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| Sun April 22, 2007 |
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Incredulous authorities capture alligator in Long Island. It's probably one of those sewer ones that aren't supposed to exist
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| (Crop Rotator) |
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Photoshop Farker Soundcow's bassist. Level of difficulty: No "American Gothic"
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| (Storm Track) |
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"When the tornado reached us, it collapsed the building, blew out our windows, and tipped a parked semi tractor trailer onto the driver side front of Eric's Xterra. We huddled in the center of the truck and shut our eyes"
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| (The Daily Breeze) |
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"Airport security agents initially considered the odd assortment of objects in al-Maliki's rectum alarming enough to order an extra search of the flight he was planning to take"
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Moscow's secret suburb for billionaires
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Vietnam vet living on wooden raft anchored in Atlantic Ocean since March in attempt to raise $6 million for veterans' rehab. Has collected $500 so far
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| (Craigslist) |
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Hey ladies, looking for a man with +20 spell magic to defend you from orcs and demons AND likes "moving pictures"? Look no futher (w/ awesome pic)
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Some guys wearing strange hats launch a drunken pig out of a cannon
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| (Some Guy) |
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30 books every college student should read
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| (Dickson Herald) |
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Boy playing with rifle accidentally shoots his eye out. Police haven't discussed the weapon, but sources suggest that it's Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle
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| (Some Cobra Guy) |
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12.9 litres, 8000rpm redline, 0-125mph in 4.9 seconds. All for your local "street-legal" beer run. Suck it, "super"cars
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"The 'gun-free zone turned out to be a fraud-not just because there were at least two guns on the campus last Monday, but in the sense that the college was promoting to its students a profoundly deluded view of the world"
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Jordanian parliament clears way for development of nuclear power. Board of Ominous Descriptions upgrades Middle East from "Shiat Storm" to "Hornet's Nest"
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Norwegian Cruise Line goes overboard in an attempt to cater to gamers while others have missed the boat. Sea for yourself
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| (Some Guy) |
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18-year-old student takes 6-year-old girl with sickle cell anemia to his senior prom
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| (Gulf News) |
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City Council up in arms against those sexy, sexy mannequins in their skimpy, see-through outfits. Those filthy plastic sluts
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| (Some TFette) |
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Caption this overly enthusiastic queen
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♫ Three coins in the fountain. ♪ Plus two boobies and a cooch. ♫
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| (Some TFette) |
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Caption this serious observer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Student suspended for wearing "I'm Straight" sticker. Jonathan Richman unavailable for comment, not that anyone outside of Boston will get this headline
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Billboards, neon signs, bus stop ads, and even the Goodyear blimp - all described as "visual pollution" - have been banned in Sao Paulo, Brazil, since Jan. 1
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| (Lancaster Online) |
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Meet Cindy McVey, equine sports massage therapist. Your dog wants... no, lower.. lower...aah, right there
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British crime victims must pay police if they want the crime investigated
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Virginia Tech killer had a thing for buying rubber duckies on eBay. The Smoking Gun is there
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Pope is actually long-lost brother of Imelda Marcos
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Man calls 911 on his cell phone after getting a lap dance from the wrong woman
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Photoshop these police officers. Difficulty: No Village People
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Philadelphia police captain, at a rally to respond to the city's violence, finds himself on the scene of a shootout just outside the building-- in a place called Nicetown
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Judges tell unlicensed drivers if they drive again they'll be jailed. They agree and promptly drive away from the courthouse parking lot
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Taleban use 12-year-old boy to behead man accused of spying
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NYC pledges 1 million new trees by 2017. Al Gore expected to be one of them
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Prozac for puppies is now available. Your dog wants some luvin
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| (Some Guy) |
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Happy Earth Day. What are you doing to make the Earth a better place?
