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| Sun November 16, 2008 |
| (Some Guy) |
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How old is the internet?
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| (Some off-grid guy) |
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Not News: Man rehabs house. News: House now eco-friendly. Fark: Gov't sez: "This isn't legal -- tear it down."
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The internet is no longer cool, now that every toothless troll can get high speed
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West Virginia town named 'fattest' and 'sickest' place in the United States. Considering the competition, that's a hell of an accomplishment
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Today's random thing that will kill you is... unsanitary school cafeterias. If the food doesn't get you first, that is
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| (Some Guy) |
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10 tips to spot a fake Rolex. Helpful advice for these excellent economic times
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these drying dos
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| (Focus on Your Own Damn Family) |
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Focus on the Family makes holiday shopping easier for the braindead
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Owner puts rusty 1963 Pontiac Tempest on Ebay. No motor. No transmission. Asks $500. Turns out that it was the fastest car of its time and 1 of only 6 ever made. Car goes for over $226,000
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Lobsters are people, too: The five most retarded causes people are actually fighting for
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On their way to break up a Illinois Nazi party rally Chicago cops cause a six car pile up. This would make a great end to a movie
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| (SB Sun) |
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Since all other major problems have been solved, three environmental groups have announced they intend to sue a federal agency for slashing critical habitat protection for the endangered San Bernardino kangaroo rat
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As if the global economy isn't shaky enough, Indonesia hit by 7.7-magnitude earthquake, tsunami warnings, extra underwear issued
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| (Some Pierced Guy) |
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Pierced husband not allowed to attend school dances with his 17 year old wife
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Iraq, U.S., agree to total troop withdrawal by 2011. This is bad news...for Palin 2012
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How to be a cheapskate this holiday season without anyone knowing
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Photoshop Pootie Poot, who apparently has an eye for the chicks
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The world's ten ugliest buildings (in ugly-ass slideshow format)
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Sugar truck and bus collide - 66 dead complete with bitter sweet ending
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Atlantic City lifts their ban on smoking in casinos because it was causing people to gamble less. Too bad nobody wants to gamble now, bub
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One-eyed artist wants to replace her missing eye with a Web cam so she can record "everything" she sees
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fluoride and dentistry were the big losers on Election Day
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Experts say paranoia may be more common than thought. WHAT DO THEY MEAN BY THAT???
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It's black and chewy, rather salty, quite disgusting in flavor, and the Dutch eat it by the handful every day
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Signs, signs, 37 foot signs, lighting up my livingroom most of the time, Can't you see if you do that you earn asinine?
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As important as physical exams, researchers say people need marriage check-ups as well. "Now turn your head and biatch that this is the most action you've seen since you got married."
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| (WPBF) |
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Priest believes Satanic cult causing strange events like snakes hanging in front of his church. Because whoever heard of snakes in Florida?
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| (ninemsn.com.au) |
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Australian premier discovers illegal brothel upstairs from his office. Joins electorate in feeling screwed from above
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this high-five
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Illegals illegally here legally are legal to be legally dropped to illegally be illegal after illegally being extremely illegal. FARK: In Texas, the "tough on crime" state
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| (Some Guy) |
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12 things you do nearly every day that make you a cyber criminal
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Man pays $12,000 child support over a 7 year period. Fark: the kid isn't his, he won't get his money back and all he did was sign a delivery tag
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| (Times Herald Record) |
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Drug dealer helpfully provides authorities with biographical DVD of his 40 years in the business. Peter Graves approves, inhales
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Couple hires six psychics to find missing dog. They still don't know where it is, but they know what it wants
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Southern California fire help and info thread
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| (Some Guy) |
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Proving to anybody who saw the act that he really is a screwy driver, lugnut throws a wrench at another car in a fit of road rage. What a tool. Glad he got nailed and I hope the judge hammers him
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| (Some Moran) |
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Has Obama taken away your gun yet?
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| Sat November 15, 2008 |
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The US was scorned for not signing the unrealistic Kyoto Protocols. Now, Japan, Australia, Italy and 17 other chumps who signed it face a $46 billion penalty for not achieving their pollution goals
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Man gets antler in groin, wrestles deer to the ground, closes wound with a paper binder. With cringeworthy pic
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Teenager beaten by Klan members awarded $2.5 million, can now seize the Klan headquarters building and hold Klan meetings of his own
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Pfizer suing pumpkin seed candy manufacturer. Seems like they're getting stiffed, but could just be hard-up for the cash
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Photoshop ways of disguising cell-phone towers
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How is babby farmed?
