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| Sun July 13, 2008 |
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Actual Headline: "Heavy rains complicate Calif. firefighting efforts"
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Just hope that if you fight off a shark you get a better headline than "Man pokes shark in eye"
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Here's to you Mr. Foreign Investor dude
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Drunken man falls into Siberian brown bear pit while trying to take pictures. Bears have Jello-stone shot pic-a-nic
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| (Some guy with a gun) |
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Photoshop this Dick Tracy wannabee
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US may begin to withdraw troops from Iraq in September. It's like there's some event scheduled in the Fall that could hinge on this
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Rule 1 of Pizza Man Fight Club; don't fark with the Pizza man. (with KO pic goodness and link to video of the fight)
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Iran announces discovery of new billion-barrel oil field on their territory. It's almost as if they're *asking* to be invaded
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1,000 pound bull is cockblocked by farmer, decides on cold dip in brand-new swimming pool instead (w/pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bad: Stealing gas from a parked car. Stupid: It was a unmarked police car. At least they gave the cop a ride afterwards
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In the new opera for the deaf, it ain't over until the fat lady gesticulates wildly
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| (WWL) |
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Drunk man, believing someone is chasing him, crashes car into fence, runs into stranger's house at 2AM, begins yanking down curtains. Then, things get weird
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Search for adventurer Fossett resumes in Nevada, presumably because the light is better over there
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Two swimmers dead, Juan Moore missing
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Newly discovered John Lennon interview reveal The Beatles as a Christian band: "I'm one of Christ's biggest fans. And if I can turn the focus on the Beatles on to Christ's message, then that's what we're here to do"
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Shark's awesome vacation ruined by stupid humans
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Drug bust goes bad at a Florida McDonald's because of a forgotten milkshake
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Texas leads nation in abstinence education funding, hand lotion sales
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Photoshop those futuristic moon... things
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USA: President asks Congress to pass a bill for him to sign in order to authorize the Treasury Department to mail people $600 checks. Iraq: Prime Minister roams the streets handing out cold hard cash
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| (Lansing State Journal) |
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Today's "Teenagers wreck six city pickup trucks, cause $50,000 in damages" brought to you by Lansing, Michigan
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Judge rules in favor of withholding ultra-high security prison inmate's soft-core porn mail since 1996. Prisoner argues his First Amendment and due-process rights are being violated worse than his 1995 Victoria's Secret catalog
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Add mudslides to the list of things caused by government de-regulation
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PBS to debate showing nude scene in upcoming show "Dumbledore Gone Wild"
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Sales booming of new real estate map in England: one that shows the 21,000 locations where unexploded German bombs are likely to be
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| (Some Guy) |
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Competitive Eating combined with Bicycle Racing? Welcome to the Tour de Donut
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| (HolyJuan) |
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What should you do when you run into your future self who has traveled back in time to warn you about some impending doom??
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Batman & Robin jailed in Ibiza for violence
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WWII bomb forces thousands to evacuate in Japan, pants
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Salman Rushdie has survived the fatwa against him and continues to bone his way through the world's top models and starlets
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Thieves stole hundreds of feet of fence from a historic cemetery. If there was only something to put up around the fence to keep them from reaching it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this grinder
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Police break up the annual mooning of the trains in Laguna Niguel, CA after some of the 8,000 participants show a little more than their moon. M-O-O-N, that spells Amtrak (safe, no pics)
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| (WLBZ2.com) |
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The east coast cows are hip, I really dig those bells they wear, and the southern cows with the way they moo, knock me out when I'm down there, but I wish they all could be California cows
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Nanny State teachers urged to give precious snowflakes safety messages after reading fairytales, warning not to copy characters
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A man and his pregnant fiancée are demanding $10 million from the Bronx Zoo after being stuck on a cable car for five hours above fang-baring, flesh-eating baboons
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| (RumorsDaily) |
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It's a slow night, so here are pictures of famous people wearing top hats
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America is finally number one at something again... and it's... I forgot
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Britain planning Lady Margaret Thatcher's funeral. FARK: She's not dead yet, Jim
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Dealing with jerks in the gym, including "26 minutes of excessive locker room nudity"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Driving around a roadblock to try and put out your burning house? That's a taserin'
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The BBC has found the first evidence that China is currently helping Sudan's government militarily in Darfur
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Pakistan declares NIMBY in the hunt for bin Laden
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| Sat July 12, 2008 |
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School officials conduct a strip search of 13-year-old girl... for suspicion of ibuprofen. Fark: the appeals court was actually divided on the matter
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| (some guy) |
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Man finds rattlesnake. Decides to keep it as a pet. You win the prize if you guess what happens next
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This just in: Products sold on infomercials don't always work as well as promised
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| (Some Sappy Chick) |
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Couple who never spent a day apart die within hours of each other. True love does exist. Sappy trumps sad tag
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The small town of Arcata, California has just two traditional pharmacies, but four officially approved medical cannabis sales outlets
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| (Some Tired Feet) |
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You rob a golf course and are actively being chased by police. Do you: C) call a cab for a ride home?