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| (Some Guy) |
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13-year-old girl wins $25,000 after she typed "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" faster than anyone else at the LG National Texting Competition
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Students break into park, torture crocodiles with catapults and sticks. Karmalarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Eight birds of prey webcams for your nature-viewing pleasure
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All over the Skywaaay, all covered in cheeese
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| (Morning Call Online) |
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National Center For Pulling Numbers Out Of Their Ass announces college students are more likely to win $1 million in the lottery than to be gunned down at school
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Girl takes up mission to try every available nacho in Boston
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| (slickdeals) |
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Home Depot is giving away a million free N:Vision compact fluorescent light bulbs to customers who visit any Home Depot store on Earth Day, Sunday, April 22. It's no Guinness towel, but, hey, it's free
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| (Jamaica Observer) |
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Goths in Jamaica more likely to attempt suicide. In other news, there are Goths in Jamaica
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| (William & Mary) |
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Photoshop this tourist in the stockades
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Conch Republic celebrates 25th anniversary of its rebellion, secession from U.S
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Maine's webcam chicks fail to make it through the nor'easter
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Caption this car scene
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Vancouver man Godwins himself into the psych ward by walking around naked with a swastika taped to his chest on Hitler's birthday
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Man arrested for choking his ferret
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Australia enacted strict gun laws in 1996. Not one mass shooting since. Suck it guns
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| (Beaumont Enterprise) |
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Young women flocking to convents due to aggressive promotional campaign. Submitter bemoans the removal of this easily duped segment of the female population from the ranks of the do-able
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| (Some Guy) |
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Employee giggles and a malfunctioning switchblade foil a post office robbery in Oregon
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Seafarers warned to be on alert in Malacca Strait. Aye, there be pirates
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'Weekends are for drinking' and other things not to say in your resume
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Campaign workers for Al Gore told to "stand by" for presidential run
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Australian fence, built to keep dingoes and wild dogs out of sheep-grazing areas, is being destroyed by camels trying to have sex
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Taiwan, China want to remind everyone that they're still one of the world's most dangerous hotspots
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College drinking may lead to increased risk of heart disease, regretful hookups
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| (The Local) |
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Testicles officially worth more than fallopian tubes. Because, ladies, you can't scratch your fallopians while you're watching TV
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| (Some Bird) |
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Photoshop this close-up
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Prisoner wrongly freed after officials fail to realize that the typo-filled fax ordering his release, which had been sent from a nearby grocery store, was not legit
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| (wchstv.com) |
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Drunk college chick tragically misunderstands friends' train bang suggestion
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20 comics that can change your life
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UK media just now figuring out the meaning of sneakers dangling from a power line
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| (insidebayarea.com) |
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Not too long ago, in a neighborhood relatively close by: safe stolen by thieves falls off back of truck, spilling 70 Star Wars action figures all over road
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There are 266 powers under which state officials can enter an individual's home in the UK. England prevails
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| (Some Star Guy) |
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Lyrid meteor showers peak this weekend. Northeast sky, just before dawn
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| (KPTV.com) |
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Candidate for student body president delivers tearful speech about dead cousin at VT vigil; later admits she made the whole thing up for votes in next week's election. This kid's got a great future in politics
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| (Some Guy) |
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Space tourist reflects on seeing view of Earth from orbit: "A nice cold beer would have been nice"
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| (Casino City Times) |
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Man wins $10 million jackpot after separating from his wife, is ordered by the court to split it 50-50 with her anyway. You submitted this with a bitter headline
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New superhero: "Hot Dog Man' saves lives of hookers and homeless
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| Sat April 21, 2007 |
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Children at risk from "electronic smog" generated by Wi-Fi use. Just think, the next time you are downloading porn the signal may be killing your family, you perv
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Texas Senate OKs a bill raising the smoking age to 19, because God forbid an 18-year-old have a cigarette to calm her nerves before she joins the military
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Workers told to speak Dutch or face being fired. IEDEREEN PANIEK!
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85-year-old man leaves his Florida house for a bike ride; calls his relatives from New Jersey nineteen hours later
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What is this?
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An Iraqi policeman, reflecting on Virginia Tech: "America has terrorism and they are exporting it to us"
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| (Ledger-Enquirer) |
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College criminal justice professor charged with sending threatening voice mail to herself
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| (Some Guy) |
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10-year-old girl survives 12-story fall after she plunged through the open sunroof of a car and landed on a padded seat
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| (Naples Daily News) |
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Fishermen catch possible world record 1,063-pound mako shark close to shore. Quint not impressed (with pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scientists find chemical to stop anthrax. Nothing yet found to stop Metallica
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ad condeming public transit will appear on the back of a city bus
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Feeling people shouldn't have to wait until they get into New York to be robbed, Bloomberg proposes charging eight dollars just to get into Manhattan
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Wisconsin's chubs are getting slimmer
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Indian teachers sprinkled cow urine on low-caste students to purify them and drive away evil
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If Obama is Google, then McCain is GM, and John Edwards is Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. Mmm, doughnuts
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| (Science Daily) |
