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| Sun April 08, 2007 |
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1943 carving of naked lady gives road construction crew a woody (with pic)
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| (The Union) |
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Judging from their habit of gleefully running into the path of speeding cars, it can be surmised that deer are stupid. This deer is a special kind of stupid
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| (One More Level) |
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Don't click on the red button
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Restaurant chain hires corporate chaplains. Forgive me father, for I have spit in my neighbor's food
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| (Myrtle Beach Online) |
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Man takes photo of short skirt wearing girl's ass while she's bent over trying on shoes in mall. Al Bundy approves
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| (Some Guy) |
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I have no idea what this grafitti says but it looks pretty damn cool
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Theme: Easter egg hunts gone bad
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| (Some Guy) |
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Why should teenagers have all the fun? Teacher pulls knife on high school students in classroom
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| (Star-Gazette) |
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"B.C." creator Johnny Hart has died at age 76. Funeral to be conducted by the Wizard of Id
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It is customary for cosmonauts to pee on a tire before they take off to space
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| (Some Guy) |
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Leadership 101: Body language
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| (www.IHT.com) |
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Louisiana family having trouble with Allstate over Katrina damage, can't decide which "act of god" destroyed their home
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| (Some Guy) |
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Largest construction project in the western hemisphere: eight 60-story towers containing 7,000 hotel rooms on 66 acres, costing over $7 Billion. Why yes, it's in Las Vegas
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| (Some Guy) |
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Legality of the income tax called into question
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| (Some Guy) |
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Street sweepers get police escorts. This is your tax dollars at work
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StratCom wants to build new nuclear warheads, because being able to destroy the planet ten times over isn't enough firepower
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| (nola.com) |
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If you left your car in short-term parking at the New Orleans airport the day before Hurricane Katrina, the airport's management would like a word with you. And bring your checkbook
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| (Some Guy) |
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School system fails entire sixth grade class because of behavior problems and bad grades
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Oil CEO gets $400M Payday in 2006, one of the largest ever in America. Bonus: his name is Irani
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Soda offically costs $40 in Zimbabwe
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| (Some TFette) |
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Photoshop Barcelona's Olympic Park
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| (Pimp That Snack) |
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How to make your very own giant Cadbury Creme Egg
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Men-only chuch service features a rock band, a shot clock to time the preacher's message and a one-hour in-and-out guarantee
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| (Arab Times) |
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Woman seeks divorce from husband. Husband retaliates by cutting off his penis. That'll show her
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Motorcyclist hospitalized after discovering he can't share the same lane as a bathtub
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The Powerball Curse: Jack Whittaker Speaks
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Australian Army will target fans of The Simpsons and South Park as well as internet chatrooms as part of a drive to recruit young people
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| (The Columbus Dispatch) |
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Man painting love message on rock dies in tragic grammar accident
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| (Some Bunny) |
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The history of Easter
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I-70 runs through a tunnel in Colorado that can serve as a safe haven for presidents in the event of an emergency and as a lookout point for government agents monitoring terrorist activity. It's also about to cave in
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| (Baxter Bulletin) |
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Police announce that they have arrested Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius--from Jupiter--in the act of burglarizing a house while naked
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Maine legislator pulls a Bono. Sonny Bono, that is
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If you're homeless don't take shelter in a dumpster
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| (Theage.com.au) |
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Internationally known fighter for freedom of West Papua arrested for masturbating on a train. Bonus: three times in the same day, twice with a camera on him
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these happy Bangladeshi cricket players
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If your therapist calls you "a waste of space", it may be time to find another therapist
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| (Theage.com.au) |
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Aussie cops caught speeding are over 20 times more likely to get off than the general public. In other news, that Pope dude? Not to shock you or anything but he's Catholic
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Easter is cancelled in one part of Brevard County when a church gets sold right out from under the pastor
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Someone in a school has been ordering porn, who could it be?
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Pope presides over Easter vigil mass in St. Peter's Basilica early Sunday morning. Female parishoner arrives late, asks if mass is out. Pope says no, but your hat is on crooked
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Onion field killer dies in prison. His breath was unbearable, and will likely only get worse
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British hostages held in Iran used Morse code so they would know what suit to wear to their going away party
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Today's crazy person with at least 80 immigrants found in home is brought to us by Phoenix. Elian unavailable for comment
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Solomon Islands lifted out of the sea. Proof that gravity is a theory, not a fact
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This story pretty much sums up human nature: heroic taxi driver gets the night's takings stolen out of his car while he saves man's life
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"Um... this is SO embarrassing... but we're kind of short on beds. That, that life-saving heart surgery thingy? Yeah, can you, uh, hold off on that?"
