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| Sun January 13, 2008 |
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How to drink yourself into a round-trip flight from New York
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Man may lose his arm after it was hit by a ute as he waved at two girls from a car window
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Porn filmmakers to combat internet piracy. From article: "After watching two or three minutes of hard-core sex, you're not going to go and buy the full movie"
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Stop swimming - Hammerhead time
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Bank robber disguises himself with drywall compound. Must've been plastered to try this
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Names in national steroids investigation include 50 Cent*, Mary J. Blige*, Timbaland* and Wyclef Jean*. Wait, what?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hazmat evacuates family from apartment as children suffer mercury poisoning from toy. What was the toy? C) A jar of mercury
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| (hfxnews.ca) |
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Nursing home patient dies after smoking outside. "They had a smoking room and he was banned from the smoking room because he smoked too much"
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| (bloomberg) |
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Noooo! They be stealin' mah top grossin spot
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| (Star-Telegram) |
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Early frontrunner for "Father of the Year" award rapes son as punishment for raping daughter
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| (hampton roads) |
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Man, previously at 415 lb., in a "world of Oreos, fried pork chops, deep despair and self-loathing" becomes a lean, vegetable-eating personal trainer
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| (NewsAdvance.com) |
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If you're a 60-year-old man and your 27-year-old female coworker dresses you in her underwear and then ties you to a chair, you're about to be farked
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BBC correspondent discovers America's love affair with bacon: "It has become a kind of porcine salad vegetable. Occasionally it even comes ground up and sprinkled over your dinner like a kind of dark, meaty snow"
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Meat haters invent vegetarian haggis. That's just offal
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| (Descartes) |
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Altered states of consciousness...without drugs
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Ninety-five percent of PCs are vulnerable to attack by hackers due to unpatched software, says a company that sells software to protect PCs against attacks by hackers
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No matter how many times we say it, it seems necessary to repeat it one more time: Do not break traffic laws when transporting $300,000 worth of marijuana
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Not news: Man breaks into house. News: Man is wearing spike-covered body suit, boots, and gloves. Fark: House owner calls 911, dispatcher asks to speak to intruder
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New report says prisoners should be given conjugal visits while behind bars. After viewing the related pic, submitter thinks that would be cruel and unusual punishment
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Guys' night out and mancations becoming increasingly popular with young men. "We like to think of it as a 19th-century intellectual salon"
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Bride-to-be sends out e-mail: "Today's wedding is off". A few hours later sends out email: "The wedding is at 7pm". A few more hours later, she gets stood up at the altar
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these inline skaters
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| (TED.com) |
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The most amazing video of an octopus disguising itself as algae that you will see today, and perhaps ever. (Octopus scene is at 4:15, but the first four minutes are cool, too.)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Article about the Snorg Tees girl on the right hand side of the page that you've been fappi... er.... dreaming about
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Old & Busted: Video games are immoral because they're violent. New Obviousness: Video games are immoral because there are no consequences
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| (TED) |
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Watch an explorer rappel with a rope in a waterfalls several miles underground, develop equipment for NASA to explore the underground ocean of Europa, and talk about his plans to mine water for fuel on the Moon
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YMCA tackles America's health crisis. All together now... ♫ It's fun to stay at the Y M C A ♫ It's fun to stay at the Y M C A ♫
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British government rejects online petition calling for pet shops to be allowed to sell elephants
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| (Murfreesboro Post) |
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If you're dumb enough to pass out around guys that will draw a penis on your face with a marker, don't make it worse by threatening them with your tiny pocketknife blade. Because if the police get involved, you'll make the news
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It's been almost three weeks and the Griswolds still won't take down their Christmas decorations
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Switzerland's famed Alpine ski resorts facing yet another winter of warm weather and decreased business. Al Gore busy water-skiing
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Post-War Stress, the Afghanistan/Iraq version: "Matthew knew he shouldn't be taking his AK-47 to the 7-Eleven," police say of traumatized vet
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Old & Busted: mp3s, iPods, etc. New Hotness: Vinyl records are now making a comeback
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nineteen Bald Eagles eat themselves to death. Way to set an example for the country you represent, guys. Oh, wait
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"The F-word isn't what it used to be, it doesn't have a sexual connotation anymore and so can't be considered obscene"
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Man dies going down an escalator the fast way
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| (Some Stressed Guy) |
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Sergeant First Class Boe wants to lick your face
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Caturday thread had technical difficulties. Click for more info
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these soccer players
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President at prestigious Atlanta prep school was good at jumping off the eighth floor, not so good at landing
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Sociologist studying drug gangs actually goes out and infiltrates one, instead of just sitting on his butt in the library. Ph.D. stands for Pretty Heroic, Dude
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Kayakers "shagged and buggered" after 62 days at sea, weren't even in Royal Navy
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| (ninemsn.com.au) |
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Teenage genius who invited 500 other teens to a party at his house while his folks are in China doesn't believe his parents will find out (with video), despite involvement of extra police, the air wing, and the dog squad
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Pyramid scheme suckered more than a million investors who bought a $1,300 box of ants, which they were then required to provide with food and water until death
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| (San Bernardino Sun) |
