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| Sun September 23, 2007 |
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Man rips head off duck in St Paul hotel lobby ornamental pond. Minnesota Humane Society blames hotel policy for this murder most fowl
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In a manner reminiscent of Dickensian sweatshops, children are being forced to work in cannabis factories in Britain
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"Much of Detroit remains an urban war zone, having seen its population more than halved. Unemployment stands at 14 percent. About 47 percent of residents over age 16 are functionally illiterate"
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500 people gathered beneath the surface of a swimming pool in Acton, west London, to set the record for the world's largest formal underwater dinner party
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Having solved all other problems, Oregon deems family's name too offensive for license plates
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How Clearwater went from a sleepy little Florida town into Mecca for weird-ass UFO worshippers
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Meet Paleface, the rare albino koala. Awwwwwwww (pic)
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Reporter discusses "trend" of teens drinking to get drunk; next article will discuss "trend" of thirsty people craving water
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Raging bull attacks house with vicious left hooks, uppercuts
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| (News Channel 8) |
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Southern Maryland scheduled to run out of water by 2030
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| (Some Ship Shape Guy) |
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Photoshop this young girl ready to launch a ship
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Bad Ways To Die #17: Drowning in a vat of sulfuric acid
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"Eater-X" wins coveted burrito-eating champion title. Lucrative endorsements for Gas-X and Ex-Lax undoubtedly to follow
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Expert witnesses needed as Washington State allows for a 60-day supply of medical marijuana, but can't agree on just how much that actually is
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Fark harmonic convergence: Hot redhead Christian school teacher, whose husband is jailed for shooting the student who was banging her, checks out of mental hospital, abducts her kids, and heads to California to meet somebody she met online
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The verbally abusive cop that was caught on tape has been fired. No, not that one, the other one. No, the OTHER one
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| (The Maine Edge.com) |
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Airline to feature flight with drag queens, pink cocktails and a cabaret performed by the flight crew, and just make sure your seats are in an upright position
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Now that their dollar is at par, Canadians go on shopping sprees in United States hoping to snap up cheap ketchup chips, cases of Coffee Crisps and crappy beer
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Woman comes home to find naked stranger asleep in her bed. He tries to make the best of an awkward situation by then offering her $14 and some pot for sex
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| (Some Guy) |
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When choosing a place to sit in your lawnchair, look for a shady spot with some privacy... away from high-speed trains
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| (A Moon-Phone) |
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Prize offered for the first mobile phone call from the Moon - can you hear me in space?
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| (Some Guy) |
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How do the cops prove prostitution without the sex act? "He ended up having sex four times in the name of justice"
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| (WLBZ2.com) |
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The good news: Free land to start or relocate your business. The bad news: You have to move to Bucksport, Maine
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cancer fundraiser bracelets recalled for dangerous lead content. China surprisingly not mentioned
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Poles found to commit one in five of all crimes in London, even though they occasionally become trapped in stolen convertibles
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| (Some Guy) |
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Robber unable to wrest purse from 71 year old woman with "damn I will never get fitty's respect" pic goodness
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this handheld vacuum
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Break out the tinfoil mitres...Pope John Paul II was euthanized
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"____________________________________"
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You don't spit into the wind... and that pretty much covers it
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Southern drawl "may be spreading" in United States. EVER'BODY PAHNUK, Y'ALL
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Iraq occupation costing taxpayers over $8,000 per second. But that's a "small price"
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Iraqi investigators in possession of videotape that shows Blackwater USA guards opening fire against civilians without provocation in an incident last week in which 11 people died
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Not unusual: Student sleeps through a smoke alarm. Unusual: his bed was on fire
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USAF team planning Iran war is so secret that only anyone who has access to the internet knows about it
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Got a Quran? That's a tasing in Ocala
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| (Some Hippo) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Hippos
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Japan picks Farkuda as new PM. Hey, that's not what I typed
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| Sat September 22, 2007 |
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"Do not call" list registrations start expiring next year so you might want to re-register before then
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California officials, always a beacon for the environment, notice a predatory fish reappearing in Lake Davis, decide that dumping in 16,000 gallons of poison oughta take care of that
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Ninja Bandit evades NYPD for 16th time in 4 months
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City of Miami unveils its new slogan promoting downtown: "DWNTWN MIAMI." "Not having the O's makes it more creative"
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Sure he had to chase off wolves with firecrackers and rescue his dog from hungry Kazakhs, but he succeeded, on horseback mind you, in following Ghenghis Khan's path
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Herbal remedy to cure nausea, diarrhea, cramps, and abdominal pain in babies contains 100% all-natural homeopathic parasite that causes nausea, diarrhea, cramps, and abdominal pain
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this tram
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Actual Headline: "Dominatrix submits to city's wishes" (w/pic weirdness)
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| (Media Matters) |
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Bill O'Reilly stunned that black-owned restaurants can be the same as white-owned restaurants
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Problem: Teachers frustrated that they can no longer discipline unruly students. Solution: Get older kids to beat 'em up. State: Look to your left
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To "fight terrorism" the government keeps reports on all travelers, including who the persons travel with or stays with; the items they carry during their journeys; and even the books that travelers have carried
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| (some dumbfounded guy) |
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What do you do for a guy who kills his ex, then himself? Honor him with a plaque, of course
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| (Springfield Republican) |
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Judge rules museum may show art exhibit despite artist's objection to "quality of trash" used in its construction
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| (Chattanoogan) |
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"Most people just don't know the truth about hunting. Emotion gets in the way of reason. The mainstream media doesn't tell them the whole story."
