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| Sun December 02, 2007 |
| (Some K-Mart Shopper) |
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Blue light special: driver busted for using flashing blue lights and siren on Mustang to get through rush hour faster
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Wedding ring saves a man's life
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"Canoeist resurfaces five years on." Submitter, who can only manage to hold his breath for 2 minutes, is duly impressed
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| (Hojpodge) |
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Activision and Blizzard to merge their creative juices, come up with the name Activision Blizzard. Creativity has its limits
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Newspaper sends reporter to remote Alaskan village as a lark. Reporter finds heartbreak, substance abuse, and people selling walrus weiners to survive
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Critics raving about ketchup spattered paintings still don't know artist is a two-year-old
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| (Some Nappy-Headed Ho Ho Ho) |
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Where else do you see "South Park" and "The Flintstones" on the same list? Only on the 100 Greatest Christmas Shows of all time
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| (Some Guy) |
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International student, fascinated with 4th of July fireworks stands, charged with "helping terrorists" after making his own bottle rockets
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| (adn.com) |
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According to "Tank" Jones, Alaska's private eye specializing in infidelity, women cheat more than men but men come up with dumber excuses
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Oldest cat in the UK is 26. Attributes long life to drinking and smoking every day
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| (Some Guy) |
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12 ways to de-commercialize Christmas. Surprisingly staying home and making toys for your kids like the Amish is absent
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Student suspended for compiling list of "fewer than five" other students he didn't like, even after school determined was not a threat
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| (Boobsoflife) |
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Ten minutes of staring at boobs daily prolongs man's life by five years. Foobies is the fountain of youth
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And the award for best airplane marketing idea ever goes to Spirit Airlines with their "MILF Sales" and "Red Light Specials"
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Massive oil discovery off their coast could make world ethanol leader Brazil into one of the world's largest oil exporters
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Save the boobies
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Hello police? You have to help me. My friend has fallen into the sea and AAAAHHHHHH" [splash]
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Blizzards, ice storms rip through flyover states, causing tens of dollars in damage and disrupting the lives of individuals who have the misfortune of living in sod huts or doublewides or whatever the hell it is they have there
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Losses by the #1 and #2 college football teams leave BCS championship picture muddled, will be determined by pollsters (who are leaning toward Ohio State vs. Georgia) and the BCS computers (who favor Sarah Connor vs. Terminator)
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| (Eyewitness News) |
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If showing up to work naked is wrong, this firefighter doesn't want to be right
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An angry, shirtless Leslie Nielsen attacks a bear
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The firefighter who found a noose and a nasty note in a Baltimore fire station, stirring up cries of racism? Yep, he did it himself
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NZ thieves steal VC medals. Police say the POS that did it will be SOL when they get to PMITA prison
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you can take a month off work, have a few thousand dollars lying around and drink like a fish, you can go on the Around the World in 60 Pubs crawl
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Fur industry points out that fake fur contains planet killing petrochemicals and therefore real fur is more eco-friendly, PETA says "let's not split hares"
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| (Some Tfette) |
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Photoshop this happy family
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Miss China becomes Miss World in pageant coincidentally held in her home country. Yes, there are pics
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One word for how Walter Reed Hospital treats military psychiatric patients: insane
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After announcing that condom machines would installed in high schools, government hosts a contest for students to design the dispenser. Who knew Brazil liked Photoshop contests?
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| (Some BunnGuy) |
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An "explosion" in the rabbit population of the remote sub-Antarctic Macquarie Island threatens to destroy the entire island ecosystem. But who cares, it's time for Bunnday
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Body identified as secret porn star's. Easily verified by hundreds of Farkers
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| (Sun Journal.com) |
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"I could give a rat's ass about chupacabra, Loch Ness, all that. ... I care about Maine Bigfoot..." Wait, what?
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Aunt stabs autistic nephew in the eyes. His grandmother doesn't call the authorities because she doesn't want her daughter to get in trouble
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Moderate Muslims condemn sentence of British teacher. Wait, what?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hoping to capitalize on their resounding victory in the "War on Drugs", the Feds are considering a ban on candy, soda, salty & fatty foods, and free will in school cafeterias and vending machines. Where's your Granola now?
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Hitman: 'I only shoot people to kill them'. Well at least he's a man of principles
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| (Some Cricketeer) |
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Photoshop this street-cricket match
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You can now lose your driver's license in the state of NC for an offense totally unrelated to driving if you provide alcohol to anyone under 21 thanks to MADD's ridiculous fascist grip on the nuts of the political machine
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Landscapers extracting tree stump find 30 Navy bombs
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Cat survives 19 days with a jar on its head. Slow news day
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Father arrested for having keg party to celebrate son's 21st birthday. Charges include providing beer to minors, "hosting an open house party."
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| (Some Confused Guy) |
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Atheists add holiday tree to courthouse lawn. "The Tree of Knowledge" is decorated with book covers, including the Holy Bible and the Quran. WTF?
