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| Sun November 01, 2009 |
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Man sues after discovering his deodorant only makes him attractive to lawyers and journalists (with working link)
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Civilian passenger accidentally activates ejector seat in military aircraft, now knows what toast feels like
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Multimillionaire fighting the government to allow his 9-year-old grandson to drive a 30-ton front-end loader at the family quarry. "The other guys keep an eye on him."
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| (New York) |
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Ayn Rand was "the Evel Knievel of leaping to conclusions"
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Beer crossing
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Cyclists have a lot riding on L.A. driver's trial, claim spokes people
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"You're under arrest." 'For what?' "Resisting arrest and... well, that's pretty much it."
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If you're over 65, chances are you won't catch and die from swine flu. But that won't stop you from taking the vaccine from people who really need it: those of us in our late twenties/early thirties
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| (Some Guy) |
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San Francisco City Attorney demands proof that Cocoa Krispies will keep your kids from getting swine flu
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Theme: Turn a guy movie into a chick flick, or vice versa
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Kissing was developed "to spread germs," keep the other person quiet
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Man walks into the National Sudoku Championship wearing a hoodie and makes it to the final round, where he's only able to fill in two squares. For some reason, officials think cheating might be involved
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Facebook's updated Newsfeed encourages you to reconnect with those you haven't spoken to in awhile, but it's currently unable to differentiate the living from the dead. Naturally, some people are upset about this
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It's about damn time. Hero tag and Asinine tag battle it out for supremacy
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Man uses "Pints for prostates" campaign to warn other men about cancer. Beer, is there anything it can't do?
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Hit-and-run driver claims he didn't see a 6-foot-tall orange rabbit on a pedicab
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Once again while the rest of the nation runs around adjusting every clock they own, trying to remember if they should fall forward or spring back, the people of Arizona smugly smile, knowing they aren't slaves to daylight-savings time
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Furor erupts over Nutt sack
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Groups press for tougher drunk driving laws because judges don't enforce the laws we already have
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Oregon to spend $1.2 on windmill tax credits. Wait, that $4.1M. No, $13M. Oops, make that $21M. OK, $167M. Ah...would you believe $243M?
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Here is a damming story on the BBC and there abilitie to spell chech
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| (Some Guy) |
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Amelia Earhart's cousin wants you to know the truth that the government is concealing
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What do Uri Geller, NPR, Michael Savage and Diebold have in common: "Welcome to the Takedown Hall of Shame"
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Search underway for three miners missing in Quebec's Abitibi-Temiscamingue region. In related news, search underway for more letters so that officials can write out "Abitibi-Temiscamingue"
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Handy flow charts show the difference between men and women buying shoes
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Texas is no longer a red state
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Photoshop this long-legged fly
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DA says jury trials should be mandatory in sex cases because juries are more willing than judges to put defendants away for life
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Ex-Notre Dame worker to repay majority of $29,387 tip, reclaim her stapler
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Smoking outdoors is now illegal after a town official was horrified to see a father smoking near his child
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A spirit passed before me: I beheld, the face of immortality unveiled. Series of letters from poet Lord Byron sell for a record $458,000
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| (cfnews13.com) |
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School worker suspended for being a bit too enthusiastic about his pizza
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested at Disney World for carrying a loaded gun, is sentenced to five hours on the "It's a Small World" ride
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When is a scooter not a scooter? When it goes at just 14 mph it seems
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| (Some Erie Resident) |
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Man moves his family into a new home, surprised to find the image of a demon on his son's bedroom door (w/demonic door pic)
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If you're going to forge your boss's will to leave everything to you maybe you should write it on something besides a dog collar
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Family of missing cop consults witch doctor in order to find him. When reached for comment, the witch doctor cryptically said, "Ooh eee, ooh ahh ahh, ting tang, walla walla bing bang"
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| (Some Guy) |
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That Brazilian chick you met on the internet suddenly breaks up with you. Do you C) crash at the Sao Paulo airport, surviving on food given to you by airport workers
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Churches helped raise $500,000 for man who needed treatments for his cancer. His "cancer" turned out to be a gambling addiction
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pretty parasol
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Kerik is losing it behind bars, probably because the Trogdor comes in the night
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Should we have a page in the healthcare bill about not being forgotten in an ambulance for hours?
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Naked cheat receives cold treatment from woman's husband, takes refuge on an air conditioner vent outside: "I must point out it was a very cold day" (w/ priceless photo)
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| (OC Register) |
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In an attempt to lob pumpkin for science project, university students manage to squash scoreboard, prompting one school official to ask, "Are these kids out of their gourds?
