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| Sun November 19, 2006 |
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Leonardo DiCaprio donates money to African orphange, says he's not ready to be a father
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| (Some Guy) |
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Four elderly residents could lose their houses after complaining about extended hours at nearby pub. Seems tough, but fair
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People buying million dollar homes on the coast are upset that it costs so much to insure them
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| (haha.nu) |
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Teen boy rollerblades, plays video games, aims better than you. Big deal? He's blind and uses sonic echoes to navigate. Amazing just doesn't cover it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Home invader attacks and severely injures homeowners. Finally shot by police. "People out here probably thought it was a war" because they had to shoot the deer so many times to kill it
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School dance turns student's date away because he's home-schooled
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| (Show Buzz) |
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How the Bonds measure up. Comparative 007's with voting link
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Off-duty Secret Service agent tries to break up a fight in local mall, ends up busting a cap in a couple punk asses
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| (berkeley.edu) |
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"Trap Jaw Ants" use mighty mandibles to fling themselves into the air and 'fly' to safety. Chomp down on prey at 145mph. Suck it, clock spider
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25 greatest science books ever
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Ever wonder what the largest nuke ever exploded looked like? YUSSRir here it is
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Metal prices are so high that contractors forced to install chain-link fences around houses they're building to keep out thieves. Undeterred thieves then steal the fences
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| (CO2 Science) |
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Antarctic Ice Sheet growing, defying global warming, George Bush, Great Old Ones. Here comes the science
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| (ktrk-tv) |
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It looks like they had a record growing season for marijuana in Mexico this year
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| (AM 1220) |
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Union to play hardball in contract negociations, taking out large ads saying companies products are defective. Meanwhile Goodyear launches new wooden shoe tires
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| (Boortz) |
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Top 10 things you should never say to a divorce judge
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Kissinger says Iraq is an unwinnable situation, and he should know more about those than anyone else
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Don't forget to cast your votes by July 6, 2007 -- we will have 7 new wonders of the world
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Cleaner, greener, guilt-free SUVs are on the way. Still no cure for overcompensating for small penises
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| (Some Guy) |
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People are surprised that binge drinking is popular among teens in northern Iowa; as if there is anything ELSE to do there
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| (Some Jeeves) |
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Strange, yet addictive volleyball game. Play as a butler batting a tea kettle back and forth
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| (Some Guy) |
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In 1992, a meteor brighter than the full Moon streaked across parts of several US states during its 40 seconds of glory before crashing into this car in Peekskill, New York (pic)
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Toddler's birthday party at pizza place quickly degrades to bar brawl
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India successfully tests short-range nuclear-capable ballistic missile. Now who could they want to nuke, I wonder?
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| (Some Witch Doctor) |
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If the United States is founded upon Judeo-Christian principles, why are all the months of the year, and days of the week, named after pre-Christian and pagan gods?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Most Americans are now in debt from their late teens until the day they die. What's not in your wallet?
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| (Spluch) |
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World's longest painting ever made by children
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Soccer match abandoned after a crossbow arrow was fired onto the pitch
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| (Some Guy) |
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World's largest "digger" eats bulldozers for breakfast (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Now its posh to carry .45's and .357 magnums. Suburban housewives and little old ladies "have had enough" in Memphis
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When you travel home this Thanksgiving, airports will be issuing you a 1-quart clear ziploc bag into which you may place toiletries contained in 3-ounce or smaller bottles, citizen
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Rare 1992 interview with reclusive leader of Church of Scientology, and Tom Cruise's equally short best man
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Because there are still a handful of places you can look without seeing an advertisement, Golden Gate Bridge looking for corporate sponsors
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Man found carrying grandmother's head in suitcase
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| (Pantagraph) |
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High school physics teacher finds old can of radioactive waste in supply closet
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Erotic theme park with sculptured phallus rising from a vagina-shaped wading pool. OMG
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An iPod screen glowing in the middle of the night leads rescuers to a mushroom picker lost in the woods. Suck it Zune
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| (Some Guy) |
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New voice of England's incredibly popular Speaking Clock service is not only a woman, but a hottie
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| (Sunday Post) |
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Crime wave in Scotland blamed on ... the elderly?
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| (National Geographic) |
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Photoshop this rock farm
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As bar owners brace for new smoking bans, casino owners say "Come on in y'all"
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Scientists introduce predator into lizard population to study natural selection
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Los Angeles' iconic palm trees to be replaced with oaks and sycamores. "And the trees are all kept equal / By hatchet, ax and saw."
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Bad vodak prompts Russia to reconsider state control of alcohol production. Easing up on the booze not an option
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Dear Abby: My drunken-ass girlfriend got us thrown out of a rock concert that I paid $300 to get us into. What should I do?