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It is hard to believe but there are some of you out there who don't like turkey and dread Thanksgiving
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| (Some student pirate) |
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Duke stands up to RIAA, doesn't suck (for once)
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Burglar who liked stealing appliances, pilfering dozens of bags of popcorn, and raiding victims' fridges caught when his chicken-greasy fingerprints are found on carton of OJ at ransacked home. Eat les chiken
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| (Shhhhhhhh) |
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Sex offender found living in university library bookshelves, was tracked by his dewey decimal
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Top 10 Movie Last Lines
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Father chains himself to power meter to avoid electricity being shutoff in desperate attempt at saving daughter who survives on breathing machine
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Restraining order issued against Las Vegas' Valley Eye Center. To be written in the smallest font possible
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School surveillance cameras catch school district employees stealing... surveillance cameras
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Oxford English Dictionary word of the year is "hypermiling." Celebrate by tailgating a Prius
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Olive View Hospital, Los Angeles: It collapsed in the 1971 Sylmar earthquake. Rebuilt and almost burnt down last night in the Sylmar brush fire. Why does god hate this hospital?
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| (NBC DFW) |
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Not a Happy Meal; 12-year-old gets flashed at McDonalds
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Photos from 140 years of UFO sightings
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Euphoric Obama fans may be sparking a baby boom. It's change you can conceive in
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German troops in Afghanistan drunk more than 1.8m pints last year, what a pisser
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Whoever has been cutting off horse tails in northwest Iowa, please knock it off
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"Inmates running the asylum" as students as young as five given the right to offer opinions on everything from school curriculum to discipline
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California ordered to prepare for sea-level rise...well at least those parts that haven't been burned to the ground
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Photoshop theme: Pictures in clouds
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Home Ec is hot again as "Hillbilly Housewives" look for ways to stretch their food budgets
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1,150 people sleep outside for one night to show their solidarity with the homeless. Then in the morning they all got into their SUVs and got some Starbucks before heading home to their king-sized beds
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The music you listen to can affect your health...wtf is John Denver doing here?
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Yankee Stadium management says Red Sox fan who was assaulted for cheering his team in enemy territory should have kept his big mout shut, adding "ya wanna 'nudder one? I got lots more where dat came from..."
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Boston conservatives have their (white, cotton, granny) knickers in a twist after Victoria's Secret opens campus shop
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China to outlaw miming. And it's about farking time, too. Mimes suck
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Remember the kid that talked his way on to an airline for the fun of it? He has purchased an upgrade to felon
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German brothel offers free entry to anyone who gets its logo tattooed on his arm. Gives a whole new meaning to 'tramp stamps'
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♫ Well, I lay my head on the railroad track / Waitin' on the "double e" / But the train don't run through here no more / Poor, poor... Um... wait, what's that noise? Is that a train horn?
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Highway superintendant offered $25,000 pay raise, turns it down because it wouldn't feel right in this terrible economy. Hero tag kicks Dumbass tag's ass
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Doe, my deer, fell from my truck. Hey, just where the hell'd it go? See, anyone see my deer? Far, how far could it have gone?
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Having three teachers arrested for pot possession is embarassing, but not a crisis, says Gayle Fallon, president of the Houston Federation of Teachers. She then added, "Mellow out, dudes, you're harshing my buzz"
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| (KSAT) |
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Marching band's schizophrenic performance, complete with padded walls and strait jackets just might have offended some really crazy people
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Stretching stretching WHOA FELL OFF BED--Cats discover Twitter just in time for Caturday
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Town divided after schools stop making kids recite the Pledge over concerns that it holds children who don't participate up to scorn. "The whole thing is tearing our community apart."
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Castro: 'New president' won't bring BRAINS to U.S
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Japanese software maker fights crime by launching online game featuring mug shots of Japan's most-wanted fugitives. In other news, Florida to found its own software empire
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$700,000 worth of fake Nikes found in shipping container. To be clear, that's 34 shoes
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Photoshop this football in focus
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Al Sharpton owes the USA half a million in unpaid taxes. Apparently it is illegal to deduct expenses for hair care products
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The Top 10 Beards: Nicole Kidman not included
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Prisoner escapes German prison by mailing himself home. No, really, that old schtick still works
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Former head of Atlanta animal shelter does magic. Made 83 cats disappear
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| (New Times) |
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Cops n' Donuts - with some great pix
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mr. Obama is a "collector" -- a hard-core fan who goes to the trouble of slipping comics into polyester sleeves or Mylar bags before depositing them into specialty storage boxes never to see the light of day again
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Best mug shot of a bar fight brawler you'll see all day
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| (Some Guy) |
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10 Fascinating Last Pictures Taken
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| Fri November 14, 2008 |
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Another day, another cell phone found up a prisoner's butt on death row
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Photoshop this bird house
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It really stinks when the portable toilets at your business catch on fire
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It's that old boy meets girl, boy dates girl, girl gets mad at boy, girl sets boy's crotch on fire story
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| (Florida Today) |
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Elderly, wheelchair-bound man robs bank and is caught rolling away only 500 feet from the scene
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Sirius/XM to the FCC: We promise to behave if you let us be a monopoly. FCC: OK, but you two kids behave. SiriusXM: Yeah, fark the customers and the promises we made to the government. FCC & customers: lol wut?
