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| Sun November 22, 2009 |
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Not news: woman wants twins. News: woman already has thirteen kids. Fark: names include Peppermint, Echo, Rogue, Frodo, Morpheus, Blackbird and Voorhees. The Sun is there, and there, and there, and there
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Photoshop this immune system test
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Lots and lots of people would rather die than continue working for France Telecom
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Doctors discover patient trapped in a 23-year 'coma' has been conscious all along
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Despite efforts to discourage them, Iraqi refugees keep flocking to Detroit, since living in a war-torn third world hellhole reminds them of home
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Congratulations to the unnamed motorist who received Virginia's first $1,000 traffic ticket for his/her fourth HOV (high occupancy vehicle) lane violation
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| (NBC Bay Area) |
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If you are in Salinas, CA on Tuesday night and find yourself at a DUI checkpoint, you will either be going to jail or getting a free turkey
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| (THR) |
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Next on the docket: Case No. 1950cv05050: Mouse vs. Duck for trademark infringement. Bonus: The summons was served by Goofy
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The coolest Human-Powered Road-Going Viking Boat you'll see today
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Kid with terminal cancer is close to death and doesn't want to burden his family with restoring his prized Pontiac Fiero. Help comes in from all over the world. Hero tag runs over Dumbass tag for restoring a Fiero
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| (Marietta Daily Journal) |
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Georgia's Supreme Court made it legal for 16-year-olds to fark their teachers last year, but wouldn't you know it, some party-poopers are trying to change that. Why won't they think of the children?
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| (Some Guy) |
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When your guys are already out there on camera beating up protesters and gadflies, it's a really bad time to start a fight with the Boy Scouts
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| (Some NASA Contest) |
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Design a patch for the final shuttle mission. Difficulty: has to include mission number STS-134
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Another sign of a reviving economy: Michael Jackson's glove sells for $350,000, his fedora for $22,000 and his collection of Diana Ross albums for $10,000
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Flooding continues in Lancashire. Maybe if they drilled some drainage holes...about 4,000 should do the trick
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Man to marry his virtual girlfriend this weekend. Newlyweds will honeymoon at resort basement with a window view outside
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Ahmadinejad in Tehran has a plot / But the US and Israelis think not / So they'll ready their planes / Cos they think he's insane / And build the world's biggest glass parking lot
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Be glad for the tryptophan in the turkey on Thanksgiving. It blocks the 9 aphrodisacs from turning family dinner into a hillbilly honeymoon
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Las Vegas passes law requiring all dogs and cats be sterilized. You bet your dog wants a bus ticket. So does your cat
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Brits up in arms over proposal to have their national health system provide counseling to couples whose marriages are on the rocks. Not like there's any link between relationship stability and health, after all
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46 years ago today, a single man killed JFK
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Tween pop star holds concert in mall. A twangle of tweens riot before show begins. Police arrest tween star's manager for failing to twitter to the tweens about the twangle. All twue
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Nurturing, caring and not-at-all helicoptery Manhattan parents hire tutors to get their kids ahead on the big entrance exam...for kindergarten
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Iran to conduct another photoshop exercise
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Photoshop these desktop dispensers
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Earth's weather like you have never seen it before... with a little help from NASA's GEOS-5 atmospheric general circulation model
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| (Zim Diaspora) |
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Running errands for his job, man is kidnapped by 3 women, locked in a church, forced to have sex, then dumped at a shopping center. Cool story, bro
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The Statue of Liberty. Mount Rushmore. The Washington Monument. And now, Billy Carter's gas station. Wait, what?
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Britain's new internet law is as bad as everyone's been saying, and worse. Much, much worse
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| (Asbury Park Press) |
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Macy's Thanksgiving parade changes route; Charlie Brown balloon to get a come-on from the whores on Seventh Avenue
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| (Some Guy) |
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School board expels student for having legally possessed, unloaded shotguns off school property. In other news, schools are using dogs to search parked cars anywhere they damn well please, because it's for the children
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| (Amazon) |
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The greatest Amazon customer reviews you'll read since the Tuscan Milk. Bonus product pictures
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| (Tech Generation) |
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Scottish "brain scientist" urges schools to ditch computers for something called "books." With picture of what books might look like
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Ft. Hood shooter paralyzed, incontinent, reports Journal of the World's Tiniest Violin
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If you are receiving monthly insurance checks because you have claimed you are too depressed to work, it would be wise not to post pictures of yourself smiling in a bikini on the beach on Facebook
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| (ABC27) |
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Radiation leak reported at Three Mile Island nuclear plant, no danger to public reported. No, this is not a repeat from 1979
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Fun-loving San Francisco cable car decides to give passengers an impromptu reminder of Newton's First Law of Motion
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this flagrant foul
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| (Some Guy) |
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From The Article: He confessed saying he had snapped when he saw her shock at finding him masturbating while pulling on a scarf tied tight around his neck
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| Sat November 21, 2009 |
| (News 1130) |
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You've shot yourself in the foot. Do you a) go to the hospital, b) call an ambulance, or c) try to handle it yourself, and die from loss of blood/shock?
