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| Sun October 26, 2008 |
| (Some Guy) |
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2 dead, 1 wounded in UCA (University of Central Arkansas) shooting
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FOUR extra ravens are being drafted into the Tower of London because of the financial crisis - to prevent a 350-year-old curse coming true
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Caribbean beaches are disappearing because people are stealing them. Seriously
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| (Mdolla) |
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Orlando installs awesome new Jesus booths that let you pray on the streetcorner and be seen by men
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| (Some Guy) |
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Here's this year's story about millions of kids not being able to trick or treat because their parents are too terrified to let them leave the house
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1001 things to do before you die: Near-naked man with exploding firecrackers in his bike helmet runs amok in main street
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Guerillas seize gorilla sanctuary
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Photoshop these poised policemen
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Georgia mom ups the ante in the "how far will you drive to abandon your kid at a Nebraska hospital" contest; beats Michigan Mom by 200 miles
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Moms are taking back the holidays from consumerism
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Newsday shows an 'ideal' school lunch including tofu and bok choy
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Key West's Fantasy Fest ends with "Pirates, Pundits & Political Party Animals" parade of Palin drag queens, nude body-painters, lipstick-wearing pigs. "We're pushing Captain Morgan for president."
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Todays newest threat to our freedom: People that smuggle empty cans and bottles to Michigan from out of state to collect the deposit. Hmmmmm
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Sony performs act of decency, sues Fred Phelps
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American forces attack Syria. Coincidentally, Presidential election is in nine days
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Wall Street wives can no longer afford maids, Sea Doo watercrafts and $400 haircuts, equate their predicaments to going back to scratchy toilet paper
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Ten steps to retire a millionaire. Charging $15 for a t-shirt surprisingly absent
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The next generation of sat-nav devices will tell you when to change gear, at what speed you should take a corner, and how to drive more economically. The tentative name for the new models is "The Wife"
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Momma Cat who rescued her kittens in a 1996 fire passes away
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| (Some Guy) |
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Houston School District will begin confiscating cellular devices from students, holding them ransom for $25
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Rev. Robert H. Schuller fires his son as preacher on the Crystal Cathedral's weekly "Hour of Power" syndicated TV broadcast due to creationism differences
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Photoshop this artisan fence
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Make a reservation, pay a $35 cover charge, don an insulated cape and gloves and you can have a vodka drink in a 27-degree room
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Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through a house, son
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| (Some Guy) |
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Circus peanuts and other candies you hope you don't get when trick-or-treating
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The Institute of Contemporary Art in Philadelphia presents a retrospective of the work of R. Crumb
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Fido foils fiery feline fatalities
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| (Some Guy) |
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Two men charged with shoplifting steaks and bacon. Maybe they're not so dumb afterall
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25 fictional presidents who'd probably do better on November 4th than either of the guys actually running
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Six weeks after Hurricane Ike, FEMA has only approved some 13% of requests for money, in some cases rejecting applications for errors as minor as an omitted middle initial. Heckofajob
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| (mary-kate and ashley) |
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Oh dear God what happened to Mary-Kate Olsen?
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Woman shocked to learn that doctors charge extra for 24 hour access and house calls
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Typical: 9-year-old has a birthday party and tells each guest to bring a gift. Hero: For Operation Bootstrap
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| (Times Herald Record (NY)) |
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You know it'll be a scary story when "pneumatic saw", "steel pipe" and "73-year-old man's penis" show up in the very first line
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"Give me a C Give me an R Give me A Give me S Give me a AAAIIIIIEEEIEE"
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Every time you visit England, you're soliciting the entire country for sex
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At last, progress in the War on Drugs: potential dealers are turning to pimping and human trafficking instead. Mission accomplished
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Scientists find that bees can count to four - four flowers, Ah hah hah hah hahhhhhhh
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Since there aren't any pressing global economic concerns to worry about, the International Monetary Fund has been spending its time deciding that its director can keep his job after having fling with married subordinate
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If you own a Chinese restaurant, it's never a good idea to let the health inspector find employees butchering a deer in the kitchen
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"Mastering a manual (transmission) said not only that you knew your way around a car, but that you were becoming a man. But 20 years from now, young drivers may wonder what the fuss was about."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this detailed duck development
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Woman gives birth to triplet granddaughters
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| (570NEWS) |
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"Hey pass me that cutting torch near the bucket of fuel, I need to remove the rusty bolts on the car's gas tank"
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but the Crown Princess of Sweden couldn't find the gate and we'll be about an hour late, direct your anger to seat 4B."
