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| Sun November 25, 2007 |
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Pageant demonstrates beauty is only skin deep because that is as far as the damage went when the eventual winner's evening gown and makeup were spiked with pepper spray
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Man under suspicion of shaving swastika on dog. You know what else your dog wanted?
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Five foot tall woman gives birth to 14lb 8 oz monster ginger baby, with scary bump picture
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And for today's say it ain't so headline: "Thanksgiving travelers return home"
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Dave Barry's Annual Holiday Gift Guide, "which we publish every year in lieu of something that might actually be useful"
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Hottest fashion for women is retro 1940s-inspired clothing: "Modern clothing just doesn't suit my body shape. I'm a size six, but I've got boobs and a bottom. Forties clothing goes in and out in all the right places" (pics)
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Good thing Global Warming is a hoax, otherwise people might get scared
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| (Game Revolution) |
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The Flying Spaghetti Monster has appeared to us in a pumpkin pie. Bless his noodley appendages
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Whiskey to keep students warm this winter. Whiskey... you know. For kids
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Shockingly, scheme to turn giant ants into aphrodisiac tonic was a scam. If only there'd been some warning signs
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One in three New Zealand men has felt pressured to have sex. Who knew sheep were so demanding?
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After solving all problems in our education system, school bans Wikipedia
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Today's helpful advice: If you're going to be impersonating a police officer, don't pass by a real one in your car while your lights and siren are on
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| (Failure Magazine) |
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Interview with a man who believes he's Gen. George Custer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these pin setters
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Prince Charles and his royal handlers attempt to exorcise the ugly out of Camilla by "rebranding" her
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| (Some Guy) |
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Eight ways to fight... um, something
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The UN adds tasers to its list of torture devices, says tortuously boring letters to please be nice are more humane
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Tamiflu and Relenza might help your kid get over her flu quicker. Or they might make her jump off a balcony or run into traffic. Maybe both
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| (Some Guy) |
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Where's your hero now?
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For everyone who thinks the term "Nanny State" is an overused cliche, tell it to this young university student who was forced to flee to Europe to keep her own child
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| (Some Paranoid) |
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Houston PD run secret surveillance drone test. (9/11) . Warn news chopper that FAA has restricted the airspace, (Al Quaeda) Later admit that was a lie (Bin Laden). News crew notice most police present are Traffic Division (Mushroom Cloud)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tiny tiger has big responsibility... with baby pictures
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It's the start of deer hunting season, so it's time for Howie Carr's annual rant about dumb things hunters do
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Five-year old recovering after his police officer stepfather accidentally shot him. Man says it was an accident that he's deeply sorry about. Also notes that the little backtalking problem has completely disappeared
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| (Mickey Mouse Can...) |
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Now you can input what the Disneyland welcome sign really should say (voting enabled)
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How much duck could a Seoul man chuck if a Seoul man could chuck duck?
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Police say that they will start publishing names of missing sex offenders to publicly humiliate them on the internet. THAT INCLUDES YOU, STEVE
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| (Dr. Duh) |
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"It seems that teenagers who have taken the virginity pledge have just as much anal and oral sex... as their peers who haven't taken the oath"
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First elk herd in 150 years spotted in Tennessee, 10 days later they are a herd of trophy heads hanging over redneck fireplaces
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Vegas bartender gets fired after accusing former NBA star of acting like a, well, former NBA star. Yep, lawsuitilarity has ensued. Bonus: It's Dennis Rodman, and no, this is not a repeat
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Don't orgasm and drive, say motoring group about new toy that plugs into cig lighter
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| (Press-Enterprise) |
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Man at gun range inadvertently demonstrates the first rule of safety: don't load a gun with the safety off. Especially while the gun's pointed at your head
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Theme: Recast a current presidential candidate as a breakfast cereal
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| (Poughkeepsie Journal) |
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Institute For The Study of That Which Has Been Obvious To The Casual Observer For A Decade discovers parents can't farking stand those Bratz dolls
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If you bought ground beef chuck, sirloin or chop beef in Indiana, Kentucky, Maryland, Ohio, Tennessee, Wisconsin or Virginia you might want to check for extra E. coli goodness. Oh, and EVERYBODY PANIC
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Trapped man cuts off own arm to escape fire. No coyote ugly woman, Road Warrior or vending machine sweets involved
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Cleaner brings vacuum cleaner to a knife fight and wins
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| (Orange County Register) |
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Santa Claus causes riot among soccer moms. Snowflakes' feelings reportedly hurt
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Blame game starts around English failure in Euro 2008 championships. For some reason they start with "£50k on booze, lapdancers, begging for threesome... and sex in basement"
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Saudis further clarify punishment of rape victim. She was a dirty little whore who created an "attractive nuisance" that led to her own rape. Nothing to see here, move along infidels
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| (ProJo) |
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The deadly sport of ice hockey claims yet another young victim. After winning a Nintendo Wii a 14-year-old promptly died falling over himself trying to claim the prize
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News: dog saved from shelter awakens woman and saves her from burning trailer. Fark: woman goes back in trailer to save some items and the dog has to lead her out a second time. Hero tag for dog trumps owner's Dumbass tag
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| (Some Derelict Guy) |
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Photoshop this derelict teddy bear
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| Sat November 24, 2007 |
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Man tries to stop his friend from driving drunk by punching him in the face. Friend successfully sues man for $138,000
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Department of Corrections says it is extremely sorry a convicted killer ended up living next door to the daughter of the woman he stabbed to death
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Several pedophiles are reported to be homeless with some even registering their homes as "near a bike rack" and the "woods behind Wal-Mart." So, how's that Sexual Offender List working out for you?