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Man attacked by assailants intent on stealing loaf of bread. It's a wonder he survived
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Progress: Story about cat stuck on top of utility pole has video. Fail: three minutes of cat's owner saying how smart her cat is, zero minutes of rescue. Adapt or die, newspapers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this room under construction
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| (Tribune-Review) |
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Pittsburgh plans to tax college students, wants them to pay fair share
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Genetics anti-bias law takes effect today, forcing insurance companies, employers to use outward appearance to discriminate against you
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| (Some slow moving Guy) |
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It's a boy: Zoo tortoise reveals mistaken identity after 50 years, so the zoo renamed the tortoise Terry formally known as Mary
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| (Some Guy) |
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Like some Farkers' dream girls, this suspect had nice melons and 800 pounds of pot. Unfortunately, that's where the similarities end
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When schools remove chocolate milk from the cafeteria they are simultanously bombarded with student protests and expensive dairy industry media campaigns
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Funny, subby's cold-as-a-fish ex-wife is also named Wendy. I hope this doesn't get greenlit
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| (Oxford Mail Guy) |
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Not news: dark-skinned man illegally parks car in London. Still not news: it's a riced-out Honda. Fark: cops blow it up as a terrorist threat
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Not-Christmas not-tree decorated with not-lights will sit on city common this generic holiday season
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Rice paddy art. Sure it's a slide show, but if they can plan and plant this and erect a tower to view it from, surely you can manage to move your mouse
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| (Some Guy) |
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University bars 30+ students from graduating due to their obesity. This headline would have been funnier, but I'm busy trying to explain to my parents why I won't be getting my degree in Communications
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School for the blind in Baghdad gets aid shipment. I SAID SCHOOL FOR THE BLIND IN BAGHDAD GETS AID SHIPMENT
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Okay, NOW you can officially panic
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People shocked, SHOCKED, to discover that ads urging you to sell old jewellery for cash may not be as glittering as they seem
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these airborne angry abstracts
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| (The Pulse) |
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One would think that packing heat in a bar is a recipe for disaster. Sadly, it took one of those crazy "activist judges" to finally use some common sense
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Duke of Northumberland, who owns Hogwarts, is not real Duke of Northumberland, alleges retired hockey player from New Zealand
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Nearly 40% of all Americans ages 18 to 24 were enrolled in college this year, ensuring us a future of very well educated fast food workers and Walmart clerks
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| (Reading Eagle) |
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If you stole someone's five-foot good luck distelfink, the Pennsylvania Dutch would like to speak to you, and remind you that stealing good luck symbols is bad luck
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Semi-nude Victoria's Secret fashion models reveal untold talents and you've already clicked the link, haven't you? Have I told you about my mother lately? No, she's doing fine, just making cheesecake and some muffins this morning
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If police are kind enough to place your bank robbery note in front of you, you might as well eat it. Claim is was bad poetry later (with dashcam munching video)
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Burka Barbie
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| (Some Guy) |
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The US Postal Service agrees to allow Santa's enslaved work force to continue to receive his mail
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| (Intelligencer) |
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General Washington and Continental Army worry that park closure may disrupt secret plan to cross Delaware, surprise Hessians at Trenton
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| (asylum.com) |
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Certain letters burn out on Elmhurst Hospital sign to create second sign full of win
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Two-year-old Shyla, a cat-loving chihuahua, decided to start nursing seven abandoned kittens, just in time for Caturday
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Man arrested at airport with 15 live lizards strapped to chest. Custom agents became suspicious after hearing voices with Cockney accents offering a savings of 15% on car insurance
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| (Some Guy) |
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There isn't a facepalm big enough: couple claims Michael Jackson is appearing in their child's ultrasound. "It is my seventh child, and seven is a mythical number."