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I will haunt your dreams. I am the destroyer of sunshine
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Eccentric 51-year-old, Ferrari-driving playboy who lives with his mother insists the 400-year-old Shakespeare book came to him by way of his 21-year-old girlfriend, a dancer at the Tropicana club in Havana
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When dropping off clothes at the thrift store make sure to check the pockets for valuables, like $10,000 in cash
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| Sat October 25, 2008 |
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When the corn is missing from your deer feeders and your tractor batteries mysteriously drain, it can only mean one thing: There's an escaped monkey on your ranch
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| (Some Guy) |
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Assaulted anchorwoman Anne Pressly has died
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| (Some Guy) |
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Falling asleep on the job usually doesn't lead to shooting yourself to death. Usually
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Convicted murder wants people to get the facts straight: "I killed a 20-year-old genetically manipulated clone of Julia Miraglia and a 5-year-old genetically manipulated clone of Leigh Martinez, the puppet master."
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Theme: What life will be like once the election is over
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| (Some Guy) |
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How does that old saying go? "If you love 31 feral pigs, set them loose, if they love you, they will come back. If not, they'll do thousands of dollars of damage to the environment" or something
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Sydney hotel serves crappy ice cream
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Hardcore middle schoolers arrested in "gang fight" outside of Starbucks. Hey, it's not like they're old enough to get into clubs
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Bank robber escapes in style
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Your neighbor's dog keeps barking. Do you: A) talk to your neighbor; B) Call the police; C) kidnap the puppy and abandon it 15 miles away?
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Ok, hon. Here's the chicken taco you ordered. And your chili cheese fries. And a bag of chronic......wait, what?
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5 awesome Halloween specials from the past. You damn kids get off my lawn
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| (NBC5i) |
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'Bisected' and 'Car Accident' are three words, when combined, you do NOT want to see or hear about. (pics, video)
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Precious snowflakes who want just the right Halloween costume are creating headaches for frugal parents
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McDonald's to delay rollout of its Angus burger until they work out how to get those little velvet schoolboy outfits on each burger
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Image of Obama carved on helpless victim
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Neil Armstrong's parents on "I've got a secret"
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Jeremy Clarkson: "A motorcycle is much cheaper to run than a car. It takes only half a litre of fuel to get from your house to the scene of your first fatal accident. So the lifetime cost of running your new bike is just 50p"
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People who drink every day are happier than people who don't. Stay tuned for future reports on wetness of water, heat of fire
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High school librarian has ruled Fark as "inappropriate for school" and blocked the site. Subby needs reasons that will prove her wrong
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| (Some Guy) |
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Student arrested and charged with felonies after alerting principal that an employee database wasn't secure
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Mom lets son grow and sell pot, what could possibly go wrong?
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Harley bards show you can't judge a poetry book by its leather cover. "A helmetless biker named Jonah / Was marked on his form as a donah"
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CNN: "Analysts who said oil could hit $200 by end of year now say it could hit $50." In other news... magic 8-balls in short supply
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Photoshop this goggled girl
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Far from the pillaging rapists history remembers them as, the Vikings were stylish trendsetters considered far too concerned with their personal hygiene, thus explaining the great mystery of how the Vikings turned into the Swedes
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| (Some Guy) |
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After a week of erection, the Tunnel of Doom gets violated by a shocker, as local official states that it would be difficult for people to get out. (with picture)
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| (Westborough News) |
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Profile of the inventor of maple syrup. [insert random Fark cliche here]
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Department of the Blindingly Obvious concludes that teenage alcoholics don't grow up very healthy. Except for Drew Barrymore. Rawr
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Judge wants to find out if woman really slept with Satan
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Realtor attempts to calm his family by showing them how safe it is to handle the gun he carries for safety. Oops
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"Italian police can taste fake olive oil." Popeye surrenders
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| (Some Bloke) |
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"And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by, From this day to the ending of the world, But we in it shall be remember'd; We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he to-day that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother"
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| (PR Watch) |
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Cigarette health warning labels actually make smokers want to smoke more
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Meet Mr. Green Genes: the world's first glow-in-the-dark cat, sure to brighten up any Caturday (with freaky glowing cat pics)
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How many city workers does it take to fix one toilet? A) 1, B) 5, C) 122
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this levitating lamb
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| (JPG) |
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Caption this little girl -- who may not be as innocent as she looks
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While driving, don't play chicken with a cop car, because when he loses he will be very angry
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| (Some Guy) |
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Disabled woman, 85, hauled from wheelchair and subject to full body search because she bought a one-way ticket. It's not Gestapo, it's TSA
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Kids these days are going to libraries to watch movies, drink coffee, and play "Guitar Hero."
