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| Sun April 05, 2009 |
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This guy really needs help getting his rocks off
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Media will cover return of US military coffin to US soil for the first time in 18 years. Tag is for the Airman returning home
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A centuries-old ice bridge holding back ice shelf 'the size of Jamaica' snapped in Antarctica last night - but you'd be a pinko atheist lieberal to suggest it was due to anything other than the warmth of God's love
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| (Some Watt Guy) |
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Photoshop this electric transformer
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Research shows that the easiest thing couples can do to strengthen their relationship is to call each other "schmoopie" --- a LOT
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Ugly ass dog cares for ugly ass baby critters. These allergies are really messing with my eyes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Artist mapping which engagement rings can be purchased for two-months salary for various occupations discovers that they all look the same
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We hate to keep harping on about the Nanny State, but when Britain orders firefighters to test smoke alarms with poles because it is too dangerous for them to climb ladders, you Brits are gonna have to get used to it
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Parents are asking WTF after kids got a lesson in swear words at school
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Old and busted: passive smoking. New and stupid: passive drinking. Asinine tag used because Beer tag still brewing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Toronto's 'Busker of the Beaches' attends his own funeral: ""I didn't want to miss people saying good things about me by waiting until I died" (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Female teacher sexual transgressions "rare", "hot"
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You scream, I scream, we'll both do time for ice cream
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Pooch pinches purveyor of paintings that packed pot at the perimeter. Customs cops chuckle at the clueless crook
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Oral sex causes tonsil cancer. Now she has another excuse
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100 tigers killed in Sri Lanka. PETA calls emergency press conference, announces that they just realized it was "Tamil Tigers", who are humans, so they don't give a flying fark
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Geologist dies in gold pit. Scrooge McDuck taken in for questioning
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man who huffs aerosol deodorant gets Axe of death. Now he has a body Tag
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| (Armor Games) |
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Your addictive game of the day: Redstar Fall
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How logic can get you into trouble, romantically and financially. Spock unavailable for comment
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Philly cops enter store and arrest owner for selling small plastic Ziplock bags. Unfortunately for them, the owner backed up his security cameras on a hard drive and caught them cutting the cables with a knife. Now $10k is missing from store
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One often overlooked positive aspect of legalizing gay marriage: it's a boon to the state economy
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| (The Morning News) |
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"My favorite thing about the recession is that I'm using all my free time from not going out and spending money on fancy dinners and frilly cocktails toward something worthwhile: organizing my closets"
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| (Paxil Is My Anti-Drug) |
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Photoshop Theme: anti-drug ads that might actually work
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"Breaker, breaker one nine, this here's the Rubber Duck. How many folks you killed this week, come back"
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Are you ready kids? Who's dressed as a pineapple and was robbed in Malmö? Hideki Kaji
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Company issues press release claiming two thirds of people want machines to give them traffic tickets. Two weeks later, speed camera ban passes with 86% of vote
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Detroit police disarmed pillow-toting citizens about to participate in downtown fight. Pillows were confiscated from disappointed participants, cases were returned. Police then returned to station, had good nap
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What do the airline industry and organized crime have in common? They both prefer to forget about their "problems" in the desert
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Web site lets you rank neighborhoods by how many annoying people would walk past your house
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Trains know when you're in a hurry to go to work or get back home and slow down accordingly
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Womens shelters ordered to help male victims of domestic violence or have their funding cut off
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Cleveland Sight Center holds Easter egg hunt for the blind. Coincidentally, Cleveland Sight Center's front lawn is now completely litter free
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Not content to settle for the usual "231 cats in a house" story, a couple ups the ante with 6 horses, 3 goats, 7 pigs, 20 ducks, 1 calf, 5 guinea fowl, 7 chickens, 3 tigers, a wolf hybrid, a lion and an unspecified number of pigeons
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The 19 worst drive-thru foods in America
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Movers throw out "work of art" at Courtney Love's house. Turns out to be a dead bird in a box valued at £8,000: "Courtney is beside herself"
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Lindsay Lohan's career Kryptonite at work: Hours after letting Lindsay onstage with her, Lily Allen is seen in a catatonic drunken state that required handlers to take her home
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this mad scientist ready control panel
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If you're going to sell your computer, there are ways of determining whether or not your potential buyer is trustworthy. If he pepper-sprays you and steals your computer, he's probably not that trustworthy
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| (Pensacola News Journal) |
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PE teacher saves mother, her two kids by pushing them out of path of car, takes full impact himself
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♫ Police car man, police car man ♫ Police car man hates bicycle man ♫ They have a fight ♫ Police car wins ♫ Police car man ♫
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| Sat April 04, 2009 |
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North Korea has officially registered its new edition of Photoshop
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Five children and father found dead south Seattle in apparent murder/suicide. Sad, bloody weekend trifecta complete
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Photoshop theme: Playing with fire
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Fargo residents asked to count sandbags. Now they know how many bags it takes to fill the Fargo wall
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| (Some Guy) |
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English residents protest dramatic rise in prices of fruits and vegetables. Silly Nanny Staters - if they read Fark.com they woud know that people in England don't eat vegetables
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Florida homeowner faces foreclosure for walking black lab without no leash. Fines and penalties are now $40k+
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man finds a message in a bottle sent 96 years ago. Post Office to investigate this speedy method of communication
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Man who was afraid that Obama would take his guns makes a rational case for less gun control. Just kidding, he shot and killed three cops
