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| Sun July 05, 2009 |
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Deceased veteran's estate - worth around 70k - billed $277,186.96 in VA fees
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If you happen to know the whereabouts of some moon photos, Lincoln's Civil War telegrams, several presidential pardons and a hard drive with classified information, the National Archives would like a word with you
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Photoshop Theme: Flirting with disaster
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fort Lauderdale residents complain of militant atheism on the march; billboard in question reads "Being a good person doesn't require God. Don't believe in God? You're not alone"
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Prison Guard finds $10,000, turns in the $5000 to police, they are still looking for the owner of the $500
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In your 50s? Worried about the recent deaths of people in their 50s? Besides getting your AARP membership (yup, 50 is the qualifier), here's some more tips to help you make it to your 60s, also known as the "stay of my lawn" stage
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See if you can tell which images have been faked in this story about snopes.com
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Washington Post publisher worried that paper's plan to sell its access to power brokers might have caused readers to doubt paper's independence, integrity
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Walt Disney World monorails collide head-on, one killed. Unfortunately it wasn't the bastard who decided to close the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride
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Cop fired for posting sexually suggestive photos on her MySpace page. "Your naked buttocks are showing."
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Local mom wants a law requiring all teen drivers have a "Caution - Newly Licensed" magnet on their cars, never get laid
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| (ChennaOnline) |
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Guy tries to go fishing with dynamite, winds up getting real chummy with the fish
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"President of the Internet" voting goes on until July 11. Leo Laporte gets Drew's vote
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Ugly-ass baby panda goes on display at Thai zoo. It looks delicious
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Ric Romero reports that "jobless consumers will hold back recovery." It's not news, it's MSNBC
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Librarians at Canada's National Library have raised their voices after being told to quit buying books. "You just can't stop preserving history"
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As if Sid and Marty Krofft's work wasn't weird enough, take a trip to McDonaldland
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A list of North America's sexiest beaches. All of them would like people who look like you to just stay home. Thanks
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Bomb goes off at gas pipeline in Canada, for the second time in four days and the sixth time in nine months. It's just a hunch, but I think there might be a problem up north
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1st person allowed back into the Statue of Liberty is white, and her name is an anagram for "Let Aryan Back In." She's 8, the same # of years since 9/11 and she can only see 4 points on the crown... same # of points on a swastika
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| (Some Chick) |
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Maggie, a 13 year-old blind poodle, was rescued from a storm drain and returned to her owner. At least that's what they told her
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| (Some Guy) |
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Production of Kid Rock's "American Badass Beer" starts today. "You grab it, you share it with your friends, it's refreshing, it's cold, it gives you a good buzz. Done."
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Australian wine prices driven lower than bottled water prices. Life is good
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Photoshop this rugged race
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Afghanistan as a major tourist destination? The tag says it all
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If you've been getting unemployment in Indiana, and haven't put on your really, truly bestest effort to find a job, you are in for the surprise of your unemployed life
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63 years ago today, the bikini was introduced
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Sarah Palin has apparently hired someone with a GED in Law, threatens to sue bloggers for defamation
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If you have a beer belly, blame your dad, not all the beer you've been drinking since you were 14
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Stock up on your popcorn and drinks. Things about to get all revolution-y in Honduras later today
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| (Some Crack Addict) |
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Biatch set him up - again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these grenades
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Australian navy may discharge seaman after discovering naval sex games
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"Dating, rather than being considered as expensive, can be a thrilling and inexpensive distraction. Like getting drunk without the wallet-hit or hangover"
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Aww look at those cute little ducks- WHOA :SMASH SMASH SMASH:
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If you're about to start a new job as head of a major government security agency, you might just want to double check what your wife is putting on facebook
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| Sat July 04, 2009 |
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Photoshop this lady in Lucite™
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Good news for chronic pain patients. The FDA is about to solve your little addiction problem for you
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Eleven arrested for stealing $10,000 in high end jeans. No word yet how Abercrombie & Fitch noticed just three pairs missing before end of the month inventory
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Fremont zombie walk: Guiness Book of Records must verify pulse, appetite for brains of participants, before determining if record was broken. Picture gallery
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You see an overturned produce truck. Do you a) call the police, b) render assistance, or c) hey, free produce
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To discourage smoking, Australia plans to make all cigarette wrapping generic, ban all advertising and sponsoring, charge $20 for a pack of 30 smokes, and require them all to be Foster's-flavored
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If you're on trial for sexual assault, should you get a new trial just because one of the jurors is hitting on your hot sister?
