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| Sun October 28, 2007 |
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If you are parliamentary secretary to the Minister of Transport, you might want to curb your impulse for speed
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Forget Rudy's zero tolerance, it's unleaded gas that did for the mugging capital of America
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Another way the rich get richer: timing conception to boost their children's grades. Wait, what?
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Usually "drunk" and "virgin" are two words that go great together. Not so much here
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TV reporters with hidden cameras bring a computer with a $25 defect to various computer repair companies. Turns out that most of the "techs" range from $200 idiots to outright $2000 scammers
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| (Some Guy Ex G.I.) |
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G.I. Joe is no longer an American Hero
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Twins separated at birth reunited after 35 years. With no evidence of Spock-like goatee, scientist unable to determine which twin is evil
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| (Some Guy) |
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Judging from the way I look, people would NEVER guess that I _______________
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It's do or die tonight for the Rox, or it could be the second championship in the last four years for the Sox: Your World Series Game 4 discussion thread
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| (Trib Live) |
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"In my opinion, it appears to be a juvenile Sasquatch"
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Old and busted: tattoos. New hotness among idiots: branding. ""It was an incredible experience. There was smoke coming out of my arm and my burnt flesh smelled like a cross between chicken and bacon"
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General Petraeus cites "mafia-like" criminals as latest threat in Iraq, after finding severed camel head in his bedsheets
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| (Some Guy) |
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The end of October is a very festive time for residents of Coarsegold, CA. "They're all over the roads." No, not trick-or-treaters. Tarantulas
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| (Interfacelift) |
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Photoshop these aviators
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Minorities less likely to Trick or Treat, mainly because everyone refuses to accept the new holiday name Kwanzaween
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"The typical young tourist that comes here drinks an awful lot of beer, smokes an awful lot of grass, and then takes mushrooms. That's the recipe for disaster"
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Muggles protest the opening of a witch school in Illinois
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| (MetroWest Daily News) |
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Caption this girl
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| (Some Guy) |
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The undiscovered "Calvin & Hobbes" and other rare Bill Watterson works
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Captain Underpants blamed for Halloween costume ban
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"The dirty secret of the information revolution is that much of it is about repackaging other people's stories." Fark's crack journalistic team objects
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| (KCCI.com) |
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Tired of being told to fetch, dog shoots owner. So much for man's best friend
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Schwarzenegger vows to find arsonists, will start with everybody whose last name is Connor
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Organizers suspect the reason the divorce fair had light attendance was probably because no one wants to be photographed attending a divorce fair
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| (The E-T) |
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Roughly one-third of lottery winners find themselves in serious financial trouble or bankrupt within five years
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Family finds hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of old coins after great-grandma had apparently been tossing them into a hole in the wall for decades
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The planet is in the grips of the sixth great extinction in its 4.5-billion-year history
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Swedes invent new eco-friendly alternative to cremation: freeze-dry the body in liquid nitrogen, shatter the whole thing into powder, then sift powder to get rid of metal fillings, joint prosthesis and boobie implants. Seriously
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Firemen in hot water over video prank with hose-on-hose action. With YouTube posting goodness
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Anonymous UK royal gets blackmailed for hookers and blow. Harry, Harry, Harry
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| (Some Guy) |
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Newest Halloween craze: "Trunk or Treating" --Instead of going house to house trick or treating, kids go from trunk to trunk [blank stare]
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Cal Ripken to serve as special diplomatic envoy to China. Plan said to include marathon negotiating sessions that just keep going and going until the other side drops and concedes
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How some guy stole over 130 laptops from offices of major corporations, and how he got caught
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dallas police on the lookout for a fearsome criminal mastermind: a yogurt-eating bandit. "He thinks he's unstoppable. He goes in, burglarizes the places, he has a snack, and then he leaves"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Used car to drive to college: $4,000. Bachelor's Degree in Journalism: $100,000. Inability to rotate a photo 90º for your newspaper's website: priceless
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Childhood expert to bullying victims: "Man up, Nancy"
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| (Some Guy) |
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From the Some Headlines Don't Need Additional Comment Department: Cooter crisis in Citrus County
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| (The Times Record) |
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Not news: Man runs for the school board. News: He's only 21. Fark: With 18 criminal convictions in the past two years. Welcome to politics my boy, you're off to a grand start
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this trigger happy youth, and his big ass machine gun
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As you drive through Boston, admire the $250 million car pool lane that nobody uses because it doesn't go anywhere and isn't any faster than the lane you're in
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Caption this Hitchcockian scene
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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When she died family members put her in a homemade wooden casket and laid it on two sawhorses in the dining room of her condo. For two days. Welcome to the green funeral
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Flight diverted after woman tries to open emergency door over wing. Dragged off shouting something about gremlins
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British bureaucracy is laying off circus clowns left, right and center ring, turning them into the crying-on-the-outside kind, I guess
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Not news: Burglar breaks window to get into home. Fark: He slips and cuts his throat on the jagged glass
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| (Some Guy) |
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Craig found in public restroom snuggling with anatomically correct inflatable doll
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LOLZOMBIES
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| (Northwest Florida Daily News) |
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Son racks up $53,000 tab at strip club; father says dancers exploited him. For $53k, there'd better be sex in the champagne room
