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| Sun May 18, 2008 |
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Lawyers planning class action lawsuit against Big Oil for deceiving the public about the harm caused by global warming. Sound familiar? The same guys were involved in Big Tobacco's class action suit - the largest civil settlement in history
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The Christian Science Monitor investigates the best way to sample surf if you've never done it before: skimboarding, bodyboarding, or surfing
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CNN shares the top fuel saving tips that don't work
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First "internet couple" celebrate 25th anniversary. And so it began
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| (Some Guy) |
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Orangutan escapes from Busch Gardens Tampa, Orangutan escape trifecta now in play
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The nine most obnoxious web memes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caturday extra: San Francisco home to the world's largest lolcat mural
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| (Steve's Digicams) |
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Photoshop this model railroad scene
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I would like an order of Pop My Cherry Cheesecake and my hubby will have the Pump-in Pie
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scariest pictures of baby crocodiles hatching from eggs you're likely to see today. Not-so-cute ass pics
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Scottish men whip out the blue paint, pull off their skirts and shout 'FREEDOM' on news that kilts were invented by an Englishman
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A collection of awwwww-inducing animal "odd couple" pictures
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Insults, prima donnas and vicious rivalry at Chelsea. Not a soccer thread, but the annual Flower Show
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| (Live Fish From Indiana) |
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It's a used car ad from Auto Trader. Laugh at the rednecks. Laugh, laugh
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USDA recalls beef products in 11 states, including such choice cuts as "Boneless Chucks," "Flat Rounds," "Gooseneck Rounds," "Knuckle," and "Boneless Clods." Mmmm coli-contaminated clods
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Orangutan escapes from LA Zoo. Clint Eastwood wanted for questioning
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An alien walks into a bar: what do you say? It's not news, it's ABC. VE
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Protected zealously from the Real World by mommy, a girl with "School Phobia" may be THE MOST PRECIOUS of all little snowflakes. Worse: Her local school district gave her $45K to stay out of school
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NYC subway cars sunk off Maryland coast to provide fish with artificial reefs, graffiti art
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Photographer injured at high school sports tournament after inadvertently participating in the javelin catch event
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Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër? See the løveli lakes, the wøndërful telephøne system, and mäni interesting furry animals. Including the hørni MILF
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Thanks to Pennsylvania's Gaming Control Board, Pa's slot machines pay out $1500 for every $3,750,000 you spend on them
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| (Everett Herald) |
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Ugly unshaven womyn barristas hatin' on "sexpresso stands"; "If you like nipples and third-degree burns, go for it" Oh, snap
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"If you want to be a vegetarian, fine, but I don't care for proselytizing or people telling me that my decisions about my diet are ethically inferior. I'll go to the mat on that one."
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| (Inside Bay Area) |
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You'd think an article about the guy who figured out how to coat school milk cartons & make stronger beer cartons would be dull
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Substitute teacher fired for wizardry is horrified by huge internet support. "Is there so little going on in these peoples' lives? I don't know what these people are thinking"
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"Sorry, we don't have the funds to investigate the crimes committed against you. Please press 1 then # to donate to our general fund. Have a nice day"
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Japan appoints new goodwill tourism ambassador to China and Hong Kong... Hello Kitty. No, really, Ambassador Hello Kitty
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| (Some Guy) |
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Driver gets into auto accident, calmly exchanges insurance information with the other driver, then backs into a building, puts the car into drive, and plows into another building. Now THAT's bringing your A-game
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Best food sculptures you'll see today. Sadly, mashed potato sculpture of Devil's Tower did not make the cut
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Gas hits record high for 10th day straight because... *SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE* ...there ain't a damn thing you can do about it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this fake doctor
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| (Gazette) |
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If your Social Security number is 457-55-5462, your identity has been stolen. Someone call LifeLock. Wait, isn't that the SSN of LifeLock's CEO?