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Required annual Fourth of July viewing: Muppets performing "Stars and Stripes Forever"
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| (WTVF News Channel 5) |
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Nashville TV station reporting former NFL quarterback Steve McNair killed in apparent double murder
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Shine on, you crazy diamond: Texas brewery turns 100
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Congratulations to a 38 year old man from Indiana, you are the 2,000,000th criminal suspect booked by Cook County, Illinois
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| (Some Chick) |
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Michael Jackson's memorial will be in Los Angeles on Tuesday and of course the Westboro Baptist Church will be there. This should be interesting
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Marriage: causes crazy in middle age, prevents crazy in old age. Here comes the science
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the Father of the United States
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Bank error in your favor, collect $90,000
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| (The Register Citizen) |
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In a surprising turn of events, the teenage girl and her friends that beat up that fella for humpin' her mom may have been a setup. In other news, Ric Romero will be reporting on todays incredably blue sky, and wet water
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"After the pain of childbirth and the need to talk about our feelings, cellulite is the most common curse known to womankind"
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Communism divides East Germans. This is not a repeat from 1961
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In celebration of July 4th, here's a look at the updated underappreciated art of firecracker labels gallery
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Remember that guy who ran for president of Iran against Ahmadinejad, and all the people were angry and rioted that he didn't win? Turns out he was a U.S. agent
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"Zombies: Still undead, and suddenly everywhere." It's not news... it's NPR?
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| (Thomas Jefferson) |
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"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
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German bar owner imprisoned for drinking contest that killed a 16-year-old. Bonus: The boy had 45 shots of tequila while the bar owner cheated by pouring himself water
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Photo radar ends in Livingston Parish after ticket camera van keeps getting ticketed and towed for breaking the law
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The Statue of Liberty's crown will open today for the first time since 9/11. However the torch will remain closed as it has been since 1916 when German saboteurs attacked a N.J. pier
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Why July 2 is actually Independence Day. Not that historical inaccuracy has ever stopped Americans from getting drunk and bragging about themselves
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Joey Chestnut or Takeru Kobayashi? Or perhaps a dark horse. It's your Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest thread
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| (Some Guy) |
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19 yr old female motorist is cut off. Does she? C: Ram the other car with her auto. Throw a milkshake at them then drag the passenger from car by her hair and beat her down in front of her husband and 2 children?
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Prisoner No. 1727-054 has hired a consultant to help find the best prison to serve 150 years in. In other news, there's a consultant for everything
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How to make the perfect burger. And people thought NPR was all about tofu and sprouts
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A rare look on how a Netflix office runs (with video)
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If you've ever wanted to laugh at the misfortune of others completely guilt free, have we got the perfect story for you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Why Tennessee's law allowing guns in bars doesn't go far enough: "The real question here is Americans' right to kill others in a setting of their choice"
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Awesome starry night over Mt. Rushmore
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Not news: Guy arrested for stuffing bologna down his pants. Fark: For the 120th time
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Desert-lobster dispute turns pair into sagebrush heroes
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"Jowi Taylor set out in 1995 to create an object more quintessentially Canadian than hockey, Tim Hortons donuts, insulin, the CN Tower or Lake Louise. Eleven years later, he was able to hold it in his hands"
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Six national anthems that are farking scary
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| (Redbalcony) |
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Ok Farkettes, if you ever plan on getting a marriage proposal, do NOT watch this video as it will seem bland in comparison. You have been warned
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It's definitely not news; it's BBC
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Saskatchewan town proclaims itself 'Paris of the Prairies', builds Eiffel Tower to prove it. "I thought building a tower would be good challenge, so we started drawing it up based on some photos off the Internet"
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| (Some American) |
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Philadelphia, MS, town the film "Mississippi Burning" was based on, swears in first African American mayor
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In Honor of America's Birthday and the French Revolution - Iron Photoshop Ingredients are Red, White and Blue
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Not enough dead celebrities? How about a ghost cat for Caturday, BOO scary
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No matter how long she's taking, don't leave your bride at the airport because she's been in the bathroom too long
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Nothing says "Happy Birthday, America" like a 6-foot, 8-inch statue of Abraham Lincoln carved from a 1,000-pound block of cheddar cheese
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| (Benton County Daily Record) |
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Neighborhood hit with hail the size of nuts, bolts and marbles. Actually the hail is nuts, bolts and marbles
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| (WNEM.COM) |
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Creampuffs and handcuffs, local cops buy and volunteer to run a doughnut shop to keep it from going out of business
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Ever wonder what happened to the hero chimps that went into space for NASA in the 1950's? Well they're living the high life, retired in Florida, of course
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Lots of things build character in life. Like resolving fights on the playground, getting dumped by your girlfriend, and getting your head stuck in a storm drain. Wait, what?