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Time Magazine poses a "Morality Quiz" for you with several "Kobayashi Maru Test" type questions
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| (News & Observer) |
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Cop who told the media that there was "really, really strong physical evidence" in Duke lacrosse case just got promoted. Addy, you're doing a heck of a job
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The Orioles, The Ravens, and now CSX. Baltimore train wreck trifecta completed
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Not news: hittable teacher arrested for sleeping with student. News: student impregnates teacher. Fark: police drop charges because student is an immigrant and no one knows what his actual age is (yes, there's a photo)
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America's most obese cities, in pictures. Really wide pictures
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photo illustrate these modern teens
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The day after Thanksgiving is by far the busiest day of the year for Roto-Rooter
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Firefighters now spying on Americans. Your dog wants privacy
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From an AP article: "Babe the Blue Ox has lost his head. Axe-wielding Paul Bunyan is not a suspect."
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| (WXII Winston-Salem) |
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Let's keep the X in Xmas
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New Jersey governor made state workers work on Friday after Thanksgiving. The workers dilligently showed up, thankful that they had jobs with good benefits and worked hard all day... Just kidding They didn't show up or whined
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Nanny State bans grandmother from seeing her own grandchildren - because she gave them too much candy. No, really
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's not News, it's filler
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You know those CDs with the data of 25m Brits that went messing? Yeah, the same department has just admitted that it lost 6 other CDs about a month ago. This isn't a department, it's a colander
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Southern California Wildfires II: Electric Boogaloo
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Chess champ Garry Kasparov captured last knight by police. Was one of many pawns arrested protesting Putin's attempt to be king. Kasparov now in cell protecting his bishop from some queen
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News: 80 mile per hour speed limit costs money and lives. Fark: It was safer when there was no speed limit at all
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Police department issues half as many tickets as it focuses on law enforcement
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| (SLO Tribune) |
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Residents complain about fast traffic. City installs rumble strips. Residents complain about fast, loud traffic
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| (Some Tech Guy) |
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Photoshop this computer component thingamajiggy
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Political correctness at it's worst. Boy Scout gets two week suspension after saying he knew how to tie a noose
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Germans prepare for cute overload as news breaks that Knut the Polar Bear may soon have as many as three siblings (with pic of Knut, of course)
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Good news: Heathrow is thinking of adding a new terminal. Better news: ...and another runway. Worst news: Considering the pace of English construction crews, it might be finished sometime just before the End Of Days
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Melissa Gilbert kicks off a national campaign to improve care for seriously ill and dying children. With still very hittable pic of the former child star
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Dardenne Prarie, MO. outlaws internet harassment. Meagan Meier is still dead. Asshats who pushed her to suicide are still scott free
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| (Edmonton Sun) |
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Man sentenced to 90 days in jail after being busted for masturbating while sitting on BMW at home and garden show
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| (Express Computer) |
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Comparing engineers to cats and cows: "...cats are pretty good at being cats-they have little need for anyone to tell them what to do. Applying any bovine methods to cats merely annoys them..."
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Court rules father has no rights over child because "he was only a one-night stand"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Actual headline: "Sidewalk bloodied after biker's head strikes hydrant"
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| (WLBZ2.com) |
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With the rising gas prices comes the increase of gas station drive-offs
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"Zoo Keeper for the Day" program goes great as everyone has good time. Just kidding, a bear attacked some people
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Pretty soon, you won't be able to drink in the Nanny State without an ID card proving you're a regular. "It keeps the riffraff out," explains one pub owner
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Howard loses, Rudd savours the sweet taste of...ear wax
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You're doing it wrong
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| (Sheboygan Press) |
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Nomination for worst name for a convicted sex offender. Cannot be pronounced in court without citation for contempt
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Five-year-olds to be taught dangers of alcohol, such as to never mix beer and liquor and that single-malt whiskey is pretty much undrinkable unless you freeze it for a couple hours and then mix it with Yoo-Hoo
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Mongol guy
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Dick quits Oral before finishing the job
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"Mole Man" digs secret underground mansion (with pic goodness)
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Girl and her boyfriend decide to keep a low profile after murdering her roommate by going on a wild sex romp exhibitionist-style in public in Rome
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| Fri November 23, 2007 |
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Once I got arrested and I was wearing a shirt and it had words on it, kinda like these people
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Illegal alien crossing the border in AZ rescues nine year old boy lost in the desert following a car crash that killed his mother
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San Francisco wackos want to ban fireplaces
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| (Some Guy) |
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Here they are: the 20 unhealthiest restaurant offerings in America. Give me your tired, your slow, your chunky asses
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Man assaulted on Thanksgiving with a can of gravy or as the media has dubbed it "Gravy Brawl 2007"
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Itsy-bitsy amounts of lead can affectificate IQ
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Queen Elizabeth and the Duke of Edinburgh celebrated 60 years of marriage this past Tuesday. Photoshop them a card
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Don't argue with Australian sailors about how American football is better than Australian football
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Allowing anyone to access someone's contact details by text from just their car registration number. What can possibly go right?