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| Sat October 31, 2009 |
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Serial killer arrested in Cleveland much to the chagrin of the residents still alive there
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| (wwltv.com) |
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Students and parents so serious over Brother Martin High School's "Dark Knights" pep rally skit
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Not many hotels have a ghost hunter and a psychic on the payroll. Redrum
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this frigid freighter
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If you and your buddy are going to vandalise half of your city's school buses, forcing schools to close citywide, it's best you don't leave your cell phone at the scene of the crime
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Four professors are denied tenure at DePaul university, claim it's because their women. Never mind the fact that they teach subjects like Women's Studies and Gender Studies, two rather irrelevant college courses
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James Dobson will separate from Focus on the Family in February 2010. Keith Olbermann sighs, tears up a year's worth of unused "Worst Person in the World" rants
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Remember Farkers and Farkettes, tonight you get a bonus hour of heavy drinking
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World Series Game 3. If there's anything scarier than Halloween in Philadelphia, it's facing the Yankees' OTHER left-handed ace. Trick, or treat?
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Witch finds it nearly impossible to organize her coven for Halloween celebration. If only there were some magical device she could wave around to make it happen
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Paranoid helicopter parents, not content with ruining everything else, have basically destroyed the fun of Halloween as well
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| (scoop.co.nz) |
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School project: make controversial art. Result: art is too controversial, and now the orthodox atheists are mad
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Sled maker on slippery slope with city hall, putting the skids on one of the town's few winter businesses. *Rosebud*
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| (Some Culture War Dispatcher) |
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How to avoid supporting the gay agenda with your consumer spending
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| (Some Guy) |
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City of Chicago gives free bus, train rides to senior citizens, including undocumented seniors. Don't let Glenn Beck hear about this
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Education Secretary Arne Duncan accuses states of lowering standards to near-moron levels. After a visit to the Fark Politics tab, subby finds it difficult to argue with Duncan
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Only 19% of American men still have a set of brass balls
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| (The Pulse) |
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"Now, don't get me wrong: Who doesn't love a good stabbing now and then? But a whole month of them? No, thank you, buddy."
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Theme: Photoshop a scary monster for Halloween
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British Govt. to Somali pirates: "give us back our citizens". Pirates: "give us $7M" British Govt.: "you know what......we're good. You can have them."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lawsuit over defective Hanes dismissed after examining the briefs
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Subby wants to die like his grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers on his bus
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Finally, scientists have developed the a working model of the robot cargo loader Ripley used to kick the queen alien's ass
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This week: Dog spends $62 on Xbox points while owner sleeps. Next week: Dog spends $2000 on hooker and blow while owner sleeps
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| (The Pulse) |
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"As a responsible parent trying to help keep your kids from joining in the growing youth obesity epidemic, there are ways to keep trick-or-treating healthier." Damn those responsible parents, get me a mini-Snickers NOW
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"When evading a UFO is your best argument for why an aircraft did that, you're on pretty weak ground."
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"Coyotes attack and kill: Should you worry?" YES YOU SHOULD WORRY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES RUN RUN
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Just in case you missed it, here's this years annual "Halloween is the work of Satan" wharrgarbl from the Catholic church
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Annoying and shouting child on a plane? Southwest Airlines implements their STFU & GTFO policy
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You fill the mail with the coconuts and screw them all up, you fill the mail with the coconuts and call me in the morning
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_____
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Security guards employed to protect hedgehogs from bonfires
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| (Dan Savage) |
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We mate, we're straight, get used to it -- Halloween is the new Straight Pride Parade
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The Brits wonder if Halloween is just harmless fun or a tacky American import. With typical Halloween graphic that will surely help the debate
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| (Some Scary Cat Lady) |
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Black cats half-price for Halloween...err, Caturday
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| (Record Online) |
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Least ambitious counterfeiter ever discovered in Saugerties, New York
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13-year old made redundant, considers going back to school
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this tremendous tire
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Remote Brazilian tribe finds plane crash survivors alive, delicious
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| (Some Guy) |
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Animal escapes after show-and-tell at school. Tag will help you determine the animal
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Largest cruise ship ever, Oasis of Seas, to set sail. Guests can expect booze-fueled tirades, constant fighting amongst the crew all in a whiny, obnoxious tone
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PETA wants Oregon to stop using elephants to give car washes because, sheesh, they're not very good at it
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| (Some Guy) |
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If a drunk man riding a stolen lawmower slams into your bus, don't make things worse by laughing at him (although feel free to laugh at his mugshot)
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| Fri October 30, 2009 |
| (Pacific Daily News) |
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Thanks to paranoid Christians and over-sensitive Wiccans, more and more schools are replacing Halloween with "Happy Costume Day"
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Photoshop these cadets collecting crime-scene clues
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'Fingernails on a chalkboard' may soon be as meaningless as other obscure phrases, such as 'cat's pajamas', '23 skidoo', and 'make the tagline funny'
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CDC is shocked, SHOCKED, to learn that not everyone goes to the doctor when they get the sniffles
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room."
