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| Sun September 21, 2008 |
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Playing flute outside your apartment? That's a stabbing
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Driver chases down rider on stolen bike who carjacks van. Then it gets strange
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Dead driver found with beercan in his hand. He told you he was hardcore
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Attention, you fubsy, niddering oppugnant agrestics: some perfectly cromulent words need saving
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Man stabbed during fight over Big Mac. Still healthier than if he had eaten the burger
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If you left your three-year-old child wandering around an Oklahoma City parking lot with beer in his bottle, the police would like to have a word with you
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British town council forced to pay £1.6 million for a .22-acre lot, thanks to the Luftwaffe
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| (Lancashire Telegraph) |
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Man arrested for crack in his drawers
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Twelve months of witness protection for English family goes down gurgler when Australian walks up to them at supermarket with newspaper clipping and says "hey, that's you, isn't it? It's ok, I won't tell anyone"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Too bad the Olympics are over. We just found the gold medal winner for most trashed apartment
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Most lifelike butter sculptures you'll see ... well, pretty much ever
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| (Otago Daily Times) |
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2-year-old prodigy skis, skateboards, plays golf, still drinks from a sippy cup
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| (Some Chick) |
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Drunk woman speeds through construction zone, hits a car, airbag deploys, keeps speeding...to get to bar
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"Not last night but the night before... 24 robbers came a-knockin' at my door... I asked them what they wanted, and this is what they said: OH GOD MY HAND OH GOD AAAAAAHHHH"
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It's never a good sign when you propose to your girlfriend and she responds by slapping, punching, scratching, and throwing several knives at you
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Traditional British pub signs die out. Millions fear Morris Men and gay vicars may be next
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Babies who use mobile phones in the womb more likely to die of mobile phone-related ilnesses
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Cops threaten guy with arrest... for having an annoying garden gnome. w/pic of offending gnome
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Pouring boiling water onto a 4 year old after she told you to 'Get a job' is no way to go through life, son
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| (NBC 15) |
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Six arrested in Prichard, Alabama for prostitution - with mugshot nastiness
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Researchers discover that finger length is connected to the desire to exercise. Still no cure for cancer
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If you've lost a 500kg piece of brie that makes dogs foam at the mouth and vomit when they lick it, the Wellington City Council would like a word with you
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Researchers getting all sedimental over ancient reef found in Australian desert that may contain clues to history of climate change
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Former Sex Pistol turns from anarchy to butter, with scary pic goodness
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Presenting Obama cookies. McCain pastry coming soon
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Dumbass: knife-wielding man tries to rob convenience store, but gives up when the clerk tells him that he can't give him money without a sale. Fail: robber leaves his driver's license at the store
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Photoshop this giant chair
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Shine on you crazy, near-flawless, 500 carat white diamond
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Phone cutomers, especially young ones, are ditching land lines for a cell-only lifestyle. Another scoop for Ric Romero
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A TV presenter (a Brit) / Made people so mad they could spit / Her mutt did a poop / She neglected to scoop / And so she got into trouble
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New study shows taking pre-natal vitamins may increase chance of asthma in children AND grandchildren. Be cautious of precaution
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Obesity more harmful to heart than smoking but secondhand fat only a problem when stuck next to a fat guy on a plane
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Bacteria 'can ward off diabetes', is there anything bacteria can't do?
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Sat nav cock-up sends lorries gatecrashing through a peaceful funeral service
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| (Some Chick) |
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Man dies after falling four stories off balcony trying to get into neighbors apartment. Police won't comment on cause of death
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French troops 'ran out of ammunition' in Afghanistan. Since this is Fark you can anticipate what happened next...which was not a good idea when fighting the Taliban
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And this, boys and girls, is how not to go rock climbing
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Israel unleashes first 'Skunk Bomb', Pepe LePew awarded the עיטור המופת
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Nascar announces that everyone involved in their 'sport' is a drug addict. So will be subject to the same abuse the rest of us experience every day on the road
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Electricity restored at Renaissance Festival
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Millionaire stops paying mortgage on his mansion after complaining to bank that it was haunted
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Getting drunk and violent doesn't pay"
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| (Some Insane Guy) |
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Best. Lego. Model. Evar
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| (Goldsboro News-Argus) |
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Policeman shoots woman's dog right in front of her neighbor. "I said, 'Please don't shoot that dog. He won't hurt you'"
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Artists around the world crying in their lattes as governments are cutting back on arts and culture spending, forcing many of them to actually become productive members of society
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Chinese restaurant damaged in fire. Oh the Hunanity
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| (Some Muggle) |
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Photoshop the Weasley family
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Houston Domino's franchises plan to give away 1000 pizzas to hungry relief workers today
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"Free Hugs Guy" soon to be called "Free Kidney Guy"
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Getting thrown out of one bar in Portsmouth, NH will get you thrown out of 13 others as well
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| (NorthJersey.com) |
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Reenactment of "Caddyshack" fight scene goes horribly wrong. Caddy charged with manslaughter, so he's got that going for him
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McCain bagged Brazilian beauty queens ... and he was a good kisser
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City considers new law to prevent people with no money from panhandling, intends to fine violators $500. Florida tag narrowly beats out asinine
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Tow trucks parade through NYC, finishing at an abandoned airport tarmac to spell out "New York." (w/pic)
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Ike evacuees sneak back onto ravaged Galveston. And by "sneak", we mean "return in the full glare of the media"... so, shhh, don't tell anyone
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Coolest way to stack firewood you'll see all day
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If you are one of the teens who posted internet videos of yourself "train surfing", the police would like a word with you
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News: Primary school teacher found to be moonlighting as a prostitute. Fark: They didn't fire her and aren't sure she should be punished at all
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this beach chair
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| (Some Guy) |
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When driving with a suspended license and an open intoxicant in the car, its usually in your best interest not to give a cop the middle finger
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There's a 1/4 mile of textured road in Lancaster, CA that plays the William Tell Overture when driven over at 55mph. But, the city is repaving it due to noise complaints from neighbors (LGT article; video/audio in first post)
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| (wbbm780.com) |
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Woman thinks husband is an alien, then things get all hammery
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest optical illusion you'll see in the next 30 seconds
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Indonesia may pass a law banning bikinis from all beaches in Bali. "Balinese . . . have a different view on what sexual or pornographic materials are."
