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| Sun January 14, 2007 |
| (9News) |
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City of Denver revenue plan: 1) Push snow from street onto already shoveled sidewalk. 2) Ticket the homeowner. 3) $$$
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Saddam Hussein's half brother and the former head of Iraq's Revolutionary Court both hanged
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So many people came out to watch dolphins off Long Island shore, police had to intervene. It's getting to b e a zoo around here
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Posh waiter finally loses it. "I'd like to see the manager." "How can I possibly introduce you to the manager? You haven't shaved, you're not wearing a tie, and you hold your ladle like a pen."
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| (CanadaNow) |
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Kylie Minogue becomes world's first scented wax figure
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It's the real thing. Coke espionage trial to start , as former secretary stands accused of stealing Coke's secrets to sell to Pepsi
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man suffering from flu punches out doctor for refusing to write him a sick note for work. Sounds pretty healthy to me
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| (Some Guy) |
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Steel animals sculptures, the lady bug is cute
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| (Cape Cod Times) |
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The cost of medical care is exploding and 97% lack insurance, but what else can you do when the only hospital says "give us $3,700 or your wife dies"?
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| (Disillusioned TFette) |
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And we wonder why we aren't taken seriously: Canadian Forces using paintball ranges to get ready for Afghanistan
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Oh fashion shows, will you ever make clothes people will wear?
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1971 Budweiser commercial. Beer brings us all together
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| (McAllen Monitor) |
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Deputy with a million dollars in his truck opens with the "I found it" gambit. Police accept with the conventional "we'll let you go if we can keep it" move
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Behold the jumpsuit, the manliest of manly garments
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Europeans rushing to Bulgaria to buy "Breast-Boosting Beer"
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Prince Harry may be shipped to Iraq. British retreat from Iraq in 5...4...3...2
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A two year, 18.6 million dollar airport expansion project is brought to a screeching halt when a bald eagle builds a nest. Project is at a standstill until the eagle decides to move
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| (Some Guy) |
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One-third of all public school students can't use. Periods correctly
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| (Dominican Today) |
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The Burqini: Muslim cross between a burqa and a bikini (pic)
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Drug-addicted businessman avoids prosecution for misdemeanor drug posession offense by agreeing to give police his $100,000 Mercedes
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100,000 homes without power in Sweden; 1,000,000 tasty little meatballs with toothpicks grow cold
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Warning sign number one: "He was a very pleasant, kind of low-key, regular guy"
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The mystery bike of Milwaukee. With breathtaking photo
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Mountie calls sex harassment 'systemic', blames that whole "always get their man" mystique
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| (Chattanoogan) |
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Dog shoots man
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Gravity
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Experts explain that what is best for recovered kidnapping victims is to be psychoanalyzed by complete strangers on national TV
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World record for most Elvises singing in one place now stands at 147
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Man seeks place in book of Guinness World Records for 21,6-centimetres piece of sunburn peel in the shape of China
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Wealthy man chooses heirs from phone book
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| (IBN Live) |
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After being stripped of her title, the former Ms Nevada is being paid $2 million to host female orgasm contest. Subby didn't realize females actually HAD orgasms
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| (Some Guy) |
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There once was a drunk man named Gammel/He went out and drank like a camel/Exposed his bottom/Cops said, "We got 'em"/Now he's restrained with a trammel
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Sunday couch potatoes unite: it's an exhibit of the greatest TV catch phrases and quotes EVER
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| (All Headline News) |
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Step 2 still a mystery
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| (New York Daily News) |
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"I'm standing here with no pants on...I'm awesome"
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German motorist driving along a busy road suddenly veered to the left and ended up stuck on a railway track -- because his satellite navigation system told him to
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Al-Jazeera journalist making a documentary about torture in Egypt will now get a whole lot more access to the story than she wanted
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pete Doherty arrested again for *shakes druggie eight-ball* trying to outrun police in a stolen car
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| (Bangkok Post) |
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Police chief perplexed how to deal with elephants who are looting tapioca trucks
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Since oil prices are so low they're practically giving gas away, OPEC contemplating an emergency meeting to discuss cutting production
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| (Some Guy) |
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"The Nightmare Weaponry of Our Future" - and why the Pentagon spends its money on the future while we lack sufficient funding for the present
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Search for Da Vinci's secret vault continues. Geraldo Rivera unavailable for comment
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Thousands of Britons who signed up for terror alerts by email find that there details are now held by an American company specialising in supermarket mailshots
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this lassoman
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| (EurekAlert) |
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Scientists will begin gathering the most detailed information yet about the ever-changing northern lights, as a multi-year research project enters its ultimate phase with thirty guys laying on the hoods of their cars going "whoa"
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On February 18, 2009, full power television stations will stop analog broadcasting and transition to digital broadcasting. Don't worry, the government has an entitlement program
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| (Some Guy) |
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By day he's an electronic marketing communications specialist, but when the sun goes down, he becomes...The UFO Hunter
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| (Some cold dead hands) |
