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| Sun June 07, 2009 |
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Google honors Tetris with their frontpage graphic on D-Day. WND flips its farking lid. WHARRGOOGLE
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Church holds weekly Sunday services in brew pub. And they saw that it was good
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| (Ogden Standard-Examiner) |
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Shooting arises after gang confrontation at Flying J truckstop. They see me long-haulin', they hatin'
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| (Fox 8 New Orleans) |
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New Olreans Mayor Nagin quarantined in China over swine flu fears...bacon flavored chocolate anyone?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this wet Woodchuck
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| (TNP.sg) |
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Doctors worried about celebrity-driven "pregorexia" fad among expectant mothers
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Blondes have more cancer
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Barack Obama grew up on Sesame Street, but still refuses to release birth certificate to acknowledge this
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The modern homeless shelter is more draconian than a 19th century almshouse
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90 year old finally gets high school diploma. Congratulations, now get a haircut, and get a job
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Domestic terrorist makes threats that more violence is coming
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Just like raccoons, bears, coyotes, and your neighbor's cats, dolphins are addicted to human food (w/ pic of dolphin begging for a redneck's beer)
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Time's latest expose: what colleges are doing with all the shiat students leave behind when they leave. No word on where interested parties can find discarded "garments" left behind by hot sorority sisters
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Twitter to introduce Verified Accounts for "well-known individuals at risk of impersonation." Check it out. -- @DrewCurtis
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CNN Travel + Leisure asks, "Is it OK to steal hotel amenities?"
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| (North County Times) |
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Article poses the never-ending query; "What to drink with a hamburger". Boy, what a toughie
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Rather than fix their aging distribution network to avoid things like brownouts and overloading, electric companies are lobbying hard to mandate control over your thermostat
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Henry Ford invested millions, and failed, trying to build an automotive-centric utopian society in the Amazon jungle. Hmmm, perhaps a little German-inspired engineering and social organization skills might have helped out
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| (Some Guy) |
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North Dakota city sees first June global warming in 60 years
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You need a good economic indicator?The going price of bj's
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And the award for Strangest, Least Edifying Analogy of the Year goes to... Al Gore: Finding small pockets of oil is "like the way junkies find things between their toes."
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City officials order woman to remove the two toilet planters from her front yard, makes the neighborhood look like a dump
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Photoshop this basket bearer
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The recession is hitting the NASCAR and pork rind crowd harder than others
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Japan baffled by new trend of fragile young men who are more interested in fashion than sex. At a loss for a simple word for these fancy lads, they dub them "herbivore men."
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"Biologists reject the notion of bears that can blog." What a relief. Next thing you know, they'd be submitting on Fark
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"I know about these things because, I am a full time bodyguard. I am a father. If you pursue me in a car chase for whatever reason, I will try to elude you at no more than twice the speed limit."
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Bicycle riding rooster named Mr. Clucky cited by code enforcement for crowing at 6 AM
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'Breaking into schools and letting animals loose was a prank in the '70s and '80s. Today, that could be considered a terrorist act.''
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| (Some Guy) |
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The state of NH grants a trial for a journalist who was being held without a trial for videotaping inside a public court room. Fark: State grants trial only after being threatened with jail themselves for violating basic human rights
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Boston, which poured $12 billion into a hole in the ground, spends two years building a $300,000 bathroom. Then proclaims it a feat of engineering
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James Bond prefers brunettes, according to a hard hitting new academic report from the institute of "can you believe we get paid to do this?" studies
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| (Amherst Bulletin) |
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Dear homeowner: We are improving your street. No changes will be made to your street. Sign this form to donate your house to the town. Plans are on file in the garage. Beware of the leopard
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Scientists and beer company create a beer from a 9,000-year old beer recipe, which was planted by God to test our faith. Our cold, delicious, tasty faith
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Photoshop this strange hair style
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... and the Bunday award for worst pun of the week goes to the Daily Fail
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Swim coach under arrest for teaching young women the fine art of the breaststroke
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| (Some Guy) |
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90-year-old woman trapped in bathtub for three days credits her rubber duck for saving her life
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FDA approves at-home laser to fight wrinkles under the eyes. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Police searched her vehicle and found a fun." Bad crazy lady
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| (McSweeney's) |
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If God had txt'd the 10 Commandments