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| (Some whisky drinkin' guy) |
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Calling on whisky connoisseurs. Difficulty: Moderate price. LGT current favorite
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| Sat November 18, 2006 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these wet leaves
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| (Sweet Juniper) |
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"A Horse Named Paul Revere," a children's book by The Beastie Boys
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| (KRT Wire) |
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Having learned their lesson from raining blubber chunks, scientists will load and sink whale carcass with tons of railroad wheels, then film its eventual extirpation
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top ten movie spaceships
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| (Chicago Tribune) |
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Just another day for police in Chicago: Respond to a domestic dispute, ticket someone for running red light, recover 35 dead cats from woman's home
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The Dept of Homeland Insecurity is forcing local police forces to give up "10-codes." 10-7, good buddy
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Heartwarming tale of New York's gay penguins not such a hit in flyover states
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| (Some Guy) |
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215 monitors are placed directly opposite 215 cameras,
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Two teenagers corner a rapist after hearing his victim's screams. The Sun is there
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Navy admits to crapping in San Diego Bay for over 10 years
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Afghanistan to Muslim Women: DIAF
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Internal memo suggest Yahoo is going to cut 20 percent of its workforce and explore a leaner and meaner sort of suck
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| (Press-Republican) |
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Plattsburgh college students star in porn film. With an all-star cast, early reviews are calling it "hilarious" and "nasty"
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Plaque made in honor of bacon pioneer
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Attorney General Alberto Gonzales - warrantless wiretaps are his definition of freedom
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| (Some Guy) |
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New York trumps Florida in early burnin' down the trailer park deep fried turkey incident
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When you are angry with your wife do you a) have a civilized converation with her; b) sleep on the couch; or c) cover yourself in paraffin and set yourself on fire?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man breaks into prison to deliver emergency supplies including heroin, cannabis, steroid tablets, vodka, Southern Comfort and Bacardi, cigarettes, DVDs, two cell phones, phone cards and chargers. Maybe prison ain't so bad
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| (Yorkshire Today) |
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Man speeds to hospital to get dying wife to a doctor, parks in fire zone, comes back out after she dies, finds parking ticket on car. Parking warden: "It's not my problem, I've got a job to do"
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Colorado Attorney General has to go to Saudi Arabia and explain to king and explain why Saudi national was sentenced to prison. "See king, it's like this, you just can't keep a sex slave locked in the basement in America"
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Samuel L. Jackson plays God in an audio book version of the Bible - 'I've had enough of these Motherfarking snakes in my garden"
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86 percent of South African men want Chuck Norris to be their next president
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| (Some Guy) |
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Queen of England moves step closer to retirement by moving key aides to Windsor Castle, handing over all equestrian-related issues to Prince Charles and his steed
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Bartenders annoyed by growing variety of vodka flavors
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| (Greenville Online) |
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Owner of Chick-Fil-A franchise offers a free chicken sandwich to anyone bringing in a roadside political sign after the election
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thin-as-a-rail 60s model Twiggy lashes out at today's Size Zero models. Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, pot
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Tom Cruise ties the knot on Katie Holmes' noose
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Israelis develop process to extract oil from oil shale for $17 a barrel. Sierra Club, Greenpeace expected to issue fatwa justifying suicide bombings shortly
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Family's house catches fire for third time in ten months. Maybe someone should fix that
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these strange-looking goldfish
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Further proof World War 3 is coming, Georgia and Russia are having mini wars, and President Bush supports it
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| (The Whig) |
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Canada is down to three living veterans of WWI and national campaign has started to give the last one the sort of state funeral reserved for former prime ministers or starting centres for the Maple Leafs
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| (Some Guy) |
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Best Leonid meteor shower in years forecast for eastern U.S. and western Europe tonight as earth passes through dense trail of debris left by Comet Tempel-Tuttle
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China admits that they have been harvesting organs from their executed prisoners to sell to foreigners who need transplants
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iceberg spotted from New Zealand shore. Everybody Titanic
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Dice stacking is the art of scooping up dice in a dice cup and setting the cup down to build a vertical column of dice. Most people's initial reaction, when first seeing the dice stacked, is astonishment
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Caption a special toast to Tom and Katie on the day of their big fat Italian wedding
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Up to half of all disabled parking badges in London are being used illegally and changing hands on the black market for up to £500
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10 entertainment stories more worthy of discussion than TomKat's wedding
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| (heraldonline.com) |
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Student brings 5-foot boa constrictor to school. Prinicpal Samuel L. Jackson not amused
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| (Some Guy) |
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University of Michigan vs. The Ohio State University discussion thread
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"I'm an old man, I can't hold it" is not a valid reason for urinating in a funeral vase and then attacking the guy who catches you with a rake
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| (Denny's) |
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In Japan, Denny's is a high class restaurant with a sophisticated menu. Also, bathrooms operate under the three seashell system
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Target: "We won't promote your movie because you sell it on ITunes." Disney: "Then you can't have any copies of 'Pirates of the Caribbean'". Target: "Oops, sorry, never mind."
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"Why do they have to have cleavage displayed so overtly and slits high up their thighs and then allow boys to dance right up against them?" Now with video goodness
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this alien sculpture
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| (navytimes) |
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Coast Guard locates windsurfer reported missing all night. Man refuses to get on helicopter though because it meant leaving his board behind. Yes, he was from the UK
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| (KFTY) |
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When giving police permission to search your home for a runaway make sure your teenage son is done bagging the dope for his marijuana route
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Three Gitmo detainees released without being charged. Hooray for freedom and due process
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| (Some Guy) |
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Collection of subtleties from The Simpsons
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Hotel chain in midwest has CNN blocked from its in-room programming, because their news reports support terrorism
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| (Some Guy) |
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The 5 toughest questions a woman can ask a man
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| (Some Guy) |
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Laid-off sales manager grows strongest pot ever seized by police in Britain. They're real impressed at his entreprenurial talents
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Brazilian mayor starts "Happy Penis" program to hand out free Viagra to elderly couples
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British Airways worker planned to stuff 20 kilos of cocaine into jet's nose, in most appropriate smuggling attempt ever
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Four- to five-foot bronze statue of Alexander the Great weighing as much as 400 pounds apparently stolen, something like that just doesn't get up and wander away
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| (The Hill) |
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If you've moved recently, the IRS might owe you $963
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Enjoying that cheap Caribbean holiday? Thank the Dept of Homelan... wait... what?
