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| Sun October 12, 2008 |
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Man receives 100 felonies during a DUI arrest, working toward Henry Earl lifetime achievement award
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Ugly-ass baby Tasmanian devil... aw hell, it's adorable. Even it if could take your hand off
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Female gamer nerds. Hot. End of story
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EXACTLY how big of an internet nerd are you? Take this quiz and find out
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The Lundberg Survey said gasoline prices fell 35.03 cents, which is the biggest drop in the survey's 58-year history
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| (Some Guy) |
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Obama officially linked to Weather Underground
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Photoshop the tap heard around the world
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Safety consultant/beekeeper carves eight-foot tall bear out of wood. 30,000 or so honeybees live in a hive in the bear's back and go in and out through his mouth
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| (Fine Fueling) |
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This premium tête de cuvée hi-octane blend has a graceful marriage of light body and kerosene flavor notes. It shows more complexity and haunting power nuances with a less fruity petroleum flavor than regular Collonial premiums
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| (WTAJ) |
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♫ This man got run over by a dead deer / Walking home by his house by the street / You might say this story's not newsworthy / But here it is on Fark for you to read ♫
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Colorado middle school locked down because of vicious fight outside . . . between two elk
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Woman who can't stop going out half-naked in public 'furious' after somebody pinches her bum
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Just another day in Chattanooga as 21 are arrested in a prostitution sting. Fark: two of them were men dressed as women. (w/ do not want mugshots)
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World's biggest facepalm as London's St Pancras Station commissions sculpture of Grim Reaper driving a train and mowing down someone on the tracks
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| (WebMD) |
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Toy recalled due to bruising, cuts, blood blisters, and welts on the face, neck, and chest. Back in my day, those were the fun toys
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"Porn and Pastries" is a community event where, disappointingly, spouses complain about their husbands' porn habits. The event is sponsored by "xxxchurch.com" which is, again disappointingly, an anti-porn movement
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A group of armed dips going down a rocky road of crime shoot an ice cream truck driver in cold blood. Police vow to work all Sundae until they've got this case licked. Reporters hoping to get the scoop
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What the "Asinine" tag is for: employees put old lady on wrong train, where she's told to pony up £115 for new ticket. Fellow passenger takes up collection to cover her, gets threatened with arrest for panhandling
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ugly-ass newborn giraffe born at Memphis zoo. With "awwwww" inspiring pics
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this box-and-breakfast
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Your dog wants his steak complemented with peanut butter, parsley, lemongrass, or spearmint flavored water. With bonus canine and human taste test results
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New stamp honoring Bette Davis is missing something
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Economic woes chill effort to stop global warming, which is actually good news since we'll all be forced to live in the streets soon and thankfully it won't be as cold
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And now for bunnday, a little advice from Ric Romero: "Rabbits like to make babies"
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Oil plummets to $78 a barrel. Time to dust off your SUV's and go hybrid-squishin
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Jailed OJ believes he was "railroaded". "We prefer to call it 'spooning'," said one inmate
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Seattle area schools decide to let their schoolchildren be left behind
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| (Some Guy) |
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Do you hate movie reviews that spoil the plot? Not enough time to read those long drawn out movie reviews? Everyone knows shorter is better so: the Four Word Film Review
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The behind-the-scenes story of the NSA's wiretapping of overseas Americans' phone calls. I'm Bill Curtis
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| (Some Guy) |
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Adding insult to injury. The 9th Annual North American Wife Carrying Championship grand prize is your wife's weight in Bud Light
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Ugly-ass baby lambs born out of season in Nottinghamshire. With the ugliest-ass pics ewe've ever seen
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Nanny state cranks it up a notch: 12-year-old child fined $100 for being ill
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Kennedy's "floating White House" for sale at sailboat show in Annapolis. It has been painstakingly restored, Marilyn Monroe's secretions scrubbed from the berth mattresses, and Teddy Kennedy only drank half the bar
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Phase 1: Direct incoming cars to parking lot. Phase 2: Put up large "No Parking" signs after they've parked. Phase 3: Profit
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Large indoor pot farm in Birmingham raided. This is bad news...for 'Bama
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| (Some Guy) |
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Podiatrist in a jam; nailed, and toed "you're under arrest" after Feds realized his game was afoot. Heel be out in about a year
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Man discovers treating a skunk humanely in a city-owned trap was not worth all the trouble. That stinks
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Ever wonder how a suspension bridge would react in an earthquake? Well wonder no more
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| (Some Guy) |
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Virgin turns down $1,000,000 for out-of-this-world sex
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| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop these people
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| (Killeen Daily Herald) |
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Killeen, TX celebrates National Toilet Tank Repair Month with important toilet-maintenance tips
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If you intend to steal live lobsters, bring a backpack. Too many horrible things can happen if you stuff them down your pants, as seen on the next episode of "Ow, My Balls"
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| (Naples Daily News) |
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BAD: Hitting a car. WORSE: Hitting a parked car. EVEN WORSE: While drunk. FARK: Getting a DUI for hitting a parked cop car, with the cop still inside, writing a traffic ticket
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Sons of Confederate Veterans admit their giant Stars & Bars flag at interstate junction is inappropriate, agreed to take it down. Naw, just kidding, they're replacing it with an even bigger flag
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Financial crisis has gotten so bad that dead bodies are no longer being buried for financial reasons
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| (northwestern) |
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The cutest pair of lion cubs you'll see all weekend. With link to lots of cuddly-wuddly pics
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| (Some Chick) |
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We secretly replaced the gas in this 250 gallon tank with water....lets see if any thieves notice
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| (Beaches Leader) |
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Police chief Ric Romero informs us to call police when witnessing crimes
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One in three Atlanta Police Academy graduates has been arrested or cited for a crime
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| Sat October 11, 2008 |
| (GreenvilleOnline) |
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Surprise Buttsecks? "Sheriff's deputies are investigating a Saturday-morning incident that left one man with something -- no one is sure what -- embedded in his buttocks."