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You can't even watch TV with your pet deer in the privacy of your own home anymore without worrying some jack-booted thugs will storm in and arrest you
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If it says Lidl, Lidl, Lidl on the label, label, label you will...ack, thud
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| (KATU) |
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11-year-old girl saves seven swept away by raging river
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| (Las Vegas trying to be Florida) |
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Today's "Facepalm.Jpg Award" goes to: (rips open envelope) the married 21-year old jurist with goal of having sexual affair with felon her jury convicted. Her quote: "I don't see why I would be in trouble."
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Welcome to Loserville. Population: this week's Smoking Gun gallery
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"5-month-old truce" "threatened" by air force attacks and long range rocket firings
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| (City Pages) |
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The world's 26 least-ironic mullets. Bonus: Darth Vader
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City won't allow Menorah on city property because it's religious. When Rabbi asks why Santa was OK, city launches into song and dance number about "tradition"
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Leaked videos of Japanese police unleashing beatdowns on guys assembling outside PM's home cause sensation on YouTube
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InBev cleared to buy Anheuser-Busch as long as they sell Labatt's USA subsidiary, which inexplicably dominates beer sales in upstate New York
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Photoshop this roadside attraction ape and auto
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| (Some Guy) |
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Round up the lawyers. Its time for "Wind Turbine Syndrome"
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Michael Vick 's bankruptcy statement. Waste, Incorporated
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cash strapped Canadian government may resort to selling giant erection
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Prankster sends spider drawings in lieu of payments, hilarity ensues
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The 10 worst places to get caught having sex. Chuck E. Cheese strangely absent
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Oxford rugby team tape sidelocks to their heads and carry bags of money to "bring a Jew" party. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this
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A closer look at the Obama gun surge shows that gun ownership is generally declining, but the already-armed are getting even better-armed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Baylor students were making a rope swing for unity on election night, not a noose. Glad that's all cleared up
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The silver lining to the Bush legacy: Sarkozy was able to successfully dissuade Putin from executing the President of Georgia by comparing it to something Bush would do
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Barack Obama to use YouTube to deliver weekly address, lipsync Eminem tunes
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| (WGN TV) |
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Much like Khrushchev sending missles to Cuba, Obama is putting Chicago pizza within striking distance of New York
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OPEC is starting to get a little ticked off at you people conserving gas
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Remember those DWI mugshots from Long Island? They're back with half the photos and twice the constituionality
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Bad enough that you have a fit of road rage, but it's even worse when you jump out of your car to confront an ambulance with its lights and sirens on after you thought it was trying to pass you
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If you are a school bus driver and you like to have a couple beers between runs. It would be best that you didn't drink on the bus, near a school, beside an apartment building for the whole world to see
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Videogame sales up 18% in October alone. Coincidentally about 18% of Wall Street has been laid off
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If you're riding shotgun drunk, stay out from behind the wheel while your buddy is out on field sobriety
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"Quantum of Solace is just one exasperated dressing down away from being Lethal Weapon 9."
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Last call to dump precious snowflakes in Nebraska
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Man impersonates Status Quo singer Francis Rossi for almost a year, cons town out of free meals and rides in the mayor's limo, even though he doesn't have a ponytail and cannot play the guitar
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| (The Santa Barbara Independent) |
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Santa Barbara fire destroys local media's ability to make intelligible graphics
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"You can't arrest me, you ran over my foot"
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Blue Man Group opens Blue School for pre-K and kindergarten kids. Because who wouldn't want their kid to learn how to throw paint around and pound on every horizontal surface?
