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| Sun November 09, 2008 |
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Armenian and Greek Orthodox worshippers celebrate Feast of the Cross with right cross, left cross, bash-you-in-the-head-with-a cross
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Something good has come from this election after all, as hundreds of families across our great nation decide to get a Trig of their very own
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Scientists spend $6,500,000 on an experiment to see if chimpanzees, parrots, ravens and pigeons can talk
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Bacon....A link to an announcement...bacon... concerning a new... bacon...appetizer on the... bacon...menu in.. bacon....Chicago... bacon-bacon-bacon-bacon
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'Dexter' blamed for brutal murder in Canada. Stupid tag dumps the body of Asinine tag in the harbour
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Thirty years ago, Jim Jones taught the world the meaning of "Drinking the Kool-Aid". LGT many stories, all beyond sad
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British hospitals increasingly treating children under age of 10 for alcohol poisoning, presumably after they tried to wash down the horror that is British food with something to make it palatable
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man going blind gets wish to marry his fiancee early so he can remember how she looked in a wedding dress. Submitter's eyesight is kind of cloudy right now too for some reason
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Lovecraft was right: Octopuses have common Antarctic ancestor. All hail Cthulhu
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Australian government calls for global moratorium on capital punishment - AFTER letting Indonesia execute Bali bombers with no call for clemency
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| (Some skywatcher) |
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Mysterious lights near Perrysburg, OH baffle some people. After further investigation, it is discovered that is it definitely not a street light
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Worst wedding EVAR. Including collapsing horses, spinal injuries and exploding cars. "I watch a show on TV called Wedding Nightmares but this tops anything I've seen on that" (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this ham on the hoof
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Firing the nanny? Head of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents says "Absolute safety is not guaranteed". Oh, and there's a Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents
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What President Obama's daily life will be like and how Dan Quayle got the Secret Service to protect him from a wild naked she-beast
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Residents worry surge of cell phone towers disguised as trees may be exposing them to harmful microwave radiation, refuse to stand for it
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| (kitv.com) |
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My sardines bring all the sharks to the shore
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| (Patriot Ledger) |
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After decriminalization, Massachusetts police and prosecutors are upset that black city kids caught smoking pot will get the same no-criminal-record deal as suburban white kids
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All British men are fat, lazy slobs
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There is no end to the supply of ugly prostitutes in Chattanooga
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Non-profit eatery with no menu and no fixed prices has trouble paying employees, staying organized
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Media "Great Depression" panic in high gear. (with bonus classic pic)
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San Francisco bar celebrates the 56th anniversary of Irish Coffee with clog dancers, bagpipes, and a 12-gallon goblet of caffeinated whisky goodness
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Champlain beat Pilgrims to Plymouth, yanked arrow from neck while fighting Native Americans (who loved him), couldn't swim but shot rapids in bark canoes, and was gourmet with "taste for moose meat and beaver tail"
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Washington D.C. facing a larger influx of freeloaders than usual on inauguration day, not just the politicians this time
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A how-to on reading aloud to your kids. Because this is something that needs explaining
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State troopers shut down roads, locked down schools and called out bloodhounds for a man kinda dressed like an inmate
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Today's outrage-causing BBC broadcast involves an electrocuted squirrel. That's just nuts
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these guys watching video the hard way
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Lift a glass to Alfred Gibbins, the soldier who has been awarded the last posthumous medal for service during the First World War
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| (Some Taco) |
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Sunday funnies: If state signs were more truthful
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Columnist's real quote: "What's more harmful to society - two well-dressed men getting married and settling down, or two idiots tying the knot and cranking out any number of additional idiots?"
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Hurricane Paloma slams into Cuba, causing millions of dollars in improvements
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| (WLBT) |
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School officials will not allow students to talk about President-Elect Barack Obama in class or in the hallways. When asked by reporters about this, school officials covered their ears and shouted "la la la la la la la la la"
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$14 bra gives woman more support than she could have ever imagined: life support
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The tale of the Swiss nerd who tried to kill Hitler
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Taxpayers foot the bill for prisoners' PlayStations, pay-per-view TV, and movies. What? No lobster dinners?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Somebody please dust off an Imelda Marcos joke for this one
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| (Sioux City Journal) |
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Largest catfish in captivity dies. Funeral to be Sunday with fish fry afterward
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At least 20 die in accident on Russian nuclear sub. This is not a repeat from 2002...or 1997...or 1992...or 1987...or 1982
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: cat battles. Link goes to inspiration
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| Sat November 08, 2008 |
| (DivineCaroline dot com) |
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A photo tour of the eerie amusement parks of North Korea: "The 'Wheel of Death' at Kaeson Youth Park is notorious for ejecting riders. There are no safety straps and it apparently spins very quickly." Wheeeee
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This little penguin is so lonesome, wait until you see what it's cuddling up with
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NJ to close bathrooms in state parks on weekends, because nobody goes to a park on the weekend when most people are off from work
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This holiday season, you have another thing to worry about: whether the stores where you bought your gift cards will go out of business before they can be redeemed
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| (Wx Underground) |
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Hmmm... Castro near death.. Cat-4 hurricane hitting the island.. Democrat taking the White House.. a perfect storm leading to normalized relations with Cuba?
