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| Sun July 29, 2007 |
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Mysterious sightings of a bird with a ten-foot wing span continue in San Antonio. "I think if you do see it, then you might wind up missing"
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Dead relative tells man to cook the world's largest pierogi
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bar worker drives drunken patrons home in their own cars, then gets motorcycle from trunk, returns to bar, and does it all over again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this birdie
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There's nothing quite like spending $536,000 on a civil rights trial only to be awarded $2
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Garlic capital of the world losing its garlic to accommodate urban sprawl. Will soon be known as just another town south of San Francisco you can't afford
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Monster jumping fish striking people at record pace in stretch of water (with jumping fish pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You know that $27.00 a month water bill you've been getting for the last few years? Sorry, we have been charging you the wrong rate. Please pay us $1,500.00 this month to make up for the difference. Thank you
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Surgeons use the glow of cell phones so they could have enough light to finish an operation during a power failure at a hospital
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| (Venice Gondolier) |
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Suppose for a moment that Ferris Bueller grew up, moved to Florida, and became a teacher. No need to get Hollywood scriptwriters, because the story would end up almost exactly like this
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Cities now fight gang violence the American way: by suing them
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Berlin residents go bugfark crazy trying to block opening of new McDonalds. Why do Germans hate freedom?
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Not News: Package falls of a truck. News: Blocks major thoroughfare in San Diego. Fark: It's a 200-ton US Navy ship engine (w/ pic of crushed car goodness)
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Scientists create world's first schizophrenic mice using interbreeding patterns of Floridians
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Last known surviving British soldier from WWI, 109, revisits former battlefield. Submitter salutes, stays well clear of his lawn, trench
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| (Some Guy) |
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Boy hatches duckling from supermarket eggs
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Meditators claim their vibrations will boost stock market above 17,000, create utopia
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Steve Martin gets married, receives a Thermos as a wedding gift. And that's ALL he needs ... and this chair
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Caption Michael Vick's reaction when he heard that his posse was selling him out
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| (Some Guy) |
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Genius crashes brand new super-yacht 30 seconds after it leaves dry dock, with pics
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Surprised hardware store employees get a primer on childbirth as woman gives birth in paint aisle to a lovely shade of infant. Employees note that she already looks thinner
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this wanderer
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Happy birthday and welcome to the 35-44 age bracket, Wil
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Dear Editor: My mobile home is a gift from God
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| (Boston Channel) |
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Massachusetts bans Internet hunting. You can take my cyberrifle from my cold dead hands
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Karma stops and catches its breath after 18 year pursuit; imprisoned stalker who killed actress Rebecca Schaeffer recovering from 11 stab wounds
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Cool, I found another geckoooOOoooooooooooohhhhhh
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| (Hampton Roads) |
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Employee who won the last truck produced at Ford's defunct Norfolk, VA plant puts it on E-Bay. Ford spokeswoman says they're "disappointed." "Disappointed" and "Ford," what a combo
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Bank issues their customer service representatives a manual that explains how to hardball customers into giving up on their effort to seek refunds for bank overcharges unless they are "very ill or dying"
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Man with no sense of smell tells police he had no idea his wife's body was in the back room of their home for three days, he just thought she had left him
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A moving pillowcase was found on beach with a note that said "Live Gator - Please find him a home"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Colleges are starting to adjust their fees according to the degree. Engineering majors are going to pay more, but liberal arts majors may finally only have to pay what their degree is worth
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Images of mah bukket. fading. fading. into blackness. so cold
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Photoshop this hat
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DeLorean likely to return to production. Flux capacitor comes standard
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You're not a very good robber if your plans are foiled by somebody holding a gas nozzle
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| (sky.com) |
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Is that a bicycle lodged in your crotch, or are you really happy to see me?
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Illinois town that has the largest ketchup bottle in the world decides to build the worlds largest ketchup packet
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| Sat July 28, 2007 |
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Government plan to build more affordable homes blocked by homebuilders who make more money slapping up million-dollar McMansions on 40-foot lots
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MI6 did not give information about Osama bin Laden's location to the USA because the CIA would not promise he would not be tortured
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If you've ever cut the crust off of a peanut butter and jelly sammich or used a laser pointer to tease your cat, you might owe somebody a royalty
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Finding baseball cards to be somewhat passe, 12-year-old boy has taken to collecting vacuum cleaners ... so far 165 of them
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| (WKYC) |
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Man makes life-sized cutouts of his kids to convince speeders to slow down, expects to be back in the news in a month or so
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88-year-old becomes Eagle Scout
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you died today, would your spouse know to turn the sprinklers off in the winter or even how to pay the cable bill online?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Disney drops plan for Mickey Mouse wine. Surly, Remorseful and Sleazy unavailable for comment
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Judge orders 73-year-old man convicted in scam to gather scrap metal for fake soldiers' memorial to clean real veterans memorial with a toothbrush
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| (The Star) |
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Student who strangled teacher after being punished for being noisy in the bathroom, "may be suspended"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iron Photoshop theme: Humanize an inanimate object found at your work
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| (Some Lawyer) |
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Michael Vick facing charges in second federal civil suit...this one written by hand by a prison inmate
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Sara Lee's new ad campaign slogan, "The Joy Of Metal Shards Ripping Your Gums Open" coming to a billboard near you
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On the first sunny day in months, builders in London manage to unearth unexploded WWII warhead from V1 rocket, driving everyone safely back indoors
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Whatchoo gonna do, Vince McMahon, when Congress requests all records relating to your drug-testing policy from you, brother?
