detectives getting hours of overtime to retrieve their unmarked cars from the impound lot after the NYPD tows them. Brilliant
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"...dinosaurs were born of Satanic angel who has sex with woman and the animal kingdom that created ungodly reptilian creatures," said the former jail guard wondering why he no longer has a job
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| (Valley Indy) |
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News: Police officer on trial after an internal affairs investigation. Fark: For stealing a $24 garden hose that was later found in the police station
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"Modern British cooking feels more adventurous than a lot of American cooking." Why? Do they put ancho peppers and heirloom tomatoes in their spotted dick now?
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| (Courier Press) |
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Kentucky schools tackle the "cheese sandwich issue," decide to crack down on all these deadbeat kids who keep forgetting their lunch money
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Study: Men with erectile dysfunction twice as likely to be broken hearted
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Ring ring ring, bananas prevent HIV infection
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Study finds that women between 2000 and 2009 had an average of 5.65 different sexual partners by the time they were 24, none of which were you
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13-year old killed with knife in the library. Colonel Mustard, Miss Scarlet wanted for questioning as police have no clue
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Great: saving your life by making an emergency landing on a nearly-deserted beach. Fark: the beach was nearly deserted, so you know how this ends
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Obituarial lolwuttery: "For love and stability they turned to their father's old nanny, Marie, an uncompromisingly down-to-earth, one-eyed Swiss peasant who, having lost her own baby, kept a picture of his corpse above their beds."
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Your disgusting fat is saving your fatty life
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| (The Cairns Post) |
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A: Cow's tongue, rump steaks, lamb chops, limes and onions. Q: What's that in your pants sir?
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| (Herald Sun) |
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Tilting at windmill kills two
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The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together. It convinces employment agencies to apologize for throwing us out
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After birthday party, parents accidentally leave the birthday boy behind at the restaurant. Realizing their mistake after getting home, they frantically look for him 36 hours later
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Young, black men should avoid changing license plates in public in Carrolton, Texas. Even if they are a car dealer and are required by law to do so after a sale. Trust me on this one
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Let those of you who have never stolen a severed hand from a bar cast the first stone
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Thanks to the crystal-clear sound of its PA system, the Port Authority will always have the citizens of Brooklyn prepared in the event of a zzb frzzkd sxpldts
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Photoshop these mirrors
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Ugg boots aren't only the fashion equivalent of a train wreck, they're bad for your health, too. Here comes the science
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In just one day, English police caught a motorist steering his car with his elbows while using both hands to roll a cigarette and reading from a clipboard placed across the steering wheel, and another woman driving with her hood up
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Soldier wounded by RPG learns to lick his blindness
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| (Some Guy) |
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Flight Attendants want Congress to limit carry-on bag size because people are not wanting to pay for baggage. If only there was some way to have the same outcome without legislation, perhaps a repeal of some prior policy
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"Female driver rolls car after leaving bar, gets DUI" says headline with five extra words
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| (Ireland OnLine) |
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It is a forward, assertive vintage, with dominant notes of oak, dark currant and tooth shards, the perfect bottle for rousing your sleeping brother who refuses to leave your easy chair
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If you don't have a driver's license and have been arrested for it 14 times already -- for the love of God, put on your seat belt
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| (Missoulian) |
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If you still can't get credit to buy a home, there's good news: God's issuing mortgages in Montana
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To Americans who don't fully grasp how popular Tim Hortons is in Canada, this pretty much sums it up
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It was a giant penis with water shooting out. Parents were rushing their children away from it so they would not have to explain why grown men wearing fur were drinking the white fluid and dancing in it, too
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| Mon March 15, 2010 |
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New Study from the Romero Institute: People are Healthier After They Quit Smoking
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| (Some Counterfeit Clergy) |
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Photoshop these pretend popes
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You can't find your wife at a theme park. Do you: a) call her cell phone, b) ask for help, or c) leave your four-month-old baby in the bushes and walk around for an hour?
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Apple iPad orders drop sharply over the weekend, should pick up about 28 days from now
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Woman accused of beating her sister with a toilet lid (w/ "Hells yeah I did it" mugshot)
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Local man shocked, SHOCKED at penalty for stealing copper
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The #1 most stolen street sign in Green Bay is Mullet Place, beating out Lombardi Avenue, Reggie White Way and Brett Favre Pass. "City crews have moved it higher on the street pole and out of reach"
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Three things you didn't know about Supreme Court Justice Stevens: he witnessed Babe Ruth's called shot, enlisted the day before Pearl Harbor, and a Chicago hotel still bears his family initial
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World's Shortest Man Dead at 21. Years, not inches
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| (wtol) |
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WOLVERINES. Oh, never mind
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"Hate speech infiltrates social networking sites," reports Jesse Soloman, who was recently revived from a 25 year cryogenic freeze
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The butt end of canine fashion
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Police are investigating the death of a woman found at the base of a nine-story parking deck, gravity seen leaving the area at a high rate of speed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Judge is displeased with the conditions of prisoners' holding cells so he: a) holds the jailer in contempt of court b) issues an injunction c) scrubs the cells and cleans the toilets himself
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| (Smithsonian Magazine) |
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The most needlessly poetic article about not finding treasure you'll read today
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Thai protesters to spill blood on the steps of parliament. Fark: They'll be spilling their own blood. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the very definition of "doing it wrong"
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You should probably stay away from the business end of a taser if you have an "astronomical level" of methamphetamine in your system
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GA Supreme court upholds portion of Sex Offender registration with this logic "it is of no consequence whether or not one has committed an offense that is 'sexual' in nature before being required to register,"
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Fox staffers claim that America's top crybaby, Glenn Beck, tears up on cue in rehearsal
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The City of New Orleans encourages tourists to take pictures of police officers in action. Just kidding, they'll haul your ass to jail for that
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Good neighbor: Operates noisy equipment indoors, with the windows closed. Dead neighbor: It's a portable generator
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| (Somewhere in NC) |
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Photoshop these jet engine technicians
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