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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What do you do when the neighborhood kids are playing on a pogo stick in your front yard? Apparently shooting them with a BB gun is the wrong answer
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Sweden nails Black & Decker for ad campaign's "pleased wife guarantee". Company claims it never saw it coming
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Couple who met online now divorcing, after wife catches husband cheating on her... in "Second Life"
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Photoshop theme: Bedtime for __________
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ugly-ass baby pandas make their debut at Japanese zoo (video)
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Could you pass Obama's background check for a job? Question 43: Farkers need not apply
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Australian politician turns down offer of $30,000 to strip for men's magazine. With pic that'll have you hoping she's just holding out for more money
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Woman banned from small town community center for dirty dancing receives $275,000 settlement, town lawyers feared ACLU involvement may have swayze jury
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| (whitehouse.gov) |
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The most shocking picture of President Bush and the White House staff that you'll see all day
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| (shields gazette) |
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Why did the chicken drink whisky and smoke cannabis? And why is his owner so cruel for showing the bird a good time?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bank robber vows to file complaint with manager after finding cash drawers empty
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Illegal immigrants hiding in back of truck caught after singing 'crazy song' to celebrate outwitting police
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Dermatologist removes gang tattoos for free. Because you know who else liked tattoos? Well he put them on her parents
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Australian resort finds novel way to beat the expected global recession: a month-long, nude, "anything goes" party. With pic that illustrates the flaw in their cunning plan (safe for work)
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If you want to secretly film women in a bathroom, try to use something a little less obvious than a cell phone taped to toilet paper rolls
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Someone call the Whaaambulance; Skinhead plotters upset that the jury is "racially stacked" against them
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America 2012: Food riots, tax rebellions, Christmas scrambles for food instead of gifts. "America's going to go through a transition the likes of which no one is prepared for."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hh-h-a-n-nn-n-GG-g onn-nn I-i-i-mm-mm s-ss-tt-ii-llL bb-B-u-uu-s-yyy-y
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One in 10 parents thinks Jaffa cakes and Coca-Cola counts as their kids' daily serving of fruits and vegetables
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this detached duo
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| (Santa Barbara Independent) |
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In the East, the mountains turn red in fall because of the leaves. In Santa Barbara, it's because of fire
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Osama bin Laden is alive and worried about his own security according to the CIA, Twitter
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| Thu November 13, 2008 |
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Canadian authorities give man "Get out of jail--fat" card
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| (Some Guy) |
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Try not to set yourself on fire when trying to remove an ants' nest with flames
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Pregnant "man" is pregnant again; ultrasound shows it to be a LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME
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Tech puts JFK conspiracy to rest. Oliver Stone seen waving fist of fury
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Evidently, Joe the Plumber picked up a book on HTML from his local library and has unleashed his code on all of us
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Zoo janitor decides to give himself a promotion to animal feeder. He was delicious
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Democrats send letter to the White House - *heh* - demanding - *lawl* - it preserve all records - *snort*, especially those from Cheney's office *BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH*
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| (Some Wafer and Host) |
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Voted for Obama? No communion for you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Free at last Thank God Almighty, we are free at last Licensing and registration fees still apply
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Man gets lucky with 14 partners at sex party. The other 14 people, not so lucky
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| (CudahyNOW) |
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Man attempts to shoplift vodak, leaves ID card at counter. Mighty fine police work by Lou results in his arrest
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British Sports Minister: "Remember me saying 'We don't want to host the 2012 Olympics anymore...we can't afford it?' Yeah, I didn't mean it. Or I was quoted out of context. Or some damn thing."
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| (Anchorage Daily News) |
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CostCo decides against opening a store in Wasilla, AK. Cites local economy, rapes, meth addicts
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Interesting: Self involved asshat decides to live an entire week without spending any money. Fail: Does it by mooching off everyone he comes in contact with
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Hard times for CEOs. Amid taxpayer funded bonuses and luxury resort junkets, one CEO's auctioned art only nets a measley $13.5 million. Didums
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Plane collides with small luggage vehicle at Detroit airport; driver avoids becoming carrion
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Builders ordered to take their own teabags to people's houses so as not to 'embarass' cash-strapped customers
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35 years ago, teen sets "Asteroids" record in 3-day marathon. Still looking for a date
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Dow rebounds to 8835, soils undergarments
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Time magazine says Hillary could be Obama's "spear catcher," failing to realize what that would make Obama
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Bag of bones found in Caylee Anthony case; authorites trying to rule out Calista Flockhart sighting
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| (Some Guy) |
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Virginia Tech gunshot alert downgraded to "firecrackers in a dumpster"
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California skydivers set new world record for wing suit formation, would have settled for largest human-shaped divot record as a consolation prize (pic)
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Vladimir Putin wants to tickle the nads of the Georgian President
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Scientists determine that frozen semen can be used for rhinoceros artificial insemination. Which is good news for the guy whose job it was to keep the semen warm. And chilly news for the female rhinos
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The "Dead Parrot" has been pining for the fjords since 4th Century Greece
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this classic painting
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Fake magnitude-7.8 earthquake hits California. EVERYBODY PRETEND TO PANIC
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Stoner Pug burns down apartment
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QVC to lay off 6 percent of workers. But if you call in now, they'll cut another 10 percent
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Want a job in the Obama administration? Be prepared to fill out the seven-page, 63 question intrusive and extensive questionnaire
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Homeless man causes $15,000 in damage when he mistakes delicate organ pipes for rolled-up rugs in church's basement and sleeps on them. Pipes are repairable, but only in key when playing 'Big Rock Candy Mountain'
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"Breaker one-nine I got a BTO haulin' some Tennessee kool aid followed by a brown paper bag."
