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| Sun December 09, 2007 |
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Wintertime in the Midwest can only mean one thing. It's waterpark season
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| (Island Packet) |
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If you're going to rob a bank, don't ask for directions from the city councilman's law firm
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Supermarket tries to attract customers with new high-tech and lightweight carts; customers treat them as lovely parting gifts for them to take home
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An anonymous bidder paid $54,000 for a rare bottle of 81-year-old single malt scotch whisky. Now we know why Drew's been saving all those $5 bills for all these years
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63-year-old woman arrested for trying to bring loaded gun, knife and some sharp scissors into Disney's Magic Kingdom theme park (with today's scary mug pic)
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Thanks to standardized testing, safety concerns, and rising gas prices, grade-school field trips are becoming extinct
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Soldier recovering from leg amputation can't decide if he'll stay in the army. "Right now, I'm leaning against it"
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| (Bah Humbug!) |
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RIAA forces charity to pay copyright fee so kids can sing carols
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Price of hops hops 400%. Drinkers of real beer to pay the price
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| (Virginian-Pilot) |
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Pat Robertson hands over day-to-day operations of CBN to his son. May concentrate on getting a negative tractor disrupter for his spaceship
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| (Some Guy) |
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Helga Zepp-LaRouche says that what is playing out these days on the international financial markets is unprecedented. We find ourselves in an advanced phase of the greatest collapse in the history of financial markets
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Gunmen open fire at New Life Church in Colorado Springs. Mike Jones unavailable for comment, for once
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Pickton trial jury comes back with verdict of six counts of second degree murder, lucrative book and appearance contracts
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Sweet and sour emotions as group contesting their aunt's will are denied in their wonton greed. Also ordered to pay court costs, and Dim Sum
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Photoshop these gangsters
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Column writer finds article on how to squirrel-proof homes, replaces "squirrels" with "teens" and mails in his column. Surprisingly, it's still very accurate
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| (Tribune-Review) |
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Redneck wedding couple marries in muddy demolition derby arena, exchange vows standing on top of derby cars. Bride: "I'm ready to smash into a whole bunch of stuff"
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| (Traverse City Record Eagle) |
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Turkey falls through man's third-story bedroom window, leaves trail of destruction. "Turkeys -- you don't see them jetting across the sky," says maintenance worker called to scene
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| (M&C) |
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3 killed, 50 injured and up to 100 buried as building under demolition decides it doesn't need any help
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Catastrophe narrowly averted after hundreds of dangerous explosives were defused before being sent to British soilders. The explosives? Crackers
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What can you do? The parrot just won't pay his parking fine
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Brawndo is becoming an actual beverage. It's got Electrolytes
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Kids are turning away from marijuana and more of them are abstaining from sex as today's youth become more conservative. Suck it liberal geezers, they respect your lawn
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Headline: "Primary school bans Christmas cards claiming they cause 'hurt feelings.'" Article: "In no way have we banned Christmas cards from school."
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"Dead" man's wife arrested after going to Panama with her very-much-alive husband. Authorities invite them both to a dead man's party
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| (Some Guy) |
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Blind woman hit by car wins $500K from jury. "I never saw the car coming," says woman
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It's not truly winter until the first person overreacts and calls the hazmat team when a letter falls on the rock salt coated sidewalk
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If you lost a truck with $100,000 of tequila in it, the police would like you to know that they've successfully recovered your empty truck
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| (CentralOhio.com) |
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Just as people in glass houses should not throw stones, people carrying marijuana shouldn't throw snowballs at cars
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McDonald's workers dismayed to discover that their drive-thru can also be used as a climb-thru
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Slideshow: why you should never piss off your painter
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Gunman wounds four in missionary center. Reverse cowgirl headquarters on lockdown
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Services to begin for Omaha mall victims. Tasteful memorial established between Orange Julius and Victoria's Secret
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A 20-foot tall Menorah next to a 7-foot tall Christmas Tree? That's not kosher
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| (Some Broke Guy) |
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Ric Romero gets the scoop again, "Credit card use leads to rise in consumer borrowing"
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The pot cave is now the cheese cave
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Tyna Robertson, Chicago Bear Brian Urlacher's baby momma, ordered to pay "Lord of the Dance" star Michael Flatley an $11 million settlement for a false rape claim and extortion
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Pedophile suspect has violent outburst in courtroom, forced to wear strange anti-spitting mask (with hiliarious pic). Guess where?