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Broadcasting 101: Keep the masturbating kangaroo in the background out of camera range when shooting a news report
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Today's "Drunk Woman Slips Out of Handcuffs and Steals the Police Car" story is out of Tulsa, Oklahoma. With "I colored my hair and painted my face out of the same bottle" mugshot goodness
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Photoshop Sean Connery
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Meet Cynthia McKinney, your Green Party nominee for President of the United States. Yes, that Cynthia McKinney
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Man steals drill from Home Depot, then threatens customers in store before taking his act next door to a gas station. With totally useless, out of focus picture of something
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Son of the Shah argues against military intervention in Iran, says the West needs to encourage the Iranian people to rise up against their own government
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"The horribleness of commenters isn't really a mystery: Internet anonymity is disinhibiting, and people are basically mean anyway"
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Soon cameras will be checking out your car's wheels and mailing you a ticket if it doesn't like them. Sadly, we're not talking about spinners here
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| (Journal Times) |
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Why is the snooze button set for nine minutes? Let us take you back to 1956, when the first........ zzzzzzzzzz
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Man finds master key to apartment complex, makes beeline for laundry room panty stash. Then it gets weird
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Writer for Buick Dealers writes editorial on How the Hummer will Save America and The Joys of Gas Guzzling
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Hypermilers are the new douchebags
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PETA pleads for people to stop "tormenting" buffalo, presumably by running up to it and screaming "WIIIIIIIDDE RIIIIGHT"
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| (Journal Times) |
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Illinois woman pulled over for 13th D.U.I. "When the officer returned to the car, Oliva was eating a salad from a bowl without utensils, placing her face in the bowl"
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The new warrantless wiretapping law is even worse than originally thought
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Photoshop this flying pup
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Miami police chief test drives an SUV. Naturally some people have a problem with this
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North Korea demands apology from South Korea because they were forced to shoot a S. Korean tourist. Wait? What?
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Iran will photoshop the destruction of Jerusalem and 32 U.S. military bases if it is attacked
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Not news: Meter maid writes parking ticket. Fark.com: While owner is slumped over at the wheel, unconscious after suffering a fainting spell. The Sun is there
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Italy rebuked for making man retake driving test after authorities determined he was homosexual, order driving examiners not to make jokes when he touches the stick shift next time either
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| (The Maine Edge.com) |
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Ever wonder who would win in a fight between Dungeons and Dragons players and World of Warcraft players? How about Muhammad Ali vs Bruce Lee? Me neither, but some guy wrote a book that will tell you
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Janosch the cat gets shipped 430 miles across Germany in cardboard box, will return home just in time for Catürday (Note: Unrelated naked man ass photo on page)
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Delta came close to grounding two planes today. How close? About 300 feet
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Former Bush press secretary Tony Snow dead of cancer at age 53
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| (Sky and Telescope) |
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Great Red Spot to Little Red Spot: OM NOM NOM NOM
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Photoshop theme: Advertising and product placement in the animal kingdom
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| (Some Guy) |
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Braces save teenager's life and probably his virginity
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| (Some Guy) |
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Always make sure the people you're watching Ultimate Fighting Championship bouts with don't have anger issues
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Pastor among suspects in illegal snake bust. "You can purchase anything off the Internet except common sense"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Instead of a VW Bug or a phone booth, fifteen college kids cram into a dorm elevator with obvious gravitational results
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Maine driver stopped by cops for driving while under the influence of The Gilmore Girls
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| (Some Guy) |
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You're the sheriff of a small town, dining at a local restaurant. A kid is having a fit. Do you A) Ignore him B) Go over and hand him a toy sheriff's badge or 3) Order mother to vacate the premises immediately
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Benihana founder Rocky Aoki dead at 69 from freak steak knife wound. Just kidding, it was cancer
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Restaurant bans regular patron who has Huntington's, explaining that watching her try to eat was making other customers lose their appetite. Then are amazed that some people would take offense at that, too (pic)
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Some people are getting their magic, full-body underwear in knots over a shirtless Mormon missionaries calendar
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Junk collector finds 1930s depression era bills worth $50 million
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Things are always going to be weird during the holidays when your mom's a Christian and your dad's a Satanist and they both want you to observe their religion
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Pulling over one of your fellow sheriff's deputies for DWI? That's a firing
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| Fri July 11, 2008 |
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Here's something that can't possibly get us fired: let's dress up students in KKK robes
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Five-pack of ugly-ass hedgehogs born at San Diego Zoo. Croquet tournament at flamingo lagoon scheduled for the fall (w/pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nanny Staters live in fear of attack by vicious seagulls and are advised by government never to leave their houses without a pointy stick. "The other day I had to cut the grass while holding a stick aloft which was far from easy" (pic)
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Media finally gets around to asking the questions that matter: "Why do so many of us like kinky sex?"