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Rare ugly-ass wattled crane chick hatched at National Zoo (with pic)
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The image advisor for the Prime Minister of Canada claims to communicate with angels
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| (Some TFette) |
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Students walk out of classes, put faces and voices to defeated budget
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these two guys and their tentacled thingy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man sues after his sons find lesbian book in library. Actual quote "it's caused many sleepless nights"
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Rangers at Hawaii Volcanoes National Park are launching a program to stop people from leaving religious offerings at the summit of Mount Kilauea
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| (Some Guy) |
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Blue Angel crashes at MCAS Beaufort Airshow
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Temporary help wanted: Iraqi town seeks motivated person to head city council. Position expected to last 3-4 months
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Welsh mother of two rapes 14 year-old boy, becomes pregnant. Boy claims to be "considerably traumatised". (With photos of... OH MY GOD MY EYES)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you are going to drive a van with 20lbs of pot remember to take your Claritin first
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| (PowerlineBlog) |
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Yale bans fake weapons from stage productions. What fools these mortals be
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Man drowns in casino moat. House apparently failed to float him
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Matthew McConaughey was given $833,923 worth of "perks" on the set of the megabomb Sahara. I had no idea weed cost that much in California
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| (Some Guy) |
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New "Push Ringer" technology will allow you to make everyone around your friend think they have "I'm a barbie girl" or "It's raining men" as a ringtone
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| (The Daily Record) |
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Man pulls out a sword when a family feud turns violent, but loses to a relative with a spirit level
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"Pyratecon," a weekend-long pirate festival in New Orleans. Arrrg, all the good stuff done be looted
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BlackBerry exec says outage was "self-evident" and thus required no explanation. Eight million customers shout dumbass in unison
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Please tell me they're going to be the next Super Bowl's halftime show
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nor'Easter knocked a baby owl from its home, but now the owl has been rescued and is in rehab (with pic of the ugly-ass little guy)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this car cutting through water
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How to beat a traffic ticket if you're fat and balding instead of a hot chick
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Sheriff's department in Maine is missing 25 handguns from its evidence room
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| (Some Earwitness) |
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"Fake cop" uses phony handcuffs, promises of doughnuts to lure Wal-Mart shopper out of her lair
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| (OC Register) |
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Not news: Man sets himself on fire in an attempt to commit suicide. Still not news: He survives. Fark.com: He now may face arson charges
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| (Some Guy) |
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Atheist VT professor responds to anti-atheist rant after shootings, demonstrates what a PhD in pwnage really looks like
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Road trips. Where, and how far did you go? Who went with you? Share your most memorable stories
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I-Mockery's photo gallery from the 2007 "I Am 8-Bit" classic video game art show
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Transgender student runs for prom king. Except she's not really a he
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Wild game park owner mauled to death by lions. By all reports, he was scared, then delicious
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| (Some Guy) |
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Actual headline: "Clearing animal carcasses from roads not a pleasant job." Nor is being a reporter for the Mount Vernon News, apparently
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Cambodian Buddhist monks take it to the streets
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Parkinson's disease victims are being turned into miniature James Bonds by a drug's side effects
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| (AlterNet) |
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This is a culture desperate for an easy explanation of the massacre -- one that doesn't implicate it in the crime
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Dear scientists: if you don't find a cure for breast cancer soon, we will be forced to show you our nude calendar. Love, a bunch of 40- to 70-year-old women
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Beijing's female poplar trees will be given sex changes, in order to reduce the amount of pollen in the air
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Cute fox cub gets its head stuck inside a wheel. The Sun is there, with pic
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Union convention cancelled after its staff decide to strike
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Bootie Beer getting its ass kicked
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Not news: Husband unfaithful to wife for decade. Still not news: Confesses infidelities, begs wife to forgive him. Fark.com: With six billboards across city
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Man claiming to be invisible God robs Fort Worth bank, much to the tazeriffic delight of local police. Dumbass tag bemoans lack of "Texas" tag
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Egyptian band
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Judge releases papers detailing over 40 years of mob killings. Chicago's Legitimate Businessmen's Association wishes to suggests that the judge may consider it in his own best interests to invest in a water-proof alarm clock
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| Fri April 20, 2007 |
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Jessica Simpson to join the Pussycat Dolls next month. The Sun better be there
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| (Some Gal) |
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Coolest Lord of the Rings dollhouse you'll see today
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Man kills self, hostage at NASA building
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German commuter steals from corpse, then pretends to help save him, thus succinctly summing up pretty much the whole of German history
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| (Wikipedia) |
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Photoshop this magnet
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Tour de France director wants cyclists that are involved with doping off the tour, leaving only a clown on a unicycle to compete
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Jealous of the media coverage Virginia's been getting, West Virginia man falls asleep at wheel, drives over gas pump and starts a fire for the benefit of surveillance cameras
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Meteor shower peaks before dawn Sunday. In related news, submitter peaked in the shower before dinner on Thursday
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Catholic Church formally stops preaching idea of "limbo," after the pope called God and told him to get rid of it. Unbaptized babies to now suffer eternal hellfire
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Girl gets medieval on her teacher with her +1 Mace of Pounding
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| (Some Guy) |
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How you know when you've jumped the shark: You get replaced by Sharon Osbourne as a talent judge
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| (Some Guy) |