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Marshall Fine was fined by marshalls for running a red light. Asshat thinks his $60,000 viola and slick roads warrant a good defense
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You're late with the paperwork for an audit. Do you A) Ask for more time? B) Miss the deadline and get fired? Or C) Set a fire that kills three? (with mugshot)
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Today's 'hot teacher busted for having sex with student' story brought to you by Roseville, California. And you do want to see her picture
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India pleads for orphan girls to be adopted by Britain, Angelina Jolie
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| (KCCI) |
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Boy sitting at computer when a BB pops out of his eye. Ralphie Parker sought for questioning
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| Sat April 07, 2007 |
| (Memphis Flyer) |
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Shop where barber cuts hair with fire catches fire
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Minnesota Supreme Court says you don't have to pay up just because a city mailed you a picture of your license plate
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Mother of 2 children moonlights as dominatrix prostitute, complete with basement dungeon. Are you SURE you wanna see her picture?
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| (WCAX) |
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With nothing else to do 'till the mud dries up, folks in northern Vermont wait for a piece of concrete to fall through the ice
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Photoshop this flower
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Pres. Bush almost blows up himself, Cheney & the CEO of Ford. This is not a joke
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Forbes.com's top 25 most corrupt countries (slideshow). No, the US is not on the list
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Man going by the name of John Awesome steals from a government bank account to pay for Internet porn
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Sometimes, a man just has to have his beer. Even if it means setting fire to a Wal-Mart to get it
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| (The New Editor) |
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A fun, 'family-friendly, Easter cluster-bomb hunt'
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Italian men are now letting their mothers choose their future wives live on television. Yep, that'll help them lose their reputation as mama's boys
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| (AM-NY) |
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JFK gunman suspect in custody. Jack Ruby grabs jacket, rushes out the door
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Lesbian teacher wins £20,000 compensation after being told she couldn't have paternity leave, while a teacher who was raped by a 12-year-old pupil received just £11,000. Good job, National Union of Teachers
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Pranksters glue all of a California school's doors shut, because waiting in the gymnasium until the doors are opened is so much better than going to classes
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Another day, another arrest for felony misappropriation of a person's identification in order to register and sell Holstein cattle to Saudi Arabia
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The hottest web site in Wichita is the anti-prostitution page
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this alley
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Sad: Woman found drowned in pool. Fark: Her swim class nickname was "sinker"
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Being an inanimate object is difficult enough without being constantly humped by a robot
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Moviegoers expecting to see the PG rated movie "The Last Mimzy" see a naked woman giving birth what appears to be a mutant creature instead
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Family reportedly rescued from a boat that fell 150 feet over a waterfall. Marshall, Will and Holly are all expected to make a full recovery
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The United States is spending $11 million in the first half of this year to upgrade Iraq war dead from cargo class to first class
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Remember that time when we kidnapped your sailors, threatened them into making false confessions, and then let them go? Well, now it's time for you to do a favor for us
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Well, the good news is you don't have cancer
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Mix an evangelical Baptist, a crotchety Mormon, Good Friday, and a motorized wheelchair. What do you get? An entry in the police blotter
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| (Some Guy) |
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What's the Saudi Councilman telling Nancy Pelosi?
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Michigan democrats vote to give every kid in Michigan an iPod for educational purposes. "Bad touch" and "My humps" added to sex ed class
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| (playfuls.com) |
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Microsoft says DRM-free music soon to be available to all 14 Zune owners. Steve Jobs to announce Microsoft's next move shortly
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| (Saturday Gazette Mail) |
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Airman demonstrating how he thought friend comitted suicide nails it right on the head
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Ladies and gentlemen, this is your uuuhh captain speaking, I'll be locking myself in the uuuhhh lavatory and screaming uuuhhh obscenities on my cell phone before we depart
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"Stealing a person's shoes is a particularly appalling and degrading thing to do and it seems all the more so when it happens over the Easter holiday period, when most people are trying to enjoy the long weekend"
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| (nola) |
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Trying not to spill your beer is good in principle. Then there's this guy
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High-end gated community terrorized by dairy cows
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Man returning stolen items to Home Depot for credit, "That's OK. I work for the IRS. You can trust me."