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| (The Register Citizen) |
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This mugshot of the year candidate is brought to you by Torrington, CT, continuing its quest for the title of "The Florida of New England"
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A downside of having all your bills paid by direct debit is that when you die in your house, no one will notice until 5 years later
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's hittable teacher banging an underage male and getting away with it is brought to you by the letters O and C
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Ring ring.... ring ring... banana coffin
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Mr. Atheist, come on down. You're the next convert on The Pious is Right
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| Fri July 03, 2009 |
| (WFIE) |
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Police find 17 bags of coke in woman's buttcrack, are still searching for a second suspect. He's in there somewhere
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Police say there will be charges, but is it really a crime to enter through the exit door?
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There are safer ways to remove weeds around your home than by using a flame thrower. Not as fun or effective, but safer
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South Carolina serial killer blamed for 4 deaths in the past week
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Photoshop theme: It's a small world
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| (Record Courier) |
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"Startled" kids in arcade get anti-drug lesson as police tase naked 19-year-old who thinks he's the Terminator
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Warren Buffet gives 30% less this year, donates a paltry $1.25B to Gates Foundation
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Tomorrow, the crown of the Statue of Liberty will be open to visitors for the first time since 9/11
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| (Metromix) |
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Great news, everyone - investigative reporting finds some strip clubs have pretty decent food
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Why athletes stick to their lucky underwear. Now, if only someone could explain why subby's lucky underwear sticks to him
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"Is Facebook an Israeli plot to control the world?"
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Calgary's divorce rate jumps 40 percent after the Calgary Stampede. "Thousands of beautiful men and women come out of the woodwork at Stampede and people look incredibly sexy when you put them in a cowboy hat"
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| (WAFB) |
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"Well, I guess this is a swamp, shark that lives in the swamp. You could call it a swamp shark."
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Gold's Gym has named July "Cankle Awareness Month"
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Michael Jackson had asked Nadya Suleman about adopting the Octots to offer them a bright future and because "Blanket would love to have more siblings."
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Englishwoman dials emergency hotline to report missing hamster. Dispatcher suggests she call Top Gere instead
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| (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) |
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Investigation into a massive Democratic fraud ring in Pennsylvania's legislature heats up as more than 100 subpoenas flutter through the air like a ticker-tape parade
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| (The State) |
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You think a holiday with your in-laws is uncomfortable, imagine being Gov. Mark Sanford (R-South Adulturerlina) this weekend
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How to eat a giant African land snail. If you must
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Wisconsin commissions new symbol for state election agency, comes up with one that looks exactly like the anarchy symbol. "Irony is an overused word, but that's somewhat ironic in this case"
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Mattress salesman refuses to take being laid off lying down, gets in pillow fight with boss. Except not with a pillow
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In Canada you can't be held criminally responsible for your actions if you're under 12, which is great news if you're a 9-year-old who wants to burn down an abandoned McDonald's
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For the first time ever, North Korea airs a beer commercial, which notes that the beer "relieves stress and improves health and longevity," as all Farkers can attest
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San Antonio SWAT have four hour standoff with empty house
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The shocking sequel to yesterday's story about former Turnpike employees not paying Turnpike tolls: former subway employees don't have to pay subway fares
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Union president says its unfair to require all Boston police to abstain from illegal drugs just because of 15 bad apples
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Hearing examines whether police officer's thyroid problem means he shouldn't be fired for misplacing evidence and not doing his job
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Owner of Chinese buffet chain offers free meals to Canadians on Canada Day to show his gratitude to the country, is immediately accused of violating human rights of non-Canadians
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| (Jacksonville Journal-Courier) |
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You know it's a good party when your underwear ends up on a street sign
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Kenyans furious that Barack Obama won't visit the country where he was born during his trip to Africa
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Staples: you've got questions, we've got Michael Jackson's corpse on display next Tuesday
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| (Some Art Critic) |
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No matter how you try to justify it as art, the police aren't going to be too impressed when your canvas is a $1600 plasma tv at Sears and your subject is your penis
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Pennsylvania bill makes it illegal to implant a microchip into a human being without his or her consent. An amendment is being offered to prohibit alien anal probes as well
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Turns out that competitive eating leads to weight gain and clogged arteries. Huh. Whoda thunk it?
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"Officer, I'd like to report a crime. I was having sex with two women in my pool and a neighbor was, can you believe it, watching"
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Cabbie uses deodorant to disarm would-be robber
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Was it wrong to wish I'd nailed Farrah on her deathbed? Should I not have done that?