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"The reason Cho killed -- the reason he mailed the tape to a television network to begin with -- was because he wanted to be heard loud and clear, and NBC was more than happy to oblige him that opportunity"
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Bush warning that to pull out of Iraq would turn the current blood shower into a bloodbath
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Man with really poor judgement says AG was fired for poor judgement, he forgot who he heard that from, but in any case it wasn't him
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A beautiful spring day at the park: Birds singing, flowers blooming, kids playing in the soil that has over 100 times the safe level of arsenic... hey, wait a minute
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Wikipedia founder says MySpace will fail, fails to adequately cite his references or sources
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| (ABC 13 Houston) |
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Another astronut on the loose? NASA building evacuated because of gunman
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| (News Sun) |
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Today's "teacher-hotness being posted to MySpace and school administration having a cow" story brought to you by Waukegan, IL
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Hawaii Senate passes bill addressing pedestrian safety. Hawaii House amends bill to allow red light cameras. Hawaii Senate amends bill to go into effect in 2020. Bill comes to complete stop
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Mother sends teenage kids into store to shoplift, ditches them when the cops arrive
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Addams Family member arrested in Colorado's latest teacher sex case
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| (Spankwagon Radio) |
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Submitter gets to interview Stan Lee for his internet radio show in 2 weeks. What questions would you ask? LGT the radio site
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| (Some Guy) |
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Moron busted wheeling a trashcan full of "found" beer past the police department. In other news, the Lakeland Fark party has been cancelled
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Venezuela launches crime-fighting Zeppelin. Germany files protest, insists they call it a blimp
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Flights on B-17 bomber open to the public in target rich Colorado
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Dutch set up service to help geeks get their cherries popped and their rudders dutched
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| (Mirror.co.uk) |
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VA Tech shooter's grandfather says what we're all saying: Son of a biatch deserved to die
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Congratulations on the purchase of your new waterfront home which now, after heavy rains and erosion, is located on an island
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| (Economist) |
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Porn is becoming less and less popular on the Internet, while Internet communities gain popularity
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Fark TV hits the streets to find out how others celebrate 4/20
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Solar-powered barbeque now available in UK. Now all they need is some solar
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The time: Post-Cho era. The crime: Pointing out people in high school yearbook you don't like. The punishment: Ejection from school. The state: Take a wild guess
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| (Think Progress) |
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So Bush was like, our Iraq money is gonna run out in April, and CRS was like, nuh unh, and Bush was like, whatever, then the Pentagon was like, what CRS said. Pentagowned
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| (CBS 46) |
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The man convicted of poisoning his children's soup in an effort to sue Campbell's will soon try a new flavor: Creamy Prison Butt Sex
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| (Enquirer) |
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Miss America 1944, 82, pulls out her gat and caps tire of thief stealing from her
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Kucinich to launch Cheney impeachment proceedings next week. Cheney loading shotgun for special hunting trip this weekend
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Man applies and is recruited to become an Atlanta cop. Gets arrested after it turns out he was a bank robber
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You could take your toddlers to the park. Or you could take them to the movies. Or you could force them to fight each other and film the results
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| (Some Guy) |
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News no one wanted to hear: One in 30 aborted babies is born alive
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| (Charleston Post and Courier) |
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If a policeman can subdue just one crazy naked woman, he knows he's done his job for the day. And if she's carrying a sword, well, that's just an added bonus
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In moment of self clarity, media realizes its using Virgina Tech for ratings, yet doesn't leave
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Mom of the Year candidate brings toy gun to kindergarten class, then proceeds to "massacre" the students
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Chess guru Garry Kasparov questioned by police over extremist comments. Critics say interrogators allegedly used techiques such as "castling" and "en passant"
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Sorta news: School principal videotaped having sex with a teacher. Fark: Cops aren't concerned with the sex, rather whether the person who taped it broke any laws
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I-Mockery's latest rom hack review: "Tran Tramps -- The Family Jewels" (a "Double Dragon 3" hack)
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| (The Telegraph) |
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Man No. 1: "Them signs is a bunch of BS." Man No. 2: "I am the road commissioner and that was my bridge"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Westboro Baptist Church plans to picket the funeral of VT student Ryan Clark on Saturday. Fark would like to invite members of the News Media to nuke these guys from orbit
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McCain tells critics of his humor to "lighten up and get a life"
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Colbert vs. Penn in a Meta-Free-Phor-All
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Norway aims to be carbon neutral by 2050, which coincides with the date that the entire country will be under three feet of water
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| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop this girl with superpowers
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Mrs. Wal-Mart dead at 87. No wait... they just lowered her age to 77
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man steals a "narrow boat." The "narrow boat" has a top speed of four mph, is red and green, but was disguised with blue paint. Pictures in the article make this more mysterious than the headline
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Glow in the dark bra allows you to find the goods easier. The Sun is there
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"Ma'am, I am now going to administer a field sobriety test. Please follow my finger with your eyes. No, not the one going down your pants, my other finger"
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Mystery animal roaming northern Ohio, described as being half deer, half ram. Dram?
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Pooh scares the pooh out of postal workers
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DNA on chicken bones is key evidence in Illinois murder trial
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Australian politician says he visited a gay sex venue to research risky behaviour
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| (The Moscow Times) |
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Former secret bunker beneath central Moscow to become entertainment complex, Cold War museum
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City restricts idling of big rigs after one man suffers fatal asthma attack. You didn't think they'd stop with smokers, did you?
