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| Sun June 11, 2006 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Today's spelling-challenged graffiti-spraying punk is brought to you by Wisconsin
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| (NY Observer) |
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The story behind the lovable Geico gecko
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| (Some Guy) |
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Peanut butter hot dogs. Mmmmm. With pic of chubby kid credited with creating this gourmet meal
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Top 10 emerging environmental technologies - number one: fire up the turkey guts processor
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| (KIRO) |
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Oregon high school seniors drive riding lawnmowers to school for their last day just to slow traffic. "We wanted to make people wait," explains one of the pretards. "We were trying to teach them a lesson - not to hurry"
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| (zipped.org) |
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The Changing Face Of Michael Jackson - watch his face warp
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NASA forced to slash billions from its scientific and exploration programs to pay for Congress members' pet projects that have been stuck into its budget
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this particularly creepy pic of Dick Cheney
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wikipedia's section on Drinking Games
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| (Some Guy) |
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13-year-old boy has charges against him dropped in case of snake mercy killing
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For the sake of sandwiches, Ontario to change rules for farmers' markets. Still no plans for camouflaging them from elderly drivers
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Utah governor vows to lay on tracks to keep trains carrying nuclear waste out of his state. Irony tag trumps dumbass since trains are headed to "skull valley"
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| (BOO!) |
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A great picture of the cat that chased bear up a tree
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| (Times Online) |
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New barbarian invasion of decadent Europe beckons. And it's not the Goths this time
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| (Short News) |
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Man facing criminal charges after shooting a disabled boy in the buttocks with pellet gun. Which might also be difficult to explain to his congregation, seeing as the man is a church pastor
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Video of a naked guy being tasered? Oh yeah, Fark's got that (safe for work)
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If it's a slow day at the bank, just slip an exploding dye pack into large withdrawal, and things will perk right up
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| (NY Daily News) |
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A new version of the teen pop group Menudo is being assembled, because we didn't have the internets around to make fun of it the first time
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| (FIFA) |
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Today's World Cup 2006 discussion thread
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| (asahi.com) |
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Japanese shop owners, feeling stern lectures no longer deter shoplifting kids or their asshat parents, go zero-tolerance by marching petty thieves to the police
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| (Duke Univ) |
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Duke scientist says that gravity is a myth. New theory is that Duke just sucks so hard we stick to the globe
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Five rules for being a better subway musician, from someone who got a record deal and recorded a live album in New York subways
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When barbecuing this summer, don't use gasoline, regardless of how long it's taking to cook your weeners
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Alberto forms into the first tropical storm of the season. Could potentially reach Category V05
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| (Some Guy) |
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24% of Americans 18-50 have tattoos. Let's see yours
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Olé -- world's steepest wooden rollercoaster "El Toro" opens Monday in New Jersey
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| (INQ7.net) |
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Filipino man breaks drug addiction by founding successful Japanese octopus balls fast-food business
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| (Edmunds) |
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With gas prices rising, SUV owners are doing the only logical thing: Torching their cars
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this aquatic athelete
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| (ft.com) |
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Vikings threaten to shut down Apple Computer's iTunes online music. Demand interoperability or they launch the longboats
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| (ewwwwwww) |
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It's the Paris Hilton video (No, not that one)... cue the attention whore picture
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| (popgadget) |
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Swiss Army Knife MP3 player, the perfect gift for your emo friend
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Giving their regards to Broadway, the Tony Awards will give presenters and nominees Lasik surgery and tooth veneer gift certificates in their gift baskets
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| (Some Guy) |
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"The dog didn't let go until Calida grabbed hold of its testicles, something the owner was reluctant to do."