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| (Patriot Ledger) |
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Driver who crashed into stalled car and killed a woman while speeding home from a bar ruled not at fault because he's a police officer and she should have known better than to break down on the highway
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| (Some Free Press Guy) |
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With apparently nothing better to do, Iran distributes 70 page book at the UN on Canada's alleged human rights violations
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Pirate Bay to file charges against major media companies for denial-of-service attacks and "infrastructural sabotage"
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| (Whiners R US) |
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Man creates stink about the smell of roasting coffee in the morning
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From the home office in Washington, D.C., Bush's Top 10 Reasons for Bombing Iran
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Q: Whose popularity has dropped from 51% to 38% in just two years? A: It's not George Bush, though they both got a big boost in attention after 9/11
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| (Some Guy) |
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Judge denies request to free Jena teen
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Photoshop this apocalyptic sculpture
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Not news: Halloween store sells suggestive costumes; News: man offended when daughter sees them; FARK: man calls cops and throws a fit
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| (NY Times) |
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You're an unemployed 45-year-old man living in your parents' house. Do you spend your days: a) talking on your ham radio, b) posting on Fark, c) ruling the sovereign nation of Independent Long Island, or d) all of the the above?
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| (Some TFette) |
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San Francisco Fark party tonight. Link goes to location, DIT
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MIT student's lawyer: bomb charges are "over-reaction." Obvious tag barely trumped by Follow-up tag
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| (Some Guy) |
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How to get banned from Kmart
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| (silive.com) |
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Hard hitting journalism brings you "The barkeep of the week" - with "WTF is up with her lips?" pic
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kid's "yo momma" joke during P.E. leads to state child abuse investigation. Yo momma was too busy in submitter's bedroom to stop this nonsense
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Anything to declare, Sir? Yes, three iguanas in my false leg
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Report: London's crime rate hasn't fallen, despite having ten thousand cameras. Big Brother was watching you, then he got bored, and flipped over to the match
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| (Palm Beach Post) |
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WWII epic has "dirty" words. Threat of FCC fines leads some PBS execs into censor mode. War is heck
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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2,000 bikers escorting a replica of the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial upset that they have to pay tolls at the Maine Turnpike. Someone's gotta go back and get a shiatload of dimes
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Python thrown at Taco Bell worker. And now for something completely different
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What you should look for when getting a cat
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With all wise options for spending money completely exhausted, America drags its pets to "Pupperware" parties. Your dog wants to be Old Yellered
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Photoshop theme: Magazines catering to the upscale and sophisticated redneck
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Will the ten, richest people in America please take one step forward? Not so fast Waltons
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Woman who came in contact with rabid bat saved by Facebook. No it wasn't poked to death
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| (Some Guy) |
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Inmate files lawsuit, attaches hard boiled egg to his complaint. Federal judge responds by quoting Dr. Seuss
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If you had "baby cribs" in the latest Chinese Death Products pool, please step forward and claim your prize
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| (Some Guy) |
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African refugees relocated to Houston beg to be sent home after meeting American refugees from New Orleans. "We don't know how to protect ourselves," pleads one
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Prince Charles opens the only public garden in Britain allowed to grow cannabis
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Dude lives the Bible for one year. Yes, he stones an adulterer in the park, but he had their permission
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Model-maker spend 900 hours making life-size Harley-Davidson out of wood, admits he spent 700 hours getting it to leak oil like a real one (pics)
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In shocking revelation, college freshmen exposed to more sex, alcohol compared to high school
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| (woodtv) |
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Man bravely rescues skunk with it's head stuck inside a can. with video goodness
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Why rent a truck to take home your garden shed if you own a Volvo and some bungee cords? Unfortunately, other people own cameras
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The absolute weirdest pair of high heels you'll see ... well, pretty much forever. "It looks like something Salvador Dali would dream up" (pics)
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Crested Butte Ski Resort tells Vail and Aspen to suck it, plans on giving away free lift tickets, no strings attached. Sonny Bono nods, winks, smiles
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Oxford English Dictionary eliminates thousands of hyphenated words. "Printed writing is very much design-led these days...The hyphen is seen as messy looking and old-fashioned."
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Bullfrogs are scaring the bejeezus out of Utah officials
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| (Some Old Guy) |
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Photoshop challenge: Insert this road sign into a more appropriate location
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British yachting champions told they can't enter a boat called "Jackie Big Tits" in regatta. "We can't just change the boat's name," explains one. "That's what it's called"
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| Fri September 21, 2007 |
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Zombie Castro shows up on TV for first time since June, appearance cut short when he started gnawing on the cameraman's forehead
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Army major fined for sexually assaulting woman with ... a grape?