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Contractor and homeowner learn an important lesson: The next time you find $182,000 in Depression-era currency hidden in a wall, keep your big yap shut about it
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Rock breaks scissors. Scissors cut paper. Car crushes the hell out of ex-boyfriend's foot
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| (Use The Centrifugal Force Luke) |
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Photoshop this centrifugal clutch
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Company hires tobacco-sniffing dogs to make sure employees aren't secretly smoking on the job
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| (Some Guy) |
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Questions linger regarding the Obama administration: How will they deal with the economic crisis? Will they withdraw troops from Iraq? Will they disclose the truth about the massive UFO cover up by the U.S. national security state since 1947?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Christian fraternities are growing in popularity on campuses across America. "We consider the pledges to be brothers in Christ, and we treat them that way."
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Reporter solves most important mystery in Canadian history: Who really invented poutine?
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Jobs you wanted as a kid, but which really suck worse than your actual job
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One great thing about the economic crisis: less junk mail
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Chivalry on the first date: "Here's the coupon, the lady will have something of equal or lesser value"
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France announces it is to 'tax tall people' $80 for flying
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Your tax dollars at work: government-funded study finds drivers don't believe speed limits are based on safety
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Police recover 272 stolen items from the homes of two LAX baggage workers arrested for theft. TSA workers point and laugh since 460 of them have been fired for stealing since 2003
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Woman has twins from 13-year-old sperm, surprisingly is not a schoolteacher
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Parents pull kids from day care to allow Mother TV to raise them in Mother TV's image. Hail Mother TV full of Will and Grace
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Woman returns stolen Yorkie puppy to owner, upset at not getting promised $5,000 reward. In hindsight, she probably shouldn't have admitted she knew the person who stole it and planned to split the reward money with him
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Nanny state bans toys in medical centres. And this kid is NOT happy
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Photoshop this Brighton Pier jumper
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| (Independent.ie) |
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World's most popular chef says, 'I fancy a McDonald's'
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Old and busted: competitive eating. New hotness: Librarian book cart drill team
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Mexican army seizes 540 firearms, 165 grenades, 14 sticks of TNT and a half million rounds of ammunition from drug cartel. Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff
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Cops from six agencies using 'mobile DUI command" rig, stop 480 drivers, arrest 8, annoy 400. "Do the math" tag unavailable
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| (Ric Romero) |
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Study shows elevated death risk after heart attack. No word on elevated death risk after plane crash, alien invasion or thermonuclear weapons exchange
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cat falls 17 floors from Toronto highrise, lives to see another Caturday
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Woman rides motorcycle for first time in her life on her 85th birthday
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After getting tied up and robbed, Badass of the Year candidate breaks free and shoots would-be robbers
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| (Hans) |
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Photoshop this road trip
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You know you're not going home after traffic stop when DUI suspect already in police car calls out: "He's as drunk as I am."
