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| Sun June 03, 2007 |
| (Goleta Valley Voice) |
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Naked chicks and meth heads, dead pigs in the dryer, inmates playing in puddles...just another day in Goleta
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"There is a lot of sentimentality about women. We like to think that women are kind and motherly and are not going to go to war. But it's not true, is it?"
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In news totally unsurprising to our dirt-eating, onion-wearing, mine-working, uphill-walking Farkers of yesteryear, today's kids don't want summer jobs
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nude hellcat breaks into apartment, husband and wife disagree on whether to call police, police disagree on whether to take her to jail, Mongolian Midget Wrestlers disagree on whether they have had her yet
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They're just like us: Bears waving and begging for food
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| (Greeley Tribune) |
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A poodle will likely not provide sufficient force to break a window
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Giving a whole new meaning to the term "trailer trash", a man's trailer is stolen & then returned filled with garbage
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Need to bump up your credit score? If you can spare a few thousand, you could literally go from 550 to 720 overnight. What can possibly go wrong?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tattoo parlors are officially too mainstream, after one opens with scented candles and plasma-screen televisions set to the Disney Channel
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A San Diego hotel where rooms start at $450 a night is setting itself apart with a racy atmosphere featuring group showers and firemen's poles
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| (LGT Example) |
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Movie brain scan: What's your favorite movie that doesn't have originally-scored music in it?
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| (StupidVideos.com) |
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Fat, stupid, bald and covered with green paint is no way to go through life, son. It's also no way to pretend to be a Ninja Turtle. Even if someone sprays you with a hose
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| (Some Guy) |
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Art project mistaken for vandalism is vandalized
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Inmate on death row accepting submissions for funniest joke that will be read as his final statement before execution
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Had sex with a member of the U.S. Congress? Publisher Larry Flynt is again offering up to $1 million cash if you can prove it
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| (Some Vet) |
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Photoshop this cat toy
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| (Mega Bunny) |
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I bet you just recycle your empty beer cans. Well, that's one way to do it
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A house, the worst investment ever?
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Hell hath no fury like a guy whose daughter's swimsuit has been snatched from the backyard by a naked stranger
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| (WBAY) |
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Woman charged for drunk driving after crashing into a beer truck
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| (Some Guy) |
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Some people can't even look at whether a toilet seat is up or down without subjecting it to a game theory analysis
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| (GJ Sentinel) |
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Weirdest police chase all week involves a man who struck two kids, crashed his unregistered motorcycle, then jumped into a river naked with his t-shirt wrapped around his head
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Manhattan residents continue to show their legendary grit by quietly suffering through a severe butler shortage
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If you don't want to be a medical research subject, just write to the company, and wear the simple ID tag. Thank you, citizen, for your cooperation
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"'I am being buried in a box in Dublin underneath a metre of mashed potato,' he said. He did not explain why"
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| (APOD) |
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Scariest pic of the day: death ray from Moon colony blows up space shuttle
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The Dutch are trying to grow meat. Vegetarians in a quandary
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| (Roanoke.com) |
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"When deputies strip-searched her, they saw that she had a small penis and one testicle"
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Family hires witch doctor to revive their snake-bitten son...two days after they buried him
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Suspect held in three murders. He's only eight years old
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Meet new Kansas City police officer Jessica, same as the old Kansas City police officer, David
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Photoshop this superhero and his awesome hat
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Your advances are rejected by a family friend. Do you a) Get over it, b) Move on, or c) Frame her son for a planning a bomb attack at his high school. Bonus: He was a former reserve sheriff's deputy
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Actual headline: Mayor, trolls celebrate restored Fremont Bridge
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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"Any time I expelled gas in the suit, I realized nobody could smell it, it was amazing"
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"I've stopped worrying about what art is." Good reason to stick $119 million of diamonds in a skull
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Today's brawl at a funeral brought to you by Long Island, NY
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Indianapolis police hold a memorial service for Bo, a 6-year old Belgian Malinois who helped apprehend over 100 criminals and died in service. Good boy
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Iran's hard line Minister of the Interior is backing temporary marriages as a way for the average pious Muslim to avoid the danger of adultery
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Actual headline: Save the planet, eat a vegan
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Pink flamingo lawn ornaments will once again be manufactured in the US. In related news teenagers rejoice for once again having something to steal when bored on the weekends
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Leading chef warns of culinary apocalypse. Panic now, truffle fans
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Tired of old people getting all the limelight, a 30 year old woman plows through a crowd at 70 mph
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Canadian dollar will be soon be at par with the American dollar, thus rendering many common Fark comments useless and stupid
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| (WWL) |
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Barry is seeking Lexapro
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Teenager caught driving at 200km/h "didn't realise" he was speeding
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You do not like your daughter's new boyfriend. Do you a) Tell her never to see him again b) Have a beer and get over it or c) Run her down with your car GTA style
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Photoshop this bored runner
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Houses in Illinois' largest state park suddenly start blowing up. Explains Agent Rogersz: "It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes"
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South Korean government now promoting their nation's latest tourist attraction - breakdancing squads
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An Italian salami can rev up sex life. Ok, I'll take your word for it
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Nuclear waste? Yeah, we keep it out in the parking lot
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I don't know what came over me. I guess I was just trying to impress my friends. I feel very embarrassed and ashamed. It was the dumbest thing I ever did.'' says kid who urinated into a ketchup bottle in school cafeteria
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Secondhand smoke doesn't concern you? How about secondhand radiation?
