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| Sun July 30, 2006 |
| (Some Guy) |
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A Berlin opera house is encouraging audience members to smoke joints during performances of its coming production "The Oriental Princess" to enhance the psychedelic experience of Saint-Saens' drug opera
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thanks to Israel, the Mediterranean is facing it's worst ever environmental disaster after they bombed a power plant that sent tons of fuel into the sea
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Marine dad suing Phelps "church" for picketing son's funeral
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| (Some Guy) |
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75 Boston Police fail drug tests, most for cocaine. Another battle won in the war on drugs
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FAA certifies mini-plane described as 'a type of flying SUV'
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Caption pic of this chess playin' girl
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"People walking with children have been met with taunting calls of "breeder," a derogatory term applied to heterosexuals. One couple reported having that happen to them on four separate occasions on the Fourth of July."
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Eric Clapton concert in Red Square cancelled after somebody forgets to sign the bribe check
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| (al.com) |
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Decatur, Alabama all up in arms because men come to fishing pier without any poles and disappear into bushes for a while
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Polish newspaper Gazeta Wyborcza reports that there have been no UFO landings in Poland this summer
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Why America needs Al Gore in 2008. We're ready for an adult
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| (Some Guy) |
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Student takes picture of cops, gets arrested
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Columnist is aghast that some world leaders held a meeting and didn't invite him
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| (Some PUke) |
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Photoshop this fan truck into some inappropriate situations
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1. Thieves use brick to break window and rob charity bookstore. 2. Charity auctions off the brick used to break the window. 3. Profit
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Candy companies baffled by sudden rise in popularity of already mysterious circus peanuts
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption what the cool chick is saying to the hot one
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Ford Motor Company, continuing its bold restructuring, to put 600,000 toy cars in cereal boxes
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Farker broadcasting live at EAA Airventure sees Avenger TBM slice and dice Canadian homebuilt. 1 killed
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Q: Did Mel Gibson get a break after his arrest? A: Does a bear shiat in the woods?
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Angry face rising up in the flames of the burning Israeli flag
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Tops on the Denver Election Commision's 'to do' list is preventing miscues, like the accidental loss of thousands of voters' personal records
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In a relationship, it is sometimes necessary to fan the flames of love. Adding gasoline is probably going too far though
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Giant dead eel tossing contest canceled. Eel-tossers local 378 enraged
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Skydivers' plane crashes, killing all aboard. A life-saving device for surviving free-fall would have come in handy
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| (clarionledger.com) |
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Fox pee-- Get your red hot fox pee here
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Scientists discover genetic "On/Off" switch for chronic pain. Still no cure for cancer, but arthritis is getting nervous
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Reality TV pioneer Art Linkletter unimpressed by modern shows. Most Farkers' parents struggle to remember who he was
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The era of extreme soapbox racing, with entries such as punked-out baby strollers, has arrived
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| (Some Guy) |
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Picture of a cat, and the neighborhood gloves he terrorized
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| (CMT) |
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They've got a Hee-Haw marathon on CMT this weekend. Your dog wants a banjo
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this motorcyclist
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It is very difficult to properly drive a car after shooting yourself in the groin
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| (Some Guy) |
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Surfing down a drain pipe has never been so much fun
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Queensland, Australia state government to poll residents on drinking recycled urine; will also test dog's milk, irradiated haggis
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| (Creeeepy with four e's) |
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Top ten women you need to avoid, as illustrated by what appear to be Robot Chicken extras
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| (Some Guy) |
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New Computer: $700. High-Speed Internet Access: $40/month. Sending an email to your state rep, and getting told off in reply: Priceless
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Drunken smurfs caught stealing trampoline
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"Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are in the grip of evolutionary forces that made it almost inevitable that their child would be a girl"
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| (Some Guy) |
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A new disease causes people to grow fibers from their skin and feel as though bugs are crawling on them, despite 1100 cases and physical evidence, the medical community still refuses to admit it exists
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| (Portland Ground) |
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Fed up with high gas prices, man switches to vehicle powered by small children (w/ pic)
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USDA to Hemingway estate: fog creeping in on way too many little cats toes
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| (KGET) |
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Closed landfill reopens to allow farmers to bury their dead livestock from this month's heatwave
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this stud
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| (al Jazeera) |
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Interesting discussion by Wafa Sultan on the "clash of civilizations" between the middle east and the west
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Man claims ban on satellite dishes is religious discrimination
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Sony finally starting to realize the cost-to-coolness ratio of new products is out of control
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| Sat July 29, 2006 |
| (Click2Houston) |
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Sick of repeated break-ins, store owners hook alarm system up to smoke machine, making burglars think the building is on fire. Bonus: It works
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"Woman sought in Magic Cheese scam"
