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| Sun March 18, 2007 |
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AudioEdit a speech by Iranian President given to children in Iran w/ English Translation
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Legislators claim that lobbyists' gift don't influence voting patterns
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| (AF.mil) |
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Photoshop this pararescueman
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| (Some Guy) |
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Texas veteran who urged his son to enlist rejoins the Army himself after his son is killed in Iraq because he wants to be a "positive influence on the 20-year-old troops there"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not to be outdone by the Texans, a Connecticut legislator volunteers to be tasered in public hearing
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| (Some Guy) |
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"There's currently $370 TRILLION in derivatives,hedgefunds & over-leveraged investments.There's no relationship between this cyber-wealth & actual deposits/investments. It's a banking scam on steroids."
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| (Some Non-Waiter) |
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How much do you tip in U.S. restaurants? Is 20% the new 15%?
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How to be a gentleman
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French fries or onion rings?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Some amazing creature art
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Tasers issued to police officers to reduce shootings. Being that this is Texas, police shootings have not decreased, and most of the people tasered were never charged or convicted of a crime
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Japanese museum puts massive gold bar worth $2 million on open display, explaining 'they wanted visitors to be able to touch it.' Pretty much the worst that could possibly go wrong almost immediately did
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Man takes rifle to airport, through security, boards plane, plane takes off, nobody notices. Security workers: " A gun? Really?"
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Retards force news anchor to apologize for saying she sometimes "feels like a retard" on air
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| (Some Guy) |
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Marching bands, carnival rides, and John Travolta welcome Scientology to small religiously conservative town
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NCAA second round day 2 discussion thread. Not that it matters, looking at your brackets
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'Hooking up' can mean anything from kissing to sex. Phrases like 'getting mangled' and 'blazing' are related to alcohol or substance abuse" says teen who just ruined it for everyone
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Mom called to elementary school to pick up their "disruptive" child. Mom then throws tantrum in classroom, arrested for threatening principal. Apple didn't fall far from tree
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Free land for anyone who doesn't mind their nipples falling to the ground and shattering like champagne flutes
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Nest of bald eagles found in Philadelphia. Eagles fans boo and throw batteries at it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this door. Watch that first step
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| (Some Guy) |
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After woman's ex-husband destroys her newly-renovated house, the renovators offer to fix the damage -- for free
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More than 50 reptiles, including a crocodile, were stolen from Steve Irwin's wildlife center. Crikey
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Your police officer girlfriend sends a saucy get well photo to your mobile. Do you a) delete it b) keep it to fap to c) share it with the rest of your police force colleagues via email?
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| (LSJ) |
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Vermont police stop man riding mower cross-country for charity. ''Vehicles that travel on our highways are required to be registered and to have a plate,''. That's some excellent police work there boys
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Japanese Irish turn out in droves to celebrate St. Patrick-san's Day
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| (Annapolis Capital) |
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When providing a fake name to police, make sure that is doesn't already belong to a felon wanted on several warrants
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theft of M&M's and Twizzlers escalates into murder by salsa
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New York artists who can paint the future sue NBC over "Heroes" ripoff. Their latest future-masterwork is them buying burritos at the local 7-11, so if you've recently bought a burrito at a 7-11, you might want to get a lawyer
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Fashion designer charged with rape in LA. Police find the charges shocking, particularly the part about the fashion designer being straight
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest sand sculptures you will see today
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| (New York Times) |
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Photoshop Riccardo Chailly the Blasted Conductor
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| (Inside Bay Area) |
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How to take pictures of naked coeds for free: 1) buy camera, 2) find some trees that will be cut down, 3) tell coeds that you're doing an artistic piece on the the connection between people and trees to protest development
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British Navy toilets declare war on British Navy seamen. So far the toilets are winning
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Welsh restaurants pushed to focus on local ingredients. Thistle, leek and Kit-Kat pie expected to be a big hit
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| (The Kansas City Channel) |
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35 year old female teacher + 13 year old male student = 10 year sentence? You'll know why as soon as you see the teacher
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Plastic surgeon faces charges of professional misconduct after he botched an operation so badly that the patient was left without a belly button or right nipple. Real smooth, Dr. Fumblefingers
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High school makes former student pay 30-year-old algebra book fee
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Man carjacks woman with the help of a screwdriver, though submitter has always thought that tequila was supposed to be the drink that got you in trouble with the law
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Unions are beginning to turn labor disputes into art with a street exhibition of photos depicting the faces of the affected workers, then going on break
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You know how cooks work with lots of knives? Yeah, that's why you don't argue with them at work
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Southern men are not down with art exhibit featuring Confederate flag hanging from noose
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Lawyers with stones battle police with tear gas, will face cheerleaders with nunchucks in the final round if they win
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NY firefighters told to stop acting like drunken Irishmen during St. Patrick's Day Parade. "What I have a problem with is members of the uniformed services showing up on the parade route intoxicated by 12 noon"
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Six hours on a plane can get you from LA to Dallas, but at NY airports it gets you about 50 feet farther on the tarmack
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| (Stars and Stripes) |
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First, troops ordered they can't have sex, followed by orders not to ever get drunk. Now, troops ordered not to smoke tobacco. Really want to make insane killers now, don't we?