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If you're doing flaming bar tricks, don't keep cleaning fluid behind the bar
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| Sat June 02, 2007 |
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City tries to figure out what to do with lawn-digging worker who moonlights by having fire ants eat his crotch on Bubba the Love Sponge's satellite radio show
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Nick Nolte starting mug shot fashion trend? The Smoking Gun reports on a wave of scary looking Hawaiian-shirt-wearing arrestees. Highlight: #5
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| (Some Arborsmith) |
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Check out these cool tree trunk sculptures
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| (WGMD Radio) |
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If you're going to burglarize a place, picking a daycare center--where every room has a video camera--is not the best idea
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| (techblorge) |
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Second life becomes a second home to sexual deviants and misfits. Pretty much just like first life
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Tractor-trailer driver enters Lincoln Tunnel with trailer six inches higher than tunnel clearance, drives entire 1.5 miles despite police yelling at him to stop (amusing photo)
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| (Oregon Mail Tribune) |
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Unable to sell spec house, Boy Scouts may earn merit badge in foreclosure
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| (Art Bell) |
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Drew gets a new tin foil hat from Art Bell on Coast to Coast AM tonight. 10PM Pacific, 1 Am Eastern. Find your local station, some with streaming audio at the affiliates list at the link
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| (NHL.com) |
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Stanley Cup Final Game 3. Let's hope that it's over in regulation time, otherwise NBC is going to cut to a rerun of Friends
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Los Angeles now taking applications for medical marijuana. You can barely read this headline because of that damn glaucoma
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| (colorado confidential) |
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Press release from Colorado Senator: "I don't think first responders have really done anything significant in comparison to their counterparts who have dealt with real natural disasters, I have no idea what else to say here..."
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| (englishrussia.com) |
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Handdrawn American movie poster collection from Belarus; guess which movie they represent
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UK is going to spend hundreds of thousands of pounds to raise all their park benches three inches
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If you're running an anti-gun advocacy group that received $1.5 million from the city of Los Angeles, it's probably not a good idea to to sell guns to undercover ATF agents
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Sleeping pill wakes woman after two years in coma, which begs the question: why give a sleeping pill to someone in a coma?
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| (Some Biker Guy) |
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Photoshop this badass biker dude
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Minor League baseball manager goes postal... pulls up bases, crawls through the grass and throws a resin bag like a grenade...(video attached)
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| (Bradenton Herald) |
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Poll: Most residents of the Gulf Coast don't know squat about hurricanes and haven't prepared for the next one other than to blame Bush in advance
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Sponge Bob no longer content to live in a pineapple under the sea, will be moving to ugly-ass hotel in San Diego
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Man busted for DWI golf carting after failing to find a horse to ride
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fighter jet art - a new use for missiles and flares
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| (Sgt. Mike T) |
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A collection of Nose Art from WW2
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Naked 12-year old boy helps police foil robbery, gives Michael Jackson an idea for the Best. Crimefighter. Evar
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Chinese Vice-Premier Huang Ju dies at the age of 68. Coroner unsure if it was the toothpaste or the puppy chow
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Study shows police have less race bias than civilians, NBA referees
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At least 146 german police officers injured in rioting before G8 summit
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| (Some Guy) |
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You might have a dysfunctional marriage when a fight over a parrot escalates to knife-throwing. Polly wants a lawyer
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| (L.A. Weekly) |
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Every English teacher you've ever had was wrong
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| (I4U NEWS) |
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Japanese researchers develop really creepy android child named CB2. If they can teach it to fetch the remote control without spilling chocolate milk on the carpet, they might be on to something
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| (Some Guy) |
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"If they had to come into our police department and get marijuana that means that my officers were doing their job and keeping drugs off the street"
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| (Some Petting Guy) |
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That petting zoo with the cute little animals is actually a germ-infested chamber of horrors just waiting to infect you and your kids
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One of the Church of England's most senior women clerics has quit her job after becoming pregnant while unmarried. Oops
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Taliban Navy sinks. No comment from Admiral Osama
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For most high school students, the perfect grade point average is a 4.0. But that wasn't good enough for one Hillsborough County student who graduated with a mind-boggling 8.08 GPA
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"Dr. Carlos Schenck reported in the journal Sleep that sleepsex, or sexsomnia, is becoming more common"
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Pervy private school pedagogue pinched for purloining past pupil's panties
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Arrests made at Kennedy airport with terrorist connection. News conference at 1 pm
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| (Some Guy) |
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You can has Caturday - caption this lolcat
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If you're going to run and hide after defrauding investors for tens of millions of dollars using fake oil fields, don't hold your daughter's sweet 16 party on MTV
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| (MLive) |
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"About 50 people with baseball bats and pipes left several cars damaged and a man with a head injury Thursday at a Harrison gasoline station."