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Over 60 percent of the US in drought conditions. Senator Inhofe unavailable for asinine comment
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| (LA Alternative) |
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Abusing and hacking the hardware of electronic sound toys is an art form called circuit bending. Meet circuit bending artist Jeff Boynton
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Hillary Clinton is not concerned about facing off against John McCain. After all, she already competed against him in a vodka-drinking contest in Estonia
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| (Medford Mail Tribune) |
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50-year old restaurant that once employed Hometown Buffet founder driven out of business by new Hometown Buffet
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| (Some Guy) |
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"National data indicates that free museums make less money than those charging admission." Sometimes it takes an intellectual to explain these things
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| (Some Guy) |
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New ambulances, designed for obese patients, are built wider, with hydraulics, and gurneys that beep when backing up
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chicago Tribune's crack investigative reporters discover that the gas you buy for your car is made from oil that came out of the ground in the Middle East
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| (WOAI) |
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Book teaches sex to 4-year-olds in graphic detail
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| (FoodTV) |
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Alton Brown's new show "Feasting on Asphalt" premieres tonight (we love us some AB) (marathon good eats starts at 3pm Eastern)
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| (Some Old Guy) |
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Photoshop these graduates
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"Dead zone" off coast of LA growing. Stephen King seen rushing to scene, writing furiously
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Teen saves 14-year-old from drowning, then find himself in same hospital hours later after being attacked by insects, proving once again that Mother Nature is a flinty-hearted biatch
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The technical term for the largest object in the universe? "Blob"
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Ugly-ass baby loris born (cute pic)
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''Today's young women -- they don't even want to wear slips.'' ''they're into sex,'' and the more scantily clad, the better
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Utah teen sets d a wrld record by txtN: d razor-toothed piranhas of d genera Serrasalmus n Pygocentrus r d most ferocious freshwater (O--< n d wrld. n reality dey seldom @ak a hUmN." n 42.22 2nds
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| (Some Modern Drunkard) |
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Say it loud, say it plowed. Effective communication for the modern drunkard
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Like a siren called to him from atop a rocky crag, so was an 81-year-old man unable to avoid the lure of driving his car through a Starbucks patio crowded with patrons
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English zoo forced to protect construction crews renovating its primate enclosure with an electrified fence to keep 120 enraged babboons from attacking them. Fence is not reported to be flung poo-proof, though
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| (blogthings.com) |
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Could you pass 8th grade science? Take this quiz
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News: Deputies seize $120,000 from suspicious vehicle. Fark.com: Sheriff decides to seize the $120,000 for his own use, gets charged with felony theft. Bonus: The sheriff's bond was only $13,000
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| (Some Guy) |
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Swimsuits are now banned in Cambodian Beauty Pageants
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| (Some Guy) |
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We've secretly replaced white refined sugar in Americans' diets with high fructose corn syrup. Let's see if anyone notices
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Asteroid to come closer to Earth than our own communications satellites, rumored to be Vogon surveying crew
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| (Some Benny Hill) |
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British high schools may feature compulsory "British Values" classes to muslim teens. Topics to include "Suicide bombers are bloody losers", "Proper dental hygeine"
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| (Cincinnati Enquirer) |
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Oil companies keep gas supplies tight so prices stay high. Well ain't that a big 'ol duh
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Hezbolla backs 72 hour cease fire, Israel does not
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Preacher gives a verbal ass-kicking to thugz attending a funeral of an innocent woman killed by street violence
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Decorated Canadian WWII and Korean War pilot, who was denied his pension in 1961, given $1.13 million in compensation. But at 83, how will he ever enjoy it? (Tag is for the Vet, not the pencil-necked bureaucrats)
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| (Wikipedia) |
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Here's your new desktop of the day: Hurricane wannabe over Iceland
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this artist
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| (Gizmodo) |
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Signs you need to get out more #32: owning a boob-shaped shampoo dispenser (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The top 50 movie endings of all time
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Not News: Man gets drunk. News: Kids steal his car. Fark.com: Every night for a week
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Iranian leader bans usage of foreign words, That's some angst fo sure, n'est pas?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Monkey escapes from London Zoo; wanders back home after twelve-hour vacation. Expected to wake Saturday with massive headache, unexplained tattoo
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| (GIS) |
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July 29th is Wil Wheaton's Birthday - photoshop him a birthday card. LGT GIS for Wil Wheaton
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man lifts Camaro off teen. Bruce Banner trifecta in play
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Woman cutting grass drowned by her lawnmower. The machines are rising
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| (Some Hokusai) |
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Photoshop this cloud over Mt. Fuji
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Man bites the head off his pet rooster because it injured his pigeon
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| (Poughkeepsie Journal) |
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From the Department of Pulling Numbers Out of Somebody's Ass, police seize 100 pounds of weed worth $750,000
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| Fri July 28, 2006 |
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English subtitled version of Angry German Kid (nsfw)
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| (KCTV5) |
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Our always logical federal government is going to release black-foot ferrets in Kansas to control the prairie dog population. Why does George Bush hate prairie dogs?
