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| Sun January 07, 2007 |
| (WTHR) |
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Cougar on the loose in Indiana. EVERYBODY PANIC
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"Body by God" program is pumping up Christians
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| (Some Guy) |
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Idiot decides to play the 'Lets steal copper wire from a power pylon' game, wins the consolation prize of 13,000 volts, but didn't get to keep it
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The world's most devestating weapon is not nuclear, chemical or biological, and costs less than a live chicken in many countries
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Man returns book to library and pays off a 47-year old, $171 late fee. Al Bundy seen laughing and muttering "amateur"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Luna 1
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| (Decatur Daily) |
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"If you buy the car today, I'll throw in the extended warranty AND I'll swallow the first two feet of this sword for your amusement"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mysterious underwater sphere in photograph baffles scientists. Michael Crichton considers suing mother nature
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Former President Bush discharged after hip implant surgery. However, doctors still think he will be a giant nerd
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Two feuding families armed with knives, baseball bats, metal poles, planks, branches, cricket bats, pick handles, screw drivers, golf clubs, curtain rods and glass bottles meet up to discuss their problems rationally
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FBI arrests 3 middle eastern men trying to sneak into port of Miami with an 18 wheeler, didn't buy their story involving an elephant, Dom Delouise, and a ton of beer headed for Texarkana
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| (physorg.com) |
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A new twist on offshoring tech jobs: Cisco to send 20% of senior managers to live in India
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UK government minister says "organic food is not better". The last major statement of this nature was "British beef is safe" so expect everyone to believe him and go on buying the chemical-filled crap
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| (RIP RAmen) |
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In China, they take pictures of frozen waterfalls
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Motorists call for a cull of deer in Scotland, to reduce the number of deer killed by motorists
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| (Some Guy) |
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Evolution of the Gatling Gun
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| (Physics Today) |
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Learn something today: a quick primer in climate modeling. Physics is phun
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Man in UK attacked by herd of pigs. I, for one, welcome our new walking bacon overlords
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| (The Age) |
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Humans are wired to prefer short-term pleasures to long-term health benefits. Hedonism-bot unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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In praise of 'man rooms'
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The new hot fashion trend? NYC Sanitation Dept. hats. Represent
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| (Voyager 1) |
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The most far out picture of earth you'll ever see
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| (Maxa) |
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Incredible watermelon creations
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Headline writers at CNN getting a tad loopy
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| (Herald Tribune) |
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Bush administration expected to announce the building of the country's first new nuclear warhead in nearly two decades. Smug alert raised to orange
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these rings
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| (Some Guy) |
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Welcome to 365 Beer, a game where participants try to drink 365 different brews in 365 days. Sign up and track your progress against others
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this water tower
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scientists develop cancer-killing molecules. Still no answer for millions of silly medical questions
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Man recently cited for living with 1500 rats and some cats busted again with more rats and cats on a sailboat
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Shooting replacing golf as "the social networking sport of choice"
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| (Some Slog) |
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Christina Aguilera demonstrates how to exit a limo without making the world your Gynecologist
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| (KAIT) |
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Kindergarten student checklist: pencils, paper, 22-caliber semi-automatic handgun... wait a sec
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| (Some Guy) |
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232 Star Wars Lines Improved by Substituting the Word "Pants"
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| (Donk Magazine) |
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Busted joint: pimp my ride new hotness: donk my ride (with amusing pic)
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Talented USC kicker found dead at botttom of cliff near Point Fermin lighthouse. You might remember him kicking two field goals in the Rose Bowl on Monday
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| (Some Ethiopian) |
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Disarmament drive leads to firefight
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| (Some Guy) |
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The biggest aaaaaaaaaaaaaw you'll say today
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| (China Daily) |
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I don't ever want to hear another one of you basement-dwellers whine about how dating is hard ever, ever again
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| Sat January 06, 2007 |
| (Sunday Observer) |
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"When she asks the price of something, I say it's much more than it really is. Then I reduce it when she asks for discount, so she think she's getting a great bargain and offers sex"
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| (news 14 charlotte) |
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Naked man resists arrests, puts the ol' junk in, he puts the ol' junk out, he puts the junk back and is tased and passes out. They start to take him to the pokey and he faints and passes out. He dies and it all comes out
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After hearing "And then..." too many times, Toys R Us give $25,000 to Chinese baby
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News networks have graphics for probable events ready to go before they happen. Photoshop a breaking news graphic for an impending event
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New Orleans mulls curfew to cut murders, or at least force residents to kill each other in broad daylight
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Early candidates for parents of the year give 12 year old pot and cocaine. Everything was going great until she got access to Myspace
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| (Some Guy) |
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I arrested twelve people and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
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| (cough cough) |
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Peanuts kill more Americans than terrorists. Snoopy gets pilot license revoked, Woodstock put on no-fly list
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Despite our promises of "never again" everyone continues to do nothing as children are beheaded or thrown alive into fires in Darfur. Good thing our military resources aren't committed to a quagmire, so we can respond quickly
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Israel air force training to bomb Iran's nuclear facilities back to the stone age using low-yield nuclear bunker busters. This will end well
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| (Some Guy) |
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British town orders man to remove tiny wind chime from his back yard after an investigation that cost more than £1,000
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| (Some Guy) |
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What's your town's claim to fame?