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Harvard study finds that states with higher levels of gun ownership have higher homicide rates. Fark study finds that Harvard scientists are damned dirty apes
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I've kinda always suspected it, but now it's official. Allen's Coffee Brandy is Maines most popular brand of hard alcohol
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BBC under fire after it announced plans for a £200,000 TV documentary devoted to the C- word
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Make your own wine, rich in flavours such as ramen, CPU, mom's basement and hairy hands
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| (RINF) |
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British government considering mandatory devices that will track individual motorcycles and automatically cut their throttles if it senses the bike exceeding the posted speed limit
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| (Some Guy) |
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Heaven's Gate - The New Generation
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| (Telegraph) |
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Man has broken 27 year old record to fly his hot air balloon to 32,500ft (6 .1 miles) - just above the cruising height of a jumbo jet
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| (cracked) |
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8 important lessons learned from 80's cartoons
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| (Some Guy) |
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Things tend to get ugly after your plane sits on the runway for eight hours
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| (MosNews.com) |
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Russian man grows replacement penis on his arm, looks forward to rubbing elbows with many foxy ladies
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| (Some Guy) |
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"In the 1050's, UFOs, mosters, and ghost stories were part of Americana, and Clarksburg native Gray Barker was right in the middle of it."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rumor that overweight owl with power to turn its owner into a millionaire has been sighted in India sparks frantic hunt for mystical bird. YA RLY
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| (Some Guy) |
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Herd of wild goats invades village after figuring out how to crawl across a £40,000 cattle grid installed to keep them out. You mess with the goat, you get the horns
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Many of the respectable residents of Lewes, an old market town in southern England, appear to be cheering for vigilantes who are blowing up parking meters"
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Firm selling maternity clothes discriminates against pregnant mothers. Irony tag's children amused
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cancer striken mother makes keepsake videos for son. Mother dies. Thief steals videos. Satan says, "Thats low."
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New Yorkers despondent that it took 13 days for the first homicide of the year to occur, inspiring memories of the good old days when dozens of people would be killed by January 13th
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these smokestacks
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Airlines seek to charge extra air tax for tickets bought months ago after government raised taxes at the beginning of the year. That's funny, I didn't receive a refund on tickets that eventually went down in price
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Woman who loses at radio station's water-drinking contest now going for record for holding one's breath
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What to do with 20,000 lbs of surplus sodium metal? Why dump it into a lake of course
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Cat named stationmaster of Wakayama Electric Railway station. Company officials say they were extremely impressed with his work modeling for caption pictures
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Boy Scout troops earn their Devastating Wildfire badge
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Apparently, there are places called "coffee shops" where young persons can meet for a first date
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| (Some Weirded out Gal) |
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What's the weirdest thing ever said to you on a date? LGN, VE
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All British residents asked to name a 'buddy' who would bring them life-saving medication in a flu pandemic. Now look around at your buddies. Yeah, you're dead
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption: whatever the hell is going on here
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fox shows woman with "Fark Da Eagles" T-Shirt in prime time. Link goes to FCC obscenity FAQ
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Fat Americans protest Whitehouse anti-fat policies as insulting to Fat Americans. Your dog wants you to butter that steak
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Reporter spends forty-eight hours in county lockup to see how life is. Verdict: Crowded and stinky
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"Children's parties have become the acme of competitive parenting,' said Hurley. 'It's not unusual for 60 children to be invited and the cost to reach £50,000"
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| Sat January 13, 2007 |
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Shanghai cancels plan for world's largest ferris wheel; didn't want to taunt Godzilla
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ugly-ass baby giraffe born at Cleveland Zoo. (w/ ugly pic)
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This is the story of one man's quest to discover why four-letter words are so f---ing common
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| (Some Guy) |
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A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why
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Christian Dior releases new million-dollar jewelry line on...Second Life
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For sale: fixer-upper French villas, need some tender loving care as owner hasn't hung around here recently but he has done that elsewhere
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Record-breaking 4.5 foot Kudzu root unearthed in Hong Kong. Georgia residents snort, laugh
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Drunken Scottish bridegroom spends wedding night in jail after throwing beer keg at police. This being Scotland, it's practically a ritual like kissing the bride, but it does soemtimes make the papers
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James Brown's home to become Graceland of soul. Just don't use the bathrooms, or he may be forced to rise from the grave and kick your butt, then go on a high speed chase
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these busy bus-stop cleaners
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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Please leave your hunting knives at home or the TSA will have to punish everyone again
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| (MoneyControl) |
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Seriel 'beer can killer' strikes again
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The scariest "Thermite vs. Ice" experiment you will see today
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Reindeer to get own tunnels so they no longer have to Dasher across highway. Now can Prancer right Dunder it
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Not News: Apparent burglary in Bridgeport, Conn. News: Puppies stolen from apartment. Fark: They are offspring of Westminster Dog Show winner
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| (Some Chinese Guy) |
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A baby boom is happening in China because it's lucky to have a baby in the Year of the Pig. Scary tag in play because "baby boom" and "China" appear in the same sentence