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Emo kids, emo parents, and now emo pastors. Let's all looooove Britney Spears. (HUUUUGGGGSS)
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Photoshop this ecstatic baseball player
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Inventors of Internet say if they'd known it would be carrying that much porn by 2007, they would have built it to be more robust. No, not Al Gore - the guys who really invented it
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Old and busted: Road rage. New hotness: Father and son tag team road rage
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Rain eases wildfire conditions in California. Tune in tomorrow for hysterical threads about how floods and mudslides are washing the left coast into the sea
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| (kare11) |
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Clerk of court falsifies computer records on 70 of her parking tickets. That's a firing
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The last known British survivor of the trenches of WW1, Harry Patch, 109, launches his local poppy appeal
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| Sat October 27, 2007 |
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Five drinking stories that made history
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Beer prices to increase due to shortage of hops. EVERYBODY PANIC
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thieves try to explain to police why they were driving a stolen car, but stay quiet about the alligator foot they were carrying
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| (Courier Post) |
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It just wouldn't be Halloween without the annual Pumpkin Chuckin' trebuchet competition (with pics)
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Can the Rockies heat up in cool Colorado? Can Ortiz remember which hand to put the first baseman's glove on? Will anyone other than ticket brokers show up at the game? These stories and a minute with Andy Rooney, tonight in Game Three
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| (Some Mom) |
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Teacher of the Year candidate tutors 2nd-graders in 'tasting game': "You wear this blindfold and tell me what flavor is on my banana." Bonus: He had them bob their heads, too
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these 1940s housewives
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| (Consumerist) |
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TSA Screener breaks guy's laptop, then threatens to arrest him. Why do laptop owners hate America?
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Air quality is so bad in Southern California that people are told to "sit quietly at home and watch TV." The arsonists have won
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: Floridian shoots intruder in home. News: Shooter is 75 years old. FARK: He's also legally blind
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Oh, those crazy criminals and their "witty" t-shirt slogans. The Smoking Gun is there
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Bikers complain that "bus knuckles" in road are causing them to crash their motorcycles. Like this is a bad thing
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Despite the great story from last week, FBI says Washington State man "is not a viable suspect" in the D.B. Cooper case
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Policeman, who left his earpiece in to stay in contact in case he was needed, cleared of criminal charges in "sex-on-the-job" case
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| (Some Guy) |
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The next big threat to America: illegal, unlicensed cheese
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| (Arthur's Hall) |
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From the author who brought you the "Ten Manliest Firearms" comes the "Manly Way To Cook Meat." Suck it, veggie lovers
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"The failure of the major media in the United States to cover the extraterrestrial issue is one of the great failures of journalism"
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| (Buffalo News) |
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The Buffalo News would like to take the time to remind you not to set your clocks back tonight
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Georgia is not alone - government forecasters say that within the next five years, 36 states will be facing record fresh water shortages. Hey buddy, can you spare a cup of water?
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| (Some Guy) |
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NY rumored to have started a speed trap program using E-Z Pass detectors hidden along certain stretches of highway. The terrorists have won
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| (Some Guy) |
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Which is worse, an escaped lion or inbred hillbillies with guns hunting the lion?
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Dutch protesters make bid to save "magic mushrooms." Yes, these are the mushrooms you're thinking about
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Peter Piper pilfered power to produce prolific patch of pot plants. Prosecutors put Peter Piper in prison, prescribe probation as possible post-prison procedure
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Government concludes spontaneous combustion of town's appliances caused by aliens
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| (400 yards of fun) |
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400 meter run kills boy who tried to run 400 meters then died death while trying to go that far whent he man says "hey go run 400 meters" and the kid says ok and then runs 400 meters then dies
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Both of the illegal aliens living in Maine are pissed they will have to learn English to get a driver's license
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| (Some Guy) |
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Weird news: Lobsters stage mass breakout from supermarket. Farkworthy: Police took them to animal shelter
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| (Chronicle Live) |
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Life imitates Reno 911 as police chasing streaker suddenly find themselves pursued by him (with pic of fleeing man buttocks)
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| (Metro.co.uk) |
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"When you catch your wife in another man's house wearing only a towel while eating a Chinese take-away there really can only be one thought"
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| (WMUR 9) |
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Authorities investigate a mysterious green light that illuminated a passenger plane during takeoff. Confused as to why that particular plane was greenlit, and not a better one
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Weird: Woman lost in forest is saved by her ocarina. Weirder: her dog was no help because he only understands Japanesse
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| (Some Welsh Guy) |
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Cops use spy camera to arrest man for making school kids cooler, more popular
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this bumpy ball
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| (Some Guy) |
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With the West now sufficiently pussified, China is now the land of real men
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Boston Fark Party: TONIGHT, October 27th at the Times Irish Bar, Boston. DIT - Come party with your fellow Farkers
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Man convicted of tossing puppy off balcony in fight with girlfriend will spend next three years tossing salad
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| (Gothamist) |
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Port Authority now trapping feral cats who are "enemy number one" at JFK airport. With "I can haz bording pass?" photos
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| (KMBC) |
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Two-alarm fire strikes vacant bowling alley, nothing is spared, arsonists suspected of making a 7-10 split from the scene
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Not News: Man commits suicide News: at work Fark: by climbing into heavy industrial machinery, turning it on, and being crushed to death
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I-Mockery's Ultimate Guide to the Halloween Candies of 2007. Helllllooooo tooth decay
