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| Sun August 17, 2008 |
| (Kingston Daily Freeman) |
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Dumbass: Man arrested for selling cocaine to an undercover officer. Fark: While in training to become a police officer. Delicious: And was arrested by his own instructors
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Matthew 5:29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out. HOA 8:17. Your Ford F-150 pickup in your driveway offends us, so pluck it out
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Amateurs working cold case in Alaska identify mummified remains from 1948 plane crash as Francis Joseph Van Zandt. Springsteen stunned
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| (KIRO TV) |
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Home-built items can often save money, still be high quality. Helicopters, not so much
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| (Honolulu Star-Bulletin) |
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Leader of activists who stormed Hawaiian palace Friday couldn't find the throne room
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Why it takes women 3,276 hours to get ready for a night out
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Remote cameras photograph rare hypno-leopard in Borneo (with pic)
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Appleton, Wisconsin accosted by sticker-wielding fiend. Each sticker has the words "art object" plus a price ranging from one cent to $10,000
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| (Some Guy) |
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Canadian man earns $2,200 after recycling 22,000 beer cans. "I have a lot of friends that come over"
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| (kenosha news) |
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Woman upset that, upon enrolling her biracial child for school, the form offered only black or white as choices. Forgot that she lives in Wisconsin
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Having solved the problems of Ohio's declining economy, billion dollar funding shortfall, and eroding infrastructure/educational system, state govt tackles humantarian issue of converting prison inmates' analog TVs to digital next year
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this lovely couple
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Agave growers giving up and planting more lucrative crops, setting the stage for the great tequila shortage of 2010
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Burglar flees in boxers, after brief chase gets away. Maybe he's hiding under there
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Then: America must embrace wind power to save the planet. Now: Big Wind is despoiling nature, ruining America's farms, splitting up families. Soon to come: America must embrace moonbeams and unicorn farts to save the planet
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Nanny state spends $1.5m cutting people's trash cans in half...in vain hope it will halve their waste
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Russia, on Georgia withdrawl: "If I would ask you in response to the same question how fast the American forces can leave Iraq, for example, the answer would be as soon as we have guarantees for peace and security there"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Anchorage residents tired of bear attacks, begin fighting back. "I wasn't going to lay down and take it. I started punching it in the head... I was boxing him."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nineteen-year-old rapist sues 15-year-old rape victim for child support. And wins. Is there an ordered pair of genders in which this headline makes any sense?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption these two meercats
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Mister Rogers would like to show you something
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101 picnic recipes...all on one page. Don't forget the coleslaw
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iran launches satellite into space, re-entry expected somewhere over Tel Aviv
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| (Some Slow Guy) |
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Photoshop Challenge: Improve this street sign
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Living without a car
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Steps to take to train your cat. Your dog wants...wait, what?
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Police looking for heroin burst into an apartment with six children, club an epilectic man in the head with a rifle butt, then realize they were in the wrong apartment
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Governor to Florida Keys visitors and residents: EVERYBODY PANIC
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Allegedly, Joyce talked a 15-year-old boy into breaking into a house to raise money so she could buy a prosthetic leg for a beloved horse
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Indiana Jones - 1, teen party gatecrashers - 0
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Mayor of "Beer Goggle Capital of the World," where men outnumber women 5-1, invites ugly girls to move there. "Quite often you will see walking down the street a lass who is not so attractive with a wide smile on her face"
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| (Some Guy) |
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The most awesome or pathetic obituary evar, depending on your perspective (link gone, but text of obit in first post)
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MSNBC doing a poll about removing "In God We Trust" from American money. Caption what should take its place
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The English government wants you to exercise at bus stops by standing on one leg, pointing your toes or clenching your buttocks
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100 Canucks dress up like zombies, mindlessly walk around downtown, get confused as Republican convention
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Photoshop theme: Olympic Fakery. China faked the fireworks and singing during the opening ceremonies. Photoshop some other things that might not be quite what they appear
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Awesome...Couple buys untouched flood house in New Orleans to rehab it and move in. FARK...city knocks it down, even after it's removed from the demolish list...sad picture included
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Brother connected to San Francisco tiger attack going to prison for unrelated offenses (with pouty emo mugshot)
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Great haul of China. Phelps wins record 8th gold medal
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"After spending her 27th birthday stranded on the side of Aoraki Mt Cook in chest-deep snow and blizzard conditions with little but chocolate to eat, all Melissa Clerke wanted was a beer."
