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| Sun December 31, 2006 |
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More than $34,000 raised to keep Peekskill, N.Y. soup kitchen open. Biggest contributor? A 10-year old
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| (Palm Beach Post) |
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Wine: $33,500 for one bottle. whine: it could be fake. whiner: sues the guy in Germany who sold it fark: you know where this is coming from
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this comfy chair
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CNN moves Austrailian capital from Canberra to Sydney, trims 50 years off Harbour Bridge. Any other *hic* mistakes?
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| (fas.org) |
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Venezuela beats everyone by announcing their New Year's Resolution a tad early: to become the largest arms dealer in South America
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| (LA Daily News) |
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Which useless resolution will you most likely fark up first?
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| (Pilot Online) |
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One local newspaper discovers all the newsworthiness in the world doesn't generate as many pageviews as a weird story that gets linked to Fark
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Annual Droppin' of the Carp set to ring in Midwest New Year
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Amusing newspaper corrections from 2006. Do not add pint of vodka to French coconut pie as indicated by recipe
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At least 1,413 Turks celebrate first day of Muslim holiday Eid al-Adha in emergency rooms after cutting themselves trying to perform live-animal sacrifices, or getting trampled or gored by their offerings
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| (Some Guy) |
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A few tips to avoiding that hangover from hell
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Taser used to release 14 foot long python from tasty college freshman. You know the state
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| (Ottawa Sun) |
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Two Winnipeg courthouse officials suspended after participating in a pornographic film. Officials identified them as the two that were standing around throughout most of the film
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| (Some Guy) |
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Note to self: take Sudafed BEFORE trying to rob bank
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| (Some Guy) |
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Saddam's ghost is already turning up in public places
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The end is near.. Are you prepared for Y2k?
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| (seacoast online) |
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Woke up. Got out of bed. Found a drunk guy, almost dead. Found my way downstairs and drank a cup. Looking up, I noticed he was nude. Aaaaaah aaaah aah aaaah aaaaah
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| (Some Guy) |
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Coolest picture you will see today
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| (Daytona Beach News Journal) |
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Florida: The Year in Review
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67-year-old woman gives birth to twins, may have problems breast-feeding as she can only give powdered milk
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| (Some Guy) |
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Adopt a Nun. "It's a direct line to God and it's cheaper than any phone call"
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USA Today columnist: "All my predictions for 2006 were wrong. So here are my predictions for 2007"
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Advice columnist lists the advice she gave in 2006 that provoked the most angry e-mails. The winner: Her suggestion that it's good for married couples to have kids
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AP Poll: Americans see gloom, doom in 2007
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AP poll: Americans optimistic for 2007
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| (Some shifty eyed yokel) |
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Yippee ki yay! Motherfarker photoshop this here mechanical bull ride
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Climate change be damned: hottest market in aviation is for personal jets seating no more than six people
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man sues girlfriend after she blogs about their sex life
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Weird stuff that happened around the world this year, according to some Aussie news site
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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When an Indian Institute of Management graduate teams up with Indian Institute of Technology student, they can be expected to launch one hell of a tech firm - or a science fiction movie
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Professors increasingly staying in classroom until their 70s, effectively avoiding real life all together
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest new car you can't afford
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At least 26 people have died from cold in northern India since the start of winter, spurring a nationwide shortage of tombstones
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New Zealand greets 2007 with a hepatitis scare at Auckland McDonald's
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Britons are incapable of emulating the European drinking culture because they "enjoy getting drunk"
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Hello? We'd like to order a truck-load of cookies
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| (TLT) |
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While NASA was busy blowing stuff up, Russia quietly led the world in successfully putting stuff into orbit, accounting for 45 percent of all launches in 2006
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Northern Ireland is having a pit bull amnesty so owners can hand them in. When pit bulls are outlawed only outlaws will have pit bulls
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Fark won't be linking to the Saddam execution video. We realize CNN and Fox have it, if they want to run snuff films and call it news that's their business
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| (BT) |
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Irish man stabs himself to death after attacking police with knives. At least that's the cops' story, and they're sticking to it
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Parents could be paid to get their children to cycle to school rather than having them take the bus in latest Nanny State madness
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| (YDR.com) |
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Man accused of stealing guns accuses government of setting him up to steal guns
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| (Times Of India) |
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"Yoga is not a religion" exclaim world wide yoga enthusiasts, Richard Gere
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Thanks to the month of December being 6 to 8 degrees above normal, there may not be any ice-fishing in Maine for opening day
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Bail gramps out of the hospice and hit the speakeasy, burlesque is making a comeback
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In today's 'Crappy career moves' file: Cincinnati jail guard faces felony charges after getting caught stealing jailhouse toilet paper
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Brits, if you've noticed a sudden influx of tourists lately, this might be why
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| (Some Farker) |
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Photoshop these Irishmen drinking in their waders
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| (KGET) |
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Police believe person who stole large church bell likely the same person who stole church's solar panels earlier this week
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The greatest taste combo since bologna and whipped cream: Ice cream topped with fried oysters
