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| Sun March 23, 2008 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Obese kids now being taken away from their families and given to social services to raise. Because it's all about the well-being of the children
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| (Some Guy) |
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Founder of Popeye's Chicken dies, will go to fast food heaven and chauffeur Colonel Sanders and Dave Thomas around
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Why gorgeous women are happiest with average-looking guys
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| (Some Guy) |
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Instead of focusing on social studies, substitute teacher fields sixth-graders' questions questions about masturbation, condoms and different shades of pubic hair
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Diesel is now more than $4/gallon. Don't cut off that truck driver, he's already pretty cranky
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pregnant sheep stabbed by gang, say police, who admit they have mutton to go on
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| (Daily Yomiuri) |
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Japanese uniform maker develops slash-resistant T-shirts for convenience store clerks worried about knife attacks
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Great White shark released six weeks ago in Monterey has already cleared 1200 miles on trip to Mexico, with hilarious "I'm a shark" pic (source Farked, LGT thread; article pasted in first post, pic in second)
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| (Medford Mail Tribune) |
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Man's home ransacked as a result of Craigslist prank. "They honestly thought that because it appeared on the Internet it was true"
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Pack the coolers, the steaks are almost done in Arkansas
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Not news: Cop downs 18 beers. News: Before going on duty. Fark: To conduct driver alcohol checks
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47 people audition the hard way for Deadliest Catch
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Instead of tearing down a house, county council members want to house a 14-member homeless family there. Too bad local residents had to fark it all up with their biatchery
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this oblivious old man
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Sex offender running for mayor of Texas town hopes voters can overlook his past... such as trying to hook up with a 15-year-old over the internet
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Large national retailers are quietly allowing customers to bargain on everything from clothes to electronics. "A lot of people don't realize you can walk into Best Buy and ask them for a lower price."
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Mock samurai sword fight at martial arts dojo sends man to hospital. There can be only one punctured lung
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Method #1,243 for getting kicked off a jury - get caught smoking pot in court
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"King of Tort" lawyer who squeezed billions out of tobacco and asbestos industries will soon be known as "Queen of Tart" for trying to bribe judge
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Vodak apparently has other uses. Is there anything it can't do?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Considering becoming a Fark headline in the near future? Read this first
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| (Some Guy) |
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A day in the life of a Jersey judge: Showing up at work drunk (where he presided over DUI cases), causing a disturbance at a topless bar, calling up the police chief to drive his drunk ass home and being a Jersey judge
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AP claims that truckers are slowing down to save fuel. Apparently this isn't happening on any of the highways subby has to drive on
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| (Let me show it to you) |
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Photoshop this classic Pokemon
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Home bipolar disorder test causes stirs, which is really great no it's not it sucks monkey balls but the drugstore is SO much fun to to visit, woo hoo, oh blow it out your
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Hey, sorry about letting you out of jail a year early. You don't mind coming back and serving the last year do you? Great... we are terribly sorry about the confusion
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Off the beaten path: backroads breweries
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There are many ways to celebrate Easter, but Peep jousting's got nothing on this
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Kansas museum unveils foul weather exhibit, which consists of an open window, an umbrella, and a DVD copy of "Twister"
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Shrinks say sex with their patients is an "occupational hazard" they just have to deal with
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| (The Great White North) |
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Global Warming forgets about Michigan. Again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Easter Bunnday is the holiest of all Bunndays as we worship chocolate and bunnies and chocolate bunnies
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Four webcams and a funeral; farewell services come to the Internet, for those who live too far or can't find a thing to wear
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Man: "I've got a party in my pants and you're ALL invited" Police: "Party's over"
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Tech news from 1995: 'Sorry guys, but this Internet thingie is never gonna take off.'
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What recent scientific discovery gives you hope for the future? What device from SciFi would change the world overnight?
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60s radical laments today's youth's lack of revolutionary zeal, fondness for soap
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| (Charleston Daily Mail) |
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Drunk guy's arrest leads to additional charge of peanut crack possession
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Residents of the Falkland Islands hope to become the falking richest people in the falking world because they discovered a bunch of falking oil
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"I'm half bulimic ... I eat a lot but don't throw up," British Trade Minister tells an audience of Arab businessmen and diplomats before reminding them to try the veal
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Regional spelling bee champion finds herself S-C-R-E-W-E-D after her school fails to register with national spelling bee organizing body
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British nurses told to address patients in more formal, correct manner, as in: "Mr. Smith, I've come to shave your willy."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this doorman
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If at first you don't succeed
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Despite death threats from Hamas, prominent Italian Muslim converts and is baptized by the Pope. This should end well. Really - after all, he is going to heaven
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New mothers in America demanding "push presents" including diamonds and expensive trips after giving birth
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| Sat March 22, 2008 |
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You're going to need a lot more therapy if your mom starts stabbing you during court-ordered therapy (w/ crazy mom mugshot)
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Onions force plane landing, makes "no fly" list. Maybe next time they will take a leek
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Ten artificial beaches have been created in Mexico City. I got 99 problems but a beach ain't one
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This years Easter story of 57 rabbits being removed from someone's home brought to you by. Wait for it.... Wait for it.... Egg Harbor Twp
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| (CourierPostOnline) |
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Man tries to sell cemetery markers he stole from veterans' gravesites to a recycling firm; real name + license plate + fine police work = arrest
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| (News 8) |
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An 81-year-old woman ends up parked on power lines after she stepped on the gas instead of the brake. Oh, that old excuse again. (with video)
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Video of Hillary's dangerous entry to Bosnia as she escapes sniper bullets. Apparently, the 8-year old reading her poetry on the tarmac failed to notice the hail of gunfire
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Today's Fark-ready headline: Driver blames speeding on poorly dunked Oreo
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Man keeps gun in oven, apparently doesn't warn anyone who might use stove for cooking. What could possibly go wrong?
