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| Sun December 14, 2008 |
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And the #1 quote of 2008 from the Yale Book of Quotations is
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United Airlines lies to a 777 full of sick children, deceiving them about their destination for the 18th year in a row
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For the third year in a row, someone has anonymously left hundreds of toys outside of a Virginia church. Merry Christmas, everyone
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A homage to the unsung hero of the holiday season: the Christmas tree stand
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Nuclear power plant is home to 400 crocodiles. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this little guy driving a robot
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It's a sign of good luck when the horse pulling your wedding carriage bolts and drags you for a mile and a half at 30 miles per hour, and you have to jump off to save your life. So they've got that going for them, at least
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Female firefighter fights firing for farking fellow frisky firemen, fanning flames for firehouse flings
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Fool the SO into thinking you really took the time to wrap the presents yourself with CrapWrap
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New Versace hotel in Dubai finds ingenious way to deal with global warming: Refrigerate the beach
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Frugal 90-year-old woman who slept through Montana winter nights with no heat and used a sharpened broom handle to till her garden leaves $2.8 million to 11 charities after her death
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You've just been fired. Do you A) Start looking for a new job to rebuild your life, B) Sue for wrongful termination, or C) Bust into the Christmas party and murder the CEO in front of hundreds of witnesses?
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Woman delivers baby in car on the side of the road. "I said to my husband, 'What do you mean, cross my legs?'"
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Having a bad day? Meet the guy who recently has been divorced twice, house foreclosed, mobile home burned down, dog killed, business went into bankruptcy and his brother died of a heart attack. And he was killed on Friday
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Twelve poets plunge into a frigid lake to to bring attention to the world of poetry, also because "shrunk" and "junk" rhyme
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| (Some Guy) |
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California Highway Patrol plans celebration to announce statistics that indicate new hands-free cell phone law have reduced highway fatalities 72% since being introduced. Ponch and cookies will be served
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Female driver somehow crushes herself between van and ATM machine. Perhaps she lost her balance?
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"Sen. John McCain, D-Ariz"
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Wounded vet adopts her former bomb dog. Excuse me... there's something in my eye
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Man injured in iron bar attack. Police say his condition is if-Fe
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Customer: Yea my cable box caught on fire and burned my house. Comcast: That'll be $88
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Faces of death, part Swiss
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| (Athens News-Couriler) |
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Cologne that smells like kindergarten or squirrel foot earrings. The perfect gift for the pedophile or podophile in your life
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San Diego neighborhood to military base: GTFO. Military response: We were here first, n00bs
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Homophobe sentenced to homoprobe
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An attack was made on the President of the United States, but the shoeter was quickly apprehended
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Parents fined $60K for failure to supervise rapist son
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| (Some Guy) |
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Things to make with vegetables beside tossing them in salad
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Bush spending his last precious days in office doing his best to screw Obama
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As demand falls, collected recyclables pile-up at centers making them look like junkyards
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Basque separatists hate trains, say the ETA on new rail link is never
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Staying up til the wee hours of the morning working on behalf of the city you're in charge of? Yup, that's a curfewin'
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chicago Museum of Science and Industry dares to teach the controversy, secures Harry Potter exhibition to educate all the boys and girls in witchcraft and wizardry in a scientific setting
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A third of Australian men under 50 use the razor's edge on their highway to hell or big balls every month, presumably for a chance to fire their guns and sink the pink
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Listen, if you dont want to be stabbed again, play the right guitar chord you retard
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| (Some Maine-iac) |
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100,000 Mainers in the dark after ice storm. Many are also without power
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Woman complains because she was photographed by newspaper while drunk and so could not give proper consent. Girls Gone Wild points, laughs, passes out half-naked
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Mitch Albom has a few parting words for the Senators who squashed the auto rescue
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Indians 23, Pirates 0
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The German government has lost over 300 top secret files over the last 10 years. They're so secret, in fact, that they don't even know what they lost. Talk about unknown unknowns
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Students as old as 18 could be forced to wear hats to prevent lawsuits against schools. In other news, subby plans to sue the government because he got sunburnt on their property
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| (tmj4) |
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Headline: "Strange Odor Lingers Over Region". C'mon, I know the Packers have stunk recently, but that's just mean
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| (Some Guy) |
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There are three types of drivers in mall parking lots during the holiday season: stallers, stalkers, and circlers. You know which one you are and you should be ashamed of yourself
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Headline: "No taint seen on Prez-elect"
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Arson blamed in fire at Sarah Palin's church. Arson, presumably, is Palin's estranged son
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Submitter doesn't own a car, microwave, or television. What other "necessities" do you find you can live without?
