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| Sun September 20, 2009 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Seriously people, stop impersonating officers when pulled over for a traffic stop. It doesn't work
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Archbishop sparks controversy by saying Muslims "mass-produce children to take over countries" even though it's true
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Theme: Bizarre discoveries from the Hubble telescope
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| (kvia) |
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Man arrested for hitting fraternity brother in the face with beer bottle. Still no cure for cans, sir
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| (MLive.com) |
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Girl saves boyfriend's life by doing mouth-to-mouth, removing her bikini, and carrying him to safety
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| (Some Chick) |
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Man shoots hunting partner because he thought he was a squirrel. That's nuts
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If you left a beheaded goat and chickens on a Tampa beach don't sweat it, police say they're not investigating because it's not a criminal matter
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| (Some Grammar Nazi) |
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Eight spelling mistakes even smart people make. Grammar nazi thread to the right
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The secrets inside your dog's mind. Steak suspiciously absent
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There are sympathetic ways of covering this story...but 'human kebab' just sounds better
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Today's "drunk driver backs into a patrol car" story brought to you by Bradenton
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| (Telluride Daily Planet) |
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The most overheard phrase at the Telluride Brewmasters Beer Festival this weekend: "It may as well be moonshine"
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Boy hands out cocaine at daycare thinking it was candy
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| (Some Space Cowboy) |
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♫ I really love your peaches, want to shake your tree ♫
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| (keepMEcurrent.com) |
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After being burglarized, some people may buy an alarm system or extra locks for the doors. This couple decided to make a movie about it
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Insane Clown Posse fans have been classified as a gang. A really stupid-looking, ridiculous gang
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Designer's decision to use Size 12 models in Fashion Week event sparks walkout by people protesting the fact that such behemoths were even allowed to waddle out of their houses, let alone be allowed to take part in a fashion show
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Pakistani terrorists continue to target Americans
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Coolest giant scupltures made entirely out of party balloons you'll ever see, and you're full of hot air if you claim differently
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Egypt coming to the realization that they didn't think their cunning plan to rid the country of pigs all the way through
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| (WPBF) |
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More child porn charges filed against cat
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If you live in New City, NY you'll be happy to know Friday's nuclear plant alarm was a mistake, now go change your shorts
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Although a convenient location to get to, a highway median is a very supsicious place to grow marijuana
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| (Times Higher Education) |
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Study stupidity at University: "it's the most powerful determinant of human destiny"
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| (Some Guy) |
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In Australia you can name your child Metallica or God Bless, but not Jesus Christ or Ned Kelly
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| (Some Guy) |
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Naked photo shoot stopped by Canadian police because organizers didn't have a permit, although as article notes, "The photo crew had been shooting and filming for about three hours before a complaint was called in"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these turning tracks
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Gardener unearths five-fingered carrot. Slow news day (pic)
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If you are going to rap about murdering people and defiling graves, don't put the songs on your MySpace. Especially if you actually did it
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NY college sets up modern day leper colony, sets aside entire dorm for H1N1 cases
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Prolific mail thief gets 25 to life. Cellmate Bubba overheard remarking "Hello, new man"
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Eating contest features "4-ounce burritos... each weighing about a quarter of a pound"
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Giant, marauding, godless killing machine attacks nine people at a bus station
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Idaho woman doing okay after being impaled by a tree branch during what surely went from "leisurely weekend drive" to "holy fark, what the fark just happened?" pretty quickly (with cringe-inducing pic)
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| Sat September 19, 2009 |
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At 7-foot 4.6 inches, 13-year old Brenden Adams is the tallest teen in the world. He couldn't be reached for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this fashionista in a field
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| (Some Chick) |
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Woman in her 80's hits the gas instead of the brake and crashes through bakery. Dough
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50-minute commute turns into two-day ordeal. Surprisingly, this story has nothing to do with Amtrak
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Photoshop Theme: Death is milliseconds away
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This Satarrrday is "Talk Like a Pirate Day." Here's how it all began ye scurvy dog
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| (Leader Newspapers.net) |
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The state of New Jersey would like to remind you, if it can be avoided, to not masturbate while driving in public
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HardOn, apply directly to the penis
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| (www.usnews.com) |
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HardOn, apply directly to the penis
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HardOn, apply directly to the penis
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| (WSPA) |
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South Carolina Mayor bans police pursuit of suspects -- even foot pursuit. May ban Trivial Pursuit later this week
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| (Some Guy) |
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Oktoberfest opens in Germany with traditional German cries of "It's tapped" as the first keg is opened, followed by the inevitable "Let's get the Jews" after a few of them are emptied
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Forbes' list of America's most entertaining cities. Citizens of Hazelton, Pennsylvania knock over new playground slide in frustration and disgust
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You got your church in my porn, you got your porn in my church
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| (Some Chick) |
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Firefighters rescue tiny kitten trapped under car radiator after motorist hears meowing under hood. "Dip Stick" needs a home in time for Caturday
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| (Some Guy) |
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"My latest Pajamas Media column got linked by Fark, and while I always appreciate more readership, what a gaggle of morons. It's almost unbelievable."