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| (WESH TV) |
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Man chasing dog is struck and killed in traffic. Chasing anything in traffic is dangerous, doing it with untied shoelaces is plain darwinism in motion
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Solar & wind powered town in trouble with environmentalists because the presence of so many windmills is spoiling the landscape and killing birds. Which is an inconvenient truth
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Wolf whistle to co-worker gets 18-year-old fired, even though prom-dress-wearing associate wasn't offended. "I've known her since seventh grade," 18-year-old says indignantly
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| (Chilliwack Progress) |
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Chilliwack residents sure that what they saw in the sky was definitely a UFO, now working on theory of why aliens would be attracted to Chilliwack
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Not News: ESPN producer stopped for having lighter by TSA. News: Has drugs in carry on. FARK: Has child porn in checked baggage (video news story)
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California's gay inmates to get conjugal visits, Aren't they getting these visits from their cellmates already?
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Photoshop this smoker and her fountains
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| (SunJournal.com) |
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Middle school students play on global warming gets some parents hot under the collar
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Old and busted: speed dating. New hotness: selling your book to a literary agent in three minutes or less
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| (Tahoe Daily Tribune) |
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Weekend in Tahoe: $783. Marble-sized piece of marijuana swallowed upon police arrival: $14. Being arrested naked and booked while sweating and suffering from "acute paranoia": Priceless
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An Indian tribe that has had no formal contact with Western civilization has been located in a remote Amazon region. Richard Dreyfuss unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Strange roller coasters you don't see everyday
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Have you heard the one about the dead man laughing?
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| (Crave) |
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Quiz: 'Star Wars' name, ballplayer, or Thai food?
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Burglar breaks into used clothing store, accidentally kicks switch to turn on powerful ventilation fan while he's still in it. Seriously Florida, you make this too easy
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I-Mockery covers the best and worst things to come from the Nintendo Entertainment System era. Mario cologne and underwear? Now you're playing with power
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The reason that nothing good is on television is because entertainers are increasingly putting their ideas on the internet, where they have more creative freedom. Even if the idea happens to be a buddy show featuring a pair of testicles
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Study finds that 85% of women are content with their partner's penis size, yet men increasingly suffer from Small Penis Syndrome when they shouldn't. Except for you over there, needled*ck
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| (NBC) |
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Teacher sues over his death in the student film "Teddy Bear Master". Blade and Pinhead get angry, rip out your teddy's stitches
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Twenty-six people sue bus company for various debilitating injuries they claim they suffered in crash on way to wedding. Judge immediately tosses 20 when wedding video shows they weren't too badly hurt to eat, drink and dance jigs
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Ancient McDonald's Uncovered in Pompei
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The mayor has ordered the city's firefighters to get off their lazy asses, cut grass and trim shrubs while on duty
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Family harassed and tormented for being gingers. God damn it, Cartman
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The Something Awful Goons go to an anime con. Hilarity ensues
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College president calls for drinking age to be lowered to 18
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A black widow found only in Chile gives men long lasting erections and can be used for spermicide as well. Bonus: The research team that discovered this was headed by Dr. Romero
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Some sodding git says being polite will make Britain great again. What a prat
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When trying to drum up interest in the circus coming to town, try not to let your crocodile escape into the sea
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| (Some Guy) |
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Japanese man confesses to stealing more than 8,000 articles of women's clothing so he could sleep buried in them
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U.S. warship launches strike into Somalia
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this girl and her cow
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| (JapanSugoi) |
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Caption Darth Vader in Japan
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| Fri June 01, 2007 |
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Polish man in coma for 19 years wakes up, now adjusting to new world without Communism and with whiny mobile phone users
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| (Some Extreme egg-dropper) |
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Remember those "egg dropping" contests you did in High School? This guy won't
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Flip This House star didn't actually own, repair or flip many houses but he did get rich quick. Caveat Emptor
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Figures show the most commonly-uttered phrase among ATV riders on Memorial Day continued to be "Hold my beer and watch this"
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If you have one too many and think you can avoid being arrested by riding home on horseback, you better think again
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Chinese Crest toothpaste: Recommended by 4 out of 5 jealous husbands and/or homicidal maniacs
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TB dickwad story gets even more farked up. The couple never married, TB dickwad was only in Greece for two days
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US officials "used expletives" when they learned that plans for the new US Embassy in Baghdad had been posted on the web. %^&*@$ing right, they did
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| (Bloomberg) |
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Ever wonder who's holding the bag of "toxic waste" subprime mortgage loans? It's US pension funds and retirement funds. Enjoy your "retirement," boomers
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Remember the kid in Alabama who killed a half ton wild boar with a handgun? Turns out it was a farm pig named Fred, "hunted" in his pen
