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| Sun July 09, 2006 |
| (Steve's Digicams) |
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Photoshop this spooky moonlit clearing
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| (speakeasy.org) |
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Move over, deep fried Twinkies - Here comes Bacon Cereal, with Bleu Cheese dressing "milk"
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Shortage of illegal migrant workers results in lowest orange production in 14 years
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| (Crooks and Liars) |
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Adam Carolla does to Ann Coulter what the rest of the media should do
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China to U.N. Security Council: Don't bother bringing up Korean sanctions cause we'll veto it. U.S. to China: OK. Japan to China: suck it
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To whomever lost their latex body parts in the middle of Fort Myers rush hour the other day, you might want to stop by the Sheriff's Department if you want them back
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If you left a stove sitting in the middle of the westbound 91 near Anaheim, the L.A. county police and a new widow would like a word with you
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| (YouTube) |
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Zidane's head butt
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| (Orange County Register) |
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That group of old ladies, bikers, nudists and libertarians with their pants down aren't crazy, they're just there for the 27th annual train mooning
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| (Some Guy) |
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Italy, the only team in its group that the USA didn't lose to, is the 2006 World Cup of Grass Diving Champion
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| (Some Choking Guy) |
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Welcome to Riverside County, CA. "The right to breathe clean air is not a right as defined by statute. It's a luxury"
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Festival bans clown outfits to protect guests with Coulrophobia
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Fugitive calls detective to make sure he would watch upcoming episode of "America's Most Wanted". Sure enough, jailarity ensues
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The most important thing to remember when tucking a gun down the front of your pants is to keep your finger off the trigger
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Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! Nope, It's a plane that flaps like a bird
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Two men at a bachelor party decide they want to get some explosives to liven things up. Boom goes the hilarity
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| (Some Guy) |
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Proposed law will fine bar owners if a customer has a BAL of 0.14% or higher within 2 hours of the sale, service or consumption of alcohol
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| (WRAL.com) |
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North Carolina park to be dedicated to animals - specifically, delicious slow-cooked ones
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| (WUSA9) |
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Woman wants governor to exonerate Virginia's only convicted witch to be tried by water three hundred years ago, even though she did weigh the same as a duck
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Schwarzenegger gets license six months after motorcycle crash. Says the hard part was learning to drive it at high speed with a kid on the back, while shooting at a robot from the future with a shotgun
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Man parks car to go rock climbing. Discovers that rock has retaliated on his car while he was away
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the new Colonel
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Colleges expanding freshman orientations to include more commonsense warnings, because more and more parent-coddled freshmen are coming to campus without any street smarts at all
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| (Some Guy) |
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Beef wholesalers hope, now that Japan accepts American beef again, that the price of tongue will skyrocket again. In related news, PETA members strip naked somewhere
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11 year-olds in UK schools to receive "happiness lessons" to raise self-esteem
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| (Some Guy) |
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Duo pose as prostitute and cop to rob would-be johns. Then john fights back
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British mini-submarine and crew, "superyacht" loaded with Russian millionaires seized by Ecuadorian navy in the Galapogos. Ned Land, Professor Arronax unavailable for comment
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New book highlights two centuries of New Yorkers' complaints, which have aged like a fine whine
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| (WXYZ Detroit) |
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89-year old man hospitalized after accidentally driving into neighbor's house. Is probably at the same hospital his wife was at last year when he accidentally backed over her
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| (Taipei Times) |
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North Korean scientists hail breakthrough skin care technology. Basically, you threaten your face with bean paste, and then the younger skin cells come up to the surface for bilateral talks
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Louisiana couple accidentally grows cuculoupe, a half-cucumber, half-canteloupe hybrid; will begin working on tomacco in the fall
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Teenagers are finding that their parents are increasingly using technology against them. It's worse than Big Brother; now it's Big Mother
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| (WOAI) |
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"Ayee yee yee yaaa. Ooo weee yee yee yah hoo"
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Khaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn
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This week's 5-year-old pepper-sprayed by cops brought to you by Auckland, NZ
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| (Italy vs. France) |
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Official 2006 World Cup Championship thread
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| (Some Guy) |
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"World War III has begun"
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| (Stars and Stripes) |
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Problem: Japanese island has numerous snakes. Solution: Bring over lots of mongooses to eat the snakes. Unintended consequence: Snakes still thriving, but say goodbye to the 14 endangered species on the island
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| (Some Guy) |
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20 things you didn't know about sleep
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| (6ActionNews) |
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To whoever stole a 900-pound bear statue and hid it in the middle of nowhere: Nice try
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| (Some Googlonia Citizen) |
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Site shows suggested flags for websites... and they left out Fark. Photoshop a flag for Fark. Link goes to inspiration
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| (Some Guy) |
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Trying to impress his drunk friends with a joule of a stunt, man climbs rails of his 4-story balcony and touches live power wire. Did not realize watt would happen, or how much that hertz
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Federal judge rules that Utah "film sanitizers" who remove all objectionable sex, language, and violence are violating U.S. copyright laws. Customers surprised to find that the unedited version of Pulp Fiction is much longer than 16 minutes
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Stephen Hawking can't figure out answer to a question, turns to a Yahoo messageboard for answers
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About 150 killed, 55 injuried in that Sibir Airbus A-310 crash in Irkutsk
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's photo of something you probably do several times a day without thinking of how cool it looks under magnification
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Not News: Student recieves an A on a "Guns in School" paper. News: That student is Eric Harris
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Not news: Burglar breaks into house. News: Owner comes home and finds burglar. Fark.com: Owner comes home and finds burglar dead on the couch in the living room
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62-year-old woman gives birth to healthy baby boy, who is now his own grandpa. The Sun is there (pics)
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Kids' Beer takes off in Japan. Candy cigarettes surrender
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Emo
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| Sat July 08, 2006 |
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Judge ... waives ... jaywalking ... fine ... for ... 82-year-old ... woman ... who... took ... too... long... to... cross... street
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| (Some Guy) |
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Some law student thinks we should go back to feudalism
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| (Some Guy) |
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Jealous because Superman is getting all the attention, a machete-wielding Spiderman goes postal
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A-310 airliner with 200 people on board has crashed in Irkutsk, Russia. Update: more than 150 presumed dead
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Man electrocuted at power company substation while attempting to steal copper wire
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| (googlety) |
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Google's new headquarters - the perfect working space?