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| (Some award-winning guy) |
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Photoshop this very happy fellow
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| (Katu) |
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Two dozen bikers play dominos on the interstate
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Two teenage boys find nearly $100,000 in cash on the banks of a creek while fishing and turn it into police. Anyone who lost the $1,000 is urged to come to police and claim it
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Chef Jamie Oliver travels to Huntington, West Virginia - "the fattest town on Earth" - in hopes that his cooking will turn the residents off food
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Cop caught dealing cocaine in exchange for beer in public washrooms. Yeah, he got canned
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"We're guessing that a majority of these correct submissions came as a result of master sleuthing on Fark.com (to our relief, it has been several months since the contest was farked like this)."
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When women scorned go into business
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What do the Mediterranean Monk Seal, the Sumatran Water Shrew, and the Western Whiny Atheist have in common?
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| Fri September 18, 2009 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Canada urged to embrace official bilinguialism so country can accept English and French in the same way that America is able to happily accomodate both people who speak English and Southerners
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Long-lost "Flintstones" house finally uncovered in Portugal. Woolly mammoth vacuum cleaner and pelican washing machine not included (with pics)
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| (St. Augustine) |
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Eulogy for beach bum bar, closed after 6 decades: "Nobody looked at you funny if you had a beer with your breakfast"
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Monopoly's hidden maps help WWII POWs escape, get out of jail free
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Photoshop theme: if the Amish joined the 21st century
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You'll just dye when you see The Smoking Gun's weekend mugshot roundup
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| (The Argus) |
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Schoolboy starts the new school year as a girl after changing sex during the summer holidays
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Microsoft getting all lawsuity over those scammy "we're scanning your computer for viruses OH NO YOU HAVE A VIRUS" ads that overtake your window
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Seattle restaurant owner put underwater billboards in Puget Sound. "Ivar's Chowder. Worth surfacing for. 75¢ a cup."
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Water main break threatens to clean up parts of Baltimore
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| (ktvb.com) |
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Today's exploding house brought to you by Nampa, Idaho
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Experience the life of a polygamist without all the nagging wives--Tours now available
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| (Some Sipper) |
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"I'm a gulper, I gulp stuff, I always have," says man with chunk of plastic stuck in his lung
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| (Bay News 9) |
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Insane killer escapes on field trip to county fair. Wait, what? Field trip?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drunk, dry humping a parking meter and making racial slurs at passerbys is no way to go through life, son
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Moob Jobs more popular than ever with British men, while dieting, keeping dental appointments still considered "too metrosexual" (w/ completely unnecessary pic)
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Billboard tells drivers how long their ER wait will be after it distracts and causes them to crash
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| (WGNtv Chicago) |
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Local news station does a collage of 80's video dating clips. Come for the big hair, stay for the "no fat chicks" guy
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"Tokyo Cracks Down on Train Groping, Again" - guess there really is a downside to watching tentacle pron
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| (Intelligencer) |
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You get picked up for being drunk in public at 17. Your family bail you out and take you home. Do you c) call 9-1-1 repeatedly until the cops come and take you back to jail?
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| (This is Croydon Today) |
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Just another night drinking at a friend's house, ends like usual, with your jaw fractured, your hair on fire and other drunks helpfully pouring boiling water on you to extinguish it
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Drunk man named Shorty Smoothe gets angry when the woman he's hitting on doesn't know his name. "You (expletive) cracker. Do you know who I am?"
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Man who had penis Krazy Glued to his stomach gets probation, proving that victims of crime always get the shaft
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Photoshop these legal lookers
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White House Press Corp. journalist gets a hygiene lesson from Health Sec., Elmo. Probably wasn't too tickled. (w/ video)
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ICE won't allow slain marine's widow to come to the US because they were married by video hook-up and he was killed in combat before he could "consummate" the marriage. Bonus: they already had a child together
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"He was out there milking cows and this one fell on him."