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Israeli PM Ehud Olmert quits. Resignation trifecta now in play
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| (KSDK) |
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Woman accused of bartending naked. Sounds like a great place to host the next Fark party
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man tells cops he fired his AK-47 from his porch to protect his pit bull from raccoons
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| (Some Guy) |
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Study suggests anus evolved multiple times. No word on evolution of biological response to oil hitting the anus
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Cocaine smugglers have semi-success with semi-submarines, the CBs give them away
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China gas "outburst" kills 31. And you thought YOU were impressive after clearing the lunchroom after a breakfast of fried eggs and Yankee Jim
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Potent Orcadian beer called 'Skull Splitter' [a common Viking soubriquet] could be withdrawn from sale following claims its Viking-branded bottles have too aggressive a theme
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| (Some Caveman) |
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Not news: City buys clock. News: Students raise 65k of the 80k cost thus far. FARK: It's a sundial
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| (Some Usher) |
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Sometimes, the headline says it all: "Redneck Wedding" indeed
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Big Banger theory: Why proper sausages are the cornerstone of any gastropub
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Trooper in a stupor drives cruiser into cyclists; will swerve and protect his own ass
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| Sat September 20, 2008 |
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In a bid to prevent a flu pandemic, scientists dig up a the body of a wealthy Scottish land owner buried in a lead coffin in a Yorkshire church graveyard. The aristocrat
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Genetic engineering may re-create Biblical giants of olden days; NFL scouts, WWF recruiters wait with gleeful anticipation
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Q: Two motorcyclists race, who wins? A: Darwin
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School crossing guards to be equipped with stop signs fitted with secret cameras after a spate of incidents in which drivers stopped to beat them up
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're going to lie on your taxes about how much money your party business makes, don't then brag about how much money your party business really makes on your MySpace page
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| (wmtw) |
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Competitive eater downs 14 pounds of burritos to win World Burrito Eating Championship (w/om nom nom vid)
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| (WTAE-TV) |
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Not news: millions of $$$ of meth seized. Fark: from inside of porcelain dolls
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One of the Marquess of Bath's 75 "wifelets" says she was partially attracted to him by the way he swallowed his whole mackerel
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Police visit probationist's apartment. News: find crack cocaine. Fark: in baby's bassinet
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Teacher convinces parents that it would be best for their daughter to move in with his family to help her studies, what could possibly go wrong?
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| (Jefferson City News & Tribune) |
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This Bud's for you. Budweiser American Ale launches this week. AB says it was developed before the sale to InBev. Anyone wanna bet a 6 pack over that?
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When planning a practical joke, avoid ones that start with: Step 1) Steal dead animals/pets from veterinary hospital
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| (KNDO/KNDU) |
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Theres a whole lot of shucking going on at this sausage fest
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Drunk guy leaves party and finds nice cozy spot to nap, with lots of smooth warm pavement to stretch out on. Aaaaahh
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Guy scours the net and is able to track down and purchase his dad's actual Korean war rifle, and gives him as a birthday present
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| (Some Guy) |
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High school football player breaks neck during game, thinks it's just a strain and makes two more plays after half-time. After he finds out it's broken, calls Chuck Norris a puss
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| (Lancashire Telegraph) |
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Soaring bacon prices trigger thefts, black market trading
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these grapes
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Old and busted: Breast milk is nature's perfect food for infants. New hotness: Breast milk is nature's perfect food for grownups
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| (KTUU) |
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Local restaurant creates Palin sandwich
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Price of lemons surge on the news that the US military is developing "thought helmets"
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FTC warns public about bogus cancer "cures." Still no cure for... well, you know
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Not News: woman raises orphaned hare. Fark: In her bra (pic)
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| (NC Most Wanted) |
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Man pays for groceries with $200 bill complete with George Bush's photo on front and White House with lawn sign "We love ice cream." Gets $50 in change from clerk
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The seven sexiest hybrids you can't buy. But you can still appreciate their ample headlights, firm steering wheels, and long tailpipes
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Police now hunting motorists who stuffed pockets with nickels at fatal U.S. Treasury truck crash (with pics)
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Killer slugs migrating north. EVERBODY PANIC .... This could take a while
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Last night I pulled socks out of the dryer to wear. They were hot so I tossed them in the fridge to cool down. Ended up not wearing them and forgetting about them. Now SO wants to throw out all the food in there. Is she right?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this forest sign
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Deputies arrest the world's least competent bank robber in 10 minutes. Florida tag beats out Fail tag by a nose
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Federal court rules that sexual discrimination laws even apply to people who swap out their plumbing. With kind sorta 3:00am last call after a night of powerdrinking hittable pic
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"No guys, you have nothing to worry about, we're just, uh, exercising that other Shuttle by moving it to the launchpad. No, um, it's not a 'rescue' ship, not at all. Don't worry about a thing."
