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| Sun September 30, 2007 |
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Seventy-three percent of all people arrested for crimes in Australia test positive for marijuana. Wait a minute -- isn't NORML telling us that pot is harmless and doesn't lead to crime?
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Man eats 21 pounds of grits in 10 minutes. Natalie Portman not impressed
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| (One Eyed Monster) |
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Scotland blaming a drop in tourism on fewer sightings of the Loch Ness Monster
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Man sets world record by skipping stone 51 times. And this is the last time you'll hear the name 'Russell Byar' in the news ever again
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Holyfield vs. Foreman II: Battle of the grills. Ali steamed that he didn't get in on the action
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Spanish town tosses world's biggest salad
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Hillary so far ahead of Barack in the polls it's like being up 7 games with 17 to play
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Police take a nip at Tuck; man who had child-sex tape turns self in
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Mets collapse complete, Phillies win NL East
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Repeat
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Baby Boomers, beware: There's a new "Me Generation" in town
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New study shows that older brothers suck
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There's apparently a reason why cats prefer the unfriendliest person in the room. Here comes the leftover Caturday science
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Regardless of whether the motivations are good or ill or the reasoning sound or not: slowly, incrementally, perversely, boyhood is being banned"
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| (Some Guy) |
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If a serious crime were committed and you were falsely accused, would you have an alibi for last night?
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| (MetroWest Daily News) |
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College authorities keep a sharp eye out for students who dare to sit in comfy chairs
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this strange shower contraption
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Caption this king on the phone. VE
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| (Lazy Cops) |
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After years of telling citizens to install burglar alarms, cops decide they aren't coming unless someone actually sees or hears an intruder
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Most seven-year olds who forget their class assignment aren't forced to strip naked and stand on their desk while their classmates boo them. Most, but apparently not all
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Health Department promises to retool free condom distribution program after community leaders reject "Coming Together in DC" freebies. A good craftsman never blames his tool. (w/pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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From the "sounds like a madlib" department: Aussie cop attempts milk bar robbery with fake gun, gets skull bashed in by milk maids
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| (Daily Press) |
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Scientists remain frustrated that although they understand nearly everything there is to know about the brain, they still have no idea where consciousness comes from or how it works. Braiiiiiiiins
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| (Dothan Eagle) |
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If you live in Alabama, best to keep a closed mind
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Today's finger-biting stripper is brought to you by Cedar Rapids, Iowa
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Bush prepares to bomb Iran before end of term
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Actual headline: "Chimp not a person, Court rules"
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| (Some Guy) |
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"A motorist who was driving directly behind the [SUV] said the driver must not have seen the steamroller and smashed into it 'full force ahead'." (with aftermath video)
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World's first commercial nuclear power station is asploded (with video)
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| (WINK News) |
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Splish Splash, I was takin' a bath. Long about a Friday night. Rub-a-dub, gasoline is in my tub. Anyone around got a light?
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Pumpkin-tosser knocked unconscious by his own trebuchet
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Know how to show those jackass airport police who arrest you for making a scene after you arrive late for your flight? You straight up die on their ass, that's how
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Car wrecks, stolen police cruiser, 33-year-old guy with a 15-year-old girlfriend. This story has it all
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Woman arrested for going ninja on a bunch of kids. With priceless "Oh no you din't" mugshot that you can add to your collection
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| (listaholic) |
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The five highest-paid pornstars. "Houston" appears to have a problem. Pretty safe for work (cleavage) (Link is Farked, but content posted in first post)
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Four teens who attacked man on bus get their asses handed to them...literally
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| (Some Cornhusker) |
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After farmer's untimely cancer death, a few neighbors come over to help the family harvest the crops -- about 40 neighbors, actually
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| Sat September 29, 2007 |
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When looking for a job, delivering your entire cover letter verbally as a rap song might not really work out the way you want
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Topps recalling 22 million pounds of beef due to e.coli. Bubble gum technically okay, but still tastes like cardboard
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Drew is drunk and doing a live podcast at Linuxfest, click to listen (link fixed, maybe)
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| (The Phoenixville Phoenix) |
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Woman somehow manages to run over both of her own legs in McDonald's drive-thru
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Neighbours complain that the f*cking stench from Gordon f*cking Ramsay's New York restaurant is "f*cking unbearable"
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| (Some Guy) |
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CT-scan technician forgets about patient, leaves her in scanner for hours after clinic closes
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Underwear keeps appearing overnight on gardening lines in front of a man's house. "Some of this is more ugly sister stuff, It's been designed for an elephant"
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British couple charged almost $200,000 for a seven minute phone call. AT&T trying to persuade British Telecom to share their new technology
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It was only a matter of time before FARK Photoshops became a matter of public policy
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| (Some Guy) |
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In NJ? Want to help the needy? Like porn? Have they got a deal for you
