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| Sun March 30, 2008 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Sure winner for "most confused story ever": Elle MacPherson, the death of the Queen Mother, the history of the London marathon with bonusly random lingerie headline
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Kansas wins, sending all four #1 seeds to the Final Four -- and ensuring the pool win for Peggy from accounting
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| (Times Herald Record) |
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Today's girl-on-girl brawl with shower head stuffed into a sock is brought to you by Ellenville, NY
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| (Gimundo) |
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A Japanese dog waited for his owner for 10 years. Meanwhile, your cat just ditched you for the neighbors because they buy name-brand food
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Putin, having solved the rest of the world's problems, has proposed an underwater tunnel linking Russia to Alaska
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Now that's a streetlight
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| (Autoblog) |
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GTX and 'Cuda designer John Herlitz dead at 65. Chrysler already discussing plans to revive him as a compact in another fifteen years
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| (Some Guy) |
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The world's hardest easy geometry problem? Can you figure it out? Maffs is hard
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84-year-old former Marine beats the snot out of teenage robber, finally gets around to calling cops after he gets home, puts groceries away, tends to his immaculate lawn
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Latest medical research may result in longer lives for alcoholic rats
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| (Some Gals) |
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Photoshop this dance duo
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Followers of Religion of Peace™ now outnumber Religion of Pedophilia™
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What is it, Mayor? / A very big cat? / Loose in North Chicago / How 'bout that? / It could be lost in the trees/ Or on the ground / Folks, get your snowflakes inside / Before it gobbles you down
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Study finds cell phones may be more deadly than cigarettes. No word yet on why people are smoking cell phones
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Soldier hurls himself onto grenade to save the rest of his patrol, survives with just a bloody nose
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Parents increasingly giving their crotchfruit names inspired by text message spellings. O RLY?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chinese hope ugly-ass baby panda cubs will soften its international image when Olympics are held (pics, video)
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Man mistakes bathroom graffitti for bomb threat, LAX terminal evacuated
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Silicon implants augment little men, but not where you might think
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Newly rich, who moved into lakeside community renowned for water-based aviation, now complaining about neighbor's helicopter
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UFO researcher moves into abandoned missile silo, almost ready to withstand the invasion (with "I want to believe" pic)
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The inspirational career story of the woman who went from store detective to head of security at Heathrow airport in just six years. Clearly, this is unrelated to the fact she moved in with the managing director of the airport last year
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Blind woman archer splits one arrow with another, raising the question, who the hell gave her a bow and arrow in the first place?
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Canada found to be one of the most valuable brands in the world: "People trust Canadians, no matter whom you ask, no matter where"
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The 101 most useful web sites
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ABC News wins the Chicken Little Award for Panic Reporting by being the first network to breathlessly ask, "Are We Heading Into a Depression?"
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Biometrics are great, so long as no one else knows your biometry. A lesson recently learned by the German interior minister after hackers published his fingerprint
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this swirly art
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"Whenever I see a picture of Tony Blair I instantly get the taste of desiccated coconut. George Bush gives me a taste similar to the crusty potato bit on top of a cottage pie"
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Florida considering more specialty license plates. Popular new proposals include "Survived Fast-Food Shootout", "Astronaut Road Trip", and "Banged My Teacher"
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If you from bridges at cars would shoot / Take a lesson, be astute / Driving rare Gremlins will get you nailed / Drive an Accord and stay out of jail
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| (Kten, OKC) |
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Firefighters injured by motorcycle in living room -- while fighting fire caused by keeping pets warm on porch. Condition of motorcycle undisclosed
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A retrospective of Al Jaffee's MAD fold-ins, with interactive flash goodness
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| (Florida Today) |
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Old and busted: farmers markets. New hotness: Free range demolition derby
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Journalist Dith Pran has finally joined the Killing Field
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God may move in mysterious ways, but social services doesn't - three remaining children of couple who tried to pray their daughter healthy (and failed) are removed from their home
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Students debate if they should be allowed to have sex with their teachers. Apparently some parents have a problem with this
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Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now?