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Funeral director refuses to allow WWII vet's coffin to be lifted during funeral, citing potential back problems for pallbearers
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No joker: this king of the record books builds a 25-foot skyscraper out of cards. You might think he's doesn't know jack, but he's an ace of his trade. Queen
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Drunks spilling booze, overweight relatives breaking furniture and overused plumbing will cause £400million in damage to British homes this Christmas
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this subway car and looking man
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| (Some Guy) |
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♫ Taliban on the run/Talibaaaaaaaaaaan on the runnnnnnn ♫
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| (Some Guy) |
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Guys smuggling ten pounds of pot are arrested after they tailgate a police car. You're doing it wrong
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Charles and Camilla have a new filly. No, really
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| (Daily Yomiuri) |
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Japanese scientists invent superstrong, superelastic spider-silk socks by extracting genes from spider web thread and injecting them into silkworm eggs. If only there were a movie to dramatize results of this process
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| (Some Creeped-out TFette) |
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"You know what your newborn needs, Janice? A pair of beanbag pillows shaped like disembodied hands." (oh, yes, there are pictures)
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A metric ass-load of crazy here. Crazy, but you'd still hit it
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Slow news day, tortoise escapes yard when gate left open
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| (KOMU) |
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Mayor orders police officer to stop arresting drunk drivers and giving minor traffic citations. In other news, submitter just found a new hometown
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| (Some Guy) |
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Indian man makes run for world's biggest douche by tricking his grandson into shooting grandma with the old "it's a toy gun" trick
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| (Rapid City Journal) |
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"The lion must have been equally surprised. It could have been way bad, if it would have slipped and fell in the tub with me"
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The latest western outsourcing to India is... shuffles tarot cards... fertile wombs
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| (Some PaRumpa PaRum) |
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Photoshop these drummerboys
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| Sat December 08, 2007 |
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Another unexpected consequence of rising fuel costs: crematorium only half-burns bodies, dumps the rest out back
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Today's women 'would rather look sexy than be clever'
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Oooo Aaahh ooohhh Aaarrghh
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| (Captain Obvious) |
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Stop the presses: unarmed mall security cops with no police training are inadequate for preventing attacks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Vegan inmates finding more options for keeping meat out of their orifices
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When trying to hire a hitman to off your husband, you might want to make sure he's not an undercover state trooper, or judging from the pic, Greedo
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Man arrested for 18 armed robberies applies to be cop for the department that arrested him
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs, whose life was hanging by a thread after stepping on a power line?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Middle school raises $46,000 for a library renovation by letting students pay per swing to smash up the old one with sledgehammers
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Aruba prosecutor mulls closing Holloway case, although doing so would cause significant layoffs in the van der Sloot-arresting industry
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| (EarthTimes) |
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Woman trying to retrieve something from under the bed finds something, feels curved...like a triggerBLAM
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| (Zombo) |
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Zombo finally adds huge free game library. It's incredible. Links all available after the intro finishes
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Step 1: Crash boat into rocky shore. Step 2: Leave boat there for over a month. Step 3: Boat becomes tourist attraction. Step 4: Profit?
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Not news: Man teaches photography classes. Direct-to-Fark: To the blind
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| (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) |
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Ho-hum: Christian youth education club. Ho-ho: Activities include teen boys wearing diapers, sitting in girls' laps; girls eating pudding from diapers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Let's see how Sylvia Browne did in her predictions for 2007
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| (The Politico) |
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Mike Huckabee believes that homosexuality is "aberrant" and "sinful," and that all HIV positive citizens should be isolated from the general population. GOP primary win secured
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| (WISN) |
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Energy-efficient LED Christmas tree lights are a big hit with city squirrels
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Father meets teenage daughter he never knew he had. Does he: a) jump for joy; b) hug her and catch up on the times they've missed or c) sexually assault her while she's sleeping
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If someone wants you to bring $22,000 cash for a Porsche advertised on craigslist, it's probably a robbery
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Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds or from stealing your cash filled Christmas cards
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop something emerging from the forest
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Paddington Bear will mark his 50th birthday by being arrested and questioned about his immigration status. Wait, what?
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The Smoking Gun: demolishing our faith in humanity one mug shot at a time
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Louisville post office will end tradition of sharing "Dear Santa" letters from needy kids with the public, because they can't tell if they really are from kids or if they're from scumbags running a scam
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40% of pollsters say 30% cell phone usage is making taking polls difficult 84% of the time. 70% agree that poll participation is down 20%. Margin of error may be as high as 50%. The chance that they will call during dinner still 100%
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| (Some Guy) |
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One-legged Vietnam vet captures escaped, naked prisoner and holds him for police. Proving there's at least one sane American left, he says, "I didn't know whether to take my gun or my cell phone. I took my cell phone"
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| (News-Leader) |
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Not news: Girl graduates highschool. News: Three years early. Fark: And is brainwashed into believeing she is a vampire
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| (Some Guy) |
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Collection of 3,364 TV theme songs for your listening pleasure
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The Federal Government starts an investigation of a huge danger in the workplace: Panda costumes
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Phil Spector gets new lawyer, hairdo. (With ventriloquist/dummy pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Brothel workers found to be surprisingly well educated...and it's not all liberal arts degrees, either
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When robbing a business, don't leave a receipt with your name and address behind
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Family bird lives twice as long as average, credits love of whiskey. "After a couple of sips he gets all happy and starts singing, but if he goes over his limit he starts biting"
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Former mayor suggests bicyclists that venture out in a snowstorm be shot
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| (Some Guy) |
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For Sale: 17-room house for $895,000. Includes 6 bedrooms, 3½ baths, game room, den, 3 fireplaces, and 3000 square foot basement purification center. May have residual thetans sticking to walls
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| (Iceland Review) |
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Most traffic accidents in Iceland found to happen on Friday afternoon. Nation's motorist vows to be more careful around that time in future
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The first use of a law passed in the aftermath of Megan Meier's suicide might be to protect the very person accused of baiting her into suicide
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| (Spiegel.de) |
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If the power goes out in Europe at 7:00 p.m. GMT, you'll have these asshats and their cunning plan to thank for it
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Three cops tasered in Australia...by God
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| (If You Like Pina Coladas) |
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LAST CALL: Dallas-Fort Worth Fark Party Saturday night at 8pm in Irving. LGN/DIT
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Today's teacher/student hookup brought to you by Fark's favorite state. No pic, but it is a good bet the teacher could never win a Super Bowl
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Good: Man successfully earns new Guinness World Record book. Bad: He wasn't trying. Fark: The record was for Greatest Distance Thrown in a Car Accident
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Club launches £35,000 cocktail. Style guru provides full endorsement of this decision - "It is so gauche, so crashingly crass, that everyone else will see the buyers as barely literate, as one step up from a potato"
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Blankets now deemed a security risk at concerts. Linus inconsolable
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| (Some Surfer Dude) |
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Photoshop this brave surfer
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Cat is revived after getting frozen solid outdoors, then thawed. With frosty pic of "Little Popsicle." I can has warm blankee?