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"Crime. Sex. Unforgettable people doing unforgettable things. This case probably has more of the Hollywood element than any other I've had. It's got a show biz aura to it"
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Having done it with everything else, America now supersizing supermarkets. "We're ready to give people beepers here, they get lost for days," says owner of one six-acre behemoth
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farmer crushed to death by cow after not moooooving fast enough
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Apparently using same engineers as Boston's big dig, huge hole opens at Brazil subway construction site, swallowing cars and trucks. Duke sucks, but Brazil swallows
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'Your Ad HERE' sign on an LA cathedral was an art piece not an offer for ad space. "A church tower is different from a billboard. If it wasn't, we would have been selling ad space 2,000 years ago"
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| (ScottishLand) |
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Courtesy of the Scottish Executive, a £2.5m website detailing how to wash your hands. The internets, is there nothing they can't do
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| (Some Guy) |
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Israel developing 4 ton killer robot plan to defend against missile threats, pre-emptively strike Sara Connor
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Kid wants to have his school picture taken with a sword. Soooo last week
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If you're willing and able to glue thousands of pencils together in a random blobby shape, you too can be a famous artist
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| (Some Guy) |
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Indiana may begin requiring sobreity tests before getting casino credit. Casino revenue expected to drop 90%
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| (Some Guy) |
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After their success in launching the television series, "Lost", scientists now expand their work to create zombie cows that will not mind being confined and slaughtered for food
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| (New Yorker) |
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Why Europeans are getting taller and taller, and Americans aren't
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Theme: Light and shadow
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Had a bad day? watch Bob Ross paint a winter pond
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Here are 5 ways your poor ass can retire early. "Dropping your entire life savings on the powerball" mysteriously absent from list
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| (USGS) |
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The top 20 earthquake-prone states
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| (AirTran) |
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AudioEdit: Play-by-play... on a plane
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| (Some Guy) |
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What are you doing to prepare for ICE STORM 2007
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| (Some Guy) |
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The 10 deadliest natural disasters. The yellow river takes takes spots 1, 2 and 4. While the Indian Ocean tsunami only rates #7
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Nothing you didn't already suspect, but comparison between British and American TV news reporters finds 'So, who cuts your hair?' is considered an edgy and investigative question on this side of the pond
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| (Some Guy) |
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OPEC president says oil below $53 is "unacceptable," worries that money vaults will have to be filled with $10s and $20s instead of $100s
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| (NOAA) |
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Tsunami threat downgraded to Everyone Picnic
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Hey, remember that Doomsday Clock? Its hands will be moved on Wednesday for the first time in five years
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Nutjob arrested for dangerous driving after steering his car into centre of town, yelling, "Who wants free money?" and throwing £5,000 out the window. Bonus: most of the money was later turned in to the same cops who busted him
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| (WGAL) |
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Judge dismisses felony charges against state trooper accused of posting ex-wife's pics on bondage site. Despite dismissal, trooper requests to be handcuffed, ball-gagged and punished severely
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Want to get your sexy back? Eat these foods, it's that simple
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| (Some Guy) |
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London dentist pulls out woman's teeth without anaesthetic "to teach her a lesson" after she previously complained about his treatement. And people make joked about why British people don't go to dentists
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Man sues club because the women weren't up to standards. It's gotta be that state
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this sad Cowboy
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'Virgin Mary' forms as ice statue in West Texas small town grocery store freezer. (With video)
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Not News: Someone sends Bill Clinton a package. News: Post office evacuated, bomb squad brought to investigate. Fark: The package? A box of cookies
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FEMA deputy during Katrina now at NASA. Like NASA needed any help turning those launches into disasters
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After police assured them it wasn't a hell of a hangover, couple realizes that someone really did put 37 Christmas trees in their pool
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Plane part falls through roof of Chicago home, lands close to woman's bed. Welcome to Donnie Darko II: Electric Boogaloo
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest art made out of currency you will see today
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What better way to end the week than with an uplifting exhibit of just about every famous person who died via gunfire
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US use of corn for bio-diesel means Mexican children are starving, way to go you hippies
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Artist unveils new "art piece". In this case "art piece" means "serving guests meatballs made with fat taken during his liposuction"
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Bailiffs storm into restaurant and shut it down because owner owes local government $1.50
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| (Some Diabetic) |
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Farker creates scale model of battle scene from "The Two Towers" completely out of candy; never gets laid again
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Five best: converted post offices...because the Brits love their "Five best" lists
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Couple who sold 3 snowballs for $200 given free flight by Frontier Airlines so they can hand deliver them
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| (JMA) |
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Japan issues tsunami warning after magnitude 8.3 earthquake
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Humans 2, NYC Subways 0
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Something clogging your sewer in Indiana? Probably just another dead homeless guy. They're finding a lot of them down there
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| Fri January 12, 2007 |
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"The fact that women like to emulate waifs while men masturbate over T&A tells the real truth of the matter: thin may be classy, but curves are sexy."