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The proper way to be friends with benefits. It's not news. It's cnnbootycall.com
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| (tmj4) |
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Family of missing woman believe that she may be buried in a grave under a guy who, at the time, was at the funeral home owned by the uncle of the guy who is believed to have killed her. Whew, I need an aspirin and a vodak
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"You ain't just smoking pot, bud. You're smoking some heavy-duty pesticides from Mexico."
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It was three years ago, time to enjoy it again: Mate two animals to create a new one. (Please no actual mating. Just the result)
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| (WalMart) |
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This can opener really sucks
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Religious people are only nicer if they think their god is watching them
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| (Journal Times) |
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Who would be brazen enough to steal money from a disabled guy's produce stand? Don't know his name yet, but here's a lovely photo
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Shock and horror in Scottish town as anonymous benefactor gives away cash with nothing expected in return
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| (I like weather) |
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Earliest snowfall ever, in Idaho. Ha
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Religiosity curbs teen marijuana use by half
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Four women dressed in black apologize after their "harmless prank" of sticking 1000 plastic knives in a families lawn and writing a threatening letter was thought of as a real threat. w/ pic
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Belgian breaks world blind driving speed record in desperate attempt to escape Belgium
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TV weatherman proposes on air to his anchorwoman girlfriend. Awww [video]
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| (Some Guy) |
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Experts agree that bird flu vaccine would be hard to weaponize. But the government doesn't listen to experts so no vaccines for you, Indonesia
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"You've awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man stabs his mother to death then just to prove he's not all that bad, he takes her cat to the vet. Awwww
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Cop who was fired over Bigfoot hoax tries to get his job back
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| (The Day) |
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The kid in me says "Oh man, I gotta buy that firetruck." The grown-up in me says "I gotta convert it into a pizza and beer truck"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Group wants entire city removed from Google Street View so pedophiles can't find schools and playgrounds, because they can't be found any other way
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A whole generation raised on porn, what could possibly go wrong?
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Philadelphia greenlights refunds for motorists who got ticketed for running redlights
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Why now is the time to visit Iceland, as it's in an economic meltdown. Of course, "cold, dark and expensive" are mentioned before the article even gets started
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| (VillageSoup.com) |
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I'll see your rare blue lobster and raise you one day-glo orange lobster. W/ hittable pic
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Weedpunk literary genre? First cyberpunk, steampunk... now weedpunk?
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| (TheMaineEdge.com) |
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"The show includes a cast of 77, including 32 Rockettes. They travel with two camels, a donkey and four sheep"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these lil skeeters-to-be
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Cars lined up 30 deep as two stations battle it out in gas war holding at $1.85 per gallon by Friday night
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It's your weekly roundup of supermarket recalls: dried radishes, milk drinks, cookies. In other news, people actually eat dried radishes?
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If you ever wanted to have a motorcycle shaped like a leaping jaguar, today's your lucky day
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A year later, Creation Museum still drawing big crowds. It's almost as if there was some intelligent design behind the whole project
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Hurricane Norbert strengthens to category 3 storm. Should hit New Mexico by Sunday. Huh?
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Hundreds flock to Cape Cod harbor to see the huge manatee. Oh
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All talented cats must get ready for the upcoming Cat Agility Championships in NYC. Caturday might be a good day to start
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| (Some Guy) |
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Joerg Haider, head of Austrian far-right political party, dies in car crash after trying to pass someone on the right
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What is Henry Paulson whispering to Ben Bernanke? (voting enabled)
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| (SLO Tribune) |
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A traveling zoo is all fun and games until an allergic hotel maid meets lemur poop and spider monkey dander (bonus: plaintiff claims kidnappers took her to a cemetery so she'd drop case)
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Cop injured after being cold-cocked by a sex toy
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Parents, when you feel like spanking your child, why not tickle them instead?