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♫ I took a little souvenir-o of a man / Stole a tooth, stole a tooth, fingers and a ver-te-bra / Hidden out of sight, but now they'll see the light again / GALILEO galileo GALILEO galileo Galileo Figaro / Magnificoooooo ♫
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Man offers to pay kid to spit in his face, gets arrested. In related news, "annoying a child" is a crime. Don't anyone tell subby's teenager
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Police To Man: Why did you crash into this building? Man: Because the FBI have a mind-reading device in there, of course. Police: This isn't an FBI building
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Photoshop these spotted sea squirts
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| (Limerick Leader) |
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100-foot Christmas Tree crashes into bridge, makes its presents felt
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| Fri November 20, 2009 |
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Photoshop this diver
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| (FarmAndDairy) |
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Opportunities exist for beef, dairy producers to utilize damaged corn. Subby is sure milking the corn today
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And if thy ex-girlfriend's eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from the 8th-floor balcony
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What has being a Dungeons and Dragons player taught you about dating?
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Yesterday: Stop getting mamograms, they're too expensive. Today: Stop getting pap smears, they're too expensive
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This week's TSG mugshot round up- someone is gettin' fired at the "gun"
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Great Corn Adventure
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Human Fat found in cosmetics. You submitted this with a Tyler Durden reference
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Going to the movies this weekend? Chow down three McDonald's Quarter Pounders and 12 pats of butter before you go. It'll be healthier than ordering a medium popcorn (without butter)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Two girls make 1st Cornhole Cup a success
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If you have hacked your way into the world's most prestigious global warming center and downloaded documents indicating the whole thing is a hoax, quite a few people would like a word with you
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| (The Roanoke Times) |
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Tupperware crash causes delays on interstate, officials reportedly couldn't contain the spill
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| (Some Guy) |
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China's corn output is likely to drop during 2010 due to continued drought in the North East region
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Yorkshire Ripper nearly blinded by Broadmoor Killer. No, this is not a story about pro-wrestling
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When the police knock on your door, it's best not to answer it while covered in bank dye and holding a big bag of crack
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man hhhhhholds up bank armed only with his hhhhhhalitosis
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| (Some Guy) |
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Angry man in van terrorizes peaceful island for years; now the lead singer of the Killer Bagels is dead. Not a movie plot, unfortunately
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Apple tells smokers who have sent their machines in for repair that their warranty is voided, because it doesn't cover damage caused by second-hand smoke. WHERE IS YOUR OS X NOW?
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Photoshop these seashore shards
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ADM says corn chowder will be creamier for the holidays this year
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| (Some Correctness) |
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Superhero Smackdown: The FINAL. Superman vs The Flash
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| (TheIndyChannel) |
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Doughnut shop robbed and employees forced to remove pants at gunpoint; unbelievably, police were nowhere to be found
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AAA releases their much anticipated report concluding that many people will be driving during the Thanksgiving holiday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman wakes up to find a strange man wearing her bra and panties (w/ picture of what a strange man who wears bras and panties might look like)
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Nominations now open for Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest (repost, link goes to Monday's thread)
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Residents of Cockermouth are rescued from their homes by dinghys on Friday after heavy rain caused flooding in Cumbria
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Sharp-eyed researcher finds laundry instructions on Shroud of Turin
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| (NBC New York) |
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I bet you weren't expecting the "She can't have been drunk; she talked McDonald's into making lunch during breakfast hours" defense
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| (Danbury News Times) |
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Man arrested for assault thanks to his last name, helpfully displayed on his vanity plate. That's some F1NE police work, Lou
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man claims his friends got drunk and cut off his electronic monitoring device. Or maybe some students attacked him and cut it off. He can't decide
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The rule about wearing white after Labor Day is now being strictly enforced by men with guns
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Music teacher jailed for playing skin flute. You submitted this with A minor joke
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| (WTVR) |
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Miley Cyrus' tour bus crashes in Virginia. Driver dead, no word on the condition of either Miley Cyrus or Hannah Montana
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Poncho Claus, an entertainer known for leading a caravan of low riders through neighborhoods and passing out Christmas presents, has been hospitalized. Bueno suerte, señor
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"Predator" who posed as Australian cab driver jailed, possibly by Lieutenant Harrigan
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A Bronx hospital and the city are really hEARing it from a Bronx man whose ear was thrown in the garbage. Ear we go again with another unbEARable lawsuit
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If you've collected $150,000 in fraudulent disability benefits, you may want to keep your able-bodied ass off of national television
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TSG Friday Photo Fun challenges you to identify the celebrity who was busted at the pictured location. Contest closes 6PM Eastern