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| (The Frisky) |
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Eight so-called "chivalrous" moves that women hate, like asking her father for her hand in marriage. "No one should know you want to marry them before they do"
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| (Some Girl) |
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University of Georgia freshman forced to drink alcohol. The horror
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Uninsured 40% more likely to die, according to new study from the Blue Sky Wet Water Warm Sun Institute of Health Care Research
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Man falls to his death recreating move from UFC event. Yeah, equal parts alcohol and stupid were involved
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| (Some Guy) |
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World burrito eating champion to be rewarded with $3,000, bowels that open up like the Mekong Delta
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Massage therapist: "I need to give you an internal massage since you haven't had previous massage work". Women clients: "Okay"
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| (WHO TV) |
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Iowa Police Officer of the Year arrested for DWI. I think that's Driving While Iowan
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Seventh circle of hell to be redefined as H1N1 looks to create a world full of nothing but old people
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TSG Friday Photo Fun. What celebrity ODed at this house? Contest closes 4PM EDT
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A panoramic view inside the hundred-year-old clock room at Grand Central
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| (ProJo.com) |
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Employment in Rhode Island is so bad recent grads are actually taking jobs at lemonade stands. Even ones that aren't liberal arts majors
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Cuba excited to finally receive 1963 issue of Playboy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Half the garbage collected from Britain's highest mountain found to be banana peels discarded by mountaineers tackling the 45-foot-high behemoth
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| (Pal Item) |
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Before going to the Police Department to apply for a gun permit, consider leaving your weed at home
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Lawyers defending four men accused of plotting to bomb Bronx synagogue argue the men were effectively entrapped by being offered unlimited fried chicken by agents. Sounds kinda half-baked to me
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Tesco spokesman: "We would ask Jedis to remove hoods. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Luke Skywalker all went hoodless without going to the Dark Side"
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Diplomatic powers activate: Form of: NATO/Russia/US missile system
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| (Some Guy) |
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"A man sitting on a toilet at Wiggie's Bar was ordered to take his clothes off by a man wielding a sawed-off shotgun, police report." Then ... yeah, it gets weird
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What has no arms, no legs and sits behind the wheel of a police cruiser?
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Man arrested trying to impersonate West Virginia Governor in identity theft scam. Police became suspicious when he asked for his wife and his sister's records as separate people
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Don't think of them as homeless people, think of them as an enormous, dirty incubator for swine flu
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Old and busted: House of Cards. New hotness: Hotel of Cards
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| (Some Casey Jones) |
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Woman, not realizing that she didn't need to hold it down, gets hit by train while trying to flatten penny
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Photoshop theme: If cartoon characters ruled the world
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If you plan to commit suicide by train try to find one that moves faster than 15 mph and doesn't have a cow catcher
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20 ways to make an English major cry
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Hungarian tourist forces his banjo down elderly gay man's throat. Sadly, this is not a euphemism
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Please do not taunt the cliff monkey
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Headline: "5 Sweet New Rides For Under $12K". Reality: "Nope, nope, nope, nope, and nope"
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| (Asylum.com) |
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"People like to make fun of Florida, but a state where hot blondes will go hunting with you in a swamp can't be all bad." (with picture)
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Australia deporting its criminals
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Officials at the Edmonton Valley Zoo will not bring in more veterinarians to examine Lucy, their Asian elephant, retired game show host and animal activist Bob Barker was told Thursday afternoon. Wait, what?
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| Thu September 17, 2009 |
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Sticky-Note Bandit arrested in Nevada. If we get an update, we'll post it later
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| (Some Cephalopod) |
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Who's a widdle demonspawn? Who's a widdle destroyer of worlds?
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Did people not learn anything from Doctor Who in the Green Death? Fake meat grown from fungus is a BAD idea
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this young model
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| (DateDaily.com) |
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Nax is a male sex doll created to give women pleasure. Too bad he's balding on top with a long flowing ponytail and has pubic hair that would making a forest jealous. Pic included
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How to: Get shaved and beaten for playing your game boy
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| (Some Chick) |
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It takes a special kind of dad to call the police and have your son arrested for going to school with a swiss army knife in his pocket
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Walmart worker goes to the cops after couple drops off innocent pictures of their young children in the bathtub
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| (Some Guy) |
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Twelve of the most horrifying torture devices in history to brighten your day
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Human brain 'works like presidential elections'. How can 59,054,087 brain cells be so dumb?