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| (The Age) |
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Australia's largest lollipop destroyed by fire (w/pic)
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The government of Scotland would like to ask that you stop flushing used cotton balls, tampons and condoms down the privy. It's all ending up on the beaches
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| (Some Guy) |
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Probably the strangest murder confession / suicide note evar
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| (The Moscow Times) |
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Russian authorities move graves of Soviet pilots who died in World War 2 after former site overrun by prostitutes
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Asia's richest woman left her vast wealth to her fortune-teller in her last known will. With her psychic powers and fortune, the fortune-teller should be wealthier than Bill Gates by 2010
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When you rob a bank and the dye pack explodes, trying to spend your pink-ink-stained money in a public place is probably not the best of ideas
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Couch label investigated for human rights violation. In other news, people read the labels on furniture
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| (Some Sense) |
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"Eighteen-year-olds have the right to marry, adopt children, serve as legal guardians, purchase firearms, and are trusted with the vote and military responsibilities, so it is not unreasonable to think that they can be trusted to drink"
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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Suck at math? Here's your sword
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| (NZ Herald) |
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NZ prisons ban communion wine. Catholic's cry restriction of religion and denial of human rights. Rastafarians remain surreptitiously silent
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Some kids get peanut butter and jelly. Then again, there's this kind of lunchbox
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Cat makes friends with mouse. Something tells me this relationship won't last (with pics)
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Google reports $1 billion for the first quarter. That's net, not gross
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Yacht found drifting empty on the Great Barrier Reef with food still on the table. Bermuda Triangle seen whistling, sidling nonchalantly away from the Pacific
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| (Daily Tribune News) |
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Having solved all other crimes in the city, police officers dispatched to apartment to capture angry house cat that attacked its owners
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Parrot teaches four-year-old autistic boy to talk, resumes pining for the fjords
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| (Wizards of the Coast) |
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Publication of "Dragon" and "Dungeon" magazines to cease in August. Hordes of unwashed geeks in Driz'zt costumes to leave parents' basements, invade the surface world in protest
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Ars Technica Ren-Faire dude and his velvet pants
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Today, the Chicago Plan Commission approved plans for a 150-story building. If built, it will become the tallest building in North America and the tallest residential building in the world
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Police officers have heard every excuse in the book. Except for possibly, "Those drugs are for curing my sick, rare albino buffalo calf so I can sell it to an Indonesian sultan"
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| Thu April 19, 2007 |
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Headline reads "U.S. military to erect 3-mile-high wall in Baghdad." See, that's where Germany was short-sighted
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| (alternet) |
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Why are Americans afraid of being naked? The sun is there -- where it usually doesn't shine
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| (Some Guy) |
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Insane "World of Warcraft" player compares being hit with virtual snowballs to being a Jew during the holocaust; threatens to sue Blizzard
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Alcohol boosts the antioxidant properties of fruit. Still no cure for cancer, but have a daiquiri in the meantime
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| (KWTX) |
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Grammatically challenged bank robber sentenced (with note for grammar nazi goodness)
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Step 1: Open Internet cafe. Step 2: Allow patrons to gamble on the same computers, and pay them cash when they win. Step 3: Jail?
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Government launches investigation to determine whether or not radioactive bodyparts were taken from dead nuclear-power-plant employees without families' consent. Then it gets pretty weird...