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Right on deadline, White House tells judge that they accidentally destroyed the hard drives he was going to let Congress search for the the missing emails the WH accidentally deleted, and accidentally overwrote on the back up tapes
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| (Some Mr. Ed) |
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Man rides horse into hospital. "The man appeared intoxicated at the time" Whoa, alcohol could possibly be involved?
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| (Vagabondish) |
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Japan finally opens language school to help people learn to speak fluent . . . cosplay?
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Residents defy city council and chop down 20 trees to improve their view. City council ensures they have a lovely view of some old Chinese shipping containers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this laundromat
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It's that time of year again for a major news publication to repost the same article from last year that states the obvious. Easter candy isn't good for you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman decides to do a nice thing and pick up her friend at the Comfort Inn. Also decides to get drunk first, mistakes the County Sheriff's Work Release center for the motel
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| (Denton Record-Chronicle) |
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Maybe the store employees were being jerks for not taking back an item without a receipt, but really, threatening to kill them is a bit over the top. And it sets a bad example in front of the kids
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Because there aren't enough garden-implement related crime stories: "Man robbed at shovel-point"
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Some guys will falsely claim military service in a bar to seem cool and enhance their penis size. This guy took it to a whole new level
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As if speeding down roads throwing cans out the window while mooning other drivers weren't enough of a warning, NJ to require cars with teens behind the wheel to be marked with a sticker or decal
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| (amer coin op) |
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Fed-Ex driver gets caught on laundromat camera putting Ding Dongs in dryers. Chester Cheetah unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Eleven interesting uses of eggs in advertising
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| (Daily Camera) |
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Hundreds of drivers may get their speeding tickets refunded because the speed camera van was illegally parked
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| (Pew Pew Pew Research) |
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Only one in four 'net users believe that photos of themselves are online. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight
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Man arrested for scamming Disney World guests. Surprisingly, it wasn't the CEO
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Today's fear-mongering news story: All-you-can-eat baseball seats: Are they safe?
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| (The Day) |
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In a sign of the current economy, it is acceptable for 50-year olds to move back in with their parents
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Grandmother chases after KFC robber in her car and physically stops him from getting away: "You're messing with one of my favorite places"
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A third of patients on transplant list are not eligible. But then again, why would you date someone who needs a transplant?
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Peeps are peeps so why should it be / You should be so soft and sweet and marshmallowy
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| (KRIS) |
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Legal battle ensues over construction of wind farm due to claims turbines will spoil water supplies, kill birds, attract tornadoes
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| (Pablo) |
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If you purchased a signed Picasso print off eBay, there is a slight chance it may just be a fake
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Massachusetts is looking for new words to describe failing schools without hurting administrators' feelings. Voting enabled for better suggestions
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Bicyclists were twice as likely as drivers to be at fault in collisions. Bike advocates say these statistics are skewed since their side of the story is usually unconscious and being hauled away on a stretcher
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| (Some Country's Father) |
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Extreme Photoshop: Complete this very famous portrait
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Winning a £5.3million lottery is all fun until the press figures out you have been married to your sister for 25 years. Awkward
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| (Yomiuri.co.jp) |
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Japan sees increase in "cat cafes" which allow customers, who aren't allowed pets at home, to schedule some play time with cats. Reservations are encouraged. Especially on Caturdays
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Owner of Hamburg's oldest brothel decides to close shop, legs
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| (The Michigan Daily) |
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A woman straddling a hamburger? One business owner's dream, but an activist group's nightmare (w/pic of sign)
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Private school must dismantle $50,000 fence because "neighborhood residents saw the fence as exclusionary." Really, a private school is exclusionary? Get out of town
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The happiest place on Earth, unless you get beatdown by a lady who thinks you cut into the Mad Tea Cups line
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Iraq war veteran banned from joining British police force because has "England" tattooed on his forearm. "I don't understand how it can cause offence. It is our country, after all" (pic)
