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| Sun July 19, 2009 |
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The strangest place in the US to live is in Parking Lot B at LAX airport, the rent is $60 a month, there are over 100 residents and they actually have a waiting list. You didn't really think they "lost" your bag, did you?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Instead of whining about their lack of pay like they normally do, now teachers are saying getting summers off isn't as cool as you think it is. "Actually, I'm kind of bored"
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One of Spitzer's hookers, who has no financial reason to lie, says she shined the shoes of another govnah
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Nothing says "celebrate the 40th anniversary of the moon landing" like a clogged toilet on the space shuttle
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Author Frank McCourt has died. Let us all pray: "In the name of the father, the son and the holy toast"
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Another consequence of a slow economy: teen pregnancy, STDs on the rise again, as the horny little farkers don't have any money to do anything else
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San Francisco attorney says "The Zodiac Killer" confessed to him in 1970 and considered surrendering to the police
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Man extradited to the US for committing unspeakable acts of violins
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Life imitates art: With fake web sites, documents, and real "receptionists," a smooth-talking 17 year old British teen convinces British aviation executives he is a airline tycoon
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| (Some Pinoy) |
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Photoshop this flooded fillup
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Well, let's say this cupcake represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the Mall of America. Based on this morning's reading, it would be a cupcake two feet wide, one foot tall, weighing approximately 150 pounds
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| (Some Memes) |
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Best. Shirt. Ever
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"Headline News used to be straight news anytime you wanted it. It's unwatchable now. It's heartbreaking." So sayeth Ted Turner
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| (Talk Zimbabwe) |
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Devoutly religious sisters try to re-create Garden of Eden through cleaning, gardening, and going topless. Subby wishes his girlfriend was more religious
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22-year-old man refused liver transplant because he can't prove he'd stay sober outside the hospital. Mother: "All his friends who were drinking with him (since age 13) are still at home, they are fine." Good work, mum - cheers
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| (Some Relayer) |
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Second Lifers take a break from chasing each other with giant neon penises to raise money for cancer research. Fark: It's a quarter million so far and growing
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Is a 65 year old man who takes on a seven foot alligator to save his little dog a Hero or a Dumbass? It does not matter, since it happened in Fark's favorite state
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| (Some Genius) |
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Ping-pong table/door - Bonus: A few "I'd hit it" pics of French chicks playing ping-pong
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Your argument is invalid. The watermelon is shaped like a pyramid
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The 10 geekiest pieces of furniture in the universe
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| (Some Guy) |
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Coolest pop-up art made from old book covers you'll see today
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Washington, DC tops list of riskiest cities to drive in, which isn't surprising since anyone driving in DC has to take their eyes off the road to look at the stoplight on the street corner
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BZP, DMT, and quaaludes making comeback as party drugs. Dave's still not here, man
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Nuns are not to be trifled with: "I took my shoe and threw it straight at his Adam's apple, knocking him out"
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Dropping the 55 mph federal speed limit has caused an additional 12,500 deaths say reasearchers going 40 mph in the left-hand lane
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| (KTVB) |
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Cool: High school students hold bikini car wash to raise money. Awesome: They're ordered to remove their tops after complaints of flashing. Fark: It's the male wrestling team
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Y o u... c o u l d... c u t... t h e... t e n s i o n... w i t h... a... k n i f e... a t... t h e... w o r l d... s n a i l... r a c i n g... c h a m p i o n s h i p s
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| (SouthernLedger) |
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Township barricades federal facility with snowplow and backhoe to prevent closure. Local politician threatens to handcuff self to it. The facility in question? A curbside mailbox
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"More and more, having premium pot delivered to your door in California is not a crime. It is a legitimate business." Serious business
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| (Beverly Citizen) |
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Man carrying cross from Maine to Mexico upsets locals, Pontius Pilate
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Seven kids - including five year-old triplets - busted for selling lemonade door-to-door without a permit. Sergeant apologizes for his responding officer being such a sourpuss
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So it begins: Ambulance officer sues over injuries sustained lifting an obese patient
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Russia is still pissed that the U.S. was first to land on the moon
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Precious snowflakes and their digital toys, "We all have BlackBerrys, that's so New York"
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| (RUFKM.NET) |
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Key West's governor approves painted nipples in public, toy weapons banned
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| (Some Guy) |
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Owner says his swingers club is harmless fun, neighbors worry big box stores will lower property values
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In another sign the economy is picking up, business in Russian mail-order brides is booming
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| (Some Guy) |
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Seriously, Japan, WTF? (LGT pics that will make you wonder)
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Airlines to begin installing airbags for passengers because there is nothing more comforting than seeing the airbag inflate as your plane smashes into the ground at 600 mph
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Police hunt thieves stealing letters from marquee signs, believe they are trying to spell someone's names, are on the lookout for one or more persons named "Daywnningloamsla"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sorta-hittable special needs teacher looking at 5-10 years for taking care of her student's special needs, gets turned in by her husband after he found shower pics on her cell phone
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That teenager who was selling nude pictures of his mother online? Yeah, that was fake
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Photoshop some rejected ad campaigns for Abercrombie and Fitch. Link goes to inspiration
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| (Deccan Herald) |
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Indian nun killed by fellow nun and two priests after she walks in on their threesome. Story to be dramatized in first Bollywood erotic thriller musical
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When swimming in unfamiliar waters, be sure to watch out for the ENORMOUS GODDAMNED 50-FOOT WATERFALL
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"A third of 11-year-olds in the city have alcohol related problems." Are we talking about: a) Dublin, b) Liverpool, or c) Milan?