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Pub owner faces charges when, after nationwide smoking ban that forced his customers to smoke outside, their smoke drifted into nearby yard and destroyed "natural smell of fresh air"
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Not only did a pit bull save her owner during a home invasion robbery, she gave police the DNA evidence to arrest the suspect
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this fringe
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Man dying of cancer bets bookies that he'll beat longest known survival time for someone with his condition and live until June 1, 2008 - and they give him 50:1 odds
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| (Some Guy) |
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Waitress in fish and chip shop wins £1 million jackpot, last heard screaming, "OH MY COD" (pic)
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Step 1: Get a cardboard box. 2: And a Glass Cutter. 3. Profit. Fark: Get caught by cops. Double Fark: Cops are impressed with ingenuity of these criminals
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The Magic Is Gone: Emma Watson splits with boyfriend while working on Half-Blood Prince movie
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Killer who has spent two decades running from and taunting U.S. law enforcement captured in Canada by rookie Mountie six weeks out of the academy. They always get their man
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Dozens killed as floods hit war-torn Congo, even after citizens form a long line to dance their way to safety
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| (Some Rockies Fan) |
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"A 400-foot hit in Boston travels 440 feet in Denver. A pitch thrown at Coors Field is 6 inches ahead of the same pitch at Fenway Park."
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Actual headline on the front page of CNN: "What to do if your house has ghosts" Strangely, "Put down the crack pipe" not first item on list
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wal-Mart employee takes photo of customer's butt with cell phone. Now faces two years in prison
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Fat women are more jolly, especially when you bring the flour
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Teen who can't STFU and her idiot father challenge Illinois law calling on moment of reflective silence at beginning of each school day
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| Fri October 26, 2007 |
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Six-year-old girl raises £4,000 for cancer drugs to save her dad's life (pic)
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Sen. Craig to argue that soliciting in the bathroom is free speech. He wasn't doing that, of course, but you know, if someone else did
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Nothing quite like a good cold beer, unless of course you count the $1,000 King Richard's Pride cocktail
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British Army raises morale among fighting troops by having Page 3 girls go commando. The Sun is there (SFWpics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: Man steals camera from Circuit City. News: Police have obtained a photo of suspect. Fark.com: Suspect took the photo himself, on a display camera he left in the store
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Pets and their owners "are like married couples" and get more alike the longer they live together. You're beginning to crave steak
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| (Some Gun Happy Guy) |
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The ten manliest firearms in the world. With bonus pic goodness of the author's 9-year-old daughter cradling her very own pink-stocked custom built AR15
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Syrian nuclear site that Israel bombed but that was not, according to Syria, a nuclear site is now a barren site with no debris to test (satellite photos)
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How many bytes in a kilobyte? a) 1024, b) 1000, c) 5% refund
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Boston jail becomes posh hotel. Now if we could just get the rest of the Spice Girls in there
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REMINDER: Boston Fark Party, TOMORROW. Farktoberfest 2007 at the Times Irish Bar, Boston. Final Details In Thread. Party Starts at 6
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| (Some Alaskan Guy) |
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Jogger bitten in the ass by bear... or better known simply as Thursday in Alaska
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Best. Advice. Ever
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Governor of Fark's favorite state needs to be invited to the next Tallahassee Fark Party
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| (Some Atheist) |
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Coming soon to a bumper near you: atheists now have their own symbol to counter the infamous Christian fish
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What do you get the person who has everything? How about an authentic Japanese Buddhist temple
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CVS thieves make off with $800 in Crest WhiteStrips and electric toothbrushes
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| (Some English) |
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Five Amish teenagers arrested for vandalism spree after late night drinking party. "Authorities accused the suspects of using large rocks to smash the windows and breaking two bird houses in their early morning rampage"
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Joining the Mile High Club has never been easier (with disgusting pornographic pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Naked man tries to swim away from police by jumping in Gulf of Mexico. After two hours, realizes he might not have thought his cunning plan through
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Two teenagers break into a house, discover a shotgun lying around... you're reading this on Fark, so you can imagine why only one of them is now being charged with a crime
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Polish man sues Germany for injuries he received... in 1944
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Police officer charged with molesting mentally handicapped girls. This is not just an abuse of his authority, it's farking retarded
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| (Daily Mail) |
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News: Hospital sued over misdiagnosis of gall bladder infection. Fark: Misdiagnosed as a case of child molestation by a satanic cult. Whoopsie
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Teenager in go-kart eludes seven German police cars. Chief to advocate equipping all police vehicles with red turtle shells
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What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? If you're a Maryland judge, the correct answer is "sadomasochists sometimes like to get beat up. Not guilty"
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New pancake mix spews batter like easy cheese. Peter North, you've now got competition
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| (Volunteer TV) |
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Teacher, student, mugshot, meh
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Photoshop this skateboarding cop
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| (Some Guy) |
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Associated Press' Center for the Blindingly Obvious reports rise in cases of teacher/student sex, greenlights on Fark
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| (WBZTV) |
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Woman, hoping to break up an ex-boyfriend's marriage, posts pics and profiles of his wife on various adult websites. Hilarity ensues
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Nearly eight out of ten Americans believe there will be a Judgement Day and have "no doubt" that God exists. Suck it, atheists
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man writes an IOU to his girlfriend for $13,300 if they ever break up. They break up and the court rules he has to pay
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Bad: Woman stabs man. Good: woman then takes him to hospital. Bad: where she proceeds to rob him
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man breaks into his ex-girlfriend's home, falls asleep hiding in her closet. She later discovered him because of the odor of beer. Why did she ever let this charming rogue go?