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Cut-and-run defeatist Tony Blair calls invasion of Iraq a "big mistake" and describes conditions there today as "pretty much of a disaster"
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Roving gangs terrorizing L.A. neighborhood. Oh yeah, gangs of raccoons
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| (News 14) |
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Residents who moved adjacent to airport petition demand city to make airport quieter
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Photoshop these frog legs
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Philly cop caught on tape street racing in cruiser, because apparently Philly cops are "teh new faster", right? Right
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Senior citizens simulating sex on screen not quite the hit British TV execs hoped. With pic that's safe for work, maybe not for breakfast
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Company in trouble over its spicy Welsh Dragon sausage...because the local council just found out that, in fact, it contains no dragon meat
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| (49 ABC NEWS) |
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Burglars decide to break through wall of house instead of a window to get inside
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40 Lancashire firefighters sent to rescue one stranded sheep. Fire Chief explains it was the cute one
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| Fri November 17, 2006 |
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Man going through divorce tries to keep tabs on his estranged wife by planting GPS device on her Jeep, prompting three-block evacuation by bomb squad. Wonder why she wants a divorce?
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Pissed-off motorists in Britain have begun necklacing speed cameras
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| (The Kentucky Kernel) |
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Pizza delivery driver has to explain the difference between a fax machine and a cash register to armed robbers
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Green Beret leaves final wish to family and friends for a $100K party in Las Vegas
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Brits have a new pet that may rival cats and dogs. It has a penis AND a vagina behind its head. Sorry Yanks, it's illegal in America. Boobies and weeners tags give up
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Neanderthal bone gives DNA sample (with bonus Neanderthal come hither pic)
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Not news: cop uses stun gun. News: misses target and hits suspects son. Fark: also hits himself. Double Fark: after 5 misses he switches to pepper spray. Triple FarK: only hits suspect's daughter
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Tennessee teen files lawsuit after being removed from weightlifting class over fears that other students might try to rape her. Uh, Cletus, maybe you took the wrong kid out of class?
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| (WRAL) |
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High school teacher loses job after students find secret messages urging Israel to be destroyed in the name of Allah
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| (Pioneer Press) |
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From the Unclear on the Concept Dept: "The 15-year-old allegedly threaten[ed] to bring the gun to school and stab a student."
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News: Rapist escapes prison. More News: Rapist is apprehended by authorities. Fark: While waiting in line at Best Buy for a PS3
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If you want the US Supreme Court to eat your poison cookies, it's usually a good idea not to include a letter stating, "This is poisoned."
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US government lifts ban on silicone breast implants. Millions of men shift the world's orbit as they jump up for joy
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Lesbian holds sit-in over National Guard's "if you don't lick 'em, join 'em" policy
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The University of Georgia has added "gender neutral" restrooms. You no longer have to be confused about where to go to the bathroom
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Stories TV news air to get ratings during Sweeps include company that uses attractive women to tempt suspectedly unfaithful spouses to cheat and how your shampoo is killing you
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"Careful Where You Choose to Consummate Your Love." Finally, some hard-hitting journalism
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Photoshop this Memphis cheerleader
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| (Some Guy) |
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John Edwards explains the PS3 cutting-in-line incident: "Good unpaid child labor is hard to find these days"
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Museum in Tennessee removes deep-fried American flag exhibit
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Not News: Guy paints nude people. News: The nudes are religious icons. Fark: The artist is Muslim and he pains Hindu gods. Double Fark: The Hindus have put out a hit on him. (Now I've got a headache...)
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Norweigian radio station recruits convicted murderer for ad campaign that warns people if they don't listen, "I'll kill you." Sirius execs intrigued by this idea, would like to subscribe to their newsletter
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British cafe unveils museum of leftovers. American version of The Office inexplicably absent
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Actual Headline: "'Pump-and-Dump' Spam Surge Linked to Russian Bot Herders." RIP English Language: 1606- 2006
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Bullied student takes interesting approach to solve his problem -- calls mom and sisters to come to his class and protect him. He shouldn't have any problem whatsoever living this down
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'Secret Santa' who has given away millions of dollars to strangers over 26 years makes his identity public as he is dying of cancer
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PS3-related mayhem trifecta complete: Virginia police use pepperspray to break up unruly crowd waiting to buy PS3
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| (Some Guy) |
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Goat discovered in fraternity house. This is news?
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If you're messing with some guy's wife and he tells you he will "shock you repeatedly until you cook from the inside out and then your eyes burst right out of their sockets," stop messing with his wife
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Mob of hundreds rush Orlando mall for 16 PS3 consoles. Does anyone see a problem with that? Anyone?