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90-year-old woman is the original owner of a 1964 Mercury Comet Caliente which just hit 599,000 miles. Bonus: She carries a .38 with her to prevent car theft. "Somebody's going to go down with me if I get in that situation."
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| (Richmond Times Dispatch) |
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Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night... hey, is this cash?
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"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission"
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"A state janitor was arrested after police discovered a secret "man cave" that was used for smoking pot, selling drugs and sleeping. Known to most of us as a "dorm room"
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Cannes cans cans
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Autopsy of Brazilian boxer reveals that he could have committed suicide, or been accidentally killed or was murdered. That's some fine autopsy work, Lou
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| (Boulder Daily Camera) |
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Bare-breasted women form a tunnel to greet their soldiers returning from war, healing the troops just with their presence. "Women's bodies are nurturing and healing, this can be shared with people." Submitter feels terrible
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| (Some Guy) |
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Unwanted baby found in dumpster. Adoptive babies found in recycling can
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Photoshop this country church
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10 things contractors won't tell you. Surprisingly, "no habla English" did not make the list
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| Sat July 18, 2009 |
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If you're a 21-year old man, you're probably not going to impress 14-year old girls by 'hooning' in a '92 Daihatsu Charade. You're certainly not going to impress the cops
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Make-A-Wish turns down money from bikini car wash, even though the girls hear wishes all the time
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Cops say 9-month old baby had BAC four times legal limit. In other news, there's a legal limit for 9-month olds
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| (Some wannabe ham slicer) |
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1.1 Million for slicing 2 pounds of ham awarded in stimulus package. Your dog wants more ham
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| (WLEX-18) |
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Bourbon County teacher charged with tapping a student who was not yet fully aged. With bottom of the barrel pic
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| (Pakwatan.com) |
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Study finds skim milk may increase acne in teens, chances of breakfast cereal tasting like crap
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PETA offers to pay to keep Pescadero State Beach open if California will rename it "Sea Kitten State Beach"
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T o r t o i s e. T r i e s. T o. R u n. A w a y. F r o m. C i r c u s
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| (RetroComedy.com) |
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1980s McDonalds clothing line - were they "lovin' it" a little too much?
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Three naked women and man cited for 'Strip Groundies', a game where everyone stands in a circle, gets drunk and removes a piece of clothing each time they fall down
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| (10 News) |
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High school to graduate: "Transcript? Sorry, we folded"
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Photoshop this simulated space
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If you've been described as "Salt Lake County's Public Enemy Number 1" perhaps a courthouse wedding isn't your best option
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U.S. jet fighter crashes in Afghanistan, Airbus scrambles to find out which model it was before realizing they didn't even build this one
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Want to check the status of your jobless benefits on the government website? No problem, here's your username and default password choices "shameless" and "bum"
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There must be easier ways to create exit portals in your husband's body so demons can be released than by shooting him in the groin
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Doctor accused of sterilizing woman ovary her objections
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's teacher having sex with her student in a minivan is from the Philly suburb of Lansdale. Bonus: When not, you know, she writes Christian songs. (w/ sfw web pic)
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According to one Senator, the biggest threat that should concern voters isn't the economy or the war in Iraq, it's the continual import of pythons. To emphasize his point, he brings a 16-foot python corpse to senatorial hearings
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Who says going to prison is horrible? Certainly not the inmates at these posh prisons
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Police department manages to convince guy that doesn't speak English that a $400 payoff is way better than suing the department over incident where officer kicked the guy on videotape
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| (Some Guy) |
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Good news: Beer spill on Hwy 151. Bad News: It's lime flavored. Fark: They didn't tell us until it's too late to throw ourselves on the highway and lap it up like dehydrated dogs at a desert oasis. The bastards
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this adorable amphibian. VE
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| (Some Guy) |
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"The speed limit is what is posted along the roadway. It doesn't matter if it's the correct speed limit or incorrect speed limit"
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Newspaper asks "Why are sexual-related incidents up at Orlando's water parks?" Submitter thinks the tag says it all
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"Forget Sputnik and Apollo 11. A British inventor drew up plans in the 1640s to send a manned wooden chariot to the Moon propelled by gunpowder, feather wings and springs." Awww, isn't it precious when ex-empires get all defensive?