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Fans gather for launch of 'iPhone killer' Palm Pre - Total number of "Fans" 45
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Flight that was missing, found, not found is found again with bodies ... we think
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Study finds one in five Britons like to peek in other people's drawers. Cheeky
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It's not unemployment, it's funemployment...We're fun-employed
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Australian troops aghast at Dutch food, wooden shoes
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A lit cigarette makes a poor beacon for your friends while trying to swim in the Gulf of Mexico at 3:30 AM
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| Sat June 06, 2009 |
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Texas cop tasers 72 year-old great-grandmother for refusing to sign traffic ticket
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"Gay Days" at Disneyworld expected to bring in $100 million. A hundred million sweaty, buff, tan, oiled up, leather-wearing dollars
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Amish moving west v e r y s l o w l y
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Sarah Palin now concerned that Kim Jong-il's nukes can hit her front porch
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this watch piece
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| (Winnipeg Free Press) |
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Every cup tells a story, especially if it's filled with toxic algae water from Tim Hortons kid's camp
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An equine of a certain ornithological variety takes the Belmont Stakes. Oh, you haven't heard? Because I was under the impression that everyone had heard
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America's number 1 selling car: smaller than a Smartcar, better gas milage than a Prius, cuter than a Mini, and gets more babes than a Vette. All without a redesign in 30 years
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Man on mission to kill President Obama captured in Nevada casino, claims to have made wrong turn in Albuquerque
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Six real islands way more terrifying than one on "Lost"
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You're a bureaucrat in SF. You meet a homeless man who started shining shoes to earn money for an apartment. Do you C) take all the money the man earned because he didn't have a permit
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Old and busted: Evolution v. Creationism. New hotness: New Age 2012ers v. well, everyone
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| (PIX11 News) |
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Store owner hailed as hero for pitying robber two days ago now busted for selling bongs. DA: "'It's not illegal to sell them, but it's illegal to sell them when you know what you're selling them for."
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School for the Blind hosts a prom. "They told us it was an '80s theme"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this dipping dancer
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| (Some Pub) |
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Drew's coming up to Vancouver, BC...let's have a Fark party this Saturday (June 6) at Smiley O'Neals downtown
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| (Some Guy) |
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Last call for the Amsterdam Fark Party - This Saturday, June 6. DIT
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Apparently annoyed at all the "Nanny State" headlines, Prince Charles takes his revenge on Fark
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If anything is to be learned from this story, it's don't mess with a drunk ex-firefighter's daughter
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| (Some Guy) |
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65 years ago today on the beaches of Normandy the Hero tag cried
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Truck driver and his son were detained after police found the deadly poison ricin in a jam jar in their home in northern England. We knew British food was bad, but even the jam can kill you know?
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| (Some Guy) |
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NASA study confirms Global Warming caused by the sun. Ric Romero said to be enjoying new job at NASA
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Powerball winner says he will not "squander" his $232 million jackpot. Well, after taxes and taking the lump sum, he means his $88.5 million jackpot, so he's already squandered $143.5 million
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Only three percent of American teenagers do not play video games. That's it, just three measly percent who are not glued to the bright glow of a television screen, letting their brains rot even faster than in a Hulu commercial
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| (669) |
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♫ Happy Birthdayyyy, Sweet Satannnn ♫ Prince of Darkness turns three today
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Even in Montana you don't want to read the words "Winter Weather Advisory" and "total snowfall amounts of 5 to 10 inches" in your June 6th forecast
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If you stole a theater's Humpty Dumpty costume, all the king's horses and all the king's men would like to have a word with you
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It's often been said that fashion moves in a 20 year repeating cycle, which mean it's just about time for MC Hammer pants to become hip again
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Doomed Air France flight had no auto pilot. Apparently, nobody wanted to play the Julie Hagerty role
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Want a job? Get an engineering or nursing degree. It's really that simple, all you liberal arts weenies
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Judge sentences teenage girl to stay home every night of the week but Saturday for an assault she committed at a party
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"Telling college students not to drink is like telling sheep not to go 'Baa.' "
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Police search for rocket man responsible for launching 7 ft long civilian-made rockets that buzzed two Continental airlines planes in the skies over Houston sometime around zero hour 9:00 AM
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Administrators of high school with a 99% graduation rate are not amused about students having access to test via hacking, decide to cancel graduation excercises. Bonus: One kid who got the test early still failed it
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"...while officers were arresting the suspects, someone took the pig."