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Thinking of ending it all with a dive from the Golden Gate bridge? Well, now there's a catch
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| (Hoopsa boyaboy hoopsa!) |
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Photoshop this proud paternal presentation
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Photoshop this modular model
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Austin cop forgot gun in courthouse bathroom. TX state judge suggests reasonable step of banning all cops from having guns in courthhouses
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Elderly man jailed because he can't afford to sod his lawn according to homeowners association decree
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Insane man kills his mom claiming he was acting on CIA orders to kill this woman who he believed was draining so much money from banks that it would cause worldwide famine
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| Fri October 10, 2008 |
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Latest counterinsurgency in Iraq is led by roaches who hitchhiked in with American troops. At least the roaches can win something there
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Now's the time to invest in mackerel
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79-year-old big dummy arrested for blocking sidewalk with multi-ton garbage mountain (pic)
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Dog dies saving owner from burning house
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this lakeside real estate
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Chimp Anjana becomes surrogate mother to adorable white tiger cub twins
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| (The Courier-Journal) |
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How many times have you heard this one and yet it still makes you just shake your head: Two arrested in robbery after stopping to ask cops for directions
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Toss another Marklar on the Marklar
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Japanese nuclear complex starts smoking, officials say there's nothing to fear
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Mark Wahlberg not a fan of "Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Troopergate findings: Palin abused her power. Turns out she really does have executive experience
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How do real female fans support their Tampa Bay Devil Rays? By getting Rayhawk bikini waxes
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Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega convinced that "God (is) punishing the United States with the financial crisis for trying to impose its economic principles on poor countries." Bet that makes his taco pop
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| (Some Guy) |
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With Massachusetts having solved all of its other problems... income tax, deteriorating roads, schools with no accreditation... they have decided to argue over what the state book should be
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We don't need to tell you that the next president of the United States is going to have a lot to do. He has to fix the economy, the environment, and Wall Street as well as reveal the truth about UFOs. Wait, what?
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Family shares home with pet donkey, figuring why not have another lazy ass around the place? (pic)
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| (Westword) |
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The best beers in the US are brewed in Colorado, California, Alaska, Oregon and rest of the West
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Cast of "Family Guy" to present two nights of songs and masturbation jokes at Carnegie Hall next month
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Actual headline: "Talkin' Bout My Boring Generation." Welcome to old farthood, Baby Boomers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man builds a life-sized replica of Fred Flintstone's car for his yard
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It's League Championship Week over at The Smoking Gun mugshot roundup
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Mother-of-the-year candidate buys her 13-year-old daughter and her two friends a bottle of vodak, three bottles of wine, and two alcopops before charity walk, because walking is hard when you're sober. w/OMG MY EYES pic
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| (Some Guy) |
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Comcast gives ultimate in crappy service to homeowner
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Forbes recalculates list of wealthiest Americans in wake of financial crisis and stock market collapse, reveals that Buffett has overtaken Gates as USA's richest man, breaking 15-year deathgrip
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Gas prices in Britain are now so high that terrorists have taken to escaping after planting their bombs by rickshaw
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Report: Jose Canseco detained at Mexican border for possession of steroid that "maintains and restores testicular size"
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| (Some Crazy Guy) |
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Live in Key West and have a check from Mexico you need cashed? Do you c) Walk to Chicago with three bike trains full of crap
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The numbers are in from Oktoberfest - Only 6.6 million liters of beer and 104 oxen, however condom sales are bursting at 1.5 million
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McCain's tracking numbers against the S&P 500 over the past two weeks. It's the economy, stupid
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Stress from difficult economic times does not cause more suicides. Actually, it causes people to eat like Michael Moore at a free Vegas buffet
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Canada has universal healthcare, a budget surplus, no war, and financially sound banks, not to mention Canadian Bacon. Who's the moron now, America, eh?
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| (The Register Citizen) |
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Student brings fake gun to school during visit by presidential candidate Ralph Nader. In other news, Nader qualifies for Secret Service protection?
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6 horrible lessons Hollywood loves to teach kids
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Another thing your $700 billion bailout package is buying for Wall Street: $1000 lap dances
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Vladimir Putin gets rare tiger cub for his birthday. PETA upset because he HUNTS tigers with his JUDO
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BBC radio presenters suspended after referring to the disabled as "window-lickers", now wish they hadn't gone full retard
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Georgia requests complete Russian pullout, Russia claims it feels too good to stop
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| (The Moscow Times) |
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Russia's parliamentarians are off their meds, but still have access to a liquor store at work
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| (Political Wire) |
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Sarah Palin confirmed to appear on Saturday Night Live on October 25th
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France pulls tainted Chinese food. And by tainted, they mean not soaked in butter or containing snails
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REMINDER - Fark Party tonight in Petaluma. 8pm at Dempsyes. DIT, LGTprevious thread
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Following Massachusetts' lead, Connecticut goes for the reacharound of justice. Bunch of Nutmeggers
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This just in: Venezuela shuts down all McDonald's restaurants for 48 hours. When asked for comment Hugo Chavez said, "Robble robble."