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Glasgow city officials are struggling to decide whether to classify discarded chewing gum as litter or vandalism
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Cannibal who ate fellow inmate had previously asked authorities to separate him from cellmate; finally threw up his hands out of frustration
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| (metro.co.uk) |
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"Mannequins' breasts are growing to cater for the number of women who now have plastic surgery (or men's increased fondness for gigantic boobs)"
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| (Des Moines Register) |
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Today's "350 snakes, 500 assorted rodents and three boa constrictors seized from a house" story brought to you by Dubuque, IA
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this picture of Hillary, Bill, and Dick
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| (Metro.co.uk) |
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Exotic dancers vow to form their own political party. Now taking political donations in singles
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| (Some Seagal) |
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Man who died 31 times in one hour says he's never experienced anything like it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Utah airlifts mooses to Colorado in exchange for sheep. "Something this weird has gotta have pics," you mutter. It does
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Locals upset over nude cricket, naked tug-of-war, nude three-legged races and "best bum" and "best suntan" competitions. In other news, three-legged races may have a new meaning
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Theme: Holiday cards that didn't sell very well this year
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What to do when your minor child is convicted of gang raping an 11 year old--blame the victim and call her a whore in court
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False alarms in Toronto homes have wasted as much as $23.7 million in police services
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Your office Death Pool has a new front runner.Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas declares Hamas militia illegal
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Arsenic and fake tits
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| (dailydemocrat.com) |
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Ax-wielding maniac attempts to kill neighbor's truck
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Airline passengers have gotten better at leaving their knives and scissors at home, but need work on camel meat and moonshine
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It's fun to steal from the Y-M-C-A
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Massive avalanche on US 40 in Colorado buries several cars
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After selling stolen merchandise at a pawn shop, you might want to avoid said pawn shop for awhile, particularly if a police cruiser is parked outside
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What Florida did not have in hurricanes last year is being made up for in Colorado with blizzards
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Farrakhan undergoes 12-hour operation, perhaps related to "complications from an ulcer in the anal area." May not be able to speak for few weeks
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Philadelphia couple says they will let you watch them have sex for tickets to the Eagles / Giants game. Normally this would be kinda hot... but have you seen Eagles fans?
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| (Gulf Times) |
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Boy killed by cybersex
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RV parks, having been associated with dinner-dances and flea markets, becoming major entertainment venue
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| (Earth Times) |
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Toys 'R' Us offers $25,000 to first baby born in 2007, then promptly disqualifies Chinese immigrant and picks Georgian woman instead
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| (IN-Forum) |
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Today's "sleeping with a teacher" story brought to you by Fargo, ND (with hot pic)
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| (Rockymountainnews) |
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Moran 1, Ladies night 0
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".xxx" domain plan proposed again, expect stiffening resistance
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest pictures you will see all day: Earth from space
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| (MaineToday) |
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Maine decides that Santa's Butt is clean enough
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| (Some Guy) |
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Do your best or worst attempt at covering Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Freebird"
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| (theinquirer.net) |
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The RIAA may have to start suing alleged music pirates for actual damages ($.70 per single). Bonus: They may face a Senate inquiry panel
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Some inuendos write themselves: DNA on chin may lead to Glen Cove woman's killer
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And lo, the Flying Spaghetti Monster did wave His Noodly Appendage and summoned his prophet, Momofuku Ando, inventor of the instant noodle, to Heaven so that he may frolic among the beer volcanos and stripper factories. Ramen
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| (KSBW) |
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Today's item spilled all over the highway: coins
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| (Terre Haute Tribune Star) |
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Boaters fleeing towards Indiana to avoid Kentucky boat tax. Kentucky Navy mobilized to implement a whooping on any people who evade their boat tax
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Two arrested after stealing a mailman's bag. Don't people know not to mess with mailmen by now?
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USA Today salutes medieval reenactors with a feature on that high school kid who wanted his sword photographed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these Renaissance rockers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man Bites Dog
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| (Some Guy) |
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Seattle-area power company to develop solar power facility in the always-sunny Pacific Northwest. Yeah, let me know how that works out for you
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Warm weather closes ski resort. In Canada
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Oh, no - they say he's got to go, go go Hogzilla
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British man dies after two ambulance crews were forbidden from responding to his call because they were on EU-enforced lunch breaks. Ain't socialized medicine grand?
