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| Sun March 04, 2007 |
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Mother of the Year candidate comes home to find her urine-soaked, feces-coated, debris-covered house up in flames after her five unsupervised children attempted to cook themselves dinner
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It's just like they drew it up on the wedding day...get married, have children, lose custody of the kids, kidnap them from foster home, end up in jail
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Steve Irwin's Australia Zoo to host guest Lama
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Iran's rich architectural legacy threatened by U.S. attack, say archeologists, who are blind to the tourism potential that a 1,000-square mile field of black, slightly smoking glass will have for future generations
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Homeless, pot-smoking werewolf held on charges of vandalism, disorderly conduct, drinking pina coladas at Trader Vic's
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| (one more level) |
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Submarine attack
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You steal $150,000 in public money from Fark's favourite state. Do you buy a) a nice car b) a boat c) a big-ass sculpture of a watermelon?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this humongous hole
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| (DST) |
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Why exactly are we going to change the time of day next weekend?
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| (Some News Site) |
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"At the moment, there is almost a McCarthyism movement in science where the greenhouse effect is like a puritanical religion and this is dangerous"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Anti-fun activists urge Anheuser-Busch to drop sponsorship of "Idiotarod" event, featuring drunken contestants running around Washington pushing stolen shopping carts
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Utah abuses prescription painkillers more than any other state in the nation. Watered-down beer and no alcohol get the blame
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AP photographers claim U.S. soldiers deleted their photos and videos, and warned them not to publish images of scene where Afghan civilians were shot to death
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Cherokees to black natives: Since we enslaved your ancestors, we've decided to make it up to you by offering: Banishment
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Youths take Lent seriously by sacrificing something vitally important to them: Facebook
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| (The Local) |
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Taxi driver runs down man to prevent what he thinks is a rape in progress. The man turns out to be woman's boyfriend. Oops
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Wales' youngest councillor at 19 admits to stealing and taking drugs on his MySpace account, then gets busted for lying
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Nevada congregation wonders how to properly emulate Jesus in welcoming pedophile to the flock, decides to love him with a ten-foot pole and make him sign a covenant of restrictions
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Presenting terrorism insurance, as if we needed more domestic terrorists
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The Sahara, one of the last original Las Vegas strip properties, has been sold, with future plans for the site undisclosed. You can bet those future plans involve a wrecking ball
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| (Some Guy) |
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Airman sentenced for throwing frog in F-16 engine
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Text messaging relieves some pressures related to dating. UR QT
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| (The Ledger) |
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Vermont tree tappers worried that climate change is destroying syrup production. EVERYBODY PANCAKE!
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Woman accuses Yahoo of stealing her image. What kind of sick people would use a picture without permission?
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My parents had sex in my bed. What do I do now?
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| (Herald Tribune) |
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Gym's "Naked Sunday" works out, goes down without a hitch
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| (Malvern Gazette) |
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♫ Taxibus, ♪ movement of jah people ♫
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Model trains are making a comeback thanks to Harry Potter. Wait, what?
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"I don't care what it has under the hood, does it have an air-conditioned glove box?"
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| (Marietta Daily Journal) |
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Farker gets article written about him because he beat cancer when he was 19 (bonus picture of him training kung fu)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ohio may not allow beer at this year's state fair. How will the carnies and fat fair-goers get laid now?
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| (eCanadaNow) |
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Two scuba divers in the Yucatan peninsula have discovered what is the world's longest underground river known so far
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Parents still complaining that pushing daylight saving ahead 3 weeks puts kids at risk. Study shows that twice as many pedestrian car accidents happen in the evening than the morning, and thus, extra light at night will save lives
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Almost one million people volunteer for Clean Up Australia Day. That's one in twenty in case you were wondering
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this evil hedgehog
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| (Rochester D&C) |
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High school basketball finals cancelled after a dozen fights break out. Apparently 11 fights is just part of the game. (w/pic of cops swarming the place)
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Britney Spears cranks it up a notch by yelling "I am the anti-Christ" and trying to hang herself in rehab
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If you're an "anarchist" in Europe, you can live rent-free for years by squatting in a public building, and you'll get massive public support when someone finally buys it and kicks your freeloading ass out
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"What's your response if your neighbour keeps peeking into your house through a crack in the door and yelling 'Open the door, let's see what's inside'?"