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| (University of Hawai'i at Manoa) |
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The University of Hawai'i offers a course in Homebrewing. Drew seen writing an admissions essay
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Moral of the story: Don't accept rides from strangers. Especially if they're cops and you just robbed someone and ran out of gas trying to get away
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| Sat December 01, 2007 |
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Multiple confessions made in Sean Taylor murder investigation. 17 year old allegedly the shooter
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| (Some Guy) |
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Senior citizens using the Wii to keep on living life, keep kids off their lawns
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CEOs of Alltel, AT&T, Sprint, T-Mobile, and Verizon Wireless collectively crap their pants as Google makes their wireless venture official
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this colorful Eupackardia
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| (McClains) |
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91% of Americans surveyed thought that they would have a better quality of life if they lived in Canada. Canadians happy to change places
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| (Stars and Stripes) |
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Twenty-eight generals, admirals ask Congress to repeal "Don't ask, don't tell" policy since 65,000 gays, lesbians on active duty, 1-million others are vets. "They have served our nation honorably."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Parents of dead skydiver sue plane maker for "defective" plane. You know, instead of blaming their stupid son for trying to jump out of planes
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Very, very lonely man owns every Super Soaker ever made
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| (Some Sconnie Guy) |
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Teacher arrested after posting online comment calling the Columbine shooters heroes
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Documentary on penis length is a little too narrow
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| (NY Times) |
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Guano-loving New Yorkers converge on City Hall to protest proposed ban on feeding pigeons
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How America lost the War on Drugs. Yay drugs
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| (Some Guy) |
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College student charged with assault after shoving a pie into the face of a mall Santa. Claims he only "lightly smooshed" the bearded guy dressed in red
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"You can't imagine the relief we felt when we finally had the perfect recipe for fermented soybean-coffee jelly-fresh cream sandwiches"
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Backpack accidentally dropped by a WWII soldier uncovered by shifting sand in the Sahara desert. In related news, Matthew McConaughey still searching for a gold laden ship in the same area
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| (Long Tail) |
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The editor of Wired Magazine wonders when the magazine industry will stop shamelessly lying
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Porn sites using "free three day trial" offers to download malicious programs and take over people's computers unless they renew at an outrageous rate. If only there were some place to find safe, free...oh look, a new Foobies link
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Judge rules sperm donor liable for child support. Judge also denies a DNA test because it would create trauma for the 18-year-old "child"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop a wildly inaccurate label or caption. LGT inspiration
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Columnist claims book tours are passé. Farkers who purchased a recent tome beg to differ
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| (Chattanooga Times Free Press) |
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In order to reduce panhandling, city installs parking meter style "homeless meters"... which are then almost immediately stolen
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| (Some manners) |
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Do people secretly think you're a pig?
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Over forty percent of GenNexters think it's okay for other people to smoke pot. And these are the kids that will be financing your Social Security
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| (Some Guy) |
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The woman who inspired a generation of U-Haul driving, coffeehouse-lurking lesbians has died
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| (Poughkeepsie Journal) |
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I know this much is true, former member of Spandau Ballet fights off rabid fox with a loaf of bread
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Today's road closure is brought to you by 40 tonnes of canned beer. Volunteers rushing to assist
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Miss World pageant expects two billion people to tune in for competition. Apparently, only America and parts of Europe have reliable access to Internet porn, thus explaining the appeal of the show to the rest of the world
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| (Some Guy) |
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Federal drug charges dropped against aging hippie after judge finds he's just, like really bad at mowing his yard, man (with "Dude...wait, what?" picture)
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First line: "It's like an online dating service for long lost gloves. No, that's not a typo"
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| (WLBZ2.com) |
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48 year-old man was kicked out of the homeless shelter he was staying in because he found a job. A job ringing a bell for the Salvation Army at $20 a day
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YouTube suspends account of award winning Egyptian blogger who's been exposing police brutality & state torture. Suggested he use "activist friendly" site instead
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| (Mr. Darcy) |
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"Jane Austen must die," announces feminist author. As with many Womyn's Lit majors, Pride turns to Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility are lost, and there is little Persuasion in her arguments
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NASA clears Atlantis for a Thursday launch, one month after the last space shuttle flight, flurry of "set to asplode" Fark submissions
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| (savannahnow.com) |
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When returning a printer, make sure you don't leave fake money inside it. Bonus: cops found original bill that matched copied bill in printer
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| (World's Greatest Newspaper) |
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Nanny state finds it "difficult to assess whether you are over the limit." Solves problem with proposal to lower DUI standard to 0.00
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Parents to library: Censor this gay-themed book. Library to parents: It's your job to control what your kids read, not what everybody else's kids read
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| (Hot Air) |
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Erin Burnett beholds the power of Fark
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Bionic cat has used two of her nine lives falling off a three-story building. And in time for Caturday: a "C my bionik legz" pic
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| (HeraldNet) |
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If you hide in a dumpster from the cops, be sure you know the trash pickup times
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| (Some squirrel) |
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Photoshop this high five twosome
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Christmas comes early for some in Britain as the postal elves deliver tatty envelopes containing graphic post-mortem reports on how their loved ones died in the 7/7 bombings
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Ohio epidemic: kid drivers. 8-year-old who got caught: "I didn't know you all arrested kids"
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Soldiers escorting the body of a fallen colleague forced by TSA screeners to publicly strip down to their t-shirts and socks. Mission accomplished