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"Teen pleads guilty in pedestrian death." Vows to kill again with more panache
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you think Baby Jesus was born in the North Pole, a mall, or Phoenix, you're not alone
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| (thisisplymouth) |
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Barn owl in car chase ordeal. Ya, rly
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♬ Hold the condoms, hold the lettuce, special orders don't upset us ♫
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Scottish mail carriers efficiently delivering a mountain of Christmas cards and gifts this December. From Christmas 2006
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PETA calling for boycott of M&Ms. Good news though, you can eat all the ones with "Ws" you want
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| (Sun Herald) |
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Police called twice to break up fights at Buddhist Temple. You're doing it wrong
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British resort bans sale of blow-up sex dolls to improve its image. Nanny State Farkers rush off to furiously cancel Christmas holiday bookings
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Inhaling aerosolized pig brains may be hazardous to your health
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Scores of senior citizen patrons join "mission" to get Debbie Lafave her restaurant job back
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"Don't tase me, bro" available as ringback tone from Verizon. Experts say this is a sure sign of the coming apocalypse
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Western states like Colorado get up to two feet of snow in December blizzard, disrupting residents' weekend rodeos and keenly-awaited plans to sit around in diners drinking coffee and saying 'Yup' a lot
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If you're in the donkey business, it's a seller's market in Gaza right now
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Dodge Challenger buyers lining up to pay $20,000 over sticker price
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Photoshop this old Russian silo thingie
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| (Some Guy) |
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China, the words 2nd leading country in greenhouse gas emissions, says that global warming is everyone else's problem and of no concern of theirs
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Create a name for a new breakfast cereal derived from your login. Bonus for slogan. LGN
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| Fri December 07, 2007 |
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Gas station employee accidentally changes the price of a gallon of gas to 33 cents then leaves for the night. Hillarity ensues
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| (Bloomberg) |
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Churches win this round of the War on Christmas: Walmart brings back Santa. Santa is what Christmas is about, right?
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| (KMGB 9 News) |
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Wal-Mart pulls SuperBad DVDs packed with fake Hawaii driver's licenses
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Officials blame Pennsylvania bridge collapse on heavy truck. Or possibly gravity
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| (Some Whopper) |
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The reason Americans eat so much crap is because healthy food costs 10 times as much as junk food on a per calorie basis. We aren't lazy, we're frugal...yeah, that's it
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Omaha mall killer's suicide notes released. "I'm so sorry," he wrote. The Smoking Gun is there
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| (Big Head DC) |
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Teen won't say how he figured out President Bush's secret phone number
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Columnist claims that there are fewer Pearl Harbor survivors alive today that at any time since the attack. Thanks for clearing that up for us
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Texas town outlaws suburban sex clubs, including one that features "Naked Twister" nights. Participant grumbles "It's crazy that they want to force their morality down our throats. We're all frustrated."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Two young women researchers are calling for a new form of sexual ethics that would allow women to have casual sex without feeling that they're "sluts"
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Third suspect in Holloway case released. Everyone agrees to meet back at courthouse this time next year to go through the same circus all over again
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| (Some Rich Swede) |
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Tiger Woods' wife wins $183,000 settlement in lawsuit over nude photos. Maybe now they can finally afford that new car they always wanted
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Oil down below $90 a barrel on news that we're just dumping it in the ocean
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Democrats unleash the farking fury over destroyed CIA tapes
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| (NBC5i.com) |
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Top 10 reasons why people like top 10 lists. Bonus: It's from a credible source
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| (Some Guy) |
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The only thing going up faster than the price of gas is the price of Christmas trees
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| (Some Guy) |
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Having no gang violence, or crime, Local television stations in Utah have had to resort to writing stories about flamewars between scrapbookers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this man and his new t-shirt
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| (Some Guy) |
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Todays teacher having sex with a student isn't a teacher, she's the school nurse. With sorta would hit it picture
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| (Fox 5 Atlanta) |
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Man defends family from armed robbers. Turns out he was insured by Smith & Wesson
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Five ways to keep your man from straying. Oddly enough steak and BJ's not on the list
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| (Some Raptured Respirator) |
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Doctor discovers man's chest pains the result of having Jesus trapped in his ribcage
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One man shot, one plastic snowman decapitated after neighborly argument in... wait for it... all together now... Florida
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| (International Herald Tribune) |
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Young Danes leaving their homeland, leading to labor shortage in Denmark. Hmmmm, is it the cold, the all-herring diet, or the 63% income tax rate?