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Looking for something for your lady friend this X-mas? How about a $62K lipstick?
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| (Dumb Guy) |
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Sperm donor fights for parental rights. Dude, you're doing it wrong
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chicago may turn to naming rights to raise funds. UFIA Cubs looking hopeful in '08
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Mother of the year candidate leaves 2-year-old child alone in the car while she looks for Black Friday bargains
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Turkey: check. Stuffing: check. Ex-boyfriend grabbing the gun and shooting your mom: check
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Two weeks into easy listening stations switching to all Christmas songs, which songs put you in the Christmas Mood and which ones make you feel stabby?
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| (CIA.gov) |
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CIA's website has a kids page. Includes tips on how to covertly overthrow another class' president
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Bashed by many, the suburbs started as one man's dream and have come to define America
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ten reasons why people think you're a bimbo if you have implants
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Bad: you were charged with a crime. Worse: the jury found you guilty. Texas: now we require you to confess to be released
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"Nincompoop" is Britain's favourite word. "Toothbrush" comes in last
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| (Some Caveguy) |
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Today's "Flintstone" car pulled over is brought to you by Toronto's finest, who took 30 minutes to figure out which law had been broken
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Newsie: Blind man sues transit system to make them announce subway stops. Newsier: Same blind man sues transit system to make them announce bus stops. Newsiest: transit system spends $450,000 fighting against blind man
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Moo Shu Turkey and other abuses of Thanksgiving leftovers
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| (Some Old Guy) |
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Photoshop this underdog
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| (Daily-Herald.com) |
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Man expecting a $15 refund check from the Utah Department of Commerce instead receives a check for more than $2,000,000. Honesty and fear of PMITA prison prompts man to return check
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| (All Africa) |
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Ugandan officials now using ass measurements to establish the citizenship of immigrants. In related news, Jennifer Lopez determined to be Ugandan
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Taiwanese company declares official "Camisole day" and 90% of its female workers turn up for the day in their underwear
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Father who locked up his family in replica Auschwitz admits he was "a little strict." The Son is there, as were his four sisters
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| (Doncaster Free Press) |
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Dr Who fan lives with 225 Daleks. Will likely be stuck in his basement until Daleks learn to climb stairs
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Unless they're standing in the middle of the sidewalk in Times Squares during rush hour, visitors to NYC have the best chance of surviving their visit since reliable homicide numbers were first tallied
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Hooking the biggest shark ever: Priceless. Watching the shark thrash around and total your boat: Kind of annoying
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When a man is arrested for driving drunk, without a license, into oncoming traffic, on his lawnmower...well, it could really only happen in one state
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| (Some Guy) |
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Five drinks bartenders don't want to make for you. Now you know what to order tonight
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A woman claiming sex discrimination bought her male colleague sex toys for his birthday and showered him with condoms a tribunal is told. She claims the present was in fact a toy for her dog. The animal's not suing as far as we know
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Opera singer mispronounces line in Croatian national anthem and accidentally sings "My dear, my penis is a mountain"
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Despite the intensity of the tragedy, man rejects offer of counseling after his wheelie bin is stolen. His courage is an inspiration to us all
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After a titanic effort, all 150 passengers have been rescued from the sinking cruise ship that struck an iceberg near Antarctica. Celine Dion inconsolable
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J.K. Rowling set to win Time's Person Of The Year award. Because absolutely no one in the world did anything more significant this year than someone who wrote a kid's book
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Old and busted: Huffing paint fumes. New hotness (literally): Huffing burning wheelie bins
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115-year old violin worth $100,000 stolen from the unlocked car of professional violinist and total moron
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World's oldest trapeze artist dies at 98, something was going around and he caught it
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If you had $40,000 laying around, would you use it to name a butterfly?
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Proposed new law to boost patriotism in Thailand would require motorists to stop when the national anthem is played twice a day
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1. 0. 3? 3
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Disabled vets who lost limbs in Iraq and Afghanistan driven out of public pool by women who complain vets hadn't paid to use pool and might scare the children
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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53 year-old woman is suing Starbucks for not giving her a job because she's too old. Starbucks says age isn't a factor, she's just a biatch
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Average person will walk five miles and spend 90 minutes standing in line to buy Christmas presents. The smug and obnoxious "I shopped online and did it all in eight minutes" comments may be posted to the right
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this massive machine
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Man says he shot cow after mistaking it for coyote; authorities say bull
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Titanic reported to have struck iceberg
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Mayor of small town pleads guilty to indecency, becomes registered sex offender, is now barred from going to city hall because it is too close to a youth center
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Guess this means I still won't get a towel
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Today's "transporting inmates in the front passenger seat is not a good idea" lesson is brought to you by the Norfolk, VA sheriff's department
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British husband delivers baby after he and his wife found hospital deserted. How's that socialized health care working out?
