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| Sun May 06, 2007 |
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75-year-old cancer survivor becomes one of the oldest people to reach the North Pole
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EMTs gone wild. "You've got to be a dumb ass to do something like this"
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Yellowstone hit with 16 earthquakes near the center of its volcano, which hasn't erupted in 70,000 years. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Man fails to break Guinness World Record because his 40 volunteers made addition and subtraction mistakes and had trouble reading a 24-hour clock
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| (TEXYT.com) |
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3M's sticky bear is VERY pleased to see you -- Sly designers slip subtle weener joke into product (see if you can spot it). Stiff penalties expected, but public is already hooked
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Ugly-ass baby killer whale J42 born in Puget Sound (pic)
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If the traffic light's about to go red, sometimes it's smart to just keep going
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Noted mis-speaker Yogi Berra will give the commencement address at St. Louis University on May 19. If you don't learn nothing how can you learn anything?
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| (Some Stormy Guy) |
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Caption this soldier
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Animal rights loons break into sanctuary and release birds into the wild. Birds get killed to death.
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| (Star-Telegram.com) |
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Thief breaks into house, steals Harry Potter books and tapes. Mundungus?
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Not news: Join the Army. News: See the world. Fark: Contract an STD and collect $100 a month for life
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| (Halifax Herald) |
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In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women...then you get Kelloggs to add twice as much of it to Special K
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Photoshop this Coachella Chicken
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Scientists find virus that is deadly to fireants
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Prom goes into lockdown after broken-hearted teen threatens to "pull another Virginia Tech." And sweet memories were made by everyone
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20,000 stoners assemble in downtown Toronto. Hot dog vendors seen lighting cigars with $100 bills
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The Irish pub is dying
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Couple doesn't have to wait long for hotel valet to retrieve their car, as he drives it through wall of second-story parking garage and feet away from Atlantic Ocean
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| (Times-Free Press) |
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Crematory consumed by fire
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Vatican hands down first-ever drug conviction. First-ever child buggery conviction would have been better
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Missing Kenya Airways jet found in Cameroon. (no word yet concerning the 114 passengers)
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Sarkozy wins French Presidency. Suck it, French libs
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Brewery ordered to pay alcoholic beer taster $50,000
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Dutch restaurants would like to thank Belgium for banning smoking
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Her name is Satepauhoodle. She's a Native American tracker. And she's a member of a Secret Service unit known as "The Shadow Wolves." Guys: whichever of you marries her, you better damn well remember your anniversary
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| (Cape Cod Times) |
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Skydiving business makes a big bang on their maiden flight and leaves a big impression in the neighbours house(with pic)
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Man proposes to woman on zero-G flight. She says "YegGGAHHPLHFHAGGGG"
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| (TVNZ) |
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Police to public: We've covered the city with radar, no driver can escape. Prosecutors to police: Please stop, and don't waste our time with speeding tickets unless the driver is going more than 20 miles over
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Woman expresses indignation at quote on Starbucks cup
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YouTube to pay users
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| (Honolulu Advertiser) |
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The Navy's latest nuclear sub, the USS Hawaii, becomes active today. Aloha
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Iowa is the nation's phone-sex crossroads - proving that if you build it, they will cum
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Columnist observes that comments on news articles are written mostly by anonymous idiots
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Tractor driver ploughs up asparagus crop worth £10,000 in error, forfeits all tips. w/ pic showing what asparagus looks like
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Couple burned alive for "black magic". This news just in from the seventeenth ce.... no, wait, it's from India
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this streetlight
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This summer's "White Woman Gone Missing" news-filler-to-24/7-coverage brought to you by Fox news and Plainfield, IL
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Wife catches husband cheating. News: He gets arrested. Fark.com: Because he was doing a pit bull
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The local government of Treviso, in northern Italy, has ordered the city's Chinese restaurants to remove red lanterns from their windows because they look too "oriental"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Strip club plans foiled by eerily quiet parrot shop
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| (NBC5.com) |
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Cicadas Ready To Invade Chicago. EVERYBODY PANIC
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| (Some Guy) |
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"If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death." So sayeth the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport public address system
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| (kgw.com) |
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Boy's earache all better once doctor removes the spiders from his ear
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| (Wikipedia) |
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Al Gore is coming to my school this week to give a lecture. What question would you ask him? Please note: the crazy people have already been sending us emails for 2 months
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Brush fire blazes through cemetery. Hundreds are feared dead
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Teen thinks yellow liquid in juice bottle came from an apple, takes a drink. It's on Fark, so you probably know the real origin of the yellow liquid
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There's cautious, there's paranoid, and then there's this guy, building a "KGB-proof" mansion
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| (Inside Bay Area) |
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Bay area church declares that spanking kids is God's will. Decisions on monkey spanking to remain in the hands of men
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Queen Elizabeth attends Kentucky Derby wearing festive hat. Prince Phillip overheard asking "Which one of these horses is married to my son?"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Soccer game for priests, imams canceled because the teams could not agree on whether women priests should take part
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Arctic bearded seal spotted in Florida. Still no sighting of the elusive bearded clam
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Museum asks residents to bring in 1,000 cockroaches for a quarter a piece. They were delicious
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| (kstp.com) |
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Pizza chain uses new "secret" topping. Now offers complimentary hepatitis shots. Who says ingenuity is dead?