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Kentucky physicist to travel to Antarctica to find a fog-shrouded hole in the Arctic Ocean that leads to the centre of the Earth, where an unknown civilization is lurking inside the hollow core of the planet. No really
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| (The News Tribune) |
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Ft. Lewis rethinks mass memorials for fallen Operation Iraqi Freedom soldiers
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| (Revision 3) |
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Drew interviewed by former TechTV current Revision 3 awesome guy Martin Sargent, talks Fark, book, is drunk (not safe for work language)
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Nothing captures the spirit of Paris quite like getting scuba diving lessons at the Eiffel Tower
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| (Some weather guy) |
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This just in: normal summer weather happening in the Gulf of Mexico, EVERYBODY PANIC
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Dutch kidney transplant reality show "The Big Donor Show" turns out to be a hoax. Dutch Ashton Kutcher says "You've been Tonderzwam'd"
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As many as eight inmates stabbed at Baltimore jail during prison fight, or as Cincinnati calls it, "Bengals Tryouts"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these two statues
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Succeeding where the Mongols failed for years, a Chinese mining company ripped a hole in the Great Wall so their trucks could avoid paying tolls
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Dead whale spotted near Golden Gate. Coast Guard said it isn't Delta or Dawn, just some stupid anonymous whale that doesn't love you like they do
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| (Some Smiley Guy) |
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Wal-Mart to open fewer stores in 2008, because their only remaining competition comes from existing Wal-Mart locations. "We also have been focused this year on reducing cannibalization of existing stores"
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One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Red Fish
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| (Times-Picayune) |
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Rep. William Jefferson says Louisiana may have to donate $1 billion to bail out Katrina recovery program. That's 11,000 freezers worth
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| (Charleston Gazette) |
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Powerball winner Jack Whitaker is back in court, losing another lawsuit
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Reminder: Iowa City Fark Party, tomorrow
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New soon-to-be-discredited Loch Ness Monster footage made public
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| (not Constantinople) |
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Bust out your tinfoil hats, Texas. Gov. Rick Perry to attend Bilderberg Conference in Istanbul. Bonus: Paid for using campaign funds
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| (KTRK - ABC Houston) |
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What do you do when you are drunk and get kicked out of a party for trying to steal an Xbox 360? You set fire to the beer of course
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Ugly-ass rare baby red-ruffed lemurs born at Lemur Conservation Foundation. It was a double triple (w/pics)
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Chicago Police Dept. has new high-tech helicopter with night vision and a radiation detector. Now, if only they can keep the pilot from landing it in front of a freight train
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Alabama apologizes for slavery, despite all U.S. slaves and slave owners being long dead. In related news, American Indians asking for an apology were told to STFU or get better lobbyists
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China blames Panama, Van Halen, for tainted products
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Actual headline: "Next Hurricane Could Strike Anywhere From TX to NY." Ric Romero on the scene
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"Angel/spirit" currently edging out "printing error" in online poll of source of strange apparition in photograph. W/pic and poll
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| (Some Guy) |
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In a suprise to absolutely no one, White House pulls a Sheryl Crow and tries to downplay NASA head's controversial global warming remarks as "humor"
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A "landmark international study" finds that bumps on the head can potentially lead to brain damage
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Steelers' assistant coach makes strong case for removal of "reply to all" button
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"Lucky man survives lightning hit" or "Unlucky man struck by lightning" - the choice is yours
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For some reason AirTran doesn't want Michael Vick as a spokesman any more
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Police save emotionally disturbed man from the top of NYC's George Washington Bridge and from the thousands of emotionally disturbed drivers stuck in the traffic mess he created
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| (WOAI) |
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If you left your couch in the middle of a highway in San Antonio, some pissed off wrecked SUV driver would like to speak with you
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Before traveling, TB dickwad had his conversation with doctors recorded, almost as if he knew this would happen. Submitter thinks the dickwad planned a lawsuit from the beginning
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| (Stupidity) |
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What happens when you rob a bank at 9am 2 blocks from the police station and government center? You're in jail by 9:15 and on Fark by noon
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If you're thinking of drinking sangria/Don't go driving where someone can see ya/It's also not best/To skip DUI tests/Even if your pop's Justice Scalia
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| (News Tribune) |
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Fort Lewis is losing so many soldiers that they no longer have time for individual memorials and instead will hold one mass memorial each month
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Chatty driver caught steering with her elbows while hauling a bus load of kids (with pics)
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| (Spiegel online) |
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German man falls off balcony during "Spit for Distance" competition
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Woman gets jail time for scamming neighbors with fake device to hide Christmas tree lights
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| (Some Guy) |
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Married co-worker breaks off an affair with you. Do you a) send her a "Let's be friends" card, b) spin down into depression, or c) stalk her, harass her, and mail her a dead rat?