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| (Jalopnik) |
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Ironhide from the new Transformers movie remade from Nissan minivan to GMC Sierra pickup
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| (KING5 Seattle News) |
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"The suspect left behind pornographic magazines and some of his DNA"
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ConEd happy to report the power is back on in Queens, just ignore those manhole explosions
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After one year: Gas prices up 30% = oil company profits up 30%. Congressman looking into it - will get back to us when the check is in the mail
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Here's one of the last three people in the USA who don't know about bank security cameras, soon there will be just two (w/pic)
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| (WIBC.com) |
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Attempt to ward off birds turns into haz-mat situation as pigeon corpses rain down from the sky
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| (Bigelow Aerospace) |
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Coolest photo you'll see today. Rim of the Earth from spacecraft Genesis I
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Shooting at Jewish Federation in downtown Seattle. Suspect is still at large, so everyone enjoy their Friday commute
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Lindsay Lohan suffers "heat exhaustion." Producer suffers "lame excuse exhaustion"
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| (Softpedia) |
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Al Pacino to star in Ocean's 13. People already lining up for refunds
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this surprised looking baby
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mel Gibson busted in Malibu for DWI, presumably meaning "driving while insane"
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The SI list of the top fifty richest athletes for the past year
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| (JREF) |
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Head On: it's a scam for the deluded Head On: it's a scam for the deluded Head On: it's a scam for the deluded
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Calgary man gets 10 years in Alaska for distributing kiddie porn. Submitter did not know that Alaska was an alternative to jail, but it makes sense
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After solving Chicago's foie gras problem, Aldermans target....... valet parking
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Although luring seagulls on the road with fries and then running them over is a good way to kill an afternoon, it's illegal in most states
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| (Weather.com) |
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South Dakota gets up to 108108 degrees Fahreneheit
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Lincoln court upholds electric chair use, what with the University of Nebraska being there and all
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| (WISN) |
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Miller Brewing to spend $80 Million dollars to upgrade Brewery and get the taste of Ass out of their beer
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"Sadly, the word 'porn' doesn't appear as often as some would like on our home page."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Researchers suggest that the recent increase in Hurricane strength has less to do with global warming and more to do with more accurate modern methods of measuring storm strength
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Empty coffin pops up on New Jersey interstate
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Man dies shortly after riding rollercoaster at Busch Gardens. Medical officials theorize he may have just viewed the amount on his receipt for park entry
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Book of Psalms (dated 800 AD) found this week in a bog was first said to discuss the "wiping out Israel" ..well it actually doesn't. Sorry ironic tag
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Surprise. The Miami Vice movie sucks donkey balls
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Sheriff's office hoping to expand its mounted unit, learn the meaning of 'innuendo'
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| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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Bizzarros take over oil industry, claim high demand and record profits mean they need to charge more
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Welsh cattle breeders "annoyed and upset" when young woman gives impromptu naked table dance at Royal Welsh Show, apparently upset that she wasn't a sheep
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College student who tossed a cake at Norway's finance minister may face 15 yrs learning toss salads in prison
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Talk about fresh seafood. This japanese restaurant makes you catch the fish before you can eat them
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| (9News) |
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Blast erupts inside University of Colorado chemical lab. No one was injured, but some students reported seeing Jocks falling down as if hit, girls' skirts rising for no apparent reason
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Newspaper photographer who digitally altered colors of sky in shot to make a brownish-grey sky red sees paycheck go from white to pink
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| (Times-Community) |
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Muslim man walks into butcher shop and cuts his own hand off in front of customers, claiming he did if for Allah. They oughta let him steal something to make him feel a little better
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New study shows that 80 percent of those enrolled in new Medicare drug plans are satisfied, but less than half report saving any money
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| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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In Denver, 52 American, Palestinian and Israeli girls to hash out Middle East problems. Just imagine the sexual tension
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30 Scandanavian women go topless on Albanian family beach, causing uproar. Guess they were ugly
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| (Peterborough This Week) |
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After five idiots drown in lake this summer, local police say what everyone is thinking and no one ever says: "Common sense needs to prevail a little more often than it does."