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| (Some Guy) |
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In an effort to reduce crime, police are placing yellow tags on cars in shopping centers that have visible packages inside. Now potential thieves no longer have to look in every car - just the ones tagged by police
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Development biologist files suit, claiming he was fired for his religious beliefs. Claims his creationism is in no ways a justifiable reason for firing a developmental biology researcher
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Mother shocked, SHOCKED, to find out her precious snowflake does the same things she does. With the same guy
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Top environmental hypocrisy of 2007, including jet-setting Al Gore, Kennedys against wind power, and the famously idiotic Football Night in America studio darkness
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European airport security is improving: only eight out of nine persons carrying knives and bombs managed to sneak past checkpoint
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| (TMJ4) |
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Milwaukee mayor is shocked, SHOCKED to hear that free porn is available in the City Hall magazine racks
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Cougar prowling Dallas area neighborhood. Local teachers don't like the competition
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Missing McDonald's manager found tied up in car. Hamburglar wanted for questioning
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Early copy of Magna Carta on sale in NYC. "King John was forced to sign it on this very spot." "When?" "1215." "Shoot, just missed it by a half hour"
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Man receives gas bill addressed to Antonio Dickhead Arseface
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Old and busted: White college kids partying in blackface. New hotness: Penn State kids wearing Virginia Tech shirts with bullet holes in them
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| (Some Hungry Guy) |
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After a busy morning of three armed robberies, a kidnapping and a carjacking, armed robber needs the kind of delicious and creative breakfast that can only be found at IHOP
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"I want the media to stop the practice of identifying crazed fame-seekers, such as the gunman who killed eight people Wednesday in an Omaha mall before taking his own life. Don't release their names or photos"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nothing puts you in the mood for Christmas quite like getting into a snowblower duel with your 72-year-old neighbor
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Suspected in his wife's disappearance for more than a month, Drew Peterson's biggest concern is that his face is on a pinata
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kid secretly records cops trying to pressure him into confession. Cops deny talking to the kid without parents or lawyer, until lawyer busts out the recording. Give the gift of iPerjure
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| (Siren was my favorite) |
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The silver lining to the writers strike: "American Gladiators" returns in January
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The Amazing Kreskin says he knows who will be the next U.S. president. In a related news story, the Amazing Kreskin is still alive
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Indian judge summons two Hindu gods to appear personally in court. Oh, Flying Tandoori Monster, touch us with your spicy appendage
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Five days before he died, a seven-year-old boy was made an honorary firefighter. Here's his story, from last weekend. Subby recommends the full box of Kleenex
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Mayor Bloomberg: Crime in NYC is down to record lows.... Hey. Where's my Lexus? I parked it right here
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You simply take my breath away. When we come together, my heart stops, and I feel like time itself has come to a standstill. Being with you brings me one step closer to heaven. Here's to 25 years together
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| (Asbury Park Press) |
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Pearl Harbor vets honored 66 years after the Germans bombed them ... or something like that
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"Where millions of Jewish boys and girls, light candles, eat potato pancakes, get a gift and wish they were Christians."
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The Nanny State has now deemed libraries to be a health and safety risk for children. At least someone is thinking of the children
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Seasonal article #217: Funniest gallery of terrified kids meeting Santa you'll see this festive season
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| (Some Sofa Guy) |
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Photoshop this fortress-dweller
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Finally, a headline that will interest nearly every one of you farkers "NY to hold first booze auction since Prohibition"
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You've just robbed a bank. Do you A) try to run far, far away, B) hide until things have settled down, or C) stop for hair extensions and a manicure?
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Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez informs the planet that he will step down in 2013. Because Venezuela is a democracy and you'll like it or else for the next six years
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Call Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Pl- HEY, STOP THAT PLOWJACKER
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Substitute teacher brings cell phone porn to Show & Tell
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Man posing as priest trying to charge groceries to church account nearly succeeds... until he starts buying loads of cigarettes and energy drinks
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| (Times.co.za) |
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Exotic dancers complain that men that came to their house and took their money away made them feel bad and unfulfilled
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Boy, expelled for "grabbing his crotch, rubbing his nipples and rolling his eyes" while listening to class-sanctioned rap music in school, uses the old "I was imitating an opera singer" defense during appeal
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bottled water no better than tap water, say experts at the No Farking Kidding Institute
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| (Some Guy) |
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Let the media fear-mongering begin: How to protect yourself from a mall shooting. With duhhrrrrr-tastic advice
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Michelangelo's sketch for St Peter's dome found, apparently Adam was supposed to be pulling God's finger
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Woman jailed for practicing sorcery using a pair of underpants and raw eggs to break a "lethal curse"
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Firefighters? Check. Metal Grinder? Check. Wang stuck in Metal Ring? Fark
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University graduates 'lack manners' the way liberal arts majors lack jobs
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Photoshop theme: Life before and after Fark
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| Thu December 06, 2007 |
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CIA destroys video tape of terror suspects tort..err...interrogation, because if they leaked, it may compromise agents' identities. If only there were some technology that blurred faces on video tape
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What substitute teacher hasn't contemplated a drink or two or enough to fall down drunk in class while teaching 4th graders?