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Freed British sailors say that their confessions were coerced and that they were the victims of Iran's macho head games
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this toddler and his truck
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CBS News defends stories on bunnies, pandas, birdies and puppies. "I don't think the Evening News has a responsibility to stuff its newscast with as much hard news as possible. We can get the news in a lot of places these days"
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If your marriage has failed, you can now have a funeral ceremony for it to bury the rings. It's just like a regular funeral, except regular coffins don't say "Six feet isn't deep enough" on the lid
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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The post office is wondering what to do with a piece of junk mail. From 1943
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bartender pleads guilty to spiking cop's beer with Visine for not tipping her, oh, and arresting her
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| (News10.net) |
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Titletown, USA (AKA - The Swamp) offers homeless population bus tickets to "anywhere but here"
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Ocean temperatures are going to drop in the next five to ten years. Suck it, Al Gore
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Experiment finds that food additives, preservatives and colours make children aggressive and disruptive. In other news, breathing, walking make children aggressive and disruptive
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Eight-month-old baby tests positive for amphetamine, methamphetamine, nicotine and caffeine. Captain Obvious, Deputy Duh think someone else may be responsible for putting the drugs in him
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Conference aims to get more women into computer-game development, off the roads
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Teenagers compete in the obscure sport of finger jousting at the World Finger Jousting Federation's Majigger at the Mall event in this video recap
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these tires
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Three men who successfully rob someone, but then decide to pistol-whip him anyway, end up regretting their decision when the clip falls out of the gun and the victim decides to attempt an ass-kicking trifecta
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Baptist Church bans kids from gory Good Friday re-enactment
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| (American Thinker) |
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US set to ban incandescent light bulbs, hoping it will lower electric prices and shed coal plants faster. Unfortunately, it will do the opposite
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Naked man dies after he ran in front of a freight train
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Debtors with poor credit scores can take advantage of a loophole to rent credit lines from people with better credit history. Because spending money in order to borrow more money is exactly what most debtors need to do
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| (Some Guy) |
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The art of science allows "artists" to grow real fur coats of your choice in a lab without harming animals. Chinchillas everywhere breath a little easier
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Special education teacher's death investigated as a murder due to signs of blunt force trauma. She might have been screaming "No, no no," but all they heard was "Who wants cake?"
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Kobra Kai dojo suffers yet another humiliation
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Asking someone to hide a weapon is now an offence in England
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President Karzai was all, yo, I mets with the Talibans, yo, but the Talibans was like, nuh-uh, noyoudiint
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Two women who didn't wear their seat belts are in critical condition, but the passenger wearing a seat belt walked away with minor abrasions. With pic of the car wreck that will convince you to never ride without a seatbelt again
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Feds pull 140 passengers off a flight and search them all on the tarmac. Fark: After they reach their destination
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| Fri April 06, 2007 |
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Report offers scientists attention, bureaucrats a crisis, politicians equivocation. Oh, and it says something about global warming that will be praised and derided by the usual suspects and fail to change anybody's mind
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Mount Chimborazo is higher than Mount Everest
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Woman author claims stay at home moms should get their ass out of the kitchen and join the real world. Who could possibly object to this?
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Shooting in car at JFK leaves 1 dead, Gov. John Connally injured
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Crack journalist reports J-Lo will never be a size zero
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30,000 pounds of cocaine with an import value of approximately $400 million confiscated off the coast of Florida, Tony Montana taken in for questioning
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Professor Romero Ph D. from the Institute of the Blindingly Obvious discovers that a dog's size is determined by genetics
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If you're gonna impersonate your brother to get out of a DWI, don't call him to bail you out of jail
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Menu Food recall expands to dog biscuits, Ford Pintos; your dog wants steak
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| (Some drunk) |
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Former pro-wrestler turned MMA fighter gets beat up outside bar, Shawn Michaels to sue for gimmick infringement
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Armed officers storm tomato growers apartment, closing the gateway to much harder fruits and vegetables
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| (Some chubby kid) |
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Kids boycott school lunch because of low quality. School threatens to pack food in big box and send it to the starving children who really deserve it
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Theme: In the wrong place at the wrong time
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City hires private company to shoot at coyotes in residential Riverside. What could possibly, probably or definitely go wrong?
