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| Sun February 03, 2008 |
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City evicts sex offenders living under bridge because they couldn't find housing that wasn't 2500 feet away from schools. Maybe they should move to state parks instead?
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Somewhere in South America, a village is getting a shipment of "19-0" T-shirts. Giants upset Patriots 17-14 to win Super Bowl
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If you still have your learner's permit, it probably isn't a good idea to do burnouts in the parking lot in front of a police station
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TUBE = "Totally Unnecessary Breast Exam"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Job you're glad is not yours: answering the phones right now at Fox 24 in Arkansas, who farked up and lost their Super Bowl feed
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Joran van der Sloot says he was with Natalee Holloway when she died and disposed of her body
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| (NFL.com) |
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Super Bowl thread, part deux
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One in five people on welfare fails to show up for mandatory review of why they're not working, offering excuses from "I'm drunk" to "Work is irrelevant to my life"
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Delmaine Fine Foods is jerkin' the Gherkin
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Pub owner cuts opening hours after discovering that serving drinkers too much alcohol leads to drunken behaviour - blames government for not teaching people booze can be bad for you
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British announce a 61% increase in liposuction and a 27% increase in breast work. Not among women, either
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| (WBALTV) |
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Maryland lawmakers are trying to cut taxes on college textbooks. Wow, is it just a coincidence that this happens two days after they try to raise the beer taxes six-fold?
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Snowboarders plopped across the middle of runs chatting on cellphones, gondola cars reeking of smoke, and Red Bull cans littering the snow under lifts are all examples of poor shrediquette
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Can I have my steak medium well with a side order of carbon monoxide poisoning?
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There are things you can do for yourself and avoid having to call in a pro: fixing a leaky faucet, installing carpet, tiling the bathroom. An exorcism is not one of those things
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| (Some Puppies) |
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Puppy Bowl IV discussion thread
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Patriots. Giants. 'Nuff said
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Fourth undersea cable cut in Mideast; Authorities readying "damage from ship anchor" excuse
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British man dies piste off after trying to ski down mountain on a mattress
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| (Murfreesboro Post) |
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50-year old woman surprised after man named "G" fails to return her car after borrowing it
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Hillary promises that unlike her rivals, HER health plan will be universal. Even if she has to automatically enroll the reluctant and garnish their wages to pay for it
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| (pennlive.com) |
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News: Teen faces weapons of mass destruction charges. Fark: after exploding plastic egg at flea market
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Irish setter has record-breaking litter of 16 puppies. With the ugliest-ass pictures of 16 ten-day-old puppies you've ever seen
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Apparently a seven-week suspension violates state education law. Principal says student can come back, but only if she says she's sorry
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Photoshop theme: Insects
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Scientists find wearing stiletto heels is good for a woman's sex life. Obvious tag surrenders
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Flashing high beams to alert drivers of speed traps "promotes karma" and is NOT illegal in Canada or U.S
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New Hampshire officials wonder why accidents are five times higher after they dropped a roundabout in the middle of a four lane highway
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Just in case you missed the first 500,000 articles about tropical rainforests falling at an "alarming" rate, here's the latest one. EVERYBODY TROPANIC
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Will it be 19 and 0? Have we finally found a game that Eli cares about playing in? Will Matt Light get stuck in between Michael Strahan's front teeth? Super Bowl pre-game discussion/smack talk thread
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FDA blames Pfizer's anti-smoking drug for causing suicidal thoughts among aspiring quitters. Obviously nobody at the FDA has ever tried to quit smoking
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Tazer parties becoming more popular. What's shocking is that they're not just for Houston cops anymore
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To ensure that their special day goes off without a hitch, some brides require bridesmaids to sign a contract stating that they won't get fat or pregnant before the wedding
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Crime Stoppers to take text message tips. Your BFF Jill better watch her step
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| (Hampton Roads) |
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Police seize murals from Abercrombie & Fitch store, including "one of a woman topless and whose breast is displayed with her hand covering just the nipple. You could still pretty much see the rest of the breast."