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If you live in the Baltimore area your electric bills are going up by 50% starting today. Its gonna be a long hot summer
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| (Hoosier Gazette) |
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Man testifies that assault on homeless man was 'preemptive strike'. Surprisingly, this defense doesn't hold up in court
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Self-centered asshat with drug-resistant TB that may have infected two jetloads of people is now claiming that quarantine laws are unconstitutional
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Arsonist claims his rough sex technique killed woman, not the fire
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Police investigate possible causes of crash after man drives his SUV over a seawall and into the ocean. Did I mention he was naked?
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What you heard in 2001: "$1 Canadian? What's that in real money, $1.60?" What you'll hear in 2007: "$1 Canadian? What's that in real money, $1?"
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"I want my teeth back, I only have two teeth in the front here"
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| (Some Guy) |
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San Diego residents taken in by blatantly obvious ponzi scheme, so if you need to make a quick buck off some stupid people, now you know where they are
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The real reason Schwarzenegger went to Canada: to get Cuban cigars
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If you had Sen John Kyl in the "secret senator who blocked the open govt act" pool collect your winnings at the ticket window
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In the grand tradition of Turner Broadcasting paying for Boston's overreaction to some lighted signs, Bank of America will now pay for costs associated with a fax gone wrong
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| (PR Newswire) |
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Today is "Free Doughnut Day" at Krispy Kreme. Or, as the cops call it, "Friday"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this seaside attack
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Sudanese government responds to U.S. sanctions with a threat that really hurts; banning export of gum arabica, the ingredient that makes your soda fizzy
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| (AP/WFAA) |
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Clean air study in Rome finds residents are breathing cocaine and cannabis
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested for shoplifting gets cuffed and thrown into cop car. He slips the cuffs and steals the car. Sirens blaring, he drives away and crashes into a Buick. He runs, is attacked by a K-9, jumps to his feet and says, The Aristocrats
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| (Some Crazy Guy) |
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Bring back Prohibition
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"There was a tremendous hoo-haa as it was realised the gun which he was showing off had actually 'got one up the spout'." I don't know what that means, but it sounds bad
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| (KATU) |
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Not News: Man was speeding while drunk. News: He gets busted by the cops. Fark.com: He had been driving in reverse for several miles
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| (9News) |
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Man pleads not guilty to 28th DUI charge. How does this guy fall through the cracks?
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Families of victims of the military crackdown on the 1989 Tiananmen Square protests have urged the Chinese government to publish a true account of the incident and apologize so that they can finally have some closure, money
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O Hai: Weer in UR India. Downgradin UR caste
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If Texas police have their way, this coffee-tossing convenience store robber will soon be tossing other things in jail
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Rats possibly in the clear over the Black Death. May have been a virus
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| (medbroadcast.com) |
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Canadian Health Authority dealing with drug problem on Vancouver Island by handing out free crack kits. Wait...what?
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| (insidebayarea.com) |
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Funny: wild turkeys running rampant. Funnier: at Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory. Funniest: this reporter's God-awful attempts at rudimentary humor
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| (WFAA) |
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Mom gives birth to twins. Her third set of twins. Oh, and she's only 20 years old. And unemployed. As is her 21 year old boyfriend. Hurray reproductive freedom
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TB guy is an idiot, but picture of wife may explain why he took the flight
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Russia admits nuclear stockpile is ready to explode
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13% of men in the UK would not donate time to help a children's charity for fear of being branded paedophiles
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"Asking pupils to put their hands up when they think they know the answer to a question in class could make quiet children fall behind, according to government advice"
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Photoshop these itty-bitty frogs
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U.S. Baghdad embassy floor plans appear online, with everything except the little caption "put bomb here"
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India's richest man builds 60-storey house complete with helipad, health club and six floors of parking. Suck it, Gates
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Nearly half of all men think their ween is too small according to study from the Is It In Yet? Institute
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| Thu May 31, 2007 |
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Ше каи наs anфтнея cфld шая?