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| (Lincoln Star Journal) |
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Travel advisory for folks driving I-80 through Nebraska: just because the giant gas station marquee offers gas for $3.75/gallon doesn't mean they aren't going to charge you $4.16/gallon
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Two teenagers charged with conspiracy to commit an act of terrorism after defacing playing cards and leaving them at various stores. The cards had "Joker" written on them and "police considered them threatening"
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"Authorities say foul play is not suspected." Apparently, this 70 year old woman drove herself to a farm in the middle of no where and locked herself in the trunk
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| Sat August 16, 2008 |
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$7.95: Cost of "Great Sex Kit" teen boy shoplifted from store. Priceless: Ridicule same teen will endure for getting arrested for shoplifting "Great Sex Kit"
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European vacation spots getting a bit tired of arresting so many drunken Brits on holiday, despite protestations that being drunk is the normal state for a Briton
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Dumb: Stealing a case of 3.2 beer from 7-11. Dumber: Getting caught while waiting for the getaway bus. Dumberer: Stealing two 12-packs from the same store the next day. Fark: Getting caught while waiting for the getaway bus again
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Arkansas man finds 4.42 carat diamond at state park, cousins excited at prospect of engagement ring
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| (GB Press Gazette) |
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Man who tried to steal ATM with forklift makes court appearance; pleads not guilty. Because having the stolen car and ATM in your driveway isn't proof of anything
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| (Some Guy) |
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♫ Little ditty about Jack and Diane ♫ Two American kids with a house in the Hartford land ♫ For seven years they were going through the door ♫ With their mother's decomposing corpse still lying on the floor ♫
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Japan to summon random unqualified citizens to act as judges in murder trials. USA scoffs, says it already perfected this system in early 90s with the OJ trial
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| (pioneer local) |
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"After my illuminating experiences -- humiliations, really -- during three obedience courses, I accept this fact: My dog wouldn't rescue the pinned victim under a rock. He'd frisk him for food"
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| (Palo Alto Daily News) |
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When your Bigfoot press conference is hijacked by a guy in a Chewbacca costume wielding a "We hide for a reason" sign, you might just have a credibility problem
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You pull out a pistol, shove it in a UN official's thigh and demand the keys to the SUV while your comrades watch and laugh in tanks? That's how Russians shop for cars. You Americans clearly do war wrong
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British teen bleeds to death after single stab wound to the back because emergency operators "cannot send an ambulance if we can hear more than five people in the background"
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| (Honolulu Star-Bulletin) |
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For the second time in four months, Hawaiian sovereignty activists storm palace, claim the Kingdom of Hawaii is back
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| (SB Sun) |
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Mayor's anti-crime program manager gets caught shooting photos of nude young women at a city youth center. Police not amused
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this serene scene
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Austrailian Premier wants women at festival to keep their shirts on, saying, "you can have a lot of fun without turning off international visitors." Submitter respectfully disagrees
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Michigan Supreme Court rules it's legal for nursing home employees to pose corpses & take cellphone pictures with them. Lynndie England seen buying ticket to Detroit
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This will end well: Omaha police want to hire 'former' criminals to hit the streets and sniff out plans for retaliatory shootings
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Disney markets underwear to 7 year old girls. Fark: with the words "Dive In" printed on them
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Russian General threatens nuclear strike against Poland. Cold War II officially begins
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| (NBC 15) |
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The police catch you flipping off motorists. Do you (A) claim you were scratching an itch, (B) swear someone insulted you and you were merely angry about it, or (C) squeeze the officer's nuts, resulting in a felony?
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The new converted-Phalanx C-RAM (counter rocket, artillery, mortars) weapon deals with incoming at night, in a scene that Coppola is going to work into his 17th recut of Apocalypse Now (language NSFW)
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| (Some Backwoods Rag) |
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Today's teacher/teen scandal come to us from South Carolina, with semi-hitable picture
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Old and busted: Spending thousands of dollars on your wedding. New hotness: Getting married for less than a grand - including $100 for catering
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Fark friends "ScoopThis.com" celebrate 10-year anniversary by putting site archives back online (Parodies, B-Team, Hyatte, etc.)
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Study: After spending thousands of dollars, Canadian scientists discover that teens lack judgement when driving
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Yet another Olympics snafu: All 56 children representing 56 Chinese ethnic groups at the opening ceremonies were Han solo
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France celebrates 60 years of the Citroen 2CV, originally designed to take 4 people--or sheep--and carry a basket of eggs across a ploughed field without breaking any shells
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Military funds mind-reading science. You want steak
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Recording a cop during a traffic stop...go to jail. Welcome to the Peoples Republic of Massachusetts
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this guy working industriously to imminentize the eschaton
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TONIGHT Chicago Fark Party. The Lincoln Tap Room. LGT Bar, details in thread, this one's gonna be great. Drew will be there as well
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Norway's crown prince Haakon sinks the royal boat. Unfortunately for him, this is not a euphemism
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ABC asks "Will Tropical Storm Fay Go All the Way?" and features a photo of a man in his underwear in front of a fallen tree. You stay classy, ABC News
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Arizona state mental hospital bans smoking for patients. That'll drive 'em nuts
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Not news: Man has been arrested 52 times. News: Man is starting his 33rd jail term. Fark: Man is only 35
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Russia Signs Truce Agreement. Thank god we had a strong black politician who was able to negotiate a peaceful resolution
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Kindergarten teacher accused of molesting four students gets apology from parents, school board when forensic testing shows that nothing happened. Not really, she was fired anyway
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Suburbanites rough it in the wild at a $1450 per-week upscale campground, where the tree houses come equipped with flat screen TVs for those who prefer 1080p over the 360 degree vista
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| (newsminer) |
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North Pole's "Mrs. Santa Claus" dead at 91. Actually named daughter Merry Christmas
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| (Fayetteville Observer) |
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Not news: Old lady calls cops after drunk kid drives over her lawn. News: Suspect's father grabs kid out of bed, hands him to cops. Fark: Father is police chief. Ultrafark: Judge says kid's rights violated
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Old & busted: poisoning pigeons in the park. New hotness: painting pigeons purple in the park
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"You can go anywhere in the world, and people will say, 'Canton? Yeah, I know where that is. It's where that big flea market is."'