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British police force naked rag doll in shop window to wear fig leaf out of fear it would cause "alarm or distress" to women shoppers and trigger the sort of lifeless rigor in them that British men associate with "sex" (pic)
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A 15-year-old female robbery suspect was kept in a jail cell with more than 20 men for a month. What could possibly go wrong?
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An Italian eccentric, working for over 40 years, has carved something out of solid rock that some folks are calling the 8th wonder of the world
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| Thu November 22, 2007 |
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Skydivers set world record with combined 100-person jump. Don't let the fact they started with 101 detract from their accomplishment
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| (Some Guy) |
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The wild turkey population in New Hampshire is nearly six times what it was in Colonial days and various strategies have been tried to manage the population explosion. If there was only some holiday in the year when we could all eat turkey
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Female columnist shows her support for the troops--by helping them smuggle porn into a war zone
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| (Kerala Online) |
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NASA lied to us about the Columbia tragedy. It was actually shot down by UFOs
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| (Bridgwater Mercury) |
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Police fine naked man who was beating up parked cars at 3:20 a.m. They suspect that alcohol might have been a factor
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"I'm Mr T and I'm a night elf mohawk"
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| (Some befuddled guy) |
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Photoshop this nonplussed fellow
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Construction site bans French fries - to improve worker safety
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Criminal gets stuck in wet cement while running away from police
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On this day, be thankful you're not a teenage British girl imprisoned in Ghana for smuggling drugs
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| (don't try this at home) |
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How to cook a Thanksgiving turkey in under 30 seconds...with thermite
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| (Camden New Journal) |
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Police capture assault suspect after recognizing his buttocks on closed-circuit television
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"They said 'What is this? And I said 'It's wax.' And then I passed out and didn't wake up for five weeks." PSA: Melted wax acts like napalm. Do not wear
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Oh noes, It looks like there was a GIF Quake at PNG but scientists say that a pacific wide BMP Tsunami is not expected
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| (Hemmy.net) |
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The coolest mis-named "hive in a jar" you'll see today. It's actually an extension of the hive, but why quibble?
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Thanksgiving record: comtemporary accounts of the 1621 Thanksgiving at Plimmoth and other related historical information
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| (Some Guy) |
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Deceased man thanks friendly grocery store employee for her years of kindness with a $15,000 check and an invitation to stay on his lawn
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| (Some Guy) |
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The top 10 games that didn't live up to the hype
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Not content to let Vancouver have the spotlight, man in Nova Scotia dies after a tasering, bro
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Toddlers these days are really good with Force Lightning
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In retrospect, maybe the picture in the center wasn't very well thought out
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They never learn... Taking a nap while robbing a house will increase your chances of getting caught
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Sometimes, a house listed for sale might be a prank. This is especially true when it belongs to the Prime Minister of Australia and he's still living in it
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| (Go Erie) |
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Child abuse or college prank gone wrong? Preschool teacher ducktapes children to classroom wall
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Yes, video game for teenage girls encourages smoking and doing drugs, but also highlights the dangerous downsides: being sent to virtual rehab or having bad breath. OMG ew
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Company performing background check finds woman used drugs with cartoon characters. Speedy and Slowpoke Rodriguez unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's perp drives himself to prison in polite medium speed chase story is brought to you by Vermont
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Bank robbery in progress? Check. Brave citizen with cell phone dialing 911? Check. Ear splitting alarm announcing to armed robbers what customer is doing? Oh yeah, that's a BIG check
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| (NYDaily News) |
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Powdered mail sent to Rev. Al Sharpton, Keith Olbermann, & others with return address to "mature, grounded, open-minded, self-motivated, focused, loving, caring, aggressive when need be, concerned, fair and supportive" inmate
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Skype encryption 1, German police 0
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| (Some netherlands treat) |
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What great foods have you enjoyed once upon a time in one region or country, but it cannot be found where you are now?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this potter and his pot
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So, Mr. Armstrong are you dating Ashley Olsen? No. But we saw you... I'll pee in a cup right now
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Since today is bound to be a slow news day in the U.S., here is some fast-breaking Canadian news about snow
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Today's "alleged" teacher-student sexy time brought to you by Toronto, because American schools have the day off
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Mike Tyson read "American Gangster" while behind bars. In other news, Mike Tyson can read. It's not news, it's CNN
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Nearly 70 percent of "GenNext" see their generation as "unique and distinct from other generations"... the same thing their parents thought about their own generation, and so on and so forth
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| (Some Guy) |
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Connecticut police familiar with the case have filed the story in the you-can't-make-this-stuff-up category
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| (KCAU) |
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44 years ago today, President John Fitzgerald Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas by, a) a lone gunman, b) the KGB, c) the Masons, d) the flying spaghetti monster or e) none of the above because it doesn't fit your theory?
