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| Sun January 27, 2008 |
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Head of Greece Orthodox Church dies. Religious leader death trifecta now in play
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States to get harder...harder... harder... HARDER on teachers who sexually abuse students
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| (Ex-Mormon TFette) |
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Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the LDS Church, has died. He is survived by children but no wives, believe it or not
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'Major' movement of Iraqi forces, including troops, special forces, tanks and Iraqi air force support poised to deal a death blow to al Qaeda loyalists
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| (Some Guy) |
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Haunting and beautiful photos and video of the abandoned Namibian town of Kolmanskop, a ghost town that is turning back into sand dunes
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Today's headline: Michael Vick's pit bulls learn to be pets. Next Week: Michael Vick's pit bulls maul new owner
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Not News: We need to conserve water. News: Citizens successful in conserving water. Fark: Due to succesful water conservation programs city raises water rates to make up for shortfall in revenue
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Whole Foods cashiers will no longer ask "paper or plastic." However they will still ask "would you like to finance your groceries today with low interest, adjustable rate 30 year mortgage?"
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Machete-armed gangs rampaging through Kenya. Well no wonder they're mad, they've got machete arms
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Woman punches police horse outside nightclub (w/ mugshot). Horse union taps out request for Tasers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Incredible Hi Res 3D Motion Photo Panoramas
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest gum sculptures you'll see today
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Author who infiltrated Scientology goes into hiding after receiving threatening phone calls. Xenu always calls collect
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Players, fans, media, and prostitutes flock to Phoenix for Super Bowl
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Honor roll student receives 7 week suspension after trying to take on the School Board. Your tax dollars at work
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| (Some Guy) |
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Japanese girl's letter returned 15 years later... by a fish
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| (Plan59.com) |
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Photoshop Mr Pickle
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Confessions of a former Apple zealot: "I've been de-programmed off Apple for more than a decade now. I'm no Apple fan boy anymore."
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The BBC discusses what makes a good teacher. Ambiguous moral compass and unhealthy fondness for preteen boys strangely absent
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"My wife was quite amazed when the plumber went down, pulled one of the legs out from this hatch and told her there were hundreds more"
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Army prohibits soldiers to travel to Mexico because of increasing violence. Travel to Iraq still OK
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| (Gothamist) |
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An "automotive Bermuda Triangle;" a five-block dimension where vehicles mysteriously die. Welcome to the Empire State Building Zone
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Kidney snatching gang arrested. In addition to dead bodies, cops found 100 tubes of lipstick and 8,000 pounds of ice
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Doctor's note could serve as "get out of jail free" card for many jailed NY "sickos" under governor's plan. Michael Moore unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Coming soon to an internet near you: facebook apps. Everywhere
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If you're drunk and you really need to hand in a paper for a class make sure you don't try to hand it in at a police station
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Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so
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Half-Life: Full Life Consequences (a nine-year old's Half-Life 2 fanfiction narrated and animated -- with spelling intact)
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How to tell if you are addicted to technology. Clue #1: You're reading this online on a Sunday
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Tantric master breaks record by immersing self in ice for 72 minutes. You're doing it wrong
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UK may ask soldiers to wear uniforms to off-duty drunken brawls
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| (Some Really Old Guy) |
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Photoshop challenge: Repair this ancient Roman ruin
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Don't you hate it when you step on a shark's tail and it turns around and bites you so hard on the leg the only way you can free yourself is to cut off its head? Yeah, so does this guy
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In the good old days, people would just laugh at the five-year olds who ate chalk. Today they call in the drug counseling squad
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Cat with five legs dropped off at shelter. Veterinarians look at it, realize something is not right with a cat that has five legs, confer among themselves, agree to remove two legs
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| (Some Low Guy) |
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"I love the FedEx driver, because he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it." Not this time, Mitch
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| (Some Bunny) |
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Rabbits have taken over Fort Worth, TX and will remain in control until next weekend. EVERYBUNNY PANIC
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Go directly to jail. Do not pass GO. Do not drop the soap
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The WHO recommends ways to reduce the harmful effects of alcohol, then trashes their hotel room
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Unique job posting on Craigslist: $5,000 offered to "eradicate a female living in Oroville, California."