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San Francisco city workers are raking in so much tax payer money working overtime a part time on-call nurse makes more than the mayor
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University's plagiarism honor code found to be plagiarized
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University students in the UK say they are forced, FORCED, to drink alcohol
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Angelina Jolie has gestational diabetes. Wilford Brimley jumps into action
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Las Vegas city elders want under-18 dance club shutdown because it "seriously effect(s) [sic] the social and moral well being of the city"
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Wealthy individual erects billboard which declares "All religions are fairy tales." Hilarity ensues
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Apparently Scene is the new Emo, just with a different shade of black eyeliner (w/pic of 13-year old Australian Scenegirls goodness)
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Hospitals trying a new strategy when they fark up: saying they're sorry
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this guy and his weather-ma-jimmy
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Some Democrats hoping to sacrifice the people of New York to save the presidency
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Queen Elizabeth finds yet another excuse to postpone her annual wifely duties
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Reverend Jerry Falwell's widow writes book about her husband, though it's unlikely they'll use the original title, "I'm Dead, So Fark Larry Flynt In The Ear For Me"
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Owner of wildlife sanctuary mauled by dirty rotten cheetahs
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Doomsday cult members find themselves having to take up a new hobby when the world doesn't end
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Muqtada al-Sadr gives first interview since May of 2007. Says that he is in control of the Mahdi army, the American occupation is worse than Saddam and that liberation of Iraq is their goal. I guess the truce is off
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| (Deseret News) |
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Mormon becomes Utah's grand master Freemason, creating a black hole of secret society confluence that threatens to suck the state into a parallel, even more secretive and clannish dimension
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police report to house on a possible OD, find a man who locks himself in the bathroom comes out with a meat cleaver and invites the officers to shoot him. Jailarity and pepper spray ensue
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Japanese women aren't having enough sex. Submitter volunteers to help
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| Sat March 29, 2008 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Flagstaff, AZ solution to its housing crisis: build really really small homes (800 sf) so that people will spend all of their time outdoors
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Canada considers raising its drinking age to 21
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police called to investigate "assault" charge because substitute teacher touched student with "tip of finger" to forehead
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TSA Changes Procedures After Nipple Ring Flap: "The last time that I checked a nipple was not a dangerous weapon."
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Katrina victims may have to return thousands of dollars because some victims were overpaid. That'll really help the rebuilding process
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No matter how badly you want some shish kabobs, you probably shouldn't be near an outdoor grill if you have an oxygen tank
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Three days after opening there are now 15,000 bags stranded at Heathrow's new terminal
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"My precious little snowbeast doesn't know it's wrong to punch the police, she doesn't know what's going on," says mother of Godzilla-sized 11 year old taser "victim"
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| (South Bend Tribune) |
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Parents of the year busted after 4 year old son caught with bag of pot at day care
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"People ain't gonna go to church because all they're gonna do is go to the liquor store. Instead of getting up to praise the Lord, all they're gonna do is go to the liquor store. Drinking times three."
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Milwaukee man identifies the anonymous dead without a team of wisecracking scientists or a hologram generating supercomputer
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Stressed out? German vicar helps parishioners relax by letting them lie in an open grave. Because there's nothing as calming as death
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Reminder: NYC April Fool's Fark Party, Tuesday @ around 6 pm. LGT previous thread, DIT after FP, I before E except after STFU
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Murder Map of London released so you can know where your best chances of getting offed by a hoodie wearer is. With link to Google maps in the article so you can get directions
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Interest in hunting and fishing dropping among Americans, who are finding other things to do than inflict pain and death on nature's beautiful, innocent creatures
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wikipedia hits 10,000,000 articles. [citation needed]
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School confiscates girl's crutches because she didn't have a doctor's note
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Photoshop theme: Ice cream flavors rejected by Ben and Jerry
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22 year old hottie inherits much of her grandfathers £650m porn business
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Younger men who read so-called "lads mags" could be psychologically harmed by the images of perfect male physiques they contain
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Western Australia drivers have a weekend of freedom because the state's speed cameras are in the shop having their clocks reset for the end of daylight savings time
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| (Tallahassee.com) |
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What's better on a Saturday afternoon than a nice prostitution sting? Can it be hookurday now? (w/ pics)
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Top 50 things to do in Canada this summer. 'Submitter's mom' strangely absent from list
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"Listen, we know your daughter is dead but she still owes us $1500 in rent. Now are you going to pay or do we have to take you to court?"
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After cheating death in a paragliding accident, man's follow up X-ray reveals he has terminal cancer
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"Sandcastles don't kill people, people that don't flatten their sandcastles kill people."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pizza flavored beer. Finally
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cletus, hold my beer. With already-been-hit pic screaming to be shopped
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Man leads cops on wild 5mph chase which ends dramatically when cops walk up to car and take the keys out of the ignition
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Evidently filming fully clothed cheerleaders during a public performance is a felony
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German theatre is to stage the world premiere of the controversial Salman Rushdie novel "The Satanic Verses". Doors open at 8. Fire brigade and police due at 5 past
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teacher Pippi Longstocking, 26, arrested for having sex with student. But at least it was off campus. (Of course there's a mug shot.)
