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| Sun July 15, 2007 |
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Godzilla rolls over in bed, gives Japan a shot in the ribs
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"Urban mushing" takes hold in California. Your dog does not want to haul your fat ass around while harnessed to a scooter
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In an effort to keep pace with Texas, Georgia may begin executing innocent people
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"Stumpy, the duck born with four legs, has found love" (pics)
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British man starts dating service for singles with bowel disorders. So if you're frustrated in Flushing, bummed out in Butte or companionless in Crouch End...this could be your big break
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Diesel engines no good says crappy exec of crappy auto maker of the crappiest diesel engines ever to go into crappy cars built by crappy auto industry based in crappy Detroit. Rest of world points and laughs so hard they crap
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A corporal testifying in a court-martial said Marines in his unit began routinely beating Iraqis after officers ordered them to "crank up the ultra-violence level."
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Man goes to Houston gay bar, has drinks with gay man, goes back to gay man's apartment and stabs him to death because he was "definitely not gay"
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Cops find bomb materials inside Utah man's home. Man looks like he used bomb on his face already (with mugshot goodness)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Elderly couple faced with homelessness after their home was sold at tax auction when they failed to pay delinquent tax bill of $1.63
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| (Some Guy) |
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Picture of the space shuttle Discovery looking like it should have been put out to pasture a long, long time ago
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| (Some Guy) |
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The 237 reasons to have sex. And you thought "feels good" was all you needed
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Photoshop this sightseeing train
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| (Duke Chronicle) |
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Duke student newspaper incorrectly states Starship Enterprise has cloaking device; Trekkie letter to the editor hilarity ensues. Duke sucks
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Venezuelan students set up blackboards for free speech. Bart Simpson approves
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Zookeepers: Theyyyyyyyyyyy're great
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| (WPVI) |
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Connoisseurs cringe as judges determine that California's best Chardonnay is "Two Buck Chuck," which sells for less than $3.00 a bottle
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| (Some Guy) |
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Goldilocks wanted for questioning
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£10 million being spent on security to prevent any leaks of the latest Harry Potter book
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Chinese parents worried their children may fall in love during their compulsory anti-obesity dance classes. Weight what?
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God fails to save woman from Darwin at Christian music festival
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Omg, my bff jill said u ksd my bf ur so omg a trk o no
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Some people throw rice at weddings. This bride and groom threw each other, and then had a "celebratory brawl" with 100 guests. Surprisingly, no booze was involved
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Fark's favorite reporter gets his bio updated. Desert Storm, O.J. pursuit, LA riots? Hardcore all the way
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you've got to roast a pig, don't do it at 4 a.m. and don't do it in your garage
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Photoshop these waders
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Railway employees making £85,000 a year for essentially being late and acting surly about it vow to strike because they're underpaid
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Man turns down five billion dollar fortune, never even thought about doing two chicks at the same time
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| (Fox 19) |
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Woman charged with arson after offering infant to Satan. Wait, what?
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Houston cop designs door lock resistant to a police battering ram. It comes in flat black and crackhouse brushed steel
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Dachshund adopts kitten, induces false pregnancy and milk production in order to nurse it. Your dog is just glad he ain't the baby's daddy
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Trees that have graced some of London's most famous thoroughfares are the latest victims in the War on Terror
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: Design a new mode of transport. Difficulty: Must be made up of things found in a kitchen. (LGT inspirational gadgets)
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The newly crowned Bolivian beauty queen was stripped of her title after judges discovered she had worn fake braids during a pageant
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Kimberly-Clark unveils new high-tech toilet paper dispensers that give out five sheets of TP per sitting, no more. "People generally in life will take what you give them," explains executive
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Autistic child's tortoise mutilated. Parents fear pet may be a shell of its former self
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Amputee beaten with his prosthetic leg, then run over
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Sure, the kids are starving to death, covered in sores and cat urine - but mom's 17th level half-elf paladin KICKS ASS
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| (KATU) |
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An employed fully-grown woman is living in an 84 square foot home that she made out of parts found in a dumpster. Strangely the article never mentions the word hippie
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Taking a hint from the "Bibles for Porn" people, Police in Florida start a "Guns for . . . wait for it . . . shoes program"
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| (Amazon) |
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Now that Drew has a book and TV show, how else should he branch out his media empire?
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Sadly, advances between ranch hands in real life are rarely as poignant as Brokeback Mountain made them out to be
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| (Some Guy) |
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When drinking and driving, throwing a beer can at the police car behind you is not a recommended way to avoid arrest
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| (Some Guy My TotalFark | Log out) |
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This week in overexaggeration: Florida park evacuated after a flare washes ashore
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| Sat July 14, 2007 |
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According to Amnesty International, beheadings in Saudi Arabia are already 64 ahead of last year's total
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Giant reptile rises out of pond in Colorado, scares @#&$ out of young anglers (w/video report)
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Fewer American children walk or ride to school. In a related story, FOX News to begin 12 part series: "Child abductors and sexual predators - are they in YOUR neighborhood?"
