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| Sun May 20, 2007 |
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.yaw gnorw nur dnalevelC ni srennur K01 emoS
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If fetuses the size of a peanut are precious human lives worth saving and not parasitic organisms leeching off their hosts, why don't we give them names and social security numbers and celebrate the date of conception instead of birth?
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| ("Burns when I" Pee-oria) |
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Headline: "STDs on rise in Peoria County." First sentence: "Grab a group of friends and a bag of Cheetos." Wait, what?
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I am not loose. I am not a slut. And I will not go home with any guy who asks," but I will get it on in a bathroom and write about it in the school paper
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| (Tao Of Making Money) |
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Extreme frugality: growing tomatoes on a bra and other interesting frugal ideas
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| (Some Angry Pet Lover) |
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Still more pet food recalls, including ferret food. Won't it ever stop?
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The top 10 hottest billionaire heiresses. Giggity
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Spanish performer
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Woman creates retractable high heeled shoes. Strippers can now blend in with regular women
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Blind man can't see why limo driver wouldn't let his guide dog in the car, hopes charges under an imperceptible state law will help him see the light
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How to save $1 million, keep off my lawn
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| (The Greenville News) |
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College study shows that double dipping a chip does dramatically increase bacteria levels. George Costanza unavailable for comment
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God, I hate hippies
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Thousands of campers flee California wildfire. Submitter wonders if they ever even heard of marshmallows?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dictionary.com features both Spanish and English Words of the Day. Not that Farkers could use there spelling and grammer tips
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| (Some Guy) |
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Klingons invade small northwestern town. With amusing explanations of Klingon culture, language and weaponry
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| (mashable) |
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Death by lawyer: 10 cool sites we miss
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| (PowerlineBlog) |
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New 1,621 page book by Charles Manson's prosecutor concludes that JFK conspiracy theorists are morons
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Laundromat with 6 types of beer on tap, Farkers can now throw up on themselves and be clean within the hour
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| (ABC7 Chicago) |
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"Ok, bring it back, a little to the left, back a little farther, PERFECT". Boom. "Ooops"
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| (Sioux City Journal) |
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Nude photos of nursing home residents prompt investigation, detectives puzzled by numerous wrinkles in the case
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Mars cancels plans to include animal products in candy after vegetarians throw a hissy-fit
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cop pulls over porn actress, and offers her a way to pay off the fine early. Cue "boom-chick-a" music, as he "made little videos" of it, too
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Squirrel attacks three students and causes school lockdown. Status of the squirrel's balls set to huge
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| (mcall) |
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Man fights 2-year court battle over his right to call someone an asshole
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| (Spiegel.de) |
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Objectophile: A person who has feelings for, and sexual relationships with buildings, trains, machines, etc. SRSLY
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Displaying incredible forensics skills, central Illinois authorities investigating a missing eagle egg believe "the culprit could be a raccoon or a human."
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| (Some Seeker) |
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Ex-Wiccan- Satanist- Vampire- Wiccan- Voudon- Freemason says current Archbishop of Canterbury is a Druid. And then it gets weird
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Employers sending fake phishing emails to see how dumb their employees are. Number one clicked phishing email? Oh yeah, cat pictures
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| (Bradenton Herald) |
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If your name is Darwin, maybe you shouldn't be standing on a roof during a violent thunderstorm
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| (Sunday GazetteMail) |
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Someone's been sleeping in my bed, and he's still naked
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| (Some Guy) |
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Student who has been picked on all year tells school officials about the problem. They do nothing; so he fights back and gets suspended
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| (KARE Minneapolis) |
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Man successfully robs bank with a flower delivery, an unmarked package, a trash bag, and a limousine. Come back next week when he tries again with a swimming cap, a garden hose, a can of whipped cream and a skateboard
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| (Chosun Ilbo) |
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"Women are more developed creatures than men since they have one more hole"
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There will be no services at the First Presbyterian Church today as there is a sniper holed up in the building. Please remember to tithe double next week
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| (Some Guy) |
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"There are a couple of paintings (Michael) Jackson made of children, of boys-naked. And there are some of his whitening creams, some sex aids...This is stuff we have kept from the auction out of respect to Mr. Jackson"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these three modern knights in shining armor
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18-year-old California girl deferred enrollment to Stanford to be the youngest person to climb Mount Everest. But is she cute?
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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No grunting rule has some weightlifters grunting foul
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Old and busted: karaoke night at the bar. New hotness: Guitar Hero nights
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Teen who used exploding pens to hurt students gets 9 years in a pen
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29-year-old hippie chick from Essex could be the first U.S. First Lady with a tongue stud
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Bid to rewrite list of Seven Wonders of World (with voting enabled for your suggestions)
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| (Some Guy) |
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California state senator rear ends someone while talking on a cell phone; had voted for a law imposing fines for using a cell phone while driving
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MI5 'robbed bank to secure Royal sex photos' Obvious & Unlikely tags duke it out in absence of 'WTF' tag
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Scottish haggis championship won by 22-year-old Northern Irishman. SNP attempt to takeover Stormont in revenge
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U.S. retirement and health-care programs may go bankrupt, since neither party wants to touch those issues before the next president arrives in 2009
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Gay rights activists in Warsaw would like everyone to see Poles in a different light
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| (Korea Times) |
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35% of Korean working women binge-drink to point of blackout, study says. British women unavailable for comment due to blackout
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| (ibnlive.com) |
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Can adultery save marriages?