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Woman evicted from historic home after investigators say she was tearing off fixtures to sell on Craigslist
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History professor at Genghis Khan University claims Mongolians discovered America. Also, there's a Genghis Khan University
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| (Some Guy) |
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Britney to marry her paparazzo boyfriend in Scientology ceremony; "Having a Scientology wedding is her way of giving her family a one-finger salute"
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Scottish police hailed as "best gay employer." Inspector Phil MacCracken beams with pride
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Argentinians don't handle flight delays as well as other countries' citizens
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| (news4jax.com) |
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"I just took the lunchbox and just clocked him with it, and off he ran"
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Fish forced to drink like... um... something that drinks a lot
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The £inal Harr¥ Potter movie will b€ released in two part$
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Man tries to kill himself by eating castor beans
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Super diet pill invented which allows you to safely eat more meat and fried food, and may also reduce the risk of cancer. In other news, bacon prices expected to hit $100 per pound
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O Lord, bless this thy holy sand, that with it thou mayest let me get through airport security with €105,000 of coke, in thy mercy
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| (NBC 15) |
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It is a Facepalm-Off: Woman leaves keys in car that gets stolen vs. thief who takes pictures of himself in said car, abandons it and leaves the camera behind. Shake hands and go to your corners
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Teacher slaps whole class of elementary school students in face. All of them
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Can dogs be bilingual? Uw hond wil lapje vlees
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| Sat January 12, 2008 |
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"Rising star in the world of scrapbooking" has entry removed from scrapbooking Hall of Fame after it was discovered she used someone else's photo. In other news, you don't take your hobby seriously enough
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89-year-old man killed by exploding Christmas tree; should have cut green wire, not red one
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| (Some Guy) |
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The American Dream has been created, and it's a motorized refrigerator. "It combines two basic necessities of life - somewhere to have cold food or a beverage handy, and the ability to get somewhere without walking."
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I came for the $3.99 Triple Play, stayed for the bottomless coffee, and left for the shrapnel in my ass
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Shark's virgin birth brings aquarium visitors, myrrh
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| (WATE-TV) |
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True, it's not easy to enjoy your breakfast at Waffle House with a grenade in your pocket, but setting it on the table tends to alarm people
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| (Poughkeepsie Journal) |
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Mom arrested for putting 7-year-old into oven as punishment for losing cell phone. Boy said to be fine, a little on the rare side
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"If you bring in a military force, you better have a relationship with the community." Baghdad? Nope... Cleveland
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| (Keep Portland Weird!) |
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Bless you, PDX. Pants. Off. Now
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Here's to you, Mr. "I'm gonna wear my Real Man Of Genius t-shirt while getting arrested for having sex with underage girls that I met on Myspace" guy
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Arrests made in Sardinia as people packed into the capital to protest fishy waste dumping incident
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| (Some Guy) |
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Five-year old girl finds condom in her pick 'n' mix candy, which was likely a combination of Gobstoppers, Whoppers malted milk balls, Pop Rocks, Goo Goo Clusters, Blow Pops, and Lik-m-Aid Fun Dip
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| (Some Guy) |
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Prisoner is able to smuggle syringes, matches, lighter, heroin, marijuana and an assortment of pills into jail. Where did he hide it all? Let's just say it damn near killed him
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Obama's left wing causes damage in Chicago
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| (Central Florida News 13) |
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Sea World Orlando is in a whale of trouble. Salt water leaking into groundwater said to be accidental and not on porpoise
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| (Some Guy) |
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Meth making family arrested, meth baby in protective custody. Unfortunately it's too late to use the family mugshot portrait for the Christmas card
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Austrian homeless man who feigned illness over 100 times to get free room and board in hospitals; now expected to get extra helpings of Vienna sausage in prison
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Prison vans will cruise the streets of Britain, snapping up illegal aliens, because police are too busy. Way to cut out the middleman, lads. Good thing you don't have a pesky constitution to worry about
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Born Free *sniff*
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these 'nanners
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| (KC Star) |
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News: Missouri to eradicate sales tax. Fark: On bowling balls. This ain't 'Nam, this is bowling. There are rules
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Animator vs. Animation II: The Chosen One
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| (Some Guy) |
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College student expelled for opposing new campus parking garages
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember that Gizmodo employee that thought it was so funny to screw up presentations at CES by turning off TVs? Ya he's been banned for life and more sanctions are in discussion for Gizmodo/Gawker
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High school girl gets detention for wearing sweatpants with "Playboy" on them. Giggity
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Cleveland sues banks involved in subprime loans. Nobody taking lawsuit seriously because legal action of this nature is generally thrown out of court . . . and besides, it's farking Cleveland
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| (Some Chicken Lover) |
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PETA's poultry poetry, placed in perpetuity, provokes predictable pandemonium, protest from proprietors
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Scientists develop "Cone of Silence" to hide submarines in ocean, cloak shoe phone conversations. Duke sucks
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| (Some Crotchfruit Lover) |
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Courtney Thorne-Smith gives birth to healthy baby boy, Jacob "Jake" Emerson Fishman, and the lucky sod is being breastfed. Celebrity crotchfruit trifecta complete
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| (themaineedge.com) |
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"A man who had a swastika tattooed on his forehead never said why he wanted it removed. I think the decision spoke for itself." You know who else liked tattoos?