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In cost-saving measure, Virginia to make it harder for the mentally-ill to get antipsychotic medications
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"Mikac was rushed to St. Barnabas Hospital and pronounced dead a short time later." Fark: see Mikac's first name
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An eye-opening look into this week's Halloween-themed TSG mugshot roundup
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Instead of getting a reward, BP is fined $87 million for trying to blow up Texas
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I guess she won't come out tonight, come out tonight, come out tonight
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Some things are just not meant to go together. With that said, the Asian American jazz festival begins today
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Lego-themed hotel planned at Southern California's Legoland theme park. Guests will have to build their own rooms
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| (Some Guy) |
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Halloween gets extra creepy: Octomom to dress as a pregnant nun accompanied by her eight little devils
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this velocious vessel
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When making a baby, British women advised to lie still and think of England
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West Virginia leads the nation in lack of sleep -- which is understandable, what with all those teeth falling out and clattering on the floor
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It's almost time kids. It's Fark's annual "Scary Story Thread" a day early due to the weekend. Don't miss it. Don't forget to wear your mask.The clock is ticking, it's almost time. Silver Shamrock
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| (Some Guy) |
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Firefighters spend four hours trying to free a man after he stuck his finger in his car's gas tank
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One of this season's top costume searches: Adult Care Bear
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| (Some Superhero) |
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Superhero Smackdown quarterfinals: Superman vs Wonder Woman
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7 civilians, 2 military members feared deceased after mid-air collision
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"I've fallen and I can't get up because I'm being strangled by my MedicAlert necklace"
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Here is the church, and here is the steeple, have some bad weather, and it falls on the people
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Actual headline - "Nutt faces sack"
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After a break-up, it's completely normal to leave things behind: toothbrush, clothes, your 17-year old son living in the shed. Wait...what?
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Friday Photo Fun from our pals at TSG. Match the criminal with the band. Contest ends at 4pm Eastern
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U.S. rubber company disputes Liberia pollution study, argues that the study calls for too many prophylactic measures
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Drunken nordic underwater fireworks: you gotta think the fish are not enjoying this one little bit
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Hmmm, thousands of tiny earthquake generators driving around Manhattan 24 hours a day? How could that possibly backfire?
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Drunken hedgehog taken to hospital, possibly after his drinks were spiked
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You say transubstantiation, I say bacterial contamination. Let's call the whole thing off
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PROTIP: If you're going to steal $244 worth of video games at Kmart, leave the heroin bags and needles at home. You're only going to make a bad situation worse when the cops inevitably arrest you
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Qantas plane makes emergency landing with pilot incapacitated by sickness. And don't call him Shirley
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Massachusetts reprograms computers to mail unemployment checks out faster by skipping time-consuming decisions like "is the recipient eligible for unemployment?"
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Iqaluit hotel bomb scare a false alarm. All surfaces of igloo inspected by RCMP, found to be clean
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| (wishtv.com) |
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Farmer killed by grain auger. You know the drill
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FBI defends decision to shoot Dave Chappelle
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Scantily-clad Mormons - The perfect stocking stuffer
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Somali pirates move British yacht couple to a floating prison ship. Wait, I've seen this movie
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Scientists begin $288,000 baby feeding study. That's gonna be one fat baby
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| (Some Guy) |
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Next up on H1N1 Fearmongering Today: Your toothbrush, which will surely give you swine flu and kill you
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| (Some Guy) |
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State Supreme Court overturns juvenile convictions made by judge who jailed kids for cash. All 6500 of them
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If you're going to chase young girls around campus, take off your police uniform first
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| (cfnews13.com) |
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Condo residents decide to get rid of a beehive with fire and hairspray. What could possibly go wrong?