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| (Da Mayor) |
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Photoshop this Chicago mayor
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Venetian gondoliers urged to please stop pimping their rides
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Thousands of Indonesian villagers flee the hot lava of Mount Karangetang. A-ling-a-dong-ding
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Danish live in the happiest country in the world. Even happier when you add some Philadelphia cream cheese
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Researchers discover skull of 5 million-year-old primate. Reportedly had engagement ring for Anna Nicole Smith (pic)
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Senator Conrad Burns surprised to learn that firefighters make about $12 an hour and that he's a clueless dickhead
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Billionaire, voted the New York Post's "Most Eligible Bachelor" in 2003, charged with soliciting prostitution
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| (Manchester Evening News) |
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Man lifts 3-ton digger to save boy's life. Credits strength to will power, handy cans of spinach
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The Canadian government needs a new pot supplier, since their current connection always seems to be holding some lame-ass shiat
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Happy SysAdmin Day - thanks Mike
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April Fool's joke becomes reality as organizers create Strip Poker Championship. Wil Wheaton unavailable for comment
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Wal-Mart gives up on Germany, citing ineffective backrub strategy
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Harry Potter to appear naked
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NORAD leaving Colorado's Cheyenne Mountain, destroying the career aspirations of 9-year-old boys everywhere
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British dumbass jailed for driving after 14 pints of beer - which must be like, 300 pints of US beer
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NY court says it's legal to send "sexually explicit" email to children if that email has no pictures. Spammers nationwide weep with joy
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Teenager threatened with jail for being deadbeat dad. Difficulty: some of the kids he's supposedly supporting are older than him
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Bureau of Labor Statistics finds women still do majority of housework. Now get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich
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| (Some Eye in the Sky) |
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Transient arrested for impersonating co-founder of The Alan Parsons Project. Shakedown scheme thwarted by the fact that no one was impressed by his claim
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Today's 26-year old female teacher having sex with a 16-year old male student brought to you by Denver (with pic)
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| (News Channel 5) |
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Normal: you buy a used car. Weird: car dealership calls the next day, demands an extra $10,000. Fark: car dealership steals the car back
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| (Crop Circle Connector) |
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Crop circle in "alien" field replaces censored Google map
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Today's "129 dogs removed from a home" story brought to you by Fairfield, Connecticut. Your dog wants steak
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When working undercover to infiltrate anti-war protest group, try not to get elected as their leader
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| (EDP24) |
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If you attended a British music festival and lost your urn of mortal remains, please contact the event promoters
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| (Some Adam) |
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AudioEdit what the Beastie Boys will be singing in their eighties
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this big splash
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| (KOIN) |
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If you see three guys trying to put their housefire out with buckets of water and begging you NOT to call the fire department, you can be sure something funny is going on in that house. That, and a lot of firemen are gonna have the munchies later
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| (Providence Journal) |
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Candidate's campaign staffer charged with fraud after elections committee discovers that some signatures were dead people's. Staffer's defense is that he used strippers to collect the last-minute signatures
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Man shot by robbers saved when bullet deflects off coins in his pocket. Let's see your newfangled debit card do that for you
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Big-ass scroll that Kerouac used to write On The Road to be unrolled, and the unedited version will be published
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Police tell woman she can't hang a sign on her fence reading, "Our dogs are fed on Jehovah's Witnesses" despite the fact it's been there for 31 years
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National Organization for Women turns 40; will be dumped for rackalicious trophy wives who don't talk back in 3...2
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The 10 least important Star Wars action figures. (with pics)
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Condi Rice to play a Brahms piano piece at gala dinner in South Asia Thursday, showing her sensitive side. Of course, she will also rip the beating heart out of the chest of anyone who doesn't like it
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Mexican restaurant named Deadbeat Pete's in Tennessee is closed by authorities after owner doesn't pay his taxes. For some reason, no one saw this coming
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Pallbearer upstages corpse at funeral by getting to the bottom of the grave before the dead guy
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| (KXAN.com) |
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LSD-eating rainbow-year old toddler to stay with his great grandmother until he comes down, man
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Judge defends porn AND tells a state agency to go fark itself all in one ruling
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ellen Feiss has switched...careers, apparently. Is set to star in French movie tentatively titled, "Mon Ordinateur Indique Le Signal Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep"
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| (WTOP News) |
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Cell phone use has caused a 50% drop in pay phone use, tuberculosis transmission
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Wisconsin police hunt serial flasher suspected in at least 40 incidents. Investigators note he was wearing a ski mask in all of them, but that doesn't really narrow things down in Green Bay, even in July
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| Thu July 27, 2006 |
| (nbc5i) |
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Upscale gangs terrorizing Texas as doctor gets arrested for a drive-by shooting from his SUV
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The House has passed a bill, 410-15, that will ban libraries and schools from letting people access "social networking sites"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this store - yes really
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If you want to make a successful escape from jail, make sure you don't try to flag down an undercover cop car
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Homeland security officials tell Indiana county to stop using its electronic emergency signs to advertise local fish fries and spaghetti dinners
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| (NZ Herald) |
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There aren't too many stories about "dead chicken hearses," but hey, that's why you come to Fark
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"I get quite irate when people come in and say: 'Oh, is the pig inebriated?'
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| (News Net 5) |
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Female student pilot attempts to take off with a tailwind. Hilarity ensues (w/pic)
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Jelly Belly rewards the one millionth visitor to its factory with his or her weight in jellybeans. Unfortunately, it turned out to be Fattie Day at the ol' sugar mine
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| (Daily Mail) |
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Rolls Royce forced to look overseas for engineers after finding British graduates are so underqualified they can't understand why electricity doesn't leak out of a light socket when there's nothing plugged into it
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| (WBAY) |
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Prison inmate applies for liquor license so he can legally sell alcohol from his cell. No word on if the inmate's name was Pete Coors and if it is, he doesn't need a license to sell piss
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| (Some Tooth Fairy) |
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TFette's daughter lost her first tooth today. What's the going rate from the tooth fairy these days? NDIT
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FedEx plane skids off runway in Louisville. Only reported damage is to a pair of ice skates and a volleyball named Wilson
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Cover of breastfeeding magazine shows baby nursing on a *gasp* bare breast. American Talibanarity ensues: "A breast is a breast - it's a sexual thing." In other news, a hundred simulated murders will be on network TV tonight
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"Israeli officer describes ferocious battle" Presumably not gastrointestinal in nature
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Headline: Flying reptile mystery 'solved'. Secret: Thrown off cliff
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This just in: junk food companies using "games" on something called "the Internet" to lure kids into nagging their parents to buy their crap. Ric Romero, please pick up the white courtesy phone
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| (whiotv.com) |
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Scariest picture you'll see today of the aftermath of a Jeep Wrangler vs. Pontiac 100+ mph head-on airborne collision (SFW)
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Broadcasters spending $300 million on ad campaign to teach parents how to shield their children from objectionable TV shows. Boy, that OFF button sure is hard to find on some remotes isn't it?