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"A petite teenager who tackled five police officers, wrecked a police station floor and flooded a jail cell says she's not such a bad girl". Actual headline or subby's dream girl, you decide
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| (Some Guy) |
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Couple want to get married at a QuickTrip because "they have pretty landscaping". QuickTrip supports their plans, but asks that guests carpool because they still need the space for their paying customers
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Former soldier leaves internet cafe, saves cop from rioting mob, rescues man from canal, carries another guy to an ambulance, chases off two guys looting a police van, polishes giant brass balls
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Don't stick a pin in that bubble just yet -- more than 50 people are currently camping out in North Mesa for the opportunity to buy a home
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this towering Obama
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Calvin and Hobbes was cleverly used to spread the loving values of Christianity and The Cat In The Hat is a metaphor for Christ and the goldfish are symbols of a strict orthodox church
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| Sat May 17, 2008 |
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Pirates off the coast of Somalia have stuck again and attacks are becoming more frequent, in related news the average US temperature for April was coolest in 11 years
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Slideshow of the following ugly-ass animals born: Colobus monkey, Jaguar, Camel, Polar Bear, Tiger, Lion, Lemur, Elephant, Indian Rhinoceros, Zebra, Giraffe, Panda, Sugar Glider, Flamingo, Wattled Crane, Chimpanzee, Leopard, Koala,
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Eight forbidden delicacies. Forbidden donut absent from list
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Texas sinkhole becomes home to alligator, locals solve the problem in a very Texas way: plan to add more gators, build a monster truck track around it, and turn it into tourist attraction
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| (Some Guy) |
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This lovely young lass feels just great / To compete with the girls of her state / While most Farkers agree / She is sharp in the knee / Here's Miss Limerick for 2008
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Piratas informáticos españoles arrestados
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McCain to win in November, according to congregation of psychics, mediums, and fortune-tellers who can't even predict winning lottery numbers
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| (Some Criminal) |
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I'll see your gold paint huffing guy and raise you the other twenty best mugshots evar
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Man opens fire outside a California church. Pew, pew pew
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3,000 people evacuated after train car leaks hydrochloric acid. Molarity ensues
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Rivets pop off during flight to Hawaii, cause vibrations. Wwwe're aaall cccounting ooon yyyou
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this mammal
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DHL learns that the difference between 23 degrees Celcius and 23 degrees Fahrenheit is exactly $883,000
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The tiny tasty truffle is in a trifle bit of trouble
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Thieves steal £30,000 of handbags before escaping on mopeds, in what police believe to be an attempt to break the record for World's Least Masculine Crime
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ten books that screwed up the world. Amazon is your friend
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British guy who killed a doctor with a hammer may be released from prison, due to Rose and Valerie, screaming from the gallery
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| (WMTW.com) |
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Drag queen robs Burger King. "Most of the time when somebody puts on a wig they're just trying to hide their identity by putting on something like a Halloween mask, but he's pretty"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this classic painting
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| (Some Blue Light) |
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If you're kid of the 60s and 70s, this should bring back some memories: Vintage K-Mart photos
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Woman asks for divorce from husband. News: Because her husband lifted her veil while she slept. Fark: Because he'd never seen it after 30 years of marriage
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Ted Kennedy swam to safety once in his life, but his current stroke isn't looking so good
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Note to councils: When erecting speed limit signs, try not to fail like this. w/pic
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Sixth grade teacher decides to poll the class about which of their classmates would end up pregnant. Man whose daughter was picked as Most Likely To Conceive not amused
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Nabisco introduces Oreo cookies to the United Kingdom, and the British are baffled as to how to eat them
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Sixty-eight per cent of Italians want gypsies expelled. You know who else hated gypsies?
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New York bistro's super-expensive new gourmet burger blends grass-fed cow's heart, liver, bone marrow, tongue, flatiron, brisket, shank and clod. Mmmm, clod
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Head of cadaver program removed for arms trafficking
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Man survives bear attack, wins award for best tragedy quote evar... "They started using the peroxide and, 'Ooh,' I said, 'that hurt more than the bear' "
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Man pleads guilty to choosing the most foolish joyride vehicle ever
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Man offered new chance at a life of happiness and joy, decides to make his marriage official instead
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Don't steal a canoe if you don't know how to use it. Especially if you're drunk and don't know how to swim
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the man with a fist full of wire
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| (San Luis Obispo) |
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Tired of the faltering housing market, real estate agent forced to find new way to rip off customers
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Butterscotch the cat rules the Hawthorn Suites hotel, minding the counter and greeting guests. Happy Caturday :)
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Woman reported missing 42 years ago found dead, in front of her TV, in her apartment
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Scientist doesn't know how a gecko found its way into an unhatched chicken egg, but he does know he suddenly wants to buy car insurance
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| (McTography) |
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Photoshop these fallen arches
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Free Quran for every home
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Get caught speeding and get a stern talking to by Catholic schoolgirls. Someone didn't think this one through
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California Activists plan constitutional amendment to define marriage in the traditional way. No word on how many cows will be legally required per wife bought
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Seven-year-old Little Leaguer benched two games because his mom failed to show up for concession stand duty
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Kids want teacher back even after posing nude: Obvious tag assplodes
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| (Bazooka Joe) |
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What can you say to a guy who creates art with used bubblegum? Well, besides "you blew it"?