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NOBODY expects the Tusken Raiders. Not at the Tour De France, anyway
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| (The Columbian) |
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Actual headline: "Institute will immerse students in volcano"
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Golf greenkeeper told to wear bright red helmet to show the lovely golfers he was autistic. He's the one laughing now - thanks to a $100,000 pay out
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Not News: 57 year-old man and seven 19 year-olds arrested at underage drinking party. Kinda News: The man is the general counsel for Iowa's largest hospital system. Fark: His wife is the Chief Justice of the Iowa Supreme Court
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Giant flying squid terrorize California coast. And you though the sharks were bad
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The hotter the climate, the slower the economy. Here comes the science
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Apple face lawsuit alleging that they aided the Mafia in attempting to force a man into a modelling career
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| (Vail Daily) |
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Not news: Boy sprains his ankle hiking on mountain. News: he can't continue after spending three nights on the mountain. Fark: Gets a bill for $25,000 for his rescue. Awkward: He's a Boy Scout
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Today's poorly-written headline: "Police: nude man who was hot lied about robbery."
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40 years after faked Moon landings, NASA caught red-handed smuggling old Apollo hardware to the moon
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| (Some Guy) |
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Soldiers now being deployed are given small embroidered decorative pillows to take with them. This is exactly when Bin Laden hasn't been captured and Iraq is largely untamed
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| (Action News Jacksonville) |
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Man sues over being denied hair transplant, announces that there will be hell toupee
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Take a moment to reflect on the life of Henry Allingham. Born in 1896, founding member of the RAF, veteran of WW1. He has passed at the age of 113. Godspeed sir
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Photoshop Theme: Game Shows with Unlikely Celebrity Hosts
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Microchip ID reunites British woman with her cat, Allsort, who went missing from her home six years ago. Happy Caturday, old chap
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chicago's O'Hare airport experienced power outage today. Surprisingly, passengers were delighted
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Officer guilty of forcing drunk motorist to blow his special breathalyzer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wal-Mart garden center employee victim of fourth pygmy rattlesnake attack, hopefully will live thanks to "elderly greeter"
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Ordering teens not to have sex flat out doesn't work. Who knew?
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| (Some Guy) |
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♫ How much is that doggie in the window ♫ The one with the extra fifth leg? ♫
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Photoshop an unlikely sponsor for a product, show or event
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Man accidentally hits gas instead of brake, kills wife & mother-in-law. Suuuuuuuure it was an accident
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ax-wielding arson suspect claims self-defense. Wouldn't you if Satan was trying to kill you, too?
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Joining the ranks of states without budgets, Pennsylvania announces it has frozen all state employee paychecks. Bonus: Effective two weeks ago
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| Fri July 17, 2009 |
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"And that's the way it is" Walter Cronkite dies
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House intel committee to investigate CIA program, be silenced by subsequent CIA program
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scott Peterson's family now accepting donations via PayPal to help pay for death penalty appeal, hunt for real killer
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All work and no play makes for a sad-looking TSG mugshot roundup (some pics contain Not safe for work text)
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Police Constable testifies how a 16-year-old girl kicked his arse eight ways to Sunday. Awkward
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Nelson Mandela turns 91 today. Or 64 if you forget those years in prison for fighting apartheid
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Honey, a giant weiner just crashed into the house
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| (Some Motorhead) |
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Photoshop this big block six cylinder
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Divorces down 50% on news that no one can afford a lawyer on unemployment
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Buy a truck, get a free AK-47. Rebel flag flying from the bed optional
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| (City Pages) |
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Swiss exercise ball slasher what slashes Swiss exercise balls strikes again
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NYC models-only lounge spares our beautiful overlords from the indignity of exposure to mere mortals
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Honestly, who throws a bike?
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SWAT team swoops down from helicopter to stop rave. And by rave, they mean "small family barbecue"
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The whale carcass came back, the very next day, they thought it was a goner but it just wouldn't stay away
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"The airborne horse struck the golf cart before landing and dying in a grassy area along Kunkletown Road in Eldred Township."
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Your baby's stroller is not the smartest place to stash your gun
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Mayor of Boston to offer $200,000 loan to struggling weekly newspaper that's often been critical of him: "I'm trying to help a business survive. Tell me if that's wrong"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Amputee hops around Wendy's pointing a gun at employees because they forgot his straw. Then it gets weird
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Iowa State Fair web voters say "no" to Michael Jackson butter statue. No recount needed, as the results of the poll were well outside the margarine of error
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| (Some Guy) |
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Someone ripped a big one in the Windy City. Factory reported destroyed by explosion with hazmat team deployed
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12 things you should never do when it comes to sex. #6. Never drink cheap beer and stay overnight. Get the walk of shame over with sooner rather than later, lest you stink up someone's bedroom and bathroom
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Man "accidentally" (on camera) destroys 7ft house of cards built for World Series of Poker Europe, in London this September. Here comes the publicity for the World Series of Poker Europe, in London this September
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60 baby ducks stolen from farm. Police need the public's help to quack the case
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Teens flunk "Burglary 101" by leaving homework behind at the scene of the crime
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're going to egg a police car, try to find one without a cop in it
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It's Friday Photo Fun time again from our pals at TSG. Today's is a repeat of a Fark favorite. Match the perp to their band of choice. Contest ends at 4pm Eastern
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Man introduces his girlfriend to Jesus
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| (Register Star (NY)) |
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Bye-bye muddah, bye-bye faddah / See ya later / Camp Granada / Pervert counselor / Taped the campers / Where he's going now he'd best be wearing Pampers
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Hey, remember those ARMs from 5 or 6 years ago that did their part to melt down the economy? They're coming back. Want one?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Most people who hate their car trade it in or sell it. Then there's the kid who set his on fire "simply because he hated the car."