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Single lightning strike kill 52 cows (with eerie pic)
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| (Jakarta Post) |
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Guy gets caught having sex with cow. Two months later, villagers decide to drag the pregnant cow out to sea and drown it, in order to free guy of his sin
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| (pioneer local) |
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Headline: "Residents fill shoe boxes with hope". Stacks of money would be better, but hope is acceptable
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| (channel 3000) |
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Teen defends hanging three black-faced scarecrows by their necks next to a Confederate flag. He says tying the rope to the neck is the only logical way to hang the figures
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| Fri October 24, 2008 |
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Construction worker knocks hole through wall, exposing naked woman
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| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop this butterfly
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man to serve a combination of work release and house arrest for three years after running over his ex-wife. Says it was totally worth it
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Dog chugs 4 litres of box wine and survives with a massive hangover, immediately swears off booze, last seen headed to the nearest pub
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U.S. teaching Iraq how to spend surplus billions. Because if there is something the U.S. knows about, it is spending
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A desperation pass may take on an entirely new meaning as woman seeks $3 million to put out a Super Bowl advertisement...to seek a husband
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Woman sees more than 1,000 doctors to finally discover...she has a bit of food stuck in her throat
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Man enters bank. After hours. Accidentally. Sets off alarm. Waits for police. Alarm stops. No police. Man sets off alarm again. Still no police. Man shuts doors, leaves bank. Drives to police to tell them bank unlocked
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| (Some Guy) |
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Transformer blown by Licking Heights, smokes afterward. Optimus Prime very, very relaxed
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GPS might land you...IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER (pics)
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Your doctor knows you're dumb and that's not his finger
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200-pound Russian wild boar euthanized before Palin's helicopter can get there
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Butcher laments that his chances of winning Sausage of the Year contest are scuppered after burglars break into his store on eve of competition. "We're gutted, the whole team." Weeners
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Jennifer Hudson's mother, brother found dead in their Chicago home
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What one person would possibly want with 120 tons of road salt is anyone's guess. But someone stole it from a Chicago suburb
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Having learned nothing from Scooby Doo and Poltergeist, construction continues on site that may be ancient Native-American burial ground
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Today's "typo causes a gas station to sell gas for $0.59 a gallon" brought to you by Lyons, Wisconsin
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The Weekly Smoking Gun mugshot roundup. Starts with a big dud, but #2 has cute dimples
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Ontario appeals court upholds ban on pit bulls. Another victory in the war on terrier
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That's no moon... oh wait, yes it is. The coolest pictures you will see of Enceladus in your lifetime
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Dutch border towns closing their pot-dealing coffee shops due to weekly influx of 25,000 French and Belgian drug tourists. Dude, harsh
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Italian police get crime-fighting Lamborghini. Barricade, Bumblebee unavailable for comment
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Even dead people are getting thrown out because of foreclosures
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Man accuses NYC police of sodomizing him with walkie-talkie. He could be telling the truth, or he could just be talking out of his ass
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Old and busted: Moving overseas to avoid the draft. New hotness: Moving overseas to avoid paying off your student loans
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Today's made for Fark headline: Women's underwear causing congestion on I-696
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| (Longmont Times-Call) |
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Three potential Darwin award winners blow up car after huffing, lighting cigarette
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Photoshop a transformer you'd like to see
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Focus on the Family turns its focus on converting gays. "Even if homosexuality is someday proven to be inborn, inborn does not necessarily mean normal, or divinely sanctioned"
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| (WCAX.com) |
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Budgetary necessities for the city of Plattsburgh: Water, Sewer, Police, Fire Department, Satellite Radio for my car, Miscellaneous Software, oh... and a "Wizard of Oz" costume
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Yep, she made it all up. Followup tag carves a backwards "B" on Obvious tag
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Nanny state to downsize the volume of beer glasses. You can have my pint glass when you tear it from my cold, drunk fingers
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Nothing good can happen after your ex-girlfriend the stripper sends you an ominous text reading, "You had company last night."
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The Florida Department of Transportation would prefer it if you wore pants when stopping at the toll plaza. Who knew?
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Stephen Hawking to give up his chair. No, not that chair, the other one
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What can brown do for you? Tell the cops you're mailing 14 pounds of weed
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Pizza delivery driver says his car's wireless rear-view camera system shows pornography when he drives on a certain street every chance he gets
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Ugly-ass pics of ugly-ass twin panda cubs to help you take your mind off your now-worthless 401K
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Mafia gang sends donkey head to shop owner as a threat. Police: "(The shopkeeper) didn't know the donkey, he didn't own the donkey, he doesn't care about donkeys. It didn't make sense. It was the work of idiots"
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Sweden proposes law to ban hooliganism. Dustbins in Shaftesbörky breathe a sigh of relief
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| (montanakaimin.com) |
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"If a guy has a little money to spend and not a ton of dignity to keep, he can walk around Missoula next Friday night as giant nipple"
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Police officers often have to turn the other cheek in conflict situations. But baring both of them in a country pub is generally frowned on
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| (WRCB-TV Chattanooga) |
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Halloween prank floods 911 center with calls. Police not amused
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Henry Earl checks into rehab. Bonus Fark mention in article
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If you spend $10 on "grass," don't be suprised when it's lawn clippings. And don't report it to the police (w/mugshot)
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Marauding dirt bikers are terrorizing metropolitan Baltimore. Too dangerous to chase, city passes law allowing police to confiscate any unlocked dirt bike they see and destroy it
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Woman attempts to smuggle bananas through airport by hiding them in her undies. Customs officials became suspicious because she was the only one smiling as she went through security check
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Layman's terms: market futures all plummet, oil below $65, Asian markets tank. Technical Term: Friday
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| (Pittsburgh Live) |
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After reviewing video evidence from ATM, Pittsburgh police have requested Ashley Todd take a polygraph
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Theme: Photoshop an action hero who accidentally wandered into a chick flick
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Explosion at Indian fireworks factory kills 27, according to Lt. Frank Drebin who was assigned crowd control
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Man steals from police station while being booked for stealing because it was "cool"
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So it begins, NY town draws fire for dropping the word Christmas from their Christmas parade
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| (Green Bay Press Gazette) |
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Your roommate refuses to have sex with you. Do you: A) Argue with her until the neighbors call the police, B) Key her car and throw a bottle through the kitchen window, or C) Urinate on her dog?