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| (North Country Gazette) |
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Penis pump judge's appeal "claiming that his sentence for masturbating on the bench was too stiff" is denied, shoots his whole wad on lawyers
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| (NZ Herald) |
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"The magnets were too powerful, so on occasion car keys metal biros or other small metal items in proximity might rapidly attach themselves to the wearer's testicles"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Good: Local theater makes their own production of a movie. Better: It's Point Break. Fark: The actor playing Keanu Reeves is selected at random from the audience each night
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| (MidHudson News) |
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Man complains to police that his skin feels funny. Police observe that maybe he wouldn't feel that way if he wasn't coked to the gills and wandering around backyards naked at 3AM
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Police proud to announce capture of girl-ninja-robber-fugitives
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12-year old girl exercises her Second Amendment rights at Texas middle school
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not Fark: people sleeping in public parks, parking spaces and even Times Square. Fark: they're not homeless
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Drunk driver apprehended by police...after he crashes into a police car
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| (Greeley Tribune) |
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Girls-only sex toy slumber party? Oral sex workshops? Sensual massage classes? No big deal, it's just Hot Sex Week at the University of Northern Colorado
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| (VanityFair.com) |
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Forget about your "carbon footprint", it's more important to reduce your "a--hole footprint"
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Move over, Picasso
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Senator Craig's downfall will benefit another group that likes hooking up for anonymous outdoor sex: salmon
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Having beaver around the house can sure get expensive
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| (Light On Light Through) |
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Kucinich proposes lowering the voting age to 16. Because you want your next election to be swayed by skinny tattooed idiots who can't wear their pants correctly and think that jamming a spike through their lip is the height of self-expression
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Young man cited for graffiti even though he had no spraypaint, just a cleaning rag and some solvents
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Saudi divorces his slut of a wife for being alone with another man. And of course by "another man", the husband was referring to the host of the television show his wife was watching
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Protestors getting crabby in Rangoon
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Duke president apologizes to lacrosse players, families today for abandoning them in their time of need and demonstrating the sucktitude genome that comprises the entire Duke DNA strand
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Prison inmates in jeopardy after mixing hand sanitizer and kool-aid to make potent potable
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A 24-year-old man marries 82-year-old woman. He's found a lover with a slow hand
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Three-year investigation into police officer's £90 expenses discrepancy winds up costing taxpayers £500,000. That's some good work there, boys
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Some asswipe is stealing toilet paper from Wisconsin public restrooms
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Man drowns swimming to the pub
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After the most recent suicide bombing in Afghanistan, Afghan President has vowed justice...just kidding, he's offering the Taliban high-level government positions
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Chinatown brothel caught offering student discounts
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40 year old man? Check. Dead 86 year old roommate? Check. Deceased's corpse kept in a closet while 40 year old used his ATM card? Check. Florida? You bet that's a check
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You young Farkers ever wonder why Tylenol bottles are harder to get into than a frigid girl's pants? It was 25 years ago today that Tylenol laced with Cyanide killed 3 people
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| (Times-Leader) |
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State appeals court throws out ruling that said a couple of drug-addicted bums can't have any more kids until they get back their existing four
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| (Post-Gazette) |
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Laundry detergent is getting stronger... and Leon's getting laaaaaaaaarger
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FDA officials: cold meds not for kids. Trix are for kids, silly Feds
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 100 ways global warming will change your life - including shortages of French wines, Christmas trees, Bulgarian hookers and the end of baseball
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| (Chattanoogan) |
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Two Chattanooga men say they may have landed "Bigfoot" out near I-40 in New Mexico
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Most guys get their dates a corsage. This guy got his girlfriend the homecoming queen crown. FARK: by running for queen and winning it himself
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| (Wikipedia) |
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List of historical cats
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| (timelines are cool) |
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In 800 AD, Danes taught the Brits how to comb their hair
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England is on the verge of housing criminals in a giant prison ship. Aaaarrrrrh
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What would Fark look like if Drew was a woman?
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Breaking up with your girlfriend? That's a hammerin'. With mugshot scariness
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Parents shocked to discover precious snowflakes are really lard buckets
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| (KSDK) |
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Security guard breaks student's wrist, mother beats up the principal. Makes you long for the days of shooting little pieces of paper with rubber bands
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Bottle of whisky corked when Queen Victoria was 30 years old sells for $60,000
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| (Some Trekker Guy) |
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Twenty years ago, "Star Trek: The Next Generation" was first broadcast
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| Fri September 28, 2007 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these rock n' roll pirates
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Binge drinking can haunt you years later. 18 years later to be precise
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Boy arrested and charged with grievous bodily harm after shooting a little piece of paper at a classmate with a rubber band
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Federal Government shuts down Netbank, first bank closed in six years. Gov't takes all of subby's money with it. Ah well, it's only money, right?