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I don't care if she is Brazilian, there's "hittable crazy", then there's "set fire to a transvestite over a missing handbag" crazy. You've got to draw the line somewhere
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Police officer missing after "Biblical floods" hit Northern England. Authorities expect to begin the search in 40 days
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Scientists have learned some amaizing kernels of truth from mapping the corn genome. "They're just popping up"
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Royal Carribbean launches "Oasis of the Seas," a ship that's five times as big as the Titanic, can't dock in many ports because of its size, and can spread Hantavirus to almost 7000 people at once
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| (Only in Vantucky) |
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Not News: Woman organizes charity carwash for hit and run victim's family. Sorta News: Woman steals from carwash. FARK: To bail out the suspect in the hit and run case
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Top S. Korean model found hanged in her Paris apartment. Police are unable to determine a time of death, because, as a model, she's looked like a corpse for some years now
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Here it is, this year's USA Today bit about what infrequent fliers can expect at airports, including less flights, higher fees, longer lines, alligator pits,and a Muzak version of "Oops I Did It Again" played on an infinite loop
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Urlee Inglesh lurneeng comz undurr acuhdemik atak
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iowa town needs emergency coconuts after massive lime spill
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| (Awww) |
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Cameraman captures photos of a polar bear viciously attacking a human
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| (Some Chicken Lover) |
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Apparently, the idea of putting on a giant chicken suit and crashing a city council meeting hasn't gotten old in Colorado
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Not news: coming home from a weekend trip and discovering that your house was broken into. FARK: broken into to hang Christmas decorations
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If you're so exhausted after a three day coke and hooker orgy that the pimp cuts you off, it might be a sign you need to slow down. Wouldn't you agree, Rabbi?
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Man accused of using squeegee to attack another in fight over gas pump. Victim says he clearly saw what happened
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Photoshop these Himalayan horn blowers
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Sunnyvale, CA named happiest place in America, Crappyville still least happy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Couple arrested for refusing to pay a mandatory 18 percent gratuity at a restaurant. "I had to get napkins and silverware for the table myself"
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| (Chronicle-Herald) |
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UK man invents humane lobster killing device. PETA buys two, ships them to Arizona for promotional lobsterfest. Courier company loses the devices. PETA forced to boil hundreds of lobsters alive to avoid crustecean-craving lynch mob
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Three French hens, two turtle doves, and 316,000 bongs disguised as christmas ornaments in a shipping container
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Gardener finds a squash in the shape of a duck. The Sun is there
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500 sheep die in crash. Try not to lose any sleep over it
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Jeanne-Claude, co-creator of "The Gates," and wife of Christo, dies at 74. That's a wrap
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New L.A. ACORN sting: "Why, sure I'll help you launder money to pimp underaged girls"
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Squirrels, having trouble climbing down trees, evolved more flexible ankles. Cats, having trouble climbing down trees, evolved humans with pulleys
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| Thu November 19, 2009 |
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Photoshop theme: Awkward family holiday gatherings
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're trying to rob a home, the only thing scarier than looking up and seeing the homeowner aiming a gun at you is when the homeowner is a 91-year-old naked man. "He was screaming."
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800-pound man stays eight months in his recliner without getting up. What a lazy boy
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Toddler falls into baptismal font. To answer the obvious question: Yes, he was saved
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Car slams into bakery. THAT'S the way the cookie crumbles
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"Correction: A headline incorrectly stated 'stolen groceries.' It should have read 'homicide.' "
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Owner of famous NYC bagel company charged with tax fraud. Prosecutors say they have more than enough to lox him away, though his lawyers say he's the victim of a schmear campaign
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this cowgirl ringing the dinner bell
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| (News Times) |
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Uranus stolen from school's model solar system. Staff are all butt-hurt about it
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| (WTAE-TV) |
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Actual headline: "Pittsburgh Police Want To See Junk In Your Trunk"
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Compact fluorescent bulbs save energy by getting dimmer over time
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What happens when the irresistable force of "think of the children" meets the immovable object of "not in my backyard"?
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| (KOMU) |
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Farker gets injured in Iraq. Now the government refuses to give TSGLI benefits, claiming that his paralysis doesn't qualify as a "traumatic event". W/Video containing pics of what a traumatic event might look like
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| (macon.com) |
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Trial near for woman accused of dismembering husband now that prosecutors have the put pieces of their case together
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Welcome to Australia, where the men are men and the koalas are all dying from stress-induced chlamydia
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US Postal Service, Grinch suspends Santa letter program in North Pole, Alaska after one of the elves turns out to be a registered sex offender
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"Slapping stuffing on the outside of the bird was an inspired way to hide the fact that it had been partly eaten by a raccoon."