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| (KOIN) |
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If you left an entire suit of armor at the bus stop, the Keizer Police Department would like to have a word with you (w/pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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President Andrew Jackson's pursed lips on the hideous new $1 coin. This is why he whacked potential assassins with his walking stick
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Clò Bhrèanais a' reic ri fìor mhullach a' mhargaidh. It's not news, hell if I know what it is
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The reason it's called an "education lottery" is because you need to be lacking an education to play it
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| (St. George, UT) |
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Man starts fire in middle of the street. Reason? He's starting a movement for Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and Toby Keith. God Bless America
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You made them put the padlock THROUGH the trigger guard? Breaking news: the TSA is made up of complete idiots who would prefer a plane falls from the sky than have pilots carry guns on duty
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UK government jobcentres are running adverts for sex chat-line workers and pole dancers. The Sun is there with one of the ads
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| (some blagger) |
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Photoshop this tough little guy getting a shot
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Florida reeling as population growth ends. "The state has not experienced a decline of this magnitude since the mid '70s, when we were in a national recession." Ex-governor Skink tips hat to Drew
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Victim uses fake handgun to rob would-be mugger of his shotgun, forces him to take off all his clothes. Then things get weird
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World Cat Congress is now in session. Mr. Speaker, I move that today shall be Caturday
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Tiger attack victim arrested for shoplifting. His lawyer claims the two Nintendo controllers were not in proper packaging, attacked his client and jumped inside his pants
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Mexican restaurant streamlines menu, eliminates tacos from their repertoire. Slow newsday-larity ensues
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| (KXII) |
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Texas farmer doesn't "even notice at first" anything unusual about his new ugly-ass baby cow. Fark: Ugly-ass two-headed baby cow (w/video of bovine "Ricky" and "Bobby")
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| (Bismarck Tribune) |
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Today's "white kids in blackface perform a skit about Barack Obama getting a lapdance" brought to you by North Dakota
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"Wear I going if my school shuting?" Meet your new 'Get a brain, morans' meme (pic)
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Every time you copy software a terrorist gets a gun
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Starbucks baristas, remember that court ruling saying that supervisors have to share tips with you? Well, Starbucks is going to ignore that ruling. Now, go make a venti triple latte
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The TSG Mugshot lineup: 51% Blackface 49% Grillz
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this walking machine
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| (Some Guy) |
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(c)(r)(a)(p) (t)(a)(t)(s)
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London banker jailed for dazzling helicopter pilot with 5 million candlepower light, despite his defense that he was only using it to discourage CHUDS, morlocks and nocturnal albino mutants
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| Fri March 28, 2008 |
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With nothing more important to cover, the media seize upon the story of the year: Beards are back
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Revenge of the Sith comes to a Welsh suburban garden, as Dai Vader assaults founder of the Jedi Church, who is as clumsy as he is stupid, apparently
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Man declares war on neighbors, slashing their car's tires 15 times, after they complained about his snoring
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Washington Post: "Just because something has appeared in a newspaper does not mean that is entirely accurate"
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Net Neutrality's Quiet Crusader.. The Battle is on for Net Freedom. Save the free boobies
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If this isn't a slow news day headline for the home page on a major news website, no telling what is: "Farmers consider how much corn to plant"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Women in Copenhagen allowed to go bare-chested in public pools the same as men (w/ SFW pic that will have you really wishing it wasn't)
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Independent filmmaker and professional attention getter learns that despite catering to the lowest common denominator and leveling numerous ad hominem attacks at a world religion, nobody really seems to care what he thinks
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Slapping your fellow deputy on the butt? That's a suspendin'
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Bizarre ball of twisted metal space junk falls from the sky into farmer's backyard(w/pic)
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| (Some Tweaker) |
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If you are going to steal power cable, don't wrap your entire truck with it (with full of fail pic)
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| (nbc17) |
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Wanted: Land developer who has never seen 'Poltergeist'
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Ah, Chicago politics. High-ranking city employee acquitted of shoplifting $130 in groceries after prosecutors "failed" to play surveillance video. Worker may get her $80k/year "corruption-fighting" job back
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It turns out that Hillary's sniper-dodging Bosnian airport landing actually DID happen- to Senator Olympia Snowe, 6 months earlier
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UN Secretary General issues strongly worded letter condemning Dutch anti-Islamic film because it might upset Islamics and they might chop some more people's heads off
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop challenge: Create something interesting with these knives
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Australian reporter wants to know if there can actually be such a thing as a funny death. Come up with some ideas for him. VE for the funniest
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"You will give me all your money...and then quack like a duck."