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Robber leaves two banks empty handed after two tellers tell him "We don't accept notes here" and "We're out of cash"
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| Sat December 30, 2006 |
| (Some Tentacled Beast) |
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Tolkien's Lord of the Rings is actually the coded story of a race of demon-sea-beasts who rule the nations of Earth even in the present day. That explains those giant things on the sides of Prince Charles' head
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Castro's New Year message. Highlights include "I'm not dead yet" and "I don't want to go on the cart"
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Hollywood Movie Titles written Fark-style, or; How I Learned To Stop Griping And Submitted This With A Better Headline (w/votey goodness)
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| (Royal Gazette) |
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Ginger said to be good for a hangover. Mary Anne is still hotter
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Sydney motorcyclist caught riding 168kph in 60kph zone. Bonus: Unlicensed, drunk, assaults cops
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pompous ass hattery: George Bush and Rummy BOTH skipping out on Ford funeral
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Mice invade florida town. Some Farker seen heading south with a BB gun
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| (Woolwich Tunnel) |
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Photoshop this man walking down a tunnel
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"The Fonz," Kabul's fast-talking king of fix-it men and owner of the only convertible in Afghanistan found dead. Pinky Tuscadero inconsolable
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What to expect from video games in 2007. Strangely enough, Duke Nukem Forever isn't listed
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It's bad when your evicted tenant strangles your pet birds and poisons your drinking water with motor oil. It's worse when she's your mom
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Vandals decapitate snowmen, put heads on car and pour salad dressing and chocolate syrup on them to simulate blood. Six year old boy and stuffed tiger sought for questioning
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Cancer specialist takes up smoking to "highlight patient suffering"
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Champagne Sabering - the delicate art of decapitating bottles of champagne
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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Temple City's Flock of Wild Parrots is heading eastward, everybody panic-carwashes rejoice
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Full Moon names for 2007
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| (Some Guy) |
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Actual UFO abduction photographed, proving once and for all that aliens are really really real. Suck it, Earthlings
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Man arrested for failing to appear at DWI hearing . . . 23 years ago. Judge tells prosecutor, "Hope you have a witness with a good memory"
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| (Kuwaiti Times) |
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Good: the maid is walking around naked. Bad: because she's putting a hex on your two-year old so he'll fall in love with her
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Life imitates art
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| (EarthTimes) |
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Cross-dressing police officer kicked off the force for "total disrespect for the force and no sense of honor or moral values", not including his preference for washing his car while naked
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| (Literary Review) |
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"If Dawn Madden's breasts were a pair of Danishes, Debby Crombie's got two Space Hoppers" It must be time for the annual Bad Sex In Fiction awards
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First rule of car theft: make sure the car you're stealing doesn't belong to a nearby police officer
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| (Guernsey Press) |
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Santa shot while making public appearance. Media shocked that this didn't take place in Detroit
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| (Lake Oswego Review) |
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Best of the police blotter, Lake Oswego edition: naked streakers in Batman capes and the woman who moved to avoid a second date
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| (Jacksonville.com) |
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More best of the blotter, Jacksonville edition: naked men pushing shopping carts, others begging for arrest to get away from their wives, and being guilty of loving Colt 45 beer
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| (Suburban Chicago News) |
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Not to be outdone, Chicago fires salvo of its own weirdest police blotter items for the year, including shrimp-pants man and the women who put a candy bar in a cop's gas tank
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| (NWI Times) |
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Friends running over friends with cars, teabagging co-workers, and an in-church beatdown: the weirdest police blotter stories of 2006 from Northwest Indiana
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Over 600 missing at sea after waves overtake ferry. Furthering proof that God hates ferries
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Car bomb explodes at Spain's busiest airport in Madrid
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this boy and his duck
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Add "Buffalo gores guests at your wedding" to the list of signs for a bad marriage
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fox News reports Saddam execution video to be released "as soon as it becomes available" from Al Arabiya. Nancy Pelosi sex tape still unavailable
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Alright, who's the wiseguy who invited the clown to Gerald Ford's memorial service?
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| (Washington Post) |
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Score one for capitalism: New tollroads to charge higher rates when the road is more crowded
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"Holy grail" of flu vaccine injections to be tested, hopefully on Sir Robin's minstrels
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Michigan Wolverines put away 612 pounds of prime rib. Plumbers with plungers on standby
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| Fri December 29, 2006 |
| (Huffington Post) |
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Park Service can't provide age of Grand Canyon for fear of offending creationists
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Photoshop this bent rail
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Man tries to steal an entire New York City hotel valued at $76 million. That's not exactly something you can stick down your pants unnoticed
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Saddam Hussein officially starts his homosexual relationship with Satan (link updated)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes dead after car accident
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Mysterious California billionaire pays $200 million in back taxes and single-handedly wipes out state's deficit
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| (Some Evolved Guy) |
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Here they are: Your 2006 Darwin Award winners
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AT&T/Bellsouth merger approved by FCC. Your dog wants $86.5 billion to try to build a company bigger than Ma Bell 2.0
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| (Herald Sun) |
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Woman charged with "malicious castration" as opposed to "happy fun castration"
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Hey Charlie, we should probably call your mom and dad. Seeing that they've contacted local media and have started a full-fledged police search and all
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| (abc27) |
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If a female officer pulls you over and tells you that you can pay the fine "the easy way, or the hard way," she's not really a cop. So try not to get too excited. (WHAT? WHO SUBMITTED THIS?)