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Paris eat your heart out, these kids truly earned the red carpet treatment
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84% of women in survey say they've met new men by ass grinding in club
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White House advised that soon-to-be British PM Gordon Brown will likely announce plans for troop withdrawal within first 100 days of office
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| (Huntsville Times) |
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Sword swallower becomes the first person to swallow a sword underwater in a tank full of sharks and stingrays
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Homeless man rescued from garbage truck arrested for punching 70 year old man at nursing home
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Supplies of sardines and icecream are running short as one thousand pregnant women gather under one roof
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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Before you cry over this devastating interstate beer truck crash, remember it was Coors (beershovel photo goodness)
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Theme: How the world of today will appear in the museums of tomorrow
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption these web surfers
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| Sat May 19, 2007 |
| (Waterstones) |
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The top book of the past 25 years: "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone"?
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| (Des Moines Register) |
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New Iowa lottery tickets show image of John Wayne. The one Duke who doesn't suck
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| (Quad Cities Online) |
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Iowans may soon be able to legally hunt species known for their flashy sideburns. Elvis impersonators currently cancelling Indian casino gigs
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It's often said that speeding tickets pay police officers' salaries, but rarely is that so true as in Marble Falls, Texas
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| (Some Guy) |
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Michael Moore gives his online nemesis at MooreWatch $12,000 to help pay his wife's medical bills, nemesis shows his gratitude with angry tirade
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Fake Steve Jobs gets a book deal. In other news, Fake Bill Gates will also write a book. It won't be as good but will sell 10 times as many copies
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| (Statesman) |
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The National Association of State Boards of Education is about to elect a president who opposes teaching evolution
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Vitamins may put you at risk for cancer. Researchers expect to soon link puppies, ice cream and happiness to cancer as well
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National average gas price hits $3.15 on news that we're having Memorial Day this year, too
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Today's "burglar leaves wallet, identification and his parole card at scene of crime" brought to you by McMinnville, TN
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Customer does not appreciate Dunkin' Donuts' new chocolate metal chips muffin
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| (Some Guy) |
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Russian and NATO forces are waging virtual warfare on Estonia's cyber territory
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| (The Irish Times) |
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If anyone has seen or knows the whereabouts of the "Iranian National Cycling Team", the Irish police would love to find out
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| (WLBZ2.com) |
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Self proclaimed Vietnam vet who'd fought in the bloody battle of Hamburger Hill helps raise $1100 for memorial. The only problem is he was only eight years old at the time
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33-year old woman arrested for exposing herself to a 13-year old boy. Well that doesn't sound so badOH GOD MY EYES
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this awake-at-the-switch guy
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Doctors tell woman that they'll be happy to tell her the source of her migraine headaches if she'll just let them know how she got the bullet inside her brain in the first place
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| (Metro.co.uk) |
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Nothing quite says "ready for nuclear armageddon" like radiation-proof underpants
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Saturday's NHL playoff thread. Sens at Sabres, 2pm
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| (Some Guy) |
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Taiwan casts Magic missile, China crosses fingers hopes for saving throw
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Alleged spyware maker Zango is suing anti-spyware maker PC Tools
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Actual headline: Ladder-related accidents climb in U.S
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Ugly-ass born on British farm. Awwwww. (w/pic)
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If you have $15 million burning a hole in your pocket and you always wanted your very own castle, have we got a deal for you in Massachusetts
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Eight six seven five three ooh niiiine, you can't have that number because its miiine
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45th million visitor to Seattle space needle to receive free trip to Paris. No, the other one
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If your real name is "Love Sky Dancer", customs is going to look through your stuff for dope
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Not content to let the National Weather Service get all the publicity, Accuweather is now also predicting a hotter-than-normal summer. With the exception of Texas, which for some reason will get a free pass this year
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| (MaineToday) |
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High school students protest presence of goth gang in school. Principal sides with goths, suspends students who protested. Wait... what?