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Armed with a butcher knife, robber asks victim, "Do you need a roommate?" Then things get weird
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| (The Kansas City Channel) |
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Registered sex offender says laws targeting sex offenders need to be revised
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| (NZHerald) |
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Speeding car swerves to plough through 20 partying teenagers. You kids get off my damn hood, windshield, side-mirrors, roof, spoiler, tyres, etc
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Australian primary school now offering XXXXXL-size uniforms, buckets
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Feds hold cocks over tainted feed concerns
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Study shows Torrie David Cameron is on course to become PM. Suck it, Labours
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Dyslexic man told 'put meeting request in writing', his case will be heard in the Administrative Appeals Tribunal as soon as he files the correct paperwork
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| (Some Sandwich Guy) |
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Photoshop this sandwich guy
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| Sat May 05, 2007 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Man uses a stick of deodorant duct-taped to batteries to rob a bank. MacGyver wanted for questioning
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| (Some Guy) |
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What have you done lately to make your life better?
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| (NBC10) |
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You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney, you have the right to get groovy with my wang
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Woman fired from Subway and charged with theft after sharing her FREE drink
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Single military parents deployed abroad are losing custody of their children by default
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Just how bad is Australia's water crisis: priests have conceded that even praying is pointless at this stage
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Unbelievable aerial photos of Greensburg, KS
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70 years later, Hindenburg survivors recall the historic fiery crash, subsequent manatee-related cliches
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Worker fired for being an atheist. But clearly that's okay because atheism isn't a religion
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Man has an estimated half-million dollars worth of Spider-Man merchandise in his basement. (w/video)
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Sewage spill in the Hudson River. The Bronx expected to have better-than-usual smell today
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Brazilian government has ordered an Internet auction site to remove an advertisement in which a Brazilian man offered to sell his wife for about $50
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| (FortWayne.com) |
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In another example of poor planning and unreal optimistic thinking the "Wall of the Fallen" an Iraq war memorial has run out of room. It was out of room last November. Sad tag goes away to cry in the corner
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Reed Timmer being crazy, again. This time in Ellis County, OK. Amazing tornado video from yesterday
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Street Sense goes from 19th to 1st in final 1/2 mile to win the 133rd Kentucky Derby
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Graffiti terrorists tearful after anti-graffiti squad cracks down on four block long hopscotch masterpiece
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Fuel efficient cars are decimating road budgets
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Taco Bell closes rat fiesta restaurant
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| (Martha's Vineyard Times) |
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County manager to FEMA: A storm washed away part of our beach so give us money to fix this disaster. County residents: Please don't fix it, we like our new moat. County manager: But...but...it's free money
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Apparently Microsoft's takeover of Yahoo is DOA
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Unpublished Steinbeck manuscripts expected to fetch at least $500k at auction. In utter loneliness a writer tries to explain the inexplicable
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Shhhh Why don't 110 of our bus drivers have a driving licence?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this athletic stud on the field
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Dow Jones on biggest winning sequence since just a few years before the Great Depression
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| (NY Daily News) |
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ConEd says it will cost New Yorkers 17% more for the electric company to fry NYC dogs and blackout Queens for 10 days. If this was St. Louis you would've heard all about it already
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| (New York Times) |
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NY High School students downloading porn, cheating, hacking with free laptops. School officials shocked and surprised; student's parents shocked and surprised at naivete of school officials
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Man arrested for phoning in bomb threat to the School for the Deaf
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News: NewsCorp offers to buy Dow Jones for $60/share. Obvious: Bancroft family rejects offer to keep control of company. Fark: Shareholders sue family and company
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City judge turns $250 public drinking fines into $1000 fines after the accused tried to pay
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| (KATV) |
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Teen girls no longer wanting all A's. Now looking for some C's and D's
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Caption what Oscar de la Hoya and Floyd Mayweather Jr. are thinking, at the weigh-in for tonight's big fight
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DC Madam story goes limp, claims this has never happened before
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| (Stars and Stripes) |
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Military "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" series includes tale of gay sailor's discharge, then recall of seaman to active duty to serve in Iraq War
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Craziest Rube Goldberg device you'll see all day
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this soccer player
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Marquee in Spanish, advertising translated Shakespeare play, changed to English when a couple people complain they don't understand it