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| (Some Guy) |
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When 50 percent of all students wind up in the top one percent of the graduating class, there just might be some grade inflation going on
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Goggle-eyed Runaway Bride still trying to stretch her 15 minutes: Drops lawsuit against groom for half the book rights; he drops his identical suit
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"Erotic game of Marco Polo." I'm so glad I cross that off the list of terms I want to see in print before I die
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Thieves steal audio books from library. Titles included, "Thievery for Dummies" and "How to Keep Clenched"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this wall of phones
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North Korea to breed giant rabbits to feed starving population. Problem is that they are "voracious eaters," unlikely to help problem, have nasty big pointy teeth, require the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch to kill them
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Turns out not all fat people are jolly. Some of them are armed and carry a grudge as big as their bellies
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D.A. behind Duke rape case asks to be recused, claims he was sucked into the whole affair
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| (Some Guy) |
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William Ben Ownby found with another boy who had been missing since 2002
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This just in: "Semen sales are serious business." Semen salesman react stiffly to semen jokes, saying it's hard work and they just need the occasional stroke. Business is goo, though. I mean, GOOD -- business is GOOD
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The braincells you thought you killed by underage binge drinking were really lost by attending college
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| (Some Guy) |
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PS3s piling up and collecting dust on store shelves as Wii consoles are scooped up the minute they roll in
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| (Some Guy) |
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Saudi Arabia gets its first woman pilot, but she has to be driven to the airport by a man
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Mars probe may have spotted Sojourner Rover
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Dante's face wasn't even supposed to be reconstructed from his skull that day
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| (Chattanoogan) |
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Tennessee state senator, unclear on the whole First Amendment thingie, demands that TV stations stop airing "obscene advertisements," specifically mentioning the "Girls Gone Wild" ads. Sounds like someone really needs a hug
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| (Some Guy) |
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New York Times, 2005: "The filibuster is a grand Senate tradition that must be protected from Republicans." NYT, yesterday: "Republicans are dusting off arcane old rules to frustrate Democrats" (third item)
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New recruits in China are given hats and are told to put them on, with no coaching from anyone. Hilarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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A man has been arrested at Hong Kong airport for trying to smuggle a crocodile, six snakes, 11 flying squirrels and 46 turtles and tortoises in his luggage
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| (charleston daily mail) |
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Department of Homeland Security proud to have protected us from thousands of counterfeit shoes
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Barry Bonds says that teammate Mark Sweeney did not give him amphetamines, but still no word on who did or how they got in his system
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Sen. John McCain: "If we walk away from Iraq, we'll be back, possibly in the context of a wider war in the world's most volatile region"
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| (News Journal) |
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Robbery suspect nabbed after posing as victim. "What did the suspect look like?" "Well, he was five-foot-seven, 20 years old and 175 pounds," says five-foot-seven, 175-pound person, who is 20
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Last call! Seattle Fark party tomorrow, 1/13, @ Fado, 6:00 p.m.
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| (San Bernardino Sun) |
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Strip club owner is philosophical about prostitution charges; "Twelve years and hundreds of thousands of dollars against me and the city is still full of potholes"
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Here's the mainstream media with a breathless report on how many Ebay feedback ratings are manipulated. If you can imagine such a dastardly thing
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| (WRAL.com) |
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Duke professor resigns from school committee assignments because Duke invited back two of the lacrosse players falsely accused of rape. Duke sucks
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Apartment caretaker arrested for letting himself into apartments to steal booze and panties
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Arizona DMV serves up novel penalty for drunk drivers: "All of the X-rated talk you can handle for just 69 cents a minute"
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| (Some Guy) |
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A professor is urging schools to consider using video games as tools to better prepare children for the work force. ↑↑↓↓←→←→ b a select start gets you a promotion
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Satellite and Internet radio services must restrict listeners' ability to record and play back individual songs, under new legislation introduced this week in the U.S. Senate
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Despite the whole "him kidnapping her when she was 15" thing, teenager decides to marry her 47-year-old abductor
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Be warned, spoon-benders... James Randi is rolling out Million-Dollar Challenge 2.0
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Remember the whole thing about Erik Estrada arresting the guy and doing something to piss him off for the TV show he's on? Yeah, apparently the show sucks
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| (wbal) |
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Robber kisses homeowner on the cheek before leaving the guy's home
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11 Houston strippers arrested in prostitution, lewd acts raid. Oh, yes, The Smoking Gun is there with the gals' mug shots
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HAL 9000 is 10 years old today. Happy birthday, HAL -- now blow out your candles. "I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave"
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Man dies in Delta flight's wheel well. Still forced to change planes in Atlanta
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| (Some Guy) |
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107-year-old Nigerian man has thanked God for giving him the strength to marry a 30-year-old woman
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Soldier sentenced to 18 years for murdering Iraqis, which means he should be out in time for a second tour
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Hillary Clinton and Evan Bayh headed to Iraq. My God, did anyone realize we were that desperate for troops?