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Topless model Jodie Marsh follows in Mother Teresa and the Dalai Lama's footsteps, on the debating platform at the Oxford Union
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"Stupid": It's not just a Fark tag, it's a sentencing option
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| (Some Guy) |
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AT&T turns user agreement into a 2,500 page mess of legal jargon, then sends it to your junk mail folder
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Palin on the way to New Hampshire, probably dispatched to deal with Ford-humping moose
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Not news: Boy gets Mohawk haircut to support team. News: School suspends boy. Fark: Boy sidesteps suspension by changing to Mohawk-friendly school. Daniel Day-Lewis approves
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Photoshop this hungry hungry hippo
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Making math "uncool" is hurting American competitiveness researchers say. Unlike before, when being able to quote binomial theorems from memory was guaranteed to get you laid
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| (Peter Pumpkinhead) |
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Man attacks Pumpkin People, presumably trying to squash them
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Wild boar vs. hunters ends 1-1 after overtime
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| (Some Guy) |
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Coolest collection of high speed photographs you will see until the next time someone posts a cool collection of high speed photographs
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List of things you shouldn't bring to the airport: Gun, nail clippers, human skull
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Obama called Osama on absentee ballots. Bonus: "So far three people have called to point it out"
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So, can we hit 6,000 today? It's the official "AHHHH OH GOD MY RETIREMENT" stock market thread. EVERYBODY PANIC
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"Transvestite Rambo arsonist sent to jail." So few words, so much hilarity (pic)
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Why is the city of Chicago backing off its law against using cell phones while driving? If you said, "Because an alderman was caught doing it," you win the prize
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Your girl refuses to give you oral sex, that's a shooting... in the crotch
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Man barricaded in his home is brought into custody when Atlanta police try an experimental new tactic: Waiting for him to fall asleep
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Dalai Lama's gall stone successfully removed. Stone will now ascend to its higher purpose
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Martti Ahtisaari has won the Nobel Peace prize. The committee said his work was the bomb, even though it's still not Finnished
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Walgreen drugstores forced to pull Talking Obama, McCain and Clinton dolls off shelves after receiving a couple of complaints from ass-wookies with no sense of humor
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Ryanair "defends right of Swedish women to take their clothes off," earning nomination for title of World's Favourite Airline
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Federal employee in charge of ordering office supplies still thinks the stripper was really interested in him, not his government-issued credit card they used to process $280,000 in phony charges
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Obama to hold four rallies in Philly tomorrow. Secret Service detail on heightened alert for suspicious individuals bitterly clinging to guns, religion
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X + y = infinity. Former head of MIT Math department, and author of seminal algebra text dies
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You're through to Islamic chat: Dial 1 for a fatwa... Dial 2 for 40 virgins... Dial 3 if you require a stoning...
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Parking attendant slaps ticket on police car -- while the police are busy responding to an armed robbery
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Academic finds evidence that Bach's wife wrote some of his music. Mostly the pieces that seem to go on and on forever without ever really getting to the point
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Your girlfriend breaks up with you. Do you: A) Have a few beers and good cry? B) Seek out some revenge sex? Or C) Burn down her grandparents' house?
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Ford-humping moose is back and horny as ever
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UK treasury officials flying to Iceland to get back the money their citizens had in Icelandic banks, will take Bjork hostage if they have to
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Somali pirates release Filipino seamen. Oh, so they were THAT kind of pirate
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Dumbass special: British government loses personal details... of the entire British Army
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| (Star-News) |
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Need for soda causes pilot to crash shrimp boat into pier
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Boat slip: €585 per year. Luxury yacht: €19,500. Selling your yacht for €22.50 on eBay because you neglected to set a minimum bid: Priceless
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Are you a slubberdegullion, a termagent or a frippet? We already know you're a scrimshanker
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| (Some Guy) |
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Old bingo hall introduces "strip poker" to list of legal gaming (with pic)
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| (fmr shac 1st lt) |
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"911, what is your emergency?" "Man, we really need a large pepperoni and mushroom pizza, like, immediately"
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President Bush to announce martial law at 10:25 a.m. Just kidding, it's a public statement to calm the nation, followed by panicked selling at 10:30 and THEN martial law at 10:45
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Father of two crushed to death after falling into printing press. This story is continued on Pages 3, 4, 9 and 10
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Nanny State bans Marmite from school, and not just because it tastes like ass. Bonus: Even British papers have started using 'Nanny State' in headlines, just like us
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New website offers guide to canine medical conditions. Now you can annoy your vet with asinine Internet self diagnoses, just like you do your own doctor
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| (Mr. and Mrs. Kramer) |
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You think your divorce was messy? At least you didn't have to saw your house in half
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NSA supports our troops, by monitoring their phone calls for quality assurance
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Brazil discovers massive oil reserves deep under the ocean. Will tap reserves by coating ocean floor with wax, then ripping oil out of the earth's crust