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"She was not wearing any clothes when she was taken into custody"
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What was the first concert you ever went to. LGT mine and I was 15 at the time at the Channel, in Boston
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Note to self: airport authorities will actually check out your story if you tell them you're authorized to carry a gun on the plane
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Florida nudists will only pay with $2 bills. Even at Taco Bell
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"Merlot can be a variety of grape or a type of red wine, but not an acceptable personalized license plate in the state of Utah." Yeah, that's important
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| (WMAR) |
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Maryland apologizes for slavery, offers rice krispie treats
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The best way to loan a poor entrepreneur $20
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Suicide chlorine bombers hit Iraq, expected to headline Lollapalooza this year
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Polish satellite image
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| Sat March 17, 2007 |
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Canadian judge says he's really f*ckin sorry for swearing in the courtroom, eh
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British Airways passenger told to "get over it" after corpse is placed next to his first-class seat
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Man says that it wasn't the alcohol that was making him swerve all over the road, it was the new sex toy that his wife was...fondling
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| (News9 Chattanooga) |
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Dumb: woman lugging a safe on a public highway. Dumber: telling the police she stole it from her boyfriend. Fark: Boyfriend gives police permission to open it, where they find crack, stolen guns and drug money
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The mud flow has increased by 30%, the steaming mud is now full of rocks, but the scientist who thought of the crackpot plan thinks it's working. Why? Because the rotten egg smell is now worse
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Emma "Hermione" Watson gets her first stalker. The Sun is there. Giggety
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Thai air force, under orders from the military government, attacking cities with Dihydrogen Monoxide
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Germans invade small city of Trondheim, Norway
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All it takes is a female lawyer giving evidence topless to get a hung jury
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"Except for leaving behind all his money, plus a few scrapes and bumps, throbbing testicles and no public hair, he was none the worse for wear"
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| (Short News) |
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There is a downside to drinking too much vodka. Specifically, the whole cutting-off-your-genitals part
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NCAA Day 3 discussion thread
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| (Some Guy) |
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How Irish are you?
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| (Geoseismic Labs) |
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Earthquake alert for Southern California
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Twenty-year study in Scotland finds changing weather is affecting the evolutionary pattern of sheep and making them sexier than they've ever been
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this crushed can
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Al Gore's Inconvenient Toxic Zinc Mine nets him $500,000 in royalties
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| (Some Guy) |
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In Kenya's isolated Northeastern Province, books are brought to the semi-nomadic indigenous people by the Camel Bookmobile (pic)
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Parents in Scotland are getting in trouble for driving their kids to school instead of letting them walk
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In honor of St. Patrick's Day, a guide to Irish Stick Fighting. Remember: "The only fear I have is the fear of killin' you" (pic)
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Indian police will start to wear uniforms that'll make them sweet-smelling and sweat-free. Some of the cops in submitter's home town could learn something
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Kim Jong Il will shut down nuclear power plant for.... *camera zooms in* 25 MILLION DOLLARS *pinky to mouth*
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Chinese court has upheld a ban on a company from selling land on the moon, ruling that "celestial bodies" could not be anyone's property. Moon, not yours
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| (Some Guy) |
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The digital Bedouins: "Nobody knew I was sunburned, drinking from a coconut and listening to howler monkeys"
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Man arrested for 28th DWI charge. Henry Earl rolls eyes, mutters "Amateur" before tossing head back and gulping down more sweet, sweet ripple
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| (Islington Gazette) |
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Cops angry that meter maids are ticketing their illegally parked, marked police cars
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| (Some Guy) |
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Superhero costumes could land your kids in the hospital. EVERYBODY PANIC
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The time-honored tradition of hand-made lace finds new life with lace thongs and g-strings
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Charity organizers shocked, SHOCKED to see 5% of expected turnout after booking Travis Tritt
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| (HPR) |
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Should the government be able to regulate our unhealthy lifestyle choices? Harvard University looks at the impact of smoking bans
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Ever wonder what $206 million dollars stacked in a room looks like?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police decline to arrest teens who got ratted out for having a blow up sex doll in their car. "It's not indecent exposure because it's not an actual person," say cops, who think the incident was blown out of proportion
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| (The Charleston Gazette) |
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Reporter compares Farkers to "monkeys throwing feces." Ook ook.
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these art critics
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7-year old boy doesn't take "your momma" jokes too well
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"The Da Vinci Code" was a work of fiction, folks. Don't take it too seriously. In other news, the world lost a hottie today
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Not news: FedEx makes delivery. News: Of a 3-year old child. Fark: Covered in ice cream & wearing a Spider-Man costume
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Denied restroom access, airline passenger urinates into air sickness bag. Does the airline (a) apologize for the inconvenience, (b) send him free travel vouchers, or (c) have him arrested as a potential terrorist?