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NOBODY PANIC. Ohio airport bomb threat was just sprinkler parts, again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Farker's really surprised new baby
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Red Hot Chili Peppers may fight cancer. What I got I'm gonna get it put it in you, what I got I'm gonna get it put it in you
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| (Schroedinger's Cat) |
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Quantum Cowboy and metaphysical pioneer, Robert Anton Wilson, has departed the dimension of the living to permanently dwell within the collective subconscious. Fnord
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Girl suspended for putting red highlights in hair allowed to return to school
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Man drives his truck in front of a speeding, out-of-control tractor trailer to protect highway work crew and state police. Goodness gracious, great balls of steel
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Wrigley's subsidiary in Russia suckered into paying for use of Chinese national anthem in advertisement. A billion Chinese are not amused
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Homeowner fights intruder with fire extinguisher
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Boston Globe breaks story on how local TV anchors style their hair and what they eat for breakfast. "Having phenomenal clothes is one thing -- but you need a good hanger to put them on" has probably locked up a Pulitzer
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| (TBC) |
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If you wish to remain anonymous after placing the severed head of the dog -- who happens to belong to the star witness in court against you -- on top of a car, don't go up and demand money
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India demands apology for video depicting Gandhi pole dancing. No word on how many rupees it would take to get the Mahatma back into the VIP room
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| (wsaz) |
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Today's "steal a credit card and run to Wa-Mart" story brought to you by the same place featured in yesterday's "steal a credit card and go to Wal-Mart" story
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Christian group gets sand in their immaculate vagina over Conan O'Brien skit about country singer who loved Jesus, but not in that way
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Not news: Man burglarizes apartment. News: Steals everything, even the rugs. Fark.com: Is caught in the next room, where he's moved everything, even the couch he's sleeping on
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| (The Local) |
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Swedish file-sharing site to buy own country to avoid other nations' pesky copyright laws
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| (WSAZ.com) |
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Fark's favorite Powerball winner claims he's broke
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Criminal mastermind in Alabama man puts on mask, walks 10 feet to his grandfather's house and tries to rob him. Then things get weird
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| (iceland review.com) |
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Naturism/nakedness in Iceland... measuring the proverbial witch's tit
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Locked cabin doors on planes are a great idea to defeat terrorists. Unintended consequence: They also keep news of electrical fires on planes from attacking the pilots
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Florida may be holding its presidential primary earlier so the next election can be farked up in a timely manner
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You know you are having a good day when a lotto agent forgives your debts and then you buy a ticket that wins $16 million
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Seventy-seven percent of British bosses wish they could run their companies like an episode of "The Apprentice"
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| (Some Man, Dog) |
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Sega threatens YTMND with legal action over Sonic jokes, completely unaware that the biggest Sonic joke is the latest game
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Craigslist can be used to sell such things as toasters, furniture, sex with underage girls, motorcycles, guitars... wait, what?
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Script completed for "Star Trek XI: The Wonder Years"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lawyer busted for "peck on cheek." For all the trouble he's in, he should have grabbed some ass, too
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Schools in favour of fingerprinting pupils
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| (WGAL) |
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Armed robbers target college students because they're such easy targets. Thugs will not be swayed by such entreaties as, "Come on brah" and "That's so not cool"
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Shanghai orders "Frog's Mistress" tea shop to change its unethical name. Lark's vomit?
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Creating the world's biggest love message
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San Francisco company unveils "meth coffee." Who could possibly object to this?
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Traffic cop in India demoted and reassigned for the heinous act of trying to give ticket to top cricket player
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| (Daily Mail) |
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British mothers spend about three years of their life in the kitchen cooking -- not taking into account the beer fetching and sandwich making
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| (M&C) |
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Left-wing group behind terrorist attack on U.S. embassy. Suck it, libs!