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So, let's see some of those "Saddam is dead" headlines you got ready. Voting enabled
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| (Some Drunkard) |
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Asheville NC Fark Party tomorrow (12/30 for you calendar-challenged folks) 5PM (1700 hours for you military folk) at the Westville Pub - 777 Haywood Rd. LGT location
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this office party
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Take one crazy woman, add her brand-new samurai sword, her 14-year-old sister, the last pack of cigarettes, and her mother. Recipe for disaster
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| (Some Santa) |
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Once in the mall cafeteria/ Santa gave me some deadly bacteria/ Since I sat on his lap/ I might take a dirt nap/ Have my brain swell and experience deliria
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| (Some Riverbend) |
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So what is Iraq REALLY like these days? Just ask its most prominent blogger and former invasion supporter
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Stunt in which a driver gets out of his car and dances around and on top of the slowly moving vehicle to a thumping hip-hop beat has gotten at least two people killed and led to numerous injuries. No word on how it effects sword-swallowers
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Yappie hours "a new trend toward nightlife where humans are encouraged to bring their dogs," turn them into "'furry, retarded people'"
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Michael Jordan files for divorce from wife. Experts say that he potentially could lose 3 NBA titles and 16,146 points
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Saddam to be executed tonight, officials say. Take THAT, al Qaeda
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Prosecutor in Duke lacrosse rape case brought up on ethics charges. Nifong sucks
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| (Home and Away) |
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US Airways decorates one of their Airbus A319s with special Arizona Cardinals livery. Pilots immediately complain about crappy performance, lack of pass rush
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_____'||_______________________\o/__\o/______
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The "personal blimp" launches. The morning commute is about to get more interesting
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Miami's 25th King Mango Strut Parade takes place on Sunday, with a stated goal of offending as many people as possible
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this treasure hunter
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| (GameSpot) |
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Second Life attacked on Christmas Day by obscene worm and laughing green genitalia wearing santa hats. Sometimes, its too easy
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| (Some Blog) |
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CNN Time Warner and Chase are pleased to bring you "The Iraqi Sniper Hour," starring Dirka Dirka Mohmad Jihad and featuring the U.S. military
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| (Maine Today) |
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"Nicolas R. Leathers, 23, who was released from Kennebec Jail on Thursday, is banned from using or possessing women's underwear as a condition of his probation"
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| (Reason) |
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Trey Parker: "The only way you can be a punk in Los Angeles is go to a big party and go, 'You can say what you want about George Bush, but you've got to admit, he's pretty smart'"
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Collection of faith-related quotes from 2006. FSM makes the cut
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rosie O'Donnell is tied with Satan on list of biggest villains in 2006. That's kind of kind of unfair because Satan really hasn't done anything all that bad this year
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| (Inside Bay Area) |
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Smelly the Cat, who'd gone missing after Thanksgiving, finally found. This is in a major San Francisco newspaper. I'm done. (Note: If by "major" you mean "Circulation: 31,861")
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People too tipsy to drive on New Year's Eve are being offered a free ride home -- by the sheriff, something submitter usually tries to avoid on New Years
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| (Union Leader) |
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Star of PBS's "Zoom" killed when his car zooms off the road. Bert and Ernie on junket in South America and regret they can't attend
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Woman trapped in Parisian elevator for three days must now be slowly integrated back into a society without James Brown, Peter Boyle or Saddam Hussein. Be brave, young lady
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What I want from each of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Your fugitive's name is Latvian boar. Go get him
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| (NY Daily News) |
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NY Daily News threatens to sue over "GOD TO FORD: DROP DEAD" parody
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| (Lansing State Journal) |
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Unfortunately, medical marijuana seems to work better as a pill than a blunt. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Cheech
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Have you heard about all the crazy events that happen in Florida? Who'da thunk it?