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Circumcision study cut short
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Aah, schooldays. The excitement of learning new things, the joy of playing with your friends, the thrill of seeing your teacher abducted by aliens. Wait, what?
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| (wtol) |
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Calling a coworker your "hottie honey," wanting wet t-shirt contests, and referring to a meeting that "was as much fun as the inside of a prom queen's thighs on prom night." It's good to be the superintendent
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| (Some Texan) |
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Virgin Mary spotted in bird droppings. Holy crap
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Man charged with murdering his wife on Carnival cruise, was apparently unaware that steering her toward the salmon mousse in the buffet line would have done the job for him
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18 firefighters, three engines, and a hazmat team sent to deal with broken jar of pickled chameleon. On the bright side, they should now all have excellent karma
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Love will make you do some crazy things, like steal $11 million in unclaimed tax refunds from Colorado
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| (Some interviewer) |
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Photoshop this interview
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Former Iranian President Rafsanjani calls for release of imprisoned protestors, reform of political system, restoration of Fark's green band
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"Police in central New Jersey say they arrested a man on burglary charges after he returned to the victim's house to apologize"
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Pope not so infallible after all
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If you bring your computer in for repair, be sure to delete the "Had sex with 12 year old" file folder
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Once-trendy "Crocs" could be on their last legs. Submitter sheds a tear while feigning a false or insincere emotional concern
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Mother who lets her son go out to dinner and watch movies at his 36-year-old eighth grade teacher's house is shocked, SHOCKED that a physical relationship ensued
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Men will soon be able to buy get-me-off-the-hook DNA paternity tests over the counter
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Taxi driver not wearing long socks? That's a $100 fine
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Your morning awwwwwww: Dog nurses red panda cubs at Chinese zoo, (pics)
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The winner of the battle between lion and chainsaw has been decided... for now
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're going to drive drunk, don't pull up next to a police officer with a glass of beer sitting on your trunk
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Hybrid drivers get more tickets and have costlier accidents. Which pretty much validates what the rest of us knew already
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UN to poor countries: "Stop being poor"
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If you thought a cop would know better than to have a sexy online chat with a 14 year old girl you'd be wrong. With a sad faced mugshot
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Reporter: Three boys are missing - Anchor: Can you describe them - Reporter: They look like the three sitting over there
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Photoshop this electric tester
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"Antiques Roadshow" appraises woman's Chinese jade piece collection as being worth $1.07 million, lifetime pass on PBS telethons
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| Thu July 16, 2009 |
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Bombs explode at 2 Jakarta hotels, at least 4 people killed
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After 13 months, California teen sets record for youngest to sail solo around the world, greatest lengths to avoid school
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Starbucks adds alcohol to menu. Patrons look forward to $50 pint of beer
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"Low-priority" crimes such as Breaking and Entering will no longer be prosecuted in Detroit. We don't have jobs, money, or schools, so feel free to just take whatever the hell you want from whoever the hell you want
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Well John, it's a toy, and it's a torpedo, what would we name this toy for little boys? Wait, I GOT IT
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Police check and find NY Bishop mating with teenager. Pawned
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Man throws cigarette butt out car window and the winds of Karma blow it back in setting his car on fire
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| (The Pulse) |
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Yet another ugly-ass baby penguin born at the Tennessee Aquarium (w/pic)
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Woman ignores warning about gator in house, finds pot lab instead. Wait...pot lab?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police seal off street after detecting heavy fumes of cannabis, vow to wait out whoever is responsible, even if it takes them dozens of pizzas to do it
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Hillary: "Reports of my demise are premature. I broke my elbow, not my larynx." I heard she fell off a cliff while filming in New Zealand
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Wall Street Journal publishes guide to "Getting Into the Top Prisons." Next week in this series, "Kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's biatch"
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| (SmakNews) |
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Seven bizarre beauty pageants you never knew existed
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If your kid's principal stops playing O Canada before school start, what better way to express your displeasure than by threatening to kill him?