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Drug counselor arrested for smuggling drugs into prison. You're doing it wrong
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Punk attacks 83 year old grandmother in her building, learns you don't want to make grandma angry
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Now nanny state tells police not to bother investigating crimes
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Woman discovers at the gate she's on Ryanair's no-fly list. Suspected terrorist? Not exactly. Turns out the airline's computers can't make heads or tails of Ms. Ortegren-Kärjenmäki's name
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Does anyone like poetry? "See, see the pretty sky / Marvel at its big puce depths"
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Small Georgia town wants to allow golf carts on city streets. What could possibly go wrong?
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First "self-serve" wine bar opens in Washington. You mean you can get wine without having to deal with intellectually superior snobs who sneer at your crass pedestrian choice of vintage?
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Oil refinery workers terrified after finding a giant mutant colossal nuclear monster South American spider skin
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Scott Peterson's ex-girlfriend Amber Frey is losing her house to foreclosure. Yes, this is considered "top news" at UPI
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Airlines working to improve customer service. Fail, Sad, Satire, Ironic and Amusing tags were stuck overnight in Dallas when their flight was cancelled
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| (Broward-Palm Beach New Times) |
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Reporter calls a bunch of escorts and asks them on real dates like bowling and mini golf. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
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Weird: couple gets married after the first date. Sappy: 62 years after the fact
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Photoshop this smiling spotted seal
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Woman calls 911 after her cat gets stuck in toilet, is flush with relief after he lives to see another Caturday
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It's called the new Dillon Gatling Gun, with every fifth bullet a tracer, it still looks like a friggin laser beam
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Orphaned gorilla takes to zookeeper. With the most awww/creepy pics you you'll see in the next ten minutes. Bonus: zookeeper is hot
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Guy tries to fake suicide by leaving his belongings and a suicide note near cliff, then uses his own cellphone to call police to report the "discovery" and hangs around to watch the investigation. Bonus: 44-year-old student
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Butcher beefs up drooping sausage sales by packing meat while naked. Pork (Not safe for work pic of butcher's ass)
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Nashville is running out of gas because everybody heard that Nashville is running out of gas
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Lesbians list "Women We'd Love To Love" (this link is useful, with slideshow)
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When using a toy gun to threaten electric company workers who are trying to restore power to your apartment complex, first hide your weed pipes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Jesus appears on ceiling tile, no word if He's friends with ceiling cat. Jesus sighting trifecta now in play
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man on the run from US Marshals falls through ceiling right into their laps
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wales wants to secede from United Kingdom, form its own independent country. If only there was a word to describe people who decide to go back on a deal
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Australia would like to remind the women of England that it has good jobs, cheap property, warm weather and low crime. Oh, and plenty of men
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Dontcha just hate it when you get a rock chip on your windshield...at 40,000 feet high...in a jet plane...with 87 passengers on board? (with pics)
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New Mexicans string together 3250 pounds of chiles, hoping to set Guinness world record for largest ristra. Guinness doesn't have such a category
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| (wkrg) |
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Man sees face of Jesus in the drywall of an unfinished home. Other people think it looks like Moses, Sasquatch, Charlie Manson (pic)
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| (Ted Stevens) |
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Candidate on probation for coke possession wins primary. Arrested again three days later. Spared jail. Arrested again hours later. Florida: "They said even if I'm in jail, I'm still a viable candidate."