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Michael Jackson to host exclusive party where fans will fork out $3500 to spend 30 seconds with him, with the event expecting to climax with the appearance of the local boys' chorus
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| (SunJournal.com) |
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Wash that thing before you stick it in my mouth
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Tara Grant's husband arrested in northern Michigan
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| (Leafy McLoser) |
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Caption this bear on a streetcar
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| (myrtlebeachonline) |
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When aspiring for a political career, phrases such as "screw the Buddhists and kill the Muslims," adding "and put that in the minutes" is probably not a good move
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In rare moment of clarity, Indiana Court of Appeals rules that people who slip and fall can't sue property owner for not shoveling snow off sidewalks
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| (news-medical.net) |
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If you guessed "the sweat of Turkish Olympic wrestlers" as this week's new and exciting hepatitis B source, come forward and claim your prize
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Michael J. Fox arrested in restaurant parking lot. Submitter wishes it was the actor, because the restaurant was a Steak-n-Shake
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Nine-year old Canadian boy being held in US detention center. That'll learn 'em terrorists
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Stinky Beijing taxis so gross that they may "impair the country's international image when Beijing hosts the Olympic Games next year"
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If you're going to be part of "the March of Those Who Disagree" in Russia, prepare for the beatings with the truncheons
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Starbucks steams at "Starstrucks" Indian coffee chain. What, they are trying to sell overpriced coffee to pretentious asses? That was our idea
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Museum IDs new species of dinosaur that was not mentioned in the Bible
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Gay Mexican pop star comes out of the closet after pictures of his gay Canadian marriage appear online. That took a lot of courage, hombre
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The Pigeon Revolutionary Front has gone cyborg, planning coo
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| (Helau!) |
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Photoshop this commuting furry
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Alcohol "shooters" and "slammers" are set to be banned under industry plans to crack down on Scotland's growing binge drinking crisis
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Spain allows pre-operative transsexuals to legally change their gender. Submitter is off to a club down in old SoHo, where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola, C-O-L-A cola
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Oregon community no longer allows police to issue minor traffic tickets
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Starting at age 11, kids in the UK will have their fingerprints taken and stored on a secret government database. Now the little droogies will be on record? Viddy well, brother
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Selling your birth certificate for a few quick bucks could have some unpleasant long-term repercussions
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And you all thought chiropractors were full of crap: it turns out that they can cure the pain that comes from staring down at your Blackberry all day. Submitter stands corrected
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Crowd urges jumper atop parking garage to "get on with it"
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| (dallasnews.com) |
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Which witch is which. South Texas teacher resigns after keeping two girls in his classroom protecting them from others who thought they were witches
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A guide for Farkers: Twelve steps to stopping sexlessness
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Mohamed Al Fayed Godwins hearing on Princess Diana's death
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| Sat March 03, 2007 |
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California teens arrested for enforcing a law by placing stickers on political signs that read "This sign violates Glendora city ordinance."
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| (Geek Army) |
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Thom Yorke Speed Painting
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Germany, upset at not being allowed to attack real countries anymore, prepares to invade moon. France would surrender but they still haven't un-surrendered from last time
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Morocco's King pardons 9 thousand prisoners to celebrate his daughter's birth. This will surely have no repercussions of any kinda
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The coolest picture of a dead bug you will see all day
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| (Chris Wondra) |
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Teacher cures students "possessed" by infectious internet virus
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| (Maui News) |
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Threaten the police / One year in prison you get / PMITA
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Old crazy cat ladies look on in envy as 67 illegal immigrants manage to cram into a one-story house
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Church group upset at radio broadcast of a woman having sex with a bull
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| (NZ Herald) |
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Today's high school teenager eloping with drama teacher and blogging about it on the internet brought to you by Bebo and the letters NZ (with pics)
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MI5 training bag boys to help spot terrorists. Tip-offs include bulk purchases of mobile phones, toiletries, and declaring jihad on the infidel with 35 items in the express lane
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Mom storms on school bus and makes her daughter fight girl who slapped her. And people complain parents don't get involved anymore
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If it's 250 Kylie Minogues, a patrol of gay surf lifesavers, Rupert Everett, and giant butterflies, it must be Sydney's Gay Mardi Gras (w/ video goodness)
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Daniel Radcliffe nude acting technique: "When he had his back to the audience he pulled on it a bit to make it appear bigger"
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| (City News) |
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Woman wanted for Grand Theft Bubblicious
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Photos from around the world of the lunar eclipse in progress
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If you are sleeping in a dumpster, don't be surprised if you wake up in a garbage truck. (w/pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this silly Indian
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HP praised for collecting beer-soaked servers, Diet Pepper-sprayed keyboards and computer screens for recycling in world's biggest high-tech chop shop
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I think bacon is essentially the meat lover's version of chocolate. It does the same thing to people"
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American workers' habit of showing up late for damn near everything costing the economy $90 billion a year, according to a figure some consultant pulled out of his ass an hour after he was supposed to
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SF mayor, already having a bad year, just a bit upset when he finds out he declared Feb 23rd "Gay Porn Studio Day"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Keep a memento of that special someone's halitosis
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I have given so much love and received nothing but hurt. I have come to my wits end and decided that now is the time to sell it
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| (Associated Content) |
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Homeowners insurance companies' dirty secret
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| (NASA) |
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Best lunar eclipse in 2.5 years happening today. Check this map for when it'll hit your area
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Caption these basketball players
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| (Some Guy) |
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Finally. Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomato scented candles
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Houston's new red-light cameras nabbed more than 100 government and school vehicles since the enforcement program began last fall, resulting in about $8,000 in fines
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Last week, TSA began using "backscatters," which look through clothes to show passengers "as good as nude." I'll be in my overhead compartment
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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Critics want to end Pizza Hut's program of giving free pizza to students who read books, instead suggest "Root Vegetables for Readers" program featuring parsnip, rutabaga and turnip rewards
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Italian parents beat up principal over grades
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| (wfaa.com) |
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Today's "phone number on gas pumps turns out to be gay sex chat line" story brought to you by Dallas/Forth Worth, TX
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McDonald's could soon be offering McSmoothies, McIced coffee and other specialty McCoffees. Still no plans to get rid of crappy food
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| (Some Guy) |
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Who couldn't resist adding a caption to this cat kisser's picture?