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| (Consumer Reports) |
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Fisher-Price pulls lead-tainted toy only in Illinois. Don't suck it AL AK AZ AR CA CO CT DE DC FL GA HI ID IN IA KS KY LA ME MD MA MI MN MS MO MT NE NV NH NJ NM NY NC ND OH OK OR PA RI SC SD TN TX UT VT VA WA WV WI WY
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NASA postpones Friday shuttle launch, now set for Saturday after this week's Caturday thread goes live
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you thought that sweaters and jackets for dogs looked stupid, wait til you see articulated backplate armor for dogs
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Virginia politicians: $1000 ticket fees will only apply to serious felonies and DUI. Study: Half the fees will be paid by speeders going as little as 10 MPH over the limit
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| (Some Guy) |
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Baby delivered using turkey baster and shoelace; MacGyver crosses arms and nods in approval
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HIV-positive navy chaplain gets two years in prison for sodomy. Rear admiral surrenders
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| (WINK News) |
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Inmate clogs toilet, then says he needs towels from the jail's van to sop up the mess. Inmate instead walks to auto dealership, drives away in a red convertible. Taa daa
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| (Rutland Herald) |
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Steven Wright found after being lost in the woods for days. Says he just wants a humidifier and a de-humidifier
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| (Some Guy) |
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"From Thanksgiving Day to Christmas Day, the mainstream media vilifies one particular group. The MSM has blamed these individuals for crimes stretching from Ontario to Florida. I'm talking about Grinches"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wisconsin prosecutor won't file criminal charges against person arrested for blog comment, saying that he believes that speech is protected by the First Amendment. Who'd a thunk?
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It ain't easy being an anonymous subway groper these days, what with the girls and their camera phones and all (with pervelicious pic)
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Senate excludes gays from hate-crime bill. Subby unsure why the Republicans would cut their ranks before such a crucial vote
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| (Some Guy) |
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Associated Press CEO vows to file C&Ds against websites using its stories: "If you want our content, we expect to be paid for it. This nonsense that you can just take the first paragraph doesn't really fly with us." Uh-oh
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| (Montana's News Sation) |
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Popular Montana park to get a $1 million makeover. EVERYBODY PICNIC
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Two-year-old shoots, kills man. When a dude's in his crib, you just leave him alone
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Scientists figure out how to destroy planets. Surprisingly, answer is not "put humans on them"
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Gennifer Flowers says she'd vote for Hillary Clinton, saying in her experience, Clintons generally poll really well
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Omaha mayor on mall shooting: "We will not accept this evil action to occur in our community." Which doesn't make much sense, since it already did
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| (Ocala Star-Banner) |
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Kindergartner suspended from school for telling playmate he'd put bomb in his backpack before recess. Good thing he didn't ask anyone to play doctor, or he'd be on sex-offender registry for life
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| (New York Times) |
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"These are all actual Web sites that have hit the Web in the last year or so: Doostang. Wufoo. Bliin. Thoof. Bebo. Meebo. Fark." Does that mean I can have the last 10 years of my life back?
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Collapses in both Charlotte and Jacksonville. No, this is not a football discussion
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| (Toyfare) |
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50 greatest fictional weapons of all time. Lighsaber at #4? NOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Finally, a robber with a little class
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Creationism vs evolution? An argument starting back with naked people (probably safe for work)
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The winner of the ugliest house in America is in Florida... was there a doubt? (with pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the front cover for a cookbook that just shouldn't exist. LGT example
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New Jersey set to abolish the death penalty. Texas mourns, vows to double its efforts
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Part two of the Chicago Tribune's "Shielded from the Truth" report: Off-duty cops
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Microsoft accuses kids of bullying Santa into oral sex chat, the dirty little ho ho hos
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Middle school inadvertently names their school after beer, and they used the beer's logo as their mascot. Hooray beer
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Texas couple celebrates 80th anniversary. When asked how they managed to stay together so long, they replied, "Booze. Lots of booze"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested in theft of 450 kegs of Guinness beer. Explains he was merely looking for long-promised bar towel
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Coast Guard captures record 355,000 pounds of cocaine worth $4.7 billion, plans to buy its own nuclear aircraft carrier with booty. Aarrr
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Police are investigating whether a subway beating caught on tape and posted on YouTube is any less staged than "The Warriors"
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| (Buffalo News) |
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High school kids sleep outside to raise awareness for homeless. Play Twister, watch DVDs, go inside for free pizza when they get cold, just like real homeless people
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Wyoming lawmakers may raise the beer tax. Like there's anything else to do but drink in that state
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New Somerset resident complains about church bells that have rung for 200 years. Here comes the silence
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| (Statesman.com) |
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Texas strip club coalition seeks to block new state law charging an extra $5 for every visitor. Subby might be able to join TotalFark after all
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| (Some Keebler Elf) |
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Caption these cute little...uh...whatever they are
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Actors in children's play banned from throwing sweets into the audience because children might get hit on the head. And they wonder why we call it a "Nanny State"...