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Utah's Liquor Control Commissioner wants bars and restaurants to cover up their liquor bottles for fear of offending non-drinkers
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Man in wheelchair disarms and kills invader... chair-mounted shotgun holder to be invented soon
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Houston toddlers test positive for cocaine, slap Charlie Murphy
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| (Some Guy) |
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"What do you want on your pizza?" "Two cheeseburgers, fries and McNuggets"
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Police were chasing an Oregon man when he fled into Idaho -- and then doubled back because he preferred Oregon jails to the ones in Idaho
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Ghost expert: New York City perfect environment for unrested souls
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| (Live Free or Die) |
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On second thought, maybe nachos would have been better for the Red Sox game-watching party. Instead of heroin
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| (Some Guy) |
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52-year-old homeless man found wandering a Kohl's store wearing a pink camisole and panties
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| (Statesman.com) |
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Cancer boy to receive new miniature horse after dogs slaughtered his last one. Higher fences not included
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Man arrested after being found in a restroom lying next to an anatomically correct inflatable doll. This comes three years after getting busted in an alley with a mannequin wearing a bridal dress
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| (WTvF) |
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It's hard to say which is worse: the fact that there is yet another teacher busted having sex with underage students, or the misleading pics on the site that make it seem like it was a hot lesbian threesome
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More recalls of children's items -- this time baby seats -- because people are too stupid to read warnings
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Turkish Air Strikes underway. Les Nessman wanted for questioning
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Man buys Jim Belushi's 2001 Land Rover, then sues him because it's a lemon. Welcome to Land Rover
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If all you had was ten minutes, what would you take?
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30 yr old woman has sex with 16 yr old boy. The police said her "story is unique. One reason why, the suspect is a woman." The police obviously don't have a Fark account... or a TV... or a newspaper... or a clue
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FEMA sends staffers impersonating reporters to press conference on California wildfires to lob softball questions at officials about what a great job FEMA did
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A man has been placed on the sex offenders' register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle. Dude, you're doing it wrong
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| (Some Truthiness Guy) |
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Now that Stephen Colbert is running for president, create a campaign commercial for him. Bonus points for making up new words
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Supreme Court of Georgia says teen sex conviction "cruel and unusual" punishment
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England to begin HPV vaccinations in all school girls starting at age 12. Of course, we in the U.S. know that this will result in a generation of sluts
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Navy fires nuclear submarine commader after discovering he failed to do safety checks on his boat's reactor for almost six months, was mean to Denzel Washington
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Oil reaches $92 a barrel on news that every car in the world is powered by it
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Man goes into a burning building and rescues two people, comes out, passes out, and then is arrested
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Man and woman get into fistfight in the middle of a busy interstate on-ramp. Oncoming car turns it into a draw
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Surgeon removes "inoperable" brain tumor from 7-year-old girl
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Your patient starts foaming at the mouth and loses consciousness in your dental chair. Do you: a) start medical treatment, b) call 911, or c) dump her at the curb like garbage?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these movie goers
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Evolutionary theorist states that humans will split into two species within 100,000 years. Good: Bigger penises. Bad: Morlocks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man jailed after biting off his roommate's ear. Mike Tyson not impressed
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Japan plans to fingerprint and photograph all foreign visitors in an effort to fight terrorism
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Father of fallen Marine is suing the attention whores at the Westboro Baptist church for protesting his son's funeral
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Pumpkins can grow in trees. Who knew?
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Oil prices surge to a record high on news of free tacos from Taco Bell
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Man attends Robbie Williams concert, returns to hotel, is electrocuted in shower. Girlfriend says he let out this horrible scream and then went expressionless. Says the backing band weren't much better, either
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"A federal agency has banned flag-folding recitations at U.S. veterans cemeteries after a complaint over religious content."