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| (The Record) |
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Ugly-ass squirrel/skunk hybrid discovered. You better believe there's a pic
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Mike Wooten taken off patrols because he is being harrassed and threatened by Palin Supporters
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One benefit of Hurricane Ike - insurance companies are dumping storm-damaged yachts they now own at rock-bottom prices
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| (Assembler) |
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Great physics based game. Use the moveable objects to place the green crate in the green square. Simple concept, great execution
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Actual headline: Fox News scores boobies-election interview with Sarah Palin
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| Fri November 07, 2008 |
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Sex staves off the common cold, relieves headaches and cures arthritis. No wonder married people are sick all of the time
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| (IdahoNews) |
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Man gets bitten by mosquito; sues state for $3 million
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University profs given advice they need, and which was apparently never covered during their own doctoral studies, such as "make sure your underwear fits"
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8 year-old arrested in double homicide
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Weekly TSG Mugshot roundup. Be careful. #16 hasn't had her shots
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Inspectors say zoo's fence is inadequate, reptile exhibit "bland and non-stimulating." Well, maybe until said reptiles escape through inadequate fencing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this unrolly couple
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In latests statistic pulled out of some guy's ass, high gas prices estimated to have saved more than 140 lives so far this year
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| (WA Today) |
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A very poignant article about a black White House butler who served in eight administrations. For best results, read the entire article
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Teen survives trash compactor. Local droid praised for quick action
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| (KGW) |
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So what if the new mayor is an auto mechanic? Oh THAT kind of tranny
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Good things to name your new ship after: your wife, your daughter, your favorite mythical figure. Bad things: high-ranking Nazi SS officials
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Qantas discovers aircraft maintenance engineer who's been certifying planes for the last two years is a fraud. His focus on ball bearings should have been a tip off
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Nanny state bans workers from eating sandwiches
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Kids freak the hell out after teacher makes them close their eyes and go through a visualization of the Holocaust
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Today's "guy siphoning gasoline uses lighter to check the level" story brought to you by the state of Wisconsin and a loud, sudden whooshing sound
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Today's bad choice for kindergarten show and tell is * shakes Magic 8 Ball * ...a hand grenade
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"Sir, I'll have to ask you and your 12 pigs to step out of the car"
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Animal shelter uncertain what to do after receiving a cock in a box. Unaware that Step 1 is "cut a hole in the box"
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Remember that time we went streaking on Halloween and had to register as sex offenders? That was hilarious
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Syphilis raging through Canadians living in the Northwest Territories, at least along the handful whose primary sexual organs haven't frozen off
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| (Some Bad Deal) |
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"Body found in street identified as Marijuana Thompson. Police believe the shooting to be drug related"
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Mariah Carey arrives in London for a three-day stay...with 27 bags of luggage
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There's bad ads running on Fark lately and we're going to kill the people responsible. We could use your help
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Brain-imaging studies show that bullies' brains are hard-wired to feel pleasure at the suffering of others. Researchers refer to this as "Cheney syndrome"
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Spunky thieves shoot off with huge load of bull semen
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Denver Police, apparently unhappy with lack of violent protests at DNC, staged one themselves using undercover cops. FARK: One cop got confused and hit co-workers with pepper spray. Awkward
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If you are angry about a school assignment, the proper response is NOT to leave 11 terroristic notes around the school. You would think a teacher would know that
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When stealing an old lady's purse, don't leave a phone at the scene that has a text message saying, "I'm ready to grab some old lady's purse"
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| (Top of the Nudes) |
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Can you see me now? Naked man climbs cell phone tower, tries to boost reception with his antenna
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Actual headline: "Teens spared by a bowling ball in freeway shooting; gunman splits"
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U.S. unemployment rate hits 14-year high of 6.5%, although productivity has been steadily declining since some website went up in 1999
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Austrian journalist says he "wouldn't want the Western world to be directed by a black man", says Obama has a "devil-like talent to present his rhetoric so effectively. Then went out and punched a kangaroo
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Republican lawyers heading to Alaska to retrieve $150,000 worth of designer clothes
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Dear Baby Booomers: We GenX'ers were wrong and you were right. Go figure, huh?
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Russian pilots admit being over the legal drink limit for flying after having four pints of beer because it "tasted a bit watery" compared with beer in their own country
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Forgetfulness can be costly. This is especially true when you are robbing a convenience store and set the bag of money down on the counter
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Driver attempts to pass Obama motorcade, gets faceful of Sig Sauer P229s for his efforts
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China tells rich polluting nations to change their lifestyle
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Georgian citizens protest against leader starting war with Russia. Apparently a country the size of West Virginia attacking the second largest nuclear superpower in the world is frowned upon
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People who bought homes next to a golf resort become the latest victims of the mortgage crisis after the resort is sold and they no longer get to golf for free. If you can even imagine the inhumanity
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| (Some giant in the playground) |
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Remember that headline about Christian Children's Fund not wanting the $17,000 raised by GenCon because it came from D&D players? 1,200 emails later, the CCF would like to clarify their position a bit
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Ugly-ass pygmy hippo born in Sydney, Australia (with pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this test tube technician
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| (US-101) |
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After a night of drinking, man takes off-duty officer's handgun, pointing it at his own head, and pulls the trigger. Parents of victim now blame officer
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Top civil servant in Sweden's equality ministry resigns after "embassy breast attack"
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Bad: Having a stroke. Very bad: which blinds you. Icing on the cake: you're flying solo at 15,000 feet at the time
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Internet generation found to be bad jurors who are easily distrac
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New Zealanders vote the Kakapo "bird of the year" after write in campaign for Scarlett Johansson fails
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Niiiiiice
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Minister sentenced for stealing wedding gifts. Hey, that's what happens when you get your minister from Craigslist
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Problem: Air Force major concerned that his penchant for shopping for women's underwear might be considered a bit girly. Solution: shop while naked, to convince others he's all man
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Kentucky man accused of leaving his wheelchair-bound sister's mummified body in his car trunk pleaded not guilty to a felony Thursday, because, in a bigger and more inclusive sense, don't we all have a mummified sister in our car trunks?