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CBS, ABC refuse to air Saddam Hussein's execution because it's in poor taste. In other news, new episodes of "CSI" and "Supernanny" scheduled for January
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S-dd-m / H-ss-in / T- / H-ng / in / H--rs
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Man gets pulled over for blowing stop sign, but forgets to put out his joint in front of the cops, who find his stash
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Sometimes you just can't improve a headline. "Opera that depicts Bush, Blair dancing in underwear canceled"
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TV viewing habits often vary among family members. Choke on THAT, Romero
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Heavyweight boxer Mike Tyson has been arrested on drug and DUI charges outside a Scottsdale nightclub
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Housework cuts breast-cancer risk, as reported by the Journal of Clean This House Biatch & Make Me a Sammich
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NY City Council is working at making pitbulls the 17th thing they have banned this year, including candy-flavored cigarettes and Ringling Brothers Circus
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Barely news: Police catch guy making fake 911 calls. News: By calling back saying he won a giftcard. Fark: Guy told to pick up the giftcard in person. First words upon arrest, "You can't prove anything"
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Real-estate agent sues Washington state because they violated his freedom of speech. He wanted his nativity scene placed next to the holiday tree, the Menorah and the Antonio Banderas blow-up doll at the state capitol
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| (WXNation) |
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Denver snowstorm tracking, with special bonus webcam goodness. Also includes traffic reports, flight info and RADIO
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Thirsty German man traded his daughter's pet beagle for beer
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German man finds himself in Montana after mistyping his destination on a flight-booking website. Apparently, there is more than one Sydney
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| (The Telegraph) |
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Up to 27 doctors in India cheat electronically on exam. Good training for billing health-insurance companies
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German treehuggers want speed limits on autobahns. Kraftwerk war für Anmerkung nicht erreichbar
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Nuclear energy "safer than sharks" -- but what about sharks with frickin' nuclear-powered lasers?
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Papers just released show that in 1976, Britain's economy was so bad, they nearly scrapped their nuclear weapons and had to borrow money from the IMF
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Cat saves owner from death in burning house by clawing at his face until he woke up. Later, cat asks, "There was a fire?"
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The truth behind that New Years hangover
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| (Some Guy Without a Cool Job) |
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A look at 20 of the weirdest/coolest jobs you could have, including Potato Chip Inspector, Solfeggist, Gross Stunt Producer and Whiskey Ambassador
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China develops three little pigs that glow in the dark. Big Bad Wolf never saw it coming. Bonus: No idea why the hell this is in the news again
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"Bad blood" cited for lawsuit in accidental death caused by "a blow to the chest delivered just over the heart during one percent of the heartbeat." Yay, America
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| (Some Guy) |
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Meet the Shoover: Vacuum shoes that suck up the dust as you walk around. Is this a great time to be alive or what?
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Cindy Sheehan, others arrested near Bush ranch in self-described "peace surge," blocking Cheney's motorcade for 20 minutes and providing right-wing pundits with joke fodder. (Yeah, it's a repeat, but y'all had to comment anyway...)
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| (Winona Daily News) |
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In a tale guaranteed to warm the cockles of many a Farker's heart this Christmas season, woman tells the inspirational story of how she overcame her fear of getting naked in public
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| (Some Guy) |
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Millions of Americans live on the margins of the economy, depending on payday lenders and pawnshops that charge excessive interest rates for their services. Discipline and common sense unavailable
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| (Some Guy) |
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Core 2 Duo is something from the past, meet the much cooler Core 3 Trio
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| (nbc5.com) |
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Hot shell casing falls down woman's shirt while she's practicing at a gun range. Hilarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this guy getting a closeup
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A giant piece of Canada just broke off and drifted away. No, not Quebec
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Asploding manholes blow out windows, hurt one person
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Sixty-year-old kilt shop kilt off
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JFK was targeted by multiple death threats during his visit to Ireland in the summer of 1963. Fortunately, the danger was averted, or who knows how history might have been altered?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gangs, the easy availability of illegal guns, and -- in Houston at least -- an influx of Hurricane Katrina evacuees lead to the highest murder rates in America in decades
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| (Some Smarter Guy) |
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Probably the stupidest people you will see on video today: Guys who stick body parts into bear traps. Yep, bear traps
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| (NY Daily News) |
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It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times. The NY Daily News list of the "best" reality show moments of 2006
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"The annual cost to the taxpayer of Mickey Mouse jobs or ludicrously titled government positions now stands at £767 million -- enough for 35,000 nurses, 25,000 police officers or 53 secondary schools"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Further proof that it's difficult to recall what comes out of your mouth only when you're extremely intoxicated: Only six percent of people know the words to "Auld Lang Syne"
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| (FlaToday) |
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Guy who slapped air marshal told fellow passenger right before the slap, "I don't know who that guy thinks he is, but I'm gonna whoop his ass." Fark: The fellow passenger was also an air marshal
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| (WNYT) |
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Man to change name to "Schenectady New York" for $35k. Apparently, the name "Rustbelt Ghetto" was not available