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Sixth-grader admits to stabbing mother duck and ducklings with pencil. I sure hope the ducks had that insurance... what's it called... you know, the one that pays you cash if you're injured
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Ohio bank robbery suspect busted in salon while trying to change his hair color. "Maybe in a big city you can get away with walking around with orange hair, but in a smaller town you probably stand out," FBI explains
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Silly scheme strands several strollers in the shizzle
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Kenya Airways jet crashed in Cameroon; fate of 114 people onboard unknown
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The most disturbing, but rather funny Calvin and Hobbes parody you'll see today
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| (The Local) |
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Chernobyl fallout is still killing Swedes. Your reindeer wants a radiation suit
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| (Las Vegas Now.com) |
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Small plane crashes on Las Vegas street near Mandalay Bay. All survive, Nicolas Cage and John Malkovich said to be OK
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Scientists trick Indian tribe into handing over blood samples for 'diabetes' study. Scientists really used the blood "for research into schizophrenia, inbreeding and migratory patterns."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kangaroo escapes at airport in Salt Lake City...TSA calls in Sylvester the cat for back-up
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British rail passengers stranded as employees fight over a pint....of milk. Pic of worker who got creamed
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| (keepMEcurrent.com) |
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There is a young boy from Maine, arson is his claim to fame, but being only nine, he wont serve any time, and yeah, this headline is lame
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Greensburg, KS tornado causes one death, 40 injuries, and the partial collapse of a hospital. "About 75 percent of Greensburg was either destroyed or heavily damaged" from half-mile wide twister
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| (Stars and Stripes) |
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Air Force officer, wife charged with child abuse for making preschool sons watch them have sex
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Silly English robber elects to flee from the scene of his crime in a slow beeping forklift after punching security guard. Hey Nigel, that backup alarm might come in handy while you're spending the next six years in prison
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We're building a school, so we'll need bricks..cement..tiles..and bombs. Lots of bombs
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Never bring a plastic beer mug to a Taser fight
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| (Some Guy) |
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News: 6 year old missing in the night. More news: Sixteen cops and over 100 people join search. Fark.com: Five hours later somebody gathered the brain power to look in her bed; and whatta ya know
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There once was a killer from Bath / Who threw the police off his path / Victim's pal wrote a poem / Cops think it will show 'em / The name of the Bath psychopath
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Wal-Mart labels Texas nuns a security threat. EVERYBODY PAN ... wait, what?
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| (Some Pizza Guy) |
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Coliseum to vendor: Keep selling pizza through the national anthem. Pizza vendor: Die in a fire
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this creepy hairpiece
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What is the scariest experience you've had while flying? LGN
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| (channel 5) |
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Your monthly "mom poses nude with kids and sends film to be developed" crime thread starts here
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Ugly-ass intersexual calf born with six legs, no anus
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Her gift seriously beat his: wife donates kidney to hubby, saves marriage
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tornado levels Greensburg, Kansas. No link yet, submitter in the area
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| Fri May 04, 2007 |
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Wisconsin man's 1990 Audi Quattro stolen twice in one day. Seriously
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Denver police aren't allowed to ride motorcycles unless they write at least two tickets per hour
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Another affect of global warming: vultures attacking living creatures
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NRA objects to proposed bill that would prohibit suspected terrorists from buying guns. Wow, just wow
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| (Des Moines Register) |
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Turns out there is something in Iowa besides cows and corn: Garage sales
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Today's missing hard drive with vital details of 100,000 employees' personal lives brought to you by the Transportation Security Administration in a clear plastic bag to ease your check-in
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Do spouses of widows and widowers really tend to croak shortly after their loved ones? The Straight Dope is there
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Mitt "flip flop" Romney changes his mind about his favorite book. Apparently it's not "Battlefield Earth" like once thought. Anyone wanna guess what it REALLY is?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cops come to class to discuss Internet crimes. Student to cops "Hey check out this picture of my coach's genitals he just sent me."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Paris to stay in the California Hilton for 45 days
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this groovy baby
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This story about gas prices says prices are "flirting with $3 a gallon." Where submitter lives they stopped "flirting with $3" months ago and have been giving it big sloppy blowjobs and buttsecks ever since
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| (Some General) |
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"If the bids are real" General Lee sells for about $10 mill. Because no one ever puts fake bids on Ebay
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| (the-skew.com) |
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Apparently the $65 Million dollar pants judge is used to extorting money from people who have wronged him. Just ask his ex-wife
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"If you put your toddler in a casino's day care, make sure you save enough of your bankroll to get him out."