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| (Some Guy waiting for the bus) |
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The worlds coolest bus stops
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Africa needs condoms. Partly to help the environment, but mostly because Antarctica has lost a lot of water recently and is a fine piece of mass
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The cow came back the very next day, the cow came back, they thought he was a goner
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| (Some Guy) |
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Plumbing van overturns, clogging traffic, flushing motorists into side streets, and sending the morning commute into the crapper
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Ugly ass Fishing Cat kittens make debut at Cincinnati Zoo
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People ask you to leave a party because you're smoking meth. Do you: a) Leave? b) Stay? c) Steal a sword from the neighbor's garden and return seeking revenge?
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Liquid-filled eyeglasses could help a billion people see, look like Waldo
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Men now account for 40% of all eyebrow - or "guybrow" - grooming procedures. Adam Carolla seen silently nodding in approval
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Greyhound bus beheader still can't cut it in society
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you can tell the difference between a grenade and a bottle of cologne the TSA may have a job opening for you
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| (someone needs a hug) |
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Bear hug an attorney? That's an assault and battery charge
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Woman shows up to vote only to find out the city moved its boundaries and no longer considers her a resident for voting purposes. Fark: city still has no problem collecting taxes and utility fees from her
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| (Some Guy) |
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45% of doctors would consider quitting if Congress passes health care overhaul. Now that's some change we can believe in
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Woman told to stop stealing from Goodwill's trash, apparently unaware that you can walk into the store and get the same stuff along with a much nicer shopping experience
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Pole dance doll, nipple tassle t-shirt & 5 other inappropriate products for children
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The European telescope sent far from Earth to study the oldest light in the Universe has returned its first images. And it's not a street light
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Daryn Dodge's accomplishments: Has climbed all 248 Sierra Nevada peaks. Average Farker's accomplishments: Once had bacon and Mtn. Dew for breakfast
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Abolish Congress for incompetence and corruption? Disband the Federal Reserve? Outlaw political parties? Before there was Ron Paul there was Norton, Emperor of America and Protector of Mexico
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| (KTAR) |
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Border fence will cost $6.5 Billion in repairs over 20 years. Now only if we knew where to get cheap labor to help decrease the costs
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From our grouchy obit of the day: "The general public are idiots when it comes to modern art. You can hang up a rat by its tail and call that art and people will believe you. And these artists seem to make a fortune out of it"
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If you really want to impress your wife, there are better ways than by dressing in a stolen miniskirt
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Tom Cruise says, "Sex with me is like flying". He must mean the lost luggage, delays on the runway, abusive attendants and exorbitant costs
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hey-o La La La....Pigs in a northern town
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man caught by police peeing in an alley climbs onto an outdoor refrigerator, onto a restaurant's roof, runs to the front, jumps onto an awning, crashes through the awning, lands on the pavement, and escapes. Tah-dah
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Inmate suing Supermax prison for civil rights violations, claims it's stressful and driving inmates insane. Authorities claim that he's not stressed, rather he is only slicing up his own penis for the attention of female medical staff
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Dogs used to sniff out prison inmates' illegal cell phones, some of which are found in hollowed-out Bibles, light fixtures, and...you know. There. But hey, dogs are natural butt sniffers, so it's all good
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| (Some Guy) |
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Screw the flying car. THIS is what you want: A kegopizzabarmobile
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| (Some Guy) |
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My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw that Ferris Bueller's home was endangered. I guess it's pretty serious
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Everbody does not love Raymond
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Energy Woman dies after catching fire during surgery. Marvel to revive her in six part series
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Photoshop this mountainous slab
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Number of peodphiles lurking on the 'net, according to the UN, is *activate random number generator*: 750,000
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What soda poposition is this?
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| (Wired.co.uk) |
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"Zombies good, God bad when dating online"
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The Federal Energy Regulatory Commission says EMPs are bad, so we should build a metal shield over our cities or some damn thing
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Employee: Do you think this $29,000 dollar check for a tip on that catering job is a mistake? Catering Job Supervisor: Nah, looks right to me
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Company launches umbrella to help fight off muggers, even if they're armed with bananas or, horror of horrors, a pointed stick
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Man survives car crash, is killed by oncoming pickup truck walking away from accident....Final Destination
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| (Barstools) |
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Ranking of world's highest blood alcohol test scores. Lithuanians take two of the top spots, but they can't keep up with the Bulgarian
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Theme: Thelema (Do what thou Wilt) Free for all. No 'O', no theme. Have Fun
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| (Martinsburg Journal) |
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Burglar leaves his Facebook page on victim's computer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police in New Jer$ey $et up a cro$$walk $ting to en$ure public $afety
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| (Some genero) |
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Man fined for insulting mother-in-law. Subby has never had an unkind thought about his mother-in-law and thinks the dirty rotten scoundrel had it coming
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New view of ______ reveals hot, young stars in _____. It doesn't matter what the blanks are, we both know you're still clicking the link
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Guy calls 911 to report the bartender cut him off. Wait, Drew's in Florida?