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| (Evil Twin) |
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Poland ruled by identical twin brothers, one as President, the other as Prime Minister. Hilarity ensues in tonight's episode as Lech trades places with Jaroslav at the junior prom, only to discover Jaroslav can't dance
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Drought conditions, unabashed ridicule, make "stink lake" worse. No word yet on the effect of the drought on nearby "butt-ugly pond" or the "morbidly obese canal"
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German brewers would like to thank Drew for paying them a visit during the World Cup
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Mayor calls for McDonald's to stop advertising in Spanish. The First Amendment surrenders
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Limo driver receives kidney as a tip. Luckily, he actually needed one
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The annual elderly man drives station wagon through crowd injuring twenty-seven bystanders comes to you courtesy of New London, Connecticut
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| (Some Guy) |
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Couple arrested in attempted lobster heist after security notices the couple acting fishy
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| (Some Guy) |
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When threatening to kill your town's police chief, it may be a good idea to not call from your home
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Train kills son at the same place another train killed his father 8 months earlier. Darwin's circle is complete
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| (Some TFer) |
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Theme: Rejected greeting cards
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| (Some Guy) |
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That's weird, the firework didn't go off. Let's take an extremely close look at it to see what went wrong
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Man discovers why it's so fundamentally important to turn the car off before unloading the trunk. With remarkable pic
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Four-year old boy survives after falling eleven stories, bouncing off a metal awning, and landing in concrete courtyard. Credits his survival to watching lots of cartoons
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The history of Scottish surfing. Ooch, gnaerly tube, daed
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Not news: Boy gets lost at "Taste of Chicago" festival, brought in to 'lost children' tent. News: Boy goes unclaimed for 8 days
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It's not really a good shoe sale unless someone gets shot. "Shooting guns into the air is a not-uncommon method for dealing with emotional situations in Turkey"
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| (Female First) |
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Michael Jackson wants to move to Ireland because he wants to meet leprechauns. No, really
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| (GB Press Gazette) |
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Don't light off fireworks while driving. Especially with the rest of the fireworks between your legs
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Haneda airport shuts down after employee is a bit too literal with the definition of "runway"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's story of a middle school accidentally linking to a porn site brought to you by Georgia
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| (NY Daily News) |
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With a priest, the family and a city Sanitation Department honor guard waiting, funeral home tells grieving widow to pay now or her husband goes back in the freezer
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| (WATE Knoxville) |
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Woman sues police department for $10 million after police officers stripped her naked and sprayed her down with their hoses. Apparently, being decontaminated after a meth lab bust was completely irrelevant
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| (Stars and Stripes) |
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Two soldiers enter burning building, saving paralyzed woman from fire. "Hooah"
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| (One Red Paperclip) |
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The man who wanted to trade one red paperclip for a house has finally succeeded
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| (Daily Record) |
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Man dismayed to find out that the picture of him picking his nose has been turned into millions of birthday cards
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Man gets arrested; News: He chains himself to courthouse to protest cops arresting him and taking his drugs; Fark.com: Officer tells him to come back during business hours
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"After bringing her date to orgasm, Yukorin moved on to the customer at the next stool and, after washing out her mouth with a shot of tequila, repeated the process"
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Soldier returning from Iraq rushes cockpit door mid-flight. Passengers jump on top of him to demonstrate hilarity
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There's a Brazilian reasons to photoshop this scared goalkeeper
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| (Some Blog) |
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Caption this cat photographed in its natural habitat
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| (Some Guy) |
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The nation's highest-paying school district, where over half of the teachers make more than $90K/year
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| (The Mirror) |
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With their 'highest crime rate in UK' now sorted (not), Nottingham Council starts fining 81 year-old pensioners for feeding crumbs to pigeons
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Woman runs online sex toy business targeting the Christian community. Says that she prays before adding new items, and only stocks items that aren't precluded by scripture
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If you've been drinking, it's a good idea to hand the keys over to someone else to let them drive. Unless it's your 14 year old son, and he's been drinking, too
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Lord of the Rings as told by Kevin Smith, PT Anderson and the Wachowskis
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U.S. offers bilateral talks with North Korea
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The British Navy will apparently lend you a combat helicopter if you write them and ask nicely for one. Use this knowledge only for good
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9 ways to save gas and money this summer. Surprisingly, purchase of a Hummer is absent from this list
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| (Reuters) |
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China and Russia to veto any United Nations sanction against North Korea, clearly proving the country hasn't done anything wrong and the U.N. is exactly the kind of spineless garbage that its critics have said it is for the last 60 years
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Man creates real-life Pac-Man game using live crickets. Ender unavailable for comment
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Due to overcrowding, inmates are being housed in tents. Evening singsongs and marshmallows around the burning tents expected
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| (Some Guy) |
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Instead of spitball guns, kids today are making marshmallow blow-guns. Still sticky and better for you
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Paris Hilton claims she is going to be celibate for a year
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| (Some Guy) |