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| (nzherald.co.nz) |
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New Zealand to consider lowering its national drinking age from 18 to 3 in an effort to curb crime, as pre-schoolers stage a fire alarm and break into their kindergarten storeroom to consume beer. Left pinky up please
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| (Daytona Beach News) |
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Woman gets probation for killing her baby boy by tossing him into a canal. Asinine tag trumps Florida by an Avogadro's Number of ass
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Things you don't want to hear from your pilot as you're waiting to take off, No. 1: The plane you're sitting in is "a heap of rubbish" and he doesn't think it can make it over the mountain at the end of the runway
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Ford to sell Lincoln cars through Amazon.com
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Teen sex doctor's license suspended. In other news, there are teen sex doctors?
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Drunk, stupid and on fire is no way to go through life, son
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Fun Michigan-Ohio State facts: Woody Hayes refused to fill up his car in Michigan; a Columbus judge dismissed obscenity charges against guy with a "F___ Michigan" T-shirt because it accurately reflected sentiments of community
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| (Some Beer Guy) |
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With Thanksgiving just days away, here is a guide to pair different beers with your Turkey Day feast. You Miller & PBR drinkers can go clicky over in the Sports tab since you already know how your TV dinner tastes with your swill
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Chicago gets crime-fighting robots. Exclusive interview with one of them: "Excuse me, I have to go. Somewhere there is a crime happening"
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| (Centre Daily Times) |
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Police seeking man in chicken costume
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Today's "frivolous 'I got burned at a restaurant' lawsuit" story is brought to you by Hancock County, courtesy of Starbucks
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UCLA student, stunned with a Taser by a campus police officer, has hired a high-profile civil rights lawyer, who plans to file a brutality lawsuit
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| (Investor's Business Daily) |
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Just what exactly is our timetable for the withdrawl of troops...from Europe?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Forget the PS3, pass on the Wii, this season's most wanted toy (by single females and confused males)
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Random Assclown bids $15,000 dollars on every eBay PS3 auction
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| (NBC) |
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Weatherman fired after nude photo pops up on the web. He contends that it's from his younger, wilder years and he's much better now... now that he's stopped using heroin
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| (Some Guy) |
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Punk band The Dead Schembechlers have a gig tonight in Columbus
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| (Spiegel Online) |
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German man gets thrown off British Airways flight because of his overpowering body odor
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| (The Bergen Record) |
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Brawl ensues at NJ Best Buy when fans told they can't line up for PS3. PS3 insanity trifecta now in play
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Indiana University researchers come to startling conclusion: The most effective drink to help athletes recover after exercise is... chocolate milk
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| (Bradenton Herald) |
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Disabled man wakes up in hospital to find 2 traffic tickets pinned to his chest after car backs over him and his motorized wheelchair
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Publisher of OJ Simpson books says she published it because she thought the proceeds were going to OJ's children. Didn't realize that OJ refers to his golf clubs as his children, apparently
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| (Yale Daily News) |
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Yale holds first male beauty pageant. You're gonna wish you were able to unread this one
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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School superintendent busted for charging $350 strip-club tab to the school district
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U of M legend Bo Schembechler dies
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According to study, St. Louis ranks high in home ownership, charitable contributions, gunshot wounds
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this poppet on a swing
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As a result of poor parental naming decisions, Gandalf, Superman and Madonna coming soon to British playgrounds
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Bound to happen sooner or later: Patrons waiting in line for PS3 robbed, one shot
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St. Louis tourism official defends city by telling magazine the only reason to visit certain parts of town was to buy crack cocaine. Woo-hoo, watch those tourists flock right in
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| (WKYT) |
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People waiting in line for PS3s at the Best Buy in Lexington, KY had to endure both a drive-by pellet-gun shooting and police chasing down a suspected rapist in their midst
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Your HOA can legally prohibit you from smoking in your own home
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Old and busted: Using boxcutters to hijack planes, plunging them into buildings. New hotness: Using boxcutters to steal cellphones at Target, stuffing them down your pants before fleeing
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Having a birthday in Tampa? Now, for $350, you can hire the fire department to bring a truck to your party
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Tired of the UK tabloids' demonisation of Romanian immigrants, Romanian newspaper runs the story "English = paedophiles, drunks and hooligans." UK submitter disgusted -- how could they forget "web-porn addicts"?