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| (NBC) |
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Where did all the bees go? Apparently they've all moved into this single DC fire hydrant
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Firefighters called to alarm at male strip show mobbed by women who thought they were part of the act. "One lady shouted, 'Ooo, we've got our money's worth here'"
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Former hairdresser turned Hollywood producer Jon Peters gets served with a supoena from his ex-wife when he shows up for the unveiling of his star
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After courts rejected their argument that it would bleed them dry, companies ordered to pay employees for menstruation leave
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Talk radio show says on the air that he's glad his rival disc jockey's mother died in a horrible house fire
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| (Some Guy) |
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Florida moves primary to January 29th against party rules. New Hampshire responds by moving their primary to January super minus infintieth. Iowa changes theirs to last Thursday
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Guy who couldn't keep his hands off his girlfriend's ass during a flight probably going to jail
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| (Some Guy) |
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Yesterday: Huffington Post was mad because Obama doesn't watch TV. Today: AP asks GOP candidates what they'd take to a desert island. Tomorrow: The media complains that no one cares about real issues
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| (WGRZ) |
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Student borrows female teacher's cell phone, decides to check the photos on it. Scores a load of naked teacher pics, which then get sent to everyone
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Mayor of Mogadishu closes barn door
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What's the worst Spider-Man creation ever? It might be Spider-Ham
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| (NY Daily News) |
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The tree that grew in Brooklyn has probably been paved over
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School evacuated after teacher intercepts bomb threat. Bonus: The girls already were disciplined for bomb threat after VT shootings. Jackpot: They tried to detonate a bomb in school already, but threw it out when it failed
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| (WUSA) |
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Things NOT to bring to an immigration rally: guns, ammunition, knives, a Molotov cocktail, hand grenade, claw hammer, pepper spray, flare gun, and a taser
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Today's student getting suspended for a picture on MySpace.com brought to you by Mansfield, Ohio
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One of Jose Padilla's jurors thinks the US government is responsible for 9/11. Another says she's oblivious to world events. Since Padilla is batshiat crazy, it's nice to know he's being tried by his peers
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Can of WD-40: $2.79. 50' of nylon rope: $12:37. Discovering that you can fix Boston's Faneuil Hall Bell that's been silenced for decades: priceless
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Remember when Big Dig officials promised no more cost overruns?
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| (Indiana BMV) |
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Thanks to countless Farkers, Indiana gets most boring license plate ever
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Boston's dead walk away. Last seen heading for Chicago voter registration booth
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Imus' lawyer says producers could have bleeped out "nappy-headed ho's" because of the tape delay, but then it just wouldn't have been as funny
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World's smallest basketball team threatens to "kick you in the knee soon" (with pics)
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O'Bama boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling. Barack's ancestry traced to Irish cobbler
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Iranian foreign minister walks out of diplomatic dinner because icky girl violinist was dressed too sluttily and it scared him
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Floyd Landis' attempt to lobby for a public Tour de France doping trial has been met with positive results
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Casino profits down because of the "gang-bangers" that came to Vegas to watch the NBA all-star game. Submitter plays the world's tiniest violin for casino conglomerates everywhere
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| (dBusinessNews) |
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Remember the uproar over that pizza chain accepting pesos? Sales up 35%. ¡Aspírelo, gringos
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's college student shooting brought to you from New Hampshire
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| (It is in the middle, folks) |
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Dallas-Forth Worth Fark party Saturday: in Euless. LGT directions
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New Orleans passes important milestone: population swells to exactly half of the pre-Katrina level
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Nokia-Siemens to ejaculate 9,000 workers
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Forget extreme sports. If you want people to really applaud while you take your favorite leisure pursuit to the limit, try extreme fund-raising
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chef strolls through his restaurant with freshly killed deer carcass on his shoulder. Venison anyone?
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Cinco de Mayo started out when the French surrendered in 1862 but didn't really take off until the Coors Brewing Co. got involved in the 1960s
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these people at this fountain thingy
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Microsoft is contemplating taking over Yahoo. AskJeeves feels lonely
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Woman who is dead begs to differ
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David Hassellhoff drunk and eating a burger.The Sun is there with video goodness
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Company sets off fire alarm, then sacks all their staff in the car park
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| (Rapid City Journal) |
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South Dakota recalls MPEACHW license plates. SKITLBS
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Man uncovers 15 million-year-old forest of petrified wood while bulldozing new driveway (pics)
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103-year-old lies in grave for six years - "I'm not dead yet"
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An organization that provides support for people who renounce their homosexuality is suing a northern Virginia school system for refusing to distribute its fliers to students. Evidently the colors clashed
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Gumball 3000 = Death Race 2000
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Today's "Female teacher busted for sex with male student" story brought to you by Paradise Valley, AZ (w/pic)
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Judge throws case of woman who sued her neighbors over the way they pruned their hedge out of court and orders her to pay $150,000 in damages for filing frivolous lawsuit
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| (9News.com) |
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Residents of Lakewood, Colorado plan to thwart graffiti vandals with strongly worded signs
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What do you do if you're a Chilean supermarket cashier and not allowed to take a bathroom break? Depends
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this gravity-defying basketball player
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In a successful ploy to sell magazines, Aussie teen mag 'accidentally' exposes model's naughty bits
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| (Helsingin Sanomat) |
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Santa Claus' home closed on account of fungus
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Time magazine names its "100 most influential people of 2007." What, is it December already?