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| (Gothamist) |
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Ugly ass baby walrus born at New York Aquarium, demands bukket (w/pic)
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Chester Arthur called "person of interest" in sex assault case. James Garfield, Grover Cleveland unavailable for comment
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Suburban Chicago school bans hugging, principal says "hug lines" in hallways create bottlenecks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police find toddler depicted in sex tape, says she's "safe"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mutinies reported in the Burmese Army following the brutal crackdown on pro-democracy activists
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Michigan Closed: Clark Griswold seen taking hostages, forcing them to experience Michigan's lovely roads
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San Diego Area Fark Party tomorrow night (9/29) from 7 - ??? at Hensley's Pub in Carlsbad. LA, OC, IE Farkers welcome
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Balls of steel award: Man sets new speed record of 130.7 MPH. On a mountain bike
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| (Some Guy) |
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Your mother dies of cancer. Do you: a) Get on with your life, b) Get angry at god, or c) Walk across the country to raise money for cancer research?
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| (barstool sports) |
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Injured Bills TE Kevin Everett is doing good. Really, really good. And someone is getting really really fired
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Not news: high school kids have sex. News: father finds out, beats up daughter's boyfriend in front of everyone at school. Fark: kid now charged with sex assault
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Woman trapped in SUV found alive in ravine after 8 days missing. She "didn't fit the criteria of a missing person" so the police wouldn't search for her
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| (News & Observer) |
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Navin R. Johnson is crushed: AT&T wants to scrap the white pages
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Not news: Nickelodeon trying to teach kids about healthy exercise. News: By going off the air for 3 hours on Saturday, hoping the little fatties will actually go outside
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Excessive multivitamins may be harmful. Fred Flintstone unavailable for comment
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| (Shiny Sheet) |
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What would you call a giant inflatable firefighter? Palm Beach Fire Rescue's newest member "desperately needs a name." VE
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Handcuffed? Check. In police custody? Check. Driving back across the border in handcuffs? Chec...wait, what?
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Psychologist suggests that teaching your children to drink responsibly at home will curtail binge drinking. MADD stampede
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| (Some Guy) |
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Schools that have animal mascots encourage people to torture and kill their pets
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Minneapolis International Airport to spend $1 million to install bathroom stall dividers to halt airport "liaisons"
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| (Some Gal) |
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Theme: Seven deadly sins. Today's sin: LUST
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Latest scare "trend" offered by the media: More iPods means more crime. Drew's gonna be able to write a sequel
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The LA Times used the phrase "knife fight" to trick you into reading this story, but subby is confident "competitive table setting" will also work
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Man finds $100,000 hidden in his attic. Now the former owner of the home wants the cash. Guess which state?
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The 3,492nd "al-Qaida #2" in Iraq has been killed
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Buckingham Palace guard makes a rude gesture. The Sun is there
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11 things you can do with or without your pants on while sitting in traffic gridlock
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| (charleston daily mail) |
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Don't engage anyone in conversation in Huntington, WV., as police will charge you with soliciting prostitution
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Latest female teacher arrested for having sex with 16-year-old student brought to you by Saga prefecture
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Apparently you're not supposed to lock a 3-year-old in a daycare overnight
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| (N-E-X-T-G-E-N) |
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Northern Ireland Gay Rights Association angered by offensive word "lesbo" being included in Scrabble game for Nintendo system. If anyone is an authority about offensive content, it's those NIGRs
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Many never have cholesterol levels tested. Subby got tested. They found bacon. BACON
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Department of Homeland Security's latest instruction manual on "How to derail a train with hazardous materials" is now available on their website
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"In the matter of non-lethal suppression, let it be known that the motion carries to continue tasing both bro and sis, subject to official discretion"
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Bosendorfer donates second grand piano to music festival after idiot movers drop the first one off the truck (with pic)
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KOVR has live streaming video footage of the possible high school shooting
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| (Some Totally Wasted Guy) |
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Columbus, Ohio Linuxfest FARK Party tonight 6pm til late at Barley's Brewing Company. Drew will be there. The bar is getting renamed "FARKIN" Friday tonight
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If you want to practice your golf swing in your hotel room, make sure there are no free swinging objects above you
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| (ChicoER) |
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Possible high school shooting in Southern California
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"High value" suspects at Gitmo to be allowed lawyers. Low value people who aren't a threat and don't have any substantial evidence against them to remain languishing indefinitely
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I saw a two-headed turtle
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Anheuser-Busch attempting to purchase and shut down brewery in its namesake Czech town. "The truth is that I would have to quit drinking beer altogether. Better that than to drink some slop"
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Death row inmate concerned about possible pain from the lethal injection, not so concerned about pain he caused by shooting his parents multiple times
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| (hedonistic heathen) |
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If you have a nun fetish, hop in your TARDIS and go back to 1400 Venice. Sister Giggity had some low cut habits
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Irish pleased with results of smoking ban. Now they can have one drink in each hand
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Gawker writer thinks it's totally awesome to write scathing attack on 4 year-old child. You stay classy, Gawker
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Massachusetts government employees are now required to join unions, unless they don't need their kneecaps any more
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| (Some Sadist) |
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Jones Soda goes from having fun with its fans to outright hating them: Say hello to sweat and dirt flavored soda
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| (Times Herald Record) |
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When the school policy says, "No bags in the halls," the one that you wear on your head is no exception, even if you're otherwise naked
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When your house collapses and sends you falling into a pool of cyanide, you know it's just not your day
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Massachusetts plans to ban people from smoking at home
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Arrest order for Interpol head could lead to serious flight delays for Morgan Freeman (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Student mails his mother $266.67 to improve her looks before she meets his rich girlfriend
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Orlando cops to start carrying machine guns. What could possibly go wrong?