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| (Some Dollar Bill Y'all) |
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San Antonio strip club plans tubing excursion down New Braunfels river. For $25 you can fill a hole
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| (Sun Herald) |
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Man gets 5-10 years for possession of 75 gallons of stolen maple syrup. No word on what he's supposed to do with the 200 pounds of stolen waffles
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Motorist fired upon near Gary, Indiana. Obvious tag narrowly trumps Chicago tag
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The story: Americans are concerned that world leaders don't respect our president. The headline: "Poll: World Doesn't Respect Bush"
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| (WXII) |
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Proposal made to list allergens in booze, such as fish and peanuts. No word on why is there fish in beer
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Radio station switches from God to Oh God Yes
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Floyd Landis says he's innocent, vows to find the real dopers
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| (Some Sysadmin) |
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Tomorrow is System Administrators Appreciation Day. Gift ideas: Xbox, Mountain Dew, BJ
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At county fair, pig wrestling is the hot event. Teams try to catch a pig, distract it by biting its ear and toss it into a barrel
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Catholic Church will spend way more supporting retired nuns than it ever will on settling sex abuse scandals. Suggestions to make them do pushups in the cucumber patch until they stroke out dismissed as "unrealistic"
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Connecticut police discover you can shoot a 600-pound moose anywhere you want, but if you just leave the carcass there, the locals are gonna treat it like an open-air Piggly-Wiggly
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| (KSDK) |
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Not News: Prostitute solicits man. News: Man is police officer. Fark.com: Officer is in full uniform. WTF?: She didn't realize he was a cop
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Teenagers bagging mothballs to get high, no word on how they got those little legs apart
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OMG1 There's a police chase in L.A. That never happens. Watch as mainstream media goes on an extended smoke break
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Having failed with both candy and liquor, Canadian Liberal Party tries to woo women with a promise to be less vulgar in public
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| (Some Cheech) |
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857 pounds of pot crammed neatly into a Ford Aerostar discovered after confused driver makes "a bunch of U-turns and loopty loops"
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| (CTV.ca) |
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Regular news: man appears in court for sexual harassment and sexual assault. Fark: just minutes after being released on bail, he re-offends by groping a female and attempts to steal a purse... all while still in the courthouse
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Canada issues its quarterly report on what's allowed across the border: William Pierce is out, "Anal Teen Tryouts" is very in
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Cop reprimanded for calling prostitute. 82 times
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WHO: The sun kills 60,000 a year. Chicago Commission convenes emergency meeting to consider banning sunlight
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China says rights activist was not beaten, and in fact he broke his own neck and paralyzed himself. No word if any Yahoo and Google execs were involved
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Hezbollah was using UN post as 'shield', Canadians stupified
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| (Some Guy) |
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Google "click fraud" settlement okayed by judge. Plaintiffs get credits, lawyers get $30 million
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| (Some Guy) |
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Temperatures in Ireland edge into the 80's. Irish begin bursting into flames on the street
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| (RGJ) |
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"I'd rather lose my arm than have my brother dead," said the 10-year old girl who saved her 2-year old brother's life after their van rolled over
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| (Some Guy) |
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Possible shark sighting at Jersey Shore. Everyone out of the water, go home and if you didn't order pizza, do not answer the door
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| (kjrh-tv) |
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Don't make scarcastic comments about cops and doghnut shops if you plan to walk down the street with a stolen stereo
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| (Deseret News) |
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Hurricane Katrina uncovered 2000-year old Indian sites and burial mound
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| (Huff Post) |
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Former Wonkette editor, who spent a lot of posts talking about anal sex, named Washington Editor for Time.com. If this trend keeps up, Drew will be announced as editor for CNN.com any day now
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| (Pioneer Press) |
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Not news: Man busted for having sex in car. News: He's related to a U.S. senator. Fark.com: He's the senator's 81-year-old dad, and he was banging a 38-year-old woman
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| (Some Guy) |
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Apparently, if you have arson, obstruction of justice and assault and battery charges against you, they make you give back the Parents of the Year award
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Google's coming clean over clicks. Apparently Google has been falsely reporting their ad clicks. Article includes hilarious pun about porn
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Today's special at the Super Halal Meat market: Severed hand and chicken
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Farker gets in the paper and has some great quotes for a great cause
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Three busted for offering community college class on how to change $5 bills into fake $100 Franklins
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Big Dig bigwig's gig reneged
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| (News 7) |
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Alex Gibbs of Mauldin, SC has no physical injuries and no memory for the last 5 days. But somehow he ended up face down in the woods in Doraville GA. He says it was a car jacking, submitter is calling Shenanigans
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Divers find Hitler's aircraft carrier. French navy surrenders
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How many pit bulls can you fit into one house? This guy had sixty-eight, coulda had more but the wife and kids took up more space than they needed
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| (News 3) |
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Las Vegas sheriff blames city's high crime rate on the "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" slogan
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| (NewsNet5) |
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Not news: Company puts up billboard advertising online Ohio license plate renewal. Fark.com: The billboard is in Michigan
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"Something told me it was him when I saw his car flying"
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If you live in Chicago and want to buy things from places other than a mini mart, you have 3 years left to do that. Does Fark need a Chicago tag?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Church camp shuts down after outbreak of gastroenteritis bring a whole new meaning to holy crap
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Israeli soldier once to be soon released, not to be released, a few hundred more dead are needed apparently
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| (Some flip_flop Guy) |
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The Fort Lauderdale Fark Party is on in September. Date and location will be announced next week. Submitter is still making deals. Tampa TFer/ettes are enroute. Who else wants to attend?