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With no bigger problems to solve, Swedish parliament weighs in on case of eight-year-old boy who did not invite everyone in his class to his biorthday party
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If you live in Denver and want to buy a pool cover, make sure it has the "This Cover Can Support Two Horses" seal of approval
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dozens of Canada geese turn up dead or dying in northern New York after being sickened by fungus. Authorities reassure people that what the honking, dying shiatbags have is no danger to people
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German guy looks at Wisconsin homeless guy with .56 blood alcohol level and says "Pfft, amateur - here's a .767"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police responding to possible firecrackers at Virginia Tech dorm
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While most of us are just thrilled with our $2/gal gas, the folks who locked in winter heating oil contracts at $4+/gal, are just a mite miffed right now
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Judge decides beating the homeless to death is not justification to miss school
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Bush may assert executive privilege after he leaves office. Does this mean we can have an executive privilege battle to see who can out execitive privilege the other
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| (Some Guy) |
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Former Conservative talk show producer spills secrets about the format: "The reason talk radio succeeds is because its hosts exploit the fears and perceived victimization of a large swath of conservative-leaning listeners"
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Falling below 8,000. The Dow Jones or Kirstie Alley?
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Man allegedly tries to steal $450 worth of beer and meat--with mugshot
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90,000 gallons of liquid manure spills. Authorities say not to worry, it'll be cleaned up in several days. IN SEVERAL DAYS?
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What to expect if you're flying this holiday season: fewer flights, less room, higher fares, more fees, more crowded planes, more overbooking, more UFIAs. Pretty much the same as every year
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| (Some Guy) |
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Union protests firing of bus driver who killed on pedestrian and ran over another. At issue is whether his driving record is relevant
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| (WSB-TV) |
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Often times coughing can be a symptom of a larger problem to come - like crashing your car through a building
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God continues to test our faith, as remains of 460,000-year-old woolly rhinoceros found in Germany. How did it smell? Horrible
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Australians shocked to find out that lesbian koala bears are having orgies, up to five bears at a time. Submitter wonders if straight male koala bears like to watch this
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Google Earth revives ancient Rome
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Whooping cough outbreak declared in Evanston Illinois. Coming soon in the 'turn back the clock' disease series: scurvy, small pox, and typhoid
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hamas: Hey, give Gaza some nom noms. Israel: As soon as you stop going all pew pew. Hamas: WTF r u talking about? U.N.: OMG STOP
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Victimized ATM customer has withdrawal symptoms". Try the veal
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New study shows people who divorce die years sooner than others. But at least they die happy
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Hey, Wisconsin homeless guy, you've just won the title of newest drunk rock star. Your prize? Hospital treatment for a .56 blood alcohol level
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Man with way too much time on his hands creates new stop for the Griswalds
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Want to get people riled up? Put up "It's okay not to believe in God" billboards right before Christmas
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When it rains in Baltimore train wheels are too slippery to run on time. Because no one has ever driven a train in the rain
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Tom Jones would like you to know that rumors of his death have been greatly exaggerated
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Jacko loses Neverland; children will now be molested by "Sycamore Valley Ranch Co. LLC."