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101 year old woman still delivering for Meals on Wheels after 28 years. FARK: Calls women in their 70's 'little old ladies'
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When a fish snaps your pole and drags it into the frigid mountain water, just let it go, man, because it's gone
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It's nice to inform people you've recently had contact with that you may have swine flu, but you probably shouldn't do it in person
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Study claims often-disputed power of positive thinking is real, but actually makes things worse. Go cry, emo guy
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The prosecution would now like to call anyone with access to the internet [citation needed]
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I saw a (man)girdle
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When reporting on tomorrow's annual Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island, you have to include every hot dog-related pun known to man. It's the law. Wieners
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Coolest history lesson on Thomas Jefferson you'll see all day
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Did you know the ACLU is suing to remove all cross shaped headstones from national cemetaries, to keep Navy Chaplains from mentioning Jesus to keep Marines from bowing their heads, and to force your daughters to use crescent shaped IUDs?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Zoe's 15 minutes of fame
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Kansas court issues protection order banning harassement via electromagnetic radiation beamed into plantiff's head. With bonus mind control / gang-stalking whackjob commenters
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Misplaced period lands man in jail, rather than the more traditional marriage
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One British child under the age of 12 needs hospital treatment every 48 hours for drinking too much. You'd think he'd have learned his lesson by now
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Police union under fire for writing 102-word sentence in official document, much too difficult to read for a society dumbed down to think in tweets
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The $2.1M Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport - the last King of the Gas Guzzlers ever to be made
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The costly truth about Canada's health care system
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| (WWL) |
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New Orleans DA: If you have a gun in your car when you're arrested, we're keeping the gun, even if we drop the charges. ACLU: Not so fast, bub
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| (Some Bloke) |
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"The greatest pleasure I have ever known is when my eyes meet the eyes of a mate over the top of two foaming glasses of beer." Truer words have never been spoken, maaate
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News: Rare copy of US Declaration of Independence discovered in national archives. Fark: Of England
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| (Some Guy) |
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MySpace now a "digital ghetto"
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Blind man sees wife for first time after having tooth implanted in his eye. Unfortunately, he also saw himself in the mirror. British dental care FTW
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Boys with unpopular names such as Walter more likely to become criminals than boys with popular names. Reporter Walter Pacheco has the story
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Meet Juliane Koepcke, who nearly 40 years ago fell nearly two MILES without a parachute, survived alone in the rainforest for ten days, and barely had a scratch. TA-DA
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Oregon woman obsessed with rabbits goes back to jail, proving once again that every bunny needs some bunny sometime
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Although it worked for Cinderella, if you're a thief, you should not leave your shoe behind at the scene of the crime
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In celebration of the 4th of July Here's a brief history of OMGBBQ
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Bottom line, if people behave properly and don't act like an animal, they won't get tased and end up in a cage"
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You're upset that a nine-year-old girl had an argument with your daughter. Do you a) have them sit down and talk it out, b) speak to the girl's mother, or c) set her up for dates with middle-aged men on Craigslist?
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Meet Sha-lei, the red panda born June 13 at an Edmonton zoo. With adorable pics
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Canine do it? You bet I can. A strong attitude helps a little 2 legged dog do anything it wants too
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FBI files reveal Saddam was scared shiat-less of Iran, so he made the whole thing up about having WMDs, and would have formed an alliance with the US. Ooooops
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop what should be on the holodeck
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| (Some Ida-ho) |
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Brother and sister arrested and charged with felony incest. But, hey, who hasn't wanted to bang his hot sis...WHOA - KILL IT WITH FIRE
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Guinness is offering drinkers the chance to win a trip into space. Towel not included
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As if six year olds getting diabetes wasn't bad enough, they are now getting schizophrenia
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Hey guys, July 3rd. You know what that means. That's right, it's time to fight the Battle of Gettysburg all over again. Except this time, we're going to do it with embedded reporters
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If you're a federal judge, you might not want to put that video of a man "cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal" up on your personal web site. Or those pics of a woman shaving her pubic hair either
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Hortonville hottie humps a human ... 14-year-old boy. And gets impregnated by him. Again
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Federal agents seize Bernie Madoff's penthouse and boot his wife out on her ass, refusing to let her take anything with her
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| Thu July 02, 2009 |
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You know you're a redneck when: C) Inspired by the recent movie UP, you take to the sky in a balloon-bouyed lawn chair
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Newly-discovered Australian dinosaur was bigger, faster and more terrifying than a velociraptor. So let's call it Banjo
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If you're over 55 you're having the time of your life, but spare a thought to those under 25 who are cleaning your toilet - if they're lucky
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Two women make a smooth getaway with $1000 of stolen razors
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"I love how it's not mushy like Play-Doh; it has an unyielding consistency and a good wide girth"
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Fortune teller convinces teenage girls that having sex with him will make wishes come true. Of course, he didn't say whose wishes
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| (KCCI) |
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For the last time, when driving a car loaded with 60 pounds of hallucinogenic mushrooms, make absolutely certain to obey all traffic laws
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Local businessman punches out photographer for taking his picture at a strip club "because of his standing in the community." Ending up on Fark probably not what he had in mind
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| (Shreveport Times) |
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16-year old girl hears her mom scream and thinks she's being assaulted, so she and her friends come to her rescue with a baseball bat. Turns out mom was with her 25-year old boyfriend. Awkward
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| (Some 1908 Bleriot XI) |
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Photoshop this airborne antique aircraft
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| (Some Guy) |