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Liz Taylor going for husband #9. In other news, Liz Taylor is still alive
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| (Some Bloke) |
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Medicine has come so far since then. "According to the stories, he amputated a man's testicles by mistake, cut the fingers off his assistant and the coat tails off the man behind him--all three men died"
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Man carps about nearly losing finger in fishious pike attack. The Sun catches the story
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Chim chiminy, chim chiminy, chim chim cheroo, Oktoberfest reveller gets stuck in a flue
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Why scaffolding firms should really check the address BEFORE they erect loads of poles and planks around an old lady's house
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Willy Wonka: Dealing, my dear friends, is 93% evasion, 6% off-grid electricity, 4% pure cocoa, and 2% Vancouver hydro. Special Agent Teevee: That's 105 percent, and 5 to 9 years
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News: Woman wrongly accused of theft of £0.12 released. Fark: 70 years later
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| (WMTW.com) |
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Four firefighters from Vermont use the 'Jaws of Life' to go on a vandalism spree
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In order to defend religious freedom, morality police will arrest anybody seen eating in public
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Old and busted: Banning nuts from schools because they are a health and safety hazard to kids with severe allergies. The new hotness: Banning severely allergic kids
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Your chance to buy a supersonic paper plane
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British hookers complain that soccer games are bad for their business as British men would rather watch other men play with sweaty balls than ... well, you get where we're going with this
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190,000 people who couldn't get into a First World country now immigrating to Britain each year
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| (Some Guy) |
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Morans who fill their cars with premium gas "are being conned"
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Scotsman wanders into hospital close to death after a 60 pint bender. Amateur
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Twenty racing loos are flush with excitement in the Queensland town of Winton today as they prepare to participate in the Australian Dunny Derby
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The five most commonly misdiagnosed diseases. At least we know it's never lupus
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It is now illegal to smoke while driving in the Nanny State
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| (Huffington Post) |
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Sen. Larry Craig is back in the Senate. His first official act? To vote against a bill protecting homosexuals
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New guidelines for doctors mean they won't have to tell parents if under-age children are sexually active or have an abortion. In fact, children will be in charge of all their healthcare decisions
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| (Some Disco Inferno) |
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Photoshop these "Fashion" models from a 1975 JC Penney catalog
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¡Ay, caramba! Another hurricane forms off Mexico
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It's that time of year again, leaves are changing colors, nights are getting longer and cooler and the news want to remind you that bird flu is still out there waiting to cause a pandemic
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Man wins lottery, makes the obvious choice of becoming a Storm Trooper
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Afghan farmers find alternative to opium: marijuana. With all the shiat these people grow, you'd think they'd be more mellow
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| Thu September 27, 2007 |
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George Rieveschl, inventor of the drug Benadryl, dies. Details of his passing will be slowly released to the media over the next 12 hours
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In addition to being the skinniest state, Colorado now holds the top spot for beer consumption
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| (Free-Lance Star) |
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Penn State tells elementary school "No, you can't have a lion mascot. Not yours."
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The secret lobbying campaign your phone company doesn't want you to know about
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'S-C-O-H-O-L' Zone warning proudly painted on road -- guess what state? (with pic goodness)
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Immigrant tries to bring $59,000 in cash he earned as a dishwasher home to his family. Customs seizes the money. US starts deportation proceedings against him and refuses to give back the money it took, two years ago. USA USA
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Mother says she's aware of her son's drinking after a crime prevention officer found him drunk and passed out on a sidewalk. Damn unruly five-year-olds. You just can't trust them to stay sober
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| (Some Creepy Guy) |
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New Carrot Top pics WTF?
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New Mini Cooper will not be built in Britain, depriving a generation of car owners the chance to tell "So I was just going down the street when the driveshaft fell into the road and all the electrics quit" stories
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US to Myanmar: "After reviewing/all the facets/we've decided/to kick your assets." Burma caves?