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Seahawks fan cooks burger for Steelers fan spits in it, ends up charging missing most of the burger and loses anyway
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3M agrees to pay $700,000 settlement to Fresno County because it advertised that Scotch tape was 1" wide when it was actually .94"
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Cool: California couple plans fundraiser to support the recovery of an Australian man who was thrown into a fire pit. Awkward: the fundraiser is a barbeque
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| (Some Guy) |
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President Bush - who once employed Jose Canseco and Juan Gonzalez on the Rangers - no longer has to throw opening pitch to Mitchell Report star
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Another coal mine shut down in Utah due to unexpected dangers. Soon, the state economy will rely on manufacturing plants that make Mormon underwear
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Official to call for Long Island statehood. New state would be funded by taxes on lacrosse equipment and hair gel
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Pfizer VP arrested for downloading child pr0n on his work computer, will now be part of clinical trial on Viagra use vs placebo in a confined setting
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WWE banner for Wrestlemania shows wrestlers with missing nipples. Pink Floyd unavailable for comment
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Blast from the past: Bubble 1.0 winner Mark Cuban waxes philosophical about not having cashed out at the precise, exact top
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Two kittens get a jump on Caturday by chasing a 200-lb. bear up a tree
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Man caught having sex with a picnic table (with mugshot goodness)
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Criminal masterminds of the year spend 40 minutes getting their picture taken and then run off without paying the bill
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One person injured by woman with extra-long hummer
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Whack a monk. Tank standoff. Synchronized sterilization
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| (Bottle Bar) |
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Last Reminder: Chicago Fark Party is happening TOMORROW NIGHT, March 29th. At Bottle Bar. LGT bar, details in thread. Be there or wish you were
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Mainstream media journalists finally cop to their dependence on blogs
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| (Some Fail) |
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Not news: Man tries to rob store, fails. News: Tries to rob another store, fails again. Fark: Leads police on a low speed chase before fleeing on foot and jumping in a swamp
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Gigantic stash of East German Stasi porn discovered, mainly featuring women who looked like Ray Nitschke. No pics, thankfully
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Teen's underwear dance at McDonald's leads to robbery, assault, horny Fry Guys
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| (KTKA) |
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17-year old student bangs his 31-year old teacher, who is apparently descended from a giraffe (with longneck picture goodness)
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Man plays chicken with oncoming train, wins. Wait, what?
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City of Edmonton spends $1.2 million a year to ensure residents can enjoy bacon for breakfast
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man goes out drinking, ends up really trashed
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Slump in housing market leads to alternate methods of selling. Such as holding an essay contest to win a home
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"Aprendan español, o vayan a cárcel" dice juez
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Illinois to pay $139 million to improve safety at highway rail crossings. In other news, it will cost $139 million to tell people to STOP TRYING TO BEAT TRAINS?
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Fidel Castro regime: No cellphones for you. Raul Castro regime: Cellphones for everybody. Viva la Revolución
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Kids using Bebo to organise picnics and museum outings. Not really, they're organising gang fights
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Five, FIVE awesome mugshots of 'precious metals' thieves...Au, Au, Au
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We've replaced this regular crime victim with a martial arts expert. Let's see if these three muggers notice
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Teacher-student sex is filthy and wrong even if the student consents, says an expert on sexual abuse in schools, the appropriately-named Ms. Shakeshaft
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| (Sportsnetwork) |
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The official NCAA tournament thread - Sweet 16 edition day two
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Supermarket faces stampede after bread goes on sale at just $7 million a loaf
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China will not punish a group of Tibetan monks for disrupting a government-organized foreign media tour. Definitely won't take them out back by the bins for a kicking, honestly
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Armed police swooped on an old folks' home to arrest a pensioner in a cowboy hat brandishing a plastic pistol
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Following allegations that he was supplying useless 50 year-old bullets from illegal sources; DOD suspends its $300 million munitions contract with 23 year-old. But not to worry, the suspension is only temporary
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| (nbc5i) |
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"There's a laundry list of things we can use to deny or revoke a license, but having a 12-year-old dancing in their establishment is not one of the things that automatically enables us to revoke their license"
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Please note, when having a drink and placing a bet, remember to feed your mentally ill wife first
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| (Some Railroad Guy) |
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Photoshop this tiny train
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| (Daddy Types) |
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Wonderful news, parents - now your daughters can get tramp stamps out of the vending machines at Toys-R-Us
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Good news: We found your missing pastor. Fark: In a strip club
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Inexplicable headline of the day: "Nats Stadium: 'It's Going to Spunk Us Up'"
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Bizarre: unemployed man receives $10,890 from anonymous benefactor. Even more bizarre: he turns the money over to the police
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Hacker that faked 911 call and woke up family with a SWAT team gets three years
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In clinical trials of asthma patients taking Singulair, the most common side effects were headache, flu, abdominal pain, cough and suicide
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Not news: dog bites man. News: man bites dog. Fark: plane hits dog and skids off runway
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Some uptight twits are trying to stop the BEST FIELD TRIP EVER
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"Runaway SUV knocks man off his toilet"
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Gone are the days when a failed school science project leading to a smoking backpack on the B train would've just been laughed at
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Apparently, "Fake a disability so you can transport drugs in your mobility scooter that happens to be covered in jewelry" can be scratched out of the Book of Good Ideas
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Driver hides $32,000 in counterfeit money in lap. Which worked okay until he was pulled over by the police and didn't move the money
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Old and busted: rock, paper, scissors. New hotness: cinder blocks, tasers and bats
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What happens when Medicare covers Viagra? Two 93-year-old men arrested for soliciting undercover cop for sex
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"My two-year-old daughter loves to drink alcohol-free beer. What consequences can that have?"