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Catching your estranged husband in a tryst and threatening to "whomp some ass" with a baseball bat may not be the most romantic way to woo him back. It'll also cost you $981
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The Friday Mugshot Roundup, one day early to allow holiday celebration goodness. Subby is proud to be an American
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Today's great moment in breakfast food marketing is brought to you by Hardee's
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Work begins to fix NJ Turnpike Bottleneck. This is not a repeat from 1951, 1952, 1956, 1966, 1968, 1970, 1982, 1990, 1998, 2004, 2007
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Urine tester caught taking bribes. Authorities are pissed, say he's whizzed his life away. Suspect unsure how news of his corruption leaked
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Charges dropped in "pizza delivery driver helps rape victim case" due to the biatch being a liar
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Gary Coleman's short-tempered wife arrested for domestic battery, tells arresting officers that she has a small problem (with EEEK mugshot)
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| (Some Guy) |
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A man carrying a sandwich was attacked by a black bear in his driveway. With pic of what it might look like if you got biatchslapped by a black bear for a sandwich
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From the people who brought you The War on Christmas™ and The War on Easter™ comes this summer's blockbuster new sequel. Yep, you guessed it: It's The War on the 4th of July™. Here we go again.......AGAIN
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Cop arrested for beating his wife, even though it was in the contract
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"Top 10 Ironic Ads From History", including such classics as Bayer Heroin and Dutch Boy lead paint
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Police said man made obscene calls to deaf for fun of it
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Officer tasers Waffle House employee because it's fun to taser Waffle House employees
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"She appeared to be bouncing up and down on the driver's lap in a very vigorous motion," police reported. With photo goodness
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| (Politifact) |
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"Back on June 27, 2008, PolitiFact published a story we hoped would put the whole Obama birth certificate controversy to rest. Oh, how naive we were."
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| (New4Jax) |
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Man attacks realtor with hammer. Good Samaritan returns fire with paperweight. If only there was a tag to tell where this happened
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| (Free Republic) |
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Three-way sex leads to double-stabbing. At least the sex-to-stabbing ratio is still greater than 1
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Man passes the bar exam on his 4th try. Bar examiners deny him a license because he hasn't made a single payment on his $400,000 student loans in 26 years
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| (ScienceBlogs) |
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New poll shows that Americans have as higher level of understanding of evolution than any other country in the world
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For those in the Northeast who read Fark: How to build an ark
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Although chasing your girlfriend around with a machete while drinking a cold Keystone Ice may seem perfectly reasonable to you, it's still against the law. Even in Florida
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Who shot Neda? Iran says doctor on the scene saw who did it, Interpol is seeking him. Interpol: "We're doing what?"
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I cheated on my husband and destroyed my marriage. Obviously the problem is that I didn't have enough husbands, and a community of women to communally care for my children
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Since 1975, 274 children have died in this country because their parents thought prayer, not medicine, would cure them. God bless America
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| (Some Guy) |
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The evil Rupert Murdoch claims he's not interested in buying The New York Times, but we know better than than, don't we?
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If you always wanted to spend your Fourth of July holiday at O'Hare Airport, you're in luck if you're flying United today
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| (Some Bennie) |
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New Jersey man sees Wisconsin man's nine DUIs, raises him six more
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CFL receiver in trouble after celebrating touchdown by pretending to be a dead Michael Jackson. "I made the mistake of telling him that once he got to the end zone I didn't care what he did," says coach
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Ten people banned from visiting the UK, including Martha Stewart, Snoop Dogg, and some Brazilian tart with a suitcase full of sex toys
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Photoshop these big brims
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Strip club shooting suspect arrested in Atlanta, tries to post bail with ones
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In case you were wondering, a Porta John tipping is a news worthy event in Central Pennsylvaina
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| (Gainesville Sun) |
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Father of toddler crushed to death by his eight-foot Burmese python described as "a great dad"
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If you've stolen over 5,000 pounds of commercial grade fireworks, the Chicago police would like to celebrate the 4th of July with you
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People who are unsure of their own beliefs are less open minded. Suck it agnostics
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Just in case you need another reason to be scared to go to the dentist
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Flock of seagulls mourn after being hit by two short range missiles fired by North Korea today. Iran's so far away
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Massachusetts ups greed level by charging $25 fee to plead not guilty to traffic tickets
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Poll: 64 percent say too much Jackson coverage. The other 36 percent says that it's nice to hear 'Billie Jean' back on the radio
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Major heist thought to have occurred at Canadian mint, silly robbers no country south of the US has anything of value
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India decriminalises consensual gay sex. Sex with eight armed elephant gods still illegal
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He likes his women like he likes his cheap whiskey: six years old and mixed with coke
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45-year-old Colorado mother accused of having sex with 16-year-old boy who also was part of a group that enjoys dressing up as animals. Then it gets weird
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Hollywood scrapes the bottom of the barrel and comes away with "Asteroids: The Movie." PEW, PEW, PEW
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Stress camp for kids helps the precious snowflakes deal with the pressures of not having to work, summer break, eating anything they want, going to the movies and wondering if Jimmy just likes her or if he likes her likes her
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After 26 years, DNA evidence finally gets man charged with murder in DC. Because the other evidence like the murder weapon, crime scene photos, hairs, fibers and 21 stab wounds to the back were lost during the original investigation
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North Korea continues its assault on the Sea of Japan
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If you're a 5th grade teacher, make sure you don't accidentally put your personal sex tape onto the DVD you're giving your students at the end of the year. (article includes said video)
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Illinois police looking for hot, crazy brunette. Who isn't?