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Top 8 largest random things in world. La Crosse, WI celebrates having world's biggest beer
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| Fri September 19, 2008 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Customers fill up on 35 cent/gallon gas until some d-bag snitches to the store owner
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Religion Of Peace to feed 1000 homeless in Atlanta
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University students forbidden from using terms such as "Old Masters" and "seminal" as they are sexist and demean womyn
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| (Some Guy) |
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Worst. Police. Sketch. Ever
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| (WHTM) |
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Man attempts to run woman over wife but winds up ramming a police cruiser with her on the hood and ultimately getting shot by police. Woman at trial: "He loves me, he ain't got no violent bone in his body"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man dies 15 years after falling off trampoline, confounding doctors who insisted he'd bounce back
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100 Christian bookstores remove "Gospel Today" magazine from stock because there are fully clothed women on the cover
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Hurricane Ike unearths mystery Civil War shipwreck off Alabama coast
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| (Former WV Guy) |
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City councilman uses a shotgun--also known as a West Virginia homeowners association--to settle dispute about tree branches
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A reminder to guys trying to use your cellphone cameras to take upskirt pictures of woman on the subway: Make sure she doesn't have a camera on her cell phone too
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| (Some Guy) |
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Guy carries a loaded handgun in a holster inside the front of his pants. Learns the hard way that's not a good idea
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McCain and Obama: side-by-side comparison of 22 issues
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Scientists have invented the first remote-controlled key fob that allows men to control a valve that can switch their sperm flow on and off. Cross-marketing with the clapper abandoned as vigorous sex creates russian roulette sperm shots
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Dear Parents: Upon your arrival at school, some of you may have noticed the Police on campus, this is because one of our teachers may have been planning on killing everyone, but no cause for concern
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Let's all welcome our 5th dwarf planet: Haumea. Astronomers still looking for its twin dwarf Helpew
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Weekly TSG mugshot roundup: Bailout time
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Michelangelo's Peter--um, David--may no longer stand erect--er, that is it could collapse--because of pubic exposure--sorry, PUBLIC exposure--to tourists. Also Michelangelo used weak marble, so the statue won't stay hard forever. Penis
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Stocks climb on news that rich people are fine with socialism when the money is going to them
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Workers picking foliage berries off oak trees find two hand grenades. The logical conclusion? THE PLANTS ARE EVOLVING AND FIGHTING BACK
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Sarah Jessica Parker unable to bridle her enthusiasm for a "Sex and the City" sequel
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this lab duo
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police: Drunken woman ran over boyfriend, killing him. Fark: She was looking for him because she was worried about his safety
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Turns out it wasn't really the surge that lead to a drop in violence in Iraq, but ethnic cleansing. Tomato, Tomahto
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| (Some Particle Man) |
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In 1978, a Russian scientist working a particle accelerator leaned into path of a proton beam. BOOM *headshot*
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bad: You're 15 and your gf breaks up with you. Good: Her friend texts you because she likes you. Indifferent: You find out the friend is actually your ex's 37-year-old mom. Fark: Relationship begins. w/ Milfshot goodness
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| (Daily Dispatch Online) |
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Man attempting to break into museum is impaled by the fence spike. Says he didn't feel pain because he was drunk. Waitress, I'll have what he's having (with pic goodness)
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Hershey's: We've secretly replaced our cocoa butter with vegetable oil. Let's hope nobody notices
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How to lose friends and alienate people, Hurricane Ike edition: Teacher stocks up on free supplies meant for hurricane victims, brags about it on blog
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Hugo Chavez mocked Lehman Bros. collapse as sign of capitalism's demise, not realizing Venezuela holds $300 million in debt instruments from Lehman. Bonus: Reporter apparently laughing too hard to finish article
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"Hello, mom? Hi. Happy Birthday. Where am I? Oh, nowhere... just dangling 70 stories above the ground waiting to be rescued."
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L.A. celebrates the one week anniversary of the Metrolink crash with an MTA bus knocking the Blue Line train off the tracks, 12 injured
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Current economic conditions causing money market account holders to purge their accounts, bowels
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Some guy freaks the hell out about all the Joker costumes he will inevitably see this Halloween: "I'm not going to give any candy to any kid, or, God help me, adult in a Joker costume this year"
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Protip: when considering a tattoo, avoid the ones offered by the guy in the corner at a house party
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| (Some Guy) |
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"The Democratic leadership in Congress took the golden opportunity it was given in 2006 and pissed it away on petty partisanship-just like the Republicans who preceded them did."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pioneer graves moved to build new school. Builders trying to find way to keep blood from staining walls, elevator
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| (The London Paper) |
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Machine gun bullets and nude home videos amongst odd donations to charity
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| (Some Guy) |
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6 beers ÷ 5 guys = 1 beer (± 2 knife slashings, 1 face punching and 1 felony arrest)
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Why 140,000 people stayed behind to face Hurricane Ike. Curiously, the word "ignoramus" appears nowhere in the article
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Lawyer suspended for having his client pay off her legal bills with nude dances in his office. Apparently, that was wrong
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In latest proof that global warming is continuing to not happen, caterpillars native to Africa now showing up in Britain (pic)
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| (iReport) |
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Last house standing in Galveston was built to withstand a Cat 5 hurricane. With amazing pics. BONUS: Tinfoil-hatter comments a-plenty in iReporter section
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Fanny pack-wearing bandit attempts to carjack a driver's ed vehicle, only to have the instructor tell the student to STEP ON THE FRIGGIN' GAS