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| (Daily Echo) |
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╓╖●< ... ╓┐●<
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| (Super Guy) |
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Photoshop this Badwater girl
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Vampire surfaces in Israel, reverses gender roles. Some people never stick to the script provided
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| (Some Guy) |
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Repeat child predators could face death penalty in Texas. Finally, some sense from the Lone Star State
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Survey finds professionals that help or serve others happiest, proving pimpin' ain't easy
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For the umpteenth time -- it's a vagina, not a clown car
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The life of a phone sex operator: $5.00 for first paragraph, only 99 cents each additional paragraph
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| (Harley Davidson) |
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Black leather, bad ass dudes, and... coleslaw wrestling? Sponsored Link
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Ungrateful man falls seven stories and somehow lands safely, then argues with paramedics
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That Washington woman who blew 0.47 percent blood-alcohol yesterday? Yeah, she's a cop
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| (Patriot-News) |
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Old Christian couple goes to high school musical production in order to boo it
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| (News-Leader) |
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News: Man makes a bomb threat against Missouri's highway department. Fark: He actually meant to call the one in Kansas instead
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| (Baltimore City Paper) |
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District Court Judge Bruce Lamdin poses a question to the court: "Is he one of the biggest dumbasses I've ever seen?" No word on whether he was looking in a mirror at the time
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Magnetix building blocks join Bag O'Glass and Johnny Switchblade: Adventure Punk on the dangerous toys list
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rutgers women's basketball coach conveniently gets a book deal. Working title is "Don Imus Calling Us Nappy-Headed Hos Is the Best Thing to Ever Happen to Me"
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McCain sings "Bomb Iran." Beach Boys unavailable for comment
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Cleveland Fark party, April 28th, 9:00 p.m. in the bar at Holiday Inn Select City Centre. Drew will be there. While you're at it, consider coming to Notacon 4, it's a great time
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One of the poses in Cho Seung-Hui's "manifesto" resembles an image from the South Korean film "Oldboy", so... well, you know where this is going
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| (Paleo-Future) |
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In 1993, AT&T made a slick video set in the Internet-filled future. Biggest future revelation: We will all be played by wooden actors
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Some Virginia Tech families cancel NBC appearances because of the gunman video
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Fark TV: Al Gore's kid brother solves global warming. It's the fault of country music
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Forensic psychiatrist tells ABC it's a bad idea to run the VT shooter's videos over and over: "If you can take Imus off the air, you can certainly keep [Cho] from having his own morning show"
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Abe Vigoda has outlived the only mayor that Rosemont, Illinois has ever had
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Over half of Americans still have a favorable view of the National Rifle Association
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Theme: Characters that didn't quite make it on kids' shows
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| (Some Guy) |
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The harmful effects of marijuana, you evil heathen potheads
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My boss wants me to call him midway through a meeting to get him out of it. No matter what I say, he will not be able to respond with anything other than "Okay." What should I tell him when I call? (With voting)
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| (SunJournal.com) |
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Ham-steak hate crime
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Arguably the silliest funeral of a fictional character you'll read about all day
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Girl survives Columbine and VT massacres. To be given an honorary Ph.D. in ducking
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| (Tallahassee Democrat) |
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NRA begins campaign to recruit younger members
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Imagine you're minding your business at home, you go to the kitchen to get a beer and next thing you know you're pinned between your fridge and a Lincoln Towncar
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When drinking and driving and needing to sleep it off, pick where you sleep it off carefully (with pic)
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Representing New Jersey in the father-of-the-year contest is the guy who got his daughter pregnant AND convinced her to drop her babies down an air shaft
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British doctors used haemophiliac kids as guinea pigs to test blood riddled with HIV and deadly hepatitis
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Woman blows .47 on breathalyzer, sets state record
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Surveyors look for source of clogged drain in Indiana, find dead seven-foot alligator
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| (Grand Rapids Press) |
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Michigan drivers upset after receiving BAD license plates. A550RGY reportedly unimpressed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man who spills his beer sues bar for $200,000
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Vietnamese man, shot in heart during Vietnam War, finally has bullet removed after almost 40 years
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| (Some Guy) |
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Badge, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, orgy, orgy
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Aussie drought reveals town covered by water when dam was built on top of it 50 years ago
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this party animal
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| (Some Guy) |
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Simultaneously the coolest and stupidest car you'll see today
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| (A Librarian) |
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Death of the libraries
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Everything you ever wanted to know about a dominatrix and her dungeon, but were afraid to ask
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Huge electrical explosion caught live on the news
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Russia wants to build a series of tubes linking Russia to Alaska. They think Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) might approve
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Bert from "Sesame Street" wants school to teach children how to be more aggressive
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ever wonder what's inside a Magic 8-Ball? Wonder no more
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Man repeatedly pleasures self on several books in local library, avoids Crime and Punishment
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Man hears mother yelling about dog, gets out of shower, puts on towel, rides bike around apartment complex, stabs random girl's dog in the face. TA DA
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Old and busted: Showing hostility towards tourists for invading your quiet town. New hotness: Flashing your weener at tourists because... because why not?
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Principal convicted of paying his students so he could kiss their feet
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| (The Journal News) |
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Stealing a knapsack from a car? Have a better escape plan than "strolling completely around the block"
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 102: "Booze." LGT next week's theme. Rules are conveniently located in first post
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| Wed April 18, 2007 |
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"The drink is made by steeping tiger carcasses in wine"
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Woman excited that smoking break saved her from falling tree. Her lungs? Not so much
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"American Idol" thread -- please stop submitting spoilers. Spoilers inside
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| (Some Muppet Lovers) |
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Celebrities who've appeared on "Sesame Street." This submission brought to you by the letters F, A, R and K
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| (nfl.com) |
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Potential first-round NFL draft pick, Joe Thomas, refuses to attend draft in NYC so he can keep tradition of going fishing with his dad on Draft Day
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Gardner decides to call it quits at 104 years. Cites his special medicine, whisky, as reason for longevity
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UK scientists developing electromagnetic shielding for spacecraft. Here comes the science, Mr. Sulu
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| (The Oshkosh Northwestern) |
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Cause of death for badly burned man still unknown. His body was found outside of his burning house. Who hired Ric Romero as coroner?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hey dad, what's the stupidest thing you ever did? Well, son, I was out drinking with some lads and I found this gun that looked really fake
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| (NY Daily News) |
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In the wake of the VT shootings, the Citizens Commission on Human Rights (CCHR) is here to help. For a more accurate headline, replace "the CCHR" with "Scientology" and "help" with "fish for potential cultists"
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TFer just got text message from friend going to law school at Hastings saying the campus has been evacuated due to a "shooting threat." No link yet, trying to get details
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Colombia volcano erupts, Neiva evacuated
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Awful timing to put Blacksburg, Virginia on this Yahoo/CNN Money story about "Best Places to Retire Young"
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| (New York Daily News) |
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Meet 21-year-old New York socialite Andrew Embiricos, grandson of Rita Hayworth, direct descendant of the Prophet Muhammad and amateur gay porn star. Sometimes headlines just write themselves
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Vonage may be writing a new book... starting at Chapter 11: "Boo Hoo! Boo Hoo Hoo!"