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Yeah, there are giant chimps in jungles of Congo, and yeah they kill lions and howl at the moon
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Convicted killer who staged a helicopter-assisted prison break back in 2001 escapes from prison again...via helicopter
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'Mom of the year' candidate throws baby into moving car during argument (with scary mug pic)
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| (CPJ.org) |
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Reporters reporting that reporter has left Laredo after threats against a fellow reporter. Reporting from Fark, I'm Submitter
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Photoshop an invention to make married life easier. LGT to just one example
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| (Some Guy) |
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When rushing to the hospital for emergency penis reattachment, don't forget to bring the severed penis with you
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Church facing foreclosure is destroyed by lightning. God indicted for insurance fraud
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Racism watchdog group doesn't think cunning plan all the way through, helps sales of racist book jump 3800%
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Construction worker photographed dropping rock on NYC's most famous hawk, becomes city's most hated man (pic)
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He's half the man he used to be...torso they thought
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Springfield police patrolling park with headlights off discover woman's body. After running over it
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Since most of the school teachers are on summer break right now, it's the dance teachers picking up the slack
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| (Joplin Globe) |
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"Recreational shooting inside home leads to homicide"
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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FBI releases photos of "The Landscape Bandit" who dresses like a gardener and "smells like dirt." Some criminologists argue he's merely doing jobs that American bank robbers don't want
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this amateur chemist
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So... What's your choice for a great "road tune" when driving? Link goes to subby's choice
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Fifty people pray for peace at the apartment complex where a man was shot to death. Naturally, nobody who actually lives in the complex joins them
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I'll have the ramen with the teenage girls in it please
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| (Some TFette) |
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Here, Have yourself a super sensory chill out
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Mathematician develops 12-bonk rule for finding true love. In other news, scientists perplexed by mathematician who has had sex 12 times
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| (Wisconsin State Journal) |
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Wisconsin man's affinity for secretly videotaping his sex partners "stems from a sense of impermanence of relationships"
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Ohio waitress who has never bought a share of stock wins CNBC's $1 million dollar stock picking contest. Suck it, day traders
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"Pygmie Musician Zoo Exhibit" would make an awesome band name. Or a human rights violation. Either way, this is what Fark was made for
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Get off my lawn
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Entrepreneurs take cross-merchandising to a new level, begin selling ecstasy pills with Harry Potter logo
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this scrubbing woman
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NOAA announces that La Nina will not happen for at least two more months. Which is either really good news or time to start evacuating Tampa
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| (moonamtrak.org) |
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Today is the 28th Annual Mooning of Amtrak in Orange County CA. Yes, alcohol is involved (w/SFW pics)
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"Groping is never appropriate, even with costumed characters"
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Six months after its release, AP gives Vista a report card: does not play well with others, disrupts class by talking too much, and is distracted by shiny things instead of performing scheduled tasks
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Over three thousand fair and balanced pot plants found on Rupert Murdoch's California ranch. We report, you decide
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| (Aero News) |
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OSC says FAA kept ATC snafus at DFW on the QT
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Iraq's Prime Minister says the country can manage without U.S. troops. Obvious and Unlikely tag fight it out in a bloody civil war that lasts for decades
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption these wizards
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| (G. Pati) |
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14-year-old boy genius from remote village in India forgets how to speak Hindi, now only speaks fluent English with American drawl - after he hit his father in the head with a brick
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Russia withdraws from major arms control treaty that governs deployment of Russian troops in Europe. Hi there, Cold War II. Nice to meet you
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Taking the asshattery one step further, pub in England ordered to close its windows to stop cigarette smoke from drifting inside
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If you're being deployed to Iraq and are afraid of getting hurt, hiring a hit man to shoot you might be a solution worse than the problem
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Cat burglars steal credit card for cat food, burgers. I can haz stolen cheezburger?