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Photoshop these arid archeologists
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The Illuminati were real, and influenced young Beethoven -- including his "Ode to Joy." Oh, snap
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New Zealand police hunt tree poisoner, vowing they will find that son of a beech and throw his ash in jail
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Pics from the annual 'Santa Speedo Run.' Submitter will save you the trouble - click on 7, 14, 19, 20, 21; maybe on 5, 23, 33; and not on 9...definitely not on 9
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| Sat December 13, 2008 |
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What could be dumber than blowing $900 million in a casino? How about suing the casino for it
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Ugandan President thinks they are taking too many holidays, need to develop super weapons...wait, what?
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YOU: gun may have for me, BUT I : HABE PIZZA FOR YOU HA
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Jeweler plays Secret Santa by leaving packages with a piece of jewelry around the city. Bomb squad paniclarity in 3...2...1
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The 12 biggest douchebags of the year. Yes, this is from a serious media outlet
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Latest trend among idiots? Spiking their friends' drinks with ketamine
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nagasaki board of education ordered pupils to take part in "hot classroom test" in August to see if they could survive summer heat with only five electric fans to cool them off
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"I do what the cockerel would usually do, only with my finger. It is like an orgasm for the chicken." Cockerel
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| (Rochester D&C) |
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Suspicious death investigated on Electric Avenue. Eddy Grant wanted for questioning
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Your dogs begin dying. Is it because A. You have 42 of them, B. Your 42 dogs are kept in a 5 x 9 foot cage, or C. The UFOs circling your house are killing them
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this vertical verification
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A man's guide to buying lingerie as a Christmas present. Or, "Do you know how much money I spent to get you to look that cheap?" (SFW)
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Cow nose ray exhibit re-opens. How they fit the rays up there I'll never know
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Meatpacking giant answers nervous ranchers"
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The Federal Reserve refuses to disclose recipients of $2,000,000,000,000.00 in emergency loans
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I haven't the slightest idea what you are talking about, so here's a picture of the world's smallest cat in a drinking glass. Happy Caturday
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When Santa Claus gets a parking ticket, The Sun is there (pic)
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Near frozen sea turtle recued in Cape Cod just in time for Turtleday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Women attack couple using pink stiletto shoes as weapons. What a bunch of heels
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| (Some Photoshop) |
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Photoshop this friendly grocery
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Not news: Woman found not guilty by jury for writing bad checks. Florida: judge sentences her to 55 years in prison anyway
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| (Some Gal) |
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San Diego flips the hell out over predictions of winter storms with temperatures in the 60s and an inch of rain. The entire Northeast snorts derisively
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Homeless busker who won £85,000 on a TV talent show says fame is pointless...and he wants to be a homeless busker again
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Carla Bruni never seemed to mind seeing her nude images splashed all over the universe. Now that she's first lady of France, she's apparently had a change of heart
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County orders blind veteran to drive his six year old to school
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Man says his cat shot him by mistake
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Germans oppose plans to redevelop former Nazi holiday camp, citing need to keep sunloungers free of towels
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Shaggy, a two-and-a-half-year-old reindeer who lost his horns, is still able to perform shows this year thanks to a wig made of rabbit pelts and the antlers he shed last year. No word if it's stapled on (with pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man who killed and cooked wife while high on pot seeks new trial, recipe
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| (Some Guy) |
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Large crowd expected to compete for the coveted 'Golden frying pan' at this years Chumuckla Redneck Christmas games mullet toss
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Don't make Marvel Comics angry, Mr. Rumsfeld. You wouldn't like them when they're angry
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Giant garlic cloud engulfs the south of England: Things haven't been this bad since the French invaded in 1066
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If you're going to claim Medicare ob/gyn expenses for yourself, it might help to be pregnant, but it's absolutely critical that you're female
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A Stockholm library is in trouble for refusing to let a woman check out more than two books because she's Dutch
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Man convicted of rape after DNA from the victim's dog feces was found on his shirt. Judge sentenced him to three life terms because this was his turd strike
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Not news: Group of doctors makes calendar for charity. News: A naked calendar. Fark: A children's charity
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Court rules what Farkers already knew: it's not a problem for women to have large boobies
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China introduces "pyjama police" to crack down on people wearing nightgowns on the street. That's laceist
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Lost in translation: Hooters opens franchises in China under the name 'The American Owl'
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If your MySpace page describes your boyfriend as "my rock, my best friend, my lover, my soul mate and my all" and you "couldn't imagine a day without him", you get to harvest his sperm. After he dies
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Horlick among victims of Bernard Madoff's giant Wall Street Ponzi scheme. What's a Horlick? See the pic
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Michael Jackson auditions for Zorro: The Gay Blade II
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Family questions why sheriff's deputy shot and killed their dog, didn't realize that naming their dog Ammo would have consequences
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Two FBI agents dressed like skinheads barge into an anti-racism rally. Hilarity ensues, followed by typical FBI douchebaggery
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Officials upset because Amish prove they can build good houses without paying bribes or homage to building inspectors and the nanny state
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More and more crazy people believe their lives are being documented. The viewers are eating this up
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Man who's definitely not just some crackpot from Utah with a bunch of followers who think of him as a prophet predicts nuclear explosions over Christmas will prevent Obama from becoming President
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Firefighters called to rescue 73-year old man who got his pole stuck in a pipe
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When people get shot at your funeral you know you are a total badass. Or at least know you *were* a total badass
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| (Some Guy) |
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After microbes refuse to go away on dictator's demand, Zimbabwe now blames cholera epidemic on Britain
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Just cleaned your windshield with washer fluid? You might fail a breathalyzer test
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Bomb explosion at bank kills one cop. Apparently he didn't get exactly four gallons into the jug
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these cute Communists
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| (KPTV) |
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After being catnapped by neighbors, court orders Merlin the cat to be returned to his rightful owners for a very special Caturday
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| (Some Guy) |
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U-Fail
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Not news: City commissioner arrested on corruption charges. News: Mayor of same city arrested on corruption charges next day. Fark: Unrelated crimes
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Disabled boy can keep his pony over objection of neighbors. Council: "While you have to enforce the rules, there are times when you have to...remember that you're a human being and have some compassion"
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Get up, go to work, come home to find a drunk woman on your roof asking for beer. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?