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NASA: Um, yeah about the original moon landing tapes. We sorta, "lost" those. But look, we DO have these "newly restored" videos
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| (Some Guy) |
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Old and busted: sexual harrassment. New hotness: textual harrassment
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Man flips experimental aircraft on maiden flight, claims "It's got good brakes"
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Man driving in the HOV lane with a mannequin as his extra passenger causes a four-car accident. What a dummy
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Swiss say illegal medicines imports nearly double. If only there were some sort of analogy involving food, maybe a cheese, to descibe their border crossings
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| (phillyBurbs.com) |
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New Wal-Mart overwhelms customers: "The meat section stretches farther than a football field."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Naked man leads police chase on high-speed car and foot chase, is tasered, shot with a bean bag gun and taken to hospital with pulse of 220. Then it gets weird
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| (KTVU) |
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Family of woman killed by train demands pedestrian bridge over tracks because it's too hard to check to see if a piece of machinery 20 times larger than a bus is about to cross your path
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Richmond Times-Dispatch says, in retrospect, that whole segregation thing was a bad idea, despite its fervent enthusiasm for it at the time
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Area pig tased and taken into custody after leading police on a chase through downtown. Trial date not set, but he's expected to fry
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Photoshop theme: The ghost of Michael Jackson
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Satellite company uses pre-wedding photo without permission of couple to sell satellite dishes. Turns out they were murdered while on honeymoon a week after photo was taken. Awkward
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| (Some Guy) |
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The best reason to avoid goat penis while in Vietnam you'll see all day
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Bloody battles continue in the ongoing Tampon War
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In addition to flammables, weapons, and liquids over 3.4 ounces, the TSA would like to add soap-encrusted severed bird's heads to the list of prohibited items
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If you're looking to break into real estate and are good at plumbing leaks, the Watergate is up for auction today. Don't let some east coast Harvard elitist snag it away
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First time jobless claims drop, since by now everyone has tried it
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Cops who bugged their own employees conduct their own investigation and determine they did nothing wrong
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Step 1: Rob store Step 2: Shoot self in head Step 3:?
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Crucifix over door? HOA: "No can haz"
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Boston Craigslist killer needs to hire Virginia Craigslist killer's defense attorney
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Quebec could save $9.5 billion per year if it reversed the flow of three rivers. Just imagine how much it could save in heating costs if they towed the entire province into the Carribean
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German police are not amused by garden gnomes with right arm raised in a Hitler salute. Gott in himmel
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Big Brother housemates stage protest of lack of alcohol, relevancy, talent
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Six private yachts transited the Northwest Passage last summer, which is six more ships than crossed it from 1851 to Amunson's three year trip in 1903-1906. Scary tag is for the next 150 years
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Barney Frank informs Jon Stewart that the $787 billion stimulus hasn't succeeded as planned because Republicans made them reduce the original amount by $40 billion. Go ahead...guess where the congressman claimed that money would've gone
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Element 112 officially named Copernicium (Cp), which means we need to rework the Elements Song again
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Pussyification of America continues - Study finds playing in beach sand is dangerous to your children
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Sears Tower now named Willis Tower. Surely there is a joke somewhere in here, if only we knew what they were talking about
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Someone in the Lions advertising department has a sense of humor
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Travis Henry sentenced to 3 years in prison for cocaine trafficking. The "I needed money to pay for my 10 kids with 11 women in 9 states" defense was a failure
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| (Some Guy) |
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Judge dismisses Donald Trump's lawsuit against an author who wrote that Trump is a millionaire, not a billionaire.The judge did not rule on how much Trump is actually worth. But after legal fees, you do the math
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Within a year, most news sites will be charging for Web content. Which its subscribers can enjoy anytime, whether at home or riding their flying unicorn to their $100-an-hour job at the green energy plant
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| (Delaware Online) |
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Hoping $1.3 billion in stimulus money to Amtrak will get you bullet trains or something? The first $700K has been spent to refurbish a 27-year-old Amtrak car. Woo woo
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Israel may follow UN in sending strongly-worded memo to Iran, but they'll be sending it on a cruise missile
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Maryland governor plans 'Civic Guard' which will partner corporations such as Wal-Mart with private citizens to provide emergency disaster relief because government is slow and ineffective
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| (Lincoln Journal Star) |
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Made for Fark headline: Lincoln man made up robbery story to explain nudity
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This alleged bank robber apparently only has one t-shirt or forgot to do laundry: two robberies and one shirt that says "Mullet Removal Team"
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Paul McCartney still trying to make us believe he didn't die back in the 60s
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| (tribtoday.com) |
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News: Man robs several fast food restaurants. Bigger news: Man just out of jail for previous robberies of restaurants and motels. Fark: Weapon of choice to hold up motel? His shoe
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AirTran pilot pre-flight checklist. 1. Pack bags, 2. Double check passport, 3. Get in a fight at the security checkpoint , 4. Check fuel levels
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Why is the space shuttle launched from the only state with its own Fark tag? Article says not for political reasons. Unlikely tag begs to differ
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| (wptv.com) |
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If you rob a convenience store, don't forget the cold beer on the counter. The one with your fingerprints on it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Prince Charles sticks his foot in his mouth again, this time with comments over country's fishing industry. American Farkers shake their heads, wonder how this guy ever got elected in the first place
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Professional snipers brought in to guard penguins. When we say do not feed the animals we mean do NOT feed the animals
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If you stole an eight-foot rocket, the farmer who owns it is offering a dozen fresh eggs for its safe return
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Old busted: Obama throws like a girl. New busted: Obama's wearing "mom jeans"
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New Yorkers to Police Dept: "Why are you spending $1 million on out-of-date typewriters?" New York Police Dept: "It doesn't matter, our budget is $4 billion."