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"Jesus Christ is crucified and resurrected here six days a week"
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Can you tell that a woman is single and unlaid just from her apartment?
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"Polar Madness" research may be applied to future space missions. Shiny Red Button approves
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What song would you like your favorite band to cover?
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Microbial scientist discovers new life form at Yellowstone National Park that converts light into energy. Researchers from around the world fascinated, unaware that scientists existed at the microbial level
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| (WTMJ-TV Milwaukee) |
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Three thieves attempt smash-and-grab of ATM from convenience store, forgetting that ATMs are bolted to the floor. Hilarity ensues (with video)
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A man who decided to clean out his car was fined $100 for littering .... in a garbage can
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Sheik delays flight for three hours after finding out three of his female relatives were seated next to men they didn't know. The flight was eventually cleared for takeoff after airline personnel kicked the Sheik off the plane
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| (The beetles.) |
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Theme: Photoshop a graphical representation of your favorite artist or band. LGT inspiration
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Offender is advised by judge to give up crime because "you are clearly not very good at it"
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Researchers study the viability of the five-second rule. Here comes the science
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Lake Tahoe employs bear whisperer to curb rampant taco theft
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Can today be Caturday?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not surprising: 36% of web traffic to the UK is from the United States. Surprising: the second-highest referrer is Fark.com
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Sacred Bull in Great Britain had to be slaughtered because it had TB; now if only the US would adopt those rules for asshats trying to fly with the disease
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The GOP could lose the support of Christians because of their stance on poverty, human rights, and climate change
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USPS driver in Syracuse damages parcel containing ancient Indian artifacts, tries to cover up his clumsiness by setting fire to them. Didn't work
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Great White Shark spotted off coast of England, causing panic among Great White Pasty Brits (w/ incongruous pics)
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27-year-old man told police "I can't feel my legs. I got what I deserved" after being shot in the throat by a 93-year-old man he had struck at least 50 times in the head with a soda can
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| (Some Guy) |
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State Supreme Court upholds double secret probation to prevent Delta House toga parties
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| (Palm Beach Post) |
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Farmers Market, old people, vehicle, Florida...you know the drill
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Bird that hangs out at pub and drinks beer from a glass is cute, until someone points out "he's a carrion crow which feeds off dead animals" (with pic)
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Man sues McDonald's for 13 cents
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Japanese teacher horrified after discovering summer homework assignment for students contained obscene English expressions for having sex; also ensures "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" essays to be best ever
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Six out of ten U.S. CrackBerry users admit checking their messages in bed
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| (Some Guy) |
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"British teens admit they commit crimes, carry knives, use drugs and alcohol and realize they scare adults, but they complain they are getting a bad rap in the media"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fred Phelps' attempt to erect anti-gay statue in Matthew Shepard's hometown goes flaccid. This is the second time he couldn't get it up
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Cheney to briefly hand over the presidency to George W. Bush later today
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Zsa Zsa's husband found naked in his Rolls Royce, babbling about three female robbers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this athlete
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| Fri July 27, 2007 |
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Man in a kilt, along with a naked woman, arrested after ignoring a cease and desist order while having sex in someone's backyard
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Reverend who "always keeps a gun and handcuffs in his fanny pack" nabs thief trying to steal a car from his church parking lot
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| (officer.com) |
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Cop who lost sense of smell may lose job. Bad: Can't smell booze on suspects. Good: Can't smell suspects
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Here's a great idea. Take a cougar to a four-year old's birthday and take it off the leash
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| (Some KOCK) |
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We now go live to our KUNT-watch Doppler 5 weather center
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Seven-year old accidentally swallows metal mouth "grill" -- waits for the only way it can exit (with X-ray pic goodness)
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| (The Whig) |
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Idiot sent to jail for destroying surveillance camera, even after he explains to police that he "didn't like the way it was looking at him"
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| (NBC 4) |
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Step 1: Implant fake boar tusks on your dental assistant and then have to pay $250,000 in the lawsuit. Step 2: Sue your insurance company for $750,000, plus the $250,000, plus lawyer fees. Step 3: Over $1 million profit
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The Weekly World News is ending publication. Photoshop their last edition's cover
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If you're considering having surgery done in a shopping mall, you're also probably not the reading type. But for the rest of the us, the risks are... well, the tag says it all
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Pharmacists sue for the right to impose their religious beliefs on their customers. Suck it, sluts
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Britain to build Muslim-only jails because terrorists don't want to have to serve time with infidels
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| (Orange County Register) |
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Caption what this surfer is thinking
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"What does God need with a 'Second Life'"?