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| (KPTV-Portland) |
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When veering off the road to mow down a deer standing in a clearing, make sure the deer is real first
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Radio show host gets stabbed in road rage incident then fires off profane e-mail to station's news director for not covering the story. Show mysteriously canceled shortly thereafter
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| (Some Guy) |
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Due to a paperwork error, there is no speed limit in Scotland
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hero dog takes three bullets, one in the head defending family from intruder and never stopped attacking intruder. Your dog is a pussy
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Canadian soldiers add donkey brigade to Afghan mission. Bonus: comments by self-proclaimed "ass-master"
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US nabs Columbian drug lord Montoya. No sign of Fezzik or Vizzini
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The most popular man at the nudist colony: located
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| Fri December 12, 2008 |
| (NBC Chicago) |
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Record. Breaking. Uterus.
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If your wife says she will withhold sex from you if you set off fireworks this holiday season....do you?
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Greek rioters complain that police are firing 30-year-old tear gas canisters at them, and they don't like it. "We found tear gas canisters dated from 1981. The old chemicals make us sick, people have trouble breathing"
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| (KABC-7) |
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L.A. Bentley driver has a lead foot, arm, chest, head after freeway shooting
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Thieves steal 1,620 pounds of steaks. Police say such cases are rare
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| (WHDH) |
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Boston parking offenders can now pay their tickets with toys... NO LITE-BRITES
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Next time you see someone who's not breathing, just remember what you saw on reality tv
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Man decides to pick up some Christmas presents, namely a seesaw for his kids, by stealing them from preschool playground. You betcha alcohol was involved
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Not the crime, but the cover-up: TSG weekly mugshots
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In Australia you can name your child Nevaeh and Narnia, but not Gummy Bear, Coca Cola and King John 1
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New England to New Orleans: STFU, noob
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You must be smoking crack if you force a cop off the road while driving around with drugs in your car
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Mystery surrounds "Batman of Sheffield" who always wears a mask and speaks in fake American accent. "At first we thought he was a joker, but he turned out to be a true superhero"
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Subby was just in the shower and had one of the larger WTF moments of my life. DIT w/pics
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Photoshop these costumed competitors
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There's nothing quite like starting your day with a sewage geyser erupting in your front yard
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New study finds magnet-swallowing is linked to autism. Was previously considered a bipolar disorder
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When you're getting out of your car after leading police on a low-speed chase, remember to leave your machete in the vehicle
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| (Some Bloke) |
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Oldest British brain discovered, made into a pot pie and consumed with a pint
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News: Rescue operation to free passengers from stranded car ferry. Not news: ferry crosses a river on a cable, and is only feet from shore. Fark: passengers now stranded on shore, because they don't have their cars
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Zimbabwe has introduced new $200 million and $500 million notes. Finally we can pay for our bread with a single note
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Taxpayers are livid that selfish deadbeats are rewarded with better mortgages for making irresponsible decisions
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You know it's a Canadian University shooting when it's nothing but firecrackers and it's thwarted by snow. Twice
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Protip: Don't return to the crime scene and try to hide behind that big screen tv you just tried to steal
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New Orleans freaked out by mysterious white powder
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Fark Modmins, I've never prayed to you. I do not have the tongue for it. I ask only that you post my Christmas video, The Carol of the Christmas Pickle. If you can not do this, then...PRETTY PLEASE
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New film called "The Black Candle" shows how Kwanzaa is celebrated around the world. Subby is waiting for "Grab My Pole", the Story of Festivus
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's not that Hollywood is *out* of ideas, exactly...more like the ones they have are really weird. LGT a list of scripts and plot synopsis rejected in 2008
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| (Some Guy) |
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YouTube video shows Maryland girls laughing at armed robbery