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Number of young people smoking pot in Britain plunges in three years after government decriminalizes small amounts and it's no longer cool and edgy to be a stoner, just stupid
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Suspected cannibal refuses to make plea, says eat me
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Boy born without one gets a new one torn for him by doctor, for free. It is remarkable
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No, Diego, No!
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AP provides happy ending to reporterette: "Red tape hampered initial fire efforts: nearly two dozen water-dropping helicopters and two massive cargo planes sat by, grounded by government rules and bureaucracy"
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| (Some TFette) |
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Photoshop this vampire slayer
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Traffic in Illinois' largest state park brought to a standstill as line idiots drive around barricades and sink their vehicles in a freshly-poured concrete road
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ABC in L.A. is holding a fire relief drive Friday, so donate what you can, and even meet Ric Romero. For those who don't know what donating is, Ric will explain it for you
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Minneapolis bridge collapse survivors want a 9/11 type fund
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| Thu October 25, 2007 |
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Al-Qaida furious at Al-Jazeera for Al-lowing excerpts of Bin Laden criticizing mistakes by insurgents
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| (Taco Bell) |
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Thanks to Jacoby Ellsbury stealing a base, everyone gets a free taco from Taco Bell on Oct. 30th from 2-5pm
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Holy Guacamole. Start budgeting for the Super Bowl Party. Because of the SoCal fires avocados are going to cost a $1.50 or $2 each. A third of all California avocados were destroyed
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The cake was lovely, with two brides on top. The flowers were a pretty shade of inmate request form pink. Eight officers were disciplined after two inmates wed
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| (WSBTV) |
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Police officer issued a ticket to City Hall for violating the city's outdoor watering ban
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President Bush lands at Miramar to tour fires, calls on Miramar leadership to stop cracking down on monks
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Oopsies, school suspended female student for accusing special ed teacher of having sex with disabled student two weeks before teacher's arrest
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One-third of Americans say they believe in stupid and irrational crap including UFOs, ghosts and chiropractic _______
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Two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onion hepatitis on a sesame seed bun
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| (Times Herald Record) |
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Indictment: Man drove drunk, with an open container, the wrong way on a four-lane road, with his two-year-old daughter in the car, unrestrained, with expired insurance and registration and no license. Yahtzee
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| (Some Guy) |
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Forty-seven treated for pepper spray exposure after deputies break up high school girl fight. That's some fine police work, Lou
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US Postal Service unveils new Yoda stamp. Unfortunately they went with young Yoda design and not the bloated, drugged out, performing in Vegas, dead-on-a-toilet Yoda
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FAA and Air Traffic Controllers continue to up the ante in feud over poker table
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this old John Deere
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| (Some Guy) |
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"There are a lot of military people who think women in combat is a horrible idea, but it's career suicide to say it"
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| (Some Guy) |
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A man whose dying wish was to be buried along with his mobile phone has to be dug up again after his family discovered they had forgotten to insert his SIM card. Whoopsie
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Florida joining Alabama in water war against Georgia. The Georgian War of Water Aggression begins
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Caption this unusual encounter
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The Dog of Peace and Mercy has struck again. This time, the victim is a miniature horse donated to a cancer stricken child
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nearly 25% of Americans think the Internet can be a replacement for a significant other. "Why computers are better than women" list starts in the thread to the right
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Terry Francona announces that Josh Beckett will start games 1, 4, 7, 2, 6, 3, 5
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"Human pincushion" saved by doctors after parents insert 26 needles into her in attempt to change her sex (this one's got pics, X-rays, everything)
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Man who recently painted a nude Mozart and stuck feathers in it is pressuring officials to remove a 20-year-old nude Jesus from a public square
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Recovering alcoholic breaks down in a Wal-Mart and starts drinking bottles of Jack Daniels Lynchburg Lemonade from the shelf. Who among us hasn't wanted to get drunk inside a Wal-Mart?
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Twin ugly-ass two-pound baby tigers born at the Buffalo Zoo. (with cute-ass pics)
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Cosmo has seven new rules for dating. In a nutshell, they want women to be more like a selfish biatch
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| (Live Free or Die) |
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City knocks down illegal campsite, homeless dude who built it sues city for damages
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| (Fundieville, GA) |
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City refuses donation towards new fire truck because donor's shop sells sex toys
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| (KSL.com) |
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Here we go again. Another hot teacher jailed for sexing up a student. With mug shot evidence of hittabililty
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| (Some Guy) |
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Men looking for casual sex are most likely to try to get some from girls named "Kelly", according to the stupidest survey ever. Not that it's stopping the media from running with it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Zero tolerance gone wild: Man arrested at grocery store for eating 10 jelly beans
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| (KSAT) |
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Man convicted of 1992 murder when he was 12 and already in jail for 16 years has appeal hearing, re-sentenced to 40 years instead of 27. Whoops
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In a new low, even for Florida, a 33-year-old teacher has sex with her mentally disabled 16-year-old student
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| (Your Brother This Day) |
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Today is St. Crispin's day, we happy few, we band of Farkers
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St. Louis tourism officials create new slogan only to find out it is already the slogan for two other cities. Let's help them come up with a new, never-before-used slogan
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It's all fun and games when you let your 11 year old ride her bike down the hill on the street without a helmet. Then someone gets hurt and it's a $27.5M lawsuit. Fark: because the street had a hill and guideposts
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| (Rasmussen Reports) |
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Stephen Colbert polling 13% in a three-way race against Hillary and Rudy. Take THAT Ron Paul
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"Oh well all you have to do is tap your heels together three times." "Really?" "No you f**king dips**t that was a joke."