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Newspapers discover drawbacks of allowing Internet users to comment on news stories: "Even Jerry Springer would be ashamed of the comments that we have on our site. They're that bad"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iran accidentally extends friendship to the Israeli people; Khameini corrects the situation and explains that Israel and all Jews living there should destroyed. Religion of Peace(tm) strikes again
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In a poll of earth-shattering significance that will surely decide the election: Obama beats McCain as the perferred hypothetical football watching buddy. And that's even AFTER Leinart was benched
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| (Richmond Times-Dispatch) |
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High school students watching a drunk driving video in class inadvertently learn about what goes on in the back seat
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| (Some Guy) |
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"A man who forced a householder to sing Baa Baa Black Sheep and lick his feet while filming the humiliating attack on his mobile phone has been locked up for three years"
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City councilman's aide accuses TV station of racism for filming her skipping work and coming from her boss's house after a night spent screwing him silly
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Universal declines to finance Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson's 3D epic 'Tintin' because the film would have to make $425 million just to break even after their 30% cut
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Lego create figures of several celebrities, including Madonna, Angelina Jolie and Amy Winehouse, to mark their 30th anniversary. The Amy Winehouse doll caused the most problems, as bits of it kept falling off
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Obama: "I'd be willing to meet with the President of Iran." Ahmadinejad: "Let's do this." Obama: "WHARRGARBL"
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Guess what symbol woman sees as being "satanic" and says city could be risking "the wrath of God?" If you guessed flying a Jolly Roger for 2 days a week to support local HS footbal team, come on down
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| (Deseret News) |
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If you are moving a $130,000 Ferrari at your dealership, you might not want to leave it unattended with the keys in it and motor running
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Stocks sharply higher on news that enough vaseline is available to shove half of Wall Street up America's ass
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these guys getting all defensive
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He's been run over by a tank, had a jet fighter crash into his bedroom while he slept, and been bombed twice. Meet Britain's luckiest man
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| (Some Guy) |
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Comic book store owner sentenced to home confinement by court, lifestyle
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SEC takes a break from its "What, us regulate?" policy to clamp down on the only people still making money in this market
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China taps emergency water supply for Beijing. Locals note that it tastes like chlorine and Phelps
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Protip: When driving drunk, wait till you're past the cops before throwing out your empties
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The site in Plymouth from which the Puritans set sail for America is to be marked by a pole dancing club
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In another giant step for equal rights, cop tickets a man for going topless in public
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| (US-101 News) |
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The holy roller roller coaster, the tower of babel, the hall of apostles, and the baptismal log flume: Bible Park USA is coming back
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| (KTLA) |
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If you think your cell phone bill is outrageous now, try seeing it when your husband begins making calls from the afterlife
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Man successfully sues for the right to navigate his Segway inside a mall."This is about enforcing a civil right."
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Stolen Picasso engraving recovered. That's a relief
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More and more women want to erase their tramp stamps, says a plastic surgeon who specializes in erasing tramp stamps. Bonus: The Germans call them "ass antlers"
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| (Charleston Daily Mail) |
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Woman arrested for assaulting mother, stealing stuffed deer heads. It's a shame how low some will stoop for a few easy bucks
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Donkey jailed for stealing. Shrek inconsolable
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| (The Hawk Eye) |
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Citizen's group led by city councilman demand something be done about rising crime. Do they: A) Increase police patrols? B) Impose harsher penalties? C) Pray about it for 40 days?
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Actual headline: "Blind masseurs jump off bridge in protest"
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Arrrr ... it be Sept 19th, once again. Ye bilge rats know what THAT means, savvy?
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1) Hurricane damages your house. 2) You want to rebuild. 3) The state of Texas seizes you house, because it is now "beach front" property due to beach erosion from said hurricane. The aristocrats
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World's oldest man turns 113, apparently unaware of fate of everyone else who has briefly held the title (pic)
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Creepiest sculpture made out of ABC gum you'll see, well, pretty much forever. This one will haunt your dreams
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A true measure of the economy: Rich fat bald men are ditching their costly hot 23 yo girlfriends
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"Band-aid" rapist gets 11 years of Johnson & Johnson & Johnson & Johnson & Johnson
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| (Merced Sun-Star) |
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School administrator forces student to take off American flag shirt because of a dress code violation. Sean Hannity seen rubbing hands together, salivating
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Anxiety-detecting machines could be used to spot terrorists in airports, since as we all know, only terrorists are anxious in airports
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| (Righteous dude) |
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Fast-track to being elected Student Body Leader at your university: 1) use university $$ to buy alcohol 2) give it to underage university students
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| (Some Tfette) |
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Photoshop Charles Nelson Reilly and his fire extinguisher
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"Today in France, the sight of a bottle of wine has become as offensive as a picture of war or pornography"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Oral sex study finds that people only read the first two words of web headlines
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| (Some Guy) |
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Russian model crowned the "Queen of Chess." You'd take it en passant (pics)
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"We believe that these devices are used because we consider them very safe, but it could cause harmful effects due to the proximity of the phones and the exposure that they are causing to the gonads."