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| (Sun Herald) |
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Northern pintail flies 6,700 miles from Japan to live on the Mississippi delta only to be shot dead by a hunter
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| (nola.com) |
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If the cops pull you over on suspicion of having stolen a cash register, no matter how good your story is, they're likely to be skeptical if you have a cash register in your lap
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these computers in the window
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Slutty pictures of Britain's youngest female councillor surface
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19-year-old girl dreams of being on Broadway, but takes a job as Miss America 2008. Congratulations Miss Michigan, Kirsten Haglund
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| (Tribune-Herald) |
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Bad: You're suspended from school. Worse: They won't say why. Fark: You're the principal
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| (Some Bender) |
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Some kids try to mythbust A Christmas Story. Don't mess with a classic
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The smiling general, Suharto, who ruled Indonesia for 31 years has died at age 86
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| (K2) |
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The kind of boy that would receive an air compressor for Christmas is the same kind of boy that would convert it into a snow machine and fill his back yard with three feet of snow overnight so he can snowboard
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Pennsylvania church decides to just save everyone some time and will be holding confession at bars
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| (Damn Funny Pictures) |
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Please, please consider giving to the People Who Wear Too Much Sunless Tanning Lotion foundation. Every little bit could help children like these
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| Sat January 26, 2008 |
| (WTVH-5) |
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Fred Phelps & the WBC forego Army specialist's funeral in Upstate New York in order to picket Heath Ledger tribute at the SAG Awards. In other news, godhatessag.com still available
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Allentown, PA provides one of the BEST arrest photos you will ever see
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What the hell are all of these automobiles doing on my runway?
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"Police said Mr. Robinson ... thought that he'd discharged all of the rounds, so he put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger"
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| (Sierra Vista Herald) |
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If you stole a pickup truck and abandoned it with 1150 pounds of pot, police would like to have a word with you. Oh, and bring nachos
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sun Tzu may have been a military genius, but even he could not have predicted the horrors...of marshmallow warfare
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NSC announces that a huge spy satellite has lost power and propulsion, there's no way to stop it, and they have no idea where it will smash into on Earth. Have a nice day
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Man counts every sheet of toilet paper he uses and discovers Angel Soft only delivers an average of 156.75 sheets of the 198 promised, so he calls the Better Business Bureau and makes a stink
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| (Some Bivalve Arthropod) |
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Photoshop this ostracode carapace
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Judge holds a lawyer in contempt for reading a Maxim magazine in court. Lawyer gets into argument with the judge about if Maxim is considered pornography or not. Somewhere, Lionel Hutz is smiling
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| (Some Guy) |
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19-year-old girl dreams of being a dancer, but takes a job as a welder to pay the bills. Somebody should make a movie about her
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British women have drinking under control. "We know exactly how much we're drinking - yes, right up to the point when we don't"
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| (Some stupid college paper) |
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Student busted for hoping his professor would die a slow and painful death and of AIDS. I guess those evaluations aren't as anonymous as I thought
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Lithuania contemplates changing name to increase tourism. Torn between "Baltic State formerly known as Lithuania" and "Paris"
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High school punk who called administrator to complain about not getting a snow day is given detention; for using his mobile phone during the school day
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| (Anchorage Daily News) |
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"Popsicle" cat neatly trimmed and ready for adoption (pic)
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Britain recruiting 'twitchers' to count tits and boobies
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When do you start saving for your child's education? At least 10 years before they're born if you want to send them to one of these preschools. With "I can see where my money is going" photo goodness
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Shrink with 30 yrs experience testifies in court that Ritalin contributes to school violence. Other shrinks get upset, so what do they do? C) order the shrink in question to treatment in a mental hospital for disagreeing with them
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| (The Whig) |
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Soldier deployed to Afghanistan rents ice so he can play hockey with his 4-year-old for first time the day before he goes. When his unit is sent early, the arena cancels all other rentals so the two can have the ice to themselves
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29 things to be happy about. Yes, booze is there
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Kate and Gerry McCann may pocket $2 million for Oprah appearance, then planning extensive tour of world's best golf courses to search for their daughter's kidnapper
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| (Some Guy) |
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Georgians may soon be able to water all their dead plants
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Today's news item tailor-made for Fark involves a woman who threatened to cut off part of a man's body and leave him for dead, a "dirty old man," porn, and marijuana. The only thing missing is beer
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British Mother takes her 15 and 13 year old daughters to the US on holiday. Mother becomes ill, daughters taken to orphanage then stripped naked. Really
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The great fiscal stimulus package ... of 1929
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A helicopter is a great way to get around quickly in LA, but merging with the 110 is still hell
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Five earn Darwin wings after flying their BMW off elevated runway at airstrip
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| (Some Guy) |
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With this heroin, I thee wed
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Woman who wants to cash in 55,000 pennies can't stop congratulating herself for being frugal. Lets not spoil it by pointing out how much money she lost by keeping the hard currency for 15 years instead of putting it in the bank
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Americans rally at Canadian embassy in Washington to demand Canada allow hundreds of Iraq war resisters who fled there to stay in Canada. Apparently the U.S. doesn't want them either
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| (Some Guy) |
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Serbian Interior Minister Dragan Jocic seriously injured in car accident. Beowulf sought for questioning
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| (Some Guy) |
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Burglar identified and arrested after breaking into house while wearing monkey pajamas
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| (Some Guy) |
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This weekend Prince Charles becomes longest serving king-in-waiting in British history because Queen refuses to die. When asked if he's frustrated, wife simply replies "Neigh."