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The Homestar cartoon custom-made for Homestar haters.... watch them all die
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Is your pet at risk for H1N1? Your dog wants Tamiflu
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So like, here's the thing man, it's it's Dennis Hopper alright? and he's got this thing man, this thing with his prostate; and it ain't too good, no sir, it ain't too good at all
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these strange seats
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| (nbcdfw.com) |
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Man loses his ass at a Chick-Fil-A
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Satanist creates fake gothic society on MySpace to lure young teens to cemetery. Clearly, real goths use Facebook
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"If we gave $10,000 to certain people and said 'we'll voluntarily sterilise you' then all of society would be better off"
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112-year-old man has a seat over there
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| (KTLA) |
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Negatives snapped up for $45 at garage sale exposed as Ansel Adams originals. Story developing
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Bullet hits Lou Dobbs' house, where his wife sleeps and his children play with their toys
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EPA finds manganese threat at two schools. Just wait until they learn about the tentacle rape
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| Thu October 29, 2009 |
| (Vancouver Sun) |
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Today's 'truck spills metric assload of random food item onto roadway' brought to you by Vancouver and 13,600 kilograms of yogurt
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Photoshop theme: It was a dark and stormy night
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Your landlord serves you with eviction papers. Do you: A) Move in with relatives, B) Sue to block the eviction, or C) Light the building on fire, then ambush the firemen with an AK-47
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There are two levels of accomplishment in the little-known sport of the radio-station-sponsored water-drinking contest: Grand Master Champion, and Dead
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Gallant obeys the rules of the road and practices safe driving techniques. Goofus drives his car into a police officer and punches him in the face repeatedly
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Conservative tv star Elisabeth Hasselback demonstrates the dangers of "abstinence only" sex education by announcing her plan to avoid future kids is to "dress in a way that won't get me pregnant."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested for exposing and fondling himself...at a courthouse...twice in three weeks. Where's Ashcroft and his drapes when you need them?
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| (CourierPress.com) |
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Your soon-to-be-ex-wife cuts off the cable you've been stealing. Do you c) Break into her freezer and steal her ground beef?
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It's generally considered a bad sign when your airline pilot gets on the PA system and asks you to pray
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Six urban legends that just happen to be true. Sweet dreams
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Small plane rapidly plunges into bottom end of Virgin Islands, to be renamed Technical Virgin Islands
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It takes a moron to park on top of a car, then drive away. It takes a special kind of moron to go back and park there the next day
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Family that plans to sell joints together, lands in cell joints together
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| (The Frisky) |
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5 things women are horrified to learn when they begin living with a guy. "If you've got plants, better check to make sure they're compatible with a whole lot of urine."
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Fox News now running interference for Somali pirates. If only there were a word for a group or organization that gives aid and comfort to our enemies
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| (jacksonsun) |
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Nothing happened
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Photoshop this dedicated Windows 7 fan
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If you're not smart enough to step outside for a smoke, then maybe do-it-yourself furnace repair isn't for you
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Bill to legalize marijana for recreational use in California gets legislative hearing. There was a "lively but mellow debate," however, "no joint consensus was reached."
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Wallabies are now extinct in Minnesota
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| (Missoulian) |
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Five whitetail deer, four black bears, two gray wolves, one wile coyote and a turkey vulture electrocuted by dangling power line. Fa la la la la, la la la laaaa
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Are you a bad driver? If you said yes, a new study says that it's in your genetics. Also, the study indicates that you are a woman
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Plastic surgery didn't go well the first time? Why not go back and let the doctor give it another shot?
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I just won a radio contest to have backup dancers follow me around for a couple hours this Saturday. Sadly there is no cash equivalent. How can I best utilize this weird, semi-retarded prize?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Add 'Cooking Meth' to the list of things it's illegal to do while driving
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hay, get a barn, you two
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| (South Park Studios) |
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Come for the senseless slaughter of dolphins and whales, stay for Cartman singing "Pokerface"
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84 year old granny finished last at the 150 mile New Jersey MS bike charity ride. To her defense, her front bike basket was not very aerodynamic... neither were her dress, jacket and high heels (with pic)
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Wake me up early? That's a brooming. What, what's a brooming?