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| (Natl Hurr Center) |
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Just in time for the first day of the hurricane season... Tropical system may be developing in the Caribbean. Step 1: turn on Caps Lock key. Step 2: Start with the letters P and A
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Live Smoke Free or Die
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's "student sues school because teacher slept with her" story brought to you by South Dakota
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| (Business Week) |
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Toyota found to be the most productive automaker. Study performed by Business Week's "Duh" department
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Woman explorer abandons North Pole trek because of "adverse weather conditions". Well, yeah - it's the North Pole
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| (Some Hole) |
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Photoshop what happens next
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Science fiction authors enlist in the War on Terror because Homeland Security needs "deviant thinkers." Suck it, fantasy fans
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Nigeria files $2 billion lawsuit against Pfizer. Pfizer reportedly unable to pay until Nigerians deposit $419 million into US accounts to cover transaction fees
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| (Some Guy) |
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City cracks down on homeowners' brown lawns while wildfires sprout all around them during current severe drought
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This hour's story of teachers banging kids is a 2 for 1 special. Bonus: school is for "troubled children"
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Did you honestly think those DRM-free downloads from iTunes didn't come with a catch?
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US tells Turkey not to invade Iraq as it may destabilize the country
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| (Some Guy) |
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Minnesota woman forced to the ground at gunpoint and handcuffed by police while baking cookies for the DirectTV crew installing her new dish. And no, "baking cookies" is not a euphemism for anything
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Woman convicted of having sex with two underage boys will not have to register as a sex offender. Double standard FTW
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Drew's book goes on sale TODAY. Buy it today and Drew will buy you a beer - DIT (available at any major bookstore, link goes to Amazon)
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| (Earth Times) |
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Pentecostal bus driver to sue New York Transit because they demand that she wear pants
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Student's class history project triggers lockdown of two schools. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Safety Nazis force fire department to buy special reclining chairs for firefighters working nights to sleep in, ban firefighters from using them until they get special training, then file charges when firefighters nap on the floor instead
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Belgian soldiers armed with Lysol and a book of matches deployed into the forests to combat man-eating caterpillars
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Authorities release name of man who knowingly exposed fellow air travelers to rare, deadly form of TB. And, yes, he is a lawyer
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Coolest job ever (w/photo weirdness)
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Looking to make maximum political impact, Leninist-anarchist nutjobs strike major metro area of Lexington, KY, fill 150 parking meters with glue (with pic)
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Spelling Bee favorite tanks early, cries, mom says "not fair"
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| (KTBS) |
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Actual headline: "Colorado State Forecast: 9 hurricanes, 5 of them intense." Hopefully the deer don't get swept away in the storm surge
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If there's something you only do once in a blue moon then tonight's your chance
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Nessie's been sighted again with new video
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The claims from Spain fall mainly in the lame
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DARPA is creating Mothra. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Authorities seize 46 toy guns from Walmart for looking "too realistic."
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Phil Spector's defense focuses on mistakes in collecting evidence and the fact that Chewbacca lives on Endor
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The key to protecting troops in Iraq is giving them Cougars to ride. Sharon Stone enlisting for active duty
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| (Some exposed nipple) |
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New York wants to make it a felony to sell games with depraved violence and indecent images to minors. Parental responsibility surrenders, new wave of Hollywood horror film makers light cigars and laugh
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Reason #75482 not to have a public MySpace page: Wal-Mart employee fired after posting the fact that dropping bombs on all the Wal-Marts would raise the national IQ average
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Coming to a movie plaza near you: Harry Potter and the opening in U.S. theaters two days earlier than expected
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Good news: the economy is still growing. Bad news: your toenails are growing faster
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Kids takes three bombs to school, possibly for the most awesome show-and-tell ever
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman to navy: "Somebody set us up the bomb". Navy: "Uuhhh, could you call back tommorow?"