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Star Trek movie writers say we have to bring more Star Wars into Star Trek. Fark photoshoppers on the case
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Oil approaches $80 on news that you need gas to drive to the unemployment office
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Photoshop this marine maw
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Schools to ban processed meats from cafeterias. Your crotchfruit wants tubesteak
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The art of pulling a successful sicky lies in not claiming to be so ill that your boss decides to try and visit you in hospital
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Richard Pryor's "Superman III" computer bug plays hell with the Commonwealth Bank of Australia
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| (Lincoln Journal Star) |
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Woman finds a homeless man sleeping on her porch and wakes him up by kicking his shoe. Since this is Fark, you can probably guess what happened next
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Pandas in a bear tree. Yeah, The Sun was there
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Homeless man steals cement truck, gets involved in high speed chase, police say they have concrete evidence
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| Thu October 09, 2008 |
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Instead of getting a cool, "Silence Of The Lambs"-type mask, inmate who spit on a deputy forced to wear a black and white paper mask while in court
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42-year-old school resource officer and sheriff's deputy fired after pulling 13-year-old girl out of class to confess his love for her
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Cops lock down two schools and arrest an innocent man all because a woman took her four-year-old granddaughter into a bar
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Closing roads can help ease traffic congestion. Wait, what?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this Presidential candidate playing "airplane" with his supporters (voting enabled)
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HOA demands that a man landscape his yard, even though he's in Kuwait and his wife is pregnant. "I really don't give a [expletive] where he is or what his problem is."
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Photoshop this wheelbarrow load of baby orangutans
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| (Some Guy) |
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Busted for child porn after taking computer in for repairs will get you an ass whipping in jail. W/pic that will haunt you soul
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Minneapolis radio host: "I am convinced Magic faked AIDS."
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The secret to long-life? 105-year-old virgin puts it down to no sex
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Tibetan spiritual leader hospitalized with abdominal pain. This is bad news...for a Lama
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Land of the free? Parking lot owner bans Obama supporters. UT-Austin bans two students from registering for classes because they put an Obama sign in their dorm window
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Sarah Palin accused of not buckling her son Trig in his car seat before driving. That's retarded
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In an effort to boost tourism Japanese hotels don't want foreigners as guests. You're doing it wrong
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Truck unleashes 40,000 pounds of glue on State Highway 39, cleanup crews adhere to hazardous material response guide
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| (WWL) |
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Man spots the shooter who gunned down his brother, runs him over. Police say, "no problem here."
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Fourteen heathens pay the price, for riding a bus through Amish paradise. Their bus rolled over once or twice, driving in an Amish paradise
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Being arrogant to your waiter? That's a fatal beating
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Strong-arm robber in Michigan ends up $30 down
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| (Some Guy) |
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With nothing more exciting to report on, Illinois media gushes over plants that make industrial sand: "think it's amazing what they can do with sand." There's a reason normal people prefer to fly over your state, bumpkins
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Parents already trampling themselves to get their hands on Bakugan, the game that is this year's industry-hyped must-have Christmas gift (pic)
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That whistling sound? Is the Canadian dollar in freefall - 87 cents U.S. and falling
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| (The Inquirer and Mirror) |
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There once was a man from Nantucket/Who went to Thailand on a junket/He made porno with children/Got thrown into prison/Two months later he died of "heart disease"
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| (The Sheboygan Press) |
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Guy gives cops fake name to get out of ticket. Brilliant. No wait, the other thing
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So how did Newsweek get Sarah Palin to pose with a rifle on its cover? Long story short, it didn't
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North Korea kicks out UN nuclear inspectors in anticipation of Obama personally helping North Korea build the "big one'
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| (Some Guy) |
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The last time oil was $87 a barrel, gas was $2.77 a gallon. Right now, gas is $3.40 a gallon. More evidence of a free market at work
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Dolphin leaps out of water, knocks elderly woman unconcious. San Diego Chargers and New England Patriots send a gift basket for moral support
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| (Florida Today) |
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UF warns of increase of roaches on campus. Students seen looking on ground for those funny looking cigarettes
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English Holiday Inn issues all guests a guidebook to help them comprehend the baffling local dialect, including translations of "dernt nerr" and "summatup?"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Reason #139 to avoid sending your kids to public schools in 2008. Five teens "sexually harassed" lone female student by forcing her to the ground and shoving their exposed genitals in her face. Boys will be boys
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Gardener ordered to take down barbed wire fence so thieves won't get hurt climbing over it. If you can name in which country this occurred, you win a free order of fish and chips
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Man accused in car salesman's death claims he is the "anti-Christ" and the salesman jumped out of the moving truck because he did not want "to repent to save his soul."