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Woman accused of killing preacher husband said she was forced to watch pornography before sex, and wear platform shoes and a wig during sex. In other news, sex sex sex sex
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Battlestar Galactica scene with D'anna Biers and the Cyclons
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IRS commissioner to head Red Cross. Says getting blood from people should be no problem
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Not news: Trucker wrecks his semi - News: Because he was looking for some doughnuts - Fark: That he admits he threw on the floor "to eat later."
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AOL boss really, really high as he predicts AOL will be No. 1 on the Internet again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pregnant female on foot eludes Detroit police for an hour
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"Antwerp Zoo asks visitors not to stare at the Animals." Which is like going to a strip club for the coffee
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Keith Richards has changed his name to "Belgrade Horses"
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| (superherohype.com) |
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First pics from set of The Dark Knight emerges, whetting fans' appetites with such tantalizing images such as an office chair, and what is probably the front of a school bus
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High school students expect to watch video about volcanoes, accidentally get porn instead. Teacher fired. Whoever turned her in is going to sit alone in the cafeteria for a long time
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Cho Seung-Hui sent out a package to NBC News between shootings
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Drug dealers driving a pickup busted after police notice a big pink monkey on the dashboard, blocking the windshield. It's a pickup, where else are you supposed to put it?
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| (Great Falls Tribune) |
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Rain cancels drought advisory council meeting
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| (Some Guy) |
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10% of Bush Administration graduated from Pat Roberston's only recently accredited college. Well that explains a lot
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Duke women's basketball program looking to hire current Spartans coach. TONIGHT, WE SUCK IN HELL
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No charges against police who used seized World Series tickets
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| (9News.com) |
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Colorado high school on lockdown after threats to specific students. EVERYBODY PANIC
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| (West Central Tribune) |
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Bomb threat at University of Minnesota. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Utah High school evacuated due to bomb scare. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Highschool put on lockdown as one student threatens to kill another with what we can only assume was a super-atomic wedgie. EVERYBODY PANIC. Over-reaction superfecta complete, more to come no doubt. Which Fark won't be linking to.
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| (No Quarter blog) |
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"What are we to make of the bizarre contrast between our national grief over the terrible slaughter of students and faculty at Virginia Tech and our muted reaction to the continuing bloodbath in and around Baghdad?"
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| (Daily Tribune News) |
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Man robs convenience store, gets away with $50. And a pack of gum. And banana-flavored Laffy Taffy
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BlackBerry maker owes this guy a girlfriend
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Kid climbs electrical tower on a $5 bet, falls off, busts his ass. His mommy sues the power company. Kelso unimpressed
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Drew will be on 550 KTRS St. Louis with Mark Christopher at 2:09 p.m. Central
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Courts tell man that he can no longer hunt -- in his own backyard
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Having solved all the important issues like health-care wait times and greenhouse gases, Canadian Parliament wonders, "What's up with the PM's red face?"
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In a thinly veiled attempt to garner the sympathy vote, no talent "American Idol" singer claims he has "many friends at Virginia Tech"... and Simon's caught on camera rolling his eyes
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Today's "sturgeon jumps out of the water and hits woman on a jet-ski in the face" story brought to you by St. Petersburg. In other news, sturgeon are not extinct
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SC rape suspect brags about underground dungeon. No matter who you are, or what it's for, don't brag about a 4.5-foot-deep ditch with a single light bulb. Unless it doubles the square footage of your single wide
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| (News-Press) |
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Business owner suprised that a sign in front of his building reading "What has four wheels and flies? A dead cripple in a wheelchair" offends some people
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| (WOAI) |
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News crew expose more than they bargained for after drug bust residents moon cameras (with blurry video)
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| (Dose.ca) |
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New Fox reality TV shhow to reveal deepethst darkethst secrets of drunk people...I lowve you guyths No, serithously. You're, like, sooooooo cool
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Cho Seung-Hui's violent play : "Richard McBeef"
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| (WGAL) |
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Firefighter/rapper's lyrics cause Philly controversy. "I hope the news is taping this, 'cause I'm gonna turn pigs into bacon bits." Police union wants firefighter/rapper fired, presumably because he can't rhyme
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| (Some Drunk) |
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Man scores .22 at his DUI arrest, then .27 at court appearance five weeks later. Jailarity ensues
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Host of online video-game review show for MTV sends ex-girlfriend threatening email, saying "it's gonna be VT all over again." Jailarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this lone shack
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Global warming may make hurricanes less powerful. EVERYBODY PAN... Uh, wait. What?