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News: Woman leaves her two-year-old son home alone for two days to attend a military training. Fark.com: He just had brain surgery
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China will have 30 million more men of marriageable age than women in less than 15 years
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Wiitards cautioned to warm up before playing video games or risk career-ending injuries or some damn thing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Newly-discovered artifacts suggest modern man arrived in Europe 45,000 years ago, took a look at the Irish and left, never to return
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Army arranges duel of artillery contractors, 155 millimeter guns at 10 miles
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| (Sheffield Today) |
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British football player jailed for punch-up on field. Police only interested in violent crimes luckily, if they went after fraud they wouldn't be able to field a single team in the entire commonwealth
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I-Mockery examines a vintage skateboarding safety film from 1975 (includes video)
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| (Some Gardening fool) |
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The most amazing trees you are likely to see EVER. You'll leave green with envy
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| (Nanobliss.com) |
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The coolest gallery of fabricated carbon nanotube structures you'll see today
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Lancashire's clumsiest dog (photo gallery)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Burglar picks wrong house to rob, ends up with painful looking mugshot
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If this keeps up the Winter Olympics may be limited to only indoor events
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| (Some Guy) |
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You remember that 2-year time limit on active duty for reservists? Yeah, just kidding
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Every worker in Britain will now get at least 28 days a year of vacation thanks to a change in the law. If the country had any productivity, this would put a major dent in it
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| (Cute Overload) |
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Photoshop this hungry hedgehog
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As a result of the least likely international incident ever, Nepal has apologized to Peru
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Even though the redneck handbook says if you're going to use indoor fogger outside to kill bees you should mix it with WD-40, it's not a good idea
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Saskatchewan police acused of racial profiling after they arrest the only black person in Saskatchewan
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U.S. staff sergeant relieved of duties after posing nude for Playboy. Officials are fully at attention in dealing with this matter and are ready to deploy seamen should the need arise
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Pigs now outnumber people in German state of Lower Saxony. Arkansas jealous
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Whale shark dies at Georgia Aquarium; funeral arrangements by Red Lobster, all mourners will be given drawn butter
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Irish banknotes massively tainted with cocaine, Guinness
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| (wistv.com) |
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Four cops get sick, visit ER after having a pot of coffee at IHOP. Did I mention no one else got sick?
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Neurosurgeon uses dog with induced brain aneurysm to demonstrate medical device to salespeople, then kills it afterwards. Your dog wants nothing to do with this
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Woman chooses to have monkey on her back instead of, uh, a monkey on her back
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African Lion Kisses, Hugs Woman Who Saved It. You dog wants a hug(w/pic)
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| (WBIR) |
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Today's hot teacher sends nude photos to 13yr old student, thus violating her probation, brought to you by... McMinnville, Tennessee
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"National Lampoon's Vacation." Where are the kid stars now?
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Wondering when your British ancestor came over? Britain releases passenger lists for all ships that left Britain from 1890-1960
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Explosions reported inside US embassy in Athens
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| Thu January 11, 2007 |
| (BlaineKendall.com) |
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Photoshop this slow driver
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| (Some Guy) |
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Perhaps the best 404 ever. Link to your favorite 404
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Harvard unveils multi-billion dollar expansion aimed at improving its life sciences and stem cell research departments. Suck it, Yale
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Panel urges college students to concentrate on liberal arts for later success in life. Sean Hannity last heard demanding a recount
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The coolest tin foil ship floating on nothing you'll see all day
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Dallas-based pizza chain that caters to Hispanic customers receives death threats and hate mail for offering to accept payment in pesos. ¡no esta mierda otra vez
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| (Some Guy) |
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Stiff resistance will make it hard on Pfizer's attempts to sell Viagra over the counter. Boner
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Workplace shooting in Indianapolis leaves at least 85 workers disabled
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| (SunJournal.com) |
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Couple that left their two-week-old baby in the car while shopping at Wal-Mart say they didn't know it was against the law
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| (Some Guy) |
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4,516-tonne freighter is drifting on a collision course with a manned oil rig in the North Sea. Stay tuned
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| (Some Guy) |
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Somehow, I don't think airline execs have thought their cunning plan all the way through, as bankrupt Delta now discussing merger with bankrupt Northwest
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these strangers on a train
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| (WSOCtv.com) |
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Two inmates and their biatch beat up *both* deputies working at the county jail, leave the place wide open. Other inmates stay in cells, call 911. And the story gets even Fark-ier from there
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Ass diamonds? Its more likely than you think
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Even though we are 100 percent sure this man is not the father of the child, we are still going to need him to pay that child support. Thanks
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Woman ticketed for putting flashing light in her yard to slow speeders
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Man who tried to use high voltage to kill moles ends up killing himself instead. Bonus: The moles survived
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If airport security wasn't bad enough, now the security trays will have ads on them. The terrorists have won
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Missing jetliner that was found, then missing again, has actually truly been found this time
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An employee dies in a grisly driving accident. Do you: A) Offer counseling to his coworkers? B) Build a memorial? C) Display the twisted wreckage in the parking lot to remind others to drive safely?
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What do ugly women and prostate-cancer treatment have in common?