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| (Eagle Tribune) |
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When you're hired to check school security, you're not supposed to narc on the superintendent's friends
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| (Some Photog) |
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Photographer harrassed by cops, told to "Google it" when asked what specific "Homeland Security statute" he violated by taking a picture of a public building
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Anti-strip club law ruled unconstitutional. "The restrictions are [so broad] that the owners of FedEx Field could be punished for allowing a Washington Redskins player to give a teammate a congratulatory pat on the rear"
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Good cops send tips to blogger. Bad cops raid his home, take electronics, including cable modem and router, claim case is 'sealed' when pressed for details
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More and more spies hired by bar owners are making sure bartenders don't give out free drinks to get bigger tips. "It is enjoyable."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Canadian military issues rules of engagement - for geese. "Aggressive psychological operations against the geese are not permitted"
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Global warming deniers saddened by news of a massive ice self is about to break off of Antarctica. Surfs up
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Eleven modern technologies that are way older than you think...Now, get off my damn lawn
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Studies concluding that poker is a game of skill, not chance or "gambling", could affect laws making poker illegal. Submitter's favorite hole cards are still 2-10, nonsuited
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Iowa gay marriages expected to begin April 24th, conclude 30 minutes later with the marriage of all four gay couples
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Miss Universe and Miss USA visit Gitmo to entertain Marines. Some people have a problem with this, although no waterboarding was involved
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thar she blows Mt. Redoubt in eruption mode. LGT live webcam
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| (Some Guy) |
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Vegetarians more likely to develop eating disorders, which is no surprise considering tofu makes most people want to barf
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| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop this guy testing something-or-other
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Cops seeking to develop artificial nose that will detect adrenaline "so that nervous passengers... can be singled out." Thank god that's not a feeling the typical flyer may experience in an airport
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97 year-old man becomes Britain's oldest skydiver, leaps out of a plane at 10,000 feet and somehow manages to avoid hitting any farmers markets on the way down
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Rejoice Oregon beer drinkers - the days of the short pint are finally over
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...and now, this brief interlude
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The use of microblogging sites has nearly doubled in the past six months, as 11 percent of Internet users express themselves in 140 characte
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| (Commercial Appeal) |
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Are you kidding me? There's a urban goat issue?
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Your dog wants a greenie
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Virginia teacher charged with possession of child pornography for image that even the police never thought was pornographic. Won't somebody please stop thinking of the children?
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Talk show host gives out make, model and license plate of car driven by a woman he believes is dating the Chief of Police. Surpisingly, the chief has a problem with this after the car goes up in flames
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North Korean missile launch postponed after problems with upgrade from CS3 to CS4
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| (Dawn) |
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Taliban leader claims responsibility for NY shooting, North Dakota floods, Fark TV
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The most pointless academic study yet? Dogs DO look like their owners
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British village which blocked Google's streetview car discovers the Streisand Effect
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Fed officials vow to use all tools to help economy. Luckily, the feds seem to have no shortage of tools on their staff
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It's ridiculous what this woman has been through just because she took her clothes off in front of the 4-year-old she was babysitting
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There are few images which warm the heart as much as that of a police car being issued with a parking ticket
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| (Some Lifesaver) |
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"I realised he was on the other side of the fence, but he couldn't explain how he had jumped it." Champ swimmer saves his kitty from the pool just in time for Caturday
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Why do you think she won Miss Congeniality? Miss USA Maryland always had the best weed and coke
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| (Some Guy) |
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"The safety of our employees and our customers is our foremost concern. We request that you remove any hats, caps, sunglasses or hoods while inside this financial institution." Cue headscarf outrage in 3...2...1
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Tiger cubs come outside for the first time. awwwwww
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Priest uses Playmobil toys to recreate Bible scenes. Playmobil freaks the hell out
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You might be a redneck if your wake erupts into a brawl over beer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this orb outpost
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Only in Florida can a potato farmer create a million dollar mud puddle that people will pay $30 a day to drive through
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Students hold 'White Supremacy' themed after-ball party, claim they didn't know the connotations of the name
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Judge stays deportation of accused death camp guard, as his lawyers say "his health has seriously deteriorated" to the point where he almost can nazi anymore
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And, on today's episode of the Wasillabillies, Todd Palin's sister gets arrested for breaking and entering. Bonus: She broke into the same place twice. Fark: She brought her 4-year-old along
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| Fri April 03, 2009 |
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Ugly-assed baby giraffe named Blizzard born at the Denver Zoo. W/pic
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What would Friday be like without TSG's mugshot roundup? It's all about the fashion (Not safe for work text)
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Meet Hope, the German Shepherd who mows lawns. Your dog wants a rake
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Photoshop this see-through concrete
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Suburbs using Twitter to alert residents about snow emergencies, recycling information, when the mayor poops
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ten amazingly huge holes that you might not have known about, 11 if you count your mom
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Fire in dentist's office burns three people, readily identified
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In order to raise awareness of genocide, kids pay $5 for the privilege of sleeping in a cardboard box in their school's courtyard for a night. "You can have fun at the same time while you're helping people"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lawmaker wants to allow pregnant woman to use lethal force if they feel their unborn child's life is at risk. Do we really want to give this power to a female with raging, surging hormones?