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People on vacation still find time to complain about the sun being too shiny, the alcohol being too strong, and their ice cream melting too fast. To all you reading this from work, join me in saying, 'boo-farking-hoo'
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Oh God, Oh God, Oh God
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 228: "Look Out Below." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed September 16, 2009 |
| (madison.com) |
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Wisconsin bill would require kindergarten. Giving our kids an extra year to practice their graffiti skills
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Tonight, on the most boring episode of COPS ever, a speed camera van makes an unsignaled lane change on the way to Chick-fil-A
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Iron Photoshop ingredient: chopsticks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Austrian construction workers flee for their lives when a naked blonde rushes at them, screaming "Who wants me?" Bunch of girly men
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Bad news:"Crazy" Ants destroying Christmas; Good news:they also kill crabs
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| (News9.com) |
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75 Percent of Oklahoma High School Students Can't Name the First President of the U.S., But They Do Know 'Obama Ain't American'
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cops find a roach hiding in a suspect's dreadlocks
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Gene therapy cures color-blindness in monkeys. Still no cure for poo-flinging
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| (Some Guy) |
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"There is a great need for a sarcasm font" and a list of other great nuggets of wisdom
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"I got confused. I'm drunk. What am I doing on the (expletive) freeway? I am trying get off." Haven't we all been there?
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| (Some Guy) |
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There's a cougar roaming suburban Chicago. No, not that kind of cougar, the "OMG it's a cougar get-in-the-car" kind of cougar
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High school math teacher gave drugs and booze to students; cops told there would be no meth
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| (Political Wire) |
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The audio of Obama calling Kanye West a "jackass" is good but the video is better
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Porn actor pleads guilty to trying to get in through the wrong hole
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| (GamingToday) |
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'Real' man crashes women-only poker tourney, steals final pot from breast cancer patient
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Candy maker creates a salami-flavored chocolate treat. Wash it down with bacon-flavored vodka
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| (The Faster Times) |
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Way more than you ever wanted to know about meatballs
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Actual headline: "5 Items Will Consumer 50% of Your Income." Well, okaying, but I expectish I'll be earningest 15 percentage more moneyed befores muchly longerestingishly
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Over a billion people in the world are hungry, and submitter could go for a pizza himself
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Tonight you sleep with the three eyed glow in the dark fishies
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Spanking has negative effect on kids. You should see the effect it has on your mom, though
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| (Some Bunk) |
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...I'll be in my bunk.... peeing in your sock drawer
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Search warrants? We don't need to follow no stinking US Constitution if we think there is some underage drinking going on
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Some sick bastard put Dan Brown's new novel on the internet for some damn reason or other
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"More than 8 out of 10 people support covering the uninsured, curbing costs, creating an insurance-purchasing exchange, and preventing insurers from dropping coverage or refusing to accept people with preexisting medical conditions."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Court rules that you can't be fired for calling your boss a son of a biatch
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Chrysler CEO has a five-year plan. No money, good cars, or happy employees, but at least it's something
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Guinness celebrates 250 years of getting sloshed, losing your car keys, telling too many people you love them and eventually passing out in the alley next to your car, waiting for a relative to come get you
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Teen faces up to seven years in prison and forced into hiding after people firebombed her house for having an abortion. Where is this happening? In Australia. Wait, what?