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Spokane school prints its own calendar. December... anything happening? Hanukkah, Human Rights Day, Eid al-Adha, Kwanzaa. Nothing else? No, especially not on the 25th
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The rudest road signs in Britain, including Twatt, Little Cocklick, Cum Cum Hill and Shiatterton (photo gallery)
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| (wsbtv.com) |
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Not news: Customer gets letter from bank asking to correct negative balance. News: balance owed is $211 trillion. Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Warren Buffet combined unable to assist
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At last, a guide to how many times to kiss your French male cousin: two, three or four: it depends on where he's from. But to start with the right or left cheek? Oh, and your German second cousin once removed--handshake only, dude
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Police complain that new Hershey's chocolates are packaged to look like street drugs (pic)
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Sheep figures out how to unlock her pen with her tongue, goes on the lamb every night (pic)
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| (whdh news) |
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Dog leads couple to heart attack victim. Lucky for him, the couple was a state trooper who began CPR, and a defibrillator salesperson, who had a spare model in her car. Webster updates definition of "Lucky SOB"
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English police given guide on how to spot a drunk. Step 1. Open your eyes
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| (9 News Denver) |
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If you're the parent of a Denver Blizzard Baby, good luck getting somebody to watch your kid so you can attend the next Denver Fark party
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: Mans SUV stolen. Still not news: SUV abandoned as part of insurance fraud. Fark: Abandoned with mapquest directions back home still in it
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| (Some Guy) |
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City officials in Columbus, OH to use 1,080 gallons of beet juice to de-ice the roads. After saying the name three times, the ice disappears
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| Fri November 30, 2007 |
| (Some Shutterbug) |
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Photoshop this hystered photography session
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A teenager's school science project has exposed multiple antibiotic-resistant bugs in fresh chicken sold in supermarkets. If only there was some sort of heat treatment you could use to kill the bugs
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Canadians to suffer one of the coldest winters in over a decade. Take that Global Warming
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Lead found in Chinese-made "CSI Fingerprint Examination Kit." Just kidding. It was asbestos
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Seattle Farkers - Bid for a dinner with Wil. Proceeds benefit Child's Play Charity
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King of Thailand starts wearing pastel sport coats, now everyone in the country looks like Don Johnson
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| (Journalism Jobs) |
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CBS seeking an environmental reporter. Knowledge of the environment beyond "when it's cold my nipples lead to higher ratings" not necessary
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Willie Nelson risks jail to promote marijuana
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Reporter gets himself circumcised to promote AIDS awareness. Top that, Romero
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| (Some Bloke) |
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♫ I come from a land down under, where women go on big benders ♫ Cant you hear, can't you hear her chunder? You better run, you better take cover. ♫
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| (The Day) |
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Neurosurgeons at Rhode Island Hospital operate on wrong side of patients' head -- three times. C'mon, this ain't brain surg... oh, wait
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| (WLWT) |
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Not news: Couple lose license to house foster kids. News: Lost state license because of their religious values. Fark.com: Religious values include rattlesnake handling
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Pat Robertson University law student suspended after posting online a pic of Pat flipping the bird. The student is now suing for "tens of thousands of dolars" that he had previously spent for tuition
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| (Philly NBC) |
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Pennsylvania woman wins lawsuit with Kmart over toilet paper tax. "Give me liberty, or give me..."
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| (Appleton Post Crescent) |
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Cheddar off dead. Wisconsin man kills cousin over cheese sandwich
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"Sheriff, do you think roadblocks violate the Fourth Amendment?" "I do, unless the state offers to pay the overtime for my officers"
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| (Statesman.com) |
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Texas high school that prevented student article on widespread drug use from being published will now allow it to run. Local newspaper shows students how real journalism is done
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Evel Knievel has died of natural causes... who would have seen that coming 40 years ago?
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Reporter asks, "Is a violent reputation hurting New Orleans?" Does a gay bear have inappropriate sex in the woods?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Attention all 2007 Father of the Year candidates: Stay on your toes this holiday season, as there is fierce competition entering late in the game
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If you're going to write racist anti-religious graffiti on a church, you should at least know how to spell "Saitan"
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| (Traffic Safety Man) |
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Improve this "Beep Beep Day" safety poster
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| (Austin Chronicle) |
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Industrial hemp farmers tell DEA to butt out
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| (Some Dirty Bomber) |
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Why does Amazon hate America?
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Honors student attending college prep classes arrested for throwing a crayon during class
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Insane people are finding it harder to buy guns. What's the point of keeping your urine in a jar if you can't protect it?
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| (Greenpeace NZ) |
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Hippies against globalization ask for internet votes to decide the name of a whale they're going to tag. Help name him "Mr Splashy Pants" to spare it from the all the other possibilities
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Your annual "Don't buy giftcards" article. Cash spends better, anyway
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"Roger & Me" is now down to "Me"
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| (nbc5) |
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Amtrak train attempts to play leap frog with freight train
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Today's "teacher has sex with underage boy" report brought to you from Lake Mary, Florida (with scary eyes mug pic)
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Man holding hostages at Hillary Clinton campaign offices in New Hampshire
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| (Statesman.com) |
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Birdwatcher who killed cat flees Texas after being shot at. Let that serve as a warning, Farkers: Texans will shoot you for killing kittens
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"Unbeknownst to the pair, two patrol officers happened to be cruising by and grew suspicious when they saw the boy fixing his pants and the father pouring the urine out of the coffee cup"
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66-year-old woman stabs neighbor after she changed TV channel to a religious program. "I don't know what they were originally watching," police say. "But it must have been something really good."