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| (AdFreak) |
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Whopper turns 50, could easily pass for 45
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| (Nikon) |
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Camera? Check. Close up of your friend in the mosh pit? Check. Wirelessly uploading the picture before you get trampled? Priceless. (Sponsored Link)
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| (Wikihow) |
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How to build a kegerator. Step 19: Invite Drew over
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... 26 million... 26 million and one... 26 million and two...
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Cops who come up with the sneakiest way to ticket motorists win a new police cruiser, fark headline. Bonus: This nationwide program funded by your gas tax money
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| (News Busters) |
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Reporters who are skeptical about global warming refused credentials to UN global warming conference
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Louisiana family sets up cutouts of Santa shooting Rudolph the Reindeer in their yard. For some reason, their neighbors have a problem with this
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Note to Drew and/or admins: Hope the beer I sent has arrived safely. Signed, submitter
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Man spends 10 years building replica of London Bridge out of 1.6 million matchsticks. And you thought your hobby was lame (pics)
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| (Future Girl) |
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Coolest Cthulhumas tree you will see all day. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
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| (Some Guy) |
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Happy 90th birthday Finland, now get off her lawn
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ten unexpected uses for beer
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From the "what could possibly go wrong?" department: Florida church adds $1.3 million in pyrotechnics to its Christmas pageant
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To get to Paradise, take a left at Intercourse but only if you're coming from Loving. Otherwise it's Looneyville via Hoop and Holler, or a dead-end at Boring
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| (Knight Elf Mohawk) |
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Twelve-year-old boy survives moose attack using skills learned in "level 30 of World of Warcraft"
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| (force in the flesh) |
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Top 10 craziest Star Wars tattoos. If you thought Christmas Yoda wouldn't make the list, you were incorrect (NSFWish tattoo image)
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We, the Bundesbank, have apparently misplaced some schematics for our top-secret vault. Possibly while getting our hair done. If you happen to find... wait, nevermind
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NASA scrubs today's shuttle launch over problems with fuel sensors
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| (Some Guy) |
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Crazy blogger insists public access television cut his pickup truck out of local parade coverage at the behest of the mayor. Just another day on the Eastern Shore of Maryland
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| (Some Dumb Kid) |
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Boy, 14, can't find teacher to take his DNA sample, must settle for manly looking substitute teacher's aide. Fail (with pic)
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Furries and clowns disrupt mining operation
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Laughing Santa gets the old heave ho ho ho
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Terrorist poetry? That's worth nine months in the Nanny State. "There once was a man called Osama..."
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| (Winston -Salem Journal) |
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Teen birth rate rises for the first time since the early 90s. Nice to know the $176 million you spent on abstinence programs was a good idea
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| (KPHO Pheonix) |
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Arizona State student's expensive bike is stolen. Using Craigslist, he sets up a sting and busts the thief
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Forget McDonald's and all the articles you read about the obesity epidemic: This is the *real* reason Americans are fat and going to get much fatter. Article gets bonus for the use of "moose and squirrel"
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You can learn all you need to know about a man by the way he handles Christmas lights
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| (Raleigh N&O) |
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Woman knowingly buys eight acres at bottom of lake, then sues city to drain lake
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Neighborhood association that whined to police to enforce parking rules upset when they got bogus tickets instead of "outsiders"
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If you're one of the fast growing number of people who like cognac, expect to have to look harder to find it and pay more when you do
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Last week, four sets of twins were delivered in one shift. This week, it's a set of triplets and a set of quadruplets within twelve hours
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Mom not lovin' it when daughter comes home with free Happy Meal coupon attached to her report card for good McGrades
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| (Damn Funny Pictures) |
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For those of you looking for a new way to die in your sleep: Cat Wigs
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Man faces a year in jail after using money from Zimbabwe as business cards
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this grass
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TV preacher tells congressman he won't turn over financial details of his ministry without a court order. Who would Jesus subpoena?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Near perfect weather in Florida today bodes well for another on-time launch for Shuttle Atlantis
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Missing man's wife admits she was with him last year. Canoe believe it?