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Liechtenstein has grown by half a square kilometre after more accurate survey of its borders. Tuvalu reportedly really pissed
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How good is the economy? "Goldilocks plus"
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Britain disposes of old Christmas trees by feeding them to elephants. With photographic proof
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Hundreds of weird and scary Iaws kick in across the U.S. on New Year's Day. Let's see how we can get arrested in new and interesting ways in 2007. (Boy, am I plastered)
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2006: The year that sucked
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pushbutton
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| (Some Guy) |
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How to remove bees: Throw tennis ball? Nope. Throw 40-pound trailer hitch? Didn't work either. Mobile firepit and gasoline? Winner (with pics galore)
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| Thu December 28, 2006 |
| (enquirer.com) |
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Man awakened by smell of propane in house, decides to repair it with a torch. House decimating explosion ensues. Darwin swings and misses. Adjusts gloves and checks with 3rd base coach God for signs
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Mormon church moves 2007 ahead one day, angel Moroni eying St. Patrick's day for a hostile takeover
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| (Roanoke Times) |
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Wannabe local pro wrestler takes wife of local racecar driver to prom
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Mariah Carey takes on porn star Mary Carey, but not in the way that we'd like to see. The Smoking Gun is there
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| (MCall) |
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When stealing things for your home grow operation, don't write them on a list called "Things Needed to Grow Pot". The cops may find it useful when they arrest you
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Guy running from police breaks into apartment, strips off clothes, and jumps into shower. Sadly, unique strategy fails
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Chess player banned for 10 years after being caught using bluetooth to cheat during a game. Deep Bluetooth unavailable for comment
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If you're Fortune 500 executive and like to hook up with random chicks you met on Craiglist, don't use your real name
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not happy with his lap dance at a strip club, man goes outside and calls in a bomb threat, which fixes everything
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Saddam set to swing by Sunday Sunday Sunday
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Photoshop this snowcar
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Voting for the right party in India could land you a free TV
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$208M lottery winner dies at age 43. Wife can now go shopping for a cow
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dalmatian named Hero saves Indiana family from house fire. Suck it, Labs
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Truck loaded with $50,000 worth of broccoli is stolen. Police believe the culprit will try to hide it underneath a truck filled with instant mashed potatoes
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News: Drunk airplane passenger slaps fellow passenger Fark: Who happened to be a US Air Marshal
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Man arrested for pounding Butts with log
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Clever strippers figure out that spray-on latex is sufficient "opaque cover" to satisfy legal requirements. Yay, clever strippers
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Teenager finds bullet on the side of the road, decides to take it home, put it in a vise, and then use a hammer to whack at the primer end. Gets a face full of hilarity for his trouble
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British family pays $3000 for its cat to fly to New Zealand despite a 50-50 chance the 21-year-old cat would die en route
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Muslim opponents to polygamy in Malaysia plan to study the practice. Fact of the day: Islam allows a man to have up to four wives which is equivalent to being sentenced to four concurrent life sentences
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| (9News.com) |
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Vowing not to repeat last week's debacle, Denver's "all weather" airport cancels hundreds of flights today before snow even starts
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No Virgin America you can't have a US Airline, not yours
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Experts finally figure out how to get people interested in science: serve beer during lectures. Here comes the science with a beer chaser
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Somali Islamic Courts find that "Go away or I shall taunt you a second time" is not an effective strategy against Ethiopian tanks. Negusa Nagast, biatches
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This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Tell me again how snakes can be employed to predict earthquakes
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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Not news: Mother gives birth on Christmas Day. News: Again. Fark: For the second year in a row
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Officer who arrested Mel Gibson claims he is being harassed by his superiors. Officer Sugartits, the Rothchilds and Colonel Sanders unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you don't feel well today, try to hold off until tomorrow to go the ER....Thursday admitees stay longer, live shorter lives, have more metal objects left in them after surgery
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John Edwards puts the final nail in his own coffin on day 1, chooses to campaign on the Robin Hood platform
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Mayor of London planning massive party to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Fidel Castro's Cuban revolution
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Only a few liquor stores are lucky enough to be singled out by MADD for free publicity
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| (PalmBeachPost) |
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Carjacker gets lost, calls 911 to turn himself in. Name the state
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Good news for Illinois condo residents, as of January 1st it will be legal to attach dead chickens and pentagrams to your front door
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| (Absolut) |
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Hitchhiker vanishes outside of Baltimore, an Absolut Urban Legend? Sponsored link
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| (Some Guy) |
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Getting posted on Fark checklist: 1. Fire - check. 2. Aerosol can - check. 3. Trip to hospital - check. Great pic included
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these masked men
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| (Washington Post) |
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Washington farker party as only the WashPost can cover it
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Best non-article of the day: Mail carriers brace for onslaught of pre-ordered Harry Potter books. Even though they don't know when it's coming out but it's at least six months away?