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Now that the real protestors have been put down and the online protestors have gone back to their WoW raids, Iranian hardliners want Mousavi arrested for being a rabble raiser
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Wrestling midget brothers found dead after hooker romp. The Sun is there. Hero tag cuz that's how we all want to go out
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Sen. Franken may be spoofed on SNL, a show he use to be on, were he spoofed a senator once on a committee he may actually serve on (saved you six paragraphs of reading there)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Vietnam sees alarming rise in boy births vs girls. You'd be alarmed too if you saw a boy giving birth
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Is your office dull and boring? Are you suffering from a lack of employee morale? What you need is a "naked Friday"
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John "The 'Stache" Bolton: Israel, it's time for you to do what you do best against Iran
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Washington Post selling access to DC power elite, reporters for as much as $250,000; gets scolded by lobbybist for dubious ethics
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The Boston Herald is outraged that Massachusetts turnpike workers don't have to pay tolls on their way into work. The paper's next target: freeloading baseball hot dog vendors
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Man hit by train at 100mph, survives: "I'm not a hero, I'm an idiot." QFT
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| (Findagrave.com) |
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Allah might have had 72 virgins waiting for Ayatollah Khomeini, but apparently he was a bit short on green chandeliers. With photo ostentatiousness
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Obama expands assistance to poor decision makers
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Want to strip then write a book? Here are common themes: You're someone we'd least suspect. But stripping feels strangely natural. And you're not like the ones doing it for meth
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Some may think that forwarding a child porn to your friends for the purpose of identifying the molester is good idea, but the authorities disagree
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You know your boyfriend really loves you when he's willing to cut off one of his penises for you. Wait, what?
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OK kids, we're only gonna give you 5 chances to screw up before we take your license from you. No, wait, 10 chances, and that's it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Once again a massive search is launched after someone leaves a bike/car on a Seattle ferry
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| (Madison.com) |
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Man gets charged with 9th DUI while serving time for 8th DUI, gets crowned king of Wisconsin
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Most traffic infractions end with a ticket, a fine, and a court date. Others end with a priest being tasered, 40 parishioners being pepper sprayed, and the door of the church being kicked in. The holy trinity of Texas law enforcement
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Online advertisers adopt seven core principles designed to give you more control over enhancing your penis size
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Cemetery authorities: Famous prostitute's gravestone 'too slutty'
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| (Chicago Reader) |
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It costs $900 to haul a dead body to the morgue in Chicago - not including cab fare to the voting booth
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Movie studios fail to realize that all you have to do to market to hipsters is tell them the movie sucked
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Parking deck collapse is a puzzle for engineers, pile of rubble and crushed cars for everone else
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| (Some Guy) |
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She tugs at his shirt sleeve with her teeth. He caresses her right cheek. She kisses his neck repeatedly. If it just wasn't for the dash cam he wouldn't have had to abruptly resign as Chief of Police (w/you'd hit it video)
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National Rhinoceros Beetle Sumo Championship ends in chaos as finalist flees, earns instant DQ
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Ric Romero reports: pets and fireworks don't always mix
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62 sex offenders mistakenly let loose in Michigan.Police return them to prison, then release some again. It's an odd catch and release program, but Michigan seems to be enjoying it
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| (Franklin Avenue) |
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Casey Kasem's "American Top 20" goes the way of a little dog named Snuggles
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Possible AIDS vaccine to enter human trials, needlessly tempting high risk demographics away from their abstinence pledges
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Scientists prove that vegetarians have weaker bones. Suck it brittle bones
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Five time marathon winner touts the benefits of a Waffle House breakfast, says it will certainly give you the runs
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Woman calls fire department because her TV is on fire. Firefighters quickly save the day when they discover it was tuned to a broadcast of a fireplace
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USA Today publishes a helpful guide highlighting the major differences between the three vampire worlds
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Iran crushed by the United States. Suspiciously, no Twitter coverage of the deadly-accurate U.S. shooting
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| (News 14 Carolina) |
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Investigative journalism gets to the bottom of the most horrible thing you will ever see with your own eyes
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| (Some Guy on the ground) |
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Photoshop this guy on the ground
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sea lion 1, cops not so much
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Man bitten by snake in Florida. Come for the story, stay for the picture of a Rattlesnake attacking its own tail
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The Great Sofa Round-up, where people traded 600 sofas last year, has been cancelled this year due to fear of bedbugs by officials. "The Department of Public Health says it has no bedbug reports this year."