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♪♫♪ Everybody was food-court fighting ♫♪ Those fries were fast as lightning ♫♪
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Group of mothers set to stage "tit-in" at city pool after lifeguards ask them to at least get out of the water before feeding their crotchfruit
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Underage bikini contest at Michigan teen dance club arouses stiff competition. Others just aroused and stiffened. Chris Hansen unavailable for comment
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Elderly woman trapped on out-of-control scooter -- for five miles (pic)
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Today's headline you never thought you'd read: "A guide to Canada's best beaches"
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SC trooper tickets fellow SC trooper, for 131 mph in a 70 zone
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| (Some Guy) |
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Atlanta named most wasteful city in America
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Men are bigger gossipers than women, according to a new study performed by the National Institute of Complete Horsepucky
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Survey shows Pittsburgh No. 3 in bad hair, No. 1 in fat chicks wearing Steelers t-shirts
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Man attacks fiancee after she made him a meatball sammich that was not up to his standards. "Specifically, the cheese placement was all wrong. That was the catalyst"
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Disabled teenager makes it to the final of national modeling contest. Let's all give her a big hand
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The body parts scattered around England have been revealed to belong to the same person, which is good news for everybody, except for that guy
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Breaking news: It rained, so the roads are wet
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Time to go to Family Court. Do I have everything in my purse? Keys, wallet, lipstick, hand grenade, Tic-Tacs. Yep, ready
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More Friday fun from our pals at TSG. Which public figure is posing in this post-arrest picture? Contest ends at 4:00 p.m. Eastern
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Four dead and up to 40 hostages in Binghamton, New York
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A church has moved into former brothel. Which means, unfortunately, that from now on, all the people in the missionary position will be actual missionaries
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Nursing home evacuated after disgrunted man crashes car into building, leaving more old people in one parking lot than any Walgreens could ever boast
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Study finds paint aisle at Lowe's best place to have complete meltdown
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Detroit man makes living trapping raccoons, selling the meat and pelts, plans to claim the land for France and build a fort after converting the natives to Catholicism
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More irrefutable proof of ghosts, as the same eerie figure creeps up in yet another picture taken from the same Scottish castle. Egon Spengler is pumped
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Kind stranger pays $800 to save cancer patient's dog. Sappy tag steps in as Hero tag has something in its eye
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Newly published photographs show aftermath of MLK killing
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"Do you know how fast you were traveling, sir?" "Oh, thank God. I thought you were going to ask me about the dead body in the passenger seat"
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| (The Courier-Journal) |
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"To protect and serve doughnuts"
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Americorps volunteers are desperately needed in Denver to help the less fortunate... set up their digital TV converter boxes
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21-year-old American woman, on trial in Italy for murdering roommate, scandalises European press with her breezy American-style court demeanor that includes grinning, wearing T-shirts, and talking about her vibrator
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Pittsburgh Fark Party TONIGHT. DIT. LGT Previous Thread
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| (Some Guy) |
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Because you can't have too many "attempted felon foiled by foot in door" stories, today's entry comes from New Mexico
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Theme: The First Annual Fark Cliché Tryouts. Can you make a new Fark Cliché?