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Remember the Boston fireman who got drunk and ran into a burning building? Remember that this happened in America where nothing is ever your fault?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop what's for sale
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| (Some Actress) |
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Caption this very concerned Kate Winslet
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Not News: 4 kittens orphaned when their mother is hit by a car. News: They got a surrogate mother to nurse and care for them. Fark: Their new mother is an Australian shepherd. UltraFark: Yep, sounds like Caturday
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D-Day was 65 years ago today. The tag is for all those who flew over, parachuted in, and ran up that beach
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Woman graduates while living homeless on the streets her entire college career
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| (Fosters.com) |
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Over 100 Maine students attempt to set a Guinness World Record for most people in one room dressed as superheroes
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Ugly-assed pet loris loves being tickled. W/ Awww ain't that cute pic and vid
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Britain's oldest man, and one of only two surviving WWI veterans, turns 113 today, let's all wish him a Happy Birthday
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Dozens killed in Amazon protest, demands made for more free shipping options
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That's not a repo man. THIS is a repo man (profanity in article)
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Town cracking down on thong underwear, terming it "cleavage of the buttocks"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Arizona Bishop sentenced for ringing church bells in violation of city noise ordinance
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| (ExperienceProject) |
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Top 9 Civil War generals who rocked their beards
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| Fri June 05, 2009 |
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Five-year-old students left "confused" and "worried" after being explained gay issues to the sound of Elton John
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Bill O'Reilly Goes After Hit YouTube Video "David After Dentist"
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Vern and Shirley, the ugly-ass warthogs, are joined by their 4 ugly, ugly, ugly-ass piglets at Atlanta zoo
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this quick coupler
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Fire and smoke pouring from manholes in San Francisco
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| (Some Guy) |
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Some people smuggle guns. Some smuggle drugs. This woman busted for smuggling moose calves. "She claimed the mother moose is dead and she was worried that troopers would come out and shoot the babies."
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Boys with 'Warrior Gene' more likely to join gangs, come out to plaaaaaa-yyyyyyyy
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Oregon teen struck by lightning, immediately grounded
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We're not having sex in public, officer, I'm just checking her cyst
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Paralyzed man walks after botox treatment, can't wipe the smile off his face
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| (Some Cajun) |
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Junior has to stop Senior from stabbing his new step-mom on their wedding night. Report states alcohol may have been involved
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If your wedding limo is painted like the General Lee, you just might be a redneck
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States slim down inmate meals. Looks like tossed salad's back on the menu
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It's summer, school is out, and the news cycle has slowed down... send in the sharks
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This week's Smoking Gun mugshot lineup: A bunch of first posters
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| (Green Bay Press Gazette) |
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You owe child support payments and see the police pull up do you A) Politely ask the officer how you can help him. B) Pull our your checkbook and pay it. C) Attack officer with your lawn mower
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They've got some 'splainin' to do...former State Department official and his wife arrested, charged with spying for Cuba for the past 30 years
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Politician who got egged threatens reporters not to write about it. He needs to get ova himself and look at the sunny side up. Omelette other Farkers write all the bad puns
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman used witchcraft to fly naked in a basket to kill relative. Court orders saving throw... Then it gets weird
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| (Some Hoosier Guy) |
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Today's teacher student relationship is from South Bend, Indiana, where the softball/basketball coach couldn't keep her hands off a female student (w/ yes you would pic)
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Photoshop The Edible Somethingorother
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Missing man is found in Biscayne Bay. Three days in a row
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Stockmarkets rally after statistics show that only the equivalent of the population of Tampa, Florida lost their jobs last month, not Kansas City, Missouri as previously forecast
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Teen steals Cheez Whiz. Police spread him, take him to station for processing
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Meh: Guy's mom taps him on the shoulder. Fark: Startled, he cuts off his pinky with the power saw he was using. Uber Fark: He successfully sues her and pockets $114K
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If your doctor prescribes 16 different psychotropic meds for your teenager, you might want to consider switching doctors
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| (Some Guy) |
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41 year old chick with .30 BAC strips down to slip & slide with the neighbor kids. Mom?