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Man gets carjacked by the driver of a wrecked 2007 Corvette after he stops to help the stranded motorist
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| (KPHO) |
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Two helicopters crash while covering police pursuit in Phoenix. Three dead
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Headline: "Marijuana may increase psychosis risk". Article: "Researchers said they couldn't prove that marijuana use itself increases the risk of psychosis"
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Bank employees put the smackdown on a would-be robber. No bank money for you, not yours
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sheriff's Deputy assaults, arrests NC couple for displaying American flag upside down
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Those evil Democrats are responsible for the declining stock market, crashing housing market, and for killing your childhood pet
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| (reason.com) |
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Man sentenced to 25 years in prison for drug trafficking because he was in possession of 58 pills... that were legally prescribed to him
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| (That Guy) |
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State College, PA Fark party tonight: 9 p.m. Cafe 210
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64 year old man beats the snot out of would-be drug store robber with a cane. DO NOT GO ON HIS LAWN
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Man didn't eat or sleep while quietly transporting a dime worth $1.9 million from San Jose to New York
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Today's "man sues Starbucks because he forgot hot tea is hot" brought to you by Wayne, New Jersey
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| (spontn80) |
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Bay Area FARKERS impromptu Fark Party at the Uptown Nightclub tonight. Fark N00b (my son) SisterGrizzly is playing there
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Michael Moore subpoenaed by the Bush Administration. This should end well. Or not
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Economy growth is best in a year. Suck it, libs
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Final Reminder: DC Fark Party tomorrow, 7pm. First round of shots is on me
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Cops at the scene of a crash ask some woman to help translate for the victim. They then arrest the woman. And it's all caught on tape (with video)
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Feminist says Princess Diana was basically a nutbar and about as smart as a golden retriever
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(Drum Solo) (massive horn section) Don't say that you love me
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| (Weird Asia News) |
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Waitress sues co-worker after she is given the nickname "Looking For Death"
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Teen busted pretending to be a cop while trying to get his girlfriend out of summer school. He should have stuck with the tried and tested dead grandma bit. Save Ferris
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| (evonet.ro) |
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The coolest 18-foot-long Lego aircraft carrier that you'll ever see floating on the water (pics)
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| (Free-Lance Star) |
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Clown robs CVS for drugs, possibly to ease pain of getting hit with ugly stick (see pics)
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Ph-ph-ph-ph-photoshop this man-man-mannequin head head head
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JK Rowling says she won't stop writing just because Harry Potter is over. After all, she still needs one more Pacific island to complete her set
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WIRED: Fark book gets reviewed on Wired.com. TIRED: Lame-o reviewer fails to thoroughly read book. WIRED: Drew fires back in comments. W00t
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Fully 70% of Americans believe Internet porn is "harmful."
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Ancient fake toe found near Cairo could be world's oldest prosthesis. Foreman still pissed about having to reset "Days since last workplace accident" sign
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| (Some Guy) |
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Microsoft technician travels aboard the Microsoft Across America traveling showroom, it is a 42-foot-long tractor-trailer he calls Windows on Wheels. Apple fans sit back, knowing it won't be long before he crashes
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Traffic warden issues her 500th parking ticket - after just seventeen days on the job. Obviously, there's no parking in her zone
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| (Some Guy) |
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Daycare owner finds out the hard way that it is a bad idea to construct a makeshift baby cage out of a crib, a piece of plastic, and a thirty-two pound dog cage
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| (Deseret News) |
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Man in critical condition after head-butting Werewolf
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chicago high school district tells home-schooler "Suck it" for third time when he begs to try out for local high school football team
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| (AP) |
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Port Authority approves barriers for New York Area Airports to prevent cars from speeding into terminals, presuming - incorrectly - that anyone can get their car above six miles an hour at a New York area airport
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| (Free-Lance Star) |
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Women fight, take break to call cops and wash off mace, resume fight
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| (Some Hominid) |
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Orangutan holds first solo exhibition in Germany. Right turn, Clyde
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California Supreme Court rules that cities can't take and sell your property until you've actually been convicted of a crime
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| (Some Guy) |
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Little boy gets beaten up and his lemonade stand robbed. Community reaches out, replaces money and offers the kid safe spots to set up
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Man suspected of robbing banks in three states casually pulls up to a patrol car in an intersection and decides to confess. "I've got a bit of a gambling problem"
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Remaining member of the vicious Heifer Gang still on the loose. Considered hoofed and extremely delicious
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| (Nepress) |
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Man arrested for rugby tackling a giant sausage in a savage display of meat-related violence
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Size doesn't matter, says world's tallest horse to world's smallest horse. With cute-ass pics
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#219 in the list of Uses for Vicks VapoRub: It stops meerkats from fighting. Wait, what?