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Scientists continue to go down the list of things in the world and study them to see if they save us from the flu. Right now, they're on "caterpillar ovaries"
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Alan Moore, destroyer of library workers
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Today is World Toilet Day, and around the globe, people are flushed with excitement
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Posting a naughty word on the internet can cost you your job these days. Farkers back away from their computers, slowly
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| (Some Guy) |
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"A child, two guys, can of Quick Start, Bic lighter: How could this not go wrong?"
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Two thirds of respondents in national poll say they do not plan to get swine flu vaccine, will just sue somebody later on if they get sick
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How to tell if your car mechanic is scamming you. Step 1: Look down -- do you have boobies?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Charter bus returning from casino rolls over, kills two. What are the odds?
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Communist era draws to a close after 10,000 years...in British Columbia
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Crane takes out house while trying to remove a tree. If do right, no can defense
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Not News: Woman gives birth. News: Woman gives birth during her wedding. FARK: She's eleven years old
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Cook County out $14,000 for toilet paper injury; though officials believe the claim is crap, they hope the settlement will wipe the slate clean
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From the Research Department of the Institute for the Bleedin' Obvious: bacon = heroin
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Drinking alcohol every day can cut a man's risk of heart disease by a third, says a study by the University of Freaking Awesome
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"In addition, employees and students spent an unexpectedly large amount of time visiting websites featuring pornography"
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Here's your annual "YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE ON THE WAY GRANDMA'S HOUSE" article for Thanksgiving
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Pennsylvania residents fight for right to hang laundry. Laundry demands jury trial
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The TSA would like to provide you with their annual reminder that Thanksgiving leftovers are not allowed in carry-on luggage
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In the red corner we have Dean Affleck, the 18 year old burglar with a meat cleaver, and in the blue corner we have Chloe Edwards, aged 5. Place your bets now
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| (TSP) |
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After losing a game of 'Strip Yatzee', a woman heads to the bedroom with her exboyfriend. Her current boyfriend finds out, and she claims it was rape. But you just want to know the rules to Strip Yatzee
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Any landing you can walk away from is a good one, unless you land in LAVA
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Holiday tipping guidelines so you can be generous without overspending. And I think I speak for all of the waitresses and waiters out there when I say, if you can't tip at least 18 percent stay home and make a sandwich
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There are two stories here - the world's worst hippy mother and the fact that in India you can be charged with "assault with intent to outrage a woman's modesty and administering a stupefying drug with intent to harm"
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Bad: Your jeep overturns and you're thrown out. Fark: Into a pride of lions
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Konnie Huq wants to know what it would take to get you to kiss her
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Photoshop these Forties dudes
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| (Houston Herald) |
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Five Licking Teens Hurt in Wreck. Well, at least they weren't texting
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Racism in my math homework? NO WAI
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're going to rob an 82-year-old lady, pick one who doesn't have a hairbrush
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Spilled drink leads to gunfight in Cypress Hills bar. Ever heard a Glock go click like a camera?