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In-depth hard-hitting news piece reveals that yes, America still loves cupcakes
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Facing shortage of old-school country music, Tennessee lawmakers approve allowing guns in bars
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| (shar.es) |
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Budweiser discovers an important lesson: if you don't film your commercials for television broadcast, you don't have to meet any network censorship concerns
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New York City Police ticket illegally parked minivan repeatedly for weeks, fail to notice dead body of driver inside vehicle
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Old and busted: 2008 catch phrase 'Yes, We Can'. New hotness: 2009 catch phrase ' Matt Lauer can suck it'
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Same sex couple raising the unwanted offspring of a heterosexual union. Fark: They're penguins
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German artist takes on the challenge of fixing up Berlin's bomb damage. With LEGO
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Asshat who "allegedly" shot the Wichita abortion doctor complains that he's being treated like a criminal
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Some real estate advice: If your second home is being used to grow marijuana, invest in a good, dependable burglar alarm
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman arrested for throwing lemons at her husband. Crazy pucker
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When towing your son on a sled behind your truck, remember to not drive past the police station
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The unintended consequences of solar power: the horses have ulcers, the ducks have disappeared, and a dog has started gnawing off doorknobs
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Apparently being the Dalai Lama isn't all it's cracked up to be. For one thing, hot dog vendors always rip you off
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| (news-record.com) |
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If you drive your moped into a flooded creek and are saved by a state trooper, it isn't heroic to go back for the moped
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Nevada brothel to feature male prostitutes, state eyeing a pole tax
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this sleeping seller
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High school valedictorian forced to change her graduation speech because it wasn't cliched and generic enough for officials
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While you were all distracted by things like the war in the Middle East and the Tiananmen square anniversary, a French judge may have put the first nail into the coffin of reality television
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Victoria Gotti has reached a deal to keep her NY mansion out of foreclosure, something about 'an offer you can't refuse.'
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| (Some Guy) |
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Students celebrate last day of school with the Three Rs: Readin' Ritin' and 'Rson
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Police searching a store for stolen goods find two homemade bombs and a 3 foot alligator
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| (Some Guy) |
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Only a fool brings a knife to a gunfight. In a police station
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In case you weren't paying attention, a "little piece of America died" in Texas when a man was acquitted of disorderly conduct for using a vulgar term in front of a teenager. Well, shiat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pop quiz, hot shot: one pre-teen has a loaded handgun and the other won't stop talking on his cell phone. Which one do you tase?
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Golfer busted for throwing a teen by the neck and crotch into a bush and then hitting him with a golf club. The price is wrong, biatch
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Protip: When renovating your historic pub for its 120th birthday party, don't burn it down
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| (Some Guy) |
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20-year-old man pepper sprays and threatens to sic a pit bull on a landscaper who blew dirt onto his car with a leaf-blower
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President Obama discovers potential distant ancestor while touring the Pyramids. Those are ears we can believe in
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Homeless man accused of masturbating on roof. Ceiling cat ducks and covers
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| Thu June 04, 2009 |
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Photoshop New York City's unofficial wizard
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Cool: Catching a fish. Cooler: Catching a fish with your bare hands. Really Farking Cool: Fish coughs up a ticking gold watch
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Boy in New Mexico dies of bubonic plague. Madagascar closes ports
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Jailed man tampers with sprinkler and floods his cell. Houdini, he is not
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Apparently this still needs to be repeated. If you're an EMT, don't take a picture of a corpse with your cellphone and post it on your Facebook page if you expect to remain employed
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| (Some Canuck) |
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How much money is left in our budget for next year? Nunavut
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| (Missoulian) |
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Family celebrates mom's birthday by buying and restoring a red 1969 Mustang like she had when she was fifteen. Actually, THE red 1969 Mustang she had when she was fifteen
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Private treasure hunting company: We found $500 million in gold and silver coins. Spain: YOINK
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Penthouse: Nurse seduces you, kisses you and grabs your junk. Fark: He's a crossdressing phlebotomist named Chadea
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Stuck in the muck to pluck a duck
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| (Greenville Online) |
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Woman charged with "concealing a child". Her 555 pound child
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When performing a safety drill, it's best to warn employees ahead of time before depleting their room of oxygen
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Alien cult plans theme park... in Las Vegas