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Heroic doc saves wife and six kids from fire that "ravaged" their home, then delivered a baby while the house was still smoldering. His thank you? He gets cited with building violations (tag for city)
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From the Ric Romero School of Journalism: Having children can impact your friendships. In other news, water is wet, fire can burn, and no number of iPhones will get you laid
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Colombia attracted record tourism this past year. Yes, THAT Colombia. "Hey kids, want to go see real life drug lords for vacation?" "YEAH!"
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Protesters outside of Supreme Court wearing prison garb calling for the shutdown of Guantanamo Bay get arrested for violating protesting ordinance and could face jail time
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Economists claim UK standard of living higher than US because Americans seen as "fashionless, dull, and with bad hair."
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Guy who got on a commuter train is zapped with 11,000 volts. Next time he'll get in the train
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News: Australian wins bronze medal in Olympic tennis tournament. Fark: Player has been dead for 72 years and never won a single tennis match
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Scouts will soon be able to earn merit badges for skateboarding, racing quad bikes, and making fruit salad
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| (WAVY10) |
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Not news: Man gets a moving violation for reckless driving. Dumb: Virginia abusive driver fees kick in, to the tune of $1050. Fark: The man was riding a bicycle
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"The perception on and off Wall Street is that the newspaper business is in big trouble as readers flee to the Internet, and things will only get worse this year as the real estate and financial industries slash spending on ads"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption O.J., the Attorney Whisperer
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The Sun is the world's greatest paper, says The Sun. The Sun is there
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Cat rescued after wandering for days with its head stuck in a glass jar (w/before and after pics)
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| (SunJournal.com) |
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The helium supply is deflating. Prices are ballooning out of control. If the bad puns aren't enough, then how about a quote from a clown?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this unintentional clock face
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Airline passengers who had sex in midair fined £500 each for "outraging public decency". When you see the photo of them, you'll agree they got off lightly
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| (Some Guy) |
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Two stabbed at Cut Mart
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Stroke your moustache and turn on the Romero signal: Hot Chocolate tastes better if you add milk instead of water. Thanks, Ric
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Slowing down to stare at traffic accidents can really irritate other drivers you hold up and the police officers you run over
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Man successfully challenges a breathalyzer test in court, saying he is too "cheap" to buy enough drinks to be impaired
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Gang killings drop sharply in L.A., proving the surge must be working
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Viagra, alcohol, porn movies, heroin, cocaine and cannabis smuggled into jail for parties in latest proof that even convicts are having more fun on weekends than you
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| (The Age) |
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The bastards in Australia have decided that the bastard cricket team can call the bastard Indian cricket team bastards, what a bunch of bastards
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Britain's first all-male lap dancing club goes out of business less than a year after it opened after customers couldn't get their enthusiasm for it up and business proved flaccid
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| (click2houston.com) |
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Texan teacher provides beer to students, news provides scary mugshot to public
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Man sues Cryolife for $110 million, claims they provided contaminated cadaver material for operation that left him maimed for life. Dr. Frankenstein unavailable for comment
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N.J. has highest percentage of millionaires in country. Most of them made their money in "waste management", if you know what I mean
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| (Huffington Post) |
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Well-known bridge named after a Kennedy. No, not that bridge
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| (People) |
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Congratulations to Nicole Richie and boyfriend Joel Madden, proud parents of baby girl Harlow Winter Kate Madden who weighed in at 6 lbs., 7 oz., or 1.3 lbs. more than her mother
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Dirty hippies from Greenpeace are in hot pursuit of the Japanese whaling fleet, thereby denying submitter his yearly bacon, lettuce, and whale sammich
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Photoshop this armada
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| Fri January 11, 2008 |
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Air Canada flight experiences violent turbulence, ten people hospitalized. Quote one passenger: "Enough is enough. I've had it with these motherfarking shakes on this motherfarking plane."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Some bank robber with balls of steal has actually thought their cunning plan all the way through
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| (WINK News) |
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When in court on drug charges, it's best not to pull a baggie with crack cocaine and $4,000 cash out of your pocket
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Raise up your 2,000-calorie hamburgers, Farkers. Carl's Jr. founder dies at age 90
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Women who wear too much perfume could be depressed, whores
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Not news: High school student shot accidentally. News: It happened when he was still in class. Detroit: He didn't realize he'd been shot until he got home
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Mother of 13 kids gets her size 6 figure back just five days after giving birth. Go share this link with your wife - she'll think it's inspirational (pic)
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Mauritanians arrested in tourist deaths. Marvin the Mauritanian also suspected of building a uranium PU-36 explosive space modulator
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One of the 80 rules for ordering at Tim Hortons is "When you want a coffee with no sugar, do not say no sugar"
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Because of increased security in Iraq, guys can get on their motorcycles and act like douchebags. It's not news, it's CNN
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Pat Robertson may bid for Norfolk newspaper. Will rename it Virginian God-is-my Pilot
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8th grade science teacher has a contest in class to see who can chug a gallon of milk in an hour. To "demonstrate homeostasis" [video goodness]
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How do you find a stolen ambulance? Try following the sirens
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this tin can
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Fark's favorite state has a new theme song, "Florida, Where the Sawgrass Meets the Sky", beats out others such as "Florida, Where Debra Lafave is From", and "Florida, Where crazy people come to be normal"
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Free HBO, AC, Swimming Pool, Meth Lab... wait what? With eye bleaching mugshot goodness
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Five things airlines won't tell you about their food. Disclosing Iams as the distributor not on the list
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Dubya's solution to everything: bomb it
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News: Lawyers for sheriff's deputy who shot his wife in the jaw, killing her in front of their son wants judge removed because he is being too hard on their client. Fark: The prosecution team agrees
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Flasher in minivan drives away after two young girls scream, point, and laugh
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| (Some Guy) |