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Condor from release program in Mexico has entered the US. It's here to eat the carrion that American scavengers won't eat
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Researchers discover people who recall past lives can't even remember what happened during this one
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| (eater) |
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Chumley's, the one-time speakeasy that gave us the term "86ed," may be 86ed itself
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If you're going to jump out of your stolen car and try to avoid cops by going into a river, at least have the decency to keep your pants on
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British troops were blindfolded, isolated and threatened with prison sentences by Iranians. Somebody must have sent them the Guantanamo operations manual
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| (Jointblog) |
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The top five most annoying banner ads on the Internet (scaled down to minimize the annoyance)
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Retirees to create flying car. In related news, farmers markets to purchase anti-aircraft artillery
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Male breast cancer a lot like the LAPD
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Judge: "Turn yourself in, Girls Gone Wild founder." Girls Gone Wild founder: "Suck it"
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Hugh Hefner says he is NOT the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby. Also mentioned that her anus was unremarkable. Bonus: This is main page news on CNN.com
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Florida Baptist pastor's resume: "Represented 7.5 million parishoners. Forty years of experience. Only spent four years in jail for embezzlement from church"
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| (Chattanoogan) |
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Mother of the Year candidate gets arrested at Little League baseball game for yelling out obscenities, throwing drinks at several people and shoving a coach after being asked to leave. The rest of the police blotter is even stranger
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| (Cute Overload) |
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Photoshop this tiny beast
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Man sues insurance company who won't pay for "lawful damages" to his Lexus after his asshat daughter led police on a dangerous 100-mph chase and then locked herself inside when stopped
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UMass considers revoking Robert Mugabe's honorary degree. Mugabe is said to be distraught, considering resignation upon hearing the news
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FarkTV: "Not one, not two, but three warning shots." Special appearance by Drew as Warden Scheisskopf. And cleavage (not Drew's)
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Over 500 laptops, many loaded with sensitive information, have disappeared from the IRS in the last three years. Worse, none of the thieves bothered to declare the computers as "illegal income" on their 1040As
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In annual religious rite, Filipino men get nails hammered through hands. Palm Sunday?
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| (KMOV) |
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Baking soda may be sold behind the counter like cold medicine in an attempt to combat drug manufacturing
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I'll see your coyote in a deli and raise you a rabid fox in a Sonic restaurant
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| (Some Guy) |
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In a big push to win this year's Romero Award for Pure Excellence, Oregon's KATU news investigates report that a sandbar could pose problems for windsurfers
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Locals are taking target practice on cars zipping by on Bronx highways again
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Man accused of using webcam for lewd act. There's another use?
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You've gained national attention from the media because your daughter ran away with a man she met on MySpace. Do you: A) Get her help? B) Buy her a pony? C) Whore her around?
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| (WFSB) |
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Coca-Cola says a scene in an upcoming movie where Jesus drinks a Coke would probably give the soda a bad image
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| (Some Guy) |
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Logging truck paints the town red. Or the streets at least (with pic)
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The infamous Hatfield-McCoy feud blamed on genetic "rage" disease: "There was a lot of inter-marrying" that could have played havoc with the gene pool, experts conceded
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TV company sued for £300K for showing jail keys, which resulted in 11,000 locks having to be changed
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Officers who pulled a man over for running a red light found a plush Easter bunny stuffed with marijuana in the car. "Easter grass," indeed
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Imperious curse used on ten children. Lord Voldemort unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lily Allen, during concert, calls George W. Bush an a**hole and claims she is probably bisexual. Alcohol was involved
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French presidential candidate advises young people to masturbate furiously
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Homeless man gets his post delivered to "The Disabled Toilet, The Lower Pleasure Gardens, Bournemouth"
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Tractor crashes into donkey cart, which crashes into wall, which lands on students, killing eight. It's the saddest Rube Goldberg machine ever
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95-year-old woman solves series of mysterious thefts in a retirement home by setting a trap and lying in wait. The lesson being, don't mess with people who do nothing but watch "Matlock" all day
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Connecticut girl goes two years without food and drink, installed as favorite in cycle eight of "America's Next Top Model"
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Gay marriage legalized in Disneyland. Wait, what?
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| (Some Maverick) |
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Photoshop this cheerleader
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Three-year legal battle over two hedgehogs could end up costing taxpayers £40,000, but you just can't skimp when handling such a prickly situation
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Texas passes "Dick Cheney Act," allowing blind hunters to use laser scopes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Handcuffed pregnant teenager jumps from moving ambulance. Like other decisions in her life, this was not a good one
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"I think finally technology has caught up to stupidity," says man as stupid as people he videos
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Engineers at Purdue University say it would take them two to three years to come up with a working prototype of a cloaking device
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Manitoba to soon get a new statutory holiday in February. The rest of Canada points and laughs at the poor bastards who think a vacation in Winnipeg, in the middle of February, is a good thing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Q: How do you know when it's time to pull Dad out of the assisted living facility? A: When you find a rat in his room. And it's dead. And it's lodged in his mouth
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| (Some Guy) |
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Smack the bejesus out of this virtual drum set
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AudioEdit: Turn your least favorite song into something you'd actually listen to
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| (Brisbane Times) |
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Ugly-ass Tasmanian devil babies born in Aussie sanctuary. Bugs Bunny unavailable for comment
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FBI agent killed in a shootout with three bank robbery suspects might have been shot accidentally by another FBI agent
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| Thu April 05, 2007 |
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Japan approves first hatch for unwanted babies. Japanese hatch to be twice as small, cost half as much, and accept four times more unwanted infants than inferior American baby hatches
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Today's "13-year old student arrested for writing on desk" story brought to you by NYC
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IPod saves American soldier's life
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Montreal's cigarette-butt vigilante admits hoax. Claims video was a recreation of actual event
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The "Island of Kiddie Diddlers" is one step closer to reality. Should be enough priests there to have mass three times a day
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Aspirin can make your stomach bleed, Tylenol can kill your liver, now Advil will give you a heart attack. Safest headache remedy is now hitting yourself on the head with claw hammer
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Always remember to wait until you leave the pawn shop to start showing your two-year-old how to use your new AK-47
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this famous Bezerkley unicyclist
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28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography. Is that the best we can do?