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There has to be a better place to start a large-scale marijuana growing operation than behind a Los Angeles police station
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| (WWL) |
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Federal judge rules Army Corps of Engineers responsible, and liable, for much of the post-Katrina flooding in New Orleans
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 237: "Filtered For Your Protection" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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Teen calls 911 after parents take away Xbox
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| Wed November 18, 2009 |
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Newspaper threatened with 'another Fort Hood' for criticizing Tea Party protest
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| (Chicago Breaking News) |
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"Suspicious cans" shut down Chicago courthouse garage. Tara Reid wanted for questioning
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Troops to behead bin Laden one chocolatey bite at a time
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Photoshop this man and his capsized craft
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Protip: When you savagely beat a stranger in a pub with a pint glass, you better make sure you aren't Facebook friends with her Facebook friends. With "I already told you once" pic
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Push to raise drinking age from 18 to 19 in Australia to curb supposed drinking problem. Because if there's one thing teenagers love to do, it's respect authority and obey the law. Two things
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| (Some judge) |
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Judge to Sheriff Joe: your minion shall apologize. Sheriff Joe to judge: bite me
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For $1,700, you can see what your baby's name means in 100 languages. Note: Does not include obviously made-up names like LaQuiesha, Mychaelya, and Frank
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| (Some Guy) |
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In a strong bid for their own tag, Kentucky man arrested while masturbating in the library - watching a wrestling video
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Man shot in hair salon robbery, dyes soon afterward. Another life cut short
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Canadian couple gets so tired of their children's excessive homework that they actually do something about it
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| (KOLO News 8) |
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Having never read FARK, couple posts video of an "unidentified" amber light they saw sitting stationary in the sky. With video that will make you facepalm
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Worst word ever: L*m*ne. (Not safe for work language)
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What your folks do for half the year, why they shouldn't, and why you're much happier not knowing about it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this crude kitchen
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| (LBEH) |
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Man raises money to fly military folk home for the holidays, believes that soldiers' time in unconventional combat against unseen extremists might adequately prepare them for a typical family Thanksgiving
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Group finds high levels of lead in Disney, Barbie toys, which can cause irreversible brain damage. The lead can be harmful too
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Old & Busted: Zero Tolerance. New hotness: School administrators force parents to attend re-education meetings
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| (News4Jax) |
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Couple hatch a plot to urn money by stealing cemetary vases. That takes some brass ones
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| (City Pages) |
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Man speaks only Klingon to his child for its first three years. Hero tag grabs a bat'leth and sends Sad tag to Sto-Vo-Kor
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No one from the original Dazed and Confused would be in the second Dazed and Confused, except for Matthew McConaughey. Because he keeps getting older but they stay the same age (Sponsored Link)
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Coors Light it ain't: More "extreme beers" come on the market, including an IPA that aged for two months on a mackerel trawler and an ale with 225 bitterness units but only 1.1 percent alcohol
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Indian woman divorces husband after he banned her from watching soap operas. Her plans now involve falling in love with a mysterious doctor who will later turn out to be her previous husband's long lost half-brother
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| (Intelligencer) |
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Bad: You run down a bicyclist while driving. Worse: Because you're texting. Fark: About the drugs you're going to sell someone
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Raw milk producer waits for ruling. Hopes for bovine intervention
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| (Some Guy) |
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Family sues kite fighters for nearly decapitating their son. In other news, there are kite fighters
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Politicians say reggae singer's rendition of National Anthem was so bad, it constituted treason
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Union blocks bonus pay for good teachers, doesn't want bad teachers to feel inferior
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Town proposes raising fine for too-tall grass to $1000 a day. "Code enforcement needs a larger hammer."
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| (Some Bomb) |
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Suspect empties courtroom by shouting that there's a bomb in the courthouse where he's being charged with calling in hoax bomb threats to 10 schools within 4 hours
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| (Some Guy) |
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20% of Kyrgyz brides now have western-style "engagement" before wedding, while 80% still enjoy traditional Kyrgyz kidnapping
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| (Some Guy) |
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Surprising absolutely no one, carbon offsets aren't worth the glossy, embossed paper they're printed on
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| (Some Green Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: make something already "green" even greener (LGT a hybrid plug-in)
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| (Honolulu Advertiser) |
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Hawaii no longer healthiest state in the nation, due partly to binge drinking. But hey, fourth-healthiest, with bikini babes and binge drinking ain't bad
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Xenophon vs. Xenu
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| (Dispatch) |
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Man steals $1.35 pie, judge decides to fark with his head, tells him he's been charged with rape and murder
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| (NY1.com) |
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Consumer Product Safety Commission hosting town meeting at Toys-R-Us in Times Square to talk about toy safety. Irwin Mainway reportedly not invited to participate
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Australian teenager dies in workplace electrocution. See, this is why you should always ground your teenagers
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| (Daily Telegraph) |
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Somebody figure out a way to tell the Australian press that Pro Wrestling isn't real
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Dog survives 130-foot cliff plunge, despite a ruff landing
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Texans: Think you're married? Maybe not
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When it comes to killing your husband, third time is the charm. Oh, wait. Scratch that
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City workers' union may file a greivance against an Eagle Scout for cleaning a walking trail, taking their jobs
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| (Some Guy) |
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After hearing of a police chase on his scanner, man dresses as suspect and goes outside to "see if police would notice him." "Well, we noticed him."