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All that TSA security is pretty useless when someone can just get airline employee to carry a 9mm onto the plane for him
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| (Some Guy) |
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University cuts $3.8 million from budget, but still keeps paying their "inspiration officer" who gets paid $12,500. No, not per year. That's per month
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Tourette's most common in white kids, boys, c**ks**kers
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Photoshop theme: In the beginning
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Nude photo of Carla Bruni sold for almost $20,000 at auction to someone unfamiliar with Google Image Search
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| (Some Guy) |
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George Lucas confirmed as Archbishop. THE POPE SHOT FIRST
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If you are an underage coed charged with a fatal DUI, you probably shouldn't post pics on Facebook drinking with your friends, unless you are hoping for some new jewelry
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Cops to mom: "No kids in the bar." Mom finds perfect babysitter: man throwing up in her car
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Woman agrees to meet stranger at a hamburger stand to sell the five-carat diamond ring she advertised on Craigslist, is surprised to discover she didn't think her cunning plan all the way through
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Real-life superheroes are coming out of the woodwork during these tough economic times
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Teenagers repeatedly sodomize schoolmate over a two month period. Multiple witnesses to the attacks, but no one came forward
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Australia's koala population at serious risk from inbreeding. With pic which might explain why
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Hard hitting journalism at its best: What to do if your BFF unfriends you
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| (New Haven Register) |
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Driver takes Taco Bell's drive-thru sign literally
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Man dies after lightning strikes his lucky talisman
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| (Pontiac) |
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Sexy. Gorgeous. Powerful. Deadly. And the car ain't bad, either (Sponsored Link)
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Two Southern Californians dead after sky unleashes strange phenomena known as "lightning" and "rain"
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| (WFSB) |
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When choosing your next victim to mug, you may want to make sure he's not a federal Justice Department firearms instructor trained in how to disarm people
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Man dislocates his girlfriend's hair extensions when he wigs out and throws her to the ground during a fight over a cell phone
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'Medical bills underlie 60% of US bankruptcies.' But I thought that these were just losers with three SUVs in the driveway and a plasma widescreen in every room
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Nglshmn sht n Kyrgyzstn
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Come on everyone - the table is laid. Cocaine-soaked tablecloths found by airport customs
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The secret to indestructibility? "Strict atheism"
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Less than 20 years after their US led liberation, Kuwait sets three world records for fast food prep at Hardees, KFC, and Krispy Kreme. Behold the power of democracy. FARK: The restaurants are operated by the Americana Group
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| (Kens5.com) |
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Woman fails to return overdue library book before fleeing town in messy divorce. Now police are throwing the book at her: She's a fugitive
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Mix in some high school seniors, a food fight and some smoke bombs and let the hilarity begin
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Ancient skeleton unearthed in Serbia. Authorities have tentatively identified the skeleton as the entertainment career of either Dan Cortese, Richard Grieco, or that "Balki" dude
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Federal judge rules that telecoms are immune to citizen lawsuits for aiding and abetting wiretaps done by Federal agencies at the behest of the Federal government. Ta-da
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Actor David Carradine found dead in Bangkok
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Swedish authorities step up the fight against fake Strawberries
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The recession has given us Kentucky Grilled Chicken; Pasta Hut; Domino's Subs; and $5 burgers at Morton's. Recessions are awesome
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Man steals steaks. Dogs want steaks. Dogs chase man into shed. Police arrive. (with YouTube goodness)
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Man admits to robbing banks on 6 consecutive Thursdays, apparently he was unwilling to wait for Friday because an additional FDIC seizure could be distracting during a robbery
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Playgrounds are completely unsafe, and will kill your children
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Australian government offers $1000 to any family who lost a home in the summer fires but does not ask for ID or proof of loss. Result? 2000 homes lost, 67000 payments made
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Knock Knock. Who's There? BEAR
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Never before released pictures of Hitler surface which reveal for the first time the Fuhrer's inner turmoil after stealing that guy's seat at Christmas dinner
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Judge rules police use of taser to compel man to provide DNA sample is legal
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Elementary school principal gives survey to teachers, asking them to identify student behavior problems by race. For some reason, parents get all "outragey"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tthheeaattrree oowwnneerrss bbeehhiinndd oonn 33DD pprroojjeeccttoorrss
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At the trial for 4 men accoused of plotting to bomb NY synagogues, one suspect's father goes on an anti-semetic rant, "Those Jews in the media are turning this into something it is not." Defense: facepalm
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In response to the chimp attack, CT bans ownership of gorillas, chimps, and orangutans. Still legal to own a wolverine, and to see his crappy movies