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| (Click 2 Houston) |
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Asshat steals van for mentally handicapped girl. This guy should be tard and feathered
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Topless mug shots. The Smoking Gun is bare (safe for work, not safe for eyes)
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Attention, San Francisco. You're about to lose your *
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Caption this dreamy guy on a bed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nostalgic 1964 Beechcraft Super Twin delivering towels and video projectors to the Bahamas makes an emergency landing on I-95. Yes, towels and video projectors
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Boston now 2 for 2 on circuit board bomb scares
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Tecktonik, that 80's mix of techno/hip-hop thought to be gone forever, is Europe's latest craze. GET UP, GET UP, GET OFF MY LAWN
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Canadian mob politely beats up wedding crasher who ran over a polar bear with his igloo or something. Anyways there probably was bacon served at some point in the wedding. In Canada the bacon is round like a circle
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| (WTAM.com) |
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Marijuana hidden in Chips Ahoy shipment. Keebler elves not talking
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| (Milk and Cookies) |
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30 years ago today: The Fonz jumped the shark
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Man acushed of shtealing falsh teesh
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What Metallica sounds like before Pro Tools
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| (Collegian.com) |
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Today's jewel of responsible journalism comes from Colorado State University and this 4 word editorial
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Dear liberal media: If someone says "Where's Mandela? Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas," he might be using what we adults call a "metaphor," and not referring to the original Nelson Mandela
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| (Some Guy) |
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Coming soon to a Playboy near you: Kim Kardashian's ass and one of her boobs
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| (Some Sports Guy) |
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Photoshop a Fark football team logo for this jersey
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Stiff competition at annual "Running of the Weiners" in Cincinnati
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Amanda Congdon and her world-class breasts are gone from ABC.com
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British Navy allows blogging aboard its ships for first time ever. But really, how interesting could it possibly be? "Day 1: Rum. Day 2: Sodomy. Day 3: The lash"
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How the South conquered America, then threw it all away
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| (The Inquirer) |
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The $30 billion lost to piracy in Canada? RCMP admits they just made it up
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Owner trains dog to get him a beer from the fridge
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Television channel to be renamed "Dave," because we all know one
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FSU says: 'Hey UF, we see your obnoxious kid at a Kerry speech and raise you two football players at a bar'
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Guy goes canoeing in a desert. Lasts 25 days without food, common sense
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Both sides want love triangle murder trial moved despite the fact that triangles have three sides
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Bill Clinton says he would be delighted to take his proper place as First Husband in his wife's shadow, and... just kidding. He says if Hillary wins, he'll slit his throat. No, really
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As Japan ages, more and more senior citizens are dying at home alone, with only their creepy robot child to mourn them
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The Honda Fit might actually NOT be the stupidest looking car on the road in 2008
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Handicapped woman kicked out of club after staff decide her crutches are "offensive weapons." Court rules nightclub doesn't have a leg to stand on
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Elderly couple robbed at gunpoint for the marijuana plants they had growing in their backyard. Quote: "Breaks my heart they took all the good stuff." (With news video)
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| (Kingston Sub-Standard) |
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Mainstream media discovers that pretards are using Facebook to plan their rowdy drinking parties. Well stop the freaking presses
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Mattel apologizes to China for besmirching its fine reputation for producing quality lead-based-painted toys. Read: Please don't kick us out of China and make us manufacture our toys somewhere else, where it will cost twice as much
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Blackwater back in business in Iraq
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And the award for best/worst non-news of the day goes to ABC and this article that quite literally is all about sucking
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| (My Fox) |
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A house dumped on a California street becomes the biggest piece of crap next to the freeway since Jersey
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The "It's not a clown car, it's a vagina" family takes Manhattan
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Local Jena 6 demonstrators circled by trucks with nooses
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman, 82, and her daughter will be at Ground Zero on Monday to stop Ahmadinejad from laying wreath. Says it would be like letting Hitler lay wreath on Tomb of Unknown Soldier
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| (Some Guy) |
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All charges dropped against man who refused to show receipt while leaving Circuit City
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Not news: Rioting in India. News: Conflict escalating, possible civil war. Fark: Because the goverment wants to build a shipping lane where an army of monkeys previously built a bridge for Ram to rescue his wife from a demon
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Russians claim soil samples prove Arctic is theirs. USS Tigerfish to be dispatched immediately
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MIT student arrested for fake bomb made of Play-Doh at Logan Airport in Boston. Mooninite connection unknown at this time
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| (Some Pimp) |
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Amsterdam plans to cut the number of prostitute display windows by a third
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| (The Inquirer) |
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Virgin Mobile business plan: Step 1: Steal girl's photo from Flickr. Step 2: Use it for derogatory ad campaign in Australia. Step 3: Hope nobody notices
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If you attacked and broke a 160-year-old bust of Jesus, the Boston police would like to have a word with you
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Communism finally gets it right. China bans American-style TV talent shows
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| (keepMEcurrent.com) |
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The Black Widow, Eater X, Chip "Burger'' Simpson, Tim "Gravy" Brown and Jason "Crazy Legs" Conti are all in Maine for a world burrito-eating bout
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| (MotorTorque.com) |
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Why not film yourself vandalising a Lamborghini to the tune of £20K then broadcast it to a pub of people, one of whom works for the guy who owns the car in question?