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| (Some Guy) |
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When recording History Channel programming to show to your students, be sure to select a tape that has not been used previously
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Woman with nearly nine foot long dreadlocks hopes to set record....for the longest, smelliest, most matted and unkempt hair in the world
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What will be the effect of the "fairness doctrine" on Fark?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teenagers operating your commuter train? In Chicago, it's more likely than you think
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Reporter travels through all 32 counties of Ireland in order to bring us the top 10 traditional Irish pubs
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| (Some Guy) |
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News: City doesn't want hockey nets left in front of houses. Fark: In Canada
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Photoshop these chubby cheeks
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The definition of 'Not News'
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The current economy is forcing senior citizens to raise cash by selling their burial plots
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| Thu October 23, 2008 |
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Woman loves Cup o' Noodle, but doesn't dig the Cup o' Paradichlorobenzene
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| (The Electric New Paper) |
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Malaysian parliament Q&A session thrown into chaos after use of "buttocks" in shouting match, namely, the familar locution "enter via the buttocks." Botty
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Historian discovers early film showing life on the streets of London in 1904. Most likely the first time protesters have been caught on film
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| (Boone's Farm) |
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Your boyfriend doesn't intervene when another person looks at you in a sexual manner do you: C) douse him in costly gasoline and light his insensitive ass on fire
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Study finds that men also have a "use by" date, and that turns out to be age 35. After that, the DNA in his sperm um...... turn "special"
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How do you celebrate getting the "Police Officer of the Year" Award? With a DUI of course
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Our son came home and told us the school taught him that boys can marry other boys. He's in second grade "
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From the imaginatively named Big Hole in South Africa to Bingham Canyon in Utah, take the plunge and check out some of the biggest, deepest and most awe-inspiring holes on Earth
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| (Some irrational Guy) |
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Iranian speaker says his country is leaning towards Democratic in US presidential election 'because he is more flexible and rational' the way their President is flexible and rational
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Chicago's Mayor Daley nixes plan for a gay-friendly high school until he figures out a way to tax gayness
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Drive by saucing epidemic sweeping Boston. Where's my s'ketti?
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Nanny State says that 16 year-old can join army or get married, but using a vacuum cleaner, in his job at a cleaning company, is too dangerous
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 10 new magazines of 2008. In more proof that the publishing industry is out of ideas, most are about dogs, making babies or what to do when you have one
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman robbed at ATM. Robber becomes angry when he sees McCain sticker on her car, carves B into her head
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| (WHJJ) |
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Women fakes prescriptions for crack, gets 10 years
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Creative ways to distract and entertain kids during hard times include arts & crafts, part-time jobs, hit-a-Jew day. Wait, wut?
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Saskatoon becomes new murder capital of Canada. If you lived there, you'd pray for the sweet release of death too
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Three women sue website, claiming they have had to undergo "medical treatment and psychological therapy" as a result of pictures of them being hot with douchebags
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Dude decides to graffiti wall in daylight and in front of cop, making his story about it being his first time believable
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Newt Gingrich makes the perfectly rational claim that SNL should be sued for slander. This in no way contradicts his previous claims that if you sue a corporation you are destroying America
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| (Some Feminine Founder) |
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Photoshop this whimsical woman with her wireless
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| (Some Guy) |
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Python: "I don't want the medicine". Owner: "Take it". Python: :"No." Owner: "I said take ...agghhauuggggggg ........."