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Erin Go Bleaaaargh This week's Mugshot Roundup: a couple hotties, a Kewpie doll, and reason #38 not to pass out in front of Sharpie-wielding friends
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Not news: Man puts house up for sale. News: Man lists house on eBay...adds perks. FARK: Hot model/roommate's included in price
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Photoshop this baby face
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Another day, another naked guy getting Tased in Fark's favorite state
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$45,000 found hidden in foot massager. Jules still recovering
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School board to hold emergency meeting to find ways to keep so many teachers from having sex with their students. Any suggestions? (Voting enabled)
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Police in Britain reduce road accidents by parking speed camera vans by side of the road and then falling asleep, a clever trick they learned from Comcast
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| Fri March 21, 2008 |
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Interior designer killed by falling statue in his home, wishes he would have went with the water fountain instead
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Smoking named 'the most offensive thing you can do in someone else's house', narrowly edging out "their wife"
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| (Modesto Bee) |
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Man pulls into driveway to look at map, failed to notice he had parked on railroad tracks, failed to notice the oncoming train, failed
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| (Newstalk 92.3 KTAR) |
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Idiot kids go on skateboard rampage, film it, post it on the web, then wonder how they got caught
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Photoshop theme: Turn the presidential contenders into superheroes or villains. Difficulty: Must be a new character
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Milwaukee teacher arrested for "grinding her pubic mound" against 14-year-old boy. With mug shot of alleged grinder
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| (insidebayarea.com) |
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Proposed bill to allow expectant California mothers "temporarily disabled" parking passes being met with heavy opposition from gynecologists who say that pregnant women need to exercise more anyway
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| (Belfast Telegraph) |
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Woman orders five foot chocolate Easter egg from Italy, what could possibly go wrong? Humpty Dumpty unavailable for comment
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Any frat boy can trash a hotel room during spring break. It takes a special kind of asshat to dynamite the room's balcony
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Even as 911 dispatchers party with booze and pose for pictures with a ball gag, all of the 952 calls they received that night were dealt with in a timely fashion
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Women assaulted with knife and squeegee. Victims said to be OK with superficial wounds and some minor streaking
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San Francisco's 68 crime cameras are not capturing or deterring many crimes, but they are succeeding in moving them slightly out of frame just down the street
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Scientists ask beachgoers to track crabs. Everybody immediately points in the direction of Lindsay Lohan's house
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Woman may have to return 1965 Ford Mustang coupe she has been restoring since her dad bought it for her 38 years ago because it was stolen
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To foil robbers, Vancouver banks ask customers to doff their wigs, turbans, and "Jackie Onassis" sunglasses so CCTV cameras can more clearly identify them
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| (Times Leader) |
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Old and busted: Selling drugs at a bar. New and improved: Telling the bar to pay you so you don't sell drugs there
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| (Only In Wisconsin) |
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Bring your tractor to school day (with lots of pic goodness)
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Town near Phoenix claims when it approved blueprints for a Western-theme restaurant with an outdoor stage, they assumed it would be used for mimes or poetry readings
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| (Some Guy) |
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Four cavers lost in Tennessee cave in an blatant attempt to highlight the media's refusal to use the word 'spelunker'
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bride trades wedding ring for handcuffs. Before the honeymoon, for a change
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Italy hit by toxic cheese scare. That's no gouda
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If you have an explosives lab in your dorm room, try not to draw attention to yourself by test-firing explosives off your balcony
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| (Scientist Live) |
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Do pretty women harbor a natural sense of entitlement? Scientific study suggests attractive women believe they deserve it all
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Chuck E. Cheese -- where a kid can be a kid, and a 45-year-old guy can run around spitting and screaming "I have Hepatitis C."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these neon fans
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| (Playstation) |
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Top 10 biggest baseball &^@%#*'s. Amazing Barry Bonds and his head aren't #1 and #2 (Sponsored Link)
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| (WOAI) |
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Border Agent: "What've you got there? Canned vegetables?" Teenager: "No, man, it's... POTTED PLANTS Get it? ... Dude, why the cuffs?"