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| (The Herald UK) |
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Scottish photographer awarded his weight in whiskey. "I had a couple of weeks before the award ceremony so I went on a diet - a diet of chips, beer, pies and more pies"
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| (Some Guy) |
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If the police come to your door to serve you summons for a mental health examination, attacking them with a shovel might not help your case much
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2,000 troops to be sent to secure border between the US and Mexico. Mexican troops, that is
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| (CBS6 Albany) |
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Man tries to pay overdue water bill with check written on floral print, two-ply toilet paper. Who writes checks anymore?
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New Orleans cop swipes teen's naked buttcrack in public to search for drugs. "He swiped like a Visa". Well, dude, you did get charged
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"If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs" wins odd book title, also great self-help for sluts who only read covers
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Charlie, a nice Standard Poodle / Births 16 cute puppies--an oodle / The challenge ahead / For the owner, 'tis said / Is naming the kit and kaboodle
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Two sought in Charlottesville sniper shootings. "We're talking the mountains up here, and the first thing you usually think of is drunk rednecks."
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Woman crashes car after trying to answer cell phone while driving, manages to save her coffee
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this wooden tiki
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"Retreating from Iraq would...abandon our friends to terrorists and death squads." In other words, Bush is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Oh hell, we've been Iraq-rolled
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Are you tougher than a fifth-grade girl? Depends who's holding the Taser
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Weekend-long, $4000-a-head "Porn Camp" comes to Tampa Bay
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Schools in Nanny State consider locking students inside during lunch hour to prevent them buying fast food, prepare them for future life in prison after they face the consequences of being unable to make responsible decisions
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When you are pulled over for a broken tail light, make sure to punch the cop and run off. Forget the kid in your back seat. Wait what?
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Hard-core victim offers mugger his coat, buys him dinner, shows him the meaning of kindness
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Underpants gnomes return. Still haven't figured out step #2
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UK teens drink 269 pints a year, experts wonder why number is so low
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In Mexico the punks and rockabillys are warring against the emos. Si, RLY
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| Thu March 27, 2008 |
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Berlin Zoo faces questions after hundreds of its animals disappear and a new Taco Bell opens on its grounds
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Obama strikes ultimate "I see what you did there" pose. Caption what he really said
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| (Bostonist) |
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Frat guys cause $25,000 worth of damage at a Days Inn, which begs the question: is a single Days Inn even worth that much?
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Have you seen the retirement house that Rev. Jeremiah Wright is building? Goddamn
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Professor disciplined for saying a woman looked "hot" in her Halloween costume in the presence of female co-workers, and that if he were a drinking man he would ask her out for a drink
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| (Alabama dot com) |
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After 60 Minutes pointed out the minor detail that the only evidence in his bribery trial was completely fake, Gov. Don Seigelman has been released on bail pending his appeal
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| (koco-tv) |
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The case of the OU Sooner fan attempting to castrate a Longhorn fan in a bar is going to trial. Trial date is after the NCAA tourney is over
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| (China Daily) |
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Man sues KFC over inferrence that he and his grandson are "dog friends"
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Photoshop this extreme closeup
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Falling crane closes highway near Detroit. We seem to have an epidemic on our hands
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Need a handy glossary for escort service terms like 'CBJ' or 'DFK'? Well, the Department of Justice is here to help
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Newly surfaced Chase memo gives rare glimpse of how banks got us into this mortgage crisis: "Inflate the borrowers' income or otherwise falsify their loan application"
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| (EDN.com) |
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Illinois couple wants legislation to legalize skunk pet ownership. "It's like a cross between a house cat and a calm monkey" says woman (with accompanying "I'd spray it" picture)
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TSA makes woman remove nipple rings to board plane: "She was given a pair of pliers in order to remove them"
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Man busted by undercover fishermen spends $694 on six steelhead trout. That's right, undercover fishermen
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Dumpster-diving freegans become latest media-created trend: "At a time when many Americans are on tighter budgets and worrying about environmental conservation, the practice may get more popular"
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Playboy will soon premiere Playboy Phillipines, but the magazine won't have any frontal nudity. We have the same magazine in the US except here its called the Sears Catalog
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| (Some Guy) |
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News: Kid hacks into school computer. Fark: He used "Internet for Dummies" book to do it
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Yappy dog gets his comeuppance. Hawk flies off with family's pet at doggie day care
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CNN: Your precious snowflake's not socially inept and awkward, he has autism. Here's how to get free stuff
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Turns out the guy who claimed to be raped by a wombat made it up
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man tries to convince his friends and ex-girlfriend that he lives a secret life as a gang member. When they don't believe him, he shoots himself four times in a staged assault
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L.A. Times, fooled by forged document, apologizes for implicating P. Puff Diddy (Daddy?) Combs in shooting of Tupak Shakur. Bonus: They refer to the time between 1994 and present as "12 years"
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U.S. passport production outsourced to Thailand -- this ought to end well
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$300 million contract to arm Afghan forces awarded to 22 year old. What could possibly go wrong? Bonus: Company's VP is a licensed masseur
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After seeing nude photos of her, British media declares French first lady to be the next Princess Diana
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Adolphus August Busch V, grandson of Gussie Busch who built the Anheuser-Busch beer empire, arrested for under-age drinking. Shows youthful indiscretion by drinking Natty Lights