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Elderly woman complains after UFO crashes through her roof and hit her in the forehead. "She says the ice has a slightly fishy smell and looks like quartz"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Study shows that religion can be depressing. Catholics seen nodding in agreement before kneeling, standing, kneeling and looking at a dead guy on a cross -- the biggest thing in the room
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We've secretly switched this woman's birth control pills with fertility drugs. Let's see if anyone notices
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In space, no one can see your teeth
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hot chick survives being pinned in her car for two days after rolling down steep embankment. Police have ruled the crash an "accident" despite the fact she was returning home from a Ravens game
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Dow Jones, now stopping at gate 11,000 ..... 10,000 ..... 9,000 ...... 8,000
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One in four teen girls in the US got the cervical cancer vaccine last year, those sluts
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The four secrets of amazing sex. Well, there are five: the first unstated assumption is one has a partner
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Romeo foxtrot victor over Juliet
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Remember that Christmas light display made famous by Fark and eventually picked up for a Miller Lite commercial? It's not happening this year, unless someone wants to pay for it
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OPEC to hold extraordinary meeting next month. Seminars to include; Fish in a barrel - Really as Easy as it Looks?, The Dangers of Money - Learn to Stack it Safely, Hand Strength in Relation to Testicular Pressure. OW MY
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Poll finds that Canadian voters think economy first, hockey second. Beer and back bacon tied for third
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Why the sad face? A photo gallery of the best of the sad-faced stock traders. Voting enabled in case you have captions
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Dispatcher: "What's your emergency?" Caller: "There's someone farking in the parking lot." Dispatcher: "I'll notify the police." Caller: "Uh hang on, I'm getting a call from 911."
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The bailout isn't working because it has "encouraged lenders to hold off dealing with their bad debt in hopes of getting a better deal from the Treasury." Suck it, non-libertarians
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| (NBC) |
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Remember that douchebag who caught those final baseballs at Shea and Yankee Stadium? Here he is on Jay Leno (interview starts at 31.25)
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I see your AIG party at the Ritz Carlton and raise you a Barclays shindig at Italy's Villa D'Este hotel costing *touch pinky to cheek* one MILLION dollars
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this boomerangist
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North Korea reportedly working on an advanced Taepodong, which is longer, straighter, and more powerful than any Taepodong we've seen before
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Looks like Todd Palin is jumping on the troopergate grenade
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| (KXLY) |
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Overachieving squirrel leaves trail of destruction in its wake, managing to cause a power line collapse, car fire, natural gas fire and a power outage in the span of about thirty seconds
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| (VegasCabbie) |
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Things that suck about being a cab driver: 1) low pay, 2) boredom and long hours, 3) your co-workers punching you in the face
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Having 360 bags of compost delivered to a residential home might tip off the police to your massive pot farm
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| (610 WTVN) |
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Judge offers loud rap music listening basketball player a break on fine if he listens to classical music for 20 hours. Could only take Mozart for 15 minutes, yo
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TelevisiOn sTAtion guiLty oF subliminal AdveRtising, Keep reading this
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Inmates at Welsh prison win luxury bathroom shopping spree in recognition of their prize-winning gardens
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Sagging economy stiffens recession sex
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"As tempers flared, one man grabbed a hammer, the other a letter opener." Two men enter, one man leaves
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Slowly but surely, everyone is being cleared of killing JonBenet Ramsey
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| (Some facetimer) |
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It's good to have a life outside of work, but Nevada governor Jim Gibbons has been in his office 12 days over the past 9 weeks
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Qantas is blaming their near accidents on passengers having wireless devices in use
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German magazine to hold Muhammad look-a-like competition. Should end well then
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Senior citizen gets bill for c-section delivery. She claims it's not hers; hospital promises to look into it
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US air raid in Afghanistan downgraded from "success" to "oops"
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Come visit Hawaii. And look at this pr0n, you biatches and n-words
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Inside the mind of celebrity stalkers. A whole new level of CRAZY
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| (Some Yankee) |
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There are Civil War buffs. There are Civil War Collectors. Then there's this guy
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Mass. man grows 860 kg pumpkin, names it "Ted."