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If you must get on bus with your neighbor's head in a bag, make sure there aren't any CCTV cameras on the vehicle first (pic)
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In 1958, Disney solidified the urban legend about lemmings committing mass suicide..by throwing dozens of lemmings off a cliff and then filming them drowning
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| (wlbz2.com) |
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Just because your state allows medical marijuana, don't expect the local police to try and find out who stole yours
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Man responsible for checking security of staff responsible for checking security of security staff has been sacked
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| (Some Guy) |
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Going to steal a moped? Perhaps choosing a 52-year old golden glove boxer's moped isn't such a bright idea: "I threw a couple punches... I was ready to dance a little bit"
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South Dakota buried under four feet of snow in freak November blizzard. Or maybe it happened last month and nobody noticed until now
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Dude uses mushrooms to make violin sound like a Stradivarius. Like, wow, man
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"Only when I got home and I invited some friends and the baby's godparents to see her did I notice my girl had a penis. I was paralysed"
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Distraught man attempts record for most number of broken laws in 30 minutes
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Old and busted: swimming with dolphins. New hotness: swimming with massive saltwater crocodiles. "It's for the adrenaline junkies"
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When you pick up a can of Coke in the near future in the EU, it's going to look like this: coke INGREDIENTS HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP
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Photoshop these steel spirals
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It's so easy to find a soulmate on the internet, even a pony can do it
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| (Some Guy) |
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52-year-old man busted for drunk driving informs the cop that he knows karate and has been working out
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Locksmith helping a woman get into her home ends up doing naked push-ups in the street. Then it gets weird
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If you are going to keep your dog in your car while you wash it be sure that he doesn't know how to drive
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Police in Greensboro, N.C., said a woman scared off an attempted robber by praying too loudly for the suspect's comfort
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| Thu November 06, 2008 |
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China's Snow beer brand now second biggest in the world. A licky boom boom down
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Eighth Annual World Toilet Summit and Expo taking place in Macau, China. Organizers flush with success
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| (No Babies for You) |
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Ever wondered, "Why do they let people like that keep having kids?" Well, the Dutch parliament did, and they're doing something about it
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| (Some Gator) |
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Wife bites husband after taunting him during Florida-Georgia game last weekend. With temporary tattoo mugshot goodness
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Man driving nude on I-84 charged with indecent exposure, breach of peace, improper use of gear shift
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Underwear-clad high school girls shooting silly string. Ah, memories
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A bar patron learns the hard way that gum wrappers are not currency
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FBI: Let's call them the "Too Tall" bank robbers Article: Suspects are 5'7" and 5'10"
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Antigua wants to rename it's highest peak Mount Obama in attempt to draw thousands of female climbers
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100 tons of trash found in home, piled from floor to ceiling in every room (pics)
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Photoshop this sour slice
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: 17 year old throws herself a birthday party, News: servers alcohol to all regardless of age with her parents permission. Fark: Drunk 15 year old wrecks her parents car which she took w/o permission With family mugshots
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What's Brown and Sticky?
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Colleges now increasingly rejecting applicants because of what they put on their Facebook pages
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| (Some Guy) |
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So 10 dogs, one cat, and one donkey walk into a Kentucky mayors office
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Former NY Governor Eliot Spitzer (D-Horny) will not face criminal charges for voting to approve prostitution
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Origami expert Won Park, of Hawaii, has made his cash go a long way by making replica film spaceships out of dollar bills. To foldly go
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"Release the hounds." The First Dog (not the first dog-elect) Bites Reporter, film at 11
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| (Some Guy) |
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Obama campaign workers: "I want my money today It's my money. I want it right now" Staff: "Yeah, um, about that..." (with Video goodness)
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Brits refuse to air "graphic" TV ad in desperate attempt to emulate the French. Video in linked page less graphic than CSI
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What better place to put the new Israeli Museum of Tolerance than on an ancient Muslim burial ground?
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| (Some Gambler) |
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In the first full day after Obama was elected to be President, Illinois Evening Pick 3 lottery number drawn was 6-6-6. Could it be....Satan?