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Logo quiz. How many can you get?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Are you in the 98% or 2% of the population? Amazing test
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| (Some Guy) |
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Using Google as a virus scanner
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| (WBAL TV) |
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Video goodness: After July 4th fireworks, block-long melee erupts in downtown Baltimore crowd (link to video, starts after ad)
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The new hotness among Hurricane Katrina survivors: Commemorative tattoos
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| (Some Gallery) |
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Photoshop this lighted art exhibit
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| (Reuters) |
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Astronauts "pleased" with space shuttle performance, "thrilled" to be unexpectedly still alive
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Eleven-year-old kid in a business suit becomes Minneapolis' lemonade-stand king. "I think he's the most professional-looking lemonade salesman I've ever seen," said one awestruck customer. "We had to stop." (With pic)
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| Fri July 07, 2006 |
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The only thing worse than being in the Yukon is having to drink the humans toes
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Two hurt as a 150-kilogram bale of wool flies into car
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| (The Oregonian) |
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Criminal mastermind steals library security camera. How will they ever catch him? Oh, right
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Spokeswoman for racist Democrat explains the racist point the presidential doubtful was attempting to make
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this magnified surface
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pot Meet Kettle of the Week award: Bush wonders if world can believe what Kim Jong Il says
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| (Some Guy) |
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Uma Thurman at the beach, looking fin -- HOLY CRAP the fat old guy in the pink Speedo just melted my retinas!
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Three women struck by lightning. God and Jesus spotted fleeing the scene in their Escalade
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| (HealthDay) |
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The Center For The Patently Obvious releases study that shows depressed teens more likely to get knocked up or contract a "social disease." Obvious tag seen hanging out at the mall next to Hot Topic
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FBI captures Al Qaeda posters using A) MySpace, B) MySpace, C) MySpace, D) Internet chat. An angry Rupert Murdoch vows revenge
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| (Times Dispatch) |
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Slow news day in Richmond, VA: Dog-doo removers are front-page news
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Lost and stolen passports are suspected to be in the hands of criminal and terrorist organizations. Location of missing single socks still a mystery
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Katrina evacuees encounter obstacles in job hunt. Apparently Heineken won't even recognize one man's exhaustive PR efforts
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| (Officer.com) |
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Police officer shoots, kills gunman who waved the gun, fired shots into the air, then laid down in the middle of the street. Gunman's cousin said she felt the shooting was not justified
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Bush: U.S. pursuit of a six-foot-tall old man with a kidney dialysis machine in tow undiminished
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Salvador Dali big-ass museum to open in Florida, just as soon as the walls stop dripping
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| (GB Press) |
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Wisconsin farmer carves out 40,000-square foot-marriage proposal in his cornfield (pic)
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| (dailyrecord.co.uk) |
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Supermarkets criticized for selling beer cheaper than water. What's the problem?
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Just when you thought the Germans could act civilized for one lousy month, there they go burning piles of "The Diary of Anne Frank"
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| (WGAL) |
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Warning sign: Courthouse security finds barbecue fork hidden in man's briefcase. Missed opportunity: Security allows man to enter court -- minus fork. Result: Man goes to Plan B, pulls knife hidden in sock, throws at judge's head
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Problem: Army recruitment goals aren't being met. Solution: Recruit neo-Nazis and skinheads. BRILLANT
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| (AdJab.com) |
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ABC's execs want to stop DVR ad-skipping, thinks consumers won't mind. That loud noise you just heard was everyone calling them "idiots" at the same time
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| (Daily Helmsman) |
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Fifteen dollars can get you a lot at The University Center. You can shoot pool with a friend for three hours at the Side Pocket game room, or you can drop your pants and receive oral sex from a stranger in the bathroom
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Bono wants to know how to eliminate poverty. Let's give him some Fark answers (post yours here, voting enabled)
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North Korea issues new threats, reiterates demands for naked pics of Bea Arthur
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Romanian government puts final nail in the coffin of Dracula theme park
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| (ksl.com) |
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Woman gives birth in Wal-Mart bathroom after nine months of not knowing she was pregnant
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Um, excuse me, I believe I ordered the large prosthetic organ urinalysis evading kit
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I get tired of hearing women burp, belch, fart and use the f-word all night," says columnist who claims he is single by choice (with pic suggesting evidence to the contrary)
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Memo to Bush: Canada's prime minister is Stephen Harper, not "Stevie," "The Big S. Dude" or "Stevarooni"
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| (SI) |
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Baseball mascot charged with fondling a female fan. Mascot will have a different kind of oversized head to worry about in prison
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| (That's Farked Up) |
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Sinclair Broadcasting to cable company: We want $40 million so you can carry two of our stations. Cable company: Suck our balls
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Canadian PM Stephen Harper says Canada and the US have the strongest relationship "in the history of mankind", revealing that he has never read a US-Canada thread on Fark
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Private memorial services for Kenneth Lay planned for both Aspen and Houston. Betcha can't grieve at just one
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Jailed Italian mafia boss allowed to father in-vitro baby at taxpayers' expense
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Carnegie Mellon researchers outsmart Texas Hold'Em computer programs
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Cin __ g __ air acus__ d of crap _____ eption _AT an_ T _ omers follow ___ aquisit
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| (Some Guy) |