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In case you hadn't noticed, what with Britney Spears and the writer's strike and stuff, the world is running out of food EVERYBODY PANIC
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If you're a FedEx employee and you decide to steal some laptop computers, it's probably not the best idea to reroute to your own home address
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| (Venice Gondolier) |
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Police investigation reveals that yes, the five-year old shouldn't have been wandering around the police gun range, but he wouldn't have been shot in the first place if the cop hadn't been cleaning a loaded gun
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Israel tells court its hiding settlement facts to protect their image, argues that forced transfers doesn't refer to Palestinians. Because Israel's problems are a matter of better propaganda, and not one of an underlying unjust situation
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Jury to decide if man seeking $25M was traumatized by a hangman's noose at Brookhaven National Laboratory or if he's just being a paranoid money-seeking Tardd
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| (CityTV) |
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Canada Post employee delegated writing letters from Santa to local teens with predictable results. At least Santa likes your mom though
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Man dies from heating his bed with iron. Wonder Fe knew how dangerous that was?
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One-legged man in N.Y. anti-smoking ads still smoking, entering ass-kicking contests
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Company invents special 'smoking mittens' so people can puff even in the depths of winter without exposing their hands to the cold (pics)
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Having solved all other problems, the German federal prosecutor's office overturned the conviction of a Dutch communist executed over the 1933 Reichstag fire. Quick work, boys, thanks for persevering
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Small-town pissing matches are oddly funny
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Snowing in Baghdad? EVERYBODY PANIC
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The Juice Not So Loose
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| (Pensito Review) |
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Poll: God relegates Huckabee to second place in latest Fox South Carolina survey
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TV morning shows fight over "Meanest Mom On The Planet" who sold her son's car after finding booze under the seat (w/ pics of her and her crotchfruit)
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| (tylerpaper.com) |
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PETA doesn't much care that a guy killed and ate his girlfriend, but now they're asking the jail to give him a vegetarian diet so he won't be doing any "senseless killing"
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| (Some Elvis) |
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Vegas weddings, and annulments in neighboring states, hit 10 year low
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New book contends that being overweight, like being gay, is a "lifestyle choice." Fred Phelps expected to start protesting at funerals with "GOD HATES FAT" signs any day now
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US Weekly blog about Katie Holmes in the Boston marathon vanishes; nice men in black suits seen walking away, whistling nonchalantly
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Marion Jones gets 6 months in prison for check fraud and lying about steroid use, but what's the sentence for her marrying someone who looks like Mo Vaughn?
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Duck duck duck duck duck duck juror
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Trooper walks around I-4 pileup handing out tickets. Looks like SOMEONE was trying to reach their quota for the month early
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Musharraf says US troops welcome to cross into Pakistan from Afghanistan to hunt for al-Qaeda/Taliban militants. Just kidding, he actually said "They would regret that day"
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"British Twins separated at birth who later married" - I'm calling BS
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14-year-old figures out how to take control of trains with TV remote
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In latest indication of how well his campaign is doing, Rudy Giuliani has stopped paying his campaign staff
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If you absolutely have to have that online sex chat with a 12 year old make sure your computer isn't connected to the beamer in your classroom
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| (Some Guy) |
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A concise treatise on surviving (and winning) a fist fight
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Web favorite Ron Paul scrutinized for racist comments printed in newsletters under his name in the '90s. Newsletters were like blogs that were printed on paper and then physically delivered by the postal service, sometimes by horse
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Christian group outraged over statue of Jesus with erect penis. Disgust expected to reach new levels when they hear that "How does Jesus masturbate?" joke
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Blind man to run seven marathons in one week, one on each continent. At least that's what they're telling him
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Study finds U.S. insurance companies systematically overcharge consumers, underpay claims. Ric Romero has more at 11
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"SeXBox": New hit XBox game enables characters to copulate in full digital nudity
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What's Your Story weekly wrapup: Hillary is a crybaby in Iowa and Barack wins New Hampshire because he is black
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| (Metro) |
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The touching story of an octopus who loved Mr. Potato Head
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| (MyFoxPhilly) |
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These days the local media would have you believe it's more of a story if your cell phone ISN'T loaded with porn when you buy it
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Not news: Idiot does wheelies on his motorcycle, crashes. News: Deputies arrest him. Fark: Deputies un-cuff him because he is having chest pains, allowing him to steal a police car (with mug shot)
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Nanny State fires coastguardsman who rescued a girl from a cliff in gale-force winds because his daring action violated health and safety regulations
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Terrorism is a young man's game, so Baby Boomers exempt themselves from the REAL ID Act
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Some bank robbers write notes; this guy prefers to say it with flowers
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Group to ride DC Metro without any pants this Saturday. DC city leaders worry image of city may suffer. NOTE TO FARK: Former Mayor, current Councilman Marion Barry is still among DC city leaders
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these cool dudes chillin' on the slopes
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| (Statesman.com) |
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Thousands of gallons of oil-and-water spill onto Austin's Sixth Street, mixing with the urine and vomit of young skanks and douchebags
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After receiving the kiss of death from John Kerry yesterday, Barack Obama is back in the running after a blistering misspelled tirade from Roseanne Barr
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US military finally puts Abu Gharib behind it by dropping all charges against everyone involved, except for that Lynndie chick that started it all, of course
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Boston City Council President "cannot believe" 1-31 terrorist is profiting from his diabolical scheme, demands he cut the city in on a piece of the action
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| (Metro.co.uk) |
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Boning your sister is bad enough but getting married to your twin takes it to an orchestra of dueling banjos level
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Boston Mayor would rather have people go without medical care than let them be treated by an evil corporation
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| (the alligator) |
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"With the forced starvation of Terri Schiavo still fresh in our nation's memory," one e-mail states, "I am appalled that a convicted felon like Dr. Kevorkian is being given the microphone at the University of Florida."