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Giants fan paints his dog blue, but at least leaves the dog's privates unpainted. Because nobody likes a dog with a blue tongue
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Hookers For Jesus saving souls in Las Vegas, promising a happy ending in the afterlife (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this arboretum amphitheater
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NYC couple finds camera in cab, spends weeks searching the pictures for clues so they can return it. Probably got the idea from the dozens of viral marketing campaigns that have already done this
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drunk driver plays chicken with police cruiser, forces cops off road and into a fence; is found to be three times over the legal limit, has weed, an open container, and illegal cigarettes. TAA DAA
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Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from delivering weed right to your door
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Florida is quickly becoming the leader of teachers having sex with students
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Kissing magazine-seller gets Time. Not Life of course, but the Maxim that People get Downeast
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| (Some Guy) |
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"It's not snake oil and we are not fly-by-night," says man who's pitching $2,800 mattress covers fitted with magnets to seniors
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New survey reveals 29% of Britons think their warmest relations are with the EU, 64% think they are with America, and 7% with various barnyard animals
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| (The Age) |
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Teen who had armed ripped off in shark attack surfing circles around her competition in pro event. Shark trifecta now in play
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| (Some Guy) |
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The five worst dating profiles
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Officers had no choice but to use a Taser on a passenger on a Greyhound bus who was found ripping the skin off his head"
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Can't stop here- it's bat country
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| (Some Caturday Guy) |
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Cat saved from sinking boat by Deputy Corm, just in time for Caturday (with embiggenable pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wealthy British lasses are plonking down tens of thousands of pounds for exotic purses made out of crocodile skin, diamonds, gold, baby seals and babies
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Idiot brothers tried to smuggle flip-flops, a jar of mayonnaise and hot pepper sauce over a prison fence for their convict brother, who presumably has a liking for fine dining
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GRR, baby - very grr
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Savannah, apparently forgetting the score last time they got uppity with the north, bans the FDNY from marching in their St. Patrick's Day Parade
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Super Tube Professional STP 6
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| (kare11) |
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Shark attacks up at the Mall of America
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You know the economy is in the tank when guy breaks into a house to rob a kid's piggy bank
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Happy Australia Day everyone
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| (Some Texan) |
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Today's trailer housing a pot-bellied pig, two pygmy goats, ponies, three dozen dogs, guinea pigs and exotic birds as well as a coatimundi, whatever that may be, brought to you by Marshall, Texas. Oh, yeah, four people lived there, too
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5 youths shot at Knight's Inn. It's only a flesh wound
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Oh look, a story involving vampire lesbian killers who like to kiss each other. Which media outlet do you expect is there?
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Family pets fall victim to subprime crisis. Wait, what?
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| (therecord.com) |
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Ric Romero headline of the day: "Toy guns can be mistaken for real thing"
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Coolest photo of a root vegetable that looks like a couple with their arms wrapped around each other you'll see in the next 47 minutes (pic)
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Middle school's web page has all the usual stuff: Students, Faculty, Staff...but you probably shouldn't click the last one
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Just when you thought hardcore news reporting was dead: "Stick Car Antenna Disappearing," now with incoherent headline freshness. The bar has been raised
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The Virginia Lottery pays 650 winners who played four zeros in the "Pick-4" lottery
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Romney ex-aide nabbed on sex charges. No word yet on whether or not he oiled his Mitt
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| Fri January 25, 2008 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: Man steals Dell laptop. News: Can't crack password, seeks Tech support from a RentWay store. Fark: Manager recognizes start-up picture is his friend's child
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No matter how much you support your little angel's athletic carreer, it is never good to call up the little league coach and threaten to shoot him "down like a dog" (w/ no-neck pic)
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Gandhi grandson quits non-violence institute
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Five-year old handcuffed after throwing tantrum at school, narrowly misses being tazed
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| (My Fox Austin) |
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Cat finds stash of child porn. Why don't you haz a seat right there (w/ mugshot)
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| (KCRG) |
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Woman dies in bungee cord incident - but not the way you'd think
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| (Some Guy) |
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If your sister slaps an officer in a drunken stupor, you might be a redneck. Doing it topless confirms it
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Recession is hurting everyone, including armed robbers that are forced to settle for less money from their victims
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NYC CEO's DUI leads to DOA victim. Next stop PMITA
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With the stock and housing markets so unstable, why not invest in humans? Minor league pitcher offers shares of his future salary for as little as $20
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Twelve year old says "Do I want to do what to my what?"