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In Utah, delivering your food order via "rap" is now a punishable offense
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Hey, y'all prepare yourself For the Rubberband man. You never heard a sound Like the rubberband man. You're bound to lose control, When the Rubberband starts to jam
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| (Some Geek) |
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Headline redundancy: "Windows Broken, Computers Damaged"
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Clones (and perhaps zombies) of North Korea's Kim Jong il might be roaming the countryside
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Trick-or-Treaters are like little Swine Flu commandos, who will infiltrate your home and infect you and everyone you love
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Man fights with sister, accidentally shoots his mother. Oh man you are SO grounded
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So I asked myself what could be better than an actual headline reading "Unused bestiality law put to the test" and I have to say none. None more better
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| (This is London) |
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TV presenter making documentary about badly-behaved students duck-taped to wall by badly-behaved students
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Chicago researcher invents bra that, in an emergency, can be removed to become a face mask. Disasters are going to be so much more fun from now on
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Photoshop this tongue touchup
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♫ Sending cards with dirty photos ♫ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♫ These misdeeds are seen as no-nos ♫ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♫
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Man pleads guilty to stealing $69,000 in antique coins, will be sent to £MITA prison
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You get pulled over for an illegal left turn. Do you C) Spit on the officer, make a racial slur, threaten him with the KKK and pee in the patrol car?
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If spending your lunch break in a cemetery with an 18-year old stripper and a box of sex toys is wrong, then subby doesn't want to be right
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So customs lady, would you like to see my trouser geckos?
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Woman mistakes massive rotting whale head on beach for an alien being (w/pic)
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The fifteen jobs with the highest stress and lowest pay. Noticably absent: your job
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| (Some Guy with a Limp) |
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.3048 meters washes up on Canadian beach
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As a public service, DC ABC affiliate will show uncensored breast self-exams on 5pm and 11pm broadcasts. The fact that it's also the beginning of sweeps is merely a happy coincidence
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| (Some Guy) |
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Strange: Woman walks up to random guy and violently kicks him the groin. Stranger: Her kick caused him to lose his testicle. Strangest: He didn't notice his testicle was missing until later that night
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Photoshop Theme: Vote Whoring
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Sex, booze, and bacon: the things that make life worth living. Also the things that are going to kill you
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 234: "Heebie Jeebies". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| (Some small town paper) |
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Burglary reported in North America. No, really
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| Wed October 28, 2009 |
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Mother in uproar over "humiliating and disgusting" punishment her snowflake was subjected to for not turning in his homework
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| (Some Guy) |
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Someone misdials your phone number. Do you c) arrange to meet them at a local parking lot then shoot them
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Even robbers are feeling the recession; opting for sharpies instead of ski masks
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Nanny state bans helicopter parents from playgrounds
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Obama administration preaches abstinence to school districts looking for federal funding for abstinence only sex ed
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Talking's over. It's the Phillies and the Yankees, Game 1 of the 2009 World Series, and by "World" we of course mean a 100-mile stretch of highway in the northeastern United States (7:57pm ET, Fox)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Your WTF moment of the day--Meat hands
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Your city is facing a major snowstorm. Do they, a) implement a well coordinated snow plow plan? b) say fark it?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this high flying daredevil
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Today is National Chocolate Day. So dump your girlfriend and give her an excuse to overindulge
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Focus on your accomplishments and make your resume pop with keywords. Hopefully 'recently paroled' isn't one of those keywords
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Florida man expected to introduce the ChewBacon defense in his murder trial
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Baltimore restaurant owner fights city hall by putting hundreds of plastic pink flamingoes on the lawn. W/ cool pic
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If you live at 13 Cemetery Road, you might as well get in the Halloween spirit. "It's not a good Easter address."
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| (Some Angel) |
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Little girl's brain tumor takes her ability to speak, so she leaves notes stashed around house for family to find after she dies. Hundreds of notes, causing something in subby's eye
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| (My Fox Philly) |
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Woman arrested for allegedly offering sex for World Series tickets gets them free from local radio station. See how well karma works?
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Apparently "cruelty-free" whips and other BDSM gear are all the rage these days amongst the irony impaired
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"Illusion, Michael. A trick is what a whore does for money....or cocaine" (Sponsored Link)
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Girl suspended for bringing empty shotgun shells to school. "I wanted to show them to my science teacher because he's into stuff like this."