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For winning the biggest douche award, Blogo says he's going to Disneywold
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Texting: Okay. Drinking and texting: Semi-okay. Drinking and texting while your car is stopped at an intersection: Might be a problem
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Guy always wondered if someone would ever mistake his driveway for an extension of the road. Won't need to think about that one anymore
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Weepy convict says he didn't mean to escape from prison. He just wanted to meet his pen pal for 20 minutes, but then he stepped in a mud bog, and well, you know how it goes
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New energy drink for babies: Rocket fuel
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Iowa: Where the tall corn grows and gays can get married
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's "female teacher having sex with an 8th grader" story comes to us from Frankford, NJ. With "yeah, you might" photo
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| (Royston Crow) |
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Police find severed head, will later reveal whether it's "linked to body parts found in Hertfordshire." Submitter suspects the answer may be "Not any more"
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German woman divorces husband because he did too many household chores
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B-b-british pol-ol-ice told not to-to-to fin-in-in-ish stut-ut-utterers sen-sen-sen-sen-sen, just shut the hell up and listen
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Mother of the millenium candidate decides the proper way to handle her inability to have another child is to have her boyfriend impregnate her 13-year-old daughter, who she drugged for the purpose
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Study shows that 60% of college students fear math. The remaining 25% are, like, totally cool with it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Parents complain that 70% is too high a standard to meet for their precious snowflakes to participate in extra-curricular activities. "It's overzealous that (students) have to carry very high scores through every class"
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If a teacher can't order a student to lead a classmate around on a leash like a dog, what hope do we have for the future?
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As everybody knows, those signs on the beach which say "no vehicles beyond this point" are just there for a laugh. Except this time
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Unintimidated by Madonna's threatening veins, a judge rejects her application to adopt another African child
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The Lord is my shepherd. He makes me lye down in red phosphorus pastures. He leads me to ephedrine. He restores my hydrochloride. I fear no ether
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FINAL REMINDER. NJ Fark Party - 4/4 at Harvest Moon. Party starts at 7:30
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Man goes all Pharaoh on Moses statue after he is told he will have to let his driver's license go
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Chicago police officer accused of unlawful use of gaydar
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| (Hey, he likes it) |
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Cereal company posts a sex-line number on its box. A total mistake, as life sometimes hands you, but it's nothing special, k? Cheerio
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Canada could soon send its garbage to Washington, just like Americans do
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If a teacher can't duct tape a student to a chair anymore, what hope do we have for the future?
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After making your life miserable over shampoo, turns out the people in the TSA are just paying it forward
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Photoshop the secret life of animal celebrities
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Smug alert. NY Times editor: "Saving the paper now ranks with saving Darfur"
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Nabokov wins 40th for San Jose Sharks, remains obsessed by Dolores Haze, insists you don't stand so close to him
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| (Some Paleface) |
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Burning Man people plan party with "Native" theme which ends in a trail of tears when the real Native Americans arrive. How?
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Creepy looking guy lets young girls use the tanning bed in the shed behind his house. Turns out tanning sessions include UVA, UVB, and VHS exposure
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Bangladesh plans to stamp out begging by throwing anyone asking for money on the street into jail for five years
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Man climbs spruce tree, ties self to trunk, shoots himself dead. Twenty-nine years ago
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| Thu April 02, 2009 |
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Photoshop this curious catwalker
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Judge reprimanded for offering parents to forgive a $500.00 fine if they spank their kids in court, where he can watch
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Ward Churchill wins his lawsuit for unlawful termination against University of Colorado. Is awarded $1 in damages
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"Rampage 2: Electric Chimpaloo"
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Remember how practically all of the US government says that 90% of the guns used by Mexico's Cartels came from the US? Yeah, not so much
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When making your YouTube video showing you breaking in and then setting fire to a building, you probably shouldn't run credits with your real names. It just makes it too easy for the cops
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High school coach beats a student so severely with a "canoe paddle" that the wood board cracked and had to be taped so the "licking" could resume
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Georgia proposes English-only driver's tests, despite the fact that very few people in Georgia speak what the rest of us would call "English"
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Vladimir Putin's pet dog sneaks into room and eats snacks Putin planned to serve to party bosses at meeting of Russia's ruling political party. In other news, the Putin family's dog suddenly died today of radiation poisoning
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| (Norwich Bulletin) |
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Mother sprays Windex in daughter's face during argument. The daughter was not injured in the incident -- however, she did stop taking off her clothes and running around
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New Bwunthwick Dentaw Sothiety ith wawning peopowe about the potentiaw withkth of wip, tongue ow cheek pierthing, whicth it thayth can damage teef and lead to theriouth infecthionth
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| (Mr. Ed) |