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Man sets record with his 50th gallon of blood donated. When reached for comment, the man said, "abbel gwabee, blennn"
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He wants to ride his bicycle. He wants to ride his bike. He wants to weave in and out of traffic and get popped for DUI. (with serious mugshot goodness)
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Congratulations to IndyMac Bancorp for making the FDIC "Failed Bank" list
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Ground breaking research shows that the college environment is conducive to binge drinking
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| (Some Guy) |
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Talk about sacri-licious, Jesus found in a bucket of ice cream. Mmmmm... creamy Jesus(pic)
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Female soldier dubbed "Combat Barbie" for her bravery in fighting Iraqi insurgents to compete for title of Miss England 2008. God help whoever defeats her (pic)
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If you order a group of youths to demolish a crack house with sledgehammers, you better make sure it really is a crack house. Especially when you're the mayor
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So the " Great White Shark" spotted off the beach of Martha's Vineyard? Yeah...another hoax
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This week's roundup includes the hittable and the already hit
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Car hit by lightning doesn't make it back to the future
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Attorney to Linda Hogan: "You're a dumbass"
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| (Celebridiot) |
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As if ballroom dancing wasn't gay enough Lance Bass will have a male partner on Dancing with the Stars
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Secret door operated by magnets leads police to an underground, hydroponic forest of delight
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| (LoHud) |
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Yelling and cursing at the desk officer is not the best way to go about bailing your friends out of jail
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New Orleans Police Dept. shirt scandal ironed out
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In a few days, 44 year-old Francisco Martinez will land in Iraq, he will be carrying a rifle, night-vision goggles, a 100lbs of gear and the memory of his son who never returned
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| (The Orange County Register) |
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Guy with cerebral palsy gets his parrot back with the help of Craigslist just two days after the parrot went missing
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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Train continues its undefeated streak in the long running grudge match: train vs. truck
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GOP candidate: two weeks ago when I said China was drilling for oil on Florida's beaches I was wrong, but that was two weeks ago and who knows what has happened since
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California to deploy its national guard to help fight the wildfires; just a soon as they can find hoses that stretch all the way to Iraq
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Picking up strip club waitresses and other party girls after the bars have closed, taking them to your exclusive lounge which has liquor-dispensing vending machines? The Edmonton Police just call that "Talent Night"
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| (KVOA) |
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I'm a maaaaaaniac, maaaaaaaniac in a store/ And I'm stabbing like I've never stabbed before
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ingredients: Family in RV, undercooked food, a "You Suck" message left in ketchup, brawls, kitchen knives, small town police and four men in black hats. Results: The perfect Fark soufflé
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NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg enjoying the beautiful mountains and weather out in "Salt Lake City, Idaho."
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Iraqi Defense Ministry reports Israeli war planes are using Iraqi airspace and U.S. airbases in Iraq to prepare for a possible strike on Iran. Now c'mon, nobody likes a tattletaliban
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Betting women on card tricks and then forcefully making them pay up by spanking them with a belt is just wrong, especially when you are a police sergeant (w/ mugshot)
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Left your PIN at home? No problem, just take the ATM with you
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| (East Valley Tribune) |
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Realizing that all of those pesky stop signs are making us waste gas, man takes matters into his own hands. You know what comes next
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| (Some beer snob) |
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Look, in these hard times you may be forced to steal beer, but have some self respect
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| (Some Fat Kid) |
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"Dothan City Police Department scored a win in the War on Obesity Friday when the bomb squad detonated a suspicious package that turned out to be full of snacks"
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Man relives scene from GTA as he vaults off the top of a parking garage after he crashed his motorcycle into a low wall. WASTED
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Blogger saves gas by taking the bus instead of driving so his kids can go to a well-regarded school instead of a shaky school; because "the State of Georgia always finishes in the Top 50 among State Educational Quality". Wait, What?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Help, I've fallen and I can't get up to stab my wife
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Woman hires hitman on the internet to kill boyfriend after he asks for some kinky sex. Then it gets weird
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Germany to bar owners: "You can't let your patrons smoke." Bar owners to Germany: "Where do you see a bar? We're a smoking club."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this kid getting ready to abuse a seahorse
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| (channel 3000) |
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Man robs gas station with toy guy, strips off clothes, stuffs money in underwear, and makes his slow getaway on a bicycle. The Aristocrats
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| (WKRC) |
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Cincinnati man arrested for trying to set a woman & her van on fire because she fell asleep during sex. His name is Mr. Smallwood, but that's probably just a coincidence
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France denies woman citizenship because she is too submissive. Well, it's not like she's going to argue that point
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When you are the suspect in a yaght-theft-muder investigation do you A) confess B) deny it or C) attempt to cut off your own penis?