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Pagan police officers get eight extra days off a year, including the summer solstice and Halloween, so they can practise sorcery and worship the Devil
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"I have more time to do it now". Billy Gillispie to pen book on coaching career. Suggested title: From DUI to NIT
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Forgotten Miami cemetery from the 1900s unearthed; Florida welcomes its youngest residents
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Mobile phones, which caused cancer, then didn't cause cancer, then caused cancer, then didn't cause cancer, then caused cancer, then caused cancer, then didn't cause cancer, now cause cancer. EVERYBODY PANIC
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White House reporters: "We need to be totally unbiased and merely report the facts. We shouldn't opine on any issues or inject our opinions into policy debate. Oh, and its ridiculous to investigate torture. Duh"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested for impersonating a firefighter after he shows up at accident scene and steals narcotics from the medical helicopter, performs chest massage on woman with head injury
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Brett Farve getting ready to pretend he doesn't know if he'll play by throwing interceptions to the Oak Grove High School football team
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10 things that will not end well...this should end well
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| (Some Guy) |
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If your ex-girlfriend dumps you to join a convent, don't post her topless picture on Facebook. She just might get all lawsuity
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| (paidcontent) |
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Comcast launches new broadband video service for its subscribers, now with comcastic number of unskippable video ads inserted
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Hamas-run TV re-eanacts Gaza mom's suicide bombing. On a kid's show
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German man tries to blow up airbed, somehow takes his entire apartment with it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police chief blames the bar for getting two of his officers fired after they got drunk and repeatedly mooned the crowd on the intracoastal waterway
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It turns out the FCC is too busy chasing nipples and cuss words on TV to deal with consumer complaints about wireless phone service. Go figure
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Prison guard fired for being too pretty. You'd commit a crime to get a chance to hit it
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| (Asheville Citizen-Times) |
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Man about to rob bank calls 911 on himself
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Do not taunt happy fun meat blending machine
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A cop interupts your backseat tryst. Do you: C) run over the cop with your car, crash your car in a telephone pole, run naked through the streets, and leave your girl behind?
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Iraqi government offering nearly $2000 to Sunnis and Shiites to find spouses in the other sect in an attempt to heal the country
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Today's Father of the Year Candidate made sure to bring his two teenage kids with him to a coke deal. And his ten- and eleven-year olds. And his two-year old
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"The Honduran people have the right to insurrection," says Honduran president ousted by insurrection
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Six-year-old tees up SpongeBob golf ball, makes 85 yard hole in one
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| (Some Guy) |
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They're pigs. And they're swimming. And the pictures are cute
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Mugshot of the pyscho-hose-beast who kicked her boyfriend in the groin and repeatedly slashed him with a knife. For watching porn and masturbating. You'd probably still hit it
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Photoshop these low-rollers
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Don't you just hate it when you're riding your bike through the park and a gang of tattooed girls pulls off your pants and molests you sexually? Yeah, me neither
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Mystery 'goo' moving through the sea near Alaska. Fap
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Iowa State Fair's proposed butter sculpture of Michael Jackson is under fire from PETA, who wants the sculptors to use a butter substitute
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It's not just the auto industry going down in flames in Detroit these days
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11-year-old girl puts all your fishing pics to shame
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A man purposefully destroys his leg with dry ice so that a surgeon would have to cut it off: "When I woke up, it was absolute ecstasy. The leg that I wanted to get rid of for all those years was reduced to a little bandaged stump"
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60-foot dollar sign burned into Long Island football field, causing estimated $100,000 damage. Richie Rich wanted for questioning
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Idiot teenager in NYC who was inspired to bomb a Starbucks by the movie "Fight Club" apparently missed that whole "You do not talk about Fight Club" thing
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Laaaaaaaaaaid-back paramedic fired for telling a critically ill patient to try some gin 'n' juice for her pain
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Cops stop topless sot
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| (Some Mountanier) |
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"His pants were down around his ankles and the dog was making an awful sound"
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Man who embezzled £3,500 for plastic surgery so he could look like Satan forbidden from leaving his house at night. Guess he's no longer the Prince of Darkness (pic)
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It turns out 787 billion dollars later that all the government needed to do was say something positive
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Guess what kiddos, seasonal flu + seasonal flu + pandemic flu + pandemic flu = 4 flu shots this fall
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Woman nearly goes to jail because her dogs won't stop barking "I feel ostracized in my own community"
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Those lying stoners falsely claimed that California could raise $1B in tax revenue from legal pot. The official report is in, hippies: It would raise $1.4B. Put that in your pipe and smoke it