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| (The Blue School) |
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Founders of the Blue Man Group are opening a pre-school. Finger-Painting Day is expected to totally kick ass
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Man has phone stolen from him at zoo. Fark.com: The monkeys took it
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| (Sheboygan Press) |
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Man wiggles cocaine out of his butt for cops, adds new meaning to the term "crack cocaine"
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| (Some crazy cat lady) |
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Photoshop what animals do when humans aren't looking. LGT comic-strip inspiration
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Homeowners association lawyer demands website be taken down because it violates the association covenant. Geezer web operator says, "Suck it." Fark gets a new hero
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Two students shot at Delaware State, shooter still at large, campus shut down
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If you're texting your friend about buying reefer, make sure you aren't accidentally texting the state police
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The most utterly pointless study of the day indicates more rich people than poor people ride bicycles in the UK. Heavens knows how we lived without that information
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Woman breaks record, catches 66-pound catfish, brings new meaning to term "fish wife"
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| (thisisplymouth) |
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Police hunt cat-shaving sicko (insert your own gag here)
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56,000 lunch boxes given to children in an effort to promote healthful eating are being recalled because they contain lead
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| (Some Damn Hippie Guy) |
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Today is the International Day of Peace, so try not to smash anybody in the pie hole for the next 24 hours
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Good news: In the next decade, there will be cures for HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this ethereal pier
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| (Some Guy) |
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The mummified baby was a family heirloom. They displayed in on a bureau, giving it holiday cards, and even a dried pet fish. Too bad the judge made them bury it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Homeless man faces 250 years in prison for possessing child porn. In other news, homeless people have laptops
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Woman almost burns down her retirement home by drying her slippers in an oven (with pic of one of the most nightmarish British smiles you'll ever see)
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Cops launch nationwide hunt for 77-year-old woman, only to find her 12 hours later locked in a toilet. They're always in the last place you loo
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"I realized, oh my gosh, I'm sitting here, I'm a fat 50-year-old mom and I've managed to scoop al-Qaida"
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| Thu September 20, 2007 |
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"God" responds to the lawsuit against him
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| (DeSmogBlog) |
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Remember that whole "Review of 539 abstracts in peer-reviewed scientific journals" that blew the global warming consensus claim out of the water? It didn't stand up to scrutiny and won't be published
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| (its really not news.) |
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Because you didn't watch The View today, here is the explanation for not knowing whether the earth is flat or not
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Right-wing talk show hosts, regarded as the bastions of civil discourse and respectful dialogue, can't stand a taste of their own medicine
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Family shocked and overjoyed as Governor Crist grants full pardon to MS patient serving 25 years in prison for drug trafficking and possession of his own pain medication
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Baby elephants have wrinkly butts. (With ugly wrinkly-ass pic)
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Satan among group of women arrested for stripping in St. Petersburg (with mugshot awesomeness)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the very odd-looking barn
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| (Daily Press & Argus) |
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Librarians can't prevent you from watching porn on their computers. Thanks 1rst Amendment
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| (George Will) |
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For the second year in a row, America's elite universities and colleges have failed to rise above a "D plus" on tests of basic knowledge about civics and American history
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Federal prosecutor accused of arranging to have sex with a five-year old tries to kill himself in jail
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University students protest company recruiters because the company has the audacity to make a profit. Oh, it's Halliburton
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Memorobilia dealer in Simpson case says he has more tapes, including the episode where O.J. goes back in time and has to build a mnemonic memory circuit out of stone knives and bearskins
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| (Postcards) |
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Britney Spears fans plan nude protest rally this Saturday in Los Angeles
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Aussie PM's house listed for sale at a very fair $15
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People are spending an average of $200 a month on miscellaneous crap. Submitter knows where $5 goes, the rest, not so much
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Man assaults wife with onion
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| (Some Non-Ivy Leaguer) |
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Harvard University bookstore won't allow customers to write down what they charge for books; claims the prices are "intellectual property." RIAA surrenders
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| (The Boston Channel.com) |
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Oh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Absorbent and yellow and able to save a sinking ship is he
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Police taser autistic teen. Submitter figures he was probably just being an inattention whore
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Parrot teaches boy to talk. Parents dismayed that he only seems to want crackers now
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Judge allows students to wear Hitler Youth buttons to protest school uniform policy. You know who else liked buttons?