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Marie Antoinette's pearls up for auction, may need some repair. Apparently, at some point they didn't fit her quite right
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Tropical Storm Lorenzo forms in Gulf of Mexico, wants his oil back
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Huntsville, Alabama is reopening its nuclear fallout shelters because you know how much al-Qaida despises Huntsville, Alabama
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Top hookers in Central Florida busted (with pic goodness)
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CNN discovers there are Mexicans living in the US
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this vintage cosmotron magnet
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Commander Ryker pulls an OJ at the Las Vegas Hilton Star Trek exhibit
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iranian websites aren't mentioning that whole "There are no homosexuals in Iran" thing
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Hottie radio host says "f*ck" seven times in a row after pre-aired clip fails to play. As this happened in Britain, there's a picture of her laughing rather than being loaded in handcuffs onto a rendition flight to Gitmo
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Lawyer: DMX has history of animal cruelty up in here, up in here
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N.J. police crack down on 11-year-old jaywalkers, smack them upside the head with $54 tickets
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| (KPHO Phoenix) |
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From the producer of the blockbuster "The Creature From The Third World That Swims Up Urethras" comes an all new, more terrifying sequel: "The Creature From Under The London Bridge That Swims Up Your Nose And Eats Your Brain"
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| (Computerworld) |
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Now that London is a crime-free paradise, Chicago is next to blanket city with cameras scanning for "suspicious" behavior
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Quebec considering giving hospitals portable amputation kits, so firefighters don't have to rent hacksaws at nearby hardware stores
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| (Businesswire) |
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Application submitted for first new nuclear plant in U.S. in 30 years. Jack Lemmon unavailable for comment
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| (Kingsport Times-News) |
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Two geniuses discover that older Honda Accords don't have enough get-up-and-go to yank an ATM chained to a car out of a store (with dumbass mugshot goodness)
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| (Some Gal) |
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Theme: Seven deadly sins. Today's sin: ANGER
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| (Some Guy) |
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Playboy wants Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards. Nude. Together. Playboy airbrush artists hold rally for increased overtime pay
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Six years after 9/11, GAO officials cross the border successfully 75 percent of the time carrying radioactive materials
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President of WTC Survivors Network removed because she apparently wasn't even there on 9/11 and did not actually surf down the side of the building as it fell
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For sale: Roman bath house in south of England, unseen by public in 2000 years, fixer-upper special, $750K. This ad brought to you by the guild of millers: Real bread for real Romans
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In an effort to show the proper use of a vehicle when stealing an ATM, thieves use a John Deere backhoe to steal an ATM loaded with approximately $100,000 from a bank drive-thru (with play-by-play video)
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Hugo Chavez: "Iran isn't making an atomic bomb, not at all. They just want to develop nuclear energy. Venezuela will do it also someday." Dick Cheney's finger twitches as he gazes at the big, shiny, red, candy-colored button
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Six Catholic nuns excommunicated for heresy on three counts. Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action. Four counts
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Woman shows her Xbox to 17-year-old Game Boy, who flashes his Wii. Game over when PS'd-off husband calls the cops
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Boulder students learning first hand that that protestors are viewed as douchebags regardless of the issue
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Teens cutting a hole in the roof of a tobacco and liquor store miscalculated, were actually drilling through the overhang in front of the store. "I told the cop, 'You don't spend your days chasing geniuses, do you?'"
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Rapes, drugs, knife-wielding students and other crimes that aren't reported by Seattle schools because "police don't have jurisdiction inside schools"... wait, what?
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Parent uses toddler to steal a purse (with video)
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As Congress debates spending an extra $50 billion on our war to liberate Iraq, a transcript surfaces showing Bush rejected an offer from Saddam to leave voluntarily if he was allowed to keep $1 billion
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| (YNet News) |
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Hillary Clinton will not comment on a hypothetical Israeli attack on Iran, but is fully supportive of their "alleged" attack on Syria
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| (Southern Comfort) |
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This is either the worst idea for a song ever, or the most genius. (Sponsored Link)
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Naval officer pays for 15 and 16 year old cadets to visit prostitutes in Amsterdam, but some people have a problem with this
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Men are now happier than women. Women work tirelessly to correct this oversight
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| (MLive) |
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Ring of illegal can depositors about to get some deposits in their cans
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| (Some Guy) |
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Long Beach police search apartment after noticing "there was a lot of coming and going" and find 800 pounds of weed worth $2.5 million. In other news, coming and going now constitutes probable cause for a search warrant
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If you've ever thought to yourself, "I love my picture window made entirely out of frogs, but it sure inhibits my view of the back yard", the Japanese have good news for you