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In case of rapture, grab my beer
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Old and Busted: Pro wrestling is fake. New Hotness: Sumo wrestling is fake
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What exactly do you do for a living and do you like it?
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Pet food causing kidney failure and death in cats and dogs. Your dog wants steak
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The last bottle of HP Sauce made in the UK has rolled off the production line in Birmingham. People looking to pollute their steak with something that tastes like industrial waste will now have to buy it from Holland
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Judge blocks "D.C. Madame" from selling escort service records of over 15,000 clients, disappointing 1000s wondering what size corset Karl Rove wears
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People with more money than brains are paying upwards of $45,000 for a handbag. Hedoismbot approves
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Woman gets kicked out of IHOP for kissing her girlfriend. Plans in the works to rename signature dish to "Rooty Tooty Fresh and Absolutely Positively Straight"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these three lightbulbs
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| (KVUE.com) |
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Breaking into someone's house to steal $5,000 in booze? Make sure you don't drop a digital camera with pictures of you committing the crime. Chances are they'll end up on Fark(pics)
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The 20 most expensive alimony settlements ever. Your dog wants a divorce
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Want a job in the restaurant/bar industry? There are currently 11,000 positions available in Alberta
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Gonzales is packing his bags, reports CBS
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| (Mirror) |
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Police hunt elderly bank robbers who spray their victims with liquid poop before taking their cash. "The smell was instant and vile," says one victim
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| (Some Guy) |
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Turn water into ice that is hotter than the boiling point of water in nanoseconds. Wait, what?
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More young women are looking for one-night stands. Giggity
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The names of more than 200 dead U.S. soldiers will be removed from an Iraq War memorial because the families of the dead still support the quagmire...I mean, war
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Answer: A three-way. Question: What is a first for Jeopardy?
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| Fri March 16, 2007 |
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Vicious killing machines such as pit bulls, german shepherds, rottweilers, and dobermans to be banned in Tampa. Florida tag in a coma after Spiffy attack
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Show us your plans for this evening. With MS Paint
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Omgwtfbbq111. McCain uses the term "tar-baby", immediately apologizes
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Stan Lee Media has sued Marvel Entertainment for $5 billion. Too bad Stan Lee himself is not in favor of the lawsuit
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Drew will be on KMOX St. Louis later this evening
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Bus driver announces over speaker that Muslims should be called "sheetheads" instead of "towelheads". Jihad firing ensues
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| (Some Soldier Guy) |
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Photoshop this lil' trooper
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| (CT Post) |
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If a girl shoots you down in the third grade, don't wait until you're 20 to send her a stick figure drawing of her holding her own bloody head in her hands
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Floods and droughts predicted this sping. If only there was some way to save water when you have more than you need, some kind of reservoir of water
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Students name space station module "Harmony." "Mike Rotch" came in close second
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Half-assed liposuction leaves woman half-assed. Asinfourpointfive tag unavailable for headline
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you want to get re-elected to public office, it might be be best to not mention that you are an alien abductee
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Gunman complains that he hadn't had all he could eat. Wanted $4.99 back
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| (Some Guy) |
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Court declares Microsoft's FAT patent invalid. Your mom may begin collecting royalties now
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Bally Fitness learns the hard way that Americans want to be fat and lazy
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Benetton hires Warner Music exec as CEO, will immediately begin suing everyone who ever downloaded a v-neck sweater
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Duke Lacrosse accuser won't answer prosecutors questions, cites losing Magic 8 Ball for problem
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| (The Oshkosh Northwestern) |
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Officer, I've had too much to drink, forget about that field sobriety test and just take me to jail. But let me get this Big Mac first
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| (Idaho Statesman) |
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Winning Idaho Lottery ticket printed in error worth $1 million. Naturally a bunch of douches try to claim it
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It had to happen: "Suicide Bombers," the situation comedy
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Bad news for those of you hoping to spend the weekend on a plane: JetBlue cancels 215 flights ahead of winter storm
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Soccer club has warned their fans against throwing celery during matches, saying it was a criminal offence and that anyone caught lobbing the popular salad vegetable could be banned
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NZ council sues itself and wins, loses
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| (Some Guy) |
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Girl, 14, impaled while having fun with friends. More fun than you can stake a chick at
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Using an Airsoft gun to shoot a pregnant woman gets Scotsman a stern talking to
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Students stage protest rally, walkout over high school principal -- but that's not the really weird part
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| (Some Guy) |
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World's shortest St Patrick's Day parade runs 100 yards between two pubs in this tiny Irish village, which luckily also happens to be as far as the locals can stumble
source: u.tv | share:
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Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what kind of purified white powder you're going to get
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U.S. will give visa to Iranian president. State Department reportedly happy to roll out red carpet for him to visit Guantanamo Bay as well
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Politician who has his bike stolen calls for Sharia law to be imposed on bicycle thieves. If that involves beheading or public stoning, submitter is all for it
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Non-trial of the century: Jury clears NBA player's wife of hurling hot coffee
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| (Entertainment Weekly) |
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Top 12 movies that make guys cry that have nothing to do with her taking half your stuff
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sir, here's your ticket. Please watch your speed. Oh, and before I forget, you're under arrest for armed robbery and resisting arrest
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| (Trentonian) |
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Four idiots claiming to be from the "Abannaki Indigenous Nation," which includes citizens of Venus and Mars, try to claim diplomatic immunity after being arrested in New Jersey
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Man smuggles grenade in pot of honey in failed attempt to assassinate Winnie the Pooh
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| (The Australian) |
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If you're happy and you know it, you're clearly not Hungarian
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Further proof that smoking and drinking are dangerous. Especially when you're drinking rubbing alcohol. And trying to light that gutter-stub cigarette. With the shakes
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Baltimore Police debut new community relations program: Arresting seven-year-old children
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If you're summoned to appear in court, leave your cellphone at home. Yeah, and your bag of pot, too
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Three-hundred-pound lesbian singer says she takes it as a compliment when people call her a "fat ugly biatch" (with pic of fat ugly biatch in spandex)
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Man caught driving 159 mph has dangerous driving conviction overturned, citing his "unusual driving skills." Did we mention he's a cop? Yeah, that probably had nothing to do with it
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McDonald's finally answers the question that's on everyone's minds: "Why did your employees ejaculate into my grandmother's milkshake?"