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Are you an 18-25 year old girl? Are you tall? Are you thin? If you answered yes to all three, you may have a job waiting for you
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Newspaper editors urged to look at comics pages like a stock portfolio, mixing in risky new comics like "Drabble" with established laugh-getters like "For Better Or For Worse" and "Cathy"
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Like a Phoenix, the Cutty Sark is rising from the ashes of the fire which nearly destroyed it six months ago
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Today I'm thankful for ___________
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| (NY Times) |
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NY Court of Appeals says it is legal to be a total, selfish schmuck and force pedestrians into the street so you can stand in the middle of Times Square. Still no cure for a herd of commuters leaving the bus terminal from mowing you down
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Hardbody Harrison's attempt to impart wrestling skill and wisdom to eight aspiring females ends in the chokehold of the law
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There may actually be an upside to the UK government's losing the personal data of 25 million people; also, article's author may answer one of your "where are they now?" questions
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Spend Thanksgiving with your favorite Supervillains and see what they're thankful for
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Jellyfish kill entire farmed salmon population of Ireland. EVERYBODY PANIC
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| (Some Turkey) |
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Photoshop this Thanksgiving feast
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| (ABS-CBN) |
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2.6 billion people worldwide currently live without toilets, according to the World Toilet Association. In other news, there's such a thing as the World Toilet Association
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Book about dying professor's last lecture sets record publishing advance. Suck it, Morrie
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man wins the admiration of his peers after chugging a quart of vodka. Police aren't sure, but they believe his death shortly thereafter may be alcohol related
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Lawyer convicted of tax evasion and fraud charges asks judge to set aside his nine-year prison term and allow him to teach course on ethics and morality to law school students instead
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Lightning strikes 17-year-old while she's in the shower. ""The whole thing was freaky," explains Little Miss Articulate (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man in bar grabs other patron's car keys, takes off in his car only to return later to pick up the credit card he'd left behind. "I honestly couldn't tell you if he was drunk or just stupid"
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| (The Ledger) |
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Guy goes to work on giant broken industrial shredder, comes out a FARK headline
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Doctors take 10 pound hairball out of 18-year-old girls stomach. It's safe to say she WAS DOING IT WRONG (with pic)
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Reject your psycho boyfriend's marriage proposal on a TV chat show - that's a stabbing
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Arkansas man has arm chopped off by train but his biggest complaint when paramedics arrived was that he was thirsty and wanted a drink of water
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Broadway strike leads to theater fans discovering that plays are held in other locations
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 133: "Curves" Difficulty: Must be safe for work. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 21, 2007 |
| (Some Guy, Name Unknown) |
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Mayor of Arkansas town resigns, was abducted and brainwashed by Satan worshippers nearly 30 years ago, has been living under assumed name and didn't realize it, oopsie
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Officer tasers man for not signing a speeding ticket. You do as you're told, citizen (video dash cam goodness)
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| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop this horn
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School teacher moonlights as an internet porn star. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with that
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"Government study: Americans reading less". Boring. Hey, Foobies has a topless Cubs fan today. Click
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Lies, damned lies, and . . . history books: First "real" Thanksgiving took place in Florida
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Astronomers may have unwittingly hastened the end of the Universe by simply looking at it
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CDC reports more adults exercising. Just not enough. And probably not you
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Advice columnist tells men that if they no longer find their wives attractive, they should come right out and tell them so. I forsee this situation ending quite badly. What do you think?
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Man convicted of assault under NZ's new nanny-state law for spanking his son three times on the hind quarters for misbehaviour at school
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Man eats 10-pound turkey, four pounds of mashed potatoes, three pounds of cranberry sauce, two-and-a-half pounds of beans and a pumpkin pie in 15 minutes to show support for the hungry. You're doing it wrong (pic)
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| (nbc4i.com) |
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Without the Tin Man and Scarecrow, this Lion was left with nothing to do except chase cars traveling on an Ohio highway (w/ pic and video)
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School changes Santa's suit to green, because red one was pretty much just advertising for Coca-Cola. Jesus wept
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| (nbc4) |
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Noose trifecta in play as Baltimore firefighters find both noose and an offensive message
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A naked Christina Applegate asks you not to buy her a fur coat for Christmas (with disappointingly SFW pic)
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Dutch police arrest suspects in Natalee Holloway case. Your favorite missing white girl is back in the news
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Texas high school newspaper publishes insightful article on widespread drug use by students. Since this is on Fark, you can guess how the principal reacted
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| (Some Gal) |
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Alabama libertarian encourages residents to send sex toys to attorney general to protest ban
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| (Creative Loafing) |
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"...alcohol is a much more fun addiction -- you get to have indiscriminate sex as a side effect and everything..."