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Minor earthquake hits small obscure CA town, causes no damages or injuries yet stays on FoxNews Main page for two days. Subby points at a book about MSM by a less obscure Kentucky author as the explanation
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Pentagon claims that military personnel in Iraq should be under military command for some damn reason or other
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Dolphins used to look like humans and lived in Atlantis
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Sam Adams upset at Sam Adams for using the name Sam Adams
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The bull moose and the hunting decoy: a love story
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I would have come up with a witty headline but my car just hit a water buffalo
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Been waiting for a minivan that says, "Yeah, I'm a badass"? Well, Toyota wants to talk to you
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Gulf of Mexico accident kills 18 oil workers, which is the equivalent of an additional $7 per barrel
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Family's decorative Halloween spider web catches 6 year old. This is why we can't have anything creepy
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Russian immigrant lving in Utah accused of using Australians to kill New York man in Thailand, based on evidence found by a man going through records in Florida on behalf of a Canadian investor who lives in Spain
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| (Florida Today) |
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NASA just informed the shuttle/station crew that a chunk of ice struck the shuttle at liftoff
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The guy who tagged his teacher has been outdone. By the guy who tagged his principal (with happy birthday pic)
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Who is the worst person in the world? Hint: he can "bench/squat/leg press 1200 lbs.," "was in 14 major motion pictures," and nobody gives a Fark
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop Ingredient: Cheese
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| (Some Unemployed guy) |
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New School Bus Driver Rule # 12: When your bus breaks down, DON'T kick the kids off the bus for being noisy and then pull away without them. FAIL
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Grenade-throwing practice. 1) pull the pin, 2) let it cook off a bit ... wait for it
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Presidential candidate suggests that students pursuing worthless degrees should get less financial support. You submitted this with a more elegant headline inspired by your degree in classical English literature
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The Airbus A380, which promises to allow airline companies to push customers to previously unimaginable levels of cattledom, completes its maiden voyage
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| (Some Guy) |
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Joseph Stalin ordered a biologist to create a race of half-man, half-ape soldiers called "humanzee" who would be "insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat." Dr. Zais approves
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Terri Irwin admits she misses Steve's One-eyed Trouser Snake
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| (SF Reporter) |
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"I went in the 6-foot vulva costume and gave away invitations to our camp, where we were giving away free oral sex"
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| (IndyChannel) |
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Whiskey Toddler Foxtrot. Mom gives 4-month old daughter baby bottle with whiskey, to make her stop crying. (with non-MILFy mugshot)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Late season baby-boom at Knowsley Safari Park (with ugly-ass pic goodness)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: School bus driver tests positive for marijuana use. News: She's blaming the results on secondhand smoke... from the kids who ride her bus
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Miners to be taught about menopause to increase their sex life and make them better workers. Miners, not minors
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| (New India Press) |
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Carnivorous trees have started eating cows in India. No really
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| (Statesman Journal) |
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Parents of Oregon middle school students give the finger to new fingerprint payment system
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Mother pig stops traffic by feeding piglets in the middle of a busy street (w/ boar-ing pic)
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Factory worker now facing daily snickers from co-workers over his huge $1200 Dumbledore back tattoo. "It seemed like a good idea at the time"
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| (KXII) |
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Woman driver asks male hitch hiker for oral sex. Then it gets weird. Really weird
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these bullets
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| (Some Guy) |
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Georgia and Alabama are about to go to war over who should get water
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| (Some Finn) |
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Nelson Mandela once saved the prime minister of Sweden from a vicious restroom tongue lashing. Everybody gets one
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Prostitutes sew lips together, business down by 50%
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Execution of terminally-ill inmate in Alabama inmate halted because execution might not kill him
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| (Some Guy) |
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Church offers Jesus-friendly alternative haunted house for kids this Halloween, featuring walk-through scenes of the horrors of drugs, alcohol, abortion, self-mutilation, and more
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Mom driving van of teenage cheerleaders pulls up next to boys driving SUV, who pass the girls a beer. Predictable outrage ensues
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 129: "Powers of Two" Details and rules in Boobies. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed October 24, 2007 |
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Having rid the city of all crime and poverty, Dallas targets droopy drawers
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If you were charged with a DUI in Chicago during the past 5 years, you might be off the hook. Fark party in 3... 2... 1
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this... very wrong... photograph
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"Plus-sized" club opens in Reno with rousing chorus of "Baby Got Back." Submitter stocking up on flour
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Hillary Clinton says that dental surgery makes Bill horny. List now includes everything on earth
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Russian serial killer found guilty of 48 murders, bit pissed as he wanted to commit 64, one for each square of the chessboard. With creepy-ass pic
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Surrogate mom tells couple, "Just kidding, I'm actually keeping the baby for myself" and wins full custody of the child in question. The father is considered a sperm donor and therefore has his paternal rights terminated. Riiight