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| (Computerworld.com) |
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"Fetch me the metric hammer" and other tales of torturing the new employee
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Cruise MissileStreet Lamp caught on Google Maps flying over Utah
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Austrian prankster put shark carcass in river to freak everyone out. Brody wants to shut down the beaches, even though it will hurt the tourism based economy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this frozen ship
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Sure you're a big judge, but that doesn't mean you can wave your wang all over the subway at anyone you want
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| (myfoxny.com) |
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Just a hint: if you're going to teach a 2-year old and 5-year old to smoke pot, put down the video camera
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Bush all set to use Alabama twister deaths as a springboard for political motives
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"Buddahfingers, Munchy Way, Rasta Reece's, Puff-a-Mint Pattie, Keef Kat, Stoney Ranchers, Puffsi, Trippy, Pot Tart, Budtella and Toka-Cola"
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| (Some Guy) |
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What is your motto? (voting enabled)
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A Norman Rockwell work stolen more than three decades ago has been found in Steven Spielberg's art collection
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Nuclear lab develops world's greatest... dust rag?
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Political correctness run amok with introduction of anatomically correct crosswalk signals
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| (Some Justified Booing Guy) |
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Fans to soon be banned from booing at high school games..When that day comes, President Bush and the terrists have won
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| (ksl.com) |
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Jock from Napolean Dynamite beats up a robber who busted into his home
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Alberta man has first human case of rabies in two decades, which incidentally was the last time Ozzy toured Alberta
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this propaganda poster
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| (Bangalore) |
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Get a new job from India while outsourcing your current job to India
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| (Some Guy) |
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United States' largest manufacturer of magnetic yellow "Support Our Troops" ribbons reports sales have gone from 1.2 million a month to barely 4,000. Why do motorists hate our troops?
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| (Weekly Standard) |
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Amaretto sours, Fuzzy Navels, and the Tom Collins have all gone to that great porcelain bowl in the sky
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| (Daily Mail) |
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Book alleges the British Evil Empire is responsible for African genocides, the Iraq War, the conflict between Palestine and Israel, global warming, and Posh Spice
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When you're shoveling your driveway, and someone points out that you've shoveled their car in, do you A) apologize and correct it, B) shrug, walk away, and let him fix it, or C) throw snow at him and hit him with your shovel?
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Hormel insists Spam is lovely and wonderful; unfortunately still cannot actually enlarge your penis
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| (Some Parts Delivery Guy) |
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Shipment of body parts from Taiwan delivered to wrong address. DHL apologizes to the now traumatized Frankensteen family
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What would you do with 40,000 yen? I'll tell you what I'd do, man. Two junior high school chicks at the same time, man
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Girl Scout troop leader caught stealing money from cookie sales sentenced to 30 days in jail, which is still better than thirty days of listening to people argue whether Samoas or Thin Mints are better (thread bonus: voting enabled)
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Chicago man sues dyslexic tattoo parlor for inking 'CHI-TONW' on his chest
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Russian poisoning case expert on Dateline NBC last weekend: Speak against the Kremlin, you will pay the price. Late last night: Expert shot in front of his home
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Cops raid a house, find nearly two dozen neglected dogs, but the 75 marijuana plants were in perfectly healthy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Japanese Caribou walks from Prudhoe Bay to Anchorage (850 miles), then climbs highest Alaskan mountains. In the winter. Solo. What have you done lately?
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| Fri March 02, 2007 |
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Man, with sword, breaks into his ex-girlfriends apartment, only to meet her new roomate, who also happens to have a sword. Double entendres ensue
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Banks found to be overcharging customers for producing statements of their accounts so the customers can prove the bank has been overcharging them
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One million rounds of ammo, machine guns and barrels of unknown liquid discovered in underground bunker below burning house in Los Angeles suburb. Jack Bauer seen leaving the scene heading back to CTU
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| (Some Bird) |
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2 years after he was stolen, cockatoo returned to owner after he was heard repeating "I love you, Corey" in a mobile home
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| (Kiro7) |
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Jail introduces "Food Loaf"... If this isn't scary enough, wait until you see the picture relating to the story
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| (Richmond Times-Dispatch) |
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Here's to you, Mr. Get Back at My Ex Girlfriend by Leaving DVDs of Me Having Sex With Her All Over Town on People's Car Windshields (with redneck mugshot goodness)
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U.S. Army Secretary Francis Harvey has resigned in light of Walter Reed scandal
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Thief breaks into an elementary school and steals cookies. Police are now searching for a furry blue monster
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| (Orange County Register) |
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"At about 420 pounds, she was so large that no one -- including herself -- could tell she had carried a baby to term"
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Car crash in Netherlands sends three tons of hash up in smoke. Reached for comment, police spokesman said, "That's not groovy, man"
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Having solved all other problems, city council forcing White Castle to paint signature "White Castle" tan
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| (NewsChannel 5) |
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KFC and Taco Bell hire professional rat wrangler -- no joke -- to remove rats from the restaurant. With video
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| (Some Guy) |
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Best Buy: We don't have a secret website with different pricing. Attorney general: What's this? Best Buy: Oh thaaaaaat website
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Her milkshake brings all the undercover police posing as prostitutes to the yard
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this invisible bridge
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Director Michael Moore's wife kidnapped by bandits in Ethiopia
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People do not remember commercials from sexy shows. Trend first noticed during "The Golden Girls" run
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Wasabi threatens the International Space Station
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Man hides grenade in his rectum? Nearly killed him
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| (Some Annoyed Guy) |
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Why is an attention whore more important than global current events? Why is Fark still greenlighting these whores to the main page?