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| (Some Guy) |
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A holiday to Australia combined with an unusal coincidence lead to neighbours thinking their friend has died and a raid by police
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| (WTMJ) |
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Pabst Brewing Company bringing back Schlitz to beer taps in Midwest. No, not that crappy swill your dad drank, but the original brew that your grandpa got lucky with your granny on
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Nanny state advocates taking obese kids from their parents as feeding them too much is as neglectful as starving them
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Man arrested for taking pictures at the Hippie Hollow nudist beach while hiding in the bush may not have violated any laws because there is no expectation of privacy there. Oh the huge mammary
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| (floridatoday.com) |
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My to do list: 1. Drop off kids at day care. 2. Buy drugs. 3. Buy guns. Bonus: All at the same place
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You just got your concealed weapons permit, where are you gonna go? DISNEY
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Lady celebrates Caturday by getting to keep her 150 cats, because there's no law against that. Fark does have a tag for it, though
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Guy walks into GameStop, flashes gun and tells employee his family is being held hostage and he needs a PS3 to get them released. Actually GETS the PS3 (news video)
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English dentist operates on a puffer fish that had broken a tooth in a fight with a stingray. Because it's not like there are any humans in his country that could have benefitted from his talents
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Theme: Future Billy Mays products
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Jack and Jill was really a 15th century abstinence lecture. Your weasel wants tupenny rice and treacle while riding cock horse to Banbury cross. ENGLISH MOTHERFARKER
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Texas once again begs for its own tag with a guy named Booger teaching Kindergarten Sex Club
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Phelps out-touches his competitors to win his 7th gold medal by one one-hundredth of a second, tying Mark Spitz for most gold medals in an Olympics. Gives a quick interview then promptly walks across the pool to the locker room
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30 Men and a Baby
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Fark mascot being studied by scientists
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| (NV Daily) |
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Virginia town holds "Sheep and Goat Olympics" - gives a whole new meaning to an awkward dismount
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One of two cows which fled an abattoir in northern France was found 'hiding' in a drain. Well well
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Texas, still looking for its own tag, to let teachers carry guns
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| Fri August 15, 2008 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Twenty three arrested in epic-fail beer run
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One of the two samples of DNA said to prove the existence of the Bigfoot came from a human and the other was 96 percent from an opossum. That is legal in north Georgia
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Twenty sex lectures lasting 50 minutes each, and 34 lessons before the final test. It's not the MCAT, it's Japan's driver's license test
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Nearsighted man's lotto mistake earns him $3 million
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| (Some Peaceful Guy) |
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Photoshop this temple
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If your teenage son is shot and killed at school for being gay, the blame rests squarely on the school district, since they allowed him to wear makeup and feminine clothing to class
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$1.1 Million in marijuana found growing on Michigan farm. Farm owner "had no idea" the plants were growing there, also could not explain to police why he was trying to grow Funyuns
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| (13WHAM) |
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Naked man steals pickup truck... Police wisely avoided asking him to pull out his driver's license
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Eighth-grader has her boyfriend arrested for stalking her via text messaging and myspace after she broke up with him. Fark: It's her 40-year-old science teacher
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First, he skidded around a corner, narrowly missing a cop. Then, after being pursued, he accidentally slammed into a parked police car. Theeeeeeen he just deliberately sideswiped a third police cruiser coming the opposite direction. Ta-dumbass
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Actual headline: "Nepal seeks new child goddess: must have voice like a duck"
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If you plan to kidnap retarded children, you really, really should not get your name tatooed on their chest
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Twelve-year-old stopped by police pulling the minivan back into the driveway after dropping Mom off at the bar. Mom upset she didn't warn her to keep the 'Hello Kitty' proof-of-insurance card in her Bratz purse
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Brilliant career criminal attempts to rob pharmacy with caulking gun, then discovers that he accidentally locked his keys in the getaway vehicle
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Police determine that one of two neighbors who got into a fight attended the Mike Tyson school of conflict resolution
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| (Some Guy) |
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They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until they're back in the White House
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The hottest anti-AIDS poster you will see today. MERCY (No actual nudity, but don't open it if your boss is walking by)
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Canada to launch new search for British sailors lost in the Arctic since 1845: after 163 years, they've decided to ask the Inuit if they saw anything
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Pennsylvania church leader, who drilled holes in children's genitalia in order to padlock them shut, released from prison today. Bonus: Doesn't have to register for Megan's Law. Double Bonus: Says he did nothing wrong
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Dyslexic doctor and "world's authority on lethal injection" estimates he's presided over 40 unexotices
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Woman arrested at her own prenup party for tackling fiancee football-style, punching him, throwing his watch into the bushes and breaking his glasses; finacee learns to say "yes dear" in record time
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Another hormonal mother calls the press and stages a protest when asked to breastfeed in a private area of a store. Vancouver, Toronto...next week Halifax
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cool dad makes rather awesome Star Wars VII sequel starring his kids
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Weekly mug shot round up from TSG starts off with freckles and 'fros, moves right into hittable hos
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| (Some Guy) |
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Russia's latest tactic in the Cyberwar against Georgia: Trolling
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Arson suspected innie fire on Navel Avenue that forced a family outie their home
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| (Some Guy) |
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Milwaukee, Wisconsin named sexiest city, coincidentally the city had also been named the second drunkest city
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wild horses couldn't drag me away . . . but wild chickens will wake me up at four in the god damn morning
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WWJD ? Apparently nothing as he sits listening to the death penalty sentencing phase of his pedophile trial (with artist rendering that includes an angelic glow)
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Finally, a way to send anonymous, constructive notes like: "Please refrain from slapping people's buttocks."