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If you've made a purchase at the Malmö Toys 'Я' Us and paid with your debit card, You 'Я' Boned
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With no more important problems to solve, Kansas City makes it a crime to feed Canadian geese in city parks
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Doctors warm against tainted cocaine. Symptoms include fever, chills and sore throats -- oh, and cocaine addiction
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Cardboard warehouse on fire. Perhaps not the best choice in building materials
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Police: "something interesting found in Caylee's grand parent's home". Not expected to be a parenting handbook
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Why the world loves Homer. Not the Odyssey guy, the other one
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Successful fail: Trying to stay warm, homeless man accidentally lights self on fire with candle
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Brilliant scientists make wonderous discovery about the effects of sarcasm
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Blair House: Yes, Presidents-Elect traditionally stay here, but you can go elsewhere, you attractive and successful African-American
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Old report: Philly schools spent $124 million on school books but students didn't have any. New report: The books are there. It's just that nobody can find them
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chicago Tribune sets up a poll to pick the name of the Blagojevich scandal. Surely Farkers could do better than the choices they came up with. Voting enabled
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G.M to North America staff, please take the month of January off
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| (WZZM 13) |
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Bowling Ball - Check... Bowling Shoes - Check... Colostomy Bag - Check
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46 percent of women and 100% of submitter's wives prefer the Internet to sex
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Woman accused of grabbing a cop's groin area and pulling and twisting it, which isn't as bad as it sounds once you see her mugshot
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Q: Why would Farkers ever tune into Dancing with the Stars? A: Stevie Wonder competes
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Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose getting on a 6:30 train with an 80 pint barrel of beer. Choose drinking all the way to London. Choose getting into a drunken fight. Choose your future. Choose life
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The accused: "This loose hot dog, over there, and this side, packaged hot dog, you know? Packaged hot dog. This is not open. You know? And down, a hot dog, put it." The judge: "Not guilty." Dog America bless
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Playboy courts controversy by featuring virgin on front cover. The Sun is there
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German affinity to bureaucracy: Winni has to pay TV fees because he is a "non-registered adult individual". So far so good but "Winnie" has a fur, four legs, hunts mice and is a bloody cat
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| (Parking protestor) |
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Prolonged prohibited police patrolcar parking practices in Portland perturb popular personality . Previous perpetrator punished. Patched parking procedures possible
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Venetian mealtime toast
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Vatican forbids designer babies, allows Prada shoes
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FCC commissioner: World of Warcraft is a "leading cause" of college dropouts
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Calling in false alarms to your local fire station is not advisable. Especially if you are one of the firefighters who works there
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| (Some Guy) |
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Note to self: when planning a robbery, visiting a website called "Six Easy Steps to Committing Armed Robbery" will probably land you in PMITA prison
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The family that slays together, stays together
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Russian businessman trademarks ;-), says he really wanted to trademark Not safe for work but was beaten to it
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59 year old Hasidic Jew in trouble for ordering in some kosher 13 year old breast meat
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Psychologist suggests Blago's hair helmet was first sign of trouble, possible location of missing WMDs
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WWJD? He'd party his face off in Bethlehem, PA. Fark Party Final Reminder
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If you go on a whizzer and get a tad squiffy (if not starkers) with cougar bait, then expect to be a little rumpty-tumpty the next day
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If your creche needs a camel, here is how to mod your dog
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"I literally grabbed my boot and put it in my crotch, then got the boot laces and tied it to my thigh, so it would not flop around. There was about two inches of meat holding my leg on." We need 9 more Hero tags
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ninth up, third from the left, that's where
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♫ ♪ On the Twelfth day of January, my true love gave to me ... a divorce, finally ♫ ♪
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Truman man wanted for soliciting boy for sex. The only question is when we find him, Dewey beat him?