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Actual headline: "School denies 'sex orgy' happened." One of the kids says, "We were making a 'sandwich' when the teacher arrived"
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"You have these stores run by the Asians staying up until 2:00 in the morning, I'm going to shut them down by 9:00 o'clock.... What business do you have if you're not selling drugs?" So says the next mayor of Philadelphia
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| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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Day of reckoning for cheapos who refuse to pay for cable but watch TV is coming in two years. All four of you have been warned
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Five years after town changes name of Easter Bunny to "Spring Bunny," media finally notices. Here comes the manufactured shiatstorm
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| (WGAL) |
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Consultant hired by Philly schools finds "little or no learning actually occurring" and "students were listening to headphones, sleeping, or wandering around the room talking or shouting." Mr. Holland surrenders
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Fark-favorite Diapernaut won't be charged with attempted murder -- just attempted kidnapping
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Barbie Bandits caught. The Smoking Gun is there with mugshots (they look hotter in the surveillance pictures)
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Impromptu Fark Party Atlanta: Sunday, 3.4.07 at the Punchline on Roswell Rd. FarkTV star Dan Mengini is headlining an evening of hilarity. Come and laugh lots
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Lawyer says GM should pay SUV drivers' speeding tickets
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Swiss accidentally invade Liechtenstein. Incident will become known as the Really Tiny Knife, Screwdriver, Tweezer, Corkscrew, Nail File, Toothpick, Scissors, Awl, Fish Scaler and Magnifying Glass War of 2007
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Delusional do-gooders knitting sweaters for dolphins. Seriously, what's the porpoise?
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Florida produces another hiccuping champ. This one's been going for eight months now with hiccups that sounds like screams
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Angelina Jolie is adopting another one
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New Orleans teacher shortage likely to get more badder
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Aceh, Indonesia man -- who lost three daughters in 2004 tsunami -- has triplet girls with new wife
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Actual headline: "Topless wife photo ends German man's pole protest"
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Pic of a young Tony Blair making an decidedly un-prime ministerial obscene gesture surfaces
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| (NBC) |
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Alexandria, Virginia, originally founded as a tobacco trading port, moves to ban smoking in restaurants and bars
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Old and busted: Match.com. New hotness: Datemebecausemygenitalsarebumpyandoozing.com
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| (24 Dash) |
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Actual headline making you wonder what in the hell they're doing across the pond: "Brits buy up water butts"
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Michigan cops track down a teen who ruthlessly taunted them over MySpace (with nipple rubbing and/or gang sign pic goodnews)
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Australian woman sentenced for smuggling fish in her dress, was caught after numerous people offered her free boxes of Summer's Eve
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McCain apologizes for saying lives being "wasted" in Iraq, promises to never tell the truth again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these four windows
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| (CMT) |
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Country artist to sing at Anna Nicole's funeral. His biggest hit? "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off." Seems about right
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Top 25 crimes of the century
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USPS solves problem of long wait times by removing clocks. "We want people to focus on postal service and not the clock"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Study finds that many U.S.-born Hispanics don't speak English good
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Bus carrying baseball players from Bluffton University in Ohio plunges off bridge onto I-75 in Atlanta. Six killed, nine severely injured. Bobby Cox seen storming highway to argue call
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Ugly-ass cat rescued after looking for hamsters in a running car engine (with video goodness)
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| (Eastern Daily Press) |
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Teen driver records fastest DUI ban ever, one day after getting his licence
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Poor People 1, Rich Bastards 0
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| (AllHeadlineNews) |
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Kids given 800 hotline number to learn about AIDS, learn about hot-teen sex phone lines instead
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SWAT arrests man with gun in Midvale apartments. He was found pushing on a door that said "pull"
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| (Uweekly) |
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TV station's opinion of Krispy Kreme: "So good, you'll suck d**k"
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Japan's latest fad: Women clad only in thin kimonos getting on their knees and cleaning the wax out of your ears
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| (Clarion-Ledger) |
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Arrest warrant issued for mayor of Jackson, MS. Mayor promptly checks into hospital, citing chest pains. Doctors diagnose mayor as suffering from Fleeus Arrestus
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"Things went bad the day the big birds met the big dogs"
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| (The News Buckit) |
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Profanity in leftwing blogs more common than profanity in rightwing blogs by a ratio of 18 to one
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Memo to Palestinians flying in USA with outstanding warrants: Do not watch torture videos on your laptop and then get up to "stretch"
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Landlord inspired by Ceiling Cat installs cameras in apartments so he could watch his tenants have sex
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Peruvians pre-emptively perpetuate punctuality to promote pre-eminent prosperity predetermined by prolix primates
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The Associated Press breaks resolution to avoid running stories about Paris Hilton after only one week
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| (Honolulu Advertiser) |
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Today's stabby story: 83-year old Canadian man kills wife by stabbing her 100 times, can't remember what it was all a boot
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In Russia, theatre shushes you