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| (CBS 2) |
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How do you start a riot in Chicago? Cut off the beer to 60,000 lunatic Bears and Packers fans at Halftime on New Year's Eve
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Itunes servers jammed up with traffic & slow downoads; admins must have spilled beer on their server again
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This year's hajj stampede over-under is 290
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| (Yummy) |
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Share your favorite sandwich recipe
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| (9 News Denver) |
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"Get out of Denver" not just a Bob Seger song anymore, actually good advice
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"Let's outsource to China" Nevermind the time zone difference, the Great Firewall of China, or the earthquakes that knocks out communications for weeks
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| (KSAT) |
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Family claims child's new computer came pre-loaded full of porn, or at least that's what the kid told them . . . wink wink nudge nudge say no more
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cheddarvision - a site where you can watch a round of cheese turn mouldy for the next year - set to be the next Internet meme. Yeah, this headline stinks worse than the cheddar in question, whatever
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Bobby Knight going for win 880 tonight, would make him winningest Div 1 basketball coach. Plans to finish the game turned around so everyone can kiss his ass
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New investigation reveals Apple executives faked stock-option documents in order to guarantee profits for select executives within the company
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 86: "Home for the Holidays"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this retro looking mic
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The internet nerds "write in Rory Fitzpatrick on the NHL All-Star ballot" takes another hit as Wayne Gretzky himself comes out in opposition. In other news, Gretzky apparently still in favor of coaching 3rd worst team in hockey
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Christina Aguilera admits she finds nude girls more of a turn-on than nude guys. Yeah, join the guy club there
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| (DefenceTalk) |
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Hypersonic Plane: Two-Hour Flights From DC to Australia
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Women more unfaithful than men, with 40 percent of females getting some on the side compared with 34 percent of men
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| (Some Farker) |
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Some cool pictures of strange cloud formations. Let the "I Want To Believe" photoshops begin
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On Thursday, deadbeat Britain will finally have paid off its World War II loans from America and Canada
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| (WPVI) |
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Man finds baby in dumpster, plans to name him Oscar
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Take a test to find out if you have a female or male brain. Finally you can prove you're a lesbian in a mans body
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| (nbc5.com) |
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Chicago to roll out rubber sidewalks as part of its green initiative. So in case you are in a hurry, you can just bounce ahead of the slow people
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| (The Australian) |
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Garment factory owner facing 40 years in prison after being arrested by US authorities on involuntary servitude charges; barring employees from leaving for days at a time, under-feeding them and ordering the disobedient workers beaten
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| Wed December 27, 2006 |
| (Some Guy) |
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You know you have good friends when they help you out by waving a machete at Wal-Mart employees to let you escape after you just robbed the place. Florida tag slashes dumbass
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Woman survives as car plunges 20 feet into creek. "My assumption was just that she drove off the bridge"
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| (IHT) |
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Enraged Brazilian travelers storm runway to prevent jet from taking off. Apparently, this is not uncommon
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| (The Local) |
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Sweden's leading technical magazine decides to eschew its traditional abstract cover and go with something all nerds can appreciate - a topless blonde
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Mystery of the exploding toads SOLVED
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| (Sportsline) |
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As the Bonds Saga continues, Feds can use seized MLB 'riod data. Reports indicate it will be easy to identify Bonds' sample because his sample number has an asterisk
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this curious dog
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Taliban confirms US killed one of it's top and most brutal commanders
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Slate.com's picks for worst ads of 2006. One ad is conspicuously absent. One ad is conspicuously absent. One ad is conspicuously absent
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John Edwards seeks upgrade from Biggest Douche in the Universe
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Body of missing U.S. mountain climber found in China. Damn thats a long way from Mount Hood
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More snow coming to Denver. Quick, citizens - let's go to the airport that weather can't close
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Man at rest at rest area for almost a month
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Today's "Warning: Do not light fireworks in your car" story comes from... yep, you guessed it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Golden rule of radio: Never have dead air. Hardest way to break golden rule: Die on air
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Last dry town in Colorado gets drunk
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Having solved all of the state's other problems, Massachusetts legislature is debating over the official state reptile
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Asshat erroneously receives an Avon package and doesn't return to sender. State troopers sent to investigate, find a bunch of illegal drugs. Mary Kay unavailable for comment
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Survey finds half of all Britons regularly use the telephone naked. There, try and get that pasty-white image out of your head. You're welcome
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PBS to air a Muppet special, "When Parents Are Deployed," in which Elmo's father is sent to Iraq. No word on when the Ernie and Bert "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" special will air
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| (CNNSI) |
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Photoshop this sleigh rider
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| (heraldonline.com) |
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Man arrested for DUI continues to drink beer while being arrested
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One in four youngsters will get so drunk New Year's Eve they won't remember what they did. No word on sore behinds, though
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A 21-year-old German woman who did not feel like going to work at a fast food restaurant sent her parents a text message saying she had been kidnapped
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Couple arrested with 172 pounds of pot, tells judge they use it as sacrament. Judge asks if they were high when they came up with that defense
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And the Lord sayeth if you pull a homemade machete from your pants and place it on a church altar so you can pray on Christmas Eve, you can expectith hillarity to ensue
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| (Deutsche Welle) |
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Sleep easy, America: Anti-terror laws keep you safe from the horrors of German fruitcake
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| (metro.co.uk) |
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Turtle fart sets off emergency alarms at aquatic center
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| (New Zealand Herald) |