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Environmentalists urge Canadians to ditch their weedkillers and lawn mowers and buy goats instead
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| (NWLA News) |
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After stealing a bottle of Grey Goose vodka, don't hide in the water with a large alligator
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| (retroblast.com) |
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Last ball: the final pinball manufacturer in the world may be closing its doors
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Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is so happy Obama won he promises not to start calling him The Great Satan until next week
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A spammer ate the 4,000,000th link and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt
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| (Times-Herald) |
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Man attempts to clear cobwebs from eaves of house using a blowtorch. I think you know how this story ends
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| (Syracuse) |
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Police, 2 fire trucks, a boat and a helicopter rescue wading fisherman who had no idea he was in mortal danger of not catching any walleye
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| (Evening Leader) |
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£1.5m grant received to fix up an "embarrassment to Wales." No, not Timothy Dalton. No, not Duffy, either
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Apparently worried about its "strength of schedule" the Obama Campaign is trying to improve its BCS ranking by running up the score, adding 15 more electoral votes today
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Photoshop this kid and his shopping cart
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Rep. Rahm Emanuel to play Leo McGarry in new season of the West Wing
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A gal can certainly never have too much makeup or too many dog sweaters. With mug shot goodness
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The Brits are now cliaming they invented baseball because of some bit of dialogue in a Jane Austen novel
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Burglars make off with Dog of Peace (tm) but leave behind two cats
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Yes we can...get arrested
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"Inside Edition" catches Manhattan court officers having liquid lunches at the Whiskey Tavern. Court officers' union spokesman quoted as saying, "Was that wrong? Were they not supposed to do that?"
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Police find crack pipe in woman's butt crack, now need psychological counseling, eye bleach
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Amateur golfer has five holes-in-one in one week
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Drunk man attempts to mount fiberglass horse. With video footage of spectacular failarity
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| (KATU) |
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All that environmentally correct wind power we are generating? Seems it is killing salmon. Wait, what?
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It doesn't only happen in the movies: Los Angeles traffic engineers admit to hacking into computer system and disabling traffic signals at four critical intersections as part of a union job action
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Bar holding Obama rally offered free drinks for every state won. Can you guess how this ended?
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Kim Jong Il pic: Photoshop Fail shadows don't match
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Ding. You are now free to be duct-taped to your seat. (w/ not even for the mile high club pic)
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| (Some Hungry Guy) |
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It is National Frozen Pizza For Supper Day, or something like that
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Airstrikes in Afghanistan increase 31 percent. Which is the same percentage of people who support Bush. Which is also how many planes of existence Buddhism has and a number in my hotel room last weekend. Am I trapped on some island?
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Stupid ways of celebrating an Obama victory #2: Taking off all your clothes and going for a jog. Then again, what else are you going to do in Minneapolis?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this triumphant titan
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Eight-year-old girls are now throwing makeover parties
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Most popular baby name in the U.S. could soon be 'Obama', even among boy babies
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You might be too drunk to drive if you drive away in someone else's car and think it's yours. Then again, if you can still steal a car...who am I to judge?
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This just in: scalpers rip people off
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 183: "On the Farm". Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 05, 2008 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Survey reveals the strange things drivers keep in the trunks of their cars, including trampolines, mounted stag heads and unopened Christmas presents from two years ago
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The question of our age: Why do women get tramp stamps? "They are a mark of temporary insanity, instantly turning the classiest, chicest woman into trailer trash"
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Man arrested for child neglect after leaving two young kids alone at home. To be fair, he gave the girl a hunting knife, ax, and baseball bat to defend herself if something went wrong
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Model's underwear meets bottom line. Heh. "Bottom"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Researchers discover chemical that prevents weight gain, regardless of diet. Still no cure for canc...Cure for fattie? ALL IS WON
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Man accused of following library patron around, asking her if she'd seen his copy of "The Salami Also Rises"
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6'2", 320 lb 18-year-old rides off on his bicycle after cutting his mother who shut off his MySpace access
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Jubilant about Obama's victory, the prestigious Kappa Kappa Kappa fraternity celebrated with a grafitti spree on the campus of North Carolina State University
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"Excuse me, officer...I'll need my can back because I am not through huffing"
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| (IdahoNews) |
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Meat-head thief steals about $1,500 worth of beef from a grocery store. With a saucy, delicious mug shot
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The coolest photos of the next President of the United States you'll see today
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Kenya declares a national holiday because a guy that wasn't born there and never lived there got elected president in another country