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Wisconsin State Senator runs over granddaughter... saddest story I have ever read
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Angry man delivers his trash to city hall, then tears up the citations in front of officials. Dumbass tag rendered speechless
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| (Mining Journal) |
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Bigfoot hunters descend on Michigan, unaware it's illegal to shoot Bob Seger
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| (Macomb Daily) |
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Old geezer strolls down street using the old "I gotta pee" line on homeowners, swiping watches & purses, then cadging rides to his next crime scene. These are the crimes you commit when no Farmer's Markets are around
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Twins who never knew the other existed bump into each other at a steakhouse. The mom says she was never told she had two babies and the doctors who performed her c-section stole and raised her second baby
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US airports report increase in near-death experiences, soiled underwear
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In these confusing times, it's nice to know cows and robots can live in harmony
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"Here is the UK forecast for winter. It will be wetter, but drier. Perhaps"
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Having solved all other problems, US State Department focuses on "killer" wasp infestation. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Not news: Man leads police on a 90 minute chase. News: after destoying power station and cell towers. Fark.com: he was driving a tank (pics)
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When your 2-year old boy falls down an 8-foot stairwell and sustains life-threatening head wounds, putting Popsicles on him is not a substitute for calling 911
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Police foil half-assed Columbine copycat plot on Long Island. FOIL
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Ikea opens Ikea Hostel, a place where customers can stay overnight if they haven't finished their shopping
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| (Some Tuck) |
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Photoshop these sweltering Sicilian friars and their Birkenstocks
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Not news: Man jogs to spice up life, Still not news: At 4 am every morning, Fark: Nude
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| (Some Guy) |
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Most guys go out and get drunk after a bad breakup. This guy wrote a book about his ex, claiming she had HIV and a bipolar disorder. Then he gave the book to all her friends
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Illinois town is pretty stoked they didn't elect a serial killer as mayor
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Rhode Island: Well, the good news is we saved a bundle by prosecuting 17 year olds as adults. High five
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How freaked out would you be if you saw your boss sleepwalk in the nude outside your bedroom? Three different times?
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Remember those 29,000 rubber ducks circling the oceans ever since the container they were in fell off a ship in 1992? They're starting to invade the shores of England
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Winnipeg police are searching for a missing house. Winnipeggers believe it's in Burton Cummings' moustache
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| (Small Town Papers) |
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11-year-old boy at campground hears something outside his tent, assumes it was his uncle playing a prank and smacks tent wall. Imagine his surprise when a bear bit the living bejesus out of his hand
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Check out the mugshots of these guys who uuuuhhh... fell down, that's right, isn't it fellas? They fell down and hurt themselves during their arrests. The Smoking Gun is there
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What's black, white, and red all over?
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In what will be news to Farkers, apparently some members of internet subculture are adding funny captions to photos of cats
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Having solved all other problems, Edinburgh officials ban auto-generated license plates that sort of spell the word "SNOT"
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| Fri July 13, 2007 |
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One-bedroom with view of Central Park at The Plaza costs cool $5 million, totally worth it when you consider the free pet babysitting
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Mexico informs tourists that a vacation spot can still be fun even during a cocaine-filled shootout
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Court drops lawsuit against God after being unable to locate his address
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Officials realize that building an elementary school in a cemetery wasn't the best idea
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Man celebrates beating cancer by getting gored by a bull in Spain
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Ric Romero says that there are many websites that give information on how to fix things and the best place to look for such websites are "search engines"
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| (Some Leper) |
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Photoshop this Collider Detector
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Teenagers now think MySpace is totally not cool
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Uʍo ɹnoʎ ɟo pɐǝʇsuı ɹɐɔ s,ǝslǝ ǝuoǝɯos oʇ sıɥʇ op 'ǝɯıʇ ʇxǝu
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Believe it or not, "Cops" has been on the air for 20 years, as hard to put down as a slippery naked guy on PCP
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Keith Olbermann uses his evil progressive brain to examine why Michael Chertoff's "gut feeling" is a bunch of fear-mongering horseshiat
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Couple says Angels were photographed in Florida sky (with pic, video)
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A story that starts of with "Three friends who were goofing around in an apartment with a loaded AK-47 are now in trouble with the law..." you know is just made for Fark
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| (GamePolitics.com) |
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Heard about that big price cut for the PS3? Turns out it may be a clever PR scam that'll save you $0
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Man built a 50 ft Viking ship from ice-cream sticks and sailed it across a lake. Hopes to sail across the Atlantic
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10-year-old steals car, leads police on a high speed chase, talks his way onto two airline flights then ends up being given probation by judge
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| (Shanghai Daily) |
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Today's "lady with a thousand cats" story brought to you by .... wait, a thousand cats?