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| (The Local) |
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Seven docs miss three inch lollipop stick up boy's nose. Medical negligence board to decide whether they were dopey, sleepy, or just bashful
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Uganda's "sex tree" at risk of being wiped out by guys who don't have wood
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Army doctors had suspicions that Pat Tillman was killed by three bullets to the head from 10 yards away
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this lotus seed pod
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| (chippewa) |
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Remember the guys who dug up a corpse for sex based on the deceased chick's obit pic? Charges dropped; yep, it's still OK to have sex with stiffs in Wisconsin
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Hamster abandoned in rubbish pile rescued, becomes council office mascot
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Ugly ass born(pics)
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Environmentally conscious Edmontonian criminals have invented the cycle-by shooting
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Thief battered when he attempts to rob a fish-n-chips restaurant
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Have you heard how simply driving a new car off the lot reduces the price by 25 percent? It's a myth
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Hidden figures revealed in The Last Supper painting. Gallery of 5 pictures in link
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Sixteen of the most amazing and strangest sites from Google Earth
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| Thu July 26, 2007 |
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Two killed, four injured in explosion in Mos Eisley
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Dude gets jail time for photoshopping porn pics with his family member's faces
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Nerd turns internet flame war into the real deal. Farkers don asbestos
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this German fountain statue
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UR fired 4 sendg 38000 txtz yl u wr ment 2B drivN. U suck
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Aquafina to label what they actually put in those bottles. Don't tell anyone, but it's tap water
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Dumbass wannabe crook writes his name, address, and phone number on the back of every stolen check he cashed when sales clerks asked him for identification. Jailarity ensued
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Judge orders three men who pleaded guilty to soliciting sex to take turns dressing in a bright yellow chicken costume
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| (Indiana Gazette) |
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Don't walk around in your underwear around your adopted daughter, or she just might set you on fire (with pics of teenage suspect)
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Grandmother who was carrying ice packs wrapped in duct tape and Muslim literature when boarding her flight is apparently the event that triggered the TSA 'wrapped velveeta cheese' warnings
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The Rude Awakening of Optimus Prime
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| (myfoxphoenix.com) |
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That botulism hates these cans
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| (Rochester D&C) |
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Today's "Man busted for DWI on a lawnmower" story brought to you by Lyons, NY
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Nanny State goes 50 for 0 against common sense as utilities propose taking over control of homeowners' thermostats to reduce power consumption
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Tuberculosis-infected asshat released from the hospital, is now just a regular asshat
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Kids: If you must stage a fake kidnapping in public, please do not try to convince cops later it was all just a "scavenger hunt"
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Ugly ass baby orangu....Oh who am I kidding. Cutest little invisible keg drinking orangutan born
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| (DailyKOS) |
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DailyKOS begs Bill O'Reilly to stop his relentless persecution of their website. The traffic increase is hard on their servers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lindsey Lohan's lawyer gives her advice: "Whatever you have done in the past, do a 360-degree turn and go the other way." You know, that sure explains a lot
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| (NBC 4) |
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ABC News Washington bureau evacuated due to an aspirin
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Editorial: "Harry Potter had no moral crisis in the seventh book, which is poorly written." Translation: "I wish I had sold 325 million books, too. And Snape kills Dumbledore"
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Vick pleads not-guilty to dog fighting, guilty to sucking
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Asshat filmed three times robbing the poor box of a church. Thou shall not assume the church lacks security cameras
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If you thought you might secure a Chemical Engineering job with an Art History major, we have some bad news for you
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Suspicious luggage in Long Beach Airport contained a video game. Nothing to see here, people, move along
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"Wanted: Volunteers to Be Stung by Jellyfish." Hey, good luck with that
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Today's lesson on the practical limits of Religious Freedom: No, you may not endanger everyone else's livestock and keep your TB-infected bull around just because you worship him
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NASA worker sabotages computer parts destined for International Space Station less than two weeks before regularly-scheduled explosion aboard shuttle Endeavor
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| (Ad Age) |
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Mark Cuban declares the internet is dead (with scary douchebag pic)
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Iran admits it has enough centrifuges to make a nuclear bomb, but insists it would never use one, because that would be suicide. Let's see here: Muslims, bomb, suicide... what could possibly go wrong?
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Wake Forest men's basketball coach Skip Prosser, 56, has died of a heart attack
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Man arrested for writing forged checks in the name of Fark's favorite powerball winner Jack "don't like this money no more" Whittaker
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| (Some 'Shopper) |
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Photoshop Mr T's... album?
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Report: NASA panel's report says astronauts flew while intoxicated, drank before missions
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Karl Rove subpoenaowned. Good times, yes good times indeed
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Official "stock market continues to freefall" thread. What's in your wallet?