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Airline denies plans for $10 baby-free-zone, even though this is the greatest concept ever
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If you speak frog, your employment options have improved in Georgia
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| (My Fox) |
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Locals outraged when town gas station begins selling bongs, which are obviously only bought by people from other towns
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The Rockefeller Center Christmas tree is coming from Jersey this year and they're calling it a "miracle." The real miracle is that something could grow in Jersey
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Eminem's pal Trick Trick bans gays and lesbians from buying his new album. As if gays & lesbians ever bought rap albums
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| (Charleston Gazette) |
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Principal tells high school girl to take off her pro-Obama shirt, she complies, everyone has a seat over there (SFW pic)
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Man breaks Guinness World Record for biggest ball; Lance Armstrong inconsolable
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Air marshalls. The gold-badged line between us and them. Anonymous protectors of air travel, lone gunmen of the skies. Oh, and they make pretty good drug smugglers, too
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World of Warcraft fan collapses from exhaustion at the front of queue for new game, suffering withdrawal from time away from his PC
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| (Johnny's Saloon) |
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So this guy and his alligator walk into a bar
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I'll see your sea monkeys and raise you growing crystals - an apartment full of crystals
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| (American Scholar) |
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Leonard Bernstein once showed up unexpectedly at Harvard (in a cape), and agreed to speak if there were at least 15 students and 2 bottles of scotch
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Joe Biden set to meet Dick Cheney today to get tour of his new undisclosed location
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| (Military Times) |
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Danzig likely to be new Secretary of Defense. Would bring to Pentagon advisors Guns N' Roses, Night Ranger, and Velvet Revolver
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There's a global recession, Wall Street is a mess, and the only job you can find involves fries. But, somehow, Walmart's profits are up 10 percent
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Sarah Palin says she's proud of socialist terrorists. Here come the retractions
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British Sports Minister: We don't want to host the 2012 Olympics anymore...we can't afford it
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Settling down for a friendly cup of coffee and a chat, Janet, Jill and Frances realise they're all married to the same man. Bonus: His name is Roderick Sangster
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Kite surfer gets whale slapped
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Researchers Find Tranny Gene. Now just need to find gene that makes subby not care if his hookers are tranny when drunk
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Colombian pyramid-scheme organisers leave surprisingly honest note for investors - "Now for being stupid and believing in witchcraft you will have to work much harder to recoup the money you gave us"
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Caption Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson
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Medvedev ready to do whatever Putin says as long as America doesn't do anything in particular
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Photoshop these chopped beans
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Web hosting firm responsible for 75% of all spam taken offline
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20 facts about bungee jumping. 20 facts about bungee. 20 facts about. 20 facts. 20
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NY Times hoax reports Phillies win World Series, black man elected president
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1. Film yourself doing crazy stunts on a forklift at work 2. Post the footage on YouTube 3. Do not profit
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Victims of last year's SF Zoo tiger attack sue city and zoo, claiming their civil rights were violated
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Billy Suicide game causing issues with anti-suicide groups. Objective is to feed Billy pills, booze, and caffeine before he kills himself (w/ screenshot)
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Ugly-ass baby panda twins born in Japan amusement park. With littly teddy bear pic
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| (Some Idahoan) |
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Woman gets naked, kicks security guard in groin, requires five officers to be subdued. Then it gets weird (with "Oh god, my eyes" mugshot goodness)
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That dead woman outside of Abdul's house? A former American Idol contestant. (article includes link to FAILiriffic audition video)
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| (News from the West) |
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If you've ever wondered what $2 million worth of ecstasy pills looks like, well, you're in luck
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pensive young man
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First stocks, then gasoline, now lobster prices tank. Lobstahmen want their share of the bailout
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 184: "Float Like a Butterfly" Details and rules in the Boobies. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 12, 2008 |
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Winners of the World's Most Beautiful Bottoms. With pic goodness for Farkers and Farkettes alike. This is a beautiful, beautiful thing
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Confused thieves apparently get address of jeweler wrong, wind up stealing boxing ring instead
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Two hunters missing since Halloween have been found. They had apparently gotten their truck stuck in mud and spent 12 days digging it out
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What's the point of being a prison guard if you can't make the inmates fight each other for your own amusement?
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're in the market for a diamond-studded gold gorilla pendant, the North Carolina Department of Revenue may have just what you're looking for
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And the figures are in: Borat has in fact given a boost to Kazakhstan's tourism industry. Is nice
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Man attacked, killed by large pine tree. This is what it's like to be needled to death
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Crocs reports $148M loss as thousands of grown-up male customers finally took the time to look at themselves in the mirror
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Study shows same-sex heart transplants to be better. Hordes of people immediately begin attempts to disprove this finding in order to "preserve the sanctity of surgery"
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Not news: 3rd-graders take field trip to grocery store. Still not news: Get book called "Try Something New Today" as going-home gift. Fark: Book has a chapter called "Bathe with a Friend", illustrating 12 sex positions
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Chattanooga woman fails to comprehend the whole "don't smoke around oxygen machines" deal
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Man arrested for trying to sell his albino wife; claims it was all white with her
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| (Some Guy) |
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You've been arrested for DUI. Do you a) refuse a breath test? b) contact a lawyer? c) pee all over the back of the squad car and spray the cop through the center divider?