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Kenyan woman gives birth to twins on election day.....Welcome to the world, Obama and Michelle
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Bhutan celebrates coronation of King Jigme Khesar Namgyal Wangchuck. EVERYBODY WANGCHUCK TONIGHT
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And the winner for the "Fastest one mile run with a rabid fox locked onto your arm" goes to an Arizona woman
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Obama brings back an endangered species: The newspaper industry. For one day
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| (Some Guy) |
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Former Patriots cheerleader was a church girl in high school, an angel for Halloween, and jobless by election day for drawing swastikas on her piss-drunk friend. With pics from her brief career
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Fox 11 news reporter on Obama victory party, live from Century city ballroom: "...We are also smelling just a little bit of weed in the air" (with video)
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Palin forced to go back to Alaska where, having been outside the state, she's now regarded as an alien
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| (Some Bovine Board) |
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Photoshop this black bull billboard
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| (Some Guy) |
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Obama kids getting a new puppy. Considering a Russian Wolfhound and keeping it in back yard so they can see it from their house
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| (24 hours Vancouver) |
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Shrapnel pops out of WW2 veteran's face 63 years later
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Injury: steal a man's identity and his debit card. Added insult: order a penis pump with the debit card, and have it delivered to the victim's house
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Let this be a lesson to you parents - let your kids play all the video games they want
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Former senator John Edwards had a mistress, she had a baby, now the National Inquirer has the baby's dirty diaper. All it needs is some of Edwards' spit, or another body fluid, to do a paternity test
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So, uh, about that Bradley Effect thingee
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The calls for assassination have already started. Stay classy, Fox News website commenters
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| (Some Guy) |
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ADHD may hinder teens driving abiliWHOA LOOK AT THOSE TEEF
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It is clear now, if it wasn't before, what Bush's legacy is going to be: Obama
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| (Political Wire) |
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The McCain campaign made the decision to spend tens of millions of dollars and dozens of candidate visits to Pennsylvania based on an internal poll saying they were only down by 2%. Fail: it was an Obama internal poll
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| (SnackFeed) |
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Eddie Izzard admits to CNN that he illegally donated to Obama's campaign
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Obama officially offers the Chief of Staff spot to Rahm Emanuel. So they've got Matt Santos and Josh Lyman, now they just need CJ and Toby
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| (Some Guy) |
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Obama win bittersweet for Detroit residents hoping to riot
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Ivana Trump refuses to believe her husband, who's 24 years her junior, cheated on her with a hot Italian model. Apparently her bathroom has no mirrors
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Conservative Supreme Court justices are so far out of touch they don't think that kids know about the "F" word
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| (wdsu.com) |
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Liquor truck overturns, offering free samples to passersby. EVERYBODY VODAK
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| (TheLostOgle) |
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Remember that Tulsa reporter that went drunk driving through yards? He just covered a story about a man that plowed into a group of people while drunk
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| (Some Guy) |
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ABC wins the battle of holographic sets, magic maps, and avuncular political anchors, although Fox gets a special mega-hottie mention for adding Megyn Kelly to its election night coverage
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Social Conservatives get a mixed message on Election Day: No to abortion limits and fundie VP, yes to smacking down the gays
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Photoshop theme: Subliminal messages
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| (NewsLite) |
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Tattooed pigs banned from Chinese art show ... like pigs are going to buy modern artworks anyway
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Michael Crichton dies of Andromeda Strain-related illness
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Florida city to unleash hordes of bats in order to take care of insects. No word yet as to what they'll unleash in order to take care of the bats
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FCC to probe cable companies' "bend over and take it" pricing policies
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Joe Arpaio, "America's toughest sheriff," wins re-election yet again, crushing his opponent and enjoying the lamentation of the women
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Study reveals teens use alcohol to get girls into bed. Quick, to the Romerocopter
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British government admits it was lying when it said it wouldn't use GPS trackers to charge people for driving, now promises it won't use them to issue speeding tickets. Yet
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| (MPR) |
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AP 'uncalls' Franken/Coleman race, leaves their chads hanging until December
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Historic youth vote up from 17% to a whopping 18%
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Lisa Foster, penis-pumping judge's former court reporter, gets $170,000 from state. Insiders say the state only offered $125,000, but inflated the offer after strenuous effort on Foster's part
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| (Daily Beast) |
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Obama is the new Ronald Reagan. Even an old Reagan speechwriter thinks so
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Man begs for release of woman who tried to have him and his kids killed, calling her "one of the nicest people you could ever know."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this silhouette
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World leaders react to the American election. President Bush also reacts, congratulating Obama for his "awesome night."