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Photoshop these street signs
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Mom succumbs to cancer in order to save unborn child. She'll become more powerful than you could possibly imagine
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Idiot steals from PC store while staring right at the security cameras, store owner posts to Youtube looking for help
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By the look of the pic, Mary Kate Olsen should have played the Joker in the new Batman film
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Man wins $800k after nagging girlfriend sends him on a three-hour drive to Atlantic City just to buy her jeans
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Fox News anchor apologizes for the "Quit You" crack about Heath Ledger's death. Great, now we ALL have to apologize
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Megatron admits to importing drugs; blames it on Starscream
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Not news: Mom finds teen daughter with suspicious $20. News: Earned from performing oral sex on two men. Fark: One of whom ran a business cutting out the "dirty bits" from movies
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CIA claims hackers have broken into power systems' computers and threatened to cut off electricity to entire cities unless they're paid a ransom
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| (KSAT) |
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Police seize 6,000 bootleg cd's...estimate street value at $1.2 million
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| (DailyCamera) |
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Man donates $25,000 to have his name on university bathroom
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Nothing says "I'm sorry we held you at gunpoint for an hour" like a check for $14,000
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| (Some Hebrish) |
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Despite getting it wrong, some translations are right on the mark: "Your newspaper most whorable thing in the world"
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Identical twins fighting speed camera citations catch ticket company forging documents
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| (Bloomberg) |
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Further proof that the stimulus package is working: Super Bowl bets in Vegas expected to exceed $100 million for first time in history
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Wanted: Women who are 21 or older, of light weight, nimble, exhibit poise and control, and most importantly, enthusiasm. Oh, and they should not mind being tossed up to 20 feet in the air. No experience required
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News: JoJo gets an obituary in the local paper. Fark: He's a frog. Awesome: He was 23
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| (Bloomberg) |
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Rumor of beer prices rising was true. Beer now $400 a glass
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Operation "Here We Go Again" about to commence in Mosul, Iraq. Soon to be followed up by the obligatory "We got Al-Qaeda's second-in-command" announcement
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| (Slice) |
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A guide to regional pizza styles. It covers everything from the classic New York slice to that phony pizza casserole they serve in Chicago
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Not news: Woman proposes a gun buyback program. News: She's a principal, and she wants it for her students. Fark: She's an elementary school principal
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Canada suffers its own version of mall violence as a guy takes out six people, including a pregnant woman, with a hockey stick
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cougar to be fitted with tracking device after being tagged by 15-year old boy
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Photoshop this blessed pug
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Old and busted: Crop circles. New hotness: Sheep circles (pic)
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Hidden Afghanistan: The Recovered Treasure
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Four alarm insurance fraud in Las Vegas at the Monte Carlo
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| (Some Guy) |
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Actual headline: "Breast augmentation available at Moundview"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tennesseean reporter quits her job in the middle of writing a sto
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Grandmaster Bobby Fischer is odd even in death, having pre-arranged his own guerilla burial. Nobody understands why he picked that spot, but it'll keep Boris Spassky from crossing diagonally across it in 20 years
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| (Some Guy) |
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Superhero wearing nothing but metallic underwear and handcuffs assists police by forcing stolen vehicle into telephone pole
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| (Some Guy) |
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When leaving on vacation, most people worry about leaving the iron on or how their pets will be taken care of. Most people don't worry about a construction crew demolishing their entire house by accident
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Jesus died for your chins
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Cleveland man sentenced to 24 hours of being homeless after stealing Salvation Army kettle
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Yes Virginia, there is a Sangria clause
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Israel wants to "disconnect" from Gaza, still remain friends. Booty calls okay, too
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Japanese whaling fleet accuses the Australian government of helping the anti-whaling protesters. A spokesman aboard the HMAS Stands Out Like A Shag On A Rock was unavailable for comment
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Man accused of electrocuting wife during kinky sex. He tried to blame the hair dryer for her death, but couldn't explain the burns on her nipples
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Not news: Campaign launched to build memorial for WW2 veteran who enjoyed a smoke and a beer. Fark: It's a bear
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| (Samaritan's Feet) |
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IUPUI hoops coach Ron Hunter hoped to get 40,000 shoes for charity by coaching barefoot last night. Instead, he's up to 110,000, and counting. LGT charity he's helping
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| (Some Guy) |
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In England, a man's home cannot be a castle
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| (Some Guy) |
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Steal catalytic converters for quick cash, especially ones from Toyota trucks that are easy to reach. Well, thanks for that tip
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Behold the latest cinematic trainwreck brought to you by Hollywood: "Teeth," a film about a girl with teeth in her vagina. Seriously
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Drunk college student walking home from bar mistakes state's tax building for his dorm. Hilarity, audit ensues
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So uh, Dad, will you dress in drag to win us tickets to the Hannah Montana concert?
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| (AL.com) |
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Police catch Alabama man in the act of removing flowers from his wife's grave. Again. With bolt cutters
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Scientists map brain, hoping to understand the female compulsion to ask for directions
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Ceiling Cat spontaneously combusts in Florida elementary school
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| (Some Guy) |
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Spanish driver sues dead cyclist he killed for damage the accident did to his Audi's bodywork
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If you were in London last winter and were either shagging on a roof or dogging in a park, prepare to be very worried
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It's cold in Wisconsin. People flying south to get warm. WELL DUH
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In an interesting twist on history, Egyptians use water to repel people trying to escape from Israel. Sweet Moses in a basket
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A photo showing the ghostly face of a child has been captured on a teenager's cell phone. The Sun is there
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High school senior researches origin of the N-Word, gives oral presentation to class. What could possibly go wrong?