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You know what my sniper rifle really needed? A cupholder
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Woman spontaneously combusts in front of a rehab center. "Reports that she was using oxygen and smoking were inaccurate"
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Photoshop this balloon-bailout
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 219: "Vice Vice Baby". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 15, 2009 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Pet Airways takes off with the fur flying. Your dog wants flight
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9-year-old girl catches a truck mud flap brace in the neck. BACK OFF
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What's that? Sotomayor doesn't know the name of the case Perry Mason lost? Hang her nomination AT ONCE
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| (KWQC TV6) |
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Today's cross-species story is about a mother cat nursing abandoned puppies. With ugly ass picture goodness
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LAPD investigating Michael Jackson's death as a homicide
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Father reunited with son who was missing and believed dead in wilderness. "I'm going to kick his arse. The only teenager in the world who goes on a 10-mile hike and leaves his mobile phone behind"
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| (The Frisky) |
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How Sacha Baron Cohen makes himself invincible to lawsuits
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Not news: No IL state budget. News: 6000 state workers not being paid. Fark: Because lawmakers were at the All-Star game
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Government workers have fun on the taxpayer's dime, cite need for stress relief after death threats. Death threats justified after seeing video of "motivational dancing"
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Police jail a Freemason on sorcery charges after a raid on his home finds wands, compasses and a skull. "The stupidity is overwhelming."
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GO
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Photoshop this defensive posturing
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New GOP talking point: Obama throws like a girl
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Drew promised to try to help juice ESPN's Jimmy V Foundation auctions. Because nothing sucks more than cancer, not even a Demerol overdose. Check em out, bid em high - most auctions end soon
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| (Some Guy) |
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South Carolina judge rules law barring underage drinking is unconstitutional
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Stickers being put on pay phones warning drug dealers not to use them. In related news, there are drug dealers who can't afford cell phones
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Another ignorant defense of rich people who deserve only our contempt: Why the Democratic plan for a surcharge on the rich to pay for health care is bad
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| (KTVL.com) |
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Motorcyclist executes unique dismount for speeding ticket
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| (SpaceVidCast) |
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Will the 5th time be the charm for STS-127? Endeavour attempts to foil the weather again at 6:03pm EDT. LGT HD stream
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For all you folks that have been waiting for Jesus to return, he's in Connecticut beating children with a 2-by-4
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Discovery Channel gets head start, creates first Post-Apocalyptic "reality" show, zombies not included
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| (Courier Press) |
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Of all the things I don't want to get stabbed in the eye with, "screwdriver" is up there, man. It's up there
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SCOTUS rules that using science in the courtroom requires actual scientists in the courtroom
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The sad demise of the Maryland crab cake
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What was the pinnacle of success for Canada's PM Harper? Was it A] a smooth and effective performance at the G8, B] a private audience with the Pope, or C] winning the endorsement of a has-been 70s pop singer?
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Why does it always happen at a Waffle House?
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| (Indolent) |
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Police: "Why is the 11 year old driving?", Dad: "Because he's sober"
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Conspiracy nut sues forum posters for pointing out that he's a conspiracy nut. We're through the looking glass here, people
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| (Some Guy) |
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Anyone want to but a sliderule for $1500? Nasa's having an auction. Hey, times are tough
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Family of four decides to have picnic on burial mound at site of famous 18th century Scottish battle. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this
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Probably the most shocking plant photographs you'll see today
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FBI probing PrankNET as possible source of recent wave of Fark headlines. Serious business
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In case you were wondering, hitting a police officer in the face during a traffic stop is something of a faux pas
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Concern rises over Florida's near-record mosquito season after several crows reportedly raped
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No, you can't escape $350,000 in student loans by declaring bankruptcy. What schools were you attending, Bonehead U?
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| (random-good-stuff.com) |
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10 Odd Things you can buy from Amazon
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High school girls softball coach fired for hosting an end-of-season cookout at his home where beer was served. FARK: Not to students, to other parents
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Name your kid Alec, Ernest, Garland, Ivan, Kareem, Luke, Malcolm, Preston, Tyrell or Walter and chances are they'll be bad boys
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Photoshop this head scratcher
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Today's "school nurse having sex with teenage boy" story bought to you by Bolingbrook. With pic....goodness?