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Study finds sexual advances at singles bars are common. Still no cure for cancer
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In a story deserving a Yakety Sax soundtrack, police capture burglar who was dragging a blowtorch and gas cans down a residential street while being chased by a naked homeowner
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You can't bring him inside, but there are bars in Philly where you can have a beer with your dog
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| (EarthTimes) |
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If you're driving through the California desert and happen see a UFO, just know in advance that it's not aliens, it's art
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KC Anti-Porn crusader going after adult entertainment venues. In other news, all the major adult entertainment venues are listed in the article. Should you be in KC and looking for adult entertainment
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| (The Local) |
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One free gift you don't want in your breakfast cereal: a dead, shrivelled-up, English bat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Three teachers and a minister arrested for having sex in a public park. Unfortunately they are all old butt-ugly men. (with horrid mug shot goodness)
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| (N&O) |
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"Bill Clinton's flight was the latest and most spectacular of a string of Triangle-area emu escapes that ended in death."
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| (Fox5Vegas) |
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Medical professionals ask, "Is alcohol actually healthy?". Subby asks, "where was the signup sheet for this test?"
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Two "experienced climbers" fall 1,900 feet to their deaths on Alaska's Mt. McKinley. Thankfully, they saved thousands of dollars by not getting lost and wasting everyone's time
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's that time of year again. Photoshop this graduate and her big balloons
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| (klastv) |
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Governor appointee drops a word they won't mention, recorded at a city council meeting. "One used by men to hurt a woman verbally"
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Eighth-graders in Maine give up their class trip money for the poor. Kids today, thinking of nothing but themselves
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Tony Blair makes final visit to Iraq, congratulates self on a job well-done
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Everything you ever wanted to know about kimonos, but you were too afraid to ask because someone might cut off your arm with a samurai sword
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| (koco) |
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Here is how to properly remove a tick. Surprisingly pouring gasoline on your leg and dropping a match is not suggested
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Starcraft 2 Official. Let the nerdgasm commence
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| (Some Guy) |
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High number of moms, teachers admit pot use. "Dude, clean your roo... pass the cheetos"
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| (Some neo-Keynesian Guy) |
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Canadians may be forced to take the medicine of higher interest rates by the end of the year to cure a stubborn case of inflation, economists say. But because most of the inflation is caused by energy prices, it's a monetarist suppository
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Guy pays $2500 to sniff Lady Diana's bike seat
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| (Review Journal) |
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Hummer dealership ordered to take down its American flag by the City Council, in Las Vegas, NV, USA... wait, what?
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Evangelizing Christians mistaken for child molesters
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Feel the Earth Shake? A record 24,461 gathered in Ljubljana and 40 other cities to dance the quadrille. Where the hell's that, and whats the 'quadrille' ?
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People angry. About rocks in the woods
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Columnist tries to explain cat threads to the masses. Welcome to Caturday morning
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Cool: Finding $10 on the floor. Spiffy: Buying a $10 lottery ticket and winning $1,000,000. Sappy: Winner is a mother who is working in a gas station to pay for college
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chinese woman grows five inch horn out of her head. With disturbing photo goodness
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Man steals over 400k in pure silver one piece at a time, and it didn't cost him a dime, you'll know it's him when he comes through your town
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| Fri May 18, 2007 |
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Theme: If political advertisements had to comply with "Truth in Advertising" regulations...
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If you're getting welfare because you're claiming to be disabled, don't compete for title of your town's Strongest Man in your copious amounts of free time. Or be like like this jackhole - your call (pic)
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One of Canada's aerial acrobatic team, the Snowbirds, has crashed in Montana. Story developing
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Five things you shouldn't tell your significant other. Surprisingly, "I slept with your brother" and "yes, you do kind of look a little fat in those" didn't make the list
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Yoink, bling, bam
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| (Consumer Affairs) |
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Gas prices set six records in six days. Who's hand is in your wallet?
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| (CJR) |
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In their latest effort to reverse a decades-long slide in readership, newspapers are killing off editorial cartoons
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Moderate drinking helps prevent cancer. Beer: Is there anything it can't do?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Canadian dollar reaches highest level in 30 years, worth 92 cents against U.S. dollar. Canadian Farkers look forward to the day when they can look at U.S. prices in stories and sneer, "That's what, 53 cents in real money?"
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British news media criticized for obsessing on missing cute blonde girl. U.S. welcomes them to 1996
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Chinese writing dates back to 8,000 years, not 4,500 as previously believed. In related news, Adam's fig leaf was only about half the size previously believed
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Today's teacher/student sex case comes from Glenwood Springs, Colorado. With picture that would make you debate yourself on hitting it
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| (Las Cruces News) |
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The warp core breach has been averted: Scotty's ashes finally found
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: If women controlled the world.... LGT inspiration
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Wal-Mart supporter shows up at anti-Wal-Mart rally. This should end well
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| (Galveston County Daily News) |
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When did giving your son an acre of land become a fineable offense?
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| (9news.com) |
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Asking a cop for his ID will net you $8,500
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Actual headline: "Will we have gas during hurricanes?"