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| (Top of the Nudes) |
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If you feel the urge to sit naked on a milk crate looking at porn while masturbating with one hand and holding a beer in the other, you may want to do it somewhere other than on a public street during the lunch rush
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| Thu September 18, 2008 |
| (Some Guy) |
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With no bigger problems to solve, Vancouver city council considers making people who wash their own cars in their own driveways criminals
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Housing development built on top of WWII bombing range. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (US-101 News) |
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You can now look forward to paying for the privilege to sit in Atlanta traffic
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this beleaguered bicyclist
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| (Rocky Mountain Collegian) |
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Man runs through student center plaza wearing a flag cape and viking hat. Then it gets weird(w/pic)
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Modern story of Goldilocks, only far more creepy and with shotguns. Bonus Mugshot
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Old & busted: free Denny's Grandslam on your birthday. New hotness: free Disney ticket on your birthday
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Swimmer banned from local pool because the goggles, they do something
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Showing a suprisingly un-French amount of fortitude, France may ban Scientology
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Tens of thousands of prisoners to be released from British prisons to relieve overcrowding. In other news, Australia expects small population boom
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| (Some Guy) |
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Amish community sues sheriff's department for $35 Million, plan on having a biatchin barn raising if they win
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"From Seattle to Athens, Ga., homeless advocacy groups and city agencies are reporting the most visible rise in homeless encampments in a generation."
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New I-35W bridge in Minneapolis opens today, ahead of time and within the budget
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Transformer halts Large Hadron Collider test. Unknown at this time if it was Autobot or Decepticon
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The US Government joins Red Sox fans, American League team owners, and Jesus in hating the New York Yankees
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DC's easy 9-step handgun registration process requires 3 trips to police HQ, 2 trips to the transferring dealer in lovely Southeast DC, $200 in fees, fingerprinting, and a ballistics test
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300-pound football player says he was kidnapped by a 5-foot-5 guy with a ponytail, and the only way he could escape his abductor was to intentionally crash his truck
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Stephen Colbert says that since McCain has refused to appear on his show then he is left with no alternative than to spread vicious, nasty lies about him
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It's cheaper to bail out AIG and other investment banks then to bail out Iraq for three months
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| (Westword) |
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B-2 stealth bomber flew from Missouri for Denver Broncos game flyover at no charge since it was seen as a practice bombing mission
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Rice to Russia: I am SO over you. I don't even care what you think anymore. Russia to Rice: You're great when I'm hungry and want 1,000 of something
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L tte s sto en f om t wn ign. Th t f cking bl ws
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| (StockCharts) |
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Dow Jones is up almost 400 points, briefly crosses 11,000 line. So the economy is cool, and no need to panic. Everything is fixed now
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Drunk and asleep at Shea Stadium is no way to go thru life, son. [10 min video]
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"I am shocked, shocked to find cheating going on at a poker website"
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After saying he would refuse to meet with the Prime Minister of Spain, McCain campaign backtracks and says they will meet with the President of Spain, a non-existent person
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If you redeem a coupon, you make others feel cheap... except if you are good-looking
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| (Some Guy) |
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In 2004, SEC exempted five firms from required capital/debt ratio regulations. They are: Bear Sterns, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, Morgan Stanley, and Goldman Sachs. Ouch
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San Diego Padres rookie players on camera trading baseball uniforms in for Hooters Girls uniforms for a little hazing action in downtown Denver
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Producers of new movie about the IRA distance themselves from comments by star Rose McGowan that she would have joined the IRA if she lived in Belfast during the Troubles. Quentin Tarantino seen frantically writing a new screenplay
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this dome delivery
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Actor who portrayed "The Punisher" arrested for DUI
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Russia to go through with sale of anti-aircraft equipment to Iranian mullahs that could be used to stop attack on Iranian nuclear sites
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Palin email hack raises question a lot of people seem to have been ignoring: what the hell is a government official doing conducting sensitive government business on an unsecured private account?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Karl Rove on the Palin email hack: "Wow this is really bad, someone should go to jail over this." Valerie Plame unavailable for comment
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Israel could see first female PM in 34 years, if only they could successfully unscramble her name
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| (Peoria Journal Star) |
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Bar loses liquor license. Fark: For topless midget wrestling
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Naked intruder found in home of Chief of Staff for Wis. Governor Doyle. Man promptly registered as a voter; removed from home
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Bill Gates once again tops Forbes list of the 400 richest Americans, with a fortune of eleventy skidillion dollars, enough to buy your children and send them to make circuit boards in Malaysia
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"Low-risk" murderer walks away from minimum security prison. Bonus: Requested aboriginal parole hearing despite being white
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Chefs reveal their fallback ingredient for enhancing a dish that needs help. "Lots of butter" is the real answer, but none will admit it
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| (Some Stoner) |
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NDP candidate's video of him taking LSD leaves his campaign in the Canadian election DOA. Marion Barry approves
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Headline says: Bush says he's working hard on economic turmoil. Subby says: Mission Accomplished
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| (Some Guy) |