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| (ufospider) |
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Is the USAF testing its own Flying Saucer? Here comes the photographic "evidence"
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Australian state to start online court hearings. "ZOMG WTF R U THINKNG?" "STFU OBJECTIONX0RSZ." "LOLVERRULED, n00b, ROFL"
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Man takes steamroller for joyride through new housing estate. K-K-K-Ken un-un-un-unavailable f-f-f-f-f-f-f-for c-c-c-c-c-CAH-c-c-c-CAH-CAAAAAAAH report
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Scientists discover famous "six degrees of separation" theory between people is wrong. You can quit sending Christmas cards to Kevin Bacon now
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this "O"
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The gain in Maine falls mainly on... someone whose name doesn't fit into this rhyme scheme: Mitt Romney
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Taxi and Limousine Commission inspectors and police officers launch "Operation: Secret Rider" to catch NYC cab drivers breaking the rules. Reverend Jim Ignatowski still doesn't know what a yellow light means
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If you went swimming at a Marin County or San Francisco beach on Friday, you might want to make sure your hepatitis booster is up to date
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Manitoba Merv the groundhog predicts six more weeks of winter for Winnipeg
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| (Some Guy) |
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State Senator wants bong buyers to take a tax hit
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Man driving through accident scene busted when cops spot guns and drugs in his car. Suspect: "I'm probably gonna wind up on one of those 'dumb crook' shows"
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At least four injured by a hand grenade at a Sri Lanka zoo. They taunted the grenadier lemur
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This year's deadpool is supersized; "Fatburger" founder Lovie Yancey is the latest restaurateur to go
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Farmer's markets? Too easy. Elderly Brits play "there can be only one" with mobility scooters
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It's cold outside, and you need to get your nicotine fix. Fortunately for you, Phillip Morris has made a shorter cigarette with the same amount of nicotine and cancer
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If you know who else lost a fleet of three German U-boats in the Black Sea during World War II, tell him they've been found
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50 years ago this week, the US Air Force lost a bomb off the Atlantic coast. A nuclear bomb. Which poses no danger ... unless you drop anchor in the wrong place
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Many men I know have no children and play video games. They still wear teenagers' clothes, they obsess about pop music and films and value themselves and their leisure activities over responsibility"
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If you're on Staten Island having a heart attack and need to get to the hospital, keep a $5 bill in your purse/pocket (w/video)
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Polls show European high school students suck at 20th century history as much as American students do. Mao Zewho?
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Mall pianist chases down teen who stole tip jar, adds Jane's Addiction, AMG & Ben Folds Five to repertoire
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What is your greatest irrational fear? LGT something vaguely related
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop what could possibly go wrong
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| Sat February 02, 2008 |
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Woman missing since Sept. 10, 2001, declared a "victim" of 9/11. Simply because, as a doctor, she "might have been" there
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Flu season running hot in 11 states with new strain not covered by this year's vaccine
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| (DW-World) |
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Atheists make children's book teaching acceptance of all beliefs and sharing. Nah, just kidding, it is portrays all religions as evil and bloodthirsty complete with a crazed Jew
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For those who thought "Boy this is good sake, but I wished it had more of a squiddy taste" you're now in luck
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| (pennlive.com) |
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"The second boy sat down on the pencil, lodging a piece of it in his rear"
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| (I want to thank fark) |
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Beauty queen drives across three lanes of traffic to block the path of another car. That's when things start to get weird (with crying picture of the psycho winning a pageant)
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| (Chattanooga Times Free Press) |
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Sheriff arrested prior to scheduled jail tour to show students what happens to adults who commit crimes
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Maybe NYC can't beat Boston in sports, but they sure can beat them on the streets: John Kerry's sister mugged in Manhattan
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Deal to end writers' strike may be near. Fans of Carebears: The CGI Adventure and The Godfather 4: A Lifetime TV mini-series rejoice
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| (The Union (Nevada)) |
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Monday, 11:51 a.m.: when dancing like a robot in the parking lot is outlawed, only outlaws will go BEEP BEEP BOOP BEEP
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Leave your kids at home. Damn, pimpin' ain't easy
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Hostile NYC Cab Drivers offer a side of "flesh and bone" to all credit card customers (Ouch)
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Small town mayor resigns amid felony charges after telling the owners of a dog she was watching that it died; dog was spotted three months later at the groomers, was living with mayor's sister under a new name
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| (Some Guy) |
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Romero's been scooped once again: Economic downturn linked to increase in arson
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I can has waves?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop challenge: Colorize this snowy barn
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France's Sarkozy surrenders, marries Bruni
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rent-to-own furniture company purposely hiring convicted felons as collectors, stalking client's children, and even knifing a customer. And that's the nice stuff
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Five shot in Lane Bryant store outside Chicago; four dead, shooter at large
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Antitrust laws may help Microsoft acquire Yahoo. In other news, water is dry, carrots are soft, and bananas are crunchy
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Infidelity expert" claims 85% of Americans are victims of emotional, cyber, same-sex, tentacle, or female infidelity. Other 15% getting serious action
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Yes, Virginia, you CAN fit a black angus cow into the back seat of a Dodge Intrepid (with post-accident video goodness)
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One fine day, in the middle of the night, two dead policemen began to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other
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| (Sierra Vista Herald) |
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Bad headline writer inadvertently posts Help Wanted ad for Farkers
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Natural hallucinogenic sage may be banned finally giving it a chance to compete with marijuana
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"How one man's life was ruined by marriage." One? They only found ONE?