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And the Daily Dumbass Award goes to: The drug-trafficking brothers who flagged down a police car by mistake, and are now on the run. On horseback. In Fiji
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Hezbollah has increased its rocket range, is now working on its dribbling and perimeter shooting
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This guy lost a kidney and half a liver thanks to a "Free Organs" posting on Craig's List
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| (Columbia Daily Tribune) |
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City asking all residents to turn electric lights off from 8:00 pm - 9:00 pm this Saturday as part of 'Earth Hour'. Fire Department, ERs on alert for all the anticipated candle, walking-into-things emergencies
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Missouri leaps ahead of all other candidates in the running for its own tag by being the only state that allows kids as young as six to particpate in ultimate fighting events
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The official NCAA Tournament thread: Sweet Sixteen edition
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| (witntv.com) |
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NAACP Says "Low Pants Bill" Is Discriminatory
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Photoshop this kick block attempt
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NY Governor says he will no longer contribute to Fark
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South Carolina may be the next state to ban lap dances. Lawyer says "there's no constitutional right to lap dances", but subby is sure he read it in there somewhere
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Slow news day: A celebration of the top 10 stupidest parking tickets of all time, including a car that had been crushed by a fallen tree and a man ticketed for having a slow horse
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Russian billionaire and Chelsea FC owner denies plans to link Alaska and Siberia with the world's longest tunnel as it would be too difficult to keep a strait bearing
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Chinese man has pet tortoise that smokes. Charley the smoking chimp is unable for comment
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Tibetan monks disrupt dog and pony show put on by Chinese officials, wisely leave before tanks arrive
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| (Some Guy) |
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Texas prosecutor wants to prosecute writers of "The Wire" for encouraging jurors to do what they feel is right, instead of what they are ordered to do by judges
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Democrat pushes through $1.1 million earmark to stop Republican's vacation house from flooding. Who says the parties can't work together?
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Bush, Putin to meet to discuss who all our base belong to
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American tanning salons launch ad campaign to convince people that having skin the color and texture of beef jerky is actually healthy
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Atlanta high-school students now stealing laptops, iPods and beer using new robbery tactic called "doggy dooring." Students rumored to distract actual dogs using tactic called "peanut buttering"
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Reworked Bible stories feature Goliath as a drunk and Eve as sex mad, dogs playing poker and dinosaurs as yet unexplained
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Alaska man is the Wilt Chamberlain of four-leaf clovers
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Spitzer scandal explained by a cute 3 year-old princess
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Group of flashmobbing environmentalists decides that the opening of Heathrow's controversial Terminal 5 absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part, and they're just the guys to do it
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Full marks for honesty, but it's still not a particularly good idea to walk into a courtroom and announce that you've just stabbed the defendant
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World's first trial for Facebook harassment thrown out of court, leaving defendant free to resume poking. He said he thought the decision was "Scrabulous"
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Old & Busted: Snakes on Planes... New Hotness: Snakes in TVs
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Japanese department store unveils robot babysitter to chat with kids by name, beam advertising to them, and zap them if they happen to be John Connor. With weird but SFW pic
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Sirhan Sirhan may may not not have have fired fired fatal fatal bullet bullet
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Another Eliot Spitzer prostitute-agency scandal emerges. Old and busted: Ashley Alexandra "Kristin" Dupre. New ho-ness: Kristin "Billie" Davis (w/pic)
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Good schools in England will now be forced to take in students expelled from other schools when they expel their own. You're doing it wrong
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Insurance company refuses to pay man attacked by two dogs because he forgot to ask them if they wanted karate
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Worried that Al-Qaida might be joining American gangs, the feds use the Patriot Act to search the home of somebody who belongs to the Wichita Crips
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| (Some Guy) |
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Convicted child molestor claims he was molested by Bigfoot as a kid
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Problem: Crashes caused by distracted drivers. Solution: Create a billboard telling drivers to not get distracted. New problem: Billboard is hard to read, causing new distraction
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Asparagus sauce blamed for diner's demise. These deaths don't turnip often, but they don't leave mushroom for optimism. Lettuce artichoke back the tears endive into more pressing matters
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Theme: Unnecessary censorship. Take a wholesome image and censor it so it looks raunchy. LGT Jimmy Kimmel inspiration
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They came first for the rubber dog poop, and I didn't speak up
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Arrest warrant issued for 'God' who failed to front up at court because he is above the law
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Rep. Michele Bachmann proposes bill that would reverse phase-in of energy-efficient compact flourescent lights. Turner & Overdrive frustrated, still think she's a dim bulb
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Man calls police and claims he was raped by a wombat, then it gets weird
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Inventor of the Egg McMuffin and the man responsible for feeding submitter during college dies at age 89
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Football trash-talking? That's a castration. Fark.com: by a church Deacon
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The man who wrote "Roget's Thesaurus" is written up in a book. He is agape, agog, alarmed, amazed, anxious, appalled, astonished, astounded, and awestruck by this development
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In European wine regions, a parent may give a teenager a small glass of wine to introduce the teen to an adult pleasure in a safe and supervised manner. Then there's the American plan, which may involve a lawyer when all is said and done
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Spring breakers go wild with the belly piercings and tattoos now that they are away from their parental units for the first time. "People without tattoos are afraid to show who they are"
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 151: "From a Distance." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed March 26, 2008 |