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Eight die in boat fire off Dominican coast. Hmmm, where might they have gone to escape the boat fire? (Hint: water puts out fire)
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Suggest some movie roles for Britney now that she has a shaved head
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Boobs on Bikes parade hits Christchurch. Hundreds turn out to see motorcycles with worn-out, creased saddlebags on them. (Link is safe for work, photo gallery is not)
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German man obtains enriched uranium, buries it in his garden. Environmental ministry still dealing with the fallout from the security breach
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Z1mb4we j0rna1st us3s txt mssgs 2 bea7 govt c3nsrs
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U.S. Geological Survey officials unsure if Earth just hiccupped or Barry Bonds had minor episode of roid rage
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dumb: Tagging the bus your principal is riding. Dumber: L.A. mayor is riding in same bus. Fark: News crew films your crime (with caught-in-the-act pic goodness)
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| (nbc11.com) |
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Step 1: Get cardboard cut-out of President Bush. Step 2: Insert knife into cut-out's head. Step 3: Introduce yourself to the Secret Service
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Baggage handler found guilty of stealing women's hair, will spend next two years having cellmates tug his luxurious locks into their laps as foreplay
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| (Law.com) |
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When you're in the middle of picking a jury who will decide your fate, you probably shouldn't stab your lawyer in the face in front of them
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| Thu March 01, 2007 |
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New device burns calories with microwaves. Now you can truly eat a burrito and get a workout at the same time
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Freedom From Religion Foundation heads to Supreme Court to fight federal funding of "faith-based initiatives"
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Giant tortoise and baby hippo that became best pals after tsunami now have their own webcam, will charge $5 for a dance and $10 to see a bit of shell (with ugly-ass pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The "carbon offset" certificates Al Gore buys for his 200-bazigawatt house are actually just stock certificates in a company he founded. But he feels very guilty about getting rich from it
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| (really clueless job ad) |
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Customer is looking for someone to code out a complete operating system that is completely functional, has all of the features of Windows XP, is unhackable and compatible with all existing files. Budget: $1000 - $3000
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| (Some Wahoo) |
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Some Hokie fan precision engraves 'VT' into hardwood at UVa's new stadium likely before the floor was delivered. Bonus: Cavaliers play all season without noticing until just before the Tech game
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this lock and dam over the Mississippi
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North Korea finally agrees to denuclearize, citing flurries of nasty UN letters and time-out penalites
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| (Tech Crunch) |
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Wired Magazine 's parent company, Condé Nast, owns Digg competitor Reddit. Ironic tag unavailable for comment
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Reminder: Pittsburgh Fark Party ~ Two Days to go ~ Saturday, March 3, 9:00 PM at The Church Brew Works ~ Drink Dunkel n'at ~~ LGT Previous Thread, where LGT Previous Thread, and they tell two friends, and so on and so on
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Tornado hits an Alabama high school, eight confirmed dead
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Another helicopter makes a hard landing (crashes) due to unknown reasons (enemy fire) in Iraq
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Jizzmopper from the Ever So Naughty adult movie theater prime suspect in San Diego murder/dismemberment case
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In other not news, nothing whatsoever happened today, so we'll bring you this article on media not paying attention to last week's not news
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Health-and-safety Nazis pull plug on annual charity bathtub race because it's too dangerous, even though it has been held every year for 35 years with no reported injuries
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| (Some Guy) |
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Anna Nicole to be buried in pink as paternity investigators sort through thousands of men who were also recently buried in her pink
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| (Some Guy) |
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Jesus Christ's tomb was discovered clear back in 1980, but somehow the archeologists and other pros involved never knew whose it was until James Cameron showed up
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Obama: "We have seen over 3,000 lives of the bravest young Americans wasted" = Media firestorm. McCain:"We've wasted a lot of our most precious treasure, which is American lives" = *Crickets*
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If you don't read this link about "Lost," then you'll miss the biggest television story of the year
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| (Some Guy) |
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It takes a real rocket surgeon to rob Wal-Mart, but it takes a special kind of genius to stare straight into the security camera (second pic in series)
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| (Metro) |
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Man smokes cigarettes through eyes and ears. You don't even want to know what he eats with
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"I'll teach you to tailgate me" BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM
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Walter Reed commander dismissed for treating soldiers just like Bush does
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| (KCCI.COM) |
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All 99 Iowa counties declared disaster, and not just because they're boring. Storms a-comin'
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Former Canadian defense minister demands governments release alien technology to curb climate change
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wisconsin fire marshal suspended after allegations he paid a psychic to put voodoo hex on fire chief. "This is really creepy stuff," notes chief Hotfoot
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"Vigilant" library workers bust teens having sex in the stacks
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Man claims he was paralyzed by a chicken burrito
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wisconsin man indicted in Internet hoax threatening stadiums
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Milk prices rising faster than gas prices, neither of which even comes close to the price of printer ink
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California lawmakers propose giving a $500 savings account to each child born in the state. What can possibly go wrong?