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Newsweek announces Stephen Colbert as guest editor of upcoming issue, a blatant violation of journalistic standards and traditions not seen since previous issue of Newsweek
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Good: One company plans to expand in 2009 and create 22,000 jobs. I'll give you one guess who it is. Wharrgarbl to the right
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| (News 14 Carolina) |
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Man won't be needing Craigslist anymore to hire rape; it'll come free where he's going
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Feds indict another Speaker of the House for bribery. Meanwhile, Massachusetts' own "ethics" investigators go after real corruption, like board of health member who allegedly got free tattoo
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This unfortunate headline brought to you by My Fox Boston
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this friar free fall
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Today is the 20th Anniversary of the Tiananmen Square Massacre. Tag is for the guy in front of the tanks and other protestors
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| (Modern Drunkard) |
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Examining the rise and fall of three booze 'sensations': Ripple, Zima, and Billy Beer
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Off to the pub to get drunk? Don't forget your zebra
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Her bark was greater than her brick. Steak earned
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| (Some Guy) |
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We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue....and then we'll find out what's so electric about it
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Kentucky church is holding a 'bring your handgun to church service' day
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| (Some Lawyer) |
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Federal judge rules that Crunchberries aren't real fruit
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| (Truro Daily) |
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Thieves make off with 144 kegs of beer - Location of Fark Party not mentioned
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Someone spends $500 on eBay to buy 2003 yearbook containing photos of Tot Mom Casey Anthony. Bubble-wrap guy unavailable for comment
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British man who swore and waved a chair above his head after dentists refused to give him emergency treatment pleads "tooth rage"
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4 year coleges graduate's 53% of the student's in 6 years 100% of the time
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Fifi will get you thirty
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 213: "Keep Out" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed June 03, 2009 |
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If you file for bankruptcy, you have to list your frozen human cadavers as assets. It doesn't matter if they are used or unused... you need to list them
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| (Endless Simmer) |
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The Top 10 Top 10 Food Lists
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US Gov leaks list of nuclear materials and locations, prompts denials and accusations of "I do not leak, Navigator. You leak"
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Every young man's dream turned into a nightmare just as his girlfriend's mom broke out the duct tape
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You know you've lost a staring contest when the other guy stabs you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bride-to-be looking forward to first kiss, facing fiance during sex for a change
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Police are looking for a 330-pound suspect in a drugstore heist. They need to hurry if they want the description to fit. Apparently the suspect took all of the fen-phen
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Experts: This may be the final century of civilization, guaranteeing almost certain death for everyone alive today
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Dick Dastardly and his snickering sidekick Muttley
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| (Some Guy) |
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NH Gov signs gay marriage bill. Live free and be fabulous
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Harvard to offer endowed professorship in gay studies, which doesn't mean what you think it means
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| (News13) |
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If you're going to rob a bank, it might be a good idea to make sure your getaway vehicle has enough gas in it
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| (Idaho Statesman) |
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Teenage driver arrested for road-rage incident that involved continually ramming another motorist in rear, hurling creamy ranch dressing at him. She was charged with felony aggravated battery
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Not news: Vehicle drives for miles with a piece of roadkill stuck to its front end. Fark: Vehicle is an oil tanker and the roadkill is a 50 foot humpback whale
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Add "going to pick up your $1 million lottery prize" to the list of excuses that won't get you out of a ticket
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Flight industry urged to implement detachable flight data recorders, passenger escape pods, ejection seats for annoying children
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Four yutes arrested after reports of armed man roaming Princeton campus. Defense attorney files preliminary motion requesting judicial notice of the cooking time of grits
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| (Winnisquam Echo) |
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Town deploys radar trailer to learn about speeding problem, discovers only speeding problem is people trying to set high score on radar display
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The Tupac Shakur of Al Qaeda has a new vague audio message
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Caption what Barack Obama and Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz al-Saud are saying to each other
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Buddhist find rattlesnake in his apartment and attempts to set it free. Accumulates good karma, venom
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Thousands of chickens die in fire. Firefighters struggle to control flames, appetites
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Vancouver Sun isn't afraid to ask hard hitting questions -- "Ketchup: Red menace or culinary saviour?"