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| (Some Guy) |
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PolicE admiNister hot sedative Injection to unruly suSpects
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After running out of places to tag, taggers start spray painting little kids
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| (Some Guy) |
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Apparently rice farmers have a lot of free time, and a lot of vision
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| (wtol) |
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Accusing your husband of hand cuffing you in a dog cage and shooting you may help your fight for child custody, if it actually happened
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The EPA's Department Of Pulling Meaningless Figures Out Of Its Ass says an American life is worth $900,000 less than it was five years ago
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At least two of the five feet that washed up in British Columbia are from the same person
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Think pimpin' is easy? Try being an Orthodox Jewish matchmaker
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Man goes to doctors complaining of sharp stomach pains. Doctors tell him problem may be related to the 17 metal objects he ate, including screws, watch clasps, nails, the knife, or the barbed wire
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Hottie teacher Debra Lafave will no longer have to wear that clunky ankle bracelet on her next date with a teenage boy
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Best way to piss off your fellow employees? By sending them emails. Marked 'Urgent.' In red, 40-point type. Pointing out that the office fridge needs cleaning out
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If you're hanging out behind the "Extreme Car Wash" don't be surprised when a naked hispanic man rips your pants off and runs away
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Disney suing Florida couple because they dress up in Tigger and Eeyore costumes
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LA street gangs may be taking over Catalina Island. Just look for the golf carts with 22" chrome spinners
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Island where "Jaws" was filmed has beaches closed due to shark sighting. Where is Roy Schieder when you need him?
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I have a dream -- that one day my children will fight like kindergartners over my estate
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Groundskeeper accidentally destroys golf course by spraying it with industrial strength weed killer instead of water. Awkward
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Click on this interactive U.S. map to see where your state ranks in binge drinking, underage drinking, and gallons of alcohol sold per capita
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Staying in rainy Britain for the summer rocks because fewer Brits are around. "Most rational folk would pay to get away from them. Except, we don't need to - because they are paying to get away from us"
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| (WHAS) |
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Want to drink here? Sure, we'll just need to know everything about you. Don't worry, we'll just take your info without you noticing
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| (Steve Jobs) |
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New iPhone comes with new iCant activate feature
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Boy hurt after putting paper clip in electrical socket. Darwin shrugs. Bonus: happened at Academic Enrichment Camp
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| (Some Guy) |
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Baby boomer galaxy found. Will soon suck up all civil services, complain that today's generation of galaxies is worthless
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Beware Greeks bearing gifts, especially lead tablets that say "May your penis hurt when you make love". Sore penis
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Dog meat off the menu at Olympics
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Woman finds lorry driver living in her shed, fails to appreciate all the work he put in tidying up her garden
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Shakespeare's first folio, valued at $30 million and stolen 10 years ago, recovered in Washington, DC. Suspect under arrest described by police as "saucy elf-skinned carrion; the rank crook-pated scut"
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A pair of Queen Victoria's knickers up for sale: 50-inch waist, with a split crotch. We are not aroused
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Two Fark-mentions within a year worthy of a recall effort
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| (Some VA Guy) |
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Central Virginia woman goes to get her car serviced, ends up in Tennessee. Family says they'll get her a GPS in case she gets confused again. Yeah, like THAT will help
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Ever seen a grown squirrel naked, Joey? (pics)
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Guy sleeps on his mom's couch, is a college drop-out, works part-time at Boston Market-- Of course, he's a professional video gamer
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DIY not-news: woman drills hole in vase to make a lamp. Fark.com: a formerly £250,000 vase [w/pic]
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Those plastic and rubber playgrounds? Yeah, they're quite flammable
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Indian couple marries by telephone when husband on assignment in Kuwait. Husband refuses to believe wife's name really "Julie"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Michigan man wants to sue the publishers of the bible because it says homosexuality is a sin, causing him the usual litany of overly litigious plaintiff whine
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Old and Busted: Female teachers sexing up students. New Hotness: Female teachers getting in suicide pacts with students (w/ pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these hazmat guys
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"Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says..."
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Guy does in-depth research into British sexuality, discovers 'every swinging club was obsessed with sandwiches and finger food'
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Drunk man infiltrates team of firefighters and battles apartment blaze. Functional Alcoholic Man, we salute you
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You are a pole dancer who wants to challenge the prudishness of Chilean society. Do you: c) Attempt to strip in front of the Chilean presidential palace?