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Barely making ends meet? Talk to Alabama sheriffs, who feed prisoners on a $1.75 per day stipend, and still manage to keep a little bit for themselves
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Man gets police escort from public library for making too much noise - snoring on toilet
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| Fri May 16, 2008 |
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TSG's Friday mugshot roundup: The return of a hottie and bad hair days a plenty
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It's good thing average citizen Cindy McCain has decided her finances are none of our business-otherwise we might have to ask her awkward questions about things like her $2 million investment in Sudanese government connected companies
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Woman spends $10 a week on groceries for family of four using coupons instead of Soylent Green
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| (Some TFette) |
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Bald Eagle with half a beak to receive a prosthetic replacement. Beauty is in the eye of the beakholder
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Hey I got my yearbook! Wait a minute .. why aren't I wearing clothes? I don't remember that
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Asian chicks wearing lettuce, California chicks in vinyl, and pasty Brits in nothing but fake fur hats. Man, those PETA parties look like FUN
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It's not their economy to blame for Albania's 3rd-world status. It's a cat
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| (tastybooze) |
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In case you were wondering, yes there are rules to fist bumping
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Another math problem - enjoy
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John McCain - "OK, I'm going after Obama's youth voters by going on 'SNL' this week, what do I have to do?" Lorne Michaels - "Put on this dress." John McCain - "Oh fark no. PANCAKES"
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| (Mental Floss) |
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The 10 longest novels ever published. Surprisingly, Gone With The Wind, Les Miserables, and War And Peace didn't make the list because they're too short
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| (Legs) |
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If a woman shaves her legs before a date, is she expecting something? Isn't that awfully presumptious?
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Man Steals 100 Burritos. Police on the lookout for a 5'9" man who has recently gained 40 pounds
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The Pope would like to remind Catholics that, despite what California is doing, gay marriage is a no-no. Also that Jesus said it's ok to believe in space aliens
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| (WineSpectator) |
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Robert Mondavi pops the cork
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| (Some Guy) |
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Oh, the irony: False rape accuser in Duke LAX case gets her degree in, wait for it... Police Psychology
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you get all huffy over a cross on private land because you think people will believe its on public land you're probably an atheist
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Photoshop this Transonic
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An insightful and polite article discussing the relationship between science and God. Bonus: "Scientists hate God" is the first sentence
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| (Promo Magazine) |
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WNBA continues its quest for legitimacy with a great corporate tie in...the McDonalds Southern Chicken Biscuit
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Carly Fiorina, ex-CEO of HP, may be in the running to be McCain's running mate. Among her proposals: a costly, inadvisable merger with Canada that backfires and leaves both countries in worse shape
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BaptiDome Minister has never heard of Chris Hansen or Dateline NBC
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"Don't Tase me, bro, it's my bachelor party" In Maine, that's followed by a good tar-and-featherin'
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Harrison Ford elected to the board of the Archaeological Institute of America on the basis of his "no snakes or Nazis" platform
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US to stop sending oil into strategic reserves. In related news, has anyone seen a horse? He may have left the barn some time ago
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Finally, an opera with a little something for everyone: Hitler, Uncle Sam, Marilyn Monroe, 35 extras between the ages of 50 and 69 wearing nothing but Mickey Mouse masks. As a bonus, it's set in the smoking ruins of the World Trade Center
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Angelina Jolie's daughter Zahara thinks she's pregnant with a pig. Actress admits her kids are a little confused
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CNN reports on why $120/barrel oil is good. Part of their ongoing series "Hey, It May Be Rape, But At Least You're Getting Laid"
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Ozzie Guillen brushes off e-mails from racist White Sox fans by claiming it's his age that makes him crazy, not his heritage
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Show me the pothead who's walking around with five or six dime bags, planning on telling the arresting officer they are just for personal use, and I'll show you a future punchline on Fark.com."
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New Florida teen beating video reveals that those girls were fighting over who was the skankiest (includes vid and pics)
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Mainstream media faux outrage powers ACTIVATE: Shape of... Mike Huckabee joking that an unexpected offstage noise was Democrat Barack Obama looking to avoid a gunman
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Ray Liotta and Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley refuse to serve in 'illegal Iraq war'
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| (Some Guy) |
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Actual headline: "The mile-high club." FTFA: "It requires only one person to fly it."
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TV prescription drug ads may no longer be allowed to distract you with flying bees while detailing side effects
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"That there cat that ran into the bushes was purty darn big" "Yup it was. You stand over yonder with yer picher taker, we'll scare it out 'wards ya." Cougar in the backyard trifecta now in play
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Osama bin Laden releases new message reiterating old message. Short version: he's still in a cave somewhere and al Qaida Prime ain't done sh*t in 7 years
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British police on high alert over reports of a mass pillow fight in Hyde park this weekend
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Today's "Day-care van jammed with 38 kids driven by a driver with a learner's permit" brought to you by Jacksonville
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| (WXII 12) |
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Looks like that guy in Boston isn't the only one who lost his cock last night
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Keg parties at Colorado Governor's mansion have two rules - no throwing up and no sexy time (w/ pics)
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Student gets suspended for bad haircut (with pic goodness)
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Conservative groups vow to fight California gay marriage ruling, because the only way to save this land of Freedom is to guarantee permanent discrimination against gays
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News: Deputy hospitalized after being bitten while subduing suspect in parking lot. Fark: Suspect was 8-foot alligator
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What's the quickest way to level 70 in WOW? Boobs
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Media Freakshow of the Day: Boy sleeps for first time in 3 years (with video)
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Pro-Microsoft shareholders now control at least 29 percent of Yahoo. CEO Jerry Yang can write all the letters he wants, but that's a pretty big fork
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If you don't want Mad Cow, make your cows happy, like with the waterbeds and flat-screen TVs these cows get
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"I don't necessarily support him being here, but because he's here and we can't discriminate against other races, I support him..." A black guy said it? No faux media outrage for you then
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Is there connection between fire at Chicago mayor's vacation home and the dead cougar?