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Ethiopia is predicting victory against Islamists in Somalia. Islamists plan to toss a sammich in the other direction to see if the Ethiopians will stop their attack to eat
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| (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) |
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Not news: A woman needs a criminal background check. News: She has an outstanding warrant for stealing a car. Fark: When she went to the state police to get the check, she drove the stolen car. Jailarity ensues
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Seattle's sewage found to be heavily spiked with vanilla and cinnamon over holidays
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| (Some Minnesotan) |
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"They only left the squirrel," she said, shaking a bag of frozen squirrel that she pulled from the freezer
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Photos of the Nebraska inmates who brawled over one guy's chronic flatulence
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Crafty libs fake disappearance of populated island, fueling global-warming scare
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Cops clock 17-year-old driver on highway at 200 kph, which is equal to 42 metric beers
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Good news: Airline found your luggage. Bad news: It's in a dumpster in Houston
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President Ahmacrzyguy sends note to Pope Palpatine seeking cooperation in ruling the galaxy as father and son
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| (Absolut) |
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"Scarface," "Reservoir Dogs" or "Goodfellas." What's your Absolute Gangster Flick? (Sponsored link)
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"The first rule in the NHL might just be that you do not talk about fight code. That code is an intricate and unspoken set of rules that govern when players drop the gloves and why"
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Middle-aged and elderly men are more satisfied with their sex lives than women the same age, and more crap you wish you didn't know
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The 35 most outrageous fees (and how to avoid them)
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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If you forget to take your seizure medication, you may not want to stand for long period of time over barrel full of goldfish
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New restaurant concept lets customers decide how much to pay for what they eat. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Israeli-Palestinian peace talks reviving. Partial credit given to the Iraq Study Group. Impediments remain extremist elements on the Israeli and Palestinian sides, who haven't wanted peace for nearly 100 years
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"I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators," plus other Fordisms
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What's that? You say that people can rent video games? Quick, Obvious Boy, to the Romero-mobile
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| (Some crotchity old woman) |
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Today's "get off my lawn" story brought to you by you know where
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drinking one soda a day could cause you to gain 15 pounds a year. Other related health risks include type two diabetes, heart disease, bowel cancer, nerve damage and loss of essence via polluting your precious bodily fluids
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Study on elderly mice shows effects of jet lag are worse than we thought. Mice also complain that there's not enough leg room, the food sucks and wish the baby mouse sitting behind them would STFU
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NZ researchers create artificial arse to improve chair users' comfort. So that's why it's wool-lined
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| (Some Guy) |
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Military unveils new weapon system that has "no recoil, sound, heat, gunpowder, visible firing signature or jams of any kind"
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| (Some Sandomologist) |
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2006 Canadian Sand Sculpture Championship. Obvious: Sponsored by Tim Horton's. Not so obvious: Beaches in Canada
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| (wway tv) |
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Woman uses her kids to help steal $2,000 of Pepsi products from distribution center, conveniently leaves trail of cans leading straight to her house
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Study finds most men in Britian would rather watch television than sleep with their wives
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| (NOAA) |
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Get ready for -30000°F weather on Friday, San Jose
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Environmentalists have asked Australia's military to wage war on cane toads
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Photoshop this pissed off gorilla
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Rev. Al Sharpton to preside at James Brown funeral. Title of sermon: Get Up (I Feel Like Being A) Sex Machine
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| (sbpost.ie) |
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Donald Trump doesn't have nice things to say about a proposed skyscraper that's significantly taller than his 92-story building under construction in Chicago
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When you and the toddlers are chilly, nothing beats wheeling the ol Weber grill with burning charcoal into the front room
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The resume of the new chief of Donald Trump's mortgage company is about as fake as his boss's hair
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Tragedy today: Gerald Ford dead at the age of 93. He was delicious
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| Tue December 26, 2006 |
| (vrooom!) |
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Photoshop this segwaying Jesus warrior
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Military to consider offering foreigners a fast track to citizenship if they'll enlist in the Armed Forces
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Elephant goes on killing spree. Apparently, someone didn't think twice about their last Rolo
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| (Some Guy) |
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GM says new fuel economy laws are unfair. Your SUV wants a bigger gas tank
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Priest grabs teenage boy who was exploring his rectory
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Definition of a slow news day at the AP: "Flatulence Allegedly Sparks Jail Fight"
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Firemen use thermal imaging camera to find cat stuck in wall. Ceiling cat shakes head, mutters "Amateur" under breath
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Plane carrying British PM Tony Blair overshoots runway and goes into the weeds, eerily mirroring Blair's own foreign policy
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If you've had sex with monkeys, the Red Cross isn't interested in your blood
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Hundreds of newly-installed street lights need to be replaced because they were rained on
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German women are delaying the birth of their children untill January 1st when a generous government aid program takes effect.. This should end well
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| (Daily Mail) |
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Who doesn't love a man in uniform? Blackie, the 25-pound cat. "So far, five postmen, one police officer, five paper boys, one takeout driver and one construction worker have fallen victim to his violent streak" (pic)
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Two men foil burglar by pulling down his pants. In other news, Paris Hilton recognized for her crimefighting skills
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Realizing they paid seven dollars too much to see a Ben Stiller movie, 200 teens run amok in theater lobby
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man gets caught hiding cows inside a bus. Thought "Hey who's gonna look inside a bus for cows?"
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| (Nevada Appeal) |
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A fault line beneath Lake Tahoe could rupture at any time and unleash a massive earthquake that triggers an underwater landslide and send 30-foot waves crashing into nearby parks, campgrounds, homes and marinas. EVERYBODY PANIC
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| (Some Guy) |
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$93.2 billion donated to religious organizations, $38.6 billion donated to education, what is our children learning?