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Hotties, doofuses, grills, shirts with slogans, something odd on the ceiling - you'll find all this and more in this week's roundup of mugshots from The Smoking Gun
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| (Some gang member) |
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It cost the city of LA $25,000 to escort Britney to her last hospital visit. It is not like LA needs these cops in the first place anyway since there is no crime, drunk drivers or gang members in paradise
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Apparently even the Dutch can't get enough porn - website featuring safe sex instructional videos overloaded on first day. Bonus: it's a government website
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| (Some 38 year old guy) |
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Since this 38 year old woman has never visited Fark, she thought 16 year old meat would be fun and safe to play with. Shocking: She's not a teacher
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these tree diggers
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Man who was photographed riding his motorcycle on the freeway while wearing his barbecue grill says he now sees the error of his ways
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Poll shows that "Miami Vice" is the first thing most Americans think of when they hear the name "Miami." Don Johnson would like to thank you for validating his existence
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Accordion to the article, Daddy's got 800 squeezeboxes. Mama never sleeps at night
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| (Some Guy) |
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Costco to sell its own brand of beer. They love you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: Today is Groundhog Day. News: Today is Groundhog Day. Fark: Today is Groundhog Day
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Man puts brand new car in wrong gear, tumbles it down 100-foot cliff, escapes uninjured. Ta-da
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Le maker de 'franglais' est le dead
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Ceiling cat is watching you operate
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Interrupt me while I'm tagging this building? That's a stabbin'. Now just bleed quietly while I finish, dammit
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| (Fairbanks Daily News-Miner) |
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98 luftballons
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Misled youths steal. News: Misled youths steal from the Girl Scouts. Fark: HOT misled youths steal from Girl Scouts (w/ pic...)
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Your wife can now cite "Stressorexia" as another excuse to avoid sex on a Friday night
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Some of the most boneheaded emergency calls in Britain, including, "I've found a kitten in my house," and "Come and arrest my boyfriend - he's put my hamster out in the rain"
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Welsh post-graduate student dies in apartment blaze in China. If only he'd taken part in the fire drills
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When you're using hydrochloric acid and methylated spirits to scrub rocks in the backyard it's probably not a good idea to light up a smoke
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Two junior high students cited for "hurling missiles." The missiles in question? French fries
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Photoshop theme: Presidential Candidate Breakfast Cereal
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If you're a cop, it's not a wise career move to zip past photo radar at 73 mph as you respond to an emergency call giving two thumbs up with both hands off the wheel (w/pic)
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Two Amtrak trains stranded near Donner Pass. There are 400 passengers, so they are not expected to run out of food
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| (iAfrica) |
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MP apologizes for suggesting prostitution be legalized during the 2010 Soccer World Cup, claims he just wanted to promote more scoring
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| (The hung list) |
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Men named Dave presumed to be the most well-endowed, according to a poll of British women. Sorry Ray, looks like you're most likely to be out driving around in your new Porsche Carrera 4 convertible
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Department of Children & Families spokesman arrested for hiring teenagers to make child pornography. Ironic tag will sit this one out in favor of obvious
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Virus that causes cervical cancer in women can cause oral cancer in men. But, how the heck could that be transmitted?
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| (Fairbanks Daily News-Miner) |
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Family dog saves pregnant woman from mad moose. Much was at steak
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Post meant to rise out of the ground to block traffic does so at random, taking unwary pedestrians who happen to be walking over it at the time with it (pic)
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| Fri February 01, 2008 |
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Actual Headline: "Police: Crack Found in Man's Buttocks"
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"If you look up right now you can see the tallest building in the *BZZZZZZZZZTTTTTZAP"
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| (News Net 5) |
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Cue ball, apply directly to the forehead. Cue ball, apply directly to the forehead
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| (Some rich guy) |
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"If you happen to find a rare, decorative, gold colored, jewel encrusted Fabergé Egg, Grosse Pointe Shores Police would like to hear from you"
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Canada: Where old British people go to die
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Man attempting to hang self discovered by girlfriend, who cuts him down. Man starts fighting with her, fight is noticed by passerby, who stops fight by putting man in sleeper-hold, which kills him. Taa-daa
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"Men's desire to have an equal parenting role does not extend to child-related domestic chores such as washing clothes or packing lunchboxes"
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| (Desert News) |
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It's all funny to skip school with two of your friends until the the three of you get kidnapped and held hostage
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| (Some Guy) |
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Young woman hatched bizarre plot to get even with ex-boyfriend, convincing four guys to kidnap him, drive him to another town, make him clean her apartment, and phone his new girlfriend to break up with her. Whiskey. Tango. Fark
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Man with a 30-inch inseam falls off a roof and onto a 36-inch fence post
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It's all funny to join a record club under the name "Shiat Face" until the "Dear Shiat" collection letters start arriving
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Guy decides to display his knowledge of explosives at an airport. What could possibly go wrong?