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| (thestranger.com) |
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Man has remote-controlled bowels implanted after motorcycle accident, really loses his shiat when wife changes the channel
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Israel ranks 32nd in the latest global corruption index behind New Zealand, Denmark and Singapore and ahead of Iran, Somalia and Egypt. Hoping that if they win out they can still get a BCS Bowl
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Kick a police officer in the nads? That's a Taserin' and you'll scream like a 10-year old girl
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Woman drives to jail, demands to be arrested "so she could help the prisoners inside." Alcohol was involved
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PETA wanted to fill 3,500 buckets with pig urine and poo and place them on the U.S. Capitol plaza, then place fans to blow the stench across the Hill. Surprisingly the U.S. Capitol Hill police said "no."
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| (SC Times) |
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ASCAP, jealous of the RIAA's press, decides to do the only thing it can, put the squeeze on bars and coffee shops that offer live music
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| Tue November 17, 2009 |
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Georgia teacher arrested for hitting on student. No, wait, that's "putting a hit on" not "hitting on". Sorry, reflex action
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Government board tells women to stop getting mamograms so often, they're too expensive. Err, I mean, they don't work
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Danish political party admits to covering posters for opposing parties' candidates with yellow stickers shaped like penises. Nice try, but in America, we go all out and put the dicks on the actual BALLOTS
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Photoshop this person and a passel of postcards
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Shark gives birth via "c-section" after being bitten by second shark, an action that has been castigated by natural-birth advocate sharks worldwide
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| (Whittier Daily News) |
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Don't bring a knife to a bench fight
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Seniors skeptical of health overhaul, meatloaf Wednesdays
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Hey mon. A judge has ruled the TSA can't force Rastafarian baggage screeners to cut their hair. Yea mon
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| (Radio Iowa) |
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New report from the Iowa department of public health shows that 7% of 6 year olds suffer from lead poisoning, possibly because their parents are feeding them too many Pb & J sandwiches
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MillerCoors contributes $500,000 to water education program, which apparently educates people about their own products
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Twenty-six percent of people say they've worked with someone who had the potential to go postal and take everybody out with a flamethrower and pipebombs filled with nails and rat poison
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Police find man claiming to be a ninja impaled on metal fence screaming for help, violating about a dozen Ninja rules
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| (KCRG) |
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Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds- but passed out drunk in a stranger's kitchen is a problem
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When robbing a pharmacy, you don't need to wear a surgical mask, but if it makes you feel more comfortable, go ahead and put it on
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Man, 74, convinced there is a mysterious sea creature in the canal behind his house. With pics
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Orange juice is just as bad for kids as Pepsi, Coke, and whiskey
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French hotel to give customers the chance to live like a hamster for a day, with a room featuring bales of straw and a giant wheel to exercise in. You'll have to pay extra to crash a jet powered dragster if you want the full experience
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Just when you thought that everything that could possibly be flavored with bacon had been, someone comes along and proves you wrong
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Woman attempts to cross the Mexico-US border hidden in suitcase. Agents still trying to get a handle on the situation
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thief takes time out from robbing a house to warm up a bottle of milk and feed a crying baby
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Atlanta City Councilman proposes pushing last call back two and a half hours
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French women are legally required to be pantsless unless riding a bicycle
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"Unfriend" beats out "hypermiling", "locavore", "paywall", "hashtag" and "carbon neutral" to become the OED 2009 Word That Will Sound Like Total Gibberish By 2012
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Not news: Man trims his hedge. Fark: With a ride-on lawnmower dangling from a crane
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Norway sentences the Son of God to jail for his driving violations
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Biden Escort Involved in Wreck - You'd think the vice president would be driving a better car
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Photoshop these riders going around and around
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Running into a burning house to save your family? Hero. Running back in to save your cell phone? Darwin
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If a Brazilian bride shoots French-employed paparazzi at her Costa Rica wedding, where should they bury the survivors' lawsuit?
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People over 55 are the most active and experimental daters, at least until they reach around 80, when they tend to just lie there
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Ingredients needed for "this should end well" headline: Tanker ship full of chemicals? Check. 28 North Koreans on board? Check. Somali pirates? Check
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Jessica Alba pounds the pavement in the halls of Congress for education funding. With pictures of what a Jessica Alba asking Hillary Clinton sign her ball might look like. Bonus: Caption Contest (w/voting)
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An Iowa City woman said she has suffered physical and mental pain for the last two years after a shampoo bottle was dropped on her head
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Chicago School Board President Michael Scott was found dead of an apparent suicide. A handgun, his cell-phone, and some Schrutebucks were found near his body
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Not News: Burger flipper spits in someone's food. News: Burger flipper spits in the Chief of Police's food. Fark: Burger flipper could face 10 years in prison as a result
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Half of Americans willing to pay for online news, but only at an average of $3 a month. In other news, TotalFarkers are finally above average for once
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If crime runs in your family, keep in mind that so does your DNA
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Photoshop this magnified view
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Repo man struck by repossessed car. It's all part of a cosmic unconciousness
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| Mon November 16, 2009 |
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Obama calls on China to free the Internet. China promptly answers Obama's call by censoring it
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"Navy may test live bombs in central Florida." Thank God
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| (Some Guy) |
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Running over a man while doing 85mph in your Maserati is bad. Even worse if he's in his house at the time
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Nobody can whine about the recession quite like a member of Generation X. "It's so annoying."