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News: Moran runs red light, hits other car. Not news: Moran was drunk. FARK: That's Deputy Moran, serving & protecting
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| (SP) |
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And you thought it was awkward when your kids just walk in on you having sex
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Caught on tape: 'Rookie' firefighter lights Roman Candle in his butt. (GREAT video)
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"There are two watershed moments in a woman's life: when they stop carding you at bars and when the envelope arrives from AARP"
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A new theme park hopes to lure tourists into a "Cage of Death" for a close encounter with a crocodile. What could possibly go...CRIKEY
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75-year old stripper to perform at this year's Edinburgh Festival. Organizers fear ticket sales will be flat, profits droop (w/3-pic slideshow)
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Man arrested for stealing 129 rabbits. Presumably he was identified by DNA evidence - police say he left a hare behind
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this animated figure
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"It was one of the stupidest things I've done in my life but it's no reason to take my kids," the white nationalist mother said about drawing swastikas on her daughter's arm before sending her to school....twice
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| Thu July 10, 2008 |
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"Investigators received a call on Sunday that a man was heading downtown drinking a beer and driving his lawn mower on the sidewalk"
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Credit crunch resulting in more married men than ever dumping their mistresses to save money
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Bad: you are the victim of a home invasion robbery, Good: thieves faces caught on security tape, which you turn over to police, Bad: security tape stolen from police, FARK: security tape theft caught on security tape
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Not News: Verizon customer doesn't pay a bill. News: Verizon hires debt collector to go after the customer. Customer still doesn't respond. Fark: Because he's a dog
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested for naked Barbie doll display (w/ mugshoot goodness)
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World of professional Santas plunges into civil war; rival factions include the Red Suit Society, Amalgamated Order of Real-Bearded Santas and Amalgamated Santas (farking splitters)
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How not to call in sick. Cough
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Man claims God lets him cure cancer during tent revivals. Still no cure for hundreds of thousands who believe he can
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Former diplomat: Cultural differences make it OK to bang 14-year-olds in Brazil. And you're only picking on me because I'm a nudist
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Americans cut back gasoline consumption, only to face whining from Highway Trust Fund, whose budget is shrinking
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| (Mojo In The Morning .com) |
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A-Rod's Detroit "Stripper Friend" audio. We all wish we had stripper friends
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Austrian man who locked his daughter in dungeon for 24 years asks to be let out of his prison cell, explaining that he can't stand being cooped up
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Drunk bicyclist runs light, clubs driver who yelled at him with his bike. Bonus: Other cyclists ganged up on the driver after he was attacked
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Helicopter parents freaking out when their kids go to summer camp, stalk their kids on camp websites for comfort
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Photoshop Johnny Damon and the balancing baseball
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"For every 10 percent rise in gas prices, [traffic] fatalities are reduced by 2.3 percent"
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The high price of gas has driven people from 'road rage' to 'desk rage'
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Want to take your disabled son to school? Not so fast lady, the police would like a word first
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Oil prices increase over $5 per barrel on fears of Iran's mad Photoshop skills
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Brazilian obstetricians doing their part to ensure that women have at least one stripe down there
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That's great, General Petraeus, you want a gold star or something?
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London restaurant serves world's hottest curry, made from 855k Scoville peppers. Toilets nearby cringe in fear
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To the surprise of absolutely everyone, Wal-Mart is named the largest company in the world. And no, this is not a repeat from the last couple of years either
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Copies of dirty e-mails sent by Texas professor who described sexual fantasies involving female students and teenage girls. Bonus: He liked to buy used 99-cent lingerie at the Goodwill store
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"Let me find out weaknesses, flatter her, and then dig out info to use to my advantage later," one teacher wrote in an e-mail to another teacher. "I make no predictions other than I will get together with her"
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World's most annoying blackbird mimes ambulance sirens and ringtones starting at 5 a.m. every day. The Sun is there with an annoying video
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The reward for throwing away a winning lottery ticket? $65 million. You better believe that he was thanking God
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Commissioner who claimed "black hole" was a racist term, now says "angel food cake" and "devil's food cake" are also racist terms. On next week's show: Names of gardening tools that are racist
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Man is so consumed by the spirit of God, that he falls and cracks his head. Since this is America, you can guess what happens next
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man partying on a fast-moving charter bus gets sucked out onto the highway when the doors accidentally open. "They were pretty upset, I'm not going to lie to you"
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| (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) |
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Ugly-ass baby elephant born in the Pittsburgh Zoo (with revolting pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tomorrow, all Chick-fil-A chain restaurants will give a free meal to anybody who shows up at a store dressed as a cow
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The Texas Attorney General approves of a Bible study class in public schools. "It's like sex ed. ... You leave it up to local communities"
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Al Qaeda's leader in Europe lives in a $1.6 million house and gets $100,000 a year courtesy of the British taxpayers, and he's mightly happy about it as he buys some TP and Diet Coke (pics)
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Women feel "flattered" by one-night stands, while men "lower their standards" to pursue them
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Indonesian grandmother, famous for miracle penis growth powers, dies aged 101 or 130. If only there was some single word to end this headline
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That tornado is 'shopped, I can tell by looking at the pixels and having seen quite a few tornados in my time
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What is causing huge bubbles at a dairy's manure lagoon? Manure lagoon?