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Woo hoo... bacon candy recipe goodness (bacon, bacon, bacon)
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Pope criticizes science for not protecting human dignity. This from a guy who wears an origami hat
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Flight 209 now arriving, gate
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Wesley Snipes aquitted of the most serious charges against him, still faces three years in prison on lesser charge, which surprisingly is unrelated to his performance in "Demolition Man"
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Perhaps the town dump is not the best place for your sausage stand
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| (Albuquerque Journal) |
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New Mexico group pushes for tax on video gaming equipment, televisions to discourage lazy children. Next step is to just make being lazy illegal, but they needed taxes to fund the enforcement program first
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Photoshop this flying cowboy
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Irish Republic takes pleasure in rolling back stiff tax on condoms after being ribbed by pressure groups. Penis
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| (WTAE-TV) |
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School bus driver hailed as a hero after deliberately driving his bus full of kids into a tree
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Art students take afternoon off from daytime TV and design some pretty useful looking mobile phones for the future
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News: Man attacks hiking couple with bat. Newsier: Man loses control of bat to woman hiker. Fark: She starts beating attacker with said bat
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| (Some impressed 200+ pound Guy) |
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Personal responsibility seen working out, getting ready for a comeback as man loses 600lbs through -- you'll never believe this -- "diet and exercise"
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MILFy medical student visits zoo, sees baby tiger choking, assists zookeeper in clearing its windpipe, performs CPR and mouth-to-mouth, saving tiger's life. With pics of said MILF and ugly-ass baby tigers
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MIT student argues that it is her First Amendment right to be an asshat
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| (TPM Election Central) |
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Humorist Al Franken leads in Minnesota Senate race; would be first Senator ever to be intentionally funny
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If you have been riding your motorcycle while wearing a barbecue grill, the Aussie police would a word with you. (w/pic)
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New languages happen in a sudden burst of new words coined as groups of people strive to describe the world around them, says the ORLY Insitute
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Colorado lawmaker submits, "Wouldn't this be real nice inside of you?" as best pickup line with requisite pulling out of junk
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Atheist group on MySpace gets deleted for the third time. Where is your god now?
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Woman forced to grab a shovel and fill in her brother's grave after town forgot to bury the casket
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| (Some Guy) |
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Writing about your eating disorders on MySpace or Facebook doesn't endear you to insurance companies
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| (Some Guy) |
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Proposed Mississippi legislation prohibits restaurants from serving the obese
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Behind the scenes of a rocket factory in Gaza, where Palestinian men build delivery systems carrying payloads of chocolate and fuzzy puppies to Israel (with pics)
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| (Ledger-Enquirer) |
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Sometimes relationships end, but I don't think setting your girlfriend on fire will score you points with the next girl that comes along
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Southern Methodist University is considering putting in a bar on campus to combat drunken driving, ugly coeds
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Today's "Don't post a marijuana ad on Craigslist" lesson brought to you by Stamford, Connecticut
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Secular progressives score a victory as man is arrested for praying -- in church
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| (Law.com) |
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Judge reprimanded for telling a defendant with three female attorneys that he should get a good male lawyer. In his defense, he also made fun of them for being black
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114 years ago today, the first movie studio opened. 114 years ago tomorrow, it ran out of ideas
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Man about to put a million miles on his truck with the original engine. It's not a Ford, which should come as a surprise to no one
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What are we likely to see as the result of the Microsoft-Yahoo takeover?
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| (Some Old Guy's Lawn) |
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80-year old former Green Beret gets mock courtmartial for shooting burglar with "inadequate caliber weapon"
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| (WISHTV) |
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Attempted copper theft at power substation leave thousands without power. Police on the lookout for men with new hairstyles, speech impediments
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America's disaster plans "couldn't move a Girl Scout unit"
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| (Chocolate Balls) |
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"We appreciate that marketing chocolates is a matter of great commercial sensitivity and hope that we have not inadvertently hit a delicate spot by drawing attention to the fact that these sweets looked and felt like testes"
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Teen who stole boat and sparked massive air-sea search to spend next year walking 5,000 miles around Britain apologizing to everyone he meets
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Knock, knock... who's ther*BLAM*
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The wheels on the dump truck bump the school bus. Bump, bump, bump. Bump. bump, bump. The wheels on the dump truck bump the school bus, early this morning
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Blind Texas woman makes second stab at state acupuncture license
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The latest poll numbers are in and Obama is now leading in Germany by double digits and running even with Hillary in Japan, Russia is solid Romney territory, while Iraq is trending for McCain
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It is high time the children sat down and explained the dangers of unprotected sex to their unsuspecting parents
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Old and busted: Kids sending bomb threats. New hotness: Teachers pretending to be students sending bomb threats. In an elementary school
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Reclusive author murdered by identity thief. Suspicions were first raised when his latest novel began, "Hello, I am Prince Nakawazole of Nigeria, and this is my story"
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Rabbis increasingly making office calls for executives too busy controlling the media and the world banking system to attend temple
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Coolest 10-foot-tall portraits drawn with a single ballpoint pen you'll see in the next 18 minutes (pics)
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| (Tufts Daily) |
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What does the Department of Homeland Security do to a person that calls Osama Bin Laden a "freedom fighter"? How about a $1.6 million dollar grant?