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"...I was about to jump your bones in Ford Field LOL" texted the former Detroit mayor. Not to his wife, or to his mistress, but to yet another woman
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If you lost your tongue in Cincinnati the police would like to have a word with you. Urrrrr Urrrrr
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Harvey mail carrier gets police escort due to shots fired on her route. Amazingly it wasn't the carrier doing the shooting
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News: Masked robbers hit a Dunkin Donuts. FARK: Can't get the register open. ULTRA-FARK: Who robs a cop hangout? Tag says it all
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First Salvo of "War on Christmas" explodes. Both sides blast each other. 1812
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Actual Headline: Man gives keys to stranger, loses truck. Tag says it all
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Golfer being sued for striking another golfer in the head with his tee shot. The victim was 160 yards away and the ball first caromed off of a tree. Ta da
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| (Some Brick in the Wall) |
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Genius arrested for child endangerment after her 10 year old daughter drives the family car into a brick wall. As god as my witness, I thought kids could drive
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McCain "C*nt" soundbyte is now a downloadable ringtone
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Woman pays hip-hop band £200 to kill her husband, then claims they were only supposed to "frighten and scare" him. However, she is still trying to explain why she ran him down in a 4x4 she rented under a false name
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Drew will be giving a talk on how to fix Mainstream Media and signing books at the Cambell Lane Barnes and Noble in Bowling Green KY tonight at 7pm. Probably getting a beer after, all are welcome
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| (Florida Today) |
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Pensacola bar offers free beer in exchange for "I voted" stickers. Some guy from Kentucky seen heading south with an entire roll of stickers
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UK home office says recent spike in violent crime figures is nothing to worry about, they've just been undercounting the incidents for the past decade and now have the numbers right
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Tight race between Sneezing Obama and Sneezing Panda
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City: Maybe we should throw out detective promotion test since no women or blacks passed. Police Union: Uh, not so fast there
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Contest offers $10,000 for couples who abstain from sex before marriage.Fark: Deadline is a week away and still no takers
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Catholic church creates secluded private garden to honor sex abuse victims. Where they can sit and meditate and be comforted by the clergy
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Not news: Divorcee bitter about divorce. News: She kills her ex. Fark: They were married online and she killed his avatar
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US mulls sale of Florida to raise funds for bailout packages
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25 years ago today 241 American service men gave their lives in the Beirut barracks bombing
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"Oi Nigel, whaddaya think this 'ere cable's for?" "I dunno Rodney, let's cut it and see." "Right, then we'll go have a pint."
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Britney Spears "too fragile" to face jurors. She's fine with going nude for a music video, attending award ceremonies, and publicizing her new album, but standing before a jury? Nope, can't do it
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"Next game...B-14." "I-27." "N-72." "I-16." "Bingo." "Hey, wait a minute..."
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Guy will never live down that time he took Ecstasy, burned his parents house down and led police on freeway chase. In a Saturn
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| (The Day) |
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If you're a Wiccan priest claiming religious discrimination because the town won't let you hold a witchcraft demonstration in the public library, make sure the police don't have a warrant on you for stalking a teacher
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Lost wedding ring found in massive aquarium tank. Returned more than three months after it was lost. That's a moray
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Meet the ACORN worker who registered 2,000 people, not one of whom existed. Adding to his shame, he's apparently a big Chiefs fan
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Pig-Wrapped Pig-Stuffed Pig wins Ultimate Grilling Challenge, though it would have been better if he had wrapped the whole thing in bacon and deep-fried it
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Police officer volunteers to play role of victim during helicopter water rescue training session, proves to be better than expected
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| (Villafane Studios) |
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Best. Carved. Pumpkins. Ever
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Think your kid is on drugs? Now you can hire yourself your very own drug dog
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The West Palm Beach Veterans Day parade is saved, thanks to generous donations by dogs, strippers, and aliens. Dog bless America
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Study: The rich cheat on their taxes more often. Also, ground is moist where it rains
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Football-stealing granny will not face charges after all, but is asked to not hold the balls of the neighbor children from now on
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| (OneIndia.com) |
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Image of deity manifests within flower, miraculously cures worshipper. Jesus must be taking a day off, because this time it's Lord Ganesha. (with elephantastic pic)
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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The organizer of a pro-marijuana festival is SHOCKED that the police would target his venue to catch people with drugs. Well, not as much shocked as kinda bummed
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Our new RFID-enabled passports are manufactured and assembled offshore, the blanks are shipped around using unsecured couriers, and they're sold to US citizens at an 85 percent profit. Dontcha feel safer already?
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Pakistan: "Hey, guys, you'd better stay off our soil in your War on Terror." America: "Sure, no problem. Enjoy our shiny guided missile technology."
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| (Liverpool Daily Post) |
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'Purr-muda triangle' responsible for numerous feline disappearances
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| (Yorkshire Post) |
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British pubs becoming too pretentious. "Add to that the number of pubs which are refuges for binge-drinkers where ambulances take as many people home as taxis and the situation is dire"
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Bizarre farming accident makes man perfect candidate for Coneheads sequel
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Mortgage foreclosures up more than 70 percent in the third quarter, as morans who work at Taco Bell get kicked out of their $450,000 tract homes financed by no-down-payment balloon mortgages
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Man goes on rampage at a towing company with an AK-47 style rifle and is shot by police, or as they call it in Florida: Wednesday
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So, Bridget, what was it that made you think of remarrying your lottery winning ex-husband?