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Wooden hut sells for £216k -- buyer admits: "I've paid too much for it."
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Zoo fights heatwave with meat ice cream...mmmmm meat ice cream
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Your tax dollars at work: USDA researchers complete study to prove that ice-cold watermelon less nutritious than room-temperature watermelon
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| (Some Guy) |
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Something's are better said then sent via email: Drinks giant Constellation sends email to employees to buy the firm's own products to gain a multimillion-pound contract
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News: Shell 2Q profit up 40% Fark: Stock photo shows gas prices at $2.53
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Israeli soldier help by Palestinians in Gaza to be released soon. The few hundred people killed to get to this point were not available for comment
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Exxon Mobil makes more than $1330 a second during the second quarter of 2006
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| (Waco Tribune) |
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An Amish popcorn company with five employees is listed by Homeland Security as a possible terrorist target. Meanwhile, the Empire State Building, the Brooklyn Bridge or the Statue of Liberty didn't make the list
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The penis mightier than the sword when used as a paintbrush. Man who makes art with his organ is a modern-day Pricasso (with buttocks photo)
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"They want to put microchips on dogs. We've got [the ban on] foie gras. We've got pay raises. They've got all of these things going." What a great time to live in Chicago
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Tour winner Floyd Landis tests positive for testosterone, a substance unknown to French officials
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Army dismisses gay Arabic linguist, which is okay because they really had too many of those anyway
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| (NBC13) |
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Charles Barkley, one of three remaining black Republicans, considers running for Governor of Alabama as a Democrat
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OPEC is unable to do anything to stop surging oil prices
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Court filing alleges that 104-year-old multimillionaire socialite who dedicated much of her vast fortune to promoting culture and alleviating human misery is living in squalor despite being worth $45 million
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Bird flu vaccine may be ready by next year...when swine flu, or mad horse, or some other disease becomes all the rage
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| (KOBTV Albuquerque) |
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Dumb: Man sexing up his girlfriend in an elementary school bathroom. Dumber: Man gets spooked, runs out of school naked and gets locked out. Fark.com: Man busted after trying to break back into school and falling through ceiling
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cool art pieces made from old stuff
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| (kgw.com) |
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Construction workers capture convicted sex offender as he tries to kidnap a mother and her two toddlers
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| (Record) |
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The media could run stories advising readers that the current hot weather will break with weekend rain with localized freezing precipitation, or they can run headlines like "Hail Hell is on the way." Guess what they chose?
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Good: Getting heckled by a topless protester. Bad: It's a guy. Oh, the huge man-i-titties
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Chicago backs minimum wage of $9.25 an hour. Walmart objects. Wants Always Low Wages to match Always Low Prices
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NJ realizes commuters may need more then 48 hours notice before closing a major highway for repairs
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Gang of hardened criminals stand accused of theft of viagra
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Power restored to Staten Island. Still no cure for Staten Island
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Customs can search your computer at the border without probable cause or reasonable suspicion. Bonus: Rectal searches are AOK too
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| (Some Guy) |
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New study finds half of university graduates are "often bored at work." Too bad the bakery isn't as exciting as your medieval poetry seminars, brainiac, now's the time when we make the donuts. GBTW
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| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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Former Colorado Governor believes hispanics are an underslass whose culture is not success-producing, wants a magic wand to infuse them with traits of the Japanese and the Jews
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McMuffin breakfast sandwich turns 35, outliving most people who eat them regularly. (with pic of creator)
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FCC's attack on First Amendment may knock out PBS WWII documentary because the veterans used salty language describing their experiences. Who are they protecting again?
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Singapore cabbies told to shower for upcoming IMF and World Bank meetings
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Can a dog be a workaholic? Your dog wants a vacation
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| (Phoenix 360) |
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Not news: calling 911 because your power is out. FARK: calling 911 because your power is out...and you're missing Leno
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New professional football league will require players to have a college degree
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Russia proves they are right behind America with their space program by crashing their own satellite rocket -- no one killed
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Trailer park residents say that the city is picking on them by condemning their unoccupied trailers and asking them to get rid of all the raw sewage
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember the story of the woman whose cockatoo died in the hot car when she was in the movies? Rather than hire a lawyer, she's decided to defend herself on the comments board of her local paper. It ain't going well
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Another Canadian youth treats a memorial to his country's war dead like a public urinal. "He then actually set the bottle of beer on top of the memorial to complete his task."