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| (Some Guy) |
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School: Cut your hair or you will be punished. Teen: It's against my religion. School: Your religion is fake
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Inquest into Diana's accidental death by car crash due to start as soon as enough jurors that can spell "forgone conclusion" are found
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American music icon Willie Nelson's sister has released her first album -- at the age of 76
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British girl's balloon turns up in China. Covered in lead paint? Trapped in a medival prison? Joining the Falun Gong? Making cheap tinfoil cars? Uh, no. Just a normal balloon. Traveling across the planet
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Photoshop this ordinary day in a mudhut village
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Isn't Tonya Harding supposed to weigh about 300 pounds? Looks like she's back to her old porn weight
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Ten things you didn't know about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, such as his family name originally having been Saborjhian before changing it to the easier-to-pronounce Ahmadinejad
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| (Some Guy) |
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It seems that Mr. Bollinger, Columbia's president (the college, not the country) has enraged the terrorist sympathisers that pay his salary
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Giggles the Clown doesn't look too happy over those child-sex charges. With mugshot goodness
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Guy dressed like Steve Irwin attacks ducks with a fire extinguisher. Crikey
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Some of the strangest records from the "2008 Guinness Book Of Records," including "Most panes of safety glass run through," "Largest dog wedding" and "Biggest non-mailout of free bar towels in history"
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| (WISH-TV) |
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For decades, Indianapolis emergency crews have been struggling along without their own hovercraft
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Paying $25,000 for a Ferrari cell phone will not make your penis any bigger
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45-year-old woman arrested with a cooch full of smack
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| (Some Guy) |
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If being caught in fishnet stockings wasn't embarassing enough for Oscar de la Hoya, he now has an offer to become a cross-dressing model
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Study shows moderate alcohol use improves recall of both visual and emotional stimuli. Excessive use causes no physical stimuli, which they refer to in scientific terms as "whiskey dick"
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Elaborate practical joke lures tourists to British shiathole of Cornwall with Internet campaign promoting topless beach that doesn't exist (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you live in Philadelphia and enjoy buffalo wings from your favorite pizzeria, turns out they may have come from an illegal, disease-infested garage. Mmmmmm
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fad blamed for appearance of 20-pound turtle named "Snappy" in pond. Naturally, media has to crack wise about people being "shell-shocked"
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Step 1: Win lottery. Step 2: Continue to claim state benefits. Step 3: Profit. Bonus: Excuse is "the lottery win frightened me"
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| (Mapquest) |
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Okay all you Jacksonville people, time for a Fark Party at Fast Boys Wings on the Intracoastal Beach Blvd on October 13th. DIT
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Traumatized by victory in multimillion dollar libel suit, judge is forced to take time off with pay to go to the track and bet on horse races
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| (NYT) |
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Towns that pass laws against illegal immigrants discover they hadn't thought their brilliant plan all the way through
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| (Some Guy) |
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Things you never thought you'd be pondering on a Thursday morning in September: "Is Michael Jackson married? And to what?"
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In today's lead toy recall news, Thomas's friend "Pb the Boxcar" has been recalled, along with more lead-based toys from China
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| (Rochester D&C) |
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Owner of hydroponic store busted for growing pot. Outside
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| (Some Guy) |
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If only they could paint like this without taking acid
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If you are going to advertise "nuclear-sized pit bulls," it's best not to have the steroids and pot plants at the same location. I will give you three guesses as to where this happened, the first two don't count
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AP: Witnesses say soldiers are firing automatic weapons into crowds in downtown Yangon, Myanmar
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Employee of reptile store learns how not to clean a rattlesnake's cage
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| (Burger chef and jeff) |
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What was your favorite chain restaurant that is no longer around?
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Man, presumed sterile after lightning strike, thanks God for his wife's pregnancy. Wife prays to God the baby doesn't look like the milkman
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School buses fitted with computers to ensure they cannot top 57 miles an hour. Pretty narrow window for Sandra Bullock to manuever
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| (Some Chi-City) |
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Chicago Fark Party at the Lincoln Tap Room this Saturday, Sept 29th. Details about the OPEN BAR in thread
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Man volunteers at daycare and molests child. By "daycare" we mean "animal shelter," and by "child" we mean "dog"
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| (Some Scout) |
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Photoshop this boy and his award
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| (Some Kosher Goulash eater) |
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Hungarian art students saved Jews during WWII by forging documents and painting nudes. Wait, what?