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Company gives up on giving away promotional material from today, starts giving away promotional material from the future instead
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| (APOD) |
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The spiffiest picture you'll see today. Moon over Haleakala
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| (Some Guy) |
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New "holo" television displays images in 3-D. That's one step closer to the porn Holodeck
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| (Some Python fan) |
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And now for something completely different: Photoshop John Cleese teasing Peter Jackson with a kiwi
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mobile nightclub packs twelve speakers, two iPods, a Sony PSP, and a flat screen TV with DVD player...on a motorcycle
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| (Inthesetimes) |
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Infectious fungus to be sprayed over Colombian fields. Apparently, it eats cocaine.... and eyeballs (scary pic)
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Polish delis are the latest food craze in UK [voting enabled for best Polish deli joke]
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Duke of Edinburgh celebrates 85th birthday quietly, aside from spot of carriage-driving at Windsor Castle. Duke sucks
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Woman cited in Cedar City. Utah, for riding a motorized cart inside a store with no pants or underwear on. Bonus: She claimed she had been left in town by a travelling circus
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| (SCOTUSblog) |
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Full list of the 32 cases still to be decided by the Supreme Court this term, including military tribunals and randomly searching parolees
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Police chief reminds women of the dangers of drinking through straws
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Dozens of naked bicyclists ride nude through downtown Mexico City, demanding respect from motorists in a car-oriented megalopolis. Apparently the local printer was sold out of 'PLESE RUN OVER MY STUPID ASS' shirts
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Around 300 runners and 40 horses will compete in the 22-mile "man versus horse" race in Llanwrtyd Wells, the eccentric village also known for its Bog Snorkelling Championships
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| (some commie) |
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A Socialist's guide to the World Cup
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State of Missouri laying the smackdown on pregnant professional wrestlers
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| (ARNews) |
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Caption this Army National Guard Staff Sgt pointing out something to the US Army Vice Chief of Staff General Richard Cody
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| (People's Daily) |
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China unearthes largest ancient stone chimes dating back over 3,000 years which had hung on an emperor's porch and annoyed his neighbors
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Cool airshow pic - P-51, F-111, F-16, and F-22 flying in formation
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| (CBS 42 KEYE) |
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They call it a "Celebration of Sexy." We call it the best convention ever (video)
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Fark Party Düsseldorf: Sunday, 5:00 p.m. at Uerige Hausbrauerei. Brooks will be there. We'll be in Prague on Tuesday, email Drew if you want to grab a beer someplace
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| (Renova) |
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For the goth who has everything: black toilet paper now available
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| Sat June 10, 2006 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Saturday night fark trivia thread
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Theme: Create covers for the new NASCAR-themed romance novels
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Israel shells Palestinians by the seashore
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| (SickFlash.com) |
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God is a DJ
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Three Guantanamo inmates commit suicide
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| (Some Guy) |
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The 10 greatest countries in the history of the world
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Armed robber sues auto store employees for beating him with a metal pipe when he tried to rob them
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| (Some Goy) |
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Bush to tour mansions ravaged by Estate Tax
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| (Smarter than Enron) |
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Test your business skills with three online business simulation games
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 10 strange things people throw away
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Fashion designers are gearing up for space tourism
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| (Some Guy) |
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The dead lose their right to vote in West Virginia
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| (Some Papa-san) |
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Photoshop this apprehensive chopstick user
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Skiers expect crappy snow this winter
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Spreadsheet inventor Dan Bricklin takes on Google and Microsoft with new WikiCalc online spreadsheet. Who knew that spreadsheets would still be worth fighting for?
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| (ivillage) |
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32 different emotional signs that your mate is cheating on you
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Today's official World Cup 2006 discussion thread
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| (houstonherald.com) |
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Mildred: "Hey Monica, lets coordinate and orchestrate a 'swinger style' sex ring from the county prosecutor's office so we can humiliate and cause detriment to the county prosecutor." Monica: "Cool."
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Germans are damned upset about Budweiser being the official beer of the World Cup. "It's spuellwasser" says one man, which is German for ......hell, I dunno
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The Church of Scientology is spreading its gospel to NASCAR fans. Apparently you don't need all your teeth to reach OTVII
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Arkansas sheriff's deputy fired for going topless at a campsite. (with pic OH DEAR GOD)
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| (NBC6) |
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Pharmacy offers personal level of service, including free psychological evaluations such as "psycho", "crazy", and "keep an eye on this one"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 10 strangest spy gadgets
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Shortly before his death, Zarqawi reportedly mumbled something incoherently. What was he was trying to say? Difficulty: No "Rosebud"
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| (Some Skirt) |
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Photoshop this squat lobster
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Motorists in England caught in two-mile-long traffic jam during morning rush hour caused by local officials stopping cars to ask motorists what they thought of congestion on the road
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Advanced Chemistry student in Michigan makes TNT as part of class project. That'll be an 'F', Poindexter, and there's a bomb squad that wants to speak with you
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Family reunited with beloved fish that had gone missing after recent flood
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Post office manager cripples employee with sliding tackle in pick-up game, then fires him for taking too much time off work when he returns
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| (WBOC) |
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Movie gets PG rating for "being too religious"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Friday night Fark Trivia thread
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86-year-old woman with a walker lays beatdown on mugger with her umbrella, then tell him she hopes the police catches him before she does (w/ video)
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The unspoken secret of great French restaurants? Truffle-flavored chemicals, wild-mushroom drops and other miracles of modern chemistry that they'd rather you not know about
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| Fri June 09, 2006 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Gardener doesn't want to kill the squirrels invading his garden so he does the humane thing by trapping them and releasing them back into the wild. Which he was surprised to find is a crime
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Coke can and friends
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| (Some mullet Guy) |
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Sick of seeing bad hairdos, patrons of local watering hole run around with scissors and cut off all the mullets and ponytails
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| (Some Guy) |
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Family left homeless after builder they hired to construct their house liked it so much, they decide to become squatters in it
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Howard Stern claims to find "rebirth" on satellite radio. Don't even ask what he plans to have done with the placenta
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Vatican Archbishop: "World Cup Prostitutes Cheapen Dignity of Women". Well, what did you want him to say? That they are good for the sport?