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Raw milk, it must be more healthy, say urban hippies with various and sundry parasites
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man to be compensated for weapon that was broken when police ordered him to drop it
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| (Argus Leader) |
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Bank, casino, jewelry store, or flower shop? It's Fark so you know which one this genius robbed. Bonus: purple Cavalier getaway car
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Judge forced to apologize after telling man he was sentencing for breaking into elderly woman's house that he would get a shotgun and "blow the head off" anyone who tried to do it to him
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| (Some Guy) |
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Zune sales are beyond abysmal: Less than 30,000 were sold in January. Some guy named Beve Stallmer bought 29,976 of them
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Married egg handler, working at Newlaid Farms, is crushed to learn that his wife slept with a man working at the rival Golden Lay Chicken Farm. Sometimes these headlines just write themselves
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| (heraldonline.com) |
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"Honest officer, I was doing 93 in a 45 zone so I could get home in time to catch the school bus."
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| (Transgendered Dan Quayle Porter) |
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Random beer name generator
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Official NCAA day two discussion thread. LGT scoreboard. What upsets do you have bracketed?
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Medics want to stop doing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation due to its ineffectiveness, fat chicks
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Police round up gang of 'midgets' for string of tiny break-ins and petty larceny. Expected to spend short time in jail
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Woman who sold advertising space on pregnant belly in exchange for Super Bowl tickets gives birth to baby boy named Ubid Dotcom Gordon
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nine-year old boy crowned with title of "Best Mullet In Jacksonville." To the surprise of absolutely no one, this prize was presented at a Monster Truck show
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Reminder: Boston pub crawl tomorrow at 10AM. We do whatever we want, whenever we want, at all times, LGTD
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Some hot blonde named Valerie Plame holding press conference about something, hopefully an upcoming Playboy spread
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| (KABC) |
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From the "Bound to happen sooner or later" department, a washed-up celebrity sues Fox over her portrayal in "Family Guy"
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If your sashimi tasted kinda "dumpstery" yesterday, here's why (pic)
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| (WGAL) |
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75-year-old Michail Makarenko survived 11 years in a Soviet gulag, but simply could not withstand the forces of New Jersey roadside vendors. Irony: the murderer was selling religious CDs
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| (Enquirer) |
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837 stolen children's books, 99 falsified library cards, 33 different phone numbers, 21 victim libraries, 4 thieving kids and and Mother of the Year candidate
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Having sorted out everything else, Supreme Court to rule on "Bong Hits for Jesus" case
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Britons dump a third of all their food. British submitter puzzled, knows British food well and thinks it sounds like a fairly low estimate
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Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband sues Bill OReilly after OReilly called his claims of fathering Anna Nichole's baby a "fraud". Is there a rich attention whore left in the world that isn't linked to this case yet?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this San Francisco street scene
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Firefighters rescue beagle stuck on a cliff for 9 days after its howls alert cheerleaders
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| (Florida Today) |
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The city of Cocoa Beach has, in an emergency measure, banned couches from the beach. There goes my weekend
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| (Some Guy) |
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Return of Hiccup Girl
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Museum to preserve ugly-ass four-legged chicken. And I do mean ugly-ass
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Guy bets $4 on six horses, wins $1.4 million
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| (KITV Honolulu) |
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From the "you don't say" file, investigators think missing rotor may hold clues as to why a helicopter crashed
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Court stenographer jailed by own judge for...typing...way...too...slow
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| (Some Guy) |
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German court rules it's OK to sell swastikas, provided they are anti-Nazi swastikas and not pro-Nazi swastikas
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I-Mockery reviews "Great White," the most infamous "Jaws" rip-off that was yanked from theaters after only two weeks due to blatant similarities. Your shark wants dignity
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Three children have won a share of the estate of a man said to be their sperm donor father
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City inspectors in South Florida take to roads and helicopters to ensure no one is using their sprinklers illegally
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| (WGAL) |
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In shocking news, government employees abuse their power. What next, politicians?