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DC Sniper Muhammad set to be executed on Nov. 10
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Police arrest a "person of interest" in Yale murder investigation. I guess that rules out Jay Leno
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police say a developmentally disabled man is luring high school athletes to the library and then offering to pay them for piggy back rides. That is so retarded
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Firemen: the unintended victims of panhandling bans
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Do not meddle in the affairs of elephants, for they are subtle and quick to bean you in the back of the head with a stone
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| (Peterborough Examiner) |
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Mom asks for kids back, saying she has stopped drinking and using drugs, and will stop drawing swastikas on them before sending them to school
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| (Digital Spy) |
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Developer commissioned to create PC game promoting sexual health. Working title is "Privates", presumably because the title "Afterburner" was already taken
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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The city of Waterville, Maine may allow residents to have a cock and pullet, but not if they're naked
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop someone you'd rather see sitting at this table
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Authorities arrest a drug ring that used American Airlines to smuggle nearly 20,000 pounds of cocaine in suitcases. The street value of the drug was estimated at $19.95 once you subtracted the extra baggage fees
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Is your landlord not keeping up with the maintenance of your apartment? No problem, just send him a packet of live cockroaches and watch him leap into action
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| (TV NZ) |
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Driver left off with a warning after crashing SUV into cafe. News: Driver is five and a half. Fark: Driver is a dog
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Former coal miner comes out as Britain's oldest transsexual. With picture that will haunt your dreams
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Woman sues debt collectors for giving her husband a heart attack. Bonus: Recordings of truly unbelievable calls from debt collectors
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Forest Service: shunning American beer is not a crime
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The German city of Gelsenkirchen would like to make it clear that they don't actually offer pornography
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Hero: British soldier dies fighting in Afghanistan WTF: best mate wears tight lime green dress and pink leg warmers to his funeral
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| (Lord Godiva) |
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Protip: When driving on a revoked license, don't call attention to your drunk ass by riding your Kawasaki nude down the Interstate
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News: Governor grants last minute reprieve to death row inmate. Fark: Because the execution team couldn't find any veins. UltraFark: Even after the inmate tried helping them
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this leggy supertrooper
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Pro Tip: If you're going to pretend to be a cop, don't pull over the mayor
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| (Some Guy) |
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Riot breaks out in the parking lot of the Sons of Norway Oslo Lodge Hall. Instigators last seen driving away in a fjord
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| (Nevada Appeal) |
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Construction of the North Stewart Street Extension from East John Street to North Roop Street is continuing. Long Street will be intermittently closed from Roop Street to Fall Street. Roop trifecta complete
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Gorilla suited woman accused of stealing giant banana will not be charged due to extradition charges
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Columnist ponders why some men are attracted to redheads. As if we could give a good answer. Sure, there's the rarity, the pale skin, the freckles, the feisty attitude... I'll be in my bunk
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FAIL: Cops look for suspect, show up at wrong house. WIN: Occupant of said house surrenders to an outstanding warrant
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Satan worshipping teen burns down church. Mom: "Well, you know, kids sometimes don't always like what their parents want them to do. Everybody knows that."
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| Tue September 15, 2009 |
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You can grow back brain cells. This is good news for... well, everybody
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"Universal's Harry Potter park to include Hogwarts." And for you die-hards out there -- butter beer
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Honor system farm stands squashed by thieves (link now works)
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| (Some putter) |
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Drunk minivan driver charged in golf cart fatality. I guess his driving wasn't up to par
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Audio of President Obama calling Kanye West a 'jackass'
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Wrestling coach Chand Roop Awaits Recognition. Roop trifecta now in play
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| (Some Guy) |
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A bunch of kids were playing around a waterfall when they saw this strange creature coming out of a cave. So naturally they killed it and took pictures
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To complete another trifecta: The nicest picture from orbit of the super typhoon Choi-wan you'll see today
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this raised wreck
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Glow in the dark bananas. Now the banana trifecta is a quint
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| (Grape Ape) |
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Queensland man killed in collision with banana truck. Banana Quadfecta?
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| (Some Pollo) |
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Police investigating chicken licker. Chicken trifecta now complete
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Actual headline: "Sen More US Roops Shows Commitment to Afghan War." Sen Roops? Ruh-roh
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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Man suffering from appliance confusion starts fire while drying his jacket in a microwave
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| (Some Guy) |
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43 marathons, check. Flag, check. Flats, chec...Slow down there, where are your HEELS??? Oh, I see, now you're an ACTION Transvestite
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| (Some Fruity Guy) |
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Youths stealing bananas to charge their cellphones. (Uber-elusive banana trifecta complete)
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Never bring a sword to a gun fight. Unless the idiot attacking you forgets to bring a gun
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| (KTUL) |
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Bad: You and your girlfriend resort to having sex in a trash dumpster. Worse: You're discovered by a pair of senior citizens. Fark: Who then proceed to rob you at pocket-knife point
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Inspectors say arrest near in Le killing. Sacre Bleu
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Belgian warship managed to rescue 38 refugees in refugee boat tragedy. Belgium has a warship?
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| (The Frisky) |
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Craigslist: Your go-to site for bromance
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All of you out there clamoring for a movie based on the game Battleship, mark July 1, 2011 on your calendars
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Domestic abuse now a pre-existing condition. Wait, what?