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| (Nashua Telegraph) |
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High school shop teacher in trouble for giving one of his students the pipe
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Marketing genius decides to combine all the excitement of watching a chess match with the heart-pounding drama of watching ice melt
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Asshatery ensues when two guys leave a birthday party covered in cake, break into the sheriff's office and smear cake all over the place. Cops follow the cake trail that leads them to the perps
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| (WFAA Dallas) |
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Shocked parents are upset that devices which connect to the Internet can be used to aquire pornography. Today's example: Nintendo Wii
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rape charges against James Brown to go forth despite case being tossed out of court last year... and his being dead and all
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FarkTV Coming Soon. Tastes Like Chicken
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Volunteer firefighters resign after being told they can't drink beer in the firehouse
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Denver gets the 2008 Democratic presidential convention
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Jehovah's witnesses issue statement that the sextuplets will be given proper medical treatment, except for blood transfusions, because that's just wrong
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Cedar Point set to debut new roller coaster "The Maverick." The ride is short, dangerous, homoerotic and enjoys taking showers and playing shirtless volleyball
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Commuters would rather get beaten and robbed than pay bridge tolls
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Six Flags is selling seven parks for $312 million, which coincidentally is the exact price of tickets for a family of four, including lunch and t-shirts
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Investigators in Maryland trying to figure out why construction worker fell four floors to his death from new museum. They also want to know why he was naked when he did
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"The dumbest invention you'll see today" award goes to....the toilet that doubles as an aquarium
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If you are a superhero with a samurai sword who helped capture a burglar, Tyneside Police would like a word with you
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Experts think risk of new SARS outbreak is low. But please CONTINUE TO PANIC
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Kohls and Target stop selling 'The Price Is Right'-themed drinking game. Submitter won't drink to that
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you stole a 4-foot fiberglass caped crusader named Super Rooster, some townspeople would like a word with you
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The last person in Silicon Valley without a computer or cellphone gets featured in USA Today
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| (A lawyer) |
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What do you call a woman who has sex for money? A first amendment entrepreneur, apparently
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Walgreen's now selling nicotine hand lotion. You can now get your nicotine during sex instead of after
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Public access program runs 22 years of swimsuit competitions. Identifies target audience as "the 18- to 108-year-old male"
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Case against ex-Qwest execs expected to get express progress
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| (Physorg.com) |
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Mars Surveyor was killed by software patch Tuesday
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BBC unveils its latest ratings clincher: the rhino vagina webcam
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| (WMUR) |
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Tractor-trailer carrying shingles overturns on I-93 in New Hampshire. Eyewitnesses describe intense itching and burning sensation below the waist
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| (SB Sun.Com) |
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Investigators not only observed but also engaged in various sex acts at local strip club. City has a sudden rush of applicants for investigative positions
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| (Some Guy) |
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School bans brown clothes ... UPS guy has to toss deliveries from the curb
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| (WGAL) |
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Not everyone is happy the Saints are in the playoffs, including this bride who's getting married on Saturday and keeps losing guests to the game. Football, wedding. Football, wedding. You make the call
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| (Some Guy) |
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What kind of job can a child abusing, arsonist pothead get? Firefighter, apparently (with scary pic)
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The new must-have property feature is the Secret Passageway. Submitter reads with interest, whilst leaning back onto large wooden bookcas-HOLY CRAP *thud*
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Don't piss off your girlfriend's father when the nearest weapon is an axe. Florida tag surrenders
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Plumber finds $2,750 stuffed in sock under bathroom floor, gives it to the homeowner. Owner gives it back to plumber, since that amount happened to be the standard plumber's daily rate
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| (News-Leader) |
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Solider whose belongings were auctioned from his storage unit while he was in Iraq is surprised at all the attention his story's gotten on the intertubes
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News: Kids get kicked off bus for speaking english. Fark: In America
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Beckham to play for LA Galaxy. Suck it, non-LA MLS fans. Oh, you're not there
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Dog door sticks it to fat cat
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China's blogging population reaches 20 million, which is coincidentally the number of new jail cells being built in the Chinese hinterlands
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Paris Hilton's fishy friend
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Abandoned typewriter at Wal-Mart creates bomb scare
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Man who won $1.3 million in lotto three years ago just won $3.4 million because he kept playing. Odds of that: one in trillions. Odds of his neighbors hating him with a white-hot fury: One in one
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Neighborhood residents say that coyotes have become increasingly aggressive, have even attacked skateboarders. Will ask police for help in about three more years
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Cold front moving into Colorado will drop the temperature 60 degrees overnight, from "jacket weather" to "has anybody seen where my testicles went?"
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Able-bodied people shocked, SHOCKED to find out that even if they have disabled family member, they can't legally park in handicapped spaces
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| (Alice 105.9 FM) |
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Drew to appear on the Alice morning show in Denver at 8:00am MST. Listen live via the link
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| (Some Guy) |
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After kicking the window out of the moving police car you're in and escaping in handcuffs, you might want to rethink your clever plan of hiding out in the doorway of the sheriff's department
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US forces storm Iranian consulate in northern Iraq. This is going to end well
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So It turns out Barry Bonds didn't lose all that weight because he quit steroids, it was because he's been on amphetamines
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| (SFBG.com) |
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Can a two-week bartending course impart real-world pouring skills?