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"The stress men experience while Christmas shopping ranks level with that felt by a police officer dealing with an angry mob"
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| (King Cobra) |
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Man wrecks motorcycle because he was playing with rattlesnake he tied to the bike. Surprisingly, not from Florida
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| (Some Spud) |
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Potato 1, Name-Calling Husband 0
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| (Some Guy) |
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Robber invades 83-year-old WWII veteran's home, stabs him in the chest. That just made the vet angry
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Fwd: Fwd: Fw: Fwd: Fw: Fwd: Fw: Fw: CHOCOLATE SALE
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You might ask yourself what's going through the mind of a man who walks around a flashing railroad signal while on the phone. If you answer "A locomotive," you'd be right
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man pulls over car on freeway, punches motorist in the face, gets back into his car, is rear-ended by dump truck, dies. Just another day in the life of a fake FBI agent
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Veteran surfer dies surfing massive wave. Agent Johnny Utah seen tossing his badge into the surf
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GodTube rated fastest-growing online site, puts religion just a click away
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Coolest slideshow of vegetables cut off by a chef to resemble animals and fish you'll see today
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House overwhelmingly approves bill requiring WiFi AP owners to report "obscene, indecent, or offensive" images and to retain all network traffic "indefinitely". The punishment? $300,000 per offense
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Art lovers claim to have uncovered real-life DaVinci Code by taking mirrors to his paintings. All submitter sees is Chewbacca wearing a Darth Vader helmet (pics)
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| (Via Independent.ie) |
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Women drivers: Check, All Mothers: Check, Get pulled over by cops and have over $280,000 of cannabis resin in the car: Check
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| (Journal News) |
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You're 28, a woman, and in good health. You try your best, but your best just isn't good enough to get you 1st place in the BAC Sweeps. But blowing a .42 will certainly get you noticed. Oh yeah. there's a pic
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this snowy scene
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Driving in Scotland to cease entirely as police perform breath tests on motorists stopped for any offense
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 135: "Four Seasons" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed December 05, 2007 |
| (Some Guy) |
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First look at Scientology's upcoming "Super Power" training. The Lawnmower Man approves
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Kiefer Sutherland gets 48-day jail term for drunk-driving, which is NOT ENOUGH TIME
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| (My Fox DC) |
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Bail set at $100,000 for woman accus-DEAR GOD MY EYES
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| (Some Guy) |
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Can't decide whether to play badminton or kill small flying pests? "Zap-A-Bug" now lets you do both. At the same time. Advantage: Humans
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Remember your childhood holiday checklist? The 1982 Sears Christmas Catalog. Toys start on page 9
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Fark cliche comes true: Dog burns down house because his owner was cooking fish
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Philadelphia police uncover a young couple's extensive identity theft and forgery operation. Frank Abagnale unavailable for comment
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Every Floridan down in Florida liked driving a lot / But the Grinch who pulled over Floridans did NOT
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Tis the season of excess -- a designer to the stars has created the ultimate Christmas party dress made from 1,000 luxury chocolate balls. No word if they were Schweddy balls
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MacGyver-like thief uses flower pot to steal Porsche, Richard Dean Anderson wanted for questioning
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| (Some Guy) |
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Why are more and more Americans putting down roots in Canada? Cheap bacon tops list, followed closely by superior beer, bud
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cops use department helichopter for a doughnut run. Thats some fine police work there Lou
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| (kirotv.com) |
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Intoxicated crossdresser arrested for theft of decorated Christmas tree. What a drag
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Headline: "Does diet soda make you fat?" Article: "41 percent of people who drink diet soda may be overweight." Maybe that's why they're drinking diet soda, jackasses
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| (Registerbee.com) |
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Letter to the editor writer complains that homophobes won't accept him because he's "bisectional." Submitter has half a mind to write back and set his grammar straight
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"People who decry the Wal-Mart-ification of America need to realize that regulation often does more harm to local businesses than predatory pricing, loss-leader business models, or some other imagined corporate evil."
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Contractors stay late to catch thieves who have been stealing building supplies. Do they: C) shoot one of the thieves in the ass and not get charged by police?
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Man puts his son on the state's payroll as a heavy equipment operator, not really considering that somebody might notice that his son is only four years old
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| (Washington Times) |
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A great headline is written here
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Athletes warm up with stretches. Musicians warm up with scales. This is how a cartoonist warms up
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Bush is expected to outline on Thursday a plan to freeze mortgage rates for five years
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Amazonian dolphins say it with weeds
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| (Journal Gazette) |
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Man bilks family and friends out of almost $1 million by convincing them that his wife is a government agent who could diagnose their medical problems by satellite
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A South African municipality is not amused after a 2008 calendar came out under its name, featuring a scantily clad buxom blonde instead of community development photos
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rectal bleeding? check. Spiked drinks? check. Pitbull attacking a Chihuahua? check. Would you hit it pic? check
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| (Some Guy) |
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Stop me if you've heard this one... two naked men walk into store, buy candy and drinks...but only one doughnut
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Chinese military adds shower vehicles to arsenal, allowing citizens to feel the soothing, caressing envelopment of rubber bullets
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Eight-month-old baby in China weighs more than 40lbs. Meet Fark's new fat kid meme (pics)
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| (Chattanoogan) |
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Death row inmate who served sixteen years in prison found not guilty after being granted new trial based on DNA evidence
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| (Action3 News) |
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At least 9 people have been shot at a shopping mall in Omaha, Nebraska
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Photoshop this walker
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| (Some Nerd) |
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Marvel Comics unveils new Captain America design. See how he stands tall and proud with the flag on his chest. The Puerto Rican flag
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| (Some Guy) |
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"He was pulled over at the side of the road with his pants down around his ankles and smoking crack"
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Government officials learn the hard way that the "reply all" button works on the same cascading principle as a nuclear reaction
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| (Some Guy) |
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The 20 "ugliest" college campuses in America. Drew takes exception to No. 11
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Woman arrested after reporting fake rape in attempt to help her marriage (w/ "I'm so busted" mugshot)
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Microsoft kills Santa after he says "It's fun to talk about oral sex, but I want to chat about something else"
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That dumbass atheist guy with nothing better to do with his life is suing again over references to g-d in the pledge & on money
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| (WOOD-TV) |
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School evacuated when it received package addressed to Iraq. Fark: They were letters to soldiers. Michigan: The package was sent by the school and returned
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Man storms school bus and berates kids for throwing crayons at his SUV. Who's acting childish now?