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Farewell, net neutrality
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Oregon PR firm trademarks "Extra Extra Read all about it" and now selling it on eBay
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A redneck ghost is just like any other, except he drinks more beer, leaves chewing tobacco canisters laying around, and may insist on midnight offerings of Cheetos
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| (Rawstory) |
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Email leaked to CNN notes Bush thought Brownie was doin' a heckvua job covering for his ass
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Man who posed as DJ to get men to come to his house and strip found to have not broken any laws
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Someday your grandchildren will sit at your knee with their iPod and ask you, "Grandpa, what's a newspaper? Did you ever see one?"
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Cervical cancer vaccine creates ethical debate as to whether parents will want their daughters treated for STD's prior to becoming sluts
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Wendy's to drop the 'Biggie' label from everything except their customers' asses
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| (Times Online) |
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The iconic symbol of English royal power has been found buried underneath Westminster Hall. It's a table
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Swiss World Cup sponsors forced to destroy large mosaic poster ads when nude photos are discovered
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| (adn) |
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'XONSUX' license plates pulled in Alaska, Duke Sucks still Ok except on the Boston Garden
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| (Some Guy) |
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Actual headline: "Osama Bin Laden Keeping a Low Profile." As opposed to last week, when he was on Leno and Letterman
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You know your life has veered off course when you're 43 years old and being lectured by a judge for an Ex-Lax prank
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| (woai.com) |
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Here's a tip: if you're on the run from the law, don't apply for a construction job on the site of the new FBI headquarters
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Google realizes the evil route is more profitable. CEO's of Exxon, Halliburton, Ronco nod knowingly
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"They took the bar They took the whole farking bar"
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| (Some Major Geek) |
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The history of the @ sign
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| (WTOPNews) |
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Australian cruise ship passenger quarantined for vomiting and diarrhea seeks refund. Claims he wasn't sick, but hungover
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| (OMGPonies!!!) |
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Photshop this little girl who got her pony
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| (Some Guy) |
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Huge ass meteorite hits Norway
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"Animals don't understand that court proceedings are not to be disturbed"
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When teachers have sex and students catch them, The Smoking Gun is There (with pic)
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Oil prices now rising because of al-Zarqawi's death. You'd think his body was clogging the pipes, if it wasn't busy being dragged across television
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Japanese workers cost the economy $30 billion because they have to sleep
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| (Some Guy) |
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Romance novelist charged with felony assault after knocking husband out with phone book
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| (Some Guy) |
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English pub to ban swearing during World Cup, offenders will get a fine that will go to a children's charity. Charity expecting 86000% rise in donations this year
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Karla Homolka has lost her legal battle to change her name, which is fine, since "Teenagegirl Rapistand Psychopathicserialkiller" wouldn't look great on letterhead anyway
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| (Some Liter in the Air) |
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AudioEdit your own soft rock/acoustic ballad containing as many Fark cliches as possible. Difficulty: Lyrics must rhyme, scan, make sense, all that crap
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With all other problems solved, Euclid, Ohio makes it illegal to use a bedsheet as a curtain
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Dunkin Donuts soon to join Starbucks in the "shops you'll find across the street from itself" category. Mom and Pop surrender
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China not pleased to see Norwegian's butt
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Like we give a crap if the bikini strangler feels overwhelmed
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Woman convicted by jury after her murder defense--that the loaded shotgun accidentally went off while she was using it as a sexy dance prop--is too stupid to be believable
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| (Some Guy) |
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Moose assaults on gardens can infuriate homeowners, Soviet agents
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Second dancer at Duke Lacrosse party says rape claims are "a crock". Also said that Duke sucks
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Mets draft pick in trouble, not for steroids but his MySpace page
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested for choking a woman to death on large German sausage. Will soon be faced with many more German sausages
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| (Media Mob) |
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Yes, media has finally arrived at this point: A reporter's guide to highbrow oral sex writing and reportage
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Thanks to intelligence insiders who just had to go blabbing to their reporter friends, the guy who fingered Zarqawi has probably been killed already
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Thailand's king celebrates 60 years on the throne, finally emerges and wipes
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Snakes on a MotherFarkin' Fark Party Coast-to-coast Fark Parties centered around SoaP, 08-18-06. Information in Link, DIT
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Why you should never annoy your IT staff
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| (Buffalo News) |
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High school policy allows students to skip class half the school year and still pass
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Travellers to the World Cup are being warned to get vaccinated against measles, as if that's all they have to worry about catching from Germany's industrial-strength hookers
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Step 1: Zarqawi found alive after bombing. Step 3: Condition quickly upgraded to 'dead'
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| (kommersant) |
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Russians want Pooty Poot to change constitution, stay forever
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With al-Zarqawi dead, Baghdad bombings have dropped significantly. Just kidding, 38 people were killed today
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fed's Bernanke admits he purposely screws with analysts for grins
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Attack cat 1. Bear 0. Don't mess with the pussy