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| (Outside the Beltway) |
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Sen. John Edwards speaks out against shopping at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart reveals that Edward tried to cut in line to buy a PS3 from them. Advantage: Wal-Mart
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Israel is developing a "bionic hornet" that would be able to navigate its way down narrow alleyways to target otherwise unreachable enemies, such as people firing rockets. Find Sarah Connor
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Having solved all the Muslim problems, government of Spain taking on Burger King
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Sophia Loren proves she's still sexy at 71. Seriously. With SFW picture goodness
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People who own aggressive dogs such as pitbulls have significantly more criminal convictions. Your dog wants a plea bargain
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"Participation in 'Buy a Gun' day is simple... for those who already own a gun, visit your local gun shop and buy another one"
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Group of "super lions" has evolved in Africa. EVERYBODY PANIC
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| (Just-drinks.com) |
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Pepsi tests new protein-based organic energy drink in select U.S. markets. Critics expected to ask why it tastes so salty
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| (TSN.ca) |
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The Grey Cup -- it's not only an important part of the Canadian identity, but it lets people in the host city drink like fishes for one entire week. Plus, the Calgarians always parade a horse through the swankiest hotel in the city
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| (Some Guy) |
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Did Christ know of this North American continent? Did He know this great nation would be Christian from its beginning? This book clearly shows that America (Zion) is the land set aside by God Almighty to be the place of regathered Israel
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| (Celtic Malts) |
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Man's quest to discover world's worst whisky ends in tie between Germany and Surinam
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| (Brooklyn Papers) |
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Someone is poaching parrots in Brooklyn, NY. In other news, wild parrots live in Brooklyn, NY
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Philip Morris will ask the film industry to refrain from showing its brands in any future films. Nick Naylor unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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British woman bit by adder in her sleep. Rowan Atkinson wanted for questioning
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this shipboard shave
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| (NBC13) |
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Man robs bank and gives some of the money to homeless. Will have a chance to think about his good deed for the next 41 months
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| (Some Guy) |
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Eighty percent of pubs do not clean the lines the beer flows through
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One of Fark's favorite cliches made the front page today (with pics)
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WTC Site's forensic dentist wizard likes to keep girlfriend happy. A little too happy for the NY D.A.'s liking
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| (Washington Times) |
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For those people who are too lazy and stupid to read comes __________ for Dummies, the television series
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Arizona Court of Appeals says students can sue over tuition rate increases. Meanwhile, tenured profs go to a school-funded caucus in Aspen
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New prosthetic foot is so advanced that it may allow amputee soldiers back into battle. Sorry Stumpy Joe
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Artest to Wallace: You can suck my balls. The Smoking Gun is there
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Flying somewhere for Thanksgiving this year? Get ready to be stuck in line behind Grandma, Cletus, and all the other people who travel once in a blue moon
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| (KTEN) |
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Principal and superintendent charged with larceny after confiscating student's banned cell phone
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| Thu November 16, 2006 |
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How will you die? Maybe you'll die in your sleep. Maybe in a car accident. Or maybe, like this guy, you'll impale yourself on an ornate kitchen chair
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The newest booming market among DIY professionals? Providing services to step in and finish the job after you've already tried and FUBARed it
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Pahrump, Nevada passes law forbidding display of foreign flags, including Mexico, East Asia, and Oceania
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| (Worcester Telegram) |
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Man robs bank where his grandmother works as a teller. But he's not an inconsiderate shiat; he checked with her first so he could schedule the robbery on her day off
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Not News: A flock of wild chickens is slowly dying out. News: Poisoning suspected. Fark.com: The chickens live on a busy roundabout
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| (Some Happy Farker) |
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Fark Party Arlington, TX. J Gilligan's Bar and Grill. December 9th. 8pm. Be there...or not. But all the cool kids will
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Oil falls to under $57 a barrel on the news of Opie and Anthony doing another 55 Gallon drum challenge
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Heidi Fleiss hires convicted rapist Mike Tyson to be her "big stallion" at her new brothel for women. What could possibly go wrong?
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Photoshop these jellyfish. Difficulty: No peanut butter
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| (WBIR.com) |
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Tennessee state senator feeds suspected teenage thieves cookies . . . at gunpoint
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| (celeb slap) |
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Divorce has a geeky side to it: Britney Spears and K-Fed deleted each other off their myspace friends list
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For those of you in Lowell Indiana, I-65 is closed so you will have to find another route to escape the toxic cloud of sodium hydrosulfite
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| (whotv.com) |
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Pope Benedict 16th defrocks two Des Moines priests, which means they can no longer identify themselves as priests on their myspace page or in chat rooms
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Lawyer tries to argue that sex with deer is legal by citing both a dictionary and Billy Crystal in The Princess Bride. O RLY? YA RLY
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China unblocks Wikipedia after year-long ban. Er, correction: Wikipedia was never blocked in China
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When you have only 10 PS3s to sell and 50 customers waiting outside, just put ten chairs in the parking lot and have everybody race for it. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (officer.com) |
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Woman placed in police squad shoots self with concealed gun. After the fact, police added charges for the gun and crack pipe they didn't find while searching her
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| (Same Guy) |
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Law states it is ok for a lady to post a sign in her yard urging a convicted sex offender to leave her neighborhood. No word if convicted sex offender has a sign in his yard stating he was convicted of a sex crime
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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Guy who was supposed to be on Yankee Corey Lidle's plane dies in plane crash. Waylon Jennings unavailable for comment
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Apparently, taking a cab to meet an underage girl online for sex while your pockets are full of pot hasn't gotten old in Arkansas
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Study says Date Rape Drug use not widespread. Most who think they were drugged just drank too much
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Democrats enjoying ability to piss off Republicans, move to have minimum wage raised another two bucks
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Amount of crap produced by amateurs will soon exceed the amount of crap produced by professionals on the web, Google says. Here's some more crap from an amateur to clog the tubes
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| (WRAL.com) |
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Cops bag three-foot suspect and friend at motel
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Milton Friedman has died at 94. Funeral services will be held as market forces dictate
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Christian politician defends the right of 17 year old girls to run around school in their underwear
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Man joins the 'Inordinate Amount Of Cash With Mysterious Files On Laptop' Club
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Everything's bigger in Texas, including the discrepancies between voters and number of votes cast
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| (Some Guy) |
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Good news: Four bodies now recovered in effort to locate missing couple. Bad News: Still no word on missing couple. Bonus: Best place to dump a body found
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L.A. hospital charged with dumping homeless patients on Skid Row. Sebastian Bach unavailable for comment
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Saga of the Missing Toddler takes a more surprising twist than sex photos -- the child's father is giving Nancy Grace credit after new developments in the case
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Cat gives birth to puppies? Your dog wants fish
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Deer clog state and national parks. Homeless and Hungry clog streets. Prisoners have little skills and need to learn a trade. Put them together and...