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Family grieves by throwing rocks, urinating in public, acting up. Imagine when they are in a party mood
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President George Bush: "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter" *fist pump*
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CNN posts a list of ways to NOT get a second date. Subby hasn't been having any trouble with that
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Matthew McConaughey sells baby pics for $3 million, still refuses to spend money on shirts
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There have GOT to be better ways to score a free car wash
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Note to self: Remove nose ring before next lightning storm
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News: Police find $400,000 worth of cocaine. Fark: in their own vehicle
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Mysterious cat breed captured in midtown Atlanta. Wrath of Ceiling Cat expected to level Atlanta before the week is out
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French first lady tells paper she has a beer belly, not a baby
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Old and Busted: Smuggling coke on a boat. New Hotness: Cokemarine
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House passes bill that would help prevent White House from deleting e-mails. White House responds with veto threat, noting that it is none of Congress' business who they are ordering their v1a6ra from
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Iranian missile photo 'shopped to cover botched test fire
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| (Some Guy) |
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US Consulate in Turkey attacked; feathers everywhere
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Photoshop this shape-shifting alien
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The baby boomers have spoken, and they have said "waaaaaaaaahhhh"
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George Will finally asks the question on everyone's mind: Beer, is there anything it can't do?
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Some grant-seeking professor guy pulls another number out of his ass, predicts oil will go to $500
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USA Today has identified the 6 types of morans who will decide the upcoming election. Well, it doesn't exactly *call* them morans, but yeah
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If you're a mafia killer hiding from the law, you probably shouldn't play a mafia killer in a feature film
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As part of their series entitled "You can die at any moment", radio stations posts "Tips to stay safe from lightning strikes"
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Police deaths at their lowest point in 43 years
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Iran could send the continental U.S. back to the 19th century with a recovery time of months or years
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News: Serial killer to be executed. Fark: he is a sorcerer and he killed 10 people to increase his powers
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Yes, that Hello Kitty backpack does belong to Mets reliever Joe Smith
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If you're going to take your computer to a store for repair, it's never a good idea to have a folder called "preteen gay porn" in your My Documents folder
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What happens when a foreign defense company beats Boeing to build air tankers? If you guessed "Senators overturn the contract in a wave of jingoistic asshattery," come on down
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In a move destined to have a HUGE impact on the medical field, the AMA issues a formal apology for racist practices against black doctors over the last century. There, all better now
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| (R News Rochester) |
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Idiot shoots at cops and they fire once hitting him in the leg. They then search his house and find 2 rifles, 3 handguns, 340 bags of heroin and 121 bags of cocaine. The aristocrats
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Germans upset that frozen dinners in real life never resemble the picture on the box. You know who else didn't turn out as advertised?
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Today marks the 83rd anniversary of the Scopes "Monkey" Trial. We've come a long way from such an archaic society in which religion would attempt to undermine science in public education
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America's inbred illiterate red flyover state bible thumping morans are reproducing more quickly than its liberal coast-dwelling commie elitist pinko gays
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New bill in front of the German parliament aims to wipe away decades of discrimination and exclusion by extending the right to vote to babies
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First tomatoes, then jalapenos, and now fresh cilantro under suspicion in salmonella epidemic. Why does God hate salsa?
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Do brain games improve cognition or are they just mental masturbation? Hint: this headline is in the form of a question
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| (Some Actress) |
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Caption what Sarah Jessica Parker is grinning about
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| (Daily Post) |
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Plunged into depression, man seeks solace eating rubber gloves -- but dies from chemical poisoning
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: If God were a cat
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CBS's only hot reporter Lara Logon goes wild in Iraq , gets pregnant by a married man, and complains when it hits the media
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| (Roswell Daily Record) |
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Fake rock where aliens hid keys from 1947 crashed flying saucer found outside Roswell, New Mexico
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Russian men encouraged to fondle sculpture of bronze boobies in order to stay young forever. Is there anything they can't do?
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Persecution of Gypsies called "the shame of Europe", bumping "the Dutch" into second place
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"Bumbling thief" trying to steal copper from vacant house accidently blows it up instead
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Michael Jackson reinvents his image with the always-popular "Rasta Invalid" look (pic)
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Terminal 5 at Heathrow Airport loses over 900 bags every: A) year? B) month? C) day? . . . DingDingDingDing
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Oil executives receiving record payouts. Infuriating tag can't afford the gas to get to work, Obvious tag fills in
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Unemployed? Blind? Why not apply for the job in Braille. What's the job...Air traffic controller
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Apparently hard up for cash, thief steals 197 boxes of Levitra. Authorities threaten to impose stiff punishment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Casualties of a struggling enonomy: education, public programs, strippers, road construction... wait, what?