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Idiot, sick of getting parking tickets puts a bright yellow-and-black sign reading "I hate traffic wardens" on his windshield, is surprised when traffic wardens go out of their way to ticket his car (with pic of proof)
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| (Some Bird) |
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Man may lose license for driving around with his cockatoo on his shoulder. When asked to comment, the driver said, "Arrrr"
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| (Washington Post) |
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Bomb Threat called into Columbine Highschool. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Blogger tells how he bought Diggs. In other news, Submitter paid 5 bucks a month for this redlight
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| (Some Guy) |
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British kids think eggs come from cows, bacon from sheep, dental care from the government
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So what do you do when you're bored in Florida and are only 14? You steal cars. Hilarious pic included
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Taliban recruited hundreds for suicide army, but don't worry, these numbers will thin out during training
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Ohio's top court says consensual stepfather sex is still illegal. Obvious tag steps in due to lack of Ohio tag
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"Spring breakers, here's a thought: Before posting those pictures of you and your friends dancing on a table at Senor Frog's, know that decades from now, when college is a mere memory, those photos will still live on the Web"
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| (Hammer and Coop) |
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Hammer and Coop bring the car/buddy series back, and kick a lot of asphalt along the way. Sponsored link
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest collection of art illusions you will see all day
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this cat
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Reporter questions Katrina couple who sold the house that was given to them by a church. Their response? "Take it up with God"
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The Dow has come back up and stabilized, thanks to good news about manufacturing and additional electricity purchases by Al Gore
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Turn a $3 million home owned by an ultra-Orthodox rabbinical school into an S&M dungeon? That's a spanking. "Yes Mistress! I've been a bad submitter"
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Today's "victim doused with gasoline and nearly set on fire" story brought to you by Disney's Animal Kingdom
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| (Some Guy) |
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Court cites Wikipedia eight times in ruling that guy who spends 1,000 hours per year playing video poker is not a "professional gambler" because the house allows wins
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Hiccup! Hiccup! Hiccup! *Silence.* Ahhhhh finally...
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News: Police chief's credentials challenged. Weird: Chief's degree in criminal justice obtained online. Fark: Police dog who obtained the same degree called into court to testify
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Community website Myfilms launches huge ad campaign promoting the URL "Myfilms.com." Then someone thinks to ask "Wait, we did register that domain, didn't we?" You'll never guess the answer
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Today's "missing upper-middle-class-white-woman media frenzy" story brought to you by Michigan
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| (WTVF-TV) |
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Not news: Students makes indy film during drama class. Fark: The film was of four of the hottest girls in class stripping down to their underwear
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Photoshop your own corporate super merger (LGN)
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Diplomatic immunity is great for experiencing the finer points of America without dealing with pesky parking tickets, taxes and not being able to own slaves
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| (Galway First) |
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What's worse than loneliness? Ask the guy who got caught in a hotel room wearing latex when his donkey swallowed the key to his handcuffs
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| (Rochester D&C) |
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Ten percent of drivers don't know basic traffic rules, such as "a white arrow in the middle of a lane indicates which way drivers may turn"
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U.S. consumer income rises one percent in January, all of it subsequently spent on a PS3 that couldn't be obtained before Christmas
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In the 1970s, U.S. aerospace research produced the perfect source of nutrition and energy: "Space Food Sticks"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kent State professor proclaims Osama's victory over the U.S. in 2007. By "victory," he presumably means "dead or dying of kidney disease in some cave where no one can see you." I wonder what defeat would look like
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* thud * EVERYBODY PANIC
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Pepsi set to release new higher caffeine Pepsi Max. If by "new," you mean "has been available in Europe for almost two decades"
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| (Some Taxpayer) |
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A day of infamy: Today in 1913, the Federal Income Tax took effect. Suck it, everyone
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Ice-cream man caught selling beer from his van. Mmm, beer van...
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| (Some Guy) |
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Walter Cronkite calls Iraq war a disaster. Of course, that's what he said about Apollo 13... and the Alamo
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Head of Episcopal Church sticks it to gay clergy, tells lay members to stuff it until a circle of bishops can come to a head. No word yet if crackers will be involved
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Jockey gets caught trying to fake his way through a urine test by squeezing clean urine out of a hidden dildo. He just wasn't using his head
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Aircraft carrier John F. Kennedy arrives in Boston on its farewell tour. City police respond with frightened calls to Washington demanding an air strike on it
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Arthur Schlesinger, Jr. is history
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| (Law.com) |
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Old and busted: Lawyers circling a car crash. New hotness: Lawyers circling the buffet table. "Big Food" set to become the next "Big Tobacco"
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Women sentenced to prison for setting her boyfriend's penis on fire with fondue fuel. Harsh, yes, but he won't be trying to "accidentally" slip it into the chocolate again anytime soon
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| (News Daily) |
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Cutting a kid's tongue with scissors just might get your substitute-teacher ass fired
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South Carolina teacher kept a harem full of middle school boys (with mugshot goodness)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Idiot arrested for driving drunk twice on the same day and on the same road. Bonus points for idiocy: He blew three times the legal limit on his second arrest after only achieving double on his first
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Police no longer chasing dippers in their kojaks, calling for help from gunships and food mixers on their batphones, banjoing into the crooks' homes and spinning their drums. What?