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If you work in a costume shop and your boss tells you that he's sending you on a round the world trip, you can be sure there's a catch
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're a school bus driver you should probably wait until after you've dropped all the kids off before you stop for a beer
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Photoshop this nyckelharpa
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Military funding? Check. Packs of armed, human-hunting robots? Check. Screw this, I'm outta here
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Today's Balls of Steel Award goes to the Melbourne cop who avoided being shot by grabbing the cylinder of the revolver pointed at his head and jamming his finger in front of the hammer
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New wave of migrant workers being recruited to do another job more Americans won't do. Teaching
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| (Iowa City Press-Citizen) |
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Naked man screams about Satan at 5:55 in the morning, says he couldn't wait for 6:66
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Asian Longhorned Beetle becoming established in New England. Go see the pretty trees, taste the maple syrup, before they disappear
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Your talking is annoying the other passengers, please come into First Class to have sex: The world's most accommodating airline?
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Now, normally, "poking your fingers into several pies" would get you several high-fives from your male friends
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| (Some Guy) |
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More parents are so paranoid about the "dangers" of vaccinating their children, they would rather home-school them than have their children immunized
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Australian Government concerned use of word "drought" is too depressing for suicidal farmers. Wants to use "lack of rain" or "kinda dry" instead. We have always been at war with Eurasia
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Six of your favorite things that are secretly making you fat. At least pie is up front about it
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Photoshop this nutty growth
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| (NineMSN) |
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If your boss is a friend on Facebook don't take a sickie and then brag about it in your status
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 181: "Middle of the Night" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed October 22, 2008 |
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$4.5 Billion pledged in support for Georgia. Will be spent entirely on confederate flag mug flaps
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Police officer issues ticket to mayor for yapping on her cellphone while driving, judge throws the case out. Police officer proceeds to go to mayor's home and issues another ticket
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It's Wednesday, so that must mean that US forces have taken out another Al Qaeda #2 in Afghanistan
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| (NBC 4) |
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Good: Subway train doors open to let passengers off. Bad: While the train is over the Potomac River
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Expert says it's a mistake to humanize dogs. Your dog disagrees, still wants steak
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Woman in Star Wars costume robs bank in Ohio. Empire immediately blames Rebel Alliance
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Man breaks into a church to play a drum solo for God
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Teenage boy decides he's capable of talking on the phone and playing with a loaded gun simultaneously. Teenage boy is wrong
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Like an unkillable force from a Halloween movie, the $54 million pants case returns to court
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Suspect fingered after being caught red handed for armed robbery
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Ten minutes to put it on, five minutes to take it off, and just sixty seconds to get shot down by all the ladies. The coolest Transformers costume you'll see in time for Halloween
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Stealing liquor from the Elk's lodge during your cousin's wedding reception is one thing; threatening the relatives with gas and a lighter during the after party is shaping up to be four felonies
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Not news: Man asks bank for a refund. News: because mice ate his $1000 in cash. Fark: He gets it
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| (Merced Sun-Star) |
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You know the economy's bad when gang members resort to drive-by rock-throwing
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Police departments in cities across the country are beefing up their ranks for possible civil unrest and riots after voting day. Suck it, citizens, move along now, nothing to see here
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Finance chiefs are still spending millions going to strip clubs. What a bunch of bankers
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"Excuse me, sir. A tiny red light on this old dusty console has been blinking all morning. What does it mean?" My God, it works. The system works. A criminal actually tried to purchase a handgun via the criminal background check"
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Plane carrying convicts collides midair with another plane; fails to produce any injuries or a Nicolas Cage movie
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The 10 best epic fail videos of all time
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Skateboarding (at 80 km/h) is not a crime
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Today's hot for teacher story comes from Daytona Beach. What 17-year old boy in his right mind wouldn't hit this?