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Shocking new opinion poll shows doctors love the idea of guaranteed income, immunity from malpractice suits, not having to know collection agents personally
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Craigslist hooker mug shot round-up starts out hopeful, but then quickly degrades into DO NOT WANT
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| (Independent.ie) |
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The latest trend amongst Polish immigrant communities - throwing the corpse of your dead friends in the river
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| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop this distorted self image
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Antiviral drug reduces the severity of mono, but does nothing for the availability or pricing of the box set
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| (WLFI) |
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"I was a member of the chicken underground and didn't even know it"
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| (Some Guy) |
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PETA wants to rent a prison building the state plans to close and turn it into the nation's first chicken empathy museum
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What kind of world do we live in, where there isn't a pile right here?
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Tweet the giraffe Я dead
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| (Some Guy) |
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Buffy the gator slayer
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| (Some Horny Kids) |
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♫ The teens on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down.... ♫
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"Police said the man left the scene, leaving the injured and unconscious woman in the passenger seat before returning to the scene later in a taxi, stealing the woman's bag and the $500 it contained and going back to the pub"
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| (Express Buzz) |
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There's "drunk enough to make a boat out of banana plants." And then there's the Darwin-approved "drunk enough to try to actually use the boat"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dispute over huge, steaming pile of manure in Saginaw, Michigan, leads to man being Tasered. Unclear how police were able to differentiate the steaming pile of manure from the rest of Saginaw
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Mystery tree chopper strikes again in Queens park. Police currently stumped, but vow to catch the sap, tell people to axe around, hope somebody might have seen him leave
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Bike messengers hit hard by shrinkage
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You've just seen a karate expert knock one of your buddies out, do you C) bite her husband's nose off?
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Cult leader promised bumper banana crop if people would just have sex in public. Yes, they have no bananas
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| (WHDH Boston) |
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A train leaves Boston heading west. At the same time, a second train heads east on the same track. If both trains are travelling towards each other at the same speed, how long until the passengers soil themselves?
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Prison guard wins unfair dismissal case after being sacked for being too sexy. With convenient "what a sexy prison guard might look like" photos
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It's typical. You wait ages for a bus driver and then none show up at once, so you decide to drive the bus home yourself
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| (Dude, you're harshing my buzz) |
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News: 22 cops and 1 helicopter smash marijuana grow operation. Fark: 6 plants
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From my pickup's bed, I stab at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my goat milk at thee
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| (The Argus) |
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Woman falls 30 feet from window. Fortunately, wrought iron railing is there to keep her from hitting the ground
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| (indolent) |
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Here is your WTF headline for the day, "Naked man foils car theft, nabs suspect for Boulder police"
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Some of the coolest (and closest) Kansas tornado pics you'll see today
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| (VillageSoup.com) |
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Knock knock. Who's there? Aaron. Aaron who? Aaron the side of caution when answering the door
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| (Some Guy) |
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Goodwill asks that you remove the kitten before donating the couch (with awww pic)
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DC police seek man in wheelchair drive-by shooting. Suspect is well-armed
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| (Wilmington Star) |
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Driving your friend's corpse around town for hours before taking him to the hospital? Just another day for a teenager living in the same NC county that gave us "Weekend at Bernie's"
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Photoshop this feline photography
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11-year-old boy fakes kidnapping to hide bad grades. Was that wrong? Should he not have done that?
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Adulterers in Indonesian province can now be stoned, unlike the United States, where adultery occasionally follows getting stoned
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The coolest before and after pictures of hurricane damage you'll see today
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Body entombed in wall positively identified as missing Yale student. Cask of Amontillado still unaccounted for
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| Mon September 14, 2009 |
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Swine flu police take over N.J. school district. Teachers ordered to forget about the curriculum and instead follow students around all day with wipes and sanitizer
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Grocery store decides the best way to raise money to fight diabetes is by selling root beer floats
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What happens when you cross "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" with "Fight Club"
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Ghost
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| (Some Japanese voodoo technology) |
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The Japanese Nightmare Factory is at it again. Click Change, then Upload, and use a pic that's taken straight on, then behold the Uncanny Valley in all it's glory
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| (Some Guy) |
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If the coroner dies, who conducts the autopsy?
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Theme: re-create classic works of art using modern culture
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hey, germophobes: That shower is actually making you dirtier
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nature adopts new synergy-based business model as flesh-eating sharks drive tourists back towards beaches with flesh-eating bacteria
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Protip: If you leave your 6-year-old son in your car when you go to buy drugs, do not call the cops when you cannot remember where you parked
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Ranking the top ten white trash characters in movies. Surprisingly, #1 seals the deal
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This is even better than the time I used a cartoon lookalike in my election campaign
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"Two parachutists die - no word on cause." Couldn't they at least say "gravity may have been involved?"