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An old man who keeps walking around town in the nude has appeared again, adding a new wrinkle to the case. "His lack of clothing has disturbed some residents, and caused at least one girl to cry"
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Controversial topless coffee shop goes tits up
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| (Some IT-student) |
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Alts, your thoughts, good, bad or indifferent? This survey is for a Farkette's research project
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North Korea begins assembling a long range rocket in their attempts to further map the local seabed
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Marine pimps 14 year-old girl, uses her to entice potential recruits. Semper thigh
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How to make money during a recession: Sell $4 coffee served by hot Vietnamese girls wearing little more than a bikini and high heels
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Photoshop theme: Turn an album cover into an advertisement
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Protip: If you're a teenage girl stealing daddy's safe for a shopping spree, don't ask the mob to help you open it
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Husband crashes into tree, wife takes over and promptly crashes into a trailer park. The rare double DUI is bestowed upon this lucky couple
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Homeowner dismayed to discover that the concepts of "open house" and "free stuff" are not mutually exclusive
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One does not simply peacefully skip into Mordor
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A 19 year old student calls the White House, gets the fax number, and sends over a letter to First Lady Michelle Obama, asking her to deliver the school's commencement address. It works
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Saudi Arabia confirms first swine flu infection. But it must be a mistake because no one there interacts with pork and all pork handlers are hanged. Pork does not exist
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Italian-American group succeeds in getting offensive Miller Lite TV ad pulled, would like everyone to just fuhgeddaboudit
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| (Air Force Times) |
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Air Guard recruiter charged with selling drugs. Aim High
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If it looks like the husband killed his wife, and it smells like the husband killed his wife, then it must have been the spray tan that killed his wife
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Man sues for stripper kicking him in the face. Now he has permanent double vision. Twice the show for half the price. Giggity
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Disgruntled Range Rover customer parks his vehicle in front of dealership with a list of the vehicle's problems printed on the windows
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Photoshop these WWII rubber containers
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"Borg attacked near government offices", presumably at 359 Wolf Street
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California appeals court tells tip-greedy Starbucks baristas to suck it, suck it Venti time
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That flapping sound you hear? It's the sound of helicopter parents officially sputtering back down to their heliopads. 'Bout time
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How can this guy stand to look himself in the mirror? Oh, wait
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Noted parenting expert Octomom says Kate Gosselin is an attention whore with unresolved behavioral issues
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Outdoor prison cell in Arizona, check. 100+ degree temperatures, check. Lack of shade, check. Lack of water, check. Apathetic guards, check. Dead inmate, check
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If you are going to steal books from a bookstore and sell them at a used book shop, that's fine. Just don't do it 4000 times. And don't go to the same store every time
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| (KYW1060) |
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Explosion and fire at "Dollar 99¢ Expo" store. Damage feared to be in the tens of dollars
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The 1800's had snake oil salesmen. The 1900's had psychic surgeons. Meet this century's new breed of medical scam artists
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| (Some Guy) |
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One person dead, customer injured in armed robbery at Walmart, if only they had been wearing their Three Wolf Moon T-Shirts
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Michigan teen gets off with probation after lighting man's groin on fire. Judge says penal system is trying to protect penile systems
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you broke into the McDonough Police evidence room they want to ask you few questions, like how difficult it is to walk around with such huge balls
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| Tue June 02, 2009 |
| (Daily Camera) |
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Man attempts to rob Subway sandwich shop with three-inch knife, forgetting every employee in Subway is armed with a six-inch knife
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| (officer.com) |
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Good: Boston P.D. gets 200 M-16 rifles free from the miltary. Stupid: Boston mayor calls semi-auto rifles "high-powered assault weapons" and says no
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| (madison.com) |
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News: Teen given citation for "imprudent speed" after crashing dad's Audi. Fark: Same teen has license suspended after posting video to YouTube of car reaching 160 mph just before crash. (w/ video)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Student smokes a joint while reading a pro-marijuana essay to his class. Mr. Hand not impressed
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Ukrainian man arrested for trying to smuggle 120 tortoises into Poland by taping them together and stacking them in a converted gas tank in his car. Apparently the tape was to make sure they didn't run away
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Photoshop this ball bobbling
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Guantanamo Bay: the video game. It's a little fun at first, but once you get going it's really hard to shut it down
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Old and busted: hiding cocaine in a suitcase. New hotness: making the suitcase out of cocaine
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| (WALB, Alabama) |
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Pizza-ordering rapist may be innocent; accuser has history of false rape charges; both regret not baking a Digiorno
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China rounds up usual suspects, blocks social networking sites. Must be 20th anniversary of Tiananmen Square massacre. Or Tuesday
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Math problem: How do you fit a 6'7" corpse into a 6' coffin? Legal problem: depends how you solve the math problem. Like this guy
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| (Click Orlando) |
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Mice, goats, dogs, pigs, horses, hamster and donkey seized from house of Florida man. Goes by the name Noah
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Softball coach was fired for making students walk barefoot in sheep feces at a team picnic, not because she's a lesbian
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Man dies after being hit by trains. Coroners from three counties assisting
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It's a rare occurance when a New Yorker is guilt ridden enough to return a stone he took from Israel 12 years ago
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"They called and said, 'This is not a prank but there's a koala who just walked into our house and is sleeping on our bed'"