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The War on Easter has gone biological: Decorating, hiding eggs can pose a health hazard
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Scientists find giant sea creatures during Antarctic Sea survey, including 2-foot starfish near gate of R'lyeh. "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"
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If you've been hypnotizing supermarket checkout staff and bank clerks to steal the contents of their tills, the Italian police would like to have a word with you
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| (MPR) |
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As if sex with teachers wasn't enough, now kids will be paid to go to school
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Water supply official calls immigrant detention facility "a holding center for wetbacks," Everyone gets the joke and applauds his wit and class
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News: Historical but boarded up building prevents new development. Fark: Its a Denny's
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| (Some guy eh) |
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The USA had Watergate. The UK had the Profumo affair. Canada has the possibility of a rigged coffee cup contest
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| (Quad Cities Online) |
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Girl bursts into tears over her $2000 speeding ticket. All she did was blow past a state trooper at over 120 miles per hour
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150-pound man jumps over three sets of subway tracks to rescue man 40 pounds heavier at the last minute. Rescue made more difficult by lugging around 20% of his bodyweight in balls
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If you've been dumping pennies into those Starbucks tip jars, you just helped cost the company $105 million
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WTOP Reporter makes fascinating new discovery for Easter: Marshmallow Peeps
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Philippine man celebrates his 22nd crucifixion, always looks on the bright side of life
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Inspector arrested for poor crane technique. If do right, no can defense
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Caption what Bill Clinton is saying to Rev. Jeremiah Wright
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When your lunatic asylum plans to host a dirt bike race called the "Psyco Path", you may want to fire your public relations person
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| (The Minaret) |
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Asshat finds out the hard way that hanging clothes to dry from a sprinkler doesn't always work out
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Union upset with company that won't let its workers take bathroom breaks. Urine trouble now
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Minor earthquakes hit E. Bay. A++++ WOULD QUAKE AGAIN
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| (Some Guy) |
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Attorneys argue over whether or not a man is fit to stand trial for sexual assualt. Fark: He's 91 and has been dead for a month
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If you're going around the scene of an accident in a semi, try not to drag the accident with you (with video)
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2007: UC Regents allocates $150 million to staff raises. 2008: UC Regents raising student fees 10% due to a $332 million budget cut
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Minnesota closes major bridge amid "safety concerns." Yah shoulda got that TruCoat
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Photoshop LSU coach Butch Pierre
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NM Gov. (and former presidential candidate) Bill Richardson endorses Obama, Boston cream donuts
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Cool photo of the Atlanta skyline with Sherman the tornado in the background
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| (WTAE-TV) |
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Robber shot with his own gun when tackled by store owner. Bonus: store owner took would-be robber's gun and held him at gunpoint until cops arrived
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Starting in July Colorado will be able to buy liquor on Sundays. Drew seen adding it to his list of States That Matter
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"In Britain, you are struggling to afford your lifestyle, dismayed by urban squalor - if you want to be part of a society that is more interested in where it is going than in looking back over its shoulder, then you go to Australia"
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| (Some Guy) |
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"A stolen van loaded down with donuts may not be the best vehicle for eluding police"
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| Thu March 20, 2008 |
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Saudi Arabia to teach its 40,000 imams moderation in hopes that Islam can change, a week after one of those imams called for beheadings of those who think Islam can change
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Today is the first day of spring. ˙uɯnʇnɐ ɟo ʎɐp ʇsɹıɟ ǝɥʇ sı ʎɐpoʇ
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Not even a week has gone by and another teacher has been busted for sleeping with her students (with mugshot)
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State Department confirms breach of Barack Obama's passport data - two State Department employees fired
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| (SaCurrent) |
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Old and busted: Backyard BBQ Pits. New hotness: Backyard Wood-burning Pizza Ovens
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| (Some Guy) |
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School rules now bans list of friends to invite to your birthday party
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Defense lawyer held in contempt for making "simulated masturbatory gesture" in court. What a stroke of bad luck
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Driving naked in Pennsylvania is one thing, but when it's a 64-year old lady and it's 9:00 in the morning that's another
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What kind of a-hole kills a 71-year-old realtor? James A. Hole, that's who (with mugshot)
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Canadian Safety Minister wants to know how the blueprints for the new counter-terrorism building ended up in a garbage can in downtown Ottawa
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One in five Indian kids use tobacco. The other four just haven't seen the ads yet
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Playwright stages theater in Central Park bathrooms, says he wanted an "intimate" experience for the patrons
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As if flying sharks weren't bad enough, now we have flying stingrays to worry about
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Not News: Two girls get into a fight at a school News: The police get involved Fark: The two girls were teachers
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Just in time for that summer vacation or that summer recession, Michigan Representative John Dingell (D-Ingellberry) proposes 50 cent/gallon tax hike on gasoline
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Officers left with no choice but to shoot runaway cow. Because we all know if a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you care about
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English motherfarker, do you speak it? Court rules that cheese steak shops 'when ordering please speak English' sign is not discriminatory
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When a Hallmark card just isn't good enough, spray paint a bridge for your love
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Some fathers watch their sons go off to war with sorrow in their heart, a tear in their eye. This guy stole his son's identity and racked up $5,000 in debt
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| (Some Irked Priest) |
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Not news: couple busted for sex romp. News: In a church. Fark: One is apparently the new model terminator (see photo)
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| (Madison.com) |
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Airport screeners miss 45 pounds of pot. Likely preoccupied strip searching 80-year grandmother suspected of carrying dental floss
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| (Some Dog) |
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Photoshop theme: If dogs ruled the world...