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New service helps blind people get the news. Now blind people can get Britney Spears, Tom Cruise and Tiger Woods shoved down their throats like the rest of us
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A leading Mogadishu sheikh said on Friday that Muslims who do not pray five times a day might have other things to do, and are just fine in his book. Nah, just kidding, he wants them put to death
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Australia wins World Cup of Beer when judges refuses to fall for Italian beer's trick of falling to ground and flopping around
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One in four people who have a vasectomy don't go in for the follow-up, probably afraid that the doctor will do something ELSE unpleasant to their nads. (SFW)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Yeah, a drug rocket -- that's what we'll use." Jailarity ensues
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If you stabbed a man through his face, the Kiwi police and some amazed X-ray techs would love to speak with you. (with coolest x-ray you'll see today)
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| (Some Girl) |
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Wannabe terrorist mails laxative to prime minister. Regularity ensues
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| (Edinburgh Evening News) |
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WW2 paratrooper veteran, 82, to make parachute jump for charity; may be weighed down by large brass spheres
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| (Some Guy) |
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NCSU student media forced to cover naked butts with stickers, cry censorship. Yes, these are the same students who elected a pirate to the office of student body president. Arrrr
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Baby boomers lying about what they did in the 1960s to impress their kids. In related news, your dad may not have been the sixth Beatle
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Godwin watchers rejoice as the first attack ad of the season featuring a photo of Hitler appears in Michigan
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| (Definition) |
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What's your favorite spoonerism, you cunning runt?
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| (Some Trenton Farker) |
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REMINDER: Trenton, NJ Fark Party on Saturday. 5pm - Lorenzo's Restaraunt (dress code be damned), 7pm - Trenton Thunder Ball game, 10pm - Joe's Mill Hill Salloon. More info in link
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this 105-year-old bowler
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't you hate it when you're lying there in your metal-framed bed and a billion volts of lightning blows a hole though your roof and sets fire to your mattress?
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Google founders made some "strange requests" when it came to design of their private plane, including hammocks
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| (Some Gamespotter) |
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A California assemblyman is upset at a Japanese company for running a potentially offensive ad in the UK?
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| (Defence (UK) News) |
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Exhibition to tell story of "Harry," a pigeon accidentally sent to Iraq in a box of rations, as well as bomb-sniffing rats and the dog who was officially a POW in WW2
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| (iLounge) |
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Teen listens to Metallica on iPod while mowing the lawn during a storm. Teen fades to black when iPod decides to ride the lightning
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General Motors' board gives okay to start talks with Nissan and Renault to start manufacturing its suckmobiles in a three-way alliance
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Drunk man celebrating the Fourth of July learns the hard way that, when using a semi-automatic handgun to play Russian roulette, there's a winner every time
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| (WOAI) |
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Jesse Jackson marching in Texas against higher oil prices. In other news, oil prices nearing records again, apparently not impressed by the marching
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Why drinking a bottle of wine, wielding a kitchen knife and demonstrating Roman gladitorial techniques to your 11-year-old son is a very bad idea
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| (Some Guy) |
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Help Farker Surfseeker12's hottie roommate win this Hooters contest so he can freeload some beer
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World Cup gives Germans an image of a freewheeling nation that likes to have fun, rather than a dour country prone to starting land wars in Europe
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| (Some Guy) |
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What do Kansas and Eygpt have in common? Apparently, the West Nile. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Headline: "Young people consider implications of age of sexual consent legislation." Reality: Fap fap fap fap fap
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| (Some Veruca) |
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Chocolate factory gets deep clean following salmonella-tainted product scare. Outbreak traced to some damn kid swimming in the chocolate river
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Ken Lay's death voids the entire conviction and may result in Jeffrey Skilling's release
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Would you buy something you pissed on? Behold the misguided drive for ubiquitous product placement
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| (heraldonline.com) |
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Man names child "Fined Six Thousand and Five Hundred." Apparently, "Beat Me up and Take My Lunch Money" already taken
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Gay prince comes out of closet, loses inheritance in process. Nigerian spammers rush to fill your email inbox with further details
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To the complete surprise of no one, man is injured by angry thousand-pound bull they were annoying in Pamplona
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| (People) |
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Robert Downey, Jr. to pen memoirs. Evidently repeatedly waking up in a ditch fills 200 pages
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Archdiocese of Boston sells church to school, forgets about 300 Catholics buried in back yard
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Sure, my client ripped off his wife's arm, but he took her to the hospital afterwards, so let's give him a "Hero" tag instead of a trip to PMITA prison
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| (Some Guy) |
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Presidential straw poll: Send your vote to independent Steve Adams -- we need another Adams in the White House
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| (Some Guy) |
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Apparently N. Korea didn't feel it was angering the U.S. enough, so it decided to target Hawaii with one of the missiles
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Ashes of drunken homeless guy with dental records matching Ken Lay's soon to be spread in Aspen
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USA shows up at space station with delivery. Soviets say, "We didn't order that," then offer to pay reduced price
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If someone is offering a "no interest credit card," and you are stupid enough to believe it exists, it is probably part of a mafia scheme to steal your money
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| (BlogNYC) |
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Johnny Damon admits to smoking weed and turning down two women who offered themselves to him. See, marijauna really does impair your judgment