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"You just know it's not going to be an ordinary day at the office when you show up with a hamster. I thought, not for the first time, that I was glad I did not work in a prison."
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A new study reveals that for teens, it's not whether you're really popular. It's whether you THINK you are
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Tampa Bay reveals plans for new baseball stadium to replace the old one that opened way back in 1990
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CA trying to be the first state to ban everything that could conceivably harm anybody, ever
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It takes three senior judges to finally answer the question "are moobs sexually appealing?"
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People aren't donating their organs, which is why we need to legalize a market to sell them. One kidney, like new, used only to urinate on Sundays, $25,000 OBO
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Man who was clincally dead for six minutes in a construction accident and then later beat cancer finally dies at the bottom of a golf course pond. This is why you don't play best two out of three with Darwin
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Not News: college athletes often don't go to class. Still Not News: They didn't in high school either. Fark: It may cost Kansas their national championship
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New study shows that Oscar Pistorius, the double amputee sprinter, doesn't have a leg up
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Playing basketball in your apartment can be fun until you hit the sprinkler and get called for dribbling
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Blind person forgets to feed her dog steak. Dog leads blind person into river. Bad dog
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| (KSTP) |
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Man attempts suicide by diving head first into a city worker's industrial wood chipper, manages to screw it up
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How much of a "sport" can it really be if a 56-year-old woman can qualify for the Olympics?
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What's fat, rides around on a lark, never shows up for work, and makes over $100k? Bonus: He's elected
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| (Some Bell Curve Guy) |
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Photoshop this bar graph
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| (Baby Name Wizard) |
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The fastest-rising baby names of 2008 come from reality shows; in related news, the fastest-rising stripper names of 2008 come from reality shows
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"While waiting for the ambulance, Mr Grimmond was heard to say he was a "d**khead", that he had torched a vehicle, and would have to pay for damage. He was also heard to say "why doesn't anybody like me?"
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Be on the lookout -- someone lost their cock in Boston last night
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| (The London Paper) |
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No matter how much you loved your job, kidnapping and torturing the boss who fired you is very rarely a good idea
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Not News: Seniors suspended over T-shirts. Fark: "Class of .08 Seniors"
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Former aircraft hijacker now lives in Britain, has a job working as a cleaner... at Heathrow
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If you left a bazooka rocker launcher behind a Jack in the Box in Turlock, California, the police would like a word with you
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Today's "insanely expensive sandwich getting free publicity from unnecessary media coverage" story comes to you from The City of Brotherly Love. Note to media: Expensive food is not newsworthy
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When landing your airplane, recommended landing spots do not include another plane attempting to take off. Bonus: Pic of said incident included, and yes, it is tailor-made for a FAIL caption
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Oldest known bust of Caesar found, stabbed
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| (Some Reich) |
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EU wants more people to learn German. You know... just in case
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We need to ban iPods to stop people from being run over by helicopters
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Heidi Fleiss, the Hollywood Madam, now lives in a trailer with 20 parrots and likes fat guys. She's still available so she must have her sights set too high (with "do not want" pictures)
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| (Some AAA Member) |
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Photoshop this hand-signaling driver
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Guy takes running start in order to win a "who can spit furthest" contest off of hotel balcony. What could possibly go wrong?
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| Thu May 15, 2008 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Dear, there's a cat under the porch, would you take care of it? Sure hon, no probOHOLYCRAP
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TFer was attacked by several large ducks. They broke the skin with their biting\pecking. Do they carry any diseases I need to seek medical help for? They all got away
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That 13-year-old kid that paid hookers to play Halo? He doesn't exist. Obvious tag trumped by followup
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Trying to rob a pizza joint: Stupid. Trying to rob the pizza joint you work at: Moronic. Trying to rob the pizza joint you work at wearing your uniform: Welcome to Fark
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Study: Rising ocean may submerge South Florida. Promises, promises
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State begins program to trap sea lions at Bonneville Dam, forget that sea lions spend a lot of time in water for a reason. Stellar job on their part
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| (Holy Taco) |
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Ten items that you think make you look cool but really don't. Bluetooth headsets suspiciously ab- oh wait, there it is at #8
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Judge tells underage drinker to kill himself, community outraged, judge asks, "Should I not have done that? Was that bad?"