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Time magazine invites people to vote for 25 choices for 2008's Person Of The Year before they pick Barack Obama regardless
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Boston bans cigahh, hookah bahhs
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News: McCain campaign sells off everything from campaign-- including a $20 Blackberry loaded with email addresses and phone numbers for former staffers. FARK: They sold it to an investigative reporter
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As people buy thicker mattresses their dogs have a harder time getting into bed with them. The solution: Pet stairs. (with 'awww a puppy' pics)
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"All over the country families are being fleeced for their two minutes with a bored man in a red suit. We spend hours queuing up at stores with fighting kids, just so we can step inside a grotto held together with tape"
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Frog farm in Singapore urges visitors to come and enjoy its 6,000 strong 'bullfrog orchestra' perform before they are cooked and eaten
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this uplifting scene
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Suicide jumper saved by the 54th annual Christmas Ship Parade
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New study finds elephants live longer when they aren't trapped in dirty, tiny cages with bratty kids throwing rocks at them all day. Wetness of water to be studied next
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Bettie Page goes tits up
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| Thu December 11, 2008 |
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If you guessed UAW as the entity that would hose the Auto Bailout, step up and claim your prize
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The biggest, brightest full moon of 2008 will be on Friday because it's closer to earth than it has been since 1993. Scientists say we can expect increased ocean tides and 'Dumbass' tags
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Whenever your girlfriend or wife nags you to put down the toilet seat again, you can just show her this article
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Teacher tells children the truth about Santa Claus. (Warning: spoiler in article)
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What is the point of busting a brothel in a heavy tourist area if you don't tip off the local media for full photo and video coverage?
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Man happy to get back his canteen from 63 years ago when he served in World War II. Although he wasn't as happy to find no whiskey in it
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Neither rain, nor snow, nor gloom of night. But sheer laziness and gross malfeasance? Oh yeah, the Philly Post Office is all over that, tossing out your first class mail by the ton
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| (Some Guy) |
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Attention parents: a man claiming to be a children's underwear market researcher just might be a child molester
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Peace on earth, good will toward men...except when your brother's dog chews up your Christmas presents and you shoot at him (the brother not the dog)
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Teacher busted for showing his class "Krush Groove," a 1985 movie about the early days of rap and hip-hop
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Outraged parent gets Sherman Alexie's latest book banned from school library because it contained "a reference about masturbation, and that it's ok and no big deal"
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| (Great Falls Tribune) |
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Nearly two percent of all railroad cars in North America are currently parked idle on a 50-mile stretch of track in central Montana, presumably awaiting ominous "Phase 2"
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Canada recalls blue Stilton cheese because of listeria contamination, warns consumers not to eat it because it's no gouda
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Caylee Anthony's body found
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It turns out the failing economy was able to succeed where Bloomberg, Giuliani, the FBI, and legislation all failed: Famed strip club Scores to close their doors for good
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| (Daily Illini) |
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"Naked clowns and nerd sex"
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Photoshop this leaf
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| (Some Idahoan) |
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Man tries to break into house, is scared away by woman in her 90's. Woman calls neighbor for help, neighbor follows man, man calls police to say he is being followed. Man is arrested. Ta Daa
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| (Some vertical smile) |
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People who smile in their online profile photos usually have more friends. Also, people who show cleavage usually get more gifts
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Your car won't start. Is it: A) the battery, B) the ignition, C) the thousands of nuts a chipmunk stuffed under your hood?
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Belgian police arrest "al Qaeda legend." No, not that one, the other one, no the other one, no it's.......some lady
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It just wouldn't be Christmas without a "Scared of Santa" slideshow. #22 will haunt submitter in her dreams tonight
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Today's state-issued phone number on medical cards that takes you to giggling female voice saying "hey sexy guy" brought to you by Tallahassee
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| (Some Guy) |
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You know you have hit bottom, when thieves target you for your tuna sandwich and four beers
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Friends of (expletive) wife of Gov. Blogojevich say (expletive) transcript of her (expletive) profanity-laced conversations don't (expletive) represent who she really (expletive) is
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Chicago Sun-Times reporter says Blagojevich may claim the insanity defense because he came up through the Chicago power structure and doesn't know right from wrong
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Government advertisements linking methamphetamine use with rape, prostitution, patricide and rape make Australian teenagers four times as likely to try the drug
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The pope, wearing priceless jewels and carrying a staff made of solid gold, condemns global financial system as "self-centered, short-sighted, and lacking concern for the poor"
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"Santa Claus will take you to hell"
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USA Today publishes the most corrupt states in the nation. Who takes the top spot? Well, let's just say your Buffalo wants 90,000 dollars in unmarked bills
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Apparently, some people still need to be reminded not to draw attention to themselves while carrying drugs
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Reports of an armed man and detonations at Universite du Quebec in Montreal
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The current bid for the rights to publish the first pics of Ashlee Simpson's baby is ... Zero
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Escapee from a North Korean prison labor camp explains that it's more horrible that you could ever imagine. Unless you live in Cleveland
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Here they are: the 32 pro-bailout, anti-free market, hemp-pants wearing, tofu-eating, disco-dancing, Harry Potter-reading, America hating Republicans who voted "yes" on the bailout
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| (Some white powder) |
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First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women
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Pro Tip: Don't lie about your name to police when it's tattooed on your neck
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Dear Israel, If Iran nukes you first we'll nuke the shiat out of them. But they have to like totally nuke you and like kill everyone before we respond. Good luck and have fun. Yours truly, Barack Obama
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Man loses handcuff key, calls police to unlock wife from their bed. Apparently was unaware that a locksmith would have avoided a police report that could end up on Fark
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Not news: Kids try to toilet paper a house. News: Man uses night vision to catch them. Fark: He then squirts them with fox urine
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Anti-vaccine idiots may have Jenny Mccarthy representing them but the pro-vaccine movement gets Amanda Peet. Advantage: pro-vaccine group
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You can expect a lot of gang violence in your city if one gang is called FOB and the other is called the FOB Killers
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When you list $1 million as "cash out miscellaneous" in your bankruptcy filing, you can expect your creditors to be suspicious, Michael Vick
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After Jan 1, it will be illegal to have indoor furniture on your porch or in your yard in Albany GA. The times, they are a changin'
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Europe's Weird Ways at Christmas: Santa's Little Slave Helper in Holland, 7-foot-tall horned devil in Munich, & Fecal Figures in Catalonia
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Coke dealing college girls giggle and make jokes while cops lead them away in handcuffs. "OMG, are you guys serious?"