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Cameroon parents iron the breasts of their daughters in attempts to prevent rape and sexual harassment
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What happens when a freight train hits a garbage truck? Apparently, trash everywhere (w/ pics)
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Two law firms will get $300 million from Exxon lawsuit. 10,000 plaintiffs will split what's left. Yeah, that sounds about right
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| (Some Guy) |
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High-speed car chase turns into lemming march as suspect ditches car, tries to flee, and then accidentally falls 70 feet off cliff. It was a slow night, so police decide to take same plunge over cliff to get their man
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| (Some Ashamed Guy) |
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Dumbass crook must hold a sign reading "I robbed Citgo and got caught within three hours of the crime" (with pic)
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Man attempts to steal macaw from pet shop. Macaw bites him, takes chunk out of his hand. He should have gone for the Norwegian Blue as they put up much less of a struggle
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"Experts," seemingly unaware that poutine contains all four food groups, claim that Canadians are not eating a balanced diet
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Dumbass who was photographed peeing on the Canadian War Memorial to be charged with "mischief," because "being a dumbass" is not yet an offence under the Canadian Criminal Code
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Media leak spoils Bush birthday gift. "Ironic" tag wonders if this is a good time to stand up
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This story of teacher sleeping with SIX students comes to us today from Michigan
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LuuuuuuciiiiiAAAAAAnoooooo PaaaaaavarOOOOOOtti recooooovering from cAAAAncer sUUUUUUUUUgeryyyyyyyyy
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Court rules doctor's Rx for brain surgery patient to shoot herself in the head is valid medical advice
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Man robs friend after friend drinks his last beer
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Large tract of beautiful property on the western shore of Lake Michigan for sale. Difficulty: The proud new owners must continue to operate the nuclear reactor that is currently there
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| (SN&R) |
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Federal judge absolutely blows a gasket when cellphone starts ringing in his courtroom, grabs it from old lady and throws it down the hall
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Terrorist plan to blow up Holland Tunnel to flood Wall Street was a good plan except for one, tiny problem. It didn't exist. Details, details
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| (Journal News) |
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Today's "guy driving around with a mounted .50-caliber machine gun, aiming it at some other guy who asks if it works and found by the cops passed out in a deli" story brought to you by Mahopac, NY
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| (Some Sweaty Floridian) |
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Floridians hot over exclusion from list of top 10 sweatiest cities in America
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132-year-old South African woman claims to be the oldest on earth, tells everyone to get the hell off her continent
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Father-of-the-year candidate fed his kids tainted soup three times in an attempt to get a payout from Campbell's. Oooooooooooooh tainted sooooooup
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City pays electricity bill by randomly placing an outhouse on someone's lawn, who must then pay to have it removed and who chooses the next recipient
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| (Some Guy) |
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Eleven-year-old girl sacrifices her own life to save her little brother
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Terrorist plan to blow up Holland Tunnel to flood Wall Street was a good plan except for one, tiny problem. Wall Street is above sea level. Details, details
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pointing girl
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Apparently, you can no longer wire money to anyone named Mohammed
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Scottish Parliament makes protecting whisky its highest legislative priority to protect drinkers from swill like Pride Of Bombay Scotch-Like Potato Cordial, I Can't Believe It's Not Whisky and Jack Daniels
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| (Some Guy) |
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Twenty-five things I learned on Google Trends
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| (Some Guy) |
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Underground growers become prepared for the apocalypse. New technology is not only legal, it is heartily supported by the pharmaceutical industry
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| (Some Wheeeee) |
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Some states are banning the practice of "flying" inflatable watercraft behind speedboats. To that end, here's a videoclip that'll make you want to go try this immediately
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| (Some Guy) |
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Father of one of London's July 7 bus bombers says on anniversary of attack that killed 13 that he would have broken his son's legs if he had known what he was doing
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| (WikiHow) |
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How to prevent chapped lips in a manly fashion
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| Thu July 06, 2006 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Optimus Prime
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| (Some Guy) |
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A 10-step program for infomercial addicts
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Tonga is a Polynesian kingdom and a protectorate of Britain, from which it acquired independence in 1970. And two members of its royal family have been killed by a drag-racing California teen
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Tiny Scottish village no longer has mail service, as Post Office declares footpath "unsafe," despite having been used daily by posties for over 100 years
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| (Some Guy) |
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Possibly news: Man drives car really fast. Definitely news: Man gets into high-speed chase. Fark.com: Man runs out of gas, pushes car for last five minutes of chase (video)
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| (U.S. Department of Energy) |
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The 100 most important things.... ever. (according to the U.S. Dept. of Energy's 'Office of Science'). Or: Some seriously zany stuff that you thought about but never actually new
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Ebay bans use of Google Checkout. This probably has nothing to do with them owning PayPal
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| (nbc11.com) |
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Thousands of fish and sharks wash up dead, and no one has any answers why
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| (Grand Forks Herald) |
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Airplane veers off runway, pilot is charged with drunk flying. Pilot is released on promise to appear, gets into vehicle, is promptly arrested for drunk driving
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If you live in Minnesota, this fat guy would like to cut your grass
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This weeks crop of busted hookers aren't nearly as penis-inverting as the last couple of batches (pics)