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Writing about that stupid Forbes magazine article on Chicago as America's most stressful city is like writing that Sarah Palin is a bloodthirsty demon from hell: Everybody in the media is already doing both, and with gusto
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After millions of dollars in advertising and two conventions, the polls are exactly where they were a month ago
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Even though you nearly missed your bus, try to avoid kicking the driver in the groin
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Daddy Lohan not happy with the Obama campaign after they decline her offer to campaign for Obama. Coke-adled skank demographic now expected to skew to McCain
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Can't wait til Friday for the Smoking Gun's mugshot round-up? Here's a slideshow of DNC protester mugshots
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County commissioners vote to rename Moral Courage Award after deceased man who gave them campaign contributions. Hilarity ensues
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Iranian president says the US is in decline and Israel is nearing its end. Meanwhile, Iran's inflation is so bad they're chopping zeros off their currency and gas is rationed even though they sit on a sea of oil
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Biden says for the wealthy to pay more taxes is "a patriotic act." Since everyone knows the most effective use of excess cash should always be funneled through the least competent channel available
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| (wusa9.com) |
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Grandmother receives summons to court over an outstanding $0.63 child support payment: "I had to apologize to the officer on the phone because I was laughing so hard"
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USAF turns 61 today, even older than this '50s recruiting commerical
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School accidentally located next to topless bar. Parents became suspicious when they noticed that the playground tetherball poles were all brass
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Cool: man gets 28 gift cards and $600 in the mail. Not so cool: he kinda stole them while working as a postman
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"Anonymous" who hacked Palin's email might not be anonymous for long
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| (Some Dunce) |
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"The Pyramids are a large mountain range which splits France and Spain"
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Turkish hotel fires all male employees to keep them from philandering with female guests, hires all-female staff instead. Fark needs an unintended consequences tag
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YouTube bans videos showing guns or knives, leaving less reason than ever to go there
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Jamaican judge wigs out over two British women who were smuggling cocaine inside hairpieces. There's gonna be hell toupee
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The high price of gas affects all sorts of industries, and business have to pass on the cost to customers...trucking companies, taxi drivers, cocaine dealers, they all feel the pinch
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You might think that it's hilarious to douse your shirt in ketchup and pretend to be shot. The responding EMS crews and police officers, however, are likely to have a different opinion
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America's latest television export to China - Pimp my Rickshaw
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High-end S&M dominatrix club busted for prostitution, even though the owner says they have a strict 'no sex with the slaves' employee policy. You'd hit Mistress Sade if she didn't hit you first
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Old and busted: "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas". New hotness: "Trosa: The world's rear end"
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55% of all people believe they were touched by an angel. Catholic Church braces for a new round of lawsuits
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If you were trying to call a New Jersey political organization and got someone who asked you what you were wearing, it's entirely possible that you called the wrong number
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| (Some Guy) |
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Real estate meltdown hits the white house: press secretary Perino avoids foreclosure auction of her $680k D.C. home by paying delinquent $2k property tax
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Central banks to financial markets: When I move, you move (just like that)
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Top 10 books NOT to read before you die. Book #5: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. "Dreary ramblings of an unreliable and workshy tosspot"
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...and her hair was perfect. Aaahoo...drunk girl in Portsmoth
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Family fined £150 for taking 11 minutes too long at Pizza Hut
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| (abclocal.go.com) |
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♫ Frank, Frank, Frank of Long Island ♫ Car thief, what a louse ♫ AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa ♫ WATCH OUT FOR THAT HOUSE ♫
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If at first you don't succeed, at least don't try robbing the same bank a month later
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| (Dirty Old Man) |
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What is John McCain thinking in this picture?
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35-year-old woman suffers orgasm-related stroke, guess she wasn't faking that one
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Canadian cabinet minister on contaminated meat crisis that killed 17: "This is like a death by a thousand cuts...Or should I say cold cuts."
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Photoshop Tlaloc, god of rain
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Sarah Palin and Barack Obama have something in common. They both have no answer as to why nearly 1 million Americans are arrested and jailed for simple pot possession each year, while they should be forgiven for their youth indiscretions
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'Anti-Americanism, in the sense of a prejudice, is shameful and unpleasant, just as is prejudice against any national or ethnic group'
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"I'll beat three records at once. My plan is that 50 men can fit in each leg of the pants"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Melee erupts at farmers market: "... urinating on the asphalt and playing drums with little skill, among other issues." And no, it's not Tommy Lee
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| (Some Guy) |
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People are using light-rail lockers meant to hold bikes to store a range of personal items from suitcases to chain saws. "Some of them they were using as a bathroom."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman facing federal charges and up to six months in Federal Prison after refusing to pay for a Diet Coke and pouring it out on a counter at a cafeteria
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Attention ladies: If you're going to video yourself having sex with a teenage boy on your cell phone, don't leave it laying around another teenager's house. In fact, maybe it's time to stay out of teenagers' homes altogether
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Problem: New airport security uniforms have metal badges which set off metal detectors. Solution: Allow agents to bypass all security. What could possibly go wrong?