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| (Times-Leader) |
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Four-year old finds loaded handgun during family move, promptly shoots his younger brother in the thigh. Tag, you're it
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Santa Claus is fat and thus a bad role model according to the US Surgeon General, who now happens to be on the naughty list
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Mass. town to sell advertising on police cars. This speedtrap brought to you by McDonalds, the Rand Corporation, and the letter "F"
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Members of the Religion of Peace™ say 15-day sentence given to teacher who let her students name teddy bear 'Mohammed' is tough, but fair. Ah, just kidding - they're marching through Khartoum demanding she be executed
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Corn-based ethanol falling out of favor as Americans realize how idiotic it is to burn food for fuel and subsidize farmers to grow it as well
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're going to steal Christmas trees and decorations from a local store then proudly display them on your house two blocks away, at least take off the store tags first, dumbass
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There are good weddings, there are bad weddings, and then there are weddings that end up in troops leading an armed siege into the hotel lobby with armored personnel carriers
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| (Some Envious Guy) |
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Today's hot teacher-on-student action brought to you by Pittsville, MD. With awesome "zoom in on the scary chick" excitement
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this inflatable can of whoop-ass
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| (WBOC) |
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If you're a teacher claiming that you found a bomb threat at your school, be sure the surveillance cameras don't pick you up planting it yourself
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| (Jerusalem Post) |
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Doctor dismayed to discover that having sex with his mentally fragile patients and prescribing marijuana to kids is not considered acceptable medical practice. Who knew?
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Newspaper reporter enters sleeping man's room, commits lewd act, punches guy in face, cited for trespassing, says entire episode is a learning experience
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Guy sentenced to two months after punching 8-year old in face for disobeying his "no trick-or-treat" sign on Halloween
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As a general rule, it's a bad idea to open email that shows boobies on your screen. This is especially true when you are a high-profile public employee
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| (WTOL Toledo) |
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Toledo investigative news team springs into action to look into the latest internet phenomena: Free Breast Implants
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FARC shows video of hostages, seeks $5 per month ransom payments
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Community watchdogs protest Victoria's Secret window displays. Suprisingly, there are no Christmas trees involved
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Italian police burst into the room of a suspected Mafia mobster in Sicily and arrested him as he watched a television show about the arrest of a Mafia boss. Infinite Improbability Drive disengaged. Returning to normality in 3... 2... 1
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Crude oil prices fall $5 in 24 hours... ♪ Gray skies are gonna clear up ♫ Put on a happy face ♪
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New York town police chief just says No to DARE
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this high-flying bicyclist
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In one of the more unique defenses of police techniques, officer explains that demons in plumbing instructed him to keep flushing toilet in front of restrained DUI suspect until he peed himself
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Indianapolis teen pulls off string of armed robberies, That's bad. But he times them so he didn't miss his curfew or church on Sundays with his mom. That deserves the tag
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Ambulance driver crashes when log thrown through driver's side window hits him in the face. Fortunately, an ambulance was nearby which is better than bad, it's good
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| (Some Guy) |
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Alaska Airlines to make heterosexuals pay 10 percent more for their tickets this holiday season, unless they use a gay website to book their flights
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cutter teenage girl finds another use for her razor blade after classmate calls her "emo" on school bus
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Man tries to commit suicide with sword, fails. Bonus: Police find battle ax, more swords, and a spear
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Lawmaker has her BAC test thrown out because she was not properly warned of the implications of consenting to the test during her DUI bust
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| (Press-Republican) |
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If you're a middle-aged fat guy looking to pick up college chicks, this local paper has a step-by-step guide... if you don't mind the ensuing jailarity. (with mugshot goodness)
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Losing your virginity later in life could lead to sexual dysfunction, Fark.com
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| (Inside Bay Area) |
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Former San Francisco mayoral candidate arrested for playing guitar naked on van. "This is our fist contact with him and what contact it is" Deputy Chief District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe said
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Most popular hotel owner threatens to sue weatherman... for being wrong
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White Irish guy charged with racial harassment after calling white Welsh lady "English"
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| (WJLA) |
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Newspaper editor offering free coffin to first drunk to kill him or herself via DUI this holiday season
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| (Some Guy) |
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County Nativity scene adds snowman to avoid legislation that it is a religious symbol
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One in three handshakes might smell a little funny, one in ten hands you kiss might taste a little funny
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More women choosing to have babies when they're in their 40s, apparently realizing the advantages of owning their own home and savings involved in buying diapers for two
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| (Some Guy) |
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This year's anonymous gold coin dropped into a Salvation Army kettle brought to you from Prescott, AZ
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Police in United States of Freedom™ use battering ram to break down an apartment door and arrest a woman they say grabbed food from a pizza delivery man without paying him
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| (Florida Today) |
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Today's "Scary Looking Prostitutes Arrested" Story comes from Melbourne, FL. Surprisingly, this is not a repeat(w/mugshots)
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If you're Swedish, odds are you'll be up for some friendly man-to-man spooning, too
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For first time, St. Andrews Day is a national holiday in Scotland. Scots plan to celebrate the occasion today by getting drunk, deep-frying some Mars bars and slurring "C'mon o'er here an' lemme gie ye a wee Glasgie kiss"
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Christmas tree honoring fallen U.S. soldiers banned from festival
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| (WSBTV.com) |
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"Hello, meine new dispatcher says there eez somezing wrong mit deine cable?" "Yeah, come on in. I'm not really sure exactly what's really wrong with the cable." "That's why they sent me, I am an expert."