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Robbers: Think twice about committing a crime when there's snow on the ground. Or at least don't head right home
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At the UN climate negotiations, poor countries will reduce their emissions if rich countries pay for it. And we're talking poor countries such as Singapore and Kuwait. Wait, what?
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CNN's idea for for DIY Holiday Gift: Love Box. "Step One - Cut a hole in the box" curiously absent
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Barack Obama's transition team is all "NASA, what's up?" NASA is then like "GTFO" So Obama's team is all, "WTF?" NASA: "I told you GTFO, you don't know shiat"
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Humane Society of the U.S. is apparently helping bomb-throwing radicals raise money. Your dog wants an actual "humane" society
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Patagonian tribe faces extinction. Outerwear supply dangerously low
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Europe may crumble because Germany's economy and bad planning is forcing it to take bold action. 1932 called and wants it headline back
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If you must have rat poison at a child-care center, it's not a good idea to store it under or behind a piece of play equipment
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For some reason or another, Mom gets a little upset when snowflake brings home "The Book of Bunny Suicides" from the school library
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Man wins court battle to prove he isn't dead but gets stuck with court costs. "I am already beginning to wonder whether or not I would have been better off staying dead"
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| (Some Signing Santa) |
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Kid wants a Ferrari for Christmas, gets a toy car from a dealership. On his list this year: Shrink ray with "reverse" option
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| (Sheboygan Press) |
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Sheboygan city council grants a city residency permit to a delightfully named sex offender
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The Mumbai story is losing steam, quick think of something. Got it: What if Mumbai happened here?
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♫♪♫ Shot through the eye ♫♪♫ some girl's to blame ♫♪♫ she gave archery a bad name ♫♪♫ [w/x-ray goodness]
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Most Christmas cards suck, so here's some from IHC that you could send to your grandmother. If you hate your grandmother that is (NSFW - some nudity)
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If you absolutely must indulge in some harmless groin massage, please don't do it next to the public swimming pool; it will only lead to confusion, and charges
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The Daily Mail tackles unlikely sex symbols, from Jeremy Clarkson to Boris Johnson. Bonus hilarity: "A man can be downright ugly and still be attractive if the rest of his package scores highly"
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Warning that nut allergy 'hysteria' serves no purpose other than inspiring numerous Fark headlines
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Remains of a child found in wooded area half-mile from home of Casey Anthony's parents
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Foreclosures dipped 7%. That's good. But it may get worse. That's bad. Or it could be a sign things are okay. That's good. The toppings contain potassium benzoate
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Obama held press conference today. Said things. THINGS
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| (NewsLite) |
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Animal charity workers and firemen spend hours trying to rescue a plastic owl from a telegraph pole
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The numbers are in and this year pirates earned more than the total GDP of the Marshall Islands
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Photoshop this pencak silat takedown
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Shopkeeper fights off knife-wieldings robbers by throwing hot tea in their faces. Awesome, totally awesome! All right, Patel!