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| (Chief School Man) |
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South Carolina schools to improve national education rank by testing students lesser often
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UK's new anti-crime agency claims it removed 20 percent of Europe's cocaine supply in first year of operation. In related news, UK's new anti-crime agency increases Europe's cocaine price 40 percent in first year of operation
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Reminder: Philly Fark party this Saturday, May 19 8pm. Nodding Head Brewery. Drew will be there. DIT. Link goes to previous thread
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What do you do when you've got a government project that's killed people and is $13 billion over budget? Why, turn it into a driving range for state troopers, of course
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| (Some Guy) |
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128 cats euthanized. Let's paws for a moment of silence
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| (WESH.com) |
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Women drivers increasingly engaging in risky behavior. Giggity
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| (Some Tagger) |
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Graffitti artist shortlisted for Darwin Award after spraypainting an electrical substation. Edison nods in approval
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NRC "concerned" after former nuke-plant security chief airs claim that he was an assassin. No word on if he worked for Monty Burns
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| (Some blueswoman) |
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Bay Area Blues & Billiards Fark party this Sunday. Next-to-last party, I'm leaving CA. Come by and say hi
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SoCal baby boomers introducing a new generation to the simple joy of steaming the windows at a drive-in theater
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Maine to ban cellphone use for minor motorists. Still okay for major a-holes
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London police are hunting a stolen blue-throated Amazon parrot called Chelsea who screeches when anyone mentions Manchester United. Fowl play suspected
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| (WKYT News) |
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Danville, Kentucky proposes banning karaoke, dancing, pool. Residents expected to cut loose, footloose, kick off their Sunday shoes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Piercings, worn the entire school year, keep a girl from walking at graduation
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| (Twin Cities) |
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If you're going to propose to your ex-wife, make sure there's no restraining order against you. And you definitely don't want to do it on Jerry Springer with your probation officer watching
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| (KSAT) |
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When your bride-to-be packs all your stuff into your van and sinks it in the harbor, the wedding is probably off
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Dear Lottery Commission: I know that you put lottery money to good uses, so I'd like to request that you build a replica of the Starship Enterprise where Trekkies could meet
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The FCC has officially approved the iPhone, probably because they knew that angry mobs would burn them at the stake if they didn't
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pillowfight aftermath
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| (Florida Today) |
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America doesn't care that a $1 coin featuring John Adams is coming out, mainly because they can't figure out a way to put a $1 coin in a stripper's g-string
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| (Edmonton Sun) |
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Principal gives four elementary students assignment that blows: Write an essay about fellatio
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption Oprah as a graduate
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| (thinkprogress.org) |
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Fox News's John Gibson forced to apologize for "donkey punch" and "angry pirate" description aired on his show
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Prison guards team up with inmates to dress as Village People for prison fundraiser. Who could possibly be upset about that?
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| (WOAI) |
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Principal loses job after failing required test. For the 36th time
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High court rules that engagement rings given in failed marriage proposals do not belong to the would-be bride, no matter how many blows it took to get it
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| (Some Guy?) |
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Ann Coulter's column on the death of Jerry Falwell is a veritable treasure trove of insanity
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Lottery claims $500,000 ticket is a misprint
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Le Coq Sportif is coming back to try again. Maybe they didn't realize the problem in the first place
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Actual headline: Man crushed by flying cow
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| (some nonpartisan) |
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D.C. Fark Party. Friday, June 8. We're taking our case all the way to Capitol Hill this time
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Cuba to spend $185 million to reverse dip in tourism. In other news, Cuba has $185 million
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Birds choose sewage- and waste-filled lake as a home. Well, it was either that or Jersey
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Prince Harry being forced not to deploy to Iraq or various local strip clubs. Let's just say that his majesty is not amused
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Woman beats off attacking shark with camera, footage available soon on YouChewed
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| (Metro.co.uk) |
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British sailor adrift for two days in Caribbean is rescued -- by a man who lives around the corner from him in England
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TV reporter tries to feed herself on $3 a day worth of food stamps. Luckily makeup wasn't part of the deal
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this tired ice-crawler
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If your dream job involves fast cars, laser watches and having sex with beautiful foreign spies, you may be interested to know MI6 is having a recruitment drive
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Dolphins off coast of Britain found to be speaking Welsh. On the positive side, fish are more understandable than when humans speak it
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Edmonton/Morinville AB Fark Party, 16 June, DIT soon
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| (Lancashire Evening Post) |
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"She stood atop a giant wedding cake in London's Leicester Square, wearing a white belt in place of a bra and clutching a bridal bouquet." Wait, what?
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| Thu May 17, 2007 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Really cool 1972 Rolling Stone article about the worlds first vid game, "Space War". And the birth of the computer age
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| (Some Guy) |
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Forget hamsters and guinea pigs. This school has a rabid bat for a classroom pet
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America looks more and more like ancient Rome as scores of people camp overnight for some free Chick-fil-A meals
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| (Codependent Collegian) |
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Psychologist offers advice on surviving a vicious Internet ass-kicking
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The rise of the machines begins as ticket cameras stop ticketing, start hungering for the taste of human flesh
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| (ReporterNews) |
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Texans with violent dogs could face 20 years in the pen. No, the other pen. Your dog wants visiting rights
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Restaurant manager pelted with gummy bears after confronting buffet bandit
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| (Post-Gazette) |
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Not news: Pittsburgh to receive its first shipment of mangoes tomorrow. News: They're $3 each. Fark.com: There's a waiting list
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| (Some Caped Crusader) |
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Photoshop this skateboarding superhero
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Man arrested for possession of grenades, grenade launcher and land mines. Subby wouldn't even think about getting within 50 yards of his lawn
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Most vasectomy patients don't provide the recommended two post-op samples to verify their swimmers are out of a job. Come again?