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You know things have hit rock bottom in Michigan when people start stealing horse hair
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Man goes through Tim Hortons drive-thru naked, women working the window "not impressed" with his cruller and Tim-bits
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this fire-breathing giant robot
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G-20 will inject $5 trillion into global economy. G-4 will sink your battleship
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Hspitl: u= aids. sux 2 b u. kthxbai
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Drunk man steals schoolbus, tries to pick up women. Probably got idea from "My Name is Earl" episode
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"I heard a pop and a sharp pain. And blood was shooting all over"
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Truck rams into bookstore, leaving two dead, seven hurt, numerous spine injuries
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People are fleeing Michigan at a rate of a family every 12 minutes. Soon the state will end up with only Detroit, Ted Nugent and a gazillion deer
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When someone drives a burning earth mover into the front of your home at midnight, it might be a subtle clue that you're not well liked
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Sausagefest spurs shooting
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Study shows that Facebook, YouTube, and the New Fark Experience improve productivity at work
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Dignitas, the Swiss clinic which assists people to commit suicide, are to help an entirely healthy woman take her own life. It's entirely likely some people will have a problem with this
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Man pushes woman off dock into water, throws other man into water, jumps in himself and punches man in face -- it's a party
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| (lehighvalleylive) |
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Super-sized: Bethlehem police stimulate their budget by issuing $37,555 ticket
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Police attacked as they attempt to save dying G20 protester
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Police officer assigned to ticket other officers who park in handicap spaces and other tow zones finds 20 violations in six weeks. Reporter finds 25 violations in one visit to police headquarters
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More and more colleges are starting to worry that their policy of raising tuition every seven hours might drive this year's new batch of students to reject them
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City of Chicago is building a secret 911 backup facility at O'Hare airport that the terrorists aren't supposed to know abou... aw, crap
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Dow Jones soars past 8,000 on news that Michelle Obama touched the Queen
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Someone goes out of their way and donates a car seat to OctoclowncarMom, and yes, it results in another 911 call
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News: Unauthorized men sneak into secure area of Pearson airport. Fark: One of them is the Minister of Transportation
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Doctor recommends that obese women stop taking the pill. After all, it's not like they really need it
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Miss Griffin "would hate people to think I'm just some dumb blonde," but as she's just made Fark for managing to stick her eye shut with a bottle of nail glue, it might be a bit late for that
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In a surprising twist, a Medicare study has concluded that hospital policies that require sending patients home as soon as their eyes open with no instructions on how to care for themselves may actually end up costing more in the long run
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Tombstone sheriff attempts to arrest Wyatt Earp, Virgil Earp, Morgan Earp and Doc Holiday. No, this is not a repeat from October 26, 1881
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Univ. of Florida suspends sorority for girl-on-girl sex, catfights, orgies. Just kidding, they made pledges run and do push-ups
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Airport releases autism travel advice as "QANTAS never crash" just doesn't cut it any more
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Some guy on the Internet found out using the code word "bailout" during online ordering resulted in a free Domino's pizza. 11,000 free pizzas later, Domino's wakes up and pulls the plug
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Old geezer tells police that the hooker in his car offered to give him head, but he wasn't sure what she was talking about
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Your Thursday Threesome: Baby orangutan with leopard cubs. Not one ugly-ass picture here
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| (Some Guy) |
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When entering the world of crime, it pays to be smarter than the door
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Rosary blessed by Pope John Paul II credited with "miracle" recovery of man shot in head. There goes the science
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| (Some Guy) |
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To the man who reported his truck stolen with $67,000 in whiskey in it: We are happy to announce that we've found your empty truck
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The family that fails together, jails together
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South African woman sells everything she owns to turn her house into sanctuary for wild animals, giving the cheetahs, leopard and wolves complete freedom to roam through it. You should probably expect a story with the Follow-Up tag shortly
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Malaysian Prime Minister resigns. SHUT. DOWN. DEREK. ZOOLANDER
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2,700 ER visits in six years. Cost: $3 million. By: Nine people
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Massive debt? Big deal. Two wars? Whatever. Removing phosphates from dishwasher detergent? WOLVERINES
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| (Some Guy) |
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But no one asks the obvious question: "How do you not notice a nail going into your nose, and then remain oblivious to it for 30 years?"
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Swedish television presenter adds another entry to the list of things you shouldn't try at home by slicing the tip of his finger off
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Vandals playing golf in a California cemetery and damaging headstones. No suspects have been identified, but there have been several sightings of a bogeyman
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Photoshop theme: Red vs. Green
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How many times has this happened to you? Greg Gumbel says he was tricked into infomercials. Sham? Wow
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GM asks for $2.6B "to build hybrids." In other news, "to build hybrids" replaces "won't they think of the children?"