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OMG somebody said "SLAVES"
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Click a link - Go to Jail
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| (Some Food) |
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Rare photos of ugly-ass and totally delicious Sri Lanka mouse deer. Mmmmm, tiny venison
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If you plan to shoplift from a store, be sure you don't leave behind any evidence that can tie you to the crime. Like your son. Awkward
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Chicago Sun-Times hosts contest for best video against Wrigley Field renaming. Newspaper intern wins grand prize... Chicago Tribune intern, that is
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How Easter has mostly held on to its identity as a religious holiday while Christmas has become a huge commercialistic clusterfark
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Judge sentences habitual offender to eight weeks of Baptist church services
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Problem: Keeping a pedophile in jail costs $50,000 a year. Solution: Deport him to another country
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Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the theft of your identity
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Beijing be monkey park its poor English
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Blood pressure study: single life beats bad marriage. Sex study: single life beats any marriage
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Teachers increasingly being sued for damaging the self-esteem of their students
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| (Some Guy) |
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Important international news being squeezed out of papers in favor of local stories about naked drunks getting tased by cops
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If you share a name - or even part of a name - with someone on the Treasury Department's Specially Designated Nationals watch list, your life sucks harder than Paris Hilton at a slumber party
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California animal control director faces cruelty charges for drowning up to 50 kittens. Prosecutors say he can has up to six yearz in prizon
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Church gets off after priest chokes the bishop
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| (Drew's Liver) |
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Notacon to host a Cleveland Fark Party, Saturday April 5 @ 9PM, in the con's hotel bar. Drew will be there, his liver will be in the corner, silently weeping to itself
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Man facing 40 years in prison after his wife turned off his television and he used his gun as universal remote
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School Administrator says it is not his fault he ignored reports of a student being molested for months. He can't be expected to read all his mail, even if it was sent certified and he personally signed for it
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The hotel mini-bar includes overpriced beer, overpriced wine, overpriced snacks and sex toys... wait, what?
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((19*t+u-w-(u-(u+8) \25)+1)\3)+15)mod30) +(32+2*x+2*y-(19*t+ u-w-(u-(u+8)\25)+1)\3)+15) mod30)-z) mod7)- 7*(t+11* (19*t+u- w(u- (u+8)\25)+1)\3)+15) mod30)+22*(32+2*x+2*y- (19*t +u-w-(u- (u+8)\25)+1)\3) +15)mod30)-g)mod7) +114)\31 = /`\ /`\
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Fire-eating, sword-swallowing, lion-taming, death-defying limo-owning TV daredevil exposed as a benefits fraud
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| (Some Guy) |
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Old and busted: green beer for St. Patrick's Day. New hotness: green crack
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Duke Sucks - The Movie. Watch the trailer
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Controversy over strip club's sign: The naked woman can stay, but those flashing lights have to go. Won't somebody please think of the children?
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Washing your vegetables may not be enough, because there is a remote chance you're eating the Andromeda Strain or something. So soak all your food in isopropyl alcohol for fifteen hours before throwing it away and buying some Cheetos
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Apparently needs to be said: If two strangers in a parking lot offer you "a large sum of money" in return for your savings account information, do not give it to them
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Man illegally poaches deer from his bathroom. And that's not even the weird part
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman discovers that hiding her car keys in her vagina is not an effective way to avoid DUI
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Remember that bread you threw into the water for the ducks? Well, the police have just spent the past six hours thinking it was a baby
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"I could have killed 'em all, I could kill you. In town you're the law, out here it's me. Don't push it or I'll give you a war you wo--"
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44-square-foot "Tardis House" goes on market and can be yours for just $40,000 (pic)
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| (Some Tfette) |
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Photoshop this felt-up bird
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Don't try to cash that winning lottery ticket yet, Joe Francis. Your Girls Gone Wild video of Spitzer's hooker? She was 17 at the time
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Vatican currently in negotiations to build first church in Saudi Arabia. No, really
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Remember how those nifty $50 fluorescent bulbs were going to solve America's dependency on foreign oil? Turns out they will actually kill us while we sleep
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OK Farkers, let's show the Australians how you really do a caption contest
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| (Xinhuanet) |
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Education, social security, democracy and public opinion. Election issues? No, just the latest craze in baby names in China
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Idiot trying to smuggle himself into Britain in truck's wind deflector jumps into vehicle going to Kosovo instead (pic)
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The guy the Runaway Bride ran away from has gotten married -- to someone else
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England is spawning so much crotchfruit, they're running out of places to harvest it
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One in three children in Britain thinks Winston Churchill was first man to walk on moon - and more frighteningly, three out of four can't identify the moon in the sky
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Boston councilor wants to start the War on Bulky Phone Books. People still use those?
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Thousands of dead starfish wash ashore in Britain, an event the always rational Daily Mail has already dubbed "Starmageddon" (pic)
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People who believe in God are happier than agnostics or atheists
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More and more "reports" in local news shows are actually "video news releases," which are pitches for some product or another in disguise
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Firefighters battle intense oil well fire in Tennessee. Witnesses observed a man wandering around the scene and babbling about milkshakes and drainage
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop equal time for Hillary
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Cab driver saved from brutal attack by...his hair gel
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Russian priests ordered to carry guns to foil armed robbers. No word on whether holy hand grenades will also be issued
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Pics of what happens when an ATM malfunctions and starts giving out twice the amount of cash customers request. "It makes up for all the bank charges, I guess"
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| (Some Guy) |
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There's a pothole in Green Bay that looks like the state of Wisconsin. Take that, Illinois-shaped corn flake
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Meet the world's smallest seeing-eye ... horse?