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Pics of dog spray painted with "Go Home"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cop arrested for DUI. It's a Cincinnati cop, so you would be correct if you automatically assumed that he recently received an award from MADD
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Man may be fired after ten years' service because he's always just a little too happy about his job
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Australian scientists developing "super chocolate" with high melting point as a nutritious and long-lasting meal for soldiers in war against Oompa-Loompas
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Woman applies to become the legal guardian of a chimpanzee to fight for its human rights, proving even in chimp-speak, those words don't mean what you think they mean (pic)
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Bank robber, so dull he was called the "Boring Bandit", arrested after falling out of motel window
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Emo kid shows up at school with a pentagram on her face, gets sent home. Dad claims it's a pagan symbol, cries religious discrimination
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Nude car wash gets blessing from local police but you have to polish your own rod
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Fish sold as "wild" in supermarkets found to to be farm-raised. Authorities now plan to expand probe to determine if actresses in 'Girls Gone Wild' series were corn-fed
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Toyokawa, possibly the only place in the world where maggots are revered as gods, to host its annual Maggot Festival. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman unavailable for comment
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Man loses fight, has to ride down Interstate 15 half naked on a bicycle. But hey, at least he had a t-shirt, right?
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"I left Earth three times. I found no place else to go. Please take care of Spaceship Earth." Walter Schirra, only US Astronaut to fly in Mercury, Gemini & Apollo progams, dead at 84
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| (Courier Post) |
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State Troopers to NJ citizens: Stop telling us how fast to drive the Governor around or we'll give every one of you a speeding ticket
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Canada unveils a $1 million coin
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Actual YouTube request by 16-year-old: When you see my science teacher, shoot her in the neck
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| Thu May 03, 2007 |
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Tanker truck spills 10,000 gallons of asphalt on highway, but how could you tell?
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99-year old nightie wearing granny chases burglar off her lawn
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| (Some Redneck) |
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Utah man steals the head of a dall sheep he poached years ago from the Alaska Division of Wildlife office
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Skywalkers in Korea cross Han solo
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If you're a state worker in Maryland, prepare to have your identity stolen
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Traffic sign appeared and then disappeared, but not before dozens of people are pulled over. No one knows who put it up or who took it down
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Couple finds 3500 lb of bat guano in attic. Shiat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Using a wheelbarrow to push his giant testicles into the courtroom, teen's lawyer says "101 MPH is not reckless"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this old-time beer delivery
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Robbing mobsters at their social clubs and forcing them to remove their pants at gunpoint may be hazardous to your health
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Republican debate discussion thread. Score points whenever the ghost of Ronald Reagan is invoked
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| (WLKY) |
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O.J.Simpson picks Tiago to win the Kentucky Derby
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Prosecutors want Paris Hilton jailed for 45 days for violating probation. The CDC wants a her declared a bio-hazard and placed under a lifetime quarantine
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Moving one step closer to full blown dictatorship, Chavez may nationalize banking and steel industries
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| (Some Guy) |
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"The gambling scam on America's poor." Or, conversely: "Don't gamble if you cannot afford to." In related news, don't eat so much if you're fat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Soccer moms upset over Bob and Tom Show billboard. Jealousy suspected
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50 Cent's mansion up for sale. "It's all very tasteful, except the stripper poles."
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Mysterious basketball and bible-versed billboard has Cleveland buzzing (with pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Come to Cancun for the beautiful beaches, the sunny weather, the great resorts, the human trafficking, the kiddie porn, the... wait, those aren't in the brochure
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Killing of two pizza delivery guys in two years leads to an obvious solution: The banning of night-time pizza deliveries. Asinine tag pistol-whips Stupid tag, steals his lunch money
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Barack Obama placed under secret service protection. In other news Obama's middle name is HUSSEIN, EVERYBODY PANIC
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Today's "drug dealer who can't figure out the whole 'stay under the speed limit and don't attract attention' thing" story is brought to you by Baltimore and 180 pounds of weed
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| (Some Mother Farker) |
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New "Die Hard" movie might be released with PG-13 rating. Yippee-ki-yay, mother-daugther
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You have to appreciate a story about the "Protestant tide sweeping Catholic Brazil" that starts off with the story of a man who drank himself into a stupor every day
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| (Some Soldier) |
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By the way, those "freedoms taken away" from soldiers in Iraq about posting things on blogs, there are reasons for it
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In another ill-advised movie publicity stunt, Keith Richard's large intestine is released in Florida waters in anticipation of Pirates of the Caribbean 3
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Swoop Doggy Dogg
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Ingenious man retrofits a teddy bear with a video camera in its eyes. If only he worked for the CIA or something and wasn't a pedophile
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Chilean Navy may have found wreckage of Latin America's first submarine. Sonar images of dingle balls and chain steering wheel encouraging
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TV news stage hand caught dancing to Britney Spears at the end of the local newscast. ***no rhythm alert***
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The judge who issued the arrest warrant for Richard Gere after a "highly sexually erotic" kiss has been disciplined. Reasons include associating the words "erotic" and "Richard Gere" in public
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Hannity without his Colmes can't figure out "Prostitution Gate."