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Stockbroker delivers his $200,000 Bentley to detailing company, gets it back with the engine a little flooded. With your latest "Fail" pic
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this weather radar station
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| (Charlotte Observer) |
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Pop quiz, hot shot: A 7-foot-tall man has to fit into a 6-foot-tall coffin. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 204: "A Second Look." Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 01, 2009 |
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The New Fark Experience - post feedback here
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Princess Diana's niece is hot
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Things not to do if you're the host of a TV cooking show for kids: stun a bunny with an electric probe, cut its throat and then tell your audience of 13-year-olds to skin it
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Despite an incredible spread, it's curtains for the Pink Taco in Scottsdale
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Recession forcing once-snooty country clubs to allow golfers to play in jeans and cutoff tees
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More proof that spray paint fumes kill brain cells: Teen busted for tagging a police car in the parking lot of the police station
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Oh boy, God really hates Sweden now
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| (The Pulse) |
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When is an April Fool's joke not an April Fool's joke? When it involves zombies and politicians with no discernable sense of humor
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this yellow ranunculus
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| (Some Guy) |
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"A Bristol secondary school has tried out a new style of sex education by letting teenage pupils examine a line-up of naked men. The youngsters were told to ask which areas of which man's body they wanted to look at"
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Milking this further, the most disturbing animals on Earth...IV
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Media across the world pulls April Fool's jokes, post fake news stories to hoodwink readers. Will be followed tomorrow by the inevitable "How much money was lost in productivity due to April Fool's Day" stories
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Strip club calls itself McDragan's, puts up sign depicting large curved "M", er, breasts with nipples on them. Surprisingly, McDonald's has a problem with this. McDowell's unavailable for comment
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Six examples of workplace rudeness. Like that clown looking over my shoulder while I'm submitting this. Yeah, I'm talking to you. Jerk
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| (Washington Times-Herald) |
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Turkey hunt being held to bring children close to God. Turkeys even closer
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GAP: For kids, by kids
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Pittsburgh Fark Party this Friday April 3rd DIT. LGT Previous Thread
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British nightclub runs advertisement showing Pope John Paul II boozing it up with a hot blonde. Oddly enough, some people have a problem with this
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| (Some German) |
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Sterile man who paid neighbor to impregnate wife sues after six months of failure. Doctor's examination reveals neighbor is also sterile. Then things get all Jerry Springery
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Men with a sense of humor have an easier time getting women into bed because females see them as "more intelligent." Tag is for submitter
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North Sea helicopter crashes with 20 aboard. This is not a repeat from two weeks ago
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If you're being fitted for an alcohol monitoring bracelet after a DUI, why not have a few beers first?
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After trying to ruin rock n' roll, Christians are now taking aim at the punk style: Boy gets Jesus mohawk (with vid)
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Woman calls 911 after getting locked inside her own car. "It's getting very hot in here, and I'm not feeling well"
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Mexican art experts detect fake Frida Kahlo paintings. They've seen lots of fake paintings and can tell by the brushstrokes
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Man experiences shear horror after swallowing nail scissors he was using as a toothpick. Not very sharp of him
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Sheriff's deputy hospitalized after exposure to toxic fumes in drug lab, says it was his understanding that there would be no meth
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Russian vandal uses explosives to blow hole in back side of statue of Lenin. What an asshole
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With every murderer and rapist behind bars, Edmonton begins building a DNA database for dog poop related crimes
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Should all males be circumcised? Dr. Wang thinks so
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"They're picking on us poor people," says the guy paying $60 for a carton of cigarettes
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| (Some Alien) |
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What the FARK is going on over at Reddit today???
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Rio building wall around slums, dances on the sand
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Catholic bishops warn people to stay away from Reiki, an alternative therapy. Instead, Catholics should stick with normal stuff like eating a guy's body and blood every week
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6,000 rare Irrawaddy dolphins found in waters of South Asia. Japan dispatches fishing vessels to investigate
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| (Some Guy) |
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The new menace in Kansas: Llamas driving drunk
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Next stop on the Bailout Express: Student loan debt. (with pic of highly employable grad student)
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Police arrest three on charges of selling 14 bags of pot at a school. An elementary school. And it was two 10-year-olds and one 9-year-old
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Found a cell phone in the street? Sure, go ahead and turn it in at the closest police station if you like being arrested and forced to provide a DNA sample
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this glowing planetarium
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And now for something completely different: a rabbit with two noses
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Criminals working in airports, according to Canadian Auditor General. She means in addition to the people who charge $5 to check a bag
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| (Autoblog.com) |
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2006 Lamborghini Gallardo for sale. Some assembly required. Modelling experience a plus
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In a flash of brilliance, burglar attempts to bull rush porch door. Porch door 1, Burglar 0. (with hilarious surveillance vid)
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| (WCPO) |
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On the eve of reporting for Basic, Army recruit gets drunk, starts a fight, steals a fire extinguisher, sets off fire alarm, needing beer he breaks into store, spits on police when they arrive, & goes into convulsions. The Aristocrats
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Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell spends $15 million of federal stimulus money to hire "clowns, magicians, and comedians (nothing blue)" to perform at malls in order to boost the state's mood
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Passenger train from London reaches southwest England after 37 years, setting a new record for punctuality
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Honda invents thought control machine, says Vinz Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer
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Grandmother drives 103 mph, says she was teaching grandson dangers of speeding. Grandson looks forward to the "dangers of cannabis" lesson
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Group recreates a room sized WW II code breaking machine with all of the computational power of a cell phone
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Taliban Leader: We will strike America in Spectacular ways and...hey, what's that buzzing sound? Sounds kind like a huge model airplane."