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 150: "Nature Photography". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed March 19, 2008 |
| (PA OnLine) |
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Show up in the dream of your girlfriend's son? That's a stabbin'
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Wells Fargo introduces the online virtual safe deposit box. Because nothing is safer than uploading sensitive and valuable data to an online website that everyone knows stores sensitive and valuable data
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Woman is rather surprised to find a bullet baked into her hot cross bun
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Actual headline: Dog gets testicular implants
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| (KSAT) |
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Legal battle rages over existence of ankles
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Delta 767 makes emergency landing after pilots smell smoke in the cockpit. Authorities unsure what caused the smoke, but early reports indicate it may have come from the burning passenger
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Ugly-ass baby Galapagos turtle born in Zurich zoo (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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An open letter to Mother Nature
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Nice guys finish...first?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't look at the security camera. Don't look at the security camera. Don't look at the securi...dammit
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wikihistory and time travel: Do you know who else killed Hitler?
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| (Tulane Hullabaloo) |
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Breaking news for a campus newspaper: sudden marijuana shortage
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Stronger, sturdier cars meant to protect drivers' lives in case of accident are risking drivers' lives by being almost impossible for rescue workers to cut through with saws
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Global warming resumes tomorrow
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Hi this is Onstar - have you been involved in a crash? Nope - just doing donuts on a soccer field
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| (Some Guy) |
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Maine: "A state whose social culture has thrived for decades on buying booze and getting drunk, scheduling parties in woods, fields or homes and getting drunk, or even getting drunk alone"
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More proof that Japan is weirder by accident than we are on purpose: Japan appoints cartoon ambassador
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Bin Laden to release video titled "The response will be what you see, not what you hear." Next video to be romantic comedy entitled "Jihad me at hello"
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Swedish village proud host to Cock of the Year. "It's a lovely cock," said Anna-Maria Larsson, the parish vicar
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Actual headline: "Judge wants proper service in actor's penis, mousetrap lawsuit"
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| (Some Guy) |
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A quick lesson in website and graphic design
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| (KCTV5.com) |
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Man hijacks Amish buggy after robbing gas station. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
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Argentinean police launched investigation into live gnome in a pointy hat that's been scaring the bejeesus out of people. With video
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these oats
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| (Bennington Banner) |
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Police initiate "saturation patrols" for DUIs, pulling cars over for any reason. DUI arrests? 0. Lost civil liberties? 74
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Judge gives Bush Adminstration three days to come up with a reason why they shouldn't have to hand over copies of all e-mails on every White House computer. This should be entertaining
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I like escalators because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You'll never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience
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Russian invents "ladies only" vodka. It's the same as regular vodka except once a month the bottle swells up and can be found in the cookie aisle
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| (Some Guy) |
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Preacher found dead with goat on top of him and rope around his neck... Just another day in Tennessee
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| (Some Guy) |
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Girl dying of a brain tumor just wants to see her daddy one last time. Unfortunately, he was swept up in the War on Drugs, and the government thinks the girl should be punished for the sins of her father
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| (NJ Herald) |
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Town proposes banning "all equipment, products and materials of any kind" that could be used for "introducing into the human body a controlled dangerous substance." Subby tightly holds rolled up dollar bills
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In a landmark study, scientists show that men prefer to eat meat and poultry while women prefer fruits and vegetables. Obvious tag dies laughing
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The 10 states most likely to wrap your precious little snowflake in bubble wrap
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In an effort to artificially lower crime stats, the NYPD is not counting crimes committed on February 29, a leap day. You'll still be charged with crimes you committed that day, though the crimes didn't "officially" occur
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"Are we all addicted to the Internet?" It's not health news: it's Fark
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| (KJRH) |
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Cops tell DA not to file charges against marine who rescued flag from Westboro Baptist loonachick's pants during protest at Air Force base
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Trumpets sound as whistle blown on high school band teacher having sex with students. Awaiting repercussions, guitars
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Japan launches "manners squadron" on underground trains to ensure that people who need seats get them
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Tuscany is about to become a dog's paradise with a new law allowing pets into restaurants, galleries, museums and theatres. Your dog wants steak, some old masters, some old bones and a fat lady singing
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Apple considers allowing unlimited access to iTunes catalogue. RIAA no longer allowed access to sharp objects
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| (Some Blog) |
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The homosexual agenda: Neighborhood improvement
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"Great Illinois" corn flake pulled from auction site because it was "was in violation of the site's food policy." In other news, eBay has a food policy
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The latest victim of predatory lending who can neither afford rising interest payments nor refinance is the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Obama before he was drawing the big crowds
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| (Some Bee) |
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April 4th NJ Fark party update. Location and time change. Please read and chime in again
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Failure to publish causes scientists to drink more beer
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Philippine health officials warn that crucifixion can be bad for your health, urge preventive tetanus shots and use of sterilized nails. Jesus
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| (some fry) |
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As predicted by "Futurama," Suicide Booth version 1.0 goes online in 2008; shoots 81-year-old man. Hermes requisitions approval
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Hit-and-run grannies try to pull off insurance scam worth almost $3 million by running over two homeless men they took out life insurance policies on (with Golden Girl mugshot goodnesses)
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Apparently, smacking another female councillor's bottom and calling her a naughty girl is okay in Scotland
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Commuter Ricardo Assis Rosa beats traffic jams -- by going to work in a canoe. That's a paddlin'
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Despite what you've seen on "The Simpsons," police generally frown on you leaving your five-year-old at home while you hit the bar. Also, nobody's seen a Hugh Jazz, kid, so stop calling
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Bad: 250,000 drivers in Miami do not have valid licenses. Worse: Florida Highway Patrol has no plans to do anything about it. Fark: Miami PD will only arrest you if you've been stopped multiple times without a license
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Almost 700 years after the pope burned their leader at the stake, the Knights Templar are back. Or are they?