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If the temperature goes above 32 degrees during the day, it usually isn't a good idea to drive your pickup truck on the ice. (w/video)
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When searching for the number 2,500,000 to match the Fark thread number, we managed to find a Time article from 1923 about Dum-Dum Fever. Somehow, it seemed appropriate
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Pakistan to use mimes on the Afghan border to stop insurgents. That outta freak the turrists out. Imagine coming over the hill and seeing a dude with white paint stuck in an invisible box or ....oh, MINES...ya, that actually makes more sense
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Woman sentenced to 20 months for sickening her neighbor with loud music. The judge doubled the sentence when he learned it was The Magic Collection by David Hasselhoff
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Independent bookstores losing to chains Obvious tag steps to the plate, here's the pitch. It's right in the face. He's charging the mound and beating the daylights out of whoever felt this was news
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Photoshop what other profession Santa Claus would secretly like to pursue
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Wreck of WW2 Japanese sub found off Australia will be left undisturbed. This gives the Japanese perfect cover to secretly convert the wreck into a spaceship armed with a wave motion gun for it's secret flight to Gamelon
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Schwarzenegger will need crutches, screws. Maria Shriver unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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U.S. Deaths in Iraq Exceed 9-11 Count
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Parents of slain GI's travel to Iraq. They find that their sons are considered to be heroes by the locals, not bloodthirty demons, as the media projects all US troops to be
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Not knowing what a group of sharks is called, I'll just say an ascii-load has been spotted off the Australian coast
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Tsunami threat downgraded to "just kidding"
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Doctors: Castro is cancer free. Translation: Castro is dead
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Parasitic infection in men makes them less attractive to women, while in women it makes them more attractive to men
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Asplosion at uranium mine now blamed on Autobots, Decepticons
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| (Anchorage Daily News) |
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Alaska to sell state executive jet on eBay
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| (Mirror) |
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Speed camera removed after nearly four years because it's a danger to traffic. It's all about the safety
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| (Daily Mirror) |
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A collection of the stupidest customers to ring Britain's call centres becomes a cult hit. Apparently they record those things for other reasons than 'quality control'
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Tsunami headed towards Philippines after 7.2 Quake. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Wired announces their 2006 Foot-In-Mouth Awards
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| (Some TFer) |
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Photoshop these balloon girls
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Merry Christmas, now go and bail out wasteful and inefficient retailers like a good American
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Allergy study reveals eating tiny amounts of the very foods that you're allergic to will eventually train your body to overcome severe allergic reaction
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Climate change exonerated of killing all of Australia's giant prehistoric animals. Cuddly environmentally-friendly aboriginals now persons of interest
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South Korean government offers gifts for men who promise not to visit brothels this holiday. Syphillis FTW
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CNN's advice for getting over a hangover, because if anyone knows about excessive drinking, it's reporters
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Bankers and stock traders earning bonuses over $50,000,000. we now return you to your regularly scheduled whining about athlete's salaries
|
| Mon December 25, 2006 |
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Need a little more weirdness for your Christmas holiday? How about a comic book in which ex-wrestling superstar, the Ultimate Warrior, has his way with Santa Claus in S&M bondage
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this fire-extinguisher test
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this large, green tree frog
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German taxi driver who shouted "Oh, for Christ's sake, it's Christmas Eve" when a robber put a gun to his head scared the thief away
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Its Christmas morning Post your disappointing and crappy gifts that you have received
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Texas to begin taxing $1 per pack of cigarettes on Jan. 1
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| (Greenville Online) |
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From the "You can't enforce that law" department: School anti-bullying law also covers school bus stops
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Merry Christmas Fark. God bless us, everyone. Except for that guy, over there
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Legendary 'Godfather Of Soul' James Brown passes away at 73
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this combination of architecture and sculpture
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Laura Bush says she "never felt badly" about not telling the world about the cancerous growth on her leg, which, incidentally did not test positive for weapons of mass destruction either
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| (Washington Post) |
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Bald Eagle to be taken off endangered list, goes on the "do not disturb" list and gets little plastic tag to hang on occupied nests
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I-Mockery's Christmas present to the internet? A flash game in which you play as Ivan "I must break you" Drago fighting crime in the streets, a cyborg Apollo Creed, a geriatric Rocky Balboa and more
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Pope Benedict XVI celebrated Christmas midnight Mass at Saint Peter's Basilica in Rome. Plans to get in bed as soon as possible before Santa or Jesus or whatever fictional character comes around to deliver presents
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RoboPope says image of the baby Jesus born in a manger should remind everyone of the plight of abused children the world over, and not just those within grasping range of Catholic priests
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| (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) |
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When a drug lord's hippos are rampaging through your neighborhood, who you gonna call?
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| (Some Merry Fellow) |
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A fun Christmas specials quiz covering everything from 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' to 'Ziggy's Gift'
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Christmas-based dumbassery, including an ass-grabbing, motorcycle-riding Santa
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Pope Benedict celebrates Midnight Mass by doing his best Emperor Palpatine impression (with scary pic)
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These are only a small percentage of links submitted. Join TotalFark to see them all! Link archives »
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