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Clothespinning mouths shut isn't "condoned punishment" in schools. But it sure is creative
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| (Cinematical) |
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The reviews of "The Reaping" are in: "'The Next Karate Kid' is no longer the embarrassing thing on Hilary Swank's resume." Yep, that'll be in the TV ads
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New Hampshire baseball team asks fans to shovel out stadium, offering free tickets to a game. One person shows up
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| (WWL-TV) |
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New Orleans city councilmember drops "Do you know who I am?" line after state police catch her doing 100 mph on interstate. Twice. And gets away with it both times
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Man tires of playing blackjack at casino; tries Russian roulette instead
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| (WFAA) |
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TXU threatens to manipulate the energy market after being accused of manipulating the energy market
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Kerkorian offers $4.5B to buy moribund Chrysler. Unfortunately, what Chrysler needs right now is Kevorkian, not Kerkorian
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The successful release of British sailors shows that we need to bomb Iran
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Keith Urban, who was sued by Keith Urban over keithurban.com, decides to countersue Keith Urban. John Malkovich unimpressed
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Naval chief says Americans would have fought back, implying that British Navy is made up of a bunch of girly-men
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| (Some Guy) |
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You are mayor of San Francisco. Do you: C) Simulate oral sex on microphone? This is Fark, the answer is always C. Possibly not safe for work
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India wants the world to know that Sanjaya is not their fault. However, they are willing to take credit for his sister
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Journalist is shocked -- shocked, I say! -- at grape-throwing incident. Only now has Detroit become the laughingstock of America
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Eritrea bans ritual female circumsion. Sad tag used because the practice was so common it needed to be banned and because Fark doesn't have an About Farking Time tag
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The East Coast just received up to 16 inches of global warming
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British dentist found guilty of peeing in tooth-rinse sink, cleaning his ears with dental tools, and generally being a British dentist
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The email inbox of Nardo Pace, the Empire's worst engineer
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Captive British sailors back home with their families. Everyone disappointed the situation didn't end with war and destruction
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| (Some Pretty Guy) |
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Farker's friend deals with his losing March Madness bet
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Rosie on Bill O'Reilly: "A fattish... man of paralyzing stupidity, a mass of imbecile enthusiasms...." Which leads one to think Rosie must have fun house mirrors in her dressing room
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| (WiltshireTimes) |
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Im in ur substation, playin wi... ZAP
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| (Salina Journal) |
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Finding that it's too warm to do the "footprints in the snow" thing, drunk driver leaves a trail of car parts leading to his house
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police investigate potential home invasion. They're unsure if it was a home -- and if it was, was it actually invaded? Or was the guy simply bringing democracy?
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Red River overflows breached dike
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Woman once honored by Hillary Clinton receives 34 years for drug dealing
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| (Brisbane Times) |
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"I'm totally confident we don't have a problem" doesn't sound so reassuring when it follows phrases like "only one (of 10) light anti-armour weapons have been recovered by the police"
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Scientists discover global warming on Mars even though Martians have switched to alternative fuels
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| (KING 5) |
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A house is stripped of everything -- even light fixtures and the kitchen sink -- after a phony Craigslist ad invited people to take whatever they want. Punked, Internet-style
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Ric Romero has apparently been hired by CNN, reporting if you take immigrants out of major cities, the major cities will have fewer people living there
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Definition of "whipped": Brit spends four years turning his Land Rover into Chitty Chitty Bang Bang in order to placate his wife
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Hundreds rescued from cruise ship somewhere near SPARTAAAA
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Hackers still using the "Nude Britney Spears" emails to try and spead virii, apparently unaware that Britney has moved from "hit it" to "do not want" status
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| (pr-inside) |
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Add "ejaculating animal videos" to the list of "what happens if I don't preview this video" as Tim McGraw and Faith Hill find an unsavory surprise on the opening night of their tour
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"Girls Gone Wild" founder ordered to jail. "Guys Gone Wild on My Ass" sequel series to air soon
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| (Alternet) |
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Feminist art is finally gaining in popularity and critical recognition, even though art which has been commended as being strongly vaginal bothers some men. In fact, the word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina
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Woman busted for smuggling dope in her vibrator. Should have used the tinfoil-wrapped cucumber