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Photoshop Challenge: Create your own miracle
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| (NWCN) |
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Teen doesn't know all there is to know about the fainting game / Kid passes out, paramedics came
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 176: "Lions, Tigers, and Bears." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed September 17, 2008 |
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Creepy Jon Benet murderer-wannabe leaves the country because he feels unwelcome in his neighborhood, hopes to find a small town that welcomes aspiring baby killers
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Too lazy to mow your lawn and it's grown to 7-feet tall? Just declare it a wild grass horticultural habitat
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Nanny state fines driver $100 for falling asleep in a parking lot
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77-year-old widow caught with nearly $3,000 of cocaine in her handbag. 'I just needed a lift', the old crackhead tells bemused police
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Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when the old geezers come for you
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This weekend a Melbourne pub will officially become the happiest place on Earth
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Do not wear a blond wig and basques, a thong, high heels, with stockings and suspenders to school. Especially when you're there to pick up your kids. And you're their dad
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's invented health scare brought to you by USNews. Bonus: Most confusing toxic-poison-in-your-everyday-food chart you'll see all week
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By the age of one babies can help their parents find missing objects, complete crosswords and even do the weekly shopping, scientists claim
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Either there's a typo in this story, or police in Nebraska are extremely gullible
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| (NBC5i.com) |
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Jesus arrested for cleaning pot plant. Where is your cross joint now?
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Asked what legislation Congress will pass to address the financial crisis, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid answered reporters with a blank look as if Basil Fawlty just asked him to hang up a moose head
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Fidel Castro sees Wilt Chamberlain's 20,000 and raises 15,000
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St. Petersburg Times apologizes after publishing crossword puzzle with "Tampa" the answer to clue "Home of the Rays." Residents surprised to discover St. Pete has a baseball team
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Nancy shipwreck found after 224 years. Still no sign of the SS Pantywaist or HMS Poofter
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| (Some Guy) |
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10 unknown facts about Wil Wheaton. "Biggest one in four counties" strangely absent
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CNN confirms that Palin's yahoo e-mail address was hacked. McCain calls for help from the FBI and Secret Service
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Finally, an interview with the Japanese designer responsible for Palin's glasses
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Linsday Lohan offers help to the democratic campaign, wanting to host a series of events appealing to younger voters. Obama's staff give polite "Thanks but no thanks"
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WaMu is for sale by auction. Last reported offer was a 2 liter of Pepsi and a pack of strawberry Twizzlers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this woman basking in the sunlight
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Dow down 450. Tag is for the markets
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| (Some Guy) |
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Delaware, that 12-mile-wide state, celebrates both Polish Festival and Oktoberfest this week. Polka/Oompah overload to commence
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The word "phwoar" has now become an official part of the English language, and the Telegraph has chosen an odd picture to demonstrate its meaning
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| (Some Agent) |
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Police pull man from art museum air shaft. "Mission failed," he says. His mission: Deactivate a nuclear warhead in a blue cow scuplture in the basement
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So, we've heard what the incompetent business people like Carly Failarona think of the candidates, but what do the successful ones, like Warren Buffett think?
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'Don't Tase me, bro" -- hard to believe it's been a year
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"White privilege is not a problem. The real problem is black irresponsibility. Racism is about 18th on a list of problems that black America faces."
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Henry Earl's next arrest will be his 1,000th. This link brought to you by Mad Dog, Thunderbird and Natty Light
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France urging NATO to take the gloves off and get more aggressive when it comes to the rules of engangement for troops in Afghanistan. Yes, FRANCE
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Michigander steals 247 empty beer cans (worth $24.70) to support his crack habit
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Sean Connery discusses the topic of smacking ladies, with Barbara Walters: "Don't do it with a clenched fist, it's better to do it with an open hand"
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Streetlights are at it again in Texas and they're messing with the police this time w/ video
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| (KFBK) |
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A judge rules sagging pants ban unconstitutional. Officers told not to police people's fashion. Fat chicks in spandex rejoice
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For the first time ever, scientists hear whale sounds in New York City waters. Translate them into English: "Hey, you jerk, I'm swimming here"
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Lincoln Center to celebrate 50 years of being mostly ignored by illiterate and uneducated Americans who would rather watch "OW My Balls"
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Which is more shocking: A Hummer that has its own surveillance system, or the fact that it caught a 60-year-old man keying it?
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Woman reports her $110,000 2007 Maserati stolen from a bar parking lot. Has a pretty good idea of what the suspect looks like considering prior to the theft she was making out with the guy on the hood of her car
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| (Monsters and Critics) |
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Turks can't visit the web site of Richard Dawkins because he criticized a book by noted creationist nutbar and convicted criminal Adnan Oktar, who espouses a Muslim view of creation
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Mannequin dressed as polar bear deemed "suspicious", bomb squad and paniclarity ensue
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Sarah Palin's personal email hacked by Anonymous. Contains some pretty interesting revelations. Among others: who knew she was a Scientologist?
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After years of self-stultifying zero tolerance policies, school considers allowing teachers to excercise "reasonable force" to control students
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Anybody can break into a car, but it takes special talent to break into a car while the owner is just feet away filling it up with gas
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