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"He slit the throat of a goat, a small snake and stabbed a black crow in the chest, stirred their blood with spice and broccoli before drank the "potion" and smeared some on his face." Man, this guy really hates Bush
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| (Dayton News Journal) |
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Mayor's advice to citizen: If you're going to fire a gun near school grounds don't tell anyone. Headline may seem misleading, but remember: it's Florida
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Dorks protest in London to pressure United Nations to recognize 'Jedi' as a religion (with DorkPic goodness)
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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Cucamonga motorcyclist falls victim to "Death By YouTube"
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New study finds that purses can sicken owners. God, we don't ask for much, but please smite Paris Hilton
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| (Chattanoogan) |
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Tennessee wildlife agency hired private firm to increase sales of hunting licenses. What could possibly... BANG ...go wrong?
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U.S. military declares high-tech war on insurgent Times Square pigeons after plastic owl forced to cut and run. "By the third day I swear the pigeons wanted to mate with it"
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| (Daily Bruin) |
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UCLA students demonstrate that if you lean far enough Left, you end up Right
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| (NYDN) |
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How New York students 'skirt' the school ban on cells: "It isn't hard for girls at all ... You take the cell battery out, put it in your book bag, then you stick your phone where the sun don't shine"
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Hundreds of residents "living like animals" after apartment complex renovators fail to consider possibility of rain
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Is a Magazine Worth $2.4 Billion? (p. 198)
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MI5, Britain's domestic intelligence service, explains that James Bond "owns a cat named Hoogli"
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God REALLY hates ice-skating preschoolers
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| (heraldonline.com) |
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Rogue sea lion bites at least 14 people around San Francisco, prompting city to temporarily close area to swimmers. In other news, people are swimming around San Francisco in November
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Queen Elizabeth to visit US for Jamestown anniversary. Reggie Jackson ordered to keep 500 feet away at all times
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A couple of grannies rob a student on a commuter train, said to assault you by pinching your cheeks and then your wallet
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| (Las Cruces Sun-News) |
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New Mexico State to start selling alcohol at basketball games. "We asked our season ticket holders, boosters and students, and one of the things that consistently came up was they'd be interested in drinking a beer..."
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Tennessee paper publishes names of people in the state that the IRS wants to refund money to. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this
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| (WSMV Nashville) |
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Thousands of people attempting to vote for Mario Lopez on Dancing with the Stars instead ended up talking to a woman on her cellphone in Grandview, MO
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David Gest pitches a tantrum when hotel can't get him zebra milk, rejects offers of cow, goat, sheep, and soya. The Sun is there
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Three hundred terrified residents sign petition demanding near-blind driver not be allowed to get his beginner's license after a string of crashes while trying (w/ pic that would have you signing the petition too)
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| (Daily Camera) |
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Stop me if you've heard this one: Boulder county, dead child, parents refuse to talk to police, no arrests, incompetent DA, growing national spotlight
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Good news: second body found in search for couple lost in reservoir. Bad news: neither body was from missing couple. Bonus: plane helping with search effort crashes
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| (Financial Times) |
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You think US politics are bad, try being the guy who is "running" against Hugo Chavez
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| (NBC) |
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Residents near Andrews Air Force Base report seeing big cats. Air Force denies suspected breaches at its Liger Breeding Facility
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Spain unveils Mideast peace plan, pulls out playbook from late 1400s for reference
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Pakistans amended rape law not going very well with the fundies. Mass protests vowed to demand the stonings back. Awesome fiery footage expected for the news at 11
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If you're a serial rapist attacking a woman and grab her phone while she's talking to police do ask them to send a cab. They will most certainly send someone to give you a lift
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House Democrats officially name Nancy Pelosi (D-Eerinheadlights) as speaker-elect
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| (petetownshend) |
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Photoshop this aging rock god
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Current holder of endurance grape-catching record attempts to set speed record, catching 116 grapes in his mouth in 3 minutes
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Taco Bell to cut use of trans fats to cater to all three of its health-conscious customers
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Life size Lego Batman and other toys that you can't afford for your kid
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UCLA police officer shocks student with stun gun at a campus library after student refuses to show ID. The fact that his name was Mostafa Tabatabainejad and not Bob Smith probably had something to do with it
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| (NBC5) |
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Five shot in Detroit shooting spree, manhunt underway
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Today's story of a cunning armed robbery foiled because there was only enough gas in the getaway car to go 800 metres brought to you be Romania and these half-wits
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Sacha Baron Cohen gives first ever interview on Borat out of character, says the joke is not on Kazakhstan but on the people who believe the Kazakhstan he describes could actually exist
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Man escapes from jail by digging his way out a la Shawshank Redemption
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| (Some Guy) |
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One minute you're canoeing along the river, the next you're punching an enraged Zambezi shark in the face. See kids, this is why you don't help people
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| (Star Bulletin) |
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In a warning to the entire cast of Lost, Hawaiian driver sentenced to five years in PMITA for drunk driving
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Golden Gate Bridge's board of directors mulling corporate sponsorship, despite increased tolls and parking fees. "This poorly-managed national treasure brought to you by the highest bidder"
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Remember that chimp that pulled a fire alarm two months ago? She's at it again
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| (ABC 7) |
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Ric Romero discovers that credit card numbers are sometimes stolen and sold online
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Idaho town passes ordinance that says all residents must own a gun at home in case they are overrun by refugees from the Gulf Coast