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| (Glasgow Herald) |
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Scottish lawyer claims that 11 witnesses seeing his politician client going into a swinger's club may be suffering from mass delusion. Also, these aren't the droids they're looking for
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Gun-toting actor wearing only swimming trunks storms set of soap opera, takes people hostage. Producers scratch heads and ask, "Is this in the script?"
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The most annoying co-worker personalities. If you don't know one, you probably are one
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| (Some Guy) |
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The 35 greatest moments in cinema involving sex. Submitter thinks the list should include pictures
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| (MyLink Auto) |
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The Ten Most Expensive Cars In The World
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Kazaa agrees to pay online music industry $100 million damages
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| (Some Old Guy) |
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Photoshop the homecoming decorating committee
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| (Some Guy) |
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MTV turns 25, and already some people are nostalgically recalling the times when it used to show music videos
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Man found guilty of sexual harrassment for forcing woman to pluck his beard
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| (Some Old Guy) |
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Photoshop these dudes and their bad-ass pets
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| (Some Frightened RI Beach Bum) |
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Portuguese man-of-war spotted off Rhode Island coast. Easily identified by pungent aroma, language that sounds like a Klingon with a stutter and the unsightly body hair covering both genders
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| Wed July 26, 2006 |
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Doe, oh dear, tried to disappear / Then from the FBI he tried to run / See, how far he didn't get / When police shot him with a gun
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Man robs gun store armed with machete. Hilarity ensues
|
| (Some Cheesehead) |
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Illegal cheese is a status symbol
|
| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 64: "Cityscapes" Link goes to next week's contest. Please read first post
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| (India Times) |
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Government of India, having solved its country's AIDS epidemic, rejects the "One Laptop Per Child" program, citing concerns of possible adverse heath effects
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| (Swiss Info) |
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Swiss bears must follow new law or be shot. Spokesmen for bears declined comment, saying they are asking their lawyers to review the law
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Prison inmate includes own name and inmate number in bomb threat letter containing fake anthrax. "I think it's fair to say we were not dealing with a great criminal mind here"
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Abysmally drunk dude falls on tracks in front of barely speeding train. The Sun is there with questionable photo
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Actual headline: "Fatal Tour Boat Unsafe." In other news, Ric Romero challenges the O RLY? owl to a cage match
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The DEA has never seen anything like it. Marijuana gumballs. (with pic)
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| (Dell) |
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Man convicted of murder and spends 3 years in prison. He's freed after victim is found alive and in prison
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It turns out that the UN tried to warn the Israelis ten times that they were attacking a UN base. Duh -- everyone knows the secret knock is Eleven
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Jamestown well produces old ass trash
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| (Bloomberg News) |
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Congress FINALLY begins to do something about fat cat tax breaks, seeks to eliminate tax breaks for buying electric cars, college tuition payments, state sales tax payments and teachers who buy classroom supplies with their own money
|
| (Red Bluff Daily News) |
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How hot is it in California? People don't even report their neighbors watering the lawn in the nude until 12 hours later, after it's cooled off a bit
|
| (ksdk.com) |
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If you're siphoning gas from a portable generator during a power outage, try not to spill it on that lantern next to you
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US government suing it's own state officials for seeking information from ATT. Hello, McFly? Anybody in there?
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Golf as exercise is about as useful as Paris Hilton as a human condom
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| (News 7) |
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If you are going to go on a string of church burglaries and have a snoring problem don't fall asleep in the woods next to your truck and a bunch of stolen stereo equipment
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DaVinci craze dying down. Conspiracy freaks and idiots who think that reading a novel makes them a biblical scholar told to STFU and GBTW. In other news, why is this considered newsworthy?