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Giuliani has solved the problem of immigration
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"Extreme" weather events are normal and could continue for years, even decades. Where's your global warming now?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teacher resigns over scandal involving giving one of his students a work of literature that some deem inappropriate
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| (Chattanoogan) |
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If you are going to run a feature story of a new airline coming to town, you might want to choose a different photo for the main page
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| (Daily Herald) |
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When caught driving 99 mph in a 30-mph zone, try to come up with a better excuse than this guy
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Americans urged to get flu shots... by the companies that make them
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Study shows recent marriages are more likely to fail and the seven-year itch is a statistical fact
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Want to make someone laugh? No, don't take off your pants, they want to hear your joke. (Sponsored link, voting enabled)
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New study finds playing soccer is better for you than jogging, in part because joggers miss out on the cardio benefits of writhing around clutching their knees after errant gusts of wind
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Jennifer Aniston's revenge is a hot bod and a shaved punani
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"Hispanic Heritage Month begins September 15 and ends October 15." I think they're doing it wrong
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop whatever these guys are taking a photograph of
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Your tax dollars at work: DHS contract given to bizarre Russian mind-control experiment. Feel safer?
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| (Columbus Dispatch) |
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Couple convicted of caging adopted kids sue social workers and sheriff's deputies. Florida tag envious
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Girls apologise for streaking in underwear at football game. Should have gone nude
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| (The Oil Drum) |
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The four-day work week: 16 reasons why this might be an idea whose time has come
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"I oppose gay marriage," says San Diego mayor. "Your daughter is a lesbian, Mr. Mayor." "Well then, I fully support gay marriage"
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| (The Local) |
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Swedish girls fight for the right to bare their boobs at public pools. "If boys don't have to wear bikinis, why should we?" they ask. The ball's in your court now, Equal Opportunities Ombudsman
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If you are beaten and bloodied by six people in Louisiana, expect thousands of people to show up to root for your attackers
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And the award for most understated headline of the year goes to "Enlarged breasts in men often troubling"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Authorities confused whether names in Vick case documents found refer to people or dogs. There is something oddly appropriate about this (last paragraph)
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Peruvian meteor was actually U.S. spy satellite, brought down by splinter faction of the U.S. military. Pravda is there
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| (Newsnet5) |
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If you are going to take pictures of your pot crop, you may want to consider using a digital camera instead of taking your film to CVS
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Handy tips for Muslims on how to perform daily rituals in space. No need to pray five times for each orbit, but which way is Mecca?
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| (RNews) |
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First edition of the Book of Mormon fetches over $100k at auction. In related news, value of Action Comics No. 1 (first Superman comic): $1,110,000
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| (KTVU) |
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Mystery goo found in San Francisco basements. Rob Reiner ecstatic
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Media discover new threat to society: "Gym rage." And they're all over this one
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| (Some Guy) |
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Best answer on how it feels to be a father, brought to us by Eddie Vedder: "It fueled my anger"
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Irish defence forces secretly tracked UFO sightings for 37 years. And in a country where whiskey is a breakfast food, reported sightings included flying fried eggs and hovering irons
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ahmadattentionwhore says he'll go to Ground Zero no matter what
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Jesse Jackson backs off from comment that Barack Obama is "acting like he's white," possibly after someone points out to Jesse that men should be judged, not by the color of their skin, but the content of their character
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| (Tennessee) |
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Six would-be burglars arrested after tripping alarm while waiting for their leader to wake up from his nap
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| (Some Taser Guy) |
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Local radio DJs taser intern to see if he screeches as loud as the UF student
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Not news: Police encounter "Batgirl" at a traffic stop. Fark: "Batgirl" is a dude
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| (WAFF) |
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When at Victoria's Secret, it is illegal to ask a teenage girl to model a bra for you
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Cenk Uygur of Air America attempts to sue Stephen Colbert for $65 million for stealing jokes. Tonight's wørd: "Publicity seeker"
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Young girls should not be protected with HPV vaccine because fear of the invisible sky wizard is good enough
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$1 Canadian. That's what, like $1 in American?
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Iran tests new homemade fighter jets but the pilots still can't pedal fast enough to get the wings to flap fast enough to achieve flight
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Elizabeth Edwards says Hillary Clinton plagiarized her husbands healthcare plan. Carlos Mencia chuckles
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| (WRAL) |
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Elmers waits patiently as Puerto Rican horse sets record for most losses
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| (WRAL) |
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Towing a 35 foot boat by paddling an inflatable dinghy is less effective than hoped
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PS3's version of "Second Life" is behind schedule. Apparently none of the avatars could afford the $500 price tag
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| (Townhall) |
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A frank and rational opinion piece on why the decimation of the American Indian population was not genocide
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Scots so angry at inaccurate "Groundskeeper Willie" stereotype that they're stripping off and getting greased up for a good fight
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Woman who killed her husband with a shotgun asks court for custody of her three daughters, saying she needs their support to get over pain of losing her husband. Wow, the concept of 'chutzpah' exists in Tennessee
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| (The Penisula) |
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New Polish women's political party is releasing nude posters of their female candidates for the upcoming parliamentary election. Camp Hillary orders immediate public opinion poll on landing-strip versus Brazilian
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| (Metro.co.uk) |
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Town in Michigan repeals alcohol prohibition after 104 years, now eligible to host a Fark party
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| (Some TFette) |
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Photoshop these dancers
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The green flag has dropped on qualifiers for this year's Farmer's Market 500
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Suit against blogger confronts anonymity enjoyed by blogulation. Defamed yarn barns, LOL cats, and presidential candidates rejoice
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| (KVOA) |
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Today's naked man leads cops to his pot stash story is brought to you by Tucson, Arizona
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| (Some Guy) |
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Motorcyclists leaving a bar tries to ditch the cops by popping a wheelie and speeding off at 100 mph. Would have gotten away with it if he hadn't crashed into a cactus
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| (Some Guy) |
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Professor at a Nebraska university takes her sociology students to Thailand's red-light district: "There are just some things you can't teach out of books. Seeing it and feeling it is just so much more beneficial."