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Earliest surviving map of Britain confirms all of our long-held beliefs about Scotland
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Lesbian high school student complains to principal that students are harassing her; he responds that she should not be gay. Oooh, wrong answer
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| (Some Guy) |
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A Fark tradition: Photoshop the new Miss America
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| (PJ Star) |
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"There's nothing like 7,200 volts of electricity frying a squirrel to capture the attention of high school students"
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| (Some Guy) |
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While she says she only wears lingerie for you, "women use lingerie to impress each other as much as their boyfriends"
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| (Sur) |
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12-year-old Spanish girl foils kidnapping attempt by kicking her attacker in the maracas
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Searching for qualified candidates to drive Steve Fossett's 800 mph land speed record car, organizers announce they are now actively seeking female applicants
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Early contender for "Cop of the Year" comes from Baltimore: lawsuit alleges he ripped up a victim's paper money and shoved it up victim's ass
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If you're riding the bus and miss your stop, your options don't actually include C) beat up the driver and cause the bus to crash
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The Onion apologizes to local firefighter after firefighter's mother saw his picture in their paper and believed that he really had lost his lifelong battle with fire
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Surprisingly, Myanmar's ruling junta has a big problem with pirated DVDs of the new "Rambo" movie, which features Rambo kicking the snot out of Myanmar's ruling junta
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Boy with a six-inch hole in his skull came out of a coma when his dad promised him some KFC. Om nom nom nom
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| (Some Guy) |
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Microsoft offers to buy Yahoo for $44.6 billion, unlimited Yahoo Mail invites
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"In their craven pursuit of clicks, editors at CNN.com, MSNBC, and Fox turn their sites into virtual tabloids by peppering their home pages with the most sordid and bizarre stories that can be culled from the world's news wires"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ice Quake rocks University of Wisconsin-Madison campus. T, Cube unavailable for comment
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Stare at my junk while I'm standing at the urinal? That's a face-punchin'. No, wait, it's two
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"Stranger Originated Life Insurance" means someone you don't know will profit from your death. This couldn't possibly be a bad idea
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Scientists find sugary drinks responsible for surge in reported cases of gout, dropsy, cheeky Cockney boy chimneysweeps
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British education report says history lessons should stick to bare facts rather than encouraging loyalty to Britain when covering subjects such as WW2 or the British Empire
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this edifice of spiritual significance for practitioners of Integral Yoga
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NASA to beam the Beatles' "Across the Universe" 431 light years into space
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Looks like Margot Kidder is on the loose again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Student is tagged as being a "computer hacker" and "potential threat" to the school system by school admistration. Crime: His personal proxy server was leaked and used by other students
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| Thu January 31, 2008 |
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Fifteen women in their 80s and 90s to be honored for their wartime service: flying Spitfires
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Maryland goes smoke free at midnight, Baltimore still has to deal with second hand gunsmoke though
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Company makes debit card that lets you withdraw from your 401k plan at ATMs. This cannot possibly end poorly
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| (Some Guy) |
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Senior citizen centers and retirement homes are using Nintendo Wii consoles to allow their elderly residents the chance to virtually experience the thrill of golfing, bowling and plowing through farmer's markets all over again
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| (KCRG TV-9) |
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Article about fake NASA 'rocket' but this time with a more understandable pic of a phone. Try and keep up here, people
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| (Some Guy) |
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Try to guess what element of a news photograph showing a bikini-clad woman smoking a water pipe in a Beirut conflict zone is upsetting people
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The origin of the common housecat has been traced to the Middle East. i can haz cheezburqa?
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Fourth grade students in Utah are going out on limb trying to get the state tree changed from a "Colorado Spruce" to a "Utah Juniper"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Looking straight down at NASA's Space Shuttle Atlantis -- from 525 feet (160 meters) above the ground
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Hydrogen peroxide enemas put Russian tourists in the hospital. In related news, there are now a bunch of blonde a-holes running around in Russia
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New Zealand scientists turn off crying gene in onions, disappointed with lack of progress on shyness gene in sheep
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"Our landlord was a real nice guy until he started shooting at us through the floor"
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Having solved all other medical problems, science tackles the most important issue of all: why we scratch
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Sea captains' logbooks from the 1800's reveal secrets of New England's fishing culture
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Judge tells magazine that defendant of case he is hearing is pleading insanity because everyone knows he did it. Recusal-larity ensues
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People shocked by the fact that gas price is rising, even though it has been for years now
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Oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chinese Government warns airlines that if a plane is late, or if the airline overbooks a flight during the upcoming Olympic Games, "they will be punished." Ricky Tan and the Triads nod, wink and smile
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Expert tips to pour the perfect beer - Step 1: Find the perfect beer. Step 2: Pour it
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ACLU sues school to protect students' rights to have rainbow stickers on their notebooks. Fabulous
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Man read his rights and booked after leafing through a child at the public library
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Not news: Another teacher has sex with a student News: After student teacher sex teacher drops student off in front of house Fark: Mother chases teacher in car until he crashes (tag is for Mom)
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A rare 1918 brass knuckle knife that paratroopers wore strapped to their legs has been stolen from a musuem. Expect it to show up in a Fark article in the next few days
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| (Zenhabits.net) |