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Woman who threw hot coffee on fellow commuter in fit of rage convicted of assault and fined $2,000, or approximately the cost of four grande lattes from Starbucks
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Never bring a lawn mower to a beer truck fight
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When driving your McLaren F1 worth $2 million, it may be a good idea to bring along a $20 fire extinguisher
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Old and busted: swine flu hysteria. New hotness: "cell phone elbow" hysteria
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62-year-old man graduates from automotive service technician apprenticeship program to fulfill a promise he made to his long dead son
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| (the alligator) |
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Relax lady. We're from the University Police Dept. We take textbook theft seriously
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: 911 call for a cat stuck in a tree. FARK:
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More men are forming "book clubs." Beer, laughs, good times.....and "We've been meeting for 6 months, and we haven't read a book yet"
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US official says Japan has suggested some "very creative" ways to punish North Korea for it's latest threats. Purely coincidentally, the US Tentacle Research Facility suddenly seems to be working round the clock
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Kim Jong Il names his youngest son, Kim Jong-un, to be his successor as North Korean leader and pain in the world's collective ass
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Air France crash recalls '62 Orly tragedy. Ya rly
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New Bloods gang motto: When we attempt to expand operations, we will not rob and kidnap someone, only to forget about them in the trunk of the car we stole
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| (MosNews) |
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Russia selects Miss Atom 2009 from the thousands of women working in their nuclear power industry. Why, yes, there are pics
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Next time you're deciding how to deal with traffic frustrations, try not to pick the "squeezing a police officers testicles" option
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Fifteen mind-bendingly-awesome used tire sculptures. Your kid does not want a tire swing
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Q: Is hanging out and drinking beer at a grave site offensive? A: Of corpse
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No, he's not the reincarnation of a Buddhist spiritual leader. He's a very naughty boy
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New "anti-prison" lives up to its name as inmate escapes day after opening
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| (Charleston Gazette) |
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Shocking revelation: power lines not the best place to practice rapelling skills
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Good Samaritan tackles guy in effort to stop him from robbing gas station. In other news, someone in Wisconsin can actually make a tackle
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L.A. mayor goes undercover with local reporter. *wink*
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Survey shows 1 in 5 Americans trusts Muslims. You would've sumbitted this with a better headline, but you wouldn't take your eyes off the man with turban
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| (Some Wet Guy) |
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Four arrested for breaking into water park twice in one weekend. Cops might've let one incident slide but say repeat offense represents slippery slope; drop suspects into holding tank to await arraignment unless they're bailed out first
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If you're going to kill three people, don't leave your cell phone behind. And if you do, don't later call that phone to try and get it back
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Horse & buggy driver leads police on a three-mile chase. Fark: He escaped
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this dome home
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Plane debris found 4,815,162,342 meters off shore from Brazil
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| (News 14 Carolina) |
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If you happen to be in possession of a giant brontosaurus head, the Durham Police Department would like to have a word with you
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Lawyer assaults pizza delivery girl when his pie was late because she couldn't get in his gated condo. Uncle Enzo's gonna be pissed
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Kindergarten strikes drag on, complete with cute protest songs and poorly painted signs
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If you're a realtor, getting drunk and smashing up the house you're selling, isn't the best way to display it to buyers
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600-foot jellyfish attacks England
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| (Some Guy) |
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Amateur spies use Goggle Earth to map North Korea, discover it's a cross between the Khmer Rouge killing fields and Neverland Ranch
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Retirees who start collecting Social Security benefits at 62 typically receive 25 percent less than they would have had they waited until they were 70. This, of course, only applies for about another 30 years, when you'll just get nothing
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Problem: you are a 51 year old woman behind on your rent and bills. Solution: guilt your 14 and 12 year old son to commit armed robbery. Police: "This is absolutely not how to raise your children."
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Bank robber takes five-story plunge off of a parking garage while fleeing police. Rate of decline considered amateurish by recent bank standards
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Movie mashup. Photoshop a scene with characters from at least two different movies
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Some guy in California who had 13 expensive rabbits just reported to police he had 77 rabbits stolen. Thief spotted in truck with 200 rabbits. Police hope to recover the 42,987 rabbits by tomorrow
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If you can tell the difference between an enemy submarine and a small coastal village, the Russian Navy may have an opening for you
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FROG: *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak* .... MAN: *croak*
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The Eminem/Bruno teabag stunt was staged. Triumph the Insult Comic Dog not impressed
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American man wins custody of son in Brazil, does not plan to fly him home on Air France
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Little bugger with loaded diaper used as drug courier. Maybe the guards got suspicious over the smell?
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If you're jogging to work and tweeting on your BlackBerry, try to look up every now and then to check for low-hanging branches
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Mexico detains 29 police officers for drug ties; remaining officers immediately switch to drug ascots
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Man must spend two months in jail, but has the happiest pooch on Earth
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When your landlord installs a non-movable mirror IN your shower stall, you are right to be a little dubious
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Scientists find something sold at GNC that might actually be good for you
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You know it's summer in Florida when toothless men start robbing billard players for their Xanax
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