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| (Topless Robot) |
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Mattel releases Palm Beach sugar daddy Ken doll. No, really
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| (Daily Iowan) |
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A profile of the first person to undergo in-patient treatment for Internet addiction. Yes, WOW was involved
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Man caught driving with a stash of X-rays and mammograms of women and children, proving Rule #34 is alive and well
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Man charged with disorderly conduct for throwing coins at school bus. That's change we can't be heavin'
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The artist's latest project: a 19-foot-long aerial view of NYC, drawn from memory after a 20-minute helicopter flight
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You can now travel as far as 375 miles on Southwest for $25, or put another way about $5 more than United and American charge you just to check your bag
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Five-year-old girl saves mother's life after accident. Your five-year-old is barely potty-trained
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Toronto hiker killed by coyotes in Nova Scotia. Police deny reports that Acme anvils were found at the scene
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Duke sucks. and handcuffs and whips and gags and sodomizes and
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Ain't no party like a Morayfield party 'cause a Morayfield party will stop when the deck collapses and injures 15 people
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Some people see passing three warships in the Indian Ocean looking for pirates as a warning sign to turn their yacht around. Then there are those who boast that the waters they sail are too rough for pirates -- with the obvious Fark results
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Insulin needles being recalled, but don't panic, only 250,000,000 of them could be bad
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Next wave of car flu kills 80 in Pakistan
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Ever wonder what that odd smell was at the police station downtown? The odd smell that's been stinking up the place for the last two years? It's not the fridge, it's the corpse on the roof
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'Relatively Small' works when describing the type of goldfish you're thinking about buying. It doesn't work so well when describing a fire in a locomotive that's pulling passenger cars at 100mph along a wet track in the dark
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| (Some Guy) |
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(c) Take the salesperson on a 100 mile an hour drive, watch him jump from the car, go back to the dealer and set the van on fire
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HA HA, QUAKERTOWN POLICE TAKE UNSTABLE MAN INTO CUSTODY
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Two robbers wearing "Scream" masks invade man's home. That is *SO* 1996
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this ear on the sky
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| (Some Guy) |
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All the questions you have about H1N1, answered. Yes, "will my child's Halloween candy be infected?" is one of them
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We've secretly replaced this couple's alarm clock with a Chevy Malibu. Let's see if they notice the difference
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Grrrreat study shows unhealthy cereals marketed to children. Submitter hopes for green light but will settle for yellow moon or purple horseshoe
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On this day back in 1943, absolutely nothing even remotely interesting happened at the Philadelphia Naval Shipyard. Nope, nothing to see here, move along
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Punk is dead. On the plus side, it does have an awesome grave
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| (Some Guy) |
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PTA turns elementary school kids into walking billboards for a she-male phone sex hotline
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| (Some Guy) |
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After holding up the cashier at a Taco Bell, master criminal asks the manager for an employment application
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| (paw nation) |
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Missing: Baby daddy of ugly-ass Tasmanian devils. Bugs Bunny wanted for questioning (w/pic)
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| (heraldsun.com.au) |
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Some people can't tell the difference between plasma TVs and LCD TVs. These thieves can't tell the difference between plasma TVs and cardboard displays
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"Most of our front end is simply Fark with some different colors"
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"Some Ford cars are reliable and actually worth buying," says once-reliable Consumer Reports
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Well, some good news; there were only 93,784 foreclosures on homes in third quarter 2009. While it may not be a...oh. I forgot a zero. Sorry, 937,840 homes were foreclosed
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Microsoft finally eliminates the BSOD
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Photoshop this bridge background
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Ahhhh...remember when you were bad in school and had to go to ISS as punishment? Sitting in a desk all day, basic sensory deprivation, getting laid by the supervising aide, ... wait. I don't remember that last part
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| Tue October 27, 2009 |
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San Francisco Bay Bridge rod snaps during rush hour commute, hits vehicles. Bridge closed both directions until further notice. Broken piece was part of Labor Day weekend repairs. Missed submitter by ten minutes. In rod we trust (pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man knocks on door seeking assistance. In a cow suit. Soaking wet. Because he had just climbed out of his car that he drove into the Niagara River. Surprisingly, alcohol was involved
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| (Columbia Tribune) |
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Columnist: "my oldest child was drinking full cans of Dr. Pepper by the time she was 3 months old, whereas my youngest wouldn't touch the stuff and preferred Red Bull". What could possibly go wrong?
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Man with a burning desire to avoid going back to prison sets himself on fire when the cops come for him. Makes a big ash of himself
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Mysterious library patron censoring naughty words from books. Other readers forced to deal with vandalized copies of "Moby ████" and "Madame B█████"
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Fifteen students left with permanent scars after branding themselves with heated coat hangers at a house party. Don't kids these days play spin the bottle anymore?