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Every day is Christmas in Santa Claus, Indiana. Every day is also Suicide Watch day in Santa Claus, Indiana
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Astronomers have found a hot planet that is retaining water, can only observe it three weeks out of the month because it gets unbelievably biatchy
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| (Confused Texans) |
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Blagojevich says "I'll resign when it snows in Texa----what? Oh, you gotta be kidding me" (bonus Texas snowman pics)
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Thieves drive through a store's front door for the second time in two weeks. Is the Kool-Aid Man going to sue them for gimmick infringement? OH YEAAAAAAAAAAH
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Kim Jong Il visits a cosmetic factory, hopes to find some makeup that complements his Chanel jumpsuit
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Old and busted: FBI top 10 fugitives. New hotness: EPA top 10 fugitives
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If you've ever had a burning desire to slap a total stranger in the face with a salmon, then today could be your lucky day
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Right on cue, LA Times publishes Xmas pet gifts, including a wedding cake for your dog. Your dog wants an ironclad prenup
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Pittsburgh school districts to re-design grading structures based on a minimum 50% grade, even with no attendance. Pennsylvania school trifecta now in effect
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| (Some Guy) |
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Owner of big cat who bit Santa comes forward with vaccination records just in time for Caturday
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Space shuttle expected to leave Edwards Air Force Base for central Florida, arrive in Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida
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Mugabe says cholera outbreak that threatened hundreds of thousands has been stopped. Just like AIDS
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Man wins court ruling to have his monthly $2000 alimony payments stopped because his ex-wife is violating terms of their divorce by cohabitating with another woman. In a prison cell
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Actual headline: "Police discover that cracking down on knives helps to reduce knife crime". There's a Pulitzer in this reporter's future
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Massachusetts asks federal government for a billion dollars to dig a tunnel under Boston. Hey, it worked once
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When a book reviewer describes the author as "that literary turd" and says he would rather slow grill his kids "on a bed of live pederasts" you know it's going to be an epic smackdown
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November 8: "Obama met with Governor Rod Blagojevich earlier this week to discuss it." December 10: "KHQA has no knowledge that any meeting ever took place." Well, isn't that something
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Today's top legal tip from your friends at Fark. If you have to attend court to face a drink-driving charge, don't wear your "Miss Wasted" T-Shirt
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Grandmaster "Big Chucky" may face two-year ban from the world of chess for . . . doping?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these Chuck Norris action jeans
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Guy tries to rob driver depositing checks in drive-thru ATM; driver speeds off. High-speed chase ensues, but not in the order you might think
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Religious groups jump at LoJack's offer to install free theft tracking systems on Baby Jesus in their nativity scenes. Three wise men will be equipped with Garmin navigators programmed to the OnStar of Bethlehem
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Man dies after shoveling sand during 'apprenticeship tryouts' where 900 people competed for 28 jobs. The remaining 899 are feeling a little better about their chances
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Riots, arson continues in Athens. Doesn't anybody know how to put out a Greece fire?
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Fetish club sues another for stealing business. If they're lucky it will be a painful legal process
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Man says his former landlord used a NASA computer to ruin his credit, fake the moon landing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Old and busted: Attractive high school teacher sleeps with male student. New hotness: In a parked car, in front of her other students at a house party
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Police called to investigate 4- to 5-foot-long broken tree limb reportedly frightening residents of local apartment complex
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Boston councilor on FBI photo of him accepting $1000 bribe: "This looks Shopped. I can tell from some of the pixels and from seeing quite a few Shops in my time."
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| (Arkansas Times) |
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Teenaged Arkansas school shooter is all grown up, seeking a permit to carry a concealed handgun
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Thanks to the recession, Bush is back. No, not that one, the other one
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Stunt man accused of stealing jewelry from neighbor's home. Escapes police by running through a window, jumping across an alley to another building, and leaping onto the side of a passing helicopter, all while on fire
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Teenager screams the title of his favorite David Spade TV show at Detroit Police while pointing a cocked shotgun at them; police oblige
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No, no, is not bribe, is just "fortune happy money bag"
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 188: "The Eyes Have It". Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed December 10, 2008 |
| (Some Pyro) |
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"Sometimes you just have to wonder what some people are thinking"
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Girl is picked on at school, comes back and lets loose with an AK-47. Nah, just kidding, she's suing everyone
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Nanny State finally loses it completely: prisons told to be nicer to inmates, dim the lights at night, please don't slam the cell doors and, oh, could you please get me a cup of tea? There's a good screw
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Man known as Santa Bob busted after agents find 19 marijuana plants growing on his farm, more than a pound and a half of packaged marijuana in freezers, and about 33 grams of hallucinogenic mushrooms. Now we know how his reindeer fly
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You know times are tough when an average guy can't afford to power his 650,000 Xmas lights so he has to sell the original spaceship from Forbidden Planet to pay the bills
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Kung-fu squirrels battle it out in South Africa. Ninjas unavailable for comment (with pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this stuffed crawler
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Lego-church built of quarter of a million bricks for Christmas
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Survey reveals that 92% of women like to "go solo." Meanwhile 100% of men admitted to pleasuring themselves, 17% of them before the survey was even completed
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Boston veterinarians re-attach cat's face possibly removed by a car's fan belt (w/pic and super important Google map showing you where Boston is)
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Headline: Study Reports Anal Sex on Rise Among Teens. Actual Story: A couple of 20 something women had anal sex and didn't like it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Honey was there a dead man in our house when we left Friday?