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| (Some Guy) |
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NYC Farkers - Booze Tonight, say goodbye to one of NYC's own, DIT
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Remember how in 2002 we were laughing at those guys who bought business.com for $7 million? Yeah, they just sold it for $345 million
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Cows wander onto highway. Local sheriff holsteins his weapon, says he'll steak his reputation on resolving motorists' beefs
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Army Secretary recommends demotion of three star general that gave misleading information in the Pat Tillman case
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| (WBJB) |
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Looks like the DVD wars are over: Target set to sell Blu-Ray DVDs
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Driving in Florida will get a whole lot more exciting when the requirement to carry auto insurance expires on Oct. 1
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| (IFC) |
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Censored sex, taboo sex, and extreme sex. Sounds like a Farker's private video collection. (Sponsored Link) (possibly safe for work)
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Much to the dismay of gay activists, and in spite of the success of "Chuck & Larry", the majority of Americans still oppose gay marriage
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| (Some Gal) |
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Volunteer gardeners planting flowers to protest a gas station? That's a Taserin'. (Bonus bad video of hippy getting Tasered.)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Long Beach Airport being evacuated over possible bogus terror threat (story developing)
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Exxon reports fourth largest earnings ever. Why can't they have all-time record profits every quarter?
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Ugly-ass rare Siberian tiger cubs born at a Romanian zoo (w/pic)
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Poll shows two out of three people have been sexually harassed on NYC's subway. Respondents to the survey were 67.2% female and 32.3% male. You do the math
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Town in northern UK terrorized by dangerous beast. Police warn residents to be vigilant, this animal will attack anyone it sees. By the way, the animal is a baby cow
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Prisons ban sexy lingerie for visitors. Its almost like they don't want you to have any fun there at all
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| (The Chronicle-Herald) |
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Man loses job and faces $4000 fine in a fight over parking a truck and public nudity. Nova Scotia: Canada's Florida
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In an attempt to save their collective asses, cops hook up hooker with polygraph to show that she is lying about her cops, sex, and crack story. Hilarity ensues when it's discovered she isn't lying at all. Oops
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Ford's accounting office calls office printer technician, is shocked to discover that all that black ink was not an error
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| (The Local) |
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Crow flies into electricity cable, bursts into flames and hurtles into haystack which catches fire, spreading blaze to entire field. "Never seen that happen before," says fireman
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Men playing mailbox baseball find out it's not as much fun when the homeowner comes up to bat in the bottom half of the inning
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Outraged NYC taxi drivers threaten to strike if officials go ahead with plan to require GPS systems in cabs. Disgruntled cabbies cite privacy concerns, difficulty in cheating out of towners
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thieves swipe family's swimming pool - and the 1,000 gallons of water that was in it at the time. "I just want to know what the heck they did with the water," baffled homeowner says
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Chinese police seize 18,000 fake Viagra pills, proving they're no longer soft on crime
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Eleven public servants fired for viewing pr0n at work. Submitter would have listed this story earlier but accidentally formatted his hard drive
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Ok let's clean out the cabinet. Some old pop tarts... paper plates... python... napkins... Wait, what?
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James Bond really is an idiot
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Spraying pepper spray in an small enclosed area is a bad idea. Especially if it's at your boyfriend who's currently driving yourself and your little kids somewhere. Yes, there's a mugshot
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You win a $10 million lotto. Do you buy a) a mansion, b) a Lamborghini, or c) thermal underwear?
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Digg fires Google, hires some young upstart firm for its advertising
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Photoshop these two Dodgers taking their team name too literally
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Final salute for a true Hero dog ... steak well earned
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| (Some Guy) |
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News: elderly man on scooter leads police on an 8mph chase. Fark: elderly man loses the cops (pic)
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"What I say in this class better stay in this class," said a substitute teacher before telling a student about his fondness for oral sex
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| (WLW) |
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Genius bank robber eludes police and SWAT team by.... robbing another bank
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| (Associated Press) |
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Oh by the way, you've been drinking treated waste water for the last 5 months, our bad
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sheriff investigator accidentally shoots himself putting his gun back in a drawer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man's love of reading costs him his home after officials deem his book collection a fire hazard. Ray Bradbury predicted this
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Magnitude 6.6 quake triggers tsunami warning in Indonesia
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Rule #120 When Just Getting Out Of Jail: Don't celebrate by overdosing on PCP. Rule #74 When Your Buddy Overdoses On PCP After Just Getting Out Of Jail: Don't chop his body up, stuff the pieces into a drum, and throw it in the river
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High school boys basketball coach arrested after demonstrating proper ball-handling technique to undercover officer
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| (Suicide Girls) |
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Wil presents CONSUME sci-fi guilty pleasures OBEY of the 80s CHEW BUBBLEGUM
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 117: "Red" Difficulty: No blood. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 25, 2007 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Bill O'Reilly's website investigated by the Secret Service after fair and balanced threats on Hillary Clinton's life
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| (Some Guy) |
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A pet named Fluffy is loose on a golf course in Memphis. Not to worry though, Fluffy is simply a hungry 5-foot long boa constrictor
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The international edition of non-terrorist related incidents blasts off to a booming start near St Petersburg, Russia
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| (The Italian Stallion) |
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Caption what these people are saying
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| (Daily Star) |
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The man who created the "Loose Change" 9/11 conspiracy documentaries has been arrested on a military warrant charging him with desertion
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| (Columbia Tribune) |
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After two years of study, researchers discover that college students with fake IDs drink more heavily than other college students. Still no cure for cancer
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George Lucas agrees that Han shot first. Returns to buffet for seconds
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| (KIRO) |
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If you miss your fight, telling the gate attendant there is a bomb on the plane WILL get the plane to turn around and come back, but still won't get you on it
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Creationism museum has drawn more than 100,000 visitors since it opened 2 months ago. P.T. Barnum would have been proud
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This criminal mastermind completed his own arrest trifecta... in the same day
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You know those warnings that terrorists are testing TSA with "dry runs?" Well, maybe not so much
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How do you get voted King and Queen of the prom? Roll up in a tank limo (some site ads Not Safe For Work)
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Proof that the Gonzales lied surfaces. Whoops
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Today's "toll-free number for sexual assault counselling connecting to a sex line instead" story brought to you by ... ah, where else?