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With a straight face, group asks Congress to adopt five-day weekends
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| (MadAsHell) |
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Phone companies now charging you for NOT making calls
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Stock market goes up and down, bunch of squiggly lines. That means something
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The man forced to marry a goat in Sudan is now a widower
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bob Dylan scared the children at his grandson's kindergarten class; dubbed the "weird man" by the children
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Time says Osama's influential. So's George Clooney and Oprah Winfrey. George W. Bush? Not so much
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"This is the way we live now: The only place where speech can occur without fear of job loss is on a cartoon show or in stand-up comedy"
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Today's ambiguous but totally believable either way headline: Chinese nuke base open to tourists
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Brewer plans to recycle beer waste water, call it "Budweiser"
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One of the Barbie bandits has bailed out
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Months after miscalculating health costs for returning Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans, leading to a $1 billion shortfall in their budget, senior VA officials get huge bonuses
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Not news: Wife nags husband while he's driving. News: Man makes wife walk home. Fark: Man was driving a boat a quarter-mile from shore
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| (WRAL-TV) |
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Loose dog shows up sprayed painted with "Go Home." Your dog wants turpentine
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| (News-Journal) |
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Parents of Texas high school football players wonder how a senior prank that involved students flying their underwear from a flagpole turned into a police investigation and 10 felony charges
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| (nbc4i.com) |
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The Columbus Vice Squad has many duties: shutting down crack houses, ending hostage situations, & apprehending insects who illegally enter bottles of hooch
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Hey, it's nothing to worry about but, if you happen across any of Pakistan's nuclear material (that is definitely not lost), can you answer their newspaper ad? Okay, thanks
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Millions of emails are to be stored at the British Library in a unique project to preserve present day communications for future generations. Viagra and ween enlargement spam expected to make up 90%
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| (MyFoxBoston) |
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Tom Brady spotted wearing Yankees hat, City of Boston calls in airstrike
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Senate launches investigation of student loan industry. Suck it, Sallie Mae
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Taiwan to China: Mine is bigger than yours. China to Taiwan: No it isn't. US: You should put those away before you embarass yourselves
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The Roman Senate is outraged that the Babylonian Prefecture is delaying in passing the reforms requested. Legions said to be unhappy with local situation
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| (Fairbanks Daily News-Miner) |
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Fark gets credited for helping to publicize the story about the four-year-old who saved his mother's life by 911
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Human skull found boiling in pot in Chicago apartment. But it's okay, say cops
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The Kenyan who slipped and fell on the Chicago Marathon finishing line takes the first step towards US citizenship: he's suing
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DC officials ponder whether to re-appoint Roy (Frivolous Lawsuit Of The Traveling Pants) Pearson to the bench
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Indonesia beats Brazil by a nose to win World's Fastest Forest Clearer Championship. Brazil coach: "It's a building year"
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| (NY Daily News) |
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ConEd figures out a way of guarding NYC dogs from being fried by stray-voltage hot spots in the streets
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| (Patriot Ledger) |
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Highway contractor defrauds government with false invoices, learns at trial that he could have declared a cost overrun and gotten pretty much anything he wanted legally
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| (The other Brad Pitt) |
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Grandfather of three mistaken for Brad Pitt
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According to a Canadian MP, Bigfoot is so rare that is should be protected as an endangered species
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68-year-old grandmother comes second in "ultimate SMS love poem" competition with this moving entry: "O hart tht sorz, My luv adorz, He mAks me liv, He mAks me giv, Myslf 2 him, As my luv porz."
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Britons could lose the privilege of visiting the U.S. without a visa because of fears over the terrorist threat from within the British Pakistani community
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this unhappy couple
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| (KNBC-4) |
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Video of LAPD going after journalists with guns & batons. Thankfully Ric Romero was not injured
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Man jailed for kidnapping his wife to stop her getting her breasts enlarged. Needs a 2x Dumbass tag
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Massachusetts may require dogs in cars to wear seat belts and regulate pit bulls like guns
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Man uses Craigslist and a flash mob to recover his stolen bicycle
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| (Columbus Dispatch) |
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Man attempts to cancel newspaper subscription, wife's ex-husband in one easy step
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A volunteer sifts the earth outside Berlin for forgotten soldiers. So far, he's uncovered the remains of 20,000
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Alamo's guardians begin efforts to enhance shrine. No plans for basement expansion after completion of the Osbourne memorial urine shield project
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| (WSB Radio) |
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Vegans starve their baby to death on a diet of only soy milk and apple juice
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Im in ur bagz, flyin in ur plainz
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| (Twincities.com) |
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Ironic: Telemarketers sue man for harassment. Even more ironic: telemarketers may be right in this case
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| (Palm Beach Post) |
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87 percent of Palm Beach high-school seniors fail 10th-grade reading test required for graduation. Is our Floridians learning?