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Flight 39 now arriving at gate 12... gate 13... gate 14... gate 15... gate 16
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Man sets fire to two $10 bills in front of his elderly father, thus depriving him of four months of TotalFark
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Attention Rite Aid shoppers: there is a sale on mouthwash in aisle 8. Also, there's a man with a knife trying to rob me at this moment."
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| (Some Guy) |
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If a woman says she'll give you sex if you buy her alcohol, get her something better than a bottle of Thunderbird
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Kiwis and Australians are fighting over sheep. Velcro glove sales skyrocket
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Drunk driver does a quick U-turn, runs a red light, dodges a patrol car, drives into oncoming traffic, hits a fire hydrant, crashes his truck, jumps onto his girlfriend's lap and tells police she was driving. Ta-da!
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Only the Irish would have to appoint a working group to try to find out whether the Irish are drinking too much
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Lookalike agency pimping out girl who looks like missing Madeleine McCann. Says "It's not sinister - it's entertainment."
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Interesting: Prince Phillip sent "cruel" letters to Princess Di. Fark: This "information" is from a woman who uses "energy healing to correct imbalances in one's electromagnetic field." So nevermind
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Study suggest ways to reduce the amount of preschoolers being expelled. In other news, preschoolers are being expelled
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A German couple get fired after their boss discovers they weren't at an education seminar but actually on a S&M sex holiday, on the company's dime
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Park City, Utah looks to make reckless skiing penalties equal to those for DUI
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this tasty dessert
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UFO spotter believes Australians are descended from Aliens who landed at Uluru. Bonus points for the chap's name: Farkas
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Man catches swordfish with bare hands (with pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dumbassnium discovered in massive quantities after guy brags that he built a nuclear reactor in his garage. Hey mom, why are those black vans parked in front of the house?
|
| (News4Jax) |
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Forty-seven senators pushing Bush Administration to allow gun owners to carry firearms into national parks. What could possibly become dinner?
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| (Trinidad & Tobago Express) |
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As it turns out, throwing feces at judge may lengthen your prison sentence
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| (Northwest Florida Daily) |
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Unaware of several oceans, man attempts to skateboard around the world
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| Thu January 10, 2008 |
| (Some Guy) |
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If you have a fear of long words, balloons, or otters, there are now words to describe your phobia
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Teen says that nobody actually taunted the dynamite tiger
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Judge resigns after hosting holiday party at which she bragged about having sex with public defender who routinely came before her
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Remember hiccup girl? She was really DAMN SHIAT HELL just Tourette's girl all along
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Proud papa leaves his baby locked in freezing van while he visits strip club. After the bungee lady and the hold-up mother, the Minnesota bad-parenting trifecta is now complete
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| (KMOV STL) |
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6-month-old baby ejected from his carseat in SUV during interstate wreck; flies out window, across to oncoming traffic, lands, rolls and comes away with nothing more than road rash. Ta da!
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Drunkest driver ever? Mug shot of Oregon woman arrested with .72 BAC. That's right, .72, nine times the limit
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The Aqua Teen Terrorist tries to cash in on his notoriety. Boston surrenders... again
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There's a Japanese festival being planned in which naked men pile upon one another and frolic about late into the night to pray for good luck. For some reason, a Japanese train station doesn't want to hang posters advertising it
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On this day in 1949, RCA released the first 45-rpm record. For you younger Farkers, a "record" is a grooved vinyl disc that was used as a rudimentary recording and playback system back in ancient times, like the 70s
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China bans ultra-thin plastic bags, birthrate expected to soar
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Nevada Humane Society to offer black cats and dogs at reduced prices on Martin Luther King Jr. day. Claims it is just a conincidence
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| (Bitten and Bound) |
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The Sun was suckered. Britney Spears sex tape is a hoax
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The truth finally comes out about who planned 9/11. If you guessed an ad agency was behind it all, please step forward and claim the grand prize: a gold foil hat
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California zoo mourns death of popular but bizarre crooked neck giraffe (with crooked neck pics)
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Minnesota Farkers: Fark Party Saturday, Jan. 19th. DIT
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Sir Edmund Hillary dies. Was apparently alive this whole time
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Mother busted after she takes baby along during two hold-ups. Never too early to join the family business
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Step 1: Get invited to CES. Step 2: Get a bunch of TV-B-GONE remotes Step 3: Turn off as many TVs as possible, including during press demos. Step 4: ??? (with vid)
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Head of World Organization for Animal Health addresses bird flu. EVERYBODY PAN... wait, he actually says the threat is overblown
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Snopes debunks the North American Union. In related news, reverse vampires, members of the Trilateral Commission seen leaving Snopes corporate offices
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| (Saint Guy) |
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Theme: Lesser-known patron saints
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FBI wiretaps stopped. Why? A) Internal investigation to determine legitimacy, B) Supreme Court decision, or C) Unpaid phone bills
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| (Some Guy) |
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1945 article about the then-future 1975: "Will War Drive Civilization Underground?"