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Pope says "thanks" to virgins. Submitter says thanks for nothing
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Mugger fails at mugging but does learn a valuable lesson in Newtonian physics
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Between gas prices, food prices and high unemployment, a lot of people are going to enjoy summer "staycations"
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If the Starbucks logo offends you, and causes you to call for a boycott, you just might be a Christian
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United Airlines accidently drops fuel surcharge of up to $130; can't fix problem until 8:00 ET
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these three board girls
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| (Some guy) |
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McDonald's Southern-style chicken sandwiches: Neither Southern-style, nor particularly chicken-like
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Mom who posed as a 16-year-old boy and cyber-bullied a 13-year-old girl into hanging herself may soon be posing as a person not behind bars
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| (WAFF.com) |
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News: Three-year-old girl seriously hurt in accident caused by street racers. Fark: The racers were both in Comcast work vans
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There is a new trend developing among cash-strapped citizens: drinking crappy beer
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"He said he began collecting penises 24 years ago, when working as a school administrator, with little notion he would one day be running a museum devoted to the subject". Penis
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Storm chasers build badonkadonk with bullet-proof glass in order to drive right into tornadoes. How can this possibly go wrong? (With video)
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California complies with Republican requests to reduce the number of illegals. Bonus points for creativity in doing so
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Substitute teacher shows up to school so drunk he can't even complete a sobriety test. Bonus: He has vanity plates reading "IMBLZT"
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U.S. media has spent far more time this election season talking about flag lapel pins, bogus sniper fire and fake mistresses than on any issues of actual substance. Someone should write a book about this
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"Hello, this is 911, go f*ck yourself."
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McCain says he sought the endorsement controversial preacher Hagee because he liked his "support of the state of Israel," Unfortunately Hagee "supports" Israel because he's hoping its destruction will kick off Armageddon
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CNN proves they have an obsession with mancaves by running another extremely insightful story about them. Trifecta complete
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| (ADN) |
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Alaska's U.S. senators not happy that polar bears are now listed as endangered, no doubt because it will stop their citizens from getting drunked up and chasing them on snowmobiles
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Office worker awarded $10,000 because her boss farted in her general direction. No word on whether he will taunt her some more
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Burmese junta has stolen everything coming its way these days, including the paper on which the UN was going to write its latest strongly worded letter blaming the cyclone on Israel
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Navy bomber to national forest: "Oops, my bad"
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Bush: Allowing Iran to obtain nuclear weapons is "unforgivable." Looks like someone is getting ready for a bombing
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Spill beer on my couch, and I'll hit you on the dome with this clawhammer
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Mike Judge claims he's ready to make a live-action Beavis and Butt-Head film, expected to suck more than anything that has ever sucked before
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Photoshop theme: Take a product targeted to one gender and make it appealing to the other
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A-wooooooooooooo woo woo woooooooooooooooooo
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R. Kelly trial shows best ways to avoid getting picked for jury. "R. Kelly may have led the Taliban in attacking us on 9/11, but you can't prove it"
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McCain will implement UK Parliament-style sessions if he becomes president
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Ukrainian town to build statue in honour of "those people who make pigs of themselves by drinking far too much"
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| (Some Guy) |
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The old "Yes, I put brake cleaner in his Gatorade but I did it for science" defense works again
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Man has sex with two dogs, but no charges filed because it's not illegal in the Obvious Tag state
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Trucker dresses up as cop with a German shepherd sidekick, goes into various pharmacies nationwide and convinces them to hand over Oxycontin and other drugs. Tag for all involved
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Man puts cheating wife on eBay. Even the starting price of one pound is too expensive
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| (Centre Daily Times) |
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Goats spraypainted with swastikas
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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2 Fast. 2 Furious. 2 Be Recycled
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drew will be on live with Twitch on Z103 in Lexington, KY from 8a.m. to 10 a.m. EST
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Hasbro isn't entirely happy about a video showing My Little Ponies singing "Smashing and bashing, killing dudes, tends to have an effect on you"
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CBS to buy C|Net for $1.8 billion. C|Net now featuring articles entitled "How to use your rotary phone" and "The technology of Matlock"
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Upon being confronted by the facts, various cliches about the French surrender
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| (Post Bulletin) |
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Survey finds BlackBerry etiquette is lack -- hang on, just got an email
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| (ACME) |
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The complete illustrated ACME catalog: Every item depicted in a Warner Brothers cartoon between 1935 and 1964
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911 not the best number to call about moon phases
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Why no child is safe from the sinister cult of "emo"
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In 1970, environmentalists predicted massive man-made ice age, U.S. population of only 22 million by 1999, and "even money that England will not exist in the year 2000"
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| (kmvt) |
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Stoner of the Year award goes to this guy, who forgot 21 pounds of pot in his former apartment
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When you go to your kid's school to meet with the principal, you should probably leave your three loaded guns at home