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In what is retroactively becoming the Worst. Opening Ceremonies. Ever; Chinese officials belatedly admit that the world's top classical Chinese dancer was paralyzed for life after a prop malfunctioned during rehearsal
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| (Some Amused Guy) |
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Photoshop these rather confused young lads
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Tropical depression forming near Puerto Rico. Area reports feeling listless, unmotivated, sleeping a lot
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Not news: Nils Olav, Colonel-in-Chief of the Norwegian King's Guard, receives knighthood. Fark: Nils Olav is a penguin. Bonus: pic of penguin reviewing his troops
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The authors of the Left Behind series think that Obama is probably not the anti-christ. Truly, their wisdom is a gift to us all
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The latest euphemism for the mentally retarded: GIFTED
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| (ABA Journal) |
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Actual headline: Lawyer who paid rent of Edwards' mistress 'shocked' to learn of affair
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Bush said Russia's invasion of Georgia in recent days has "damaged its credibility." Then heads off on vacation. Ironic tag baited into striking first by larger, better armed Dumbass tag
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Lexington police crack down on UK game-day parking. And by the looks of the picture, they're pretty damn serious
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Final Minneapolis Fark party reminder: Saturday, 7 pm, Mortimer's Bar at Franklin and Lyndale
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Donald Trump to buy Ed McMahon's house; Trump expected to pay for it with a check measuring 3 feet by 1 foot
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"It ought not to be necessary to point out the differences between Saddam Hussein's Iraq and Mr Saakashvili's Georgia, but for those blinded by moral relativism, here goes"
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It would be easier to believe in the authenticity of the recently discovered Bigfoot carcass if it hadn't been discovered by "a pair of Bigfoot-hunting hobbyists"
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Michelle Obama strips naked, leads police on high-speed chase. At least I think it's Michelle Obama...well, close enough for government (with pic of perhaps Michelle Obama)
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Hidden camera under counter at Wal-Mart believed to be set up to capture credit card numbers. Because nobody wants an upskirt of a Wal-Mart cashier
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This week's malfunctioning gas pump selling cheap gas brought to you by Texas. Surprisingly, no customers reported the mistake
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Russian soldiers have been caught on camera robbing a bank in war-torn Georgia. The submachinegun is there
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Good news, atheists. You can now get a discount at the county fair's "Faith Night." The bad news is you're still going to hell
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MSNBC's hard-hitting journalistic masterpiece of the day: Are pre-teen girls too young to get bikini waxes?
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Police arrest Cinderella and Mickey Mouse in clash over working conditions. Is the rodent theme too much?
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A grand total of six illegal aliens sign up for the federal self-deportation program - for the rest it don't count man, it ain't written in ink
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"Ow, My Balls" once again brought to you by Carl's Jr. and the state of Florida
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Batman is currently causing a 12-mile traffic jam outside London. Is there anything he can't do?
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| (Some Guy) |
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If it says Libya Libya Libya on the label label label you must take lawsuits lawsuits lawsuits off the table table table
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these crazy cats cutting a rug
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Caption this woman screaming from the back seat of a police cruiser
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Man and several women brawl at 7-11 with Mace and can of boiled peanuts. Fight results in "nearly 25 braided hair extensions strewn across the parking lot"
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3 girls, 1 Cupp
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"There were thousands of bodies piled high. I saw hearts that had been taken from live people in medical experiments..." One of the first Americans to help liberate Buchenwald prisoners dies
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Control tower tapes show the diversion of Obama's plane to St. Louis last month was serious; "we would like to declare an emergency and also have CFR (crash equipment) standing by in St. Louis". They even called in Rex Kramer
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It's a Liukin/Johnson 1-2 punch and the USA girls gymnastic team runs away with the gold. Hero tag stands in because Cool tag has something in its eye
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Third donkey found wandering around Tennessee town; finally the city council is reunited. Ass
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| (WINK) |
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Today's World's Dumbest Crook candidate rummages through restaurant with burglar alarms blaring, then answers phone call from security company, giving them his real name. Then it get stupider
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What is the future of suburbia? A group of allegedly smart people predict what US suburbs will look like in 40 years
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Russian state media reporting that the Georgian conflict was orchestrated by the Republican party to stop Obama from being elected president
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| (Kate Winslet) |
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Photoshop this iceberg
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Tough Time Wine Guide: 5 wines under $10. (MD20-20 not on list)
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Man puts up 1991 Chevy Silverado with a million miles on it for sale. A MILLION miles? Wow, that's like two Courtney Loves and a Pamela Anderson at today's rates
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| (Newsleader.com) |
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They get to watch porn all day and draw jury pay. "Wood occasionally would stand up."