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British army raises age limit for front-line combat soldiers to 55, prepares to form Her Majesty's Motorized Wheelchair And Walkers Hussars
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I-Mockery takes you on a photographic tour of Las Vegas. What happens in Vegas, stays on the internet
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Two planes come within of 50 feet of making sweet, sweet love at Denver International Airport
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YouTube now encouraging your idiot coworkers to pull idiot practical jokes on you knowing they can share their idiocy with the idiots on the Internet. Ask these idiots who have
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| (rocky mountain news) |
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Batshiat crazy Russian lady slaps hex on Delta flight after flight attendant takes her wine away. Learns the hard way it costs $2,931 to divert a flight. Drunk and stupid is no way to go thru life, comrade
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cheney begins sweating nervously as Congress introduces war profiteering prevention act
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| (Some Guy) |
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Holy fark, Batman. Is molecular manufacturing too dangerous to allow?
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| Fri January 05, 2007 |
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Kentucky city bans tossing candy in parades. Says tossed candy in parades will lead to tossed salad in jail
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| (Some Hippo) |
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Ugly ass - and I mean ugly assed - baby hippo .... alright, the third pic is kinda cute
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6.6m snowman, ie. "Snowzilla", has neighbours fuming, keeping their children away from Snowzilla
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| (LGN) |
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Theme: If animals ran our corporations
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Man spends a nice evening at home with his hand nailed to the coffee table. Police "could not comment on whether the incident was a prank or an accident."
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Greatest Mexican victory against USA since the Alamo
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Army recruiting soldiers killed in action for re-enlistment
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If you happen to come across a solitary picnic basket out in the Alaskan wilderness, just leave it alone and slowly walk away
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| (Some Guy) |
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Armenian politicians accused of buying votes in upcoming elections with ... potatoes?
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Bride-to-be jokingly says "no" at the altar, wedding official says "okay" and ends ceremony
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The Skywatcher's Almanac: Celestial Highlights in 2007
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scientists discover that not eating makes you feel hungry. Still no cure for stupid, wasteful studies at taxpayer expense
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A little bit of science fiction becomes reality as scientists discover a diamond the size of Earth hidden in the middle of a star
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| (Some Guy) |
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Too clumsy for paint-by-numbers? Here's the solution: the Bob Ross painting game for the Nintendo Wii
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| (WGAL) |
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Sex offender pleads guilty to pretending to be doctor. Admits fondling two men while they took urine tests, spanking another when he failed. No, seriously. He spanked the guy
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Henna tatoo causes permanent marks on an 8 year old girl. Father is suing, seeing as she now has a tramp stamp 3 years earlier than everyone else in Jersey
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Diet medicine approved for dogs. Your dog can finally have that steak guilt-free
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| (WREG) |
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A sure way to piss off your neighbors is to leave body parts out in the yard
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Another downside to global warming. Remember that .38 you chucked in the river after your last holdup got messy?
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If you think traffic sucks where you live, never go to China
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Florida teens won't face death in killing of homeless guy, will instead be "volunteered" for an experimental aversion therapy developed by the government in an effort to solve society's crime problem
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Britney says she'll be back "bigger & better". All she needs to do now is work on the better part
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J'ai mangé son foie. Avec fève et un bon chianti
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| (Alex City Outlook) |
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Grief stricken parrot owners prompt high speed chase after hawk that ate family pet
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Wacky Warning Label Contest 2007 winners announced. They include "Don't put your kids in the washing machine" and "Do not dry this cell phone in a microwave"
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you are wanted for kidnapping, you may want to forgoe applying for Social Security - they do background checks (with Do Not Want mugshot goodness)
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What could possibly go wrong? Erik Estrada gets called Emilio Esteves by arrestee, engages in exchange of obscenities and faces lawsuit. Chances of this being publicity stunt for his new show currently at 80%
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Bear spray? You're soaking in it
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Theme: Unexpected road signs
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"As far as I'm concerned, the only thing wrong with breast-feeding in public is that the baby's head obstructs my view." Amen Brother. Amen
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Time once again for the annual story about Hindus flocking to the worlds largest open sewer to purify themselves in it's "sacred waters"
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The Internet makes people think that their opinions actually matter
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Stop me if you didn't see that one coming: Iran threatens use of nuclear weapons. You mean they couldn't be trusted?
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| (International Herald Tribune) |
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I can't believe you pissed your pants! What are you, retarded? Oh, really? Well, then maybe that disorderly conduct lawsuit was a bit uncalled for
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| (The Daily Times) |
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You too can drive drunk in Ocean City, MD - provided you're a public official from a neighboring state
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| (Concord Monitor) |
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Asshat dimantling a gun while driving manages to shoot himself in leg and hit a minivan which topples a 7-11 sign. Faints before shouting "Ta Da!"