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| (Newsradio88) |
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9 months later, Vivi the California show-dog's excellent NY search for steak adventure continues
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Meet the latest member of the underachieving 2006 hurricane season: Sergio. He sucks more than he blows too
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| (Some Guy) |
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Just when you thought it couldnt get more ridiculous: Dinosaurs really were in the Bible, because made up creatures it mentions kinda sorta maybe could be Dinosaurs
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Woman who drank 5,000 litres of Coca-Cola sues the company for making her sick, claiming she became "addicted" to its malted ass-flavored goodness. And wins her case
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In a surprising turn of events that could not have been foreseen by anybody, supplies of the newest videogame consoles are expected to fall well short of demand
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Reporter discovers that kids can be picky eaters. Ric Romero can't believe he got scooped on this one
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| (Metrowest Daily News) |
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Police unsure why man dumped so much water throughout his apartment that it leaked through the floor, but suspect his high level of intoxication may have had something to do with it
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| (NY Daily News) |
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True sign of the holiday season in NYC? Rockettes dancing on 6th Ave, Lord & Taylor opening their window display or the Rockefeller Tree going up? Nope, it's the first Gridlock alert
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Police stop strip show at the quarterly meeting of the International Order of Old Bastards. In other news theres an International Order of Old Bastards
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Nerds riot while camping outside in anticipation of the newest PlayStation 3. They reportedly ran out of Mountain Dew, Doritos, and there was something about problems with "sloppy seconds" and "inflatable girlfriends" whatever that
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| (Bloomberg) |
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Oil prices fall below $59/barrel on news of Emmitt Smith winning Dancing with the Stars
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| (Whiotv.com) |
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Bush goes on trip to reassure Asian allies. Had to first undergo three hours of "'Asian,' not 'Oriental'" coaching
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The new law banning Internet gambling may allow the island of Antigua to legally flout U.S. copyright law. I'll see your Disney DVDs and raise you a copy of Windows Vista
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Hours after NOAA cancels tsunami warning, 6-ft tsunami hits Crescent City CA causing $700,000 in damage
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Montreal Police advised not to send female cops to deal with men whose religion forbids them to deal with women as equals
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Turns out the Dead Sea is only...mostly dead. Needs more than a chocolate-coated pill to be revived, though
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Lawyers debate whether roadkill is an "animal" or just another notch on your bumper. Time to wake up, deer
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| (WRAL) |
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Mother who left her kid in a running car only to have said car stolen, shocked, SHOCKED when cops want to chat about her parental skills
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Bird flu "mutating into a human virus which could kill 50 million people." When it's time to scaremonger, The Sun is there
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Beauty queen trading tiara for flak jacket
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this beach couple
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Insurance companies tell people suffering from eating disorders to "Man up skinny girl" as they stop paying for treatment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kindergartener suspended after using his Swiss Army knife to open his lunch at school
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Target tries to buy off the Salvation Army with a cool million
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Growing numbers of Japanese women are afflicted with an illness that gives them orgasms almost 24 hours a day. These poor women hardly know if they're coming or going
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| (farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 80: "flower power II"
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| (WRAL) |
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Homeless hired to stand in line to buy PS3
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McCain throws his hat into the Presidential ring
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| (Gazette) |
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Stabby day on Fark.com continues as workers at J.C. Penny in Gaithersburg take time out of cutting prices to do the same to each other
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Australian church organises national rain prayer, God responds with cricket ball-sized hail
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Communists learn how cool capitalism is, as they spend U.S. funds for democracy in Cuba on crab meat, cashmere sweaters, computer games and chocolates
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| (thestar.com.my) |
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Teachers lifting up school girls' skirts to find out who is menstruating is just plain wrong. Period
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The Saga of the Missing Toddler takes a surprising twist again, it looks like he may still be with us
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| Wed November 15, 2006 |
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The UK's best bacon sandwich is in a forest. Still not as good as the Waffle House probably
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Indianapolis-based Steak n Shake accidentally sends out mailers to hometown residents proclaiming they're a "proud sponsor of the Dallas Cowboys". Hilarity to ensure shortly
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| (San Mateo Daily) |
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Belmont, CA to ban smoking anywhere except single-family detached homes including on the street, in parks and private cars. Personal Freedom's head asplodes
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Ex-employee hacks into company's computers and starts notifying his old co-workers who's next to get the boot
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Poignant moment during Glasgow U2 show: Crowd falls silent while Bono rhythmically claps hands, and announces every time he claps, an African child dies. Until Scotsman in front row roars, "Well stop f***ing doing it then"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this beautiful baby being baffled by bubbles
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| (Business & Media Inst) |
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Since the election, the media have been oddly silent about electronic vote-rigging
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Great moments in socialized medicine: British guy has been fixing a loose crown with Superglue every two months for the last three years while he waits to see a dentist
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| (The Indy Channel) |
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PBJ&O sandwich leads to stabbing
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| (news wire) |
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Cadbury Schweppes: Buy the the new 7Up, it's 100-percent natural. CSPI: High-fructose corn syrup is 100-percent natural? Suelarity ensues
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Crowds sleeping on sidewalks for days to get hands on PS3 game consoles (with video)
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| (Some Urban Student) |
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Urban students' test scores in science are much lower than their rural counterparts. Proficiency in small-arms fire, however, exceeds all expectations
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What better way to show your support for a children's charity than by staging a child kidnapping?