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Cute-ass newborn tiger triplets make their first public appearance. The first two are cute, but one was apparently born with a condition that does not allow it to close its mouth
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Floridians, here's today's tip: don't attempt a handstand on your balcony's guardrail. The more you know
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| (A Cappella Books) |
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REMINDER: Drew will be drinking and signing books in Atlanta 7:30 p.m. Saturday at Manuel's Tavern, see link for details and fun Q&A
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| (Nevada Appeal) |
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"I've never had this many cops before," said the drunken 23 year old woman who was chased down after driving into a pizza place, fleeing, and then crashing into another vehicle at a nearby intersection
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| (Some Guy) |
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With cost overruns and delays, state holds bridge opening party away from bridge
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Polithe thoot bear in Athol
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| (Some Guy) |
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Plant something in the pot
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After five years of trying to train them, US forces decide to just add Iraqi police to the "Shoot those guys, too" list and be done with it
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If you've got an Osama Bin Laden lying around, he's just doubled in value
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Charity that provides free telephone call and video satellite hookup between soldiers and their families for births, graduations, weddings and birthdays may have to shut down because they have run out of money
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Legendary LSD maker Augustus Owsley Stanley III returns to San Francisco as a folk hero
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's "Firefighters rescue hysterical two-year-old after she gets stuck in a toy vending machine" story brought to you by Middletown, N.Y. (pic)
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Canadian Food Inspection Agency warns public that somebody put alcohol in Canadian beers
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| (Chicago Reader) |
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Not news: Newspaper runs TV ad promoting its award-winning editorial cartoonist. Fark.com: He was laid off in October
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| (WTNH) |
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Connecticut is the next state sending tax notices to smokers who bought cigarettes online. One individual owes more than $11,000, but will probably be dead by the time he gets his notice
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| (WGAL) |
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Baby born drunk. Doctors say his blood-alcohol count was six times the legal driving limit. Fortunately, they took his giant plastic keys
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How do you know a list ranking the top states for business is made up? When New Jersey ranks #1 for quality of life
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New Yorkers may find themselves unable to drive in New Jersey
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| (Cannabis News) |
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Drug Czar warns that illicit marijuana gardens are a terrorist threat
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Pizza Hut waitress gets $10K tip. You're doing it right
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| (Some dope) |
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Florida criminal masterminds get busted trying to ship 18 lbs of pot via FedEx. An open joint investigation between sheriff's narcotics unit is now underway
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nothing says "I love you" like setting your girlfriend's car on fire
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| (ars technica) |
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New University of Oregon study reveals much of TV news is really just stealth advertising. Someone should write a book about this crap
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A reminder to all fans of Internet radio: enjoy yourself online this weekend, because... wait, what's this about a reprieve?
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Except for a tragic accident, the 35th annual Bath Heritage Days parade went off without a hitch"
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National study about teenage abstinence finds that apparently teens are getting uglier
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| (Some Guy) |
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The mother that got kicked off an airplane with her 19-month old son tried to tell her side of the story on 'Good Morning America' but got kicked off that show because her son wouldn't stop screaming (w/video)
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Prison is the new Black
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| (klastv) |
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Armed robber leaves one victim with a black eye, both victims leave armed robber bleeding out of his nose, his eyes, his mouth and on a stretcher wearing a neck brace (w/mugshot goodness)
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Squirrels looking for nuts dig up an ancient artifact in California
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| (stanford.edu) |
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Photoshop this pod race engineer
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Libraries face $200,000 fines for opened Harry Potter books (with video)
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News: Mayor accused of stealing council funds. Fark: So that he could buy women's underwear and a Darth Vader voice distorter
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Armed man crashes party, threatens to shoot everyone, then realizes he's at the wrong place. "I think I may have come to the wrong house. I'm sorry. Can I get a hug?"
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| (Some Guy) |
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San Francisco Chronicle urged to scrap its presses, publish online only. "Killing print requires acknowledging that the old mode is dead"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman knits a full-sized Ferrari as art school project
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| (Orange County Register) |
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"You don't want to be spending a couple million dollars on your house and find you have a neighbor that's naked"
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On the intarweb, private photos of your private parts aren't really private. Ric Romero reporting from his MySpace page
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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After five hours and five rounds of tear gas, police successfully end standoff with empty house
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| (WCSH6) |
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Looks like them Duke boys is at it again
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| (WHEC) |
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Today's "Woman busted for having sex with fifteen year old boys" story brought to you by Rochester, NY (with DO NOT WANT pic)
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Quack Quack Quack. Quack Quack
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Here We Go, Yinzers, Here We Go PITTSBURGH FARK PARTY planning thread -- Saturday, August 11th, at 3pm, in an as yet unnamed pavilion in North Park -- public drunkenness will ensue -- EVERYBODY PICNIC LGT previous thread
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Judge orders District Attorney to cease releasing copies of the Generlow Wilson sex tape, as it is child pornography. DA claims he is required to release it by law, under the Freedom of Information (for pedophiles) Act. Common sense surrenders
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Connecticut teacher convicted of dealing coke can teach again. Asinine and Dumbass tags apply to all involved
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The story of Susie and Bunny, or How Two Elelphants on the Lam Spent Their Day