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NPR staff, programming cuts expected to affect up to one dozen listeners
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US commandos accidentally launch an attack that kills six Afghan policemen and wounds another 13. Unclear at this time if the troops involved were special forces or "very special forces"
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| (NBC Augusta) |
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Protip: If you steal a computer password to change your grades, don't change them from Fs to perfect scores minutes after receiving the grades. And it's probably not a good idea to give yourself a grade for a test you didn't take
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Woman, 19, stabs boyfriend, 35, when he won't give her some early morning sex. With dual mug shot "goodness"
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Ur acct is closd, wuts ur SSN plz? Thx
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NYC subway cars to become more pick-pocketer and sketchy-perverted-groping-dude friendly
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| (WGEM) |
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It just doesn't feel like Christmas until the first news story about a crook stuck in a chimney
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Festivus pole to be displayed at Washington capitol. Let the airing of the grievances begin
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Stylish Brits reckon THIS man has the best haircut in the UK
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Nine out of the top ten cars stolen in the USA are made in the USA. Yay, Detroit
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More Americans believe in the Devil, Hell and Angels than in Darwin's Theory of Evolution
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Negative advertising has come to car sales: Savannah Ford dealer launches a "you know what? Fark Toyota, they suck" ad campaign
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Omaha man loses a race with train while trying to cross bridge. Also fails to win a Darwin Award nomination. Wil Wheaton not impressed
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Kids are so busy at school thesedays they don't even have time to chew pencils. So some rubber-head develops...the pre-chewed pencil
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In a suprising reversal of the Nanny State, UK Police start giving machine guns to pensioners
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Pilots want to ban cockpit recordings from being "public entertainment." In other news, people are entertained by any use of the word "cockpit"
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Aiden, Emma top list of most popular baby names. Zuma Nesta Rock, Bronx Mowgli, and Ce'Andre fail to make list...again
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A scientist has invented his idea of the perfect woman - a female robot. Yes, he's as nerdy as you imagine and no word if she has guns in her jumblies
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One-fifth of the world's coral is already dead. That's quite atoll
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Honolulu freeway covered in: A) Tourists B) Lava C) Women's underwear
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The Big Picture presents 30 pictures of Gitmo; look, they have sports, school, their own rooms, mock trials, church; it reminds me of my first year of Law School
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man drives into dealership, rams five vehicles with his truck, drives through front entrance, urinates on more cars and commits an 'indecent act' while drinking champagne. The Aristocrats
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Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. is "Senate Candidate #5" who offered $1million for Obama's seat
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One third of teen boys and one quarter of teen girls are pedophiles
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I'm having a gammelfleischparty in my lederhosen. Wanna come?
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How are Italian wine and American Beer like making love in a canoe?
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London's Can-of-Ham tower to be erected on small strip of land located next to the Prince Albert-in-a-can Tube entrance
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Suspicious powder sent to Sarah Palin...EVERYBODY PAN...Wait, it's in Alaska? Nevermind. Resume daily activities
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Christmas in the south: "Bourbon balls and pecan confections are as much a part of our holiday as Christmas pudding and crackers are to y'all"
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Audience applauds the spectacular special effects at play unaware it was actually a prop error and an almost fatal wound
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Jack in the Box burger named most unhealthy fast food value item in America. McDonalds of course sees this as the perfect time to claim they offer "wholesome, balanced menu options"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fun: Losing your virginity on a class trip. Funner: Accidently texting your dad about it, thus ending said class trip. Funnest: Having your classmate leak your photo to the interwebs to complete the story
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top ten reasons why top 10 lists are out of control
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Atlanta police push for end of Citizen's Review Board. Board pushes for end of the police shooting old ladies and lying about it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Details of nine current scams and the suckers who fell for them. Paying five dollars a month to access free content suspiciously absent
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Robber:"Show me the money." Clerk: "Show me the weapon."
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The next group of whores to hike their skirts for a Congressional injection: The Airline Industry
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Guess who lost another $10 billion? How'd you know it was AIG? You're good at this game
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| (Redding.com) |
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KFC girls strip, take bath in sink used for cleaning dishes, then post the photos on their MySpace. Smaert
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New process detects HGH in urine. Many athletes reportedly pissed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Some states are finally cracking down on those asshats who drive slow in the left-hand lane
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| (Some Guy) |
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Just hours after ribbon cutting ceremony, brand new jail uses its crime fighting powers to bring high speed chase to an end
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| (Harvard Crimson) |
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Harvard announces staff cuts due to loss in value of its endowment, from fifty skadillion dollars to merely eleventy gajillion billion million
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Jon Stewart to Mike Huckabee: "When did you choose not to be gay?"
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| (Nashua Telegraph) |
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Judge admits double standard, reduces woman's sentence for having sex with teenage boy due to his "raging hormones"
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