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| Thu August 14, 2008 |
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Court bans man from his girlfriend's apartment after neighbours perptually complain of loud and outrageous sex. With pic goodness of the couple in question
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In other news: there are still morans who believe Earth is flat
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Court grants injunction to stop woman cutting off man's penis. Restraining order demands to keep her at least 7 inches away
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City councilors in Bangor, Maine set up a fine jar for those that leave their cell phone on during meetings. The fine is 5 bucks and everyone else gets to call you an asshat
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| (Some Genius) |
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If you elect me to the School Board I promise everyone will get a Masters degree for $249
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Bad: You're a john, busted in a prostitution ring. Worse: you're a cop. Best: your wife is not only o.k. with it, says the police dept. forced you to have sex with prostitutes. She's a keeper
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| (East Valley Tribune) |
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Mesa cops abandon police radio codes in favor of plain English, forcing rappers nationwide to publish translations of their now-dated lyrics
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Facebook allows users to change their middle name to "Hussein" in Obama solidarity protest. Name changes to "Derka Derka Muhammad Jihad" still not allowed
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Iron Photoshop ingredient: Eyes
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Noted political theorist/tranny Brooke Hogan criticizes Paris Hilton for her political ignorance
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Inflation hits annual pace not seen since 1991, when Bush was president and American troops were in Iraq... hey waitaminute
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Georgian reporter gets grazed by bullet on air. Throws on vest and keeps on reporting. Take that Dan Rather
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'Perfect timing' Poland announces plans for American missile defense shield, pissing off the Russians
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Philadelphia man charged with tryng to extort Giants coach Tom Coughlin over phony sex claims
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85 percent of flying public wants to see children in separate section of plane, 15 percent misunderstood the question
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Final Denver Fark Party Reminder: This Friday at the Hornet, 8 pm
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Home Depot and other big-box stores in Los Angeles will have to provide shelter and bathrooms to day workers who loiter on their property waiting to be picked up for a job. Workers will still have to wipe their ass themselves, however
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Oil companies may drill off the coast of New Jersey, ruining beachgoers' view of sign-towing planes, medical waste washed up on shore, orange-tanned guidos, and fat guys with hair on their back
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IOC to Chinese Govt: Stop farking with the journalists. Chinese Govt: Did you say something? What?
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Swedish wrestler throws down medal, cries like little girl, threatens Vince McMahon with folding chair. Bork
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Sentence for Michigan "Joker" not so serious
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French Jews sue YouTube, presumably for perpetuating unfair stereotype that Jewish people are universally wealthy and educated
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| (MyTelus) |
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California woman gives birth on front lawn. Well, either that or she has the most disgusting garden gnome ever
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Female Chinese gymnast born in 1995, meaning He was too young to compete in Olympics
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Today's episode of "Woman arrested by fire chief in Wal-Mart" brought to you by the letters F U C and the use of sign language
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Missing Elvis statue returned all shook up
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Japanese local government mistakently broadcasts alert warning of imminent missile attack to 20 government buildings. "New pants required" alert was broadcast shortly after
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| (Some Guy) |
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Congressman claims that trees contain 40% crude oil. Wants to start cutting down national forests to solve the oil crisis. Why didn't anyone think of this sooner?
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Why Are Georgia and Georgia Both Named Georgia?
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Russian foreign minister: "This is not the Georgian territorial integrity you were looking for. Move along."
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CNN discovers that people who cheat on their spouses often lie
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CHICAGO FARK PARTY REMINDER, This Saturday, August 16th, The Lincoln Tap Room. Link goes to bar, Drew will be there, details in thread
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Teen fights for right to wear Confederate Flag to school; other students say he's just doing it to be a dixie
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Tribes upset the US forest service's firefighting efforts are violating sacred Indian sites. "Don't you guys ever watch horror movies?" a spokesman for the tribes asked
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At 14, city rallied around boy to get him a new heart. Five years later he's arrested for threatening to cut the heart out of a neighbor
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President Bush urged to get tough with the Russians by threatening to not let them ferry us into space any more
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Challenge: Colorize this opera fan in her balcony
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| (Missoulian) |
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When giving police a false name, make sure the real one isn't tattooed on your head
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High school wrestler arrested for using the "wiener to the face" move on a teammate
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Man wins sexual discrimination claim against athletic clubs offering "ladies join free". Next up, 'Ladies Night' offers at night clubs & bars
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What do you do when you want to buy a new truck but can't trust banks or paper money? You pay for it with 16 cans of coins
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Venomous lionfish escapes from Florida fish tank and wreaks havoc in Caribbean Sea. "This may very well become the most devastating marine invasion in history"
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The goggles, they do something
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Judge: I can't force colleges to accept credit from science classes that teach that the noodly appendage gave life to everything. Christians: WHARRGARBL
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Georgian President to McCain: Put up or shut up
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| (Some cornhole) |
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ABC's hit television show "Wife Swap" seeking cornhole fanatics
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'Abba, get upstairs and tidy your bedroom'
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Sydney's graffiti squad remove the chalk designs, posters and stencil works that made up the 'Eye Saw' exhibit, despite museum employees telling them not to destroy it
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| (WWL) |