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| (Sanity Preferred) |
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107 year old seeks to divorce 37 year old spouse. No, it's not Hugh Hefner
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Free all-you-can-eat crab feast on I-97 near Annapolis. Crabcake trifecta now in play
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| (Some Guy) |
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Now that schools across the country are using hand sanitizers to fight the swine flu, some people are worried kids will catch on fire and use it to get high
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Space Shuttle astronauts give us all a golden shower
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First filed FEMA fight for formaldehyde fumes finally faces federal forum
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Farker PattonX (Joe Peacock) got his funny book published. Drew wrote the foreword, so you know it's good. Lets make it No. 1 on Amazon
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Woman boils lobsters for the first time, and it ends up like the final dream scene in "Deliverance"
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While there's no denying their play has caused pain and anguish to Washingtonians, considering the Nationals a terrorist organization, as the TSA apparently does, is a bit of a stretch.(2nd item)
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Your kids will get asthma from your backyard pool, provided they don't drown in it first
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Drew sets the Fark Betting Line for this week and announces Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 9/6 - 9/12
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"News Media Credibility Plunges". Somebody should write a book about that
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Hoping to speed Idiocracy along, nationwide group attempts to ban all birth control in Florida
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Two of Bermuda Triangle's most mysterious disappearances solved; actual cause was wrecktangle
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Doctor says people need to be better informed of the risks they take when they use tanning beds, such as the danger of looking like a douche
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Man consumes a staggering six crab cakes. And the crowd goes wild
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Today's 'animal in a convenience store caught on surveillance video' comes with an added bonus. Enter...the cowboy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Financially strapped districts consider selling naming rights to schools. Coming soon to a neighborhood near you: Pfizer Elementary
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Fisherman in trouble is rescued when two girls in their 20s strip down to their underwear to rescue him. Fisherman now expected to be in trouble every night at the same time for the next century
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Swedish department store installs cameras in changing rooms to facilitate pictures being uploaded to the internet straight away
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Health Center forgets to tell pharmacy technician that a fake gunman would be bursting into her pharmacy demanding drugs for a hostage as part of a training exercise. What could possibly go wrong?
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"Blade Runner" to appear in South African court. Observers predict the trial will drag on for much longer than it should, but still somehow generate a cult following
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If there's one thing guaranteed to make Farkers sit up and take notice it's this: Climate change is ruining our beer
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| (Queensland Chronicle) |
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Brothel open day attracts large crowds. A fun day out for the whole family
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| (TSP) |
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Two asshats put a red and blue light on their car and make an emergency run to McDonalds. The State Trooper who saw him drive by was not amused
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"On your right you can see the famous Teatro San Carlo built in 1737, and on your left is the alley where me and Jimmy No-nose whacked a guy in '96"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Despite anger management classes, kindergarten teaching might not be for you after six incidents of bashing your students
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Photoshop these dangling diners
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When deciding on a getaway driver for your carefully planned jewel heist, never underestimate how useful it would be if he had arms
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Travellers to Japan should be warned that the habitual groping on packed trains is rubbing off on more and more people
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Natural breast enlargements use fat from other areas of your body. "It was beautiful. We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them"
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TSA seized items at New York's three airports include a baby alligator, a gassed-up chainsaw, unwashed adult toys and yes, even the kitchen sink
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| (Some Guy) |
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Just a word of advice: if you're going to burgle houses under the cover of darkness, don't do it while wearing a blaze orange safety vest covered with strips of reflective tape. Or be like this idiot. Your call
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Missing Yale student found in wall. Ceiling Cat afraid to go to bed
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| (Republican American) |
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A baby fell out of a window/ you'd think that her head would be split/ but good luck was with her that morning/ for she fell in a pile of shhhrubbery
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Photoshop this fruit nirvana
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When you're drunk and pulling into a gas station to refuel a stolen car, you probably don't want to draw attention to yourself by having sex in the front seat
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Despite being smacked by a wombat, almost kidnapped in Iran, and surviving Delhi belly in India, a London cabinet-maker is set to become the fastest man to cycle around the world
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Kanye West bum-rushes the VMA stage, grabs the microphone from Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech, complains that Beyonce's video was better (working video clip in link)
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Bar uses breathalyzer to make sure everyone gets home safely. Just kidding, they want to be sure you're wasted before you leave
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