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Britney Spears linked to rise of foreclosures. LEAVE BRITNEY A LOAN
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Couple in U.K. banned from moving back into their mansion after flood damage when a protected species of newt moves in first. It's not newts, it's Fark
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From the not-making-this-up category: Angola hosts beauty pageant where all contestants are land mine victims
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Minnesota high school chlorine leak injures, disinfects 37 students
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Woman tells police she was beat by ten men, or maybe five men, or maybe five women. And never mind that she isn't injured
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Pilot crashes into mountain, survives overnight, hikes through waist deep snow to safety. In shorts. The Aristocrats
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Library aide sees man accessing child porn on library computer, informs police. Was she commended? No, she was fired
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| (some Wikipedia) |
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Photoshop this Synchiropus splendidus, AKA Mandarinfish
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Practical jokes stop being funny when you turn 40
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Texas principal introduces new education incentive: "Get better test scores, or I'll kill you"
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Taliban: "Sorry we blew-up your cellphone towers. Please come back"
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Art student builds "phone booth for talking to God." Nazis try to open it, have faces melted off
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Woman evades speeding ticket by claiming someone she's never met on the other side of the world was driving at the time. Brilliant!
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Cross-shaped reflection appears on man's wall. He's still trying to figure out a way to sell it on eBay (with video)
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| (Crain's Chicago Business) |
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Peaceful protest in Chicago? That's a criminal background check, three references, and no media for you, Citizen
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Parents sue over "Everyone Hates Billy" website. Keep an eye out for the Followup tag about the inevitable school shooting at Billy's school
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73-year-old Shriner busted for selling "apple pie" moonshine at temple party
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Anthropologists discover the oldest human fossil on record, 1.2 million years old. Or at least that's what Satan wants you to think
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Woman gets into spat with furniture deliverymen who refuse to take off their shoes. Spat turns into tiff, tiff turns into squabble, squabble turns into fracas, and woman pulls a gun on the furniture deliverymen. The Aristocrats
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Scientists in Bonn, Germany found that the saying, "The fear made my blood curdle," may literally be true. In other news, scientists in Bonn, Germany are fond of making up ridiculous "sayings" no one has ever said, ever
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ceiling cat refuses to come out even as owners cut through drywall in attempt to free it
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Dr. Pepper will give everyone in America free soda if Axl Rose releases "Chinese Democracy" this year
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Having solved all other problems, Swedish government publishes 15 pages of binding law on how to treat your dogs and cats, including amount of food and exercise, size of living space and quality of air. Steak surprisingly absent. Ah, socialism
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Woman gives birth at auto-parts store, aided by judicious use of microfiber towels, lifting winch and 30-weight motor oil
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McDonald's employee screams and runs away from little person. Must have thought he was the Hamburglar
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Italy shuts down 80 cheese farms after finding dangerous levels of dioxin. If you bought cheese products from other farms, go ahead and edam
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You can make it look as futuristic as you want, but it's still a farking tricycle
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Three female teachers arrested for having sex with students. Instant teacher-sex trifecta complete (with pics)
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Your ability to become a state-sanctioned witch doctor or psychic just came to an end yesterday
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♫ He had a tow on his truck, truck, truck ♫ To steal a truck that dumps, dumps, dumps ♫ And a compact car, what, what ♫ I THINK HE'S IN JAIL AGAIN ♫
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Denver zoo sets up program to save world's frogs, especially the Lake Titicaca frog. For those that don't know Spanish, "Lake Titicaca" means "Lake Cleveland Steamer"
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| (Autoblog) |
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BMW of Lincoln Nebraska still withholding penis extension from eBay winner
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Man calls technician because his computer is too slow, technician discovers it's because the kiddy porn is blocking all the tubes. Bonus: He's the chief spokesman for the University of Miami football team
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| (Some Wisconsinite) |
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Urinating on a bar floor? Check. 86ed from two bars? Check. Threatening to have cops killed with your "Mafia ties"? Big check. We call this Tuesday night in Wisconsin
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Not news: Government stages mock disaster. Fark: Helicopter sent to rescue the survivors inadvertently poisons the survivors
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Fast-thinking thief tells police he was hiding in the woods because he "was looking for a salt lick"
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It's that cliched old story: Paddleboat gets girl swan, girl swan dumps him for younger male swan, girl swan comes crawling back to the paddleboat
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Shuttle aims for Wednesday night landing, with NASA predicting that at least 90 percent of the craft will end up in Florida
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Chicago city officials are troubled that new bottled-water tax has generated revenue 40 percent below projections; scratching heads wondering where Chicago citizens are getting their water from
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Meet Byron Ng: The dude who exposed private Facebook photos of Paris Hilton and Mark Zuckerberg this week is the same guy who exposed most of the last Harry Potter book last year
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Drunk man feeds pigeons in back-to-front thong. Jailarity ensues
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Clinton's redefinition of the word "misspeak" likely to enter common usage in the same way as "known unknowns" or "wardrobe malfunction"
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New upscale movie theater chain coming to the U.S. will include bar/lounge, plush seating, 3-D projection, and... oh yeah, $35 tickets
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Police stop 22-year-old woman for drunk driving: Four clicks. She had a suspended license and weed in the car: 23 clicks. She was bottomless, repeat BOTTOMLESS: 4,794,362,475 clicks
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| (NBC10 Philly) |
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Drug-filled rave rents same space as school cafeteria. In other news, people still go to raves
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With a call for Britain and France to work "hand-in-glove," President Sarkozy begs the question: Who is the hand and who is the glove?