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Wolfoquitz
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| (Michelle Malkin) |
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AP reporter takes look at "diversity" of presidential candidate staff. So Michelle Malkin takes a look at the "diversity" of the AP board of directors, which is whiter and maler than a South Carolina golf club
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| (The Age) |
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Website of "Virginia Tech Massacre" game author taken offline. www.worldsbiggestdouche.com.au now available for purchase
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So Israel's all like "air strike" and Hamas is all like "suicide bombers" -- yada yada yada, we've heard it all before. Those two should get a room and hug it out
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Most Appropriate Name award goes to the richest man in Asia, Li Ka-shing. And something about the Chinese stock market
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| (KNBC) |
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Terminal at LAX evacuated after screeners find "prohibited item." Michael Vick's whereabouts unknown, Boston calls in airstrike
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| (The Local) |
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Far-right political party that contends 10 percent of Sweden's immigrants live off of the state is exposed as having 20 percent of its representatives doing likewise
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Zimbabwe's inflation jumped from a modest 2,200 percent pace in March to 3,732 percent in April. Better eat a really big breakfast each day
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| (Some Photographer) |
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The coolest photo of lightning hitting the Empire State Building that you'll see today
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| (The News Tribune) |
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"Everybody steal my stuff" Craigslist ad was brought to you by victim's niece
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| (KHOU) |
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Transformers open fire in downtown Houston, killing power to thousands. Megatron wanted for questioning
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News: Shooter is seen fleeing from crime scene. Fark: Hair seen fleeing from face after apprehension
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Newspaper negotiates contract with union employees. These words make as much sense to younger Farkers as "buggy whip factory pays whale oil bill" do to their elders
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Toronto police grudgingly admit that they spied on the city's gay community throughout the 1980s, but still won't admit that they liked it
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"Donkey punch" explained on Fox News
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Britain to allow animal-human hybrid embryos, paving the way for a Red Bull product that actually gives you wings
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Those studies that implied oral sex could lead to cancer? Yeah, not so much. Now to disprove the "steaks are bad for you" bit and we'll be all set
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Passengers suing cruise line after ship hit by 70-foot wave. Gene Hackman, Ernest Borgnine unavailable for comment
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Grandmother evicts daughter-in-law and three grandchildren after her son has affair with nanny. Yeah, you'd hit it (the nanny. Well, maybe the granny too. Pix of all concerned in any case)
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| (CBS46) |
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Authorities say the man used pliers, box cutters and etching blades he bought at a hardware store to pull teeth, fill cavities and create dentures
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The UN sends its most harshly worded letter yet to kickstart Bosnian reforms
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| (Some Ex Lion Tamer) |
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Photoshop this little girl and a slightly rude horse
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National Weather Service predicts that exactly half of the next month will have above average temps, while the other half will have below average temps
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Bernanke: Mortgage crackdown coming, smackdown impending, he'll beat the taste out ya mouth and won't back down on lending
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Shocking new report finds that car dealers charge three times more for routine repairs than independent shops. You would have submitted this with a better headline but were working overtime to pay for your $600 oil and filter change
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Democrats widen probe of Gonzales, Justice Department after new revelations. This headline will automatically repeat every two weeks until Janaury 20, 2009
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Every year, the members of the National Mortar Shell Enthusiasts Club get the big screwjob by airport security. It just isn't fair
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Thirty-foot inflatable monkeys appearing across Scotland to promote festival. Locals confused, convinced they've been there for years along with the pink elephants
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$3.10 + 38.3 million people > 50 miles = Memorial Day travel. In other news, two skin + two skin = four skin
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Spas across the country now offering "butt facials," which, surprisingly, has absolutely nothing to do with German websites
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| (Some Guy) |
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Engadget knocks $4 billion off Apple market cap by blogging a bogus iPhone email as news
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| (Metrowest Daily News) |
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Woman busted for repeatedly mooning people from the back of her van. With mugshot goodness
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dislike Celtic music? Maybe a machete to the head will change your mind
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| (Some Guy) |
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Im in ur coffe macheen, makin ur poo broo
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County hasn't patched its server in five years, and it's connected to a bunch of electronic-voting machines. What could possibly go wrong?