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Woman fakes cancer to avoid working. Husband will never believe fake headache story again
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Houston, we have ants in our pants, over. All over, over
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Two dozen giant beetles seized at post office (with pic)
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"Neptune" is charged with 103 counts of child-sex acts, Uranus touching. Venus
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| (The Southern) |
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Man in wheelchair inadvertently finds the "Park and Ride" section of the train station
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Not news: College student gets A's in math, piano and Mandarin classes and plans to go on to study astrophysics and prove the existence of wormholes. Fark: He's 10 years old
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Michigan girl sells 17,328 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies. Detroit prepares for yet another year as the nation's fattest city
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| (Some Kid) |
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Photoshop theme: Childhood fears (link goes to example)
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Plane ticket? Check. Luggage? Check. Two-year-old infant? Whoops
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School mural stirring up controversy because it "presents a new age idea of peace and unity that could be confusing to Christian students"
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Not news: Man caught on Canadian highway yet again. News: While watching DVD movie. Fark: Idiot leaves it up and running while police officer approaches car after traffic stop
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 158: "Happy Farktography Anniversary III." Details and rules in Boobies. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 14, 2008 |
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Near misses: The six worst movies Hollywood almost made
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If you are missing a hearing aid, a vibrator, some power tools, your war medals, a few bottles of booze, a fire extinguisher, a kayak and $10,000 cash, Tasmania Police would like to speak with you. Because they wanna party with you, cowboy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Help me find a caption for this happy monster
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Holy Cow
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Chicago City Council acknowledges its prior stupidity, repeals foie gras ban. Residents can now eat all the goose liver they want in smoke-free restaurants
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Dennis Quaid urges Congress to preserve victims' right to sue. No word if this right covers those who have seen his movies
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Hillary cries during CNN interview today. Hopefully will not do the same thing during future summits with world leaders
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Warner and DC Comics shut down children's cancer auction over a copyright issue
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this facemask
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| (Some Guy) |
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Edwards endorses Obama in historic bid to be named first Secretary of Mill Affairs
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| (Some Guy) |
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Portrayals of George W. Bush in international advertisements
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The media doing their job and reporting that the GOP loss in Mississippi is more important than Hillary Clinton's win in West Virginia? Unpossible
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If Clinton does not win the Democratic Party nomination, 29 percent of Democrats say she should run as an independent. Which should work well, just ask President Nader
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Gaza Rocket scores a hit in Israel -- draws up plans for a summertime tour of the Mediterranean coast
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Charter defends its plan to monitor your Web traffic for ad targeting: It's an "enhancement"
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| (Some local paper) |
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Police looking for missing woman wearing "blue spandex pants and a white shirt with 'who needs boobs' written on the front and 'with an ass like this' on the back"
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The good news: Tax receipts are setting all time records. The bad news: So is the deficit
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| (Action 3 News - Omaha) |
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Nebraska soccer coach accused of binding, gagging, blindfolding and suspending young boys from the rafters in his garage. Guess you have to be ready for whatever the other team throws at you
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| (Riverfront Times) |
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My Chemical Romance railed against violence toward women. Then one of the band's security allegedly assaulted a female photographer at a St. Louis show. Oops
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Thirty percent of households have no land line, use only cell phones, as reliance on technol ------ (no signal)
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According to a new study, objectifying women may be okay. Especially in springtime. Here comes the "science"
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| (The Daily Item) |
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Crossing guard is bit by raccoon. School responds by locking down the school and then dismissing students out of a different door than normal
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| (Some Guy) |
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It takes guts to break into an abandoned building and start a meth lab, but it really takes some balls to change the locks and have your mail delivered there
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TV sitcoms make you dumb. Findings also show that "According to Jim" can make you so stupid you actually die from forgetting to breathe
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Talking about anal sex and oral-anal sex in a controlled sex ed environment? Totally evil. Making robo calls to households where kids might answer the phone and talking about anal and oral-anal sex? No problem
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HPV found to cause more than 50 percent of oral cancer in men. Unfortunately, the vaccine would turn men into lewd, horny, sex fiends
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| (Ad Age) |
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Brazil offended by liquor ad featuring naked woman because the liquor isn't really Brazilian (possibly Not safe for work)
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Not news: Some cities battle each other in sports. News: Other cities fight over commercial revenue. Fark: Two neighboring Florida cities locked in dispute over how many pigs you can keep as a pet
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Copper thieves watch the forclosure notices too
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Stephen Colbert on Bill O'Reilly: "My crew is always trying to sneak phrases into the teleprompter and I and my tiny tiny penis will not have it"
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Woman fired after being accused of taking $2 from Tim Hortons gets her day in court. Bonus: Investigating police officer got free coffee