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Man shoots himself in the head with a crossbow, possibly while looking to see if it was loaded. Alcohol may have been a factor
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KB Toys releases its list of hot holiday toys that your kid doesn't want this Christmas, but you will end up buying them anyway because it's on this stupid list
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Coach of the Year award goes to this guy who spent the team's uniform money at a strip club
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Relatives of sailor born in 1836 hear him singing sea shanties thanks to American who paid him $5 to sing into his can in the 1920s
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After tasering masked intruder who broke into a home, police "determined the suspect was a raccoon"
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| (PennLive) |
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Pennsylvania woman receives $19,000 settlement after swearing at her toilet. In other news, Pennsylvania now lobbying for its own tag
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Scientists grow mouse prostate from single cell. There was some taint in the samples, but that's to be expected
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| (San Mateo Daily) |
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Insanity unclear for accused fork wielder"
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Sydney resident Maria Reitano is looking to lose her virginity and would like to know if there's a man out there for her. With pic
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File under: More fake trends from CNN
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Retiree sues after police damage her signed picture... of Adolf Hitler
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| (Red Raider Sports) |
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You're the No. 8 ranked team in the nation and have a place kicker that couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat, so what do you do? Why not give the kid that won free rent by hitting a 30-yard shot at halftime a go?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these suspended suspension bridge builders
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Dumb: Making a bomb threat from your cell phone. Dumber: While you're sitting in class. Fark: While the school is on lockdown due to a death threat
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City councilman in Alabama trying to make DWP (driving while phoning) worthy of 10 days in jail on first offense
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Nobody knows if it's space ice or a chunk of mega-sized hail, but one thing is certain, it fell from the sky, punched through a roof and hit Mary Ann Foster in the head
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| (Some Guy) |
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Miss Teen Louisiana attempts to dine and dash, forgets purse behind with her identification in it. And her weed
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| (KFBK) |
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Cop gets in trouble for having a mustache
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Man tries to donate Ford Focus with baby inside to Goodwill. Also included: street signs, a fire hydrant, a concrete pillar, vomit
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"Crossing party lines with the inflatable running mate" -- female writer reviews the Sarah Palin love doll
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Library votes unanimously to keep "The Joy of Gay Sex" on the shelves despite protest from man demanding its removal because kids could find it on the shelves, right here, where he himself found it, by, er, accident
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| (WFIE) |
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Shots fired at Western Kentucky University campus
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TODAY IS INTERNATIONAL capslock DAY
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Osama bin Laden "liked a hug," but didn't like too many kisses. And don't get him started on the ass grabbing
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| (The New Editor) |
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How accurate are the 2008 polls? Well, when the Dems won the 2006 aggregate US House vote by 7.9%, an average of the pollsters' predictions was off by more than 6% points
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| (TV 20) |
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School board member arrested for having his member looking for glory in the wrong place
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If you can't afford your car payments, don't torch the vehicle and report it stolen. You probably can't afford to make bail either
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Researcher attempts to link male dancing style with perceived attractiveness, demonstrates large random movement dancing. Dep't of Silly Walks wonders where funding went
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Much like Paris Hilton, credit markets get much looser after giant money shot
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Woman, 61, takes Ungulate Fighting Championship belt after getting into fistfight with deer that attacked her poodle. Bonus: Poodle's name is "Little Fighter"
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Florida man uses BB gun to steal deodorant, doesn't understand what all the stink is about
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| (Some Guy) |
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News: Woman drives the wrong way down interstate while drunk. Fark: Guy she hits has a half-empty(or half-full) bottle of vodka in his Oldsmobile. Conclusion: Everyone wins
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Burglar attempting to get into the Christmas spirit early found stuck in chimney. Naked
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Five creepy places to visit this Halloween. Oddly, Gary Busey's house doesn't make the list
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Retired Ministry of Defence boss settles into new career. Is it: A) Security analyst? B) Hollywood consultant? Or C) Transsexual geisha?
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Simpson trial witness sues Dr. Phil for defamation after he re-cuts his interview to make it look like he is nodding in agreement with everything coming out of Dr. Phil's big mouth
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After a four-foot-long flying saw chops his arm off, logger picks up his detached limb and runs to the first-aid room. Actual quote from badass: "I got my arm, I can't complain"
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What do you call an oncologist who, according to a peer review, didn't confirm his diagnosis of 20 out of 107 patients, and provided questionable or inappropriate treatment to 40 out of those same 107 patients? Congressional candidate
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Let the children come unto me, so I can take pictures of them at a church picnic and add them to my child porn collection
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| (Some Guy) |
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Baptist minister calls birth control "murder." Your mom's face now a crime scene
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School board debates changing name of high school that celebrates the KKK's first grand wizard after complaints over football team called Forrest High Sheets
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Firefighters spend five hours using a chocolate-covered camera and a vacuum cleaner attempting to rescue Fudgie the Hamster from a deep, dark hole. ARMAGEDDON
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Terminally ill former ironworker who helped build the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge in the early 1960s returns to the bridge for a final plunge
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| (Public Opinion Online) |
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Archaeologist discovers confusing slogans, proving that 170 years ago, political discussions were just as retarded as today
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| (nbc11news.com) |
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Protester who got in the way of the Palin motorcade explains the use of excessive force by police. Asked why she didn't follow directions of police, gives priceless answer
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Man buys $100,000 worth of land, sight unseen, at a strip club, and is shocked, SHOCKED to find it was a scam. Seller must have been wearing an industrial G-string to hold the money