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Man treated for smoke inhalation after his house goes up in flames with his marijuana crop inside. ER doctor overheard ordering nurse to bring him 100g of Cheetos, stat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Now your steak can have that slow-cooked, grilled-over-an-open-fire, moose-dung flavor
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Prozac celebrates its 20th birthday. Yay, I guess. I dunno. Whatever
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Window cleaner drowned in bucket of water
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In yet another example of May sweeps keeping our kids safe: School bus drivers caught on tape texting, chatting on cellies while driving kids
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| (Some Skydiver) |
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Photoshop this high-flying delivery guy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Couple killed by jealous neighbors for winning $260k dollars in lottery. Except they didn't actually win -- it was a false rumour
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Christopher Hitchens pisses on Jerry Falwell's still-warm body
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| (metro.co.uk) |
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Cow on Death Row granted a temporary reprieve. Whole situation described as "highly sacrilegious" by the Hindu camp, "highly delicious" by the Fark camp
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OUCH. Cut that out. Wait, what?
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Russian doctor miraculously cures HIV for $60 in one minute
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Paris Hilton will spend 23 days instead of 45 in a "special needs housing unit" at the Detention Center due to "good behavior." Mentally challenged demand new title since "special needs" is now tainted
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Three puppies born without front legs. But it's okay, they can make it on their own
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| (you put your weed in it) |
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Child at McDonald's accidentally receives the best Happy Meal ever
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Britain "one of the worst places in the western world to bring up children." Obvious tag strolls up to Sad tag, yells "Oi" and gives him a Glasgow kiss before putting the boots to him and stealing his watch and coat
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| (Some Guy) |
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A year after getting new Tasers, Scottish police says not one has been fired. Well, somebody is just not goddamn well trying. We're looking at YOU, Tayside Constabulary
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Man wins all-or-nothing bet at 17,841 to 1 odds
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Prosecutor: "The defendant did not take the stand in his own defense." Judge: "Prosecutor, read the 5th amendment. I'm declaring a mistrial and fining your office $26,204"
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 106: "Hope." Please read first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 16, 2007 |
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What happens when your government names an "anti-kidnapping chief"? Yep, he gets kidnapped
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| (harikari.com) |
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$130k insurance claim after mosquito accidently collides with Canadian
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| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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Atlanta Braves sold for some blankets and beads
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| (Some Guy) |
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I.T. manager beats rush hour traffic by kite-surfing to work every day at 20 mph (pics)
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| (KVUE.com) |
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GE recalls 2.5 million dishwashers. With the wife gone, submitter plans on going to a strip club tonight
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| (newsnet5) |
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Cleveland has most UFO investigators in world. "Hello, Cleveland! Anal probes!"
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Here's a cool story about a woman who got back her size zero figure after having 13 kids. Go tell your wife -- she'll be really appreciative. There's a pic and everything
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| (cfnews13.com) |
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When committing suicide, it's only polite to drive yourself to the funeral home
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Court tells Google that a little sex is okay
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| (Halowned) |
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Did you buy a game you didn't want in hopes of being the first to play the "Halo 3" beta? Sucks for you
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Democratic leadership to change House rules not touched since 1822, the same year Pelosi was born
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| (Dig Dug) |
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Photoshop this interesting dig
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Dubai's ruler has awarded a 63-year-old Pakistani gardener 50,000 dirhmas for always showing up to work on time during the 28 years he spent working in the emirate
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Cop that beat up bartender in Chicago employs the Bart Simpson defense
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| (Some Guy) |
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Giant Scientology spaceship landing pad discovered in New Mexico after some guy carves it out of mashed potatoes
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| (Madison Record) |
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Pizza Hut plaintiff awarded $311,000 for holding a door open
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| (KPHO-TV) |
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A missing girl is found after she wandered off drunk wearing only a tank top and underwear. No, not Christina Ricci
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Hamas elite fighting force of TA-DAA gunmen "mistakenly ambushed a jeep carrying their own fighters, killing five"
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I saw a werewolf break open an apartment door with his kicks. His hair was perfect
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Wayward humpback whales stuck up a river in Sacramento delta. Plans to blow them up currently on hold
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| (Some Liter) |
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In a move that may come back to bite them in the ass, letter carriers rate bad dogs nationwide
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British judge, presiding over trial of men accused of inciting terrorism over the Internet, says he's having trouble understanding technical jargon like "website" and "forum"
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| (Some Nutjob Guy) |
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Apparently, there is a mile-long alien spacecraft parked on the moon (with purported NASA video of dubious quality)
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| (Brattleboro Reformer) |
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In Brattleboro in springtime the trees are in bloom, leaves are on the branches, and you can even see old wood walking down Main Street
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| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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High school math teacher finds Whizzinator operation tougher than the Riemann Hypothesis
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| (Some Guy) |
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MySpace deletes sex offender accounts. Frends in your extended network: Three