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Bored at work? Here's 30 things to do to pass the time. Sadly, Fark not even an honorable mention
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| (TSP) |
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The only thing worse than coming home to find a deer in the house is when it sees its own reflection in the mirror, gets spooked, and trashes the house
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U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission found to be slow to inform consumers of dangerous products. You submitted this with a better headline but the 'Submit Link' button blew up and blinded you
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Is it the end of the month already? Must be, because there "new evidence" again in the Natalie Holloway case. Which will of course lead no where and won't solve anything
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Court evicts woman for plaguing neighbors with Dolly Parton songs at hours other than 9 to 5
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City erects fence to stop homeless people from sleeping in an underpass. Panhandlers' union responds by launching a lawsuit. Yes, you read that right: panhandlers' union
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Photoshop this crane bucket scooper-upper thingamajig
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| (Chicoer) |
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Drug Enforcement agents seize 160 pounds of hallucinogenic mushrooms. Plan to make a pretty nice-sized salad
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| (Newsnet5) |
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Catholics urged not to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Seriously, stop laughing
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| (Times Herald Record) |
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Today's repeat-offender bigamy story is brought to you by Port Jervis, New York, complete with mugshot that'll have you wondering how she even latched one man, let alone four
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| (Daily Camera) |
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Drifter pleads guilty to Georgia coed hiker's murder, gets life without parole
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Air your security gripes on the TSA blog. Subby has 72 hours in the "how long will this last before someone freaks out and shuts it down" pool
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US finally safe from Canada
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Mother buys eight-year old daughter a "Happy Bunny" book, complains when she realizes it's not for children
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Federal report shows more animals are being struck on the nation's highways, with accompanying photo of a car veering off the road and heading straight at a freaked-out bear
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| (WLBT) |
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Adult store found to be selling sex toys (with hilarious transcript)
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Another day, another al Qaeda #2 killed
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| (Gimundo) |
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Only in Japan: Get dumped, score paid leave from work
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| (WISN) |
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Two arrested in Miller beer exec slaying, were apparently unable to resolve classic Great Taste/Less Filling quandry peacefully
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Bad news: U.S. military unprepared for catastrophic attack on homeland. Good news: invading paratroopers can be repelled by scrappy bands of high school students with hunting rifles
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Cheeseburger in a can: a user's experience
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're lost and cold after stealing computers from a school, just flag down the school adminstrator to get directions
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| (kenosha news) |
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Woman receives $2,000 bill from Time Warner for "the loss of five cable boxes, five remotes and a modem". She admits that the items are lost since they were in the house when the tornado blew it away
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US Navy ready to test fire rail gun; Chinese and Russians watching closely to see whether the design is worth stealing
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| (Cha Yathink) |
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Secret technology may account for Texas UFO sightings
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| (Some Guy) |
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On pace to be a great-grandmother by 33. Beat THAT, Alabama
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Prince Charles complains that English cities are as ugly as the horse he rode in on
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Yale frat-boys are shocked, SHOCKED that women's groups are offended by their "We Love Yale Sluts" signs
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Two pounds of pasta, two heads of lettuce, and three gallons of water. For breakfast. In 20 minutes
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Four people must go directly to jail for killing a teen over a game of Monopoly. Spare me the water works if you think there's a chance they got railroaded. I hope they get put in the chair and the electric company does the rest
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| (Edmunds) |
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18-year old kid who bragged to online BMW community about driving his 2008 M5 really fast is now bragging to St. Peter
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Dumbass Fark: Man takes taxi from Newcastle to Scotland, then runs off without paying. Spiffy Fark: Villagers take collection and donate £215 to pay the cab driver because they were "ashamed of the way he had been cheated"
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Anton LaVey's Black House is now condos, which means it reached a new level of hell Anton never imagined
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| (Some Guy) |
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The People's Republic of Boulder dukes it out with the Christian Nation of Colorado Springs for the Presidency of the USA
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Neighbor calls 911 in a panic after mistaking a portable heater on the roof of a school for a NASA rocket
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Police find 14-year old runaway girl safe and sound. In the bed of a sex offender while wearing a dog collar around her neck
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In a subtle reworking of an old biblical parable, very special man miraculously turns a loaf of bread into thousands of ecstasy tablets
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If you are a novice skier, grooming yourself while skiing is generally a bad idea
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Pro Tip: If you transport $500,000 of pot in you car at night, you should have your headlights turned on
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Mock disaster drill reveals bloggers are threat to U.S.; Perez Hilton to be upgraded from "annoying" to "dangerous"
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Custodian busted for having sex with junior high student, inadvertently earns high school teaching credential
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Thief thwarted by a salami
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Man wins an 11-year bet to see who could wear the UPS shorts the longest. In Alberta. Where in was -48C a couple of days ago
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NYC Police: Serve? Check. Protect? Check. Sell drugs? Uh oh
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Apparently all you can eat donut perks not enough for NYPD detective, adds lucrative side business of pimping 13-year old runaway to make ends meet
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Man attacks cabbie with axe. Cabbie flummoxed, "He claimed it was a bottle opener"