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| (IC Press Citizen) |
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Drunk goes all Tacoma Narrows on local bridge. $300,000 automatically added to bar tab
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Photo of man on dead horse sparks national interest, jokes
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Hannity & Colmes has exclusive video and pictures of the Texas cheerleaders gone amok. Fair and balanced
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Terry McAuliffe's new book asserts that Pelosi isn't the only Nancy in Congress
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Muslim cleric shot dead after he delivered a sermon in the Gaza Strip calling for an end to fierce factional fighting. That shut him up. Back on with the fighting lads
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Fisherman catches wooly mammoth
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Woman's crack pipe stolen. Her response? Mug a 12-year old collecting money for piano lessons
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Oil dips below $56 a barrel on news that Art Shell has been fired
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| (YorkShire Post) |
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Texas child hangs self copying Saddam's execution video. Imagine if he'd seen the Screech sex tape
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| (Pioneer Press) |
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8 year old sues his parents for not buckling his car seat. Oddly enough, this was his parents idea
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Men would rather earn 50% more than lose 20 pounds or spend a little more time with their families. Ric Romero surrenders, takes a family vacation. Bonus: Article correlates supporting your family with all relationship problems
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Old and busted: Stingrays. New hotness: Portuguese man-o-war. Damn illegal immigrants
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| (Der Spiegel) |
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Tired of being ignored, Moammar Gadhafi announces that Libya will put up a statue of Saddam Hussein on the gallows
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Police refuse to release photos of two murderers who escaped from prison as it 'may breach their human rights'
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Woman who was upset at Saddam's hanging attacks a family member trying to calm her down. Charged with battery and hating America. Also, there was vodka involved
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If you steal a boa from a pet store, it's probably not a good idea to return to the scene of the crime the following day and ask for information on how to care for a boa
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| (heraldonline.com) |
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Here's to you, Mr. "Takes drive-thru sign a bit too literally" guy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 10 Douchebags of 2006. Hilarious
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Drew's forthcoming book available for pre-order from Amazon. Also: looking for people to do us a huge favor by writing jacket quotes, if interested email Drew. PS. the book is hilarious
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British post office delivers Xmas card with just man's name and a rough-drawn map saying "somewhere here."
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British thief orders half a pint at pub and then steals a urinal
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Congressman William Jefferson receives standing ovation during House ceremonies. John "abscam" Murtha unavailable for comment
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Come and listen to a story about a man named Xi'an. A poor farmer, barely kept his family fed. Then one day he was digging up a well. And up through the ground came a 2000 year old warriors. Terracotta that is
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| (Some Guy) |
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Study by gender-equality group with no axe to grind whatsoever finds women better off in Iraq, Afghanistan and Rwanda than they are in Britain
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An update on sheep-farking retired firefighter Leroy Johnson. Gets 18 months probation and is allowed to keep his turtles and "Major" Johnson. The Smoking Gun is on it like, well, like this guy on sheep
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| (Aberdeen News) |
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Ailing US Senator Tim Johnson appointed chair of budget subcommittee. Told the news, the new chairman said, "Hnnnpthxr"
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Bush to revamp US military in Iraq. First step to involve putting Navy man in charge of two land wars
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Bush tells Merkel "No back rubs."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Colorado Governor calls PETA "A Bunch Of Losers," "Frauds"
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German Chancellor Angela Merkel stops by the White House for another pawing by the president
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City official, whose job is to ensure compliance with environmental regulations, caught off-roading in preserve. Wait, it gets better
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News: Guy tries to pay $1600 fine in pennies and is turned away. Fark: Guy decides to pay in nickels instead
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Some guy is rescued from some boat somewhere near Chile; but more importantly, his girlfriend is hot. (SFW pic goodness)
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Neighbors sue Charlton Heston over mudslide, insist they saw him holding his arms and staff up when it happened
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Briths government paying £7 million to put black tape on bureaucrats' desks to show them where to put their pens and keyboards
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Yellowstone Park calderas are gonna blow. Not a matter of if, but when. And don't say there wasn't an intelligent designer who got out of town fast
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this golfer
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| (EurekAlert) |
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For the first time ever, researchers at the U.S. Department of Energy's Ames Laboratory have developed a material with a negative refractive index for visible light. Nothing to see here
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Reaching a new high in journalistic standards, Wired News using a dating site that features women fluent in Klingon as a metric for rating a city's technology savviness
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Lazy mooching birds ride the ferry every day rather than fly 3 miles
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| (DefenceTalk) |
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From zero to 150 in less than a second
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Report suggests city too lenient collecting traffic fines. In other news, several new city positions are available; former KGB experience a plus
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| (Some Neighborhood) |
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From the "did you know?" file: Mr. Rogers was instrumental in establishing home-taping rights in the Betamax case back in 1979
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| (EurekAlert) |
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"Mayo Clinic shows adding activity to video games fights obesity." You know, sometimes our culture just wallows in its own excess
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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Fourth person robbed of pants in 3 months, Florida considers banning pants to make everyone safe
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Caption Rep. Keith Ellison about to swear in on Thomas Jefferson's Koran, with new House Speaker Nancy Pelosi looking on
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| (ynetnews.com) |
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Watch Out: You could get arrested for videoing a Vice President whiles he watches a group of dancing women
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2007 hottest year on record. Al Gore seen looking smug, calling himself president again
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Lethal injection rates drop nationwide, leaving more time for penal reflection (they said penal)
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Not News: Guy arrested for DUI. News: Passes keys on to friend who is then arrested for DUI. Fark: Third guy gets the keys and - well, you know what's coming next
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gun toting burglar breaks into house only to find unimpressed homeowner who beats the crap out of him with it. "When the police got him, he wasn't able to talk," said neighbor. "He got beat bad"