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| (MediaBuyingplan) |
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Mini Cooper owners get secret decoder ring, to read secret message in advertisement. It's as if they only want people to talk about how strange the ad is... hey waitasec
|
| (Senate Majority Project) |
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Jim Inhofe (R-OK) compares global warming to Nazi lies, apparently desperate for mention on The Daily Show. He's on Fark, so that's half the battle
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Homeless man who returned $21K has now received $4,000 in rewards from news readers. Heard exclaming 'Hooray Beer'
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Pluto thought to be warming up, Minnie Mouse still a cold, heartless biatch
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Police Say Man Calls 911 for 'Hot Chick'. Sometimes you think these people do these things just to get on Fark
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"A man was bruised but alive on Wednesday after a Saint Bernard dog thrown out a two-story window landed on him as he was walking down the street in the southern-Polish city of Sosnowiec"
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This one time? At band camp? I gave birth to a baby in the shower and wrapped it in a towel and stuck it in the entertainment center
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U.S. Government putting the screws on small companies by giving contracts to big companies pretending to be small
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NJ Governor Corzine signs nation's toughest parental notification law--for tanning beds
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Moving one step closer to secession to Canada, Massachusetts passes the first universal health insurance program in the US
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Not News: Man breaks into Van. News: Man falls asleep in van. Fark.com: It's a S.W.A.T van
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Seattle's version of Ric Romero tells consumers about 'brain freeze'. Obvious tag freezes up, then asplodes
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| (NY1.Com) |
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Good news: Power back on in Queens. Bad news: Power now out in Staten Island
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If you're the press agent for a spell-checking software package, it helps to use your own product on your press releases
|
| (Some Guy) |
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What really powers computers
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ATM thieves may have a new tactic but what it is isn't exactly clear, so watch out for the "0"
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Some Korean guy has, so far, excreted 3.5 pounds of cocaine since his arrest. He is reportedly quite popular in PMITA prison, inmates refer to him as "the coolest vending machine ever"
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Get struck by lightning and live, frame that lucky shirt. Bag the hot chick at the end of the bar, frame those undies. Heck, you can frame anything you want
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Canadian military prepares for annual game of "King of the Mountain" to claim sovereignty over the arctic. This year's challengers include a dozen Eskimos, a polar bear, and three drunken Greenlanders named "Sven"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dude who incited burning down Danish Embassy, evacuated from Lebanon by Danish Embassy
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Today's massage parlor raid and arrest of "ladies" for rubbing people the wrong way brought to you by Tampa, with lovely mug shot goodness
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America's most overpriced home markets. If you live in Santa Barbara or Naples, you're not even getting vaseline
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From the 'oh yah, that'll totally work department', Israel wants a mile wide hezbollah-free zone
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| (WESH) |
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Yet another tragic case of zombie profiling in Minneapolis
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Time announces demise of Teen People magazine, having taken eight whole years to figure out that teenagers do not quite count as "people"
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Water aerobics eases back pain during pregnancy. Researchers recommend husbands refrain from making whale jokes, though, for their own safety
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Casino overrun by thousands of fiscally minded individuals who know a good deal when they see it: Gamble 90 dollars, get a free bucks worth of gas
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More and more Americans fail to understand concept of "vacation" by taking their work with them. In fact, that number has doubled in the past ten years
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Saddam prefers firing squad to gallows. At least he's realistic
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Survey of British parents confirms what we've known all along - the country as a whole is "not family-friendly." Some English children are so bored, they are forced to play in wardrobes for entertainment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nude dancer fails to appear in court to answer body parts charges
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| (Some Guy) |
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You can bring a bat to a pepper spray fight, and you can bring a bat to a bean bags gun fight, but when you bring a bat to a gun fight you are going down
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Indiana Teen Sniper's MySpace page lists heroes as "KKK, Robert E. Lee, Hugh Hefner, Larry Flynt" and several country music stars. Aside from the KKK, he seems well adjusted
|
| (Time) |
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Despite ongoing lacrosstitute scandal - or maybe because of it - Duke alumni donated a record $342 million to the university last year. That'll pay a lot of legal fees. Duke sucks
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The pussification of America is complete: we're now making sidewalks out of rubber so people who fall down don't sue
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Man dreams he committed a murder. He then confesses to the police, getting many details wrong. He also implicates his friend, who claims to have no idea what is going on. There is no physical evidence. Both are now doing time
|
| (Louisville Courier-Journal) |
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Carl Brashear, first black Navy diver and amputee dies at age 75
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Doctors say that Lance Armstrong may have beaten cancer because his nuts were colder. Er, well that should be singular, but still, it's a temperature thing apparently
|
| (People) |
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Lance Bass, a former member of *NSYNC, confirms he's gay to the surprise of absolutely no one
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Reuters article on female circumcision refers to it as a "crime of love". WTF?
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Andrea Yates found not guilty by reason of batshiat insanity
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Yogic flyers build 'shield of invincibility' around Israel. How's that working, guru guy?
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Having solved all other national problems, the U.S. House of Representatives tackles the most troubling Internet issue of our time: misleading search-index words on porn sites
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59% of Americans disapprove of President Bush's handling of Iraq, but 64% disapproved of the Democrats' handling of it
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Understanding NJ 102: Kneeling with your praying team isn't praying and paying to play (giving money to politicians to get contracts) isn't bribery
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Remember the "experts" who said Americans would drive less if gas hit $3 a gallon? Nope
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Live feed of Yates trial verdict
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Cigarette prices in CA could go from "an arm" to "please bend over and spread em"
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Honda to enter aircraft production; no word on progress in development of actual rice rocket
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Did the angry boyfriend shove his woman's cellphone down her throat, or did she swallow it to hide who's been calling her? When alcohol is involved, the sky is the limit
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Burglars break into house and throw party while owner away on weeklong business trip. Even took owner's truck out for joyride. Best break-in ever
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Passengers of the tilt-a-cruiseship are just happy to be alive, realize accidents sometimes happen. Haha, just kidding, they're suing
|
| (Some Guy) |
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"The only way either liberals or conservatives can turn them into such exercises in obviousness is to omit big parts of the picture, and that guarantees that we're not seeing it accurately."
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Russian spam king gets a tuneup from a karma mechanic
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Who is the CIA's secret weapon? The Dalai Lama
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Excuse me Mr. Clown, is that a banana shaped ballloon or are you just hapy to see me? Clown literally caught with his pants down at private party
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