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Man wanted for stealing prosthetic leg. Police think he skipped town
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For Sale: slightly used massive prison. A steal at $2 billion. Buyer responsible for care and feeding of current tenants
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Man accused of stealing umarked FBI car uses the "I'm just here to buy some crack cocaine" excuse. Really
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UC Davis Entertainment Council ensures the students study hard by showing "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge", a hardcore porn film starring Belladonna, Sasha Grey and Jenna Haze
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'Twitchiker' fails in round-the-world journey after failing to find a way to convince a ship captain to sail him across the treacherous Antarctic sea in 140 characters or less
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Britain's first ever animal gym opens, allowing your dog to work off his steak with Pawlates
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Man who ran one of Khmer Rouge's most notorious prison: "Sorry, my bad"
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Scientists say Botox is good for you because it prevents your face from frowning and that helps keep you happy
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Photoshop this elephantine egg
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Evicting a wheelchair bound woman from an assisted-living facility is not as easy as you think when she has a rifle
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I saw a turtle... get sick, and swim to the turtle hospital
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| (Some Stoner) |
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Man gets stoned, has his step-brother shoot him in the leg "so he knows what it feels like"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wohmah woo bih awf lohvahs tang thailed
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| Tue March 31, 2009 |
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Mom accused of supplying beer and alcohol to 13 and 14 year-olds at birthday party where two girls were later hospitalized after passing out. Offered $10 to the first kid who could chug a glass of vodka
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Today's "college sends 'Congrats' e-mail to 30,000 rejected applicants" story is brought to you by UC San Diego
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark pro tip headline search terms: Hot redhead, high school teacher, fired, stalking, arrested, charter boat featuring bikini-clad and topless women, (SFW)
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White House press kit states Britain is "slightly smaller than Oregon." Because the Oregon is a unit of measurement everyone in Europe is familiar with
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The wheels on the bus come flying off, flying off, flying off. The wheels on the bus come flying off, bouncing all through town
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Photoshop this rubber round up
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Woman thrown out of bar: "I know the management has the right to refuse service but [she was] using that right to impose her opinions about what pregnant women should and shouldn't be consuming"
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Woman is in a hurry to take her dogs for a walk and is frustrated at motorists parking on her stretch of shared driveway, so she does the only logical thing and boxes in an ambulance on an emergency call, resulting in the death of her neighbor
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Male student in Ottawa, Canada gets high-fives from all his friends for sexing up the teacher, while the teacher gets a hastily cancelled Facebook account and criminal charges. This is not what she was promised in the Van Halen video
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Maine Dept of Human Services sets up a counseling service for "problem gamblers" in response to a new casino. In the two years it's been active, and $250,000 later, not a one person has been treated. What are the odds?
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Reigning Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza, on her tour of Guantanamo Bay: "It was a loooot of fun I didn't want to leave, it was such a relaxing place"
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Iowa zoo sets up special phone lines to handle pranksters calling zoo on April 1 asking for "Mr. Albert Ross," "Mr. C. Lyon," "Ms. Anna Conda," and "Mr. Don Key."
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If you're about to be evicted from your home after having spent years harassing your neighbours, you might as well go out with a bang
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Convenience store robber celebrates "Take Your Daughter to Work Day" a month early
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farker PattonX's wife is running a triathlon to kick the crap out of cancer. Calling upon the power of Fark to help her reach her goal
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The Jobless gather for the 'Unemployment Olympics'. Gotta do something to kill time, right?