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The 25 coolest places on Earth. Double points if you've been to more than one
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Holocaust survivors hold senior prom in Toronto
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Don't care about the disappearing honeybees? You should care if you like apples, nuts, avocados, soybeans, cucumbers, citrus fruits, peaches, kiwi, cherries, blueberries, cranberries, strawberries, cantaloupe or other melons
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Amtrak train derails near Ontario. Survivors to be buried in America
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Man left in sticky situation after burglars make him strip and super glue him to his exercise bike
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"Why does mommy look like a coke whore?"
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Obvious: Catholic school refuses to allow two females to attend prom together. Not Obvious: They aren't lesbians
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Celebrity 70-year-old ham makes its first appearance in a dozen years, but will stay for only one day, "for security reasons."
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Police in Germany trap prisoner in cell when key breaks off in lock; prison locksmith trifecta in play
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The US Army has cracked down on soldiers sending emails or posting blogs without first clearing the content with a superior officer. That Freedom you're supposedly fighting for? Not yours
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| (post-gazette.com) |
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84-year-old owner of 84 Lumber to marry 22-year-old. She denies being a gold digger, just looking for some good hardwood. Howard J. Stern or Larry Birkhead unavailable for comment
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Oregon teacher steals first grader's coat and tried to auction on e-bay, gets caught when the student's mother shops on e-bay for a replacement coat. The Smoking Gun is there
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Sharks choke up their second two goal lead against the Red Wings, who tie the series at 2 all
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New Jersey's first openly gay governor has found a new calling: He wants to become a priest
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South African historian believes he has conclusively identified Jack the Ripper
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Photoshop Rudy Giuliani casting a hex on somebody
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 104: "Sports" LGT next week's theme. Please read first post
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| Wed May 02, 2007 |
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More proof that there's no accounting for stupid: Diet instructions include this gem -- "You never want to be too far from a toilet"
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Iowa Prison decides to change the locks when the keys to the place showed up on eBay; keys were sold by the estate of the former prison locksmith, who retired in 1974
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Today's report that pulls number out of thin air says that stay at home moms are worth more than their husbands who are busting their ass to feed that bonbon eating machine
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After meeting someone via a newspaper ad, you decide to loan them $10,000. What could go wrong?
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I blieve chilldrun are are futur, and for that its why I am become Deen of this acnedy
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Canadians searching for the Worst Canadian. William Shatner and Keanu Reeves prepare acceptance speeches
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| (Peter Abraham) |
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Lord Steinbrenner: "You have failed me for the last time" Yankees trainer: "Gaaaaaaack" *thud*
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Congress was all like "You have to do what we say." Bush was all, "Nuh uh, Veto pen" So Congress was like, "Watch this." Bush was all, "You fail." Ah, democracy
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Big Farkin hole opens up in Seattle. Swallows two cars
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man dies of thirst during survival test. Last words were something about plants and birds and rocks and things
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| (FMQB) |
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The Copyright Royalty Board has pushed back the due date for royalty payments to kick in, from May 15 to July 15, giving web radio stations two more months to convince Congress to come kicking and screaming into the 21st century
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Got some new legal language in today, DIT -Drew
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Kid arrested for making a counter strike map. EVERYBODY ah the hell with this. Go back to what you were doing
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| (WGAL) |
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The toothpaste bandit, the very man who threatened to shoot store workers before he fled with $40 worth of toothpaste, is now in custody
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The case of idiot not knowing fast food has trans fat has been dismissed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this multifloral cap
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Tubes, have you met GMAC? GMAC these are the tubes.. why don't you two get aquainted?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Naked man leads Kentucky police on a 40-minute chase. In related news, has anyone seen Drew today? He said he was going out for beer
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Town takes extreme measures to shoo egrets. Look at the gas, that man's lighting a cigar
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A quick note about SFW boobies pics in threads (DIT) -Drew
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| (Some Dumb Kids) |
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Kids do the dumbest things, like eating their shoes and forcing Payless to issue a recall
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Illinois passes statewide smoking ban. Rockford heard planning a move to Wisconsin, rest of state says don't let the door hit you
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Disney Channel in New Jersey suddenly switches to pr0n, bringing a whole new meaning to "Lady and the Tramp"
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Navy invents weapon which destroys through the use of sound, looks to partner with producers of American Idol
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| (myfoxal.com) |
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Train carrying rockets for upcoming NASA launch assplodes off a bridge in Alabama ahead of schedule
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| (Some Guy) |
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Some comedian friends of Fark are putting on a VTech benefit tonight in Strasburg, VA at 8pm. If you're in the area please come
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| (The State) |
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A woman accused of plotting to torture and kill her neighbor assembled a bag containing syringes, a knife, a hatchet and a sledgehammer to do so. Then there's a plot twist involving a 9 mm and a library card
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Further proving that the term has lost all meaning, Vatican refers to comedian's criticism of pope as "terrorism"
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Body of al-Masri still supposedly on the battlefield. Media translation: Nobody knows what's going on
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A man who exposed himself to two young girls on a bus was identified because the victims recalled the suspect's most distinguishing characteristic
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Bush thanks "American Idol" views for not voting him off show
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Outspoken anti-war activist Joan Baez denied permission to perform concert at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. And for some reason, she can't seem to figure out why
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"Is it illegal to possess a cock in the state of Texas?"