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Defendant: "You will not send me to jail for attacking these geeks" Judge: "I will not sentence you to jail for attacking these geeks"
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NYC Taxi & Limousine Commission fines cab driver for dropping the f-bomb. WNBC's "Salty Sue" Simmons reports
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Portrait of naked fat chick brings $33 million at auction. Wait until the buyer discovers free Internet porn -- man is he going to be pissed. (SFW)
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That Meatwater cheeseburger juice thing? It's a hoax
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| (wsbtv.com) |
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Georgia church tries to attract new members with a $500 gas giveaway. Most are not willing to sit through boring service for less than a tankful
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| (WCPO) |
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Instead of ringing the doorbell when visiting his girlfriend, this moron uses the window. She wasn't there but her father was. Hilarity ensues
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Shiny new Fark Facebook app now available. Geocities-compatible version still delayed. DIT
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In rare display of logic, VA court dismisses case against one-year-old
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American beers are now best in the world
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Philadelphia's favorite female identity thief is in hot water in Cali for fake call to 911, possibly because getting even bigger breasts isn't an emergency
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these old-timey Go players
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| (Metrowest Daily News) |
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"The officers arrived there and they found a disrobed mannequin"
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Today's "criminal mastermind takes pot to court and hands it to the security screener" story brought to you by Cleveland, TN
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| (Winnipeg Sun) |
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Remember folks, don't press too hard when using your knife to carve artwork in your lover's chest during a bout of rough sex
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There are many jobs in which taking your work home with you is acceptable. Street cleaning is not one of them
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Velcro turns 50 years old. Plans on getting ripped
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Secrecy in mccann case extended for a furtHEr three months, accordDIng to juDicIal auThorities
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After losing the first four games of a seven-game series, Hillary crushes Obama in West Virginia, is really turning this into a race
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"Today we're going to practice your hill starts, but first I'd like you to kick me in the groin as hard as you can:
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Students prank school by turfing over a common room. Teachers and administrators tell them to get off their lawn, all 100 of them
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Not content with earthquakes, volcanoes, and tornados, U.S. government officials warn of an "equine tsunami"
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Not news: Car thief steals, chops car. Still not news: Police catch thief. Fark: By following the trail of engine oil from the abandoned car to his front door
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| (Some Guy) |
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It came before / might come again / a wind-borne killer / of women and men / Burma Wave II
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You know your campaign has become a joke when the Washington Post mocks you via a Monty Python skit
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Australian politician busted sniffing a female staffer's chair denies ever "doing anything inappropriate with a quokka"
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Last woman veteran of WWI celebrates her 109th birthday, saying, "There's nothing cushy about life in the Womens' Auxilliary Balloon Corps"
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Much like with the mafia, once you join this mariachi band, you can't just walk away from it
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In the market for a house? Check out the world's first billion-dollar domicile
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this sharp tool
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Judge rules high school must let teen girl wear pro-gay rights T-shirt as free speech right. No ruling issued whether T-shirt can be wet or dry
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Democrats propose smacking the wealthy with another $5,000 tax. Why? "They're not going to miss it"
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More secret UFO files from British Ministry of Defence released to public. Files offer extraordinary new evidence of stupidity of general public
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There's a huge fault line beneath Seattle "similar to the one in China." EVERYBODY DOUBLE-TALL NO-WHIP PANIC
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Man puts nozzle in wrong hole, hazmat called to the scene. Been there, done that
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Latest sign we're in a recession: Terrorist reward money cut
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Perhaps while you're a judge, it isn't best to use statements like, "What's the big rush to get back to Pennsylvania? It's an ugly state"
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| Tue May 13, 2008 |
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Point Break 2
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Gorilla mask-wearing robber demands money, pants. Then it gets weird
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| (NWA Morning News) |
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413 pound inmate who filed suit alleging starvation after losing 105 pounds in jail caught giving his food away
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College kids and people with degrees are guaranteed Obama voters? Not in West Virginia
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Official attire for the RNC announced, including red and white Zubas. That's right. Zubas
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| (Some Criminal) |
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Photoshop theme: Create your own "Grand Theft Auto" game cover
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Ginger Spice Geri Halliwell overestimates her writing skills as she tries to rewrite passages from the Bible
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Every 10 years or so, you'll hear this in the S.F. Bay area: "So what are you guys planning to do with the mothball fleet?" "What mothball fleet? Oh, that mothball fleet. Uh..."
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For Einstein, religion was "an incarnation of the most childish superstitions"
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Shatner says he hated sleeping with "Star Trek" fans because they'd pretend he was beaming them up in bed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Friday is "Bike to Work" day in Indianapolis. In related news, Saturday will be, "Help Clean up Body Parts from the Interstate" day
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Quick, Robin, to the potcave
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man claims Air Force One dropped him off on a Dallas runway. Why yes, alcohol WAS involved. How did you guess?