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| (America Supports You) |
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Send a word of thanks to American troops who won't be home tomorrow because they're defending us in Iraq
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| (Scenic City Online) |
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Today's "noose found hanging at construction site" story comes from that bastion of racial harmony, Chattanooga, Tennessee. Bonus: local police get the FBI involved
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Town that saw a 13 year-old girl commit suicide may now criminalize "online harassment". This should all go over well and be 100% proveable and trackable, says representative Wrongy McDumbass
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Photoshop Challenge: Failed game-show concepts
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Atheist group to appeal judge's ruling to allow cross memorials for fallen troopers
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| (Some Frood) |
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Last-second Hampton Roads FARK Party Friday @ The Taphouse in Ghent
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| (Santa Rosa Press Democrat) |
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Court rules that GPS lies
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One man's trash is another woman's modern art piece sold for more than $1 million
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At least 150 dead in PNG floods. At least it wasn't a JPEG avalanche, or a BMP tsunami, or heaven forbid a GIF quake
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The annual list of worst book titles. The winner: "Cooking with Pooh." Runners up include: "Everything You'll Need to Remember About Alzheimer's"
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| (Some Guy) |
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If planning to scam people over the phone, make sure the person's Caller ID will not read "This is a scam" when you call them
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Pervez Musharraf set to transition from military dictator to civilian dictator on Saturday
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Sex offenders in Georgia can now live less than 1000 feet from a school, church, or area where children congregate, which is being trumpeted as a victory for absolutely no one, anywhere
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| (Some Guy) |
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Algerian basketball player racks up $47,000 phone bill for a tiny North Dakota College. Bonus: The college was barred from post season play by the NCAA because of the bill
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| (Some Tom) |
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It's the Annual Draw A Hand Turkey For Mom Contest. VE. LGT prior example
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Following the loss of 25m people's personal details, Prime Minister Brown orders data security check at all Government departments. Criminals make note to try 'password' in upper AND lower case from now on
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Chinese "investors" who put money into scheme to raise ants for an aphrodesiac tonic shocked to be told they're not getting paid; they should have been smarter and invested in exporting dangerous toys like everyone else
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Tired after Thanksgiving meal? It's not because of tryptophan in the turkey, it's because you're an overeating, sleep-deprived drunk
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| (HBO) |
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"I will say one thing about Islamic Terrorists, it has made white people and black people a lot happier to see each other in the airports" (Sponsored Links)
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Teenage girls shocked to find boys like p0rn and WoW
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Zagat rates Midwest, Virgin airlines best, still has to defeat Chun-Li and Guile in order to take them on
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Crosses sold at St. Patrick's Cathedral were made by starving young women in a Chinese sweatshop. Jesus Saves (on production costs)
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Need a last minute holiday recipe? Here's how to cook a turkey in a garbage can
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Nick Bollea to buy new pair of "pussy magnet" shoes, since his license was just suspended
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Leave it to Texas to demand that kids carry more guns on college campuses
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Obama gets endorsement from Oprah, which is good news, considering she's at least three times more influential than Ric Flair
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Astronauts practice launch, who can slam down most shots during countdown
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| (Some Guy) |
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Letter to the editor: Hooters will destroy society. WARNING: Hot wings and girls in tank tops will ruin your family
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| (WCAX) |
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Mall finds creative way to attract holiday shoppers, namely a spot on the 11 o'clock news about how creative they are
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Two pilots over Tacoma offer up one more challenge to the Big Sky Theory
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MLB auctioning off the can of bugspray used on Joba Chamberlain in the ALDS. Surely the perfect gift for any Indians fan
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| (News 5) |
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Ah, the smells of the season: Fireplaces, turkey, tear gas in the wrong apartment
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| (NC Times) |
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Not news: Attorney passes California bar exam. News: She is too young to go to a real bar to celebrate
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Boss of Croatian football team arrested for shoplifting minutes after arriving in England for team's crucial Euro 2008 qualifier today
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| (KCCI.com) |
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The only thing worse than having your SUV hit by a train is having it hit by another train a few minutes later
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Turkey Day travel to be the busiest EVAR. Just like last year and every year before. Someone should write a book about this
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Old: 7-Eleven bandits rob in ninja outfits -- New: 7-Eleven bandits rob in matching Superman pajamas
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Apparently, giving one of your students relationship advice in an e-mail now counts as a sex crime
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| (Some ZAKA guy) |
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Israel town, first responders suing Hamas in international courts for the barrage of rockets they are firing daily on their town. Good luck getting that money, guys
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| (boingboingTV) |
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I'm a turkey, running from the man. Gonna make your ass tired with all of my triptophan
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This is what happens when you get greedy with your Jesus flapjack
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Britain pays out more than $8 million in benefits to people who are too fat to work. Also, 50 acne sufferers get disability payments because they're too pizza-faced to work
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Sabotage - a French word meaning "don't piss off the striking rail workers"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Barack Obama's lifelong feud with the moon will insure no American will walk on it while he is president, suck it grey aliens
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Can't think of a headline for this, it's just so confusing. Here are the keywords: Ethnic Indians, Malaysia, suing Britain for 4 trillion pounds, stuff happened years ago in colonial times
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| (Some Guy) |
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Facebook drops the word "is", tech sites go bonkers, no one else cares
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Oil rises to over $99 a barrel due to refinery problems. Apparently the oil doesn't flow so easily when the pipes are stuffed with cash
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Girl to have 3rd arm removed from her back. Will no longer be able to give extra Dutch rudders. (w/ pic)
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There was a time, a time before cable. When the local anchorman reigned supreme. When the local anchorman never got a DUI. But that day is gone. (w/mugshot)
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| (Lincoln Tap Room) |
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Chicago Fark Party Reminder Thread - Saturday, December 1st. You have less than 2 weeks to make plans. LGT location, DIT
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| (Some Guy) |
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The U.N. denies that it is competent enough to deliberately inflate the number of AIDS cases worldwide
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Good news: Prison rape may soon be safe prison rape
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Mom jailed for allowing her daughter to miss 90 days of school in 20 weeks. Her excuses? Cat hair on trousers, bad hair days and, of course, "It's Monday."