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Get out the torches and pitchforks - male band teacher arrested for alleged sex with 17-year-old female student
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Almost half of Rotterdam's coffee shops will be forced to stop selling cannabis because they are too close to secondary schools. Kids these days need some exercise. A walk to get some drugs will do them good
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Councilor in Elvis flares promises nude pool and pink town hall
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Lexington, KY Fark Party and Drew's book signing tonight at 7pm at Joseph Beth. Come out and help us drink them out of beer. DIT -Drew
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this robotic tea pourer
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Adult recess -- the one article you should make your boss read
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France's new president wants his countrymen to take shorter lunches and stop kissing coworkers in the morning. Next he plans to outlaw Jerry Lewis movies
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Up to 90 percent of Britain's ubiquitous CCTV surveillance cameras are "illegal"
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| (WRAL) |
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Today's car dealer facing fines for flying American flags comes to us from Raleigh, NC
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| (Plymouth Herald) |
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Couple have wedding blessed in a cemetery
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Wine is now more popular than beer in the USA
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Court has reservations about Indian tribe caring for foster child. Group says they may Sioux
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If a state agency randomly sends you a check for $2.5 million, should you: a) Call and inform them of their mistake,b) Throw the check away, or c) Immediately spend all the money on cars and electronics
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If your friend does not enjoy your cooking, hitting them in the face with a frypan is not a way to convince them to try it again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: Security guard at karaoke bar shakes hands of customers. Possibly news: Dances along as one of them sings. Fark: Shoots singer dead because he's out of tune
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Air Torture faces ACLU lawsuit for failing to provide beverage service and hot towels
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| (Victoria Advocate) |
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Dad Of The Year Candidate: "No Officer, The cocaine is my son's high school graduation present"
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| (The Moscow Times) |
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Bodyguard of the Year 2007 given out early to Russian who saved his employer despite having been shot in both kneecaps
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"The main reason for the deaths is that people bathe in places where they are not supposed to ... but at the same time 75 percent of them are not sober." And no, this was not said in Florida
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Fatass, Inc. offers Lardo-Americans lawn chairs that can support 800 lbs, toilets rated to 1200 lbs. Remaining tatters of personal dignity drown their sorrows with a box of bon-bons
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Photos of the PMITA cell where Paris will do her time, the prison guard
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Other languages don't have spelling bees because they would be too simple
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Charges dropped against Mr. Universe. It turns out it was diabetic shock that made him assault that officer, not 'roid rage
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Ukrainian president Viktor Yushchenko, Alexander Litvinenko, and now Kyrgyzstan Prime Minister Almaz Atambayev. The KGB poisoning trifecta is complete
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89-year old British woman doesn't want to endure airport hassles, takes taxi to Greece
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| (The Moscow Times) |
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Moscow may alleviate traffic congestion by building roads on top of residential and commercial buildings
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| (Knuttz) |
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Photoshop these scary rugby dudes
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Promotional clip-art fax mistaken for bomb threat. Suspect described as wirey, goes by the name "Clippy" (with pic of fax)
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Confirming so many Fark.com cliches, new study finds 12 percent of Brits never brush their teeth, and those that do see nothing wrong with using drill bits or wood saws to floss with
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New breed of cat retails for $22,000 (+$1,500 S&H). INVISIBLE CHECKING ACCOUNT
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Man suffocates in pile of malted barley at Fat Tire brewery
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| (Galesburg Register-Mail) |
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Not news: Kids denied high school diplomas because of graduation behavior. News: Claim it is because they're black. Fark: Hold news conference at the adult bookstore
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| (myfoxkc.com) |
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Kansas City woman wants to serve Paris Hilton's sentence
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| (Brooklyn Paper) |
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Brooklyn man attempts to have his five-inch-long nipple hair certified as Guinness world record. No, really (w/photo creepiness)
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| (KREM.com) |
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Is that a bomb in your pants or are you just happy to see.... no, that's a bomb in your pants
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 108: "Solitude" Please read first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 30, 2007 |
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Livejournal accounts deleted on a massive scale by abuse team. In related news, stock in razor blades doubles
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Ugly-ass baby binturong debuts at Sydney zoo. With both pic goodness and an excuse to say "binturong"
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Gang beats Staples employees for wearing red shirts. Easy button nowhere in sight
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Church organist fired for being too focused on the wrong organ
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New study reconfirms that abstinence pledges don't really accomplish much, and that the sky is indeed a lovely shade of blue
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this roller derby
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Tennessee teacher fired for being a smartass, including telling a student to "put on fishnet stockings and get a job as a blackjack dealer in Las Vegas"
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Strike two for the ethanol boom: German beer prices are rising drastically
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| (WGAL) |
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40 volunteers building 41-foot-long raft made of reeds and eucalyptus to sail across Atlantic. Engineer, who plans on going along on trip, can't swim. Look for future FARK headline here this summer
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"American breasts are getting bigger while shirts are getting smaller"
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| (Korea Times) |
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Hi-tech robots to guard schools. This cannot end well
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84% pass Canadian literacy test... which is almost three quarters
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Father, son, granddaughter graduate from high school within days of each other. Since you're reading this here, you can guess which sta-oh, wait, it's Utah
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How much does it cost to get a cabbie license in New York? Try $600,000. English lessons not included
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LAPD admits making "mistakes" during May Day riot, such as leaving witnesses alive
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| (Bay News 9) |
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FOX waiting patiently to start filming at Disney's "When Water Rides Attack"
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Fully 65% of Americans agree with the idea that corporations make too much profit. Capitalism surrenders
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Once again people flip out over so called racy billboard. (with pic of "offensive" billboard)
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| (Some guy who says "Meep") |
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Comic store in Toronto recreates a scene from Lord of the Rings for a window display... using Muppet action figures
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New study links childhood obesity to... *shakes Magic 8-ball* ...lack of sleep
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Battle lines are being drawn on the MILF front
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School's closed by *BOMP BOMP* Tainted soil *BOMP BOMP* Tainted soil
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| (Eagle Tribune) |
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Police respond to scene of gas price cutting
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Texas high school withholds diplomas after seniors bounce beach balls and blow bubbles at graduation ceremony
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Japan to push ahead with humpback whale hunt. Plan to deploy ships to San Francisco Bay and stop the media frenzy around the two lost whales
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| (Chattanoogan) |
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Not news: bad traffic accident. Sad News: family of four killed in accident. Fark: accident caused when driver swerved to avoid hitting a deer
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Cop owns gun. Cop has daughter. Daughter sounds like intruder while sneaking back into house after porking boyfriend. What happens next?