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Top 10 angry on-air anchorman/woman meltdowns
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Lance Armstrong to attend two cancer charity balls today
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Great News: 300 minimum wage jobs at an Iowa meat-packing factory just became available. Expect the company to be flooded with thousands of resumes from legal US residents eager to work there
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| (WFAA) |
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Man uses revolver as back scratcher, with the predictable result. Was beer involved you ask? You bet your ass
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Man attempting to rob church with gun shaped lighter tackled by parishioners
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By 2009, the army will be destroyed, Social Security will be bankrupt and global warming will kill us all. Worse, we'll have a permanent Democratic majority. The good news is you won't have to read stupid predictions of doom anymore
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| (FloridaToday) |
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Brevard Zoo welcomes a new litter of ugly ass red wolf pups (w/ don't touch my babies pic)
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Retail sales dip for second time in two months. Thanks goodness the government is sending us free money. Woohoo, free money everyone, let's go shopping
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Marines exceed recruiting goal by 42 percent, also surpass "kicking ass and taking names" goal by a gazillion percent for the 232nd year
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If your are sneaking on to military bases to steal shell casings to sell for scrap; the military would like to remind you that's an excellent way to get your ass shot off right now
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Steak flavored beer developed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Duke Energy blames "unknown suction" as the reason for vibration at Oconee Nuclear Station [insert obvious cliche here]
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The Clinton-Linked "Voter's rights group" that inadvertantly sent misleading info to minorities on how register to vote in AZ, CO, and NC, is now accidentally doing the same thing in WV and KY
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Finally, a relevant study of the harmful effects of marijuana: "The marijuana users in the study averaged smoking 78 to 350 marijuana cigarettes per week"
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"This proves that we are normal," said the president and founder of the Liberty Gay Rodeo Association
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British judges abandon 300-year-old tradition of wearing wigs in favor of a new "Star Trek" look
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this garage sale
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If you are a Catholic who believes in aliens, good news: You are no longer going to hell. In related developments, The Pope is now the head of the Church of Scientology too
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The Hill manages to get every sitting senator not in the race to state whether or not they would be VP
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John Hagee, controversial preacher who endorsed John McCain, will apologize to Catholics for calling their church "The Great Whore." Which is good, because everybody knows that title belongs to Lindsay Lohan
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News: Two women arrested after allowing a two-year-old to smoke. FARK: The boy often rolls up a dollar bill to his nose and repeatedly says, "fix, fix."
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| (the alligator) |
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College of Liberal Arts and Sciences at UF shocked, SHOCKED that they have to cut Phd programs in Philosophy, French and German
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In anticipation of a reduced number of Americans flying this summer, airlines slash rates to attract new customers. Not really: they continue to hike fares and add on extra charges for bags, drinks, food and so forth
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Mattel may win $500 million in lawsuit after convincing a judge that Bratz dolls really are Barbie's trailer trash cousins
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Putin won't even give up his Kremlin chair for the new Russian president
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Tonight at 11 on WNBC news: "What the F---- are you doing?"
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Man tips back a beer in grocery store. Makes news
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Lab worker admits he has a thing for older women, especially 92-year-old dead ones
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| (KGW) |
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Experts say you can still eat well on a budget as long as you don't buy anything that tastes good
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Man tries to poach wild parakeet eggs by climbing power station tower. Man fried, eggs scrambled
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Politician thinks people too dumb to know poutine isn't good for them will understand fitness tax incentives
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One in 10 Boomers are taking out loans to afford basic living expenses. Look for the followup thread when the economy recovers showing their outrage that money isn't free and that the younger generations should pick up their tab
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Grim Reaper continues his south Asian business trip, killing 36 in ferry accident in Bangladesh
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| (Bismarck Tribune) |
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Man caught stealing at police auction
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Ah, the age old story of love. Boy meets girl. Girl seduces boy. Girl convinces boy to finance her taste for fine goods by going on identity theft spree
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Married couple with combined weight of 672 pound to undergo his-and-hers gastric band surgery. This article is just fine without pics
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Drunk, wearing a tuxedo and driving a riding mower is no way to go through life, son
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| (ksdk.com) |
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Family moves into first house with high hopes, only to discover one crappy problem: House was sold with no sewer system
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| (Some perv) |
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Man drops pants in court, asks judge for oral sex, checks with clerk to see if she wants to see his genitals. How polite
|
| (13Wham.com) |
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Russian school's dinners spiked with X, leading to an outbreak of naked wall climbing
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"Gears of War 2" gameplay trailer. Subby confirms with employer that the flu will last all of November
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You may start your mass hysteria in three... two... one... (kitties and puppies news video)
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Boat sails 100 feet in the air and gets beached on a greenside golf bunker. Al Czervik wanted for questioning
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