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Frito-Lay recalls all its BBQ corn chips, and not fondly, from Colorado Springs schools after unadvertised 'dead mouse surprise' proves to be less than a hit with consumers
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Good news: Immortality is achievable. Bad News: only Castro has discovered the secret
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| (Some Guy) |
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77% of people drive out of their way for cheaper gasoline. I guess you can't put a price on the "I just stuck it to The Man and saved four cents a gallon" feeling
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Wyoming reporter gets to bottom of dog poop story. What a shiatty assignment
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High school senior forced to hire attorney after teacher complains of sexual trauma after he mooned her
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The Black Jesus has been captured
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this seaman
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Hard-hitting news, from CNN: Tornados damage buildings
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There's no use crying over spilled milk, except if it's gonna cost you £18,000. Then you hire lawyers and cry on cue
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"Mmmmm, what's in this delicious burg....*cough, cough, wheez*
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| (wltx.com) |
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Today's "11- year old busting caps on school bus" brought to you by Columbia, SC (with pics)
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| Thu March 15, 2007 |
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Duke has now blown 11 pt lead, on their way out of the dance
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Best Buy allows employees to clock in as they wish when they feel like working. The change should be unnoticeable to shoppers
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CNN video: "60 Is the New Sexy." Eyebleach and Viagra not included
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"Look thar, Cletus, somebuddy dun stuck a TV on top of a typewriter." The digital divide growing
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| (Chattanoogan) |
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Today's "female teacher having sex with 15-year-old male student in a car parked behind an elementary school" story comes from Whitfield County, Georgia
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Former FBI agent suspects Khalid Sheikh Mohammed is trying to act like al-Qaeda's version of Bill O'Reilly
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A guide to help women get through March Madness that somehow manages to stretch "Stop bothering him" into an entire column
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| (Adweek) |
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"Tampax enters social networking fray." If you ask me, it's about bloody time
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| (Jacksonville.com) |
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Atlanta lawmaker seeking to remove Cynthia McKinney's name from roadway since she turned out to be such an embarrassment
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North Carolina jailers find drug-filled Bible. Jesus available for comment as soon as he finishes bag of Doritos
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NOAA declares this the warmest winter on record. But not in the U.S. Or the southern hemisphere. But you can PANIC ANYWAY
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Nurse takes a break from testifying against her landlord in court to give him CPR and save his life. Landlord thanks her; promises he'll wait until he's out of the hospital to resume suing her
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| (CrunchGear) |
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UK Apple store apologetic that they accidentally revealed the new 8-core Mac Pro on their website
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For your reading enjoyment, here's a list of 31 terrorist plots Khalid Sheikh Mohammad claims he masterminded, including 9/11, '93's WTC bombing, the Shoe Bomber and "American Idol"
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43,000 fans at Milwaukee's Miller Park may be forced to use porta-potties on opening day because some genius connected the park's sewer lines to a pipe that drains into a nearby river
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Today is the Ides of March. Approximately 98 percent of Americans have no idea what it means
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World's oldest man celebrates his 116th birthday. Stay off his lawn
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| (Some Guy) |
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The 2007 Ig Nobel Tour of the UK covers such seminal topics as"Termination of intractable hiccups with digital rectal massage" and "Scrotal asymmetry in man and in ancient sculpture". Still no cure for cancer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop submitter moments before crashing
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Traffic stop for tinted windows yields three assault rifles, three bags of pot, $3000, Dayton Ohio Fark trifecta. Bonus: And a two-year-old kid
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| (USPS) |
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USPS revises rules on mailing live chickens. Now they can only be sent via Express Mail and must conform to the standards in International Safe Transit Association Test Procedure 1A. Scroll down to section 9.3.5 for details
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Lady driving drunk. Interesting: With no front tires. Amusing: Tries to flee police. Taser? Oh yeah
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Red Hot Chili Peppers tells audience that they should accept music other than what is "jammed down your throat by MTV" and promptly vanish in a puff of logic
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Pentagon says "civil war" inadequate term for Iraq war and misses the finer nuances. A better term might be "clusterf*ck"
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"The Onion Network News: You'll Never Read Again" (promo)
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| (Metro) |
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Drunken German arrested after sliding into emergency incubator meant for unwanted babies, lighting a smoke and passing out
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| (WPSD-TV) |
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In Kentucky, protecting your meth lab has grown to include such military-grade weapons, like C-4 and rockets
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Cop steals gun from property room. Would have gotten away with it, if he hadn't shot himself
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Amish Girls Gone Wild. EVERYBODY PANIC
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| (WSMV Nashville) |
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Not news: Girl tries to get money from ATM. News: Has trouble doing so. Fark.com: ATM machine eats her hand
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If you're going to commit a burglary by jimmying a lock with your state prison ID, make sure you take the damn thing with you when you leave. Don't be like this guy
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Cartman catches teh gay on last night's "South Park." Comedy gold
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| (mcall) |
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It's illegal to walk into a Wal-Mart, grab women's clothing and other merchandise, masturbate on it all and then leave. Also dumb to return and get caught