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Bush comments on the improvements in U.S. student test scores: "As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." Yeah, he really said that
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Boston manholes bursting into flames. Early attempts to fix the problem went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, they finally have a working solution
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Lab tech bites child she's supposed to draw blood from. You're doing it wrong
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Navy to spend $600K to modify barracks complex that looks like swastika on satellite images
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Federal judge rules that breath tests for pedestrians unconstitutional without a warrant
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 125: "Everything's a dollar/pound/euro/etc." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed September 26, 2007 |
| (WMUR) |
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Men hypnotize store owner to rob him. Also make him act like a chicken and help him quit smoking
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State closes daycare after finding baby with pacifier taped to his mouth. Honestly, if you've had kids you've thought about it
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Immigrants to the US will be required to have a better understanding of our government than people born here
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this guy drawing something else
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Judge rules parts of Patriot Act unconstitutional
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There was a big snow storm in Denver nine months ago
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Here's a new one for you. Toyota recalls 55,000.... floor mats. FLOOR MATS? Yes, floor mats
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Darwin can hardly contain his excitement over the latest trend sweeping Canada
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| (the alligator) |
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Andrew "Don't tase me, bro" Meyer has an uphill battle to fight in his 1st amendment lawsuit against UF
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Cops in Missouri take bad publicity from videotaping incident in stride. Just kidding, they are staking out the home of the kid who installed a camera in his car (with video)
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Names which have taken on a negative connotation when they entered the lexicon. Minus: No mention of Rick Santorum. Bonus: Includes the words "batcrap-insane"
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Guy saves newspaper the trouble of an R rated headline by choosing a dog instead of a cat
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How many penis-related puns can one fit into an article
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At some point, someone in Oregon thought it would be a good idea to install a fire hydrant painted with American flags in a dog park. They no longer think that
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Hundreds gather to see Marcel Marceau try and escape from opaque box
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| (Some Hardcore Gay Lawyer) |
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Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please examine The People's Exhibit A: Some hardcore gay porn
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When you don't know which obscene text message to your ex-girlfriend got you arrested then you have probably sent too many
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| (KABC) |
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Mistrial in Spector case, and they said there was no justice in Hollywood. Wait... what?
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| (People.co.uk) |
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Parents dismayed to discover that the party clown they hired for their youngster's birthday party is also a hooker that charges £200 per hour, although it does explain why she has so many strange balloons
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| (Some Gal) |
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Theme: 7 deadly sins - Today's sin 'GREED
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Golden Shower, Cum Rocket, She's Easy, Strip Teaser, Bodacious Tatas, and other racehorses with dirty names
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Those wacky Catholics are at it again. The head of the church in Mozambique is claiming that condoms and anti-retroviral drugs are deliberately laced with HIV to "finish quickly the African People." Hilarity sure to ensue
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wouldn't it be great if an inmate's lawsuit claimed Steve Jobs employed O.J. Simpson as a hitman, aimed nuclear weapons at the inmates head and Lance Armstrong's bicycle, price gouged iPhone customers? Pretty cool, huh?
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'Smart' bra does breast cancer screenings for you. Until the battery dies. This is a lawsuit waiting to happen
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Disbarred lawyer who helped her client communicate with terrorists will teach ethics at New York law conference
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Not News-Motorcyclist clocked at 135 on GA highway. News- He had a passenger. Fark-He told cops he was "preparing for jump to hyperspace."
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Tom Cruise asks for a moment of silence on the set of his new movie. Crew member breaks the silence by breaking wind. Tom Cruise is not amused
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Dunkin' Donuts returns to Indy on Monday. Indiana excited about its chances to do better than "9th fattest state"
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Scientists find new species in Vietnam. "It's great news for Vietnam," said some guy with a tenuous grasp on reality
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Reporters are a cheap date: Mahmoud Ahmacrazyguy takes 50 US journalists out for dinner and gets some good PR, such as this fawning article, in return
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Nicaraguan president reverts to his communist past, bashes capitalism and the evil, imperialist United States
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Quentin Tarantino planning erotic film. Working titles include "Fill Bill" and "Jackie Browneye"
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Councilwoman sues city, accidentally reveals illegal loan in deposition, reveals her credentials for politics are valid
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Supreme Court: "We want to review whether lethal injection is mean." Texas: "Okay. We're gonna review whether all these inmates are still guilty. Oddly enough, they are"
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United Airlines 2006: Dump pensions, we're broke. 2007: We have $21 Billion in excess assets. Suck it, taxpayers
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Attention whore goes to bank wearing light bright display and carrying putty
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Rover Christ. You Jewish dog wants a crucifixion for this blasphemer
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A quarter of women too fat to do up their bras
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| (People) |
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Paris Hilton to visit Rwanda, no doubt to drop off some herpes and bring back an orphan
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| (news-leader.com) |
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Did you bring enough drug-laced candy to fark up the entire class?
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| (charleston daily mail) |
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8 kids climb into an SUV, 9 come out. With no wonder dad hit it 9 times picture goodness
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Fugitive who murdered man over homosexual advances caught after 32 years. Where he is going, 'advances' will be a euphemism
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Andre the Giant has been reborn in Russia and has 11 siblings (w/ pic of the 17lb lad)
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| (Some cavewoman) |
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Photoshop theme: What life would be like if dinosaurs lived amongst us
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Remember that giant spider web found in a Texas park a month ago? Well, apparently lots of different spiders working together, sort of like a United Nations minus Russia, is how it was created. Here comes the science
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| (Some Guy) |
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Vick exonorat, eckonera, exoneratte...fails drug test
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Nepal debates a nudity ban for climbers of Mt. Everest. Huh?