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| (Durant Daily Democrat) |
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Ugly-ass baby calf born in Oklahoma. Difficulty: It has two heads
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It turns out that the stabbing pain in your abdomen is a scalpel we left in there 23 years ago
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Special car plates for special types of offenders proposed by legislators so special that there's an Olympics named after them
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Stephen Hawking will be taking a trip aboard a zero-gravity airplane in April, promises he will be glued to his seat the entire time
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City manager to be fired for pursuing sex change. In related news, Anne Coulter has cancelled plans to run for public office
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| (Sky and Telescope) |
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Total lunar eclipse this Saturday night. As a matter of fact, it will be all dark
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Man receives father-of-the-year nomination after forgetting infant in a shopping cart in the freezing cold. Aunt nominated for best supporting role
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| (Some Guy) |
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United Nations headquarters in New York is infested with rats, mice, worms and salt-water eels. And the kitchens and dining rooms are way worse
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| (NBC 4) |
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Twenty students rushed to hospital after eating candy bars. No word on if they got the Hershey squirts
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| (Morning Call) |
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Meth-dealing middle school principal arrested in office. Naked. Watching gay porn
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Cat makes it home four months after disappearing from a beach resort 150 km away. She must've heard the can opener
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this eager photographer
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Legal prostitutes surveyed report having high job satisfaction, say the work is quite fun if you have a taste for it
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 95: "Eat Me II" LGT next week's theme. Rules are in the first post. Read them
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| Wed February 28, 2007 |
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I saw a turtle. It told me, "Duke sucks. Maryland sweeps"
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| (White House) |
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Caption Shaq standing next to a small bush
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AP entertainment editor institutes bans on Paris Hilton. That's hot
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Following the tradition of such political giants as the Governator, John McCain announces presidential candidacy on Letterman
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| (EnglishRussia) |
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The coolest pictures of Russian Mafia tombstones you'll see all day
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A teenager gets harrassed, fires back with "That's so gay." Clearly, this is a matter that must be discussed in court
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Step one: smuggle drugs into the U.S. Step two: get shot in the butt by border patrol. Step three: get drug smuggling charges dropped in exchange for testimony against agents. Step four: repeat step one
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| (News Biscuit) |
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Airline introduces new Fat-Tax policy. "Those with a body mass index (BMI) over 26 will be charged 49$ for every BMI point they are over the limit."
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Test your diplomatic knowledge: DPRK is throwing its latest year-long hissy fit over: A) An imminent threat of U.S. invasion? B) South Korea's subversive military tactics? C) An astronomical $24 million in counterfeit cash seized by the U.S.?
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| (OC Register) |
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If you can't say f*ck in an airport, the terrorists have already won
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TV reporters run story about being emo, "you hit the jackpot if you attempt suicide"
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| (Some Zombie) |
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Zombies leaving Middle East country in pursuit of food. Bahrain Brains Bahrain Brains
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| (US News) |
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Yesterday morning, Associated Press misquoted Alan Greenspan as saying a recession was coming. Yesterday afternoon, the stock market tanked. This, of course, is all Matt Drudge's fault
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| (Stuck in Lodi) |
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Best opening sentence in article ever: "A jazz musician was injured Friday after jumping from a burning motor home driven by a one-time roller-skating stripper from Lodi"
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Italian mashed potato recipe: Potatoes, milk, butter, garlic, hand grenade. What?
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| (myfoxny.com) |
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Not news: House broken in. Still not news: Homeowner shoots intruder. Fark: Victim was his grandson trying to steal beer
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Middle-aged man claims 12-year-old was his girlfriend. A large man named 'Bubba' will most likely take her place in the near future
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New York passes non-binding measure to ban usage of the N-word, gets non-binding high five from Democratic Congress
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| (theledger) |
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Actual headline: Florida's state of insanity is at Category 5. What we've been saying for years...