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Candy company is shocked.... SHOCKED, I tell you.... to learn their new product looks too much like illegal drugs
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Teen attempts to hijack Southwest Airlines flight so he can crash it into a Hannah Montana concert
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Warning: Canada is a haven for terrorism, crime, and tornadoes. This according to The Australian Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade
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Group putting up bronze statue of The Fonz in downtown Milwaukee. City's aldermen veto a Potsie mural
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| (Some Guy) |
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"At first I was scared," she said. "But then you see this naked guy getting the crap beat out of him. In a strange way, it was kind of funny"
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| (Earthtimes.org) |
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Car bomb in Lebanon kills six. Speaking of Lebanese tragedies, tomorrow is Ellen DeGeneres' 50th birthday
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| (wlbz2.com) |
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Disabled couple receive a $99,999 light bill for their one-bedroom mobile home
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| (Teh Bukket) |
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Photoshop challenge: Two famous people enter the teleporter at the same time and their DNA gets all mixcombobulated. Photoshop the hybrid person that emerges (LGT inspiration)
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Dumb: Trying to commit suicide. Stupid: Failing at it. Fark: With a nailgun
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Judge gives Bush Administration three weeks to explain destroyed CIA tapes before he gives them another three weeks, followed by a stern letter explaining how this "is a serious matter"
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Lawyer for co-pilot in the Comair crash last year in Lexington says the 47 victims are to blame for the crash. The "they bought their tickets, I say let 'em crash" defense needs a little tweaking
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Mexico rolls out women-only buses, because of all the groping on buses that contain men
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| (wmtw.com) |
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City battles giant blob. Steve McQueen, where are you? (With pic of blob)
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California employers can fire medical marijuana users for "illegal drug use" even though it's legal for them to use medical marijuana in California. Dude, wait, what?
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Apparently a .45 caliber gun wasn't enough power for this guy, so he modified it to fire shotgun shells. Which was dumb enough, but they he managed to shoot himself in the foot mid-robbery
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If there ever is a nuclear war or the world is hit by an asteroid, Norway has a bank of 200k varieties of crop a d plant seeds in a vault in the arctic permafrost. Alrighty, but... where would we plant them, Sven?
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| (Some poetic justice of the peace) |
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Landlord sentenced to live in his own flooded apartment building, serve as Kramer's butler
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"They arrive by the coach-load, spray their hair green and squirt silly string in the street." Yes, they are talking about French tourists
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"All these people stopping just to take the beer. They're all obsessed with the free beer" (with video)
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Scientists build synthetic life. Mwaaahahahaha
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"Brazil to crack down on deforestation"
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Danny Glover convicted of trespass, is getting way too old for this shiat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police arrest a man after a two-hour car chase that involved 2,240 officers, 460 police cars and one helicopter. Jake and Elwood unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Are you REALLY desperate to meet that special someone? You can find her here, but there's a catch
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Salmonella outbreak tied to contact with pet turtles. EVERYBODY SLOWLY PANIC
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Hair removal technique in Brazil goes from wax to machete
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Strategies You'll Never See on "Perry Mason," No. 387: "My client's genitals are so small he'd be too embarrassed to be a flasher"
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Okay, tasing the man to wake him up was bad enough, but it really made him mad when the police tased him two more times for good measure AFTER he showed them identification and explained that he lived there
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Checkmate. *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*
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| (Some Guy) |
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BBC creates experiment where all women from one town leave the kids and homes in the hands of men for a week. What could possibly go wrong?
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Woman admits she has not had sex with her husband in four years. After you listen to her for a little bit, you'll sympathize for the husband
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Quebec Ministry of Labour upholds hospital's "No Fat Chicks" policy
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| Thu January 24, 2008 |
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Company fires hot blonde for sexually harassing other female employees (with pic)
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Airship crashes in GODDAMMIT Tourettes. (with SHIAT COCK pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Wisconsin woman busted for DUI. News: She had a .27 blood alcohol level. Fark: she was on her way to work
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Texas' highest criminal court adopts a policy prohibiting filings covered in "corrosive or dangerous chemicals, blood, food, feces, urine or other bodily fluids." Writ happens
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Scentists say there is no chance of an asteroid smashing into the earth next Tuesday BUT EVERYBODY PANIC ANYWAY
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Four out of every five black babies in Indiana are born out of wedlock. The bastards
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mr. McGee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. A comprehensive list of EVERY reason why Bill Bixby changed into Lou Ferrigno
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Woman has largest collection of Gasparilla beads in all of Tampa. GOOD GOD MY EYES WHO GAVE HER THOSE BEADS???