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| (Some Greek) |
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Movie sparks short-sword shortage in Sparta. Restaurant named "Hell" also complaining about volume of dinner customers
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Stem cells now harvested from fat of liposuction patients. McDonald's launching new ad campaign highlighting their role in diabetes research
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| (Some Guy) |
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News: Strip-club patron admits to "accidental discharge" after receiving lap dance. Fark: Discharge kills another patron
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German mother drove her son to a jewelry store he wanted to rob because she was afraid he may come to some harm
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Halifax airport deemed not French enough. White flags installed, toilet paper removed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Under "things I expect to find in a punching bag," used underwear isn't usually an option. Until now
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Fires and tornadoes hitting New Jersey. Frogs are on deck, then locusts
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| (Courier-Journal) |
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If the "my dog ate my homework" excuse fails, maybe the "my dog pissed on my homework" excuse will have more success. If nothing else, it'll get the school evacuated
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"Twentysomething" workers are needy, spoiled little brats with an overinflated sense of entitlement, says this article from the future
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NYPD to deploy the latest, high-tech tools in crime-fighting technology: Segways
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| (Statesman.com) |
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Dude, you're getting a lawsuit
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High school student disciplined for using expression "That's so gay." Mercilessly teased by drama club
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Homicide detectives thanking hard-working firefighters: Good. Doing it by taking a bottle of champagne from a murder victim's car: Not so good
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dog jumps through window and attacks girl. Guess what kind of dog it was. Clue: Not a poodle
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College pays $200,000 to investigate the theft of $350 worth of palm trees
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| (Some Queer) |
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Fred Phelps to picket Falwell funeral. Vortex of douchebags likely to trigger collapse of the universe, rapture imminent
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man buys $8,000 worth of "forever stamps" that can always be used to mail a letter, no matter what the current postage rater is. In related news, people still mail letters
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Tinky Winky makes official comment on Jerry Falwell's recent passing
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Greenpeace building replica of Noah's Ark on Mount Ararat to draw attention to global warming. "Global climate change is the biggest threat to our planet since the times of Noah. We are about to face a new flood"
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Denying racism by saying you've had a "colored boy" in your home may come off as being disingenuous
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Your girlfriend breaks up with you. Do you: A) Get over it? B) Go out with friends? C) Stab yourself in the chest and crash your car into a transformer?
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Prince Harry, who was kinda going to Iraq, then not going to Iraq, then really was going to Iraq, is definitely not being deployed to Iraq
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Rising cost of gasoline has led to a decrease in driving, right? Right? Um... well, not so much
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Hi, limo service? Yes, I need a ride to the airport, and I need to rob a bank on the way. What time can you pick me up?
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What's more pathetic looking than a turtle without a shell? Not much. With pics
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Eye surgery will help blind orangutan to see once again, signal right turns, beat up bikers
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| (Geelong Advertiser) |
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Government installs speed display signs showing low speeds to trick drivers into speeding up and getting caught by nearby speed cameras
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Much like that cool-looking massage device from Sharper Image, new state-of-the-art anti-terror technology sits unused on the shelf
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Dunkin' Donuts employee calls police when he discovers his customer is an escaped sex slave. "It made my day more sentimental"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tax court denies deduction for cost of medical marijuana. In related news, Woody Harrelson declares bakruptcy
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Five big mistakes new grads make when job hunting. If any of these aren't obvious, they're not ready for the real world yet, anyway
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Brazilian guilty in nun's murder. When there are that many people involved, somebody's going to talk
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| (Some Guy) |
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2600-year-old wooden anchor found in ancient Greek settlement in Turkey. Search still on for lead life preserver, cast-iron sails
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Two hundred pound woman known as "hugging bandit" finally busted (with pic)
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Man stops by Ontario yard sale, buys quaint painting for $200, will flip it for $100,000
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Native American tribe wants to collect tolls on interstate that runs through their land, but can't find anyone to sell them some tollbooths
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If you're so smart, why you aren't rich?
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Lawmakers pledge to live on only $21-a-week food-stamp diet and the stunningly obvious observations fed to them by their own beautiful minds. "It's almost impossible to make healthy choices on a food-stamp diet," notes one
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Beatdown victim, 91, has appropriate words for his 22-year-old attacker and the spineless worms who watched it happen and did nothing
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C) A pocketknife
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British Government anti-smoking posters featuring men and women with fish hooks through their mouths attracted one of the highest numbers of complaints the advertising standards watchdog has ever received
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| (Some Guy) |
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Substance-abuse counselor arrested for running meth lab (with "I'm going to eat your soul" pic)
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Ordering the nightly special might be hazardous to your wallet, when the waiter fails to mention that delicious steak is $107.00
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| (fox11az.com) |
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Children in danger, Part 3. Threat: Lightning
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Social-climby expectant parents are googling prospective baby names to be sure they pick one that'll have a high search rank. John and Jane Doe surrender
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Killers wrap body of their victim in Christmas paper. Well, that's festive
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Your students in Seattle talk in class. Do you: A) Tell them to shut up? B) Give them detention? C) Threaten them with a firing squad?