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Young professor's last lecture, knowing he's dying. He wouldn't want the Sad tag (video)
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South Carolina man who caught 11-foot alligator that bit off man's arm plans to offer its stuffed head to victim. "I don't think anyone would want to eat it, if you get my drift"
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Welsh weathergirl wins "Rear of the Year" Award. With pics, of course. No vowels though
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Mahmoud Ahmadinejad emerges from Iran's parliament flashing a sign that can mean 'peace' in the U.S., or something very different in Britain (photo)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cops: "Easy" pizza heist topped with FAIL
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Room spray that smells like dirty ashtrays takes off in Britain after smoking ban. "From what I have heard it's because of the awful smells the tobacco used to veil such as body odour and vomit"
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British court rules eight-inch-tall sausage dog is not a vicious attack dog, and it only took them 11 months to figure that out (pic)
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Teen gets perfect scores on SAT, ACT. Since this is Fark, you know the rest
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| (farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 124: "Painting With Light" Details and rules in Boobies. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed September 19, 2007 |
| (defence.gov.au) |
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Photoshop these footballers and their coach
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| (Florida Times-Union) |
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Veterinarian extracts 7 inch toy lizard from 12 inch real lizard
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One of O.J.'s "victims" has a felony stalking conviction on his rap sheet (and one horrendous mug shot). The Smoking Gun is there
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Army to perform brain tests on soldiers prior to deployment so they can later claim the IED didn't break anything that wasn't already broke
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| (GamePolitics) |
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Wacky Jack Thompson says that a certain lawyer in "GTA IV" represents him, and that killing the lawyer in the game is a threat on his life
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Mythical global warming is thawing Siberian permafrost, exposing the bones of extinct lions, mammoths and wooly rhinos buried by Noah's Flood almost 3000 years ago
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Even members of Canada's government come to the U.S. when they need medical care. But that's no reason to think that socialized medicine is bad, eh?
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Spurned husband testifies for polygamist prophet, claims he did everything he could to make his 14-year-old bride happy, even exposing himself in public
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"Ultra-conservative" member of Christian Social Union wants marriage licenses to expire at seven years
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| (Some Guy) |
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Inmate files $3.5 million suit against Martha Stewart, will donate any damages he collects to Rachael Ray. That's a buttload of EVOO
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Ontario drinkers face beer shortage as more than 100,000 cans and bottles of Moosehead beer are stolen from trucking facility. Either that, or Drew has switched brands
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Man gets fine for putting dead parrots and snakes in his airplane luggage. U.S. Fish and Wildlife dept didn't buy his "pining for the fjords" argument
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| (WIStv.com) |
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Proving that there is no such thing as bad press, Miss Teen SC signs with Trump modeling agency, could make up to $25,000 a day
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How many toddlers would you throw at a police officer who was about to arrest you for smoking weed? In this woman's case, it was as many as she could get her hands on
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"Courtney Love wants to launch her own perfume but is worried nobody wants to smell like her." Obvious tag retires
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| (East Liverpool Review) |
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Alcohol? Check. ATV? Check. Legally blind man channels the spirit of Sonny Bono? You betcha. Twice
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Search for Steve Fossett ending. Subby ponders how a man who circumnavigated the globe a couple of times, flying over some of the most remote terrain on the planet, could get so lost in Nevada
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72-year-old grandfather of three can't buy a bottle of wine because he can't prove he's over 21. The Nanny State is still going strong
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| (WCBS 880) |
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Iran's president wants to visit Ground Zero when he's in NYC. Update: When reached for comment, NYPD said DIAF
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Like a bedbug in the peanut butter, Dan Rather files $70 million lawsuit against CBS
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Latino grievance group forces Ken Burns to include more of them in his WWII documentary. So he does. Result? They're still really pissed
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Israel was all like, "you're going down," and Iran was like, "bring it." But America wouldn't take any of that sass
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| (Ars Technica) |
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Not news: Music industry sends DMCA notice to torrent site. News: It's over emails. Fark: The legal response starts "Dearest little Ass-tunnels" and ends with "eaten by Cthulhu"
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| (HeraldNet) |
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If your poodle Peaches is the one telling you to hold a bus of kids hostage to do a drug bust, maybe you should be the one laying off the drugs
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Bush and Congress both hit lowest ever approval rates in new poll. And as low as Bush's approval is, it's almost three times higher than that of Congress, which is now less popular than getting a kick in the sack
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O.J. Simpson makes bail, heads back to Florida to work on all new and different ways of getting mentioned on Fark
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Jesse Jackson keeps it real by whining that Barack Obama is not black enough
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Drycleaner that got sued $67 million for losing pants loses their pants
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If anything good has come out of Al Gore's crusade, it's the Miss Earth Pageant where pretty girls offer green messages in a bikini and tiara (with pic)
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| (dailymotion) |
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The toothless guy during the OJ press conference is "Jake Byrd." He works for "The Jimmy Kimmel Show"