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| (KCCI) |
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American Lung Association office experiences an outbreak of lung disease
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Psychotropic medication is the tinfoil hat that modern society wears to keep the voice of the Almighty out of potential saints' brainwaves
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More high school graduates awarded honours degrees than ever, even though more universities than ever are offering remedial literacy courses for the little snowflakes. Some people suspect there is grade inflation happening
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1978: Pilots let me see the cockpit and gave me plastic pilot wings. 2008: Pilots concerned I might take control of the aircraft via my beefed-up in-seat entertainment system
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Thousands of people who were forced at gunpoint to start smoking file suit against tobacco firms
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World's cheapest car "upsets environmentalists." But then, what doesn't?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Brown bagging has been illegal in Bell Buckle, TN for years, but residents may soon be able to bring their own liquor to the Waffle House after a repeal of the ordinance
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Legal firm creates website resource for men facing divorce. President of the National Organization for Women responds: "The notion that women are dominant in the courts and are treated generally better than men is laughable."
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| (NBC5i.com) |
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Completely disagree with this slideshow of the "Sexiest Newscasters" using the link to the right
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| (Some Ivan) |
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Latest Russian high-school history books focus on the little known elements of Russian history including Stalin's "effective people skills," Siberian "fun parks" and Putin's barechested hunkiness
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| (Some Guy) |
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The three-year-old daughter of electronic music artist BT has been missing since December 19th
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| (Some non-Farker) |
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"The top five things I saw in America which, as a Canadian, freaked me right out." Obviously not written by a Farker who would know better
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After blowing *only* 0.26, guy boasts to officer, "Come to my house and we'll show you how to drink"
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New Britney Spears sex tape is said to show a shaven-headed Britney performing sex acts on two women and a male companion. The Sun is there
|
| (gaijinpot) |
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Strap-on robot takes the pain out of backbreaking farm work, leaves sheep emotionally detached
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| (Some Guy) |
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Last month, 25 percent of houses sold in Las Vegas were repos or short-sales
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Virginia Governor urges legislature to repeal abusive driver fees. Why? A) They did not raise expected revenues. B) They are unconstitutional. Hint: It's not B
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teenage entrepreneur sues Barack Obama for using phrase "Change Rocks" when it's the same name as the jewelry he's created. That's as stupid as suing someone for using a phrase like "Not Safe for Work™"
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Fark's favorite teacher due back in court with a "you'd bet your ass I would hit it" picture
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Matsushiata to switch name to Panasonic in order to get past profanity filters
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Proof that Ma Bell is back to their "We do what the fark we want" days: They might start filtering Internet content. Biggest question is, will they hand it to the government before or after they filter all the good stuff out?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested for seventh DUI. Denies having bloody face when pulled over. Mugshot goodness proves otherwise
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Go behind the scenes of the Christopher Walken ass-double auditions
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The British government wants to ban elephants as pets. If I would have known it was legal before to have an elephant as a pet in the UK, I'd already be on a plane to London. Sheesh
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Claiming the U.S. version is fake, Iran releases their own video of the gulf warship encounter with voiceover work by Eddie Haskell
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dr. Phil tackles the toughest subject of all: Trash talk and "racism" on Xbox Live. Too bad Xbox live has had a 95 percent downtime so far this year
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Motorist shot on Chicago expressway early this morning. Residents outraged, wondering how many more times they will have to endure being late to work
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This SLUT won't take your money
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| (Some Guy) |
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Suspect had pot, crack and ammo way up in his crack. Asinine tag consents to cavity search, Dumbass tag says "OMGUFIAWTFLOLZ1." Rectum
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| (shieldsgazette) |
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Are UFOs from outer space or, as this expert reckons, are they just crafts created by a super race of humans living under the South Pole? And why do they want to live in Sunderland?