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Woman who beheaded her own daughter belonged to a "cult that worshipped the late rapper Tupac Shakur as the reincarnation of the 16th-century political-philosopher Machiavelli"
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| (Louisville Courier-Journal) |
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Kentucky school district that eliminated "D"s from the grading scale notes higher GPAs, now proposes eliminating "C"s
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$124 billion Iraq War emergency funding bill includes money for peanut storage in Georgia, spinach growers in California, menhaden in the Atlantic Ocean and more office space for lawmakers. Mmmm, peanuts
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Lawyer makes four men who had sex with his wife "contribute" $155,000 to lawyer's charity. Lawyer then "borrows" all of the money from the charity. Ends up in PMITA prison
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Children's books in South Korea teach youngsters that Jews were the driving force for the hatred that led to the Sept. 11 attacks
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Add suitcase nukes to the list of Hollywood b.s. that the government is using to keep you scared sh*tless
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Riding a moped whilst pantless is never a good idea. Especially if you're a registered sex offender
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| (heraldonline.com) |
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"So let me get this straight, you want to pay us $20 to test new sheets and condoms to see if they increase sperm count by having sex in front of you? Well, I guess it's okay because you're a court security officer"
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So you get kicked out of school for poor performance and you are also disruptive. What do you do? You play the race card of course
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Deputy leprechaun gives out tickets to people (laughing their asses off at his costume)
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Six graves disturbed by vandals who toppled headstones and placed candles, an animal heart, a gourd and a picture of a man among them. Nearby, police also found a buried statue of a rooster with a pair of underwear around its neck
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Judge: "Don't tell me he's playing that atrocious rap music on the boombox.'' Defense lawyer: "It could be classical music." (With video goodness)
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| (Houston Press) |
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Local TV station produces a matchmaker show only to find out one of the participants is a little rapey
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Got in a traffic altercation? That's a hot-coffee throwing
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Former rodeo rider is first person to use new trauma center after rolling his dump truck. Thank God the clown got out of the way in time
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Some group of uppity tight asses thinks banning alcohol ads during the NCAA tournament will curb binge drinking on college campuses
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| (Some Guy) |
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The pussification of America continues: $4,350 is the cost of throwing a snowball at another adult
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Joe Redner has a deal for Tampa's registered voters: Cast a ballot in the upcoming runoff election and gain free admission to his Mons Venus strip club
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| (Some Guy) |
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Maine's Morning Sentinel newspaper would like to apologize for running photo showing lottery winner's name, address, telephone number, date of birth and Social Security number. Oops
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NCAA Tournament first round discussion thread. Your bracket is already busted
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| (Some Guy) |
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Carmen Electra wipes out on the runway
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Heather Mills' 999 calls are keeping police busier than a one-legged model in a dance competition
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| (Some Guy) |
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According to Forbes, this is the richest year in human history... for those people who are already mind-bogglingly rich. Maybe wealth is like gravity -- the more mass you have, the more you attract
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Army's new recruiting pitch: Wouldn't you rather shoot a real gun?
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Fifteen-year-old chess master runs off with stripper. Let's hope his opening move was the French Defense
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| (Some Guy) |
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Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, under his own free will and without being tortured or anything, admits to personally killing Daniel Pearl, being the second gunman on the grassy knoll, cancelling "Enterprise"
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Demonstrating why you shouldn't trust kangaroos with your security, truck driver impersonates air-force officer for 10 months, gaining access to high-level defence meetings. Scary tag would be used, but a dingo ate it
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Doctor loses license for relationships with strippers that "included lap dances, taking sexually suggestive photos and hiring one for help at his home and for clerical duties in his office"
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| (chez-pierre.net) |
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Photoshop these Buddhist monks. Difficulty: No Britney Spears
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| (WND) |
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Tour guides at the site of the American colony at Jamestown, Virginia are no longer allowed to refer to Christianity regarding the colony's history. One would think revising history is a lot more offensive than simply naming a religion
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One of those nanny-state Democrats wants to overturn Internet gambling ban passed by those individual-liberty Republicans
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Drew will be talking Fark with Chip Franklin around 11:30 a.m. today. Yeah, busy day
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Chairman of Atlanta's mass-transit system caught performing oral sex on a man in the world's busiest airport. Some stories were just made for Fark
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Al Qaeda No. 3's testimony transcript. The Smoking Gun is there, literally
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Not news: Man cited for drunk driving. Fark: After crashing his vehicle into state-trooper headquarters
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Candidates for city council upset that websites with their full names forward viewers to hard-core gay pornography
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| (Life) |
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Chris Rock wishes out loud for a black president, and in the next sentence says he hopes for a day when no one even notices or talks about race. Obvious tag throws a rock at him and gets charged with a hate crime
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Hong Kong woman swallows toothbrush, accidentally, and still manages to dial emergency number. She's very popular with the boys, too. That's what I heard, anyway