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| (MSN) |
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Etiquette "expert" list top 10 things not to say to a woman...."Are those real?" and, "Is you sister as good in the sack as you are?", conspicuously missing from the list
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| (JPost.com) |
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Hamas stages "blackouts" and holds press conferences by candlelight. Problem: "Some journalists noticed the candles weren't necessary because it was daytime." SOME journalists noticed it was daytime?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nude Self-Portrait Rug Returned To Artist, The Dude Abides (possibly Not safe for work pic)
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Orange Juice tanker involved in a collision in Newark Bay. Mortimer, we are back in business
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dog survives 135 foot fall and doesn't need a helmet...not like that other dog. With encouraging photos of dog
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If your house contains an "eleborate marijuana growing operation" and you have been burglarized, calling the police should probably not be your first move
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Only in Florida would a road-raging driver assault someone successfully with an orange
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| (Some trailer park guy) |
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After reading Fark, man decides against burning his house down with propane torch, chooses heat tape to burn his and two others. video and commenty goodness
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Couple find Jesus in a potato
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Rival Kenyan leaders meet, promise to work for peace, go for 26 mile run
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Kucinich quits race to spend more time with his family. His incredibly hot, redheaded, gorgeous family
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| (Some Local NewsStation) |
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Another man burns down house trying to thaw frozen pipes with propane torch. Apparently he failed to read FARK yesterday
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Man uses bucket of paint and the "F" bomb to exact his revenge on the FAA
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Perez Hilton awarded $85,000 from Lohan defamation lawsuit. Plans on spending it all on blue hair dye
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Gamblers discover a sure thing when one casino change machine starts giving out $20 bills instead of $5 bills
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Five injured at Cracker Barrel drive-thru incident. You are correct, Cracker Barrels do not have drive-thrus
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| (JuanaBeleev) |
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USAF: Our bad, there actually were F-16s flying that night, but they weren't chasing UFOs, like you witnesses say ... so there
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Study finds that the more crocodile attacks a region has, the more tourists want to visit to meet the crocodiles. Vicious cycle
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Colorado cops got a little something-something from hookers they were supposed to be arresting. Now they're in deep trouble. (great audio of the actual sting operation included)
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| (Newsnet5.com) |
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Sources say the bar will now be renamed "What Did You Think Our Name Meant?"
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Photoshop theme: If cartoon characters were U.S. politicians
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're going to vandalize a school in Alaska in the winter, make sure police can't follow your footsteps in the snow
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Professor found guilty of racial harrassment and forced to undergo mandatory monitoring for telling students "wetbacks" is a perjorative term some use for Mexicans
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| (The Superficial) |
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They tried to make me go to rehab and I said yes, yes, yes (NSFW images in sidebar)
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| (WSB Atlanta) |
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Teen gets shot taking out the trash. Manages to tell mother "I told you so," before he dies
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Delta Airlines takes care of dispersing son's ashes
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A mathematician, a different kind of mathematician, and a statistician prove that being lazy is more efficient. Fred Thompson is vindicated
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| (Some Guy) |
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List of top ten weird science stuff you didn't know. Post-death erection stands out (so to speak)
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John Gibson clinches the title of Douchebag of the Year 11 months ahead of schedule (w video)
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| (Truemors) |
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Jan 30th is International Delete Your Myspace Page Day
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| (Storm Lake Pilot Tribune) |
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If you're a Muslim leading a prayer in a statehouse, it might be a bad idea to ask Allah for "Victory over those who disbelieve"
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Man starts fight on bus. From his mugshot, one might think he started a fight with a bus
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...or maybe not. Packers' bikini girls refuse to show the boobies
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Kathy Griffin remains the only D-List Celebrity who can insult Jesus
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| (Some Guy) |
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Once again, guys transporting marijuana decide to tailgate a police officer
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Missing? Check. Woman? Check. White? Check. Beautiful? Check. Here comes the media
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| (2008 Bloggies) |
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Fark is up for "lifetime achievement" award in 2008 Bloggies. Don't get excited, because PerezHilton.com is up for "weblog of the year." Feel free to vote away though
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Controversy over poster featuring Chicago Cubs' new Japanese player and Japanese flag -- it might upset "long-ago enemies of Japan". As former enemies of Great Britain, let's get rid of that offensive Union Jack thing, too
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Jamie Lynn Spears will give her baby to her mother in order to concentrate on her career
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Kids shocked to find out that their parents know how to read and respond to their MySpace pages. In related news, Drew's mom added him on Facebook last night (no joke)
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AP: Martians to interfere with Presidential Elections (See last line of story)
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If you type "Heath Ledger is dead" into Google translate (English to Spanish) you get something... unexpected
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| (New Line) |
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Does anyone have a better story from high school than sleeping with your teacher? (Sponsored Link)
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California man finds a new use for his Web cam: a burglary in progress. Cops love it too
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Scorpion found in UK produce section said to be "putting together a new hard-rock supergroup." Francis Buchholz, Jurgen Rosenthal express interest