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Don't try to steal these women's purses or you might end up with a snow shovel gash so big, it takes staples to close it
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I'll trade you nine Kuciniches for an Obama. New Topps baseball set includes presidential candidate cards
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Pirates vs Lawyers 2: The Curse of the Copyright
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Fark submitters agree: Animal hoarding a growing problem
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Swede jailed for falsely informing the FBI that his former son-in-law had links to al-Qaeda. Said he didn't think US authorities would be "so stupid" as to believe him. Stupid tag goes to him
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A 1973 list of secret safe-words of the Emergency Broadcast System. You just knew the nukes were coming if the announcer said "bladder"
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Mexico upset with Germany because of UFIA
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| (Some Guy) |
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Britain braces for temperatures to plunge as low as eight stones on the guv'nor's hogshead, or however the hell they measure weather over there
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| (shieldsgazette) |
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Sci-fi TV nut builds bad guys from his favourite shows, and they live in his garage. He has monsters, demons, robots, Imperial stormtroopers from Star Wars, and loads more. Bet that keep the burglars out
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A crucial part of one of Indonesia's tsunami detection systems might have been deliberately removed
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Wife charged for prescribing Viagra to husband. No word yet if it will hold up in court
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1-31-07 Never Forget
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Honey, forget the salad spoons. The baby's in my pants
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| (shieldsgazette) |
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Jogger calls police after savage drive-by Mars Bar attack
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London Tube passengers left open-mouthed when a group of commuters - including a suited man - got up from their seats and performed the dance from Thriller
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San Antonio Post-Express runs piece on the secrets to a happy marriage featuring a couple who never argue...not any more, anyway
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The long-standing male chauvinistic stranglehold over Groundhog Day is in jeopardy, thanks to Ms. G and a petition that's picking up steam
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| (Some Guy) |
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"You're Doing It Wrong" Photoshop challenge: Mistakenly use a common grocery item based on its brand name and get surprising results. Difficulty: No pharmaceuticals. Link goes to lame Q&D example
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Vegetarians are perverts of nature who slowly kill themselves, scientists say(NSFW pic)
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Blaze burns more than 300 portable toilets. Arson investigators say the fire was suspicious, but they have nothing to go on
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| (The Indy Channel.com) |
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With all the crack dealers, burglars and other miscreants behind bars, the Muncie, IN police turn their attention to the new threat: people painting their own cross walks
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Two police officers lock themselves in a room and call for backup when confronted by a mouthy 13-year old. That's some fine police work there boys
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British police say Madeleine McCann's parents "are not suspects" in their daughter's disappearance, cunningly trying to lull them into a false sense of security
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Canadian brewing company seeks to solve the age old mystery: how long can beer sit in the snow before freezing?
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Judges says there were so many ethical lapses and scientific inaccuracies at the Washington State Toxicology Lab that breath tests should not be admitted as evidence in drunken driving cases
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At least 17,000 bridges across the country have not had their two-year check up. But, hey, we're all getting a rebate check. Yee Haw
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23-year-old journalist sentenced to death in Afghanistan for reading about women's rights on the Internet. Mission accomplished
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Soldier suicides reach record levels. The surge is working
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Britney Spears admitted to UCLA Medical Center. Submitter taking bets on how long she'll stay this time
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Vermont offers to trade lifetime supply of driver's licenses in exchange for organs
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| (Jamestown Sun) |
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Brides now letting their grooms shoot them with paint balls in order to ruin their wedding dress for wedding photos. Wait, what?
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The power of Christ compels you..... to go to jail
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this big-ass lightbulb
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| (Some Guy) |
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B₃U₁T₁T₁S₁E₁C₃K₅S₁?
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 143: "One for the Road" Details and rules in Boobies. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed January 30, 2008 |
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Woman with vomiting daughter gets $123 traffic ticket. Cop said he would've let them go, but girl kept spinning her head around and taunting him in a demonic voice
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I shot an arrow in the air / It killed that vicious dog right there / The suburbs cheer, the owner's down / You need a stronger chain there, clown
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The only way to keep up "clean" ethanol production is to build more "dirty" coal plants
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Parents call local news and health department when their precious little snowflakes have to endure a day of school using *GASP* backup generators
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Not News: Somebody parks their bike in front of a Goodwill store. News: Goodwill sells it. Fark: At 97% off
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High school suspends regular chemistry lessons in favor of seven-week review for upcoming standardized assessment tests. Principal defends decision, saying "The way I see it, they're still learning science"
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Starbucks announces plans to close 1% of stores nationwide, effectively reducing the number of Starbucks on every city block to 27
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$400-a-visit escort service was one of largest in Florida's history (with high-priced escort pic goodness)
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| (Press Citizen) |
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Early "Wife of the Year" candidate spends all her husband's active duty pay on her secret boyfriend while hubby is serving in Iraq, serves him with divorce papers and leaves him deeply in debt when he returns home
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According to arrest records, Mickey Mouse is a 47-year-old African American man standing 5-feet, 9-inches and weighing 190 pounds
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Come for the skiing, stay for the Hepatitis
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School's automated phone system accidentally makes 2,100 calls to parents saying their kids missed class. Hilarity, visits from Ed Rooney ensue
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this orbiting object