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Shuttle's name misspelled on giant NASA sign at launch pad. In other news, NASA begins search for "high-paid" proofreader (w/pic)
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| (FMQB) |
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A reminder to all fans of Internet radio: enjoy yourself online this weekend, because on Monday it all goes away
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Consumer confidence has slid to its lowest point in almost a year. Gee... and everything is going so well for America these days
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The health service is failing adults with ADHD. The health service is fai--ohh look pancakes. The health ser--where are my keys? I'm taking a road trip
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drew will be on Atlanta's 99X around 9:00 A.M. EDT today
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Governor Charlie Crist signs pact with California and the U.K. to declare war on Fark's Florida tag
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You don't like your job. Do you a) Quit and find a new one, b) Fake your own kidnapping to avoid going or b) Drive a vehicle through a busy shopping mall to kill your co workers
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If money is truly no object, you can visit a water bar in NY and get a liter for $55 (w/ video)
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Thesaurus wielding scientists to study "emissions"
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King of Boston's Hobo population dies at the ripe old age of 56. Break out the Thunderbird
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Noted documentarian Ken Burns is ready to debut his documentary on WWII, which will last three years longer than the time the U.S. was actually involved in that war
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Man released from jail after three days for desecrating American flag. (After officials discover the First Amendment)
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Report finds fewer high school teens having sex, probably since all the hot teachers keep getting arrested
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Man arrested for molesting horse (with mugshot goodness)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Schools want to cover playgrounds because children must be protected from "the sun" and "outside"
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| (Daily Yomiuri) |
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52-year-old Japanese man told to 'get a job' found dead at home. Diary entry: "I just want to eat a rice ball"
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Argument over $8 and chewing tobacco results in stabbing. Just another night in Kansas City
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What's up in New Mexico? Eh, not a whole lot... oh yeah, except the carpets of stinging caterpillars that are eating all the grass
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this dog's nose
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"We just want Google to change their commercial name... We will see what happens in court." Who said the Chinese don't have a sense of humour?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Paraskevidekatriaphobics will be calling in sick today
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First, men talk more than women. Now women spend more on electronics. What next??
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Employers say that Gen Y's are stupid, demanding, impatient, disloyal, socially inept tosspots. Get off my payroll
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top five signs you're about to get dumped
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Court orders Mormon church to disclose secret financial information, answers to life's questions
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| (Cincinnati.com) |
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Defendant to judge: "F*** you". Judge to defendant: "F*** you too"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lawmaker thinks there are too many lawyers so he tries to eliminate all the funding for the state law school. "We don't need more ambulance chasers. We don't need frivolous lawsuits"
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Teenager arrested for defacing statue of soccer legend Pele. GAOLLLL
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| (WHDH) |
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Father Of The Year candidate hits daily double at the mall by losing his son, then getting busted for shoplifting (with mugshot)
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| (The Pittsburgh Channel - WTAE) |
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"When the police would arrive, right away they would put out a wiener and a marshmallow and they would say it was for recreational purposes"
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Put down your Cheezies or take some time from your joe job as we rhyme off a few Canadianisms, eh? Your dog wants a butter tart
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If, like most people, you've considered employing 30 thousand people to control the weather - China beat you to it
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Cell phone culture has created a generation incapable of memorizing even simple . . . umm . . .
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| (WBNS) |
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When announcing the name to your water park, be sure to register the domain name beforehand
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You will
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Police baffled by two vehicles that were found covered in delicious, creamy butter
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| (Metro.Co.UK) |
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UK Drug Girls: "We were framed". The rest of the world: "You are pinheads"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Suspect dismayed to discover that police dog doesn't stop biting him just because he's falling off a cliff
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| Thu July 12, 2007 |
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Bacon charged with Grand Theft Cow
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SoundExchange exec promises -- in front of Congress -- not to kill online radio on Monday
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Is that a jellyfish on your hat or are you just happy to see me?
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Tired of farkers saying that unemployed people should get a job, unemployed Canadian man makes his own damn job
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It may have taken three elections, but Duncan M. McDonald was finally taken off voter rolls in King County. Good thing too, since dogs don't always make sensible political decisions
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| (Think Progress) |
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Tony Snow says terrorists are coming to a shopping mall near you. Hasn't Hot Topic already caused enough suffering?
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Trampoline injuries have soared in the last decade, but they'll come back down soon
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Florida Rep. Bob Allen (R-andy) says his men's room sex arrest is just a BIG misunderstanding and he's not resigning (with video)
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Samoa butterflies quickly evolve and avoid extinction. "This is one of the most clear and fastest cases of evolution under natural selection." Suck it, creationists
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The U.S. House has voted to withdraw troops from Iraq within 120 days
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Why on earth would law enforcement agencies need access to gun purchase records?
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Miss America pageant officials rule Miss New Jersey was not whorish enough and is allowed to keep her crown. Gracie Lee Hart unavailable for comment
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The 500 most profitable companies in the world. Six of the top ten deal with oil and gas. Imagine that
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At least 17 attendees of the Taste of Chicago wish they'd passed on the offerings from Sam and Ella's Kebab and Hummus Shack
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| (Some Annoyed Californian) |
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California legislature tries to ban smoking in cars. "What's the rule now, you can only smoke in your house under a blanket with the lights off?"