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Man given 130 lashes for drinking two beers at family barbeque in Baneh, Iran. Plans for Iranian Fark party put on hold. (With graphic pic)
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Dork gets "pantsed" at school dance, calls police. Wyatt and Gary unavailable for comment
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Photoshop these trampoliners
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man who brutally attacked woman with a hammer complains about the menu he's being offered in jail. Apparently, he has no appreciation for tossed salads
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Hospital employee slips on banana peel. Is awarded over $4000, after the laughter subsided
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Consumer group claiming average U.S. household spending $1,000 more per year on gasoline than five years ago
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This article gives a new meaning to "helicopter parent"
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Guantanamo Bay Detainee claims that he was tortured by being forced to use unscented deoderant, play sports with a ball that did not bounce. Oh, the humanity
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| (Some Guy) |
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Coolest picture of a rainbow over a motorway you're going to see in the next three minutes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman publicly celebrates her winning $10,000 lottery ticket, promptly gets robbed
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"Like many others, I suspect, I had no idea there was a crisis in donor numbers and, I guess, if I thought about sperm donation at all, it was as something a little bit seedy and embarrassing." (With amusing pic)
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| (Rocky Mountan News) |
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Just another banner day for Colorado state government technology
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Researchers find that exercise improves fitness. No really... that was their conclusion
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| (WTVF) |
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Not another ho-hum teacher-student sexual relationship. This time its girl on girl goodness. Photo included
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Hong Kong wants to reclassify the Bible as indecent because of the sex and violence in it
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Dad drops pre-schooler in box for unwanted newborns. In other news, Japanese hospitals have drop boxes for unwanted newborns
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| (Some Flynt) |
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Does Larry Flynt have anything to say about Falwell's death? You bet your God-fearin' ass
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| (Rochester D&C) |
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Town residents accidentally vote to ban beer sales. NOOOOOOOOOOO
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mistress Jesse, D.C.'s hottest dominatrix arrested. Apparently guys seeking punishment paid to look at her (w/pic)
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| (nbc4la.com) |
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Ninja runs into church, sets fires, stabs a man, disappears
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Man busted for drinking beer in his car. A marked cop car
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| (The Macomb Daily) |
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Michigan resident allows homeless man to stay at his apartment. Homeless man thanks him by stabbing his pet lizard. The monitor had a very poor resolution
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"Thank you for calling the Department of Social Services. If you are calling to confess to child molestation, please send a completed copy of form 51-A with details and we will get back to you in 18 months or so"
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Your Tennessee daycare has too many kids and the state comes to inspect. Do you: A) Tell the extra kids to stay home? B) Admit to your problem? C) Hide the extra kids in a storage closet during the inspection?
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When travelling by train, the last thing you expect is to be asked to get out and push
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Watcha gonna do with all them mumps, all them mumps and you throat bumps. "My mumps" out break for my Canucks?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Here's to you, Madison, Wisconsin, for being No. 1 in the "Most Google Searches for Beer" category
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Old and busted: Roadside DUIs. New hotness: Drive-in DUIs
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| (KSL.com) |
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Not news: Man owns gun. Fark: He's blind. Dumbass: Doesn't see a problem with it
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Cops: "This crime isn't all that interesting. How about we split it into 542 separate cases, would that be cool?"
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If you want to get a really big bonus at the end of the year, you should make sure you are on the board in charge of giving out big bonuses. Your tax dollars at work
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Italians save Renaissance-era art by pouring newfangled salad dressing on it
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If you are going to make a false claim to police that you were robbed of $3500 you just withdrew from the local bank, make sure you actually have an account at that bank. Bonus: Ed Grimley perp-sketch goodness
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A Hitchhiker's Guide to Instant Karma
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The 160 books boys must read: No Dickens, no Rowling, but yes to Pratchett and Pullman
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Veteran sherpa "Appa" scales Mt Everest for 17th time
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Old and busted: Drive-in movies. New hotness: Drive-in church
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this television technician
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ugly-ass red wolf pups on display at Florida zoo. Complete with ugly-ass slideshow in link
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| (Some Guy) |
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Convicted of first-degree murder, man attempts to headbutt his attorney. FAIL
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| (Biloxi Sun Herald) |
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Russ Chapman, brother to Duane "Dog" Chapman's sidekick Tim "Youngblood" Chapman, dies without a nickname
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Kaiser Permanente promises to create new protocols for dumping homeless patients on skid row
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Your Honor, we did not offer a city council member sex for favors. We offered him money
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The DNA evidence may prove he is an evil hippo or elephant of some kind
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| (WOAI) |
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Mom beats off intruder with high heel
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Horse meat: It's splendidly healthy, with half the fat of beef and ten times the chloresterol busting Omega 3s. And apparently Gordon Ramsey wants us to eat it
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Couple has TiVo-themed wedding cakes. If only guests could skip the cememony and start getting drunk at the reception (with pics)
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