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Upside: Man runs 50 marathons in 50 days, eats 9000 calories a day, and sleeps only 4 hours a night. Downside: No more tequila, tends foot blisters with crazy glue, and has "trained himself to urinate while running"
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Tijuana's entire 2,300-member municipal police force has been ordered to turn in its weapons, leaving doubt Thursday about who would be patrolling this city of more than 1.5 million residents
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GM releases photos of the new Chevy Camaro. The perfect thing to make you forget about all that trouble in the Middle East
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Baby falls from fire escape, hits tree branch, bounces off of one guy, knocks down another guy, gets up, goes Ta Da
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this contraption
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The leadership of Nigeria just paid off over a million dollars worth of debt to the London Club. That's a lot of pints
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| Thu January 04, 2007 |
| (Huntsville Item Online) |
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City builds a new fire station to help keep up with growing community needs. City then decides to not purchase new fire trucks. Hilarity ensuing in 3..2
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A Deadhead is now Speaker of the House. Suck it Libs
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Burglar breaks into home, eats beans, drinks booze, grabs a blankie and passes out on the floor
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Ugly-ass two-headed calf born in Virginia. With pic goodness
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| (Radar) |
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Candidate for 2007 Dumbass Publicist of the Year goes to former Fox News flak, identified through his IP address after spreading nasty rumors about Brit Hume
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| (KSL) |
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Drew will appear live on KSL's Nightside Project in Salt Lake City at 8:50 Mountain Time and he's been drinking for four hours already. Drinking uh... water (as far as you know)
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The Fark hometown newspaper asks: Can you tell the difference between a redneck and a hillbilly?
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Tracks leading to terrifying steep drop? Check. Soiled-pantsed passengers? Check. Rollercoaster? Nope. (With pic)
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A man who rummaged through a family's drawers and took a pair of their daughter's underwear also introduced himself to the residents and gave them drugs and drug paraphernalia
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Two important lessons: First, when chopping up a guy and dumping his body parts in a suitcase, do not include his cellphone. Second, always pay for your gay sex
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"Small town newspapering is considered dead. Unhip. But intensely local, professionally gathered news is due for a comeback. It's the one thing you can't get anywhere else"
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| (Some NBer) |
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Since January seems to be Fark Party month, anyone in the Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada area interested in having one this month? East Coast, represent
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Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson edges out Chicago's O'Hare as airport you don't want to go through
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| (courier post online) |
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Judge rules that Officer Ionnis Mpletkakis* can return to his police job after fleeing the scene of an accident, naked. *(Greek for "My penis is flopping")
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| (Lansing State Journal) |
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If you stole one of eight automated tumblers filled with shark teeth, the police would like to have a word with you
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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Is Sportscaster Jim Lampley gonna have to choke a biatch? Apparently so, based on today's arrest
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Brazil orders YouTube to block obscure supermodel sex video, instantly assuring that it will be downloaded and hosted by millions worldwide
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Royal Caribbean cruise line to pay over $1,000,000 to man's estate who vanished after a night of heavy drinking. After subtracting the man's bartab, his estate owes them $45.73
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North Korea setting us up the bomb, again. No word on bad sunglasses yet
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| (My Fox Colorado) |
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The coolest video of a Russian rocket body burning up on re-entry over Denver you will see all day
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| (Some Tf'er) |
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Picasso this young guitarist
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Back in the early '80s, Chief Justice Rehnquist was hopped up on goofballs
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If your city has a gang called the Crazy Dragons and a gang called the Crazy Dragon Killers, you can expect a lot of gang violence
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FTC fines marketers of four weight loss pills $25 million for making false advertising claims. Back to the sunflower seeds and the gym
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One million dollar sculpture depicting the fragility of earth proves its point by crumbling into pieces. Irony tag puts on its jester hat, dances around ruined artwork
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Remember those protests over the phony Newsweek story about flushing the Koran down a toilet at Guantanamo? Well, the FBI has finished its investigation and found no Koran flushing... but it found much worse
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wal-Mart's December growth was laggard, like the fat people that walk around inside
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SUV used in Darrent Williams murder found with bad paint job
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| (Boulder Daily Camera) |
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Colorado police detective discussing bank robber: "When someone leaves behind their wallet, it really helps us out"
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Man decides to steal iron beams supporting roof for scrap. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (NY Sun) |
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The Muslim world is a cesspit of unlikely conspiracy theories about the U.S., the Israelis and reverse vampires
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Mullah Omar: Osama never calls, he never writes
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Traffic drastically declines, multiple executives depart after Guba video-sharing service drops porn from their site
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| (TPM Muckraker) |
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Uncomfortable moment of the day brought to you by the floor of the House of Representatives
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man only makes it 30 minutes before breaking New Years resolution to not get arrested for lying drunk, unconscious and naked in the middle of the road
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NORAD: Burning Debris In Denver Sky Was Russian Rocket (with CBS4 video)
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The CEO of Ford Motor Co. reconsiders his purchase of a new Lexus
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UK Meteorological Office predicts 2007 to be hottest year ever. UK Office of Piss-Warm Beer releases identical statement
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If a rare and valuable meteor falls through your roof, don't give it to the cops. "It belongs to Freehold Township," says cop (bottom of article)
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The wheels on the bus fly off and off, off and off, off and off
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| (disgruntled trunk rider) |
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California drive-in theater lobbyists make successful push to criminalize riding in the trunk of a car
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New Orleans repeats mistakes as it rebuilds. Next year's hurricanes seen licking lips in anticipation
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Montreal grandmother who is a hit on YouTube says, "YouTube, does that have anything to do with U boats?"