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From the "Bad Timing Department": In latest videotape, al-Qaida #2 man Ayman al-Zawahri praises Abu Musab al-Zarqawi for fine job he's doing in Iraq
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Professor gets $1 million grant to find out if Led Zeppelin really is good makeout music
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Ghana puts the "fun" in funeral with coffins shaped like fish, Coca-Cola bottles, and more
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| (I took this) |
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Photoshop this redneck mailbox
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PandaCam. Hot, bamboo eating, sitting around a lot doing nothing action
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| (University of Buffalo) |
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Gallery of adverts for cocaine products from back when smack, crack, and whack were considered tasty ingedients. Because nothing cures a toothache quite like a mouthful of snow
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| (happynews) |
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Man hasn't caught any fish since winning the powerball lottery
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Father gets £75 fine for littering after his 18-month-old son threw french fries to winged rats in a park
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| (The Des Moines Register) |
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Des Moines' new phallic flood-control system makes unintended statement from the air. Also, it takes "some of the load off of the pipe downstream." Uh-huh. (With pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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What to do with a couple hundred plastic bottles? Build a boat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Looking for Nazi toys for your kids? Well keep looking, these are sold out
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Photoshop this Farker's daughter who is turning 13 today (Friday)
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People who implant small magnets into their fingers have a "sixth sense" -- the ability to detect electromagnetic fields
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Today's sentence you don't want in your obit: "Roderick Powderface was passed out drunk when his killer inadvertently crushed his skull with a baseball bat while attacking another man"
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New reality TV show to feature 10 contestants sharing NY house, while judges and viewers vote who to evict. Sounds familiar, but this time, it's cats
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| (Some Guy) |
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Web game: Smash through the brick ice walls
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| Thu June 08, 2006 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Astronomers find nearby "galactic highway," hopefully not to be demolished soon to make way for a Vogon hyperspace bypass
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Ancient village unearthed in Florida. Photoshop how things haven't changed much in Florida over the years
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| (Some Aviation Guy) |
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Coolest photo you will see today: Inverted ribbon cutting
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Having solved all other problems, Spanish politicians to tackle apes' rights
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| (Radio & Records) |
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While Congress votes to increase "obscenity" fines for broadcasters ten-fold, they neglect to actually define what "obscenity" is. Trial lawyers pop champagne, plan massive year-end bonuses
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| (lex18.com) |
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Fire -- started after neighbor threw a lit gas can into a window, then fired a shotgun at the occupants as they fled -- described as "suspicious" by local fire chief/genius
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| (darkreading.com) |
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Security auditor plants trojan-laced USB drives in credit-union parking lot. Hilarity ensues
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| (shropshirestar.com) |
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Rack 'em: Man leaps off a pool table and onto a pool cue, piercing his scrotum (with pic)
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U.S. markets currently have a glut of meat. MMMMM... meat glut
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The next time you decide to put together a prostitution ring, try not to advertise it on Craigslist
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Kid left behind at Chuck E. Cheese will live with relatives. Hopefully they don't all think he's living with one of the other family members
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Today's "man arrested for waving his genitals at people driving by" story brought to you by Tampa
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| (HOI News) |
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Woman finds 30 skulls pilfered from Indian burial ground in her attic; is pulled through fuzzy TV
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American students prefer iPods to beer
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If you buy a dog from a breeder and it dies, the best recourse may not be beating the breeder over the head with the dead dog
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| (Under your bed) |
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Photoshop what the boogey man really looks like
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| (Strategy Page) |
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Army still won't back away from the 5.56mm poodle shooter, says troops need to double tap instead. Your dog wants 6.8mm SPC
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The power of country music radio may not be all it's cracked up to be. However, the power of its fans voting with their wallets is killing the Dixie Chicks tour
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| (Courier Journal) |
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Today's "81-year-old business owner who shot two robbers and then went back to watching 'Price is Right'" story brought to you by Louisville, KY
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| (caledonianrecord.com) |
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Portal to hell opens in Vermont woman's backyard
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| (Some Guy) |
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What's the deal with news outlets splashing up pictures of the corpse everytime an Al-Qaeda guy eats it? At least we're safe from nipples
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I read this article and I was like, "I should post this on Fark" and the admin was like, "Okay why not" and I was like, "Nice" and the farkers were like, "This is stupid"
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| (Some Guy) |
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FDA approves cervical-cancer vaccine. This will undoubtedly lead to immorality and Nazis riding dinosaurs
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Dutch driver caught doing 108 kph in a 55-kph zone claims he was only trying to dry off his car after washing it
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Ebay calls for online poker players to be arrested
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Government refusing to make flood maps of Lake Okeechobee available to public. What could possibly go wrong?
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Elephants kick off their own World Cup
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The official star of the summer media frenzy: First shark attack of the season reported near Hilton Head. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Now that Chicago has banned foie gras, aldermen may be looking at possibility of banning fatty, fried foods. First they came for my corn dogs, and I said nothing...