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Civil-rights groups want six-month moratorium on foreclosures. Also want six-months of rent-free living and banks to accept the responsibility of deadbeats who got loans they couldn't afford
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Ford CEO posts $28 million profit for 2006
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Entire gallery of police-evidence photos from that bikini-firefighter case. Including a shot from the rear and a nice closeup of his tan water balloons. Yep, The Smoking Gun is there
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Girl had suspected "boyfriend" was a woman. "I kind of, like, guessed, but then every time I questioned her, she would get really mad, so I just stopped caring"
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Up to 25 percent of people told they have depression may have been wrongly diagnosed. As it turns out, they're just really boring
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Your tax dollars at work: Coast Guard helicopter rescues man and bird from tree. In downtown Houston
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Wild Oats is known for healthy offerings like alfalfa, tofu, free range chicken and mice crap
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As funeral costs rise, Chinese find that they can't afford to die
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Governor wants to build railroad. Problem: Nobody would ride the railroad and the state can't afford it. Solution: Build a casino at the end of the railroad
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It is not okay to suggest that some Muslims might be terrorists. It IS okay to claim that Christians might be terrorists. Just thought you'd like to know that
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| (Some Farm Girl) |
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Photoshop this corn
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Onion News Network investigates how cancer can actually be good for you
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| (KLBJ-AM) |
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Idaho sportsmen are taking potshots at Idaho National Guard tanks. "There's a segment of the shooting community that will shoot at anything that moves"
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| (eCanadaNow) |
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Disney's VP speaking of Keith Richards' recent comments about snorting his dad's ashes: "Keith won't be doing a lot of publicity for this movie"
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Man who raped a 10-year-old girl was spared a jail sentence after a High Court judge agreed that the victim looked older
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pictures of Halle Berry going down on a young Hollywood star
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| (WUSA) |
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A disoriented man on Capitol Hill is getting all stabby. No, it's not John McCain. Bonus: He dances in the street before he stabs you
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"Grandma, put your clothes back on and get off that billboard." (Unfortunately with pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Laguna Beach" and "The Hills" reality star Lauren Conrad sex tape coming to an Internet near you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Six Flags Over Georgia offers free admission between 6:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m. Ends promotion at 5:55 a.m. due to cops closing off exit, traffic jams and fist fights
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Japanese naval officer accidentally took home military secrets. He actually thought he was taking home some porn. No, really
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Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory tries again on national TV -- the link is on Fark, guess what happened
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People who forget to take their medication may now get spammed by their "smart" pillboxes to remind them. R3M3MB34 UR VI4GR4, C14l15?
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Passion for gore: Fake-blood suppliers say Mel Gibson has made Easter peak season for their ghoulish liquid
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Actual headline: "Kim Jong Il ate my rabbits for his birthday." Now THAT's the true meaning of Easter
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Man gets into argument with his girlfriend, sets her on fire. She's now in critical condition, but she's still smoking hot
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Mentally ill Milwaukee man puts foot through famous 17th-century painting
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Twenty-two Shiite shepherds kidnapped in Iraq. They're having as much trouble getting the flock out of there as we are
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Horror-film fan slashes sleeping friend with a homemade Freddy Krueger glove. Only someone wearing a Jason Voorhees goalie mask can save us now
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Chinese TV catches teh ghey. "Makers hope it will increase tolerance in a society where homosexuality is still a taboo." Yeah, that'll work
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| (Statesboro Herald) |
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Not news: Interstate closed due to wreck. News: Wreck caused by a cop. Fark: Cop on his way to participate in a campaign against aggressive drivers. Ironic and Dumbass tags collide, write each other tickets
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The dot-com bubble may have burst a long time ago, but F***edCompany.com may be getting its second wind, as there will always be new, stupid businesses to make fun of
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| (Some Guy) |
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The small dog has not been seen since... it was eaten
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ziggurat Con -- the world's first war-zone gaming/anime convention -- to be held in Iraq. (Link farked -- see DIT)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this crane in action
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John Walker Lindh: "Guys, come on. I'm ready to go home now, please?"
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Next time you throw a gun in the trash, make sure it's unloaded first
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Man caught having sex with a sheep, which is newsworthy because it happened in Germany instead of New Zealand. Of course, it was still the New Zealanders who reported it
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Vet: "I told you to take out my cancerous left testicle." Doc: "Wait, did you mean my left or yours?"