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DWI photos on "Wall of Shame" is unconstitutional. But some of them are pretty funny, so you should look
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these men in the woods
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Hockey game canceled because "Disney on Ice" farked up the ice surface
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Ted Stevens fate to be decided by a jury of his peers. Still no word on where they found 12 giant assholes
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Watch this, honey -- I'm going to go swimming with these sharks. See? It's easARRRRRGGGGGHHHH
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"We'd also heard mention of it, but we decided that it would only be worse if we went out and told the fans they were absolutely not allowed to throw dildos on the ice." (NSFWish image)
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Israeli spa offers new massage service which involves covering people in snakes (with creepy motherfarking snakes on a motherfarking woman pic)
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Charges dropped against elderly couple accused of smuggling 2,692 litres of beer, 27 litres of wine and four litres of hard liquor into Sweden after court accepts that it was for personal use
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ch ch ch ch ha ha ha ha ch ch ch ch ha ha ha ha
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Running a ship aground once may be considered unlucky, but twice in 48 hours is enough to earn the title "Captain Calamity"
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If you're a U.S. contractor hired to teach Iraqis about good government and lose $185,481 in cash, just expense it. Uncle Sam is good for it
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| (Some Asian Guy) |
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Chinese man accidentally discovers he can shoot water out of his eyes. Calls it calligraphy. Puts Mr. Squiggle out of a job
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British couple tries to join wild wolf pack, even switching to meals of raw meat, kidneys and intestines. Reasons include upgrading diet from normal English fare
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| (Star Press) |
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Biting a nine-year-old boy, holding a white-supremacist rally at City Hall and casting spells on high school teachers: All in a day's work for an Aryan sorcerer
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Runaway steamroller careens down hill. Everybody PANCAKE. Wanda and Roger Rabbit commemoration thread to the right
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Missing man found unhurt -- in top of pine tree. City leaves nothing to chance, uses multiple branches of rescue team to root him out. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the guy was needled mercilessly, the poor sap
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The prospects of finding a Playstation this Christmas in Florida just got a little tougher
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| (700 Club) |
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"Those who celebrate Halloween either are unaware of its roots, or are intentionally promoting a world where evil is lauded and viewed as an ultimate power." Aside from that, enjoy trick-or-treating
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How to Get Arrested 101: While impersonating a police officer and "improperly using red flashing lights," attempt to pull over a real police officer. Backup will arrive shortly
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this virid vehicle
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Not news: Pickpocketer arrested in NYC. News: She's 76. Fark: She has 36 aliases and says her address is 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
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Not news: Judge orders couple to stay away from each other after woman bites her fiance. Fark.com: Their wedding is in two weeks. Awkward...
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Nanny state fines man $600 for "wrapping his sandwich" without a license
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| Tue October 21, 2008 |
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You know it's a rough school when up to 22 students get suspended each day for violent behavior
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Officials are trying to determine if a man who would cover his hands in Vaseline and toss liquid mercury from one hand to another died of mercury poisoning
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If you nearly sideswipe a Connecticut patrol car, don't tell the officer you're on your way to meet Beyonce underneath the George Washington Bridge in NYC. And when that fails, don't ask for directions to Detroit and then speed away
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| (Post Bulletin) |
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Woman arrested for stealing money from her employer; to send to a Nigerian attorney who contacted her by email claiming she is owed millions of dollars
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Virginia Lottery shuts down new game in 4 hours after it proves to be a little more lucky that they planned
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Morons (AKA, left-wing radicals) stand in busy intersection, attempting to block Palin's motorcade. Police proceed to teach them the proper way to throw a chop block, wrap up a clean tackle
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San Francisco to vote on decriminalizing prostitution
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Federal agents arrest Mongols after 800-year investigation
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Woman arrested for beating up a man who didn't want to kiss her. With "would not kiss her either" mugshot
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School prank involving balaclavas and knives seemed like fun until a real armed holdup was committed nearby
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Ugly-ass jaguar cubs born at Brevard Zoo, with ugly-ass pics
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Montreal cop open fires in gym club, hops on treadmill while waiting for a hail of rubber bullets from co-workers
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Pentagon spends $50K for 2nd portrait of Rumsfeld
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| (News4Jax) |
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Obese inmate facing additional charges for hiding bags of drugs between his belly fat folds. Heavy
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Another day, another hunter accidentally Darwins himself
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| (Some Guy) |
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Steal a McCain/Palin sign, get a free pizza
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| (Some Crime Guy) |
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Was KATV reporter Anne Pressly attacked and beaten because she played Ann Coulter in "W"? Some of the crazier parts of the blogosphere seem to think so
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Photoshop these dashing beauty queens
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Convicted animal torturer violates probation three days after being released. This is good news... for a llama
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If you leave your phone lying around, other people may look at it. Also in this series: Cash, and why you shouldn't drop it in the street
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| (PennLive) |
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Hershey sues furniture delivery company. "Our consumers are suffering confusion over the deceptive image on their trucks". The image in question is a sofa
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Not news: Man exercises right to conceal and carry. News: At a county courthouse. Fark: In a diaper bag
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Nanny state bans white people from eating curries
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French wine named after American beer
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Oh let the sun beat down upon my face with stars to fill my dream. I am a traveler of both time and space to be driving on a trade route closed for the past 60 years
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Today's "SWAT team surrounds empty home" story brought to you by Houston, Texas
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You know all that Alaskan oil and natural gas the GOP wants to "drill baby drill" to provide energy independence for the lower 48? It seems the DOE has already approved a plan to "sell, baby sell" it to the Japanese
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