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Today's "Vulcan causes massive oil spill on Mississippi River" brought to you by New Orleans (w/ photo proof of time-travel goodness)
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'Tree Man' who grew roots out of his body has four pounds of warts removed, says he wants to get married, raise saplings
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British woman being evicted from home for flushing toilet at night and ironing too loud
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'99 Cent Only Store To Raise Prices'
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| (KSDK) |
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In 2024, White Americans will not be the majority in America. Everybody Hispanic
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Photoshop an ad for Fark Beer. Link goes to a pint
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Seven years of college down the drain
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Don't stand up fast enough while handcuffed? That's a tasering, tasering, tasering, tasering, tasering, tasering, tasering, tasering, tasering, death
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The people of Napier, New Zealand can sleep soundly - the 'Piddler on the Roof' has turned himself in to police
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 166: Tricky. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed August 13, 2008 |
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I know it's tempting, but really... try to avoid shining your laser pointer at police helicopters. They're the police. And they're in a helicopter. You're not going to get very far
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Drug war opponent Danny Kushlick puts down the bong long enough to call drug prohibition "one of the great social policy disasters of the last 100 years"
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Julia Child was just one of many WWII spies for the OSS. She used her mini-camera on the Krauts
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Singin' karaoke in a trailer park with 'nuther woman? That's a drive-over
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How do you combat rising food prices: If you said make rat farms and sell their meat, you are correct
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| (Some Guy) |
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Youth pastor and Christian school teacher arrested for making his 15-year old student scream, "Oh God, oh God"
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| (wltx.com) |
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So I've got a good idea. How 'bout we go steal a bear cub, take it to a truck stop, and charge people a dollar to pet it. Sounds bulletproof, right? Ask John Chadwick Montgomery
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| (NWCN) |
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Mysterious woman stalks Oregon nursing home, offering massages to old people while pretending to be their granddaughter or care worker
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this old merry-go-round
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News: Only Al-Qaeda female in FBI's 100 Most Wanted list captured. Scary: Had plans of NYC, subways, an animal disease plant and was planning assassinations of former presidents
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Georgia: "We are handing over our ports and airports to US military control". US Gov: "Wait...what?"
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Ed Asner, former Dallas Cowboy Mark Stepnoski, hip hop group Arrested Development demand a new investigation to 9/11
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Man found dead in Denver hotel room had one pound of cyanide, was Somali living in Canada, and had recently warned of "death" on religious internet chat room
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| (FOX 10 News) |
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Naked man runs amok in neighborhood with an ax, chasing kids and chopping down doors. Then it gets weird
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| (Some Guy) |
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39 year old hittable Rocky Mount, NC female teacher allowed a student to rock and mount her
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How hot can a 65 year-old woman be that a 47 year-old man would kidnap her to keep to himself?
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World's tallest woman dies at 53. Deuce Bigalow inconsolable
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Nineteen-month old falls 25-30 feet out of third floor window. Gets up with nothing wrong with him, other than his mother is an idiot
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| (Some Tall Guy) |
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Caption contest: What are these guys yelling?
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Denver police build "Gitmo on the Platte": A warehouse full of cages and barbed wire to house arrested protesters at the Democratic Convention
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| (Cookie monster) |
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Police with guns drawn stormed the cookie aisle like "Nazi storm troopers" with a warrant for stolen Nilla Wafers
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Put this one under the "hot stripper who smiles in her mugshot after shooting her boyfriend over $150" file
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You know those "gold" medals the athletes are kissing and biting while on the podium? Yea, well along with the thrill of victory, it looks like they could be getting lead poisoning
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TSA: "Did you forget your ID when you flew? Congratulations, you are our newest entry to our terrorist watch list"
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Reporter spends a week living in an airport and concludes it's a big, busy place with lots of plastic benches and international air passengers
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Mugshot and surveillance video of Colorado's phony "porn inspector"
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Sorry about the rocks in lieu of raisins in your bread, Here's five bucks
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Having solved all other problems, NYC orders stores with air conditioning to close their doors
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"I am the airline passenger you dread most of all, more even than the religious fanatic or flatulent fat guy. I am the passenger accompanying small children"
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| (Some Guy) |
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This debate professor finally comprehends the obvious: the quickest way to win a debate is to show 'em your ass
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During the DNC, Al-Jazeera will spotlight Colorado town where Coors is brewed. Once again showing they'll do anything to make the US look bad
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Principal resigns at 'pregnancy pact' high school. Job offers by Trojan and Durex to follow
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If your husband comes home and finds you in bed with your lover, and your lover freaks out, jumps through a window and leaves his car in your driveway, don't make things worse by claiming he was a home invasion suspect
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How weird is Portland? Let's put it this way: one of its residents is giving the city itself acupuncture by hammering 23-foot long needles into the ground
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| (Todaysthv) |
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Shots fired at Democrat Party HQ in Arkansas. Gunman on the loose
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Man wrongly accused of 1992 murder awarded £706,000, which may be reduced by 25% if he was drunk at the time
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Fidel Castro turns 82* today
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In response to recent violence, authorities have imposed a 24-hour curfew on the city, enforced by roadblocks manned by paramilitary forces carrying M-16s and M-4s. Is this a) Baghdad, Iraq, b) Tbilisi, Georgia, or c) Helena, Arkansas?