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ANNOUNCE: First ever Birmingham Fark party, April 14 ~7ish at the Oasis. LGT map
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Brazilian hospital overcomes hurdle in treating obese patients by sending them to local jockey club for X-rays
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School board votes to close 34 schools in Detroit. One arrested after assaulting a board member with a grape
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Two boys steal mercury from dentist's office, expose entire town to it. Since this happened in West Virginia, it will probably just make the residents smarter than they were before
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If you plan on stealing from your place of employment, please refrain from placing the items on Ebay. This holds especially true if you work with one-of-a-kind Civil War documents
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♫ ♫ Oompa loompa doop-pa-dee-doo, if you were wise you... wouldn't stick your hand in the machinery while it's running. Darn, that doesn't rhyme
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Dog who disappeared from his Kansas City home found alive and well four years later in Montana. Still wants steak
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Social studies teacher suspended for giving his fifteen-year-old student a demonstration on how to irrigate a fertile delta
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We talk suicidal people off the ledges of buildings but when a homeless guy builds a raft made of lumber and starts sailing to China, he gets a pat on the back from the media
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| (Some Guy) |
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Microsoft sued over "Windows Vista Capable" stickers on PCs which in reality will barely run the most stripped down version of Vista. Microsoft? Deceptive? Nah
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 100: "Stitching" LGT next week's theme. Theme description and rules in first post
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| Wed April 04, 2007 |
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Study finds greater exposure to day care increases violence, strep throat
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Australian to live underwater for two weeks. No word on if he will be sleeping with the fishes
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"Cigarette Butt Hero" - Guy sees driver empty ashtray onto sidewalk. Guy scoops it up and dumps it back on driver's lap. Video goodness of course
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Once again surviving a failed plan that was curtailed by his own mix of ambition and ineptitude, the coyote that wandered into a Chicago Quiznos is set free (with pics and video)
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Australian claims to antarctic were never challenged...until black gold, Tassie Tea, oil that is, was seen on the horizon. Now inability to defend territory aginst "intUrloperS" seen to negate claims
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| (Some UMich Robot) |
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Photoshop this squirmy robot
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Honor student spends 12 days in slammer for bomb threat he didn't make... due to lethal combination of retarded school officials and Daylight Saving Time
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Reach under your couch cushions, find a buck or so in loose change. Sands' Casino looks under their old slot machines and finds $17,193.34 in loose change
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Woman falls from sixth-floor balcony. Fall broken by large pile of, uh, excrement
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Director of "Christmas Story" and "Porky's" killed in car crash. No word on Red Ryder's involvement
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Portrait of Madonna weeps yellow tears. Vatican to investigate (with pics)
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"Strong possibility" of $4-a-gallon gas this summer. EVERYBODY PANIC. No, really
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If you're going to chase blowing papers through a parking lot, you should make sure that the parking lot doesn't abut a 300-foot cliff
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Victim of man who is quite possibly the world's worst sniper dies of his injuries 30 years later
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Proving once and for all that there really is no such thing as bad publicity, interest in the House page program has skyrocketed since the Foley scandal
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NASA accused of covering up the apparent theft of a wedding ring belonging to one of the doomed Space Shuttle Columbia astronauts
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| (Eisenhower) |
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Photoshop this meeting of broomspeople
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| (Green Bay Press-Gazette) |
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If you're waiting for a ride home from the sheriff's department, and you have to go, don't go in the lobby
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Judge orders psych evaluation after country singer claims he "was a test monkey to see if someone could smoke marijuana and play baseball at the same time." Now, there's some song material right there
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Gators to grace Wheaties box. Thirty-six hours after their victory, none arrested yet?
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Werewolf will stand trial. Public defender, Miss Obvious, Esq., says her client has "some mental health issues"
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Doing it doggie style on MSNBC (with pic goodness)
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| (Enquirer) |
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Mayor of Cincinnati wants to try that whole first-pitch thing over again. And hey, he was nearly as good as Curt Schilling on Opening Day
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Auto magazine reports French presidential candidates routinely break speed limit, surrender to Germany
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Wal-Mart employee admits that company is actually a front for SPECTRE
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| (NY Sun) |
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The CEO who sees Fat Albert for what he is: "He is more dangerous than his global warming"
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| (KLBJ) |
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Austin city officials propose using a redneck nightclub parking lot as a spot for illegal immigrants to gather to pick up "day labor" work. This should end well
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Elvis was a huge Monty Python fan and spent hours doing character impersonations. "Get back here, I'll bite your legs off; and I'll bite right into this sweet peanut-butter and banana sandwich"
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Fark TV goes to the GA capital with a six-foot-tall kitten to demand an apology for slavery
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Blue Jay's commercial featuring Frank Thomas clubbing a kid with a pillow will not be allowed to air on TV because it's too agressive
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Dalai Lama plans trip to Chicago. Evangelicals holding workshops on how to try and convert Buddhists to Christianity when they arrive. What could possibly go wrong?