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| (Some Guy) |
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San Francisco Fark Party Tues. 11/13 @ 9pm. This will be a private party for Farkers - bar will be closed to the public for the night. LGT venue details
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this big mouth
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Durex looking for male and female condom testers, should be a very hard job so you should come early. Penis
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| (Pittsfield Gazette) |
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To comply with federal education law, fourth graders draft constitution for class. List of rights includes extra recess time
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| (ksl) |
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Despite being 5'4" and 110 pounds, the mayor of Ogden, Utah tackles a bicycle thief, puts him in a headlock, and holds him until police arrived. Next up, a fight to the death with Chuck Norris
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| (The Jewish Bugle) |
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Iran to buy 24 Chinese fighters based on Israeli technology stolen from the United States
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| (Swocol.com) |
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Wendy's and Panera pronounced favorites in fast food faceoff. In-And-Out Burgers demands a recount
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| (Times Dispatch) |
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Mother and daughter join the Army together. With MILFish picture goodness
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Rox v. Sox - David v. Goliath. Bring it on. World Series game one discussion thread
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Not News: Lawyer arrested for sexual assault. News: He's already facing charges in two other cases. Fark: He was named one of People Magazine's "Most Eligible Bachelors"
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MSNBC reporting tsunami warning off coast of Indonesia after 7.0 quake
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The wrath of God inficted on New Zealand couple... brought to you today by the wind, an earthquake, and the letter H
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hero sex offender rescues three-year-old Omaha boy who wandered away from his house in middle of the night. "Nothing happened to the child. The child is safe," say police
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Students wear empty holsters to school to protest campus rules prohibiting guns. Article includes a pic worthy of being the next cover for "Internet Tough Guy Magazine"
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Fire could burn up last remaining power link to San Diego, plunging city int
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♫ Who can tell a driver / Parked outside a school / Move your car 'cause where you are is not within the rules... Oh, the lollipop man / But the driver flipped his lid and beat the old guy good ♫
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FCC wins right to let telcos charge whatever they like to ISPs. There goes your cheap Internet access. Suck it "free market"
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New Republic Iraq diarist exposed to be a complete and total fraud. Those who believed it exposed to be complete and total idiots
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Investigative journalist uncovers seedy underworld of mac-and-cheese, from $4 "cheezy" noodles to $22 baked farmhouse cheddar and bacon macaroni. Farking kraftheads
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Argentina's first lady is a 20-point favorite to win the upcoming presidential election; if you can imagine something so crazy
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Mayor of tiny St. Louis suburb famous for videotaped police encounter resigns after being arrested for drug possession
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| (Daily News Journal) |
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Man's fledgling babysitting career on the skids after the three-year-old he was watching was found a mile away, zipping through heavy traffic on his Big Wheel
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Investigation rules that Officer Bro was correct to taze the asshat that interrupted John Kerry
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| (Wikipedia) |
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It's United Nations Day... did you remember to send your loved ones a strongly worded letter?
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Southern California Fires - Discussion Thread #10
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This generation's little snowflakes are dumber than rocks, and there's plenty of blame to spread around
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This month's Space Shuttle launch problem seems to be a case of singed wings
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Terrorist watch list swells to more than 750,000 names. Security forces are on the lookout for Ivana Pee and Richard Cranium. Heywood Jablowme unavailable for comment
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Man beats 67 million to 1 odds by making two holes-in-one in same round of golf. Too bad he got hit by lightning during the best round of his life
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| (Shiny Sheet) |
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What do you think counts as rich? Some say a car that runs or a luxury car, but in Palm Beach, $50 million is considered just comfortable
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Gas station cashier tells gun-toting robber that she's "too busy" to deal with him. "British people don't stop work just because someone is trying to bully us with guns" (pic)
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Today's "alleged" thief stuck in an airshaft brought to by the letters F and L, and the number 10. Claims he was "trying to chase the cat." Well now, haven't we all? (w/pic goodness)
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Wild turkeys running amok throughout Boston and the suburbs. Jim Beam and Jack Daniels still under control
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| (How Appealing) |
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Court strikes down age verification requirements for porn sites, as a First Amendment violation
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If you're a not-hot teacher that's bangin' a 15 year old student, at least wait until he has a driver's license before letting him use your car
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Photoshop this creepy guy's collection of citrine stones
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Another day, another fashion police law enacted in Lousiana
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Turns out there was a reason nursing home cat knew when elderly were checking out. Purina now considering fava bean & chianti offering
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| (Some Guy) |
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The family that slays together, stays together
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"Duck and cover" may return to city schools... only not because of bombs
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Deputy suspended for attending popular cole-slaw wrestling event. And people wonder why Fark has a "Florida" tag
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Campaign law may make Stephen Colbert's presidential campaign illegal because he's sponsored by Doritos ... seriously. Also, couldn't anyone at ABC find a current photo of a bag of Doritos?