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American-supplied blood packs might have given UK's brave boys AIDS. The Sun is there, with all the jingoistic bravado you would expect
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Golf Channel announcer who made racist remark has been lynched... I mean suspended, from her job
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"No serious problems were reported, but the squirrel was electrocuted"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cops follow trail of poop to find drunk driver. CSI takes night off
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| (Some Guy) |
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Niceville man claims someone has been putting Christmas trees in his driveway, ringing the bell and running away. For a week
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I'm shocked, shocked I tell you, that taxpayers have been ripped off in the demolition of what's still left at the World Trade Center
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| (Some Guy) |
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Stimulating experience guaranteed as men and women come together for Copenhagen's first ever charity masturbate-a-thon. Organisers looking for volunteers to lend a hand
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The strange life of an Olympic hostess in Beijing: "Girls are expected to smile continuously, showing if at all possible a recommended six to eight teeth, [which they] practice by inserting chopsticks in the mouth sideways"
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Britain to okay new nuclear power plants. Greenpeace wants to split wood not atoms. Why do hippies hate the environment?
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Bush claims he can harbor a Palestinian peace treaty by the time he leaves office. Wayne Campbell claims that in the next 12 months monkeys will fly out of his butt
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Sad: Subway engineer killed after falling out of a moving train, then getting hit by another train. Fark: He was suffering from diarrhea and leaned out to relieve himself
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Joaquin Phoenix misspells his own name during People's Choice acceptance "speech"
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Cross-dressing groom turns up at his own wedding in a bride's dress and tells guests 'I'm a transvestite'"
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Troopers finally start enforcement campaign against slow drivers hogging the left lane (video)
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Bush says Iran is a threat to whirrled peas
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Hey dad, I don't think it would be really cool if you use your MTA chairman post to change a few bus routes to run right next to my new shopping center. *Wink wink*
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A student in Norway who posed as a 13-year-old boy turned out to be a 33-year-old woman on the run from police
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tennessee lawmaker misses first day of work at legislature to finish up 30 day rehab for DUI (with dashcam video)
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| (Some Guy) |
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I'll see your disgusting house full of cats and raise you a disgusting house full of chihuahuas
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| (Play Misty For Me) |
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Photoshop what this man is looking at in the mist
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Yorkshire man makes five-egg omelet with only two eggs. Fishes and loaves day is going to be interesting
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A motion calling for the Church of England to be dis-established has been listed with the number 666
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Artist ejaculates on pieces of paper and sprinkles carbon to immortalize the results for new exhibition, "Spent," proving that people will buy any old toss
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| (MotorTorque.com) |
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Tata launches the cheapest car in the world. For $2500, the Nano offers 33bhp, four seats and no aircon. Which will be nice in India
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Nanny State bars town from hanging flower baskets from lampposts, because they might fall down and kill somebody
|
| (Some Submerged Guy) |
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China's Navy has tripled the amount of submarine patrols in the last year. EVERYBODY PANI... up to to a total of six. Oh, never mind
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From the "Whistle While You Work" Files: A music professor believes that a happier workplace and increased productivity are possible when people have a song in their hearts that isn't "Fight the Power" by Public Enemy
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Britney's family claim Dr. Phil is an attention whore
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The 2008 Boy Scout Handbook includes tips to combat bullies with snappy comebacks along the lines of "I know you are, but what am I?" which will guarantee an atomic wedgie
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Dan Rather set to prove his incompetence in a court of law
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Not news: Man breaks out of prison. News: Man breaks into prison. Fark: Repeatedly, to supply transvestites with women's clothes
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Parents now bundling insect-infested children to specialty lice salons
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Hitman tries to kill couple four times. FAIL x 4. Inspector Clouseau impressed
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Blogging taxi driver is driven from YouTube by pop legend Prince
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| (Some Guy) |
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It took cops 19 hours to track down a guy who was originally spotted sitting naked in a stolen truck
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British dental care most expensive in Europe. In other news, the British have dental care
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Online dictionary opens vote for Australian Word of the Year. You too can vote for "arse antlers," "tanorexia" or "salad-dodger"
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this freckled pasta lover
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| (KFVS TV-12 News) |
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Missouri mayor wants to put litterbugs in jail. "I was driving down the street, and someone rolled their window down, and throwed a hamburger sack and soda out the window." In other news, Missouri mayors appear to need grammar lessons
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Wil declares Auto Club's insurance services can "eat a bag of dicks." Doesn't have the same ring as "Make it so." Wil trifecta now complete
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| (GWB was a cheerleader!) |
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School refuses to let boy join cheerleading squad. Give me a T I T L E... give me an I X.... What's that spell?
|
| (WAPT 16 News) |
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School principal arrested for sucking on student's toes, paying student $20 a week to keep quiet about it (article edited after initial posting to remove toe references)
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6.4 earthquake recorded off coast of Oregon. Relieved seismologists say it was lucky it was undersea rather than occurring on land where it could have caused dozens of dollars in devastation
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Military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy changed to "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LA"
|
| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 140: "Utility Poles." Make the banal portrait-worthy, revealing limitless variation and a stark reminder of life on the grid. Details and rules in the Boobies. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed January 09, 2008 |
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Online voting for Florida's new state song ends Thursday. Voters may choose from a list of three finalists, which inexplicably does not include "Crazy Train", "The Final Countdown", or "Never Gonna Give You Up"
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Associated Press launches new feature where ordinary readers can ask questions to reporters and editors about why they covered what they covered and how they covered it. Go nuts
|
| (Some Guy) |
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FOR SALE: farm with 100+ acres, house, barn and an exclusive place in rock-n-roll history
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Credit card debt spikes to six-month high. Fiscal responsibility throws up hands and heads to the mall
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Because of flooding, residents flee Tippecanoe, and Tyler too
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ten scans of creepy ads from old magazines
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| (Workforce Management) |
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If you are on permanent disability, being a regular crack cocaine dealer now legally counts as holding employment and could cost you your benefits
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Judge orders man who tied up the courts claiming to have invented Trivial Pursuit to pay legal costs to the tune of $1.25 million
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Brighton College announces compulsory etiquette classes, telling students "You can't have any pudding if you don't eat your meat"
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Gov. Richardson quits presidential race. Click to the right to post "WHO??"