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Lawyers and judges in England to no longer dress up like women
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this nature photographer
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Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you see they will be used to make seat cushions in the 2008 Mustang
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Porcupines have begun attacking Israeli atomic-weapons plants
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Dow-Jones average posts largest single-day increase since 2002
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Farmer fined for paying foreign workers MORE than Americans
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Buffalo police called in to find out who keeps stealing all the collard greens from gardens
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Remember that law making it a crime to use the names or images of dead soldiers on merchandise sold in Arizona? Now some lawmakers are regretting voting for it. "If I had been paying better attention, I would have voted no"
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| (Cinematical) |
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Kevin Costner spins The Wheel of Successful Kevin Costner Movies to determine his next role. No baseball, no baseball... almost the Kennedys... it's gonna be a western
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Hamas bags its first Israeli of the 2007 season, making the current score Israel: 1457, Hamas: 1
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Russians may have specific genes that allow them to drink more vodka
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New search for missing white girl on tropical island to include metal detectors, digital cameras slung from kites, infrared-equipped surveying devices and pig bones
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"Dude, way to steal that black powder from Wal-Mart." "Yeah, smoke 'em if you got 'em." Click. Puff. Flick. BOOM
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The right way to avoid panic: Make up a story to tell passengers why you're landing the plane to check out suspicious passenger. The wrong way: Telling passengers the plane doesn't have enough gas
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One out of 10 American men might have a Michael Douglas "Falling Down" meltdown any time now
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fresh off a DUI, Mother of the Year candidate rides one and a half miles on hood of an angry ex-boyfriend's car... while holding her four-month-old baby
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The true politics of the paranoid style, or how liberals "lost it" after JFK's assasination
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| (Some Guy) |
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Best Buy Geek Squad employees stole porn files from porn star Jasmine Grey's computer days before she died in a car crash
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Queen who threw a hissy fit at photographer is now Queen who didn't throw a hissy fit. Our bad, says BBC
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Experts warn that getting struck by lighting while using an iPod could injure you. As opposed to other electronic devices, which are made of 100 percent insulated rubber
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| (Some Guy) |
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NYC Fark boozing tonight. (LGN, DIT)
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Mayor of one of nation's gayest cities says homosexuals are unhappy sinners. This will end well
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| (CBS46) |
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Jesus Christ, it's a dentist, get in the car
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Actual headline: Working moms prefer part-time jobs. Submitter prefers to be independently wealthy
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| (New Zealand Herald) |
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Man dies after being buried by cow feed. Submitter wishes he had survived so he could have used his "barley escapes" headline
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| (Indiana Gazette) |
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Guy trying to set record for spinning is starting to hallucinate after 60 hours, believes someone actually cares about this
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Man who apparently watched too many "Family Guy" reruns attacks man in bird suit
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Miss New Jersey releases the photos used to blackmail her (thread not worthless -- pics)
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Malaysia plans to clone rare turtles, teach them ninjitsu, serve them pizza
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| (Ministry of Tech) |
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Guy writes 384-page sci-fi novel on mobile phone traveling to work, doesn't cause accident
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Bush: Yes, we did something illegal. Now, let's move on. Nothing to see here. We're walking, we're walking
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| (The Australian) |
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Naval officer fakes his own abduction to avoid going to work. Unfortunately, his boss had heard that excuse before
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Today's pointless study: What your choice in pizza toppings says about your personality
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MSNBC investigates why Darwin hasn't killed off all the ugly people. Perhaps it's because they aren't in season and you can only bag three at a time
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these people crossing the river
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The history of underpants, from their use in personal hygiene to their contributions to literacy. Wait, what?