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Dog argument at park results in knife fight. Police are unsure how the argument escalated, or where the dogs got the knives
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Time lapse video: The un-moved local news anchor
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News: Woman tries to carry condoms filled with flour onto plane. Not news: Police tests positive for opium, cocaine; woman held for 21 days. Fark: The condoms really were full of flour
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Attention users of Direct Connect: The Stavanger Dragon Hub is down because the 16-year-old running it from his parents basement has been arrested. Prosecutors hopes for a suspended sentence of 60 days in jail and a fine of $644
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"Here's one of you at Halloween, and your first Christmas, and here's one of the police officers in boats rescuing you as an embryo from the flooded hospital"
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U.S. Election Assistance Commission votes 15-9 to censure the lab that tests voting machines
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Oil prices drop below $58.00/barrel on news that the Duke lacrosse players have been invited back to school
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Group puts out "help wanted" ad for a whore with journalism experience to cover serial killer's trial. Which narrows the media candidates down to "everybody"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chicago's O'Hare UFO story continues to get interesting
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Parents with geeky kids punished further: Canadian parents getting paid to have athletic children
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As more and more studies indicate moderate drinking can save your life, researchers still insist on saying they don't advise people to drink. If you're looking for the "WTF?" tag, he'll be at the bar
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Today is World Hypnotism Day. You want to celebrate. You want to celebrate... celebrate... celebrate...
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Not news: Woman fails driver's test again. News: DMV inspector passes her anyway. Fark: After she agrees to strip for him
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Police officers inadvertently stumble into the biggest drug bust in Australian history: Half a billion dollars in liquid ecstasy
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Theme: Three dead guys walk into a bar...
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| (Some Guy) |
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Former Penthouse Pet charged with prostitution at a golf cou... OH DEAR GOD MY EYES
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Stranded fishermen rescued after weeks adrift at sea, thank Cod
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Australian bank issues credit card to a cat. Your dog wants a $10,000 line of credit
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Police apologize to man suspected of carrying five pounds of marijuana in his car after finding out it was catnip
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Cab driver fighting speed camera ticket that claimed he was doing 420mph in a 30mph zone. In a Cavalier. "According to this, I've broken the land speed record," he observes
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Technical glitch on an Australian TV network gives six divine minutes of a mysterious ghostly voice saying "Jesus Christ one of the Navarines"
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| (Some Guy with legs AND a wallet) |
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Man blown into river during mortar attack in WWII gets his wallet returned after 63 years. Bonus: Found with original money. Extra bonus: Wasn't found with original leg
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Man threatens bank staff with asbestos-laden chunk of fibre board. Slow and steady doesn't always win the race, mate
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Eighty-year-old woman beats off three wild boars to save her weiner
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TV ads for a firm of "ambulance chasing" lawyers voted "most annoying" in Britain. Guess one nation hasn't seen a certain ad. Guess one nation hasn't seen a certain ad. Guess one nation hasn't seen a certain ad
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Second cubicle fire in four months at a Chicken of the Sea office. Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler
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Government encouraging Germans to have more babies, while France begins to pre-emptively plant more trees along the Champs-Élysées
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| (Some Guy) |
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High-tech running shoes let you tie them by just turning a knob
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Steve Irwin's death video destroyed by Australian officials to prevent it ever being seen. Too bad this trend didn't catch on a week ago
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Seven hundred people evacuated from Wal-Mart due to icky feeling, embarrassment
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 87: "Happy New Year"
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Scientists discover how to genetically alter mice to cause a Captain America-like effect
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Amazon.com founder unveils new rocket prototype as part of his master plan to "help enable an enduring human presence in space"
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| (Some Girl) |
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Foamy's rant on accidents at home. (Not safe for work)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this man being rescued by his dog
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State of Georgia to put 488 cities back on the map, including the bustling metropolises of Hopeulikit and Po Biddy Crossroads
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| (Some Hybrid Driver) |
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Leftist ninny with a "Be Green" sticker on his nine-mpg Chevy Blazer, and other highlights of the Cavalcade of Vehicular Hypocrisy
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BBC reporting at its best. "Rail commuters want more trains." Coming up next, "Air breathers want more oxygen." Nigel Romero is on the scene
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| (Some Guy) |
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Canadian automakers finished 2006 with stronger sales in December. In other news, Canada makes cars
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| Wed January 03, 2007 |
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New South Wales government moves to ban bubblegum-flavored cigarettes for violating the rules of marketing to children, as well as the rules of good taste