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VideoEdit: In honor of the upcoming election, create a low budget commercial for a local candidate using only stock video. Due July 21st
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The issue of illegal immigration is not new. Exhibit A: June 17, 1954, the beginning of "Operation Wetback"
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Kentucky men charged with killing each others' cats, not wiping up
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When stealing an ATM machine, don't keep it in your backyard -- it might have a tracking device
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| (islandpacket.com) |
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Property has clause preventing Yankees, anyone named Sherman or anyone whose name is an anagram of Sherman from buying it
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| (Boing Boing) |
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Anti-dance book from 1892: "From the Ball-Room to Hell." Also speaks out against sex while standing as it may lead to dancing
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| (TrekEarth.com) |
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Photoshop this cool picture of Edinburgh
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Columbine killers' journals released. "I want to leave a lasting impression on the world"
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Who needs a plague of locusts when we have enough mayflies to show up on weather radar and create drifts
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| (Daily Mail) |
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No yoghurt for you: Woman brings wrong brand of yoghurt into Wimbledon and has it confiscated. With picture of "offending yoghurt"
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Conservative wins Mexican election -- opponent El Gore vows to fight
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Fake British royalty seduces girl: Behold the Duke
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| (NewsChannel 5) |
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Fans injured in bridge collapse at speedway told they can't sue because the bridge was old and expected to deteriorate
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| (kos) |
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Olbermann's ratings pass that of arch-nemesis, Bill O'Reilly
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| (Some Movie Blogger) |
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In another example of mainstream media failing to understand the Internets, Paramount shuts down movie blog for hyping the Transformers movie. Trifecta in play
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Nothing says "I love you" like screaming it from cabbage patch
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| (KSL.com) |
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Bank robber uses the Robin Hood defense. Says he was trying to help humanitarian group eliminate hate
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Pooty Poot compares kissing boy's stomach to stroking a pussy
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| (wboc) |
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Delaware man uses gunpowder to light grill. Third degree hilarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Controversial ad campaign for Sony's White PSP threatens to wipe out black folks. What could go wrong?
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The Innocence Project helps to free another wrongly convicted man who spent two decades in prison for a crime he didn't commit
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| (Press Association) |
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Austrian postal stamps now flavored with Cookies & Cream, Macadamia Nut Brittle and Strawberry Cheesecake
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Budget deal finally reached in New Jersey to raise state sales tax from six to seven percent. Deal also reached to raise Joe Piscopo's residency status from "Intolerable" to "Shoot on sight"
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"Brooklyn-bound R train, please watch the closing doors and the guy wildly swinging chain saws around" *Bing Bong*
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Ex-GI accussed of rape and murder in Iraq has anti-social personality disorder. Makes you wonder how this guy wound up in the Army instead of the Marines
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Actual headline: "The Strange Death of Joe Lieberman." Actual article: Not so much
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NASA advised to revamp Mars plans, in light of new research into the Red Planet. And also because their budget is disappearing faster than accountability in their engineering department
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In an effort to calm everyone down, Taiwan is going to test fire a missile capable of hitting China
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| (CentreDaily) |
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Dogs decide to take up truck driving, but apparently still need a lot of practice
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NJ may be close to re-opening. The rest of the nation trembles in fear
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| (Some Guy) |
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In the latest example of mainstream media failing to understand the Internets, Warner Brothers steps in to prevent "Ren & Stimpy" creator from helping them market Bugs Bunny on his own time
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Woman who tried to extort money from Cracker Barrel for mouse-in-soup scam gets thrown in the can
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| (National Geographic) |
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Now even National Geographic is reporting that crackpot story that Noah's Ark has been discovered
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Florida's new funeral protest law is about to face its first challenge from you-know-who
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| (Charleston Daily) |
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Don Surber says Fark.com lacks a chromosome, is against the war, hates the president
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Indo-Canadian professor "appalled" that racists would write an ethnic slur on her car. Even more disappointed that today's stupid youth couldn't even use the correct derogatory terminology
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| (eitb) |
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If there are bulls running in Pamplona today, then there must be naked PETA protestors, too (with SFW pic)
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Today's breathless hyperbole comes to you courtesy of Chris Matthews, who says American cars weigh as much as the Chrysler Building, while European cars get a million miles to the gallon
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Thief steals company's computer system, but leaves behind that thong th-thong thong thong
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If you're riding on a bus and the driver comments that your team lost because their players sucked, note that smashing his head with a beer bottle can result the driver losing control and running into another vehicle
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New Zealand rugby team reduced to tears over Aussie ad depicting them carrying purses
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New York's highest court rules that gay marriage should remain illegal. The NY Yankees' clubhouse is a sad place today
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Police fine goth for swearing at metal detector. Robot Smith reportedly depressed
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| (Bloomberg) |
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Oil prices at record high due to... *shakes magic eight ball*... Korean missile tests
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Instead of hiring math teachers, Kentucky thinks it's better to buy software costing $10,000 per student. Of course, the people making the decision did go to Kentucky schools...