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Christian frat sues school for discrimination because the school won't tolerate their discrimination
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"9-1-1, what is the nature of your emergency? . . . You're reporting what? . . . Ha ha ha ha ha ha" *click*
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| (Some Guy) |
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Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett says his pet dog was "penetrated" by next-door neighbor. Apparently they're not even trying to make up good stories anymore
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| (Post-Gazette) |
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Court rules students can't be suspended for creating offensive website outside of school. Unless it says "Bong Hits 4 Jesus," of course
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Rescuers "save" man who voluntarily went into the river wearing life preserver near his boat, because they were concerned he could have gone all pruney if he was out there any longer
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Get an awesome place in Manhattan for just $225,000. FOR YOR CAR
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| (Montgomery Advertiser) |
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Alabama's Governor Riley issues proclamation declaring "Pray for Rain Week." Oh Lord, but a drip from your noodly appendage, and we shall be saved. (R)amen
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If you live in Newmarket, Ontario, and thought that the elephant you saw walking down the street at 3:00 a.m. was just a dream, think again
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The United States Congress finally grows a pair of balls; Harriet Miers may go directly to jail for inherent contempt
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Man gets 21 months in prison for lying about funneling money to Hamas. Good thing he wasn't a teenager having sex with his underage girlfriend or he'd really be in trouble
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| (Creative Loafing) |
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Drew on bourbon, boobies, blogs and geopolitics. He'll be in Atlanta on Saturday for a book signing, drunk. Will also sign boobies
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| (Daily Herald) |
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Don't think that just because you bought it at Toys 'R Us you aren't going away for a long time if you rob someone with it
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| (WSB TV) |
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Flight attendant boots mother and 9-month-old baby from plane after baby keeps repeating "bye bye plane"
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Police say victim's penis stabbing story was a lengthy lie
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Bookshop urged to ban "Tintin In The Congo" over claims it is racist. No word yet on 'Paddington Bear Quits Stealing Our Marmalade and Farks Off Back Where He Came From'
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Liz Claiborne plans to shed clothes, hopes to cause growth
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Presidential News Conference discussion thread
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wally, the excessive mooing cow, had his citation rescinded. Will continue on path towards a tasty burger in his own good time
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Comedienne Phyllis Diller sidelined by back injury. In other news, Phyllis Diller is still alive
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Nobel Peace Prize winner says in a speech in Texas "I could kill George Bush."
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Last national grocery chain pulls out of Detroit
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Good article on how The Simpsons has been sucking for 10 years
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British troops deny releasing vicious badgers that can eat a cow in Iraqi town
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Utah senior citizen packs grenade in luggage, shuts down Connecticut airport. Crazy Utah senior citizen trifecta complete
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Man gets a speeding ticket ... 9 years after the offense
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| (Some Guy) |
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Winner of MySpace political reality show may face serious tax and election law problems
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Remember when you got your driver's license and then we got busted driving an Accra carrying more than $600,000 worth of cocaine? Good times, good times
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| (WGAL) |
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As 25,000 state workers were laid off and Pa.'s government went into a partial shutdown, lawmakers worked long hours to address the crisis. Except for this guy. He went golfing. And got busted. With pics and video
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Neil Armstrong travels to Israel to discuss the moon landing and the type of sound stage that was used
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FBI sends fake emergency letters to phone companies to get them to turn over letters complete with false claims that proper papers had been filed with U.S. attorneys (w/picture badness) Obvious trumps scary
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Flatulent teen tries to set fire to a Christmas tree by passing gas in front of a lighter - when that fails, a deodorant does the job, causing £34,000 of damage
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Jim Morrison may have died from a heroin overdose in a nightclub toilet stall which was then covered up because, hey, we don't want people to think he was doing drugs
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Not wanting to wait until the West Coast is awake, President Bush to say "terra" a lot at 10:30 ET
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| (This is South Wales) |
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Heroin addict steals bouncy castle in bid to get higher than he ever has been before
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Photoshop the Fresno Grizzlies' "The Price is Right Night"
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| (Christian Today) |
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Over 100 foreign missionaries expelled from China. Now they're disoriented
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Don't try to rob a bank when there's a former Marine there, especially if he just got money stolen from him. He may tackle and lecture you
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| (MyFox Dallas) |
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Today's "middle school teacher has sex with 13-year-old student" story brought to you by Denton, TX. Two photos available for the inevitable MILF/non-MILF argument
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Drummer from Britrock band Blur wants to become MP for Liverpool
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Boss orders DNA tests on entire staff to find who left chewing gum on his chair
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A photo of what happens when an ATM malfunctions and suddenly starts giving out free money. Yeah, there was a crowd
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| (Some Guy) |
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Here's a pork bun recipe for disaster: Mash cardboard into pulp, add a toxic chemical and mix in some pork fat and presto, you've got a tasty treat. Just don't let the authorities find out or your restaurant will get shut down
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| (Al Jazeera) |
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Bush names ambassador to Libya. Vows to "Get revenge on Dr. Emmett Brown at all costs"
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| (KOTA News) |
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South Dakota executes its first person in 60 years. Watch out, Texas
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| (GayNewsWatch.com) |
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You can join Facebook if your name is Hitler, but not if it's Gay
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Scots win World Debating Cup, proving once again there is no good counterpoint to a wee Glasgow kiss
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Britain's biggest dog. Not fat, just big boned, says vet. Dog: "I can has cheezburger?"