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French thief steals television, gets caught when he returns to steal the remote control. Somewhere Ken Ober is laughing
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Toys For Tots decides to leave the (12-inch-talking) Christ in Christmas after all
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An American scientist says North Korea can fuel up to nine nuclear weapons. In other words, we're all screwed
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Fearing widespread fraud, eBay will restrict sale of the new PlayStation 3s
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| (The Age) |
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Pakistan amends rape law "to help women." Now women who shame their family by being raped will only be stoned HALF to death
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"Former HP chair pleads not guilty, blames desk." (Some headlines just write themselves)
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| (MEMRI) |
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Today's Unclear on the Concept Award goes to the Middle East Research Institute, which is whining that only four Arabs have ever won the Nobel Peace Prize, and they were all traitors to their race
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Cheesy tourist souvenirs superimposed over the actual thing
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Man arrested for "overt sexual activity" on a plane when found with his head on his girlfriend's lap. Lawyers say he was just nauseated. Don't worry, buddy, it's an acquired taste
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| (Richmond Times Dispatch) |
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Dumbass robs Pizza Hut using a rental car with built in GPS. Tom, Tom do I take left at the jail or go straight? Tom, Tom
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sheriff's deputy to student: Try and take my gun, you'll see it's impossible. Student: Okay. Gun: BANG
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"Global Orgasm" planned to "effect change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy," everyone invited to come
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If you are the 7-year-old girl who tried to steal some legos from WalMart, and pulled a switchblade on the clerk before you got away, the Largo police would like to talk to you
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Woman may have been fed to the pigs, Brick Top wanted for questioning
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Flavored golf tees come in mint, cherry, strawberry, and grape. Because we surely want to suck on wood that's been sitting in mud and wacked with an iron rod
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Officials unsure where to jail transgender inmate
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Wal-Mart sued over kid falling from shopping cart
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NCAA defends tax exempt status to congress - just in time for the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl brought to you by Tostitos; wouldn't you like some Tostitos right about now?
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Aussie man fined $6k for saying four-letter word on Indonesian flight. The word? It starts with a B and ends with a B, and a woman can smuggle two in her shirt
|
| (delawareonline) |
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Jury awards $24.2 million to morans who got burned by high voltage lines when they tried to trainsurf
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Retailers submit their "Black Friday" ads to printers weeks in advance. Forget to include non-disclosure clauses. What could possibly go wrong?
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Putting a live bullet on a table and telling the union official "this is for you" is apparently not a very effective way of smoothing over labor-management disputes
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Doctor ordered to pay child support after birth control implant fails to stop pregnancy. Personal responsibility surrenders
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Texas county plans drive-through flu shots. Value menu to include choice of "mud butt" fudgy sundae or "doodoo butter" cookies, and kids' meal comes with toys from new movie "Flushed Away"
|
| (Defamer) |
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K Fed drafts up his own divorce papers which include "today I'm a free man ladies look out", "fark a wife" and "give me my kids biatch"
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Bosnian town of Banja Luka to build monument to cabbage
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Parents of the year encourage kids to beat each other up. Bonus points: Film it and post it on the internet. Florida tag trumps Dumbass tag
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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Former New Jersey state senator wakes up, goes outside, finds severed hog's head on driveway. Police unaware of any symbolic meaning. (pic)
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Photoshop a test, a chest and a guest
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Internet startups help applicants clean up their online reps. Most common advice: When applying for new jobs consider deleting any lesbian beer bong pics from your MySpace profile
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ABC to feature unaired upcoming "Lost" episode footage during commercials in new series "Daybreak." Obviously this means "Daybreak" sucks and they need a gimmick to get you to watch it
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To keep up with Mars, earth now has it's own face visible from space... and it's Col. Sanders
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Naomi Campbell faces jail if she doesn't show up in court today. Submitter would make a joke about 'PMIT Supermodel Ass Prison' but he's afraid the pic in article would grab him by the neck and beat him to death with a cell phone
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Under-10s soccer team sponsored by... Motorhead?
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The Saga of the Missing Toddler takes a surprising twist after the discovery of his mom's sex videos
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