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Ken Lay's wife releases photo of dead husband to quiet the disbelievers
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Media watchdog wants to regulate Internet streaming content after Big Brother turkey-slap incident. Thank goodness people want to save children from grainy night-vision images of someone's butt that their parents have to subscribe to
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Scratch "send through wood chipper" off your list of ways to kill kittens
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| (Rense.com) |
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It's time to start asking serious questions when your leader's poop is labeled top secret, secured and flown back from foreign trips
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| (WND) |
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Man sues after his son's arranged bride from India is ugly
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Train carrying chlorine gas derails in Pennsylvania, immediately improves the smell of surrounding area
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Priest who used axe to hack up medical clinic gets promotion to parochial administrator at catholic church. What could possibly go wrong?
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Cash-strapped Belgian orchestra puts itself on Ebay. Stupid Flanders
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How many bats live at Westminster? One, two, three -- ah hah hah! -- four, five, sixe [crash of lightning and thunder] seven... this is going to take forever
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hack this highway message board
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Highway message board hacked. Message unfortunately uninspired
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Running of the Bulls starts today in Pamplona, Spain, just as soon as competitors get drunk enough to do something that stupid
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Shuttle set for hot, steamy docking action with ISS. Canadarm being deployed for Dutch Rudder maneuver
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| (BB) |
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Photoshop this blogging baby
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Indiana now offering lifetime handgun permits. In other news, Nugent, Heston, Cheney last seen racing down I-70
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| (WSPA.com) |
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South Carolina's new sex crime bill lowers the age of consensual sex from 16 to 14 to "avoid severe penalties for young people experimenting with sex"
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USA Today scoops Ric Romero in reporting that people like power windows better than crank windows
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Inmates in holding cell ask guard for toilet paper, but guard has to open cell door in order to give it to them. Yeah, you can see where this is going
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North Korea promises "all-out countermeasures" should the UN impose sanctions. Exactly what all-out countermeasures against worldwide sanctions would be still unclear
|
| (Some Wikipedian) |
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Reuters article bashing Wikipedia for inaccurate info on Ken Lay's death had to be corrected because it wrongly cited Lay's family as source
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| (Some Guy) |
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The six most feared (but least likely) causes of death
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Preliminary inspections reveal space shuttle looks undamaged. Says there should be no problems re-entering atmosphere, says NASA spokesman Ben Roethlisberger
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Man who got Jeep stuck at campsite, then pelted campers with rocks after they refused to help, pretty darn surprised when campers hit him in the face with an axe and break a rifle over his head
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| (Some Nutmegger) |
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Official CT/Southern New England Fark party thread. Saturday, August 19th, 2006. DIT, LGT location
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Top 10 summer party spots
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 61: "Backyard." Link goes to next week's contest. Please read first post
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City considers ban on smoking at waterfront, but not due to second-hand smoke concerns; because of all the butts turning it into a giant ashtray
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| (Rutland Herald) |
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Man killed in homemade cannon explosion
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Teenage train buff steals railway locomotive and takes it for 40-minute drive around train yard. He drove it so expertly that he was only caught when a security guard noticed he was wearing the wrong clothes for a train driver
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| (Some Guy) |
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Smart money is betting against America... and by smart money, we mean Dick Cheney
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When "say," "they" and "weigh" rhyme, but "bomb," "comb" and "tomb" don't, wuudn't it maek mor sens to spel wurdz the wae thae sound?
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| (KOTV) |
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Fireworks truck explodes in Independence, Kansas (pic)
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| (Some No Goal) |
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The Buffalo Sabres are considering a logo change. Photoshop the one they're thinking of using, or make them a whole new one
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Boatload of eco-tourists hoping to see whales up close get their wish as Norwegian whaling vessel harpoons one as they pass by
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Sir Sean Connery to write a book about his life, views on Scotland, sexual conquests of mothers of game show hosts
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Tylenol is the leading cause of acute liver failure in the U.S.
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Scientists want to launch huge "star shield" into space to block light from large distant stars. C. Mongomery Burns unavailable for comment
|
| (Some LOST Guy) |
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Really huge farkin' map containing all we know about "Lost" up to this point, including island locations, DHARMA stations, all survivors known and unknown. Not safe for dialup
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| (Some Canuck) |
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Holy Al Gore, Batman! Tornadoes in Canada
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Fisherman hooks piranha in Des Plaines River
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TV news cameraman fined after trying to convince kids to ride their bikes through floodwaters in Ohio by telling them they'd be on TV
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| (Patriot Ledger) |
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Woman argues with boyfriend over his decision to drive while intoxicated. Just to show her, he takes off and promptly crashes into tree
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How ice cream sundaes vary from coast to coast
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| (Some Guy) |
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Criminal arrested by police escapes after he convinces them to let him buy them the last coffee he will ever drink as a free man. Yoink (last item)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Video of massive sandstorm developing in Iraq
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Newsmax covers the important question for the 2008 presidential race: "Is John McCain too angry to be president?"