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In order to derive better census data, the EU would like to know, "How YOU doin'?"
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Middle school principal gives organ to eighth-grader. No, not that organ...a different one
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Mississippi college student goes missing for a week, and even the cops agree that the reason media doesn't care is that she's not white
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| (News4Jax) |
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Another suspect dies after being Tasered, state death toll now at 8
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this cute hose operator
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Ever wonder what happens to your car when you use valet parking? Your worst fears are true
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Bottle collectors in Oregon forced into shady underground of glass collection after state labels their actvities illegal
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Bill O'Reilly: Toby Keith and I are the only celebrities who've been in Afghanistan this year. USO: No, we've sent 7 tours over there this year, including Al Franken, you douchebag
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| (Some Guy) |
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81-year-old woman charged with punching police officer. Photo is not someone you'd want to meet in a back alley
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While American border guards are holding up ambulances and fire trucks, the Canadian border guys are heroically pulling people from burninations
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Soldier told to "act like a drunken psycho" during training exercise. He did. The fact you're reading about it here suggests hilarity did not ensue
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California Drivers to get free turkey for passing DUI checkpoints sober. Nick Nolte, Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears need not apply
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| (WJLA) |
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Cornslide traps family, amaizingly no one seriously hurt
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My mumps, my mumps, my infectious case of mumps
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Silly: Drive to police station with suspended license to acquire door-to-door sales permit. Stupid: With beer in the car. Dumbass: After getting smoked up and reeking of pot
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| (The Oshkosh Northwestern) |
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Actual headline: Man shoots goat after wife wouldn't bring him beer
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| Tue November 20, 2007 |
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Welsh villagers want to change the name of the town because it translates to "Masturbation Meadow". Won't someone please think of the kittens
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Saudi Justice Ministry explains why rape victim was sentenced to 200 lashes. Oh, now we understand. Thanks for explaining. We're good
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Personal and banking details for every UK family has disappeared. In related news, Gringotts offers dragon security for all new accounts
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Not news: Wal-Mart stock clerk gets hit by 18 wheeler. Still not news: Family sue trucking company and get $800k Fark: Wal-Mart says the money belongs to them
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop a better teaser poster for the new "Indiana Jones" movie
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Man burns down £350,000 house to keep his wife from getting it in their divorce. That decision was not reached soberly
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| (oregonlive.com) |
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When planning your next home invasion, consider choosing a home where no one knows you
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you are going to drive around with 39 pounds of cocaine in your minivan you should probably get some license plates
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Add another item to your travel worry list: crooks use luggage tags to identify empty houses, ripe for a ripoff. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Think your boss is an idiot? There might be a reason why you were hired
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Australian airline offering 5¢ airfares starting at 7pm tonight
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Feds urge vigilance when toy shopping this year. Because that Malibu Dream House might be a TERRORIST BOMB ZOMGWTFBBQ
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1. Marry multiple underage women 2. ??? 3. Prophet
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Soldier uses Wii to catch wife doing Up, Down, Left, Right, A-B-A-B with another man
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Canadian gas station owner who won the lottery is putting his competitors out of business by charging less for gas than what it costs him
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| (Some Guy) |
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To answer the question, "How The Hell Much Do The 12 Days of Christmas Cost This Year?" In Britain, £800 million, if you have kids
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| (The Telegraph) |
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Thoughtful suicide victim leaves note on his door: "I am dead, door is open"
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Actual headline: "Student Slain to Death Near U of Chicago." It sounds twice as bad as being slain half to death
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Army chaplains want to carry guns to protect themselves against Taliban in Afghanistan. No word on whether they will also be packing holy hand grenades
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Archaeologists are convinced that they have found the place of worship where Romans believed a she-wolf suckled Romulus and Remus. Hot
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| (VanityFair) |
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Biggest, most expensive, most secure embassy in the world may already be obsolete
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If it's Thanksgiving you know there is going to be an article about police working all weekend protecting Darwin's unbuckled friends from themselves. Yup, here it is
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OMFG.... How has this gone unnoticed for 15 months?