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Woman scares off burglar by 'scratching at the door and acting like a large dog.' Good girl
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| (News Net 5) |
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Now Lake Erie has pirates?
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Data behind global temperature decline is rapidly cooling off
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Bolivian animal rights activists succeed in banning circuses from using animals, but now have to figure out what to do with 22 useless lions, a problem Detroit has faced for years
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| (Culpeper Star Something) |
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"If you masturbate your K-9 unit, you'll have greater control over it."
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Photoshop theme: What's really at the end of the rainbow
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Middle-aged men who exercise and eat healthy to ward off heart attacks could keel over any second from ... a heart attack
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'It took my fish a little while to get used to drinking milk from my plastic teet'
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| (Some Guy) |
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Explorer Ernest Shackleton's Whiskey uncovered in Antarctica, 100 years later
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Drunk clown nabbed after police see him driving funny
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| (Some Guy) |
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Church Ousts accused molester from priesthood. Priest Pledges innocence, insists that trial will be a Febreeze, and is Glade to have chance to Mr. Clean his record
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DC sniper to get one shot, one kill
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Man arrested for being three inches shorter than allowed
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Balloon mom's admission that the whole thing was a hoax may be a hoax
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Voters are advised not to use spaghetti sauce to fill out their absentee ballots in Schenectady, where else?
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| (Some Guy) |
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State registrars to hand out wipes for polls. Giggity
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Rhode Island man hits pedestrian with car, drives for one mile with man stuck in windshield. Driver charged with leaving the scene of an accident, which is odd, since technically he took it with him
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| (The Desert Sun) |
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Police urge people planning to attend a Phish festival this weekend in southern California to refrain from smoking marijuana
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| (wdbo.com) |
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Police responded to a report of a cliché occuring at a Seminole County intersection early Monday morning
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| (wate.com) |
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Massive rockslide blocks interstate. YOU SHALE NOT PASS
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If you are going to have 'a few beers', best not to park your car on a fire truck
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Korean man braves razor wire, land mines, and heavily armed patrols to defect TO the North. Has anyone ever done it quite this wrong?
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Some people undertake inexpensive hobbies like bird-watching, cooking, or gardening. Then there's the guy who spent $50,000 to recreate a vintage Pan Am first-class cabin in his garage
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While throwing your feces may earn you dominant male status in a chimpanzee troop; doing it in a courtroom during your trial will more likely get you 30 years
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Baltimore cop suspended for pulling his gun on a man waving a chainsaw in his face
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| (gunaxin.com) |
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"Event Organizers stopped short of actually forcing the Atari into Jack Thompson's rectal cavity"
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| (kptv.com) |
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Robotic elk targets poachers, has been reprogrammed to protect John Connor
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| (Some Guy) |
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Well, the world is officially coming to an end. You can now get wigs for your cats
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Down's pregnancies up
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Photoshop this rural road
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| (WPBF.COM) |
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Robbery 101: 1) Plan your heist, 2) Execute with precision and timing, 3) Make perfect getaway, 4) Oh yes, don't forget your cellphone when you leave
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Don't want to go all the way to Florida to wade into a leech-infested swap and wrestle an alligator? Visit scenic Fall River, Massachusetts (pic)
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| (thecabin.net) |
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Stealing a half-million dollars worth of tampons is no way to go through life
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♫ You wait 16 days ♫ And what do you get? ♫ Five drug-filled condoms and lots of regret ♫ Saint Peter, don't you call me ♫ 'Cause I can't go ♫ Gonna have woe and a glass of Pepto ♫
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| (Some recovering cow tipper) |
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Fly-tipping on the rise. That's how it starts. First flies, then cows
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Anthropologists determine modern man and Neanderthals had "sex across the species barrier." This did not end well
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| (The Moscow Times) |
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Russian lawmaker wants to legislate time itself, cut three time zones
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♫ See this Illinois man, that's the way you do it ♫ Got on the payroll for a firm in Jersey ♫ Never worked a day there but the paychecks kept coming ♫ Money for nothing and chicks for free ♫
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| (Some Guy) |
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'Racist' cookie removed from shelves in Australia; now if they'd only do the same with vegemite
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| (Some Guy) |
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Five people are charged with torturing and robbing two loan modification agents they thought falsely promised to save their home from foreclosure
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Photoshop these snowy signals
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Woman kills two men in two different car accidents in the same way at the exact same intersection seven years apart