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| (The Pittsburgh Channel) |
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"Big problems mount for small Beaver County town with no mail service" *snicker*
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| (Some Guy) |
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A five-year-old boy was taken into custody and thoroughly searched at Sea-Tac because his name is similar to a possible terrorist alias
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Woman loses case against airline that banned her from wearing cross at work. But it's not over. "It's not over until God says it's over"
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Once Curt Schilling is done with baseball, he'll do what any other self-respecting athlete will, which is throw himself into developing a new MMORPG. Wait, hold on, that can't be right
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Good news for the polar bears: Acts of ocean piracy rose 10 percent in 2007
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| (Bennington Banner) |
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Crow experts very cautiously predict virus is spreading, fear an avalanche of puns if they were ever forced to admit a miscalculation
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| (Your Erie) |
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Preschool teacher who duct-taped student to wall will face charges of assault and endangerment of child welfare. In other news, your crotchfruit has no appreciation of college pranks
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Survey finds 44 percent of Americans are annoyed by Christians, going to hell
|
| (Some M$ Guy) |
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C:\DOS\BGates\LastDay\At\Microsft
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Woman who used fake MySpace account to harrass teen in Missouri who eventually killed herself may face federal prosecution
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Police Chief fired for stealing beer from the firefighters fridge. That's some *hic* fine police work *hic* there, Lou
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Another M.P.W.W. (Missing Pregnant White Woman) alert. Somebody take the feedbags off Nancy Grace and Greta van Susteren
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| (Edmonton Sun) |
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To complete the ugly-ass trifecta... here's a new baby gibbon
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Woman confronts CVS pharmacist about expired medication. "He put his hand in my face and told me to take it to the choir"
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Coolest article about a Braille contest that you won't see today
|
| (and bears, oh my!) |
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Houston zoo let guests play tug-of-war with lions and tigers. This will end well
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Couple allows recently released murderer to stay in their apartment, are both completely caught off-guard when he gets all stabby
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| (Some Guy) |
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Valentine heart candy has new messages. What messages should they have added? VE
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President Sarkozy announces plans to model France's public service broadcaster on the BBC. British submitter suggests Melissa Theuriau would be ideal for popular BBC show "When Newsreaders Bend Over"
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Mayor McKickYourAss saw no reason to remove the lingerie pictures from her MySpace page after being elected, what are you going to do about it?
|
| (Some Chihuahua) |
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Woman arrested for sweater puppies. Literally
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Guy visits brothel, finds his wife working there. Awkward
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Britain considers scrapping centuries-old law that makes blasphemy a criminal offence. It's about goddamn time
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You wake up and find the "mark of the beast" on your hand. Do you: A) Wash it off? B) Wear a glove? Or C) Cut it off with a circular saw and microwave it?
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Mr. Whiner sues everyone in sight because his precious allergic snowflake was dropped from the baseball team
|
| (Some Confused Guy) |
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Photoshop this... um... this... er, well, it's a test or something
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Final Reminder: NYC Fark party tonight at 6. LGT what you should check at the door
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German boss fires staff for not smoking
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Lawyer breaks courtroom rule and wears an ascot instead of the required necktie, which allowed his foreskin to creep up over his head
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| (Some Guy) |
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Judge decides to fire his assistant right before Christmas because she's been really underperforming, with her being on medical leave with cancer and all
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"Community college papers are tacking up their going-out-of-business signs after years of wrestling with undernourished budgets, high staff turnover and one undeniable fact that can't be trumped -- they suck."
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| (HeraldNet) |
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♪♪ Yeah, they come to snuff the rooster ♪♪ Oh yeeeahh ♪♪
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Not news: Thousands of people fill out job applications for a job at a new business: Fark: Wal-Mart
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Stop. Hammer fight
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When commuting, between drinking your coffee, eating your breakfast, messaging on your cell phone, sending a fax, flirting with the driver of the car next to you, and picking your nose, don't forget to look out for wanted criminals
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| (News & Advance) |
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Man charged with having gun on school property and using homemade license plate invokes anarchist defense, tells court his residence is "in my body"
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Old and busted: Knut. New hotness: A new ugly-ass polar-bear cub (with authentic ugly-ass picture)
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| (public radio) |
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Find your candidate by taking this poll
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Rare but exceptionally ugly-ass aye aye born at Bristol zoo (pic)
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Today's Fark-ready story: "Jilted lesbian rugby player killed herself after brutally beating lover who had webcam affair"
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County-board member says drinking and nudity don't mix. Submitter knows one person who's obviously never stepped into a bar in his life
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