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| (So Good) |
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You Double Dipped the Chip??? New Clemson study analyzes the levels of bacteria caused by double dipping
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Chinese scientists have found way to control weather, guarantee they will "stop the rain" for Olympics opening ceremony. Creedence Clearwater Revival unavailable for comment
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| (WTAE-TV) |
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Busch Light, Natural Light and Keystone Light rated best beers for Super Bowl parties
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When a CNN split screen shows a white person, then a black person, then a white person, the anchor has the presence of mind to call it a "Reverse Oreo." It's not news, it's CNN
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Woman starts her own eBay consignment business so she can stay home and take care of her daughter with cancer. Now she faces fines up to $10 million for operating in PA without an auctioneers license
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| (Some Guy) |
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Someone at this website has a sense of humor
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400 Croatians dress up as Smurfs to try to break world record. Gargamel immediately books flight to Croatia
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Kibble and Bits, Kibble and Bits, I'm gonna get me some...... OH MY GOD, BAD DOG BAD BAD DOG
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| (WYFF) |
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Smartest Man Ever introduces legislation that will allow those serving in the military to buy a drink before they turn 21
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Don't you hate it when you get really drunk and let your friend brand your ass with a red-hot fireplace poker? This guy sure does. With video, er, something (warning: branded ass pic in link)
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| (Texas Tripper) |
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When in Texas, say it like a Texan. Your guide on the pronunciation of some of the strangest sounding towns in the State. With audio goodness
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Manhattan hotel unveils new room made entirely of chocolate. Submitter is waiting patiently for the bacon room
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Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. Also, a thumbtack
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's never comforting when the local D.A.R.E. officer gets busted for visiting websites like High School Cheerleader and Kinky Catholic Schoolgirls on a computer at the school where he teaches
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Polish nun cites "divine inspiration" for bestseller cookbooks, because not only can God do the whole "wine into water" thing, he's apparently quite handy around the kitchen
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| (WINK News) |
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Bad hair day leads to robbery
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That noise you heard? That's economic growth stalling
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rochester man blames restless-leg medication for his inability to keep his pants on in public
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman accused of throwing roach poison on her neighbors ingests some herself to prove it's not dangerous. Welcome to Georgia, the state evolution forgot
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America's most miserable cities announced. Who's number one? Hint: It's bigger than a breadbox, its NFL team is endorsed by God, and it truly ain't Rock City
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U.S.: High oil prices could benefit Iraqis. Well, the Iraqis who own oil producing land, anyway. The rest of 'em are still screwed
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Space station astronauts make risky spacewalk; article writer mistakes "exasperated " for "exacerbated." It's not literate, it's CNN
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Cops hunting Morin. Greatest mugshot ever? The Smoking Gun is there
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Hello, I am from the Government, your talk show is insulting, stop broadcasting NOW. I am hanging up now, goodbye." Surprisingly, this worked rather well
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A Mississippi teacher admitted to cops that she had sex with a 15-year-old male student to whom she sent explicit text messages and trysted with in her Jaguar, which bore the license plate "GRRRRR." (with mugshot goodness)
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| (Florida Today) |
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Today's third-grade student brings gun to school brought to you by Sunset Park Elementary School
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| (Angry Customer) |
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Someday, someone will explain why your name, address and social security number are so important, they must be stored on laptops that people keep losing
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Today's hot teacher sex scandal involves hand holding and no sex
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FBI nabs crutch-leaning, gun-wielding, ninja-clad bank robber. Plethora of adverbs go free (video story)
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Seven-week suspension of honor student stands. "The fact that I'm receiving emails from both coasts means this story is resonating." Behold the power of Fark. Behold the asshattery of Buffalo
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Rudy Giuliani 81.81818182% sure he's going to drop out of the race now
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Gang of hammer-armed teenagers robs jewelry store, forgets that police have guns
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| (Some Math Geek) |
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Airline offers special deal in which all flight prices are fibonacci numbers. Submitter is holding out for the Pi sale
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Texas school wants to suspend female student for her "unnatural kinky twist"
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| (NDTV.com) |
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Hen in Mexican village reportedly laying green eggs. Sam I Am immediately dispatched to scene
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Horse faced sociologist who can't get a date decides that men under 30 should be called "child-men"
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Woman furious at being fined for littering after throwing apple core out of car window. "I think it's a ridiculous charge because apples are biodegradable"
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| (Rochester D&C) |
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What's the difference between an ordinary game of tag and a game of Darwin tag? One is played in the middle of a busy highway while drunk
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Nanny State teachers forbidden from referring to pupils' parents as "mom and dad" because it's sexist and assumes they're not being raised by homosexuals
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Bangladeshi fisherman caught flogging the dolphin
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| (Some Guy) |
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Æ, Ø and Å, three letters the world can't understand. The Internet is killing the Danish language
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Jerusalem shut down by snowfall; Israel now looking desperately for a way to blame the weather on the Palestinians
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Chicago to get $49 million for the homeless, but will probably blow it on booze
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| (KTAR) |
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When hauling a van load of illegals, do not rear end another vehicle. Especially when that other vehicle is owned by the Department of Homeland Security
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