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| (Good Milk) |
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China tests find no melamine in new liquid milk so they've got that going for them which is nice
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Fight erupts in line for $2.88 gas
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Thieves steal $2k in sex toys. Store Owner: "They took all the Rabbits but they left the Seahorse, probably because they had enough butt plugs". Fake
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| (Some Guy) |
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Naked man gets dressed and leaves when woman comes home to find him sleeping naked in her bed. But he did leave his phone in case she, or the cops, want to hook-up later (3rd story)
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Man walks into wrong house during blackout -- that's a shooting (with video)
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Students too poor to rent accommodations are now squatting in vacant terrace houses. Of course, they're art students, which explains the first part of the headline
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Schoolteacher busted selling pot to supplement her income. Bonus: she taught at Greenleaf Elementary School
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Woman claims to be Elvis's half-sister, says the singer is still alive and living as "Jessie" Presley. She didn't say what he was doing, but donuts and amphetamines are no doubt involved
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In their never ending effort to carry water for the republicans the NRA endorses gun control advocate John McCain
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Authorities want to deport man wrongly convicted of rape before he can win his lawsuit against the police department
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Brits appreciate their boozers. "One of the reasons the late Queen Mother was so beloved was that she spent the last decades of her life in a benign alcoholic haze"
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French author Le Clezio wins the Nobel prize for literature: evidently, they thought he was a dynamite writer
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Bank burglary bid by big blue bucket-bearing bunny backfires. Bollocks
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Protip: If you're going to rob a random person on the street, try not to choose an off-duty police officer
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China pinky swears that if the US will pretty please with sugar on top release those separatist chinese muslim terrorists from gitmo, it will take them in and hug them and kiss them and not torture them or anything
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I have a spelling chequer, it came with my pea sea, and it just cost me $154,000
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Man impregnates 30 lesbians, raises fears of incest
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No matter how mad you are about your parking ticket, you probably shouldn't extinguish your lit cigarette in the officer's eye
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fisher-Price talking doll pulled from shelves for saying "Satan is king" and "Islam is the light"
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Chicago to open "gay-friendly" high school in 2010, despite fears of vicious prom-queen competition
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Man to Yosemite Park official: "Yeah, I was wondering if we could switch cabins. Maybe to one that isn't so.......landslidey?"
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Man is attacked by a bear, manages to pick up a stick, beats the bear to death with his one good arm, and then walked a kilometer to get some medical attention. Guns don't kill bears, 5'9" men with sticks kill bears
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About a dozen passengers had the fish; plane makes emergency landing in Chicago
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Family returns home from restaurant meal to find stranger sleeping in their bed, shoots him immediately. Just kidding, this ain't Texas
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Being told by a cop after being arrested for stealing beer is NOT the best way to discover your girlfriend used to be a man (with "would it bother you if you knew?" pic)
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Tilt shift time lapse video. Hard to believe it's not miniature. Do not view while high
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Photoshop this pepper-ball gun
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A year's worth of heroin for the entire world has gone missing. I'm looking at you, Amy Winehouse
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Missouri man accused of driving his lawnmower drunk. How much alcohol was involved, you ask? The mower was pulling a trailer with a case of beer in it, in case the flask of whiskey in his pocket ran dry
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He thought he was the king of America. Actually, no he didn't. But he could have been
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British food will kill you all. No, seriously
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| (NBC 23) |
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Four goats slaughtered at Texas high school. In related news, Texas high schools have goats. Well, HAD goats
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Ottawa tourism ads win awards, shaming those naysayers who thought, "If you think it's a shiathole to visit, you should try living here" slogan was too obvious
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| (Joseph Smith) |
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Man claims that Zen and God made him open a bank account, and then Satan made him beat up two police officers and the bank manager
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Baskin Robbins rolls out presidential ice cream: Whirl of Change and Straight Talk Crunch. That's the best they could do? Voting enabled in case you have a better suggestion for candidate ice cream names
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A moose never bit my sister, but one did get frisky with my truck
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Father files lawsuit because his teenage daughter was farked with so badly on the Internet that she was admitted to a mental health clinic. Mental health workers hope 'turning the damn computer off' suggestion will be helpful advice
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| (Some Guy) |
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Eighth grader texts nude picture of herself to 13-year-old boy. Boy arrested on charges of being a filthy, filthy boy who received child pornography from the helpless victim
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When a judge says he wants you to "die like a beast in a cage" and then sentences you to a thousand years in jail, well, you know you done farked up
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When you're accosted by a gun-toting robber, you probably shouldn't ask him if his gun is loaded, lest he pull the trigger and remove all doubt
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Wild turkey takes up residence at Harvard Business School, "scaring" and "terrifying" MBA students
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News: Woman shot in the leg. Fark.com: By her cast-iron stove
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Man allowed by TSA to board airplane after two grenades found in luggage. Meanwhile, carrying four ounces of hair gel? Step over here into our Tase-nasium, sir
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 179: "Collections". Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed October 08, 2008 |
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Uighurs' release from Guantanamo blocked by appeals court after Bush administration says it could set dangerous precedent, lead to freedom for Icy Hot Stuntaz
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Problem: have a pot of boiling water and nowhere to put it. Solution: dump it on sleeping husband's groin
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Photoshop this model in a knot