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| (Some Chick) |
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Apparently Tuesday was "Bring Your Granddaughter to a Drug Deal" day
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Sequel to American classic "Catcher in the Rye" banned, possibly for steroid use
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 217: "In Memoriam: Thar Be Dragons" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 01, 2009 |
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When asked if it's funny being arrested for fondling underage girls, don't say: "Yeah, it's funny. I'm a handsome dude. I don't need to be fondling little girls."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Five people arrested at a going away party they threw for a relative leaving for jail. -- So what, that's like... FIVE MORE PARTIES, YO
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| (WFMZ) |
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Man riding bike across Pennsylvania to raise money, awareness of people who actually want to ride a bike across Pennsylvania
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| (Tacoma News Tribune) |
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What could possibly be wrong with a bikini fireworks stand?
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Sears Tower opening subby's worst nightmare on Thursday
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Photoshop this siesta in the sun
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Faced with the prospect of returning to Staten Island, operator drives his ferry into a pier at full speed
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FDA: Anti-smoking drugs can make you crazy. How does the FDA know that these crazy people are not just jonesing for a cigarette?
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| (NWA homepage) |
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Not News: Murder victim shot in head. News: accidentally. Fark: by police responding to her 911 call
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Georgia foster care system tries to dump problem teen in Guatemala, despite the fact that he's never been there and is a US citizen
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| (Some Chef) |
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Man arrested and tazered for illegal pork chop recipe
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Stephen Colbert declares soccer the new American sport. You've been warned
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Now they are making dresses out of bacon. God bless America
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Cats in Minneapolis are putting their paws together for Hoppy the dog-terrorizing cat. City officials have deemed him "potentially dangerous", but he's just making sure no stupid dogs ruin his Caturday fun
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Todays Republican whinge: 60 vote Democratic majority in the Senate means America will start using the metric system. C'mon guys, is that really the best you can do?
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Greece, where cigarettes are allowed in hospitals and 37% of the people light up, has adopted a new public smoking ban...for the 3rd time...in the last 10 years. Exceptions have been made for mental patients and gamblers
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Man concerned that his wife will be embarassed by his arrest in women's underwear. Is it the arrest or clothing choice that will embarass her more? (w/ pics)
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California reduced to the Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne method of finance
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The UK now has 85 Sharia courts, which are just awesome and peachy and if you don't agree you'll get treated like a disrespectful Muslim wife
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California's governator has a carpeted, furnished tent outside his office just for smoking his cigars in. Unfortunately due to term limits, he won't be back
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Russia forces all casinos to close down and relocate to far-flung regions. What happens in Krasnodar and Rostov, stays in Krasnodar and Rostov
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| (Business Insider) |
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CNBC host complains "anonymous bloggers" have been mocking him and his show, saying he looks like Beaker from the Muppets. Ends up in a train wreck of a rant that... MEEP, MEEP, MEEP, MEEP, MEEP
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Karl Malden finally leaves home without it
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| (Tacoma News Tribune) |
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The good news: Washington's state run liquor stores will be open on the 4th of july for the first time ever. The bad news: they face liquor shortages because they forgot to order enough booze
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Cheekily self-aware Reuters headline: "Probe fingers 1,800 American Apparel workers"
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Church bans inflatable rides at Ohio festivals.....stops short of banning 11 year old boys
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Missing cat shows up on BBC political debate. Read my lips, no new veterinarians
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News: Gas station robbed at knifepoint. Fark: Two idiots busted less than a mile away from said gas station after running out of gas
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Annoyed that Southern Waffle Houses are getting all the Fark headlines, Arizona legislature passes the Drunken Redneck Shootenanny Act
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Rush Limbaugh: "Michael Jackson flourished under Reagan and Bush, and died under Obama"
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Return your tray tables and seat backs to their upright positions - Oh, and put your clothes back on too (with pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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During elementary school demolition workers discover numerous VHS porn tapes, women's panties... wait, what's a VHS?