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He can hear her now
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Bush to declare "Mission Accomplished" again in Iraq, only not in tight-fitting flight suit complete with codpiece this time
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's fearmongering "Happy Easter" story: Cuddling and petting fuzzy animals like chicks and ducks can infect you and your loved ones with salmonella
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Great white sharks found to to be swimming off the coast of England for at least 100 years -- but no one noticed because just like everyone else, they can't stomach English food
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Sarah Jessica Parker stamps her hoof three times to show that she's upset about being voted the "world's unsexiest woman"
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Little-known law allowing homeowners to force brass bands to move along to be taken off the books in Britain
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| (KXII) |
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♫ Last bite of Mary Jane. ♪ No evidence will remaaaiiinnn. ♫ I see the cops coming in, and I'm ♪ Headed to jail agaaaiiinnn ♫
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Supreme Court acknowledges that Second Amendment does, in fact, exist
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these men locating a transmitter
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British motorists warned to expect "the worst ever Easter congestion," in part because so many of them insist on driving on the left side of the road
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Turns out that Spitzer girl already posed nude... for Girls Gone Wild
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Media apologize to parents of missing white girl for running stories suggesting they killed her, even though they probably did
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Slate dares ask the question uppermost in all our minds: When did Chester the Cheetah get so creepy?
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| Tue March 18, 2008 |
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Accused killer testifies, "I'm an A**hole, but I'm no murderer"
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Town Council rejects resolution designating the city as "family friendly." Local busy-bodies scurry off to find new threatening sources of sin like Victoria's Secrets mannequins
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Nothing says class like a forehead tattoo that says Psycho. Well, maybe if it said Git-R-Dun
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Lynndie England blames the media for degrading Iraqi prisoners
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Heidi Klum's legs may be insured for $2 million and Bruce Springsteen's voice may be insured for $1 million, but this winemaker's nose is insured for a whopping $8 million
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| (WLWT.com) |
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Man who runs back inside to kiss 1-year old son goodbye for the day ends up saving family from fire
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Old and busted: Lead in toys. New hotness: Lead in easter eggs
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Say hello to a stranger on the bus? That's a stabbin'
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Depressed and ready for a new set of failures in life, a divorced Australian man puts his entire life up for auction
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German zoo sells swan-shaped pedal boat that real swan fell in love with, as the real swan has found another real swan. Swan
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this disco baby
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| (Japan News Review) |
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Japanese governor wants to improve morale by banning smoking during office hours. And by abolishing breaks, because workers could smoke during their breaks
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| (Some Guy) |
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You know your drinking water might be tainted if scientists ask parents to hand over their children's baby teeth so they can test them for elevated radiation levels
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China blames Dalai Lama for violence in Tibet
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If you took a 30-foot Moosehead Light inflatable bottle from Daytona Beach last week, the police would like it returned, no questions asked
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17-yr-old boy and his 16-yr-old girlfriend, in a relationship since both were 14, have child in December. You know the rest
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Sir Arthur C. Clarke, the greatest science fiction writer of his generation, has died at the age of 90
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| (FMQB) |
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Oregon woman files class action federal lawsuit against the RIAA alleging racketeering, fraud and illegal spying. This should end well
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Critics of BBC "Passion" drama take a long, well-reasoned, objective look at the overall lack of historical facts surrounding the life of Jesus. Just kidding, they're griping about how he's shown crucified in a foetal position
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| (Some Comic Guy) |
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Caption this street scene
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Major League Baseball forces closure of Obamaofdreams.com. If you infringe it, they will come
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| (Las Vegas Sun) |
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Nevada governor responds with, "It may have been a little bit premature" in regards to his previous comments that no wrongdoing occurred with the reusing of needles in Las Vegas clinics
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Tazed bro awarded $40,000 for best rag-doll physics in a dash-cam movie
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71% of Republicans and 52% of Democrats would be less likely to support Obama after hearing his pastor's remarks. Now back to your regularly scheduled "Ow, My Balls"
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Man admits to stabbing his brother sixteen times in the heart, but tells court he had nothing to do with the two other family members who were killed in the same way, in the same house, at the same time
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Womans' studies professor has panties in twist over mock sex advice column written for student newspaper by engineering students. Anal sex: serious business
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City of Seattle is taking suggestions for re-design of Seattle Center. Space needle soon to be surrounded by a giant Starbucks logo flipping the bird