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Prolific Los Angeles thief who confessed to over 1,000 burglaries finds a creative way to get his sentence reduced...he makes a police training video showing how he did it
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Man cheats on his wife, sends a sexy text message to the wrong person, and his mistress's underwear ends up for auction on ebay. Ta daa
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Newspaper reporter huffy that man who took bath in Burger King sink is too busy updating his MySpace profile to give an interview. On the upside, video on the paper's website has "has received thousands of viewers from Finland"
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| (Some Wachovia Guy) |
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Bank of America special: free exploding dye pack with every cash withdrawal
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| (Cushman Collection) |
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Now look here, ace, it's the coolest collection of early-40's color photos of New York you've seen since the early 40's
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Photoshop theme: Unforeseen consequences of the energy crisis
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Debunking three myths about offshore drilling
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For those who bought their first house in the past 5-7 years, analysts now predicting resurgence of "down payment" which is some sort of rip-off where they expect you to pay some cash up front. Whateva
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An iFire damages buildings at Apple's headquarters; 2.0 people escaped without injury
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MD senator helps pass legislation to collect money to enforce the Do Not Call registry. Now his son is sued for $500m under legislation. That's gonna make Thanksgiving dinner awkward
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Humpback whale took a detour on his way to the Arctic and ended up near one of Germany's favorite nude beach destinations. That pervert
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Georgia beats Russia - at beach volleyball. If only all wars could be settled by attractive women in bikinis
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Phone sex addict goes to hotel, makes over €7,000 in phone sex calls that he can't afford. Again
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Sex in a judge's chambers, trysts at local hotels during business hours, obscene phone calls to female workers and a desire to see lesbian sex. It's just another day for a court official. Submitter contemplating career change
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VFW post answering machine tells callers to hang up if they don't speak English. One small detail seems to have escaped them
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A man was arrested for having contact with a woman he had assaulted previously. The contact came when she knocked on his door and he called the police to have her removed
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You're getting your hair cut and notice that the nude calendar on the wall features your girlfriend. Do you c) burn the place down? Hells yeah you do
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Finally, a case worthy of the U.S. Supreme Court's time: whether a 5th grader's candy canes are religiously offensive
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Chicago streets are congested and gas prices are at all time highs. So it only makes sense that the Chicago PD replaces their Crown Vics with Chevy Tahoes
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New study confirms what the previous 7,689 studies had found: Troops at risk for alcohol abuse
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| (Some Guy) |
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No matter how turned on you are, it's just rude to masturbate outside a strip club. "There were people standing around watching him and laughing."
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Being held captive for 3 years is pretty bad, but in a single-wide mobile home? That's a new kind of hell
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Traditional English names like Gertrude and Edna dying out. Tula Does the Hula From Hawaii unavailable for comment
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With the smell of the burning sacred weed "wafting out the window", Reverend Cannabis is busted again
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| (Happy Guy) |
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Photoshop these two tater launchers gearing up for a spudtacular fling together
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Doctor, "Some risks of surgery include nausea and dizziness." Patient, "Not bad, is there anything else?" Doctor, "Well, your face might catch on fire."
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| (Columbus Dispatch) |
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Bad: You get your wallet stolen while you're in gym class. Good: Someone later finds and returns it. Fark: 44 years later
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78 year-old naked man defeats two burglars, taking away their shotgun. Bet they didn't expect that wrinkle
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When the police take all of your kids, dogs, cats, horses, donkeys, pigs, chickens, ducks, goats, pigeons, peafowl, mice, and hamsters away, you might not have the best day. But come on, did they have to take the fish, too? Bonus: sexy mugshot
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Homeland Security setting up counterspy unit... that will be like the C.I.A., but with a much better and longer name
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Study from the Researches For Pointless Things finds that an octopus has 2 legs and 6 arms
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Step 1: Be charged with murder in the starvation death of your daughter. Step 2: Sue the city for not taking your child away from you. Step 3: Profit
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Don't worry UK Farkers, soon companies will be required to track and store all internet and phone traffic from everyone so it can be accessed by a variety of agencies for your safety
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| Tue August 12, 2008 |
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If you're forced to land your plane on a freeway and do so safely, it might be best not to push your luck and try to take off again
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Having solved all other problems Baltimore to educate inner city residents of the dangers of salt
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NYPD wants to take pictures of every car license plate entering the city, good luck with that
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| (City Pages) |
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Last month: Tron Guy buys an airplane. This month: Tron Guy is a gay man who hates the government, owns an AK-47, and lives with a furry named "Orven the Ox"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this light lunch
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Man who left an engagement ring on the hood of his car and then drove off gets lucky twice: A motorcyclist found the ring, and the fiance still wants to marry the idiot
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Number of college students receiving food stamps up 44% from last year
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| (Cryptomundo.com) |
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Apparently, someone has found a bigfoot body and evidence of its existence will be revealed to the world on Friday
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Texas school district may have carried school dress code one step too far: Prison-issue jumpsuits for children who don't comply
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Unabomber angry that his Montana cabin is on display at a Washington, D.C. museum. He's worried the publicity will further harm his victims
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Today's "oh noes teh eval bacterias could harm ur children" story brought to you by the Cleveland Plain Dealer. With "kids need sleep" bonus obviousness
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If you want to claim disability benefits for a spinal injury, it's not advised that you leap around on stage playing guitar
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Birmingham, England prints flyer with Birmingham, AL skyline. Send more maps to the England, and such as
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Attorney general: "Not every violation of the law is a crime." At least not when you're a Republican
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| (WHTM) |
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Telemarketer: "Ha ha, we will defeat the Do Not Call list by using an Indian call center Suck it, consumer protection statutes" Pennsylvania Attorney General: "Hi, welcome to our state. Here's a $500,000,000 lawsuit."