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Having a MySpace page celebrating pot and gangs doesn't seem as cool after your 10-year-old daughter is killed in a pot and gang related shooting
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Seattle police hunt serial groper. No firm leads but hands are full with several fresh tips
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'Spirit' lures toddler to swim with crocodiles - "They breed them tough out bush"
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Plane with 56 goes down in Turkey
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| Thu November 29, 2007 |
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Man charged with felony murder for punching to death another man who entered his "bubble" after an argument. Apparently he did not feel that "the moops" was the correct answer
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Man gets his gold ID bracelet back 25 years after losing it in grandad's barn; turned up inside a chicken gizzard. It's always in the last place you look
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| (Science Daily) |
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Ugly-ass Brazilian ocelot born at Louisville Zoo (with hypnotic pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Pastor involved in sex scandal. News: Story involves sodomy of 15 year old girl. Fark: Alabama press required to offer disclaimer that they are not kin
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Bin Laden releases new video, but it's called "Message to the European Peoples," so look for it in the "foreign" section of your local video store
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| (Some Guy) |
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In hindsight, maybe naming the bank Rabobank wasn't such a good idea
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ric Romero: Consumers turn to Web to purchase electronics
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Good news, everyone. Taser guns can be used on pregnant women now
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| (Some Trekkie) |
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Photoshop Challenge: create a new poster for the Star Trek XI movie (LGT original poster)
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Working the late shift now listed as a possible carcinogen
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Police videos of Tony LaRussa's DUI arrest. Complete with all sorts of wobbly drunken goodness
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| (Comcast) |
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Missing white porn star's body possibly found
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| (Some Guy) |
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Texas police try to identify naked, one-legged man who was found in downtown Fort Worth. Authorities suspect his name might be Skip
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London seeks to stop 10,000 gallons or urine running through streets. In other news: London has 10,000 gallons of urine running down its streets
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Woman injured after trying to clean her car windshield in the middle of traffic
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| (Some Guy) |
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Obvious actual headline of the day: "300 Pound Hooker Robs Reluctant Customer." Of course, you know which tag is going to go best with this one
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| (PE.com) |
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Cougar found in a tree near California high school. Police suspect the teacher of violating terms of her probation
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FEMA to its trailer denizens: You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here
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Powerful earthquake rocks Caribbean; threat warning raised from "Irie, mon" to "Hey mon, what's all dis, den?"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's female teacher on male student arrest brought to you by Cincinnati. (With may not want pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Guess we can't all get along: Rodney King shot and wounded in San Bernardino
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British schoolteacher convicted and deported, forced to rename teddy bear "Cassius"
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Paris Hilton and Britney Spears beat out the Grinch and Darth Vader in online survey of who kids think should top Santa's naughty list
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Cyber-attacks on critical infrastructure assets becoming more sophisticated and complex. Subby not worried, already installed a pop-up blocker
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Plane makes belly-flop landing at New Jersey airport after landing gear malfunctions (with video of landing)
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In a shocking report, an exploding cellphone did not break the spine and ribs of the now dead Korean dynamite worker. Authorities wonder what at the scene could have provided such an explosive force
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Man banned from rolling around town after surveillance camera catches him speeding in electric wheelchair
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Two serious dumbasses arrested for not paying $12 bar tab. With dumb & dumber mug shot goodness
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| (Some Guy) |
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Parents outraged that their kid's school has a padded room for special needs children. Your son needs a helmet
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Captain Obvious busts some exercise myths
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| (EFF) |
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NJ town says bloggers don't have First Amendment rights, especially when they point out possible corruption by the town's elected officials
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| (Some Bishop) |
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Woman steals $30,000 from chess club. In other news, a chess club had $30,000
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| (dealnews) |
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Proof Bill Clinton's never getting some ever again (Sponsored Link)
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| (islandpacket.com) |
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Fisherman rescued for second time in three years. Give him a tide chart, friend and a cell phone, says wife
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Thief makes off with 180 Guinness kegs. Brilliant!
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♫ Dashing through the snow / Five mile-per-hour sleigh / Though it's rather slow / Rules must be obeyed / Belt on Santa's lap / Keeping Old Nick safe / What fun it is to live and work / In Britain's Nanny State ♫
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US economy grew at a blistering pace of 4.9 percent this summer, lifted by sales of steroids to Barry Bonds
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this welder
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72-year-old man puts beat down on robber who trashed his Nativity scene. Don't screw with baby Jebus
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Barrels of beer on the drinks cart is one of the ideas being considered by UK airlines. The Sun is there
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If you find a parrot that says: "Hey, I'm squalkin' heah," you may have already won $10,000
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| (LF Press) |
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"Hey, buddy, I'm in jail for DUI. Can you bail me out?" "You don't own a car." "I stole your truck, and they think I'm you. Your trial begins on monday."