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| (Hot Air) |
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A quick note about the Digg revolt and DMCA from Drew. Link goes somewhere, check it out then see thread for Drew's comment
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Jesse Jackson has announced his latest shakedown victims... er, he is going to target oil companies on diversity, that is
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| (WUSA) |
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Actual headline: "Duck In Danger." Since this duck is in Southeast D.C., they are probably afraid it will be shot, stabbed, carjacked or all of the above
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Mullahs freak out after the Iranian president kisses a woman on the hand. Fatwa issued against Asinine tag
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Fark TV: Video games for the elderly? Witness the Wee Old
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| (whnt.com) |
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Even in Alabama, getting a Confederate flag cake is harder than you might think
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| (New York Times) |
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"And to my loyal Feng Shui adviser, I leave $3 billion"
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This is the Voice of Fate. The M-1 is clear of major traffic, though Mr. Barnard Cribbins is driving over the posted speed limit
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Woman is shot at point-blank range during a robbery. Fark.com: She survives because her wedding ring deflected the bullet
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Philippines attempts world record for breastfeeding, with over 10,000 mothers gathering for suckfest
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| (WNBC.com) |
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Because JetBlue didn't have enough problems already
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IRS agents discover man running a "secret bank" out of his suburban home. In other news, there are people willing to give nearly $28 million to a guy running a bank out of his house
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The history of impotence. It's nice to know our ancestors were bathing their limp johnsons in vinegar or eating roasted wolf penes
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Walkersville community park suffers plague of graffiti, vandalism and drug use. Solution? Ban toilet paper in bathrooms
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Man starts arguing with a gas-station clerk over whether he paid with a $10 or $20 bill . Then things get really stabby
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Dracula and Mary Poppins fight to rule France. Nobody surrenders
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| (Ad age) |
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Apparently there seems to be a trend on the intertubes where people will take a picture of a cat and combine it with some bad copy, often with hilarious results. Anyone ever see anything like this before?
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"Ask a Mexican" explains important cultural issues, such as why Mexican TV is so obsessed with dwarfs and transvestites
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Fellow astronauts describe Lisa Nowak as selfish and unwilling to perform tasks for which she hadn't trained. Which is odd, considering that she wasn't trained to drive cross-country with a pee bag in a crazy jealous rage
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Photoshop Stephen Hawking in zero-G bliss
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Having solved all other problems facing the country, Canadian Parliament opens investigation into selection of captain of the national hockey team
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| (NBC) |
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Arlington Police always get their man -- in this case, several years after he died
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"B-b-but...China" excuse from global-warming apologists falters as research shows developing countries have sharply reduced emissions
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| (KOTV.com) |
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Study shows white NBA refs call more fouls on black players than white players. Study also shows there are white players in the NBA
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Marion Barry suggests putting toll gates around D.C. and charging entry fees. The rest of city council suggests he put down the crack pipe
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hotel places Al Gore's book in night stand instead of Bible. Suck it, Gideons
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Disney unveils social networking for preteens. This should end well
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| (kstp.com) |
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You're pulled over for a DUI. Do you: A) Politely admit your mistake? B) Say you only had one beer and hope for the best? C) Cause $1100 damage to the squad car by ramming your face "repeatedly with a great amount of force into the hood"?
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| (Parade) |
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Man who searched for his biological parents discovers that his father starred on TV's "The A-Team," which he watched growing up
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Woman says her 50-year-old refrigerator still works great, regrets buying that extended warranty
|
| (Columbus Dispatch) |
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Police apprehend man after he attempts rooftop jump, gets wedged between buildings. Bail has not yet been set but authorities do not believe suspect is a flight risk
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