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| (Some Jesus Camp Counselor) |
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Valedictorian doesn't understand why lengthy, unapproved graduation speech telling audience to find Jesus or suffer the consequences is drawing criticism
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Woman whose wheelchair wouldn't fit through train door forced to crawl to seat while passengers do nothing. The age of chivalry isn't dead, but it seems not to be into the public transport thing any more
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Whales have left the bay. NOW EVERYONE BACK TO WORK
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Americans spend $40 billion a year pampering their pets. Your dog wants a Dead Sea mudbath and manicure
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| (Some Guy) |
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10 reasons why sex is financially rewarding, Your mom knows #11
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| (MSN) |
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Congress wants to be in ur tubez, taxing ur emailz. No, really
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Texas hunter fined $10K for exceeding duck hunting limit in Canada, violating the Saskatchewan "gratuitious use of middle initial and silly Roman numeral after last name" statute
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| (Some Guy) |
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Elderly woman who tried to smuggle heroin given 14 years in prison. Should never have gotten the hell off the grass
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| (Some Guy) |
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Applying for a job? Not without the approval of the Department of Homeland Security you're not
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And this week's "YouTube blocked by oppressive régime" brought to you by the good folks at Morocco
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How to completely stock up on liquor for the summer for under $300
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Martha Stewart seeks to trademark the name "Katonah" for furniture brand. Indians object asking if Martha Stewart should "be allowed to trademark George Washington's name?"
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Eight indicted in over thirty donut shop burglaries. That's nice work, boys
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Malaysia to form canine unit to battle pirates. Your dog wants a cutlass and peg leg
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| (Some Gay) |
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40% of Americans have a friend or family member who is faaabulous
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Anual speling bee starts today
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Massachusetts may ban good-tasting food from schools
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this water-skier
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman forced to email local news show for help after becoming trapped in room behind knobless door. "I will sit and await to see if you go this message, if not then I will scream"
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You know the drought is bad when the lake catches on fire
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Unruly passenger that groped women and shouted "I am a man" in the courtroom isn't insane after all. He's just from India
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Artist protests Royal family's treatment of animals by eating a dog during live radio show. Your steak wants dog
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Man rushed to hospital in serious condition after a gruesome mauling by his pet hamster
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Two suspects rob diner, attempt to run out door, accidentally run into each other, causing one to shoot himself in the leg. Cue the Yakety Sax soundtrack
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Hotels don't really like when you steal their towels, but they get really pissed off when you steal their gold bathtub worth ¥120,000,000
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Amputee uses crutch to beat off gunman
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| (Some Guy) |
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Off-duty cop at wedding reception handcuffs bride and groom as a joke. But what's really funny is that he didn't have a key to unlock them
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| (Sun Journal.com) |
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Actual headline: "2 charged over electric cord". Wait, watt?
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Apparently it's inappropriate to refer to union bosses as "wankers" in Parliament
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Title match: Mitsubishi Eclipse vs. black bear. Result: draw
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Forget about your resumé - What your next employer's checking out is that Girls Gone Wild video you ended up in
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| (The Daily News Online) |
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Who do I have to mow to get a green around here?
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Russia tests new intercontinental ballistic missile in to response to U.S. plans to deploy a missile defense system in Europe. This should end well
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| (rte.ie) |
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Ugly ass golden eagle chick hatches in Ireland, first for 100 years (with pics)
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Man caught with 1,500 stolen pairs of girl's shoes: "He liked to smell them"
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Terrorist sex toy shuts down English village
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Moviegoing experience in NYC just got more enjoyable, unless of course you're an inconsiderate douche
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Phone hotline about lost whales gets hacked, informs people they've been killed. In related news, there's a whale hotline
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If you want a personal trainer to help you lose weight, get booked into jail in the UK
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So wait, the media overstated and misinterpreted this whole disappearing bee thing? That stings
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As God is my witness, I didn't know frozen chickens could fly
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Sometimes you should just hand over the chili sauce
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| (International Herald Tribune) |
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There are 42 skyscrapers in the construction or planning phase around the world that are over 1,000 feet tall. Only five are in the United States
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Farker DiamondDave's co-worker
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