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CHICAGO FARK PARTY REMINDER Three days away, this Saturday, Dec. 1st. Lincoln Tap Room. Tons of details in the thread, link goes to the bar, be there and be awesome
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Despite leading the nation in consumption of Jello, marshmallows and ice cream, Utah is the most depressed state in the nation
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| (Some Guy) |
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The show must go on. Students plan on performing "Ten Little Indians" despite NAACP protest
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| (msn.com) |
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It must be the end of the year when stories like "The 15 Weirdest Work Stories of 2007" come out. If only there was some website where people could read about strange and unusual news stories on a daily basis
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Parents sick of kids sitting in front of X-Box after school take them to park to play outside in fresh air. Local council responds by charging parents $250 per kid for "wear and tear" on grass
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If you've seen 6 sets of handcuffs, 11 cans of mace, 43 police radios, bulletproof vests, uniforms and a squad car, the NSW police would really like you to stop by the station some time
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| (American Thinker) |
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Everything can be blamed on global warming. Here are more than 600 things global warming is responsible for, not including Paris Hilton, "Norbit," and Vista
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| (Some Guy) |
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Those PDF files that crash your web browser will now have sweet, sweet advertising in them as well
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Google develops program that can pinpoint the location of a cellphone and show nearby businesses. Because they is absolutely NO WAY such software could be misused
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In an effort to further streamline their already-efficient airport security procedures, the TSA now wants to collect gender and birthdate information from all passengers
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| (NY Daily) |
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Yellow taxi cabs turn 100 years old. So are the crushed potato chips on the floor. (LGT slideshow with useless audio)
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"Holy grail of beers" has no label, and can only be bought by appointment at front door of Belgian monestary
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| (Some Guy) |
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Having solved all other problems, The SCLC and the NAACP are calling for a boycott of Kroger for closing a store that's losing money
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"The state of Wisconsin cannot have a Christmas anything." Killjoys and state reps. argue over what to call a Balsam Fir tree
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| (Learning To Share) |
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The brothers see your ofay JC Penney 1977 catalog and raise you a whole stack of fashion ads from Ebony, 1970-76. Fark would have a "Solid" tag, but the Man is keeping them down
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Police appeal for help in identifying man who was run over by bus last night. Initial reports suggest he's probably someone's flat-mate
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A Fox News reporter has an interview with Hamas leader Dr. Mahmoud Zahar. Article headline gives him the fair and balanced nickname of "Dr. Terror."
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Future Pulitzer Prize winning journalist who had bigger, fake boobies placed over her smaller, real boobies reports that people react differently to women with bigger boobies (w/pics - SFW but careful when you "scroll down for more")
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Today's the day that cell providers can finally claim they've screwed half the world's population
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| (Argus Leader) |
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South Dakota rated "Happiest State" in the Union. You'd be happy too if the last time Kevin Costner was in your state was almost 20 years ago
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Muslim Clerics in Sudan have labelled the Muhammad teddy bear naming incident as a) an innocent mistake b) miscommunication c) part of a Western plot against Islam
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| (Some Guy) |
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Take your partner, head to the barn, and do the "Dosey Do". Today is Square Dance Day
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O.J. Simpson firmly pleads "not guilty" to latest charges and... say, isn't that Chewbacca over there?
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Explosion shuts down key Canada-U.S. oil pipeline, should send oil prices climbing again without the need of a Magic 8 Ball
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| (NY Daily News) |
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If you're planning a Columbine-style attack 2½ years from now, you might want to avoid posting details on MySpace
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My coworker is coughing like she's got the TB. What's the worst illness that you've gone to work with?
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You know you might have a drug problem when you stab your brother for not scoring 20 dollars worth of cocaine for your birthday. Florida and Dumbass tag both apply
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| (Some Guy) |
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Plack to honer edumacators filled with mispeelling. FALE!
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| (Some Guy) |
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Guy punches a cop in the face because Tila Tequila did not respond to his emails. That, and because the cop took his nunchaku
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"Cherry Chocolate Rain". Tay Zonday moves away from the mic to go mainstream for Dr Pepper
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| (Some Climbing Guy) |
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Photoshop this silhouetted rope climber
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Who Wants to Marry a U.S. Citizen? New Reality TV show not short of contestants
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| (3TV) |
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If you posted 30 videos of yourself masturbating in the Dillard's sock department at the Glendale, Arizona mall, police would like to have a word with you
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Forget the pogo stick. Now you can buy a "Christ on a Bike" figurine
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You can now read phone books from 1880 online for just £25 per month. This truly is a magnificent time to be alive
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Widow leaves £10 million fortune to owners of local Chinese restaurant, has will challenged by family who insts "It's not about the money"
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Man pleads guilty to stabbing sea lion, apparently in dispute over bucket
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| (infowars.net) |
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Old: Ron Paul endorsed by brothel Actual: Tucker Carlson publicity stunt
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| (Arpatubes) |
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A simple math puzzle. See if you can get your name on the list
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With no other crimes to solve, police in Wales now responding to calls about schoolchildren singing carols too loudly
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 134: "Let's Vent" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 28, 2007 |
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Christmas trees and wreath-making supplies stolen from a man named Clouse. This should really piss you off if you believe in Santa Clouse
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Miami Police now think that Redskins safety Sean Taylor was murdered in a random burglary and did not know his assailant
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| (Seacoast Online) |
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Not news: People still don't know how to use traffic circles. (With pics and video)
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Red meat, ice cream, eggs, pizza and Canadian bacon are good for you. Here comes the delicious science
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Chilean prostitute pledges 27 hours of sex to charity, telethon ratings skyrocket
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Officials in Berkeley are one step closer in making it a crime to be homeless. Bonus: sex on sidewalks was part of the issue
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| (Some Clockwatcher) |
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Photoshop this clock
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The Rockefeller Christmas tree will be lit tonight. It features LED lights that will cut energy consumption by more than 60% and will be recycled after Christmas to make lumber for Habitat for Humanities homes. CHRISTMAS tree? I'm offended
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Missing white girl may have been internet porn star
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| (El Paso Inc) |
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P.T. Barnum provides marketing advice to company selling it's tequila for $2,500 a bottle
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The five most common mistakes new moms and dads make. Getting parental advice from Fark is surprisingly absent
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Should bars take the heat for what irresponsible drunks do after leaving the premises? New Jersey thinks so
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| (Statesman.com) |
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Austin police officers suspended for not investigating complaint filed by woman upset over destroyed crack pipe
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| (Some Guy) |
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Assist. Band Director accused of having student audition for 1st chair skin flute. With smoking hot pic goodness... of the reporter covering the story of the vicious sick man who allegedly committed this unthinkable crime
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Ted Turner has quietly amassed over two million acres over the past couple of decades. Conspiracy theorists suggests he's planning on taking over the midwest
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| (Some Guy) |
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Government bans "REVRND JO" license plate for minister to avoid leaving the impression that government favors Christianity. Still okay if people think the government favors stupidity though
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| (NYT) |
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NYPD roll out new improved plan to arrest people who attempt to return lost wallets
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Man discovers naked 25 year old female sleeping in his apartment - and calls the cops. What is wrong with people these days?