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Homeowner's association asks couple to take American flag hanging in their backyard down. Here we go again
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| (islandpacket.com) |
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Not news: Woman tries to robs bank. Still not news: Tries to rob bank through drive-thru. Fark: Some drive-through bank robberies actually successful
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| (1337) |
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Hackers may have accessed Duke information. dUk3 teh suxx0r$
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| (Some Guy) |
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Take the Mystery Meat Macrophotography tour and see all your favorite processed meats up close and personal
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Chicago Tribune's first part of two-part investigative report regarding police shootings. Subby in awe after reading this proper journalism, still has hope for the media
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| (Some Guy) |
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Greenpeace extends whale-naming voting to push Mr. Splashy Pants out of the lead. Summon the power of Fark
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Scixelsyd rof erom od ot segdelp tnemnrevoG
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| (Some Guy) |
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The true story of the origin of Murphy's Law is a fascinating one, involving crash-testing scientists, Chuck Yeager, a rocket sled, and the fastest man on Earth: John Paul Stapp
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Semi-truck full of more than $100,000 worth of tequila in bottles shaped like Tommy guns stolen
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| (HBO) |
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"I'll tell you this about Jesus, he's not a Republican." (Sponsored Link)
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Photoshop theme: Ancient examples of modern Internet cliches
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Good Samaritan picks up lost wallet in subway. Cops arrest him. I ♥ New York
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| (Some Guy w/ a Nikon D50) |
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The coolest pictures of San Francisco Fleet Week Airshow you'll see all er... week
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Daughter of the Year (really): Seven-year-old takes six bullets by jumping between gunman and her mother
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Frank Sinatra to be featured on a postage stamp. Doo bee doo bee doo
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It's that time of year again... U.S. prosecutor releases list of games your kids really want for Christmas
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The kid that was beaten up by the Jena 6 is suing them, their parents, the school board, plus a mysterious "7th Jena"
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Dear doctor: The good news is that you got out of jury duty. The bad news is you've been fined for contempt and now have a criminal record. Sincerely, the judge
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| (Some Guy) |
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Holiday e-Cards from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
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What the police learn when they run a background check on your name
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| (Some Guy) |
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Some stories are custom made for Fark: Officer Wang arrests university student for exposing genitals
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Chinese moon photo was a fake. Bad photoshop and trace amounts of lead gave them away
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Knut turns one year old today. Still ugly ass... aww... who am I kidding, he's still adorable
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| (Sigma Nu) |
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Fraternity sues university. For constitutional rights. To be drunk. No, not Duke
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| (Some Guy) |
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Osama Bin Laden found... by Morgan Spurlock?
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| (Some Iron City Beer Lover) |
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This day in history: Prohibition ends. Raise a glass in celebration
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Police officer who sued a family after she slipped and fell while on a 911 call gets the reward she deserves: A pink slip
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man killed when roll of paper falls on him. Police looking for suspect wearing red checkered shirt
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| (Some Guy) |
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In February, 1955, a UFO landed in front of former President Eisenhower and other officials at Holloman AFB. No really
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Ugly ass baby tiger gets check up, has inner ear infection. (With pictures and video)
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Now the Myspace Suicide-Inspiring Mom says she never sent any messages, and tries to throw an 18-year-old under the bus. Tomorrow she'll apply to be a Guidance Counselor
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Fit fatties healthier than thin couch potatoes, so suck it skinny minnie. Suck it like I'll be sucking down the donuts while I'm on my treadmill
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Man who sent an anthrax-scare letter to ABC weatherman has been declared goofy with increasing nuttiness
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Britain urged to fight "Christianophobia" stirred up by the "politically correct brigade" that hates Jesus and Christmas and everything else that is good
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today is the Day of the Ninja
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UK Police chief argues in favour of "less conspicuous" speed cameras as a way of slowing down traffic. A few years later a speed camera catches him doing 90mph and he ends up with a driving ban
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| (K9) |
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Police force is training its dogs to headbutt criminals rather than bite them, because bosses are afraid that allowing the dogs to bite criminals will infringe their human rights
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| (Some Guy) |
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A third of teens say they've been contacted online by someone they don't know, but only seven percent said the stranger made them feel "scared or uncomfortable." What could possibly go wrong?
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Boston woke up to a river of burning gasoline flowing down the street, with 40 cars exploding. Cartoon Network denies all responsibility
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Anti-whaling vessel renamed Steve Irwin. Will now patrol the seas poking and harassing Japanese whaling vessels until one of them gets pissed off and sticks a harpoon through it
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