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| (Salem News) |
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Police say there's nothing funny about man's prank involving a purse placed at a stop sign and fishing wire that allowed man to drag purse along the ground
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Why men drive with one hand on the wheel and women drive with two
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Today's "petrol thieves using a lighter because it was too dark to see" story brought to you from Etham, New Zealand
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| (Some Guy) |
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Biggest threat to marriages is couples spending too much time at home together
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CEO of Whole Foods likes to go onto Yahoo Chat Rooms using his wife's name spelled backwards to pump the stock. No word on if he posted to TF forums
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British reservists found so painfully unfit to serve that the army urged to negotiate special reduced fees with gyms, dentists
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Judge determines it's legal to drive like a maniac if you're bring chased by a carload of skinheads. Or you could just wait until they stop for gas
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this portrait gallery
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Anonymous man leaving hundreds of thousands of dollars in Japanese public restrooms
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Even if you are Annie Leibovitz, it's never a good idea to ask the Queen to remove her crown for a portrait. With pic of the hot-tempered highness losing her cool
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Wichita zoo welcomes new ugly-ass endangered black rhino calf. With "awww" inducing pic
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Canadians can now mention bombs, guns at airports. Yelling "fire" coming soon to a crowded theater near you
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| (Local 12) |
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Television deliverymen deliver TV to wrong house, have novel idea to correct mistake: Watergate it
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Jamie Oliver has ruined school lunches in Britain the way he tried to ruin food as a whole
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 114: "Keys are everywhere in our lives -- photograph them." Difficulty: No encryption/decryption keys. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 11, 2007 |
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Ancient stone tablet finally deciphered, proves that the Old Testament is historically accurate. Suck it atheists
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63 yr old newsbabe announces she's leaving the anchor desk after nearly four decades in a business that is becoming more about celebrities and entertainment than the news. Drew's book is starting to pay off
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| (Details) |
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How well can you tell the difference between commercials and porn? Safe for work
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| (Kingston Daily Freeman) |
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Ace criminal steals working Civil War cannon, tries to sell it for scrap metal, leaves wallet at crime scene, enters Dumbass Hall of Fame
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Bogus company obtains license for nuclear materials. EVERYBODY PANIC
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| (Some Guy) |
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Parents who signed a consent form allowing their 16 year old daughter to marry her teacher are now suing the school for not doing enough to protect their child
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City: "We're lowering the speed limit from 35 to 25." State: "No, you can't have a lower speed limit. Not yours."
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If you downloaded top secret documents and pictures from a military file server on the Internet, they are asking you to please delete them. Thank you
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This charming four-bedroom colonial sits atop four acres of pristine Rhode Island countryside and comes with several living representations of imminent death. Motivated seller
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| (Some Guy) |
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Porn for Bibles
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Latest nanny state stupidity: NJ Senator proposes bill that would make it a crime to give any kid under 18 any toy gun
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"You always run into people who have an emotional attachment to their dog's testicles." Male dogs getting birth control
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Deficit falls to $205 billion, less than half of what it was at its peak in 2004
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| (ABC 13 Houston) |
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Beginning of article: "Bank robberies are rarely solved..." End of article: "But sixty to 70% of the robberies are solved." That's some fine reporting there, Lou
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If you find a corpse in a car, do you A) notify the police, B) notify the next of kin, or C) drive the car with the corpse in it to an ATM and try to use the dead man's card?
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Two black shoppers file $400 million lawsuit after being asked to show their receipts. WalMart following story closely, discontinues sale of bottled water
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President Bush welcomes press corps back to the newly renovated White House Press Room. Shows off the shiny new buttons Tony Snow can press to open the trap doors under any seat in the room
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North Korea shuts down internet cafes and karaoke bars as they are a "threat to society." If you've heard Submitter's drunken versions of "I Will Survive," you would agree
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| (Sea Coast Online) |
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12 year old charged with theft of 25 cent candy cigar. PMITA prison not ruled out
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Bush orders former White House counsel Harriet Miers to just ignore that pesky congress-thing
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You can explain Confucianism, Maoism, or Capitalism in Chinese characters, but it seems you can't explain "Pabst Blue Ribbon"
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Lady Bird Johnson has flown the coop
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Florida State Rep. Bob Allen (R-andy) arrested for offering to perform oral sex in the men's room (with video)
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| (Buffalo Biz Journal) |
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30 years after half its population said "screw this" and moved to Boca Raton, the state of New York decides to give the "I ♥ N Y" campaign another go
|
| (Some Wicked Guy) |
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Photoshop this... this... fluffy white... fark if I know
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"And then he was rubbing his privates with the flag"
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Today's fleeing TB douchebag brought to you by Little Rock, Arkansas
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Company is suing for the right to webcast cockfights from Puerto Rico, extreme fighting matches from Brazil, and footage of bikini-clad women competing in machine gun contests
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| (Some Guy) |
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Male strippers robbed while fleeing out-of-control drunken bachelorette party
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Fake cop tries to pull over real cop who then busts fake cop for pretending to be a real cop
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"In general, soft stories about celebrities interest young people more than hard news stories like congressional votes or developments in Iraq." Well, now we know who is dumbing down America
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California winemakers putting Scottish sex toys to good use
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| (Rutland Herald) |
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Advice: never trust someone who says "Do you trust me?" while playing Russian roulette
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The top 12 jobs that will always be needed
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