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Feud between neighbors re-ignited with giant Buttocks sign (with pic goodness, video too)
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Mobile phone explodes, killing owner. Rumor-mongering and email-warnings beginning with "Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: OMG CELL PHONE DANGER" in 4...3...2
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Is it just me or have peoples' spelling skills descended in the last few years?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Is it wrong for a Christian to consume beer? Or, why Baptists won't speak to each other in the package store
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| (Durant Democrat) |
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Man grabs 30-pack of beer, charges it to his middle finger
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When the police arrive to take your complaint, "I pay taxes. I am your boss. Get in here and do your jobs or I'll have to kick your...." is probably not the best choice of words. Nor is hitting them
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Man accused of exposing himself in public tries to argue his weener is so small that he would be ashamed to show it in public. Didn't work
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| (Visordown.com) |
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Dumb: repeal helmet law. Asinine: introduce bill targeting wreckless motorcycle drivers that would cause you to lose your bike, serve a mandatory prison sentence, and ban your license for ten years. Fark: Florida
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Drew Peterson says he's Under Siege, that he's really Out for Justice and doesn't think he's Above the Law
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theives steal consecrated host from church. Police expect to follow trail of lightning strikes to perpetrators
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| (WHO TV) |
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Ugly ass Baby Flamingos born in a Des Moines zoo. With ugly-ass pics, video
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| (Some Guy) |
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City's job market is so bad that store owners are running ads looking for anybody who "doesn't steal" and "doesn't show up drunk"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gun shop owner in New Orleans pleads guilty to supplying hundreds of guns that made the streets of New Orleans safer and allowed law-abiding citizens to defend themselves and their property
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San Francisco's newest public enemy uncovered: pizza
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Literacy rates of US children falling. R kidz R dum? O RLY? i wndr Y?
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| (City Pages) |
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Churches now refusing to legally marry straight couples
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CBS "news writers" set strike date of December 10. Go fark yourself, San Diego
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| (NJ Daily Record) |
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Mother sues school district for failing to stop kids posting videos of her disabled son on YouTube, even though they were submitted off school grounds
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In yet another attempt to milk the Natalee Holloway case dry, ABC runs a feature on the club where she was last seen alive
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| (Some Coffee Guy) |
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Photoshop Challenge: improve the Starbucks logo
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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The Bangor, Maine chapter of the NAACP has canceled this year's Kwanzaa celebration after a 75-year-old man allegedly threatened to shoot chapter members. In other news, there are black people in Maine
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Race between man and pickup truck conclusively won by truck
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Scotland spends six months and $250,000 before unveiling their brilliant new slogan: "Welcome to Scotland"
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| (Phillyburbs.com) |
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Man has fun waving his weapon around, is arrested by undercover police officer (Non-sponsored Link)
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You have a problem with the city's use of red light cameras. Do you A) Complain about it, B) Obey the laws and get on with your life, or C) Shoot one with a high powered rifle? Bonus: only $50 fine
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It's official: Bulgarians, Czechs, the Dutch and pretty much everyone else on the planet are more literate than the English. Go on and make fun of them - it's not like the yobs can read it or anything
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Daughter of man lost at sea aghast as couple who discovered his abandoned sailboat claim "finders keepers, losers weepers" on her family
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| (Talk Radio 102.3) |
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While North Georgia residents can't even wash their cars because of the drought, just across the line in Tennessee, a small town is building a new water park. Take that, Gov. Sonny "Pray For Rain" Perdue
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Powerful Canadian cartel accused of controlling the supply of an addictive, euphoric drug produced by slave labour in the third world
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Bush's economic advisor to resign
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Working in a call center and fired for not sounding English enough? That's discrimination
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| (Anchorage Daily News) |
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What do you call a moose stumbling drunk on fermented crabapples in front of a dive bar with christmas lights tangled in its antlers? Buzzwinkle, of course (with pic goodness)
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"Many grown-ups now sound like babbling toddlers when speaking about the digital world -- because many corporate names now have the ring of a collection of Dr. Seuss characters"
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| (SoulCalibur) |
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Finally, a way to have fun waving your weapon around that doesn't involve being arrested by undercover police officers (Sponsored Link)
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"I think most people will be gobsmacked that the police think it is a priority for them to spend the evening in the pub playing 'spot the drunkard' in the runup to Christmas"
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Nanny State threatens to take 62-year-old grandmother to court because she sweeps sidewalk in front of her home. "It's political correctness gone mad"
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Robotic dummy patient for dentistry students can feel and respond to pain, also can be felt up while under general anaesthetic
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The Carnegie-Mellon online digital library passes 1.5 million books. Which means anyone with an Internet connection can access the greatest collection of human thought ever assembled in one place, when not looking at porn, of course
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| (Some Guy) |