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Pope Benedict XVI declares any clash between creation and evolution "absurdity." Religious right sputters
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Congress issues contempt citations for Bolten and Miers
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| (NBC 15) |
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If you're the SBA and you have a backlog of 12,000 loan approvals waiting to be processed do you? 1. Work harder on getting them processed 2. Hire more workers to get through the backlog 3. Cancel all 12,000 loans and say you are caught up
|
| (Bloomberg) |
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Oil to hit $100 a barrel in a few months. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Man billed $1,573.68 for flood rescue after ignoring evacuation orders. Also managed to shoot himself in the leg during the ordeal
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The Governator wants an amendment to the Constitution so he can be Fuhrer
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Weekend at Fidel's continues as Castro bows out of another major event
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chinese pirates busted with $500 million of software. L Matey
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Ever wonder what $207 million in cash looks like? Wonder no more (pic)
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| (KTLA) |
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Explosion reported at UCLA with no injuries. Non-terrorist related incident scare trifecta complete
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Ever heard of Hello Kitty? Meet her evil twin, Goodbye Kitty
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Looking for a new career? Here's your big chance
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| (Some Pothead) |
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California pot dealers offer to balance state budget with a marijuana tax
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The average employee wastes 1.7 hours in an 8.5 hour work day, reports the Deptartment of Pulling Statistics Out of Our Ass
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Wouldn't you like a summer job working on the Space Shuttle? How about drinking beer, eating ice cream, or watching pr0n? ABC news is there with the scoop
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Two Senate office buildings evacuated due to smoke. Non-terrorist related incident scare trifecta in play
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How much did Donaghy affect the NBA games he refereed? "There's a 99.9 percent chance that these results would not have happened." Literally
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If you download kiddy pr0n from teh internets, don't got to CVS to have them printed out. That is unless you want police to find out about your meth lab, too
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Telling a gun dealer that you plan on going on a "murderous rampage" if your guns are not delivered soon is probably not a good idea
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| (The Orange County Register) |
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U.S. company helps lactating moms donate breast milk to babies in Africa; The Lactivist Blog says "not so fast." In other news: There's a blog for lactating mommas
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Adult business no longer allowed to disturb the dead
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Four out of five cosmetic surgery patients report they've been influenced by extreme makeover reality TV
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Priests at a loss to theologically justify human suffering
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this guy pretending to be looking in the bushes
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| (Post-Gazette) |
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Man jailed for pretending to play for the Steelers. Which is funny, because last year Ben Roethlisberger wasn't arrested for doing the same thing
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PhD student turns her educated gaze onto one of life's great mysteries: "Why the hell do dogs eat grass?"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Beer saves a band's burning tour bus. Is there anything beer can't do?
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Paulie Walnuts and Bobby Bacala to visit Sesame Street, appear in "Elmo's Christmas Countdown." The episode depicts Elmo waiting for Santa, and as Santa visits Elmo, suddenly he
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| (Courier-Post) |
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Having solved all other problems NJ legislator moves to eliminate front license plates. Officers warn they may have to turn around to check the tag, resulting in near-apocalyptic levels of crime
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Fugitive stops at the AM-PM for cigarettes in the middle of a police chase (with video)
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| (Somebody's Mummy) |
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"You always hope to find something in walls; coins, antiques, but never a baby"
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Nancy Grace breaks foot. Reports say it was not into someone's ass
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| (Some Guy) |
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After firing the old ladies who work there, Minneapolis Star-Tribune management is now firing its mentally retarded staffers. Apparently finding the newsroom telephone list was a huge time-saver
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Senator Ted Stevens (R- Internet Tubes) and Representative Don Young (R- Bridge to Nowhere) may face charges for bribery
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Basque separatist group ETA sets off two roadside bombs during Spanish stage of Tour de France. But at this point, surprise IEDs are maybe the only way to get people to care about the World Two-Wheeled Doping Championship
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| (Some Guy) |
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Eleven-year-old concludes that the media give too much exposure to "people who are in jail for dumb reasons"
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Fred Thompson thanks Bill Clinton for the cigar and "putting the wood."