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Turns out that Beyonce's skin does change color when her L'Oreal ad is placed in newspapers for black women: It gets darker (pic)
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Man, shot by one of his roommate's friends, claims that he "was fighting and that's what dudes do"
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Plane crashes in supermarket parking lot. Clean up in aisles 1-15
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American Airlines supports the troops -- for an extra $300 charge per duffel bag, that is
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| (Tacoma News Tribune) |
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10:17 a.m. -- tried the cheese curds, needs more gravy. 10:20 a.m. -- the elephant ears are soggy this year. 10:30 a.m. -- waited in line for half an hour to ride a roller coaster from the 1960s
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If you can't beat them on the battlefield, beat them in court: Georgia to sue Russia for ethnic cleansing, will use high-technology trial lawyers provided by the U.S.
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AG Mukasey says that nobody involved in politicizing the hiring process will face any criminal consequences. Instead, they will face the wrath that DOJ inflicts on all the innocent people they investigate: Bad publicity
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Burger King employee -- caught taking a nude bath in restaurant's utility sink -- gives himself the most appropriate nickname ever: "Mr. Unstable." Or, as his friends call him, "Mr. Unemployed"
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Beware of goat-sucking dogs in Texas (with video goodness)
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| (eurogamer .net) |
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Atheists outraged that "Spore" has religion in it. Then again, is there anything that doesn't outrage atheists?
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Actor Ian Ziering says appearing on the new "90210" would be a "step backwards" in his career, since he's really more focused on moving from the grill to night assistant manager in his current job
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Looks like the United States isn't the only country who uses cute females to lip-synch vocals
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Swedish authorities say, "Go ahead and name your kids Budweiser, but naming them Devil is still banned." In other words, no truth in advertising
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One, ah ah ah. Two, ah ah ah. Three, ah ah ah. Four, ah ah ah. Four young white women in McCain's attack ad. Now let's count the ulterior motives. One, ah ah ah...
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Humpbacks have made a great recovery, which means Kirk and Spock won't have to time travel when that weird alien probe makes its way to Earth
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Court cuts rape victim's compensation because she was asking for it since she had been drinking
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For sale: Sunny, spacious 375-sq. ft. penthouse studio in central Stockholm, balcony, full kitchen, all amenities. No extra charge for crazy old man who refuses to leave
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Sports Illustrated does the numbers and proves what everyone outside of the Big Ten already knew: the SEC is the best conference for the last 5 years in college football
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In a surprise ruling, judge concludes that first amendment protection must also be extended to Christians
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*clicks BBC front page headline* Wait, what? *facepalm*
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| (Some Straight Dude) |
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Cheech & Chong's career swings match S&P 500. Causation or correlation?
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When the sun comes up on a sleepy little town, down around San Antone, Squeaky the Pig is herding up the cows, with Dr. Pepper and marshmallows
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Man robs a bank dressesd in a wig, makeup and women's clothing. Would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for his huge-ass proboscis. "His wig couldn't cover his nose"
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Anonymous Chinese Olympic ceremony worker dubbed "Second Brother on the Right" becomes Internet sensation, standard police-lineup response
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Original SS Minnow restoration nearly finished, will take passengers on three-hour tours. No really, three-hour tours
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Cult leaders denied 19-month-old food because he wouldn't say "amen" after dinner. Kept his body in a suitcase that they would spray because God was going to resurrect him. Prosecutors expect a conviction to be a Febreze
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Shanghai tower
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Israel offers Palestinians 92.7 percent of the West Bank. Palestinians refuse, prefer to wait until even more of their land is built over
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Bill Richardson (D-oh) has just the thing to stop the war in Georgia: A strongly worded UN resolution. "Apparently Richardson was ambassador to the UN for 19 months without noticing that Russia has a Security Council veto"
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Bonsai cattle catching on with ranchers, although the high-pitched mooing takes some getting used to
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| (Oldham Evening Chronicle) |
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Couple spotted naked at a window displaying a little too much unity at the offices of Unity Partnership
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Not news: Police raid house looking for fugitive. News: The wrong house. Fark: Leave a note to homeowner with refrigerator magnets (with bonus totally-not-amused pic)
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Man not particularly bothered after discovering three-foot rubber snake that's been in his car for a month is not made of rubber
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A bunch of grapes has sold for around $900 (about $30 per grape) in Japan. "They're delicious, sweet AND fresh at the same time," the grocer explained wide-eyed, while attempting to hypnotise the journalist
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Pommel-horse performance by Olympic alternate gives USA the surprise bronze in gymnastics, gives Hollywood the idea to make "Gymkata 2"
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