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911 operator loses an eye after horseplay at work. Turns out your mom was right
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Proof that "rich" and "smart" are not synonyms: man donates $70 million to Oral Roberts University, after sex and embezzlement scandal revealed the institution was $50 million in debt
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Former Red Cross chairman apologizes for poking his subordinate. Claims his stint as IRS comissioner led him to believe he could screw anyone, anytime, anywhere
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Female burglar discovers hidden office key, spends hours burglarizing office and putting items in her car, then accidentally locks herself out of the building...with her purse left in the office she just burglarized
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Russian man pays £8.9 million for an egg. A single egg. Didn't even get bacon, toast or coffee to go with it
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| (Some Philistine) |
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The War on Christmas has evolved into the War on Literature. The Dickens Christmas Festival will now be known as the Dickens Holiday Festival
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♫ Granny's got a gun ♫ Granny's got a gun ♫ You bastards better run ♫ Granny's got a gun ♫
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| (Some Guy) |
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Company sends employee home after he dyed his hair colors normally associated with circus clowns. "I feel hurt inside. I am disappointed they can't accept me as I am"
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News: Former bank robber wins $1 million in lottery. Fark: Buying lottery tickets was a probation violation
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| (Some Belligerent Drunk Juror) |
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In an attempt to make jury duty more tolerable, Tennessee looks to allow potential jurors to be suitably sauced
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"This generation faces a completely different set of reality versus their parents," explained Professor Obvious. "They are very much self-oriented, not others-oriented or social-oriented."
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The world's worst airports. Because sometimes it's easier and more pleasant to crawl though fields of broken glass
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Ogling MILFS, GILFS, topless calendars, eating doughnuts, watching X-rated TV and sleeping on the job was all in a day's work for London Gatwick airport policemen, says one disgruntled ex-policewoman
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| (Some Guy) |
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Headline: "Victim of Vile Scumbags". Can't do better than that
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So who is the little snot nose twerp who contributed to the cyberbullying study?
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Judge who brought handgun to airport will not face any charges. Pesky laws ruled "just for the little people."
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Man suing after allegedly being injured by beer. Expected to lose because beer would never hurt anyone. Beer is our friend
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Having done away with candy and soda in Maine schools, officials are finding that students are finding other ways to get their sugary highs
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More and more tattoo parlors are in black ink. "We had a dental surgeon come in and get a little tattoo of a tooth on his butt. Now, that's mainstream"
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The latest proof that the English no longer speak it: "Fans pelt telly perv at footie"
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"It was a nice brawl. It came from inside to outside. If you go up there, you'll see hair, earrings, all pulled out on the ground"
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I figured it'd be a lot easier to identify the truck with some bullet holes in it." The tag comes through for us again. Bonus: Use of the word "dadgum"
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Your mother stops breathing, Do you: a) call 911, b) start making funeral arrangements, or c) dump her in garbage bags on the side of the road so you can keep cashing her retirement checks?
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Man who took his family to a remote Alaskan island to raise them according to the Bible sentenced to 14 years. Dude, you were supposed to ignore the story about Lot and his daughters
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| (The Age) |
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Man decides to drives car without brakes, simply put his car into reverse whenever he wanted to stop. This new technique could catch on, but it costs about 1 gearbox per 10 miles
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There'll be fewer office Christmas parties this year because your boss is a tightwad and because of what that guy from sales did with the mistletoe last year
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Driver uses his pickup to prevent unconscious driver from heading into oncoming traffic
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| (metro.co.uk) |
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Straight A student who loses both parents and her state benefits told to "Get Pregnant" so she could stay in school
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this model on her magic leg machine
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IndyCar driver Helio Castroneves wins Dancing with the Stars, does victory lap around Tom Bergeron's ego
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Musharraf resigns as army chief to spend more time oppressing his family
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A 48-year-old posing as an 18-year-old in an online love triangle with a middle aged WV mom posing as another 18-year-old. Sadly, the only one who was actually his age is the now dead 22-year-old
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JRR Tolkien's great grandson convicted of marijuana possession, impersonating a hobbit (pic)
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| Tue November 27, 2007 |
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Final five state quarter designs released. Oddly enough, Hawaii's isn't a fat tourist in a Speedo drunk off his ass on drinks served in coconuts
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Boy they sure know how to have fun in Waco, TX: "We were laughing about it because we got their broccoli and cheese casserole and they got our yams."
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US judge who jailed 46 people because nobody would admit their mobile rang in court has been removed from the bench
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Welsh politician demands English flag include Welsh dragon to reflect its importance in the U.K. Britain vows to do that, but not expected to follow through. If only there was a word for that
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scientists announce mouse that is resistant to all cancers, even aggressive cancers. Scientists want to study the mouse, but it keeps beating the crap out of them and smashing their lab equipment
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The rats are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until they are fed
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