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Vanessa Hudgens is considering posing for a men's magazine. Reportedly she's picked FHM so she won't have to trim the 1980s-style hedge growing between her legs
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Man calls border patrol for assistance in finding his lost cocaine-filled backpacks. Keystone cops impressed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hot girl-on-alien lesbian sex in new video game will surely not cause any controversy
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Larry Craig gets mixed reaction upon returning to the Senate. Some senators welcomed him, while others maintained a wide stance
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Fark's favorite astronaut back in court today to challenge evidence collected by police. The decision to allow it depends on the judge
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Comcastic COO says his company feeling pressure from cable and satellite providers for loss of business. Fails to mention lack of any respect or service for customers whatsoever
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Hooters opens a franchise in China. Downfall of communism expected any moment
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New View host stumped when Whoopi asks her if the world is flat. Galileo, Miss Teen South Carolina unavailable for comment. LGT video
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Firefighters and forklift remove 900-lb man from home for first time in four years. Gilbert Grape unavailable for comment
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Consumer prices fall 0.1 percent in August. Savings immediately blown on ale and whores
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Man hides sex toys in sausage for Dubai trip. Oh, those tasty German sausages
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| (FMQB) |
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New House Indecency Bill introduced, would require the FCC to take action over any single word or image deemed "indecent."
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| (WTAE 4) |
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Man gets trapped in chimney trying to playing Santa Claus for "girlfriend." Hilarious video of "girlfriend" hitting him with trash can and beer bottles, twice
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| (My Fox Atlanta) |
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Not news: Man attempts to rob store. News: Clerk refuses to give up the cash. Fark: Robber was naked. Bonus: Robber did it because he was bored
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Retiree tells lottery officials he doesn't want a $4 million jackpot because he doesn't know what to do with it
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Amputees now have a website. It's reported that all versions of the login "Stumpy" are already taken
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Bail set at $125K for OJ Simpson
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When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for a dude to be all like "Don't tase me bro" more people need to be all like "WTF?" and "That's totally not cool"
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Woman pleads not guilty of the heinous crime of "not watering her lawn"
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Bank robber grabs toddler and holds him hostage. Luckily, the child was equipped with a smelly dye pack
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| (Some Really Drunk Guy) |
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Columbus, Ohio Linuxfest FARK Party, Friday Sept. 28th. We're taking over an entire brewing company
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1-800-Oops-Jew
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Man Says Wild Sex Caused SUV Accident"
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Canadian dollar almost at par with the U.S. peso
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| (Cambridge Chronicle) |
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If you need a bathroom while riding the Boston subway, you can search for an attendant and beg him to unlock the door. Or you can use the elevator, just like everybody else
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Can I get a screw for this engine? TN man tries to trade sex for car parts, oh yeah, his wife works for the po-po
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Arrr, maties... today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day, so grab ye scurvy wenches an' grab the booty t'ye heart's content
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"Pornographic magazines and clothes were strewn around the room, and a makeshift sex aid constructed from a Toilet Duck bottle, a piece of wood and a latex glove had also been left behind"
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"Tunick has previously photographed 18,000 naked pope." That's a lot of pope
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| (Savannah Morning News) |
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Despite years of covering crime, ex-reporter doesn't know proper technique for robbing banks or avoiding cans of whoop-ass from bank customers
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News: Amnesty bill is back. A twist: Only for those who had smuggled a child across the border. Fark.com: The child can be 45, would get in-state tuition and the whole thing is buried in a Defense Authorization bill
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Hello, Poison Control Center? Tiny high-heeled shoes were glued to my feet by an angry girlfriend while I slept, can't be removed and are beginning to shut down my circulation
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| (Inside Higher Ed) |
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Illinois State University changes rules on dress code -- now you won't get kicked out of class, but your grade will be lowered if you don't comply
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Hardcore gamers end up with high-paying jobs, attract more beautiful mates and are happier in their lives compared to others. Just kidding, they have low grade-point averages and are losers
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Florida Gators' QB Tim Tebow surprised to be teased after his teammate kisses him live on national TV. Will still run and/or pass you over if you get in his way
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Photoshop this expressive bug
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Elderly are at the highest risk for suicide. Or so the Union Local 218 Brotherhood of Lawn Walkers would have you believe
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Bin Ladens break up. Li'l Osama to keep toaster. High profile couple in divorce/death-threat drama trifecta now live
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Remaining un-pussified Britons decide to speak out against nanny state keeping DNA records of its citizens
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British teacher likes his female students the way he likes his whisky: 17 years old, and mixed with coke
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You have a rodent problem. Do you: A) Buy an ACME rocket pack mail order? B) Something else totally ridiculous? Or C) Give all the villagers a flute and go totally Hamelin on those rodents' asses?