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| Wed July 05, 2006 |
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New master race of oaks to be planted in U.S. cities, soon to be seen ordering maples to move the hell out
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| (IDLYITW) |
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Musical genius and freelance sperm contributer Kevin Federline now claims "Popozao" was a joke all along
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Astronauts find no damage to Discovery during visual inspection; plan to run a Carfax just to be on the safe side
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Apparently it would be better if the shuttle's insulation tiles were constructed from bird crap, because some of it survived the recent launch
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German police arrest two cementheaded soccer ball pranksters, will teach them what it's like to get their balls busted in PMITA prison
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| (White Flag) |
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For the first time in almost 200 years, France advances to Berlin
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World Cup fails to arouse interest in sex trade
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| (SI.com) |
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Sports Illustrated's mid-season American League All-Stars: No Detroit Tigers, who have the Major's best record; one player west of Minneapolis and seven from the AL East. Nah, there's no East Coast bias
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Experts debate whether kids should be called obese. Evidently "little fat farkers" not an option
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New marine barricades himself in house when he finds out what marines actually do
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Ken Lay dies. Where does mainstream media turn for wit and wisdom?
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Guy who won "Survivor: Thailand" still living the lifestyle, but police have a problem with him shooting neighbor's dogs with a bow and arrow for some reason
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| (Times Online) |
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As if things weren't bad enough, the producers of "Wife Swap" thought it would be fun to exchange a Muslim and a Jewish wife for a week
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| (Men's News Daily) |
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Mexico election recount begins amid dispute over who won California
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Pig's head rolled into Maine mosque during prayers. In other news, there is a mosque in Maine
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Undercover FBI sting nets three in Coca-Cola recipe theft. Pepsi executives upset, were hoping to finally have something to make their product taste less like dead rhino ass
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| (Some Wiki wiki) |
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Photoshop theme: The cola wars heat up
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UN Security Council drafts resolution condemning North Korea. Furthermore, council members will sign it while frowning, and have it delivered with postage due
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| (Reuters) |
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Ken Lay's death plunges Wikipedia into chaos as the shortcomings of a reference work edited by users sporting huge chips on their shoulders are exposed in real-time
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Sofia Loren, 71, to pose nude for calendar. Farkers rush to post their favourite ''goggles'' jpeg
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| (YouTube) |
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"Supergirl" trailer leaked. Oh wait, it's "SuperBecca" nevermind. What. The. Hell? "Nooooo, it's taykin awaay mah pow-ers"
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MySpace reunites mother with daughter. Witnesses also report seeing hundreds of sex offenders in tow
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The Melody and Mimi Show: Everything voters need to know about their ex-Asian-pornstar Republican candidate for Nevada governor (SFW article, site is probably in work web filters)
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Legal asshat to Wal-Mart: "A prehistoric man probably invented the smiley face in some cave, but I certainly was the first to register it as a trademark"
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| (WGAL) |
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"I Break for Shoo Fly Pie" now the official Pennsylvania bumper sticker. Old official bumper sticker, "I Break for Three Mile Island Meltdowns," now officially retired
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Turns out it's a crime to have sex in a cemetery, even if there are no complaints from residents. Who knew?
|
| (Tehran Times) |
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U.S. court orders Chicago museum to sell Iranian artifacts to pay victims of Iranian terrorism
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Masked and masturbating nude man reappears, says don't call it a comeback
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| (Jacksonville.com) |
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Yet another newspaper drops ill-thought registration page after realizing 54 percent of all Internet users would never register to access news, and the rest either lie like rugs on the registration form or just pay $5 a month
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| (East Bay Express) |
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Housing official wanted in tacos-for-housing bribery scam. Yo quiero public housing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pictures of night time A-bombs tests in Nevada lighting up the Los Angeles skyline
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Limbaugh gets off on Viagra charges
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| (Union Leader) |
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Carved stone found in 1872 is a mystery, mostly because no one used it as a basis for a religion
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Nothing spells "jailarity" like crashing head-on into your ex-wife's car and then trying to saw her head off
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| (Edmonton Sun) |
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Cop uses ghost whisperer to talk to dead hooker
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Rising interest rates/gas prices putting the squeeze on consumers. It's a good thing we've got this great economic growth or they might be in trouble
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Bored design student sets up fake online agency offering advertising space on prostitutes' thighs and cleavage. Hilarity ensues
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Scottish town outraged as new book claims Captain Kidd wasn't born there and rather than being a bloodthirsty pirate, was actually kind of a wimp
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TV news crew films a prison key during a media visit, hilarity ensues
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Scientist makes world's tiniest soccer field. 20,000 of them could fit onto the tip of a human hair. Next: Create nano-scale players to writhe around on them clutching their knees
|
| (Delayed Farker) |
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Not news: Getting lost. News: Turning onto a train track. Fark: Watching your car be crushed by the next train. (Submitter was in train)
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Albino horse uses 30 bottles of sunscreen a day; remembers compliments, forgets insults; keeps its old love letters, throws away bank statements
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