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City to arrest people wearing masks on Halloween after rash of robberies by men wearing masks
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We have reached peak oil output. Enjoy your SUVs while you can, America. In another 20 years you won't have them anymore
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Noose tied around neck of Tupac statue at The Tupac Amaru Shakur Center for the Arts. In other news there is a Tupac Amaru Shakur Center for the Arts
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If you want to know what police really think of civilians, read the paper. The police union newspaper
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Bird-watchers and gay men seeking sex are in conflict over how better to use a Chicago park. We dub this conflict: The Pecker Wars
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police report "squabbling" between long-time 18-year-old enemies was cause of Mullet Festival stabbing. That's some fine police work there, Lou
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Interesting interactive satellite map of the California wildfires
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Police seek man after fight with sister in cat-shaving case
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Parishioner awakes to find Baptist minister undressing him. "The first thing that came to mind from my military training was to snap his neck"
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Reporter investigating story on school violence arrested for carrying loaded gun onto school property. Dumbass and Ironic tags both lose out to Florida tag for this one
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Turkish military forces strike targets in Iraq. George Bush scrambling to find out if the "you break it you bought it" Doctrine is transferrable
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Woman who stabbed her lover during an alcohol- and drug-fueled sexual tryst gets ten years in prison
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Chinese moon mission somehow fails to explode into tiny particles of asbestos, lead paint and toxic chemicals
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"A barmaid has been fined for crushing beer cans between her bare breasts while an off-duty colleague has been fined for hanging spoons from her friend's nipples"
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Man sentenced to five years in jail for digital rape, about to learn how how many times a l can go into his O
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| (Lansing State Journal) |
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Coming up next - we ask the police and mayor if Lansing, MI is prepared for a zombie attack. We report, you deciBRAAAIIINS
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Photographer clearing out some old stuff finds 27-year old wedding album of couple who couldn't afford it back then and sends it to them
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Southern California Fires - Discussion Thread #9 (thread closed - please see new thread)
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| (Sun Journal) |
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Goth kids sent home from school for their "makeup" (pics). Subby doesn't know whether to write a poem in protest or to just start cutting
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| (wkyt news) |
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Thief in Lexington makes clean escape with 100-lb. safe from restaurant, next door to police station and court house (with video goodness and the Pink Panther theme)
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Photoshop this goalie
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Oy Gevalt! Yiddish making a comeback
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Believing the older man had left the restroom, the employee was surprised when he felt a hand on his side and turned to see the man masturbating." Makes your day at work seem a heck of a lot better
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If you steal a drivers license printer from the state of Missouri don't call the manufacturer looking for software
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Inventor of Rice-A-Roni dead at 92. No word yet if he'll be buried, cremated, or just simmered with a side of chicken
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W.Va. leads nation in pregnant smokers
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Teen smokers five times more likely to drink, be cooler than you
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Teacher may face criminal charges after student picks Cormac McCarthy's "Child of God" -- a book about a killer who has sex with the bodies of his victims -- off a reading list he prepared for the class
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| Tue October 23, 2007 |
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Ancient copy of Koran fetches record price. In related news, barbecue at White House tonight
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Southern California Fires - Discussion Thread #8 (thread closed; please see new thread)
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Wisconsin man unearths 3.97 carat sparkler at Arkansas' Crater of Diamonds State Park. Fiancee finds her own 1.49 carat rock. "We're going back out today. We'll take a lunch and then go back into the field." Greedy bastards
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Ugly-arse baby chimp born at Wellington Zoo, and zookeepers have no idea who the father is (with pic)
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Virginia State Police want you to know you can be given a $2,500 ticket for something 71 percent of drivers have no idea is illegal
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| (Some Skater Boi) |
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Photoshop this silver-gloved speed skater
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Tiny, female, axe-swinging convenience store clerk scares off armed robber. With video
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Man wrongly sent to prison for 18 years is paid $360K for wrongful imprisonment, gets sued for back payment for child support. Guess how much
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| (Inquirer) |
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♫ You can dance if you want to, you can leave your clothes behind. But your friends won't dance, and if they won't dance, you'll be doing time ♫
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Southern California Fires - Discussion Thread #7 (thread closed, new link in comments)
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Judge tosses out fingerprint evidence in murder trial because the century-old science is unreliable... wait, what?
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Military personnel deployed to war battle to keep custody of their kids. If only there were some law protecting service personnel from ruthless ex-spouses in such situations
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| (WOWT.com) |
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Not news: Student taped to a pole. News: Student changes mind and says he agreed to taping. Fark: Student cited for obstruction of justice
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| (Blackpool Gazette) |
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Court ponders: What shall we do with the drunken sailor? What shall we do with the drunken sailor? What shall we do with the drunken sailor, early in the morning?
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Colorado Rockies World Series Ticket Fiasco, Day 2
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Southern US States facing drought conditions barely noticed by the ... OMG the natural spring feeding Jack Daniels Distillery may go dry. EVERYBODY PANIC
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