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Beyonce falls head-first down stairs during concert, gets up and asks that no fans post the video online. Video quickly appears all over the Internet (with video, pics)
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| (The Age) |
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Hanging out with fatties may make you look skinny now, but new study indicates you'll end up just like them
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Homeowner's controversial toilet seat sign posted to "stick it" to neighbor considered free speech (with pic goodness)
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SF taxi commission votes to keep No. 666 in service despite request from driver, who says it's cursed. Typical low-key SF public debate included head of union in devil horns and a fired-up former No. 666 driver on the commission
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Global Opinion Trends survey shows that people view the U.S. as the most friendly country in the world and the most feared. We beat you because we love you
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| (When life hands you lemons) |
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From the Department of Actual Headlines: "Lemon douche is a cervical cancer risk"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gas plant explodes in downtown Dallas. "We don't know what caused it but we know it's not terrorists"
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| (Buffalo News) |
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1) Have sex with man 2) Steal man's pants 3) Profit
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"Temple 420" preacher declares marijuana a sacrament. Up next -- Kosher Doritos and Holy Mountain Dew
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MySpace, do you have a sex offender on your site? "No." MySpace, do you have 29,000 sex offenders on your site? "Um... yes"
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| (Rutland Herald) |
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Not news: Pirating music is illegal. Still not news: Man sued for downloading music. Fark: It was "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell
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Two-thirds of New Orleans residents STILL don't know where to go in case of a hurricane. Is Denver good?
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| (Fark party, Florida) |
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The Tampa Fark party is just 1.5 weeks away. Still time to make plans to attend. DIT
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Teenager makes pins that alert people to the fact that she hasn't yet finished the new Harry Potter book. Submitter is currently working on making "no snark" pins
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| (Community @ ABC Action News) |
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Florida spends $80k on playing cards for inmates
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| (Hollywood Reporter) |
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Discovery Channel looks into allegations surfacing of "Man versus Wild versus the Hotel Mini Bar"
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Man arrested after making false 911 calls. He told deputies he made the calls because he didn't have any minutes on his phone and that 911 is a free call
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| (Get your a-- off the couch) |
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Dallas-Forth Worth Fark Party: August 11th at the Dubliner. LGT bar website BE THERE
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Nearly half of Americans believe that military strength ensures peace, we've always been at war with Oceania, and some animals are more equal than others
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Cat adopts seven chicks with her kittens. Sheer poultry emotion
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UK equivalent of Girl Scouts want new merit badges for practicing safe sex and assembling flat pack furniture. Surely they can just have a combined "Erection" badge for that?
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"It is not up to a pizza company to set morals for children, it's up to the parents"
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| (KVOA) |
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Amtrak dumps 4 kids off train 600 miles from home after one allegedly steals iPod
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| (Some Guy) |
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Senior citizen evicted from apartment for using "salty language" and gossiping. Now get the f*ck off her lawn, you sexually promiscuous alcoholic
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| (Some Guy) |
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British government orders local governments to only give out parking tickets to improve road safety and cut congestion rather than to make money from fines. Fark needs a "Hero" tag with a Union Jack background
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Dyslexic plocie isneptocr wnis rlunig he is dsibaeld. Scuk it, Tmmiy
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Elderly couple win lottery, buy themselves ... new knees?
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Cats and rats working together... MASS HYSTERIA
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"It is the opinion of this court that..." (thud)
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Woman hits bear on GA Interstate, 1/4 mile past "lane ends, bear left" sign
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In the wake of the recent Democratic debates, the TSA wants to remind you that the terrists are going to blow up your plane with cheese
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Magic Johnson wins civil rights award, then has sex with it
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| (Some Wicked Pissah) |
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Someone post a screenshot of what level 40 looks like
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Photoshop this ringed sculpture
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| Tue July 24, 2007 |
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Remember the guy that died after he got shot 50 times outside a strip club in New York the night before his wedding? Yeah, his fiance is suing the NYPD
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| (ADN) |
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The 7-10 split is even harder when the pins are bikers and the ball is a bear
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| (enquirer.com) |
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Couple arrested attempting to sell American cars overseas as "novelty items." Submitter would have used the term "practical jokes" instead
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Ward Churchill gets ColoradOWNED by the Board of Regents. Tenure? Not Yours
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| (Beaver County Times) |
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Two teenagers + new cell phone + boredom + gasoline = flaming backyard hilarity - minor hospitalization
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| (Waco Tribune Herald) |
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Someone calls you a nerd, do you a) Ignore them b) Insult their mom or c) Drive 1300 miles across the country and burn down their trailer?
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| (AutoBlog) |
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Pics of the woman in a Ferrari who stopped at a gas station for smokes while completely nude (Not safe for work)
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Doctors tell 74-year-old man that he has been living with a broken neck for 59 years. Man pokes head through armpit and says 'Whuuuuuhh?"