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| (Crooks & Liars) |
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After Columbine, Tom Delay blamed the shootings on science classes teaching evolution. Surely, we've learned from past idiots, right? Well... a day after the VT massacre, it appears not
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If a free society based on individual liberty is truly what we want, there is little we can do to stop a future Cho Seung-Hui
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Not news: Arkansas football coach contacts anchorwoman to discuss charity function. Fark.com: Contacts her more than 1,000 times in a six-week period. Bonus: He's married
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Having no other issues to debate, Oklahoma Senate declares watermelon official state vegetable. Don Imus unavailable for comment
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Supreme Court okays late-term abortion ban. Submitter still washing eyes out from accidental GIS for "abortion"
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Activity seen near North Korea nuclear reactor. EVERYBODY PANIC. Oh wait... they may be shutting it down. Nevermind
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RIM claims Crackberry service restored for "most." Others still suffering DTs
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Newest scare at Virginia Tech campus proves to be first of what will probably be many false alarms between now and exams
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Man running for office changes name to Osama Bin Laden in effort to get voters attention. This should end well. (With campaign poster)
|
| (CBS46) |
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The Quiznos coyote is pregnant, hopefully not with one of those f*cked up gerbils from the commercials
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Four blasts rock Baghdad, killing at least 66. Story barely makes Page Two news
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Man welding near gas can in ammo-filled garage blames firefighters for not saving his house
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For 25 years, people have been asking former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Cretien what he said on the steps of Parliament to make the Queen smile. Turns out it was "Sh*t"
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Pilot's jet-fighter business enjoying boom because everyone wants personal F-104 for home defense
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And you thought the pet food recall was over
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Microsoft and AT&T whine monopoly. Google says "Take it like a man, ya wimps"
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Defense Department ordered contractor to hire Wolfowitz's girlfriend to study ways to form a new goverment in Iraq. Her final report highly recommended cronyism
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Fish to be stunned with electricity and moved for the London Olympics. Stick of dynamite would do a better job
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| (Journal News) |
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Local Democratic chairwoman spells some Leper's name wrong and gets a nasty letter from some Leper's lawyer. Leper Leper Leper
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Firefighters too busy to rescue your cat from a tree? Persuade them Mafia style by shooting at them
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"Cool party mom" popped for the second time this month for providing an alcohol, drug and sex safe zone. Bonus coverage of fake parental consent for pair of handguns pointed to 16-year-old crotch. Includes jail sentence
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Armed police seen at Va Tech building, students evacuating, everybody panicking, developing story
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Sudan using airplanes disguised as UN crafts to bomb Darfur. UN to write strongly worded protest letter with use of many capital letters
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The bullets, firing squads and scenes of hangings really make a fashion statement, Miss Mexico
|
| (Some Titantics) |
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School denies prom entry to big-busted girls in small dresses. "You can't discriminate against a big-breasted woman." Large-breasted women often victims of discriminating viewers
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Note to local politicians: When mailing out a toll-free number for people to call about local sex predators, make sure it's not a sex chat line
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Your son asks to borrow money. Do you: A) Give him the money? B) Tell him its time to get a job? C) Throw all caution to the wind and shoot him in the chest?
|
| (WND) |
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Shell declares Penthouse and Playboy to no longer be pornography
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Husbands with multiple wives in UK can get extra benefits, nagging
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TILF, 29, arrested for having sex with 15-year-old boy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hitler was influenced by manipulative aliens
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Sex theme park opens today in the UK. The Sun is there, because you can't be
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Houstonians are dying to get into region's first Feng Shui-designed cemetery
|
| (College Dropout) |
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Marijuana can be used to pay rent. Also, if you have something illegal, say marijuana, don't consent to a search
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Dozens of men who whipped and cut their backs for a gory Good Friday ceremony in the Philippines may have contracted rabies. Obvious, Stupid, Dumbass and Asinine tag argue their importance as Sick slips in for the win
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| (Some Guy) |
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Smoking marijuana is never good for the lungs, but the active ingredient in pot may help fight lung cancer, new research shows
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Small French town launches campaign to remind British tourists about which side of the road they're supposed to drive on
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Army of rats taking over small town. Crispin Glover seen lurking creepily in the background
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