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| (nbc10) |
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Retiree wins $2.4 million on the "Wheel of Fortune" nickel slots at the Borgata
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| (mcall) |
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People press mayor for facts on his immigration policies. Mayor grabs a 404 sticker and puts it on his forehead
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Drew will be on 1360 WPTT for about an hour starting at 10:10 a.m. talking about the upcoming Fark book. This one has streaming
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Forty percent of U.S. prisoners have hepatitis C, are expected to spread it widely after being released
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Drunken Pole prunes penis. This being Fark, you know things went downhill from there
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| (Some Guy) |
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Heather Mills, taking time off stumping for "Dancing with the Stars," is raiding pig farms in the middle of the night with wannabe PETA group
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New Disney website to give parents advice. Tigger, please
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Study finds if you're going to have a heart attack, it would be better if you avoided weekends at all costs
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Drew is on ZRock 103 Lexington live til about 10:00 a.m. No stream tho
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News anchor, who's "kind of a big deal," donates kidney to anchor at rival station
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Mexico City to legalize abortion. U.S. Border Patrol breathes a sigh of relief
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Noooooooooooo
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| (MyFoxAtlanta) |
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From the "Oh yeah, one more thing you can't do somewhere in Georgia this year" department: No new swimming pools in your backyard
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Church holds moment of silence for turkey
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman marries the Qur'an, consummates with Dirka Sanchez
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Teen gets out of bed with stomach ache, discovers he was victim of drive-by shooting
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Kentucky overrun with starving, broken-down nags. Their husbands have a lot of unwanted horses to get rid of, too
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Remember when you only had to worry about the marijuana you bought funding terrorism? Now you have to start worrying about your banana purchases too
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Not news: Girl gets anonymous Valentine's Day gift left on front porch. News: Gift contains the head of the girl's missing dog. Fark: Batteries are included
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Photoshop these Wrestlemania III fans
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New species of ugly-ass leopard discovered in Borneo, with pic goodness
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Most parents of overweight children don't recognize that their little tub o' lard is actually obese. In related news, Fark really, really needs a WTF? tag
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| (Albuq Tribune) |
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It's your night with the kids. What do you do? You take the kids to drink at Hooters, and once again hilarity ensues
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| (NBC 7/39) |
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Ugly-ass baby elephant born at San Diego Wild Animal Park
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| (Missoulian) |
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Remember the drunk who blamed the unicorn for crashing his truck? All a big misunderstanding. Turns out it was Chewbacca
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Phoenix Fark Party: March 31st. Time and place TBD, although there are a few suggested places. VE
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Spring Break in Daytona Beach makes a comeback -- offering students the best "kegs in room, drunk co-eds and damaged beachside properties" (with pic goodness)
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| (Greenvilleonline) |
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Principal and wife figure out how to make an extra buck in the summer: $ 6.00 per person(no ID required)keg party
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Stray cats enter home, proceed to rock that house, rock it inside out
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Tennessee legislators consider law that would make couples with kids wait a year before a divorce is finalized. Jersey divorces are suddenly more appealing
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Khalid Sheikh Mohammed admits to 9/11 strike, hoped to gain attention of Jodie Foster
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Restaurant charges $1,000 for luxury pizza. Owner says, "this will sell."
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| (Popoholic) |
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Actress Hilary Swank looking hot. Give the Esquire makeup and photo manipulation people a gigantic raise (SFW)
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| (Columbia Tribune) |
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Missouri schools get first-round approval to start their own armed police forces
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Some days you get the bull, some days the bull eviscerates both your testicles
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 97: "Behind the Scenes" LGT next week's theme. Read and understand the rules before posting
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| Wed March 14, 2007 |
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Metal thieves now literally stealing everything including the kitchen sink as stainless steel prices go through the roof
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Even Slate says Duke sucks
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| (Green) |
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Today's "teen puts pic of his pot plants on MySpace" story comes from Sheboygan, Wis. Bonus: Photo was labeled "My Mary Jane thats growin in my closet right now" saving valuable seconds of searching
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| (Some NASA Guy) |
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What do you do if you want to model how meteoroids hit the Moon? If you are a NASA scientist, you start by shooting marbles at 16,000 MPH
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Study finds binge drinking highest in Ireland, England. Also, American flags most popular in the U.S
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You know how you've always had a hankering to buy that mammoth skeleton? Well, today's your lucky day
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| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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"If everyone getting drunk on St. Patrick's Day would smoke marijuana instead, the car crashes, fist fights and sexual assaults would plummet, pro-marijuana advocates said today."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Check and see if your favorite website is blocked by the great firewall of China
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| (Some Guy) |
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I am never farking quitting I don't care how many laws they make. What's the law now? You can only smoke in your apartment, under a blanket, with all the lights out? Is that the rule now, huh?