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| (The Orange County Register) |
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U.S. government: "You boys just kneel down there in that trench and cover your eyes. This nuclear bomb may sting a little"
|
| (Some Loonie) |
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Canadians don baggy pants and platform shoes as dollar hits 0.964134 USD, a value not seen since early 1977. Play that funky music, white north boy
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| (KRIS TV Corpus Christi) |
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Man who stole a police car and then fired at officers is shot in the buttocks and arrested on charges of attempted capital murder. Probably not the last time he'll be taking a hit to his backside
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Foreclosures up 551 percent over last year in San Diego. That's not a bubble, that's foam
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| (Dunn Daily Record) |
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When you hear a story about a woman jogging in the nude, you can't be too surprised by the quote, "She told officers she'd been smoking crack, but didn't know where she was or where she'd been"
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When stopped for a sobriety test, forgetting to set the handbrake on your car--which then rolls off and crashes into a police cruiser--pretty much ensures a fail
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| (Some Guy) |
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Father of the year nominee leaves two small children in car... at 1:00 a.m... Because he was half-naked and greased up in some random person's SUV
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Some Harry Potter fans miffed at "missing pages." Apparently the book suddenly goes black at the end when some guy in a Members Only jacket walks in
|
| (Some Guy) |
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What's worse, accidentally inhaling a condom during fellatio, or not doing anything about it for six months?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Craigslist is down. Where is your submissive transgendered midget erotic massage now?
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Witnesses say doomed NASCAR plane wobbled, smoked, and was then bumped out of the sky by Tony Stewart
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| (Keloland) |
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Man follows the correct formula to end up on Fark: Take drugs, act belligerent, and when the cops arrive, strip naked and make them chase you for five blocks
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Dow Jones Industrial Average loses over 200 points on news that you can't have a $300,000 mortgage, pay $875 a month, and get away with it for very long
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You are a convicted felon caught stealing a pickup truck. What do you do next? A) Steal a bicycle. B) Steal a motorcycle. C) Steal a Jeep Grand Cherokee. D) Steal a Toyota pickup. E) All of the above
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| (International Herald Tribune) |
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When asked to sing a few bars of your national anthem -- on your national holiday, on national TV -- don't accidentally sing the wrong country's anthem. Especially if you're a top politician
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top secret UFO documents alleged to have been written by high ranking government and military officials have allegedly been proven fraudulent by recent "forensic linguistic testing"
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While practicing javelin for the Junior Olympics, boy inadvertently makes himself eligible for the Special Olympics
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"Scotland, a land where Tourette's is seen as a gift, where one learns to conjugate the verb f**k by the age of 5, where the national symbol is a weed, and where the diet was deemed as worst in the world, even worse than places without food"
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Magician discovers that when you name a trick "The Spike Illusion in the Face of Death," well, you're just asking for trouble
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kansas editor discovers that writing headlines is more difficult than it loks
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 |
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Captain and crew member jump into the water to save drowning man. Tourists on the boat, well they just do what tourists are supposed to do
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Anger management counselor charged with domestic battery
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| (Some Guy) |
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21-year-old arrested for mooning a family driving on the highway that included a 14-year-old in the car. Now he may have to register as a sex offender
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Octopus unearths 900-year-old hidden treasure, bukket
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Newspaper reports that airfares kept low because of... the Wrath of Kahn?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bank comes up with novel way to stop robberies. Ban customers
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The five Cs of picking out an engagement ring diamond: Color, Cut, Clarity, Carat and Colt .45
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With no greater problems to address, Australian government springs into action to ensure anglers can still legally drink while fishing
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F-R-I, T-O Lay, M-O-U-S-E
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sorry about the typo on your winning $1000 lotto ticket. Here's a $5 Wal-Mart gift card instead
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BEER Pittsburgh BEER Fark BEER Picnic BEER is BEER a BEER go...BEER Saturday BEER August BEER 11, BEER North BEER Park BEER... there might be beverages. LGT previous threads
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| (mental floss) |
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Take the Scooby Doo challenge: Real headline or Scooby Doo plot?
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This week's seven year old terrorist on the no-fly list brought to you by Ft. Lauderdale
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Mexican farmers switching from blue agave to corn could cause The Great Tequila Shortage. TODOS se ASUSTAN
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man shoots his girlfriend/accomplice during armed robbery. Bonus: They ended up with $5 worth of bread rolls
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Man racks up $200,000 bar bill in five hours. Drew?
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For only the second time in history, McDonald's posts a loss for the quarter. Maybe now they'll put the transfat back in the fries and make 'em taste good again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Grand jury fails to indict doctor who euthanized elderly patients during Hurricane Katrina aftermath
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Walter "Chekov" Koenig urges Star Trek fans to help overthrow the military junta ruling in Myanmar. The much-feared "Basement Brigade" is called to formation
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| (Daily Herald) |
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Chicago suburban library to host "Halo 2" tournament
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| (Times-Tribune) |
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It's a good rule never to perform surgery on yourself. This is especially true when you're performing your first penisectomy
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