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Bloomer bandit? Panty pilferer? Skivvies scrounger? Girdle gangster? Whichever, he stole two assloads of drawers
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Children who live with adult smokers are more likely to be underfed and undernourished, know where the flavor is
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| Tue November 04, 2008 |
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Date rapist rolls over and falls asleep after assaulting woman in backseat of her car, wakes up outside police station
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Official election speeches thread: McCain concedes, Obama accepts
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New British government guidelines advise pet owners against allowing dogs to beg at the table
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McCain's plane aborts landing. Pro-life conservatives immediately switch their votes to Obama
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Getting sent to jail? Drink some weedkiller and have your husband abuse the judge
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Help me, Wolf Blitzer, you're our only hope
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Swiss police follow blood trail for 12 miles, are shocked to find it leads to a butcher shop
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Following historic election, America elects its second black president
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Proving they're not all d-bags, cyclist finds $450 bank deposit and returns it to store
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Pricipal . Caught sayof voters that has stoped Republicans " See, told ya so" Is Barama winer or not. Fox News Says yes. St. Pete Times Looking for chads -OR- "hello, I am write single to salute and wait for near presedint"
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North Korea building new missile launch site capable of targeting the United States.....EVERYBODY PANIC
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Fat politician demands bigger school chairs for children who are fat like him. 'He's not a good role model. He loves beer and sandwiches'
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Georgia, South Carolina, Vermont, Virginia all closed now - here come the numbers. Next election discussion thread
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| (Some Crap Hater) |
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Man parks load of manure in front of Dem HQ, proclaiming Dem's message "a load of crap"
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Not news: woman lifts skirt, flashes backside and spanks herself for crowds at Gold Coast Indy. Fark: she's 37 and the magistrate told her she "should know better." With pic
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| (Some Plant Guy) |
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Photoshop this horticultural sketch
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Illinois is tense with heightened election day shenanigans: IL police take aggressive rooster into custody
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Early evening election thread - cable networks begin their election night programming at 5 PM EST. Have nothing to talk about for two hours
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Philadelphia's voting machines hate Democrats, don't Barack the vote
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| (Some Guy) |
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Protip: If you're going to threaten the owner of an adult superstore for supporting you the day before people vote on your re-election, don't get caught on camera
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Tuba Man dies violently at 53. Zither Dude and Accordion Bro are still alive, just as ostracized by society
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In honor of election day: America's drunkest presidents
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When voting goes bad: The world's most overlooked dictators
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Austin tx 2 consider txt msg ban while dri
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Farking Supreme Court shiatheads to rule on whether FCC can require networks to be their biatches, censor swearing on TV. Bunch of nubianrdly coonts. Boobies
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The CIA-controlled weather machine is disenfranchising voters in Virginia
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So, what is it going to be like having a Black president? Let's flash back to this classic Richard Pryor
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| (Some Guy) |
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Barack "Who's Sane" Obama puts Idaho and Utah in play with a call to end the BCS
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Monument erected in Toronto to gently remind Americans who won the War of 1812
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"We swear by the lightning that destroys / By the streams of generous blood being shed..." Six national anthems that could be mistaken for Slayer lyrics
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Fox reports voter intimidation by Black Panthers in Philadelphia. Still no confirmation on disruptions caused by Black Vulcans, Black Eagles, Storms, Power Men, Blades, Bumblebees, Static Shocks, Spawns, Lobos, Bishops, Cloaks or Harlem Hammers
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The long darkness is finally over, and you can now see the most beautiful goat in the whole of Saudi Arabia
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Terrorist jellyfish attack nuclear reactor. Officials calling it the act of a bunch of spineless cowards
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Unsexiest celebrity magazine covers of all time. With um, bonus pic of sex addict David Duchovny molesting a teacup
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Researcher determines that candidates keep promises, sky is pink
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Why you shouldn't vote early: The candidate you voted for might turn into a Nazi hours before the REAL election. And then what? Too late now. You've voted for a Nazi. You Nazi voter
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| (myTelus) |
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Some yokels don't appreciate fine art, like rotting onions and potatoes hanging from the ceiling in condoms
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If you're going to make counterfeit money poorly, don't use it to tip the dancers at the bar (with "How they'd figure that one out?" pic)
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| (FiveThirtyEight) |
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Ten reasons you should ignore exit polls
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Map of Florida voting problems. "Moron voter" not among choices for reporting problems
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Barack Obama on towns trying to pass laws banning baggy pants: "Waste of time. Having said that, brothers should pull up their pants"
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Bill Ayers casts his vote at Beluah Shoesmith Elementary School in Chicago, reportedly does not blow anything up
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Five Election Day myths to resist. Keep these in mind as you go to the polls tomorrow
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| (Random Video Musings) |
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Jack Black takes a vicious header at a Get Out the Vote concert, forecasts his impending YouTube infamy. (Not safe for work language)
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| (Some Guy) |
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With about half the precincts reporting, Obama leads almost 2 to 1 in Guam. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Lunch on the East Coast, breakfast on the West Coast, time for the next political discussion thread. Anyone see anything amusing while voting today?
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"The Messenger of Peace," a biopic of Mohammed, launched. Title role shortlisted to Invisible Man, Redshirt from "Star Trek"
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If you had chainsaws as the latest Chinese product recall, step up and collect your prize -- if you still have fingers
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Not news: Airline wants to charge man $16 for excess baggage. News: Man is double amputee. Fark: Said baggage is his spare prosthetic legs
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The three that skinny dipped for a sandwich go to court. We learn that: 1) They're not skinny. 2) Both the men are guilty. 3) A woman can't expose her genitals just by being naked, you need a Hustler spread for that
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| (Wicked Local) |
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First entry in the voting screwup sweepsteaks is Cambridge, MA for using voter lists from 2004
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According to Texas Bigfoot Conference experts, Sasquatch eats peacocks and deer butts, enjoys ticklefights and gangbangs, and digs through garbage cans in search of used tampons. Sounds like the Dallas Cowboys
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Teacher who was fired over her second job as a bikini model says that she really wants to see the school board without their pants
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You suspect your wife of infidelity. Do you: A) Hire a private eye? B) Confront her? Or C) Get her suspected boyfriend drunk and cut off his Mr. Winky?