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| (koco-tv) |
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High school gets tired of teaching kids, starts showing them movies - over 46 since October, including Dodge Ball, Men In Black, Home Alone 3
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On Dan Brown, Heath Ledger, and Britney Spears' cooter
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| (Some Blue Guy) |
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Americans resigned to the fact that every serious Presidential contender can't wait to fellate some really large corporations
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Tax Rebate time people: What are you going to do with your $300-$1,200 of extra monies? Voting enabled for best idea
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Anti-inflammatory patch makes U.S. debut. Scientists test it on Bill Clinton's mouth
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NYC testing cabbies' etiquette. Sting operation consists of a dude getting in the car ranting about how he hates the farking Eagles, man
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County prosecutors order 40 high school students to turn over their cell phones so they can be examined for "child pornography" featuring the students themselves
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Could there be a bomb under your house? Could a giant demon goat swallow the planet? EVERYBODY PANIC
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If you know who threw an egg at a 7-Eleven cashier and ran off with a burrito in Bedford, Texas the police would like a word with you
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| (London Free Press) |
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"Drew Curtis is a purist with high standards," as anyone who frequents the Foobies tab knows perfectly well
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Snickers introduces a caffeine/taurine energy candy, so you can work off the 300 calories you just ate
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Not News: Police involved in chase. Fark: Chasing their own squad car because cop left keys in ignition. (With video goodness)
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This Sunday will mark the 10th anniversary of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy. Celebrate by drinking the blood of Democratic babies and laying off some employees
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Plane that crashed in Warsaw was returning from a flight safety conference
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Landlord sues for unpaid rent after tenant dies, tells judge "A tenant has died. Is that my problem?"
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Woman gets maximum sentence for laughing about the man she ran over with her car
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Alabama student sentenced to death for insulting Jesus
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Unlicensed massage therapists arrested. Yes, that type of massage. Bonus: w/ mugshots. Double Bonus: One was a dude named Robert "Dickie." Bob Dickie anyone?
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Cat saves 8 from house fire in Michigan. I can haz medal and purrrade?
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Stimulus agreement reached. If you work, you'll get $300, plus $300 per child, up to $1,200 per family. Note: That doesn't include kids from a drunken hookup, your cats you treat as children, or imaginary alien kids
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A virtually unknown bunch of scientists are working to make the United States grow by 386,000 square miles, and the oil, gas, and other resources contained in that area could be worth about $1.3 trillion
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After intentionally getting their ad banned to create publicity, Go Daddy trims suggestive beaver ad (with pic, video)
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Elected officials: If you insist on keeping a paper trail of your sexual affairs they will be discovered, put on the front page and you will be rightly mocked
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Man sues Blue Man Group after he claims group members shoved an "esophagus cam" down his throat during a Chicago performance. Not that there's anything wrong with that
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| (WND) |
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County decides against purchasing a new camera that will "talk back" to people, telling them not to have sex on the beach
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France's second largest bank surrenders $7.14 billion US to fraudster
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You're gonna get diptheria ANY MINUTE NOW
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NASA says mystery monster seen on Mars is a 2 inch wind-carved rock (with pics)
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| (NOLA.com) |
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When robbing a bank to pay a drug debt, don't bring your dealer along in case he develops morals mid-heist
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| (The Indy Channel) |
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Anger management teacher breaks student's finger during classroom scuffle
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Unbelievable as it might seem, Suge Knight was named in Compton gang injunction
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Woman and her dog share a rare neuromuscular disease that can't be treated medically
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If you're going to rob a bank and use the bus for your clever getaway, it's really crucial that you know the bus schedule
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Virgin's Galactic spacecraft to begin testing in 2009. You'll still get stuck beween a fat guy and some lady that won't shut up, but you'll be in SPACE
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bigfoot is not alone on Mars. The same picture clearly shows a polar bear, a duck, Gonzo, Jabba the Hutt, a high speed turtle
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More colleges than ever have endowments worth over $1 billion, which naturally means your tuition and boarding costs will be going up again next year
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Photoshop this lab apparatus
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Massachusetts lawmakers decide that all those people talking on cell phones while driving would make a great source of revenue
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In retrospect, perhaps text-message spam may not be the best way to advertise your drug dealing business
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| (Salina Journal) |
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Al Schwan to be inducted in the Frozen Food Hall of Fame. In other news, there's a Frozen Food Hall of Fame
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Landslide at Chipping Sodbury prevents London-bound trains from Wales stopping at Bristol Parkway, Mornington Crescent
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Woman arrested for deleting $2.5-million worth of data files from company's servers after believing she was about to be fired. Except the company had no intentions of firing her. At least, not before
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President Ahmadinejad to become first Iranian leader since the revolution to visit Baghdad. What could possibly go wrong?
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Thieves squeeze cow into back seat of car, wreck car into tree
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| (Some Guy) |
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Precious little snowflake calls administrator's home to complain about not getting snow day; gets angry voice mail from his wife instead: "Get over it kid, and go to school."