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| (Skeptic Report) |
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List of logical problems with the story of Noah's Ark, should it be taken literally. Not that anyone would ever think such a thing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these Mexican treats
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Rock group takes a hold of scratch-and-sniff technology to give their new album the whiff of rotting meat
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| (recordpub.com) |
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When robbing your grandfather, try to wear a mask he cannot see through
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When three GOP staffers jam some phone lines on Election Day, it's election tampering. When four Democrats slash $2,500 worth of tires to keep Republicans from voting, it's "a silly prank"
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AA considers rewriting its ninth step to read "Make direct amends to people we have hurt wherever possible, except if the harm was committed in states with no statute of limitations on felonies"
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| (The Pulse) |
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Who steals a poodle? Seriously. (Fourth item down)
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| (10 Zen Monkeys) |
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Michael Crook backs down - with video goodness
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Texas lawmakers vote 118-23 they would sooner see young women die a horrible, painful death than admit their daughters might touch a penis someday
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First known map of U.S. city to be auctioned. Owner refuses to stop, ask directions
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| (hamptonroads.com) |
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Restaurant gets completely owned by neighbor with picture goodness
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The new book "I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido" encourages married women to embrace their sexless marriages. Follow-up book for men, "Introducing Your Wife to Your Girlfriend," expected soon
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OJ's book may be published after all
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Bob Barker up for 18th Daytime Emmy, third hip replacement
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Seventh and final book in the Harry Potter series will have largest print run of any book in history: 12 million copies. Suck it, Bible
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| (KPTV 12) |
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Tonya Harding back in the news: Implausible story to police, check. On "new medication," check. "Seeing animals," check. Deputies return her to trailer, aaaand that's a wrap
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Study finds more men than women take a teddy bear to bed for company when sleeping alone. AWWWWWW
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| (Zug) |
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Our buddy John Hargrave over at Zug.com successfully planted thousands of colored plastic lights at the Super Bowl using fake media credentials. Good thing he wasn't a terrorist, or it could have easily been C4
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A woman and her siblings who were separated 42 years ago are reunited, somehow without the help of talk shows
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SFGate.com adds link to Fark's submission thingee to all its articles. Fark admins surrender
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Billboards make fun of police sleeping on the job. Police Dempartment responds by threatening to sue
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Happy π day
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Town council juices attendance at usually-empty public meetings by publishing fake notices, like a motocross track is to be built in a local public park. "Anyone who took this seriously has slightly missed the point," explains official
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Please don't greenlight this, it's positive news from Iraq
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| (ABC13) |
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Most parents don't show their support by trying to get a real doll molded after their daughter
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Man is fined $590 for mailing 80 reptiles
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Wal-Mart CEO gets $22 million stock bonus. Single mom behind the register gets 22 minutes for lunch
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Despite being docked a week's worth of pay, fireman takes time off to donate bone marrow to teenage girl dying of cancer
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When you're growing marijuana in your house, it's a really bad idea to smoke weed in the front yard and invite the police inside
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Three men who spent years in jail after being wrongly convicted of murder will have to pay for their prison board and lodgings
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What spam does to your email box today is how overseas telemarketers with VIOP are going to PWN your phone line soon. Federal Do-Not-Call List surrenders
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Researchers create computer that can make those tough end-of-life decisions for you. I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that
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FDA and drug makers claim that patients who eat and drive while under the influence of sleeping pills are actually asleep, rather than awake, intoxicated, and making bad decisions
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Brothel in Germany hopes to capitalise on the growing number of pensioners by offering them a 50 percent discount for sex in the afternoon
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| (WAFB) |
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Today's "burglar breaks in a home, makes a sammich, falls asleep nekkid" story brought to you by Baton Rouge, LA
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Surprising activity discovered at Yellowstone Supervolcano. EVERYBODY PANIC
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| (Some Mooner) |
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If you see a car on fire, do you: A) Call 911? B) Check for injured passengers? Or C) Drop trou and watch from across the street? Asinine tag assplodes
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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City cannot explain why artist's renderings of their new Sports Arena contain several "vomitories" (3rd item)
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| (CJR) |
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"Most American papers are cutting costs and then sitting back and wondering why advertisers and the readers aren't coming"
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Sex by sixth-grade students took place in December. School knew in January. Incident leaked to public in March. Students expelled yesterday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this lady and her silver fitness ball
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| (Some Guy) |
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Second hot teacher of the day having sex with 17-year-old student. Bonus: Enraged husband of hot teacher guns down student. With pics
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Man goes to the bathroom and gets robbed of his money. Fark.com: Chases the thieves with his trousers in hand
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| (Some Guy) |
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Liberal drive-by media at it again: Watch in horror as Laura Bush dances in Brazil
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French court rejects gay marriage, says marriage is between a man and a woman and the man's mistress
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Model maker saw the plane that cost him a wife, £15,000 and two years of his life crash in flames on a test flight
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"I know you are feeling blue, your man was such a meanie, but you'll cheer up now that you can fit in that bikini"
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