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Mannequin prompts bomb scare in Boston. This is not a repeat of the 1987 movie release
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Letting homeless alcoholics drink to their hearts content can save taxpayers a bundle
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Student of Arab heritage wants the University of California to expand the ethnicity choices on applications because she's not white, but more of a light tan or creamy taupe
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drunk woman chambers round, holds gun to head, pulls trigger. "Shooting believed to be accidental"
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| (Zug.com) |
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MIT students celebrate April Fool's Day prank; Harvard students call the cops
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When you notice your son's maternity ward ID tag has a different mothers name on it it's probably not a good idea to wait two years to mention it
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The US Supreme Court just needs one sentence to tell Phillip Morris to STFU and give the lady the money she won in court...plus ten years interest
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"He volunteered to police that he had a stick and a torch inserted in his anus for sexual gratification". The Sun is there, it's just not shining
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Deputy gets his job back after spraying a rabbit with Mace for no apparent reason. These types of animal abuse stories make me want to rip out my hare
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Principal who installed cellphone jamming device in school forced to unplug it after a group of students scream that their rights had been taken away
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Guy falls asleep at work, is punished with trip to Boston
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police forced to pay £400,000 in damages to CSI tech who cut his finger examining one of their cars. Horatio Cane looks over the rim of his sunglasses and raises a quizzical eyebrow
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Boy scout earns his "attacked by a bobcat" badge
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| (Some Guy) |
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37-year-old woman attacks 69-year-old boyfriend in the shower after becoming convinced he was having an affair, although with that kind of hotness at home, one wonders why he'd even consider it (mugshot)
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Yemeni tribe captures Dutch couple who were unable to escape because of their horrible wooden shoes and being high on weed and because they were having sex with a prostitute at the time. Dutch rudder
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Ever wish your car had rocket launchers, machine guns and was street legal? Finally, a solution for Bond and road rage enthusiasts everywhere
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Seven years are up. Time to paint the Eiffel Tower
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| (Some Guy) |
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The ancient story of Passover... As told by Facebook
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If you thought the Snuggie was a nifty way to keep warm and not a spectacular waste of $15, you're going to love the Peekaru. Oh yeah, there's a picture
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Increasingly desperate Saskatchewan now offering people $20,000 to move there
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China's Snow Beer overtakes Bud Light as most popular in world. A drinky-boom-boom down
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In what may be a first in the history of baseball, officials want to press charges after somebody steals second base
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Experts now say it's okay for kids to watch their parents fight because it teaches conflict resolution. Especially when mommy has to explain why there's a new "bedroom daddy" in the house every Wednesday and Friday
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In the blue corner, we have a 5'4" 50 year old former pub landlady, and in the red corner we have a 6'2" 28 year old man armed with a knife. Since you're reading this on Fark, you know who to bet on
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Apparently Google Street View is a way to spy on your husband. No word on how a single image without a date can constitute spying. The Sun is there. Submitter saw them on Street View
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If you're a police officer and you're driving around a college journalism student to show them what life on the job is like, it's probably not a good idea to go on a racist tirade about African Americans
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| (Some Guy) |
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This article has everything, pirates, porn, and Roman Catholic Priests cursing shop owners
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Cancer patient who didn't display her handicapped sticker properly gets $450 ticket , cancer
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Chicago man gets two notices in the mail for a single parking ticket, complains about it; city's responds rationally and apologizes for the problem. Just kidding, it floods the guy with multiple violation notices
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| (Some Tweaker) |
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If your probation officer is stopping by the house for a visit, it might be a good idea to clean up the meth lab and throw a blanket or two over the truckloads of stolen goods cluttering up the place
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this feed fort
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Waving guns and masturbating naked at your neighbors is apparently a Salvadoran friendship ritual...at least when tequila and prescription medications are involved
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| (Some Guy) |
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Daddy's been laid off, and that means he has more time to spend with the family. In Florida, that's not a good thing
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If your dentist's office consists of a lawn chair in the back of a pickup truck, you might want to consider finding a new dentist
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"Moderate" Afghan Prez sends womens' rights back to the Dark Ages. Yay democracy
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| (Some Guy) |
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North Andover Andover Andover man survives SUV rollover
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| (Jet-Point) |
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The best pictures of birds stealing peoples' ice cream that you'll see all day
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Remember Voltron? How there were five lions and they were awesome and then they'd merge and form an even awesomer robot that kicked awesome robot ass? The Polypill is just like that. Except it's a pill
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Teacher-turned-lawmaker convicted of stealing over $100,000 from school system. The community's response? Hold a rally for her in school gymnasium, but don't tell the media. They might get the wrong impression
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Canadian fans arrested, Tased after riot at hocke....what? Soccer? Really? They have that there?
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Columnist proposes saving errands for a single day and pre-planning route between destinations in order to save money. EVERYBODY PLAN IT
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'Consensual living' movement growing in popularity, as parents pretend that children who have barely learned to not poop their pants have important thoughts and feelings
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Almost.. keep going... almost... yes... yes.. omg.. omg.. almost... oh god... please... yes... no.. no.. so close
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I baptise you in the name of the father, the son, and the Cola ghost
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Smoker of 55 years claims nicotine has helped him live longer by killing bacteria in his blood. Oh, and his lungs are probably cleaner than yours
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Student shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, by principal's disciplinary method
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Conficker.c, the April Fool's worm, will destroy your computer, ruin your life, fark your girl, kill your dog, and foreclose on your house. Or something
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Aussie gang steals $800,000 from parking meters. They were identified by their extremely large pockets
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| (M.E.N) |
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Doc denies use of dutch rudder during operations. Witnesses claim he's up the creek without a paddle
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In a move nobody in the company's history ever planned to make, Ford now emulating Hyundai
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man bucks the trend, makes off with doe in West Deer bank robbery. They'll fawn over this one in prison
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fake coyote placed in city park to scare away Canada geese. Since this is Fark, you know it doesn't end there
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