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| (KSTP) |
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Caped Crusader foils purse-snatching in a white tunic, beige leotard, tights, boots and a cape. The Galactic Crusader says, "If you're in Uptown, and you're gonna commit a crime, watch out for galactic superheroes"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Why Fox News is winning the media war: Mainstream news rolls over and takes it like a biatch
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Darwin's writings sell for $2 million, the highest price ever for a work of historical fiction
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| (Your mom) |
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Not news: Woman arrested on drug charges. News: She tells her son to sell pot for bond money. Fark.com: She tells him over the monitored jail phone
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Canadian brewery Moosehead paying legal defense for man charged with shipping mounted moose head to Minnesota man
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| (Times Leader) |
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High speed chase ends in arrest. What did thief steal? Two 12 packs of Milwaukee's Best. Thank God for the diligent work of the police
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The double-last-name UN pansycrat now says that he can't understand how his speech could be construed as anti-American. Bolton prepares to give a lesson in PC Load Letter
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High school principal wants to press charges against two students who grabbed his ass at graduation ceremony
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 10 strangest clocks
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Papers related to the sale of Jumbo the Elephant to be auctioned, will reinforce P.T. Barnum's adage
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| (Some Clown) |
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Because who wouldn't want to whiz into a urinal shaped like an open-mouthed clown?
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Lawyer says his client was too fat to burglarize his neighbor's house. In other news, McDonald's adds "legal defense" to their menu list
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Bald eagles and manatees downgraded on endangered species list. Dinner is served
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Gaming summit asks the most important question of the day: "How can more sex be worked into video games?" (pic)
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| (NY Daily News) |
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NYC Fire Department has no clue how come one of their newly planted emergency call boxes grows right in the middle of a pedestrian curb cut in Brooklyn
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Arlen Specter wants to investigate NSA wiretaps, but Dick Cheney has other ideas
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| (Food & Drink Europe) |
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World Cup sparks UK beer war, somehow makes "we have nothing to beer but beer" make sense
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India has set up first old-age care home for lions. Your lion wants mushy food and cubs off his lawn
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| (WTVM Columbus) |
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Demolition crew, hired to take down damaged transmission tower, accidentally takes out another TV transmission tower. Tonight's breaking news will be brought to you by some kid on public access wearing a helmet
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Hong Kong man, when asked to lower his voice in cellphone call, responds with six-minute rant. Somehow, this makes him a cult hero
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: Aggressive advertising
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Al Qaeda's new man in Iraq: Abu Abdel-Rahman al-Iraqi. Let the airstrikes begin
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Q: What do Afghan terrorists do when they run out of cars? A: Donkey bombs
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Acer introduces 20.1-inch widescreen "laptop"
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Yesterday was a good day in Hell
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Magic 8-ball takes the day off as everyone sees this coming
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Caption these two "fighters"
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Drew and Brooks will be in Prague and Rome next week, any Farkers live near there that would like to grab a beer? Also, Fark Party Dusseldorf on Sunday, details coming soon -- Drew
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Going to the hospital in Britain could soon become even more of an adventure as country's top physician urges legalization of non-consensual euthanasia
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Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi killed in a U.S. air raid north of Baghdad
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| (WTOC TV) |
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The City of Savannah wants to sue online travel companies because they save you too much money
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A river picks up and moves; complained of neighbor's kids
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| (johnsadowski) |
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Coolest trick you'll play on your brain all day
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| (PennLive.com) |
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Tow truck driver unloads van to discover it's full of stolen items from his own auto parts store
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man ends up in wrong Manchester. "...felt it could use a few more pubs..."
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| (Statemaster) |
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If you live in West Virginia, there's a 42.8 percent chance that anyone you meet over age 65 will have no teeth left, nearly twice the national average. How does your state rank?