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| (MyFoxPhilly) |
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Step 1. Add pills to fish you bought Step 2. Report it and cause a recall Step 3. Learn the hard way that the feds are not idiots and will realize your dumb ass planted the pills there
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The first game of the NCAA tournament will feature Mount St. Mary's and Coppin State -- two schools less than 60 miles apart in Maryland, who will travel 500 miles to Dayton, Ohio so one can lose, and one can win and then get killed by UNC
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If you're going to spank the monkey in public, don't do it in your own truck. Those license plate numbers are traceable
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| (Miss Pop Rocks) |
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Gilligan always did kind of act like a meth head, now that you mention it
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| (Charleston Gazette) |
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"Would you like pot with that?" McDonald's employees in West Virginia charged with selling more than Big Macs and fries
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Britney struttin' about in cut-off shor... Oh GOD... eye bleach please
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Federal Reserve cuts Fed funds to 2.25%. which means they're paying last month's Visa bill by taking a cash advance on their Amex. Next month they'll take a cash advance on their Mastercard to pay off Amex. Rinse, repeat, recession
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Ford execs: we've stayed up all night, burned through 12 pots of coffee - Johnson over there missed his child's birth - but we've finally come up with our new slogan to recapture the marketplace: "Ford. Drive One."
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| (Charleston Daily Mail) |
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Driver doesn't read Fark, gives license to officer at sobriety checkpoint BEFORE speeding off
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| (Some Guy) |
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Classic screengrab: ESPN has nine headlines on its baseball page, and seven of them are related to NY and Boston. Duke sucks
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Drew interviews Battlestar Galactica's Ron Moore
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| (Some Apiast) |
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Photoshop this honeycomb
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6000-year-old mummified dinosaur found in North Dakota, just like the one Jesus rode
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Most important case of the Supreme Court session will be argued today: Is the right to bear arms an individual right, or can your government forcibly keep you disarmed?
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Transcript of Obama's speech on his pastor, race, puppies and sunshine
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Today's live grenade found in garage box brought to you from Melbourne, Florida
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3452481
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Stars of YouTube video "How to Scam Del Taco" have been arrested. "We never intended it to be anything criminal. It was ridiculously blown out of proportion"
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| (News Sentinel) |
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Don't worry about the economy, America still leads the world in at least one expanding growth industry: Prison
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Man who taped infamous police encounter files federal civil rights violation case says he wasn't baiting police with the camera in his car, but that the police are thankful he had one because they still can't find their dashcam video
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Saudi Arabians not helping the stereotype by holding Camel Beauty Pageants
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Bringing a car to a catfight sounds clever, but isn't really
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D.C.'s 32-year-old handgun ban has worked so well that the Supreme Court is considering allowing guns back into the District as a reward to the people
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U.S. District Court judge has granted class-action status to lawsuit filed on behalf of Garfield County Jail prisoners that alleges they were improperly pepper-sprayed, forced to wear electroshock belts and subjected to Tasers. ODIE HUMANITY
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Prisoner who got therapist pregnant during a sexual liaison in a psychiatric unit is sent to jail -- as she goes into labour
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Metal detectors sell out near Florida beaches this spring break as gold prices hit record highs (with video)
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Philadelphia overpass to get gastric bypass surgery in order to reduce the amount of cars it had planned on eating in the near future
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Sarasota police wanting to beef up their car stereo systems come up with a great plan -- impound and seize all the best car stereos in the city
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Women are increasingly skipping meals in order to "spend" their daily calories on drink in a phenomenon known as "drunkorexia"
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Stripping off for a television show can be a great way to boost your career, but not when you're presenting a children's show
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You'd look nervous too if you had to swallow 91 packets of heroin worth $581,000 before boarding a flight to Australia
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| (WMTW.com) |
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"Police shoot man in wheelchair after standoff"
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Pair of wild cards busted for using tarot curse scheme to defraud victims. They're not gonna shuffle their way out of this anytime soon
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| (Some Guy) |
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White men who arrive in emergency rooms complaining of chest pains get treatments for heart trouble faster than African-Americans or women do
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Not news: "Model prisoner" allowed to go on unsupervised visit. News: To visit the pope. Fark: He disappeared and is still at large
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Teen arsonist tries to siphon gas from cruiser -- with cop still in the car
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I-Mockery examines "Over The Top" -- a movie that will inspire you to drive a truck and break arms for a living
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Out of all the news articles today that featured the quote, "A penis on the roof. I was like huh? Are you seriou | | |