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John Fitzgerald Page: the douche that keeps on douching. Listen closely to his whine about Fark mocking him
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Police report on the Megan Meier MySpace hoax suicide
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Mugshot roundup of arrestees with college shirts and OH MY GOD MY EYES
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Israel implements Phase 2 of its 2006 cluster bomb attack on Lebanon
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"Quit worrying about ID cards. Your details are safe with us. In fact, they're as secure as this stack of confidential files on seven million benefits recipients I've got right here in my -- whoops. Right, nobody move..."
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| (Some Guy) |
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The U.S. leads world in jailing children for life. USA! USA! USA!
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| (Some Guy) |
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"It's just under investigation, and we'll have to wait and see," said James Dye, in a fire
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Truck carrying 30,000 pounds of eggs goes over easy
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| (The Comet) |
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Apparently, the Brits fancy having sex with metalwork. First a bike, now a fence (with pic of the sexy, sexy fence)
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| (East Valley Tribune) |
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Preteen takes a stab at changing his older brother's TV-viewing habits
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Gonzales speaks at University of Florida, gets lambasted by students, leaves $40K richer
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| (Cracked) |
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The most insane medical practices in history. "If you lived more than 100 years ago, you simply weren't considered healthy if you weren't leaking silver from at least one orifice"
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Humpback whale freed off the coast of Rhode Island. Klingon Bird of Prey seen hovering in the distance
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O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, your yellow jackets are stinging
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Texas Rustlers Guinea Pig Rescue Group, which apparently exists, would like to be added to the jury pay donation form
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Birdwatcher shoots and kills cat that was about to attack the birds he was watching. So much for love and respect of nature
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| (edmontonsun.com) |
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Man uses classic photoshop as "evidence" that cat charity founder is abusing kittens
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St. Louis may only be America's second most dangerous city nowadays, but at least they still lead the nation in STD infection rates
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| (Radar Online) |
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Denver is named the most dangerously drunk city in America. Finally, Boston loses at something
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Whole bunch of Benjamins nets a John Hancock
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You see them once a year, you have no clue how they're made, and they top the worst Thanksgiving side dish of all time: They are french fried onions. [Editor: The BEST, dumdum!]
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No embryos needed in latest stem cell breakthrough. So all you folks having abortions for the sake of science can stop now
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"If my bra is a threat to national security, we're in big trouble"
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Christians seek right to sue BBC for blasphemy? Jesus tapdancing Christ on a pogo stick
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If you're committing road rage and give the other driver the finger, make sure it's not with the hand that has the identifiable tattoo on the back
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| (Springfield News-Leader) |
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You've just burglarized a few houses and the police are in the area. Pick a good hiding spot. How about up a tree? Normally a good idea, but not in November when the leaves are gone
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Black Friday: More full of crap than you previously thought
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Dalai Lama says he may appoint a successor. Submitter thinks that would look pretty cool on his business card, wonders if there's a form he needs to fill out or something
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Michigan paramedic, who happens to be a former military sniper, shoots armed robber who won't drop his weapon and then proceeds to save the guy's life. He gets the tag
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| (WHBF) |
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Son, you got a panty on your head
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| (NY Daily News) |
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New perfume "Eau De Brooklyn", for those of you who want to smell like soot, stale urine, and garbage
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Study: women over 55 are enjoying sex more than they were a decade ago. Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
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Man arrested for running down the highway naked, assaulting two people and causing three accidents. Surprisingly, he was drunk at the time
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Detroit denounces crime study, threatens to pop a cap in the ass of whoever wrote it
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| (Some Bar Passer) |
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If you fail the South Carolina Bar, do you: A) Study harder for the next exam; B) Apply for a job at Wal-Mart; C) Ask your judge or legislator father to intervene; or D) Say "fark it" and go to medical school?
|
| (Buffalo News) |
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Drunk man has no idea how he ended up in a burned-out vacant building, but it might have something to do with the naked woman that stole his SUV
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| (Bath Chronicle) |
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New fleet of ambulances can carry patients of up to 55 stone (770 lbs). Vehicles recognisable by their special hoists, firmer suspension and the words 'Moscow State Circus' crossed out on the side
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Experts from overblown U.N. AIDS estimates: "'There are some encouraging elements in the data,' said De Cock." "'They've finally got caught with their pants down,' said Dr. Jim Chin"
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Israeli PM Ehud Olmert hopes a peace deal can be reached with the Palestinians by 2008, because scientists estimate they will have thrown all their rocks out of the country by then
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New Guinea police hijack plane full of cash they were supposed to be escorting, forcing it to land on deserted island and leaving the pilots handcuffed to a tree. But it's the 'WTF?' pic that really makes the article
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If you and your idiot thieving friends are stealing from malls and then hiding it in your car, don't ask the police for help finding your car in the parking lot
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Life imitates The Onion: Striking Hollywood writers stress over whether or not their picket sign is funny
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Photoshop these golden windows
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