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| (Mirror) |
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British islanders advertise for new king, whose only royal duties are to pour beer at island's only bar. Island of Piel, meet Drew
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| (BloggingVegas) |
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Maxim magazine plans $1.2 billion hotel and casino. In the tradition of its content, expect suggestions of huge jackpots with no actual pay-outs
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| (&1) |
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Theme: Photoshop the world today, if history had taken a different course
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 56: "The Path Less Taken." Link goes to next week's contest. Please read first post
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Paper clip -- used to hold sheet of phone numbers for city's traffic signal emergency technicians -- gets lodged in control panel, disabling city's traffic signals
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Three-year-old boy attacked by peacock. No word on how he will live down having his ass kicked by Nature's drag queen
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| Wed June 07, 2006 |
| (Some Guy) |
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What constitutional amendment would you propose? Voting enabled, but will require a super majority (LGN)
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| (Some Angry Guy) |
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Bad: Throwing yogurt at a man during a road-rage incident. Worse: Getting your throat slashed by the same man a year later in another road-rage incident
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| (WKYC) |
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Fake cops are "arresting" gang members. Real cops not amused
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| (Some Guy) |
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Michigan lawmakers repeal state's 37-year-old law requiring motorcyclists to wear helmets. In related news, your new liver is currently atop a 1200cc sportbike on I-96
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Saudi man threatens to blow up Delta Airlines flight after being denied a job as interpreter for U.S. military
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By 2025, freeways and farmer's markets will be clogged with smoking wrecks driven by old people, "blinkers flashing, one foot trembling over the brake"
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| (chinadaily.com) |
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Staff at a supermarket are required to kill 150 flies a day or else they get fined
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Bad: A semi runs you off the road. Worse: You land in a canal. Worser: The canal is full of alligators. Worstest: You're legally blind without your glasses and they flew off your face
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| (Island Packet) |
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Ump calls player safe on a close play at first base. Spectator disagrees, throws beer bottle at ump. Ump punches fan's teeth out. Just another night in Hilton Head's surprisingly competitive pickup baseball league
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| (KSBW) |
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Possibly Fark.com: Man arrested for counterfeiting checks tries to use counterfeit check for second time to post bail. Definitely Fark.com: Because the first time it worked
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Flight attendant reports armed air marshal for sleeping on plane. Air marshal uses the old "I was pretending to sleep to fool the terrorists" defense
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Disney marketing gone haywire: First they gave us Old Yeller brand dog food and then they brought us the Pirates of the Caribbean aquarium. They better draw the line at Snow White Maxi-Pads and Cinderella Tampons
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Why medical marijuana should be legal, and double-amputee midget transsexual strippers and the priests that love them, on the next Montel
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Disproving the "power of country radio," Dixie Chicks rule the album charts for second week in a row with virtually no radio airplay
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| (Augusta Chronicle) |
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Man runs over guy on a bike; drives around with the biker plastered onto his windshield; gets 25 years in prison and -- wait for it -- a $300 fine
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Democrats begin to realize that "Hey, we're not as corrupt as the Republicans" may not be the most sound campaign strategy
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Fark's favorite Powerball winner back in the news for bouncing checks at a casino
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| (Arcata Eye) |
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A Third Street apartment building owner would like to reach the person who crashed a car into the building. The person left a phone number, but it might be fake
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| (Forbes) |
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Ford Taurus station wagon among vehicles least likely to be stolen
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| (Some Guy) |
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Google News and the gay marriage vote
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"I face pressure." Inside the strange Bus Uncle video craze sweeping Hong Kong
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| (&1) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Cookies
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Fossils prove existence of dwarf dinosaurs. Scientists unsure why they found seven male dwarf dinosaurs living with one normal-sized female dinosaur
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Texas funeral director accused of hiding a baby inside a dead man's pants to avoid paying the $50 cremation fee
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| (Times Leader) |
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Terms you shouldn't use to refer to female employees include "PMS," "senile," "that time of the month," "dumb blonde," "stupid" and "gold digger." Just ask Judge Pottymouth here
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Among the part-time referees who will be working the World Cup are a maritime inspector from Benin and an executive from Australia. Soccer officials point out the NFL also uses part-time refs, and you hardly ever see a blown call in that league
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| (The Guardian) |
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Critics shocked to discover "Cars" is rip off of "Doc Hollywood" with Michael J. Fox. In other news to critics, Flintstones = Honeymooners, Yogi Bear = Sgt. Bilko, Lion King 2 = Crap
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| (Some Guy) |
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Guy from Iowa who authored "contract of wifely expectations" sentenced to 10 years of PMITA prison. Cellmate demands he shave pubes to less than three millimeters
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Alanis Morissette's wedding day forecast called off for rain, breaks up with fiancé. "Ironic" tag does not apply, as usual
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Man rescued after being stuck up to his waist in mud for more than a day. Fireman says this is only the third time he's seen this. Ah, Tennessee, how we love you
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Deer knocks dog unconscious; floods apartment -- just another day in Wisconsin
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You're in Michigan and nobody wants to take your pet alligator. Do you: A) Put an ad in the paper? B) Pay to turn it over to animal control? C) Try beating it to death with a hammer and then dump it still alive in park?
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Despite lack of evidence but due to hating America, Council of Europe is still pushing the EU "Secret Prison" theory. Due process surrenders
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| (Blender) |
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Roll your eyes at the 50 dumbest rockstar extravagances
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| (Daily Mail) |
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Chuck Yeager sues his children because they are draining his pension fund at record speed
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| (WESH-TV) |
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If you still have the 21 cents you robbed from a Tom Thumb convenience store Sunday, the Milton, FL police department would like to have a word with you
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Macy's courageously stands for diversity all the way, or until some idiot complains, whichever comes first
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Candy trade show offering newer, healthier ways for kids to become fatasses
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| (WCBS) |
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Long Island judge says people should expect to find shells when they order shellfish
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| (Destin Log) |
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Missing Ronald McDonald found leaning against mailbox on sidewalk, duct-taped and festooned with Mardi Gras beads. Thinks he was in Vegas with Grimace
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| (Some Guy) |
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Jack Russell terrier survives after running off edge of 450-foot cliff. Your dog wants brakes (pic)
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Billionaire Dikshiat selling Party Poker shares, hopes to raise enough money to buy a better name
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Greenspan says high oil prices may hurt the economy. Next up: Jews run Israel
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Operators of Europe's largest railway station dismayed to discover that their £480-million engineering marvel was designed with only one bathroom. Oops
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Baby Damien, born of a Jackal on 6/6/6
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Google founder acknowledges company may have compromised principles by letting China censor the search engine. Fails to announce plans to do anything about it
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| (Some Guy) |
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New website allows you to gamble on how long your friends' marriages will last. The over/under is seven years before the itch sets in
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German police looking forward to upcoming World Cup, now that they have the power to arbitrarily strip search hot women
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The "SkySeer" is the name of the new unmanned aerial vehicle that will be conducting surveillance over which world city? Is it A) Baghdad? B) Kandahar? Or C) Los Angeles?