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We're all sick: Half of Americans are in some way mentally ill, and one-quarter of the population has taken anti-depressants, and that doesn't mean that one time at a rave
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*ring, ring* "YEAH? I'M ON THE PLANE, ISN'T THIS A GREAT CONNECTION? SO HOW'S THAT THING ON YOUR BALLS DOING?"
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New Hampshire named most livable state. Submitter has never heard of it either
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German man has logical, reasonable response to seeing a mouse in his living room at 3:00 in the morning: Screams like a girl, flees into the snowy night in only a blanket, slippers and boxers. Bonus: Police hunt the rodent with traffic cones
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Video uncovered of Hillary Clinton dodging sniper and mortar fire in Tuzla
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Baby trapped in well. It's about time cable news had something to report on
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Larry King voted "least sexy." When reached for comment, King said, "Cheetos give me gas"
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| (My Fox Philly) |
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So you don't want to go to school. Do you: A) Pretend to be sick? B) Go to the mall? Or C) Flatten the tires on 40 school buses?
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Rarely is the question asked, "Is beef jerky safe?"
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Bush pardons 15 convicted criminals whose offenses ranged from importation of heroin to knowingly selling migratory bird parts
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Woman stuffs pillow in shirt to fake pregnancy, defrauds adoption agency, jailarity ensues (with mugshot goodness)
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Russian sheppard sues space agency for one million rubles after a rocket part crashed to Earth and nearly crushed his outhouse. All this story needs is some vodka, a couple of sheep and some really big boots
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British army finally retires the "bugger-off drone." Its replacement, the "Have a nice cup of tea UAV" is scheduled to enter service in two years
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Drinkers in the UK try to get the Chancellor banned from every pub in the land for raising drink duty
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Man unpacking from vacation: Swim trunks? Check. Socks? Check. Two-foot-long Canebrake rattlesnake? Check
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New global warming movement says adapting to global warming is cheaper than taxing and spending billions to prevent potential problems
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Just a few puffs on a joint was all it took to strip Nicky Taylor of all her capabilities and to induce a terrifying combination of paranoia, fear and anxiety. Won't someone please think of the children?
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Man steals car in front of police officers, TV news crew, photographers and anyone else who could document it (with video goodness)
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Bombshell L.A. Times story on 1994 ambush of Tupac Shakur was based on forged FBI reports. The Smoking Gun is there
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Like Chevrolets, Pizza Hut and Coors light, punitive damage awards in court cases are uniquely stupid and uniquely American
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Butler University student asks Chelsea Clinton a question about Monica Lewinsky, gets a mouthful in return
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Fighting with spouse can be good for your health. Men rejoice at the possibility of living until the age of 200
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Qantas airplane makes emergency stop during takeoff at LAX, no word on if Rick Moranis' helmet stayed in its original shape
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The IRS has debuted its first YouTube video
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For sale: One fire engine, fitted complete with the things you'd usually expect. Like a champagne bar, smoke machine, interior pole and 1,000 watt sound system (with bonus link to eBay auction and SFW photo of scantily-clad women)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Spelling bee competitor who was r-u-n-o-f-t by national board will now be allowed to compete
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Russian bombers are patrolling neutral skies... and apparently the Russian word for "neutral skies" is "Alaska"
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| (KHQ.com) |
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NY Times get pwned over Rickrolling video
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this farmers market
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Voters to be allowed to decide how police spend their time. Doughnut shops seen rushing to set up PACs
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"Congratulations on surviving your first shanking, get well soon"
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| (Bellingham Herald) |
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Building in process of getting demolished catches fire, saved by firefighters
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| (Citizen Times) |
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Not news: Man assaults cop. Fark: With a crack pipe
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