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Man arrested for assaulting karaoke singer over poor performance of a Dio song
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| (Healthfinder.gov) |
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New study shows todays tweens think they are smarter, stronger and more ethical than their wardrobe, MySpace pages, and everything else about them would lead you to believe
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Her Majesty's Royal Navy vs Somali pirates. Ends pretty much as you'd expect
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| (Great Falls Tribune) |
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Air Force nuclear command conducts lengthy inspection of its missiles, finds they come up short; vows to check out units again in 90 days to confirm they're ready to be discharged at a moment's notice
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Scientists determine why ugly people don't get picked at speed dating. Turns out it's because they are ugly
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Man whups up on woman for making mac and cheese for dinner. "Food was tossed around the house as he hit the woman with the pot." Alcohol may have been a factor
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Business Week Magazine names Fort Collins, Colorado the best place in the U.S. to raise kids. Toad Lick, Arkansas, and Hell, Michigan skunked again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this snack-loving dude
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Fabulously evocative E-Online headline: "Sean Penn's Milk Has Blast From the Antigay Past". Jesus Christ
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Pentagon finally gets around to weaponizing Happy Fun Ball
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Parents of kids with ADHD have higher divorce rates and - hey gimme that
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Latest casualty of the economic downturn? Office Christmas parties as companies turn away from expensive parties and instead pass out Hot Cocoa Sampler Boxes to employees
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Henry "Heckuva Job" Paulson says the $700 billion rescue plan isn't for automakers. Unless they plan on turning themselves into banks, of course, then they can have all the free money they want
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Unless something is done soon, California's budget defict could hit $28 billion, which is more than the gross domestic product of over 100 (albeit sucky) countries
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Body found dead in parked car near Paula Abdul's home. Authorities say the body is definitely not Paula Abdul, but have tentatively ID'd it as her career
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Gay rights protesters crash Sunday service with signs such as "Jesus was a homo"
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Paul Broun: I'm sorry for comparing Obama to Hitler - I mean, seriously, Obama is more of a socialist
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National Enquirer has photographic proof of Cindy McCain having an affair. Get ready for 25 greenlights a day... oh wait she never tried to help poor people. Nevermind
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Golden Colorado strikes the first blow in the war on Hanukkah
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Nanny state police spend $9,000,000 on a murder investigation and find that nobody was murdered
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Tanker truck full of buttermilk overturns and dumps its load, Peter King inconsolable
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| (The State) |
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Apparently, you should not use Facebook to refer to your job as "teaching chitlins in the ghetto of Charlotte." Mmmmm, chitlins
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Today's "yeah, hey, good luck with that, let us know how that turns out" story brought to you by activists requesting the Mormon Church support gay / transgender rights laws in Utah
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This is the one gift every golfer needs, especially if you like to slam beers on the course. (w/ demonstration pic)
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| (Some Cincinnati Guy) |
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When your heart stops, you die. Obvious tag keels over, goes to Elizabeth
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| (Some Roads Skaller) |
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Homeowner's gun control sign offends neighbors & spellcheck enthusiasts alike (with equally offensive article)
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Before trying to write off your marijuana as a business expense, use your daughter's wedding as a tax write-off, or claim the entire population of New York City as dependents, the IRS suggests you consult a qualified tax attorney
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Man transporting Coors, obviously drinking something else, arrested for drunk driving
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Iran test-fires surface-to-air photoshops
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| (Some Guy) |
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Clinton honors Butts, he cannot lie
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| (Alice1059) |
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Not news: local radio station has contestants dress up like Madonna for concert tickets. Fark: they're all guys. Bonus: one of them says he's A-Rod's cousin
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Underwater recordings explains why dolphins like staying in two New Jersey rivers: "Yo ay.... you lookin' fine. Ay hows about yuz and me take dis Grey Goose bottle and get wild huh? OH Hey....don't touch the hair baby"
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Henry Paulson says thanks for the $700 billion, suckers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iran is crying because oil prices are down and 80% of their revenue comes from it. They're now begging OPEC, to please stop the butthurt or they might lose the ability to fund more terrorism
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman finds frozen pig head on pole in her yard
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"The Simpsons" will do a crossword puzzle tie-in with the New York Times. Four across, "Show that now sucks, 11 letters"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Motorist gets parking ticket after pulling her car over and standing beside it to observe two-minute silence on Nov. 11
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Supreme Court agrees to let Navy kill dolphins with their sonar. Suck it, hippies
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Reverend Ted Haggard breaks silence, blames using male prostitutes on child abuse
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After a year of intense discussion, the Federal task force commisioned to find ways to aid passengers trapped on the tarmac in delayed planes comes up with: not so much
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Whether you're trying to cut your electricity bill or hoping to avoid being impregnated by a spunky spirit, beware of phantom loads
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Man living in his own past sues Classmates.com for lying about his High School friends looking for him, as if normal people want anything to do with their High School if they don't have to
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Religious sect you've never heard of, led by Corky Ra, wants to put up their monument on public land touting their beliefs including psychokenesis, vibration and sexual ecstasy
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Paulson: The Empire will not purchase toxic assets. Jar Jar Banks: That was never a condition of our agreement. Paulson: I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further. It would be unfortunate if I had to leave a garrison here
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| (Some Editoral) |
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Outside of Obama's pick for attorney general, not many people can claim to have been at the center of arguably the greatest financial disaster and greatest national security disaster
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She goes to wife-swapping parties, logs on to swinging websites, and shows up to work drunk. What's not to like about the Reverend Teresa Davies?