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Dancefloor brawl proves chess really is all about sex and violence (with pics)
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The City of Los Angeles has announced that last year its syphillis rate rose 40 percent. Thus the city's new slogan: "What happens in Vegas Stays in L.A." (updated link)
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MySpace photos get family kicked out of apartment (with photo and video)
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Hottest new crime in Australia: Banana rustling
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Man who was fired for bringing a prostitute to his office for after-hours fun loses wrongful dismissal suit, despite last-minute plea of "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?"
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OLN averaged 611,000 households for Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals on Monday. That's fewer households than ESPN2 drew for an Arizona-Northwestern college women's softball game Monday night
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| (Poughkeepsie Journal) |
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Man drowns in lawnmower accident
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Masochistic Japanese men enjoy World Cup fever by allowing soapland girls to take "penalty shots" at their balls
|
| (&1) |
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Theme: I had no idea you could even do that
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Brangelina baby photos leaked. In related news, entertainment lawyers achieve full employment
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If you're going to get your buddies to take your picture mooning a cop car, make sure the cop doesn't show up
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Australian "man drought," combined with housing affordability crisis, has led to a rise in the number of young single women buying property together
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There are some people you shouldn't ask for a light when getting out your crack pipe. The cops working in a police station, for example
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Teacher requests a sabbatical from the NYC Board of Education so he can fulfill an obligation to to the State of New Jersey... to serve his prison sentence
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Remote breast checks by a robot hand, tentatively dubbed the SuperFondler 9000
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Mother who got beat up by her son over "American Idol" wishes people would stop blaming him. Claims fault lies with the hydrocodone and vodka he was mixing (new link)
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Post your favorite "Snakes on a Plane" PS entries -- or create some new ones
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New Zealand police break generally accepted practice by writing other cops up for speeding
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Idiot who spends all day on roof throwing bricks at police -- for the second time in seven months -- gets bucket of KFC from police so that his human rights are not infringed by him getting hungry (with pic of asshat in action)
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Five handguns used in Nicaragua 150 years ago by mercenaries trying to conquer Central America have been stolen
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How do you coax a 649-pound tortoise to a scale? With a LOT of patience
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During your court appearance for an assault conviction, don't sucker punch your defense attorney. Judges really frown on stuff like that
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| (Stars and Stripes) |
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U.S. tries to return 25 bases "as-is" to South Korea, which replies "No, no, no, you clean up mess first"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Judge throws out charge of selling liquor to a minor because 16-year-old police informant "looks about 22"
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| (some lawyer) |
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Federal judge says that if lawyers cannot agree on a neutral site for a deposition, the lawyers must play rock, paper, scissors on the courthouse steps
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Bill Gates doing his evil leprechaun impression
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Twisters slam Wisconsin. Few able to keep right foot on red and left hand on blue without falling over
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Police chief says people in Wisconsin could use a little more anger management than they're getting
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In Vietnam, officials can be disciplined for not singing karoke. Lest you think this is an amusing anachronism on the law books, talk to these 21 officials who decided they didn't have to do it at a contract-signing ceremony on Saturday
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Fifty-year mortgages gaining popularity among people who are bad at math
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Iraq's new women's glossy magazine not exactly Cosmo -- it projects the ideal woman as dutiful wife and mother, whose only dress is hejab; glosses over sexual advice
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Damn punk kids try to rob octogenarian liquor store owner. Hilarity did, indeed, ensue
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| (WRAL) |
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Dumb: "Church" prints million-dollar bills with religious tracts on the back. Dumber: Moran tries to deposit one at a bank, attracting the Secret Service's attention
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| (Greenville Online) |
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Cable TV: Good for entertainment, Internet, phone service and flipping unsuspecting pickup trucks
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| Tue June 06, 2006 |
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Seventeen-year-old boy sues for custody of child he fathered with teacher three years ago
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Indian call center trainees are taught the "35=10 rule" on Day One. "A 35-year-old American's brain and IQ is the same as a 10-year-old Indian"
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| (HuffPo) |
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Richard Nixon: "If I'd been born at another time, I just might be a rapper"
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Wisconsin tourist attractions raising prices to offset high gas prices. In related news, Wisconsin has tourists
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| (Bloomberg) |
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It's a sad commentary on the state of politics when lawmakers have to admit that they accidentally passed a budget on the first try
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| (KTEN Oklahoma City) |
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Mother of the Year candidate arrested after leaving her kids locked in the car so she could dance naked in a bar
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Scientists now say most Americans not getting enough sun. Make up your damn minds already
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| (Daily Kitten) |