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Public health insurance option would destroy private insurance, just like Social Security annihilated private pensions and FHA vanquished private mortgate lenders
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It's hard enough to moonwalk as is, these critters do it on all fours
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Theme: Photoshop/Farktography Mash Up. Combine two or more images from Farktography contest "Homeless images"
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"Let's screw up the entire Internet to save newspapers"
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| (Some Guy) |
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"He wanted to make a phone call, did a handstand and refused to obey. The officers put a padded helmet on him and transferred him to the jail,"
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The creepiest Disney branded product you'll see today: The Mickey Mouse gas mask
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Man who currently lives in Michael Jackson's boyhood home has a little difficulty doing yardwork these days (with pic)
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Russia conducting a huge military exercise near Georgia, causing worried citizens to back up traffic all the way to Macon
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PROTIP: When planning your Independence Day celebration, consider whether launching fireworks in a war-torn African country is really the best way to go
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| (Tribtoday.com) |
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Tough economic times? Check. Having to steal to make ends meet? Check. Stealing copper from a high voltage electrical substation? Check. One electrocuted repeat offender identifiable by tattoos only? Check.
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Baltimore deaths from alcohol and drug overdoses fall two years in a row, except for marijuana overdose deaths, which stubbornly remain unchanged
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NYC Strong Beer Festival Jul 7th 7pm, clicky for details
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Chicago Fark Parties are back: Saturday August 8th at 8pm. Yes, that's Lollapalooza weekend
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Canada celebrates its 142nd birthday and wants the world to know: "We're inferior no more. We not only know who we are, but we like who we are." Happy Canada Day
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If I had to guess, i'd say your first mistake was taking a photo of yourself with a mobile phone in the house you were robbing, and your second mistake was leaving it behind
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The Fattest US States are in, and y'all will never guess which part of the country wins
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Scientists find sex effective against childlessness
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Seriously, what does it take to lose your driver's license in New Jersey?
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Annapolis alderman that was cured of homosexuality and stopped beating his wife has suffered a setback in both areas
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Awkward moments in the workplace, number 21: Having to explain that you gave someone a vasectomy by mistake
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| (The State) |
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Get ready to guess who farted, y'all: introducing your Miss South Carolina 2009 contestants
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| (Some Guy) |
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City councilman who led drive to ban pitbulls awaits decision whether his labrador retriever will be euthanized for biting neighbor
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Man falls asleep in church. While robbing it
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Not news: Boy arrested for stealing. News: For stealing an oxygen tank and sensor. Fark: From the ambulance while paramedics treated his mom. Total Fark: And a purse from one of the medics
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Italian ice cream company runs ad campaign portraying "forbidden Italian temptations", including a priest and a nun in a "seductive pose". Surprisingly, some people had a problem with this
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Today's Fark-ready story: Swedish docs cleared over misplaced colon
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When giving a presentation to the board of your company, it's always worth trying not to bring up your favourite porn website by mistake
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If you know anything aboot a half-ton of gold, missing from the Royal Canadian Mint and worth $US 13 million, the Mounties would like to have a word with you
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Latest way to get bored passengers to pay attention to the safety briefing? Flight attendants covered in body paint. Note that on US Air, eye bleach is now $25
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Photoshop these hymnists
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BBC is freaking out because a teenager bought a machete, which could potentially be used as a weapon. Next thing you know, they'll be letting kids buy a baseball bat without carding them
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As the Iranian authorities warned the opposition on Tuesday that they would tolerate no further protests over the disputed election, reports indicate that they have secretly started hanging arrested Mousavi supporters
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It is once again time for the annual Royal Counting of the Swans, when the Swan Marker rows up the Thames for five days, weighing and measuring swans and cygnets, to find out how many the gypsies have eaten
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Would-be burglar gets face rearranged after breaking into home of 71yo retired Army boxer. Judge's comments: Nice work
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"The security guard approached the 44-year-old yesterday at a Dapto supermarket and demanded he produce the meat from within his pants."
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Newspaper urges drivers to throw away red light camera tickets because the program is an accident-causing scam
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark ready headline "Woman Steals $650 In Gum From Hospital Gift Shop" with photo goodness
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| (Montana's News Station) |
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Today's FAIL pic brought to you by this Bud Light truck and railroad overpass
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Amber alert, well, greenish-amber alert, for missing giant lizard (w/ pic)
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Dry Academia, meet Pure Stupid. Pure Stupid, meet Dry Academia
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Roger Ebert gives two thumbs down to our culture of doom gloom and fear and the Nanny State mentality that has taken over our lives
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6 at 6 for $6: Cheap-ass domestic beers face off in a blind taste test showdown
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