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Russian leader says Britons are "cheats and bandits"; also says they have bad teeth and enjoy sex with livestock
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Photoshop this simple tireman
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| (Metro.co.uk) |
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Threesome sex with a guy named Studley is all fun and games until the stabbing begins
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Oldest man in the world turns 112, looks pretty much the same as he did as a baby, except with more liver spots (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Paint and perspective: Clever paint jobs create the illusion of 3D shapes when rooms are viewed from certain angles
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| (Some Guy) |
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The first rule of 1st Grade Sex Club is don't talk about 1st Grade Sex Club. Second rule: Color inside the lines
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| Tue September 18, 2007 |
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Man puts live eastern diamondback rattler down his throat to impress friends (with pre- and post-coma pics)
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Teenage criminals are "ideal recruitment material for the Army" says top general, in part because the people whose cars or bikes they stole don't really give a rat's ass if they die
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Colleges start offering double beds in dorm rooms. Reasons include facts that parents spoil them at home, they're getting fatter, and "sometimes they are not in the bed alone."
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So THAT is what a pair of $15 whores look like. With mugshot OH MY GOD MY EYES nastiness. No really
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| (Some Guy) |
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Great. Now they've ruined stripping
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O.J. Simpson charged with 8 offenses, including kidnapping, faces life of getting squeezed in prison
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| (Some Guy) |
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TSA trog decides her drama is more important, falsely accuses man of making death theats, makes him miss his flight
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| (Some Guy) |
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New York Times to stop charging readers a monthly fee for access to parts of its website. Because, really, what kind of a loser would pay to access a part of a website anyway?
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| (Some Guys in Robes) |
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Deadline passes / Police respond / With clubs and gasses / Burma Monks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teenagers and adolescents are being maligned by pundits and policy makers to draw attention from the reality that it's actually middle-aged adults - the parents - whose behavior has worsened in the last 30 years
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| (Some dusty Wacom tablet) |
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Advanced Photoshop theme: Choose one of the four classical elements to represent something normally made of something else. Example: Candle made of water. LGT wiki definition
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The Limerick Recycling Department / Found a derelict's makeshift apartment / He napped in a bin / And was sadly still in / When it entered the crushing compartment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man with a checkered pabst crashes Oktoberfest -- literally. The festival-goers barley noticed, since a mobile beer tent was drafted to chill bitter feelings
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Man sues because transportation commission doesn't consider his Toyota Prius a limo
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| (RCR News) |
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The wireless industry on cell-phone advertising: "Consumers are excited about the prospect because it will allow consumers to engage the brand and elect to engage in mobile advertising"
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They say the jury in the Phil Spector trial was hung. And they was right, baby
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Daily commutes in U.S. getting longer, more expensive. Increasing availability of in-car porn the only upside
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Beginning tomorrow, Arizona enacts one of the toughest DUI laws in the country. First offense with a BAC of 0.20% or higher? That's 45 days in jail
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Many parents unable to stand up to their obnoxious children. Submitter willing to hand out discipline like Halloween candy
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Woman sues for the right to take her Glock 9-mm pistol with her to work ... at a high school
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Power outage hits 60 percent of Saskatchewan, plunging nearly 500 people into darkness
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| (Some Guy) |
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Calling the power of Fark: UM's "Office of Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender Affairs" says it needs a new name; the current one isn't inclusive enough. Help them think of a new one. VE
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Search for missing aviator Steve Fossett scaled back because, well, he's dead
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James Dobson's "Focus on the Family" endorses recent pseudoscientific study claiming it's possible to make gays straight through religious mediation
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| (nbc11.com) |
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Fed cuts interest rates one-half of a percentage point. Submitter off to buy Ferrari
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What's your favorite website which no longer exists?
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American laws are slowly shifting to the position that it's okay to smoke pot, but you'd better not grow or deliver it
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| (SomeBumLooker) |
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Actual headline: "Uranus at its biggest and brightest this week." Well, thanks for noticing
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OJ Simpson's friend says arrest was a setup, the real killer is still at large, there was a second gunman on the grassy knoll, the moon landings were faked
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| (Some Guy) |
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One of the suspects in a bizarre California kidnapping case is Wayne "No Nose" Gardner. His mug shot tells no lies
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Would all states who haven't had an Assistant U.S. Attorney cross state lines for sex with a minor please take one step forward. Not so fast, Florida
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man who lives under a bridge in Albany arrested for sending threatening emails to Barbara Bush. Kind of gives new meaning to "trolling"
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Female teacher at Christian school in trouble for coveting her 15-year-old student's ass
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After careful consideration, eBay has decided to stop the sale of Belgium
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Last month: Selling brocolli as pot. This month: Selling vinegar mixed with catfish bait as heroin
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Tramp stamp poses danger to pregnancy, also known to cause it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Miller Genuine Draft TV ad showing people doing tricks on inline skates banned as making MGD "too appealing" to kids. As if
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