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Judge allows trucker to legally change name to Ynot Bubba. Hilarity sure to ensue
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| (Chattanoogan) |
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Chattanooga celebrates the return of the kudzu-eating goats and their donkey bodyguards
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Alabama names piss official state beer
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| (On Marijuana) |
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Underground facility complete with caves, hidden doors, vaults and a hydraulic rock for an escape hatch. The home of Batman? After police find the 1,000 marijuana plants down there, its more like Bluntman and Chronic
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O.J.Simpson sues Fred Goldman to prevent him from profiting from a book which details Ron Goldman's violent murder
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North Carolina paint huffer poses for mug shot with Krylon goodness. Of course, The Smoking Gun is there
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| (Student Voice) |
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College student steals all the paper copies of his school's newspaper so no one will see his name in the police blotter; makes front page, Fark
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| (Alternet) |
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Vermont citizens contemplating seccession due to an overly controlling federal government. If only they could find some other states with similar issues, and form an organization. A confederacy, if you will
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You know you always suspected it, but now there's proof: PowerPoint presentations are bad for your brain
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Remake of "Logan's Run" coming. Ironically, this is only interesting if you are over 30
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Keith Richards never snorted his dad. "I can't believe anyone would take me seriously when I said he was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow"
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Iranian President I'm A Dinner Plate announces that captured British sailors are to be freed as a "gift to Britain." Britain responds with a bunch of flowers and a hot cocoa sampler box
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An Egyptian is born every 23 seconds. His mother must have some unbelievable stretch marks
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Problem: India has the highest number of AIDS cases in the world. Solution: Ban sex ed
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Attention Angelina Jolie: Chinese kids now half off
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Unscrupulous petrol retailers facing crucifixion if they raise prices over Easter, expect prices to rise to the heavens in three days anyway
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As if the sentence "They are also known to bite HUMANS" isn't scary enough, the Sun thoughtfully bolds the word "humans" to help drive the point home. Oh, and the article is about ladybugs
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| (Some Gearhead) |
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Photoshop this centrifugal compressor
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Committing gang rape is not a good idea. Neither is filming it. And you pretty much eliminate all possibility of getting away with it when you forward the footage around to everyone
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| (Some Guy) |
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Jail guard caught having sex with inmate, sentenced to spend his nights having sex with inmates
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| (WZZM) |
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Teacher removed from classroom for remainder of year after calling Fatty Fatty
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Elementary-school principal admits to throwing feces at a child. Now that's what I call education
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The shiat hits the fan: Farmers will face fertilizer shortage this year
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Driving around and shooting the homeless with a pellet gun does not solve the problem
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| (NBC4 D.C.) |
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Student protesters, showing remarkable faith in Karl Rove's humanity, lay down in front of his car
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Flight from Japan to Fiji briefly immersed in light shower. Difficulty: Golden
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Everyone has forgotten the meaning of Easter. Including the person who's telling us that everyone's forgotten the meaning of Easter
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Two men stab teenager 133 times, use his head as a bowling ball. Lucky for them, Australia doesn't have three strikes laws
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Boys' high school defending its practice of making students on detention walk around in orange overalls with "work crew" printed on the back. But at least they're not being treated like prisoners or anything
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Murder suspect hosed off 8th-story window by fire brigade in China (with pics)
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When holding outdoor mass, remember to turn microphone off before local teenagers notice it
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Former policemen rob hotel, blame actions on sleeping tablet. If they truly have a sleeping pill with side effects like "increases ability to form detailed plans," submitter wants some
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Woman uses axe to convince her 15-year-old son that locking himself in her car is not a good idea. Hero trumps amusing
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This joke keeps getting better: Cameras in Britain will now berate people via loudspeaker for heinous crimes such as littering. Using school kids voices. And you thought the French surrendered easily?
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Man could spend the rest of his life behind bars if he is found guilty of gaining access to some 97 military and NASA computers in U.S. Just had to hack after seeing "WarGames" and hearing stories from stepdad about UFOs
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Twin sisters named after bullet trains operated by a Japanese railway have started jobs at the company. And you thought you had it bad because your parents always wanted you to be a doctor
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Today's "female teacher banging a student" story is brought to you by Merritt Island. Bonus: Subby's son has her for a teacher
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FCC says "no" to cellphones on planes. Next up: Babies
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Medal of Freedom originally intended for Captain James Lovell, commander of Apollo 13, found on Ebay. Tom Hanks says he thought it was just a prop
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Amazon reports that sales of books like "Home-Prepared Dog & Cat Diets: The Healthful Alternative" are skyrocketing. Some customers are disappointed to find that it's not a new South Asian cookbook, however
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| (Some Egg) |
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Just in time for Easter: Egg-stacking photos. Much cooler than it sounds
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