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Elderly man beats crap out of home invaders with shoehorn. You should see the guy's lawn -- it's farking IMMACULATE
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Workers removed 42 tons of confetti from Times Square
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| (Metro) |
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Baby-faced armed robber flees empty-handed after hilarity ensued: "He looked like a spotty schoolboy on his lunch break," explains clerk. "It made me laugh to think he was trying to be a tough guy with a gun"
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Newspaper fails to consult the Urban Dictionary. Vocabularity ensues
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Man sought in dessert shop killings. Police are expecting a confection soon
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U.S. military on Saddam execution:"Would have done it differently." Probably would have been many, many more pictures, less clothing, electrodes
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Archaeologists find 2000-year-old latrine in Qumran. Ancient graffiti on door reads, "For a good time, call Mary Magdalene"
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ExxonMobil has been borrowing a page from Big Tobacco's playbook by funding front groups that question global warming
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Meteor-like object crashes into New Jersey home. Residents nervous, act as if it's a growing trend (w/video)
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NYC taxis covered with fake fur to look like cows. No changes needed to the interior due to existing authentic "downwind of the barn" cab stench
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"Spiders on Drugs" (repeat from the video tab, but worth it)
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"U.S. Mines Still Not Safe Enough, Experts Say." Apparently they keep exploding when you step on them
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Tara Reid counting down to 2007 and completely blowing it
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Iranian police force launches women's fashion line, which allow women to show obscene amounts of ankle and wrist
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not content to let the girls have all the fun with the F-bomb dropping Bratz doll, Tek Nek sells F-bomb dropping toy police belt
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With Democrats now running Congress, Bush suddenly remembers he's supposed to be a fiscal conservative
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"Unidentified Goat Found." In related news -- well, there is no related news. In fact, there appears to be no news at all
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Apparently signing up for NetZero account is akin to joining the mob: Once you're in, there's no backing out. It's not that you can't refuse the offer, it's just the Godfather is never there to approve your cancellation, see
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this snowy road
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Mike Tyson: "I am farked up"
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| (Chicago Tribune) |
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Be vigilant Chicago: the broccoli thief has expanded his palette, making off this time with trailers of asparagus
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Dutch ban Segways from public roads on the grounds that anybody riding one looks like a flaming dorkwad
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This week's "frying pan stops a bullet shot in the air during New Year's from hitting two kids" story brought to you by Lakeland
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| (NY Sun) |
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Documents show Iran is supporting Sunni and Shia terrorists in Iraq, apparently favoring a neighbor in chaos over a Shia client state
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| (Some Guy) |
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Newspaper's column condemning shock jock Bubba the Love Sponge for demeaning "local princess of porn" receives expected response
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Friendship, not sex, motivates signing up for co-ed dorm rooms. And then we all laughed and laughed
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Assault with a prosthetic leg is good for 6 months in jail
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| (Centre Daily Times) |
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2007 Father of the Year candidate leaves 3-year-old son in van while shopping for porn
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Duke does the right thing and invites suspended lacrosse players back onto the team, yet still manages to suck
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Drop a quarter in the slot or the little man gets it
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| (Monsters and Critics) |
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"There is no clear evidence that the ceasefire has been broken," ETA spokesman says after his organization sets off a bomb at Madrid's airport
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New Year's in Tampa Bay: Bulletproof bras, pickle thieves, and the usual guy calling 911 fourteen times to wish happy holidays to sheriff's department
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| (WFSB) |
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Woman feels scammed after ordering a dog on the Internet, expecting it would be shipped to her. Your dog does not want the super-saver option
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Family took in 44 people stranded by blizzard, looted grocery truck, lit plenty of matches
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Atlanta investor buys Shoneys -- all of it. Promises to bring it back to its glory days and bail it out of the glory hole it's in right now
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Cartoon protestor who chanted, "Bomb, bomb Denmark, bomb, bomb USA" denies soliciting murder; claims he was merely improvising a doo-wop cover of "Dancing in the Street"
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Scientists, Specialists rip apart health suggestions made by celebrities. Obvious tag explodes
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Britney Spears is commissioning a nude portrait of herself
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| (WTVF) |
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Dumbass involved in hit and run tries to leave Tennessee to go to Vegas, not understanding that although what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, those involved in a DUI in TN stay in TN
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What was the No. 1 TV show last week? "Deal Or No Deal"? Nope. "CSI"? Nope. Would you believe CBS's NFL Postgame Show?