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| (Some Guys) |
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Photoshop this '50's science fiction
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The CDC says that sex ed is better than abstinence, but they can't let you see the data, so just like your prom date, you'll have to trust them
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Nominations now open for Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest
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Motorcycle driver dies in collision with moose. Squirrel unharmed
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Demand grows for niche translators. Anyone speak niche?
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Let me get this straight. Illegal activity actually helps fund further illegal activity?
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A quick note about the upcoming Headline of the Year contest, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/8 - 11/14
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The intruder was described in a police report as a large woman who was naked. She ran out a back door
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To get here, hang a left on Main Street and go about two blocks down, my house is the one on the left that looks like Bender
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Crack team of New Zealand scientists head to the South Pole to prospect for whisky
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| (Indianas News Center) |
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Man arrested for doing 69 the wrong way in 2 states
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| (Some Guy) |
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Single Army mom arrested for not deploying to Afghanistan because she could find no one to care for her child. Child sent to CPS. With pic of what a deploying mother saying goodbye to her child might look like
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You've seen him do Judo. You've seen him kill a tiger. Now Vladimir Putin is getting mad respect on the Russian hip hop scene
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The Easy Button having failed, authorities begin an aisle-by-aisle search of Staples for a small aircraft
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Photoshop this tea time
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Chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis are more popular than ever... and not just as kids names
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Equalized
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Obama tells China that with an uncensored internet citizens can begin to think for themselves, learn to type with one hand
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Scientists pinpoint source of arsenic in Bangladesh's drinking water. In other news, besides the poverty, starvation, malaria, dengue, and getting hit by more typhoons than trailer parks do by tornadoes, Bangladesh has arsenic in its water
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| (Some Giraffe Farker) |
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"Maybe he had struck out with all the women at the bar and this giraffe was looking pretty good, so he said, 'I'm going to take it back to my own place'"
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German man dies after receiving flu shot in Thuringia, which is why you should always remember to give them in the arm
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're planning to sell weed door to door, be sure the person you're trying to sell to is not a cop
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DO: use a maritime distress flare when you are stranded at sea. DON'T: aim a maritime distress flare at a four-year-old boy walking on a city sidewalk
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What does it say about our society when even in these economically down times, the mobile pet grooming business is thriving?
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Pointy conical bras of the '50s are making a comeback. This must be stopped right now
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Large fire at meat factory forces evacuations, increase in A1 sales
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Super hero, The Dominator, dies...at age 7
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Turkey, with impeccable timing and survival instincts, decides mid-November is the best time to run open on the streets and chase cars
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Police department raising money for traffic cameras by holding raffle for home entertainment system. Winner to enjoy vehicle crashes in HD
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Australia apologizes for mass child abuse. Nothing yet about Kylie Minogue
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Old and busted: Swine flu. New hotness: Ukranian 'super flu.' EVERYONE PANIC
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| (Some Chick) |
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A woman with a medical condition that gives her 300 orgasms a day has found a man of her dreams after she wore out a string of boyfriends. w/pic
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Faith healer parents whose child died due to their negligence will receive only a six month sentence, to be served one month out of each year. Unsurprisingly, some people have a problem with that
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Families spend 4 days a year arguing. THAT'S 11 YEARS A MILLENNIUM
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Photoshop this human hamster
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Author of famous call-girl blog reveals her true identity as a scientist (with a picture of what a call-girl might look like)
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| (Post Bulletin) |
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The latest victim of H1N1: Hand Puppets
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Iraq: Armed gangs, supported by the population. Underresourced authorities seen as occupiers. Strong ethnic, cultural and language barriers. A surge in progress. Wait, did I say Iraq? I meant Salinas, Calfornia
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| (Rutland Herald) |
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Salmon apologizes for driving drunk, admits it was a crappie thing to do
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These are only a small percentage of links submitted. Join TotalFark to see them all! Link archives »
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