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Phase 1: Show short film of yourself dressed only in your underwear to your girlfriend and cinema audience. Phase 2: ? Phase 3: Marriage
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Radioactive brine found deep in Germany's Asse
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| (Brighton Argus) |
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Teacher gets drunk, climbs into trash container, gets crushed, becomes a has-bin
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A little bit of chopped onions, some oregano, a pinch of salt. And now for the kicker we'll be using some liquid nitrogen and... BAM
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Darwin scores a two-fer as car-surfer's vehicle crashes into a tree on a country road. Alcohol was involved
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| (NOAA) |
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Magnitude 7.8 quake strikes New Zealand
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Airliner crashes shortly after takeoff in Iran. Death toll currently 168 but expected to rise as government buses arrive with detained protestors
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Homeless man jailed over a year for not paying child support for a son that the court knew wasn't his. But at least now he has a place to sleep
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Getting drunk and walking down the highway with 40 pairs of stolen panties stuffed in your unzipped pants is no way to go through life, son
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In court for driving at twice the speed limit in order to get your crotchfruit to school in time for free breakfast? Posing like this on your way out of court won't help your case (with pic)
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Doctor working at a children's ward busted for inhaling laughing gas while on duty. Hey, you try working all day with dozens of whining, crying, sick brats
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"I'm not the first or last who's been bamboozled by a surprise lesbian kiss in a movie, I'm sure," says Actress That's Wearing Her New Liarpants
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British backpacker walks out of Australian bushland after 12 days confronting freezing conditions, rugged terrain and random koala attacks
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Pez Candy Corp responds to custom made "Worlds Largest Pez Dispenser" Do they? (A) Praise the owner (B) Build a larger one (C) Sue the owner out of business and demand it be destroyed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this old barn
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's probably not a good idea to chase your landlady naked around the home demanding oral sex (w/ mugshot of the week candidate)
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Fathers get shafted when it comes to parental leave, even though they put 15 of the best seconds of their lives into making babies
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Not News: Boy celebrates 3rd birthday. News: He disappears. Fark: rides his toy truck for 2 hours 8 miles down a raging river unscathed. TaDa
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| Tue July 14, 2009 |
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Shark washes up on Long Island shore one day after Drew prediction. Surfer: "Pretty crazy. I thought it was a great white or something." Marine Biologist: "You can see inside there's no teeth inside his mouth."
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Woman smuggling thousands of dollars worth of cocaine in some golf clubs gets caught when customs asks her about her handicap and she thought they were questioning her about a disability
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Grinding in the supermarket check-out line is not appropriate
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| (ktvb.com) |
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Fat people in corduroy have been near haystacks again
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Another reason not to get married: Wedding bouquet brings down plane
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One of the last survivors of the Bataan Death March relates the horror of his experience, and how his hatred of the enemy was overcome after the war by his friendship with a Japanese-American student
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Man who killed wife with barbecue fork sentenced, hopes to get credit for tine served
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Wanted American white supremacist hiding in Israel turned in by pregnant Israeli girlfriend. Wait, what?
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When your old lady yells, "I WILL KILL YOU" and bites the marriage mediator, let her go. 'Cause man, she's gone
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Fox News reveals how Bernie Madoff will be killed in prison. They report, you homicide
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Caption these lab ladies
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| (Movieline) |
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David Carradine's last film features straps, dwarves and lady boys, just like his autopsy
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39 Pics of stars with face lifts. Ginger vs Mary Ann debate is officially over. (warning: slideshow)
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Performing plastic surgery on yourself may seem like a good way to save money
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Photoshop theme: World records that Guinness doesn't list
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Today's "81 year-old billionaire being sued for theft after he allegedly stole a 3 by 5 foot slab of concrete which he scratched his name in when he was a youngster" brought to you by Oklahoma, by way of Texas
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: driver stopped for doing twice the limit. News: car goes to jail. Fark: it was a Ferrari being road-tested by a journalist
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Writer claims to have created "Lost" in 1977. He would have come forward earlier, but the smoke monster kidnapped him
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Scientists announce discovery of 400 million year old penis, say it was the hardest thing they've ever done
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Study finds that if things are going well in your marriage, you probably won't get divorced
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Reason #496 to not wear a banana hammock: you may 'accidentally' commit a felony
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News: Soldier refuses to deploy because Obama isn't a U.S. citizen. FARK: His lawyer's name is Orly. Ya RLY
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| (News Times) |
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357 vicious chickens removed from CT home. They're not vicious - they've just got cluck
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Sarah Palin may attempt to form new conservative party, citing need for incoherent speeches, beauty pageants, and reports on lots of dogs
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| (Inquisitr) |
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You're in the middle of a bank robbery, do you a) call the cops, or b) post about it on Twitter?
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Whether you're a Democrat, a Republican, or a Fark Independent™ - everybody loves a sex scandal. And since we don't have one at the moment, here's a recap of recent events. This is CNN
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| (Some Guy) |
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Credit Union teller convinces woman that if she wants to rob the place, she'll first need to open an account
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| (Some Skeptic) |
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Remember that story about monkeys on a calorie restricted diet living longer than other monkeys? Turns out it's only true if you ignore the actual number of deaths
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Man claims he was only "testing a theory" when he claimed on WoW that he planned to blow up an airliner
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| (Some Guy) |
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