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If you are planning on swimming in the Ohio River any time soon, you should pick another river
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Man who reported co-workers for shooting birds was awarded $660K for all the birds that were shot at him for telling
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: More fake photos from the Middle East, republished in the L.A. Times
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| (Navy Times) |
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Air Force officer takes slogan "Do Something Amazing" a little too far, gets convicted of raping four men
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Twenty-five percent of HDTV television owners are unaware they're not watching in HD, safe to assume they spent at least $500 on Monster cables
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German proctors force student with bladder problem to piss into a jar during exam in front of 120 fellow pupils. University admits this was "lacking in any normal human sensitivity," a common complaint about the Germans
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Stocks rebound on news that Paris Hilton got a traffic ticket in West Hollywood
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| (Washington Post) |
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Website for Sen. Stevens (R-Intertubes) suggests visitors are aliens if they are slow in giving password. Ironic surrenders to Weird, in absence of Flat-Out Wacko tag
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Anna Nicole will not rot in Texas. Somehow this rates a Breaking News Alert on CNN and FoxNews
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| (FMQB) |
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SCOTUS could strip the FCC of their power over indecency and censorship. Way to [DELETED] go, Supremes
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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Season's highest rated TV show is "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" Clearly, the answer is "no"
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Having solved all other problems, Arkansas House of Representatives to argue over the correct possessive form of Arkansas
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| (WUSA) |
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Missing man found in jail after his money-making plan to sell porn DVDs on a bus didn't work out. When the passengers refused to buy the DVDs, he started getting all stabby with them. (With video)
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| (charleston daily mail) |
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Quote from article: "I'm just scared to death they're going to cremate her and stick her in a cemetery where she doesn't know anyone"
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Mall of America deemed sponge worthy
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| (SuperDeluxe) |
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What a lot of people don't realize is that Bob Dylan actually wrote every popular song in the past 35 years. Skeet skeet skeet
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Boston needs to chill the F out as bomb squad blows up a traffic monitor
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| (CNNSI.com) |
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Apparently, Kansas State students have been tossing live chickens onto the court before games, what the hell?
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| (Some Rodent) |
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Health inspector who gave rat-infested restaurant a passing grade shocked to find herself out of a job
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Following complaints by civil-rights groups, new monument to the mansion in which George Washington and John Adams lived in Philadelphia will let visitors know they were slave owners
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Couple finds what appear to be large footprints in California forest, rekindling debate about Bigfoot. In somewhat related news, submitter swears Loch Ness Monster lives in his pool and crop circles pop up in his yard on daily basis, wants media coverage
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It's Opposites Day at Sony, where they pretend that the Wii isn't kicking their arse
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| (Pioneer Press) |
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Connecticut mayor receiving his messages the old fashioned way. Attached to a brick
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When panhandling at intersections becomes criminal, only criminals will panhandle. And firefighters
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Iran weighs invitation to Baghdad summit. Since they're already sending in their people, their weapons, bombs and explosives, they figure they might as well see firsthand what their money bought
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After stealing $700,000 in savings bonds, should you: A) Act normal? B) Conceal newly acquired treasure? C) Get the hell out of dodge? B) Smoke pot on the get-away train with your newly acquired treasure next to you?
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Apparently, an alien spaceship crashed in 1897, killing the aliens onboard. The locals there gave it a proper Christian burial. "Oh, why not? It'd be incredibly naive to think we're the only people in the universe"
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Fark TV shows the REAL story behind Vatican blessing the KFC sandwich and how it relates to oil prices
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Man miraculously survives after car hit sends shoes flying 200 feet (video may be considered graphic)
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I'm in yr tribul areus, reestablishun my trainin campz
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"Without some implied or written threat, however, a poop-filled package won't get the sender in trouble on the first offense." The more you know
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Why February only has 28 days
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Read the transcript of the phone conversation between Castro and Chavez. Excerpt: Castro: Braiiiiins. Chavez: Oil. Castro: BRAIIIIIIINS. Chavez: OIL
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| (Airforcetimes.com) |
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The problem at Walter Reed seems to have been fixed. All the wounded soldiers have been told not to talk to the media. That should solve everything
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| (WSBTV) |
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Georgia bank gets robbed by two chicks at once, oh yeah
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Benefits to the tune of £57 million were paid to dead people in the UK last year. Chances of zombie army rising up and attacking now greatly increased, because it's getting better funding than the living one
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People who choose to live near a river are upset that the river occasionally overflows and floods their property
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| (He can spell "kill you") |
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Bank robber dubbed "English Major Bandit" by the FBI because of his lack of grammar and spelling talents is still eluding the FBI. They think he played football for the Miami Hurricanes and graduated with an English degree
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Man decides to go carjacking but has nobody to look after baby. From the tag you can probably guess what happened next
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Eight-year-old -- all 218 pounds of him -- gets to stay with mom and her well-stocked fridge
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Picasso paintings stolen from granddaughter's home. Police on lookout for thief with both eyes on one side of his face
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested for trying to cash $50,000 check from The Lord. You'd think God's checks would clear
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| (WBAL) |
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Drew will be talking Fark with Chip Franklin on WBAL-AM 1090 Baltimore MD at 11:00 a.m.
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Stromboli erupts in giant plumes of steam and molten material. Scientists pinpoint "microwaving it for too long" as the most likely cause
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From the Department of Obviousness: Many U.S. high school students bored in class
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| (Green Bay Press Gazette) |
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Unfortunate real headline of the day. "Long-time fishing buddies get down to business with S&M Tool"
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Photoshop this scene from the slam-dunk contest
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"Miracle baby" now living normal life, besides constantly saying "Braaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiinns"
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| (Telegraph.co.uk) |
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Man who invented the bungee jump is planning a 4,920-foot fall from a helicopter
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| (Some Guy) |
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