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You know that old slapstick classic where a guy gets snapped up inside a folding bed? Turns out in reality it isn't all that funny
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| (Some Bandit) |
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Serial sock bandit nabbed again, jailed in lieu of $100,000 bail. Underpants gnomes point and laugh
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Conman arrested after his "self-lighting cigarette" scam goes up in smoke, will be passed around as currency in PMITA prison
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Two grannies have a scooter-jousting match in a supermarket. The Sun is there
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Not news: Wife writes checks for Dell and AT&T, but accidentally sends to wrong company. Fark: Dell and AT&T both cash the other company's check, tell wife it's not their problem
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Forging a court order for eviction, kicking out a woman and her four kids, then destroying all of their stuff? That's gonna cost you. $860,000 in fact
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Government blows $150,000... to tell school kids that Elvis Presley was a gypsy
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 166: "Word Play." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 09, 2008 |
| (OC Register) |
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Man seeks Guinness world record for sitting on his ass at the Rose Bowl
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Knowing that consumers will revolt over higher prices, food manufacturers are decreasing sizes by 2-3oz. Bonus: They're keeping the front dimensions of the boxes the same
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Iran's finger is always "on the trigger", says Hossein Salami of the Revolutionary Guard, indicating that their beef with Israel is far from over, and you never sausage an arsenal anywhere south of New Delhi. Wiener
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Doctors call for tougher warning labels on alcohol including the fact consumption could lead to liver disease, sleeping with ugly chicks and greenlighting too many repeats on Fark
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Editor for a womens magazine gets Atlanta to change their "Men At Work" signs. "Iron My Shirt" signs next
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"Hey, can you tell me how to get to the Chrysler Building?" "Uh, you mean the Abu Dhabi Investment Council Building"?
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Bad: getting stuck on a suspended cable car. Worse: In a thunderstorm. Fark: Over friggin' lions
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Woman tells husband her 40th birthday gift to him would be to have sex with him every day for a year. "To my horror, he declined the whole thing" (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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What is your precious daughter doing? Threatening to shoot a 12-year-old with an AR-15. All because of a text message
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Bovine uprising in progress. Multiple police agencies are responding. Shots fired. Nothing to see here, citizen, mooooove along
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Further proof that car thieves aren't that bright, the 1995 Honda Civic tops the list of cars most stolen. Again
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House cat adopts abandoned ugly-ass baby red panda. With pic that makes you go awwww
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| (Some Guy) |
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Newly-crowned Miss Massachusetts is also a sergeant in the most deployed division of the army. You'd hit it, but you'd probably get hit back
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France may surrender title of world's largest winemaker to Spain. Olé, ranas
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In a 5-2 decision, Wisconsin outlaws sex with the dead. In other news, two judges voted to keep our laws off dead bodies
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| (Some Guy) |
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Motoshop these photocrossers
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CNN headlines article about psychic who has made over $10 million consulting. Does not include any verified predictions. That some good reporting there, Lou
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You know that store that sells offensive T-shirts? It's filed for bankruptcy. No, not that one, not that one either. The other one
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Hurricane Bertha's sudden burst of strength stumps weather experts, considering name change to Hurricane Barry
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Reporters shocked -- SHOCKED -- that gas stations are charging credit-card customers more. Guess nobody remembers the 1970s
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Fourteen "classic" tech rivalries. Includes Nintendo vs. Sega and Mac vs. PC
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Jack Thompson accuses judge of being mentally unstable. Ironic tag surrenders
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| (Mark Twain's Legacy) |
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A phrase every article should include: "...was wrestled to the ground by a police officer during the 2007 Frog Jump Youth Parade"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Residents of Flint applaud police efforts to crack down on saggy pants: "The sagging is out of control. If you don't want to pick up your pants, pick up for the neighborhood. How's that sound?"