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Two prison guards sent to jail for having sex with inmates sent to prison, where inmates will have sex with them. And so the cycle of life is complete
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FDNY hoses their own as they order all firemen to take down all American flags and pictures of firefighters killed on 9/11
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PC World Editor Ctrl+Alt+Deleted
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| (Some Guy) |
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Elderly British war veteran has his ashes scattered at sea where the cruiser he was on in 1941 was sunk by Germans, killing 723 of his comrades. Submitter's got a little something in his eye right now
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Today's "Shoot-out at the Wal-Mart Corral" comes to us from St. Petersburg, FL
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Study finds one in 10 schools failing to teach pupils basic reading, writing and math skills. Damn - thats like, half
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| (Some Guy) |
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The top 25 killer apps of all time
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| (SG News (possibly NSFW) |
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The closest you can get to doing Star Trek: The Experience with Wil, until there's a Fark party in Vegas, that is
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In an effort to stop the Tigger-induced carnage in Florida, Disney pulls its brochures from all Florida hotels and businesses
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Suicide girls to attack British troops in Afghanistan. Troops told to watch out for Goth chicks with mutliple body piercings, strong exhibitionist trends
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man wins £700,000 compensation after getting sick from ex-parrot in pet shop. Beautiful plumage, though
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| (Some Guy) |
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Posters comparing people with learning disabilities to animals go up around Britian. Charity that posted them quickly discover what could possibly go wrong
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"The reputation of the ugly American abroad is not just some cruel stereotype. Rather, says the United States Government, it is worryingly accurate."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Residents of crime-ridden village tire of witing for police to act, promise 'punishment beatings' to teenage gangs. "We are taking our own action. We know who they are, where they live and who their parents are"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember that fancy new iPhone Apple unveiled yesterday? Turns out Cisco Systems trademarked "iPhone" back in 2000. Oops
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| (wnbc.com) |
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Pimp my commode (with pics and video)
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| (Courier Post Online) |
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Camden, NJ, removes eyesores visible from nearby interstate. Somehow the rest of the city is still standing
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| (nc news media) |
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Photoshop Bill Cowher and friends at the Super Bowl Award ceremony
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| (Herald News) |
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Student accidentally submits CD of child porn instead of his final exam. Direct quote: "Oh snap"
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Some nicknames are hard to live down, like "Stinky" or "Child Sex Lawyer"
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Obesity operations jump in United States. Maybe it would be better to have the patients jumping
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 88: "Holga/Lomo"
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| Wed January 10, 2007 |
| (Some Guy) |
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15 foods you shouldn't live without
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Guy draws a perfect circle in less than a second
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Mother of the year takes her already suspended 13 year old daughter to school so she could fight another girl
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Three pigs cause house to burn down. Wolf seen assisting firefighters, huffing and puffing to put it out
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| (White House) |
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President Bush "Iraq Renewal" speech drinking thread. Do a shot everytime he says "terra" "9/11" "evil doers" and "freedom"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dracula's castle up for sale. Spacious, great view, basement full of blood, undead buyers a plus. Please ask for Vlad
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| (2theadvocate.com) |
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Bush raises taxes on Big Oil by 30%
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| (Times Argus) |
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Police attempt to wake intoxicated patron sleeping in Chinese food joint. Man suddenly wakes up, sucker punches officer in face, vomits, and has heart attack. Talk about bringing your "A" game
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House votes to raise minimum wage from "top ramen" to "off-brand macaroni and cheese"
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| (Cliff Claven) |
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Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor fifth of scotch stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds
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As proof of suspected drug kingpin's nefarious deeds, let's end this poignant news piece with some 50 Cent lyrics
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| (Some Guy) |
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Waaay cooler and scarier than Mr. Potatohead
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| (WGRZ-TV) |
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Keep your dental floss out of the toilet, it's farking up Canada
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Baltimore was right on track for a perfect "one murder per day" record, but now people are just getting greedy
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Rabid raccoon attacks Connecticut woman. Can the media find a way to tie in global warming? Oh yeah
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| (Some Guy) |
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When registering your children for high school, try to leave your marijuana and fugitive boyfriend at home
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| (Metro) |
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German tourist snaps photo of handsome subway passenger while she was in London, now starting viral email campaign to try and identify him. There's a whole world of crazy about to enter this unsuspecting bastard's life (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this excited slider
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Suspicious package found in North Miami Beach is no threat, no word on if it was sprinkler parts or lambo door kit
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Los Angeles public transit's one million daily riders report losing prosthetic legs, jaw bones, and cremated remains. Weird tag since no one knew L.A. had public transit
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| (Some Guy) |
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Obstacles still remain prior to the construction of George W. Bush library at Southern Methodist University, including objections from faculty that most students have already found Waldo
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Pork rind and Natural Light stocks skyrocket on the news that the $500 million dollar Florida trailer park sale was approved
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From the "How can anybody take these awards seriously" file, Vince Vaughn, Nickelback and Two and a Half Men win People's Choice Awards
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Guy digging manhole trapped in flood of mud. No it's not a euphemism
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| (Some Guy) |
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San Diego, California police have a real mystery on their hands. Trying to figure out how in the world a truck ended up on top of a parked car. Submitter is bettin' on aliens
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Rhode Island no longer interested in owning a strip club
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| (Some Guy) |
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