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| (WGAL) |
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Rare 1913 Liberty Head nickel, estimated to be worth $5 million, fetches absolutely nothing at auction. In other news, that fancy word for coin collectors is numismatists
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India PM slams West for "environmentally wasteful lifestyle" as his country continues to breed itself into oblivion
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Actual headline: "Cheerleaders Run Amok in Texas." Submitter is booking flight to Texas, suggests you do the same
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If you left your Porsche keys, Elton John's sunglasses and six feet of snakeskin in your hotel room, Travelodge would like to have a word with you
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Third of New Year's resolutions ditched within week, claims Center For The Blindingly Obvious
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NHL Penguins owner, who's worth $2.3 billion, meets with governor to discuss how to pay for new arena
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Woman: "Zack needs Vicodin." Cops: "Isn't Zack is your dog?" Woman: "Seriously, my dog is the one with the problem"
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Florida residents see Jesus in a tree, Juan mowing lawn
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Wal-Mart finds sinister new way to make employees' lives hell: Changing from fixed shifts to scheduling them based on how many customers are in the store at any given time
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Auto-parts store manager pulls a TJ Hooker, calls 911 from atop speeding car
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Today's school shooting story brought to you by Tacoma, Washington
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Greased, naked guy slips out of prison by sliding through prison bars. No word on whether he was deaf
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Tax time is right around the corner. Make sure to include bribes, sale of illegal drugs, kickbacks and stolen property on your Schedule C as income
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Drew will be talking Fark with Chip Franklin on WBAL-AM 1090 Baltimore MD at 11am
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Nick Saban, one week ago: "I'm not going to be the Alabama coach." Alabama: "We'll give you $35 million." Saban: "Oh, I see what you did there"
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Nepalese authorities baffled by four dozen missing rhinos, begin production of gigantic milk cartons
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Ontario helps cause the breakdown of the family by callously ensuring that boy has 50 percent more nagging than all the other kids
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Super bug set to destroy the world EVERYBODY PANIC
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Come enjoy the pristine beaches of Fiji, where bodies of political opposition leaders hardly ever wash up on shore
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Today's headline advice from Reuters: "In kidnapping, finesse works best." Tomorrow, instructions on how to pick up the ransom and effective money-laundering tips
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"Hell," the musical -- coming to a Vatican near you
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Home Depot CEO rewarded with $210 million buyout on top of the $170 million in salary for driving the stock down 11 percent
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Wonder why you haven't gotten any final notices on your unpaid bills for awhile? U.S. mail service returns after first nationwide three-day break that anyone can remember
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Hollywood is out of ideas: NBC ready to bring back "The Bionic Woman." Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-naaaa
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this big big loader
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Turns out that the study linking autism and the MMR vaccine was paid for by a bunch of lawyers looking to sue the vaccine industry. Somebody figured out that the lawyers' kids were vaccinated, apparently
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Kid falls on subway tracks after suffering seizure. War vet jumps on top of him and pins him down while the train passes harmlessly above. Hero tag shakes its enormous peener at all other tags
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All hail Fark's new top submitter overlord
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Arrests over Saddam death video
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Saddam's co-defendants to be executed by Thursday, first badly taken snuff video scheduled to be front-paged by CNN, Fox by Friday
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Cherry blossoms are already blooming in NYC. Global warming is here. Lock your doors, destroy your automobiles, kill your firstborn
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Milwaukee to put condoms behind the counter
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Apparently, growing numbers of Japanese women have begun to physically discipline their husbands, even though normally you'd have to pay good money for that kind of action
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The family of a 13-year-old boy shot in the head with an air rifle say no one is to blame for the incident. Unsurprisingly, this didn't happen in America
|
| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit a Fark cliche
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| (GIS) |
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Photoshop theme: Holy cow
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| (Your Last Meal) |
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Some condemned prisoners ordered quite a last meal before their execution. What would you pig out on?
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Man processing meth doesn't make deputies go through the rigamarole of asking a whole lot of questions. Police: *Knock knock*. Criminal: "Hold on a minute, I'm cooking up some meth, be right with you"
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| (Funhouse) |
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How to beat the arcade crane game
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| (Some Guy) |
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The average American spent between $1,000 and $2,000 on gasoline in 2006. According to some "experts," we can expect to pay double that in 2007
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"Shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level! Shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level!"
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"A woman has become the Tower of London's first ever female Beefeater." Yeah, the innuendo starts in the link to the right. Wipe hands on pants
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Wal-Mart takes "trail mix" a little too literally and includes bits of plastic and glass
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