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Firefighter arrested for dirty texts sent to 13-year-old girl. "Can I ask a ? without you calling the cops?" Guess the answer was no
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Senate caves, telecoms saved
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| (Daily Camera) |
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Apparently the kid in "WarGames" was based on a real person, who grew up, started a software company, and is now suicidal and possibly naked in Hawaii
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| (Some Guy) |
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GOP study finds companies that built formaldehyde-laced trailers used for Katrina victims shouldn't be held responsible, since nobody told them how much poison they could use in the first place. *Facepalm*
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Remember how we all thought JonBenet Ramsey was killed by her parents? Guess not. Our bad
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What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Unless you're naked and you steal some beer... and a bus full of old people
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Former county prosecutor gets prosecuted for doing the nasty with her teenage son's friend. Judge calls her a "disgusting monster." Judge for yourself based on her mugshot pic (eye bleach optional)
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Proof that '80s fashion will never die: Big hair is back and better than ever
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New Orleans Police Department suspends an officer 15 minutes before his retirement for wearing the "wrong uniform" -- an older uniform that he wore to honor his fellow officers killed in the line of duty
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Rapper traumatised by gun arrest. Gangsta
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| (Some Guy) |
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Shed of the Year includes full bar with taps, TV, club chairs, fridges and a hammock. In related news, "Sheddies" designate an annual Shed of the Year
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man walks into convenience store naked at 3:00 a.m., eats a Slim Jim and a bag of chips and chugs a bottle of Gatorade. Then, as we like to say around here, things got weird
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The record in Cincinnati for most T-bone steaks in your pants at one time is now eight
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| (Some Guy with Gas) |
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Apparently, MacGyver has taken to robbing gas stations. Police search for man who stole $3,000 in gas for himself and others by rigging pumps with a screwdriver
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Police chief quits as firearms instructor after accidently shooting himself
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New survey: Senior citizens are having more sex now than they did 30 years ago. Hey, at least that means they have less time to tell you to get off their lawns
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Now that they've banned smoking in bars, politicians in Iowa worry about crowds of smokers gathering on sidewalks
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If you plan to jump into a lake to avoid capture by the police, make sure you know how to swim
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The coolest sand sculptures you will see in the next 26 minutes
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Today's "special education teacher accused of having sex with one of her disabled students" story brought to you by Queens, New York (with pic)
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Woman has finger bitten off during fight at meat market. Ironic tag trumps Florida. No it doesn't
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Man shoots self in head, seeks help next day
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Probably your only chance to see a cow with a methane fart rocket on its back
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Philadelphia to enforce new ordinance that will put gun owners in jail if they don't report a lost or stolen gun within 24 hours. Meanwhile, Philadelphia city government can't even fix a pothole or a stoplight in 24 hours
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Woman finally passes driving test... after 27 years. It's taken 450 hours of tuition, $30k and 12 failed tests, but she's finally competent enough to drive a car
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Washington, D.C. named best town in America. Not sure what definition of "town" they're using. Or what definition of "best"
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A North Carolina state employee quits a job he held for 29 years rather than lower the flag for Jesse Helms
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Teens make jewelry out of dead cicadas
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The library police are real, and they are coming to get you
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High price of scrap metal causing an unintended consequence: Eastern Kentucky is no longer classified as a landfill
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Tunneling intruder no match for fierce six-pound attack chihuahua. Or owner's .357 Magnum
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Minister poses as tramp to see how many of his congregation practise what they preach. Results: "None of them spoke to me, apart from a few who told me off and told me to get away from their cars, which they kept checking"
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It turns out that the whole "dying and being resurrected three days later" climax of Jesus' sell-out tour wasn't as original as he wanted you to think
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Cemetery groundskeeper cuts down tree, finds image of human face in tree's rings. For once, it's not Jesus or Virgin Mary. Because it was found in Tennessee, it's Cousin Cletus
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| (nbc10) |
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New website rates police officers. Wait a minute, Fark.com is not new
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Photoshop this translucent juvenile roundbelly cowfish
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The new fad among young professionals: white-collar boxing. "I am the most superlative of all time"
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Dumbass trifecta: Nude, hallucinating and pinning a cop down while trying to choke her before being tazed. Wait, that's four things
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The U.S. Army adds religious sensitivity training into its curriculum. Just kidding, they provide full-time bodyguards to atheists so fellow soldiers don't kill them
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"Buying a grand piano from Estonia might seem as absurd as looking for fine champagne at McDonald's"
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| (Post Chronicle) |
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Miss Washington probably should have removed the tiara before flipping off camera and making oral sex gestures
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| (Some Guy) |
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Truck driver blames "wrong trousers" after police find cocaine and herioin in his pockets. Evil-looking penguin with rubber glove on his head wanted for questioning
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Rapist decides maybe he is just that good, gives victim his phone number when she asks for it
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Woman faces six years in prison for having sex on beach; should have stuck with the Jager-bombs
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Thousands of snails pose threat. Everybody walk for your lives
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| (wigantoday) |
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World's flimsiest excuse: "He said he had leaned out of the window asking them to be quiet and had forgotten he had a gun in his hand"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Citizens get drunk at the BYOB copwatch committee meeting for police oversight, which quickly turns into a live-action Fark thread
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Guy calls police to complain that he was robbed of money he just stole from 7-11
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Indiana Jones risked his life for nothing. Study find "crystal skulls" in British and American museums are fakes of recent manufacture
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In the backwoods of Maine, we take our croquet very seriously
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"Uh, captain, the crew's reporting an excessive amount of land around our ship. I know you were wondering why we haven't moved for two hours. Just thought you should know... sir." (With pic for your FAIL collection)
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