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China bans "sexual sounds" on the radio; Howard Stern's show reduced to 6 minutes
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Don't believe people who say they can multiply your money using a 'special potion'
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Gates seeks $190 billion for wars. The other Gates chuckles, knowing he makes more than that by releasing a new OS every few years
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Not News: NYC eatery owner hangs up photo of Chelsea Clinton. News: Bill Clinton threatens legal action if photo not taken down. Free publicity: Owner is the same whacknut who charged $1,000 for pizza back in March
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| (Sun-Herald) |
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Library board reinstates a previously banned book, "Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch", after library patrons wouldn't stop requesting it
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Police arrest women in their 50s for prostitution. Oh yeah
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Even with Robin Williams pretty much finished with stand-up, U.S. remains world's largest cocaine market
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Old 'n' busted: Canada and Iceland squabbling over an island in the Arctic. New hotness: Ireland, Denmark, Iceland and Britain argue over a 90 ft wide lump of granite in the Atlantic
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Israeli sortie into Syria that was revised from intelligence gathering mission to attack on Hezbollah training camps to an attack on Syrian-N. Korean nuclear facilities has been downgraded slightly to attack on chemically armed missles
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Bridge in Vietnam collapses, once again proving that communism is inherently unstable
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Owner finds his art gallery vandalized with anti-gay slurs the day after he put four paintings of naked men in his front window. "The images... are all basically a rear view, you see more than that on the beach"
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Man tries to pass counterfeit $100 at strip club. Might have gotten away with it if it wasn't for all those pesky methamphetamines
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Technology that is unable to find non-fictonal Steve Fossett allegedly ideal to locate Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster
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| (Some Guy) |
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Virginia poultry farmer files $7.5 million lawsuit after photo of him shows up on greeting card asking recipient if they'd like to get goosed (pic)
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| (AHN.com) |
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Some headlines don't need rewriting: "Scientist Takes A Look At Some Of Hollywood's Best Looking Breasts"
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New nationnwide test results show that the US is getting stronger in math -- but it's a moot point because we still can't read the math books
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Philadelphia restaurants to fight the food nannies and bunny huggers next week by serving foie gras for $5
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaay, Milwaukee's building a statue of me. Now, all your jukeboxes will work
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Little girl strapped to the North African's back is not missing toddler Madeleine
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| (Some Guy) |
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Give me an "A," give me a "C," give me an "L," give me a "U," What's that spell? Woman refused entry into bar because of hairstyle
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| (arstechnica) |
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On November 1, the ban on taxing Internet service is set to expire. No word on if this applies to pr0n or not
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As expected, it's Whack-A-Monk Day in Myanmar
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Library fines dead woman for returning book late
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36 percent: The number of people who still support Bush or the number of Illinois kids who have basic proficiency in math?
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| (Some Guy) |
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So the Iranian president was all like, "You're the world Satan," and the US delegation was all like, "Oh no he didn't," and then he was all like, "Yeah I did," and the US just walked out, biatches
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756 will be donated to the Hall of Fame with a *
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| (Neatorama) |
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MIT pranksters nail Harvard again. Duke sucks
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| (Some Guy) |
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GM and UAW have reached a tentative agreement: GM will continue a slow death, and its workers will continue contributing to it
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Authorities report new leads that might lead them to Steve Fossett's bleached, flensed skeleton
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pennsylvania bars fine puking patrons. Which is stupid. Who ever heard of having to pay when returning a product?
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Goat Justice League convinces the Seattle City Council to allow pygmy goats as pets. In other news, there's a Goat Justice League
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| (Some Drone) |
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Photoshop this enthusiastic soldier
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U.S. adults spend less time having sex, more time playing Halo 3
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| (Some Guy) |
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One in four Scottish adults classed as "dangerously obese." Fat Bastard unavailable for comment
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Chuck E. Cheese: Where a kid can be a kid and get in chick fight
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The coach of Oklahoma City's minor-league hockey team helped prevent a possible stampede of Belgian horses by biting one of the animals on its ear. No, really
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Stanford tuition: $35,000. Room and Board: $10,000. Wasting your parent's money on a Facebook course: PRICELESS
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Australian mayor asks citizens what they want. Overwhelming response: naked hotties. Obvious tag wonders if Ric Romero can handle this one
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| (Some Guy) |
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Forbes lists America's Top Ten most influential pundits. If you thought #1 would be someone like Bill O'Reilly or Rush Limbaugh, you receive a big thumbs down
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Man convicted of rape after victim recognized his bad breath
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The UK needs a motto. Farkers to the rescue. VE
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| (Hollywood.com) |
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Well, it was inevitable. Mel Gibson has finally gone completely batshiat and moved his whole family to "bandit territory" in Costa Rica
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Canadian border guards have been demanding guns for years, but now that they finally have them, they can't hit the broad side of a goddamn moose at 10 paces with them. What's that aboot, eh?
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Man buys smoker at auction, finds human leg jerky inside. That's what you get for buying an item in hock
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