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Eight steps to Internet unpopularity, or "How To Survive A Fark Politics Thread"
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| Mon October 26, 2009 |
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RIP GeoCities
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In a finding that will surely have nothing to do with too much TV, video games, internet, unhealthy diet, poor parenting, not GOING OUTSIDE, 1 in 5 US kids not getting enough vitamin D
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"He was trying to get snakes out of his homeless camp by pouring gasoline in his camp and igniting it"
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It's always safer to hire a taxi to take you home after a night on the town. That's assuming your taxi driver isn't stinking drunk as well
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| (Some Guy) |
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Canadians can all sleep soundly knowing that "mountain of magic mushrooms" is off the streets
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Photoshop this lonely phoner
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"The U.S. is facing an epidemic of swine flu...stories." Don't worry, coming to Fark is an innoculation against media panic. A short post by Drew, then a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/18 - 10/24
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The motorized Lay-Z-Boy featuring a stereo sound system, nitrous oxide booster, parachute, headlights, a steering wheel, and a sticker that reads: "Hell yeah, it's fast." is going up for auction this week on Ebay with no reserve
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Survey: 85 Percent Of Floridians Buckling Up. Yeah, I misread the headline too
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Mug shots of Florida hotties arrested for topless "Girls Gone Wild" bar hijinks, including breast spray painting
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Thankfully, "Why people on PCP take off their clothes" is just a blog entry, and not a multi-million-dollar scientific study
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Man arrested for having 14 snakes in his pants... and, yes, he is single, ladies
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| (Some Goat Rustler) |
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"Everyone understood immediately that these animals are both pets and a means of helping troubled children build confidence and skills." Fark: Goats
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Your dog wants a truck crash
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Despite all the economic worries and woes, it's comforting to know these days a guy can still buy a $78 steak inside an Arizona shopping mall. "It has to be gorgeous, welcoming, lush, vibrant and gracious"
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Photoshop theme: in honor of the "fat" Ralph Lauren model, please photoshop some meat onto a model
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Sandra Bullock locked in battle with porn star. Giggity
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Fidel Castro's sister says that she collaborated in secret with the CIA. That's one way to get a green card
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Concept by Golden Corral, cooking by the British. This is what hell looks like
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What You See Is What You Hear: The most awesome Pulp Fiction mix you will see all day
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Today's "hot naked teacher in trouble for being hot and naked" story comes from New Zealand. Did we mention she was hot and naked? (SFW)
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Police respond to hair salon after reports of bangs, victims were frazzled and frayed, thankfully nobody dyed
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There's a right way and a wrong way to win bingo money. The right way is to complete a row or column on your bingo card and collect your jackpot. The wrong way involves running down the game's organizer and stealing a briefcase of cash
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| (Some non-Audiophile) |
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The best customer reviews you've seen since you checked out that wolf T-Shirt at Amazon
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Man "accidentally" fires his shotgun through the "wall" and hits his next-door apartment "neighbor" in the "head"
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We've secretly replaced this mugger's intended victim with a black belt in karate. Let's see if anyone notices
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Can I borrow a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really big towel? My train just hit a water buffalo
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One legged man held after stealing a single shoe. Store workers reportedly hopping mad
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Reminder: Your emergency satellite locator doesn't make up for your complete inexperience in the wilderness. Corollary: Don't push the panic button because your water "tasted salty."
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Bridge to undergo facelift. If only your mother were so lucky... or at least not used as often
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| (Photo District News) |
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Photoshop this camouflage class
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| (The Electric New Paper) |
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Magician offers magic-trick lessons to help single guys seduce women of their dreams. "Some guys use fast cars, I use a pack of cards"
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MSNBC explains why FARK exists
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Japanese university plans to support academic study of comic books by opening 2-million-volume "manga" library. Officials hope to find donors willing to raid parents' basements for unsoiled copies
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The Throne Clones: How inbreeding has made the British royals look alike for generations
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| (asahi.com) |
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"Finally, a solution to the invasion of giant jellyfish--just eat them"
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Running pantsless in handcuffs down the freeway is no way to go through life, son
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Man kicked out of the mall because of his seizure-alert ferret. No, that's not a euphemism for something
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LaToya Jackson still speaks to Michael: "When I go to his house I say, 'Hello, Michael. How are you? If you're here, please, please let me know'. And the lights start blinking"
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We've secretly replaced this Harvard research team's usual morning coffee with deadly poison. Let's see if they notice
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Yankees win 40th pennant. Somewhere, Darth Vader, Lex Luthor, Mr. Burns smile
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