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Teenage liver transplant recipient no longer needs anti-rejection drugs after her body spontaneously switches blood types to match new organ
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Suicide bomber straps on his explosives. Leaves house. Trips over, falls down stairs. This is Fark, you know how this ends
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Live rocket discovered in Maryland museum. France surrenders
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One-third of teens drink to get drunk. Two-thirds of teens reported to waste alcohol
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Man denies impregnating the woman who also gave birth to his brother's child. However, the son is there
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Six-inch long dog officially smallest in the world, and just in time for Cursday. With cute, captionable pic
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The world's largest snow cap has gone missing
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Photoshop theme: Poorly designed playground equipment
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 142: "Farktography Classic: Teh Funnay 2" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed January 23, 2008 |
| (Princeton University) |
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Photoshop this mouse on a platform
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Man offers undercover cop 90 Oxycontin pills to kill the girlfriend of a man he wanted to be with, then gives him $5 bill for a down payment. Charges include Aggravated Dumbassery and First-Degree Cheapassery
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Men aren't more smarterer then women
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| (WSB T.V.) |
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"I didn't really know that I got hit until I was flying through the air and I was laying on the ground and I turned around and looked and I saw the train"
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For the wildest foam party come to Australia. Pics included (safe for work)
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Electrical appliance store openly encourages people to go into debt by shopping there. What could possibly go wrong?
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Barry Bonds asks court to throw out his perjury case because the questions were confusing and unclear according to his attorney Keyrock
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A 3-foot-1-inch tall man with no legs propelling himself by skateboard photographs people staring at him. 32,000 stares
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A woman is facing 10 years in prison for cutting down 100-year-old trees on someone else's property because they blocked her view of Lake Tahoe
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| (Some Guy) |
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Last German WWI veteran dies at age 107. WE WIN
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Confirming once and for all he is not running for President in 2008, NYC Mayor Bloomberg (I-$$$$$) says Bush's plan to put cash into voters' hands is a bad idea. No flat screen TV for you
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It's Subby's 21st birthday. Help pick his first beer (and give him his first greenlight)
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Win a date with alleged wife-killer and former cop Drew Peterson
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| (Some Guy) |
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The evidence showed that on school time the principal had been negotiating ad prices for an adult gay magazine
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NASA investigation finds no drunk astronauts. Now the ground crew? That's a different story
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Long lines at DMV explained: Employees busy looking at porn, instead
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Marketwatch editor on stock market: oh sh*t (with screencap)
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Heath Ledger update: police confirm that the official symbol for cocaine use was found in his apartment
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Quote "Defence lawyer Wayne Jones said Pritchard had been drinking alcohol since 5pm that night and was not aware it was a police car approaching." Yes the answer is C .... He flashed it
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Why having a screaming fight with your wife can help you live longer. You submitted this with a better headline but it got rejected BECAUSE YOU'RE A STUPID WHORE COW
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Transplant eyeball delivered to pub
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Newspaper accidentally runs "Horse for Sale" classified ad under "Good Things to Eat" category. Hilarity ensues
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Man accused of attempting to burn down San Francisco's Grace Cathedral described by his attorney as "eccentric." His mugshot describes him as "batshiat crazy"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this series of translucent tubes
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Scotland Yard probing Amy Winehouse's crack. I may have read that wrong
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Nuclear power could be the solution to all our problems. Unless there's a drought that prevents operators from cooling the facility EVERYBODY PANIC
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Shocking no one, Cheney says he wants surveillance laws expanded
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Not news: Woman gives man oral sex on New Year's Eve. News: She's now facing a sex-assault charge. Fark.com: She's a 20-year-old jail guard. He's a 37-year-old inmate. With dual mug shot goodness
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| (Some Guy) |
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Marion, Illinois residents, "in particular the town's wives, daughters, mothers and other female relations and acquaintances," can rest more easily today after naked driver busted
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Today's media scarejob: Disappearing topsoil rivals global warming as an environmental threat. Yes folks, we are facing a fatal shortage of dirt
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The aircraft carrier HMS Illustrious defeated by a refrigerator
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Man convicted in deadly bombings described himself at times as a pagan high priest, a vampire or -- if he really wanted to scare people -- a lawyer
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Longtime PGA tour caddy shoots -6'
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| (Zug.com) |
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Zug.com's $500 photoshop contest for the funniest ad created for a male enhancement supplement ends this Friday. Bonus: Fark cited for exhausting all the good penis jokes
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New version of children's story 'Three Little Pigs' called "offensive to Muslims." Like everything else
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Stephenville, Texas trying to become UFO landing site after sighting last week. E.T. trifecta now in play
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Air Force confirms that the only aliens in Texas are Mexicans
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Catholics sell headquarters in L.A. to pay for sex abuse settlement
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"It has made my hands quite tingly" -- British member of Parliment after taking herbal Viagra on live television. Maybe he's doing it wrong
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