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Why you should vote for Nader" discussion thread
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Scientists find link between autism and rainy climates, take an important step forward in identifying why Florida has its own tag
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Photoshop these jack-o'-lantern lemurs
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Drunk, stupid and walking down the motorway with a traffic cone on your head is no way to go through life, son
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Andover man shot with crossbow, beaten with bat, run over, burned. Killer apparently has issues with making decisions
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Supermarket wishes to provide a home for ugly vegetables. Big Brother producers plan to sue for copyright infringement
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How do you know you might be naive? When you don't spell check your fake diploma and use it to become the Minister of the Interior of Iran
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In space, no one can hear you litter
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| (Salem News) |
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Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. Literally
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The NRA is sponsoring an election results party in Wasilla with booze and gun seminars. What could possibly go wrong?
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Yesterday's "misdirected leisure activity" downgraded to "naked prankery"
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Since this will all be over in a few hours, let's recap your favorite election Photoshops and captions one last time
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Redskins losing last night means Obama has a 94.4 percent chance of being president. This is bad news.... for Obama
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New lingerie fitted with GPS now available. Some women are outraged by it, but beaver tracking has been around for centuries
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Trick or meth
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Drunken sailor's Mayday call brings suspended jail time, rusty razor belly shaving
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2008 election thread, morning edition. Post your stories about voting this a.m.
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Can I borrow your towel for a sec? I just shot a water buffalo and the bullet ricocheted off it and hit me in the head
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You know, submitter is no farking genius, but even he knows it's a dumb idea to brandish a realistic-looking gun in a university classroom and yell "GET DOWN," causing students to jump out of windows
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Protip: Don't get into a fight with two 83-year-old nuns, you'll only lose
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| (KSAT) |
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Scary: IEDs along Iraq roadsides. Scarier: IEDs along Texas roadsides
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Railroad passengers forced to hold their bladders on long journey because too much flushing would trigger the train's emergency brakes. What a pisser
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Joe the Plumber stopped for speeding. Given warning, not citation, out of concern it would reflect negatively on the Toledo Police Department
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fred Phelps's son speaks out about growing up in "the most hated family in America"
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British government announces special task force to spy on people making tea at work
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Nanny State bans coast guard from using flares on search-and-rescue missions because they're "too dangerous"
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| (Kitsap Sun) |
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Police hunting for thief who stole unspecified number of cookies from local bakery. Citizens urged to be on the lookout for armed, fuzzy blue suspect
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Restaurants to be forced to reveal how much of your tip your waitron keeps. In related news, some suckers still tip
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this cheerful alien invasion
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23/6 Guide to Voting
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| (Some Guy) |
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Court to decide if "What's up?" should be considered unlawful interrogation, overused catch phrase
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| (NH Union Leader) |
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Fifteen people show up in Dixville Notch to watch the Decemberists
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Lip-balm addiction is real and it pumped $378 million into the U.S. economy last year
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| Mon November 03, 2008 |
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Scientists successfully clone frozen mice dead for sixteen years and are now evaluating the possibility of ressurecting extinct creatures. I, for one welcome our new velocirapt-ARRRGGHHHH
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What do you want on your Tombstone?
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Obama's grandma voted by absentee ballot days ago, and her vote will still be counted
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News: Man in a ski mask with a gun waves a flag on an overpass, stopping traffic. Fark: during negotiations, he trades his gun for an Obama sign
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Meet the 92-year-old nun who ain't taking any of your crap
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| (tmj4) |
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"Can you name one state that borders Mexico?" "Umm, Canada" Reporter dares to ask Milwaukee residents simple questions
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Pope Benedict and Stephen Hawking walk into an evolution conference . . . well maybe not "walk" exactly
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| (Some Guy) |
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High school football player doesn't agree with ref's call, beats the shiat out of his coach. Yes, HIS coach. w/ "big and dumb" video goodness
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dad tries to imprison family in home and incinerate them. Which is just about the kind of douchebaggery you might expect from someone who leaves a plastic Santa Claus on his porch all year
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Iranians gather peacefully to decry the taking of American hostages on Nov. 4, 1979. Just kidding, they celebrated the occasion by chanting "death to Israel, death to America."
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Starbucks behind bars: Election day freebees are illegal
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| (Some Guy) |
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