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Judge Dredd smartshell shotguns target '09 Iraq deployment
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Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart refuses to evict people in his county because most of them are renters who have done nothing wrong
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McCain flashes back to Hanoi Hilton, refers to American populace as his "fellow prisoners"
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Step 1: Steal a snake and turtle from the zoo. Step 2: Feed your cat to the snake. Step 3: Return to the zoo to ask what else to feed the snake. Step 4: Jail
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| (azfamily.com) |
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Remember: the Grand Canyon is for viewing and photographing only. Do not use it to test your various theories of gravity
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Somali pirates close to deal. Pittsburgh still expected to finish last next season
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Hurrican Norbert bulks up, threatens Baja, still can't quite be taken seriously
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| (Some cop) |
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"Even for the Florida Keys, where some consider doing jail time a rite of passage, this could be a record" -- 149 felony counts
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Sarah Palin no longer wearing a wedding ring. Are there problems between her and Alaska's "First Dude?" (picture)
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The headline: "Urine's Sterile. So When Should You Drink It?" The photo: A guy eating a roasted tarantula on a stick. If you guessed this article is a review of a new kid's book, you win a cookie
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| (Some Guy) |
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Obama: "We all have to make sacrifices. But I'm going to make the richest 1% pay, not you. But we all have to make sacrifices. So here's some free money. But remember: We all have to make sacrifices"
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The national debt clock adds an extra digit, will soon be stuck at a static number like those McDonalds signs that say "over 99 billion served"
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One in three British men prefer smaller boobs. It was also noted that one in three British men filled out the survey with their wives sitting next to them (NSFW pic in link, thread has become NSFW)
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AIG back at the trough
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It's DEFINITELY a good idea to hit a cop in the nuts while you're tailgating. Naked. In the back of your truck which you've turned into a pool
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If you plan on smuggling your heroin around in a suitcase, try putting it in coffee cans or porcelain dolls. Using a corpse stuffed with heroin will only make things worse
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Georgia complains Russian pull-out is incomplete. Russia doesn't understand what the big deal is, claims it is only using the tip
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| (NBC 4) |
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You may want to reconsider your criminal career when a 6-year-old girl can kick your ass
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Towing a 25-Foot "Viva Viagra" rocket? That's a jailing
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The most incredible personal library evar. Behold internet start-up CEO Jay Walker's paradise, including an actual Sputnik satellite, and a napkin on which FDR planned to win WWII
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Woman arrested for DIY wine tasting
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In a shocking turn of events, police departments are abusing terrorist watch lists to spy on political activists
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"At the pace things are going right now you're going to have ask whether you're better off than you were four weeks ago."
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Sixteen percent of Americans owe more on their home than it's worth, mostly in America's bookends of dumbness, Florida and California
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| (Some Guy) |
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Former Mad Magazine cover artist takes job as Houston PD sketch artist
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Do you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain?
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So a guy walks into a bar with a running chainsaw
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Man steals two laptop computers, a desktop computer, a fax machine, VCR and some tools from victim's home. Challenges the victim to a fight and says he'll give it all back if the victim wins
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Everyone who has a sitting parliament, please take one step forward. Not so fast, Ukraine
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| (Some Natural) |
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Insta-Photoshop the non-airbrushed Sarah Palin to appease conservatives who are outraged at her natural, non-'Shopped appearance
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ugly ass tiger cubs born at Honolulu zoo. Well they are actually pretty darn cute
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German couple claim world record for continuous movie watching, after seeing 57 films in 123 hours. Extra credit given for watching "Norbit" and "Stomp the Yard"
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People from other states are now abusing Nebraska's "Safe Haven" law by abandoning their teens across state lines
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Photoshop these early space racers
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In Afghanistan with the ISAF, some of the coolest pictures you'll see today
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Man photographs chupacabra. However, just like Bigfoot and Michael J Fox, the photos come out all blurry
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Not News: Woman has credit cards, cellphone stolen. Still Not News: She tries to conduct the criminal investigation herself. Fark: By fingerprinting and running background checks on her 7th grade class
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Portland housing market slides downhill, literally (pic)
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The average woman has twenty-six makeovers in a lifetime, if she manages to live that long after draining your joint account yet again
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How to make a bad situation much worse: After getting bitten by a rattler, get behind the wheel of a vehicle, see what happens
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Gasoline below $3 may be coming soon. Along with the Messiah
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Perhaps an area containing 244 sex offenders isn't a good route for your school's cross-country team to run
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| (Some Guy) |
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Authorities find 15 cats and an artillery shell in a storage unit. Cats angry that their nefarious plan was thwarted, vow revenge
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Judge tells woman she should have left abusive relationship and to not bother calling police if she goes back
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If you think your day already sucks, try having to explain how your cop car got stolen from your driveway
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Man buys winning lottery ticket -- seven seconds too late
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| (Sex Drive) |
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"He's like the douchebag from high school that drove around the parking lot doing donuts" (Sponsored Link)
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Parish Priest being persecuted for playing Church bells through his PA system: "We are disappointed and hurt that there is still a small minority who seem offended at the sound of Christians"
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