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Why should a black kitten be posted on Fark? No. 1: Racial equality. No. 2: It's 6/6/06. No. 3: Because Farkers love sharing cat stories and kitty pictures
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University of Kentucky theater student decides to live in cubicle on Louisville street corner for a week. "I feel like I'm helping Kentucky progress artistically" says complete lunatic
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Dildo suit against Billboard magazine settles during jury selection
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Hunter spends day stuck in muddy riverbank, watching the tide roll in and out. Rescued 24 hours later, man can now say definitively that Otis Redding was full of shiat
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| (TBT) |
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Vote for farker Robertblake's friend as best bartender in Tampa, so he can mooch off the free beer winnings
|
| (&1) |
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Theme: When good sports go bad
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Oldest British WWI veteran celebrates 110th birthday, states the key to his old age is "cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women"
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Man sells car on Ebay. Adds humorous replies to emails. Finds his in-tray overfloweth
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The headlines, they write themselves: "Man stabbed after argument over arguments"
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| (Mirror) |
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Dog chases 767 down runway
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| (Access Hollywood) |
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FCC power to increase tenfold, all thanks to the nipple we never even really saw
|
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Ten flagrent grammer misstakes that make you look stupid. Bob the Angry Flower says its about time
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Billy Preston has died. He played with the Beatles, so your parents might know him
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Two-tone lobster caught in Newfoundland, is apparently on a quest to destroy another lobster that is also two-tone, but with the colors reversed
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| (People's Daily) |
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Studies of game boards etched into the Great Wall of China reveal that ancient soldiers killed time playing popular games like chess, as well as the somewhat less popular "Tiger Eats Sheep"
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East Timor rebel groups setting parts of the island on fire. Any similarities to Lord of the Flies purely coincidental, claims rebel spokesman
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Shawn Kemp tries out for Denver Nuggets, impregnates whole team
|
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San Francisco mosque drops its gender wall
|
| (Some Ninja) |
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The vigilante Ebayer, or how one man refused to get scammed
|
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Vikings are almost completely immune to HIV virus. Arr
|
| (National Post) |
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One of the Canadian terror suspects wanted to behead Stephen Harper. In a polite, Canadian way, of course
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Timber industry gets mulligan from endangered-species law
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Man shoots neighbor after long-running feud over loud music and a messy yard. Under the laws of the state he lives in, he will not be charged for shooting him
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| (KSAT) |
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Student banned from graduation for "raising her arms above the waist for any reason other than receiving the diploma or shaking hands." Don't mess with arbitrary rules in Texas
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City manager in Peachtree City, GA arrested for driving while intoxicated in a golf cart
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Suspect uses clock, flares and duct tape as fake bomb to rob bank. Suspect also a big fan of "Looney Tunes"
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If your friend has narcolepsy, don't pull a prank on him when he crashes
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| (Fairbanks Daily News-Miner) |
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Baby's third arm successfully removed, eliminating all possibilities of future Dutch rudder jokes
|
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Massachusetts firm wants to put radio and commercials into school buses, officially making children's lives one big commercial
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Online gambling in Washington now carries same penalty as child pornography. Local casinos jump in glee
|
| (AdFreak) |
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While the rest of world expects an appearance by the devil today, people in New Jersey are told to look out for Jesus in a spaceship
|
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Pork chops and a cigarette cost a man his mobile home and $25,000
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| (WTOC) |
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Angry about not getting enough money, Katrina refugee phones in bomb threat to Red Cross
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Rat house condemned. Lady who was feeding the rats thought they were wild gerbils
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this cannon
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| (KIRO TV) |
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Upset man forgets the first rule of handling a gun: Don't stick the loaded handgun into your waistband. Boom goes the hilarity
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Researchers have discovered a mysterious link between depression and Type 2 diabetes, seemingly without noticing that both come about as a result of being fat
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Record 1,398 civilians killed in Baghdad in May, with the start of season not due until August
|
| (WSFA) |
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Man has sex with donkey. Donkey later dies. PETA sues man. Just another Saturday night in Alabama
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Confused sheep thinks she's man's best friend, and considering she lives in Wales, she's probably right
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Just a quick heads up, Iraqi police made a grim discovery today
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Let us not forget those who began the Nazi beatdown on this day in 1944
|
| (WWE.Com) |
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Apparently, Jack Black has joined World Wrestling Entertainment
|
| (The Journal News) |
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Woman gets herpes from "eyebrow" wax. Yeah, that's it, eyebrow wax
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ACLU sues Alaska after state government decides hippies can be jailed for possessing drugs. If you can imagine such an abuse of the legislative process. It's like Gitmo on ice up there
|
| (PalmBeachPost) |
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Assistant busts high school basketball coach for affair with student... then starts dating her himself
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