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The people of Bosnia still can't get along, but give them a uniform and impose a little discipline and they do just fine together. Who'da thunk it?
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You're scientific adviser to the energy industry. Do you (a) warn about diminishing resources (b) warn about climate change or (c) Give up using any kind of powered vehicle, eat only raw food and run everywhere you need to go?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this dripping dessert
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man gets hit in the groin by a 60 mph pitch from a pitching machine, collects $1.2 million for pain and suffering
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Former Congressman Mark Foley breaks silence on his involvement with underage male pages. Sex scandal confessional trifecta now in play
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Paranoia is on the rise say experts who won't quit following me, tapping my phone and clandestinely whizzing in my Cheerios
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A Chef's tour of Vegas
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Parents who gave their infant vodka, filmed the result and uploaded it to YouTube are surprised to find that they're now wanted by the police for being child-endangering jackasses
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Garden gnomes banned from church cemetery because they are 'unnatural creatures'
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German boy hurled through bathroom window after using toilet and sparking lighter
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Bungling robber attempts to raid a betting shop but when staff fight back he tries to run - straight into a store cupboard. What are the odds on that?
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"Hi, honey, I'm afraid I have bad news: I've been synergy-related headcount restructured"
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Those wacky European socialists are at it again, giving the green light to bent cucumbers, forked carrots, and other deviant fruits and vegetables. Gene Persimmons unavailable for comment
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Local newspaper runs story about the outrage over advertisement for adultery website. Includes two catch phrases from the ad, two places to find the ad and the website itself
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NC senator-elect Kay Hagen received 3600 donations within 48 hours after opponent Elizabeth Dole ran ads claiming she received money from Godless Americans PAC. In other news, NC voted out of Bible Belt
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Manhattan lawyer sues his estranged wife for cheating on him and giving him herpes, she tests negative and now wants herpes of his pie
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Obama pledges to lead the most open and transparent presidential transition in history, starting by pointing out how carefully worded all his promises regarding lobbyists were
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Food miles campaign (to eat local, save transport costs and energy) is "providing a new set of rhetorical tools to bolster protectionist interests that are fundamentally detrimental to most of humankind"
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Medicare's "drugging the elderly" program expected to rise in cost by 43 percent. And global warming has made ice floes nearly impossible to find
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Thieves sell $15K silver ingot for $30 because they needed the gas money
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45 year olds found to have the arteries of obese 10 year olds
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Man is refused Egg McMuffin, gives manager a McKnuckle Sandwich. That's an Unhappy Meal
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German drugs commissioner wants warning labels on beer for pregnant women. If she feels that strongly about it, maybe they should just stop making beer for pregnant women
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How Prince Charles and Camilla are turning into one another. "Neigh" you say, but it's true (pics)
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Ugly-ass puppies taking over the internet. Article includes link to streaming webcam ugly-ass goodness. Subby not responsible for the resulting missing hours of your life
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Restaurant loses liquor license after police spot pics of underage drinkers there on Facebook
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| (Some Guy) |
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El Paso high school dancers accused of lacing rivals' cupcakes with rat poison
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The best beers for every season
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UN: Congo troops are raping and pillaging refugees, wonders if a letter will stop them
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| (Some Guy) |
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Neighbors' fears about released violent sex offender prove unfounded. Just kidding, he attacks reporters with a box cutter. With video goodness
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The cops have no idea who killed the guy, but whoever did it has already made bale
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Woman addicted to cosmetic surgery turns herself into Jabba the Hutt by injecting cooking oil into her face. With "OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE" pics
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Oklahoma woman who was invited to Louisiana to take part in KKK initiation shot and killed when she asked to leave. Quote from sheriff pretty much sums it up: "The IQ level of this group is not impressive, to be kind."
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The search is on for Australia's biggest bogan. If you're not an Aussie and don't know what a bogan is, slip on a flanno, pull on your moccies, bum a durry off a stranger and crack open a VB while you get edjumacated
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Australian Treasury Secretary: The world can get through the financial crisis if we all just smiled a little bit more
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| (Some Slinky) |
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Redesign the Slinky to appeal to today's kids. Bonus points if it requires batteries
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Wife killed by husband's coffin, denying him at least one day of peace and quiet
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| (Some Guy) |
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Let your car idle longer than three minutes? That'll be a $250 fine
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman, apparently the last on the planet to hear about Nigerian email scams, bilked out of $400,000
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"How to explain your money problems to your kids." Strangely enough, articles on "How not to burden your kids with your problems" nowhere to be found
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